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It was pretty funny to her, actually.
She'd never been this nervous for anything.
She was scared. Petrified, even.It had always been easy for her. When she discovered girls could like girls she immediately understood, it wasn't a long complicated process with her fighting with herself like most people made it out to be.It was more like relief. Relief to finally understand that she didn't
have
to like boys. That she wasn't weird for not crushing on Louis.
She shuddered at the pure thought of thinking of her best friend in that sense. It was quite annoying, actually. She'd grown up with Louis and she couldn't even imagine a life without the boy by her side.
For as long as she can remember though, her parents kept the
teasing.
Louis' parents and hers have been friends forever as well. And it seemed as if since they were in high school, their mom's planned to have their kids around the same time and they were supposed to fall in love or whatever.
It was creepy. Creepy and weird. She didn't blame Louis of course, he was stuck in the same boat as her. They both knew what their relatives were trying to do.
She'd known Louis since they were in diapers, since they vowed to be best friends forever. And never once, In their nineteen
years of friendship has she ever
looked at him that way.
Louis knew about her, he'd been the first person she ever told. He'd cried; they hugged, the entire night was spent watching dumb romance movies that Louis had stocked up to his ceiling.
That was when they were fourteen, they're hours away from their own wedding now.
And their parents still expected them to fall in love.
Well, Violet thinks they've accepted that they're not in love by now. Did that stop the wedding planning?Of course fucking not.
It absolutely made her want to throw up. She didn't want to marry Louis. She wanted to marry a girl.She wanted to marry Clementine.
Not this young though, in a few years when they were both ready. She wanted to take her down to the lake, the only place in this dreadful place where they were free.She wanted to hold her hand, she wanted to ask her parents for their blessing.Where Violet was free from duties, and Clementine was free from pretending to be enthusiastic about her own girlfriend's wedding.
Clementine wasn't royalty, though. Even if she was it wouldn't work. Because girls don't marry girls. Princesses marry princes. Princes like Louis.
They could count on both hands how many times they've sat and cried. How many times Louis blew up at their parents, screaming and yelling about something he knew they couldn't control.Something they couldn't control because since before they were born they were meant to be married. Because Violet wasn't meant to be born a lesbian.
'It's always something with
her'
They'd say through walls; they'd say to her face. Because it didn't matter what she thought. She was royalty, this was the way it was meant to be.
Her only duty was to grow up and marry Louis. And keep having babies until they had a son to take over. Or have a daughter and immediately give her the same fate.
It hadn't been such a horrible thought when they were younger.Even Violet didn't care. When you're a kid marrying your best friend just meant play dates everyday. Plus they were royalty, they thought they'd make the kingdom better. Doing things like making sure kids only had to study once a week; and made vegetables illegal. When they were kids.Before Violet met Clementine. Before they understood what it meant to be married.
Clementine who lived across the river. Clementine, who she'd met hiding from a dinner conference with her parents.
It was such a bittersweet memory at this point. She could recall it like it was yesterday. She'd told Louis to cover for her, and of course he did.
She'd run through the back hallways. The hallways with no servants at this time of day. Dodging anyone she'd almost come in contact with. She made her way down the back staircase and ran out to the garden.
The garden was rather
small; so they'd only had one gardener. That gardener who never told on her, that gardener was the closest thing she had to a friend aside from Louis.
Sarita was her name, she was the sweetest in all the castle Violet had once decided. She'd made eye contact with the 15 year old when she stepped outside.
She only smiled, nodding in understanding. It hadn't been the first time she came out this back way and left for hours on end. It surely wouldn't be the last.
She stayed up against the wall, doing her best to avoid anyone spotting her from the above windows. She kept her back to the wall until she saw the back gate. The back gate that had a path leading to the place Violet felt free.
Violet made a beeline to the gate; opening and closing it in a swift motion before running down the path towards the lake. It was far enough for the guards to not go looking for her; but close enough that she'd be able to find her way back.
It wasn't safe out here for a little girl; let alone a princess. Maybe if her parents didn't make her so uncomfortable she wouldn't have to hide out so far away.
