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It was more than unexpected, coming from Naruto, his best friend. When they left battlefield, Gaara decided he wanted to go to Konoha to be with his friends a little longer, the duties would come later, he said to himself. He needed some insurance they were all safe and after all that happened, he was too scarred and needed some healing. Mentally and physically.He thought Naruto would be the best person to heal with, the fellow Jinchuuriki was his best friend not only for his looks, the dumbass was sometimes the best choice as a person to talk to.The blonde surprised him by running from the village to fight with Sasuke. And at the same time, it wasn’t surprising at all.Gaara understood this, they needed to get everything they felt for each-other out and what was better than trying to kill themselves?The Kazekage weighted his options: go back to Suna or talk to his other friends. But Naruto was his closest friend and he trusted him the most. The others were without a doubt trustworthy friends as well and could give him more than Naruto ever could, but he didn’t have that connection with them like with him.And another thing had him doubt if they had time for him: they all had trouble to go back to old life as well.Ino and Shikamaru lost their fathers. Gaara didn’t grieve for his father when he died, but now after he reunited with him resurrected, Gaara felt pain in his heart when he had to let him go. He couldn’t even imagine how they felt, but he was glad they had each-other, together they could get over the grief with their third teammate, Choji.Then there was Hinata, who lost her cousin, that she cared about very much after Neji changed to his good and less arrogant self. But she had her team, her sensei and Naruto to help her, she was so lucky and Gaara was glad for that.Tenten had been so close to Neji. Gaara always thought there was something going on between the two, but when he asked Naruto if they were a couple, Naruto was confused and said no. This confused Gaara in turn, he saw the way how Nejis touch lingered on Tentens shoulders when he gave her a massage out of nowhere or the glint in Tentens eyes when she playfully flirted with him and caused the Hyuuga to blush. Even Gaara, who didn’t know what love is, saw it.Sakura was rationally the best person he could talk to, she always seemed the clever one from team seven. But Gaara had a feeling that she was bearing the fighting of her two best friends very badly. She haven’t smiled after the war once, knowing the storm was coming and that the fight was inevitable. Gaara didn’t want to force bonding with her, it wasn’t right time. He didn’t have that strong of friendship with her.Sai was his friend too, he was sure of it, but he didn’t know him well enough… yet.The last person Gaara considered close, perhaps the closest to him after Naruto, was Rock Lee, hot headed and very green youthful beast and the most hardworking person he had ever known.Lee lost his best friend and rival and almost lost his sensei. Gai had opened his nine inner gates before Gaara’s own eyes. Lee had been there too and said something that Gaara had found incredibly powerful. "I'm not sad! In front of a man who made an important decision… feeling sadness
or
pity would be an insult to him!" Gaara had been on verge of tears, when after the war was over, he saw Lee carrying Nejis body in his arms and crying over him.This made Gaara’s heart ache for this man. How strong could Lee be, after all he’d been through? Gaara knew that the boy from Chunin exams was long gone.Gaara had to check on Lee, he haven’t seen him since then.He decided, he’d visit Lee and after that he’d hopefully know what to do with his time in Konoha and if he couldn’t think of someone else, he’d go back to Suna and to his siblings. They were his anchor, he was sure he could weep his soul to them, and they wouldn’t complain.Gaara went to where Lee lived and knocked on the plain brown door of Lee’s apartment.“I told you already Tenten, I don’t want anyth-“ Lee froze when he saw the person standing in front of him.Gaara couldn’t believe his eyes. How strong indeed…Lee had puffy eyes and was very pale. Usual bright smile was turned to frown. His green jumpsuit was replaced by black t-shirt and sweatpants and his bright orange legwarmers were gone, that meant the leg weights were too.“Oh, I’m sorry Gaara-kun. I thought you were Tenten. What brings you here?” Lee asked, the words were so normal for him, but the voice that was always so enthusiastic was now raspy and monotone. Gaara felt tug on his heart at this.