Work Text
“Harry,” somebody whispered quietly next to me and shook me gently.“Mhhh”, I said and turned in my bed.“Harry,” the voice next to me said. It was Louis’. We shared a bed. “Let’s go outside. It’s snowing!” He shook me again.I opened my eyes sighting.“What time is it?” I asked tired.“Shortly after mid–”I sighted again. “Why do you wake me up in the middle of night?”“It’s snowing! I want to go outside. Come with me, please.” Louis was excited.I knew that Louis would argue with me until I cave in, but I was too tired for it, so I came with him.“Yay!” Louis was happy like a little child and I had to smirk.He had changed his clothes twice as fast as I had and waited impatiently until I was finished. Then, he took my hand and pulled me out of our hotel room.“Stop,” I suddenly said, shortly before we closed the door. “We forgot the key.”I went into Louis and my room quickly and took it. I locked the door and put the key in my jacket pocket.Louis, Niall, Liam, Zayn and I had our fourth concert from the “Up All Night”-Tour today. It was, like the one tomorrow, in Manchester. If someone had told me two years ago that I would be in a band together with four guys who were like brothers to me and go on a sold-out tour, I would have declared them crazy.I felt in love with Louis during the time of X Factor. I could hide my feelings and I could manage them after some time. It was hard at the beginning and maybe it would have helped me if I told somebody what I felt for Louis, but I didn’t dare. I was afraid of their reaction.When we arrived outside, Louis threw himself into a snow-covered meadow. I sank back into my thoughts instead.Suddenly, I felt something cold in my face.“Why so thoughtful Styles?” Louis asked. He just had threw a snowball into my face.I loved it when he called me like that.You didn't think that, did you, I asked myself shocked and shook my head.Louis looked at me expectantly.I wasn’t tired anymore, so I took some snow and made a snowball. I wanted revenge on him. He noticed immediately and made some snowballs too. A wild snowball battle started. We laughed a lot and I forgot all my worries for a short time. When I was with Louis I was just happy.“I can’t take any more,” I said after a few minutes exhausted. “I give up!”Louis smiled triumphantly, before I let myself fall into the snow and watched the snowflakes fall. Louis laid next to me and a pleasant silence arose between us. We just enjoyed the moment. I hadn’t had so much fun in a long time.I began to freeze after some time.“I’m cold,” I whispered. “Can we go inside?”“Okay,” Louis said quietly.We stand up and walked to the hotel entrance.As I wanted to open the door, Louis took my hand a pointed over us. I looked irritated upwards. I stopped breathing, when I saw a mistletoe hanging over our heads. I think everybody knows this custom.“So what?” I asked and tried to be cool. “It’s just a custom.”I looked at Louis again. His glance unsettled me. Then, he made a step towards me. I was not able to back off. My head was empty. I could not think straight.When I felt Louis’ breathe on my face, he paused. We just stood there. Nobody said anything, nobody did anything. We stood alone in front of our hotel entrance. Why shouldn’t I kiss Louis? He came close to me. Why shouldn’t he want it too? I did not know, if this was a good thought.Nevertheless, I closed the gap between Louis and me. I needed all my courage to put my lips on his. Louis’ was surprised, but he did not back off. He kissed me back instead. The kiss was gently. It wasn’t just me who enjoyed the kiss, it was Louis too.I detached myself from Louis breathlessly shortly after and looked him in the eyes for a second, before I realized what just happened and rushed to our hotel room. That happened three years ago. Louis and I had not talked about our kiss once. It was an accidence, but I hoped our kiss would have been more than this. But I was sure, that Louis did not felt the way I did. That was the reason, why I never talked with Louis about it. Our kiss under the mistletoe was just a custom for him. He initiated it, but I kissed him. It was my fault.But my feelings were troubled after our kiss. I had been able to repress my love for Louis until then, but after it? I often had the phone in my hand or wanted to knock on Liam’s door, to tell someone.I asked myself until today, if I had been better, when I would have talked about it with Louis. I was still in love with him. It was not just a crush. But it was too late. Louis had a girlfriend, so I could not talk with him about our kiss.When I met her for the first time, my heart almost broke. I could not sleep in the next nights and I had to cry a lot. I was always tired and Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn often asked, if everything was alright.I was able to manage it after some time. I was able to repress my feelings for Louis again, but I almost cried every time, when I saw Louis with his girlfriend, Eleanor.I didn’t regret kissing Louis after all.“Harry,” Louis suddenly said and I looked into his blue eyes. “We have five minutes left.”Louis, Niall, Liam, Zayn and I followed a woman to the stage staircase. We had an interview on James Corden’s “Late Late” show. He said our names and we walked, with loud applause, to a long sofa and sat down.James asked a few questions about our next tour and our album “Four”. It was released a half month ago. He also asked, if we were excited and which cities we were going to visit. Then, he asked a personal question. “It’s the beginning of December and I want to know, what your favorite Christmas memory.”I immediately thought about Louis and mine kiss under the mistletoe, but I definitely did not want to tell it. It was too private.But then, Louis started talking. “Three years ago, I was outside with someone and be had a snowball battle. When we wanted to go back inside, I saw a mistletoe over us. We kissed, but we never talked about it.”I wanted to look at him shocked, but I remembered we were live. Did he really tell that? Was our kiss really his favorite Christmas memory?I did know how to feel. Should I be mad about the fact, that Louis told about something we did not talk about or should I be happy that our kiss was his favorite Christmas memory? I asked myself what Louis felt for me. Was it the same like I felt for him? No, I answered myself, Louis has a girlfriend and our kiss was three years ago. I immediately regretted it that I did not talked with Louis about our kiss.