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Rose had died. That was pretty much the long and short of it. There was no theory or argument as to why he was feeling the way he was feeling and why he was doing the things he was doing. The long and short of it, the perfect summary of his current existence and current emotional turmoil was those three words: Rose is dead.And being the eternal downward spiral that he was, the low key emotional mess that he represented, he tipped right off the edge.Damon missed the days when he lived without his humanity but like he had told Jeremy earlier, that gets old really fast and when your humanity is back on, you're none the better. He hated himself sometimes for the complexity of his emotions and his stance in life.First he envies Stefan for having Lexie as a friend... The kind of friendship he had hoped to have in the past century but had been too busy chasing clues to get Katherine out, and then whenever someone got close to him, he had let his fear of commitment and fear of... Everything, get in the way. Somewhere in his head, he had convinced himself that everyone was just not worth it, and selfless friendships like the one between Lexie and Stefan were a rarity. People aren't that loyal, and there are hardly any people out there who wouldn't judge and condemn him for who he is and what he does.Very few.And that was why he had been so taken to the idea of being friends with Rose. Because Rose had shown from the onset that she knew how to be loyal by standing by her friend, Trevor for half a millennia. When she could have run and left him to his fate at the hands of the Originals, she had chosen instead, to not just stay with him and face the fear alone, but to also think of ways to get them to stop running by getting Elena for the Originals as replacement. No, he didn't appreciate that last bit but he appreciated the cunning intelligence that supported that claim so when she had openly told him she was going to stay because she was tired of running and wanted to be friends, Damon had been happy. He finally had a chance for that friendship he had been wanting without him even realizing how much he wanted it.Of course the worst part of Rose dying was the fact that she had received that bite because of him. If he hadn't killed Mason Lockwood, if he hadn't pissed off that Blondie... The ifs were a lot and the more he thought about them, the more he questioned his entire existence. Of course, as usual, he did the one thing he did to make himself feel good.He snapped and set out. Killing Jessica had been too low, he knew that now. But in that moment, watching her scared eyes and watching her run had jump started the evil that he thought he was finally burying.About thirty minutes later, almost as if on cue, his phone rung to show Bonnie calling. She has probably heard about Rose now, Damon imagined. Elena or Stefan may have finally called her to tell her about Rose because no one still knew about that secret rendezvous they have regularly.Bonnie was probably calling to try and make him feel better somehow, in the way that only she has been able to do in the last few months... But how could he turn to Bonnie when he had just drained a human being dry. Not wanting her to worry and start casting a locator spell on him, he answered the second call;“Damon, how... I just heard about–” her erratic voice sounded on the phone.“I can't, Bonnie... Not right now.” he cut through her words and ended the call. How could he keep talking to her when he could already feel himself start to feel better? Two words, heck, just Bonnie saying his name with voice filled with worry, was all it took to make him feel better and now he stood at the edge of a cliff –literally– realizing how wasteful he had been.He could have gone to Bonnie. He could have called Bonnie. He knew Bonnie wouldn't turn him away no matter what. He knew that. So what had probed him to go to town and unleash his anger, frustration and pain on an innocent girl?And what was wrong with him anyway? He never thought these things after killing someone. No. And Bonnie. He felt bad for Bonnie. She was a witch, sworn protector of nature and everything pure, including life. Life of all forms, particularly human life. How could he allow her to continually be with someone like him? Cursed to have no regard for the same life she stood to protect? How many more times can he disregard that sacredness she stood for, before it started to weigh on her?She has proven, in the past few months that she wanted to be with him in spite of what he was and what he represented and somewhere inside him, he was starting to want her... Beyond the occasional pity sex and sad sex and angry sex. Somewhere deep inside him, he wanted her for himself. Exclusively. Not as a witch, but as a woman and that confused him too.Perhaps it was greed that made him think it was okay to be needlessly in love with one girl and want another girl so much. And perhaps he was settling for second best... And perhaps he was settling for the best. Bonnie Bennet was pure, beautiful, confident and powerful and above all, she had made no effort to “change” him... She had not done any interventions with him. She just accepted him for what he was, twisted and fucked up as he was and allowed him to see her in a way he was sure she allowed no one else to.Bonnie Bennet made him want to change, all on his own. And tonight, the anguish he felt, was because he knew he had let her down. No one else, just her.