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Sat in front of the TV, in the middle of their small two-rooms apartment Felix was clearly brooding. The screen was dark, reflecting the young man's thoughts as he kept watching it with his sad gaze.“Lix?” his best friend and roommate called as he stepped in the room.Felix didn't bother answering, knowing he would be found soon enough. The two were close enough to not be bothered by little matters. Indeed, two minutes later, Chan was next to him patting his hair softly.“What happened?” he asked, not needing more than a single glance to know something was wrong with Felix. “Shouldn't you be happy after spending the whole evening dancing with Minho-hyung and Hyunjin?”Felix sighed and leaned into his brother's touch, letting his head rest on the other's shoulder. He was so disappointed, so hurt. He wasn't angry any more, just... sad, but he was glad to have his best friend with him. Chan was his comfort when he felt down. Chan always understood his feelings before he had to explain anything and never judge him. Why the others couldn't? Was it so complicated to let him in peace? Felix never imagined his soft spot for romance could be such a big deal to make fun of, but apparently, it was.“I wish the others can understand me as you do,” he said sadly and let Chan hug him once again. Felix and Chan were both Australian, but above all they were friends. They were three years apart yet as close as two friends could be, loving each other as much as it was possible to platonically love someone. They knew each other from their childhood and met again years later. When Felix arrived to study in Korea at barely eighteen, Chan immediately helped him out of consideration for their old friendship and they started living together in the small apartment they still shared. Now, they barely spent a day without each other.Despite their closeness, though, they were also very different.Their age difference wasn't much of a problem, even if Chan was nothing but the older brother Felix always dreamed of. He always behaved like one without noticing always caring about his cute dongsaeng, spending a lot of time with him and doing his best to protect him as well.The main difference between the two was probably their personalities. They could think in harmony and understand each other without saying a word, but they had almost opposite characters regarding their love lives. Chan was pretty normal, in every meaning of the word. He was quite popular but not outstandingly so. He went well with his peers, had a few good friends and dated a few times, like any other person his age.Felix, on the other hand, was different.He was queer, for sure, but he accepted it well, just like his close friends did and he didn't think it defined him as a whole. His incredible soft spot for romance, however, was another story.Felix was an incredibly romantic guy, a 'softie' like his family was calling him. Some of his friends say he is naïve, some other people think he was kind of idiot and many girls tell it was cute, but despite all the criticism, Felix still liked Romance. He didn't particularly like flowers, pink hearts or lovely chocolates, he wasn't a girl despite having some tendencies to like men more than women. However, he liked confessions, love letters and other small presents. He also liked beautiful scenery, special dates and all little marks of care lovers had for each other. He couldn't imagine a relationship without it. It felt wrong for him. And beginning a relationship with romanticism always seemed the best start for him. The assurance that two people were meant to be and decided to make things work.Around him, almost everybody knew his little obsession – it was hard to miss – but few could understand it. In his family, love hadn't been much present. Of course, his parents loved him and he loved them just like he loved his brother, but that wasn't the type of love he dreamt about. His parents' wedding had been an arranged one and they never showed any sign of their affection toward each other. He never saw his parents particularly happy together even though they never seemed really sad either. They were just living along, used to each other's presence.However, as he grew up, Felix wished he would have someday the life his parents hadn't had. He wanted love from someone he would care about, no matter if it was a boy or a girl. For him, romanticism was the illustration of the love a couple shared. That was also why he liked it so much. It was an effort made for the person you loved and he liked this idea. Since he was a teenager, he always hoped he would one day experienced it.One after the other, his relationships hadn't brought him the sparkles he wanted to experience. His girlfriends liked his romanticism at first, but then when they noticed how strong his affection for romance was, they all end up turning him down. Either thinking it was too much or they felt like it was not manly enough and finally broke up with him. The single boyfriend he had later on, back in high school, told him it was ridiculous. The boy ended up leaving him as well and Felix remained single up to now.Despite all the criticism, Felix never changed his preferences and just became more convinced that only his true love would understand him. Someone who would understand him as Chan did and make efforts just for him.He believed it would happen some time in his life, he just did not meet this person yet.Not that he did not try. Felix was not shy in the matter of love, unlike he was about his skills. Once he was comfortable, he was outgoing, friendly and talkative. He didn't trust people so easily and he needed some time to be sure of his feelings before sharing them with someone and he expected the same from everybody else.He liked to charm people, but it was never more than gentle flirting when he did. He despised the people who played with the other's feelings. For him, there was a real distinction between both and this applied for both love and friendship.Despite what some people thought, Felix wasn't naïve or innocent. Chan used to say he was just idealistic, his heart too pure for most of the people to understand.Felix's romanticism started way before he was old enough to date, but even after he turned twenty, he was still true to himself and his conviction did not fade away. Many people around him knew about that, but the reactions were quite different from what Felix would have liked them to be. One month before, on February 14th, it had been the first time Felix received a love letter. It was Valentine day and all day long, he hoped he would receive something. He wondered if maybe some pretty girl would fight her timidity to show him her affection; If his tiny-little boy crush would acknowledge him; If maybe, this day could be the start of something for him.It wasn't the first time such thought ran through his mind and he didn't care much more about Valentine's day than any other, yet he still had hopes.By the end of the day, on his table, a little card with chocolates was waiting for him. Felix had been shocked but very happy. Maybe there was still someone who could understand him, he thought in awe.When he stepped down from his little cloud, he took a better look at the pinkish card and frowned at how familiar it was. It didn't take him long to recognize one of his friend's writing – he copied his notes often enough to notice that.For a moment he tried to understand why would one of his friend write him a letter for Valentine Day. He opened the envelope and found a simple note in it.
“Sorry we are no admirer and this is not a love letter, but we thought you might die on us without one today”
He heard some chuckles at the door and it took him only a glance to see his few of his friends walking toward him, laughing. Jisung came to pat his shoulder and hugged him, but Felix felt numb.It was a prank, wasn't it? A prank without evil intention, but one he couldn't appreciate. Unable to bear the sudden deception, Felix shrugged and dropped the box and the card on the table. He heard his friends say something he didn't understand and didn't move. He didn't give any attention to them and just left.It was stupid. It wasn't the first time someone was laughing and making fun of his romanticism, but he couldn't bear the deception. Of course, his friends probably thought it was harmless, but for him, it was painful.It was more than a simple prank. It was a slap right in the face as if the world was showing him right in his face that his beliefs were outdated, impossible. He didn't want to face them, so he went to see Chan. The next day, he acted as if nothing happened and nobody brought the subject. Today, for the second time, one month after the first, it was White day and Felix decided he didn't want to think about a possible confession or anything you would find in a good romance book. Of course, all his hopes didn't vanish in a mere second, but he wasn't naïve enough to not know he was being delusional.He had been training the whole evening for the dance project he would get graded on. He was tired but happy. He always was after those long hours running on the field. There weren't many people around. At such time, nobody was on the campus beside the sports players and the dancers.When he walked out of his shower, Felix found a blue envelope in his bag.Surprised, he picked it expectantly and observe the beautiful paper carefully. His heartbeats fastened a bit and he watched a long time the slightly familiar handwriting. He started to get changed, thinking deeply about the different possibilities when he heard the voices of his team members coming from the showers.He suddenly snapped out his thoughts as the realisation hit him. Nobody could access the team's changing room without authorisation, except the students majoring in dance and the members of the dance club. Of course, two of his supposed friends were in his dance team as well. He might not completely recognize the handwriting on the envelope, but it was familiar, already too familiar to be true.Hyunjin entered the room and jumped on his back playfully, asking him where they should eat. Instead of complaining like he usually would, Felix pushed him down and tried to gulp down the lump in his throat.Shocked and hurt, he didn't try to read the letter and scrambled it in his fist. Angry, he didn't even try to confront them about this matter. If it was so fun for them, it was not funny at all for him.He didn't bother to dry his hair and put his hoodie on fast before he stormed out of the room, letting his friends behind without a word. Frustrated, he watched one last time his name on the top of the envelope and the soft recommendation to 'open when you're alone' before he tore the letter up in pieces, throwing it in the first bin he saw. This time, he wouldn't let it go so easily.Behind them, he heard some footsteps and noticed his friends waiting for the dancers to have dinner just at the moment Hyunjin and Minho opened the door to ask for an explanation to his unusual behaviour.“Lix? What are you doing?” Hyunjin asked.
