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A Blaze of Glory.
By Steeleye.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Starship Troopers or Shrek. I write these stories for fun not profit.Crossover: BtVS, Starship Troopers and 'Shrek'.Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar: Written in glorious UK-English which is different to US-English.Timeline: Set after the events depicted in, 'The Ever Lasting Glory'.Words: 12 Chapters of approx 3000 wordsWarnings: There be dragons!Summary: More Starship Troopers adventures, Cpl Summers and L/Cpl Kendal are sent on a mission to rescue a local Princess...from a 'Dragon'!?
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TD-3454-4, Avalon, January, 2203.
Stepping from the woods on the northern side of the lake, Buffy paused and smiled as she watched the rather boisterous game of football which was taking place on the sandy beach in front of her. On one side there were her own Fifth Squad; plus a few of the female civilians from the Federation Diplomatic Mission to Avalon. The other team consisted of naval ratings from the Jones' ship's company. The game looked pretty rough, with a lot of body checking and tackling that Buffy was pretty sure wouldn't be allowed in an official game of Association Football. Another distinctive feature of the game was that both sides were only wearing bikinis and so that the two sides could be easily distinguished from each other, one side was playing 'skins', that is, topless.The match had attracted a large and appreciative crowd made up of most of the off duty members of the Marauders and their male counterparts from the ship's crew. After all it wasn't every day you saw twenty-two, fit, attractive young woman run around kicking a ball on a beach...it looked like a male fantasy come true. Standing there, Buffy watched as the ball landed at the feet of one of her troopers, PFC Daisy (Daze) Kelly the squad's scout. Taking control of the ball, Daisy started to work her way down field towards the navy goal.Jumping over the legs of a navy girl as she slid in to tackle the Mobile Infantry trooper, Daisy easily avoided being knocked down and carried on her advance towards the navy's goalmouth. Jumping up and down a little, Buffy cheered on her trooper. Just as it looked as if Daisy was going to score, two big women from the Jones' engineering department tackled Daisy from both sides at once. Crushed between the two bigger girls, Daisy was knocked off her feet and was left lying in the sand as the navy players dribbled the ball back towards the MI goal.“Darn,” Buffy muttered disappointedly before heading off across the beach.A few minutes later, Buffy was in a much quieter section of the beach, she dropped the beach bag she'd been carrying before kneeling down next to it. Taking out the big towel she'd had the ship's replicators make, she laid it on the sand. Next Buffy placed a small cushion at the head end of the towel and then got out her reader, she had a load of letters from her sister she wanted to read. Finally, Buffy unclipped her bikini top and stuffed it into her bag before lying down on her towel. What better way, she asked herself, was there to laze away an afternoon than to lie on a beach, catch some rays and read some letters from her sister?The war with the Bugs was going through one of its quieter phases with both sides gathering their strength for the next round of combat. As a result Fleet Command had sent the Terran Federation Corvette Transport, H Jones, to support the diplomatic mission on TD-3454-4 (known to its inhabitants as Avalon) the only human populated planet in the TD-3454 system. The planet was a backwater, well away from the fighting against the Bugs, in fact if it hadn't been for a chance discovery, 'Avalon' would have probably remained hidden for another couple of hundred years.About two-hundred years ago, during the first pulse of human interplanetary colonisation, Avalon was bought and colonised by a group of Medieval Re-enactors, the sort of people who liked to play at being knights in armour. The leaders of these colonists didn't, however, like the idea of being peasants. So, to provide a workforce for their medieval fantasy games they 'sponsored' people from the world's underclass, who where desperate for the better life that colonisation promised, to join them on Avalon and supply the peasant base needed to support a feudal society. The colonists had seeded the planet with terran plants and animals mixing them in with the local flora and fauna. They even released some genetically engineered mythical animals, designed on Earth, so there would be dragons to slay and monsters to vanquish. They never once asked how the dragons and monsters felt about being 'slayed' or indeed 'vanquished'. Neither did the 'noble' colonists ask the people, who they secretly had 'altered' so they could fill the rolls of witches and warlocks, felt about being burnt at the stake. When the colonists eventually arrived on TD-3454-4, they built towns, villages and even castles. When they'd finished building, the colony looked like a picture book version of the late middle ages but with better plumbing and medicine...even the most hard-line enthusiasts would only go so far in their search for authenticity.However, the fantasy came to an end when the planet was rediscovered about a year before Buffy and her friends turned up and started to play their game of football on the beach. An exploration ship owned by one of the major mining corporations had been scanning the TD-3454 system for strategic resources. Its captain and crew were overjoyed to discover that TD-3454-4 had large deposits of a number of vital and hard to find minerals. They weren't so overjoyed however, to find that several million people were sitting right on top of these deposits. Mega-Corporations tend to get a lot of bad press, most of it untrue, so, instead of just landing a security force and taking the planet's resources by force, Acme Mining Corporation duly reported the discovery of another 'Lost Colony' to the Federal authorities.Once the existence of Avalon was known the full power of the Terran Federation swung into motion...they sent a small diplomatic team to negotiate for the planet's mineral rights. The government team was led by a middle ranking official backed up by a couple of dozen bureaucrats. The negotiations had recently reached a delicate point and as the Avalonians appeared to admire military prowess, the Marauders had been sent to back up the diplomatic effort and generally show the flag.Of course, by itself, Buffy's own fifth squad dressed in their power-armour suits could have defeated the planet's combined military forces in a single day, perhaps half a day. But that wasn't how the Federation worked. The Marauders were there just for show; to impress the locals with just how rich and powerful the Federation was and how much the locals could profit by signing a treaty with the Federation. Even in a feudal society like Avalon's money talked. If a treaty was signed the Federation could start to exert some influence over the planet's rulers and would be able to start to lift the local 'peasants' out of the grinding poverty and servitude that the local Lords kept them in. This in turn would start Avalon on it journey towards a more democratic and modern society.However, Buffy didn't care much about this. While she and her girls were here they didn't have to fight bugs. Instead they could play exhausting games of topless football, swim in the lake's clear waters and catch some rays from the planet's warm, yellow sun. This was as near paradise as Buffy had seen since she arrived in the future and right slap bang (with an emphasise on the 'bang') at the start of a war. Buffy's first taste of modern combat was the Battle of Klendathu; this had been the battle that was supposed to have stopped the war before it had really got started. Instead it had almost brought the Federation to its knees. That was over three years ago now and the Federation was only just starting to take back planets that had been lost to the Bugs in the first few months of the war.“Hi Buffy!”Removing her sunglasses and lowering her reader, Buffy looked up to see Harmony Kendal standing over her.“Hi Harm,” Buffy smiled; Harmony was her Assistant Squad Leader and best friend...which was weird because the Harmony Kendal, Buffy remembered from Sunnydale High in her own time had been such a complete bitch and definitely not one of her friends even before she'd been turned into a vampire.“Can I join you?” Harmony asked hopefully.“The kids being too loud for you?” Buffy laughed quietly referring to the football match which was still in full swing at the other end of the beach.“Yeah,” Harmony nodded as she eyed the raucous football match warily, “it makes me tired just looking at them.”“Make yourself at home,” Buffy gestured to the sand next to her towel.“Thanks,” Harmony got down on her knees and started to unpack her own beach bag.Watching as Harmony unpacked, Buffy found herself smiling at her friend. Where the Harmony from her past was a 'vapid bitch', this Harmony was...Buffy frowned as she tried to think how best to describe Future-Harmony; 'nice but dim', was the best she could come up with. This wasn't to say that Harmony was stupid, it just took her a little longer to work stuff out than most other people. But on the other side of the coin, Harmony wasn't a vampire (which was always good), she was, instead; brave, loyal and knew how to obey an order. If you told her to do something you could rest assured that it would get done. In fact as long as there was someone around to make the big decisions for her, Harmony was the perfect squad mate and Assistant Squad Leader. One day Harmony would get a squad of her own and that would be about as far as she'd go in the service. Okay, some day before she retired someone would promote her to Sergeant or Staff Sergeant, but that would be so she could get a better pension when she mustered out. But in the meantime she was Buffy's ASL and best buddy.“Harm?” Buffy said slowly as Harmony settled down next to her.“That's me,” Harmony smiled as she put on her sunglasses and opened her reader to a page of a fashion magazine.“Harm I've been meaning to ask...”“You wanna make-out?” Harmony asked hopefully, “I know like a quiet little spot down the beach a ways where no one will see us.”“No...” Buffy hesitated, “...at least not just now, maybe later but that's sorta what I wanted to talk about...”“What?” Harmony rested on her elbows and turned her head to look at Buffy.“The 'making-out' and y'know...” again Buffy paused, she didn't really like talking about this stuff.“Sex?” Harmony said cheerfully, “I don't know why you get so uptight about it all, its perfectly natural, my mom and dad used to say that as long as you take 'precautions' and...”“I know exactly what your mom and dad used to say,” Buffy butted in, “you've told me often enough.”Harmony's parents had obviously had a very 'modern' approach to sex...very 'modern' indeed.“So?” Harmony grinned exposing perfectly straight, white teeth.“So...” Buffy took a deep breath, “...I'm thinking of relaxing the 'no screwing' rule...”Since Buffy had joined the Marauders and the H Jones she'd worked hard to be accepted by the male members of the platoon. This had been especially important when she'd been the only 'girl' in a platoon made up of fifty-one guys. From her first day, she'd insisted on living with her male comrades, even showering with them, she was determined that the guys around her looked on her as an MI first and a woman second and she'd succeeded. Of course that didn't mean that the guys didn't look at her in the showers, but no one leered and no one stared and to tell the truth Buffy wasn't above peeking herself, after all they weren't machines, they were all healthy, young, humans.It was only when Harmony had turned up that Buffy had introduced the 'no screwing' rule. Being who she was, Buffy could deal with any unwanted amorous advances (not that she'd had to). But when Harmony had joined the platoon, Buffy had thought it best if Harm abstained from any romantic liaisons with the crew of the Jones or any of the Marauders. However that had all got screwed up when Harmony and herself started to make out in the cleaning closets aboard the Jones. At first Buffy was surprised that she could do 'that sort of thing' with another girl, she'd never had those sorts of feelings before. Yes, looking back with hindsight, Buffy now realised that Faith had been flirting with her, but she had never returned those advances...at least not much.But with Harmony it was different and soooo much better than using a piece of battery powered plastic behind her privacy shield while she was in her rack. So, the problem now was that here she was making out with her ASL while at the same time telling her squad not to do what she was doing...hypocrite-Buffy-much?“Erm...” Harmony looked at Buffy very hard for a moment before she burst into a fit of giggles that made her breasts wobble like two very sexy jellies.“What?” Buffy demanded.“I can't believe it!” Harmony continued to giggle as she placed her hand on Buffy's arm, “And people say I'm stupid...”“What?” Buffy demanded adding, “You're so not stupid, Harm.”“Obviously not!” by now Harmony was giggling so hard that she could hardly speak and the way her breasts were jiggling about was distracting Buffy no end.“What's going on,” Buffy demanded, “if you don't tell me in ten seconds I'll throw you in the lake!”“NO!” Harmony shrieked before she took a deep breath and got control of her amusement and her breasts, she took another deep breath, “Buffy, honey...do you really believe that anyone actually took any notice of your silly rule?”“W-what...?” Buffy was just starting to realise that she'd been taken for a ride.“Look, after you gave the girls the whole 'no screwing, its bad for morale' speech,” Harmony explained, “I took them somewhere quiet and told them it was okay as long as you never found out what they were doing.”“But...!”“I thought that was what you meant anyway and you were just telling people not to screw around so as to cover your ass.”“My ass?” Buffy was almost speechless by now.“Uh-huh,” Harmony nodded, “so, when I saw everyone was getting some and you weren't I decided to seduce you.”“You did?”“Uh-huh,” Harmony looked worried and sounded about ten, “you don't mind do you? You're not angry with me are you?”“No I'm not angry, Harm,” Buffy shook her head slowly, “you'd have to do something really stupid to make me angry at you, its just...”“You're just feeling a little foolish right now, huh?”It was Buffy's turn to say 'Uh-huh'.“Welcome to my life,” Harmony said with just a hint of bitterness; because she'd been considered slow at school she'd not had a very happy time until she'd met up with Cordelia and Buffy.“How many times do I have to tell you you're not stupid, Harm?” Buffy demanded just before she realised what Harmony was doing; no Harmony definitely wasn't stupid.Just at the moment Buffy had been feeling pretty stupid for letting herself be fooled by everyone for so long. Harmony had picked up on this and distracted her by reminding Buffy that she'd had to live with being considered stupid all her life; she knew that Buffy would immediately try and make her feel better and forget about how silly she felt. This sort of thing was why Harmony loved Buffy, she was always thinking of others.“You wanna go make out now?” Harmony asked quietly, “You know I know what to do to make you feel better.”“Yeah I know,” Buffy sighed as she glanced over to where the MI had just scored against the Navy, “Come on then,” she smiled warmly, “show me this place and you can make me feel better...”“SNAKE!”Buffy was just about to get up and let Harmony drag her off to her 'secret place', when the voice of their platoon sergeant calling Buffy by her nickname froze them both in place.“Damn-it!” Harmony cursed softly, “Busted!”“Hi Sandy!” Buffy called as she stood up to see what her platoon sergeant wanted.Career Ship's Sergeant Sandy O'Connor was de facto platoon leader at the moment because the Marauders were once again between officers. The platoon seemed to go through Lieutenants at an alarming rate. Officially, Sir Malcolm West, the head of the Federation diplomatic team was in command, but he very wisely didn't interfere with matters military.“Hi Sandy,” Harmony added her greeting to that of Buffy's, however she gave her Papa Sierra a dark look for interrupting her plans.Ships Sergeant Sandy O'Connor was a tall, slim, Irishman aged about thirty, who, as his name suggested, had sandy coloured hair. Because he was a generally relaxed, friendly kind of man he allowed all his NCO's to address him by his first name on non-military occasions.“And nice to see you both on this glorious day,” Sandy replied apparently not noticing that his two most senior female soldiers were standing in front of him dressed only in their bikini briefs. “I've got a little job for the pair of you,” Sandy's eyes sparkled with mischief, “Actually its not for me self its for Sir Malcolm...”“Sir Malcolm?” Harmony and Buffy chorused, each of them wondering why the great diplomat wanted to see two such relatively junior corporals and why he had a 'job' for them.“Yes,” Sandy grinned, “it's the man himself,” he glanced at his wrist computer, “get y'selves showered and into uniform and be at Sir Malcolm's office in forty-five minutes.”“Roger that,” Buffy and Harmony chorused miserably before collecting up their stuff.“Right then, that's done,” Sandy turned away and started to head over towards the football match, “COME ON M-I!” he yelled, “DON'T LET THOSE NAVY WANKERS SCORE AGAIN!”
