Archive of Our Own

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Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Levi. He grew up with his mother and his uncle. Their family lived in the Underground City. They only had each other in that dark, lawless city. Kuchel, his mother, worked hard along with her brother. Something as simple as a cold could kill you. Without sunlight, many people became ill. Food was hard to grow. Fresh water was hard to find. The air hung damp and cold as rust crept over every surface it could.

However, things above were just as frightening as below. Giant monsters lived there called Titans. They attacked villages leaving nothing but rubble behind. The land where Titans walked smelled as stale and metallic as the Underground.

There was a faraway city with a king and many warriors who fought the Titans. The city built tall, strong walls to defend against the Titans but it left the people inside to worry that any day the walls could fall. The day the walls went up was the last time anyone from that city breathed in fresh air. Soon, it was hard to distinguish who was truly better off: those below who fell ill day after day or those unlucky enough above to be consumed by the Titans. The city above the ground and the world built beneath it were separated for so many years that neither city trusted the other.

But those brave warriors of that faraway city fought the Titans no matter how afraid they were. They bravely charged in on their horses and rode the wind with the power of the people’s hope that one day all people would be free to enjoy sunshine, sweet air and above all things: freedom.

Kuchel and her brother, Kenny, always wished they could see that faraway city. They wished for a better life and made a plan. There was no other choice. She believed that Levi would become a great hero.

There was a secret Kuchel and her brother kept. Their family had wings and could reach for that freedom. But Kuchel was not very strong and her brother said it would be hard for them to get to the city. The city did not like people from the Underground. They especially did not like the people with wings. No one remembered the wings were there to protect the people against the Titans. So many people thought them a curse. Kuchel and Kenny knew differently. If they could hide their wings, they could find a way into that beautiful city.

That was how Kuchel believed her son could change the world. One day, he would help stop the Titans and bring those from underground to the sun and free those who lived trapped behind the walls. Levi was special. He had been born with one wing of Light from the surface and one of Darkness from underground. He could be the one to unite them both against the Titans.

Kenny smirked at his sister, “That’s good for a pop-up book.” He looked at neat, tidy print and flipped to the next page. She had drawn Humanity’s Strongest with two heavily feathered wings. The left was heavily shaded while the other seemed to glow. He stood tall and proud in some abstract place his sister had imagined. Not a single doubt clouded those grey eyes. She had captured his strength and tenacity and rendered Levi an unwavering absolute in that darkness. Levi could really fly then: freer than he could ever be wearing 3DMG. He looked back to his sister and felt her eyes staring straight through him. Looking closer at Levi’s face he spoke again, “It’ll need a little work, you know?”She smiled back, “Yes, I know.” Kenny rarely ever really smiled. Kuchel had promised long ago she would smile enough for the both of them. Seeing him smirk was a cue that he would be on board for her next project. She fixed her long black hair up into a bun and pinned it back, “I just had to write down the outline. I think this should be my next series. It might be a little much for a children’s book, but I think we can pull it off, Kenny.”She touched her stomach again. There was barely anything there but Kuchel often placed her hand over the bump. It was too early for her to even feel the baby kick or so much as move. They had no idea if it was going to be a boy or a girl. Kenny sighed and closed his eyes. Things the second time around were good. Kuchel could not remember much but it was for the best. She remembered being sick with her son, the Levi of years ago, but then everything went dark. There was no pain. And Kenny was grateful for that. He remembered more than she did. Ackerman genes were strong and if their good health was any indication, it seemed they had been reborn again as siblings in the same family line.With the world being kinder, everything was much more beautiful. He was not Kenny the Ripper as he had come to be known before. He was Kenny the teacher. He was Kenny the mixed martial arts fighter. He was Kenny the self-defense instructor. He was Kenny with a happy family and a happy, healthy sister.She wrote children’s books and painted clear blue skies. She went grocery shopping and made friends with all of their neighbors. There was no limit to her kindness and it seemed that she always had time for everyone. Kuchel’s voice was the only thing he needed to hear when he woke up in the middle of the night clutching his face. Her warm hand on his cheek tethered him to the world that felt so much like a dream. Kenny felt like the luckiest man alive to see her as happy as she was now. They had each other. That was all he needed.Kuchel kept in contact with their cousin and his wife who had just moved into their town a few weeks ago. She was taking to single motherhood even better than Kenny could imagine. Kenny had decided he would take care of her and the baby when she told him she was pregnant. It was the proper thing to do. There were plenty of books he could read to get ready to help her.There was still no man in the picture. Kenny hoped whoever it was that knocked up his sister at least did it consensually. She would not speak about the who, the how or why. She only knew she wanted to keep this child. Kenny also hoped for the future Shortie’s sake that his father in this life was of average height this time.It seemed like he was asking too much again with that single thought. There was no guarantee this child would be his nephew from another life. There was no guarantee Kenny or Kuchel would even meet the Levi Ackerman of years ago or that even if they did—at least in Kenny’s case—that the boy would remember or want anything to do with them.It would be cruel for Levi to remember. The kid was strong but he had gone through so much. All of the pain and burdens he suffered were too much for one lifetime or even two. Kenny looked at his smiling sister and the cerulean sky painted onto a half-finished canvas in the corner of her studio. The gentle wind played with her hair and the sun was warm. It was early spring and in about seven months the little bundle of joy would be here.Whether or not it was Levi again, did not matter. Kenny could be loving. He could be kind. He could be a good uncle. There had to be a reason why he remembered that terrible time. He had cursed fate before, but looking at his sister now made him wonder. What if it was a gift? He could learn from his old mistakes without having to go through everything all over again.Kuchel had almost died when they were children. She ‘only had a cold’ but Kenny was insistent that they take her to the hospital. He cried and pleaded with their parents. A few blood tests and a CT scan later and it was apparent she had an acute case of pneumonia. She needed to be put on oxygen, fluids and medication as soon as possible. It was the next day that Kuchel fell unconscious and several months until she was better.He hoped that would be the only illness to befall his beautiful sister. He hoped the baby would be healthy. She had already decided on the name Levi and that she would write a book about the hero they called Humanity’s Strongest. She was so certain of things and there was no telling her it would be otherwise.This was their life now. And it was truly beautiful.

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Chapter One The morning routine Levi groaned. His stomach churned. His head hurt. His lips still burned a bit. It was the last thing that made it clear it was not a hangover he was dealing with, but the after effects of Erwin’s latest plot to distract him from his imminent return to work. Technically, Levi felt like he had not been working for the last two years while he committed to taking care of his mother. Now that he was no longer juggling medications, doctor’s appointments, trips with his mother to visit new produce vendors and dairies, or helping her with her work…he felt lost. He had never been as busy or felt as empty than he did in the first two months. He raked both hands into his hair and held them right above his temples to try to center himself. Now, the only thing helping him out of bed was his deep-seated need for routine.For the last six months, he had not even set foot in the café. Erwin messaged him nearly all day about orders to be made and to ask about recipes and Levi’s opinion on everything. Levi trusted Erwin implicitly. That never changed. He would do anything for Erwin and this time around, Erwin had no limits to what he would do for him. That included bringing four of the biggest bags of XXXtra Hot Cheetos he could find with an offering of marshmallow cereal.Levi ran his hand through his bangs to push them out of his eyes. His hair still felt clean. He checked the clock. His best friend was long gone. They had barely been toddlers when their parents met and the two of them had been inseparable since. He smiled. His mother absolutely adored Erwin and Levi loved to watch the two of them scheme and spend time together.Erwin was ever indulgent when it came to her. If she wanted to go on a walk, he would help her into her chair and take her out into the neighborhood. Levi’s vision blurred thinking of how thin her fingers had become and the smile she wore up until the last breath. He clutched the blanket covering him a little tighter and tried his best to breath in and out as he nearly choked.Truly, Erwin was a kind person. Levi could never think of anyone else who would work around the problems Levi had as he dealt with the fallout his mother left behind. Going back to the café was one of the few things Levi had to look forward to. Although, he wondered if Erwin was right when he said it might still be too soon. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and heaved a strangled sigh. He swallowed it down. Doing his best, he leaned forward and his bare feet hit the cold hard wood with a slap.Mr. Smith had been kind enough to drop by the day before with some milk and stomach medicine. Levi felt more like vomiting thinking of his mother. ‘The lack of her,’ he thought. The house was quiet. He never knew how accustomed he was to the constant reverberating knock of her concentrator until they had to turn it off. He closed his eyes and listened. The house was empty. He grimaced and felt his throat tighten again and this time a soft sob escaped. It echoed into the emptiness and a chill ran down his spine. He forgot to set the thermostat on top of everything else. It was easy to forget without his mother’s reminders. Levi probably would have starved if not for his uncle.He had no idea how he was going to go back to work and actually function. Last week, he had started crying in Reevmart when he saw her favorite cookies. ‘Don’t forget, Levi.’ It was as clear as crystal and for a moment he wondered if he bought the cookies that she would be waiting in the front room for him. This was what some assholes called ‘Magical Thinking’. To Levi, it was just sad.He wondered if he could just clean things for a while. That would probably get him out of this rut. “At least it’ll be a hell of a lot more interesting than balancing the books,” he sighed. He might run the cash register too. There were recipes he could work on in the back, baking and cooking he could do. He needed something to distract him, even for a moment. “I’m still working on getting that mixer,” he said aloud. He got up and walked down the hall to the restroom as he continued talking to her, “It’s due for an upgrade, Mom. And I think we should be the ones to get the old one. There are still a lot of recipes we didn’t get to try yet.”He was the co-owner of a small business. His opinion mattered enough to warrant whether or not they kept on certain suppliers. It mattered for the menu. “It’ll be just like I never left,” he said quietly to the air. He was in front of the fridge and saw two new gallons of milk with a note from his uncle: Try to drink at least two of the protein shakes today if nothing else. And do me a favor, eat one of the other five boxes of cereal. Not JUST the Lucky Charms. And drinking all this milk isn’t going to make you any taller, Shortstop.Levi’s lips quirked up into a smile. Grief was a maddening thing when he finally let himself work through it. It was not all tears, frowns or wails against the tenuous grasp humanity held on that fragile, mortal coil. It was still buying a box of his mother’s cookies for guests to enjoy when they came over. It was his uncle begrudgingly picking up three gallons of milk a week. It was the two of them sitting around their fire pit reminiscing over his mother’s insistence that the two of them stop ‘cursing so fucking much.’ It was Levi still accidentally grabbing two cups.Levi exchanged the second cup for two packets of Alka Seltzer and turned around to see the fridge was still open. He dropped the packets on the counter and grabbed a cold water bottle and protein drink before nudging it closed with his bare foot. He had to find his phone and check his messages. He tapped the counter four times with his nails before setting his drink to be ready by the time he checked the couch for it.He walked around the island and checked the table. It was clean. He took a few more steps and paused. There was a sticky note on the television. He hopped over the couch, bounced off the cushion and swiftly grabbed the note. Levi, your phone is charging in your room. I already set your alarms for tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 5.Which meant Levi should probably take his medicine at three to be asleep by six. “Thank you, Erwin,” he sighed. He groaned, “I am not that pathetic, but thank you.”Levi’s car was in the shop for the second time since his mother’s funeral. He had been an hour late because of it. He had sat there, stranded at a flower shop for two hours wondering why it had to be right then, of all the other times his car could have decided to bite the bullet, that it had to happen then. Except for when he was a child, he had never cried much until he felt her hand still while he held it. Promising his mother that she would get better was all he could do. Levi remembered rubbing the little bit of padding left on her hand as he tried to get her attention and wake her up. He remembered Kenny’s hand on his shoulder and Kenny’s tight voice promising Levi it would be okay.He sat there for a long time while his mother’s longtime friend and editor did her best to console what was left of the Ackermans. He was staring down into his empty cup and swallowed the last of the Alka Seltzer. He padded back to his room and picked up his phone.Mikasa had a present for him. Levi texted her a thank you and that he would see her tomorrow. Armin messaged that he was going to come over for lunch at noon. That meant they would be having salads. Erwin sent him links to some local vendors to look through if he had the time. Levi was drinking his protein drink by the time Hanji sent him a meme of Darth Vader screaming ‘NOOOOO!’. He scrolled down and saw she had managed to break her favorite boots.He wondered if it was one shoe or both. He sent a .gif of a sad cat in reply and asked if she wanted to go shopping on Monday. He waited for a reply.Everything seemed normal. The kitchen was clean except for a lone pan Kenny left behind to soak in the sink. Coffee sat, still warm, in the coffee maker. He opened the top and saw it had been a full pot. Grabbing a mixing bowl, he dumped the grounds in and spread them out to help them dry. It was an average, quiet day as he walked back down the hall. His craft room was immaculate and he set the bowl in the last available space in front of the window. He tested the furthest one on the left and found it was completely dry as the grounds slipped through his fingers.Here was the biggest decision he would have to make. He could grind the coffee down further to make more coffee scrub to sell on Etsy. Or he could clean his house one more time before the work week started. Kenny wanted to hire a maid but Levi hated the idea of anyone rummaging through their house when no one was home.He closed the door and looked at the door to the master bedroom. This was the time he should brush his teeth but he crept along and turned the knob. A little click was the only other sound besides his soft breaths. He looked at his mother’s bed and checked the comforter. Her books were just how she left them. Her favorite clothes still hung in bags to protect them from moths. The rest were packed away. Her paints were capped and lidded. Her last painting sat unfinished under a white sheet covered in a myriad of paint spots, blotches and streaks. There were a few groups of greens, blues and browns where she used to keep a record of her favorite mixtures and hues. There was a soft, chocolaty brown swatch that always drew his gaze to it. He sank to the floor and put his cheek on the edge of the bed. The tiny pinpricks were coming again. Her room smelled more like her than anything else and he wished he could put his head on her lap one more time. She had been so frail the last year, the most she could do was run her fingers through his hair. He was never an incredibly open person. He hugged his friends and family. But he could never cuddle up to anyone aside from her, Kenny and Erwin. Mikasa would latch onto him and he would let her. He only had one cousin and he loved her enough to do almost anything she asked. Indulging her was easy.It never seemed appropriate to touch anyone else. The best dates ended with a handshake at the door, in his opinion. “That’s probably why I could never make it past the second date, isn’t it, Mom?” he asked her.A vibration along his thigh broke him from his melancholy.'What should I bring 2morrow?' Would it have killed Mike to type out the ‘to’? Levi knew Mike only did that because he knew how annoying it was. He typed out, ‘Whatever you want. It’s not a party.’Yes, technically there should not be some hurrah to welcome him back or even a plan to ease Levi back into life at the café. His mother had been gone for four months after all. Erwin had decided, on his own, that employees would receive four months of bereavement leave and had to take it. Levi might as well had stayed at the café. His home was a stream of endless visits between shifts. Armin dropped by on his lunch break and to bring a sample of the newest item Erwin wanted to add to the menu and one of those incredible salads from McDonald’s or Wendy’s. Mikasa lived nearby. She would drop by after her shift to have a quiet cup of tea and to help sort through his mother’s things.Unlike most people, she quietly sorted through his mother’s clothes without saying he should get rid of anything. Mikasa had offered to launder her clothes before packing them. A few things she took to the dry cleaners. Some things she secretly packed into those special bags she brought over. They were the ones that had to have the air sucked out of them and would protect the items within. His mother’s favorite nightgown was in one. A few of her favorite outfits were simply packed and never washed. When Levi felt particularly lonely, not that he would admit it, he would open the bag just to smell the fabric. It still smelled like sunshine and the sweet flowers his mother tended in the garden.The smell always clung to her and he thanked his cousin for doing that. He would have never thought of it. The little bit of relief from feeling like she was in the room with him again left him feeling hollow. His heart fell like a lead weight. Levi wiped away a tear. Humanity’s Strongest.That was what they called him a lifetime ago. He was the embodiment of his mother’s hero that she wrote about in her books. Kuchel Ackerman always told him that: he was brave and strong. He felt less than heroic with his face smashed against his dead mother’s bed trying to keep his day from falling apart.