“I thought I could let it go, but really, I can't. Is that funny for you?!” Felix accused, hurt.
“What? What are you talking about?” Seungmin asked, worried by his friend's outburst.For a short second, Felix managed to take a breath and control his anger. A whisper from Woojin made his resolution quiver.“Is it about the letter?”The others looked at Felix with surprise and worry, expecting some kind of answer. The wince on his face was enough to confirm the supposition.“Why do you bring that now?” Jisung started.
“You might think it's stupid or whatever, but I believe in this sh*t. You have no right to make fun of me like this.” He felt his throat tighten as the anger built stronger.
“Felix...” Jeongin called him softly and tried to reach him.
“We are not making fun of it, but admit it's outdated. Nobody is sending love letter nowadays, Felix, ”Minho rationalized, hurting Felix more without meaning it.Felix clenched his jaw and stayed silent, sending the older a murderous gaze.“Hey, we're in College...” the other said with a clear lack of diplomacy, saying his last word slower to emphasise them. “Beside you, who would do that?”Felix didn't answer the question and bit his lips to refrain from cursing out loud and punch them all. Shaking his head, he scoffed and sent them a disappointed gaze.“You're stupid. All of you,” he stated blankly.
“Lix, it's just a joke!” Jisung tried to temper.
“It's not a joke!” he replied loudly. “A joke is something funny. This...” he motioned a condescending wave of his hand, “This is something important for me and you're literally laughing and looking down of it like it's nothing.”When none of his friends dared to talk any more and looked down at their feet sheepishly, Felix didn't even feel a bit guilty. It was not like him to be so unkind but he had been too hurt to let it go.“It was already not funny the first time, but two times, it's really pathetic.”He ended his sentence with a glare and left them behind without a second glance. He was so pissed and disgusted he didn't even hear Seungmin repeat in with an interrogative tone, “Two times?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When the cold war with his friends started, Felix ran back to his forever closest and best friend, the only one that could understand him: Chan. Felix and Chan were from the same circle of friend. Despite being three years apart, when Felix came to Chan's life, he was introduced to his friends from high school and it didn't take them long to click. All seven were close.Since he got mad at them for their prank, Felix was pretty much glued to his roommate. He couldn't forgive his friends yet and took a bit of distance for a while. Thanks to Chan, Felix had been able to feel better whenever he went back home.Of course, his friends easily understood how wrong their behaviour had been the moment they met Felix's disappointed gaze. They apologized and tried to bring back their friendship, but if Felix mostly forgave them, he clearly needed time to completely forget the matter. Time to trust them again too.When the Aussies weren't together, they were with their respective university friends. Changbin and Hyunjin were those two lucky – or unlucky, depending on who the question was directed to – persons who managed to meddle between the roommates.Hyunjin was Felix's closest friend – after his roommate – and Changbin was Chan's. The first two shared most of their free time in the dance club while the second partnered for a jointed 'art and music' project and grew closer from there.While he was initially Felix's friend, Hyunjin went along with Chan well. They met when Hyunjin came to their apartment and managed to tease Felix together without a problem. Really, teasing Felix together helps to build a friendship. Eventually, he became part of their small group of friends.He didn't spend much time with the roommates alone, though. Even if he enjoyed Chan's presence, he tried to avoid being between them both, saying it made him feel lonely. They were too much in sync for anyone else to bear the situation for too long, according to him. Felix couldn't deny. If Hyunjin and Chan were now good friends, it wasn't exactly the same situation between Changbin and Felix.They did not hate each other, far from it – at least on Felix's side – but they couldn't tell they knew a lot about each other. Changbin was always polite yet distant and they only interacted every now and then.To tell the truth, Changbin was a bit of a loner.Outside of the university, he wasn't hanging out much with the others. He didn't like sports much, had a thing for activities he could do alone rather than in groups and he wasn't really comfortable with wide groups of people. He spent ninety per cent of the time in the university's studio, working on his drawings.He let the students call him the “Dark Boy” for his clothing choice, seemingly introverted personality and strong eyes, but from what Felix saw of him with his best friend, the boy was rather bubbly when he wanted to.Their paths crossed often enough to share regular small talks, but it rarely grew into a real conversation. He never seemed very interested in Felix, no matter how often the younger boy tried to get closer. If Changbin was really loud when he was talking with Chan, he was a lot quieter with him.Felix couldn't tell if it was him being shy like Chan kept telling him or if it had another motive. In any case, Felix hated it.It was no secret to anyone in this world that Felix had a big fat small crush on the dark boy Seo Changbin. Every failed attempt to grow closer to him only confirmed said the boy didn't return his feelings at all. Recently things became worse if the way the older boy glared at him and made a point to ignore his presence was anything to go by. Felix really noticed it by the end of the month of March. Still not too willing to spend too much time at university, Felix came home earlier than usual, tired and sweaty. He had been dancing for three hours straight and Felix really felt drained. He went back home dragging his feet all way long, praying the grey sky wouldn't suddenly be replaced by rain.“Chan?” Felix called through the flat when he entered, hoping his brother would maybe fix him a little something to eat.He heard a muffled voice from the room he expected his roommate to be and decided to wait in the living room. He needed a breath and a sit before anything else. Taking off his jacket, shirt and shoes, he threw them all near the entrance of the laundry room, ready to jump on the soft leather and stay there for the next three hours.His plans were impeded by an unexpected presence on the said sofa. Surprised, Felix jolted back and blinked few times to be sure he wasn't hallucinating. The man stood up and send him the coldest look Felix ever received, making him wince unwillingly.“Ah, Felix...” Chan called when he came out of their room to meet them.“Channie... why didn't you tell me!” Felix whined.Amused, Chan looked at his friend from head to toe and started to laugh. Felix often forgot to think carefully before he acted and probably didn't even think about the possibility to have someone else home.“What an outfit!” Chan laughed as he noticed his appearance. “What will Changbin think of this household, if you go around like this,” he added, with a look toward his friend.Felix tried not to blush and to stay cool. It wasn't a big deal. It was not the first time he met Changbin, it wasn't his first time changing in front of random people (hey, he was a dancer after all) and he was at home – his home. No reason to be stressed or anything, he thought. He was ready to explain his perfect reasoning, but couldn't help feeling awkward under Changbin's dark scrutinizing eyes.“I'm sorry,” Felix apologized with a smile. “I didn't know you were there.”“Told you this morning,” Chan chuckled.“I've never been a morning person,” Felix invoked with a pout.“He's always like this. Felix has no manners,” Chan joked, looking at his friend who nodded without caring.Despite Felix's smile and apology, Changbin did not seem to pay any attention to him. His expression stayed cold and he never answered his smile or his apology. Instead, he looked at Chan and completely ignored the second man as he started talking about the assignment he came to work on.Dejected, Felix pouted and collected his stuff without being able to look up. So it was how it felt to be ignored? He never imagined it could be so painful. Once he got everything, Felix barely waved at them, muttering something about getting rest and ran off to their room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