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Chapter Two.“A dragon!?” Buffy and Harmony chorused in surprise and disbelief.“Yes a dragon,” Sir Malcolm confirmed, “and particularly large and vicious brute too by all accounts.”“A dragon?” Buffy repeated not quite believing her ears, “With the bad breath, wings and gold fixation?”“Yes,” Sir Malcolm nodded sagely, “we believe that the, as you say, 'gold fixation' has something to do with its diet...” “But Sir,” Buffy still didn't really believe what she was being told, “a real dragon?”“Yes, I know its hard to believe,” Sir Malcolm gestured to a couple of visitors chairs indicating that Buffy and Harmony should sit down. “But the old colony records say that they were genetically engineered on Earth and transplanted to Avalon.”“It like totally breathes fire?” Harmony asked as she sat down; Sir Malcolm sort of reminded her of her grandfather who'd died when the Bugs had zapped Chicago.“Indeed,” Sir Malcolm nodded his head, “it seems the dragon can produce large amounts of hydrogen which allows it to not only breath fire but also helps it fly.” the diplomat explained, “These dragons were brought here by the original colonists to make their medieval fantasy more 'realistic'.”“So you want us to slay this dragon?” Buffy did a quick recap for those who'd not been paying attention, “Rescue this Princess chick and bring her back so she can marry this Duke Farquaad guy, right?”“Yes Corporal Summers,” Sir Malcolm smiled, “that's 'it' in a nutshell.”“Erm, Sir,” Harmony raised a hand nervously, “I'm not sure I understand...why's this Princess locked up in a tower in the first place anyway?” Harmony looked very confused, “I mean if my parents had totally locked me up like that, I'm sure Child Welfare Services would have been around in a shot, even if I was being guarded by a fire breathing dragon.”“Well, indeed,” Sir Malcolm replied sadly, “I quite agree and it would have made our job a lot easier if Child Welfare were here right now...but...” Sir Malcolm sighed heavily, “It seems to be the tradition here that you lock Princess' up in towers and guard them with dragons so her 'one true love' can prove his bravery and devotion to her by rescuing her...damned foolish if you ask me.”“I surprised all the royal families haven't died out,” Buffy pointed out.“Think of it as evolution in action,” Sir Malcolm suggested with a shrug.“Huh?” Buffy and Harmony replied in unison.“Well, you see,” Sir Malcolm cleared his throat before continuing, “this locking up princess guarded by dragons means that only the bravest, strongest knights get to, erm...breed and as only the most beautiful and important princess' get locked up in this way...”“Oh, yeah I totally see what you mean,” Buffy nodded her head.“What does he mean?” Harmony asked in a loud stage whisper.“I'll explain later,” Buffy replied before turning her attention back to Sir Malcolm, “So, why doesn't this Duke Farquaad go rescue this Princess himself?”“Have you seen Duke Farquaad?” Sir Malcolm asked.“Oh...yeah...” Buffy had in fact seen Duke Farquaad on several occasions; he was short, very short, shorter than herself even.“Not the most 'knightly' figure of a man I think you'll agree.”“Nightly?” Harmony was in danger of losing the plot at this point.“And I suspect something of a coward,” Sir Malcolm continued, “I also think that this particular dragon has grown far too big and powerful for the local knights to take on, it appears several have tried and all have failed.”“So why are we doing business with him?” Buffy wanted to know, fear was perfectly natural, but cowardice was something else and it shocked her that the Federation would do business with a man like Farquaad even if he was the most powerful local leader around.“Look,” Sir Malcolm explained with another sigh, he didn't like Farquaad either, but also he had a job to do, “the mineral rights the Federation wants will allow us to mine on Farquaad's territory and this is the price of doing business I'm afraid.”“Couldn't some one like just totally point me in the right direction,” Harmony cried in frustration; she really didn't understand about politics, “so I can totally kill this dragon thing and then get back to the beach?”“There-there, Harm,” Buffy said soothingly as she reached over and squeezed Harmony's hand gently for a moment, “we'll kill the nasty dragon...” Buffy turned to look at Sir Malcolm, she felt she needed to explain Harmony's little outburst, “Sir, we've had several very hard missions just lately and we were sort of enjoying the 'not being shot at'.”“Of course,” Sir Malcolm agreed sympathetically, “I think I understand,” Sir Malcolm thought he did and was wondering if his decision to send these two young women on this mission was the right thing to do, but then, what choice did he have?“But like Harm was saying,” Buffy continued, “just point us in the right direction, we'll slay the dragon, rescue the princess and be home in time for a couple of beers before lights-out. I mean,” Buffy smirked, “two hot chicks in power armour against a biological filled with hydrogen,” Buffy laughed as she imagined the consequences, “I mean a couple of plasma bolts and 'BANG!' no more dragon...”“Ah...” Sir Malcolm interjected.“Ah?” Buffy and Harmony shared a look, 'Ah' sounded bad.“I'm afraid that you can't use 'modern' weapons,” Sir Malcolm pointed out.“No modern weapons?” Harmony squeaked making both Buffy and Sir Malcolm wince, “What are we supposed to use, like totally harsh language?”“I understand your misgivings Miss Kendal,” Sir Malcolm tried to placate Harmony, “but you won't be going in unarmed, you just won't be able to use your more normal combat gear.”“What no suits?” Buffy didn't like the sound of this at all; going up against a large powerful creature without her trusty armour, plasma rifle and hand flamer sounded like it could end up with one deep fried Buffy.“No suits,” Sir Malcolm explained, “or jets or anything else.”“Why us?” Buffy wanted to know.“Its complicated,” Sir Malcolm replied.“Uncomplicate it,” Buffy demanded; once upon a time she would have thought nothing of going out to face almost certain death dressed only in jeans and a revealing halter top, but after spending nearly four years fighting the Bugs, she'd grown used to her armoured suit and the way it kept her alive.“For all his seeming stupidity, Farquaad isn't actually a complete fool,” Sir Malcolm began, “I think he realises what will happen if the Federation moves in on Avalon...”“Things will change,” Buffy interjected, she'd read about this sort of thing happening before, “and not before time, some of the things I've seen while I've been here have really turned my stomach.”“Quite so.” Sir Malcolm nodded, “However, Farquaad knows that there is absolutely nothing he could do to stop us if we decided to come in and just take what we wanted.” “But we wouldn't, right?” Buffy had grown quite fond of the Federation in the few years she'd lived in it, it was one of the few governments in history that had at least tried to operate in an ethical and moral way.“Of course not,” Sir Malcolm replied, “but Farquaad doesn't know that and I'd appreciate no one mentioning it to him.” the old Diplomat took a deep breath, “So, in the mean time he's making it as difficult as possible for us to get what we want. I suspect he's using the time to find out everything he can about us while he works out how he can keep at least some of his power when the Federation eventually does take over...because we will, it's inevitable.”“It is?” Harmony asked, her life experience had taught her that very few things were inevitable.“Oh it is my dear Miss Kendal,” Sir Malcolm smiled, he found he rather liked the taller of the two blonde corporals, “Which is why I'm sending you two young women.”“It is?” Buffy and Harmony shared a worried look, this sounded like sexism; they were being chosen for this hazardous mission simply because they were women not because they were the best MI for the job. “Of course,” Sir Malcolm smiled, “you must have noticed the way women are treated in this society.”Buffy didn't know about Harmony but she certainly had noticed, it was one of the things that 'turned her stomach'; the way women were treated was unacceptable. To Buffy it appeared that High Class women were treated as if they were made of crystal that might shatter if they were to do anything more strenuous than a little light needlework. On the other hand the peasant women were treated only marginally better than domestic animals. Plus, and this had particularly annoyed everyone in the platoon, any girl over the age of about thirteen had to submit to the sexual advances of any noble who happened by, it was like legalised child abuse.The locals hadn't been able to get their heads around the idea that women were equal to men. A couple of young knights had tried to push their luck with PFCs Fin McCarthy and Jamie Boyle (both of whom were in Buffy's squad) and they'd had their asses well and truly kicked by the two MI girls; Buffy had been so proud of her girls when they took down the two knights with nothing but their bare hands. However, it had caused a major diplomatic incident and after that Federation women had to stay inside the Federation compound or if they really had to go into Camelot they could only go if escorted by a Federation male.“So you're thinking that by sending two MI girls,” Buffy began slowly, “you'll be sending a message that women aren't the 'weaker' sex and are worthy of respect.”“Quite so, Corporal Summers,” Sir Malcolm agreed, “I also think Farquaad is trying to test us.”“Test us?” Buffy asked.“Yes indeed,” Sir Malcolm nodded once more, “he's seen how powerful our troops are when using their suits...”Buffy had in fact been on that little fire power demonstration, it had been designed to show the locals just how advanced the Federation was. Warrior based societies, like Avalon's, respected military power more than almost anything else.“...I think he wants to see how good our troops are without their high tech gear,” Sir Malcolm smiled wryly, “in fact I think he's putting himself in a win-win situation.”“Oh I get it!” Harmony raised her hand like a kid in class trying to attract her teacher's attention.“Yes Miss Kendal,” Sir Malcolm wondered for a moment if he could get Harmony transferred to his staff; she was a very pretty young woman and he really shouldn't be thinking the thoughts about her he was thinking right now!“Like, if we kill the dragon and bring back the Princess this Farquaad guy gets to consolidate his power...by marrying her, right?”“When did you learn words like 'consolidate', Harm?” Buffy asked quietly.“But if we totally fail,” Harmony ignored Buffy for the moment, “he can say we're not all that good without all our fancy gear and consolidate his position that way.”“Exactly Miss Kendal,” Sir Malcolm beamed like a teacher at his star pupil.It suddenly dawned on Buffy that Sir Malcolm was calling Harmony 'Miss Kendal' while he kept referring to her as 'Corporal Summers'. Did Sir Malcolm have the hots for Harm? Well, Buffy smiled internally they could both do a lot worse. While Harmony and herself 'made out' together, they had both sort of agreed that it wasn't anything serious and they'd not stand in the way if the other found someone they really wanted to have a relationship with. However, saying it and the reality of the situation meant that Buffy felt the stirrings of jealousy every time Sir Malcolm looked at 'her' Harmony.“Erm...” Buffy was thinking that now might be a good time to bring this interview to a close, “..when do we leave?”“As soon as possible,” Sir Malcolm told them, “in fact tomorrow morning would be perfect.”
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“Harmony's got a boyfriend, Harmony's got a boyfriend,” Buffy teased gently as they walked back to the MI part of the Federation compound.“Have not!” Harmony replied sharply.“Have too!” Buffy resisted the urge to stick out her tongue.“You think he likes me?” Harmony asked uncertainly.“Likes you!?” Buffy grinned, “Girl he looked like he was planning on taking you away to his country estate on Earth even as he was explaining how we had to kill this dragon thing,” she laughed, “assuming you survive this mission you're in there!”“You think?”“Uh-huh.”“And you're not jealous?”“Of course I'm jealous,” Buff replied, “he's got the hots for my best girl, but...”“But?”“I'll be all noble and not stand in your way if you want to, you know, make out with him or something.”“Buffy you're so sweet,” Harmony sighed.“I know, like I said, I'm being noble,” Buffy pointed out again.In this time, Buffy had discovered, people could pretty much have 'relationships' with whom they liked. There were same sex marriages, multiple partner marriages and good old fashioned one guy and one girl marriages. There were really only two rules; no one could be forced into any relationship and no relationship should cause one of the partners 'harm'. So, Buffy and Harmony's little romance would not appear as anything unusual, however being in the Army and especially the MI had made things more complicated. There were strict rules about who could have a relationship with whom. It was all about chains of command and the maintenance of good order, morale and discipline. Of course people mostly ignored these regulations, but it did mean that if you went outside the guidelines and someone found out, the guilty parties could find themselves in a lot of hot water.“In the meantime we better go see what Sandy has got for us,” Buffy led the way towards the tent that housed Platoon HQ, “I'm telling you this if they expect me to slay this dragon with a sword I'm not going!”
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As it turned out, the army or indeed Sir Malcolm didn't expect Buffy and Harmony to confront the dragon armed only with swords. However, Buffy suspected that was exactly what Duke Farquaad had planned when he'd stipulated, 'no high tech weapons'. You see it was all relative, what was low tech to Buffy and the Federation was still high tech to the Avalonians. Like a Zippo lighter might seem pretty basic to Buffy and Harmony. But to someone who had to use flint and steel to start a fire it was a technological wonder.What Ship's Sergeant O'Connor had found for them wouldn't have looked out of place in any army of the late twentieth century. The EM2A4 assault rifle was a bull pup design (the twenty-five round magazine was fitted behind the pistol grip) firing a 7mm high velocity bullet designed to penetrate light body armour before shattering inside the target. One or two rounds would kill a human stone dead, while a short burst was easily capable of shredding a bug warrior. It was reasoned that sustained fire from one or two EM2's would kill the dragon.If the rifles didn't work, Buffy and Harmony were given a supply of disposable one shot missile launchers. These were actually plastic firing tubes holding one 60mm rocket. In fact the rocket fired from the launcher was exactly the same type of missile that was fired from a MI magazine fed missile launcher. The missile's HEAT warhead should send any large creature to the next world with only one hit, particularly if said creature was full of hydrogen.The two young women were also given side arms, and light body armour, comms gear, camping equipment and a multitude of other useful gadgets plus food and a battery/solar powered trailer to carry everything on. Even with all this equipment they still wouldn't be as effective as if they were wearing their suits but they'd be effective enough to take down the dragon and rescue the princess. Of course no one had asked the dragon what it thought about all these preparations. Everyone just assumed that the dragon was simply a big dumb beast that would just stand there and let someone shoot it full of holes. Little did anyone know, that the dragon had other ideas, but no one had thought to ask it.
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“Have I like totally told you how much I hate walking?” Harmony demanded as she walked along the dusty road next to Buffy.“No Harm,” Buffy sighed tiredly, “not since the last time you mentioned it.”Having been snatched off the beach by Ship's Sergeant O'Connor the two young women had been taken to an interview with the Federation's diplomatic representative on Avalon, Sir Malcolm West. The diplomat had explained what he wanted Buffy and Harmony to do, namely rescue a local Princess from a dragon. Next they'd been taken from Sir Malcolm's office by S/Sgt O'Connor who'd had the girls kitted out with low tech weapons and body armour plus some heavier weapons, food, tents and everything they'd need for their expedition. All this equipment was then loaded onto a six wheeled mechanical mule that followed them along the road that led to the Wastelands and the ruined castle where the dragon was keeping the Princess prisoner.“I can't see why we couldn't have used our armour and jets,” Harmony continued as if Buffy hadn't spoken.“Only low tech gear, remember?” Buffy replied: if it hadn't been for Harmony's complaining, Buffy would have been quite enjoying the walk.The weather was fine with lots of deep, blue sky and fluffy white clouds. There were birds singing in the trees and bushes that grew along side the road. Brightly coloured flowers were sprinkled across the lush grass like multicoloured stars in space...if space was green. Every now and then they'd see a quaint cottage or farm, with cows, chickens and pigs in the fields close by. The air was fresh (except for when they got too close to a 'quaint' cottage; there was no plumbing out here in the countryside) and bracing, it was nice to breath non-recycled air for a change.“Or an air car,” Harmony's voice intruded into Buffy's thoughts of settling down on this planet and living the simple life, “they could have given us an air car. We'd totally get to this stupid tower place in a couple of hours instead of...”“Harmony!” Buffy interrupted, “Look we'll get to this dragon's lair tomorrow morning,” she gestured to the world around them, “don't you like being out in the open air?”“No!” Harmony slapped an insect that was chowing down on her neck, “Its hot and smelly and full of nasty things that want to bite me!”“Oh come on Harm,” Buffy laughed, “it was only an insect.”“I was talking about the dragon,” Harmony pointed out.“Oh,” Buffy had to admit that Harmony had a point, being bitten by a dragon could really spoil your day.“Why couldn't the navy drop us onto the target?” Harmony wanted to know.“I...” Buffy hesitated for a moment, Harmony had a good point; all of the Jones' shuttles were sitting in the shuttle bay aboard the ship doing nothing, so why couldn't they have used one to take them to the objective? “I honestly don't know,” Buffy shrugged, “maybe the Captain's having them repainted or something.”“Or a bicycle,” Harmony interjected, “I could totally go with a bicycle...or even a horse!”“A horse?” Buffy looked at her friend in surprise.“Don't look so surprised,” Harmony said answering Buffy's look with one of her own, “I know how to ride a bicycle.”“What about a horse?” Buffy wanted to know.“I learnt how to ride one of those too,” Harmony explained, “same place as I learnt to ride a bicycle.”“You do know what a horse is, right? It's a totally big animal with legs and hooves and teeth and such, right?”“Buffy!” Harmony laughed, “Stop teasing, a horse hasn't got...!”Before Harmony could finish what she was saying about horses a volley of crossbow bolts flew from a clump of trees next to the road and struck the travellers and their mechanical mule. Buffy was hit by three bolts, one in the chest a second in the abdomen and a third in the right thigh, luckily none hit her in the head. As the bolts impacted their target, Buffy's suit went instantly hard at the point of impact preventing the bolts from penetrating and killing her.“Ow!” Buffy cried as she rubbed her boob where the bolt had hit her.“DOWN!” Harmony cried, she'd been hit by at least four bolts too, but she'd not been hit in a tender spot like Buffy.Remembering where she was and that someone was trying to kill her, Buffy dropped to the dusty road surface and pulled the EM2 assault rifle off her back and brought it up into a firing position pointing it at the copse from which the bolts had issued.“How many?” Buffy asked as she scanned the trees through her weapon's sight.“Lots,” Harmony replied.Buffy had to agree with Harmony's assessment, not only had Harmony and herself been hit by about eight bolts, the mechanical mule also had about half-a-dozen bolts sticking in its side.“Cover!” Buffy called as she started to crawl backwards towards the road side ditch. As she began to move another volley of crossbow bolts landed all around them, this time none of them hit their intended targets and bounced from the road into the meadow behind them. Sliding down the grassy bank into the drainage ditch, Buffy breathed a silent prayer of thanks that the weather had been dry for the last couple of months, as a result the ditch was more or less dry and not full of filthy water. Standing up, she rested her arms on the lip of the ditch and once again scanned the trees about thirty yards away from her through her sight; she still couldn't see their attackers.“These guys are good,” Buffy whispered, “can't see a one, what about you?”“Thought I saw a glint, like sun off metal but its gone now,” Harmony replied.No one was shooting at them just at the moment; from what Buffy could remember about crossbows it took someone with non-slayer strength at least thirty seconds and up to a couple of minutes to reload, it all depended on how powerful the crossbow was.“Okay, go to thermal imaging...” Buffy ordered as she adjusted her sights, “...okay got 'em!”Through her sight Buffy could make out a cluster of multicoloured heat sources against the cooler vegetation; as she watched the confusion of different colours separated out into ghostly images of men with weapons.“Got 'em,” Harmony confirmed.“Okay, lets totally take 'em!”Firing steadily into the undergrowth, Buffy and Harmony shot down their ambushers. At first the men with the crossbows tried to shoot back. But as more men became casualties the survivors broke cover and tried to run away.“UP! UP!” Buffy cried as she climbed out of the ditch, “AFTER THEM!”Running across the road, Buffy was hit in the right leg by a wildly shot bolt. Apart from making her stumble and probably leaving a bruise it did her little real harm. Once across the road the two MI girls jumped the drainage ditch and plunged into the wood which had been sheltering the crossbowmen. Plunging into the shade of the trees, Buffy was momentarily disorientated by the change in light levels. Recovering just in time she was able to shoot down the man who was coming at her with a drawn sword. Putting two rounds into his torso, she watched in satisfaction as the 7mm rounds penetrated his studded, leather jerkin and reduced his insides to bloody pulp.Pushing on through the trees and undergrowth, Buffy came to the far side of the wood where she found Harmony coldly shooting down the escaping survivors with unhurried single shots. Waiting until Harmony had shot down the last of the runners who was now about a hundred yards away, Buffy slapped her friend on the shoulder.“Come on lets see what we've got.”Turning away from the killing field, Buffy and Harmony moved back through the wood counting up their kills.“I've got five here,” Buffy called.“Another six over here,” Harmony replied.“Plus the eight you shot while they were running, that's a big force,” Buffy explained, “bigger that a band of brigands should be.”“Yeah,” Harmony bent and picked up a discarded crossbow, “this looks like well made gear.”“Too good for common robbers,” Buffy knelt down next to one of her victims and pulled at his clothing, “Here, look, I though something like this would happen.”“What is it Snake?” Harmony said using Buffy's nickname, she looked over Buffy's shoulder to see the livery coat the 'robber' was wearing under his green and grey cloak.“Duke Farquaad's men,” Buffy snapped as she stood up, “I totally knew something like this would happen.”“You did?”“Yeah.”“See,” Harmony sighed heavily, “if they'd let us like totally use an air car or something none of this would've have happened. None of these guys would be dead,” Harmony gestured to the bloody battlefield, “and you wouldn't have a nasty bruise on your boob.”“How do you know its a nasty bruise?” Buffy asked as she lead the way back to the road where the mechanical mule waited for them patiently.“Oh its bound to be,” Harmony giggled, “it'll need a lot of kissing better!”“Harmony Kendal,” Buffy smiled, “you're such a total slut!”“I try,” Harmony replied as she started to pull crossbow bolts from the side of the mule.“Trying, more like,” Buffy replied as she went to help her friend.
