Work Text
At the end of the day, Martin could only be grateful that Jonathan was alive. Sort of alive. There was no color in his face because his heart didn't beat. His body didn't move because he wasn't breathing. He looked very, very dead. If it weren't for the wild brain activity registering on their machines he would likely be six feet under by now. Every day that went by he lost just a shred of hope that Jon would wake up, let alone be the same, but he told himself he would never lose hope completely. He couldn't, no matter how deeply this affected him, he couldn't give up. The nurses always shot him looks of pity when he came in and sometimes they would gently try to tell him Jon wouldn't wake up. That he wouldn't be the same. They couldn't explain what was going on though, and if he was still hooked up to expensive looking machines there had to be some chance he would wake up.He visited Jon the most. The others came sometimes, but he was there almost every day just to talk a little and try to stay sane. He kept himself busy at the archives. He read statements, recorded some, refiled, made tea, and various other tasks that felt pointless now that there was no massive threat of the end of the world looming over everyone. There were always oddities to research. A statement would have some real merit to it and he or Melanie or Basira would look into it, and they would always find something weird, but they all seemed independent of each other. Jon was always the one who was good at making connections.It was cruel, the fact that he and his coworkers had to be in mortal peril for his job to seem to have any meaning. Even the silent presence of Peter Lukas wasn't enough to make his work seem fulfilling, if anything his spot in Elias’ office made it worse. It was also incredibly cruel that this danger always centered around Jonathan. And now that he was gone, the danger wasn't weighing as heavy on him. He should be happy. He didn't feel unsafe all the time. He didn't feel like someone was constantly looking over his shoulder and into his mind (Elias could still probably watch him from prison, but he tried not to think about it too much while he was trying to recover). And finally, it was cruel that he still loved Jon. Despite the fact that he brought danger wherever he went and he left a trail of bodies no matter what he did and the fact that he pushed away anyone that seemed to even remotely care about him, he still found himself unable to tear himself away from the man. He couldn't quite let go of the loyalty and admiration he felt towards Jon and he knew he probably never really would.Martin wasn't there when Jon woke up. He was upset about it at first, but the annoyance he felt with himself melted away when he saw Jon. He was in rough shape. The color returned to his skin, but it seemed to only emphasize the scars on his body. He was horrified by the ones he could see, and he didn't want to think about how much there was that he couldn't see. His chest rose and fell with his breath, but it was ragged and uneven like breathing was a foreign concept and he was having a hard time figuring out how to do it right. It was unsettlingly unnatural, but Martin couldn't help but rush over to him and hug him. It was probably a very unwelcome hug, but Martin needed to do something other than hold Jon’s hand, which he had been doing for months now. Jon grunted though he didn't shove Martin away like he half expected him to.“You’re alive,” Martin said as if he didn't believe it. He almost didn't. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”“Yes I’m alive,” Jon said, and he sounded a little bit impatient, but mostly just very tired. “I’m fine, Martin. Little sore, but what can you expect when I was blown up.”It pulls a small laugh from Martin. “Right,” he says. “Do you need anything?”“The nurses already asked me that a million times.”“Oh,” he said dejectedly. Now that Jon was awake he didn't really know how to act around him. He couldn't just pretend nothing happened and go back to acting ‘normal.’ He was too used to talking to a corpse. A mortifying thought that he was now desensitized to. “Sorry.”“Don't apologize, Martin. It's fine,” Jon says with a wave of his hand. “You're the first person to come visit me.”“I wanted to come the second the hospital called,” he said, “but I was out researching for a statement and I didn't mean to take three hours to get here. Sorry.”“It's fine, Martin,” he sighs. “So, I suppose our plan worked?”“Yeah it did,” he nodded, and then it was quiet for a short time.“What… How is everyone? Tim?”“Tim, um, he… didn't make it.”“Oh god.”“Daisy didn't either,” he said. He mourned for them and every time he thought he had moved on, mentioning one of them still twisted knots in his chest. “Basira made it out though. She doesn't like to talk about it though. She said she can't remember what she remembers and what she doesn't. Whatever that means. But she said she reasoned her way out somehow.”Jon sighs deeply, it was still uneven and abnormal, but he got his point across.“They found Tim’s body a few months ago. Maybe a week or two after the whole thing. We had a small funeral. No one has uh--Daisy’s body still hasn't been found.”“A few months?” Jon said, his eyes wide now.“They didn't tell you how long you were asleep?” Martin asked. “It's been about six months, Jon.”“Jesus.”“Yeah.”Again, it was quiet. Martin wasn't uncomfortable, but he could tell Jon wanted to say something.“How’s the Institute?” he finally asked.“Oh, it's alright I guess,” he shrugged. “Kinda quiet.”“And… Elias?” It must have been Jon’s tentative way of asking if Martin’s plan worked and if he was traumatized.