“I didn’t see you for a long time Lee, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Gaara wasn’t sure how to approach Lee when he was in this state that he knew very well of. It was obvious Lee was depressed after his friends death.Gaara had two choices how to deal with this: leave Lee to heal with time by himself or interfere and help Lee come through this. The latter was almost impossible, he had to go back to Suna eventually, but he was sure this wasn’t just one bad day for Lee. Oh, how his eyes missed the glint that Gaara was so fond of…He wanted to help. There were so many people for him when he was trying to overcome his past, he needed to do the same.Lee looked away, somewhere in distance. “I’m fine, thank you for your concern, Gaara-san.” What happened with the friendly suffix? Gaara couldn’t listen to this dead voice any longer. He wanted the old Lee back as soon as possible.“Lee, please don’t lie. You’re no good at it.” Gaara scolded him but regretted it right after. Lee locked his eyes with him, tears welling in them.“I know. I’m not good at anything. I’m sorry Gaara-san, but I’m not in a good mood as you can see. Can you visit later, please?” Lee backed a step to his apartment, ready to close his door. Gaara lurched forward before he could, not thinking about it twice.“No, I cannot. I know you’re hurting and I’m here to help you. I don’t want you to shut everyone out. You know how it is to be alone, do you want to experience it again?” Gaara knew he was being too blunt, but Lee needed to hear it.“H-how do you know I was alone?” Lee stuttered and wiped furiously on his eyes.“Naruto told me. And I see it in your eyes. They are like mine were back then, when I was bloodthirsty monster.” Gaaras voice wavered, the memories bringing back feelings he didn’t want to endure ever again. “So lonely.” He whispered, not trusting his throat to work properly, as it was closing from the unshed tears that Gaara couldn’t allow to escape anymore.Lee put his arms around himself and hung his head low. He didn’t want to cry in front of Gaara? Was he ashamed? He didn’t have to be. If someone could understand, it was him. Gaara wanted Lee to see that.“How can I make it go away? How did you do it? I thought I was strong enough… but I am not. Everyone seems to be okay now. Why can’t I?! I should be able to, I am not alone anymore… why am I even that selfish?! I should be…” Lee paused, as if he just heard himself raising his voice. Gaara didn’t mind it, he’d rather hear him shout at him, to let it out.“I’m sorry, Gaara-san, I shouldn’t… I have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you to see me like this.” Lee ran away, to his room Gaara assumed and slammed the door loudly. Gaara didn’t even flinch, he was expecting this to happen. Lee suffered too much pain, the kind that Gaara knew too well. He couldn’t let Lee to go through it by himself.Gaara stood in front of Lees room and leaned his forehead on the cold wooden surface of the entrance.“Lee, I can’t leave you like this. If you don’t want me to see you releasing all of it, then fine. All I ask of you is to listen.” Gaara was sure Lee was on the other side, feeling his familiar chakra too close for him to be far. He had to hear him.“I know you’re strong. I’ve seen it, there on the battlefield, when Madara fought with your sensei. It was after… after your friend’s passing, if I remember correctly. What you said, had me admiring you even more. You’re still that person, Lee. But you seem to forget it. Let me help you remember it. I owe it to you.” Gaara listened for any kind of movement, but there was none. He sighed and sat cross legged on the carpet.“You… you don’t owe me anything, Gaara-san.” The quiet tone was so not Lee. Gaara frowned, this wasn’t right.“Yes, I do. You saved me too, you know. You and Naruto were the first people to show me what I was missing. A purpose and a loving family. And I had it, I just needed to remember it.” Gaara pulled corners of his lips up in a bitter smile.“I had hurt you, Lee. I didn’t ever make it up to you. I want to start with not abandoning you, when you need company and someone who understands at least a little what are you going through.” Gaara knew he and Lee didn’t go through same pain. He lost Yashamaru when he was a child and he was the one who killed him. Lee lost Neji to war, unable to prevent his death.Gaara thought maybe this was where the problem laid. Lee thought he wasn’t good enough, because he didn’t save Neji, or his sensei. He thought he didn’t try hard enough. And that wasn’t true. Gaara had been there, at least when they fought Madara. Even he was powerless there, a Kazekage that should be able to protect his village couldn’t stood up to this enemy.