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~©~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Something was not right, Bonnie knew. She knew something was definitely not right.Elena had mentioned in passing that Rose would probably be dead at the time she was speaking to her after narrating in detail, the gory events of that day, and Bonnie had just thought of how devastated Damon would be. She had had very little interaction with Rose but had known Damon must have liked her enough to keep her around, and in his house which immediately gave her the idea that something was up.She had wanted to go to him, to call him, but she had chosen to wait. To wait for him to need her. To come to her. He hadn't. And unable to sleep, she had caved and called him at almost midnight to hear his curt response.Yes, something was definitely up and she was certain sleep will evade her all night anyway. Throwing a jacket over her pyjamas, she grabbed her keys and headed out to the Salvatore boarding house. She could do a locator spell to find him but aside the fact that she might end up invading his privacy, she was certain that if she wore herself out because of him, Damon would be angry so she just drove to his house.It was locked when she got there and with a gentle flick of her wrist, she pushed the door open and locked it again. The house was unusually messy, which she imagined had something to do with Elena's unnecessarily detailed description of the day's events. Taking a deep breath, she stood in the middle of the room and started a household chant, arranging and assembling everything in the air around her before sending them to their original positions.When the house was clean again, she set off upstairs to clean too, noting that Rose's body was nowhere in the house. Damon was probably conducting a burial for her somewhere.She sat there at the foot of his bed, fiddling with her fingers till she couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. She stood up, pacing the room for a bit.“If he's out burying her, he might either come back dirty or smelling of smoke. One or the other. I'm just going to busy myself and draw a bath for him.” she explained to herself as she headed into his bathroom. She hoped it helped. God, she hoped it did.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~©~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The water had gone cold twice before Bonnie had managed to whip up a spell to keep it warm. It was around 2:00am when she heard him come home.Damon noticed. Call it paranoia but he was very particular about the placement of things especially around his home. He knew the state the house was in before he left with Rose's body and knew Stefan wouldn't be caught dead cleaning. Not this thoroughly anyway. Elena was probably tangled up in his brother somewhere and that only left... Bonnie. He sighed. He had hoped to avoid her for a few more days, to confess to her what he had done and watch as she processed it. Perhaps then, he would be okay if she finally said she was fed up with him but if the confrontation has been brought to him, he might as well get to it.With a steel resolve, he pushed open his bedroom door and felt his heart skip and do a double flip in his chest at the sight of her, eyes wide, nervous and anxious and at the sight of him, sadness and joy mixed in her eyes. It felt like coming home. And it killed him.Bonnie jumped up from where she sat at the foot of his bed, wearing just her pyjamas now. Her coat had been hanged somewhere. Not giving him time to react to her, she walked up to him and grabbed his arm. “Come on,” She dragged him into the bathroom and to the still warm water. Later, she would celebrate how proud she was that her spell held out for 2 hours, “get in and have a nice soak.”Smiling, she moved to leave the bathroom but he grabbed her by her hand and pulled her back. “Join me?”His expression had changed, it was no longer uncertain and pained. Now it was almost pleading. Bonnie had never understood how Damon could switch from one emotion to another as rapidly as he did and she was sure she wasn't going to figure it out now. Without waiting for her response, he began to undress her. She waited till he was done and then started the slow process of returning the favour. Completely naked, Damon climbed into the tub and held his hand out to her. Wordlessly, Bonnie claimed in, sliding down his chest and settling between his legs.Damon put his arms around her and leaned forward to settle his chin in the crook of her neck. There was something very intimate and comforting about the gesture and somehow, it made her wonder if something more than Rose's death was bothering him. She wanted to ask, but held back and waited for him to tell her. She was sure he would. At some point."Thank you." He whispered.Something about the way it was said made her wonder what it was he was thanking her for. She'd learnt that reading his expressions was often easier than asking what he meant. Unfortunately there wasn't enough room for her to turn and watch his face. He kissed her below the ear lobe and gently ran his hands up and down her arms. Eventually his hands reached around to play with her breasts, cupping and squeezing them, to have her purring in no time. She hadn't expected anything sexual tonight but couldn't help how her body reacted to him and feeling how his reacted to her was all the convincing she needed. She leaned back into him, savouring the tingles as he pulled on one nipple and then the other while his, now hard, cock pressed into her back. He nibbled on her earlobe as one of his hands reached below to tease her clit. Bonnie instinctively opened up for him, parting her legs in the water to allow him better access to her most sensitive place. Damon was breathing hard in her ear now and she was no longer feeling relaxed. She needed him.Splashing a great deal of water, she slid off him and further down in the tub. She turned around to face him and gasped when he grabbed her by her hand and pulled her closer to himself again, this time pressing their chests together and Bonnie straddling him in a kneeling position in the tub.