“It worked,” Martin said. “Elias is in jail now. He got some kind of deal, but I don't think we’ll be seeing him for a while. But um… someone else came in. Peter Lukas kind of runs the Institute now.”“Like… Peter Lukas? From the Lukas family?”“That's him,” Martin said. “He’s not… terrible? I think he's better than Elias, but he still has this, uh, weird energy about him? When he's around everything feels… heavy. And distant. He’s kinda nice though. He gave all of us three weeks of paid leave and he offered to pay for any counseling we might need but unless he knows someone who specializes in supernaturally traumatized people I don't think I’ll be taking that offer.”“Oh…” Jon said. He looked mildly mortified. It wasn't the kind of thing he would have expected Martin to say. “Oh god, Martin. Are you okay? What did Elias do to you?”Martin chuckled shortly. “Oh, fine,” he said. “Or I will be, eventually.” He really didn't want to talk about what Elias did to him and thankfully Jon picked up on that and push the issue.“I’m sorry.”“Don't be, it was my idea anyway. I asked for it.”“Don't say that. No matter what he did, you shouldn't have had to get any more traumatized than you already are just to get rid of him.”“At least he is gone.”“Is his replacement any better?”“Of course he is Jon,” Martin said, now a little defensive. The worst thing to come out of the whole ordeal (aside from the ache in his chest when he thought about picking up the phone to call his mom. Or when he thought about how he hadn't talked to her since Elias and the realization he was the one to initiate all contact with her. Or the fact that now his only purpose to her was to sign the check for her spot in the care home. He missed her, despite it all) was the nagging thought he did it for nothing, that he got rid of one evil just for another one to replace it.“Right, I’m sorry. You didn't go through that in vain.”Martin only nodded.They talked for a short time longer, about meaningless things and Martin suspected Jon was only doing it for him, like it was Jon’s way of comforting him. He appreciated it. Basira came in after maybe an hour and Martin left so she could talk to him. He was grateful for it, she was more equipped to interrogate Jon and find out what had happened with The Circus after she got out. Martin didn't really want to do it anyway. “I don't know, Melanie,” Martin said. He sat down on her couch with the cup of tea she had made for him. They had grown much closer through their mutual trauma at the hands of Elias. They understood each other. “He’s just… different. He used to stay late and overwork himself because he was trying to get to the bottom of something. Solve some great mystery. Now he’s just doing it for the sake of doing it.”Melanie sat across from him and gave him a look. “Maybe it’s because he’s not the same person he was six months ago.”“He’s still Jon,” he said. He was firm in his opinion that Jon was still human. All the bad things that followed him, the Beholding, the monster Jon thought was inside him, were only just attached to him. At his core, he was still Jon and he was still very much a human.“Fine, if that's what you want to believe. But I don't think you should just blindly trust him. It's a fact that every little mission or whatever he went on has gotten at least one person killed. I don't want the next person to be you.” Melanie didn't hate Jon, she just deeply distrusted him. Which could be interpreted as hatred. Martin didn't blame her, they had different ways of coping. She targeted her rage towards Jon now that Elias was gone.“I lost friends too. I just don't think it's Jon’s fault. He's guilty about everything too. You should have seen him when I told him Tim had died. He feels bad about it.”She sighed and didn't say anything back. Jon was back at the Institute just a few days after he somehow convinced the hospital staff he was fine to be discharged. Martin tried to get him to take some time off, but Jon refused and Martin had to give up.Jon stayed in his office most of the time. Martin barely saw him anymore. He did some research, but tasks from Jon were few and far between and he often found himself having nothing to do. He used to take on most of Jon’s work, but now that Jon was doing it all himself again, Martin was left to just sit around with Melanie and Basira.“I listened to all the tapes. From when I was gone,” Jon said to him one day when he was falling asleep at his desk.“Oh…” he said quietly. He wasn't sure what else to say. He knew Jon probably wanted to talk about his tape, but Martin really didn't want to. He felt the effects of Elias’ trick all the time, and he was perfectly fine with doing his best to ignore his feelings and keep going. It was a little lonely now, but he could handle it.“I’m just sorry you had to go through that.”“I told you it's fine, Jon.” It was painfully obvious his smile was fake, but he just wanted Jon to leave.“Well, if you want to talk… I’m here,” Jon said.“Right, thank you.”Jon stood there awkwardly for a short time and then left the room. Martin was surprised when he felt relieved. He had spent months and months and months waiting for Jon to wake up and now that he was back all he wanted was for him to stay away. It made him feel guilty since he had wanted nothing more than to be able to spend every waking moment with Jon before, and now that he almost died it all changed.Martin shook his head. He couldn't think like that. Both of them were different and Jon needed to take time to adjust to all the changes the Institute went through. He couldn't imagine it was easy sleeping through six months of your life and then have to bounce back after a few days. So he would try to be there for Jon, as best as he could. “I feel bad,” Martin said. He and Melanie had taken to going to the Starbucks down the street from the Institute for their lunch break. It was a peaceful place to them despite how loud it got. Martin didn't like being at home, and the Institute wasn't any better, so this was the best he had. “There’ll be one day and we’ll talk for a few hours and then I won't see him for days.”