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The remainder of the day went by without incident, although no one tried to kill them again Buffy and Harmony both expected someone to make another attempt. It was obvious that Farquaad wasn't going to rely on just the dragon to kill the 'evil aliens', he really wanted Buffy and Harmony to fail so he'd probably send more men after them. Stopping for their midday meal under some shady trees by a river, Buffy once again found herself thinking about leaving the army and settling down. Even with the war on the army wouldn't make you stay if you really wanted to leave. Of course they'd try and persuade you to stay, but they wouldn't stand in your way if you were really determined.“Have you ever thought of leaving the army, Harm?” Buffy wanted to now.“You mean if Sir Malcolm doesn't totally sweep me off my feet and makes me like Lady Harmony?”“Something like that,” Buffy nodded with a smile.“When the wars over, I might leave,” Harmony sighed, “but I'll probably stay until I retire or buy a little bit of farmland,” she paused for a while, “what else can a girl like me do?” Harmony wanted to know, “I've got no real skills other than killing bugs or blowing things up...I expect I'll miss not having babies thought, I think I'd have made a totally great mom.”“Of course you would,” Buffy gave her friend's shoulder an affectionate squeeze, “the best...come on, time to move, on the bounce trooper.”“Do we have to,” Harmony complained as she got tiredly to her feet, “we musta walked miles.”“Eight-point-three to be precise,” Buffy laughed, “and we've still got another eight to do!”“I hate the army,” Harmony grumbled, “I mean they coulda totally given us bicycles.”
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After walking another seven-point-six miles, Buffy and Harmony came to a valley full of trees. The road dipped down into the shade and they could just see thin plumes of smoke rising above the treetops.“Village,” Buffy announced, “maybe we can find an inn.”“With a bath,” Harmony sighed hopefully.“We'll see what we can do,” Buffy reassured her.Continuing on their way they walked down the road and into the semi-dark under the trees. As the day had progressed the local sun had got higher and higher in the sky and subsequently hotter. Although their body armour was environmentally controlled both of the young women were staring to feel hot and sweaty, Buffy agreed with Harmony a bath would be nice or failing that a dip in a cool river.Coming down onto the floor of the valley, they left the shade of the trees and walked out into the sun dappled meadows that surrounded the small village situated about half-a-mile away. Smoke rose from the chimneys of nearly two dozen cottages and houses. Most of the buildings were of wood frame construction, the frames were painted black while the plastered walls were painted white. A couple of the bigger buildings were of an all stone construction with slates on their roofs instead of the thatch of the smaller houses. One of these bigger buildings was obviously a temple of some kind dedicated to the local god or gods. The other was a large inn towards which Buffy and Harmony started to walk.As they got closer to the village they began to see people tending vegetable gardens or children watching over sheep and cows in the fields. As they walked between the outlying cottages they started to collect a crowd. Adults watched them suspiciously from what they considered a safe distance while children followed closely behind them on the road.“Looks like we're the most interesting thing these people have seen in like a loooong time!” Harmony observed.“Yeah,” Buffy agreed as she watched the villagers for any sign they might be Farquaad's men in disguise, “Now where's that inn.”“There,” Harmony pointed across the village green.“Trust you to smell beer,” Buffy smiled.“That's not the only thing I can smell,” Harmony pulled a sour face as she followed Buffy across the green.As she walked Buffy noticed three things; first there was a large village pond with big white ducks swimming in it. Next there was a brightly painted pole about twenty feet tall, this she remembered from her briefing notes must be the 'Maypole'. This was danced around, usually by the children, on certain religious festivals. The third thing Buffy saw was another pole, but this one wasn't painted in pretty colours, this one was blacked by fire as was the earth around the pole. Again she remembered from her briefing notes that these people still believed in witches and warlocks, the punishment for practising witchcraft was death by burning. Of course Buffy knew that 'witchcraft' had little or nothing to do with women being burnt to death for practising the dark arts. It was more to do with keeping women in their place. Sometimes Buffy wished that the Federation wasn't so ethical and would simply move in and take over planets like Avalon.“This doesn't look so bad,” Harmony observed as they walked up to the wall that surrounded the inn's court yard.The inn looked like a big manor house that Buffy remembered seeing in a history book about Medieval Europe. It had a high wall which completely surrounded the inn and the attached stables. As they walked into the courtyard they could see half a dozen horses tied up at a hitching rail plus the usual chickens scratching about in the dust of the courtyard. No sooner had Buffy, Harmony and the mechanical mule come to a halt in the centre of the yard than they were approached by a nervous looking boy of about twelve years.“Can I 'elp ye...erm...Lady?” the boy asked uncertainly, he'd obviously never seen anything quite like Buffy or Harmony in his life.“Sure!” Buffy beamed a bright smile at the boy hoping to put him at his ease, “Is there somewhere we can put our mule?”The boy looked at the mechanical mule and turned a deathly shade of white, he probably thought it was some sort of demon, he pointed a trembling finger towards the stables.“Harm, you park the mule, while I get us a room...”“And a bath!” Harmony called hopefully.“Okay kid, now who does a girl have to see to get a room...”“And a bath!” Harmony called again as she led the mule towards the stable.“...and a bath,” Buffy continued.“My-my f-father, Lady,” the obviously terrified boy pointed towards the main building.“Okay,” Buffy started to walk towards the inn, “lets go see your dad.” Noticing that the boy wasn't following her, Buffy turned to see what he was doing. He was in fact still standing in the middle of the yard rooted to the spot, he looked petrified.“Come on kid, I won't eat you,” Buffy called only to see the boy turn around and run out of the gate and out of her sight, “great,” she muttered, “way to make friends with the locals.”
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Walking across the yard, Buffy noticed that the big, heavy door to the inn was ajar, as she got closer still she could clearly make out the sound of merrymaking coming from within. From the amount of noise being made, she guessed there had to be at least a dozen people inside. Someone was picking out a tune on what Buffy suspected was a lute while someone else accompanied the lute player on a drum-like instrument. Pausing at the door, Buffy looked inside, it was fairly dark compared to the bright sunlight of the yard, but she could see several tavern wenches moving around serving the men who were sitting by the, thankfully, unused fireplace.Walking into the large room which served as a bar for the inn; Buffy suddenly found herself in one of those scenes from an old western film, where the stranger walks into the saloon and everything goes deathly quiet. Her foot steps echoed on the bare boards of the inn's main room as she stood a little self-consciously in the middle of the room with every eye in the house regarding her with suspicion. Buffy congratulated herself on being right about her estimate of how many people were in the bar. Standing or sitting over by the fireplace were half a dozen soldiers, they all carried swords, wore livery coats and had the badge of one of the local noble houses sewn to the left side of their jackets. Chances were the horses outside belonged to these guys. Sitting over by a window was an older guy who looked well dressed enough to be a merchant, he also appeared to be rich enough to pay the two obvious bodyguards who sat at the table with him, all three were armed with either long knives or short swords. The rest of the men in the inn seemed to be either rich peasants or tradesmen.The other occupants of the room included a small boy of about ten years who was collecting empty beer mugs from the tables and four teenage girls who were obviously bar wenches. The oldest girl stepped forward and looked around nervously as if hoping someone else would approach the stranger who'd just entered the inn. When no one did, she approached Buffy to find out what she wanted. The girl starting to move appeared to be the signal for everyone to get back to doing whatever it was they'd been doing before Buffy's arrival.“Can I help ye...erm...My Lady?” the girl asked uncertainly, she'd obviously never seen anyone, particularly a woman, dressed so strangely in all her life.“Hi,” Buffy gave the girl a bright and she hoped friendly smile, “my friend and I would like a room for the night and...”“With a bath!” Harmony called from the doorway as once again the room went deathly quiet.Apparently not noticing the consternation her sudden appearance had caused, Harmony walked in and joined Buffy; she was carrying their kit-bags containing all their personal belongings as well as having her rifle slung over her shoulder.“A bath?” the girl looked slightly shocked by the request.From reading her briefing notes on Avalonian society, Buffy knew that the locals believed that 'cleanliness was next to godliness'. Unfortunately the average Avalonian's idea of 'cleanliness' was somewhat different to Buffy's, Harmony's and the entire MI's. Basically the locals had a bath once a week whether they needed it or not.“Uh-huh,” Buffy nodded her head, “You have rooms with bath's, right?”“Aye, we have two, My Lady,” the girl replied a little defensively, “but it'll cost ye a Crown a night and that doesn't include food and beer.”“We'll take it,” Harmony interrupted before Buffy could start to haggle.“Yeah,” Buffy gave Harmony a slightly annoyed look as she searched her pockets for some local coinage.Handing over two Half-crown coins Buffy did some calculations in her head, a local crown had about the same buying power as sixty Federation Dollars. This meant she'd paid what she might expect to pay for a night in a good quality motel back on Earth or on Sanctuary.“Right then, My Lady,” the girl looked at the coins in her hand; she looked like she wanted to check to see if the coins were real but was obviously holding herself back.“Tim!” the girl called to the boy who'd stopped collecting beer mugs to stand and stare at the newcomers, “Come 'ere and carry their Ladyship's bags,” the girl turned her attention back to here new guests, “If your Ladyships would follow me?”“You know,” Harmony whispered as they were led through the big room towards a flight of stairs, “I could learn to live with all this 'your ladyship-ing'.”“Thinking of settling down are we?” Buffy asked, as they climbed the stairs behind the girl and in front of the boy who struggled up the steps behind them with their bags.“Maybe,” Harmony shrugged non-committally.“Spend the rest of your life mucking out the farm animals and squeezing out a kid every couple of years,” Buffy sniggered quietly.“No!” Harmony replied shocked at the very idea, “I'd be like a Lady so there'd be totally no mucking out! I'd have peasants to do that for me...”Buffy noticed that Harmony hadn't said anything about not having loads of kids, however.The room was at the end of a long corridor with a window at the far end and about a dozen doors leading off it; Buffy guessed that these probably led to other guest rooms. Arriving at the door the serving girl took a big brass key from the pocket of her dress and unlocked the door before handing the key over to Buffy and pushing the door open.“There ye are My Lady,” every time the girl said 'My Lady', Buffy thought she detected a note of uncertainty, the girl was probably having difficulty fitting Harmony and herself into her own world view. “It's our best room I hopes its satis-factory,” the girl said the word like it was actually two words, “will you be wanting to take a bath now coz I'll need to start getting the water heated?”“Erm, yeah, why not,” Buffy replied as the boy arrived with their bags, “Okay kid,” Buffy smiled down at the child and gave him a penny, “we'll take those from here.”Closing the door behind them, Buffy and Harmony stood for a moment to check out their room. It was about twelve feet square with a large four-poster bed taking up much of the floor space. There was a window opposite the door, it didn't have curtains but it had glass and shutters to keep out the night and the weather. Walking over to open the window, Buffy noted that the floor was bare boards like downstairs. The room looked clean (but nowhere near 'MI clean') and didn't smell of damp or open drains. While she was doing this Harmony pulled back the bed clothes and examined the bedding closely.“Dry, clean and no bugs,” she announced; Buffy gave an involuntary, slightly hysterical giggle as she imagined a warrior bug hiding under the covers, “Okay,” Harmony stood up again and looked around the room, “where's the bathroom?”The bathroom was in fact behind another door on the opposite side of the bed from the door. It was old and although the innkeeper's daughters had obviously tried to keep it in good condition over the years everything was badly stained by the local water. Buffy suspected that all the bathroom furniture had come from Earth over two hundred years ago. The hot taps didn't work, but the cold water taps did after a little encouragement. But best of all the flush toilet still flushed, although where the waste went, Buffy tried not to think about.Five minutes after they'd discovered the bathroom, three serving girls arrived outside the room, each carrying two, big, steaming, buckets of water. Once again, Buffy tipped the girls giving each girl a bright, new, shiny penny. It was always a good idea to be known as a generous guest wherever you might be staying. After chasing the local girls out of their room, Buffy and Harmony stripped off their body armour and the rest of their clothes. Harmony had been right, Buffy did have a 'nasty' bruise on her left breast from where she'd been hit by the crossbow bolt earlier in the day.Hanging up their armour, coveralls and underwear; their clothing was basically self cleaning if you hung it up in the fresh air for a couple of hours. The two young women got down to the serious business of having a bath. Luckily the bath was big enough for the two of them. It was also of a style where the taps are situated along one side of the tub so no one had to sit with the taps sticking in their back. Feeling a little more human after their bath the two young women dried themselves off and made themselves look like normal people again.“What shall we wear?” Harmony asked as she studied herself in the mirror that hung from the wall.Dressed in only her underwear, Harmony gave a sad little sign. About the best that could be said for army issue underwear was that it was comfy and it stopped your boobs from bouncing around uncomfortably when you ran about.“I've only got my 'girlie-khakis' with me so I'll have to wear those,” Buffy replied from the other side of the bed.“Okay, that's totally fine,” Harmony replied as she went to find her kit-bag, “at least we'll match.”All female MI were issued with two types of smart khakis. The first type was simply a feminised version of the uniform male MI wore; long sleeved shirt, tie, pants, black boots and beret. However, as female soldiers, Buffy and Harmony had been issued with a more feminine style of uniform consisting of a short-ish skirt, an open necked, short sleeved blouse and sensible, black shoes this outfit could be worn with or without a beret.
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The trouble, that night, didn't start until after Buffy and Harmony had finished their meal. The two friends had gone down into the 'big room' to find that it now contained a lot more customers and serving girls than it had when they'd first arrived. The girl who had earlier shown them to their room, pushed her way through the crowd of local men who were jammed into the inn shoulder to shoulder, she led Buffy and Harmony over to a table in the corner of the big room.Here they were served a pleasant enough meal of roast pork and fresh bread all washed down with a couple of mugs of the local ale. It had to be said that one of the best things about Avalon was the quality of the local beer, it was flavoursome and came in different strengths. Having sat for an hour eating their meal and drinking their beer, Buffy and Harmony decided it was time to go back to their room. First, they had an early start planned for the morning, and second, they were both a little sick of being stared at by the locals.There couldn't be many people on Avalon who'd not heard of the arrival of the 'Federation-people'. But, as there were normally less than fifty Federation personnel on the planet very few of the locals had actually ever seen one, so Buffy and Harmony had a high curiosity value. Also, while the Federation representatives had at least tried to discover what the local customs were, the people of Avalon were completely ignorant of how someone from the Federation dressed and behaved.Looking back on it, Buffy decided that it was probably the short skirts that had caused the fight to start. Most of the local young women of Buffy and Harmony's age wore long skirts that covered their legs from waist to ankle. While their legs were covered their breasts weren't so much. The girls, here abouts, wore low cut blouses under a waistcoat-come-corset affair that had the effect of not only holding their tummies in, but also of pushing their breasts up and out. So, yes it was probably the skirts they were wearing that caused all the violence to break out, the local males obviously weren't used to seeing so many shapely, smooth and sun tanned legs.“Hey whore!” it was one of the soldiers who called out cutting through the noise in the big room, “Come an' suck my cock!”Stumbling towards Harmony the man-at-arms made his second big mistake of the day when he grabbed hold of Harmony's arm and tried to pull her over to the bench where he and his comrades had been sitting. Easily breaking the warrior's hold on her, Harmony drew back her fist and punched the soldier in the face. To the accompaniment of a collective gasp from the rest of the men in the inn, the soldier stumbled backwards while clutching his bloodied noise. At this point two of the soldier's buddies got up to teach this upstart woman a lesson she'd never forget.Again when Buffy looked back on it, the first soldier's friends were only doing what any MI would have done, they were making 'pick-up' on their buddy. Closing in on Harmony one soldier got his knee cap smashed by Harmony's right foot while the other received the edge of her left hand across his windpipe, today it seemed, Harmony wasn't pulling any punches. As more soldiers got up ready to join the fray, Buffy thought it was about time that she went to help her friend.Jumping into the developing melee, Buffy struck down two of the men-at-arms as they tried to pull their swords free from their scabbards. Buffy's intervention acted like a signal that started the general melee. Suddenly the room was a heaving mass of shouting, struggling men and screaming serving wenches. Empty beer mugs and furniture flew through the air as everyone took the opportunity to settle old scores with their neighbours while at the same time taking the chance to give the local lord's men a good beating.Standing back to back in the middle or the room, Buffy and Harmony fought off all comers. While Harmony had obviously taken her hand-to-hand training seriously when she was at boot, she couldn't hope to match Buffy for sheer speed and strength. Blocking a viciously swung bench with her left forearm, Buffy stepped forward and knocked the swinger's front teeth out with the palm of her right hand, not even slayers punch people in the mouth with their fist if they could avoid it. The man went down only to be replaced by one of his friends who launched a hay-maker at Buffy's head. Ducking under the wildly thrown punch, she sprang upright again and head butted the man breaking his noise.“I know this is fun!” Buffy cried to Harmony as the taller girl was trying to unscrew her opponent's head from his body, “But we've got to get up early and we need to get some sleep.”“Tactical withdrawal?” Harmony gave up on trying to remove her opponent's head and kneed him in the testicles instead, the man fell to the floor with a loud thump and a pained groan.“Looks like,” Buffy started to fight her way through the struggling mass towards the stairs; MI don't retreat, they 'withdraw to prepared positions to facilitate an advance in another sector'.Using her superior strength and fighting skills, Buffy soon beat a path to the stairs. Standing on the first step, she turned to check that Harmony was still behind her. Turning, Buffy saw her buddy being pulled to the floor by three men, although Harmony was still fighting, the three locals had grabbed her from behind and she was finding it difficult to actually hit them.“HARM!” Buffy screamed as she jumped from the step towards the fighting foursome.Arms spread wide, Buffy landing on the little melee and succeeded in knocking them all to the floor. Before any of the locals had recovered, she had jumped back to her feet. Picking up the largest man with her left hand she punched him with her right. Spinning out of Buffy's grasp the man careened into another battling group knocking them and himself to the floor. Bending down she took another of Harmony's assailants by the throat and kneed him in the crotch before tossing him into the middle of the melee where he must have knocked down another half-dozen men. Ready to deal with the last attacker, Buffy was slightly disappointed to find that Harmony had all ready dealt with the man who was now lying unconscious on the floor.“Look at this!” Harmony held her torn blouse out for Buffy to see, “They ripped my best blouse, the total bastards!”“Don't worry about it,” Buffy called back, “we'll say it was damaged in combat.”Stopping Harmony from turning back and rejoining the fight and exacting bloody vengeance for damaging government property, Buffy hauled her friend up the stairs towards their room. A final glance over her shoulder as she headed up stairs told Buffy that the fight was still going on and looked as if it would be going on for some time. Oh well, she sighed to herself, their room was far enough away from the big room so that the noise of the fight wouldn't keep them awake.
