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Sakuya was eight when she saw a human die.It wasn't a pleasant experience. It wasn't fast either.She had held the knife responsible for the man's slowly dying flame that was his life. She saw as red spread to the ground, widening as the man uselessly and pitifully tried to stop the red liquid from gushing out of his neck. She remembered feeling nothing as she sees the dread and the fear plastered on the man's face, remembered even, how he tried to reach for her as he wriggled and moved whilst the light in his eyes slowly and surely died down. Throughout all of it, she just couldn't turn her eyes away.She realized as she grew a little bit older and a little bit wiser that she should have never watched that man die.Sakura was, in every bit of her being, shy.Sakuya hated it, and truthfully and irrevocably being honest, she didn't understand why.She sees the same eyes, the same nose, the same hair, the same damning face. All was the same as hers but so
very
different that every time she sees a smile on her sister's face, she's nauseated and disgusted. She knows it's wrong. She knows that seeing her twin's face and having the urge to taunt was wrong. She knows that seeing Sakura's face so happy and
so very
pink and picturing a slash of blood on her cheeks was
just so wrong.
She knew that something was wrong with her.Very wrong.Their mother and father had always told them that they were intelligent. Sakuya hoped so hard that it was true. She realizes that having strange thoughts at her age were not normal, that she wasn't normal. Maybe being smart could convince herself that she shouldn't be thinking anything strange. Someday, she might see the same colorful world that her twin sees.She grows up never seeing the same sight.She absolutely loved Sakuya.Sakura was six when she thanked her mother and father for giving her Sakuya as her twin and sister.They grew up constantly being reminded that the two of them were one, that they should always love one another. And they did. Sakura loved her twin, loved the twinkle of her eyes, the lovely smile on her face, and loved the sound of her voice when she laughs. She always had fun whenever she's with her sister. She'd have fun when they play together or just sits together. Sakura felt very blessed and loved.She finds herself hating herself for hating her sister when she turned nine.She doesn't know when it happened or even how it started.Sakuya changed.It wasn't the same sister all of a sudden, it was a horrible monster.Her mother and father had once told her that her twin just wasn't herself at that time, and that she will eventually be herself one day. She remembered smiling in front of her parents, saying that she couldn't wait until that day. She remembers glancing at her sister, giddy at the thought that Sakuya would be smiling at her again. She remembers her heart pounding with anticipation at the thought of her sister talking to her again, that Sakuya might want to play with her again.She remembers being disappointed every single day.Her twin had a crush on Uchiha Sasuke.Sakuya grits her teeth and clenches her hands, so tight she remembers the pain and the tingles as blood rushed to her hand and to her fingertips. She watches on from the side with Ami and several of her other friends, glancing often at her sister who was alone eating lunch under the protection of the big tree. She watches as her sister glances up to see the Uchiha and sees the slow painting of pink on Sakura's face. At that moment, she couldn't decide who she hated more, her sister or Uchiha Sasuke.Sakuya pretends not to notice and pretends she doesn't see anything. She talks with her friends, glances at Ami, who looked at her without anything written on her face. She turns her head to Ami, returning the gaze and couldn't help when the corner of her lips curved up. She sees the slight furrow of Ami's brow right before Ami turned to face their friends, a smile instantly plastered to her face.She says nothing as she catches a sight of Ino approaching and talking to her sister.Sakura had never truly hated her sister.She hated Sakuya, at the same time, she didn't.They have never truly spoken with
one another. She, too afraid to say something wrong and her, dislike too apparent to wonder why she would. Sakura didn't remember when she'd been numb to her sister's contempt. Doesn't even remember why she tried so hard to understand her twin.Everything was too messed up.She can't help but question whether they can ever be fixed.The sound of the slap echoed across the entirety of the room, followed by the sound of breaking plate and wasted apples now lying on the floor.Sakura reddens as she touches her stinging cheek."I don't care about you but if you'd gone and died, my parents would have been crushed."Sakura does not see Sasuke nor Naruto's wide eyes."What the hell are y-" Naruto shuts up at the Sakuya's gaze."I warned you Sakura." Then Sakuya looked at Sasuke in the eye before stalking out with Ami on her heels.Her voice was as cold as ice. As twins, Sakura and Sakuya shared everything, even their voice. Even if it was so, the icy tone and hardness of her voice was unfamiliar to Sakura's ears. She had always heard the coldness of Sakuya's voice when she talks to her, but never like this. Never as cutting and as enraged as Sakura knew Sakuya was at that moment.She didn't miss how Sakuya talked like they didn't have the same mother and father.She feels cold and hot at once, ashamed as she realized her teammates had witnessed everything.It takes everything in her not to cry in front of her teammates.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ino stood frozen at the side of the bush. She couldn't tell whether the chill and hotness she felt over her body was natural or not. All she knew was that, it was the first time she ever witnessed such a gruesome sight, even more so than when her own team had seen the monster from Suna crush people with his sand.The sight of Sakuya's blooded appearance, with her hands on a kunoichi's bloody neck,
