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Hey Jungkook,Do you remember when we met?
I was in third grade and it was recess. I deadass watched you fall off the play structure and I may have laughed when I first saw it happen. Then you started crying and it was like a switch flicked. I was so worried. Jimin went to go get a teacher while I checked to see if you were okay. You held my hand super tight as you cried. When the teachers came to take you inside, I just followed. You asked me not to let go and I promised I wouldn’t.
I remember thinking “how is this kid so cute???” with your dumb bunny teeth that never failed to make me smile.
Even then I was so in love with you. I was so gone.
I remember in fifth grade, you really wanted to ask that girl to the dance. What was her name?? I don’t remember… I remember you were super nervous and kept asking me for advice. I was so jealous and wanted to tell you to just go with me, but I didn’t. I told you to leave that note in her locker so she would meet you by the oak tree where you would ask her.
And she stood you up. She had no idea what she was missing out on.
We left early and you stayed the night at my house. I held you so tight and when we were about to fall asleep, you squeezed me tighter and asked me not to let go.
And I promised I wouldn’t.
Then we got to high school.
Man, was high school a wild ride.
You could tell something as wrong but you never asked what it was. You just did everything you could to make me feel better. And you were so good at it. When I was with you, I felt like everything was okay.
Do you remember when we first kissed? After class, we went back to your house. I’m honestly surprised you did it first. I don’t even know what made you do it, either. I beat you in a round of Smash Bros and you just kinda jumped me.
It was the cutest thing.
Then for our first real date, we got ice cream and walked down by the Han River. It was beautiful but you kept saying it was nothing compared to me. Cheesy but god, I loved it.
After our date, when we got back to your house… even then, you asked me to not let go and I promised I wouldn’t.
I think you knew from the beginning that I would break those promises. It was a lot more of “don’t let go of my hand”, “Hold me while we sleep” and “I want to hold you for our first time.”
It was so much more than that and you knew it.
I think I should tell you what changed in high school.
My mom found my journal in my room. I’d been writing in it for years. It was my safe place for everything I couldn’t tell them. And she read about my feelings for you. I wrote in so much detail about how much I loved you.
And things changed. My parents knew not only about me, but also about you. That’s why I always suggested going to your house, why I never wanted you over anymore.
They would have killed me if they knew I was really with you and not actually with a study group.
Jungkook, I never wanted to tell you what happened to me at home. But part of me knows that you had your suspicions. You never directly asked about my bruises, but you always stared at them and touched them.
It’s too much. All of this is too much, Kookie.
So it’s time that I break my promise.
It’s time for me to let go. And I want you to let go of me too.
Please, move on from me. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy.
And remember, that even now, I love you. I always have an always will.
And I’ll miss you.
Goodbye, My Sweet Kookie.Love, Taehyung