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The morning after the bar fight, Buffy was awoken by the sound of a cock crowing in the yard below. Lying on her back she gazed up at the none too clean ceiling and just for a moment thought back to the other bar fights she'd been in since she'd woken up in the future. There'd been quite a few, the one on K7 in the main settlement, El Dorado, had been notable, the memory made her smile. After that fight she'd misplaced her buddies and ended up in a bar by herself where she'd met that guy Johnny Rico; they'd ended up getting a room and spending the night together. For a moment, Buffy wondered what Johnny was doing right now; one thing was for sure, chances were he wasn't on a mission to save a princess from a dragon.“Come on sleepy head,” Buffy rolled over and started to shake Harmony awake, “rise and shine!”“Hmmm?” Harmony's eyes opened and she smiled up at Buffy, “Hi...”“Hi yourself,” Buffy couldn't help but smile back; after coming back to their room the previous evening, Harmony and herself had fallen into bed and 'made-out' before drifting off to sleep, “time to get up, princess' to rescue, dragons to slay, you know?”“Oh...” Harmony groaned, “...couldn't we just like stay in bed and totally make-out some more?”“Harmony Kendal, you are such a slut,” Buffy smiled down at her friend, the truth was that given a choice between fighting dragons and staying in bed with Harmony, Buffy knew exactly which one she'd prefer to do.“Am not,” Harmony pouted.“Are too, now 'on the bounce' trooper,” Buffy put just a little of her 'command voice' into her words, “sooner we get this mission done and dusted the sooner we can get back to topless football and making-out on the beach.”“Totally,” Harmony agreed as she sat up, the covers falling away and exposing her breasts as she did so; just for a moment all Buffy wanted to do was reach out and cup those wonderful orbs in her hands and...but no, they had a mission to complete. “I suppose you're right,” Harmony swung her legs out of bed and sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, “is there any hot water?”“Nah,” Buffy shook her head before following Harmony's example and started to climb out of bed, “too early I think.”“Whatever,” Harmony sighed as she stood up and headed for the bathroom, “I'll make do with cold,” she paused to grin at Buffy, “I mean its not like we haven't had worse.”“Sure,” Buffy agreed; as part of their training both young women had been taken from camp and dumped naked and unequipped somewhere in the Canadian Rockies.As she'd told Harmony, there was a princess to rescue and dragons to slay. Buffy smiled as a thought entered her mind; perhaps they were actually going to rescue the dragon from the princess. Dismissing her thoughts about evil princess' imprisoning defenceless dragons, Buffy stood up and walked over to the open window. Sticking her head out and breathing in a great lung full of fresh if slightly smelly air, Buffy felt her senses start to tell her that danger was close. Jerking her head back inside just in time to avoid being hit by the arrow, Buffy dropped to the floor.“HARM!” she yelled at the top of her voice, “Get your butt out here, we're under attack!”“W-what!?” Harmony appeared in the doorway to the bathroom just as two more arrows flew through the window and buried themselves in the ceiling.“INCOMING!” Buffy cried as she scrambled on all fours across the room and away from the window; with commendable speed Harmony joined Buffy on the floor.More arrows came in through the window, while some hit the ceiling others arced in flight to hit the walls and furniture.“What's going on?” Harmony demanded as she crawled over to her clothes and started to put them on.“You remember those guys we beat up on last night?” Buffy explained as she dragged the heavy bed across the floor and used it to block the door.“Uh-huh,” Harmony now had her underwear on and was putting on the coveralls that went beneath her body armour.“I think they came back with some friends...or maybe Duke Farquaad is trying to have us killed again,” the door secured Buffy grabbed for her own clothing.“So I suppose breakfast is out of the question?” Harmony had now pulled on her body armour; although she'd not sealed it up yet she was better protected than Buffy who was still putting on her underwear, “wish we'd totally brought our helmets with us,” she said as she picked up her rifle and checked that it was loaded, “whatever,” Harmony sighed as she crouched under the window, “time to totally shoot back.”Springing to her feet, Harmony directed a long burst of fire out of the window. Over the sound of gunfire and breaking glass, Buffy could just hear the cries of alarm from the men outside. Like the existence of the Federation's representatives, most people on Avalon had at least heard of the advanced weapons the MI used. Whether they believed the stories about their effectiveness or not was another thing, but just at the moment Buffy was guessing that there were some new believers outside. Harmony stopped firing and ducked down under the window again.“Did you get any?” Buffy asked, she was now climbing into her own body armour.“Are you serious?” Harmony gave Buffy a slightly hurt look, “Of course I 'got' some of them...”Buffy peeped over the windowsill to see three men lying dead in the yard while another two crawled away wounded.“Crap!” Buffy exclaimed when she saw the livery coats the men were wearing.“Yeah,” Harmony joined Buffy in looking out of the window, “more of Farquaad's guys...we really must have totally pissed him off...”“Yeah, I know,” Buffy sat with her back against the wall for a moment, she needed to think of a plan and think of it quick.The sound of wooden doors being broken open and serving wenches screaming in alarm came to Buffy's ears.“Just how many guys are out there?” Harmony wanted to know.“I'm not waiting to find out,” Buffy said as she reached for her combat boots, “time to get outta here.”“I'm all for that Snake,” Harmony grabbed for her own boots as the sound of multiple feet pounding up the stairs and along the corridor outside came to her and Buffy's ears.By the time the two women were properly dressed and had collected their gear together someone was in the corridor trying to break down the door. Firing half a dozen rounds through the thick wooden door, Buffy heard a couple of bodies hit the floor while other men cried out in alarm and retreated further down the corridor.“Which way?” Harmony wanted to know.“Window,” Buffy rushed over to the window again and looked outside.Just as she did so several arrows flew towards her and buried themselves in the window frame or flew over her head and into the room.“Damn-it!” Buffy fired back bringing down two bowmen.“You still wanna go out the window?” Harmony asked.Although their body armour would protect them from most anything the locals could bring to bear, as Harmony had mentioned they'd not brought their helmets up to the room with them last night. This meant there was a slim chance of one of the bowmen getting lucky with a head shot. The odds of survival would not be improved by making their escape through the building. That way the locals might be able to get in close and use their swords and axes. The body armour would stop the melee weapons from penetrating but they could still break bones and there was an even greater chance that one of the locals might get lucky and cleave in someone's skull.Taking a grenade from one of her pouches, Buffy grinned at Harmony before pulling the pin and tossing it out the window. The grenade was what the MI called a 'Flash-Bang', it made a hell of a bang, accompanied by a very bright flash followed by clouds of dense smoke. Dropping down under the window, Buffy and Harmony closed their eyes tight and covered their ears with their hands. The grenade exploded and Buffy was pretty sure she saw the flash even through her tightly closed eyes and even with her hands over her ears the explosion still made them ring.“UP! UP!” Buffy yelled as she climbed to her feet and started out the window.Scrambling out onto the roof, Buffy paused to look back into the yard, while Harmony climbed onto the roof behind her. Down in the courtyard, she could see two or three men stumble about deafened and blinded from the effects of the grenade. Bringing her rifle up she shot the men down with three quick shots. MI doctrine was to show the enemy no mercy until they decided to give up, that way wars didn't last so long and casualties were lower in the long run.“You okay?” Buffy called to Harmony and received an answering nod, “Follow me!” Climbing up to the apex of the roof, Buffy looked over the ridge into the vegetable garden at the back of the inn, see saw half-a-dozen horses guarded by a lone man-at-arms. Just as she was trying to decide whether to shoot the horses thus depriving the enemy of his transport, she heard Harmony open fire.“What?”“Some of them musta totally hacked their way through the door and were like trying to climb out after us,” Harmony explained as she swapped her used magazine for a full one.“That settles it,” Buffy climbed to her feet from where she'd been crouching and aimed at the horses and soldier in the garden, “no more Miz-nice-Buffy!”The horses screamed as Buffy shot them down, the man guarding them was too stunned to even begin to run before three or four rounds stitched their way across his chest. Emptying her magazine, Buffy realised an important lesson for the future, horses took a lot of killing. Although all the animals were down they weren't all dead.“Come on Harm,” Buffy cried as she crossed to the other side of the roof, “lets grab the mule an' get outta here!”“Right behind you!” Harmony called as she moved after Buffy, pausing before joining her on the other side of the roof, Harmony fired a short burst at some more men who were milling about in the yard as the smoke from the grenade cleared. Two more of the locals fell like rag dolls as the bullets smashed into their bodies.Sliding down the roof, Buffy paused only to toss an HE grenade down a chimney as she passed. There was a dull, 'BOOM!' as the grenade exploded followed by the sound of breaking glass as the ground floor windows blew out. Perched on the edge of the roof, Buffy and Harmony shot down men-at-arms as they staggered from the now smouldering inn. They were, however, very careful not to shoot any unarmed civilians who were only trying to escape the fight. Jumping down onto the little paved area outside the back door, Buffy peered into the smoke filled interior while Harmony watched the garden for threats.“I'm going in!” Buffy plunged into the smoke and fired at a sword wielding shape that was coming towards her out of the smoke shrouded interior.The man made a loud sound like a sack of metal pots being dropped as he fell. Going over to where the he lay on the floor, Buffy saw he was wearing fancy metal armour straight out of a book of fairy tales. Stopping to examine the corpse for a moment, Buffy realised that she'd just shot someone very important, unfortunately it wasn't Duke Farquaad. The sound of gunfire snapped Buffy's attention away from fairy tale knights and back to the present. Turning she saw Harmony firing from the hip as she retreated towards her, what looked like dozens of arrows chased her into the building.“There's freakin' hundreds of the bastards out there, Snake!” Harmony punctuated her words with an extra long burst of fire; the arrows stopped coming as the cries of wounded and dying men came to their ears.“Lets move it, Harm!” Buffy called as she led the way through the building to the front door.Dashing through the main room, Buffy managed to not shoot the serving wench who was hiding under a table along with the pot-boy. Grateful for her slayer reflexes and MI training for stopping her from killing a couple of innocents, she came to a halt to one side of the opened front door while Harmony slid to a halt on the other.“See anything?” Buffy asked as she cautiously looked out into the courtyard.“Looks deserted,” Harmony agreed; there were in fact half a dozen bodies littering the yard but as they were all dead they didn't count.“Okay,” Buffy took a deep breath, “I'll cover you while you go for the mule...”“Why do I totally have to go?” Harmony wanted to know, “Like, why don't you go and I'll give you cover?”“Because I'm the Corporal and you're the Lance Corporal!” Buffy snapped back, “And I'm a better shot than you!”“Oh...” Harmony shrugged, “...whatever.”“Sometimes, Harmony I could really...OW!”“You could, 'OW'?”Just then another crossbow bolt 'thunked' into the door frame next to Harmony's head from behind them.“Just how many of these guys are there?” the girls chorused before they burst out into the yard.Running out into the open, Buffy and Harmony just had enough time to get their bearing before a shower of arrows sleeted across the yard towards them.“DOWN!” Harmony cried as she threw herself to the ground, followed only a nanosecond later by Buffy.Bringing her rifle up, Buffy saw what looked like dozens of bowmen lining the wall and shooting arrows down at her. The arrows stuck into her suit making her look like some sort of weird porcupine, knowing that it was only a matter of time before one of the archers hit her in the face and killed her, Buffy started to shoot back. Her bullets made the archers duck down behind the wall as dust and pieces of brickwork flew into the air.“HARM, GET THE MULE!” Buffy shouted over the sound of her firing.Scrambling to her feet Harmony, fired suppressive bursts as she crabbed towards the stables. Arrows still flew from the archer's bows but the were hurriedly aimed as the archers tried to avoid Buffy's deadly return fire. Running into the stable, Harmony found herself face to face with two armed and armoured warriors. A burst of three rounds hit the closer dismounted knight making a neat line of holes across his breast plate. However, Harmony had to duck as the second knight aimed a sword blow at her head.Dropping to the ground, Harmony swung her leg around to catch the warrior just behind his right knee. The man's leg gave way and he slumped to the ground to kneel on one knee, kicking out with her leg again, she caught the guy in the chest. Unfortunately, as he was wearing metal armour the kick didn't have the desired effect that Harmony had hoped for. While it knocked the knight back a little he definitely wasn't out of the fight. Realising she needed to shoot this guy and shoot him fast, Harmony tried to bring her rifle to bear. Looking up at the faceless, armoured warrior, Harmony saw him lift his sword before bringing it down as he lashed out at her head!