terrified
her beyond belief. She could hardly believe that Sakura's twin sister – with
that
same face – had dug her fingers to the girl's neck until blood spurted them both. The strangled sounds she heard sickened her.It wasn't until Ino heard the renewed screams of the kunoichi as Sakuya grabbed the girl's arm and stepped on her shoulders that she realized that Sakuya –
not Sakura! –
just ripped a handful of flesh from the girl's body. She could clearly see the sinewy flesh stretch away from the kunoichi's arm - a sound-nin, Ino noticed, as her blood gushed to the ground and Ino hears the sharp shriek and scream of the girl.Ino never understood the occasional fear that Sakura expressed whenever she'd seen her twin back when they were still in the academy. Sakuya, as far as Ino had known, was a polite girl. She was kind and considerate to people around her and seemed to be friendly to everyone and anyone. As one of the talented kunoichis of their class, Sakuya was considered very humble.As Ino observes Sakuya's lack of care when the kunoichi drew blood, scratching the skin of Sakuya's arms as she pulled off a chunk of flesh, Ino tasted bile from her throat, to her tongue and puked.When Sakuya looked into Ino's eyes after the sound-nin fainted –
or died
– the messy blob of flesh still clutched in her hand, Ino registers the strange, gentle smile on Sakuya's blood-stained face and asked herself how she ever thought Sakuya to be normal.Team Seven never says a word about what happened in the hospital. Sakura is deeply thankful for it. Until Naruto makes her want to hide into a hole."Sakuya-" he starts, glancing her way, looking a little hesitant. "She's really scary huh?"Sakura grows quiet.It takes her a while to say something."I don't want to talk about it."She wished Naruto never said anything."But she-!" Naruto shouts, outraged."She slapped you in the face Sakura-chan! How could she do that to you?"Sakura flinches and looks away. She doesn't want to be reminded of her sister's cold look, doesn't want to be reminded how her cheeks stung and how her sister, who never really hurt her physically, for once, didn't mind hurting her in front of her teammates."Just stop Nar-""I mean, isn't family supposed to love each other? Why would she hurt you when you just got hurt from Gaara? You're her sister, why would she-""STOP IT NARUTO!" Sakura reddens at the effort.It was the first time she shouted with such force but she doesn't think much about it as her tears threatened to fall.She runs, doesn't hear her team call out to her and just hoped that their sensei didn't see the tears that flow down her cheeks.Sakura never wanted to think about it.It hurt.Because yes, family was supposed to love one another.She doesn't know why her sister hates her so much. She doesn't know what she ever did to make her sister hurt her so much. She realizes with horror how she doesn't know all that much about her sister despite being family.So she closes her eyes and tries to remember. Sakura remembers, with difficulty, the face of her sister when she truly smiles. Remembers how red her face becomes when she laughed. Remembered the soft voice when Sakuya helped her sleep, singing a lullaby when she couldn't.Sakura thinks it must have been because of her. She must have done something without her knowing.With such assumption, even when Sakuya tells her all the horrible things she doesn't want to hear, Sakura couldn't blame Sakuya.It takes painful years for Sakura to accept that her
sister
was never gonna come back.Sakuya grabs the back of Ami's neck and kisses her softly. As soon as their lips touch, she pulls away, looking at Ami's expression.She laughs."Don't look so scared. I just wanted to know how it feels like.""Sakuya, you-" Ami stops at Sakuya's expression.Sakuya leaves like nothing ever happened.Ami knows better than to make a meaning to what Sakuya had done.Sakuya was, in every sense of the word, horrible, but she was never one to lie. Not with something like
this.Ami looks up at the tranquil sky and frowns.With a clenched hand, she turns to follow Sakuya and pretends.Everything's still alright.Naruto had always thought that the Haruno twins were really pretty.When he sees one of the twins talk with a girl with purple hair then slaps her enough for the girl to fall back to the ground, he's startled and confused. When the girl with pink hair starts hurting herself and suddenly cried, calling to their sensei, Naruto doesn't really get it but he felt his hair stand on end. He decides that the green-eyed girl was scary and runs away from the academy grounds.Naruto takes no notice when he forgets the irrational fear he'd felt when he'd seen Sakuya – he later learns, do… whatever it was she'd done.A few years later, he remembers and hesitates to tell his teammates.Up until the hospital, Sasuke didn't pay much attention to his teammates, Sakura or her sister for that matter. He simply couldn't care less about Sakura's sibling.Now, he most certainly did.It was impossible not to.He notices how rigid Sakura becomes whenever her twin comes close. Notices how Sakura would shift a little close to him, Naruto, or Kakashi whenever Sakuya comes to greet and talk.It never occurred to him that Sakura, shy, bashful and quiet had issues when it comes to family. He always saw her as the innocent one of their team.He doesn't notice when exactly he began to take the initiative to move closer to the only girl in his team whenever a certain twin comes their way and doesn't really think through with it when he realizes.He just continued shielding his teammate.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When they're out of the hospital room, Ami notices Sakuya's trembling fingers and paling face.