“I don't know what to tell you,” Melanie said and she shrugged. “He’s different. He almost died, you can't just go back to normal after that. And he’s all avatar-y now and has weird powers. He’s not just some archivist as a paranormal institute anymore. He’s doing something… big. Whatever that is. I want no part of it and neither should you.”“I don't want it to be like this,” he said. “I just wish it were different. I miss… my old life I guess. Worm-infested ladies seems like a dream compared to all this.”“Glad I got to miss out on that one,” Melanie chuckled. “Talk to Jon, if you can. Maybe he’s got a reason for ignoring literally everyone and doing work he won't tell anyone about.”“Yeah, maybe I will,” he nodded. Martin had taken to wandering into the library when he had nothing to do. It had a completely different energy about it than the Archives did. The Archives were creepy and permanently dark even on the brightest and sunniest days. The library was warm and welcoming despite it housing thousands of books about the creepy and supernatural. Any books that could be dangerous were kept on another floor, so there was really no harm in the shelves other than getting a little freaked out by what was potentially out in the world. The librarians were kind too and he liked them a lot so he enjoyed helping them out whenever he could. It was quiet and he usually just reshelved books and made sure everything was in order. Sometimes he sat down and read something, but he usually didn't like to know about what other horrors lurked around Europe. He had seen and experienced enough horror to last him ten lifetimes.He was slowly putting books away as he had finished the minimal amount of work Jon had given him that morning. It wasn't even noon yet. The library was quiet. Some college students sat at the tables in the open area, but they were all busy researching and had no reason to make a lot of noise. The librarians sat at their computers and whispered to each other occasionally. It was a nice reminder that there were people around. It was relaxing. The Archives were always silent and eerie. He always felt completely alone even though he knew Melanie and Basira were around somewhere close by.“Martin.”Martin flinched and dropped the book he was holding. “Jon,” he said, “You scared me.”“Sorry,” Jon said and picked the book up off the floor. Martin took it and put it in its proper place.“It’s fine,” he said and shook his head. “Did you need me to do something? I can finish this later.”“No no, it's not that,” he said. “I just wanted to thank you? For everything you’ve been doing. Everyone else kind of hates me right now.”“Oh.” Martin was a little taken aback. He wouldn't have expected Jon to willingly have this kind of conversation, and he never would have thought Jon would come to him first. “Well, you’re welcome. I'm glad I could help.”“Yes, you have helped a lot.”“I could help more if you actually gave me work to do. And you wouldn't have to hunt me down in the library.”“Yes, well sorry about that…” Jon mumbled. He wasn't really looking at Martin. “I just like to know everything myself. Figure everything out on my own, you know.”“Well I don't know, but I guess I can try to understand. I just wish you would share the responsibility. You shouldn't have to do it all on your own.”“I’ll try to give you more to do,” Jon sighed. “That's all, I'll leave you to finish this.” Jon nodded once to himself and turned around to leave.“Wait,” Martin said quickly. Jon turned around against and raised his brow. Martin took a step and then kissed him. Martin’s hand came up to hold Jon’s face and he kissed back. They were hidden between the bookshelves still, and it wasn't anything rushed. It was quite nice. Martin was confident in his choice.They pulled apart after a few blissful moments and Martin laughed softly.“That was nice, actually,” Jon breathed.“It was,” Martin whispered.“I’d like to do it again.”“Me too.”So they did. “I kissed Jon.”Melanie choked and coughed as she tried not to spit her drink out everywhere. “You what?”“I uh, I kissed Jon. Like an hour ago. I think we’re together.”“Jesus Christ,” Melanie shook her head. “That's a terrible idea.”“No, it's not. We talked, we’re going to see how it goes.”“He’s your boss, Martin!” She whisper-shouted as not to draw attention from the people around them. “You know how everyone says you shouldn't date your boss? There's a reason for that. He's an authority figure! He has power over you!”“It's not like he can use any of the traditional threats against me. He can't exactly fire me.”“I don't care! Maybe he can't fire you or not pay you but are you forgetting he’s an avatar for a being that is the manifestation of one of humanity’s worst fears? Look at what Elias did to you. What if Jon becomes like that too? What if he does something worse?”“He wouldn't.”“How do you know?”“Because I know he wouldn't do that to me. He's still human and he's not giving up on himself. He's trying to keep his humanity. He's not just going to accept that he's a pawn in whatever the Beholding is trying to do and follow that plan blindly. He's still Jon.”Melanie shook her head. “I don't like it at all. He's still one of them, he still has the ability to do all these horrible things. And he isn't actively trying to go against it either.”