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Deciding that lying out in the open was a poor tactical choice, Buffy pushed herself to her feet only to be hit by yet another blizzard of arrows.“AAGH!” she cried out as her hand flew to her face, she'd been hit.Stumbling back a couple of paces, Buffy raised her rifle and fired off a long burst as she clutched at her cheek with her left hand. Spitting the blood from her mouth, she stumbled across the yard towards the stable and what she hoped was at least temporary safety. Pausing with her back against the wall of the stable, her right hand fumbled to take a grenade from her equipment harness. Finding one she pulled the pin and hurled it over the wall, there was a loud bang followed by the screams of wounded men as the razor sharp wire inside the grenade expanded to cut the archers into bloody slices.Satisfied that she'd not have any more arrows shot at her for a while, Buffy threw herself through the door of the stable only to find Harmony lying on the ground with a guy standing over her about to beat out her brains with a sword. Lifting her rifle, Buffy fired. The rifle barked three times before it ran dry, but it was enough to put the knight down with two neat holes in the visor of his helmet.“Buffy?” Harmony called as she turned around to look for her saviour, “BUFFY!?” Harmony screamed when she saw Buffy standing there with an arrow sticking out of her cheek and blood pouring down her face onto her body armour, “EWWWWW!”Springing to her feet, Harmony rushed to Buffy's side and helped her over to where the mechanical mule was parked.“Sit down,” Harmony ordered as she helped Buffy to sit down and rest her back against the mule, “oh god Buffy your face!” she cried in alarm.“Hurmuny...” Buffy tried to speak but her mouth was full of blood and there was something sticking in her mouth and she thought her tongue had been cut or something.“Buffy I'm totally gonna have to get this arrow like out of your face,” Harmony explained as she slowly regained her 'calm', she had to think what to do, just pulling the arrow out would only make Buffy's injuries worse. “Oh crap!” she exclaimed as several more arrows landed inside the stable, “Hold on...”Going over to the stable door, Harmony fired off several bursts from her rifle before tossing a couple of HE grenades over to where she thought the main body of archers were hiding. There was lots of panicked screaming as men were torn apart by the grenade's shrapnel before things went quiet. Now she hoped she'd be left alone to deal with Buffy's injury. Swapping her magazine for a fresh one as she hurried back to the mule, Harmony then grabbed the first aid kit before kneeling down next to her friend.“Buffy?” Harmony said the concern in her voice plain to hear, “There's an arrow totally sticking out of your face, right? I'm gonna have to like get it out before I can put a dressing on, okay?”“Huh-huh,” Buffy mumbled.“Cool,” Harmony pulled her combat knife, “this is probably, totally, like gonna hurt...a lot!”Buffy groaned as Harmony used her super-sharp knife to cut through the wooden shaft as close to Buffy's cheek as she dared, Harmony didn't want to make things worse by slipping and stabbing her friend in the face. The wood fibres parted easily as Harmony applied pressure with her knife and she was soon kneeling, holding the feathered shaft in her hand. Tossing the bloody piece of wood away, she sheathed her weapon and moved in for a closer look.“Open you mouth,” Harmony ordered.“Argh,” Buffy replied as she gingerly opened her mouth.“Let me see...” looking into Buffy's mouth, Harmony saw that the arrow had penetrated her left cheek, knocked out a couple of teeth, cut her tongue and knocked out a tooth on the right side of her mouth and stopped before exiting her right cheek; it looked messy and was probably very painful but basically it was a flesh wound, “You want any pain-meds?”Buffy shook her head.“Okay,” Harmony took a deep breath, “I'm going to put my fingers in your mouth so totally don't bite! Open wide...”“AAGH!” Buffy opened wide as Harmony stuck her thumb and forefinger into her mouth and removed the arrow head.“There its out,” Harmony examined the arrow; luckily it was what the locals called a 'Bodkin Point' designed to penetrate plate armour or chainmail and not a wide bladed hunting arrow.“Thunks,” Buffy gasped as she spat out more blood.“Here,” Harmony passed Buffy a water bottle, “wash your mouth out...while you're doing that I better see what out friends are totally doing outside.”Buffy nodded as she rinsed out her mouth with water. Standing up Harmony moved to take position by the stable door. Looking out into the court yard she could see nothing of the enemy other than a lot of dead bodies; she could however hear some one haranguing the soldiers on the other side of the wall. Although she could hear she couldn't understand what was being said; the locals spoke more or less standard English but they had a thick accent that made it hard for her to comprehend what was being said, but she could guess.“You okay back there Buffy?” Harmony called as she watched the gate to the yard, if there was going to be trouble that's where it would come from.“Huh-huh,” Buffy replied.“Cool...” Harmony shifted her position a little as she prepared to defend herself and Buffy.There was a loud, shout followed by a great cheer. Seeing a flag raised on a pole above the line of the wall, Harmony brought her rifle to her shoulder and aimed at the gate way. Just in time she saw the first men-at-arms burst into the yard, she sighted on the lead man and pulled her trigger. The man, a big, ugly guy with some sort of pole weapon, took her round in the face and had the back of his head blown out.Firing steadily, Harmony cut down the attackers so that by the time they'd reached the centre of the yard, there were a dozen of them down and the rest were faltering. Shifting her aim a little, Harmony shot down a young guy in full metal armour who was carrying the banner and an older guy in really fancy armour who was running next to him. As the two men dropped the surviving men-at-arms cried out in consternation, turned tail and started to run. Shooting the fleeing men down until her magazine ran dry, Harmony sighed with relief as the last survivor disappeared out through the gate. Changing her magazine again, she turned to go and see how Buffy was.“How you doing?” Harmony wanted to know as she knelt down again next to her buddy.“I'll live,” Buffy said between putting finger loads of Fast Heal paste on the wounds in her mouth.The paste was a thicker, heavy duty version of the spray on 'Skin Heal' used for minor injuries. The paste not only prevented infection, and acted as a mild anaesthetic and it also sealed up wounds and promoted rapid healing.“But I'm going to have to see the Doc when we get home and have my teeth regrown,” Buffy tried to smile but winced instead, she gestured to the world outside the stable, “how's it going out there?”“I think I totally broke them,” Harmony grinned, “like, I doubt they'll stop running until tomorrow.”“You're the best Harm,” once more Buffy tried to smile but ended up wincing again, “and you so live up to your nickname...Harm!”“I try,” Harmony's smile turned into a frown as she gestured to the hole in Buffy's cheek, “I'm going to put a dressing on that...”“No its fine,” Buffy insisted.“You totally wanna be called 'Scarface'?” Harmony asked as she searched out a can of Skin Heal, “now hold still...”“Yes Mom...” Buffy sulked as Harmony sprayed the wound closed, “...you're such a bully.”“It's for your own good,” Harmony pointed out once she'd finished.“You know, Harm...” Buffy sighed as she fingered her injured cheek.“Let that dry,” Harmony ordered as she slapped Buffy's hand away from her face.“Ow,” Buffy sulked, “like I was about to say, you'd make a great mom...you've already got all the 'mom-isms' ready.”“My mom was a great teacher,” Harmony pointed out; just for a moment she felt terribly sad as it hit her once again that her mother would never see her grand-kids, Harmony's mom had been killed when the Bugs had smeared Chicago.“Sorry,” Buffy said quietly as she saw the sad look on her friend's face, “I shouldn't have...”“No its okay,” Harmony replied as she packed away the first aid gear, “it's just sometimes I forget that she's gone and like...I know I'm not the only one, I'm lucky, I've still got some family left in San Francisco...so lets get outta here before those guys totally come back.”“I thought you said they'd be running until tomorrow,” Buffy pointed out as she climbed unsteadily to her feet; she stood swaying slightly as a wave of dizziness hit her, Buffy realised she'd been hit harder than she'd at first realised.“You okay?” Harmony moved to steady Buffy.“It's passed,” Buffy sighed with relief as the dizziness faded, “I'll be fine, now lets move...”“Look,” Harmony pointed to the mule's wheels, “someone took an axe to those wheels, we'll not be going anywhere with that thing.”The mule's wheels were made out of solid, tough, synthetic rubber, but someone had taken an axe to them and chopped them up so they weren't much use as wheels any more.“Wonder why they didn't wreck the rest of the gear?” Harmony asked as she checked the mule for more damage.“Maybe they didn't have time,” Buffy suggested.“Or they wanted to take our gear back to Duke Farquaad,” Harmony added.“Whatever,” Buffy started to release the straps that held all the boxes of gear onto the mule, “we better load up and totally get out of here.”
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After reloading their used magazines and replacing the grenades they'd thrown, Buffy and Harmony split as much of the spare equipment as they could into two loads. Even taking into account the fact that Buffy could carry a lot more than Harmony could, they still had to leave most of the spare ammunition and equipment behind.“You think this'll be enough?” Harmony asked as she fingered the contents of an opened box of disposable missile launchers.“It'll have to be,” Buffy replied with a shrug; both women were carrying two missile tubes each, “Unless we find something to carry more stuff we'll have to blow the spare gear when we leave.”“Just about now,” Harmony looked around the courtyard, “I'd be happy if we could find a talking donkey or something...”“Fat chance of that happening,” Buffy swung her pack up onto her shoulders, “on the bounce trooper, get the hell outta here while I set the self destruct.”“Roger that,” Harmony swung her own pack up onto her back as she walked out of the stable and into the sunlight again, she glanced at her tactical read out on the visor of her combat helmet, “you know its not even zero-nine-hundred yet?”“And we've still not had breakfast,” Buffy called as she set the timer on the mule's self destruct, “okay lets give this thing some space.”Trotting over to Harmony, Buffy turned back to watch the destruction of the mule. There was a loud pop as the mule began to shimmer and sort of 'melt' as all the molecules that made up the mule and its cargo came started to become unravelled. “There we go,” Buffy sighed sadly, “all gone...”“So what now?”“We start walking,” Buffy turned and headed for the gate with Harmony close behind her.“What again?” Harm whined like a small child.“If you ask me if we're there yet, I'll punch you on the nose,” Buffy warned.“And you call me a bully!”“Whatever,” Buffy sighed, “if you look at your route map you'll see we're less than five miles to the castle. We'll be there by midday, we can rescue the princess and be heading home by late afternoon.”“Y'think?” Harmony didn't sound so sure as she paused to check out the destruction on the outside of the wall caused by their grenade explosions.Dead men, or at least pieces of dead men lay on the bloody ground. It was hard to get an accurate body count but there had to be about fifteen or twenty dead out there.“Just how many of these bozos did we like kill?”“Fifty, maybe more,” Buffy guessed.“Fifty!?” Harmony was surprised, she'd not actually thought they'd done that much damage.“Yeah, about,” Buffy confirmed as they started to walk down the track towards their target, “I don't think Farquaad's guys are going to try the 'all-out-attack' thing again.”“Right,” Harmony agreed, “come on lets get out of here before these bastards totally stink the place up.”
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Buffy was right, it was about midday when they caught their first glimpse of the dragon's castle. For the last hour they'd been walking through a desolate, fire blasted area. The only buildings they'd seen were the ruins of smoke blacked cottages. The were great scorched swaths of ground where fields of crops had been burnt, even the woods had suffered fire damage. This was no doubt all work of the dragon that was holding the princess.As they walked nearer to the castle, the ground started to rise gently towards a wall of jumbled boulders. After climbing through the mass of jagged, blasted rocks they came to the lip of a huge crater. Glancing at the map projected on the inside of her visor, Buffy saw that the crater was about a mile wide. On a rocky promontory right in the centre of the crater stood the ruined but still tall towers of a once great castle.The fort's scorched and melted walls were still impressive and although some of its towers were melted and smashed down, other still rose high into the air. One of those towers was probably where the princess was being held. There had once been a fine stone built viaduct that had connected the castle to the outside world, but at some point a section had been smashed down isolating the castle. However, someone had built a wood and rope bridge to allow access to the ruined castle.“There's something about this I don't understand...”“What's that Harm?” Buffy asked as she studied the castle and the rope bridge.“Look this dragon is a totally big nasty monster, right?”“Right,” Buffy nodded.“So, who totally brings this princess chick like her food and stuff?”Buffy opened her mouth to answer Harmony's question but closed it again when she found she didn't have one.“You know Harm,” Buffy glanced sideways at her friend, “that's a really good question...I only wish I had a really good answer for you...maybe you should ask the princess after we rescue her.”“Yeah, okay,” Harmony replied uncertainly, to her mind it was really odd that there would be a bridge too, after all what would a dragon need with a bridge when it could fly. Just as she was about to ask Buffy if she thought there might be more than just dragons and princess' in the castle she was stopped when Buffy started to give orders.“This looks as good a spot as any,” Buffy started to lower her pack to the ground, “we'll leave our packs here...just take water, and combat gear. We'll come back for everything once we've got the princess.”
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“It doesn't look like its totally safe,” Harmony said as she eyed the rope bridge with trepidation.“Safe!?” Buffy snapped; she didn't mean to but her face hurt and all her wounds were itching (a sure sign that her slayer healing combined with the fast heal paste was working on her injuries), “Look Harm, we climb into coffin sized capsules, get shot out into space and then drop like a stone towards a planet's surface where angry, giant spiders shoot at us...and you're worried that a bridge isn't safe?”“Totally...” Harmony confirmed, “...like all that other stuff its totally fine cos I've been trained, but this...” Harm gestured at the rickety bridge, “...like its not exactly hi-tech is it?”“Look Harm,” Buffy took a step onto the bridge and bounced up and down a couple of times, “See? Totally safe, now on the bounce trooper, lets grab this princess an' get outta here, right?”“Okay,” Harmony sounded about twelve as she stepped onto the bridge behind Buffy, “if you say so...”“I do,” Buffy strode ahead of Harmony, she wanted to get this mission done and dusted so she could get home and get her teeth regrown.“Aren't you like gonna tell me not to look down?” there was a definite tremor in Harmony's voice now.“Whatever,” Buffy continued across the bridge until a thought struck her; turning she stood and faced Harmony, “Oh my god, you really are scared,” Buffy saw how her friend held on the ropes with white knuckles and how her eyes were wide with fear, “Oh, Harm I'm so sorry!” Buffy rushed up to her friend making the bridge swing alarmingly as she did so.“B-Buffy!” Harmony squeaked in fear as she closed her eyes tightly, “I don't wanna die!”“There, there,” Buffy held her friend in a comforting embrace and tried to sooth her fears, “I never knew you were scared of heights...” Buffy frowned for a moment, “...if you're scared of heights how do you...?”“Inna capsule you totally can't see anything, and like when I'm parachuting down I enjoy the view and don't look down...and jump jets are just totally sooooo much fun and I don't get scared.”“So this is like selective vertigo?”“I suppose so,” Harmony replied miserably.“I love you Harm...” Buffy smiled, “...like a sister, y'know? I'm not going to propose marriage any time soon, so...take my hands and we'll get you across, okay?”“Okay,” Harmony gingerly let go of the ropes and grabbed hold of Buffy's hands.“Quite a grip there, Harm,” Buffy winced as she started to back across the bridge leading Harmony to safety.It took less than five minutes for Buffy to get Harmony to solid ground again. Looking up at what had once been the castle's gate house both young women whistled in amazement. Now they were up close to the old fortifications they could see how truly impressive they really were.“Wow, that's big!” Harmony gasped her fear of heights forgotten for now.“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “and all built without machines.”“Wow!” Harmony repeated breathlessly.“Yeah...” Buffy took her rifle off her shoulder and pulled back on its cocking handle, “...no time for sightseeing, lock and load soldier.”“Why do people say that?” Harmony asked as they walked into the shadowy interior of the gate house as she readied her rifle.“Say what?” Buffy asked as she looked up to see that the gate house's roof had long ago vanished and the stone supports for the rafters had become homes for ravens.“Lock and Load?” Harmony stepped over the scorched skeleton of a long dead knight, “I mean I totally understand the load thing, but 'lock'? I like totally don't get that.”“Harmony?” Buffy came to a halt and turned to face her buddy, “Two things...'shut',” Buffy counted the two things off on her fingers, “and, 'up'!”“Whatever,” Harmony sighed heavily.Crossing the stone bridge behind the gate house, Buffy and Harmony soon found themselves in what was called the 'Main Keep'. Being a conscientious NCO, Buffy had read all her briefing notes so she was now an expert on Avalon culture and castle building in particular. The interior of the 'Keep' was a mess, there were broken down walls and pillars all around. The burnt remains of interior fittings lay everywhere along with the forlorn, burned remains of knights and their parties of retainers.“Eww,” Harmony said quietly as she stood over one particular pile of remains, “Come an' see this Snake, they're all sorta totally melted together with their armour an' stuff.”“Harm...” Buffy was about to tell Harmony to keep quiet again, but then she caught sight of what Harmony was looking at, “....Ewww, gross!”“Y'not wrong,” Harmony nodded her head wisely.“Okay...” Buffy tore her eyes away from the pile of knightly remains, “...lets get organised...”“Totally,” Harmony agreed with a smile.“Right, you go look for some stairs,” Buffy took one of her disposable missile launchers off her back and prepared it for firing, “and I'll go look for this dragon.”“Why do we need stairs?” Harmony wanted to know.“Because at the top of them is where we're going to find the Princess,” Buffy's face was hurting again and was starting to think that Harmony wasn't taking the mission as seriously as maybe she should.“Oh!” Harmony nodded in realisation, “Okay...” she turned away from Buffy looking for some stairs, “...now if I were some stairs where would I be?” A random thought struck Harmony at this point, “Y'know this would be like totally so much easier if we had our jump jets...”“Harmony!”“What?”“Stairs,” Buffy pointed, “go seek!”“Okay, okay,” Harmony muttered under her breath, “no need to get ya panties inna bunch...ya know Buffy sometimes you can be such a grouch...” turning to look for Buffy, Harmony found she'd gone, “...okay,” she sighed on finding herself alone, “stairs...” Harmony walked a few paces forward looking left and right, “...come on stairs,” she called, “like where the freaking hell are you?”
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“Owww,” Buffy moaned as she clamped her hand to her jaw.Her cheek hurt, her jaw ached from having three teeth knocked out and her tongue felt as if it was twice its normal size. Plus she'd nearly yelled at Harmony, she never yelled at Harmony; Harmony was sweat and nice and kind, if a little slow on the up take and maybe let her mind wander a tiny bit too much, but... But, Harmony was her best friend and she really shouldn't snap at her like that. Just then Buffy heard her best friend scream!
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“...coz there's totally nothing wrong with being afraid,” Harmony told herself as she searched for the stairs, “I mean fear's a totally natural reaction to like an unfamiliar situation. Like, with fire breathing dragons who totally eat knights, it doesn't mean you're like a coward...does it?”While Harmony was fearless when facing hordes of heavily armed and annoyed Bugs, there was something about fire breathing dragons that unsettled her...that and not wearing her power armoured suit. Coming level with a large hole in a wall, Harmony turned her head to see what looked like a really big eye peering through the hole and regarding her with malignant calm.“Weird,” Harmony said quietly while she wondered who'd leave a really big picture of an eye just lying around like that.The eye blinked and Harmony suddenly got the feeling that what she was seeing wasn't the product of some, avant-garde but careless artist; what she was seeing was in fact a...“...DRAGON!”Turning tail, Harmony ran for her life forgetting she was more than adequately armed to reduce the dragon to an unsightly grease stain. As she ran, the dragon shifted position and breathed a great gout of flame through the hole causing Harmony to run even faster than she had been.“BUFFY!” Harmony wailed at the top of her voice as the dragon started to give chase.Running for her life, Harmony jumped over piles of masonry and the heat fused bones of melted knights. Behind her the great dragon smashed its way through stone walls in its eagerness to get at the puny human that had dared to trespass in its lair. Running faster than she'd ever run before, Harmony found herself in the remains of a wide corridor and there at the end stood her saviour...Buffy.