At university, Changbin was quite known. Not exactly very popular, though, it was hard to find someone who didn't know who he was. (“Oh, this art guy!”) Changbin wasn't a bad boy, but the cool-distant-art-boy with tattoos and perfect fashion's image stuck to him.He was studying visual arts and fitted perfectly the style of the laconic artist. Most of the time, he was painting and when he was not, he was writing or simply daydreaming. He really liked his studies and it made him more touching somehow.Changbin's sexuality was far from being a mystery. He wasn't showing off and was pretty discreet about his relationships, but didn't hide either. He received hate from some very dumb close-minded assh*les (Felix wasn't the one telling that, even though he had to agree) but it wasn't any bother most of the time.In his three years at the university, he had been in a relationship twice (from what people knew at least) and it was enough for everybody to know he swung both ways.Felix, on the other hand, was the more classical kind of guy. Despite his excessive romanticism, Felix had to confess he felt like a typical boring guy. He wore the first clothes he founded in his closet in the morning (when he remembered how to start a washing machine) and his sportswear the other half. He liked to dance and went to the university because he didn't know what else to do. He chose foreign studies by default. He was already fluent in English and it gave him time to study Korean better. He didn't care much about the assignment, but he managed to do it and it was enough for him.Even if he was called sensitive or naïve by some people, almost everybody liked Felix and Felix had always liked everybody. Felix was friendly and except recently with Seo Changbin, he could proudly say he was in good terms with everybody.Seo Changbin was quite distant with people but never rude, except with people who were openly discriminating him. Felix wasn't one of them, far from it, then why did he give him the cold shoulder?From his unusual behaviour and fashion to his face, Felix liked everything about the boy. Everything he did pique Felix's interest. He couldn't exactly point out why it just was. He used to enjoy their simple talks and observe him from afar and was sad to have his tiny hope crushed.“I think Seo Changbin doesn't like me,” Felix said to Hyunjin the next day, in the middle of their lunch break.“Possible,” Hyunjin shrugged, uncaring and took another full spoon of his rice.“But why?” Felix whined, letting his head fall against his stretched arms on the table.Hyunjin looked at him with an eyebrow raised. He didn't know why Felix suddenly came up with this, but it wasn't his first time hearing about Changbin either. Even if he didn't personally know Seo Changbin, Hyunjin knew enough to follow the discussion, if he wanted to.“I don't know,” he shrugged. “Why should I know anyway? It happens.”“But... everybody likes me...” Felix pouted again, trying his best to look like a beaten puppy.Hyunjin faked to gag and shook his whole body to suppress the shivers he pretended to feel. Felix straightened and pouted more, crossing his arms on his chest, but Hyunjin ignored him, the way he did it so well.“Not everybody,” He corrected. “First, I don't like you,” he said and stopped a short time to take another full mouth of food. “I just don't know why you keep walking around me all the time.”“You're mean!” Felix protested weakly, too used to his friend's teasing to be hurt so easily. “That's not what I mean.”Felix fell back against the table. Head against the wood next to his barely touched food and his arms dangling by his side, Felix sighed. Hyunjin looked at him intrigued, surprised his friend didn't try to reply back.“I barely talked with him...” Felix started again, “he doesn't talk a lot. But he's nice and he's cute. And everything was all right,” he was pretty much rambling.Felix seemed more to talk to himself than to Hyunjin, but the way he spoke stirred up the younger man's curiosity.“I never got the chance to really know him, he can't dislike me already,” Felix protested, directing his question to his friend this time, “How is it possible to dislike someone with no reason??”“Maybe he just doesn't like your face... Or your smile... or the way you squish anyone around in a hug every two minutes... so many reasons.” Hyunjin replied teasingly.“You're one to talk, you giant cuddling baby!” Felix groaned.He refrained from sticking his tongue at Hyunjin in the most childish manner ever. Seriously, why can't they talk without bickering for five minutes? Why were there friends again? Felix wondered. He had a problem choosing his friends, it seemed.“Actually I completely understand him”“I'm not joking, Hyunjin. I thought it was going well. I even thought maybe we could... you know? I don't understand why it turned out like that,” Felix looked down and his friend caught him in a comforting hug.“Me neither, Felix. I don't know him and I don't know what happened or not so I don't know what to tell you,” the taller boy frowned.Another sigh slipped out of the younger's mouth and he cuddled up a bit more again Hyunjin. The embrace was comforting, but he still felt down. For a second, he thought about Chan, who always managed to find the best words to make him feel better. Right, Changbin and Chan were good friends but sometimes, Felix wondered how the two of them managed to get along when they were so different.Suddenly, Felix jumped up, startling his friend by his unexpected move.“He's good friend with Chan... and Chan is like me you know. We're both Australian and we're friends after all! He can't like Chan and dislike me!“You're completely alike,” Hyunjin started, sarcastic. “Except for the fact that he's older, manlier, stronger, more mature, more rational... should I go on?“Shut up,” Felix mumbled.“I'm joking Lix, but you know what I mean.”Felix nodded. Hyunjin wasn't completely wrong. It might be just him who is not fitting. He and Chan were alike, it didn't mean they were similar. They were close, had the same taste and opinion on many things but they are not that much alike.Chan had a lot of qualities Felix didn't have, it might be enough to make a difference (and Felix believed the contrary was true, yet besides his freckles and dance skills, he couldn't really point out what.)“Do you think he knows I … he can't hate me for that, can he? No, he wouldn't...”Felix thought for a while and sighed then squealed.“Omo! Do you think he likes Chan?” he asked shocked.“You just said so like, one second ago.”“No I mean... you know... like,” he said with a knowing expression on his face.Hyunjin lifted his head in understanding and shrugged. He wasn't the type of person caring much of other people's love life.“How would I know? Should I remind you I never talked to Changbin?”“It would explain a lot! I'm bothering him because I’m spending too much time with Chan.”“Or maybe he likes you, Felix, he's just shy and you scare him with the way you literally jump on him whenever you spot him?” Hyunjin cut him off, clearly teasing.“What?” Felix blushed. “Noo... we... I...”The other chuckled and Felix finally understood the irony in the sentence. He lowered his head in shame as he understood his friend was making fun of him. Yeah... maybe he was too naïve after all. Or at least it seemed to be what his friends were thinking.“Don't laugh! It's not funny.” he protested.“I was kidding, Lix, don't blush so hard.”The pink shade on Felix's cheeks almost covered his freckled. It didn't seem ready to disappear despite his efforts to hide it. He couldn't explain. The random joke made him think all over again. If only...“Is it me or it seems you like the idea a bit too much...?” his friend smiled with this malicious glint in his eyes as he talked. "You're completely whipped."This time, Felix's cheeks turned completely red.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
