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"You want me to do what?!", Leonard exclaimed, looking totally perplexed at James and then at Spock, still trying to process what they were asking of him."I want you to get my blood sample and tweek it a bit, play with it, change it, I don't know, do something to it, to make it a bit different! Change my DNA!" Kirk answered nervously, biting his bottom lip and looking around like the answer will just appear before him."Why would I, for Gods sake want to do that?!" to Leonard it just seemed to be getting worse and worse as the time passed by, and he was at a loss of what to do with these two infuriating men.James eyes suddenly widened and he looked at Spock, like he was his last lifeline before going mad and asked him, his voice losing his edge and becoming a whisper: "Wait, should clones even have a different DNA than their original counterpart? Or should it stay the same? Are there some rules for it? Do you know anything about it Mister Spock?"Jim asked with hope in his voice, however Leonard wasn't sure if maybe there was some desperation in there too.Spock was silent for a moment, and then he raised his eyebrow, which told them everything they needed to know and that is: "I don't have a fucking clue," loosely translated. Jim started to shake and curse, putting his hand on his face and cursing some more just for good measure.The doctor raised his arms and put them slowly on Kirk's shoulders, trying to calm him down: "Listen, calm down a bit first, and then tell me what is all this about from the very beginning, ok?"Fortunately Jim stopped shaking and just silently nodded, while Leonard motioned both Jim and Spock into med bay and closing the door behind them. -------------------------------------After a couple of hours later, Bones still couldn't believe that what he was hearing was real. "So let's recap this whole story so I am sure I got this, all right? You mean to tell me that T'Pau called you along with the whole Vulcan embassy and demanded of you to explain to them how are you still alive after pon farr, right?"The captain just nodded, while Spock remained silent. "And you told them, correct me if I am wrong that you are actually dead, that the person they see before them is actually a clone that appeared after another transporter malfunction we had, and that we somehow kept it, excuse me, you alive all this time in cryogenic sleep, for when the real you dies and we have to replace you with a exact copy, did I left something out?" Jim shook his head, and the Vulcan was still deadly silent, which worried Leonard the most out of this whole situation."And after that you got the call from Starfleet asking you the same thing, and you told them the same story?" Bones asked fascinated and still hoping this was all just a complicated elaborate joke the two were playing on him. But judging by their faces it wasn't, and that is what terrified Leonard the most."Yes, all you said is true, but before you start to shout, I just want to say that they caught us with our pants down, and we struggled to come up with something coherent, because the Vulcans all seemed very angry and dissapointed, and they all thought we insulted their culture with me still being alive and they demanded my death or punisment, and after we finally calmed them down, Starfleet called and was informed of what we did and they were also furious and asked of us if we were normal and... ," but before Kirk could finish his rambling, Leonard screamed, his face almost red with anger, which made the captain flinch and the Vulcan blink: "What the hell were you thinking you morons! Did anyone actually believe what you told them?! And do you know how many laws are you supposedly breaking right now?! Are you both mad!!! Damn you, you...."Leonard stopped with his fists clenched and his whole body shivering. The doctors breath became eratic, while his eyes roamed the room, firmly not looking at either of those idiots."Bones, Bones calm down. We will settle this somehow, everything is going to be alright!""Calm down! Did you just tell me to calm down?! Are you out of your fucking mind?!! What can we even do, you damned us all to hell, we can't get out of this shithole," the doctor finished, still fumming and crossing his arms over his chest while still perfectly avoiding to look at them."We will think of something surely. As I said we just have to find out how to turn this around to our advantage. So do we know anything about cloning?"At that moment Spock took a step forward and said: "Cloning was banned after too many failures and too many people using it for their own gain. It was also against human and intergalactic rights and the other planets agreed, Vulcan included," Spock was interrupted by Leonard, who now didn't even try to control his voice: "Why the hell did you think it was a good idea to tell them you were doing something that was actually illegal? Great, not only did we supposedly broke the Vulcan and Starfleet laws, we also broke human and intergalactic laws just for good measure. I know I am repeating myself, but are you out of your fucking mind?!"Bones asked and glared at Jim, who raised his hands in surrender and almost squeaked: "Don't glare at me, Spock told them that, I just tried to make it work".Both of them turned to Spock. Spock blinked at them. The silence stretched out, and Leonard was having a hard time controlling his temper, while Jim just looked afraid and confused. Spock blinked again, opened and closed his mouth. Just as Leonard wanted to lash out, Spock said "I panicked."It was his only answer, his face staying unchanged, but his voice wavering a bit. Bones slapped his face with his hand and groaned, probably saying some more profanities and groaned yet again. But in near silence all of them calmed down a bit, and there was no shouting anymore.Leonard raised his eyes and motioned his glare from Jim to Spock, saying through clenched teath: "Out of all the situations where you chose to show your emotions it was this one! Why?"No one answered, until Kirk cleaned his throat and said: "In our defense, a bunch of angry Vulcans is mighty scary, Bones. Believe me. And when we did succeed at making them believe us, we had to continue to sell the same story to Starfleet! Because it wouldn't work any other way!" Bones just huffed his annoyance and started to pace around the room.After a couple of minutes of silence, the good doctor asked: "So what do we do now?"Jim beamed at him and hugged him tight, exclaiming: "I knew you would understand!"The doctor tried to wriggle out of his grasp and shouted annoyed: "Shut up and get away from me you good for nothing demon!"Spock chimed in then saying with his eyebrow raised( the only indication of his feelings towards the matter): "We are grateful for your willingness to help us, and we appreciate your friendship now more than ever.."Leonard just waved his apology away and grumbled: "Yeah, yeah save the praises hobgoblin, when they are actually waranted, and we get out of this mess, without getting kicked out or fired from our jobs."They all got to work, trying to sort out how to make this story believeable to everyone and to have as less plot holes as possible. The whole time the doctor grumbled, Jim was smiling and working with fervour, while Spock was silently watching, and jumping in when he wanted to give some useful scientific knowledge. ---------------------------------Three months and twenty hours later, it was all sorted out and over with, everyone satisfied and calmed down, while our three friends, still had their jobs and were only mildly reprimanded and got only small punisments for their behaviour. If you later asked Leonard he would say to you that this was the worst thing he ever experienced in all his life while working in Starfleet. If you asked James, he would tell you this was his greatest achivement yet, and he would have to survive a dying star to surpass it. And if you asked Spock...... well Spock would just blink at you, and uncharacteristically say it was none of your business in his most strained I-am-Vulcan-and-I-don't-have-emotions-but-if-you-ask-again-I-will-kill-you voice, you ever heard him say. It was the hottest gossip theme on the ship for months, until everyone got bored of it and moved on. Later it became a story told to new recruts to scare them or amuse them, depending on the person who was telling the story.