Work Text
“Saw you today after so much time
Felt just like it used to be
Talking for hours bout a different life
Surrounding us in memories”
Harry turned the corner, looking down at his phone. Thump. He squeaked as he walked into something hard, his cup slipping. Looking up to apologize to whomever he just bumped into, he stopped in his tracks. He couldn't even get any words out. He probably looked like a fish, his mouth wide open, trying to form words. He was just so surprised. Luckily, the other man spoke first.“Oh my god, Harry?”Before he could even try to respond, the man wrapped him up in a hug, ignoring the coffee spilled all over the floor.Louis. God — it was Louis. He hasn’t seen Louis since, well since he broke Harry’s heart, he guessed.“Harry! It’s been so long since we last saw each other, yeah? What’s it been, like fifteen years or something? Wow, It’s so good to see you again. I’ve missed you!”Harry could barely keep up with Louis’s chatter, which is something that definitely hasn’t changed in the past fourteen years. Fourteen years, that’s how long it’s been.Harry knocked himself out of the stupor he was in, realizing that he had yet to say anything. “Louis! What a coincidence, after so many years. It’s great to see you!”“Wow, I can barely believe this. How long have you been in the city? What’re you up to?”“I just moved here, actually. I got a really good job.”“That’s amazing, Harry, really amazing.” Louis smiled, his trademark crinkles appearing beside his eyes. “Hey, why don’t we go catch up over some coffee or something? Let me repay you for your spilled cup, at least.”Louis looked so excited, he could hardly say no even if he wanted to. Which he didn’t.“Well, you definitely owe me,” Harry smirked.Louis laughed, a big, genuine laugh. “Perfect, I know a great place. Let’s go.”After sitting down with their new coffees, they got to talking about their lives until now.“Wait, so you met Elton John, and you never thought to call me up? Just to tell me about it? How could you, Harold.”Harry smiled at the nickname he hadn’t heard in years.“I forgot how big of an Elton John fan you were in high school. Didn’t you dress up as him for Halloween every single year, Lewis?” He figured it was safe to call Louis by that nickname if Louis called him Harold. It was strange, how they fell into almost the same exact pattern, bantering and joking and being able to make conversation so easily, just like they did in high school. Almost as if fifteen years haven’t passed in between.“Oh god, don’t remind me. I recently found all these pictures from the Halloween parties every year, and I just cringe at my horrible attempt at Elton John. Though, to be fair, it definitely wasn’t as bad as your David Bowie costume that one year.”“Ha! I forgot about that! I don’t think a single person was able to guess who I was dressed up as, my costume was that bad.”Louis looked at Harry half seriously, half-jokingly. “Harry, I do believe that might’ve just been because you had the music taste of an 80-year-old man in a nursing home, as opposed to a teenage boy.”Harry scoffed. “I’ll have you know that I still have the music taste of an 80-year-old man in a nursing home, it hasn’t changed in all these years.”For another hour, Harry and Louis continued to catch up and reminisce about their high school years, exchanging numbers when it came time for them to leave.“I’ll call you. And if not, you better stalk me for my address and come knocking down my front door.”“I’ll hold you to that promise, Louis. You’ll regret ever making it.”Louis gave him one last hug. “It really was amazing to see you again, H. I’ve missed this. We’ll definitely catch up again soon.”Harry waved, watching as Louis walked out of the cafe. And while he knew on some level that Louis wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye again, Harry couldn’t help but worry that the past would repeat itself.