“He wouldn't do anything bad. He's got good intentions.”She sighed deeply and rubbed her face tiredly. “Fine, whatever makes you happy. But I don't like it. Don't say I didn't warn you.” Things were okay for some time. They didn't go on dates because Jon was far too busy. They didn't talk all the time because Jon had a lot of work to do. They never stayed at each other's homes because Jon barely left the Institute. And they drifted apart. It hurt, it was wordless and natural. Jon stopped telling Martin what work he was doing and what he spent all that time in his office doing, Martin stopped popping in to see if he needed anything. Jon stopped coming out of his office to explain some great piece of information he had found. Martin stopped mothering him and making sure he ate and slept somewhat normally. It only took a month for them to fall apart. Martin knew it wasn't going to work out anyway, it was too good to be true. But he still wished Jon had said something to him, that they had talked about it and he didn't just have to deal with the fact that Jon just didn't want him anymore.And that was when he started to work with Peter Lukas. He had only seen him once before when he didn't really know who he was and was confused by the man. He looked sickly, with pale skin that looked like it belonged on a dead body and a tall and skinny frame that made him look like he was stretched out when he was a kid. He didn't think anyone else had ever seen him before despite him being the head of the Institute. People said that his office was empty all the time and emails went unanswered if something needed to get done. But if someone needed something, it always got done wordlessly and with no explanation. Most things got done. Anything that was too outrageous or someone with a problem always disappeared, and nothing was ever done about that. Martin did what he needed to do.Martin had been sitting alone in the Archives. It was cold suddenly, and that's how he knew Lukas was coming.“Martin!” he said cheerily. It seemed forced. Fake. “Just the guy I’ve been looking for. I would like your help with something.”Peter Lukas offered Martin a chance to do something that made a difference in the world. To do something bigger than himself that didn't involve staying on the sidelines and getting traumatized. To help Jon, who he still loved despite everything.Who was he to say no?And so he did what he was told. Peter Lukas was vague when he talked about the big picture, but he always talked Martin up and told him he was doing a good job. The compliments were laced with threats, but he tried to ignore that and told himself he had nothing to fear if he just trusted Peter Lukas and did what he was asked. And he hoped he really was making a difference.Somewhere in his brain, he told himself he was siding with the enemy. He wasn't supposed to align himself with someone who may not have his best interests at heart; someone who may not actually want to help him and Jon. That this was a bad idea and he should abandon ship before it's too late. But that voice was always overpowered by a whisper that said he needed to do this. That it would help even if it doesn't seem like it now. That he made the right decision.And slowly he started becoming more and more isolated. ‘Even more so than Jon,’ he thought to himself one day. Peter Lukas said it was necessary for him to be alone for the best quality of work. He had to stop going to the library to help there. One of the librarians found him and asked where he had been and that they missed him in the library. He felt guilty for two days about having to brush her off and explain he was never going back to help in the library. He also had to go out of his way to avoid all his friends, especially Jon. At first, it was hard. He missed Jon and Melanie and Basira a lot and all the other staff he had made friends with. He was social, and he liked to talk to anyone about anything. But then it started becoming easier. He became more numb to the feelings of loneliness and it didn't bother him anymore. It was worrying, but that feeling eventually got swept under the carpet and he was able to do his work just fine again.He was succumbing to the Lonely. He was feeding It. Melanie cornered him when he was sneaking around to get to the elevator. He just needed to talk to Peter Lukas about a few things. He thought he would get it over with easily.She was clearly angry at him. He understood, he hadn't talked to her in weeks and he hadn't told her what he was doing. He just seemed to drop off the face of the Earth from her perspective. She grabbed his shirt and kept him against the wall so there was no way he could get away.“What the hell is wrong with you? You cry to me every day about how Jon hides away and disappears and then you turn around and do the same exact thing to me! What part of you thought that was a good goddamn idea?”He tried to answer, but he closed his mouth as soon as he opened it. He didn't have an answer to her questions. Not a good one at least. And she didn't give him a chance to answer anyway.“I've been worried sick! No one knew anything about you except Marshia who said you just blew her off like an asshole and left. Jon knows jack shit about you even though I thought you two were a thing and he doesn't even want to talk to me at all, let alone about you! What is up with you?”Martin didn't know what to say. Melanie was screaming at this point and he wouldn't be surprised if the floor below heard her shouting. She opened her mouth again to yell at him more when a sudden cold came over the room. She stepped back from him and pointed a finger in his face. “What are you doing?”