After that very interesting discussion with Hyunjin – which ended with Felix pinching Hyunjin for being unhelpful who then promised to make his life like hell (a promise Felix ignore with a shrug “you already make my life like hell” he had said, not thinking his words one bit) – Felix decided he needed to clear the situation.By that, he meant he had to check if Changbin really liked his hyung and why he hated him. If Changbin hated him because he was taking too much of Chan's time, then, Felix needed a way to change that. He couldn't let it be without doing anything.He was convinced he could be in good terms with Changbin once they would manage to talk. After all, it was clearly a misunderstanding. He never criticized him or his paintings, unlike some other students, so he was safe on this side. Changbin could Not hate him for no reason. He just had to remind him that.His main problem, for now, was that he needed to get closer to him if he wanted to talk about the situation clearly. If Changbin really held a grudge against him because he had feelings for his friend, Felix couldn't simply go to him “Hi~ I think you have a crush on my roommate, but no worry, even if it breaks my heart, I won't interfere!”.No matter how open Changbin was on his sexuality, he might not want to share his feelings for Chan. Let alone to talk about them with his love interest's roommate who he barely talked with. Let alone, that he might get pissed by Felix's assumptions if -luckily- he didn't Like Chan. With this in mind, Felix made his plan - “Is this a plan? Seriously?” Hyunjin commented – to get a brand new friendly start with Seo Changbin even if he had to forget his own crush for that.His so-called plan was rather simple in fact: he would to get straight to Changbin, talk to him about university or art or whatever and force him to befriend each other. With how often he was over Chan and Felix's apartment, it might not be too difficult. Their place was small and he wouldn't have a lot of places to hide in.Unexpectedly, when Felix decided to try, Changbin started to come less and less often at the apartment. As if he had read his mind and planned to break his plan. He who was there almost every day, greeting Felix quietly when he was coming home before leaving the roommates' flat, started to come only once a week. It seemed also way more difficult to meet him anywhere around the campus. He was a lot more in the painting studio, no longer went to the cafeteria for lunch and somehow seemed to be hiding from the world.Or maybe it was just Felix's imagination, yet he was sure he used to see Changbin around more.Still, he found him one day, alone, as he waited for God-knows-what (or who) near the gymnasium.“Hello~” Felix greeted as soon as he reached him after a short run.The first thing he noticed was how confused Changbin looked. The mumble he heard after seemed to be a greeting as well – or at least it was what Felix wanted to believe. It was not much, but Felix was convinced it was a good re-start.“Need help?” he asked politely, doing his best to start a – normal – conversation.“No,” Changbin simply answered.“Are you looking for something?” Felix tried again, hopeful.With uneasiness, Changbin turned his eyes away and muttered another “No,” not as firm as the previous one. Looking through the room without taking a glance at Felix, Changbin cleared his throat.“I... thank you. I've to go,” he said, clearly trying to keep the distance Felix wished to diminish.He left without waiting for an answer and Felix's eyes followed him. He had never really felt left out, Chan always did his best to avoid that since he arrived in Korea. However, with Changbin's behaviour toward him, he understood how hard it could be to make new friends.Starting then, he started to pop up every place Changbin was at. Not that he wanted to interfere with his and Chan's relationship, not at all. He just wanted to show him that he was no threat. According to the cold looks Changbin kept sending him, it wasn't working well, but Felix wasn't a man to give up easily.Usually, Changbin was with friends or acquaintances and Felix didn't dare to bother him too much – afraid it would bring even more hate. Hopefully, even if he was quite popular, Changbin wasn't always surrounded and tend to be loner some days.Then, it became almost a daily routine to look for Changbin and greet him gently as if he was just randomly passing by. Despite Hyunjin telling him how unnatural it seemed, Felix didn't stop. He was kind of stubborn and didn't want to stop before reaching his goal. Even though, it felt more complicated than he first imagined it to be. Days later, it was already 1 PM and Chan and Felix planned to have lunch together. On Thursday, they both ended the lecture at the same time and had a bit more time to eat than usual. It became slowly a habit and decided it would be a day they would meet for lunch.As usual, Felix and Hyunjin were talking, waiting for Chan to arrive. He was slightly late and – of course – Felix kept reminding everybody for one mile around how hungry he was. When they noticed him talking loudly with Changbin, they understood fast.Seemingly, something very funny happened during their lecture and both were laughing out loud about it. Changbin, in particular, seemed to be out of breath, his laugh hidden behind his hand as he leaned against Chan for support.Unwillingly, Felix pouted as he watched them.“He really likes hyung, right?” Felix asked, but Hyunjin wasn't sure the question was directed to him. “He's glowing when they're together.”When he didn't receive any answer after one minute of silence, Felix turned to send a glance at his friend. Hyunjin was immobile, looking at him with this awkward glimmer in his eyes, between teasing and curiosity.“What?” Felix asked defensively, feeling something wrong in the way his friend was looking at him.Right away, Hyunjin's lips twisted into a smirk, happy for no reason. Felix felt even more frightened. He hated when Hyunjin had this smartass expression on his face. He was guaranteed to be teased a lot after that.“Why does it seem to bother you so much? Didn't you tell me yesterday your crush was already behind you and you just wanted the best for him?”“It doesn't bother me!” Felix replied. “I'm just concerned. It's my hyung. I want him to be happy. That's why I want to know Changbin more before...” he explained. “Just before anything.”Hyunjin raised an eyebrow doubtfully, showing he was not falling for Felix's reasons. For some reasons, the older man didn't seem much more convinced either.“Tsss, forget it, you stupid.” Felix scowled, crossing his arms on his chest.“And then you blush again~” Hyunjin singsonged teasingly when he noticed the new colour on Felix's cheeks.