Beep.
Levi wiped his eyes and grabbed for his phone. Erwin had taken him to buy a new one a few weeks ago after he had broken his last one. He was still getting used to it and fumbled with it as his vision cleared. It was his uncle.‘Hey, Shortstop. Are you awake yet? It’s 8:53 so make sure you eat breakfast. I’m still out with the publisher. He wants to finish Kuchel’s books but I told him it isn’t the same without her paintings. We won’t if you don’t want to. I told him it wasn’t up to just me, but you too.’Levi chuckled. He did not even have to work, technically. His mother was an astute woman. She secretly put him on the deed for the house. He had to pay property taxes but the royalties from the books was enough for him. She even helped him and Erwin start the café. More often than not, he felt wretched for needing to take time off. He practically had more than he ever dreamt he could. There was the café, his family and finally he had so many of his old comrades back. He was a part of the story his mother wanted to share with the world.He felt childish for a moment. He missed his mother and wanted nothing more than to see her again. Somehow, he was crushed beneath his loneliness when his friends came to see him almost every day. Erwin practically moved into the house when Kuchel was ill. They still had the apartment they leased together, but Armin moved into it and was subletting while Erwin shuffled between café, apartment and the house.Levi spoke aloud as he slowly typed, “It wouldn’t really be the same without Mom. Technically, the Titans are defeated after all. She was just running the series and putting in all her happy endings. She has a lot of notes, but I don’t think either of us are as capable of a happy ending as she is.”Kenny texted back quickly. ‘I know. But she finished everything but the last one with Eren in it and all your little friends having a jolly good time.’Only his mother could change the tale enough to leave everyone smiling: including Eren Jaeger. ‘It’s my book,’ his mother always said about each story, ‘I can write it anyway I want and end it any way I want.’ ‘Then why ask us in the first place?’ Levi thought as he smiled to himself. Erwin never lost an arm according to his mother. He lived and Levi was able to see the sea with his commander and friend. He had been disappointed a lifetime ago to learn Erwin’s reasons to find the truth had not been as altruistic as Levi was led to believe. It did not bother him now, of course. Erwin would always be Erwin. His absurdly huge, former commander still managed to have two whole arms.There were a few close calls in the kitchen that made Levi wonder if Erwin was best suited to running their coffee machines and making tea. Erwin was the best at dealing with people and his scheming ways were put to good use generating ways to keep the café afloat. This was why they hired Armin and Mikasa. Armin was good in the kitchen and Mikasa was great with customers. Erwin’s place was at the cash register and far from any sharp utensils.Hanji had been good for business. She would bring everyone from her biology classes to the café during their breaks and after class. Fair prices and ‘Study Hour’ specials kept them awash with student customers who also brought more and more people with them every time. Instead of Titans, Hanji was obsessed with fungi and every opportunity they presented to the world. She would talk to her experiments and show him pictures she took with them. It was almost like she was showing off a child or beloved pet. He wondered if she carried more than pictures of them wherever she went and what spores were floating around her.There was always the possibility that they could land on a counter and wreak havoc on his life. He could imagine the headlines. The inevitable shutdown of his dream. Figures in hazmat suits dismantling his café. He sighed. Instead of Titans ravaging his life, it would be those mushrooms.He checked the groups on his phone and selected to send a group message to ‘Tea Slingers’.He checked the list to make sure everyone was there then sent out, ‘I’ll see you all tomorrow. You know what to do.’ They had a wonderful crew working at the café. He liked how often Erwin fell back into his place as commander and how often the crew did the old salute during one of his pep talks. It could have been a joke with no end or just a testament to Erwin’s presence. Now, Erwin’s indomitable energy was put to better use. The stage was small and the stakes were moderately high, but they had an incredible team of magnificent people to do it.Mikasa was a hit as a waitress and soon they found Historia. She needed a job so Levi hired her on sight. Ymir would come to visit and instead of having her take up precious table space, Levi offered a job in the kitchen. She had been dubious until he said that she would be scheduled with Historia on as many shifts as humanly possible.She accepted his offer with a handshake.He wondered why the café attracted more and more people. Some had more memories than others but there was still a sense of camaraderie. Abject fear and determination were replaced with joy and another chance at happier times. One of those ‘warriors’ came by often: the tall one Armin ate.He was still rather quiet and his eyes went wide once Levi welcomed him in. Erwin showed him to a table with a smile. Mikasa stared at him when she walked up to the table. Bert was still as sheepish as ever. Mikasa smiled at him and asked him what he would like to eat.He said, ‘Shish kabob.’ Mikasa laughed and smiled. Levi was happy for his cousin. She had been the most forgiving and had one of the biggest hearts he had ever gotten to meet. Life had been cruel so long ago. They all did what they had to in order to survive. Something about her glowed when she smiled and he could see why his mother loved happy endings as much as she did.The Bert kid surprised him once by asking for flyers that he could take to post around town and at his school. Erwin practically shoved Levi aside and told Bert there would be a dozen free bagels in it for him if he could wait one night and come back the next day.Word of mouth was why the “Captain and Commander Tea Shop” did well. Erwin had told Levi’s mother it was a splendid idea because it honored her and her book. Levi wanted to call it something simple like ‘Fourth Street Coffee’. She agreed and thanked Erwin for being such a sweetheart and told him how happy she was. When both Erwin’s and his mother’s eyes implored him to agree, he had no choice but to acquiesce. ‘Hey Shortie, you there?’ His phone’s screen lighting up practically blinded him and brought Levi back to the present. “I have to think about it,” Levi said as he typed it out. “I don’t know if we can really end it the way she wanted to. I’d rather leave it alone. You can tell them we have to look at what is left. The important thing is to honor her memory and the world she created.”The words took a lot more out of him than he thought they would. Levi loved the world his mother made. Her happy endings were a lie he was happy to protect. He stood up and walked over to her easel. He ignored it and dropped to his knees beside it. He uncovered a series of finished portraits and backgrounds and saw one that tugged at both his conscience and his heart.Beautiful green eyes lit up by the sun stared back at him. Lips curled up in a smile instead of being drawn in a flat, dour line. Thick eyebrows with just the right touch of centipede to them were raised in excitement. His mother had such a wonderful talent. She had captured everyone at their best and brightest. She always was an optimist. He looked at the beautiful sunshine that danced in brown hair and along the waves behind him. He let the painting in front of it fall back with a thump. Armin had his arm around Mikasa’s shoulders while Sasha and Hanji played in the sand. One more of the ocean with Mike and his horse.He closed his eyes and covered the paintings to protect them. Sometimes, a happy ending just hurt him too much.

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It was still warm as he drifted back into a hazy consciousness. Pulling up the covers over his shoulder, he realized the alarm on his phone had not gone off yet. He turned over onto his side and felt cold air nip at his toes. He curled up tighter and wondered for a moment if he should try to get more sleep. His eyes felt nearly glued together. He reached out to feel the wall and the blanket he kept rolled up against it to protect him from drafts. Lucky Charms were better but he knew making himself some eggs would bolster him for the day. Levi decided that was probably the right thing to do. Both Kenny and Erwin had given him funny looks as he ate cereal for dinner. Going to sleep right after still left him feeling exhausted but he knew he had to get up. He turned around and opened his eyes to meet the bright whites of too-blue eyes framed in the soft light of the hallway.At this point in his life, he should be used to seeing someone crouched beside his bed. It never lost its novelty though. He threw off his shock and messed up Erwin’s blonde hair. “You’re awake,” Erwin said as he righted himself using the edge of the bed. Levi felt the bed tip him closer to Erwin and he immediately put out a hand to stop himself from rolling over and off. Levi turned the lamp on his nightstand on and looked at his friend. “Of course, I’m awake. No one could sleep through you creeping on them.”Erwin laughed softly, “Right. I’m sorry. I let myself in and turned on the heater. I came in to check on you.”Levi sat up in bed and rubbed his arms down to feel a little warmer. Erwin handed Levi a grey hoodie and turned to walk out of the room. “I need to grab a few things from my room and I’ll meet you in the kitchen?” he asked as Levi popped his head out from the fabric. Levi nodded, “Be careful on the way down. The light on the stairs went out and I haven’t changed it yet.”Erwin nodded at that. “I’ll change it for you then,” he stated. Levi rolled his eyes, “I can do it myself. I’d just need to get the ladder out of the shed.” Erwin held up his hand at that and Levi’s protests died in his throat. “I’ll do it,” he said again firmly. “I really don’t mind. I’d rather do it for you than have you fall off the ladder again. I won’t always be there to catch you.”Levi laughed at that. “Right. It’s a ladder, not a death wish.”There was a hearty laugh as Erwin walked away. Levi rubbed the sleep from his eyes and threw himself back into bed. The medicine left him feeling a bit groggy but he absolutely had to get up now. Extra time meant he could get more done as he got ready. Kenny might even still be sleeping and he could surprise the old man with a fresh pot of coffee to wake up to. He pressed his face into his pillow. “One, two, three,” he counted as the down muffled his voice, “four, five!”He sat up then and made his way to the restroom. He opened the door and flicked the switch up, illuminating the room and himself. Levi picked up his cleansing oil and set it back down. Taking a good look at his face, he decided to shave first. He meandered through the routine until he started to wash off the oil with a washcloth. Then, he took one more look at his face. His skin was clean and now all he had to do was moisturize.The knock at the door jolted him. “Hey, Shortstop,” sounded his uncle’s gruff voice, “how are you doing?”“Just taking a shit,” Levi answered.Kenny laughed, “You’ve been in there long enough. I’m making breakfast for you kids. How many eggs you want?”Levi looked himself in the mirror again and smiled at his reflection. He almost looked happy. He adjusted just how high his cheeks rose and his eyes looked a little bigger and brighter. He sighed and his face fell into the look he had worn for almost two years. “Two, please,” he replied. Kenny tapping the door once and walking away was enough for Levi to know he heard.Levi looked at his face carefully again. He tried to smile again. It fell from his lips in a second. “What the hell am I doing?” he asked himself. He bowed his head over the sink and wondered how he would put on his usual happy face for work. It was cold. He was still tired. Erwin was probably right, but there was no way he was going to let his feelings stop him. He needed to get out. He needed to do something that made him happy.“Once I get there,” he whispered, “once I see everyone, I’m going to feel so much better. When I see them, I’m going to smile because I’ll be happy. I’ll be happy to be at work. I’m going to bake cheesecakes today. I’m going to pack some Lucky Charms for lunch. Everything is going to be fine.”Levi smiled again and his reflection was almost passable. He had almost forgotten his eye cream. He grabbed it from the counter above the sink and gently dabbed it around his eyes and even more gently on the soft skin of his under them.He turned around and flipped the switch down. He shivered and stuck his hands in the front pocket. He walked over to the kitchen and saw Kenny at the stove. The old man was already dressed in a plush, periwinkle blue sweater and deep brown slacks. Erwin was resting his head on the cool tiling of the island. Levi could smell coffee but he saw no cups. He walked over, took a look at the eggs from around his uncle’s broad shoulders and he felt the corner of his mouth lift up a bit. “Erwin! Coffee?” his voice carried over the sizzling of butter.Erwin lifted his head from the gentle caress of the tile a little, “Yes, please.”Levi grabbed two—three mugs. The cereal was over the stove and Levi saw no point in packing his lunch right at the moment. He checked the coffee maker and poured two cups and set one in front of his uncle. Kenny took it without a word and drank the steaming liquid without so much as batting an eye. Levi shook his head at that. He added two spoons of sugar to Erwin’s coffee and took the two remaining cups to the island. The air from the fridge chilled his face. He grabbed the open gallon of milk and poured a bit into Erwin’s mug before filling his own.“It won’t make you any taller,” Kenny sighed. Levi rolled his eyes and tipped the mug to his lips. The milk was nice and cool. This one tasted fresher than the last jug he opened the day before yesterday. Kenny tipped two eggs onto one plate and three onto another. He pulled out some sausage links from the oven and added three each to both plates.“Well,” Erwin said from over his mug, “he’s only five-three—”“And a half,” Levi added quietly.Kenny put the two plates at the four person kitchen table and gestured for the two men to head over. Levi squinted in thought, “Where’s your food, Old Man?”“Microwave,” he laughed, “I’m eating some curry I got from one of the dads for breakfast today.” He popped open the microwave hanging over the stove open and took out a bowl of heavily spiced lamb curry. Levi could smell the strong scents of turmeric and ginger wafting over. Kenny sat at the table just as Levi was getting up for a second glass of milk.“Why don’t you try a protein drink?” Kenny’s voice was marked by concern. He put his spoon into his bowl and stirred it as he waited for Levi’s response.Levi simply poured more milk into his mug and closed the fridge quietly. He grabbed two spoons and two forks as well as the honey and maple syrup. Finally sitting down at the table he looked at his food. It smelled good but the idea of eating it made him a little queasy. Cereal was easy to eat. He could almost always keep it down. This would be a more daunting task.Kenny waited for Levi to add a little syrup to his sausage while Erwin dressed his eggs with a little honey. “I guess this might be a little much for you already,” Kenny surmised. “You don’t have to eat it all at once.”