—
“We were close, never close enough”
2004
Not long after their first meeting when Harry was in 10th grade, Harry and Louis quickly became more like HarryandLouis. And everyone could tell. Their friends, their families, even their teachers. In chemistry, the only class they shared, Ms. Rosen was one of those that noticed right away, and she reacted just as quick — just a few weeks after their first session, Harry was relieved from his duties as Louis’ chemistry tutor. To be fair, they expected the change, even welcomed it, as this left more time for them to hang out without the worry of a passing grade hanging over their heads.They already hadn’t been sitting next to each other in class, but that turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing for Ms. Rosen; all class, they would pass notes, whisper across the room, and basically be disruptive in any way possible. Eventually, Ms. Rosen had to move them to be next to each other so they would stop disturbing the rest of the class, even though that meant that they took the switch as permission to talk the entire hour.They hung out immediately after school whenever Louis didn’t have a practice for another team or club he was a part of, and if he did, then they’d get together after it was over. Harry even started to go over to Louis’ for his weekly family dinner on Thursday nights. He went so often that Anne created a new tradition of Saturday morning breakfast, making sure to invite Louis every week so that she would see the boys consistently.Harry and Louis’s friendship grew, not slowly and steadily, but quickly and unpredictably. Only a few months after they first met, they were having sleepovers multiple nights a month, going out for lunch on Sundays, seeing movies or going bowling on Saturday nights. If Harry didn’t know any better, he’d have said they were dating. Which, to be fair, they basically were.Except, of course, that Harry refused to admit his crush to anyone, even his sister, and he told her almost everything. He couldn’t say anything because he didn’t know if Louis felt the same, and honestly Harry didn’t even really know what his exact feelings were. He liked Louis, he enjoyed going out with him just the two of them, but what did that really mean. Sure, he sometimes wanted to kiss Louis, hold his hand when they walked down the street, but for all Harry knew this was a silly teenage crush that would dissipate when he finally met someone he really liked.To Harry, this was a childhood crush about which they would one day look back on and laugh. Until that day, however, Harry vowed to keep his crush a secret, for fear of embarrassment, rejection, and the loss of what was becoming a beautiful friendship.
—
“Where are we now
'Cause if it's torn we can stitch it up
Don't rule it out
Oh no no”
Harry worried that even after exchanging numbers, Louis would forget about him. He desperately wanted to keep in touch, catch up on each other’s lives, but he still worried. Louis could walk away. It happened once, and it could happen again.Despite this, two days after they found each other again, his phone dinged.
1 New Message: Unknown Number
Hazza! Sorry its takn a while to get to u but my work just kept me rlly busy as usual. Lmk wen ur avaialble to get a drink or soemthing! Cant wait to see u agaiin!!
Harry’s first reaction was to laugh. Even after all that time, Louis’ texting hadn’t gotten any better. Of course not.Harry’s next reaction, however, was panic. How was he supposed to respond? He was nervous that after so many years, they couldn’t just immediately fall back into old habits, be as close as they once were. Can he joke? Make fun of Louis a bit? Fifteen years ago, that’s what he would’ve done. But now? Harry wasn’t sure. So he did was he always does when he doesn’t know what to do. He called his sister.“Gem! You gotta help me, I’m freaking out here!”Harry frowned when he heard Gemma laughing on the other end. “Woah, Harry. Calm down. And please tell me this isn’t about you know who.”The silence seemed to be enough of an answer for Gemma. “Alright, little bro. I’m gonna guess that he finally texted you and you have no idea how to answer so you put yourself into a panic.”Again, silence. Again, Gemma understood. “H, don’t think about it too much. You know how to talk to Louis, he couldn’t have changed that much in fifteen years. Just answer however feels natural. It’ll be fine, I promise. And if it’s not, I have your favorite ice cream waiting in my freezer for you. Now go get em, bro.”Gemma didn’t even wait for Harry to answer, she just hung up. He stared down at the phone for a few seconds, thinking about how classic of an exchange that was. Gemma always knew what to say to calm Harry down, especially when it came to Louis. That definitely hadn’t changed.Harry took a deep breath, went back to Louis’s message, and typed out a response.
Lou, you’re texting is as horrendous as always, I’m glad that hasn’t changed. I’m not available tonight, but any other night we can meet up if you want. Just tell me where and when! Can’t wait!! -H
He typed out the message pretty calmly, but once it sent, he went right back to panicking. He decided to distract himself by making dinner, setting his phone aside so he wouldn’t be tempted to check it every five minutes. However, he didn’t even make it to the kitchen when he heard his phone buzz.He ran back to the bedroom and opened the message.
