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“It’s not about what I want,” he says. “It’s about control.”Betty just raises an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. He sighs.Of all the people on the earth, Betty is the one who gets him the most. Other than Jennifer perhaps. But even so, Bruce feels incredibly misunderstood when they have these conversations.“The more I go out into the city, the more chance there is of somebody getting hurt. Fewer people, lower probability.”“I think you’re wrong. He’s not like that.”“No offence, but I think I know him a lot better --”“No. Bruce,” she cuts him off. She’s angry now and he can’t fathom why. Can’t she see he’s trying to protect everyone? She opens the car door, dumping her bag into the passenger seat. “You don’t.” She slams the door shut, before heading back around to the driver’s side. Before she gets in she pauses. Sighs.“I wish you would just give him a chance.”“He lost his right to a chance when he hurt you.”Her lip draws into a thin line and she rolls her eyes, irritation written on her face. “I’ll call you when I get there. Goodbye, Bruce.”He stays by the doorways of the cabin, hands in pockets, eyes longing as she drives away from him. He wants more than anything to go with her, back to a life in the city.He just… can’t.That night his dreams are plagued with visions of the Hulk, escaping and wreaking havoc on New York. When he wakes up, there’s a splintered hole in the wall and a fist-shaped dent in the adamantium layer beneath.…“Coffee?”“No thanks,” he says, not looking up from his work. Clint shifts a little closer, waving a steaming mug enticingly under his nose.“Come on, Doc. If your heart is really set on pulling an all nighter for this, at least give yourself the energy boost.”This makes Bruce pause, but only to laugh. He pushes his glasses up his nose and looks at Clint with a wry smile. “The Other Guy provides more than enough energy. I don’t think it’d be wise to give him any more.”From the other side of the room he hears Tony scoff. He makes his way around to Bruce’s bench, which now means he has both Clint and Tony boxing him in. Great.“I thought you established that it wasn’t a heart rate thing? What harm is there in a little coffee?”Bruce shrugs. “Can’t be too careful.”This gets him a frown from Tony and a confused look from Clint.They both speak at the same time.“- Well that’s no way to live -”“- Careful about what? -”Bruce bristles a little at Tony’s remark. Easy for him to say. Mr Billionaire can mess around and do whatever he wants and have enough resources to fix the things he breaks. If Bruce breaks something - and it would most likely be a building - all he can do is get as far away as possible so that it can never happen again. He’s already putting lives at risk by living in New York - something, he remembers, he had told Betty that he would never do again. Not after Harlem.But then there was a global catastrophe. Hulk had been put into a fight that he really couldn’t make any worse. Now there are people on the streets, making green murals and putting Hulk’s face on their posters. And not even in protest of him. He’s celebrated. A hero.The thought makes Bruce’s stomach turn. He feels like he’s deceiving them. He’s not a hero. Heroes don’t let their ego get the best of them and seek out help in dodgy places. Heroes don’t carelessly let their blood get stolen and then used to create more monsters.Each and every recent gamma related catastrophe out there can be linked back to him. He’s a source of their suffering, not a saviour.But still. He’s living in New York. Perhaps he’s let praise and the celebration of his other name get to him, made him more at ease and complacent.Maybe it’s the reassurance of the adamantium lined Hulk cell just across from his bedroom that makes him feel like maybe it’s okay to live here, for now.It’s still no excuse to take risks. Even small ones. He addresses Tony, masking his anger and jealousy and self-loathing with a flat tone of pseudo-calmness. “I’d rather have to live with caution than to live with fear.”Tony scoffs again, holding up his hand and counting on his fingers. “No coffee, no driving, no dating, no going outside -”“I wouldn’t enjoy any of that anyway!” he snaps. He has to restrain himself from shouting. “Not when I’m constantly thinking about all the times someone has gotten in the way of Hulk after I made a stupid mistake, or took a risk.” Clint is watching him very carefully and he takes a deep breath. He doesn’t want to become hysterical in front of them. Not when he’s trying to prove that he is in control. He grits his teeth. “You just… It’s about control. You wouldn’t understand.”“Sure. Whatever.” Tony rolls his eyes at him, again reminding him of his last conversation with Betty, and turns his back, apparently done with trying to argue with Bruce. Thank god.Clint, however, sticks around, still not saying anything. And he must have some kind of superhuman patience because even after a solid fifteen minutes of Bruce trying to look busy, he still doesn’t leave. Just sips on his coffee, looking contemplative. It takes about fifteen minutes more of this silence before he finally speaks, voice calm and unusually quiet. Almost like how Bruce imagines he’d sound when he’s upset (although he mustn’t be because there’s absolutely no reason for it, Bruce thinks).“Do you really put yourself through so much just to keep the Hulk locked up?”