“That's not me-”“Martin! I was wondering why you were late to our meeting,” Peter Lukas said. Melanie spun around and stared at him with a mix of shock and what remained of her anger. He didn't even acknowledge her though, like she wasn't there.“Um, I was on my way,” was all Martin could say.“Good. I was beginning to think you were going to blow me off.” He put a hand between his shoulder blades and lead him away from Melanie and towards the elevator and to his office.“What…?” He heard Melanie said. She didn't sound angry anymore, just defeated.Martin turned his head so he could see her. “I’m sorry.” and then Peter Lukas held him by the back of his neck and forced him to look forward again and they both disappeared around the corner.“Lively character, she was,” he said once they were up at his office. He sat in the chair across from the desk while Martin stood there nervously. “What happened to no human contact? Especially with people you used to know.”“I didn't try to go talk to her. She cornered me and wouldn't let me get away. I didn't tell her anything.”Peter Lukas nodded like he was debating something profound in his head.“Please don't hurt her.”“Ah, so that's what you want?”Martin nodded.“I will cost you. And you did talk to her. I distinctly remember you apologizing to her.”Martin closed his eyes and nodded again.“Good, now let's get on with what this meeting was supposed to be about, and then we’ll get on with how to deal with your… incident.”Again, Martin nodded. Martin had come to accept the fact that he was likely an avatar for the Lonely now. He was no longer on his friend's side anymore, he had deviated and now worked with someone he barely knew. He still hoped that somehow this would end up helping his friends anyway even though he was supposed to have severed all ties with them. So he dedicated his time to helping Peter Lukas so he didn't have to think about everything he left behind. He was still vague about all the work he wanted Martin to do, but maybe that was the point. He wasn't as independent as Jon was and he was glad to have a mentor. Jon had to figure everything out himself and it got him into trouble and he was confused more often than not. Martin had a guiding hand that helped him. He didn't get hurt because Peter Lukas told him what to do. Sometimes he felt like a puppet, just a tool in whatever game Peter Lukas was playing, but most of the time he didn't really mind.“Martin, I need you to go to artifact storage and get a book for me.”Martin held in a deep sigh and looked up at Peter Lukas. He gave him a piece of paper with the title of the book and Martin stood up. “Will it kill me if I touch it?”“Of course not, just bring it to me as soon as possible. I need to do some research on my own.”Martin nodded and left without another word. The walk down was quiet. He had gotten miles more comfortable being alone now, he almost preferred it, but he wondered what part of that feeling was himself and what part of that was Peter Lukas influencing his feelings and emotions. Martin was significantly less powerful than him, so he wouldn't be surprised if he was using his power to control him to some degree. He wanted to believe that Peter Lukas wasn't doing that to him now that he was an avatar and that he would trust him, but he seriously doubted that was the case.The artifact storage room was big and dark. It had no windows and the lights didn't work more than half the time, and when they did work, they were never very bright. He thought it was creepy and didn't like it when he was sent down to it. It was hard to navigate and he was worried he would get cursed if he touched something he wasn't supposed to.It took a long time, but he found the book Peter Lukas needed. It was hidden behind an odd looking tapestry and was covered in dust. The title and the words inside were all in Latin, so he had no idea what it said, and he honestly didn't really want to know.“Martin.”Martin nearly jumped out of his skin. He held onto the book tight though as he feared Peter Lukas would know if he dropped it and would punish him for it. “Jon. You scared me.” This was the first time he saw Jon in two or three months. He was skinnier now and his hair unkempt. He looked tired. Several months ago seeing Jon like this would have sent him into a fit and he would have tried to make him better. Now, he almost doesn't care.“I need that book.”“So do I.”“You don't. Peter Lukas does.”“Same thing. You can't have it.”“What does Peter Lukas need it for?”“I… for research.”“About what?”“I don't know. He didn't tell me.”“Do you even know what’s in that book?”“No.”“So you don't need it.”“I need to bring it to Peter Lukas. I’m not going to argue with you, Jon.”“Give me the book.”“No.”Martin half expected Jon to attack him and take the book from him. He knew he wouldn't let him get it. Martin was bigger than Jon and with how sickly Jon looked, he didn't think it would be that hard to fight him off and get away.Jon didn't do that though. He stood there and straightened his back and simply stared at Martin. A sharp pain pierced his head. He almost fell over.“What are you doing?” He gasped. Jon said nothing. He grunted quietly, but Martin got no answer. “Stop it!” He shouted and Jon didn't listen. He felt invaded. Like all his life was laid out in front of him and Jon was just sifting through it like it was nothing. He was almost in tears by the time Jon stopped. Martin gasped as if he had been choked the whole time. He realized he was on the floor, bent down but still clutching the book. It took all his strength to not start hyperventilating.