“I’m fine,” was Levi’s quick reply. He scooped one egg onto his spoon and bit into it. The eggs were over medium and perfectly cooked. This was one of Kenny’s few specialties. “This is really good, thank you,” he said while looking at his uncle. Kenny’s dark grey eyes lit up at that. “Good, good. I just wanted to make sure you had something good in you for your first day back,” he rambled on, “Just take it easy today, okay?”He tried not to roll his eyes at that. Erwin got up and made his way to the fridge, “It’s still summertime so we aren’t as busy as we usually are. It’ll be good to have Levi back. Having the new guy around has done wonders for the café in general,” Erwin came back to the table with a few scones Levi had been playing with the day before, “but we all miss him.”Kenny held out his hand and Erwin dropped the scone into it. The sleeve on Erwin’s right arm shifted with the motion. Levi traced the milky white scars and stitch marks with his eyes until the sleeve dropped back down. Erwin was smiling now that he had started to mainline all that caffeine. “Well, he might as well bake there too, I guess,” Kenny said as he bit into the crumbly pastry. Levi was satisfied with the texture but the taste bothered him. Then again, even the eggs and sausage on his plate smelled off when they were the same brands his family had bought for years. It must have been exactly what Marco said: it was not an issue of flavor but an issue of the heart and mind. He had dropped by unexpectedly yesterday and Levi almost did not hear the polite rapping at his door over the music. Marco coming over was always a nice surprise. They always had something to talk about and Marco was one of the few people Levi could trust to truly critique his dishes. Marco was sweet and patiently tasted everything Levi made while giving him honest feedback. That was one of the reasons he loved the freckled brunette.Another reason was that Marco was tall enough to reach all the cobwebs Levi would have had to grab the ladder to reach. He watched Kenny and Erwin eat the scones and all seemed well. He probably would take Marco’s advice and add a touch of cardamom to balance out the flavors.These scones were made with ginger chunks Levi had candied himself. He wondered if they were too sweet, but Erwin and his uncle seemed to enjoy them enough. His best bet would be to bake more at work, see how they went with the staff, then possibly move on to adding them to the free sample tray. Erwin knew how to create and build up the buzz around new additions to the menu. Levi’s talents were best served in the kitchen baking and crafting new recipes. He sipped his milk and wondered if the scones would be best served with green tea or chai tea. They might be better with chai tea, especially if he took Marco’s advice.He looked at Erwin and Kenny smiling and happily talking to each other as he bit into his sausage. All he needed was to pick out which vest he would wear and pack his lunch. The café used to open earlier, but hardly anyone trickled in before six-thirty. Students from the university were more likely to come in at seven then head to their classes on campus. They had better luck staying open late with Armin in charge of closing.“Levi?”He swallowed the last of his food and looked up, “Ah…yes?”Erwin’s sad eyes met Levi’s gaze. “Are you sure you’re up for it? I mean,” he paused, “you really could just stay in the kitchen. You don’t have to deal with customers if you don’t want to, Levi.” Levi must have been ignoring them as he focused on trying to eat what was in front of him. He needed to focus or he would be absolutely useless when the morning rush started.He shook his head at that and he could feel his bangs dance along his eyelashes, “You and Mom practically nixed that idea once you two decided to call it Captain and Commander.” That never meant he was bitter over it. He could pretend to be someone else, someone he liked, once in a while thanks to it. He could forget, just for a moment, what it really meant to be ‘Captain Levi.’ He was Levi Ackerman: one of Humanity’s heroes brought to life from the pages his mother so lovingly wrote.“I actually like showing off for the kids once in a while,” he felt himself smile a little. “It’s as fun for me as it is for them.” He tapped the rim of his mug and saw the last of his milk shaking. “I like losing myself in character once in a while,” he admitted.Kenny’s eyes flickered to Erwin’s face for a second. “You know, someone from the community college said they’ll be holding open auditions in September. You could try out and…” Kenny looked at the sullen face Levi knew he was wearing. He was trying to hide it and looked down at his food before scooping up the second egg and practically shoveling it into his mouth. Levi looked up and saw the sad look Kenny wore. “Maybe if they can fix my car,” he conceded. “That’s a half-hour drive and I don’t feel like dragging my shit back and forth on the bus.”“We’d also have to see about my work schedule. I’d rather not miss Karaoke Night if I can help it.”He sipped the last of his milk and saw something akin to hope light up the other two faces at the table. Erwin got up and brought back the gallon of milk to replenish Levi’s last glass. He almost wanted to make a remark that Erwin had better just come out with whatever he was feeling guilty about. Instead, he took a sip of his drink. His eyes never quite left Erwin as he trotted around the kitchen and dining room. Sometimes, the floor plan felt a little too open since they had to return the hospital bed. They just had a need for open spaces with the wheelchair. Now, all that empty space was starting to feel suffocating.The walker was still beside the entertainment center. He decided to ask Mikasa and Historia to help him rearrange the house. He was tired of looking at it. Erwin made another round with his second cup of coffee in hand. Erwin and Kenny kept him rich in coffee grounds with how dependent they were on that shit. He finished his third glass of milk and set the glass down. It was a good morning and Levi decided Erwin was just being nice. There were none of the usual quips about the four gallons of milk in the fridge from either of the men as he ate his last sausage.He was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Levi stood up and put his dishes in the sink. “Thanks, Old Man,” he said with the best smile he could muster, “I’m going to get dressed now and brush my teeth.”Erwin waved goodbye from the table as Levi went to his room. ‘I need to buy some slippers,’ he thought. The floor was cold under his bare feet. He wondered if he could buy some when he took Hanji shopping. Levi cursed his car again. Hanji would have to be the one to either meet him there or actually use her own car and tote him around for once. “She hasn’t come around to mooch for a while,” he realized. Normally, she would find a way to weasel her way into his leftovers three to five times a week.She was like a crow or a stray cat. Once he fed her, she always came back. He stopped in his tracks. “Guess she found someone else to feed her,” he sighed. That meant a lot less work for him. Levi ran his left hand through his bangs to the back of his head. Ruffling the clean hair in the back, he put himself back to the task at hand. Everything was fine. He would see Hanji later. He would go to the café just like any other ordinary day.Levi took his hoodie off and tossed it onto his bed and slipped off his shorts. He swallowed hard as he pulled his dark khakis up his thighs and left them unbuttoned. He shrugged into his white button up shirt and looked at himself in the mirror as he buttoned himself up to the top. He changed his mind and unbuttoned the top one. He had decided to wear his mauve vest. The fabric was thicker than the others he owned. He was tucking in a little more of his shirt into his pants than usual. It was more apparent once he buttoned his pants that he had lost more weight.His face looked the same: full cheeks with a slight touch of shadows under his eyes. Levi smiled at his reflection again. He almost looked happy. Having ‘chubby’ cheeks never bothered him. Kenny had told him over and over how much Levi took after his mother and he could almost see it. He had her eyelashes, her mouth, her eyes and the shape of her face. He had her dark hair and it nearly framed his face the way it did hers. When he tried hard enough, he could almost imitate her smile. Levi wondered if he could be in character when the patrons started to filter in. No one expected him to smile all that much anymore. It came as a relief. He saw himself chewing on his bottom lip. “I’ll be alright, Mom,” he promised her. “This is what I wanted to do after all.”
‘Have a good day at work.’

‘I’ll see you later.’

‘I love you, Levi. Don’t forget—’
He looked down at the Chap Stick on his vanity then back up to his blurred reflection. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll see you when I get home, okay?” he whispered. “Love you too.”“I’ll try to pick up more cookies for you on the way home,” he said in a soft, cracking voice as he buttoned up his vest. Taking one last look in the mirror: he decided he would leave the two top buttons undone. He combed out his hair and grabbed the Chap Stick. All he needed was his jacket and wallet then he would be ready for work. The cold was nearly penetrating him to the bone. His uncle was probably right to be pushing those protein drinks as much as he was. On the way home, he could ask Erwin to stop at the grocer’s. They could pick up some chicken, fish… “Maybe some potatoes?” Those were easier to eat.Carrots and celery were also easier on his stomach. He might ask Sasha what seasonings she could recommend to make the food more enticing. She was a true foodie and he loved having someone else to geek out with. Neither his mother nor uncle was known for their culinary skills. They had gotten sick as a family from bad takeout and delivery plenty of times. When Yap went online, his uncle was an elite Yapper within a month. That was probably easy when their dinners came to their door at least three times a week. His mother was a woman of roasts and carefully seasoned and baked chickens. He helped his uncle make the sides until he was tall enough to reach the stove on his own. Orange box macaroni was replaced with its traditional German cousin. Handmade meatballs found a way to their table. Mikasa came over a lot and helped him as he was perfecting his craft.Hanji was frequent guest and full-time moocher by the time they were in university. He should have been glad she stuck around for three years since they graduated. To be honest, only he and Erwin were done with school after the four year mark. She may have been on her way to a becoming a perpetual student while Mike was happy tending horses at his family’s stables. He had decided to become a veterinarian in order to care for their family’s equine tenants better.It probably made sense with his business major. He caught his reflection in the mirror. He saw the way the white fabric was starting to sag around his shoulders. Levi knew what he looked liked: pathetic and small. It was still a miracle no one quit since his mother died. A small part of him expected only Erwin to be left once he walked back through that green door. He looked at the floor and chewed his bottom lip. His mother was gone and there was nothing left tying them to the café or the books. They were free to leave: the story was practically told. There was so much more Erwin could be doing with his time. He could go into corporate work and have something steadier to look forward to in life.“Levi?”His bangs clouded his vision when he turned to see Erwin waiting just outside his door. “May I come in?” he asked. His ears immediately perked up at the soft, tempered tone Erwin used. Levi looked at his wrist and remembered he never wore a watch to work. Erwin sat down on Levi’s bed and his legs reached all the way to the floor. He patted the spot beside him and Levi took it as his cue to sit down. He grabbed his high, brown leather riding boots and slipped into the first one when Erwin started to talk.“Your uncle packed your lunch already,” Erwin cast a sidelong glance to gauge Levi’s reaction. There was not much to see at the moment. Kenny was worried and Erwin shared his concern. Levi looked another ten pounds lighter now that he was wearing his work clothes. He felt the bed shift as Levi zipped up his boot and bent down for the other. Erwin licked his lips and continued, “The new guy is taking the week off right now. You’ll get to meet him next week once you’ve had a chance to settle in.”Levi quirked up a thin brow in response. “Did the little shit get dysentery or something?” Levi could not help himself: he chuckled at his own joke. Erwin rolled his eyes at that. “No, Levi,” he replied, “he doesn’t have dysentery…” He looked like he was about to say something else before firmly pressing his lips together. Erwin being silent always made him nervous.“I kinda wanted to meet him,” Levi said suddenly as he pulled his other boot up his leg. “It’s either really bad or really good if this kid’s such a surprise.”The color drained from Erwin’s cheeks. “Please,” Levi sighed, “tell me it’s not one of those pigs from the military police.”“He’s not an MP,” Erwin affirmed. Levi nodded. “Okay,” he went on, “what’s his name?” He looked Erwin straight in the eye and held his friend’s wavering gaze. Levi knew this was the best way to get Erwin to crack.“Uh… he’s just someone Carla knows…” he stammered.“Oh.”He got up and held out his hand to Erwin. “Let’s go then,” he urged. Erwin took his hand and Levi felt the strain in his shoulder when he pulled the other man off the bed. “You don’t look good, Levi,” Erwin admitted.Levi dusted off his vest. He could see that in the mirror for himself. “I feel better than I have in a long time,” he insisted. “I need to go back.”He needed to message Carla too. It was strange that everyone was so tightlipped about the new guy. He decided not to question it. Maybe it was Eld. He really missed Eld and it would be nice just to see him again. Maybe he actually remembered something too. Levi wondered if he could only be that lucky.If routine persisted, he and Erwin would be the first in and first out. They would close for dinner at three in the afternoon for half an hour. He could finally catch up with everyone and see them all at the same time. All of them had not been together in the same room since the last time he entertained for dinner the day after her burial. They ate outside under the oak tree and while he did his best to keep his attention on the living, his eyes kept flickering to her chair. Warm summer evenings, picking up acorns and putting them on her lap as a gift to her and falling asleep there with her as his uncle stoked the fire pit. He could still hear her heart beating over Kenny’s chatter. His hand flew over his chest as if that would protect it from the painful tightness taking root.Kenny was standing sentry in the hall. A charcoal grey coat was draped over his arm as he waited. “There’re my favorite nephews,” he said proudly with a grin that reached all the way to his crinkled eyes. He handed Levi his coat and pulled him into a tight hug. Levi found his face mashed against his uncle’s diaphragm. Levi turned his face to breathe but hugged his uncle back. He felt Erwin’s huge self join in with a hug as tight as he possibly could. A small puff of air escaped his collapsing lungs as both men let him go.He caught his breath with a wheeze as his uncle laughed. “Alright, Shortstop, I’ll be seeing you later.” At least Kenny was leaving his hair alone this morning.Levi nodded and coughed out, “Yeah. Assuming you assholes didn’t just break my ribs.” He pulled the thick coat over his shoulders and delighted in the warmth on his back. Moving his arms into the sleeves caused him to wince.