Her sandals made a squeaking sound in the mud when she stepped off the path, keeping her head down to keep the raindrops from falling into her eyes. Her arms were crossed in an attempt to keep the warmth on her body.
The sound of the raindrops hitting the water made her raise her head to look at the ripples for comfort.
When she lifted her head she was met with bright brown eyes looking at her, a smile on the girls face.
This startled her, eyebrows immediately furrowing in fear. Fear that oh no. She'd been seen, what if this girl wanted to hurt her? What if she'd be taken from her family and forced hostage. What if-
"Hello! I've never seen you before, are you new to the village?"
The taller girl still had a bright smile on her face, not phased by the raindrops falling on her face. Violet was frozen, eyebrows still furrowed. New?
She should be asking the brunette girl that question. She came down to this river at least twice a month and she'd never seen her before. Then it clicked in her brain.
She doesn't know Violet’s the princess? Is that possible? Was it a trap? She hesitated before looking up.
“I—Uh, sure. Yes. I'm new." The stutter makes her cringe, but she
settles on lying to see the girl's reaction. She had to have known she was royalty.
The brown eyed girl only smiled even wider. Violet was fully aware of the girl; now noticing the girl's scrubs. Her brown hair was messy and put into two small space buns. Her clothes were dirty. covered in a bit of mud but her face was still in a bright smile. She reached her hand out to Violet, causing the blonde to flinch.
"I'm Clementine. I live across from 'Dee's Donuts.' What's your name?"
Violet's face stayed scrunched, she didn't know where the hell that was. She barely knew how to get to the farmer's market down the way. "Violet." She says simply. She let's her arms uncross after noticing the rain slowing down.
"Nice to meet you, Violet."
Clementine was the first person she'd met that wasn't royalty or a servant. She'd learned that she grew up in the village, but she'd spent most of her days working. She learned that Clementine had a young brother and grew up an orphan.She was so different from Violet in so many aspects. She was so unhappy despite being free. Despite not being forced into marrying someone she didn't love in that way.
She was fascinating Violet had decided on that afternoon. That she continued being every time the two met at that lake, talking about everything and nothing.It was odd, Clementine was odd. A good odd, though. An odd that was fascinating.
It took weeks to tell Clementine who she was, that she was a princess. Her friend thought it was cool.For once in her life though, she wasn't bombarded with questions about it. With someone gushing about how amazing it must be to have a whole kingdom under your nose.She didn't care, it didn't change anything. Clementine treated her like an equal, and it felt amazing.
She didn't realize what it was between them until she was sixteen.Clementine and her still met up every other week, disappearing from their own responsibilities for hours just to spend time together.
She made the trip so often at that point that she could practically do it blindfolded. Her face lighting up after getting a simple glance from the girl.The speeding up her heart did when Clementine sat closer than usual. The heating of her cheeks when she felt her breath was inches from her neck.Clementine kissed her one night when they were both sixteen, and for the first time in Violet’s life everything made sense.They got in their first argument when Violet told her about the arranged marriage.She didn’t know how it hadn’t come up before and it was just a misunderstanding.
They were out by that lake again, and she expressed exasperation at the fact.
Clementine knew it wasn’t by choice, but she was hurt. Hurt that they’d fallen in love. Hurt that Violet’s parents couldn’t realize how wrong it was to force marriage on people that weren’t together.It was hard for her to understand, Violet knew that now.That day though; Violet was more scared than she’d ever felt in her life.Scared that Clementine was going to give up, scared that she’d never talk to her again.That didn’t happen.Clementine was frustrated. Violet was frustrated. They held each other that night, knowing nothing but resignation.
That somehow felt different from now, though. Then it had been so far away.Now they were staring it right in the face.Violet was to marry Louis. Not Clementine.Clementine was a girl. Clementine wasn’t a princess.Her parents knew she didn’t love Louis. They didn’t know she didn’t love him because he was a man. Because she was in love with someone else.
It was so hard to understand, even today.