“So you don't know what Peter Lukas is really up to. And you don't know what the book is for.”“No, I don't know!” He screamed hysterically. “I told you I didn't know!”Martin resented Jon for that. Everything he worked so hard to get over, to forget, was brought back to him. He didn't even have any avatar powers he could fire back with. He guessed he wasn't worthy for that like Jon was. Not important enough. Too traumatized to be able to face what’s happened to him. Jon didn't say anything more, but Martin heard him take a few steps toward him and he found it in himself to get up ad run. He didn't look back, he just needed to get out of there.Martin made it back up to his office and slammed the book down in front of Peter Lukas. He would be punished for that later, but for now, he didn't care. He turned and walked away and locked himself in a back room until he didn't feel like throwing up anymore and the panic subsided. “Jon told me what happened.” Melanie had searched every floor for him meticulously to find him. He had gotten very good at hiding from everyone, but Melanie was better at finding people and she practically broke the door down when she figured out where he was.“You need to leave.” He knew that couldn't be true. There's no way Jon would just tell Melanie what he did to him. He probably left that little detail out. Just told her whatever made Martin look like a terrible friend and a traitor and Jon like the poor victim. He didn't want to think about what happened, let alone talk to anyone about it. He wasn't allowed to anyway.“Are you kidding? After I spent days figuring out where you’ve been hiding out and you just tell me to leave?”“Seriously, you need to go. I can't be talking to you.”“You're joking. Jon talks to me more nowadays more than you! Why are you working with Peter Lukas of all people? I never see you anymore and god knows what you're doing in that time-”“Melanie,” he stopped her and stood up. “I can't talk to you, you have to leave before he finds out that I am. He’ll hurt you.”“What happened to you?”“Nothing!” he said, a little louder than necessary. “You need to leave. He's going to hurt you and me if he finds you. You need to stop looking for me.”“Martin…”“Please,” he begged, “I don't want anything bad to happen.”“I just want what’s best for you. This isn't good.”“If you wanted what’s best for me then you would leave. Everything gets worse for me the longer you're here.”Melanie didn't look angry anymore, she looked scared. It was the first time he ever saw that look on her face.“Okay Martin,” she said. “Goodbye.” She left the room and he sat down and got back to work. Some months passed and things had mostly died down at the Institute. He never really left his office unless he had something to do for Peter Lukas, which now wasn't very often. He kept his old and run down flat but he only went there to shower and wash his clothes. He could afford a much nicer one now that his mother had died, but he didn't see the point. Martin thought Peter Lukas realized he had too many connections to be going out all the time because he was always being confronted by someone who felt betrayed by his lack of appearance in their lives. Peter Lukas had taken to doing most things himself. He seemed to be preparing for something, but he never told Martin what it was. They had grown a lot closer, though not enough to pretend there wasn't a wall between them. Peter Lukas trusted him with more responsibility, gave him more work that seemed important, and gave him little gifts often. But they never touched each other, never had small talk with each other; it was all business with one another, and he still kept Martin completely isolated. He couldn't remember the last time he had a conversation with anyone else. He didn't miss it, didn't feel like anything was missing, he was used to it. It was normal for him.Even Peter Lukas was elusive with him. He never seemed to be around unless he needed to tell Martin to do something or was expecting him to bring him research or an item he needed. But Peter Lukas did a good job at making sure he didn't feel useless. Sometimes he was genuinely nice, he wasn't just masking a threat with a compliment. But Martin made sure to keep his distance and not get too attached to him. It hurt him the last time he got too close to a boss, he thought the next time might kill him.“I need you to go somewhere for me,” Peter Lukas told him one day. He took Martin’s phone and pulled up the directions to an old seemingly abandoned library.“What do I have to get?”“Oh, nothing,” he said. “You’ll know what you have to do when you get there.”Martin was confused. Peter Lukas had never said anything like that. His instructions were always clear and direct, his reasoning and explanations were supposed to be the only vague thing about his jobs. “What-what if I don't? I’m not exactly very experienced.”“Don't worry! I have faith in you and you should have a little faith in yourself. There’s no way you can mess this up.”Martin was still apprehensive, but Peter Lukas wasn't really one to take no for an answer. So Martin gathered his things and got ready to go.“One last thing,” Peter Lukas said and then he slipped a gun inside Martin’s bag.“Where did you get this?” He asked.“Don't worry about that. Just don't forget you have it.”“What if a police officer tries to talk to me.”“No one is going to get near you, let alone talk to you.”Martin sighed and nodded. “Right,” he muttered. “I'll be going if there's not some other thing you need to tell me.”“I'll see you later, Martin.”