Work Text
He didn’t think he could remember what it was like to breathe without the weight of the world on his chest.
The few memories he did have came in fragments, like a dream he was trying desperately to cling to after waking. But, try as he might, he could never hold on to them tight enough. And he forgot what peace felt like.
Everyone had, but no one more than him. He had not known peace since October 31, 1981.
People had been dropping like flies, it seemed. Kidnappings, disappearances, murders...it felt like a plague they were all hoping would never touch them even as it took away everyone and everything they ever knew.
Gideon and Fabian Prewett had been sent to Molly and Arthur Weasley in pieces after being subjected to torture by five Death Eaters.
“They fought like hell, Molly,” Moody had told her the next morning. “You should know they didn’t go easy.”
He supposed it was supposed to make Molly and the rest of them feel better. But Gideon and Fabian fighting like hell didn’t change the fact that they were still dead.
Marlene McKinnon and her entire family had been burned alive in their family manor after Travers and a few other Death Eaters unleashed Fiendfyre at the gates and placed locking charms on the home so they couldn’t get out.
There were no more McKinnons left in the wizarding world.
Benjy Fenwick had been blown to pieces in the basement of Malfoy Manor after some Death Eaters used the
Bombarda Maxima
spell on him. By the time the Aurors raided the manor, all that could be recovered of Benjy was an eyeball, a foot, and an arm with the giant raven tattoo on it he loved so much.
If not for that tattoo, Benjy would never have been identified.
Caradoc Dearborn had vanished without a trace and was technically still considered missing, though Sirius would bet the entirety of his family vault in Gringotts that he was dead.
Voldemort had Dorcas Meadows kidnapped and brought to Malfoy Manor where he fed her to that hideous snake of his.
Frank and Alice Longbottom had been tortured into near coma by Sirius’ own cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange, and left behind their son Neville who was the same age as…
Harry.
Harry James.
James.
Lily.
Peace.
They were gone, James and Lily. The two people who had felt more like family to him than anyone on that cursed family tree of his had been murdered by Voldemort himself. Harry had been orphaned and then placed with Lily’s bigoted sister.
And he had not known peace.
Sirius Black felt as if he was being suffocated by the very air around him when his cousin struck him with the Killing Curse. It squeezed around his heart, snaked its way up his throat so he couldn’t get a word out if he tried, and the last thing he saw before the Veil reached out to him was Harry.
Harry, with his eyes wide in shock, horror, and disbelief.
Remus, immediately stricken and rendered breathless as he watched his best friend be pulled away from him.
Everything seemed to freeze in that moment and he was struck suddenly by the thought that, despite not being able to remember peace or a life without hiding, he didn’t want to go.
I don’t want to go
, his mind screamed.
I DON’T WANT TO GO!
But it didn't matter. Because as the Veil claimed him and pulled him into the unknown, he realized that this must be what death felt like. He was going whether he liked it or not.
“Sirius
.”
“Sirius, you’re here now. You can rest!”
“
Harry! Where’s Harry?!” The words tumbled from his lips before he could even open his eyes.
His body felt light, lighter than it had in years, and he no longer felt any ache or pain in his bones. He could not remember the last time he felt so—
“I NEED TO GET TO HARRY!” The words were screams now. It felt like an imperative.
And suddenly his eyes opened and he was nowhere and everywhere at once.
Before him was everyone he had ever known and loved. James, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Gideon, Fabian, Caradoc, Benjy, Dorea, Charlus and so many others. They smiled at him as if they’d been waiting for so long.
“Harry will come,” Lily said as she reached out to caress his face. “He will be here soon.”
“But—“
“You fought well, Sirius. You did the best you knew to.” James interrupted with the lopsided smile Sirius missed so much. It should have made him feel a pang of sorrow and longing but it didn’t. Sirius could feel nothing but what could only be described as peace.
“Rest now, my boy. Rest.” It was Dorea who spoke now. And this time Sirius was laying with his head in her lap, her hands running softly through his hair the way they had when he would show up to Potter Manor with too many bruises and scratches on his body from home.
He felt safe.
He felt protected.
He felt like he could finally breathe without the weight of the world on his chest.
So, this is what it’s like,
Sirius thought.
This is what it’s like to rest.