“I know that you think of yourself lowly. But it was you who saved Gai when he was falling after the first attack and threw the kunai with precise speed. If it hadn’t been for you, Gai would have been vaporised and Naruto couldn’t make it in time to confront Madara, therefore we’d be dead by now. You saved us all.”On the other side of door, Lee was curled in ball against them, weeping silently, to hear the soothing words that his friend was saying. Oh, how pathetic he was now. He knew his doubts about himself were pointless, he knew he shouldn’t feel the way he did, but he couldn’t tell his heart to stop aching. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Neji in his arms, pale, unmoving. Tenten, with those concerned eyes fixed on him. Gai, scorched after his sacrifice. Hinata, breaking down on the funeral. Tenten, trying to hold her tears when they talked about the events after it was all over, but failing.Every time he looks at his hands, he sees the blood of his rival, of his best friend. He tried to wash it away, oh how he tried. His already abused hands took more damage, but still weren’t clean of the red substance.He couldn’t understand why was Gaara doing this. He surely had his own wounds from the war to heal, then why was he wasting his time on trying to mend what was broken and couldn’t be fixed?Lee opened his eyes. He wasn’t the kind of person that gave up so easily. Maybe there was some hope for him. After all, the very Kazekage came to help him. The least he could do to honour his best friend’s sacrifice was to try. He silently thanked Gai-Sensei’s booming voice that sounded every time he needed encouragement.After he listened to the proclamation that he saved his friends, he couldn’t take it any longer. He stood up, tightening his jaw.Gaara heard Lee’s clothes rustle and immediately stood up. Then the lock clicked, and the door opened to reveal green jumpsuit and legwarmers. Gaara smiled. This was the real Lee.“Yosh! I think I’ll talk to you properly now, Gaara-kun! Let us go to living room, do you want anything? Coffee or tea perhaps?” Lee raced to the what appeared to be kitchen, Gaara followed him after leaving his gourd and shoes in the hallway.“Coffee would be lovely, thank you.” Gaara looked around, admiring the, as Lee would call it, youthfully green atmosphere.He took a seat in one of the two chairs that was in front of the small dining table. He was so glad that Lee came out and wasn’t stubbornly rejecting his help, because this was Rock Lee, who was the most stubborn person he knew. Aside from Naruto.“How do you take it?” Lee asked from the kitchen counter.“What?” Gaara returned to presence as he was far away with his mind.“Your coffee.” Lee smiled a little, the Kazekage looked so cute when he was dumbfounded. Gaara noticed the smile and cheered internally. He could make him overcome this.“Oh, two teaspoons with milk and without sugar.”“Just like me. Tenten always complains that it’s too much coffee and bitter, but it’s how I like it. It pumps my heart faster and brings more energy.”“It’s not like you need more energy, Lee. I’ve never seen you just sit around, looking tired.” Gaara liked to tease Lee for his, as Lee calls it, ‘youthful nature’. Lee turned around for a moment to grin at Gaara and after a wink continued. After few clinks of the dishes and sound of water boiling, Lee finished their cups and brought them with him to table. He placed red one in front of Gaara and green one he held to his lips and sipped a little.“Ah, this is what I needed. And that you came here. I needed that too. Thank you” Lee said in shushed tone, as if he was afraid someone else heard him. Gaara nodded and took a gulp of the hot drink. It was really good, indeed.“I’m glad that you didn’t call Konoha’s new police force on me. I was overstepping my boundaries. But still, I had to say something. What you’re going through is not to be taken lightly.” Gaara watched the creamy foam of the coffee dissolve in the hot water slowly. After it was gone, he looked up to see Lee staring at him. He raised his non-existened brows. Why was Lee doing that?“I… I’m sorry Gaara-kun, but I still don’t understand, why do you care so much about how I feel? I know we’re friends, but we aren’t as close friends as you’re with Naruto-kun.” There wasn’t any hostility in the question, there was pure curiousness. Lee was clueless about Gaara. He couldn’t even guess what was going in the Kages head.