Hazzzzzzz its not nice to make fun!! Despite that im stilll down to catch up. Tomrrooww nihgt 9ish at the bar on 77th and 2nd?
He let out a sigh, glad that his text didn’t scare Louis off already.
Yeah, see you then! -H
Harry wished, God did he wish, that he and Louis could get back to where they were. He didn’t even know if that was possible. Based on their meeting a few days ago, it seemed doable. There didn’t seem to be any awkward moments or tension between them. They were able to easily hold a conversation, joke around with each other, and act as if they hadn’t spent the past fifteen years with no contact because Louis left without saying goodbye.So, yeah. He was still a little bitter about that. Maybe their relationship couldn’t go back to how it was until they resolved that situation. But still, based on their previous interaction, Harry thought that they could do it. They can fix what broke so long ago, can regain what they lost. It would just take a bit of effort.
—
“I'll come around
If you ever want to be in love
I'm not waiting, but I'm willing if you call me up
If you ever want to be in love
I'll come around”
—
“Wanted to ask if we could have been
But my tongue wouldn't break the seal”
The next night, at around 9:00 pm, Harry arrived at the bar and took a quick scan of the room. He spotted Louis right away. He was sitting at the far side of the bar, so Harry slowly made his way towards him. Louis was looking around, but Harry could tell the moment he saw him because Louis’ face lit up. It brought him back to their high school years when they could bring a smile to each other’s faces just by showing up. He’d admit, he was nervous up until that point. Nervous that they wouldn’t be able to make conversation, that it would be awkward and tense between them. But once he saw Louis’ expression, he knew that that would not be the case.Fifteen years might have passed since they last saw each other, but their relationship didn’t seem to be affected.They sat at the bar, their sides almost touching because it was so loud in the room, and made small talk. They asked about each other’s days since they last met, talked about sports and the weather. Through it all, Harry couldn’t help but think about those weeks when Louis distanced himself from their friendship, and that distressing day when he left for good. Would Louis bring it up himself? Should Harry? Or would they just pretend that that period of time had never happened, that their friendship all those years ago had ended on perfect terms, that there were no hard feelings.Harry was content to just listen to Louis talk. He talked about his day, the past fifteen years, his fancy job at a recording studio. And Harry listened. But he also wondered. He wondered what their lives would have looked like, these past few years, if they had worked out. Maybe if they kept in touch, or if Louis never even moved away at all, maybe he would have finally found the courage to admit his feelings, maybe Louis would have reciprocated.Maybe ten years down the line their lives would have looked like this, instead of living on opposite sides of the continent, with zero contact whatsoever. The connection, the comfort that they shared back in high school could have lasted until now. They could have enjoyed this domestic bliss as partners, rather than long-lost friends-turned-acquaintances.He also wondered what Louis thought on the topic.“Hey, Louis, what-” Except, Louis didn’t know. He didn’t know how Harry had felt all throughout their knowing each other. He didn’t know that Harry had loved him, truly loved him, all those years ago. And he especially didn’t know that Harry probably still had those feelings now, even after so long. He wondered what would be different if he had told him.Harry had never admitted this to anyone, but for those few weeks before Louis left, once he finally realized exactly how he felt, he had been planning to come clean with his feelings. He was going to live up to that idealized version of a confident man he aspired to be someday and reveal his true feelings, those intimate feelings that he kept locked away, hoping for Louis to reciprocate. He had been building up the courage for weeks. All until the day that his mom broke the news that the Tomlinsons were gone, without even saying goodbye.If only Harry had gotten the courage sooner, if only he pushed himself out of his comfort zone, really pushed himself to do something spontaneous and full of feeling. Then maybe they would be sitting here today at this bar, sharing drinks and laughing over memories, not as friends who have found each other after so long, but as lovers who had been together for years.“Yeah, Haz? What’s going on in that lovely head of yours?”“Oh, nothing important. Just wondering if you wanted the rest of my drink.”
