Work Text
To pinpoint the exact moment in time would be nigh impossible. It had probably been going on for months before she herself noticed it. Serena’s chin was cushioned on the heel of her hand as her eyes tracked her co-lead around the floor. Her right knee was giving her a jip today, she had slipped on the ice yesterday and had felt it twist. She had willingly plonked herself in their office, with an ice pack strapped to her knee and let her friend have the ward, after all that’s what co-leading was; sharing duties, playing to their strengths. Serena was catching up at last on the monthly KPIs that were due whilst Bernie managed the surgeries and most of the new admississions to AAU. It was a dance, both graceful and intense, ebbing and flowing. She hadn’t realised just how much her eyes searched for Bernie; attuned to a flash of her scrubs, a whip of her hair until she was stationary in a quiet room. Why was that? Why did her eyes automatically search for her friend? Why was she always drawn to her? What gave the woman a right to make those blue scrubs look so good? On her they looked fitted, on herself she compared the look to a big blue whale. But on Bernie, God! Did they ever look good. A slight stretch across her chest, showing the narrowing of her waist, the way the bottoms elongated her legs, a straight line from her hips down those endless legs and when she turned around… Bernie’s arse, that was something else entirely. An arse so tight that Serena wondered if there were buns of steel hiding underneath. She lost herself staring again, watching Bernie move across the ward. Placing a chart at the nurses’ station and walk across the ward to their office. “S’rena?”She jumped, her eyes looking up into Bernie’s concerned face. “Y-Yes?”“Are you okay?”Her fingers fiddled with the short hairs on the back of her neck, “Hmm, oh yes.” She straightened the pile of half completed charts on her desk. “Sorry, I was staring off into space.”“Are you sure you’re alright?”“Yes, yes, never better, just um, just the knee is a bit tight, you know.”Bernie squinted at her, her hand self-consciously went to the back of her scrub bottoms. She turned around, “I don’t have anything on me do I?” Serena swallowed hard at the sight of the object of her staring being so near to her, “No, no, sorry I was just daydreaming and you must have been in my eye line.” She felt the heat creeping up her neck. “Sorry.”Bernie gave her a slightly lopsided smile, “Don’t worry about it. If you need anything I’m just going to finish rounds, then how does a sandwich sound?”“Lovely, thank you.” She watched as Bernie walked away before dropping her head onto the desk. -- The second time it happened Serena couldn’t chock it up to anything but attraction. It was a quarter past eight in the morning when she breezed into their shared office. Bernie almost always beat her in, but this morning there was no sign of her. Her handbag was slung over her chair, her jacket hanging on the hook, but no Bernie, and no coffee either. Stepping out she asked Lou and Morven, but neither had seen her.Pulling out her phone Serena sent her a text asking if she wanted anything from Pulse’s only to hear her phone vibrate under a stack of files. Frowning, Serena headed to the locker room, most of the time Bernie changed as soon as she came in. Walking down the hall she passed the on call room. Pausing at the closed door she tried to see in through the small window but the blind was pulled. Entering the code she silently pushed into the room. Her eyes falling onto the prone figure of her co-lead lying sprawled on the bed, covers kicked off and in a heap down by her feet, the dark blue trauma scrubs clashed with the light blue of the sheets beneath her. Her blonde hair looked like it had been haphazardly taken from her ponytail and was framed around her face in blonde waves. Serena gently closed the door shut behind her and crossed over to the bed. She gingerly lowered down next to her, Bernie’s face was soft with sleep, her thin lips gently parted and her breath coming in easy wisps. She wasn’t sure how she had missed it all the times before but Bernie was absolutely stunning. Serena tried to fight it but her hand would not listen to her brain. Her fingers slowly reached out and traced the path her eyes had just ghosted over. A feather light trailing of the pads of her fingers started at her brow and moved down over her nose, down to her lips, to her chin. Her hand settled in the silk like hair, the strands soft between her fingers. Suddenly Bernie stirred and Serena quickly pulled her hand away, her face schooling into a natural expression. “Serena?” Bernie rasped out her voice thick with sleep. “Good morning, I saw your bag and jacket here but not you. Rough night?”Long fingers ran through her hair as she pushed herself up. “Yeah, RTC came in late I didn’t feel awake enough to drive myself home. What time is it?”