She tries to reach a hand out to Sakuya and hesitates. She draws her hand back and quietly follows Sakuya, walking a steady pace until they're at the back of the hospital building.
Ami doesn't really know what she was expecting Sakuya to do, but none of what she had in mind comes true when she sees Sakuya gently touch her own hand and sees the unsettling calm on her face.
"Gaara." Sakuya suddenly whispers, the way she says it makes Ami's hair stand.
"That's his name wasn't it?" Sakuya looks to her like she wants to confirm it one last time.
Ami doesn't look away even as she stutters, "Y-yeah."
Despite the soft, peaceful smile that Sakuya shows, Ami doesn't doesn't feel any shroud of warmth nor feel anything pleasant in Sakuya's features.
Ami doesn't say anything about Sakuya's bleeding hand and tries to ignore the gnawing inkling that she should be stopping Sakuya from digging her nails to the back of her hand, drawing blood.
She turns a blind eye and does not say anything even as she grabs Sakuya's hand and walks them both inside the building to get someone to heal the back of Sakuya's hand.
It happens a few months after the chuunin exams.
It's deep into the night when she hears the strangled sobs from her twin sister. Sakura shoots up from her bed as soon as she realizes where the sounds come from and makes her way beside Sakuya's bed just across from hers.
She sees the tremble of Sakuya's body under the blankets and sees tears and terror on her sister's face as she dreams.
She's having a nightmare.
Sakura registers.
Her heart pounds as she knows that it's different.
Sakura remembers Sakuya's slap, remembers her sister's hurtful words and looks at the quivering figure of her twin, crouching as if she's trying to protect herself, and Sakura comes to realize that shes
never
seen her this way. Sakura hears the pained whimpers and acknowledges that she
doesn't want to see Sakuya this way.
No.
This... wasn't her sister.
Sakuya had always been strong.
Really strong.
Sakuya -- Sakuya shouldn't be crying even in her sleep.
It takes Sakura moments before she notices liquid clouding her vision, running down her cheeks as she continues to hear Sakuya's cries. It's heart-rending and the sobs laced with so much fear.
Sakura feels the sharp ache in her chest, hears the loud pounding of her heart and knows. She acknowledges it. Even when they're broken, it hurt to see her sister like this.
She sits on Sakuya's bed and tries to shake Sakuya awake. When Sakuya doesn't wake up, Sakura, with her shaking voice, calls her twin's name and shook Sakuya harder until her twin opens her tear-ridden eyes.
"S-Sakura?"
The sound of her sister's voice worsens the throbbing ache of Sakura's heart. She thinks, with every broken sob Sakura hears from her sister, that some parts of her gets broken too, and she can't help but cry with her twin as she tries to firmly grasp Sakuya's trembling hand.
"It's me Sakuya." Sakura tries not to stutter.
Sakuya sobs harder and hugs her tight.
Despite the pain that Sakura feels in her chest, she feels guilty happiness as she hugs her sister back and feels the nostalgic warmth that Sakuya gives, to see a vulnerability she never knew she missed.
Sakura forgets -- for a moment -- every harsh words, every looks of distaste, every action that made her scared of her own blood, and imagines -- a fantasy that nothing's ever gone wrong.
She wanted to dream of a reality she knew was not remotely real.
In the morning, Sakura wakes up without Sakuya beside her and thinks with certainty, as Sakuya smiles one of her fakes and cheerfully talks to her, that maybe, maybe, her twin doesn't remember anything that happened last night.
Sakura walks to the bridge to meet up with her teammates and tries hard to forget the comfort of her sister's warmth.