“Yes,” Bruce answers abruptly, suddenly feeling too tired now to go into it once again. This is too much like being back with Betty, back when she’d been trying to convince him to move in with her after their reunion.Clint purses his lips and narrows his eyes. There’s a long enough pause that Bruce almost feels like he should talk again before Clint continues.“He’s not a bad guy, you know.”Bruce sighs, stops what he’s doing and removes his glasses so that he can rub tiredly at his eyes. “Clint -”Clint holds up a palm. “No. Hear me out. Because you’ve got something wrong about a good friend of mine and I think you should know.” He doesn’t look at Bruce, instead focuses on a chip in the handle of his mug, face shadowed in thought. “I know Hulk has hurt people in the past. But back then he was alone, probably confused. And all anyone ever wants to do is lock him up or hurt him…” He looks up. “What else is he supposed to do but fight back or run?”Bruce opens his mouth but he has no response. A small well of guilt has begun to pool in his chest by the end of Clint’s piece but he presses it down because he doesn’t know the reason for it so he can’t address it.Fortunately, it would seem that Clint doesn’t need an answer from him. He slides off of the lab bench on which he had perched, rolling his mug in both hands as he does so. He’s still picking at the chip in the handle when he turns to leave, with only one last piece for Bruce to think on.“We are friends, y’know? You and me, of course, but also me and Hulk... You know that not every time you wake up back here after a fight it’s because one of us carried you? Sometimes the big guy just comes home all by himself.” He looks at Bruce with honest eyes, before bowing his head to continue studying the mug. “But of course, you wouldn’t know, I guess; he never makes so much as a dent in the stairwell these days.” He reaches the doors, which slide open before him. “All I’m saying is… I think he’s got the ‘control thing’ down. More than you do by the sound of it.”And with that he’s gone, leaving Bruce to stare blankly at the screen in front of him, lost in conflicting thoughts and frustrated confusion.…“-- two years ago…”There’s a rushing in Bruce’s ears that may have to do with what Thor just said. It may also be the remnants of being... he was… for two…“Calm down, Banner.”Bruce nods, quickly, practically shuddering as his nerves fire too fast, his brain runs too fast, everything -“Bruce.”He’s on the verge of hyperventilating.“I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it.” He reassures Thor, reaching out a shaking hand to place on his friend’s shoulder. He’s fine. He’s fine. He’s fine. He’s back .Amidst the jumbled mess of Hulk’s memories and the fact that he’s on an alien planet, and the knowledge that he’s been Hulk for two entire years, two years worth of damage - Bruce promises himself he will never let this happen again. The Hulk has gotten stronger it seems, better at keeping Bruce at bay. Even now he can feel him railing against the confines of Bruce’s mind, grasping at his consciousness as he tries to pull Bruce back down in order to claw his way out. There’s a fear in Bruce now that, if he allows it, the Hulk will lock him away for good. Which he will not allow.This is his body. He’s in control and if Hulk wants to lock him away for good, well, he’ll just have to beat him at his own game.He closes his eyes, fists curling in a tight grip on his hair - which feels weird, shorter than last time - and his teeth clench in an effort to prevent his body from expanding as Hulk pushes harder in his mind. Go away! he thinks, imagining himself shouting it into the part of his subconsciousness where Hulk resides.Maybe when he gets back to Earth it’d be worth making another attempt to get rid of Hulk once and for all, he thinks. Maybe it’s time -
Hulk stay.
What?
Suddenly, everything stops.Bruce, struck by sheer astonishment at hearing the Hulk speak in his mind, uncurls his body. The only tension remaining is in his brow, which is furrowed in confusion. As for the Hulk… well it seems he just stopped.“...Bruce?”His eyes snap open to see Thor stood in front of him. He looks worried, which Bruce thinks is reasonable. No doubt having a front row seat to Bruce’s insane fight with his own body is a rather concerning experience. Especially since one outcome of the fight could result in the Hulk’s re-emergence.“I’ve got it,” he says and this time he’s not shaking or desparate. This time he’s in control. He’s sure of it. He flashes Thor a smile, which quickly drops as he surveys his surroundings.The Quinjet is completely trashed.Thor gives him a single pat on the back before guiding him to the door. “Let’s get you some clothes, and then we’ll see about finding you a way back home.”Bruce nods and knows that it will never be that simple.Indeed, several hours later, he stands in the hangar of an alien spaceship and watches the legendary wolf as it turns to charge towards the crowd of Asgardian survivors below.Men and women alike draw their swords, pushing their children behind them as the wolf advances menacingly. It’s too far away for Bruce to see the expression on their faces but he can imagine. Grim but determined. Ready to protect their loved ones, resigned to the fact that that may be the last thing they ever do.They don’t know that Bruce isn’t about to let it come to that.The fear he had voiced earlier about being unable to return should the Hulk take over again still gnaws at his mind, making him hesitate as he steps towards the