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Turning to face the sound of tumbling stone blocks, rampaging dragons and terrified Mobile Infantry Lance Corporals, Buffy raised her missile launcher to her shoulder.“Damn-it!” Buffy cursed, “HARMONY GET OUT OF THE WAY!”Her friend was blocking her line of fire to the dragon as a great plume of fire issued from the dragon's mouth almost engulfing Harmony as she ran.“HARMONY! LOOK OUT!” Buffy screamed as she dropped her launcher and grabbed for her friend in an attempt to pull her to safety.Slipping through Buffy's hands, Harmony stumbled but some how managed to keep running until she found herself at the edge of a long drop down into what had once been a court yard. Turning at bay, Harmony looked up into the cold, hungry eyes of the dragon. The great creature sat back on its haunches and took in a great lung full of air readying itself to incinerate Harmony. However, Harmony's fiery death was to be put off, at least for the time being.Coming up behind the dragon, Buffy grabbed hold of the monster's tail and gave it a hard tug, distracted, the dragon stared down in anger as yet another insignificant human yanked on its tail. With a flick of its tail, the dragon sent this new human flying, he could eat it later, but first he wanted to deal with the first human.Free from the danger of being burnt to a crisp and eaten, at least for now, Harmony chose a new direction in which to run. Having freed itself of the annoying small human the dragon gave chase. Running into the bottom of a ruined tower, Harmony stopped for a moment and gasped for breath, she'd decided she didn't like dragons and the sooner she was away from here the better. Glancing out of the doorway to the tower, Harmony saw the dragon advancing and preparing to shoot flame into chamber where she was hiding.“AAAAGH!” Harmony screamed in terror as she ran off in a random direction. Just as she left the chamber the dragon breathed white hot flame into the remains of the tower. Screaming as if all the fiends of hell were after her, Harmony found herself out on a walk way, running more or less TOWARDS the fire breathing monster. Turning surprisingly quickly for such a large creature, the dragon used a swipe of its mighty tail to destroy the walk way in front of Harmony. Sliding to a halt and turning to run back the other way, Harmony sensed more than saw the dragon's huge tail flash down in front of her and smash the walkway into rubble. Trapped she couldn't go forwards or back.Staring up at the huge beast, Harmony wondered why she had ever believed that she and Buffy could have fought such a great and magnificent beast and think they could beat it. Forgetting the rifle that hung uselessly by her side and the missile launchers strapped to her back, Harmony sank slowly to her knees and gazed up into the dragon's big, malignant eyes.“Please don't eat me, Mr Dragon,” Harmony sobbed.“Huh?” replied the dragon.
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“AAAAAAAAAAAGH!” Buffy cried as she found herself describing a perfect arc through the air towards the roof of a tall tower.Curling into a ball, she braced for impact, she knew that when she hit her body armour would go instantly hard and save her from serious injury, all she had to do was make sure she didn't break her neck when she landed. Hitting the roof of the tower, Buffy felt her armour go hard as she smashed her way through the roof tiles and the joists holding them up.“AAAGH!” Buffy repeated as she fell towards the very hard looking, solid stone floor, “UGH!” she groaned as she landed and had all the breath knocked from her lungs, “Ooooh,” she grunted as her armour started to turn flexible again allowing her to move, “I'm getting too old for this crap.”Sitting on the edge of her bed the tall, slim, red haired princess watched Buffy's arrival with shock mingled with hope. Could this be the knight, her one true love, who'd come to rescue her? Okay, this knight might be a little short and dressed in some very strange armour, but he'd actually made it to her room, true he'd come in through the roof, but it was still further than any other of her prospective rescuers had got. Smoothing down her green dress, Princess Fiona grabbed the bunch of flowers from the vase next to her bed, lying down she held the flowers to her chest and pretended to be asleep.Feeling about a hundred-and-twenty, Buffy slowly climbed to her feet. Aching in places she didn't know she had places; she seriously considered taking a large dose of pain-killers and vegging out for an hour or two. However, duty won out (as it always did for Buffy) and she made her way over to where the redhead slept. Standing over the princess, she looked down at the girl and wondered how she could possibly have slept through her rather spectacular (and painful) entrance. Thinking the princess must be a heavy sleeper, Buffy grabbed hold of the girl's shoulders and shook her hard.“AAGH!” cried the princess in alarm at her rude 'awakening'.“On the bounce, trooper!” Buffy cried.“WHAT!?” yelled the Princess as her eyes flew open.“Are-you-Princess-Fiona?” Buffy asked as if talking to a simpleton.“I am,” the Princess smiled up at her short and oddly attired rescuer, “I'm awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me...”“Whatever,” Buffy shrugged as she let go of the Princess' shoulders, “On the bounce Princess we've totally got to get out of here.”As Buffy turned to head for the doorway, the Princess called out after her.“But wait, Sir Knight,” the Princess waved her bunch of flowers in Buffy's direction, “this be-eth our first meeting...should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?”“Yeah, but you're not my type,” Buffy paused on her way to the door, “there's no time, so...”Buffy stepped back towards the Princess, grabbed her by the wrist and hauled her off her bed before dragging her towards the door.“Hey wait!” cried Fiona, “What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet,” the Princess explained as Buffy was trying to open the door, “and carry me out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed!”“You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?” Buffy was beginning to think that the door wasn't going to open due to her gentle persuasion.Letting go of the Princess for a moment, Buffy hit the door with both hands before watching it fall into the corridor outside. It was fun being the slayer again and not having to worry about damaging her armour.“On the bounce Princess,” Buffy called again as she took hold of Fiona's wrist and dragged her out into the corridor.“Why do you keep wanting me to bounce?” Princess Fiona demanded as Buffy dragged her unceremoniously towards the stairs at the end of the corridor. “And shouldn't we be savouring this moment?” Fiona gasped, “Couldn't you at least recite an epic poem? A ballad? A sonnet already?” The odd couple were now down on the ground floor level, “A limerick would do...anything!” Fiona managed to pull her hand from Buffy's grasp, “STOP!” she yelled.“I don't think so,” Buffy studied her HUD trying to pinpoint Harmony's position.“Can I at least know the name of my champion?” Fiona demanded.“Erm...” Buffy was slightly distracted what with trying to find Harmony, look out for the dragon and ignore most of what the Princess was saying, “...Buffy, Buffy Summers...”“Sir Buffy,” Fiona appeared to be tasting Buffy's name and newly obtained title, taking a deep breath, Fiona held out a lace hankie to Buffy, “I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.”“Thanks,” Buffy took the offered hankie and used it to wipe the dust from her visor before handing the dirty rag back to the Princess.Just then a great roar echoed around the ruined castle.“YOU DIDN'T SLAY THE DRAGON!?” Princess Fiona screamed.“What can I say?” Buffy snapped at the girl, “It's on my 'to do' list! Now, on the bounce girlie!”Once again Buffy grabbed hold of the Princess and hauled her off through the ruins.“But this isn't right!” wailed Fiona as she ran hard to keep up with (Sir) Buffy, “You're meant to charge in with sword drawn and banners flying...that's what all the other knights did.”“Yeah,” Buffy agreed as they ran past another pile of deep fried knight, “right before the dragon barbecued them.”“But that's not the point!” Fiona wasn't having a good day, her vision of what the world was supposed to be like was slowly being eroded away. “WAIT!” Fiona cried as Buffy let go of her hand and headed deeper into the ruins, “Where are you going? The exit's over there,” she pointed to her right.Coming to a halt, Buffy turned to look at the Princess. On her visor's display she could see the icon denoting Harmony's position. Yes, okay, she was the slayer and wouldn't willingly let an innocent (and she supposed the Princess fell into that category) die. But, she was also an MI and an MI always tried to make pick-up on a downed buddy and Harmony was her buddy.“I've got to go save my bunkie,” Buffy explained weakly before turning back to look for Harmony.“What sort of Knight are you?” Fiona demanded as she began to follow Buffy deeper into the ruins.“One of a kind Princess...” Buffy replied quietly, “...one of a kind.”
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“Please don't eat me, Mr Dragon,” Harmony sobbed.“Huh?” replied the dragon.“Huh?” Harmony frowned up at the dragon.“I say,” the dragon moved his head so its eye was closer to Harmony and he could study her more carefully, “are you a 'girl' knight by any chance?”“Erm,” Harmony was more than a little shocked by this turn of events, she'd sort of expected to be grilled and eaten at this point, “I might not be a knight but I am a girl...Harmony.”“Oh what an enchanting name,” the dragon drew its head back a little as it regarded Harmony with interest, “The names Sidney and dragoning is my game.”“Hi Sidney,” Harmony smiled as she removed her helmet and unzipped a couple of inches of body armour to expose a little cleavage, she might be slow but she wasn't completely stupid; the dragon appeared fascinated by her so she thought she might as well give him something more to be fascinated by. “So, Sidney,” Harmony ran her fingers through her hair, “what do you do for laughs around here?”“Oh, I mainly guard the princess and eat knights,” Sidney explained, “nothing much else goes on around here.”“But like you're not going to totally eat me are you?” Harmony pleaded as she let another couple of inches of cleavage come into full view of the dragon, “Coz I'm so not a knight.”“Yes I see that,” Sidney's eyes were in fact locked onto Harmony's cleavage, “and one doesn't actually eat maidens...in the accepted sense of the word...”“Eat?” Harmony repeated quietly while she tried to puzzle out what the dragon meant by that, “Oh!” she gasped a couple of moments later as the penny finally dropped, “I get it...'eat'...right.”“How'd you like to come back to my place and see my horde?” Sidney held out a huge, taloned, hand to Harmony and winked suggestively.“Oh, that would be interesting,” Harmony giggled as she climbed into Sidney's hand and let him carry her off; no doubt Buffy would call her a 'slut', but it was better than being 'eaten' eaten.
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Watching Harmony's icon on the visor of her helmet, Buffy saw that it was moving now at a fairly rapid pace. Much faster than Harmony would move normally, however on the plus side Harm's icon was glowing a good solid green which meant she was still alive and well.“Erm, excuse me Sir Knight,” Princess Fiona called from behind Buffy.“What?” Buffy replied absently; she was trying to study the map of the interior of the castle she'd been given.Unfortunately the map was of the castle before it had been used as a dragon's lair. Now with so many walls having been knocked down, the general fire damage and destruction, it was hard to make out where anything was. Add to this Buffy's natural inability to read a map and annoying princess' making stupid remarks all the time, she wasn't sure how she was going to find her friend again.“I was only going to ask,” Princess Fiona continued apparently unaware that she was really annoying her saviour, “if you're going to save your 'bunkie', I was wondering what you were going to use as a weapon as you don't appear to have a sword.”“Huh?” Buffy turned and looked at the Princess as if she was slightly insane, of course she had weapons, she had enough weapons to take down two dragons if needs be.It was only then that it hit Buffy, the Princess had no idea who or what she was. The girl had been isolated up here in the castle for so long she'd probably not even heard of the arrival of the Federation. Plus the idea of female soldiers would be totally unheard of as far as she was concerned.“Don't worry, Princess,” Buffy smiled, “I've got more than enough weapons to take down one measly dragon.”Looking back at her visor, Buffy saw that Harmony had stopped moving. Letting her fingers play over her suit and helmet's controls on her left wrist, she superimposed the castle blue prints with Harmony's present position. Her friend appeared to be in a sub-basement below the great hall which was only one level down and a couple of rooms over from their present location. All things being equal she should be able to find Harmony, take out the Dragon and be on their way home in an hour maybe less.
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Lying naked on the great pile of gold next to Sidney, Harmony stretched like a cat and wished she had a cigarette; like in one of those ancient video plays she'd used to watch when she was a girl. Sex with the dragon had been surprisingly satisfying and she'd not been cooked and eaten or even squished under the dragon's great weight once! However, the time had come for her to leave; Sidney, like all guys the universe over had fallen asleep as soon as he'd finished...they'd not even cuddled before he'd started to snore. Reaching out for her equipment, Harmony caught hold of her helmet and put it on before starting to search for her underwear and the rest of her clothes. Almost as soon as she'd put her helmet on the radio had started to crackle, a couple of seconds later she heard Buffy's voice come to her ears.“Harmony Kendal, what the hell do you think you're doing?” Buffy sounded mightily pissed off.“Screwing the dragon,” Harmony replied; having found her underwear she was putting it on, “it was either that or get cooked and eaten and I mean 'eaten' in a bad way!”“Eaten?” Buffy replied, “What do you mean 'eaten in a bad way', I...oh! I get it...”“So where are you?” Harmony was now putting on her overalls.“I'm in the hall just above your location,” Buffy explained, “I'll send down a rope for you to climb up.”“Cool,” Harmony was now on her feet climbing into her body armour, “did you rescue the Princess?”“Yeah,” Buffy replied giving the impression she wished she hadn't.“Is she like nice?” in Harmony-world all Princess' were 'nice' and beautiful and regal and...well, just generally 'super'.“I suppose so,” Buffy grumbled, “it depends what you like.”“Whatever,” Harmony sighed, sometimes Buffy could be so...so...words failed Harmony for the moment so she went back to more non-princess related subjects, “Okay I'm nearly ready, where's that rope?”“Look out below!” Buffy called softly as she paid out the thin, yet incredibly strong rope to Harmony.“That rope is far too thin to support the weight of a knight,” observed Fiona, she paused as a new thought struck her, “Erm...your friend...”“Harmony,” Buffy replied as she made the end of the rope fast around a half melted pillar.“Harmony?” Fiona thought it was a strange name for a knight but then so was 'Sir Buffy', “I take it that this is 'Sir Harmony'?”“Sir Harmony?” Buffy said as she took hold of the rope and started to haul Harmony out of the sub-basement.“Yes, he is a knight, I presume?” the Princess asked uncertainly.It was only then that Buffy realised that Fiona thought both herself and Harmony were guys. After all, considering the society the Princess came from, people who rescued Princess' from dragons tended to be guys. Buffy smirked, this could be fun.“Hi!” Harmony's head appeared over the edge of the hole in the floor, she climbed up into the hall.“Hi, Harm,” Buffy was still a little annoyed at Harmony at having sex with the dragon, but she'd let it go for now, “you okay?” Buffy wrapped her friend in a hug and whispered in her ear, “I hope it was 'safe' dragon sex.”“Oh yeah, totally,” Harmony replied as she hugged Buffy right back, “I've like still got my contraceptive chip in so there won't be any little baby dragons.”“Baby dragons?” gasped Fiona not really understanding what was going on here, for two brave knights these young men were acting more like girls or...Fiona gasped in shock, maybe they were...she couldn't even bring herself to think the word...maybe they were, 'friends' in that totally special way that some men were.“Oh yeah,” Buffy let go of Harmony and turned to Fiona, “Princess Fiona, this is my 'bunkie', Sir Harmony...Sir Harmony this is Princess Fiona.”“So pleased to meet you,” Harmony gushed as she tried to curtsy, “oh and I do like your dress, you must totally tell me were you like got it from so I can have one made just like it...”“Harmony!” Buffy snapped, “come on we've still got to get out of here and there's still the dragon to deal with...unless you've totally exhausted him.”“His name's Sidney,” Harmony informed her best friend, “and we're totally in love!”“WHAT!?” Buffy gasped just a little too loudly; below them the dragon started to stir.“Yes, I totally get it now,” Harmony admitted dramatically, “we were made for each other.”“You're not even the same species,” Buffy pointed out, “it'll never work out!”“Ours is a love that totally transcends mere evolution,” Harmony cried, “this is a love that will out shine and out last the stars themselves!”“Oh come off it Harm,” Buffy tried to appeal to Harmony's common sense, “you know it can't work out, what about your career, what about the children...what about the really annoyed dragon behind you!?”“Annoyed dragon?” Harmony frowned just before she turned to see a really-really angry Sidney the Dragon appear out of the hole in the floor. “Sidney?”“You're just like all the others,” Sidney declared as he drew himself up to his not inconsiderable height, “one night of passion then its 'wham-bam thank-you dragon' and off you go with the first knight that comes along with a horse, a sword, a castle and a few acres!”“OTHERS!?” Harmony cried more than a little angry herself, “There were others? You said I was the only one!” Buffy fired just as Sidney took a deep breath as he prepared to incinerate every non-dragon in the hall. Buffy's bullets struck the dragon in the chest, they didn't penetrate but they did knock off a few scales and surprised Sidney so much that instead of a great burst of flame coming from his mouth, he breathed a rather pathetic puff of smoke.“AND THE SEX WASN'T THAT GOOD EITHER!” Harmony yelled as she brought up her own rifle and fired off a long burst at her one time lover.Bullets sparked as they hit Sidney and sent scales flying in all directions, the dragon roared loud enough to drown out the noise made by Buffy and Harmony's rifles as he drew himself up and took an extra-extra deep breath.“RUN AWAY!” Buffy cried as she grabbed Harmony with one hand and the Princess with the other.Dragging her 'friends' across the hall Buffy could feel the dragon's fiery breath snapping at her heels while a little tell-tale light on her visor winked at her redly warning of excessive heat.“YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY ATTORNEY!” Harmony yelled over her shoulder as she released herself from Buffy's grip before grabbing hold of the Princess to help Buffy propel her down the corridor towards the gate house. “MEN!” Harmony cried, “They're all the same!”“Yeah, whatever,” Buffy called back, “I take it you won't have any objections to me totally killing the two-timing bastard?”“No problemo!” Harmony replied as the two MI dragged the weakly protesting Princess towards safety, “I've totally had it with men...from now on its all girls for me...” Harmony looked over the Princess' head at Buffy, “...I don't suppose you'd reconsider the whole marriage thing would you?”“Maybe...” Buffy glanced behind her to see Sidney the Dragon smash his way through walls causing great lumps of masonry to fall around him, “...but we'll have to wait until we're both retired, right?”“Whatever...,” Harmony glanced behind her to see they were being chased by a great ball of fire, “DOWN!”Dropping to the ground Harmony felt the heat wash over her, she also heard the Princess cry out in pain and terror. Jumping to her feet, Harmony helped Buffy pull the Princess upright as they patted out the smouldering patches on her dress. The young woman's dress and hair was scorched and there were sooty smudges on her skin.“On the bounce people!” Buffy cried as she pulled Fiona towards what they hoped was safety.“TAKE THAT YOU MALE CHAUVINIST DRAGON!” Harmony screamed as she sent a long burst of fire at the dragon.Like before the bullets didn't penetrate the dragon's tough hide, but again scales flew like glittering rain in all direction as the impact of the bullets knocked Sidney back on his hind legs and forced the air from his lungs. Coughing a mixture of smoke and reddy-black flame, Sidney paused for a moment and shook his head before continuing his pursuit.“Damn-it!” Harmony muttered before turning tail and running after Buffy and the princess.“Come-on Harm!” Buffy yelled, “get Fiona across the bridge I'll slow dragon-boy down!”“Roger that!” Harmony cried as she took hold of Fiona's arm and pulled her roughly towards the rope bridge.“Please Sir Knight, unhand me!” Fiona happened to glance back towards the castle while she struggled with Harmony's clasping hands; she saw the great dragon stomp across the stone bridge towards the much more rickety rope bridge, “AAAAAAAGH!” she cried at the sight of the giant dragon, “SAVE ME!”“Just what I'm totally trying to do, much!” Harmony grabbed Fiona around the waist and heaved her up onto her shoulder.Forgetting her own fear of heights, her fear of deceitful dragons being much greater, Harmony sprinted across the bridge with the Princess bouncing on her shoulder. While this was going on, Buffy stood on the castle side of the bridge and fired steadily into the dragon's body. Apart, from knocking off more scales and making the dragon stumble as it walked, her rounds weren't having much effect.“God-damn-it!” Buffy cursed under her breath; she still had two disposable missile launchers strapped to her harness, but by the time she'd got one ready to fire the dragon would be chowing down on her scorched and smoking flesh, she needed to put a little distance between herself and Sidney.Taking a grenade from one of the pouches on her harness, Buffy pulled the pin and threw it at Sidney just as she turned to follow Harmony across the rope bridge. The pressure wave from the grenade's explosion helped her along a little and she almost flew across the bridge. From behind her came a deafening roar as Sidney flinched back from the explosion. Breathing a great column of fire, Sidney set fire to the bridge as Buffy attempted to make her escape across it.The old ropes and dry boards making up the bridge quickly caught fire. The ropes parted as the dragon breath burnt through them. The flaming end of the bridge plummeted towards the floor of the crater as Buffy hung on for dear life. Safely on the non-dragon occupied end of the bridge, Harmony dropped the princess on her butt and turned to face the dragon. “BUFFY!” Harmony screamed in despair as she watched the bridge fall as if in slow motion, “YOU BASTARD!” she yelled at the dragon as he stood in triumph at the other end of the bridge.Taking one of her own missile launchers from off her back Harmony prepared it for firing. Having remembered that dragons could fly, however un-aerodynamic they might appear, she knew that she only had a few seconds before Sidney remembered he could fly too. Lifting the launcher onto her shoulder, Harmony sighted on the dragon. Pulling the first trigger to let the missile's warhead see its target she breathed in and then out before pulling the second trigger and firing the missile.“Hasta-la-vista baby!” Harmony breathed as she watched the missile speed towards its target.Unlike bullets the missile's warhead easily penetrated the dragon's hide. A jet of white hot plasma burnt its way into the dragon's stomach detonating its hydrogen reservoir. Sidney the Dragon exploded with a blinding flash of flame and a thunderous roar as pieces of smouldering dragon were thrown in all directions to start small fires wherever they landed.“Hey, Harm,” Buffy called as she climbed up from the gently burning rope bridge.“Buffy! You're alive!” Harmony cried happily as she rushed to help her friend to her feet.