“It’d kill your acting career,” Kenny joked.Levi tried to laugh but he still needed more air for a sarcastic retort. A second later, he found himself hoisted over Erwin’s shoulder and Kenny handing him his lunch bag. He could tell from the weight that it had two of those chalky protein drinks in them. Levi decided he could try to drink at least one today. He let his full weight drop onto Erwin’s shoulder and let his legs dangle dangerously close to Erwin’s exposed underbelly.His feet only touched the ground once they were outside in the dark, dewy air of the early August morning. He looked at Erwin’s guilty expression. It was like he was channeling one of Hanji’s mildewing experiments. “Did something burn?” he asked with a note of distress in his voice. “Did the mixer break?”He really wanted to take it home.Erwin nodded. “That’s one of our problems. I had to put a sign up that our tacks are not for stabbing the other patrons.”The palm of Levi’s hand met his face. First, people doodled on their nice, white tablecloths. Then their toppers and specially branded mugs kept disappearing. He hated seeing Historia sad that the little vases she worked so hard on went missing. He hated that they could not use the cups his mother designed. Erwin started selling the new stock of mugs—another great idea—and the surviving originals lived in a cupboard in the back.He felt sad. They would have to replace their mixer and he could probably try to get the old one fixed. He had a feeling it would be DOA, just like his car. His insurance company was handling the issue but it had already been over a month. He was not going to pay for the rental and the insurance on it. At that point, buying a new car was cheaper. He would like to keep the car he had worked so hard to buy. He and Erwin worked part-time in college selling cutlery to pay for the café they knew they would be opening. Levi had never smiled so much and sacrificed so much of his dignity. The money was worth it. He still had a full set of knives of his own plus sets for the cafe. Erwin was a natural salesman while Levi found it exhausting.Pretending that he was acting on stage made it almost bearable as he held that smile for over an hour at a time. That car cost him too much for him to give up on it. But his insurance would only cover so much. His last hope was for his car to be totaled and replaced. The car. The mixer. That was so much money he did not want to spend. He groaned and heard the squeak of his life-long neighbor’s door. He turned and saw an elderly woman in her fluffy pink house robe totter onto her porch.“Hello, boys!”They replied in unison, “Hello, Mrs. Lieberman.”She pulled her robe tighter and fixed her glasses to sit a little higher on her nose. Erwin lifted Levi up again and Levi sighed as his arms and legs dangled in the air. Erwin was carrying him like a handbag now but he simply rolled his eyes as they made their way to Mrs. Lieberman’s house. The saintly old woman smiled broadly and her eyes went from Erwin’s face to Levi’s.“How are you doing, Hunny Bunny?” she asked.He smiled at her a little, “Just going to work?”She clapped her hands and smiled, “Kenny mentioned that yesterday. I wanted to invite you boys over for dinner tomorrow. I’m making chicken pot pies from scratch.” Her face beamed and she looked just as bright as her Painted Lady on a summer day. She honestly was a good neighbor but he wondered if he could make it through two days at work and dinner after that. Maybe he could just chew his food really slowly and just smile and nod.Levi’s heart sank a little but he smiled, “Well, I’m a big fan of your pot pies.” The big grin on her face was reward enough when she looked back down. “I have some ice cream already made, so don’t forget. I’ll see you boys at the usual time.”They wished her well and Levi’s face fell as Erwin’s heavy shoes thumped down her steps. Erwin tightened his grip around Levi’s middle and whispered, “What kind of ice cream do you think she made this time?”Levi tried to shrug but it was difficult since the fabric of his coat was so thick. His shoulders were bound tightly in the position Erwin had him too. “She made spumoni last time and that was pretty good,” he said quietly. Erwin chuckled, “That was pretty good. I’ve never seen you eat a second helping of anything sweet before then.” Levi felt his face heat up as he explained, “Well, it’s not like that hard, store-bought crap we usually buy. That’s how ice cream is supposed to taste, Erwin.”That only made Erwin choke as he tried not to laugh loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood. “Maybe we should start playing hockey again,” Erwin mused. “That was a lot of fun and you were always good on the ice. Everyone loved the way you could spin on a dime and I don’t know anyone else I’d rather be put in the box with.”“Maybe.”Levi’s feet touched the ground and he was in the car as soon as he heard the locks release. He looked over and saw Erwin slide in and he caught another glimpse of raised scar tissue on Erwin’s right arm. “Aren’t you cold?” he asked.Erwin shrugged, “Not really.”“Okay.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chapter Three
Certain and Most True… AckerTuff: Carla, are you awake? Kenny waited a moment. He wondered if he should check the kids’ chat room and see who was alive in there. A quick press on the screen of his phone let him know Armin was idle and everyone else was offline. ‘As it should be,’ he thought. They had classes and work to get to. ‘No time to dilly dally,’ he thought. Another switch to their private chat room and Kenny still did not see a message from Carla. He checked the time again. AckerTuff: GOOD MORNING, BEAUTIFUL! ARE YOU AWAKE NOW?AckerTuff: Carla, are you awake?Jaegerbomb: I am now, asshole. What is it?AckerTuff: The kids left for work. A few moments went by as he clutched his cell phone. Carla was never a morning person even when they were kids. Neither was Kuchel, actually. He hated waiting for them to wake up as he sat there bored with his headphones jacked into the television. Saturday mornings had always bored him to tears as he sat there huffy, arms folded across his chest until almost noon. Kuchel would refuse to wake up before eleven. At least with Carla, he could pinch her nose and wake her up swinging. Then he had company until Kuchel finally opened her eyes. Kenny took a deep breath to steady his nerves. He would give almost anything to see his sister’s sleeping face again. Jaegerbomb: Sorry, I had to get up or the light would wake up Grisha. How was Levi? Did he eat something? He looks so thin, Ken. Does he like the new protein drinks?AckerTuff: I think so. He actually drank one yesterday.Jaegerbomb: Good.Jaegerbomb: How are you feeling, Ken?AckerTuff: A little worried.Jaegerbomb: How are you sleeping?AckerTuff: Alright for the most part. I’m not waking up as much like when she Kenny could feel his throat tighten thinking about her. They had always been together. He might have been the one who was three minutes older but she was the one who held everything in place. Kuchel was his everything in a way. He could not keep telling Carla how hard it was to wake up without Kuchel there. There was an empty space in his life; he had to carry on knowing she would no longer be there at the table to greet him in the morning. She would never join him for a quiet hour or two by the fire pit on those bad nights again. Instead, she was going to become another sad memory like everything else. A part of his heart died with her. He kept telling Levi it would be okay. He would always be there for the little brat. He wondered if it had been like that the first time: Levi crying and begging her to wake up. Kenny just wanted her to open her eyes one more time.He hoped this was all a bad dream. He wanted to open his eyes on that couch, look over and see her again, even if it meant she was in that damn hospital bed. There was only one thing that even made this situation bearable. ‘I wasn’t too late,’ he thought as he wiped away a tear. At least they were together this time. He was with her. She knew how much he loved her. Carla was his best friend. Kuchel was his other half. He deleted the text. AckerTuff: Well enough. Seeing the brat reminds me that she’s never really gone.Jaegerbomb: I know. They’re both so stubborn. ;) Kenny actually laughed at that. He wiped his eyes and looked at the pictures on his wall. Levi did look a lot like his sister. He was the last thing Kenny would ever have of her. He had her eyes, her smile and somehow he had even gotten both of her dimples too. Kenny always said he was the better looking twin but his sister had always been beautiful in every way that mattered. AckerTuff: I miss her.Jaegerbomb: Me too. Just remember, you two are always my best friends and I’ll do anything for you. Do you want to get some coffee since you’re up?AckerTuff: I got some brewed and ready for you.Jaegerbomb: Have I told you how much I love you?AckerTuff: Try not to make Grisha too jealous. ; ) Kenny figured it would take her close to forty minutes to arrive. Maybe it would take her an hour if she actually obeyed the speed limit. Erwin had washed the dishes and everything else was clean in the kitchen. He opened the fridge and shook his head at all of those damn gallons of milk. At this point, he was starting to wonder if Levi going down to four gallons of milk a week was as good an idea as it seemed at first. He might pick up an extra one on his way home. He pulled out the plate that had the last of the scones to bring them to room temperature for Carla. He opened the back door and felt the morning air relax him a bit. He pulled the screen closed to air out the front room while he was outside. The fresh air carried the scent of flowers. The garden was always full o f them, weather permitting. He stepped out and walked to the vegetable and herb garden.Kuchel’s plants were still doing well. The pumpkins were still green and looked almost ready to swell up. Zucchini and cucumbers all looked the same to him. Levi knew about these things. The sprinklers had already watered everything and he spied some red tomatoes and Levi’s assortment of pepper bushes. He would check on the garden later to see if it needed more watering. He was good at that part of gardening.It was a lush, large yard. He could see Kuchel’s chair under the big oak tree towards the back. Kuchel was the nice one: she had enough love in her heart to treat all of those kids like they were hers. The two of them had more free time than their friends when they were younger. She said she would watch the kids but he found himself dragged into it somehow. Kenny had to admit that he considered putting up a sign for “Ackerman Daycare” at one point. Those kids were always underfoot and he had gotten so sick of smelling peanut butter sandwiches that he packed up the van and took the kids out to eat. They thought he liked them which was partly true. He had his favorites.Kenny wondered if he could move the fire pit closer to the tree and roast marshmallows out there with the boys. Nigel was teaching summer school this year for extra money but it had to be easier than the regular school year. He had to come. It was too quiet. It might be nice to have all the kids in one place for once. Kuchel had made it clear it was for the best but he had doubts about the decision she had made with Carla.Kenny still hoped this had all been another bad dream and that he would wake up and see her out there. He would go back to sniffing peanut butter just to see her out there painting the kids out as they laughed and played. Erwin, Levi, Zoë and Mike would practically pull Armin and Mikasa in a little red wagon everywhere. He was certain those kids could walk but he wondered if it had to be a game or something. Kuchel would have known. She was good at those things. He got them again in the afternoon and evening when they showed up for class. Everyone needed self-defense and he gave family friends a little discount. Feeding all those kids was expensive after all. They had to start a snack pool since Kenny and Kuchel were doing them all such a big favor. It was fun for him though. He loved all of those kids, but he would never lie about having his favorites.He taught Levi the important things: how to talk to people, how to use a knife, how to tie his shoes, how to swing a deal and how to swing a knife. He had even potty trained the little brat. Those were the things he knew and the rest came from books detailing how to raise emotionally well-adjusted boys who grew into exceptional young men. He liked to think the book helped him understand things a little better than Kuchel’s simple ‘Just love him and everything comes naturally after that.’Men had their tribes. Levi was going back to his. Everything would be fine. Having Erwin in the basement eased his tired nerves better than cool grass under his feet ever would. He loved the kid and taught him all the important things as well. Nigel Smith was busy teaching and having an extra kid around the house brought a sort of joy Kenny had never felt before. Erwin liked his hat so the kid would always be alright in his books. He was Levi’s best friend and the two of them had, and always hopefully, would be together.Levi even got rid of his dog for the giant, blonde bastard. Rather, the teeny-tiny blonde. Kenny loved his sister. He would do anything for her. But the moment she suggested ‘Ripper’ as a name for the dog, he put his foot down. The book said it was best to shy away from things with violent connotations. And Levi was too little to name the dog anything but ‘milk’ or ‘leaf’. They had agreed on ‘Moose’ because it had to be easy to say even for a little kid. So, the giant dog he had hoped would be there to protect his sister and nephew while he was at work became Moo-Moo. And the dog was re-homed after four years anyway.Levi never got another pet after that. He looked out at the yard and wondered if they could get a kitten now. Erwin was only unsettled by dogs as a kid. He might have outgrown that. “But I don’t wanna risk it,” he sighed to himself. It was a beautiful morning and there was a little breeze starting to pick up. He might go fly a kite with Carla before work. A ding broke the silence.He looked down at his phone. Mikasa had texted him the old fashioned way. ‘Good morning, Uncle Kenny. I’m going in now so I’ll see you later at dinner. My mom said she’s making lasagna.’He looked up and saw the walker was still next to the television. Kenny picked it up and wondered if he should put it in her room. He set it down again. Her slippers were still at the door so he might as well leave the walker too. Kenny sat down on the couch. He had nowhere to be on his day off. The house fell silent without the frenzied clacking of keys on Kuchel’s laptop or the constant padding of his nephew cleaning the house top to bottom.He typed out, ‘Lasagna sounds great.’ Levi looked at the café entrance. A proud pair of wings, one white and the other blue, were on the door he faced. They also decorated the awning above him. Tiny emblems were stitched into the scalloped fringe. Green, brown, white, blue: these were all soothing colors and had begun to remind him more of his mother and his friends than the Survey Corps left behind. There was a quiet comfort in knowing they had been under the same banner.