“You wanna talk about it?” She whispered, unable to help herself when she pulled back a bit to look at him. For the first time that night, she could see his face and knew she wanted to know what was responsible for that. Damon used to tell her whenever he came to her, what was wrong with him until she told him he didn't need to say anything.. Only to show her and now, she was going back on her words because this was one of those times that she wanted him to speak to her. Perhaps it was the look on his face... Or the changing feelings inside her but she wasn't going to over think. She swore not to overanalyze.Damon watched the emotions flicker across her face. He was certain she had been locked somewhere in her own head and waited for her to resurface. Timidly, he whispered; “I killed someone today.” and waited, held his breath and waited for her reaction. The only one he got was a catch in her breathing that lasted a few moments. She let out her breath shakily and Damon dropped his gaze. Almost as timidly as he felt, her hands moved from where they had been resting at his sides up his body and around his neck, fingers running through the hair at his nape. Bonnie was uncertain how to go on from here and already she was thinking of ways to fix this... To fix him and fix whomever he had killed and in the meantime she will be here, she resolved.Damon could have sobbed when it became clear that she wasn't going to abandon him. “Her name was Jessica.” He continued to describe her from the colour of her eyes to the shoes she wore. When he was done, he found he was drained of much energy and buried his face in her neck once more, hands rubbing down her back.Bonnie continued to run her slender fingers through his hair, magically trying to calm him down and perhaps she did too good a job of it because his palms dipped lower on her back to grab her by her ass, the suddenness of the move causing her to arch up against him, grinding herself onto his semi hard member. His face continued to be buried in her neck in a way that was very unnerving but she couldn't help it as her hip grind into his, feeling, with excitement as he hardened by the minute.It was inevitable, they both knew at this point, and the mere conclusion of that had her reaching between their bodies to take his hard cock into her hand. She gave him a few strokes, enjoying every catch in his breath till he lifted her up effortlessly, her cue, as she directed his engorged member to her entrance and began to slowly lower herself onto it.They moaned as she began her slow descent down his impressive length. The muscles in her thighs quivered but she refused to be rushed. Finally, her butt made contact with his thighs and she looked at Damon, who had finally moved his lips off her neck, and ground her hips down against him. Damon thrust upwards in response. Because of their position within the confines of the tub he was unable to move more than a couple of inches and Bonnie couldn't help but break into a fit of giggles sensing his predicament. In response he held her hips tight and thrust as hard as he could, in the process displacing most of the water from the tub."Aaah." She moaned and he responded with a smug look.Bonnie steadied her body and focused completely on squeezing the walls of her pussy around his cock and was rewarded with an, "Oh fuck!" It was her turn to pull the smug face.He looked intently at her and then captured her mouth in a kiss while his hands grabbed her ass cheeks and pulled her down harder on his cock. This time they both groaned. Bonnie began to slowly raise and lower herself onto his cock, enjoying the sensation of her nipples rubbing against his wet chest. Damon's eyes locked on hers and stayed fixed as he thrust up into her, watched as she whimpered with every grind of her hips to meet his thrusts and Bonnie thought he was seeing too much of her. You're analysing again.. She thought loudly.Unable to hold his gaze any longer, she closed her eyes and just gave in to the sensations but Damon would have none of that it would seem. He pulled her face close to him and insisted, "Look at me, Bonnie."Slowly, she opened her eyes."I want you to look at me while you fuck me. I want you to see who it is you are fucking." It sounded like a broken plea.Bonnie didn't understand what he meant but she figured it had something to do with his surprise that she was okay with him after what he had confessed to doing. Perhaps a part of him thought she was in denial, that she didn't know what she was doing but she did what he asked. She looked into his eyes as she raised and lowered myself faster and faster. The intensity of his stare seemed to propel the motion of her hips. Their movements became erratic, Bonnie gasping with every stroke, every thrust of his cock into her till she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. She felt the intensity of her impending orgasm overwhelm her and before she could even announce it, she felt it... sharp, and hard in her shoulder and was sure Damon had bitten her. Her head rolled back and eyes shot open as her entire world seemed to have rolled off its axis, her scream one more of pleasure than pain as she convulsed around him.Damon's nails seemed to dig into her ass cheeks as his own orgasm hit, riding off the pleasure of her orgasm and the metallic taste of her blood. He grabbed her hips hard and pulled me to him as his penis convulsed and shot its load inside her. The sensation of his come splashing over her inner walls always resulted in prolonging her own orgasm. Bonnie keened and ground her hips down, allowing her pussy to milk his cock of every drop of come. He collapsed against the tub, hugging her close to his chest. They stayed in that position for a while trying to catch their breath. Slowly, Bonnie sat up and realized that what little of the water had