—
“You always had something effortless
At school you were the biggest deal”
2004
When Harry first started at the new high school at sixteen years old, he made a few quick friends. They were a small group who ate lunch together, worked together on group projects, and hung out after school sometimes. But he never really felt like he clicked with them, or the rest of the school. He always felt like he was on the outside, never quite a part of the community.He especially admired one boy, the boy who always seemed to be the center of attention, the loudest, most confident in a crowd. Louis Tomlinson. Everyone at the school knew his name, everyone knew who Louis Tomlinson was. He was captain of at least two different sports teams and three clubs, always the one to play a prank yet somehow every teacher’s favorite, and still managed to maintain top marks in almost all of his classes.All except for Chemistry, at least. The one class Harry took with the upperclassmen, as he was ahead in science, and therefore also the one class he shared with Louis Tomlinson, who was a grade above him.When Ms. Rosen asked him to tutor Louis before the first test of the semester, he immediately said yes. Only after, when he received an email from Louis Tomlinson himself, did Harry really consider what he had agreed to.He was going to tutor Louis Tomlinson, the one person at this school whom Harry really looked up to, respected, and aspired to be. Nobody was perfect, Louis included, but he was so confident and unabashedly himself that Harry couldn’t help but to be jealous. He wanted to feel sure enough of himself to be able to stand up on the table in the cafeteria, scream across the room at his friends, laugh like that in public as if nobody else was watching. But he just couldn’t, he couldn’t get over the fear of embarrassment. He would rather stick to himself and wait it out until college, where he felt that he could actually be himself. Until then, Harry planned to watch others from afar and wish to be them, playing it safe until his time.This ideology led to his fascination with Louis Tomlinson, and consequently his nerves at their upcoming tutoring date. Session. A session, not a date. He better not make a fool of himself and slip up like that at the actual date- shit, session.Harry sighed, rubbing his hands down his face. Surely Louis Tomlinson would never embarrass himself like that, especially in front of a crush. He knew he would have to be careful, not slip up and say anything humiliating when he tutored Louis.Speaking of Louis and tutoring — the email. He had almost forgotten.
Hey! Harry styles, right? This is louis. Ms rosen gave me ur contact info for this tutring stuff. Lmk whats a good time for u to help me out. Thanks so much for doing this! Rly apprecite it
Oh god, he even sounded confident over email.
Hi Louis! Yeah, this is Harry. It’s my pleasure to help you out with chem, really. I’m free any afternoon, so you let me know what’s best for you. -Harry
P.S. You can also text me if that’s easier: 561-270-5183
P.S.!? His phone number? What was he thinking? Harry went to delete that last part, but his finger slipped and- sent. He sent the text. Okay, nothing to freak out over. Harry controlled his breathing and thought for a second.He purposely set his phone aside while he made dinner, ordering himself not to worry about the message or check it until after he was finished. For the time being, he focused on preparing food for when his mother and sister came home. That was what was most important at the moment. At least, that’s what he told himself.After the food was prepared and waiting to be served, Harry finally checked his phone, fully expecting for there to be nothing new.
1 New Message: Unknown number
Oh god, he texted him. Louis Tomlinson actually just texted Harry Styles. If Harry didn’t know any better, he’d think the world was coming to an end.He quickly opened the text, impatient at this point to see what it said.
Hey Harry! Thanks for giving me ur number this makes it so much easier. Does tuesday work for you? Ive got some sort of practice almost any other day this week but i can prob move something around if u need, just let me know :-)
This is louis btw
Tuesday. Okay. Tuesday could work. He’d have ample time to freak out and compose himself before then. He hoped.