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Constantly ignoring Hyunjin's accusation, Felix continued to greet Changbin every time he had the chance. He knew he had to do something else but hesitated a lot about what to do. Finally, it took him an entire month to decide he should have a little conversation with Chan.He didn't want to, at first, thinking it wasn't his role to tell about Changbin's feelings, but now, he knew he couldn't avoid the topic for too long. Chan already mentioned a few times how he was not acting like usual. He knew him too much for him to be able to keep a secret like this one.“What is going on with you lately?” Chan asked him, giving him the perfect opportunity.Already giving up before any fight, Felix sighed, a bit anxious.“It might be a bit weird, hyung...” he started.Not so surprised or bothered by this start, Chan nodded and waited expectantly for his roommate to continue. He was used to him acting weird for small matters, due to his innocent romanticism and his care for small things. He didn't worry too much about it and tried to be patient for his explanation.“I think Changbin likes you,” Felix stated blankly.“What?!” Chan exclaimed surprised and amused at the same time.Stopping his steps, he turned toward his roommate. He clearly did not believe it and it felt like some kind of Felix-like joke. His reaction made the younger frown a bit. He tried his best to show how serious he was and the fact that he actually believed it made it even funnier for Chan.“I think Changbin Likes you,” Felix repeated, accentuating the taboo word.“Where do you get this from?” Chan laughed.This time, Felix pouted. The teasing between them was always innocent, but no matter the reason or who it was, he hated when he wasn't taken seriously.“Stop laughing and believe me hyung!” he scowled.“Felix... you don’t know Changbin well so you misunderstand his behaviour but...”Without ending his sentence, Chan chuckled again and started to walk again. Still visibly amused, he shook his head and sighed.“Aha I wonder what gave you this idea.”“I'm not kidding,” Felix said again, “I noticed.”“Changbin only cares about his drawings and if there’s one person he cares about more than that, it’s clearly not me... I’m older than him and this guy barely has any respect for me.” “Don't believe me if you don't want to,” Felix cut him with a groan, unhappy.“That's not what I mean.”“I don't care,” the younger said offended.He had hoped his roommate could understand that. He always understood everything. Why couldn't he believe? They were friends. He should know when he was telling the truth. Suddenly feeling sad, he looked down at his feet and decided to ignore his hyung all the way home.“Believe me, you're mistaken,” Chan said firmly. “Changbin and I are just close friends. He wouldn’t mislead you, he’s not that kind of guy,” he reassured.Felix wasn't reassured. He didn’t even know what Chan wanted to reassure him for. It’s not like Changbin had shown him he liked Chan on purpose, friends or not.“There’s nothing bad about liking a friend!” he defended Changbin.“Of course not, that’s not what I mean, he…”“He probably suffers a lot too! You don’t know what it’s like!” If even Chan didn't believe him, then nobody would.Chan sighed and shook his head. Could this kid be more stupid innocent? It seemed that one of them missed some information somewhere. I couldn’t tell he knew everything for sure, but Chan was pretty sure Felix was the oblivious one.“I don’t really get what happened and why you’re so worked up, but you should try to talk to him and you’ll see,” he added softly, not laughing any more.From his spot far in front, Felix scoffed. And there Chan thought he knew everything about Changbin. It was easy for him to say he should talk to Changbin, he tried often enough but the other did not let him and he didn't know what to do to approach him. As if Felix hadn't already Try, he thought bitterly.In spite of Chan's saying and his own self-persuasion, Felix was still convinced Changbin Liked Chan Very Much. He was also more convinced than ever that he had to discuss this with Changbin and no one else. Maybe then, Changbin would trust him. Since he was close to Chan, he could offer his support. Everybody needed support about their crush.Although, contrary to what he expected, Changbin seemed to turn colder day by day. He hid his disappointment behind a smile each time he received no answer and this forever cold look than turned darker every time. If he didn't want to ignore reality, Felix would have also noticed how the man started to avoid him. When he caught Changbin alone again one day, observing some of his paintings and drawings from his last project exhibited in the university's corridors, Felix decided to follow Chan's advice and try his luck again.“Changbin-sshi!”Changbin turned around, the surprise visible on his face, seemingly recognizing the recognizable low voice. It was a bit blurred for a short time, he looked soft, hopeful, then his eyes became colder when they finally laid on Felix. Without answering, he waited for him to continue and explain what he wanted.“Changbin-sshi… wait, can I call you hyung?” Felix tried hesitantly.Changbin sighed and despite the coldness of his voice, something seemed a bit hesitant in his eyes, almost guilty.“Please don’t.”Felix stayed with his mouth gaping a bit, unable to know what to say next. He didn't expect such an answer. It wasn't a big deal. He was calling Chan hyung, wasn't he? Then again, it might be a privilege Changbin kept for Chan only.“Oh... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cross a line,” he whispered.Changbin was shy, he repeated. He needed more time, Felix convinced himself; Time to get used to him and time to allow him closer. True, he couldn't ask too much too fast, he reminded himself. Changbin might still see him as a threat.Yet, he couldn't help his conviction to weaken a bit as the deception felt stronger than ever.For the first time, Changbin seemed to really look at him, observing his face as deception took over it. He didn't even try to hide the hints of shock and guilt mixed on his own face, too focused on the younger man's expression. He didn't look away until Felix raised his head and forced a smile. “Are those your work?” he asked, pointing at the art-works, to enlighten the mood a bit.The other glared at him before he answered half-heartedly “There’s my name on it.”“It’s really beautiful,” Felix complimented sincerely, never taking his eyes of the painting in front of him.All of Changbin works held a lot of emotions. He did not use a lot of colour, but the softness was there, in each stroke, subtle and delicate. The sceneries felt alive and Felix wished he could see them for real with hope to get closer to Changbin’s heart.“Don’t you ever draw a person?” he asked as he took a glance of the whole display of beautiful sceneries without people.Changbin looked at him with disbelief and his jaw clenched. “Felix, you…” he stopped and shook his head, unable to keep away the sparks of anger the younger boy’s words created. “Are you kidding me?”“Sorry?”“I did,” Changbin explained a weird mix of heartbreak and hatred taking over his face. “I did only once,” he smirked almost scarily as he accused, “but it was only worth the trash bin.”Without waiting for another second, he left Felix behind in the corridor.