“Are you ready?” Erwin asked softly. Levi shrugged and smirked, “It’s a little late to ask that now since I’m already here.”Erwin stepped forward and opened the door. It was dark inside. He half expected to see a half inch of dust caked onto every item and surface in his beloved home away from home. He flipped the main switch to his left and what greeted him was a blinding light and loud bangs. His heart stopped beating for a second.He jumped back at the screams of, “WELCOME BACK!”Levi’s hand had flown to his chest to keep his heart from jumping out of his chest. Paper string and confetti rained down on him as he smelled the scent of smoke and gunpowder. Erwin laughed in that thick, hearty and annoying way he always did. Levi could have almost found it charming if not for the blood pounding in his ears in his ears. He caught his breath and saw his cousin, Armin, Zoë was with her shadow who brought along another box of her franken-shrooms. Mike was there and so was Marco.“You’re not that old yet, Levi,” Mikasa smirked at her cousin, “unless you’ve gotten out of shape since you’ve last been here.”He laughed at that. “I’m in the same shape as always. I thought I was getting shot at it.”“The café isn’t worth that much,” Erwin said while ruffling Levi’s hair. “That being said, it’s great to have you back.”Armin came up to Levi and hugged him as tightly as he would have if it had been a year—not a day—since they had last seen each other. “Historia and Ymir have class so they couldn’t come. They bought some sausage biscuits from McDonald’s for you to welcome you back.”Levi’s ears perked up at that. “Wonderful,” he said, “but first I have to take a look at things.”Hanji launched herself over the table—something that would need to be cleaned again—and latched onto Levi. She had some torque to her and he spun almost a full circle before gathering his bearings. “LEVI!” she cried out, “can’t you give it a break for once and just eat with us. Moblit brought another box of mushrooms just for you to help you get more vitamin D.”“And they’re high in protein,” her shadow said. Levi’s vision was full of brown hair that was not kept as devil-may-care as it usually was. Zoë had at least showered and taken some care with her appearance for today. Levi patted her back and almost missed the earthy smell that followed her around. Hanji lowered herself and looked up into Levi’s eyes and pleaded, “Pretty, pretty please, Levi?”He had trouble saying no to her. Today she was a she, even if her gender was technically just Zoë, and her two, big brown eyes looked especially sad. She even went through the trouble of making herself shorter than him.“Fine,” Levi said.She laughed and kissed his cheek, “They even have egg in them! Just the way you like them!”He smiled, “You act like you didn’t come over every other day to mooch food.” Petty little worries faded into the background seeing the smile on her face. Levi looked over to Marco with a wave and a smile. Marco’s eyes shone as he smiled and waved back. His attention was back on Hanji in a second.Hanji rubbed her face to his, “That’s because the food you make is the best, Levi.” He had to admit he missed seeing Hanji and was glad she looked good. The bags under her eyes were nearly gone and she still had her strong build going for her. There was nothing to worry about. The much taller brunette had started to squeeze him tighter, “I’ll be back a lot more once this project settles down a little more, okay, Levi? You’re gonna have so many mushrooms that you’ll make it to five-foot-five!”It took more strength than he thought it should to pry her off him. He looked up at her and smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes. “What did I say about you pushing those mushrooms onto us, Four Eyes?”Moblit faded into the foreground, “They’re safe for human consumption, Levi. They’re approved safe and organic. Plus, Erwin has been having us bringing a box almost every day for the café, free of charge of course. These ones are just for you. The new kid can make some of them into the stuffed soyrizo ones. They’re really good, I promise you. Plus, the big white ones are called lion’s mane and they taste like buttered lobster.”Levi was perplexed. The shadow was saying a lot today. He must have been practicing all morning for this. Hanji was lucky to have such a good friend and assistant again. He cast a glare at Erwin, “Wait… Are you accepting these lab grown monstrosities without my consent and feeding them to our innocent patrons? Without whom our café will surely fail, Erwin?”Erwin held up his hands defensively, “I made certain they were safe. I went to the school myself, spoke with the actual researches and I struck a great deal, Levi. These are free ingredients. It’s good for us and for Hanji’s lab. We get free, edible mushrooms practically indefinitely and the buzz is more good publicity for us. More people come in just to try them. And Hanji’s professor gets more validation for his research.”Levi’s ears perked up.“Did you say free ?” he asked.The huge blonde, usually as certain of himself as the fact that the sun would rise again, fidgeted in place. He looked quickly to Armin and Mikasa then back to Levi. “Ah…” he started out hesitantly, “Yes. Free as in we don’t pay for them. Ever.”'Free ingredients?' That certainly meant more money for the café. He could pad out their emergency repair fund a little more. He could pay for that new industrial mixture he wanted without dipping into his own money for it. It would be both for him to play with and for the café. Two birds. One mixer.“I take it the smirk is more of a smile, right?” Erwin said with his usual confidence back in place. Levi liked Erwin the most like that. “Sometimes,” he sighed as he looked up, “I think annoying every inch of my being is your goal in life.”“That’s not a lot of inches,” Erwin replied.Levi shook his head. “Why am I friends with you?”“I think the same thing whenever I open the fridge and see four gallons of milk staring back at me,” he answered with a grin. Levi shook his head. Erwin was what probably drove him to drink anyway. Soon, he could be at least five-four. That meant he would only be twelve inches shorter than Erwin and that prospect brought him some joy.“So… how are you doing?”Levi looked up at Marco. “I’m alright, Marco. I think I’ll add the cardamom to the next batch.”The way he smiled when Levi told him that was priceless. “I think it’ll really come together when you do,” he chuckled. Marco scratched behind his ear and looked askance. “I mean, they’re practically perfect the way you made them.”He smiled in return. His cooking was one of the things he truly took pride in. And it was something he could take and share with everyone else on top of that. Years of effort and trial-and-error made themselves apparent when someone took a bite of the things he made and enjoyed them. It was a quiet passion but one Levi loved enough to make a living on. He looked around at the café and thought to himself, ‘Thank you’.“How are the chocolatier classes going?” Levi asked.Marco’s eyes lit up. “Amazing! We’re going back to truffles and I know how much you like cherries. So,” he gushed, “I’m working on some that I hope will knock your socks off!”Levi smiled. “Thank you,” he said softly.Hanji squeezed Levi’s shoulders. “Truffles? We’re working on those too. Soon, we might even get them to start growing in the lab. And we’ll bring you guys some!”“Provided you can cook with truffles,” Hanji laughed.Levi looked up at and he felt a smirk spread across his lips, “Is that a challenge, Four Eyes?”“Only if you can do it, Lee-Lee,” she smirked back.Marco held up his arm, “Me too! Me too! I can probably take my risotto up to an eleven with just a hint!”He touched his fingers to his lips, “Oh my god! Levi!” His eyes were wild, “We could make the craziest pizzas! And even some pommes boulangéres!”Levi’s eyes went wide, “We can make duck with truffle and brandy sauce! Even a truffled chicken!”Levi felt Hanji let him go and scoffed, “You’re against my mushrooms in your café, but not against my truffles in your café?”He scoffed, “I’ll only have what’s safe for people to eat in our café,” he pointed at Erwin, “but when it comes to truffles—” He felt himself smiling at the thought:“Those are mine.”Hanji shook her head, “When we have success with them, you and Marco will be the first to have some.” She grabbed him in a loose headlock, “So long as you two share the spoils, of course.”“Black or white?” Levi asked.Hanji smiled, “Both.”With that he looked at Erwin, “You’re off the hook for this one, Eyebrows.” He pointed at him and gave him a stern reminder, “Next time, just talk to me about things like that. I’m not an invalid and running the café takes both of us.”Erwin smiled, “That’s fair. We’ll talk about the changes that went on while you were gone later when we’re in your office.” Erwin turned to Marco, “Maybe you can work here for a bit while you look into other jobs when you finish? I’d love to have you and Levi would too.” Levi watched Erwin nearly skulk his way over to Marco. He moved with all the grace and decisiveness of a predatory cat when he sidled up to Marco. Erwin was only a few inches shorter than Marco but he had a certain poise to him. Levi liked the way Erwin held his shoulders and the confidence he exuded. It meant he could shy away from dealing with the public and let Erwin do what he was best at. It was easier on his nerves that way and he could focus on what he was better at.“So, how are you feeling?”He turned and saw Armin there, “Oh, I’m fine.” It was mostly true. At least for right now. He felt happier than he had for a long time: just like he thought he would. “It’s great to be back to work,” he smiled. “I’m thinking of starting early so I can add something special to our lunch menu.”Armin shook his head, “The mixer is acting up so I did a lot of prep work by hand last night.”His heart dropped, “Is it that bad?”Armin nodded in reply. “I found the warranty in your office and called them. They’re going to send out a specialist to fix it tomorrow.”“I’ll keep it simple,” Levi sighed. At least there was something they could do besides just buy a new one right off the back. “I think I’ll buy a new one either way.”“So,” Armin squinted as he looked down at Levi, “I should cancel the service call?”“No!” Levi said a little too loudly. “No, no, have them come in. We have a warranty for a reason.”He did the math. Levi could buy two more mixers, with all of the accouterments, at this point there was no point in sparing any expense, and completely forget about his car for a few months. ‘Three months,’ he thought, ‘maybe four and I’ll have enough set aside for a down payment if I play it right.’Dipping into the book money felt dirty to him. That was what it was there for, but if he could do it on his own, he would. That he would save for a rainy day. He could hear a soft giggle and he turned to see Mikasa covering her mouth. She looked up at him and her dark grey eyes met his. “It’s good to have you back,” she said. “Things are a lot livelier with you around.”He laughed at that. “Sure,” he cocked up a brow at that, “I’m sure you all missed me so very much.”She smiled in that sweet, sincere way. “Of course we did, it’s never the same without you.”Levi swore his heart broke a little at that. He felt his eyes get a little dewy and blinked it away. “Well, it’s good to be home,” he smiled. “Thank you for the warm welcome.”The crinkle of a paper bag and the spicy scent of sausage in his face was not enough of a warning for him to duck out of the way. It was Hanji again, “You should eat this while it’s still warm since you’re so happy to see us.”Levi wondered why she looked so sad. He held up his lunch bag before putting it on the counter, “I’m full, actually.”“He actually ate food-food for breakfast,” Erwin chimed in with a sense of pride. Levi saw him puffed up with his hands of his hips like some sort of action hero.Marco sighed in relief, “That’s good then.” He smiled at Levi, his freckled cheeks high and a little crinkle in his eyes. “At least you’re feeling a little better, right?”There was a bit of a pause and Levi looked at his friends. Their eyes were not what he would consider focused on him, but they had him in their periphery. ‘Do I still look that bad?’ he thought. He looked at his reflection in the stainless steel display. He did not see much past the warped colors of his hair and face.“Yeah,” he was unable to hide the hesitation in his voice. Levi cleared his throat, “I feel a lot better lately.”“The home yoga has been really great,” he added. Marco was the first to say something, “Well, Jean’s been helping bring in the deliveries, so don’t push yourself, okay?”It was a quiet, indignant thought, ‘I’m not that pathetic.’ He was innately stubborn and he took a deep breath. “Thank you,” he said. “Does he still come in for his omelet?” Armin nodded and Levi nodded back. “Good, good. That’s good.”Having always been strong, especially for his size, a part of him wanted to say he did not need the extra help. He was paying the man in eggs anyway. It was a matter of pride. If putting on his work uniform had shown him anything, it should have been that he should start weight training again. He was much leaner lately and the yoga was not entirely to blame. If he was anyone else looking at himself, he would probably look just as concerned. He had lost more than just a few pounds now. ‘But it’s not my fault… I just… don’t feel well,’ he thought. He knew how much the shirt sagged on his frame. Levi still felt all eyes focused on him. He did the usual routine: cheeks high, lips pulled into a smile and his eyes focused on something the audience could not see.“Well,” Levi laughed and turned away from Armin, “I bet I can still lift you, Marco.” Marco laughed and put his hands in his pockets. There was a flush painted across his cheeks, “I’m a little heavy even for you, Levi.”He shook his head at what a silly thing that was to say. He held up his hand in a mock gesture of a boy scout’s promise, “I promise to put Jean to work. And I’ll let him know who told me to do it.”He laughed a little when Marco nearly sputtered that was not what he meant. He closed his eyes and just savored the ‘work horse’ joke that Mikasa made and Armin trying not to laugh. This was the next best thing he could think of. It was little moments like this that reminded him the war was over. He did not have to fight anymore. The battle was over. She was gone. But at least for now, everyone else was still here. A myriad of voices filled his ears until Erwin called out to him. Levi looked up and blinked.“Uh… yes?”The worry on Erwin’s face dropped immediately. “Do you wanna do karaoke tonight instead of doing it Saturday?”He had to think about it. While he was always happy to go out to sing until he was hoarse, he had to decline. “Maybe not,” he said, “I wanted to get some groceries tonight.”Erwin smiled at that. “Sure, I’ll take you. We needed to get more eggs anyway.” Levi was never going to decline a ride to and from the grocery store. He could actually stock up. “I was thinking we could cancel Karaoke Night,” he said loud enough to be heard over the chatter. When he saw all eyes on him he did his best to smile the way he had practiced that morning. “Maybe we can do a big dinner on Saturday at the house,” he said. Then he added quickly, “Ah… Assuming none of you are too busy.”Mikasa was the first to say something. “Should I bring some ice cream?” she asked. Armin threw up his hand and nearly jumped up in place, “I’ll buy some asparagus or bring chips.”Marco nodded and made a ‘hmm’ sound. He touched his chin, “I’ll definitely come. I’ll either come early to help you set up or I’ll be late and I’ll bring some chocolate. I can’t make any promises right now.”“I’ll send out an invite and we can set it up outside,” Levi looked at Erwin. His best friend’s eyes were shining and he seemed genuinely happy about an impromptu dinner party. He should have asked Kenny first since the house was a shared space and it might be too much noise for the old man to deal with. Still, his mind was already on the storage shed and the giant party tents in there. If there was a full house, they could set up the thirty-foot gazebo. A smaller group would fit under the octagonal gazebo. ‘Yeah,’ Levi thought, ‘it would just be us. It’s not like I’m going to cater for a group of thirty. There would be fourteen of us as the most.’