“That’s true, but I want to be as close.” Gaara began quietly, his mind letting out memories that he didn’t want to experience ever again. “I don’t want to leave you in the same darkness that had tainted me. I guess I could say that I don’t want you to become something like I was in the past.”“I-I don’t think it’s that bad with me Gaara-kun. You don’t have to worry so much about me. I managed before, I can do it again.” Lee tightened his hold on his cup, Gaara wondered how it could be still in one piece.“Don’t underestimate the power of sadness and loneliness, Lee. Even if you didn’t become like me, you can lose yourself easily without friends around you. If you don’t have love, you have nothing to hold on to in this world. Without them you lose your purpose.” Gaara knew he was maybe too personal with Lee. He was sharing pieces of himself that he showed only to Naruto. Maybe even more than that.“I know what you mean. I have felt it before Gai-sensei cared about me.” Lee’s voice wavered again, and he took few deep breaths to calm himself before continuing. “I kept asking myself: “why am I here? What’s the point of living without anyone acknowledging me?”“I have trained to become a ninja, that could fight without ninjutsu or genjutsu, that was the only purpose I could have. This is different. I lost someone dear to me and I can’t forget it. It’s too soon. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, Gaara. I see what he’ll miss and what could have been done to save him. I see all the people that cared about him and I can’t get it out of my mind.“Tenten tried to help me, tried to talk about it with me to make me let it out, but she can only take some degree of the sadness that I feel. She has her own to deal with. All my other friends have the same problem and they deal with it themselves, why can’t I do it too. Why am I the only one that needs to lay his burden on someone else’s shoulders?” Lee was agitated at himself, Gaara knew the feeling so well. But Lees anger and hate came from entirely different reason. Lee thought he didn’t do enough. Gaara didn’t hesitate anymore and placed his hand on top of Lees.“Because you were his best friend and his rival. You knew him best and he knew you. I’m not blind Lee, I noticed that you two were very close, maybe even closer than brothers. You admired him and looked up to him in a way no one else did. You needed his acceptance the most, because he was a genius and when someone like him recognized that you’re strong, you believed it too.”“How do you know so much about me, Gaara-kun?” Lee covered Gaaras hand with his other, trapping it. Not that Gaara minded, it felt actually nice.“I notice a lot of things, Lee. And you weren’t quiet about this, either.” He chuckled, recalling all the times Lee was trying to get Neji to fight him and to best him in everything he could.“Yes, that’s true. It’s really a miracle Neji stayed in my team so long, to endure my hot-bloodedness had to be hard.” Lee had a distant look and his eyes shined with oncoming laughter. Smile spread over his face and he let out a few chuckles. Gaara could feel his own cheeks tightening at the sight.“One time I challenged him to eating contest in Yakiniku Q, I said: “Who will eat more meat is more youthful!” and his face was priceless. He said he didn’t want to be youthful, but I kept nagging at him, so he agreed. We ate more than Gai-sensei could afford and he asked us to pay as well.”“Our entire pay from the very first A-rank mission went for the food. Tenten had to pay as well, and she was so mad at us, that after we left, she summoned all of her weapons at us, having us run for our lives! That was the first time I saw and heard Neji laugh and he didn’t even try to cover it, so eventually she found us because of the noises we made, and this is what she gave me to remember messing with her.” Lee pulled his sleeves up to reveal many scars, but on the top of his shoulders were many pointed dots, like from at least twenty kunai. Gaara widened his eyes. He’d remember this to never upset Tenten. Ever.Gaara couldn’t help, but let his eyes wander on all of the other scars on Lees hands. Now they were uncovered, without the usual bandages, he noticed the biggest of them all. The one that went from fingers up to shoulder on left arm. The one he placed there. And there was another on his leg, Gaara was sure of it.Lee noticed where Gaara was looking and took Gaaras hands in his. “Please, don’t ever feel remorse for these. I forgave you a long time ago and even became stronger from our fight. They shaped me to what I am