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Felix never felt so discouraged in his life but could not resign himself to give up. After Changbin left, he stayed still for a long time before his frozen brain started to work again.Changbin was angry. He hadn’t tried to hide he was holding a grudge against him. Felix didn’t understand what suddenly irritated him so much.He really wanted them to have a good, friendly relationship, but all his attempts to set up things failed miserably. It seemed to get worse every time he tried something. In the end, it would have been better to not do anything at all, he thought.He knew Changbin was sweet and soft. Yet, his behaviour was still a mystery for him. He was talking as if he expected Felix to know things he was unaware of. Sometimes, he seemed to be nice, some other times hurt, but Felix couldn't understand why he was related to this all. His previous thoughts couldn't be true, could it?He couldn't be so sharp -borderline insulting- only because of some rivalry. Of course, he was quite touchy and glued to his roommate (according to Hyunjin's saying), but no, it couldn't be... who would imagine such a thing? Nobody, of course, not even Changbin, no matter how eccentric he was.It didn’t match his character and everybody expected him and Chan to be close. All the more so as lately, Felix had been extra-careful to keep his distance a little bit with Chan – just in case. The matter was different, that much he knew.It must have been a problem of communication, he thought. He tried to think about everything all over again, but nothing made sense.The language barrier felt stronger than ever. He suddenly wished he studied harder when Seungmin told him to. Maybe it would have helped understand Changbin. When he walked through the corridor, of course, Changbin was nowhere in sight. Instead, he met Hyunjin at the entrance of the building, right on time they agreed for their study session. Blindly following his friend, they walked to the library and started the assignment.At first, Felix tried to keep his problem away for a few hours, just enough time to get his work done, but his mind kept wandering on other things: Changbin.“Stop sighing and let me get this done, please~” Hyunjin gently brought him back on earth.Felix apologized and sighed once more, making the younger roll his eyes.“Listen to me, Lix,” Hyunjin called firmly, and Felix could only listen attentively after being called hyung for the first time. “Stop thinking too much. Be natural: be happy and lovable, just as you usually are. Stop lying to yourself that you’re not crushing on him anymore and woo him, follow your usual habits...”“Follow my habits?”“Give him chocolates, flowers, teddy bear or whatever, but don't think too much. Be your usual self.”“I don't do that,” Felix pouted at the exaggeration.“You understood the idea,” Hyunjin smiled proudly.Understanding hit him and he thought about it many times. It might not be a bad idea, after all. Of course, it wasn't as if he wanted to confess or something, he wanted to be understood. To do so, what would be better than letting him enter his little world?“What if he finds it stupid and hates it?”“First, it can't be worse than it already is,” Hyunjin shrugged and unfortunately Felix had to agree. “And I might or might not have made my own enquiries and heard Changbin is soft-hearted despite his appearance,” he paused and beamed at the surprise on his friend’s face. “Looks like you have something in common.”His smile grew at the idea. He loved doing something for the ones he cared about. Showing the older he cared about him might be a good idea. He didn't want anything fancy or mushy, he just wanted to show he was sincere. Maybe, Changbin could understand. At least, he hoped he would.Ten minutes later, Felix had taken a soft blue paper he used to work on his Korean grammar and started to draw little pattern he liked. He let his heart wander and some words ended up mixed in the design. It took him some time, despite the fact that it was really simple.He looked at the result with the short English message that appeared without him noticing. It was dumb, how did he end up writing that? All it said was “can we forget and be friends?” but Felix felt it was too childish. He scraped the whole sentence and wrote “Would you show me your drawings someday?” right under the first part.It was stupid, he couldn’t give him that. It sounded like a date and they were not even close enough to talk properly. Maybe he should simply invite him to Seungmin’s next baseball game, he noted, it was a neutral and easy to enjoy. For a non-confession, it was way too stressful.“Excuse me,” Hyunjin said as he stood in front of him, “Thanks”Before Felix had time to understand the situation, Hyunjin had already caught the paper in his hand and walk out of the room. When he came back, long minutes later, he plopped on his chair with a smile and hit the table playfully. “Done,” the other boy smiled proudly.“You didn’t?!” Felix asked in horror, understanding what happened.“I did, Changbin will read that quietly next time he opens his locker. Now let’s get back to work. I don’t want to hear you whine again for failing ancient literature because you suck at writing Hanja.”“Ah...” Felix whined with his head in his hand as if the world was coming to an end. It probably was. No need to say he focused even less on his work the following hours.If he didn't manage to work one bit, at least, it gave him the time to plan everything for his next meeting with Changbin. Of course, he knew it wouldn't be easy, but he needed to do it. It had to be perfect.Next time they meet, Felix would bare his heart and the older would have no choice but explain properly the reasons for his behaviour.
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Felix didn't get any sign or reply from Changbin the following days. He started to wonder if Hyunjin had lied just to scare him. When he found the man he was thinking about on the way to the dance studio, Felix decided to take a chance.“Changbin hyung,” he dared, not caring about the fact Changbin didn’t allow him to use the affectionate title. “Did you, maybe, get a note?” he asked, not brave enough to call it anything else.Changbin didn't answer. In fact, he didn't even stop his steps and completely ignored Felix. Deceived, Felix rushed after him and tried to call his attention on him without success.He gripped Changbin's arm and sent him an imploring gaze. His fingers clenched, leaving a red mark on the elder's bare arm. Without thinking, he let his thumb run on his skin to ease the spot he still didn't release. At his unexpected action, Changbin's jaw clenched and he pulled back his arm. Closing his eyes, he seemed to gather his energy and took a deep breath.“Why do you do that to me?” Changbin spat.“What?” Felix was lost... completely lost.“I understand you want to keep thing cordial because of Chan, but don’t you think it’s hard for me?” “I... I don't understand... why are you acting like that?” “I don't know if this pity or guilt or whatever, but please give me some time and don't come close,” he asked, his voice broken and low at the end of his imploring sentence.“... what? Why do you talk to me like I killed your cat or something! I’m just trying to be nice!” Felix defended himself, even if he wasn't sure about what.“Don't think I don't know. I was there, I was waiting to…” Changbin winced and ignored the feeling growing at the memory, “I saw,” he spat as if this single thing was the explanation for the whole discussion.“Saw what?”The gaze Changbin sent him to answer his question was probably the most murderous Felix had ever received. Even more lost, Felix frowned and worry grew in him.“Surprise~” Changbin singsonged bitterly, irony strong in his voice.“But I don’t get what happened.”Shocked and anxious with his own thinking, Felix opened his mouth to say something. What, he didn't know, but he had to say something. He needed to explain. He knew his behaviour was often mistaken, but it couldn't be! A weird kind of fear appeared on his face and he closed his mouth to open it again. Talk, talk, he kept telling himself, but no word came out.“Don’t tell me you don’t understand Lee Felix, you’re smart enough to make the link. Don't you think it was enough to crush my hope as you did? I was really too stupid to believe Chan,” he scolded himself after a short pause.He couldn't understand. There was no explanation for Changbin's behaviour and everything he said seemed to make it even more confused. He didn't know what to think anymore. He couldn't imagine HE had a thing for Chan, could he?? What else could he have seen to make him so upset?“That’s my mistake, I shouldn’t have hoped so much from some random talks, but you knew how much my works mean to me and you didn’t care. So now, can you at least be fair and let me heal in peace?”