Sounds perfect! See you then. -H
—
“Little quirks close and open up
Time is slipping by
Always thinking 'bout the two of us
Replay on my mind
Always playing on my mind”
They were lying on the couch in Louis’ apartment, trading food between their plates, their conversation overpowering the noise from the television.It was almost as if nothing had changed. Louis’ eyes still lit up when he was talking about something he loved, he was just as expressive and enigmatic as ever, and he was so, so excited, not only to talk about himself but also to ask Harry a million questions. They got to talking about their jobs and hobbies, where they lived, their friends and family.He knew that Louis had fulfilled his dream of moving to a big city and getting into the music industry, but Harry hadn’t realized just how successful he had been. The apartment was a bit of a giveaway, seeing as how Louis owned a big place in the middle of the city. But then Louis told him about all the famous people he had met at parties and events, or even just when they’ve come to the recording studio to work on their latest project. Harry met Louis’ dog, Clifford, and also the curious guinea pig in the cage. Its name was Steve.Harry let out a burst of laughter at that one. “Only you would get a guinea pig and name it Steve. Of course you would.”Louis tried to make it seem that he was offended, but Harry could tell he was only faking. “How dare you, Harry! How could you just assume it was me, and not one of my friends, who chose the name?”He gave Louis a long look before responding. “Lou, do you not remember that month when you just had to name everyone and everything ‘Steve’, no matter what. You had like five fish, a bike, and my newly renovated garage, all named Steve for some odd reason that you wouldn’t explain.”“Oh my gosh!” Louis exclaimed. “I honestly forgot about all my Steves. When I came up with the name for the guinea pig it just seemed like a random name I picked out of nowhere.”That led to them cackling on the couch, only interrupted by Louis commenting, “Now I know why it sounded so familiar!”Harry was struck by a hit of nostalgia, and he didn’t even have to wonder why. This, laying with Louis and laughing their heads off at some insane scheme he had planned, seemed so familiar yet so out of reach. It had been almost fifteen years since they’ve been able to hang out with each other like this, and Harry was so sure he’d never get this again. And yet here he was, comfortably laying on the couch, laughing over Louis’ giving the name Steve to his guinea pig. It was basically a direct scene out of 11th grade, except that they were now in their thirties and both living in New York City.So much had changed, so many years had passed, and yet here they were as if nothing was different. It gave Harry hope, hope that maybe they could rekindle what they had had, that they could regain that closeness that they had felt, especially at the height of their friendship, right before Louis left.They eventually said goodnight and Harry headed home, and yet this time, he was sure that this was not the end. Louis wasn’t going to just up and disappear one day, with no warning and no goodbye. This time, it would be different. They were no longer little sixteen-year-old boys, too terrified of their own feelings to really communicate. They were in their 30s, with real jobs and places of their own, responsibilities past bringing their football team or debate club to victory. They were older, mature, and this time, they would last. Harry was sure of it. They would remain friends at the least if nothing more because Harry wasn’t going to let it end any differently. He wasn’t going to let Louis get away so easily this time around.Time may be slipping by, but there was no deadline. He wouldn’t wake up one morning to find that the Tomlinsons had moved away with no warning. They had real roots here in the city now, and neither of them was leaving anytime soon. Not if Harry had anything to say about it.—
“I'll come around
If you ever want to be in love
I'm not waiting, but I'm willing if you call me up
If you ever want to be in love
I'll come around”
—
“We were young, we were side by side
Don't know when we started losing touch”
December, 2005
After that certain sleepover in October, that night when Harry realized just how deep his affection was for Louis, what his true feelings were, he started to pay more attention. Over the next few weeks, every glance, every touch, every conversation, he started looking for signs. Did Louis reciprocate those feelings? Did he feel the same way? Did he feel any attraction towards Harry at all? Harry thought so, but he wasn’t completely sure.Louis had dated both boys and girls through the years, that much he knew. He didn’t hide the fact that he was attracted to both genders. But that did not mean that he was specifically attracted to Harry. And even if there was any physical attraction, that in no way meant that Louis had the same deep feelings about him that he had for Louis. It was agony, the first couple of weeks after his revelation, watching Louis and interacting with him as if nothing had changed when really