“Yeah,” he mumbled and left the Institute.As expected, the train ride to the library was quiet. No one even looked at him, it was like he wasn't there. And everyone kept a good distance from him too.The library wasn't all that bright, but the light that shown in through the windows provided enough light for him to see. Rows and rows of bookshelves still stood, but very few books were in them. He had done a little research on the train ride and just found out that it had been abandoned for seventeen years and the government never turned it into another building. He couldn't find out why though. He was beginning to get nervous, he couldn't figure out hat he needed to do. There was nothing here that indicated he needed to do anything. He wondered if it was some trick Peter Lukas was playing on him. Still, there were three floors in the building and maybe the secret was up there.As he went up the stairs he felt more and more uneasy. He kept looking over his shoulder and became paranoid that something was going to hurt him. On the second floor, he was able to pinpoint what he felt. He was being watched. His heartbeat sped up and it took all he had not to turn and run out of the place. He was terrified even though he tried to reassured himself that he was alone. He needed to clear his head, so he found a door to what he thought was a closet and went inside.It was not a closet. It was a large room that he didn't think could possibly be there. Books were piled up to the ceiling in an odd pattern that he couldn't follow. Where books didn't cover the walls, there were symbols drawn on the bricks. In the center, was an eye, with smaller symbols surrounding it. Pens and paper were laying around the floor seemingly at random, but Martin knew it had to have some significant order. There were other things around the room, but it was too dark to tell. There were no windows, the room was lit only by candlelight.“Martin. I saw you come in.”Martin didn't flinch, he wasn't surprised. How could anyone but Jonathan be here?The atmosphere in the room was crushing him. It was more than just being watched, he knew that in this room, Jon knew everything about him. Every second of his life was exposed before him and he didn't know if he could handle the pressure. Jonathan had to know he was scared. Peter Lukas said he would know what to do, but he still had no idea what was going on.“Why so quiet?” Jonathan said. His voice was different. He sounded sure of himself, more confident. But he didn't sound like Jon anymore, he sounded like an Avatar; he sounded more monster than human. There was no emotion in his voice, and he seemed to enjoy Martin’s fear. He stood like he knew everything was going to work out for him in the end. He didn't look sickly like he had the last time he saw Jonathan. He almost glowed. He gave himself to the Beholding and must have been rewarded for it. But the worst part was the eyes. Jonathan was covered in them and each one pierced Martin’s being and blinked cruelly at him. They analyzed him like he was a specimen and not a living thing. He couldn't tear his eyes away from him. “What are you doing?” He choked out.Jonathan laughed. It was humorless and cruel. He radiated evil. “What do you think, Martin? You really can be so dense. This is only the project I’ve been working on for years. I didn't realize it, but this is what I’ve been working toward since I became head Archivist. And what I’ve dedicated myself to since I woke up.”A horrible realization hit Martin like a ton of bricks. “No,” he whispered, “You can't.”“This is the Rite of The Watcher’s Crown, Martin.” Again, he laughed. “And you can't stop me.”Martin couldn't believe it. Is this what Peter Lukas sent him to? What was he supposed to do? Help him? Stop it?“What's wrong Martin? Peter Lukas sent you on a death mission. Did he tell you what you were supposed to do?”Martin knew Jonathan already knew the answer to that. “No.”“Of course he didn't, because you’re too pathetic to know. He can't tell you anything.”“Stop, you don't know anything about him and me.”“Oh, I know everything about you Martin.” Jonathan was getting closer to him and his eyes reached into Martin’s head and began pulling memories from his brain. “I know about the kids making fun of you in school. I know about that time in eighth year when you threw up in the hallway and no one let you forget about it. I know about your first boyfriend and how he dumped you because you were too caring. I know about how long you loved me and the pain of growing apart. I know about every single one of your insecurities.”“Stop it! I’ll leave! Please stop!”Jonathan started putting things in his head instead. “What about your father leaving and how he felt about you and your mother. And that one bird you thought you saved as a kid that actually died. The money you donated to charity last year went into some asshole’s pocket. That teacher you looked up to actually thought you were the most irritating student he ever had. And your mother's final thought was that she didn't have to see you anymore.”Martin was choking on his tears now. He was curled on the ground in the corner of the room while Jonathan stood over him. He knew hiding wouldn't stop him, but he couldn't just sit there and take it. “Why are you doing this?” He asked him, desperate to get it to stop.