“I didn't...” Felix started and stopped, not knowing what he could say to solve a situation he didn't grab fully.He looked at Felix in a condescending way and scoffed before he turned away. Just like that, in a few seconds, he left. Felix barely had time to see him stroke his face, as if to erase the pain and he disappeared.His thoughts were brushed as fast as Changbin left. The space beside him remained empty, his heart too. He felt hurt, shaken, but he didn't even know why it hit him so strongly. They didn't get time to clear the matter between them and Felix started to think he better stay away from Changbin.Changbin hated him. Maybe it had a reason, maybe he just couldn’t stand him, he thought then. It happened. He knew that, so why did it hurt so much? He asked to himself with a hand on his little throbbing heart.For once, Hyunjin had been wrong. It could get worse. It just did. The heartbreak was harder to handle than Felix thought. He felt like a zombie as he walked out of the campus and before he realised where he was heading, he ended up at the studio Chan was working in. When he noticed his presence and the gloomy expression on his face, Chan left all his equipment behind and walked toward him to wrap him in a hug. There weren’t many people, but he clearly didn't care about anyone else.Felix wanted to push him off, but he needed the comfort too much to do so.“Chan... why does he hate me?” he mumbled against the older’s shoulder.“Who?”“hyung... I don’t want him to hate me.”Felix finally released himself from the embrace and leaned against the wall fence. He let his body reach the ground slowly and curled up, his arms around his knees. Without a word, Chan waited for more, waited for him to be ready to talk.“I tried to be nice and I tried to talk to him, I just tried everything I could, but he really hates me, right?” he asked, hoping Chan would deny it.“Lixie...” Chan called. “Changbin doesn't hate you, he needs time.”“Time?” Felix scoffed. “Didn't I give him enough? It’s been almost a month since he last agreed to talk to me.”“I know, but you have to understand it might not be easy for him.”Felix shook his head in disbelief. He knew Chan wanted to stay neutral since two of his close friends were fighting, but how could he understand? It was so not logical, so not fair... After a short time, Chan sat beside him and took a breath.“I don't know the whole story, but I know him and he's a nice guy,” he started with precaution. “I didn't pry into it because he didn't want to tell me and you didn’t mention anything either, but I hate seeing you both like this. I know you’re trying your best, your behaviour hurts him.” Chan explained.Felix frowned and looked at Chan as if the solution of his problems was written on his face. Why did it feel like he was missing something again? Something he should know. The words he should understand sounded devoid of meaning.“Me? How the hell did I do that?” He protested louder than he wanted it to be. “He’s the one avoiding me.”“Changbin is more sensitive than he looks and he's quite shy, despite his appearance. I thought you clicked quite well too.” “I thought that too.”True, at first, they did. The guy who he thought was simply another popular good-looking dude, turned to be much more. Something in him made him different. Maybe it was his genuine way to smile to his friends, maybe his caring behaviour with his relatives or maybe the deep need of love in his eyes, but if there was one thing Felix didn't doubt, it was his raising interest for Changbin.“You have to understand Changbin have noticed you a long time ago. Probably before you even know we were friends. Hell, before He even knew we were living together.”Felix gaped at the revelation and Chan softly stroke his hair to emphasise his words. “What happened then? … ” he hinted and Chan easily understood.“Lixie...” his roommate called sweetly, amused yet serious. “You can't be so oblivious, can you? And here I thought you looked at him often enough.”Felix blushed and looked away. No, he didn't understand and yes, he watched Changbin a bit too much, but that wasn’t the point, was it?“He didn't explain and it is not my place to say anything, but when he started to act a bit differently I thought you already knew...”Chan nodded and send him an apologizing look.“He had always been looking at you. I’ve always seen him draw sceneries, but he started to do some sketches of you when right after you met.” Surprised, Felix raised a doubtful eyebrow and caught the sincerity in Chan’s eyes. Didn’t Changbin say before that he didn’t draw people well? Why would he make sketches of him then?“But why? How? He barely talked to me. Even at home he never stayed with me more than ten minutes.”“Changbin is not really good with words, that’s why he thinks he expresses himself better with a pencil.”He stopped a moment, looking for his next words, choosing them carefully.“You know Changbin likes drawing more than anything, everybody knows and he doesn’t share it much, but he shared it with you. I knew he wanted to confess and he was ready to do it but from what I understood, you stopped him before that.“What?! But I've never...”The silence took place between them for a while and Felix seemed particularly thoughtful.“He didn't exactly say it, true, you didn't give him the chance to,” Chan winced slightly.Felix frowned, ready to protest again. Why would he take the blame? Changbin had had plenty of occasions, he just refused every interaction they had.When he didn’t receive the answer he expected, Chan frowned. “Don't tell me you don't understand what I'm talking about...?”Chan could guess the answer to his question by looking at his friend’s face.“Last month, you throw away his drawing, didn’t you?” Chan said.“His drawing? I would never do that!”Chan blinked a few times and realisation hit him. How did it even happen?? Why didn’t he notice earlier? If it happened one month ago, then it was… “White day,” he concluded, “The letter.”Felix gawped, memories of the fateful day playing in his mind. Many details came back to his mind and everything seemed to slot together. He remembered Changbin’s words “I was there”, “I saw”.Changbin saw him throw away his portrait. Or well, the envelope with his portrait in it.“I didn’t know it was from him.” “You didn’t know? Don’t tell me you didn’t check the letter,” he stated more than he really asked Felix.“I thought the guys just pulled another joke… and I didn’t know… I somehow recognized his writing but not really… and why would Changbin send Me a letter?!” okay, he was rambling a bit.“I can't believe it,” Chan repeated a few times, suddenly understanding all too well both of his friends’ reaction.A lot of thoughts were running through his head, then a stupid delusional idea crossed Felix's mind. It couldn't be. It couldn't. That was impossible. Felix suddenly pulled the pieces together faster while Chan's eyes confirmed his hopeful wish.“Are you telling me that... he likes… me?! Changbin?!” Felix muttered with shock.Chan shook his head and sighed, mumbling something that awfully sounded like “I should have meddled, they’re both too dumb.”“Channie... I think I did a stupid mistake,” he whined.“Clearly.”“Hyung, I need to have a proper talk with Changbin. And I will need your help.”
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During the whole week, Felix replayed endlessly his talk with Chan in his head and a lot of questions were added to the previous ones. His friend had given him the possibility to see the situation in a new light. Everything seemed so different from the information he gave him...He wasn't sure what to think about it, though. Could it be? Really? How come he never noticed?? Changbin and he had never been really close, true, but could he really have missed something so important?Of course, Chan agreed right away to help him when he requested it. If it could solve both his friend's problems, then he would be an idiot not to agree. Even now that it seemed a bit more than he thought before.Today was April 14th, also known as the non-famous Black Day in Korea. Felix chose the date carefully, hoping it would help round everything off. He planned everything carefully, following his romanticist's heart. He hoped Changbin wouldn’t misunderstand his intentions.Changbin and Chan had their last class in common and for his favourite dongsaeng’s sake, Chan planned to skip. Now, here with was for the lunch break, sitting next to Felix as he sent messages to Changbin.With the pretext of an interview for a part-time job, he informed Changbin he wouldn't be able to attend and asked if he could drop by his flat to give him his notes. Changbin agreed easily, without suspecting anything.Felix had left his dance team earlier than usual and rushed to his apartment to be there on time. True to his words, Chan had made everything he could to help and Felix was sure he couldn't thank him enough for everything he did for him.“Are you sure it’ll be fine hyung?” Felix asked, a bit worried.“Of course. Changbin wants to understand more than anyone else,” Chan smiled reassuringly.Despite the reassurance, Felix didn't look more relieved and kept doubting.He was ready to protest again, when Chan's phone rang once more and he showed proudly Changbin message, telling him he would be at their apartment at 7 PM.“He is on the way. It's up to you now,” Chan said.Felix kept looking at the message for a long time as if it could answer all his questions. He let out a sigh.