“Do you want to tell us who she was?” James asked.“No,” Louis answered immediately and said quietly, so you could not hear it through the microphone. “It wasn’t a she.” Niall, Liam, Zayn and I could hear it. They looked at him surprised, but I did not. They did not expected it. Then, I felt Niall, Liam and Zany’s glances on me.Before I could think any more, the interview was over and Louis, Niall, Liam, Zayn and I left the stage. Should I talk to Louis? We sat down on the sofas in the lounge. You could feel it, that Niall, Liam and Zayn wanted to know, if I was Louis’ mistletoe-kiss.“Guys,” Louis meant suddenly and we looked at him. “I know what you want to ask and you’re right, but can we forget it, please? We clear–”“We didn’t clear anything,” I interrupted him rudely. I was angry. Louis said our kiss was his favorite Christmas memory and now? He acted like it was nothing and we had cleared it up. It hurt.Niall, Liam and Zayn immediately looked at me.“But not now,” Louis meant.“Can we talk about something else,” I said, after a short and unpleasant silence and Liam began to talk about the interview. I did not listen. My thought were only by Louis. “Why did you wanted to say, that we cleared up everything?” I asked Louis immediately, when we were back home.“It just made me uncomfortable,” Louis answered guiltily.I could understand it. Nobody said anything for some time and we stared at the ground.“I think we should really forget it,” I suddenly said and Louis nodded. “It’s too long ago.”Not a single day passed without me regretting that I had not spoken to Louis about our kiss earlier and I did not know, that Louis felt the same way.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I broke up with Eleanor,” Louis suddenly said, when he, Niall, Liam, Zayn and I said on our sofa a few days later.“What?” I asked reflexively and wanted to slap myself in the face. I could have reacted better.“Why did you broke up,” Liam asked sensitively.Louis shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.” He went to his room.I did not know how to feel. Being happy would be wrong, although I would have liked to do it. Maybe I would have a chance with him now. No, I said to myself, Louis and I will never be in a relationship.“I go to Louis,” Liam meant. “Maybe he need someone to talk.”“Good night, Lou,” I said, when I laid in my bed in the evening. I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep. It’s exactly three years since Louis and I kissed.“Good night!”I stared at the ceiling for hours. Again and again I notice Louis moving next to me. Apparently he couldn’t sleep either. He had just broken up with his girlfriend. I wouldn’t be able to sleep there either.“I can’t forget it,” Louis suddenly whispered and I jerked.“Sorry,” he said shyly. “I didn’t want to scare you.”I turned my head and saw, that Louis watched me. He had done it for a long time. I even thought he already felt asleep.“That’s the reason why I broke up with Eleanor,” Louis said. “I can’t be in a relationship, when we don’t clear up what happened between us. I don’t even love her. I tried to love her, but I can’t forget what happened three years ago. I always thought about you when I kissed Eleanor.”I looked at Louis surprised. I really did not expect that.“I shouldn’t have say that,” he carried on. I wanted to say something, but Louis left my bed and room quickly.“Wait,” I screamed quietly, but Louis did not hear it anymore. I left my room too and thought about where Louis went. His room, came to my mind.The lights in it were on. I knocked on the door quietly.I did not get an answer, so I wanted to open the door, but it was locked.“Louis?”Silence.“I know you’re inside. Open the door, please.”Nothing again.“I will sit here until you open the door,” I said serious and leaned me against Louis’ door. To avoid falling asleep and showing Louis that I was actually still there, I started humming some songs.After a few minutes Louis dimmed the light in his room and I sighed.“Louis? Open the door, please.”I heard him approaching the door and I was about to get up, but the he stopped and went away again. I closed my eyes sighing and dropped my head backwards.“Shit!” I swore.“What’s going on here?” I suddenly heard Liam’s voice at the end of the hallway.“I would like to know that too,” I replied, because I had no idea what to say.Liam looked at me confused. “Do you need someone to talk?”I shook my head. Nevertheless, I was very grateful to Liam that he was there for me in the middle of the night.“Okay. At least get yourself a pillow and a blanket,” Liam said before he went away again. I stood up slowly.After I took a pillow and a blanket, I went back to Louis’ room. The door was open. I laid the pillow and the blanket on the floor and knocked quietly.I did not get an answer, so I went in.Louis was sitting on his bed with his knees in his chest. I closed the door and walked towards him. I sat carefully next to him and waited until Louis started to talk.“I so sorry,” he whispered after a short time. “I shouldn’t have talked about what happened, but I can’t forget it. I’m so sorry.”“Do you think I can forget it?” I asked quietly.Louis shrugged his shoulders. Did he really think I could?“Of course not,” I answered for him and he looked at me. You could see, that he had cried. “I had to think about it all the time for the last days and I would do anything to repeat that night.”“Do you think it could work between us?” Louis asked suddenly and looked at me.I did not know. I had doubts, although I did not want anything more, than that Louis was more than my best friend.“I would do everything for it,” I answered. It was the truth. I bit my lower lip. I suddenly had the desire to finally kiss Louis again, but I did not dare. What if he did not want it?“Will you finally kiss me?” Louis asked amused, but he was very nervous. “Or do you need a mistletoe?” He could remember that I kissed him, not he me.Louis did not had to say that twice. I came closer to him and when laid my hands on his neck, before I pulled him towards me. I kissed Louis softly after three years of waiting. I freed my feelings and I had no doubts anymore.