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“You know, I’d say this feels like I’m a kept woman—but I’m underdressed for that.” Kihyun chirps in greeting, comfortable in ripped skinny jeans and a button up in the way idol life forces all of them to be. (It’s telling that Yoongi is wearing basically the same thing, and if he dwells on what it says about the impact the industry has on the two of them—it would crush him). Yoongi isn’t surprised that Kihyun beat him to his spare apartment, though he is surprised to see that he’s cooking. There’s a pot on the stove that Yoongi doesn’t recognize. The same stove that Yoongi thinks he’s never actually used. “I think I spooked the doorman by the way, I don’t think he was expecting to see me, much less me carrying groceries and holding your key.”“Would you rather we meet up in a hotel bar and you try to buy me a drink that you end up taking for yourself anyways?” Yoongi demands, even as he lets Kihyun pull him into a hug. He smells like spices, cologne, and something else Yoongi can’t place— it’s comfortable and it’s always around Kihyun.The apartment feels welcoming in a way it hasn’t actually felt since Yoongi bought the place.“It’s like we’re spies that way—”“—It’s like we’re having an affair that way.” Kihyun laughs, turning back to the pot behind him, waving off Yoongi’s concerns.“You and I both know how well THAT would end—”“—I didn’t say it’d be a good affair.” Yoongi clarifies, smirking. “Just that it would be one.”Kihyun makes a thoughtful noise as he tosses in some garlic into whatever he’s making, the smell fills the air and his stomach growls pointedly."You've gotten skinnier again." Kihyun observes critically, looking at him from the corner of his eye. He sounds just like Yoongi's mom does whenever he calls—even back in their trainee days he was a nag. "The doenjang-jjigae is almost done, you need to eat.""Trying out a new recipe?” Yoongi tries to remember where the bowls are, tries to remember if they’re even unboxed. He tends to use his apartment more as storage than anything else. It was supposed to be an investment, something easy to manage but it had felt like such a waste having it unfurnished and just sitting there, needlessly excessive.“My mom sent it over, I figured I’d try it out on you before trying it out on the other guys.” Kihyun says, deliberately casual in a way that doesn’t fool either of them. “Not like I wanted to show off how my cooking’s improved or anything.”“Of course not.” Yoongi agrees, locating the bowls and placing them on the counter nearby. He makes a note to invest in a dining set for next time, table and chairs to go with the lone couch in the living room.The whole apartment’s a work in progress—Yoongi finds that it suits him that way.He’s sure Kihyun would agree.---Kihyun fudges the details a bit whenever reporters ask him (no one ever asks Yoongi—BTS will forever remain free from variety shows for the foreseeable future).It's better than explaining they met on a failed first date by a well-meaning yet misguided mutual friend. At the time, neither of them had wanted a date, they'd both needed a friend instead. A confidant, someone who understood just how hard it was to navigate the world of pre-debut, especially when you were a closeted teen in a homophobic country, about to enter an industry where every movement was studied and recorded.Yoongi had been terrified back then, Kihyun too—they had used each other, in their own way. Both of them painfully young, scared and so, so used to keeping a giant secret that felt suffocating. They started with vague politeness because neither of them had ever really been on a date with another boy before, then it somehow mutated to ranting at one another, which then became conversation that should have ended when the restaurant closed but didn’t. It had just been so nice to finally talk to someone about it—Kihyun and Yoongi had bonded immediately in a completely different way.“I never got your name.” Kihyun had said, and to prove no ill will gave his own, and his agency name. “I realize this could all backfire, but, I’ve never been able to talk to someone about this, I still haven’t been put in a group and I think I’m going a little crazy.”“Min Yoongi, Big Hit.” Yoongi takes his hand in an handshake, feeling something, a lot of things, Kihyun has an innocent face, but he’s got determination in the set of his gaze. “Nice to meet you.”---“It’s not bad.” Yoongi offers, taking a spoonful, considering the flavor in his mouth. “It’s better than I’ve had in a while.”“Don’t sound so surprised—of course it’s good, I made it.” Kihyun says, shoving him with an elbow, even as he lets out a breath he’d been holding in. Yoongi doesn’t mention it, keeps eating because it has been a while since he’s had a home cooked meal—he’s missed it a lot more than he expected. He’s also missed Kihyun, and his cooking, and his nagging—he wants to enjoy this moment as long as he can.“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Kihyun says, summarizing both their thoughts with little effort. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in years, but it’s only been months.”It’s inevitable, it’s what they signed up for, even if it’s still a little sad. A part of growing up they expected and yet despise. Sometimes Yoongi feels it’s harder with Kihyun than other friends—they can’t talk about what they truly want to in text, they have to wait till they can meet in person. (It’s a necessary evil—no one can ever leak damning text messages if there are none after all.) It’s had its drawbacks in the past but the chances for seeing each other, much less meeting each other is getting rarer and rarer—phone calls can only do so much when you’ve grown reliant on the physical presence of the person across from you.“We’re going on another world tour.” Yoongi admits, already apologetic.“So are we. I already checked—we have no overlap.” Kihyun doesn’t bother to hide his disappointment, Yoongi doesn’t either at the news. They’re both rising stars, BTS and Monsta X—sometimes, it’s almost too much. Yoongi puts his spoon aside to drink the broth in his bowl, while Kihyun stirs his spoon idly.“You know, almost every show we go on, they ask me about you.” Kihyun sounds resigned as he says it, letting out a long breath through his nose. “They always ask me about what we talk about—about how BTS is, if we’ll ever collaborate—they basically try to talk to you through me.”"Jealous?" Because Yoongi can be a dick when the occasion calls for it, because it’s Kihyun and he gives as he gets. Yoongi doesn’t have to worry about hurt feelings, about watching his words around him—they’ve seen the worst of each other on multiple occasions. Petty things like comparisons by bored television personalities are beneath them. After all, Kihyun patted his back while Yoongi threw up after drinking his liver away after a particularly bad breakup with yet another not-boyfriend. It’s only fair, Yoongi’s done the same for him.Kihyun clicks his tongue, irritated."I’m good with my group, thanks. That's not why I'm angry—I'm angry because you’re not even a person to them, none of you are—you’re just BTS. They didn't even care about any of you till recently.” He elaborates, offended in a way that Yoongi used to be. Angry in a way that Yoongi used to be—Yoongi has always had his misgivings about idol life, Kihyun, ever his pragmatic equal, hadn’t. Kihyun had been upfront about what he would be willing to do to debut—seeing it take a toll on him was crushing in a way that truly hurts Yoongi."...You know how it is." Yoongi soothes, placing a hand on his shoulder. “That’s what all of us are, what we all agreed too. I don’t like it either but if it lets me make music...I’ll do it.”“I know you don’t need me to defend you it’s just—it’s frustrating.” Kihyun shrugs, waving him off. “Half the time I just tell them we talk about our ‘health’ to get them to drop it.”Yoongi snorts, ‘health’ was one way to put it.“That makes us sound like old men and not like guys who became friends because we were both gay and lonely teens.” Yoongi comments as Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I don’t even think there’s a term for that.”“There is no term for that.” Kihyun confirms, rising to reach for a bottle that Yoongi hadn’t noticed before. English lettering in a stylistic font, the bottle was textured, the liquid inside amber brown. The packaging is elegant in its simplicity. “I brought you a gift by the way, well gift now—it was going to be an apology if I had messed up dinner. I wanted to surprise you but I didn’t want to go looking for your glasses—”“—It’s not like I would have minded.” Yoongi interjects, inspecting the bottle Kihyun hands him. “They should be in one of cabinets near the sink, they’re probably still wrapped.”“I’m starting to think you tricked me into breaking into someone else’s apartment.” Kihyun tosses over his shoulder as he gets up to follow Yoongi’s directions. “Someone gave me a good recommendation for American whiskey—this one is specific to Texas. I know you went, but I don’t think you got to shop much, did you?”“We didn’t.” Yoongi doesn’t actually remember the last time he even had time to play tourist with the rest of BTS. He has a sinking feeling it was probably the last Bon Voyage season. The bottle in his hands is heavy, he wonders how it didn’t break inside Kihyun’s suitcase.“Should I be concerned you don’t even have dish soap.” Kihyun calls out, equal parts disapproving and resigned. “What are we supposed to do about these dishes?”“Use your spit.” Yoongi suggests, even as he concedes that dish soap was something people had in apartments.“You’re lucky I’m in such a good mood—I’d throw your dishes at you.” Kihyun cautions, appearing with a smaller box, he shakes his head. “This is either mugs or actual drinking glasses, either way help me cut them open while we figure out what to do about the dish soap.”“I’ll go ask someone to get us some, ok Mom?” Yoongi returns, putting down the bottle to start cleaning up.Kihyun gives him a withering glare.“Please don’t call me Mom—something about the way you say it makes me want to smack you.”