“Almost half eight, coffee?” Serena watched Bernie’s face dissolved into a soft smile. “I’d love some.” -- Serena could feel the weight of a stare on her face, the gaze boring into her but she could not move. Everything ached and she was cold. She tried to open her eyes, to see where she was but her eyelids wouldn’t respond. “Any change?” Raf whispered.“No, nothing, not yet.”Bernie, Bernie’s tired voice, it sounded edgy and brittle like it was close to shattering. “You should go get some sleep, you’ve been here for almost 24 hours.”“I can’t leave her Raf, I-I just can’t.” Serena felt a hand squeeze hers, she tried to squeeze back but she was too tired for the effort. “Well, if you change your mind let me know, I’ll come sit with her.” The door clicked shut behind him. The room descended into silence again, the only sound was a beep of a heart monitor. Serena tried to remember how she ended up here but came up with nothing. She was exhausted beyond anything she had ever felt. “Oh Serena, please, if you can hear me you need to wake up. Please.” The desperation in Bernie’s voice broke her heart and she tried to open her eyes but it was too much, she let herself slip back into oblivion. --The feeling of being watched and a low murmur was what woke her, “...and it was stupid of me Serena. To-to never tell you. To… to never say those words out loud. I was a coward and now look. You’re lying here, you look so small, so pale. Oh how I miss you.” She felt dry chapped lips brush her knuckles before a cool hand slid against her cheek. “I washed your hair with dry shampoo, it was such a mess I know you would have hated it.” The hand moved to her hair, “Oh, Serena just… wake up and look at me, please.” Serena willed her eyes open at the desperation in her voice. It took all of her strength to flicker them up at her best friend. The room was bright and it burned her eyes, as quickly as she opened them she let them fall back shut. She tried to speak but her throat was cracked and raw, aching as she tried to speak.“Serena?!” Her eyes squinted at Bernie, “H-Hi.”“Oh thank God!!” Her fingers ran along her jaw, she reached for a sponge on a stick and dipped it in water and offered it to Serena. She sucked gratefully, the water burning the inside of her mouth and lips. “How do you feel? Do you remember anything?”Serena shook her head and tried to raise her hand to her head but let it drop back at the odd feeling the motion gave her. She felt so weak; she tried to think but was all a blur. She remembered work, something with work but the more she thought the dizzier she got. “There was a ceiling tile, they were working on some duct work on AAU. The duct work fell through the tile and a piece of the support beam bucked and fell right as you were walking under it. You had brain swelling and a few broken ribs.”She winced trying to take it all in gratefully accepting more water. “How long?” She whispered. Her eyes could just make out Bernie who looked to be glowing in the bright lights. “Two weeks, medically induced coma.”Serena felt things swim behind her eyes and she let her eyes slip shut. “I’ll be right back I’m going to get Guy.” Serena couldn’t find energy to nod. --The next time she woke it was dark, her eyes didn’t hurt as bad to open. She blinked and looked down, Bernie’s head was resting on her thigh, her body half in the chair half laying across Serena’s bed their hands tangled together. She hadn’t left her side. Serena felt a smile pull at her lips. Bernie looked as if she had slept in the same clothes for a week, dark circles under her eyes. Even with it all, she looked so Bernie it made her heart soar. As if she could feel the weight of her stare, Bernie’s eyes opened. “Hey,”“Hi.” She sat up giving Serena’s hand a squeeze. “How are you feeling?”She shrugged then winced, “Like a building fell on me.”Bernie let out a bark of laughter and ducked her head her shoulders shaking.“Hey.”“I’m sorry, sorry, I just… it’s just… it’s been so, you’ve…” She raised her eyes to Serena’s, tears streaming down her face. “I was so scared that I’d lost you.” Serena tugged gently on her hand slowly and stiffly raising it to Bernie’s cheek. “I’m here.” “I haven’t, um....” Bernie’s hand covered Serena’s. “You haven’t left. I know.”“How…?”“Your touch.”Bernie smiled through her tears pressing a kiss to Serena’s palm. “I love you.”Serena felt her heart soar, “I know, love you too.” She whispered before letting sleep pull her again. She could feel Bernie’s eyes on her face as she willing went into the darkness her hand still firmly in Bernie’s.