“Because I can,” Jonathan said. Martin realized he needed to stop this. He couldn't let the world turn to this. “This is everything you could have had if you didn't betray your friends and start working for Peter Lukas.” He gestured behind him and the symbols on the wall began to glow.Jonathan was distracted and not performing the ritual while he was busy tormenting Martin. Martin struggled to think straight with all the worst parts of his life flashing before him, but he was able to remember the gun in his bag. He didn't know how to use it, but he could only hope that pulling the trigger would do something. Jonathan didn't notice him take it out and aim. He was too high on enjoying Martin’s pain and terror. Martin pulled the trigger while Jon laughed.He pulled the trigger again and again until it was empty and he kept pulling the trigger even though it was only firing blanks. He screamed the whole time he did so and squeezed his eyes shut. Jonathan was too close for Martin to have missed him, but he still didn't have it in him to check if he was still standing there until he heard a body fall to the ground and a pained groan.Jonathan was on the ground laying on his back. Martin could see eight bullet holes in his torso; none of the shots missed.“Oh my god,” he said and dropped the gun. He scrambled over to Jon and kneeled over his bleeding body. There was already a growing pool of blood surrounding him. “What did I do?” Martin was beginning to panic and he frantically covered as many of the holes with just his two hands and put pressure on them, but that just made the uncovered ones bleed more and he moved his hands back and forth until he realized it was useless.“Didn't see that one coming,” Jon said. Neither of them laughed.“I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” Martin repeated like it would somehow make Jon better. “I didn't mean to, I’ll make it better. I'll fix it.”Martin didn't know anything about first aid though and there was no way he could save Jon. He just kept bleeding. Martin’s pants were covered in it from kneeling in the pool and Jon’s hair was getting matted as it soaked in his own blood.He tried to fix it until the last second. He knew Jon was dead when the feeling of being watched was completely gone. “Melanie,” Martin breathed, his voice was shaky. He didn't even know how he got to Melanie’s flat. He wasn't really standing up straight as his legs shook. His hands were covered in dried blood and some streaked up his forearms. His skin showed through in some spots where it had flaked off. Little spots of blood littered his face as well. They could almost be mistaken for freckles from a distance. His skin was splotchy and streaked from crying.“Oh my god,” she whispered. She took another second to process what she was seeing and then pulled him into her flat. “What did you do?”“I killed him,” he said, and tears welled up in his eyes once more his legs gave out and he fell onto the floor. “Melanie, I killed him! I shot him! I had to! I tried to save him but I couldn't.” he sobbed.“Okay,” she said at her best attempt at a soothing voice. She bent down and got onto the floor with him and hugged him. He latched onto her like he would drown if he let go. “It's okay, Martin.” He wanted to disagree, but he was too much of a mess to do so.“I didn't mean to. I never meant for this to happen.”“I know.”They stayed like that for a little while longer before she was able to untangle herself from Martin. “I’m going to clean you up now,” she said quietly. She left the room and Martin was left alone with the choices he made.She returned with a wet cloth and new clothes. Slowly and carefully she got the blood off his skin and scrubbed his face clean. The cloth was badly stained by the end of it, Melanie would have to throw it out, along with Martin’s shirt and pants. He took them off slowly like it was physically exhausting just to take off his clothing. Melanie helped him into something comfortable and she hugged him again.“I think you should go to sleep. We can talk in the morning, okay?”“I don't think I'll be able to sleep. And I don't want to talk about it at all.”“I'll make tea for you but when you finish you need to sleep. We’re going to talk tomorrow.” She wasn't mean about it, but she was firm.Martin wasn't going to fight her after everything he did. “Okay.”She nodded and then helped him to the seats in front of her kitchen island. She put some quiet music on as she made herself and Martin tea. He watched her mindlessly, anything to keep his thoughts wandering back to Jon. Their argument, the fighting, the things Jonathan did to his head, the blood-“Here,” she said and slid a mug into his hands. He thanked her quietly and for an hour they sat in silence as they both tried to understand and process what happened. She took his mug from him when he finished and ushered him to her bedroom. He tried to get her to just let him sleep on the couch, but she wasn't having it and got him into the bed with little resistance after that.“Monster Truck will sleep with you tonight. I think he likes you.” The cat curled up by Martin’s chest and it was a welcomed comfort. He always liked cats, he admired their ability to understand human emotion.Melanie left the room and he heard her on the phone, presumably with Basira, who she was telling what had just happened and to be at her flat the next morning. He was surprised by how much he longed for Meanie to come back and just lay there with him. He had gone so long without it that it hurt deep in his chest when she had held him and been close and now she was gone, even if she was just in the next room over. She felt so far away now. He thought he was immune to this feeling. He didn't want to care anymore, he just wanted to sleep and be able to escape for a little while, so he closed his eyes and let himself drift. He was lucky his nightmares took pity on him and left him alone for the night. Somehow though, he knew this wasn't the end.