“I’ll send out a message on our Eris server and we can set up who wants to bring a side. I’ll probably make chicken or something simple.” The more he thought about it, the better he felt about it. He could even do burgers and hot dogs just to keep it simple. He would spend a fortune on mustard and pickles but it would be worth it. Levi could make the buns in the café ahead of time to make the most of all of their mixing bowls and the industrial ovens they had at their disposal. Levi would need to order a lot more butter and some sesame seeds to toast.He made up his mind then. Hanji was the most excited when he said it out loud. She wanted to make the pickles herself. Levi declined, “We can just buy them. You can slice them this time if you want?” Marco said something about a new recipe and that he would send it in a direct message. Mikasa offered to buy bacon. Armin wanted to wrap the asparagus in bacon. Levi would only have to worry about the main dish at this rate.That was fine with him. He would message Historia once he got settled in. She had fairy lights and they would add a nice touch to the gazebo. Levi would have to pick up more citronella candles when he and Erwin went to the store. He would probably bake a traditional Black Forest cake for dessert. Annie really liked it. At this point, he might need to call Kenny for help setting up and take Saturday off to have everything ready for Saturday night.Levi heard the door opening behind them. He was smiling, happy to be surrounded by all of that warmth again. Everyone was still here even though he had been gone for so long. He could feel them here. His heart ached and his hand played with the top button of his vest. Fingers playing with a cool button over his heart as Hanji’s laughter died in her throat. Mikasa’s eyes went wide and Levi felt his heart drop.“You cut your hair?” Moblit asked.Erwin’s voice was strained in his throat, “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be off this week.”Levi’s ears twitched when he heard a voice he never thought he would ever hear again. His grip on the button tightened and his hands started to shake.“That guy called me a dirty hobo and tried to blame me for hair in his food when I didn’t even make it." His voice grew raspier with each word until he cleared his throat. "And I can’t take a penny I didn’t earn, Erwin.”Levi’s shoulders were trembling. He could feel the morning air washing into the room and crashing against him in waves. His breath was caught in his throat. Voices floated about him but he could not move a muscle to turn around. He suddenly felt cold to the bone. His head was starting to hurt.Armin’s voice floated by next, “You didn’t look like a hobo, Eren. That guy was just a jerk.”“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed, “you looked more like a hipster who thought shaving was too mainstream.”Levi’s eyes flew to Erwin’s face. His blue eyes were wide with shock as he looked towards the door that Levi still could not bring himself to turn and look. He put his hand on the back of his head and felt his hair. There was a reason he stopped bothering with an undercut entirely since his mother's health took a turn for the worse. Three if he was being honest with himself. His fingers threading through the hair at the back of his head was a reminder that he was not in a dream. He swallowed hard and opened his eyes. He saw their dark silhouettes reflected in the rosy light leaking in from the door.His hands were cold. He turned his head and saw a ghost colored with the soft rosy light of the sunrise. Sweet blue mingled and played in his hair with a gentle touch of lavender. Sunrise colored the crisp, white fabric of Eren’s button up shirt. It colored Eren’s tawny skin with a warm blush. He looked so warm. So alive. Levi’s breath was caught in his throat.Bright green eyes lined with that same fiery gold lit up the room and drew Levi’s gaze like a moth to a flame. They were stark against the bangs fluttering around his face in the cold air of the new day. He was dreaming. He must have looked at his mother’s painting too long before falling asleep. He would wake up any second. It had to be another dream. Eren smiled so much as he looked at Levi. He took a few steps forward, dark-wash blue jeans touched in the same rosy colors as every other inch of him.He closed the door behind him. The Wings of Freedom at his back like they always should have been. The eyes that Kuchel lovingly and painstakingly painted were staring straight at Levi. All he could hear was the beating of his own heart. Levi remembered the madness in those eyes the first time he saw Eren in Paradis. They drew him in. His eyes were all Levi could see. Green eyes as bright as the sun. A smile that made his heart want to break. This was Eren. This was the real Eren. This was the Eren he should have gotten to be.The soles of his boots pounded against the hardwood floor as he reached out to the dream. His fingers met rosy fabric and before he knew it, Levi had his arms wrapped tight around Eren’s waist. He was warm. Eren was so warm. Levi closed his eyes and felt Eren’s warmth on his cheek as he tightened his grip on the other man. Tears escaped and ran down his cheeks as a soft gasp escaped his lips. Bright eyes. That same cocky smile. Hair like cocoa.He jumped when he felt Eren’s right arm slide around his thin shoulders. The warmth of Eren’s hand bled through the thick fabric of his vest. He looked up and saw Eren reaching out to touch Levi’s cheek. Levi expected Eren to still be grinning at him. Instead, he wore a grim smile that he was trying not to let falter. Eren touched Levi’s cheek with his thumb and pulled it away quickly. “Do…” Eren whispered low in a husky voice, “Do I know you?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chapter Four:

The Ghost of You
 Eren smiled and made a kissy face in the mirror. He should probably take one last selfie of himself with long hair. His hair was washed, blow-dried and it would be gone in a few minutes. Eren took out his phone, an Android that actually fit in his hand, and held it up. He gave it his best, flirty smile and decided this lighting was the best way to highlight how green his eyes were. He loved the salon after hours. He could get peace, quiet and the best hairdresser in town all to himself. He looked at the picture. This was definitely getting posted. Eren lamented the loss of his beard and he rubbed his chin. Squinting, he tilted his head back and forth to make certain everything was just so. Inheriting his father's penchant for sparse facial hair stung. He still looked older with a touch of fuzz than he did clean-shaven. However, there was no way he was going to lose this job. He needed the money. Working at the cafe made him feel less like some dirty little secret and for the first time in a long time, he felt really happy. He could finally be with all of his friends in one place. He could finally meet him . Eren would never have to tiptoe around the issue again.He could finally meet Captain Levi. He smiled into the camera at that. Eren looked at himself in the mirror and took another picture with his hair in front. This was actually a good look for him. “I’ll keep shaving then,” he said to his reflection. It was easier to picture what he would look like with a short, clean cut. “Don’t make it too short in the front,” he asked. The little blonde was inches below his shoulder but he could see her rolling those bored, blue eyes at him in the mirror. “The bangs will take some time,” she reminded him. “I’ll section it along which way your hair naturally falls so I promise you’ll be fine.”Eren let out a nervous laugh. “That’s why I come to you,” he admitted. “You’re the best of the best.”Annie smiled at him. “Flattery will get you everywhere.” She took another bite of the burrito he had made for her. He watched her as she chewed. She swallowed, “This one is a lot better. It tastes almost as good as something Levi or Marco would make.”“Needs more green sauce,” she told him. “Less rice.”He made sure to make a mental note of that. “Thanks,” he said. Eren sat back down. Annie set her food down and shook out the cape before setting it around his neck. She snapped it and pulled out his hair from under the collar. She gently gave his neck a little rub to get his attention. Eren went rigid before he took a deep breath. That was her signal.“You ready, Eren?” she asked.He nodded. She sectioned off a chunk of hair and clipped it in front of his face. Annie let his dark hair fall from her fingers. “Are you sure?” she asked him. “You can just put it in a bun and wear a hair net.”Eren tried to make out her figure through his thick hair in front of his face. He could not. He instead decided to do his best to ignore the hairs tickling his nose. “I want a change.”Annie was a good person. Eren adored her. He always had. She always told him the truth and did it in a kind way.“Are you sure it isn’t just to impress him ?”He flinched. Sometimes, she was too blunt like Mikasa. Annie held up his phone and wiggled it in front of him. “I suggest you change your lock screen and home screen to something a little less risqué if you want to make a good impression on him.” Eren’s eyes were on Levi Ackerman, the son of his sweet, beautiful and perfect angel. “He did this for a magazine. Tons of people have these pictures,” Eren murmured. He had even seen a very similar picture advertising jeans in the mall. ‘If those three little moles in the small of that model’s back mean anything,’ Eren thought to himself, ‘it means that Levi Ackerman’s juicy, bouncy ass is in nearly every mall in this country. And maybe even Reevmart.’ Eren knew plenty of people had clusters of moles but not everyone had a little Illuminati triangle of them right above their derriere like Levi did. No other form of confirmation was needed. Hours of staring at Levi’s photographs made Eren an expert on all things Ackerman. However, Eren would never protest if he had to pick Levi’s abs out of a lineup. That would be almost as easy. Levi had two more moles: one next to his belly button and the little one on his side was shaped almost like a heart. “He’s right across from the underwear store you go to,” he huffed. “He’s practically everywhere.”Annie scoffed, “Sure, yeah. He used to do a lot of that. He needed the money. But…” Annie let out a soft sigh from behind Eren, “he doesn’t look like that anymore.”Eren asked with wide eyes, “What do you mean?”Annie shrugged. “Kuchel passing hit all of us pretty hard. It hit him the worst.” She looked down at the ground and heaved a sigh.“He basically stayed home since the funeral. He stopped going to the gym, he only comes out for groceries or to buy more of those cookies. He barely leaves the house,” she reiterated, “even to meet with the publisher.” She pointed at the picture of Levi in the middle of changing out of his ‘Captain’ costume. “Change it before you go in to work next week. You’re going to make him uncomfortable if he sees that on your phone.”Eren sighed and opened his settings. He changed it to a picture of Levi standing on a horse. Kuchel had done a painting using that picture. Everyone was on horseback, charging forward in the painting with Levi leading the squad. He was standing on top of the horse: a special request from his mother. This photograph was ‘leaked’ by the publisher before the release of that book. Pictures had been taken as references and there was a video too with Kenny yelling, “Go, Levi! GOOOOO!”It was one of Eren’s favorites: both the picture and the book. It was the one where the character based off Eren got his chance to shine in the fight for humanity against the Titans. ‘I just wish I knew what was really going on that day,’ he thought to himself. There was only so much he could really learn from the books. He stared at those intense grey eyes and wondered if they would be just as bright in person. Eren wondered if Levi really charged into Shiganshina like that and how he managed to keep his balance if he had. Levi took after his mother in many ways. They had the same sweet face and smile. They probably had the same gentle temperament. Levi even had a nice set of hips to top that off.He heard Annie snicker. “What’s wrong with this one?” he asked in a low growl.Annie tried not to laugh. “Nothing.” He felt the back of his hair start to fall before he heard the click of the scissors. “Well,” she said, “you’re meeting the big man himself. So, please just listen to me, okay?”“Yeah.”Annie continued as she combed and snipped. “Don’t shake his hand. He hates dirty things. Levi literally cannot stand it so keep your hands clean at all times. He doesn’t look like that anymore so don’t stare and make it obvious. He isn’t feeling well and as his friends we’re not saying a damn thing about it.”“Healthy eating is hard on its own and his first inclination when something goes wrong is to throw himself into his work and without that, he just…” Annie stopped and sighed. She gently ran her thumb over the space between her brows in an effort to let go of her frustrations. She never went into much detail about what Levi was doing but whatever it was left her with a pained look on her face. “Just don’t make it obvious. He’s not vain. He’s not a shrinking violet. But he just hasn’t been the same since his mom got sick.”“And he still hasn’t recovered,” Annie’s voice was tight in her throat. “So, you better not do a damn thing to make it worse.”She continued rattling off her words of Acker-Wisdom, “Don’t hug him. He isn’t touchy-feely like you and Historia. It takes time for him to warm up to new people. He hates green onions so cut those for him and you’ll be on his good side a hell of a lot faster if you do.”Annie said in a low hiss, “And don’t you dare even talk about the book.”“You can say you’re a fan but don’t make it creepy .”Eren opened his mouth to say something as Annie leaned forward. Eren shrunk in his seat when his eyes met hers. Annie was nearly half his size yet she never failed to make his blood run cold when she looked at him like that. “I’m being serious, Eren,” she warned him. “He’s really stressed out over the next book. Just don’t bring it up.”Eren rolled his eyes and looked over at the sinks. “Gosh, Annie. Is he the mystery guy you’re so hung on?”Annie smacked his arm hard enough to make him wince. “He’s my friend,” she growled. “I’m going to look out for him.”Eren rolled his eyes again. Everyone treated Levi with kid gloves. She was going on and on about Levi and nothing was making it sound like he was anything more than some sort of delicate little figure made of glass. Eren considered it again. Levi was an actor and artists were deeply sensitive by nature. Levi had the same sad, dreamy eyes as James Dean. Try as he might, Eren could hardly put that ethereal quality into words. Levi was here and somewhere else altogether at the same time. It was as if he saw something no one else could and that could never be captured in any photograph. That could have also been because he probably needed glasses and could barely see anything in front of him just like the famous actor. This was another thing that Eren would like about Levi if it were true. He could picture Levi in a pair of cute, stylish frames that played off his high cheekbones and soft, marshmallowy cheeks. Thinking about Levi’s dimples coupled with a bright-eyed grin was enough to keep him preoccupied as Annie worked her magic.Eren could see it now: Levi, cute and adorable as a cherub, smiling up at him with those deep grey eyes. And, as if that was not enough, he pictured him in one of those stylish, denim jackets he used to wear. Eren loved that look: his eyes would catch the blue and leave Eren wishing he could see them up close. He would be a literal angel walking on earth then. No one in their right mind could hurt someone that adorable. Another thing took root in his mind as Eren contemplated his own reflection. He decided to think more about that later. Eren laughed and he could hear the bitterness in it. “I’ve been waiting for what feels like my whole life to meet him,” he looked away from her reflection and up to see her face. “Trust me; I’m not going to do anything to fuck this up.” He watched Annie squint at him.