been left in the tub, was discoloured and obviously bloody, which defied the initial plan of the bath. With a flick of her hand, aware he was still buried inside her, she drained the tub and filled it with fresh water. Picking the bar of soap, she gently run it down her body, fingers hovering over the two holes in her shoulder, then on his chest, trying to get them as clean as possible.He wasn't asleep, she was sure. Which meant that he was thinking again. She resolved to leave him to it, gently and quietly using magic to get them both clean. When she was done, she thought of ways to get them out of the tub without interrupting his thoughts but before she could do something stupid –which she was certain it was going to be– he whispered; “Don't over exert yourself, silly.”Her gaze went back to his face and met his slightly amused gaze. Standing effortlessly, holding her to himself, he sped her to his bed.After a few moments of shuffling, he tucked their naked, wet bodies under the sheets. “Stay the night...” he whispered, face buried between her breasts and feeling the most comfortable he's been in a very long while. It was almost dusk anyway and he saw no harm in it.“I can't... You know I can't.” Bonnie whispered and just like that, the magical moment was broken.Damon sat up. "I just don't get why you can't just sleep over. I mean, it's almost 3:00am anyway and morning's just around the corner." He stated with mild annoyance; this wasn't the first time they were having this discussion since the discussion had gone pretty much the same way the last time. "I mean, it's ridiculous that you can't just spend the night if you feel like it because you don't have your stuff here and you have to drag yourself home at odd hours of the night just because."Bonnie sat up in the bed, not caring that the sheets bunched up at her waist, leaving her breasts exposed. She remained quiet because she realized arguing would've been pointless. He would say what he needed to and then eventually calm down."And it's not as if my place is cramped like yours. There's plenty of room in my closet and my bathroom for your stuff. Why do you have to be so irrational?" Damon was pacing the room now, naked as the day that he was born and not having a care in the world.Bonnie couldn't explain it to him. She understood his argument but she was afraid that staying the night, and subsequently leaving her stuff around would make it all feel real somehow, like a real relationship and not just a casual fling. How was she supposed to explain these irrational fears? So instead, she sat mum observing the floorboards.He somehow managed to sit back down on the bed atop the sheets. "Bonnie? What is it?" He asked, tenderly parting the hair away from her face. "What are you not telling me?"She chewed on my lower lip as Damon waited patiently for some explanation. "May-maybe," she fumbled, "perhaps we shouldn't be spending so much time together?""Why?" He thought they didn't spend enough time together. What with this secret rendezvous frenemy thing they have going on. They are not affectionate towards each other in public and only hook up when there was an issue somehow. How was that too much time together?She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her hands, hoping that maybe she'd see some answer in the lines of her palms. Damon sighed and got off the bed again."Clearly you have some reason that you refuse to share with me. I won't force you." He says, staring at her warily. He walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. A few seconds later, he returned as if he'd just remembered something and climbed back into bed, burying his face against her midsection. “Sorry if I startled you. I was so upset I had to release it some way.” he mumbled as an apology.Bonnie couldn't help the smile that crept up her face as her fingers found their way into his hair again, playing with it.“You can go when I fall asleep OK?” he whispered.She nodded even though she knew he didn't see and kept playing with his hair. For the most part she still considered Damon to be somewhat of a mystery. The last time she had been over, he had told her he liked her and wanted to be with her, and being the total girl that she was, she had gone ahead and thought about alternate futures for them. She guessed Damon was just having some fun while getting over a painful forbidden love while she was just living in the moment. She was not really searching for that perfect long term relationship she used to think about and was really just enjoying each day as it came and tried not to think about what would happen next. Bonnie figured she could be happy as long as she kept thinking that way.Now the other thing she needed was to right the wrongs Damon commits. It was in his nature, she was aware, to be irrational when upset. Much like a little girl throwing a tantrum but she hoped that will change and tonight, in spite of it all, she had felt hope spark inside her. He had regretted killing that girl and that was a step in the right direction to her.Looking down, she realized he was fast asleep and wiggled out of his hold, pulling on one of his oversized shirts and a pair of boxers. She couldn't bring Jessica back to life, but she could make sure she's found in a good place and given a proper burial. It was all she could do about this particular incident.2 hours later, after healing her wounds — Damon had tucked her behind her steering wheel before leaving her – and staying within visible distance of the body till the first patrol party found her, she went back to the Salvatore boarding house. Damning all consequences, she stripped out of his clothes and slipped into bed with him, smiling when his arms reached out to pull her close as if he had been waiting for her.Maybe it was a school day, but she was choosing to skip today.