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“You did it!” Princess Fiona climbed to her feet from where she'd been unceremoniously dumped by Harmony, “You rescued me! You're amazing, you're...” the Princess looked a little smoke stained and scorched around the edges but other wise she seemed pretty cheerful, “...wonderful! You're...”Just then Harmony finished helping Buffy off the now burning rope bridge and onto firm ground.“Are you like, okay?” Harmony asked as she steadied Buffy and prevented her from falling down or into the crater behind them as small pieces of burning dragon fell from the sky.“I really am getting too old for this crap,” Buffy groaned, she appeared to be having problems standing up straight.“Ooooh, poor Buffy,” Harmony cried solicitously and gave her friend a hug.“Owwww,” Buffy moaned.“You're a little unorthodox, I'll admit,” the Princess continued apparently ignoring Buffy's comments about being too old for this kind of 'crap', “But thy deed is great,” Fiona advanced on Buffy who was wondering if the girl was going to give her another lace hankie, “and thine heart is pure...”“Why's she totally like talking funny?” Harmony whispered.“I am eternally in your debt,” Fiona explained, “the battle is won, you may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.”“Sir Knight?” Harmony frowned.“Helmet?” Buffy quieried, “Erm, I don't think I should just now...”Buffy had got the distinct impression that the Princess thought Harmony and herself were guys and that it might be best to ease the girl into the truth and not just confront her with reality.“Why not?”“I have helmet hair!” Buffy replied and congratulated herself on her quick thinking.“Please,” pleaded the young princess, “I would'st look on the face of my rescuer.”“She's so totally doing it again,” Harmony said in a stage whisper, “what's her deal talking totally weird like that?”“No,” Buffy shook her helmeted and visored head, “no, I don't think you'd want to.”“But,” the Princess suddenly became all 'coy', “how will you kiss me otherwise?”“Kiss!?” Buffy exclaimed and took a step away from the girl; although Buffy was no stranger to kissing girls (just ask Harmony) she wasn't sure she wanted to start anything with Princess Fiona and what would Harmony say?“Totally back off sister!” Harmony growled.“But its destiny...” Fiona tried to explain.“Destiny, my right boob!” Harmony snarled protectively, “You just wanna totally get like your Princessy claws into my Buffy!”“Destiny?” Buffy knew all about 'destiny', “Oh no, here we go again.”“But you must know how it goes,” Fiona looked from one 'knight' to the other, “A Princess locked in a tower and beset...”“Beset?” Harmony demanded, “Like what the hell is she talking about?”“...and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight and then they share 'true love's first kiss'.”“With Buffy?” Harmony frowned behind the visor of her helmet, “Totally no way!”“This is weird,” Buffy muttered to herself, “I've never had girls fight over me before.” The next words out of Buffy's mouth were spoken a little louder, “You think I'm your true love?”“Well yes,” Princess Fiona smiled a winsome smile.“You think Buffy is like, totally your true love?” Harmony asked taking a menacing step towards Fiona.“Hold oh tiger,” Buffy caught hold of Harmony's arm and held her back.“What's wrong?” Fiona might be a Princess but she wasn't completely stupid, she was just starting to get an inkling that things weren't what they appeared to be.“Look, Princess,” Buffy began gently, “lets just say I'm probably not your type, okay?”“Too right...bitch!” Harmony snapped.“Of course you are,” Fiona laughed lightly, “You're my rescuer...now...now remove your helmet.”“Erm, I really don't think...” Buffy began but she was interrupted by the Princess.“Just take off the helmet,” Princess Fiona demanded belligerently.“Look not now,” Buffy replied, “maybe later, huh?”“Take it off!”“No!”“NOW!”“Oh okay,” Buffy sighed defeated, “easy, at your command your Princessyness, naggy much?”After releasing the clip on her chinstrap, Buffy pulled her helmet from her head and ran her fingers through her short, cropped hair. A moment later Harmony took her helmet off too, they both stood there for a moment savouring the rather surprised look on the Princess' face.“But...but, you're both...girls!?”“Darn straight sister,” Harmony announced, “we're lean, mean, fighting machines...and totally hot chicks much!”“You were expecting Prince Charming?” Buffy couldn't help but let a little of a mocking tone enter her voice.“Well, yes actually,” Fiona replied as her world shattered around her. “Oh, no,” the Princess swayed a little and Buffy stepped forward to catch her if she fainted, “this is all wrong. You're not supposed to be girls!”“What's totally wrong with girls?” Harmony wanted to know, “I mean they know all the right places to...”“Harmony!” Buffy snapped shutting her Assistant Squad Leader up with just a word. Turning back to Fiona, Buffy saw her walk to the edge of the crater to stand staring over the edge and towards the ruined castle and the smouldering remains of Sidney the Dragon, “Look Princess,” Buffy felt she needed to explain, “I was sent to rescue you so you could marry this Lord Farquaad guy...its complicated...” Buffy shrugged, she was starting to feel sorry for the girl, “...its politics.”“Well, why didn't he come to rescue me?” Fiona wanted to know.“Because he's a total asshole, much!” Harmony explained.“HARM!” Buffy snapped again before turning her attention back to the Princess, “Good question and I wish I had a good answer for you...maybe you should ask him next time you meet.”“Look he's a doofus,” Harmony chipped in only to get an angry glare off Buffy. “But I have to be rescued by my true love...”“Not gonna happen, much,” Harmony whispered under her breath.“..not by some butch sapphist and her girlfriend!” “What's a 'sapphist'?” Harmony wanted to know.“Its another word for 'lesbian',” Buffy explained.“I'm sooo not a lesbian!” Harmony cried out in shock.“Coulda fooled me,” Buffy sniggered.“I'm like bi-sexual and totally proud of it!” Harmony announced.“Now there's something we can all agree on,” Buffy sighed as she wondered why her life had to be so damn complicated. “Look Princess,” she tried to explain, “you're not making my mission objectives any easier.”“I don't care about...” Fiona tried to get her tongue around the unfamiliar words, “...about...your-your 'mission objectives' that's your problem!”The Princess stalked off a few yards away from where Buffy and Harmony were standing and gazed out over the crater again.“You can tell...Lord Farquaad,” Fiona sniffed as she surreptitiously wiped a tear from her eye, “that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here!” “Hey look,” Buffy strode over to Fiona and pulled on her arm so she was looking up into the Princess' face, “I'm no messenger girl,” she explained, “I was ordered to deliver you to this short-ass Farquaad.”“You wouldn't dare!” Fiona snapped back.“Try me!” Buffy grabbed Fiona's arm, turned and started to drag the protesting Princess in the general direction of Lord Farquaad's castle in Camelot.“LET ME GO!” Fiona demanded as she was inexorably dragged away from the crater's rim.“No way,” Buffy replied, her wounds were starting to hurt again and every thing seemed to ache so she was in no mood to put up with any more of the Princess' blather, “Harmony, grab our gear and follow me.”“On the bounce, Buff!” Harmony called happily as she ran off to collect their packs, now this was more like it!
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A few hours later, Princess Fiona had stopped struggling having got over the fact she'd been rescued by two girls rather than one manly knight. Plus she was heading for an early wedding date with this Lord Farquaad.“It's not easy being a Princess you know?” Fiona announced miserably as she walked between Buffy and Harmony.“Whatever,” Buffy sighed, all the excitement of the past twelve hours was catching up on her, even slayers needed a little down time; glancing at Harmony, Buffy noted that her friend hadn't exactly got a spring in her step any more, “We'll camp soon.”“I've been locked up in that tower with no one for company, except that smarmy dragon, since I was twelve!” Fiona explained as if Buffy hadn't even spoken. “And ever since I was sixteen he's been trying to get me to go and see his hoard.”Harmony blushed, she had gone to see the dragon's hoard with very little persuasion, after all it was either that or be burnt to a crisp.“But I always said 'no',” Fiona continued, “and now after all that time protecting my chastity from the advances of randy dragons I find I've got to marry this Lord Farquaad, a man I've never even met?”“Not ever?” Buffy asked; the sun was nearing the horizon, they'd better stop soon and set a perimeter for the night.“No never,” Fiona shook her head sadly.“Wow, that's totally harsh, man,” even Harmony was starting to feel sorry for the Princess; or was it guilt at having given it up to the dragon when Fiona had held out for years against the dragon's amorous advances. “Hey, who am I kidding?” Harmony said to herself, “Anyone would think being a virgin is a good thing!”“So why do you have to marry him?” Buffy wanted to know; she pointed to a spot under some trees to the left of the track, it looked like a good place to stop for the night, “Come on this way.”“Why do I have to marry him?” Fiona followed the two soldiers into the clearing, “Like you say, Sir Buffy, politics...”“Explain,” Buffy had been about to order Fiona to help set up camp, but she'd thought better of it, the girl would probably be more of a hindrance than a help; so she let her sit on the stump of a tree and talk.“Its simple really,” Fiona sighed heavily, “you see Mommy and Daddy are the King and Queen of Faraway, right?”“Whatever,” Buffy replied as she emptied out her pack onto the grass.“So, that makes me a Princess, understand?”“Totally,” Harmony agreed as she sat on the grass searching through the ration packs looking for something good to eat.“Now this Lord Farquaad's just a Lord, right?” Fiona went on with her lesson in Avalonian geopolitics.“Uh-huh,” Buffy and Harmony chorused.“So when I marry him, he becomes a King, see?”“Yeah I think I do,” Buffy replied slowly, it appeared that Sir Malcolm had been right all along, Lord Farquaad simply wanted Fiona to stabilise his power base and make him a powerful King. Possibly the most powerful king on Avalon. Which would then allow him to dictate the terms of any treaty with the Federation to all the other Kings and Lords on Avalon.“So, why do you have to marry him?” Harmony wanted to know; she'd found three ration packs that weren't too bad and handed them round.“Why do I have to marry him?” Fiona gave a brittle laugh, “That's what Princess' are supposed to do...marry Princes' or failing that a noble Lord.”“They do?” Coming from a society that stressed freedom and self-determination, Harmony was confused. “Couldn't you just tell him to like 'stick it' and go do something else?”“Stick it?” Princess Fiona looked to Buffy for an explanation.“She means tell him 'no'.”“Oh you mean marry one of his rivals?” Fiona asked innocently, “But if I do that it could mean war, plague, famine and death, the one horsemen and three pedestrians of the apocalypse.”“Don't talk to me about apocalypses,” Buffy muttered tiredly.“I couldn't bring that down on the world,” Fiona cried, “I have to do my duty.”“Even if this means giving it up, sight unseen, to some short-ass, power hungry, doofus?” Harmony was all for sex but in her book you should really at least like the guy or girl you were going to do it with; this duty-marriage thing just didn't seem right to her.“Which is why if Lord Farquaad wanted to marry me so much he should have proved his love for me by coming and rescuing me properly.”“Ah-ha!” Buffy cried as she tried to work out how three people would fit into two sleeping bags without getting up close and groiny. “I see a way out!”“A way out?” Princess Fiona was unsure whether she wanted a 'way out', “What do you mean?”“Look its simple,” Buffy gave up trying to work out the sleeping arrangements, “we have a clear case of breach of contract here.”“We do?” Fiona and Harmony both stopped what they were doing and looked at Buffy their interest piqued. “Look its simple,” Buffy began to explain, “the implied contract is that in return for Lord Farquaad rescuing you from a fiery dragon, you, Princess Fiona will marry him, with me so far?”“Uh-huh,” replied the other two women in the small camp.“But he didn't, instead he sent Harmony and me,” Buffy pointed out, “therefore he broke the contract so you have no obligation to marry him; if anything you're more obliged to marry me or Harm seeing how we did the rescuing.”“Erm, I suppose,” Fiona replied uncertainly, “but there was no actual written contract.”“No problemo!” Buffy said as she accepted a ration pack off Harmony, “In a way that makes it even worse, like its breach of promise and like breaking with tradition...I mean people can get real uptight when Lords and the like start messing with long held tradition, I mean this entire Princess rescuing gig is a long time tradition, right?”“Yes,” Fiona nodded, “since time out of mind.”“There you go then,” Buffy made a face as she put the first forkful from her ration pack into her mouth and started to chew.“But even if this was all true,” Fiona wondered if her rescuers were trying to poison her after tasting her meal, “What do I do if I don't marry Farquaad?”“Not too many positions for out of work Princess, huh?” Buffy asked as she forced herself to eat some more of her rations.“No,” Fiona shook her head sadly.“Couldn't you go home to your mom and dad?” Harmony suggested.“Hey, Harm,” Buffy interrupted before Fiona could reply, “remember these are the people that locked Fiona up in a tower with no one to talk to but an oversexed dragon.”“Oh yeah,” Harmony mumbled between great spoonfuls of meatballs and spaghetti, “forgot about that.”“Yeah well,” Buffy put down her half eaten ration pack and started to take off her boots, “lets sleep on that...Harm set the sentry-bot...”“On it,” Harmony picked up the small scanning device that would wake them if something approached the camp while they were sleeping.“Princess you take one of the sleeping bags, Harm can share with me,” Buffy explained.“Don't you think its a little small for two,” Fiona looked at the sleeping bag suspiciously.“Cozy,” Buffy explained as she stripped off down to her underwear and climbed into her bag, “Hurry up Harm, we need to get some sleep. We've got to be up early and there's a-ways to go yet before we're home.”“Be there in a second,” Harmony set the sentry-bot and placed it up on the branch of a tree before stripping down to her own underwear and climbing into the sleeping bag that already contained a Buffy.Lying there in the dark, Princess Fiona listened to the giggles and kissing noises that emanated from Buffy and Harmony's sleeping bag. The two young girl-knights seemed very strange to her, but they also seemed happy doing whatever it was they did. Perhaps Buffy was right and she could escape a loveless marriage to a man who so obviously didn't care enough about her to even slay one, mighty, fire breathing dragon to prove his love for her. Tomorrow, she decided, she'd talk some more with Buffy and Harmony, perhaps find out what she could do with her life instead of marrying Farquaad.