When Kakashi was ordered to guard his sensei's son that day, he hadn't expected to see or hear anything interesting the whole day.
He was crouching, hiding above a tree when he sees what Naruto sees.
A girl -- just a child, really -- of unusual pink hair, slapping another child at the academy's playground.
Before he could think about how horrible kids could be even at their age, he sees something a little more than unusual and disturbing as the girl harms herself without flinching nor showed an ounce
of hesitation as she cries loud enough for adults and other kids to notice. Kakashi couldn't believe that a child could inflict harm on herself without a shred of hesitation or a wince, then pin responsibility to another kid. Or kids.
Before the day ends, he tells off a few civilians making unnecessary remarks when his sensei's kid passes by and then reports to the third Hokage how some people still mouths off without much of a care. The third sighed deep and Kakashi immediately knows that the third feels frustrated. It's been years since the nine-tailed fox but people still can't forget and even throws their own fear and anger to a lone child.
Just before Kakashi gets dismissed, he reports the kid with pink hair while subtly asking about said Haruno child (Kakashi immediately tried to find out the kid's name.). When the third asked him why he was asking at all, Kakashi tells the Hokage about what he witnessed and stressed possible - unmistakable -
psychological problem.
Kakashi knows he's got no business dealing with other people's problems when he can't even deal with his own. But this was a child they were talking about. Just a kid
barely out of her diapers. He knows a shinobi's path doesn't just entail physical dangers, he knows it too intimately, but it's a little too soon for a seven or eight year old kid. Unlike the past few decades, where children were brought to war, the past few years had been relatively peaceful. It's a time when the young should somewhat live without all the unnecessary baggage that the previous generations carried.
The third looked deeply troubled and stared at him, obviously contemplating something. Kakashi knew when the third have come to a decision when the Hokage sighs and sits slouched on his seat.
The Hokage tells him the story of a six year old and her grandparents' disappearance on their way to the daimyo's castle. It's an unfortunate story of a girl surviving after less than two weeks of capture. It's a disturbing tale of a child, somehow, successfully killing the man who'd killed her grandparents. There was virtually no details on specific events that occurred the time the family of three was caught. The Hokage and other jounins suspected psychological torture but couldn't confirm it without the child's testimony and they couldn't forcefully look into the child's young mind without possible damage.
Kakashi was silent even after the third finished his tale.
Kakashi thinks, that even after the war, there was still no real peace. Hidden villages still harbors hatred and still fights silent wars. The village - no - even with the voice of the Hokage, the council elders wouldn't pay attention or put importance to helping children of the village who needs help (They clearly couldn't be bothered). Not when they're busy one upping other villages with new schemes and plans.
The third audibly sighs when Kakashi still doesn't utter a word and dismisses him.
Kakashi hadn't known that the third omitted information about his order to have an anbu for surveillance on the girl, in case one of his council elder tries to get the Haruno girl to join a certain organization that exists behind the shadows of the Leaf.
For Naruto, an orphan who never knew the warmth of family -- sibling or parent, the idea that those same bonds could hurt them as well, was somewhat confusing.
He'd always known about Sasuke's loneliness. He and Sasuke didn't have parents, he would never know the pain of losing someone. Naruto knew the pain of having no one though. The emptiness he feels when he sees other kids with their parents was as real as anything he'd ever felt. The pain of being hated without reason was another.
Naruto doesn't understand why Sakura and Sakuya's relationship seems terrible. They were sisters. Twins.
Before the hospital, he'd thought the sisters got along really well. Although he'd only talked with Sakuya just a few times, he'd thought she was a really nice person. Sakuya was a cheery person who always looked out for her shy sister, always helped the people around her and was even kind to him.
Naruto puts on a brave face but sometimes, sometimes,
he thinks how unfair it was that other kids have people who love them without expecting or giving anything in return.
But Naruto isn't as oblivious as people think he is, he saw with his own eyes how Sakuya looked at her sister with contempt. With hatred. It's a look he knew really well. His heart throbs as he remembers people's eyes on him. Like he's dirt they can't wait to get rid of.
He doesn't know what to think when he'd seen the sight of the visible hurt on Sakura's face. Sakura who always smiles softly, who had loving parents and a sister he thought loved her. He doesn't know what to think of their bonds because if Sakura who has her family but still sees those eyes, what about him who has nobody?
Sometimes, he doesn't know which he hated more, the adults who looks at him like he's trash or himself, because there must be some kind of reason why they hated him so much. It hurt too much to think that those people didn't like him - hated him - just because he exists.