---In Yoongi's phone, Kihyun is under "Wife" under his contacts. The id picture set is of Kihyun face down on a table, his hair ruffled and his hand raised above his head like he's trying to signal for one more drink or one more song (they don't remember).Kihyun is the one who set up his own contact details.Yoongi doesn't bother trying to change it.He's filed under "Husband" in Kihyun's phone, the picture is of Holly. Holly, lying on the floor of Yoongi's room, Yoongi's shadow is visible next to him. Not pictured was Kihyun charming Yoongi's parents on their first ever dorm visit. Also not pictured, Kihyun patiently bearing Yoongi's weight as he cried and cried, practically on top of him, about the significance of his parents actually visiting.Kihyun's the one who took the picture, Yoongi’s the one who set it. ---“If we did do a collaboration, I’d want it to be because we want to.” Kihyun declares, already on his second glass of whiskey. Staff was already on its way up with the dish soap, which even though he’d been the one to ask for, Kihyun had almost left to buy on his own anyway.(“It’s literally down the street, I can just walk downstairs and get it.” Kihyun had argued as Yoongi made a face and pointed out that: a) it was farther than that b) it was faster this way c) Kihyun is not as unknown as he pretended to be.)“You think your agency would let you collaborate with me without their involvement?” Big Hit had it’s issues, Yoongi at least was granted a lot more freedom than Kihyun was. Starship was even more ingrained in the idol industry and its pitfalls, and it worried Yoongi sometimes that he was going to watch his friend get eaten alive while his agency watched. (To this day, he can’t bring himself to watch No.Mercy—it’d been a bad time in both their lives for different reasons.)“No agencies.” Kihyun repeats, ignoring his input. “This would be because we want to do it. A song about our friendship—”“Such a romantic.” Yoongi muses, he makes the mistake of taking a drink, enjoying the burn of the whiskey down his throat.“—About all the sex we’ve had with other men.” Kihyun finishes, expression sweet as Yoongi chokes on his drink. “All the dicks you and I have both seen.”Yoongi is laughing, choking, and sobbing as he rasps out: “It went up my nose, you fucker.”Whiskey snaking its way through his nostrils was not something he’d ever want to repeat.“—Yes, you did say that once on a phone call after.” Kihyun adds, before breaking down and laughing.He slaps Yoongi’s back, the both of them leaning over each other to laugh louder.---It's hard to explain the connection they have.They're not exactly best friends or romantic partners.They occupy this space in between, where they let their guards down around each other.Their relationship is part cautionary tale, part trial-by-fire, part comedy of errors. They’ve been at each other’s sides during some truly appalling mistakes, having to work out together how to date, how to flirt, who to avoid. Yoongi expected to go through being gay alone, so just Kihyun’s company had been a bonus. It’s not that he’s selfish per se, only that he is. Kihyun is the only reminder he has of himself before BTS, before Suga or Agust D. He knows for Kihyun it’s the same—Yoongi doesn’t care about the Yoo Kihyun that survived No.Mercy, that is currently the vocal leader for Monsta X. (Even as their groups become their families, even as the both of them separately began to confide in other people about their sexualities, even as they both began to have actual serious relationships—there will always be this thing that’s just for the two of them.)They’ll forever be two teenage boys in a cafe, scared and nervous.Really, friendship seems too simple a term.Besides, friends don't just make marriage pacts.---
“We should get married when we turn forty if we haven’t found husbands.” Kihyun had suggested, young and angry. The bar they’d been at had been near the Starship offices. It had been loud, busy, and completely apathetic to the fact both Kihyun and Yoongi. Neither of them had been famous at the time—both of them skating by on being only vaguely recognizable. Kihyun less so, still a trainee at Starship and constantly wondering if he’d ever debut.
Both of them had met up for what should have been a drink, but now was bordering on five, miserable in their own ways. Kihyun, spending his precious free time away from training to drink his anger away. Yoongi, miserable about Big Hit, about the telling way his parents had yet to return his calls, and about how he can’t NOT notice the way Jin-hyung was stealing from his own house to cover up their severely lacking kitchen. The fact that two separate dates had cancelled on both of them had only made matters worse.
"Bold of you to assume we're making it till forty." Yoongi had been joking, though even to his ears, it had been strained.
"We are, and when everyone around is married to women—we're going to need to take care of each other cause I can't force myself down that route and I know you can't either. Naturally, we're only doing it for taxes but I'm not dying alone when you're right there and single." Kihyun declared, waved his glass around in a vague approximation of a shape. “We’ll find somewhere where gay marriage is legal and live a scandalous lifestyle where none of us do anything but complain and make fun of each other.”
There are a lot of reasons why Yoongi was touched, oddly enough, by the whole sentiment. He wanted to undercut how touched he was, how much it meant to have someone acknowledge that this was a part of them, that loving the same gender wasn’t just a phase they were going to outgrow, but he couldn't. His voice wavered as he remarked: “"This sounds more like a suicide pact than a proposal.”