Clementine showed her a part of life she never was allowed to see. Clementine saw her as an equal. Clementine didn’t expect anything from Violet.She was the most incredible person Violet had ever met, so impossibly beautiful inside and out that she wanted to pinch herself.They’d snuck around like the teenagers they were for years, being brave enough to sneak Clementine into the castle. To meet Louis, to be out of the cold for once.
Their laughter was quiet, only being heard by the teenagers.
Louis had left, after bombarding Clementine with questions about life beyond the castle.
It was comfortable, being with the two that meant most to her.
She could feel Clementine tense when Louis first walked in, weary despite the blonde insisting that he didn’t feel that away about her either.
It was flushed away soon though. The three comfortably talking about nothing.
The two girls were eighteen now. They’d been lying in a comfortable silence, they were under Violet’s comforter on her bed that was big enough for at least five of her.
Whispering in hushed tones, worried that someone would hear. Enjoying
the mere presence of one another.
Clementine’s gaze was so incredibly intense, she’d been looking at her as if she’d never seen anything more beautiful in her life.
Had she been anywhere else with anyone else it would’ve been intimidating.
The brunette made her feel nothing but safety, a sense of security even the most guarded castle in the kingdom couldn’t make her feel.
Violet was leaning forward now, her eyes closing and lips pressing to the girl in front of her.
It was lazy, eyes closed and breath only coming out of their noses.
Their legs were intertwined, Violet felt the younger girl’s arms reach around her waist and pull her impossibly closer. The kiss only being broken by the blonde’s own giggle, the result Clementine’s hand finding a spot that was ticklish.
Clementine’s eyelids were heavy, still looking at her with that intense stare.
”Violet, I love you.” She was still whispering, Violet’s giggles stopped, suddenly feeling the heaviness of the blanket above them.
It wasn’t the first time she’d said it, but it felt different. Violet felt her own breath hitch, looking straight into her girlfriend’s eyes. “I love you too, so so much.”
Clementine smiled at this, choosing to connect their lips again.
The memory still made the girl’s cheeks darken, remembering the feeling of Clementine’s hands and lips everywhere.
She felt her tears threatening to leave her eyes, she wanted to scream. Scream and cry, it wasn’t fair.
They were nineteen now.
It wasn’t supposed to be Louis at the end of the aisle. He was supposed to be front row, crying out of happiness for his best friend’s wedding.Instead though, he was being forced into something he didn’t want. Something neither of them ever wanted.
She wanted to run away, to tear this veil off her head and run. Run and never look back.
She knew she couldn’t though. She was marrying Louis. Louis, who was a man. Louis, who was her best friend.
Louis, who wasn’t Clementine.Clementine, who was the love of her life.Clementine, who she knew was probably at that lake.She wasn’t allowed into the royal wedding. She wasn’t sure she’d show up if she had been though.Clementine, who should be here.Why should she be standing here? How could she have fought for so long and still be present at something she opposed to violently countless times.She told her parents about Clementine. She told them straight to their faces, Louis right by her side.She told them that she loved her, that she’d loved her since they were sixteen.
They didn’t call it off though, no.What was their response?To set the wedding to a sooner date.She cried all night, she cried in Louis’ arms. Her parents fired Sarita that day. Instead, they hired more guards. Guards that wouldn’t let her sneak past them.She had cried so much she couldn’t hear herself think anymore.
She didn’t want this.
There was one last thing to do.She ran. She didn’t know how far she’d get, but she ran out of her dressing room. She ran down the hallways, tears were blurring her vision.
She tripped over her own gown on the way out the door to the garden, falling into a bed of flowers.
She still cried. She cried when she felt a guard grabbing at her arm.
She tried to fight. She tried to scream, but she was brought back in.She hadn’t been able to speak to Clementine since she told her parents.That’d been weeks ago now.She missed her. She just hoped Clementine knew that she hadn’t abandoned her, she hoped that Clementine knew that she loved her.She loved her more than she’d ever loved anything in her life.But Clementine wasn’t a prince.