edge of the hangar. But as he gets closer, close enough now that the cool wind whips his short curls backwards, he realises that it’s irrational. This moment was inevitable. Maybe not this moment exactly, but Bruce doesn’t possess the control to keep the Hulk back forever and… well if he’s going to disappear into his own mind forever, this how he’d want to go.Saving someone.With one last shaky smile in Valkyrie’s direction, he spreads his arms and falls....Bruce doesn’t expect what happens next. But then Bruce didn’t really expect there to be a next.It’s like waking up from a transformation. Bruce’s limbs won’t obey him. His vision is blurred, his hearing muffled, like he’s hearing everything underwater. But that’s where the similarities stop. His limbs won’t obey him but they’re moving, punching, thrashing. His vision is blurred but he can see the scene shift and he’s above everyone rather than on the ground, like he usually is. He spares the crowd of Asgardians a brief glance and finds they’re unharmed, if a little shocked. Then his view shifts again and he sees the Wolf’s gaping maw, stopped by two large, green hands - his hands, he realises - firmly pulling its jaw wide open. What is this? he thinks, then marvels at his own ability to think in words; often when the Hulk is in control Bruce’s conscious mind is rendered inert. Occasionally he’s able to get flashes of what’s going on, even direct the Hulk with his emotions if he tries hard enough, but never anything comprehensive. Never words.Quiet, Banner. Hulk thinks right back at him, louder than he’s ever been in Bruce’s head. Or maybe it’s that Bruce is in his head now. Fight now. Talk later. And Bruce, at a loss of what else to do, shuts up and watches.By the end of the fight, after the wolf is thrown off the waterfall and the fiery monster has been unleashed (he feels Hulk’s disappointment at having to leave the fire monster alone, which is a strange sensation in itself) Bruce has come to the conclusion that the only reason he’s experiencing any of this is because Hulk is letting him. And so Bruce, in return, doesn’t try to take over when the battle ends. He knows that the reason he’s never let the Hulk spy on him is because he doesn’t want to give him to opportunity to escape and he doesn’t want to give the Hulk any reason to try to take away this ‘moment-sharing’ thing they have going on by trying the same thing.Remaining a viewer and not a participant, Bruce learns a few things. The first is that Hulk can hurt. There’s a deep puncture in his leg, a parting gift from the wolf, that is taking its time to heal and it hurts. The second thing, is that Hulk doesn’t mind at all. He’s used to hurt. This is trivial compared to other wounds he’s experienced (and Bruce thinks he knows what these may be and if he had control of his body he’d be wringing his hands together and maybe doing something productive to forget). Instead Hulk is preoccupied with the people around him. And that’s the third thing Bruce learns while in Hulk’s head, perhaps the most baffling fact of them all; people love Hulk.When Thor’s quick makeshift coronation ends - and there’s no crown and little ceremony, but a word from Heimdall and a plan to head to earth - people begin to approach Hulk. And most of what follows is gratitude, admiration. Even a surreal declaration of love from one of the revolutionary gladiators, which Bruce laughs about for the next few iterations while Hulk growls at him to stop. A few shake hands with him, which is apparently something completely outside of his realm of experience and Bruce finds himself sought out for advice from Hulk himself.
Just… take their hand - carefully - and move it a very very very little bit up and down.
Hulk is slow with his movements, gripping the hand offered by the woman in front of him more gingerly that Bruce would have thought possible from him.Finally, after several hours of celebration and tears and preparation for the long journey, Hulk is led to what is presumably now his bedroom and is left alone. He sits on the bed heavily, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. It suddenly strikes Bruce that his breathing pattern is not unlike those that Bruce himself uses to calm down.He calls out, tentatively, with his internal voice. You… okay?
Yes.
Hulk doesn’t elaborate. Bruce decides this conversation will be up to him.
So. What’s the plan?
Banner wants out?
Bruce pauses. A straight up offer is not what he’d been expecting. What he’d been expecting is… well a fight for control. That’s what usually happens around now. Bruce comes back and Hulk goes away. Back inside Bruce’s brain, where he can’t hurt anyone. Except that fight should have been hours ago and that fact that it wasn’t means that, instead, Hulk should have a trail of Asgardian bodies behind him. But neither of these things are true and now Bruce’s whole reality is bent out of shape. He doesn’t know what to do now.
Maybe you should stay in control for a while.
Banner sure?
Suddenly, Clint’s words, said what feels like a lifetime ago now, pop back into his mind. And he thinks about how he was right all along. Hulk is perfectly in control right now, so much so that he’s able to do now what Bruce never could. He’d let Bruce out willingly, in a situation where he isn’t necessarily needed but rather might just want to be.Bruce thinks of the crowd of doting Asgardians, the children, the gladiators. Not one of them harmed and all of them smiling at him… at Hulk.
Yeah. I’m sure.