"Yes or no, Min Yoongi?" Kihyun didn’t bring up how Yoongi started crying, how ridiculous it was he was crying—probably because Kihyun was tearing up as well. The joke meant so much more and they wouldn’t and couldn’t say it—not there, not in public.
“Only if you take my name.” Yoongi had said, dabbed at his eyes with a sleeve, ignoring how the smudge of his eyeliner stained it. Kihyun had slapped him in the face with a stack of napkins.
“Yoo Yoongi would be so adorable though.” He had argued, dabbed at his own eyes and pretending he hadn’t.
...It’s been years since then.They probably don't need that pact anymore, but both of them are firm believers in expecting the worst even when hoping for the best.---“It’s bad to look forward to enlistment, isn’t it?” Yoongi asks, more like a vague question to the room than to Kihyun. Yoongi currently has his sleeves rolled up and is washing the rest of their dinner dishes, both of them are a bit more buzzed than the should be. Kihyun is placing wet dishes onto the drying rack next to the sink (which of course he had given Yoongi shit about because who has a drying rack but forgets dish soap completely—Yoongi was going to GIFT him dish soap for every special occasion for the foreseeable future). He’s also inspecting Yoongi’s job of washing said dishes with a critical eye but Yoongi’s ignoring him.
It’s all so domestic it’d be cute if they weren’t swaying just the littlest bit--clumsy and almost dropping dishes more times than they should have. “...For us? Probably. Well, maybe not me, Monsta X is popular among straight men.” Kihyun remarks, pausing to not so subtle consider the glass tumbler in his hands. He frowns and hands it back to Yoongi. “Wash the rim again please.”Yoongi makes a hissing noise, he does it regardless.“...Your leader actually shakes his chest for a dance. I’m sure I saw him wear a harness for one of your performances.” Yoongi points out, even though BTS has had their own increasingly homoerotic turns at wardrobe. Jimin and Seokjin especially—luckily Yoongi seems to have mostly escaped the treatment. Even he recognizes how tenuous that fortune can be.Kihyun hums, pleased.“I know, right?” He’s positively gleeful, winking as he accepts the newly re-washed dish. “It’s insane how much of what we do is just so—you know.”Yoongi does know, he knows very much exactly what Kihyun is saying.“I think—I think I’m ready for a break, one that Big Hit can’t just suddenly reduce. I can take army barracks over that, at least I’ll have a consistent bedtime.” Yoongi continues to explain, aware he’s bringing down the mood. It’s something he and the older members have talked about, have conferred over in the rare moments they have to themselves. Seokjin and Namjoon were almost beside themselves at the idea of a true break, Yoongi couldn’t help but agree, even Hobi, usually the pragmatic one, had joined in. Kihyun places the last of the utensils had to him up, he nods along with a faint, wistful sigh.“Sleep for six hours would be nice—no sudden appearances. No camera crews bursting in without anyone telling you.” It’s probably strange that something this banal seems like a dream to them but well, it is.“You’re gonna look terrible with a shaved head.” Yoongi says, the sheer notion of it insane.“So will you. Hyunwoo’s gonna look nice with one though.” Kihyun always says Shownu’s real name with the littlest bit of awe, like he still can’t believe that their leader was the one who approached him. Like he wasn’t aware that Shownu had been focused on him the entire time.“And how is your boyfriend?”“Wonderful.” Kihyun’s smile has teeth, Yoongi makes a show of exasperation as he walks past him. Kihyun laughs. “Though, it’s always going to be weird how I ended up with someone more your type than mine. How’s your boyfriend?”“I think Jungkook would die if he heard you call him that.”“Of joy?”“Possibly.” Yoongi concedes, going for irked and failing. Kihyun nudges him with his foot. “I like it, it’s just different. He keeps trying to act like the perfect boyfriend—which is both dumb and sweet of him.”“Has Jin-hyung stopped bothering you about it yet?”Yoongi clicks his tongue in annoyance, before confiding: “I caught him and Jimin watching fan cam footage of Wonho during the last MAMA performance—he was too embarrassed to keep saying his shitty joke about how I corrupted his son that literally no one but him finds funny.”Kihyun snickers into his palm.“Oh, Wonho would’ve LOVED that.”They’re both dancing around the subject of going home to their respective dorms, back to their groups, back to their lives away from each other. They don’t know when they’ll see each other next, the air in the room is already starting to feel colder than before.“...We have to go soon don’t we?” Kihyun’s voice is soft, just as sad as Yoongi feels. He’s missed his friend—he misses the days they would stay out late, angry about dates, dreaming of the music they would create, of the world they were going to conquer.