his whole world had shifted. Harry knew that he’d always had a crush on him, even before their first conversation, but once he realized that what he felt was now love, everything changed.Something started happening during that time that only added to his pain. Louis began distancing himself from Harry. He didn’t know why, had no idea as to the reason, and he was a little bit worried that he was only being paranoid. But Louis stopped asking to hang out after school too often, they didn’t have as many sleepovers as they used to, he asked Harry not to talk too much during chemistry so that he could pay attention more, and, most glaringly, he stopped coming over for Saturday morning breakfasts.He was still invited every week, and Harry continued to go to Louis’ for Thursday night dinners. But the empty seat at breakfast every Saturday was obvious, not only to Harry but to Gemma and his mom too.They asked him, sometimes, where Louis had gone, if they were in a fight, if everything was alright. Harry always assured them that everything was perfect, but they seemed to know anyway. They would look at him with pity in their eyes as if they could tell that not everything was as perfect as it seemed. But Harry refused to acknowledge any change out loud. He could think it, but he’d never vocalize his worries. Because if he did, that would make them real, and Harry couldn’t have that, because he had a plan.The plan seemed perfect. Now that Harry knew how he really felt towards Louis and the fact that Louis was almost definitely distancing himself from their friendship, Harry started becoming more confident with his feelings and with himself. If he told Louis how he felt, those feelings he had realized at that sleepover a few weeks ago, if he told Louis about that, then everything would be as it should. Sure, he had been distancing himself. But before that, they were the best of friends, and always seemed to be a little something more. So if Harry just told him how he felt, then maybe Louis would stop distancing himself, maybe they could become as close as they were a few weeks ago, or maybe even closer if Louis felt the same.Harry didn’t even want to consider the possibility that Louis didn’t feel the same. He couldn’t. So he planned, and planned, and planned. For weeks, he waited for the perfect moment to tell Louis how he felt.It seemed harder and harder to get any alone time with Louis, but Harry was determined. He didn’t know why Louis was acting that way, but he hoped it would stop once he came clean about his feelings.And then, one Saturday morning, Harry came downstairs for breakfast and saw his mom and Gemma sitting quietly at the table. When they saw him, they averted their eyes. Their mouths were turned down, their eyes held pity, and Harry finally understood. He understood what had been happening for those past two months.Because the Tomlinsons had moved out of town, and Louis never even said goodbye.There was something cruel about his finding out on a Saturday morning when Louis should have been over for breakfast.
—
“If you want we could walk around
Maybe that would be enough”
Weeks went by. Months. And Harry and Louis were slowly becoming HarryandLouis once again. They started to meet up every few days, for coffee, lunch, dinner, or just a quick movie at one of their apartments.Harry also got the opportunity to visit Louis at his work. He saw Louis sitting on a couch in the studio, working at the soundboard, or even just hanging out with his colleagues, and he could easily tell that Louis belonged there. He had always talked about breaking into the music industry, working behind the scenes, and now he was doing exactly that. Harry was proud of Louis if he was being honest. He was upset, of course, that Louis moved across the country and didn’t tell Harry a thing about it, that they only reconnected because of a chance meeting in the street. Yet still, he was proud that Louis accomplished what he had set out to do.Louis also got a chance to visit Harry’s workplace, which he insisted on once he found out what Harry’s job actually was.“You’re a vet? Like, you work with animals, all day!”Harry couldn’t help but laugh at Louis’ expression, the immense joy that he was clearly feeling shown directly on his face.“Don’t laugh, you dickhead. That’s, like, the best job ever! You literally get to work with animals all day long!”It seemed as though Louis was only capable of speaking with exclamation points once he found out, so Harry couldn’t help but bring him along to work the first chance that he got. And it was definitely worth it.Louis spent the entire time that he was there hanging out with all the animals that came in. He played with them while Harry discussed with the owners, talked to them while Harry was doing whatever he needed to do in the exam room, and insisted that he be the one to walk every single animal out of the office, no matter what they were. The dogs, obviously. But also the cats, hamsters, fish, iguanas, and any other random animal that made its way into Harry’s office.Once Harry was able to leave work for the day, he and Louis found a restaurant nearby to grab an early dinner, before heading to Louis’ apartment for the night. They usually chose Louis’ over his, only because he had roommates in a tiny studio in the heights while Louis lived alone in a luxurious Upper East Side condo.Harry immediately set out to make the popcorn while Louis plopped down on the couch, picking up the remote to scroll through their options.Once the popcorn was done, Harry headed over to the couch, shoving Louis’ leg aside so that he could squeeze between him and the couch, facing him. Louis reached out his arm, and Harry set the popcorn in his hand. Neither of them even had to look.Louis let out a little laugh. “Isn’t it kind of crazy, how everything has just gone back to the way it was?”Harry looked over at Louis, puzzled.