“Okay. I have to anyway.”Chan came closer to him and patted his shoulder.By the time the older stepped out of the apartment, Felix was completely freaking out. He tried to hide it as much as possible.During half an hour, Felix waited for Changbin and couldn't stop pacing up and down in each room. When the sound of the doorbell resounded, Felix gulped and got ready.“Come in,” he greeted, his voice strangely higher with the stress.When he pushed the door of the roommates' apartment, Changbin entered, slightly hesitant.“Chan?” he called hesitantly from the entrance while taking off his shoes.“Wrong Aussie, hyung,” Felix said as he walked toward him.Changbin froze in his spot, startled to find Felix in front of him through the corner of the corridor. Felix continued his steps and passed by Changbin to close the door.“Come in,” he invited again and Changbin scampered toward the living room without thinking.From the living-room, Felix told him to sit, but Changbin didn't. He slowly seemed to sober up and cleared his throat.“Where's Chan?” he asked, gripping the lash of his bag in front of his chest.“Out,” Felix answered evasively.From the way Changbin winced awkwardly, he could guess he felt something was off, out of usual. Felix didn’t know how to control his own anxiety and kept fidgeting. He tried to look more confident as he caught Changbin’s eyes.“I asked him to.”Changbin took a step back without really looking back at Felix. He checked around the room, trying to find a way to escape. He spotted the food on the kitchen’s counter.“Jajjangmyeon,” he stated unsure.“It’s black Day,” Felix replied shyly. “I thought about candles too, but I thought it might be too much, even for me.”“What are you trying to do?” Changbin’s voice was controlled and a bit stern, but his hands were shaking.“I…” Felix took a deep breath. “Please sit and let’s eat first.”“I’m in no mood to listen to you, let alone have dinner with you, today out of all of the days.” He turned around, ready to leave but Felix’s outburst startled him.“No! Wait! Listen to me!” the younger almost shouted. He cleared his throat to control his voice. “I can’t let this become another misunderstanding between us,” he added softly.Changbin stared at his feet intensely, tilting from one side to the other.“You don’t have to believe me, but listen to me please.”Felix grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie, not daring to touch his arm. When the older finally turn to him, his fingers clenched tighter on the fabric.“What are you doing?” he asked defensively. “Why do you do that?”“I'm sorry hyung. I never meant to hurt you” Felix apologized, releasing his grip without walking away, “But I didn't understand. You’re not as easy to read as you seem to believe it.”He stopped and watched Changbin notice the defiance in his eyes was still there, mixed with evident confusion.“I talked to Chan recently, he really helped me a lot,” Felix informed and the news seemed to worry Changbin more than it should have. “Thanks to him, I had time to think and discover many sides that I never noticed before.”“Felix...” he pleaded, unsure about what exactly.Felix leaned against the wall and looked at Changbin with a soft smile as he finally sat on the sofa.“It's weird. I don't remember you calling my name properly,” he noted. “It sounds better from you.”Changbin didn't reply and kept his gaze on Felix. Something in his eyes showed a new hint of hope tinted by the remaining hurt. It was a bit weird, clearly unusual. The younger man never saw him looking so fragile before.“Would you listen to a story?” Felix asked after some time.Once again, Changbin didn't say anything and he didn't move either, so Felix took it as an agreement.“You probably heard about it, I love romantic stuff. It might seem stupid and a lot of people think so, but I can’t help it,” he glanced at Changbin to notice he was still listening and continued, “every year for Valentine's day I wish to find a letter or a chocolate box in my locker.” He paused, checking if he still had Changbin’s attention. “For the first time in my life, I got a letter; a fake one. It was a prank from my friends.”Slowly, Felix sat down on the sofa as well and looked at Changbin with an indescribable expression. The older man was surprised by the revelation as much as he was confused by his behaviour. He didn’t dare to talk and waited for the rest of the story expectantly.“I don’t know if you have any idea of what it is like to have people mocking something you truly care about. It hurts a lot. I let it go because I didn’t want to hold a grudge for a too long and well, I'm used to people making fun of that.”Changbin nodded, brushing his moist hands against his dark jeans. He could tell something was coming without fully understanding what was going on.“For White Day, I received another letter at the place I least expected, right after my dance practice. My friends were all there and they were all so joking together… I don’t remember being so pissed in my life,” he laughed without humour. “I was so pissed to be laughed at for the second time that I didn't even open the letter before I throw it.”“Oh,” Changbin simply said instead of answering. “Oh!”“When you said you saw what I did, last time, I didn't get what you meant. I didn't understand what you were talking about and what I did wrong. I knew you were avoiding me and the more I tried to get closer to you the more you seemed to hate me,” he frowned, “Truthfully, it hurt more than any prank.”“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispered, still under the shock of the information he received.Felix shook his head. “Chan hinted about it and you did too, I should have understood before. I really regret I didn't.”Changbin’s feelings were a rollercoaster but he now felt quite numb. He closed in eyes and pressed his hands on his nose bridge.“I thought you knew... that you were acting or something...” he tried to explain. “I don't even know what I really thought.” he sighed and fell silent once again.Now that he knew, everything felt so stupid. For the past few weeks, he had tried to get over Felix and heal his broken heart while dealing with the youngest constant appearances. It had been painful, but his whole torment had been useless. A simple, stupid misunderstanding.Felix stood up and brought the plate he prepared before from the kitchen. He put it in front of Changbin and sat back on the couch uncomfortable.“Help yourself.”“This is not the most romantic food,” Changbin commented.“It fit the day, so I thought…”The atmosphere was rather awkward they both poked at the food without eating. “I heard from Chan that you wanted to talk to me that day... Can I ask you now?”Changbin jolted a bit, not expecting such a direct question.“Are you serious?”“Do I look like I'm not?” He asked. “I've never been so serious,” he added.They both looked at each other until Changbin looked away, uncomfortable. For a moment, he seemed to gather his strength then he looked at him seriously and took a deep breath.“I like you, a lot,” he confessed, his eyes focused on him. “It feels so weird to say it now after spending one month trying to erase those feelings.” he scoffed to himself. “What about now?” Felix asked.“Do you think it can change so easily?” Changbin half-joked.Felix didn’t know how to answer and the silence took place between them once again.“I wish I could see that letter,” He tried, not daring to look at Changbin.Despite his apparent confidence, Felix was also stressed and he could feel his loud heartbeats speed up. Slowly he went closer to Changbin and continued: “I wish I could admire your drawing and I keep it preciously with me. I bet it was amazing.”He voice sounded huskier and Changbin felt his cheeks heat up. He didn't answer and seemed to hesitate, Felix decided he needed to push it a bit if he wanted to solve everything, the way he wanted it, the way they both needed to.“You know, I was pretty sure you knew about my feelings from the beginning,” Felix confessed. “I was convinced everybody could tell from the way I look at you.”Between relief and happiness, Changbin shook his head and looked down.“Gosh... I can’t believe I’m not dreaming right now.”Felix inched toward Changbin and pressed him against the backrest.“I love you Changbin. I have for months.”His lips were ghosting against Changbin’s whose eyes were focused on the younger boy in front of him. He swallowed with difficulty and his voice seemed caught in his throat.“Me too…”Felix couldn’t believe how bold he suddenly was, but his body didn’t resist the offered present in front of him. Changbin grabbed his waist and brought him closer as Felix joined their lips.“We should have done that sooner,” Changbin sighed when they parted.“Definitely,” Felix agreed. “Would you forgive me for that misunderstanding and be my boyfriend?” “Of course. I’ve wanted to say that for such a long time,” Changbin nodded, “Thinking I wanted it to be romantic for you...” he whispered.Felix smiled, whipped. “We have plenty of time for that,” he said as he leaned to kiss Changbin's once again.