today and I’m proud of them.” Lee’s voice went an octave lower, Gaara almost didn’t recognise it was him speaking. “And without these, I’d never met you. You helped me so much today, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you.” The grip tightened and Gaara did the same. He liked his hands in Lees, their roughness and warmness contrasting his coldness and softness.They stayed like this longer than was appropriate, just enjoying each other’s company. Their eyes looking anywhere else than on themselves, fearing they would break the spell. Lee couldn’t keep it long though and his gaze found Gaara’s. Gaara was looking at their linked hands, wondering what this wonderful feeling was, that he felt, whenever he was this close to Lee.He peripherally saw Lee finally looking at him and faced him. He traced Lee’s handsome face, his plush lips, that were a little dry from the coffee that Lee had few minutes ago and maybe lack of water, as he cried a lot. Reddened cheeks from being rubbed on and ruffled hair, that he certainly hadn’t combed a few days. He liked it more this way, than when they were perfect bowl cut.Big brows, that were so unusual, but so Lee. He couldn’t imagine Lee without them. Then those dark chocolate brown eyes, that he always thought were black, because of how Lee’s pupils were blending with irises. But now that he was close, not only he noticed the colour, but how much love and joy they contained. They say eyes were door to one’s soul. Lee had his displayed like headlights. So full of kindness and purity.When he arrived here, they were dull, without the glint that they had now. Was that his doing? Gaara’s heart sped up, thinking that he made Lee happy made him feel giddy.Lee was confused. Why was Gaara staring at him like this? It made butterflies fly in his stomach. No one was ever looking at him like this. Like he was… something good to look at. It made his flaming face even more hot. He couldn’t look away, Gaara’s eyes were so youthfully green, that he found himself admiring them and searching for all the other colour they held. He leaned closer, to get better look.Lee was so close, Gaara could see even the little scars from when Lee fought Kimimaro. They were healed nicely, so from normal distance they were unnoticeable, but this close… Gaara could feel his heartbeat in his palms. He was sure that Lee felt it too. Lee’s breath was hot on his cheek and smelled like coffee. So close… only few inches closer…Lee felt drumming on his fingers. Gaaras pulse… it couldn’t be. Oh, yes it could. Sweaty palms, short, quick breaths, quickened heartbeat. That could mean two things. Excitement or fever. How he hoped it was the former. Because he felt the same.But wasn’t it wrong, to feel this way? Gaara was his friend… and Lee always assumed he was straight. But this urge to kiss him, that wasn’t in friendly way. Lee dropped his eyes down the Kages face. Nicely shaped mouth was there, and he wanted to taste it. Even more after a pink tongue wetted the lips.Gaara felt hot, the skin where Lees hands connected them burning now instead of their usual coolness. He cursed internally the offending table, that was in the way of more connection. He decided: he wouldn’t let this pass, like nothing happened. He wasn’t that kind of person.“Kiss me, Lee.”That was the trigger that Lee needed to hear to jump to action. He stood up, leaving the table and the shocked Kazekage only to go around and grabbing him by waist. Pulling him up, he finally joined their lips in heated passion. His hands went around the Sand ninja, hugging him as close as he could.The touch starved redhead pressed his body as close to Lee as he could, circling his arms around Lees neck. He stood on his toes, his height was making it difficult to kiss Lee without craning his neck too much.Lee was leading the kiss, even though this was his first. And he was sure Gaara’s too. But he let the power of youth and instincts guide him. He could feel the pain in his heart subsiding with every slide of skin on skin.But mind is a treacherous thing and his vision had once again been filled with the horrors that he witnessed. Tears burned his already annoyed skin around his eyes, and he squeezed Gaara’s waist too hard.Gaara felt Lee shaking against him and pulled his head away.“I-I’m so sorry… G-Gaara.” Lee wept, unable to wipe all the moisture with his already soaked bandages.“It’s okay, Lee. Come here.” Gaara tightened his arms around his precious person and laid his head on sculpted shoulder. “I’m here. You can let go. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”