“I just mean, like, we haven’t seen each other in fifteen years right? And yeah, our lives have changed drastically since then, but here we are, laying on this couch, the same as we would have been back in high school. Like, we used to lay in our beds watching random videos all night, and then fifteen years passed and we’re doing basically the same thing.”Harry thought for a moment. “I mean, yeah, we’re eating popcorn, watching movies, same as we did in high school. But we’re both so different now. We’ve grown up, even if we don’t want to admit it. And we’re different people than we were fifteen years ago, so even if we are doing the same things we did back in high school, it still seems different.”“I guess,” Louis sighed. “Like, we’re not just teenage boys having fun. We’re adults now, somewhat mature with real lives and real responsibilities. So kind of, like, everything we do is different now than it was then, even if it seems to be the same?”Harry didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just nodded. And then, to relieve some of the silence, he kicked out his socked foot and hit Louis directly in the stomach.That quickly led to a mini wrestling match, which ended in them again laying on the couch, this time a little closer together and with a little more cuddling. Louis hit play, and they turned their attention to the screen.All Harry could think about, however, was the conversation they had just had. They were both clearly aware that everything was different this time around. They were adults, as Louis said. Real lives and real responsibilities. He realized that he couldn’t let this time end up the same as before. He didn’t think it could, anyway. It seemed obvious that Louis had feelings for him, similar to what he felt for Louis. Their conversation, while seemingly mundane, felt full of subtext. Did Louis mean that this time around they should actually act on their feelings? They shouldn’t just push them aside and remain the best friends that they’ve always been, but nothing more?Harry wasn’t sure how to proceed. All he knew was that he and Louis were in a good place, a really good place, in their friendship. He didn’t want to ruin that, but he also wanted more, and he was pretty sure that Louis felt the same.
—
“Used to talk drinking to the night
I would wake up on the front room floor
All along you'd be in my bed
Make me crazy make me want you more”
October, 2005
The sleepovers started happening not long after they became HarryandLouis. It was almost expected of them, which Harry could tell by the way his mom said yes to Louis staying over that first time before he could even get the sentence out. Every week or two, one would invite the other, and they’d stay up playing games and watching videos, squished into one bed under the covers. Until it came time to sleep, when one of them would move onto the floor. They switched off each time. It became a tradition.Harry was stupid. He knew he had always had a crush on Louis. He knew his crush was only growing day by day. But he chose to ignore it. He shoved it aside, thought of it as a stupid little crush caused by his teenage hormones, didn’t consider it to hold any serious weight. Until one night in October, at Harry’s house, a little over a year from when they first met.They went to his place immediately after school, having planned beforehand for the sleepover that night. They quickly did their annoying chemistry homework, ate a snack, and moved into the living room to play video games. After dinner with his mom and Gemma, they moved upstairs and squished into his small twin bed, laptop on their legs, watching videos and tv shows for hours. After they got bored with those, they set aside the computer and talked for a while. They talked about school, their families, their lives. They talked about the future, what they wanted their lives to look like, what they hoped for when they got older. They talked for hours.Eventually, they were so tired their eyes started closing, and Harry moved onto the floor since it was Louis’ turn for the bed. Louis turned over into his side, seemingly going to sleep, before posing another question to Harry, thus starting a whole new conversation that lasted until Louis fell asleep in the middle of a sentence.Harry laid there, reflecting on their conversations. Louis talked of how he wanted to move to a city, get an interesting job in the music industry, buy an apartment and some pets, meet cool people and do cool things with his life. He was happy for Louis and hopeful that he could fulfill his dreams. But for some reason, it also made Harry sad. He wasn’t sure why he was saddened by the idea of Louis moving away to a big city. Sure, he would be sad if Louis moved away, especially because Harry imagined that he’d always stay here, live blocks away from his mom, have a big family and live a comfortable life. Of course he would be sad if Louis wasn’t a part of that life, he really cared about Louis, he valued their friendship, the feelings that he had for Louis were-“Oh.”Love. That’s what that is. He’s in love.