“You better not,” she warned, “or Kuchel’s ghost is going to get you.”Eren snickered. The idea of his sweet, kind Kuchel becoming a vengeful spirit was ludicrous. He had heard enough about Levi to have a general idea of him on a personal level: he was reliable, he was sweet and very sensitive and no one had even one complaint about the man who became known as ‘Captain Levi Ackerman’.Of course, Eren had this in the bag. He rehearsed every thing he was going to say. He was going to make the best impression on the man he had dreamt about since he was a child. He wanted other things out of Levi; that was true. The most important thing remained at the forefront of it all: he wanted to see and meet the man who captivated him for as long as Eren could remember.And if that man was indeed a cute little butterball now, he could live with that. Everyone dealt with grief differently. If Levi’s coping mechanism was cookies, then that was more than fine with Eren. He did enjoy it when he dated heavier people. He liked Marco a while back just for how cute he was when he smiled. Eren had a thing for freckles but that was neither here nor there. Marco gave the best hugs out of everyone Eren knew. Moreover, Eren was certain there would have been a lot more to ‘explore’ if he had been given the chance. He could rattle off a myriad of words to describe him: voluptuous, abundant, curvaceous and beautiful. That perfect tree of a man had, sadly, rebuffed him. Eren felt a twinge of envy for whomever it was that Marco had turned him down for.Eren was trim and being muscular ran in his family. He and his brother outdid their father naturally and that was the beauty of mixing genetics. Grisha Jaeger had excellent taste and his sons were proof of that. Eren did have to admit it when he smiled at his reflection and snapped another picture: he was the better-looking one of the Jaeger Brothers.If he played his cards right, and made the best impression on Levi, then maybe, just maybe, there was a chance Levi Ackerman might have a thing for him . Levi had been something of an awakening for Eren. Plenty of people had a crush on Levi: he was strong, intelligent, and charismatic. He had grown up in full view of the world to be one of the most sumptuous examples of man that Eren had ever laid eyes on. Eren was different. He could almost say he was ‘in love’ with Captain Levi and falling harder. Nothing would deter him now.He hated hockey. It was as boring as football. That was until he saw Levi playing all through high school and college. On top of everything else Levi did, he had been awarded a sports scholarship for something as banal as hockey. Eren would admit this only to himself but the only reason he was so into the sport now was that he had been able to catch one of Levi’s games unbeknownst to their mothers. He wished he could have gone up to the rink and said something, anything, but he hung back. When Levi pulled off his helmet and shook his matted, sweaty hair out in victory—that was when Eren fell in love.With hockey, of course. And maybe, just a little, with Levi Ackerman. Eren caught how goofy he looked in the mirror and cleared his throat before Annie could notice. She must have though; she pressed his head forward hard eliciting a yelp from him.“Stop being gross, Eren,” she sighed. “This is why we can’t take you anywhere, dammit.”He pouted as he was forced to stare at the floor. “Annieee,” he whimpered. “Why are you so damn mean?”“I don’t know, Eren,” was her quick retort, “maybe it’s because you’re obviously perving on someone. Again .”“I’m not perving. I’m daydreaming. I’m excited. I’m happy that I finally get to meet him.” Eren hunched his shoulders as the buzzing of Annie’s clippers vibrated in his ears. “Please,” he whispered, “be gentle.”He could hear the smirk in Annie’s voice. “Don’t move,” she taunted in a singsong tone. “Or we might have to even it all out afterwards.”The nape of his neck felt completely exposed. Eren took short shallow breaths as she guided the guard over his hair and skin. He did his best to stay still in his seat. Shuddering at her usually empty threat would only make it manifest and Eren knew he had to look his best. Levi was coming back tomorrow and there was no way Eren could take off the whole week.He gritted his teeth: how dare anyone call him a dirty hobo? He was at the top of his class and if that petulant little man at the café knew his life could be in Eren’s hands in the future, he would have never been such a prick. That man, who was undoubtedly toeing the line of cardiac disease, would have thought twice about trying to lie about the hair in his food. No one in the kitchen had long brown hair like that. Eren was still forbidden from even making the sandwiches. That was for the ‘experienced cooks’. That walking heart attack just added insult to injury by trying to blame Eren for the hair. Now, he was getting a damn haircut he never wanted. It could be even longer before Eren was allowed to try prepping again. He just had to prove to them that he was just as capable as Armin.Yes, he would look nice and fresh tomorrow when he went in. Yes, he would play up his ‘boy next door’ charms with his new look. It took everything he had not to punch that man. Eren hated people like that. Their food at the café was never that expensive anyway and he still wanted to demand a free one for a hair Eren knew the man planted in it. He had served the man his lunch, true, but there was no way his hair could have gotten into the sealed plastic container that housed that tuna monstrosity. Anger took the place of his fear at being sheared down like livestock and he took a deep, calming breath. Eren was still upset that Erwin would give in and apologize just to placate that human refuse. Not only that, but Eren had come so close to breaking that Erwin gave him a week’s pay just to sit at home. That was something Eren could never do. He needed this job. He needed the money. But he had to earn it the right way. On top of everything else, he promised Kuchel two things: he would do his very best in school and he would look after her son when she was gone. There was no way he could do that by sitting at home. First and foremost, Eren was a man of his word. Secondly, that woman meant as much to him as his own mother. Eren’s vision clouded with tears. His shoulders were starting to shake. Annie pulled the clippers away and Eren sat up and wiped his face with his sleeve. “Eren?”He just shook his head. They never needed many words and Annie wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed her cheek to his and nodded ever so slightly. It had been months. But it never got easier. One minute she was there and the next she was gone forever. He would never get to see her again. He would never get the chance to tell her so many things: his latest test score, how well he was doing in class, how he was going to become a doctor just as he promised her he would. Premed was just an idea he used to play with. His grandfather did it, his father did it but Eren never had their passion. Everything changed when she started getting sick. Kuchel was more than just a family friend.Her smile lit up a room. She was so kind that he used to wonder if it was all for show. Kuchel had a heart so big that Eren was absolutely certain a herald of angels would be leading her in. She was someone truly special and everyone knew it. He missed her. Whenever he wondered if this was still the right path for him, he could still hear her telling him what a wonderful doctor he was going to be. She said that people like him changed the world. Eren doubted that. Still, he was willing to try. He never intended to let her down, even now. If there were such a thing as angels then Kuchel Ackerman had to be one. That was something his brother always told him and Eren had to agree. He never saw eye to eye with every little thing she did but he knew she always thought of what was best for everyone. Especially Levi. He was her everything. Kuchel would do anything for him.If she trusted Eren enough to look out for someone who was his senior, then yes, he would to the best of his ability. He still had regrets. Eren wished he had been older so that he really could have helped her. He would give anything just to see her one more time. Eren wished he had just called out to Levi any one of those dozen times. He wished he had stayed for the funeral. There was nothing he could do. She made him promise that he would get a perfect score and he had to be in class to do that. The service had to be pushed back because something happened to Levi. Everyone had been scrambling to find him and get him to the service. Three hours meant that Eren never got the chance to tell Levi how amazing his mother was and how happy he was to finally meet him. He took the bouquet with him when he left: a withered promise of pink roses and white clover. He never got the chance to give it to him. That was something he had to do in person. Eren never felt so close to someone yet so far away. They had the same friends. They had worked in the same café. Eren would even occasionally stay in the room Levi used to before he moved back home. Eren had no idea what Levi must be feeling now that Kuchel was gone. He could only imagine how painful it would be if he ever lost his own mother. Kuchel left a void in his heart. He still had her saved in his contacts. He kept the last voicemails she left him. Her memory followed him no matter what he did. He still wished that the little grey dot next to her name on Eris would turn green. He could imagine it: she would just pop in on Eris and tell them to go to bed and eat their vegetables. And Eren, he smiled a little, he would ask her in what order.“Why did it have to be someone like her?” he rasped out.Annie sniffed and cleared her throat. “I don’t know,” she squeaked. “I really don’t know.” She left out a few more muffled sobs and reached for another tissue.“Dammit, Eren… now I can’t finish you hair…”Eren blew his nose into the tissue she handed him. “Sorry,” he mumbled. He wiped the tears from her face with his sleeve and whispered another apology. He hated to see her cry. “I’m sorry, Annie,” he said softly. She nodded with a sniffle and blew her nose.Annie left to wash her face and Eren stared down at his phone. He scrolled through his albums and found it. He tapped the screen and smiled back at the picture. It was an older one. She still had some weight on her and she was able to get around well enough on her own that it was only the two of them going out to get lunch. He used to take her to the marina. There was a little pier-side restaurant called ‘The Gaslamp’. It was a hodgepodge of cuisine: the sort of place that had hot dogs, lobster and falafel. She loved it though. Kuchel had always been so easy to please. She loved watching the waves and picking out whatever ungodly combination struck her fancy. Eren liked that nothing ever felt like small talk with her. All she had to do was smile and it was time to take her home before he knew it.He wiped his face one more time and tried to settle down. She always looked happy no matter what was going on. He never understood how she did it. She was the epitome of grace and he wished he had told her that. He wondered if she would be disappointed in him over that sandwich. It was just a sandwich but Eren had nearly gotten himself up in arms over it.‘Temper, temper,’ she would say.Eren wondered if he was in a good enough place to go in to work tomorrow. He had already decided he would. He had his doubts about it though. A fresh new look and a shower would put him back in order. Everything would be fine. It would be perfect.“Ready?”Eren turned his head and saw Annie waiting next to the sink for him to notice her.“Be gentle.” His attempt at lightening the mood with a chuckle fell flat. Annie never missed a beat though. “We both know you like it rough,” she teased. He scoffed and pretended to be offended, “Annie! Why I never !” Her light touch was even gentler as she finished shaping his hair in the back. She was one of the only people he trusted enough to do this. There was something about the sound of metal blades sliding against each other that always put him on edge. Without a word, Annie gave his shoulders a little squeeze and he looked up at her smiling at him. It was almost over. Eren felt much lighter when she pulled up another chair and sat in front of him. Her astute gaze was probably doing a ‘Beautiful Mind’ on his bangs. She tousled his hair here and there until she had it lying against his face exactly the way she wanted it to. He closed his eyes and listened to his hair give way underneath the blade. Eren had a penchant for a little drama here and there. The stress of hoping his hair came out all right was tempered by making the whole affair more grandiose than it really was. Locks of his hair tickled his cheeks as they fell. Annie made no move to brush them away so he was stuck trying not to give into the need to shake them off. She finally cleaned him up with a dry towel and he sighed in relief. “Is it over?” he asked. He made no move to open his eyes or to face himself in the mirror. Annie hummed. “Maybe?” Eren felt the teeth of her comb graze his forehead. “Alright,” she said, “shake.”“I’m not a dog.”Annie sighed, “Just do it, Eren.”He gave in and his bangs fell just to his eyebrows. He opened his eyes and met her discerning gaze. “You look good,” she finally said. “Now, no one can tell what a schlut for Levi you are.”Eren coughed, “Ruuuude!”His accent was far from being that thick anyway. In fact, he hardly had one since he had been back home for so long. Indignation might as well have been his middle name every time he had to hear ‘zhe jokes’. He was nowhere near as bad as his brother and his dad were. “At least I can speak two languages fluently,” he muttered.“Yeah, yeah,” Annie smirked, “we all know how talented a linguist you are.”Eren grinned and blew a kiss at Annie. “You could know first hand if you really wanted to.”Annie leaned back onto the counter and grinned, “Bold of you to assume I would want to.”“Oh come on, we all know what a great kisser I am.” Eren turned and looked at himself. Aside from the puffy eyes, he looked presentable. He bopped his head to the left and to the right a little. His bangs had perfect bounce to them. He brought up his phone, blew another kiss at the mirror, and snapped several pictures. He typed in, ‘Guess what I’ll get to show you guys tomorrow? My new haircut!’ before closing the app for the rest of the day. Eren was a bit of a ham and he felt a little more proud when he saw Zeke was the first comment. The rest of his notifications piled up before he could get a chance to see what his brother had to say. He opened up his messaging app and texted his brother the picture for his opinion. He loved his brother and he smiled when he saw Zeke had sent him a short video.Annie craned her neck, “Who’s that? New girlfriend? Boyfriend? Does this mean I finally get to be your flower girl now?”He chuckled at that. “It’s mein Bruder.” He tapped the play button and laughed when Zeke shouted out, “Du siehst fantastisch aus!” “What did he say?” Annie asked. Eren looked up at Annie and grinned, “He says you did a great job, Beautiful!”Annie chuckled. She shook her head at him, “You’re incorrigible, Eren Jaeger.”With a hand over his heart, he closed his eyes and grinned, “Some would say that’s part of my charm, Sweetheart.”Eren opened up his little recording app and looked up at her, “You wanna send a video with me? I wanna tell him that he looks fantastic.” She nodded and bent down to his level. Eren held the camera up and made sure he had both of them in frame. Annie was so pretty when she smiled. He wished she did it more. Everything had to come in baby steps though.“One, two, three!” Eren tapped the screen and both he and Annie shouted, “You look fantastic!” with Eren putting more emphasis on the ‘you’ than she did. He stopped the recording and sent it to Zeke with a grin on his face. He received a heart in reply. The rest could wait till the morning. Eren was already in better spirits. He sent a picture of his new haircut to his mother and she replied with, ‘Your dad and I think you look so cute! Our little baby is all nice and clean again!’Eren sighed. He thought he looked great with long hair at least. It certainly got in the way more often than not. He usually managed not trying to get up off his own hair and snapping his neck first thing in the morning. That was a truly rude awakening. It also was not his fault that his dad passed on the ‘shitty facial hair’ gene to him. Somehow, Zeke ended up with that thick, beautiful beard he only grew out for November and Eren barely had more moustache hairs than a high school sophomore did. He doubted his mother’s assurances that it would fill out would ever be more than lip service.“Hey, Annie?” he called out.“Yeah?”Eren took off the cape and saw her with a pair of itty-bitty trimming scissors. He quirked a brow. “What are those for?”“The caterpillars on your face,” she said flatly.He shook his head, “I was going to treat you to dinner as thanks but now I’m seriously reconsidering that.”Annie shook her head. “I’ll go,” she said, “Just let me clean you up a little more. This way you’ll still look great when you go in next week.”He smiled, “Thanks, Annie.”Annie hit the kickstand, or whatever they called it in the beauty world, and Eren was lying nearly flat. He closed his eyes for the umpteenth time and felt her brush up the hairs of his eyebrows before the cool metal of the scissors grazed his skin. He wondered if this was what it was like to go to the spa. He had only ever gotten massages and wondered if he should save up for a spa day or take advantage of a good comp in the near future.Annie went about her trimming and shaping. He heard that little hum again. She must have been pleased with her work. She wiped the hairs away with the towel and Eren looked at himself again. The changes were small but his eyes looked just a little more open and it made his already big, green eyes even brighter. His brows were still as thick as could be but a little TLC had brought out the best in them. If he were as talented as Annie was, he would probably do this himself. His mom rocked her brows and he did too. People always told him that they gave his face more character and he was not one to disagree with the truth. Especially when it was all in his favor.He would make the perfect impression tomorrow. Eren would go in, start work and wait for Levi to come in. All he had to do was practice his introduction, lay on the charm ever so lightly and proceed to be there for everything Levi needed. He would move all of the boxes. He would help take in their orders. He would keep the register clear and bus the tables. Everything was going to be just perfect for his little marshmallow’s first day back.He jolted in his seat when he felt Annie’s cold fingers dance along his neck. She laughed and cleaned up the mess. If his hair had been longer, he could have donated it again. He could do that next time if there was a next time. Eren gave himself another shake and nodded at his reflection. He was going to make Kuchel proud. Luck was always on his side and he had the will to make anything work. He pumped his fist up into the air and caught Annie shaking her head at him. There was no need for her to understand. He checked his phone and looked at nearby restaurants to see if there was anything she would like close by.“Hey, Annie, did you drive here?”She looked up, “I took the bus.”He nodded, “Alright, I’ll take you home after dinner. You have any idea of what you want?”Annie leaned on the broom a little and looked up at the ceiling. “Are you alright with cheeseburgers?” She looked at her half-finished burrito. She needed to put that in the fridge before she forgot. Then, she would have it for lunch the next day. Dumping the last of Eren’s hair into the trash, she looked up. Eren was staring at his phone again. There was little question of who he could be looking at now. He could have been staring at Kuchel as easily as he gawked at Levi. She really hoped Levi’s adjustment period at work would go well. Annie never liked artifice. She was good at it when she had to be but it always left her tired and glum. It might be nice to have everyone together without having to organize it around Levi and Eren’s schedules. In fact, it might be nice not having to worry about making Eren feel left out anymore. “Eren?”His eyes snapped up from the screen and he blinked away whatever had been on his mind. “Cheeseburger?”He nodded and grinned again. “That sounds awesome!”   Armin was asleep on the couch when Eren got back to the apartment. This was closer to work and school and he was glad Erwin let him stay here. He tiptoed over and draped one of their thickest crocheted blankets over him. Armin was prone to colds and the best way to combat that was to keep him warm. Eren made his way over to his room and slowly opened the door. It was starting to squeak again. He should probably grab the WD-40 at home and treat all of the hinges in the apartment. It was barely seven-thirty. Eren set his alarm to wake him up at four in the morning. That would give him enough time to grab a shirt from home. His dark blue jeans would be fine but he needed something nicer than his usual band and cartoon shirts. Those were okay for class. Eren kicked off his shoes and stretched out his back. He sighed in relief when he felt a nice, big pop between his shoulders. He took off his khaki shorts and shirt then he crumpled them into a ball before tossing them into the hamper. He made the throw as usual. Eren was tired. Sitting on the bed, he looked around. Levi’s dresser was right in front of him. He had left some photo albums under the bed. Eren had looked at them when he was bored. Levi had been such an adorable little kid. He wore the cutest little sweaters. If Eren could, he would reach out and pinch those chubby little cheeks. It was obvious that this little kid with his itty-bitty dimples would grow up to be a total knockout. This was even more proof Levi would be the cutest marshmallow. Fluffy Levi had just as much appeal as Rebel Levi and Eren was already grinning. It was like Levi could do no wrong. Eren threw himself back onto the bed, bouncing on contact.It was in the pictures from junior high that Eren could tell Annie was starting to get into hair and makeup: Levi looked great as a blonde and somehow he even managed to pull off bubble gum pink. Red-haired Levi? Eren had already judged it to be just as flattering as the blonde phase. Eren thought Levi looked great when he grew his hair to his shoulders for a play. Levi even had a grey phase in high school. Of course, that had to have been short-lived.He could tell as he pieced together Levi’s life from photographs. There were journals and binders, but Eren never read those. That was an excessive invasion of privacy. He did read Levi’s old recipe books. He wondered how Levi thought of all that: Brussels sprouts with honey and bacon, maple and rum sugar cookies for autumn, decaf coffee in the chocolate cake and yogurt instead of cream cheese or mayonnaise. Someone like Levi, he should have been an actor. He was good looking enough and Eren watched what he could online. If Eren could have guessed where Levi should be, it had to be on stage belting out his lines. There was something about him that was larger than life. That man had an amazing singing range on top of everything else. Yet, there he was festering in some dinky little café after he finished college. Eren thought it was homey. It had seen better days of course: they used to have tablecloths and special crockery that fit their theme. Eren would use what was left over in the break room. The rest had ‘vanished’ over time. On top of Sandwich Guy, they had some punk kids stabbing each other on Friday with the pins from the community corkboard. He wondered how the stress could be worth it. Levi and Erwin could never fulfill their vision since people were trashy and awful more often than not.Maybe it was for the best. “Levi Ackerman, famous actor, develops cookie addiction.” The words sounded silly as soon as he said them. Eren shook his head. Missing out on someone amazing over something trivial was never his style. He was much fonder of cuddling on the couch after a long day anyway. He considered it. Levi had a great face. He could only imagine Levi as cuter and cuter no matter what. He tried to will the smile off his face to no avail.He had to be normal tomorrow. He had to be as cool as could be and still amicable. Eren could do it. He wondered if he could get a hug out of the other man. Eren was tall, just a little under an inch shorter than Erwin, but there was still a chance he could catch up. Considering the logistics, Levi would probably be close to his chin. He seemed about that tall. His Wiki page failed to list his height so Eren was taking his best guess. Kuchel was five-eight. Kenny was six-three. Plus, Eren still had a shirt Kenny had given him when he messed up his own. Judging by the size and length, Levi had to be somewhere between five-eight and five-ten. That made him just a little shorter than everyone else but taller than average.Which meant there was a possibility of some sweet, tender and soft hugs with someone Eren had been wishing he could hold for years. If it only came with a touch of nostalgia, he could live with that. There was a part of him that still hoped that would be the key and everything would finally make sense. Eren was often at a loss when everyone told him to focus on ‘now’. He was missing out on so much. He felt it in his heart that Armin and Mikasa were his best friends even after Armin punched him in kindergarten. Mikasa often preferred the cold to borrowing his jacket or even something as simple as his scarf. The scarf thing made some sense to him. Scarves were never her style. She hated them.That never stopped him from feeling jealous whenever she accepted Armin’s coat in lieu of his. He had a crush on her over the years. It was an on again-off again feeling. Jean always, always had it bad for Mikasa. The saddest part of it all had to be that Eren was sent straight into the ‘brother’ zone in second grade. Jean was in the friend zone much to his chagrin and Eren’s delight. That never kept Jean from trying and Eren had to admire that. Sadly, their chances were slim to none because Armin was bound to notice what everyone already knew. Thousands of questions lingered in the back of Eren’s mind. He raised his arm up in the darkness and stretched out his fingers. So many things never added up try as he might. Eren could have been overthinking things. There were other people who did not remember and they went on just fine in blissful ignorance. But Eren felt it. He was missing something. He just needed to figure out what it was then the pain in his chest might finally go away. Things were harder now that she was gone. He could probably read Levi’s journals and get the answers but that was wrong. He needed to pack them in a box and give it to Erwin or Kenny for safekeeping. Sometimes, when Eren was left with nothing to do but lay here, the temptation was just too much.  Levi was like a ghost in his own apartment. There was a smell that never faded away. It was earthy, sweet and a little smoky leaving Eren to wonder if this was what Levi always smelled like. It was hard to sleep in this room and that defeated the purpose of staying here. If he was at home, the absence of it drove him mad until he realized what was missing. Levi was haunting him. In a way, that feeling could mean that this was probably the way it was meant to be. One way or the other, Eren would have his answers. Maybe, if he held all of Levi close, Eren would finally remember. Maybe, if he held him close, nothing would happen and Eren would just go about his life. If that was what it came to, Eren might be able to live with that as long as he knew Levi was alright when he left. It was possible Eren might never want to let him go again. It was also possible that Levi might ask for a restraining order.“Be normal, Jaeger,” he told himself. “And don’t touch him just out of nowhere.”“And don’t call him your little marshmallow,” he whispered, “or he’ll think you’re making fun of him. Or worse: than you’re some crazy, obsessive fanboy.” He could just make eye contact with Levi and try not to look too much at the rest of him. Eren could do that. “Of course, I can do that,” he told himself.Eren yawned. He could barely keep his eyes open. He thought about his outfit for tomorrow. He would spend twenty minutes looking for one good, plain white collared shirt. If he needed to, he would just grab one from the house and hightail it to the café. His plan was perfect. He had already picked up some new protein drinks to take home. His mother had been giving his ‘lunches’ away. At first, he was miffed. Finding out she was giving them to Levi nearly made his hunger pains disappear. Trying a cornucopia of whey-based meal supplements had developed some appeal over the last few months. Eren smiled to himself. She had not returned the last pack he bought to him, so Levi must have liked this brand.He had a coupon though. These drinks were supposed to have a much better taste and promised not to be as chalky as certain name brands. Eren was incredibly pleased at the low carb count. No one needed that much sugar. Especially Levi. He needed protein and Eren was absolutely certain Levi would like these if he had not tried them yet on his own. Eren was almost sad to give them away. It was going to a good cause. As someone whose life was geared towards helping people, it was almost his duty to make certain that Levi was eating something good for him. Man could not live on cookies alone.Opening his phone and going to one of the largest albums in his gallery, he yawned. He was too tired for his usual nighttime rituals. Getting up and going to the bathroom was out of the question. That old black shirt was in the dirty clothes anyway. He just wanted to look. He scrolled down until he saw one of his favorite pictures. Annie took this one too. She really was the best to do this for him.Kuchel was laughing so hard that her eyes were closed. Levi was close enough to the lens that Eren could even make out the pattern of his tie. It had to be the sweetest thing: Levi giving Kuchel a kiss on the cheek with a smile in his eyes. They looked so happy. It was one of many parties Eren could never go to. ‘At least I got the pictures, though,’ he sighed to himself. He looked at her one more time and promised himself he would go out shopping with his mother this weekend before putting his phone on ‘Do not disturb’. Eren scrunched himself up onto the bed and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders. He slowly stretched out and closed his eyes one more time.