“We do.” He confirms, disappointed that they didn’t even have the excuse of sleeping over in his apartment. The bed in the bedroom was painfully lacking of sheets or pillows, the couch in the living room was hard in the way all new furniture was until it was broken in. (Next time, he vows bitterly, next time—they would stay there. Next time, the apartment would be ready. He tries not to dwell on the fact he doesn’t know when ‘next time’ would ever be.)“You’re off tomorrow, right?” Kihyun asks, he’s not looking up from where he’s packing up the remaining ingredients into the newly dried and rinsed pot. The bottle of whiskey is notably a giant square shaped-lump sticking out of Yoongi’s backpack that he knows he definitely didn’t put there. It’s such a Kihyun thing to do—Yoongi goes back to texting his manager that he and Kihyun will be needing a ride (like hell he’s going to let Kihyun just take a taxi back to his dorms).“Don’t have anything till the afternoon.” He doesn’t actually have days off anymore, just precious blocks of time, he hasn’t truthfully had a day off since...actually if he tries to recall it he’ll definitely get depressed so he just stops that train of thought.“Stay the night then—have your manager drop us off at my dorm. I have my own room now and it's a lot bigger than the last one.” Kihyun says, carrying the pot and all in his arms like a baby. He looks like a model for single idol fathers and it’d be funny if Yoongi wasn’t focusing on what he just said.“What?”“You heard me—stay the night, we haven’t gotten to talk in so long and I miss you and your bony elbows digging into my side since you can never be the fucking big spoon.” Kihyun says, pleading in stance and gaze but tone jovial, like oh, it’s not THAT big of a deal if Yoongi says no (even if he knows to both of them it kind of is). It’s not an impossible idea—Yoongi was only planning on going back to the dorms and sleeping. Uninterrupted seven hours of sleep seems luxurious by recent standards. The only drawback was he’d have to sacrifice one of those precious hours to brave the commute back to HIS dorm during peak traffic. He doesn’t even know what time he and Kihyun will even fall asleep, if they’ll even sleep—they tend to get caught up in tangents once they start talking about certain things (certain people) he may be running on less than five hours instead.“I’ll make you breakfast that way you can stay longer—I’ll even do the decent thing and call your managers for you so you give ten whole minutes of sleep.” Kihyun throws in, doing his best salesman impression. It makes Yoongi smile despite himself. Damn him. “You’re so unoriginal your lock code is probably the same.”“You’re really playing up the ‘kept woman’ thing, aren’t you?” Yoongi’s already unlocking his phone to tell his manager the change of plans, he tries not to let Kihyun see it—if only to see out of morbid curiosity what else Kihyun was going to offer him.“You know Hyunwoo, Hoseok, and Changkyun all will be coming back from the downstairs gym when we get there—I know that you’re happy with your not-boyfriend but I also know you aren’t blind Min Yoongi.” Which, fine, point made. Yoongi’s already getting confirmation from his manager that he was on the way. He narrows his eyes at Kihyun, keeping up the act for just the littlest bit longer—if only because Kihyun smug could be intolerable.“Does your boyfriend know you’re exploiting him?” Yoongi demands.“Is it exploitation if he’s the one actively encouraging it?” Kihyun counters, mirroring Yoongi’s expression back at him. “Come on, you can even take a conveniently timed selca with a shirtless Wonho-hyung and Shownu-hyung in the background and ‘accidentally’ send Jin-hyung and Jimin-sunbae into fits.” Kihyun was now intentionally using honorifics when he’d gone so long without just to mess with Yoongi. God, he’d really missed him.And really, it was tempting to do just that. He’s sure Taehyung and Namjoon would ultimately have something to say about it later but that’s a problem for future Yoongi. Jungkook’s reaction—more than likely overcompensation that was probably going to end in sex at the most and a blow job in the very least, was also something future Yoongi could look forward too. (Privately, HE was looking forward to texting Jungkook, something small and inconsequential at first glance but effort placed into the careful way he way he would casually send a pic. In the deliberate, seemingly in-deliberate way he’d text goodnight. Something that was going to be just for them. He can already hear Kihyun mocking him from where he’ll more than likely be perched in Hyunwoo’s lap, hypocritical through and through).Sometimes, he can't believe his life—that one day, one day he'd have a boy who loved him, a best friend that he didn't have to hide his sexuality from, and other friends that were practically family. Yoongi grabs his bag, already nudging Kihyun to follow him out and into the hallway, out into the world again.“Well, when you put it that way…”