“Oh?” Louis peeked his head over the fluffy blanket, sleepily looking down at Harry.It was on the tip of his tongue, it would be so easy to slip out. But no. He could never admit what he had just realized himself. “Nothing to concern you with, go back to sleep.”Louis didn’t suspect a thing. He turned back onto his stomach, asleep in minutes, while Harry was left awake, pondering his newfound feelings all night.Two months later, he sat down for the weekly Saturday morning breakfast and his mom broke the news to him that the Tomlinsons had left, taking Louis away with them.—
“I'll come around
If you ever want to be in love
I'm not waiting, but I'm willing if you call me up
I'll come around
If you ever want to be in love
I'm not waiting, but I'm willing if you call me up
If you ever want to be in love
I'll come around”
It happened on a Saturday morning, in the end.Louis had invited Harry over for a late breakfast at his place, so now they were sitting on his couch, their empty plates sitting on the coffee table. They were too busy talking to even think about cleaning up.They conversed for an hour or so until Louis started going on a whole rant about the horrors and the beauties of the music industry. Harry didn’t even have to contribute a thing.He didn’t mind at all. He was content to just sit and watch as Louis talked. He saw the way that Louis’ eyes lit up when he was excited, how his brows turned down when he was upset, how his mouth was set straight when discussing something serious. He saw the way that Louis always used his hands and face to emphasize his point, making gestures and expressions to go with whatever he was saying.He must have been making a stupid face, staring at Louis with no clue of what he was actually talking about, because he zoned back in to notice that Louis was now silent. He was looking at Harry with a slight smile, head tilted. When he noticed that Harry was now paying attention, Louis chuckled.“What’s going on in that head of yours? Have you even heard a word I’ve said?”Harry wasn’t sure how to respond, but he’s sure his sheepish expression was enough of an answer, as Louis just laughed and shook his head.“God, I love you.”At those words they both froze, staring at each other awkwardly.Louis started to backtrack, “Uhh, I mean, like, you know, I didn’t really…” but then Louis squared his shoulders as if he was preparing himself. “Actually, you know what? I did mean that.”Harry was still dumbfounded. “You- you love me?”Louis nodded. “I do, yeah. Have for a long while, actually.”He was shocked at that. “You… what?”“Yeah,” Louis said. “I’ve really only come to terms with it recently, but I’m pretty sure I’ve felt this way ever since we met. Like, the first time.”Harry couldn’t believe it. “You’re kidding, right?”Louis shook his head. “Not at all. And I’m pretty sure you feel the same way.”When Harry didn't answer, Louis started to look a little nervous. “I mean, I don’t want to assume. It’s just, like, the vibe I’ve been getting for a while now. I’m so sorry if I’ve made a mistake, or made you uncomfortable, I just-”Harry put a hand over Louis’ mouth, forcibly shutting him up. “No, I definitely feel the same. And I’ve known for much longer than you.” Louis looked at him quizzingly, so he continued, “Remember that last sleepover that we had? At my place?”Louis thought for a second before it dawned on him, at first smiling, and then looking down guiltily. “That was our last sleepover ‘cause I left soon after, right? Look, about that…”He waved his hand as if to brush that topic aside. “I don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s for a different conversation. But yeah, that night was when I realized that I was most likely in love with you. I wasn’t sure if I still felt the same, but then I bumped into you on the street and spilled coffee all over you, and I just instantly knew that those feelings hadn’t gone away. Not even a little.”A grin lit up Louis’ face, and he started to lean in, but Harry stopped him with a hand to his chest. “You really feel the same, though? You’re not messing around?”Louis smiled and said, “Yeah, Haz. I love you. I love you so goddamn much I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. I would give you the world if I could, but I’m afraid you’ll have to settle for me instead.”They stared at each other for a few seconds, smiling, looking into each other’s eyes.And Harry laughed. “Who knew you were so cheesy.”And he surged forward, Louis meeting him halfway.And they kissed.