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Awakening with the dawn, Princess Fiona, crawled out of her sleeping bag after a strangely comfortable night's sleep. On first getting into the sleeping bag (an oddly descriptive name she'd thought) Fiona had not been convinced that she'd be able to sleep well. However she'd found the sleeping bag, warm and comfortable, it seemed to be able to protect her from things that wanted to stick into her back and prevent her from resting well. Standing up she smoothed down her slightly fire damaged dress, yawned, stretched and then looked around the clearing.“Now,” the Princess said to herself softly, “I wonder where the privy is?”Walking away from where her two guardians still slept, Princess Fiona wandered off to find the privy.
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Waking up, Buffy found herself wrapped around Harmony's body, smiling contentedly she luxuriated in the feel of Harmony's skin against her own. Just as she was about to wake her friend in a new and exciting way, Buffy remembered that they were on a mission and a morning spent 'making out' would only slow them down. There'd be time enough for making out once they got back to the Federation compound.“Hey, trooper,” Buffy nudged Harmony who groaned and shifted about inside the cramped confines of the sleeping bag, “come on, on the bounce the Bugs are attacking!”“W-wot?” Harmony opened her eyes to look at Buffy, “Hi, Buffy...screw the Bugs...lets stay here.”“Sorry, Harm,” Buffy started to squeeze her way out of the sleeping bag, “we've got to get the Princess back to Camelot today unless you want to spend another night out here.”“No,” Harmony shook her head sleepily as she too started to climb out of the bag, “I want my bed and showers and proper heads and food that doesn't taste of nothing.”“Talking of Princess...” Buffy said as she stood up and started to pull on her coveralls, “...where is she?”“Probably squatting in the bushes,” Harmony suggested after a cursory visual search of the camp site.“Talking of which,” Buffy picked up the entrenching tool that lay next to her pack and a packet of toilet tissue before heading off towards the bushes herself, “Harm,” she called over her shoulder, “take down the sentry bot and try and find us something to eat for breakfast.”“Your wish is totally my command oh great squad leader,” Harmony called to Buffy's back, “and just when am I supposed to get to pee?” she muttered as she bent to pick up her coveralls and started to get dressed.Five minutes later, Buffy walked back into the camp, “Your turn,” she cried tossing the entrenching tool to Harmony.“See ya!” Harmony caught the little folding shovel and headed off at high speed towards a different clump of bushes.Sitting down on the sleeping bag, Buffy started to pull on her boots, she sighed heavily as she remembered all the nice, fashionable foot wear she'd once owned. Of course her fashion footwear wasn't as comfortable as her military boots, and they wouldn't protect her from landmines or even keep out the cold or water that well, but she missed them just the same. Once dressed, Buffy looked at the equipment they had and started to wonder whether they'd need it all. It was less than a day's march back to Camelot and Buffy was thinking she could safely stash their spare kit here and come back in an air car later to collect it. If they only carried essentials they'd be able to move faster, plus if there was any more trouble they wouldn't be hampered by heavy packs. Looking up at the sound of movement, Buffy saw Harmony walking back towards the camp.“Harm,” Buffy called as the girl sat down on the other sleeping bag, “I've been thinking...”“That's why they totally pay you the big bucks,” Harmony pointed out helpfully.“...whatever, now if I might be permitted to continue?”“Sure,” Harmony shrugged, “you're like the boss.”“Sometimes I wonder,” Buffy pointed out, “look, I'm thinking we can stash most of our gear and come back for it when we've not got Princess Millstone around our necks.”“Sounds good to me,” Harmony agreed.“We'll stuff our pockets with candy and energy bars, load up on ammo and water, then get outta here like we've got a swarm of Bugs on our tail.”“What about Fiona?” Harmony asked.“If needs be I'll carry her,” Buffy pointed out.“Which reminds me,” Harmony picked up the first aid box and crawled over to where Buffy sat, “let me look at that face, how's it feeling?”“I think its more or less healed,” Buffy winced a little as Harmony peeled the dressing off her face.“Yeah,” Harmony agreed, “there's hardly a mark now...is this like something to do with being this slayer chick, huh?”“Yeah,” Buffy nodded, she'd told Harmony about her special powers some time ago, “rapid healing of wounds and scars that fade away quickly, its all part of the slayer package.”“Cool,” Harmony replied quietly, “now open up,” Buffy obeyed so that Harmony could take a look inside her mouth, “everything's like totally fine, you'll just need to get your teeth regrown when we get back to the compound.”“Hmm,” Buffy shut her mouth and looked around, “talking of getting back where's the Princess?”“Oh, she's probably out there like having a real, good, long sh...” Harmony's words were cut off by a really, loud scream.Turning towards the sound of the scream, Buffy and Harmony saw Princess Fiona sprinting towards the camp.“OGRE!” Fiona yelled as loudly as she could as she ran for her life.“Ogre?” Buffy and Harmony stood up and looked around.Seeing no sign of one of the large armoured fighting vehicles that the army had been using for the last few years, the two young women shrugged in confusion. However, what they did see was a large, vaguely humanoid, green creature chasing after the Princess. Knowing a threat when she saw one, Buffy picked up her rifle, sighted on the creature and put five rounds rapid into the creature's chest. The force of the bullets striking home brought the monster to a halt like it had run into a brick wall. Groaning and clutching at its bloody chest the creature first fell to its knees before toppling over to lie face down in the grass.Brought to a halt by the sound of the shots, Fiona looked from the dead ogre to Buffy and back again. These knights, she told herself, might be a little strange, but they carried powerful weapons. They were obviously the people to be allies with and maybe, just maybe they could help her get out of marrying Lord Farquaad.“Once again, good Sir Knights,” Fiona cried as she skipped happily over to where Harmony and Buffy were standing, rifles in hand, watching for more green things, “you've saved me from a fate worse than death.”“A fate worse than death?” Buffy queried.“Yes,” Fiona nodded her head slowly, “alas, all the mystical creatures on Avalon have strange sexual habits which they all appear eager to inflict on innocent maidens.”“Harsh,” Harmony observed.“Totally sick,” agreed Buffy; all the strange story book creatures on Avalon were originally products of bioengineering labs back on Earth, so their behaviour patterns must have been programmed into them, just how sick had the original colonists been?
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After their little piece of excitement with the ogre, Buffy and Harmony got themselves organised for the day's journey. The Princess, in the meantime, sat on a tree stump chewing on an energy bar and wondered at all the strange devices her two savours appeared to be throwing into a hole under a tree.“We're travelling fast and light today,” Buffy explained, “I want to be back in Camelot before night fall.”With their pockets full of candy and food bars and their pouches full of loaded magazines and their last few grenades, Buffy and Harmony walked back out onto the track with the Princess following behind them.“On the bounce people,” Buffy called, “lets shag it!”“Your words are strange to me,” Princess Fiona observed as they set off at a fast walk along the track, “I mean I understand the individual words but not how you use them and sometimes I think they must have different meanings, I mean 'shag it',” Fiona blushed prettily, “must mean something quite different to the way its used here on Avalon.”“Shag it?” Buffy shrugged as she thought for a moment; to be honest she'd never really thought about what it meant, it was just one of those things you said.“Yes,” agreed Fiona, “and why do you want people to 'bounce' all the time?”“That just means, 'hurry up',” Buffy explained.“Oh,” Fiona said as she pondered the mystery that was the two female knights, “so where on Avalon do you come from?”Buffy and Harmony shared a look before Buffy spoke, “We're not exactly from Avalon...we're from Earth.”“But Earth is just a legend, a place that the ancestors lived before they came to settle Avalon,” Fiona explained; so, she told herself, the old stories were true and if what these young women told her was genuine 'Earth' must be a real place, “tell me more about this Earth...please.”So, Buffy and Harmony told the Princess about Earth their descriptions drawing occasional shocked explanations from the Princess' mouth.“...and this 'Federation' really lets its women-folk fight these Bugs?” the fact that women were allowed and did fight the Bug demons was one of the things that truly amazed Fiona.“There'd totally be trouble if they didn't,” Harmony pointed out.“Harm's right,” Buffy explained, “not so long ago every branch of the services were open to women except the Mobile Infantry.”“Obviously that changed or you wouldn't be here now,” Princess Fiona pointed out.“Right,” Buffy nodded, “then the government changed the regulations and women were allowed, even encouraged, to join the MI, Harm and me are some of the first women to join up.”“That was very brave of you,” Fiona said her voice full of awe.“Not brave exactly,” Buffy tried to explain, “look everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do, I just thought it was the 'right' thing to do, y'know?”“I just wanted to get revenge on the Bugs for killing my Mom and Dad,” Harmony added quietly.“Do you think,” Fiona spoke hesitantly, “that the Federation would let me join this MI?”“You're not from a planet in the Federation,” Buffy pointed out, “so I doubt it.”“But if Avalon joined the Federation?”“I'm no expert,” Buffy admitted, “but I don't see why not.”“Oh,” Fiona smiled, “another thing, why does Harmony call you 'Snake' sometimes? I understand that 'Harm' is just a diminutive of Harmony, but I don't see the connection between 'Buffy' and 'Snake'.”“HA!” Buffy laughed, “It was something someone said when I joined the 'H Jones' and it just sort of stuck.”“So what did you say...” Fiona's question was interrupted by an arrow as it flashed by her face.“AMBUSH!” Cried Harmony and Buffy in unison as they started to retreat from the arrows that flew through the air towards them.“DITCH!” Buffy yelled as she sprayed the undergrowth with fire to keep the ambush's heads down.Jumping into the roadside ditch, the three women took cover as more arrows flew over their heads or stuck into the ground near them.“Harm!” Buffy called as she put on her helmet, “You stay here and protect the Princess, I'm going to go out and teach these assholes not to attack the MI with bows and arrows, got that?”“Roger that!” Harmony replied as she put on her own helmet.“Okay,” Buffy took a firm grip on her rifle as she prepared to climb back out onto the track, “oh the bounce guys!”Climbing up the side of the ditch, Buffy was soon standing out on the road. Half a dozen arrows hit her almost immediately, they bounced off her body armour to spin away and land on the dusty track or bounce into the grass. Firing a short burst, Buffy cycled through her options until her visor got to thermal imaging. Now she could see her attackers wherever they chose to hide. There were at least a dozen heat signatures hiding in the bushes shooting arrows at her. Advancing as she fired steadily into the undergrowth, Buffy watched as her assailants tumbled to the ground each with a neat bullet hole through their foreheads.After the forth or fifth, ambusher had fallen to Buffy's return fire and as their arrows appeared to just bounce of the short demon's armour, the robbers remembered important appointments elsewhere. Firing and bringing down a couple more of the ambushers, Buffy ceased fire only to hear shots coming from behind her. Turning she ran back to where she'd left Harmony and the Princess. Coming into view of the hiding place, Buffy saw Harmony and the Princess in desperate hand-to-hand combat with a crowd of raggedly dressed brigands.While Harmony was using her combat knife to deadly effect, Buffy was surprised to see the Princess using some form of unarmed combat that she was unfamiliar with. As the combatants were too mixed up together for Buffy to safely shoot down the attackers, she slung her rifle on to her back and waded in with her fists and feet.Grabbing a robber by the head, Buffy broke his neck with a simple shrug of her shoulders. Moving on she kicked out and broke the back of a man who was just about to plunge his sword into Fiona's chest. Turning to face another opponent, Buffy received the full force of a punch straight in her face under her visor. Staggering back a little, she retaliated by blocking the next punch before flattening the robber's nose with the palm of her hand. No sooner did it seem that Buffy had joined the fight that it ended with the few remaining survivors running for the safety of the woods. Unslinging their rifles Buffy and Harmony shot down the survivors unmercifully as they tried to make for the safety of the trees. “What the hell happened here?” Buffy demanded.“They were hiding in the tree,” Harmony pointed upwards to where a large tree overhung the ditch.“Oh,” Buffy took a deep breath, “that's okay then.” she turned to look at Fiona who appeared none the worse for her adventures, “Nice moves there Princess.”“Thank-you,” Fiona blushed at the praise, “a Princess must know how to defend her honour when needs be.”“Who were those guys?” Harmony asked, “Bandits?”“Or more of Lord Farquaad's men,” Buffy replied darkly.“But didn't Lord Farquaad send you to rescue me?” Fiona asked.“Yeah,” Buffy nodded, “but it would serve his purpose almost as well if we failed.”“You mean he's been plotting to kill me...kill us all if it suits his purpose?” Fiona gasped, “If that is so I will never marry this vile man!”
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Setting a punishing pace, Buffy led the way along the track towards Camelot, she was sick of this mission and she wanted to get back to the relative comfort and safety of the Federation compound as soon as possible. As the trio marched they started to see more farms and cultivated ground the closer they got to Camelot, Lord Farquaad's capital. Half expecting him to make at least one more attempt at discrediting the Federation by attacking and killing the three women, Buffy kept her eyes wide open and her hand on the pistol grip of her rifle. It was just before ten o'clock and Buffy was looking for a likely spot for their hourly break when Harmony moaned, stumbled and fell to her knees in the middle of the rutted track.“Harm!” Buffy gasped as she rushed to help her friend, “What's up? Have you been hit?”Frantically Buffy checked her friend for wounds, she thought Harmony might have been hit by a crossbow bolt or an arrow but she couldn't find any sign of a wound.“What's wrong with her?” Princess Fiona was at Buffy and Harmony's side in an instant her eyes full of concern.“I don't know,” Buffy replied as she shook her head; up until a moment ago Harmony had seemed fine, “help me get her to the side of the road.”Helping Harmony to her feet, Buffy steered her towards the lush grass that bordered the track way, while Princess Fiona grabbed Buffy and Harmony's rifles and helmets. Lying Harmony down in the cool grass in the shade of a fruit tree, Buffy loosened her friends armour, as she did so her hands touched her Harmony's skin, she felt awfully hot.“What's wrong, Harm?” Buffy asked softly.“I don't feel like so good, Buffy,” Harmony looked into Buffy's eyes pleadingly and groaned, “I feel like totally bad...”“Okay,” Buffy breathed as she took a jack plug from the control unit on her left wrist and plugged it into Harmony's suit.These old body armour suits weren't as capable as the power armour suits they usually wore, for a start there were no external medical read outs like on a powered suit. You had to actually plug yourself into a buddy's suit to find out what was wrong with them. Once Buffy had plugged herself into Harmony's systems, she had to wait a few seconds for Harmony's suit to download information to her Head Up Display. Waiting impatiently Buffy squeezed Harmony's hand reassuringly and wondered what could have happened to her friend to have brought her low so quickly.“Did you see her eat anything that didn't come out of a ration pack?” Buffy asked Fiona urgently.“No,” Fiona shook her head, “and I can't think of anything that she might have eaten that would cause this,” the Princess looked at Buffy with concern, “will she be all right?”“We'll see,” Buffy replied as information started to scroll across her HUD telling her what was wrong with her friend. Frowning a little Buffy studied the data and scratched her chin, “Well according to this,” Buffy explained slowly, “the only thing really wrong with her is a slightly elevated temperature.”“A fever? Well, the machine must be wrong,” Fiona pointed out, “its obvious that the brave Sir Harmony is sorely beset by demons...or...like you suggested she ate something she shouldn't have.”“These old suits aren't as good as the modern stuff we usually wear,” Buffy explained as she checked Harmony's eyes which responded to light as normal, “Basically they are good for wounds and other injuries, anything else its not so good...”“Buffy!” Harmony's eyes flew open and she grabbed hold of Buffy arm, “I'm going to be sick!”Turning Harmony onto her side, Buffy held her friend as she vomited onto the grass.“Oh that's so totally better,” Harmony gasped.“Want some water?” Buffy asked.“Please...”“Here I'll get that,” Fiona took Harmony's canteen from her harness and held it to her lips, Harmony swallowed a couple of mouthfuls before lying back in Buffy's arms and gasping for breath.“Hey Harm,” Buffy laid her friend's head back down into the grass, “Tell me the truth, did you eat or drink anything you shouldn't have in the last twenty-four hours?”“Erm...” Harmony sounded like a little girl with a tummy ache, “...I don't think so...”“You don't think so?” Buffy asked expectantly, she knew that tone of voice, it told her Harmony wasn't telling the entire truth, “What did you do Harm?”“It was like just a glass of wine,” Harmony explained, “what harm could one glass of wine do, much?”“WINE!?” Screeched the Princess in horror, she moved rapidly so she was staring into Harmony's face, “Was it a deep red that tasted like nothing you'd ever tasted before, did you feel all sleepy after drinking it, did the dragon give it to you?”“Erm...” Harmony's eyes flicked from the Princess to Buffy and back again, “that's like; yes, no, yes and yes.”“No?” Buffy did a quick mental recap of Fiona's questions and Harmony's answers.“Like yes,” Harmony blinked, “it sorta tasted like that stuff on Solo the locals used to brew...”“It did?” forgetting the seriousness of the situation, Buffy giggled at the memories of a week spent on a backwater planet were the local guys and girls made you feel really appreciated. “What!?” Fiona snapped at the two Federation women, “Stop grinning like fools, this is serious!”“Serious?” Buffy and Harmony chorused.“Yes!” Fiona gasped.“Okay, how serious?” Buffy asked warily.“Very,” Fiona replied as she sat down in the grass and took hold of one of Harmony's hands in her own.“Like...?” Buffy hinted.“Hey!” Harmony sat up with a very worried expression on her face, “Like some weird creature's not going to burst out of my chest, is it?”“Not out of your chest, no,” Fiona shook her head sadly, “it...they, normally come out of the normal place for babies.”“BABIES!!!!” Harmony and Buffy screamed in horror.“I could be wrong,” Princess Fiona said slowly, “but I think the dragon impregnated you with its spawn.”“LIKE SPAWN, MUCH!?” Harmony cried as she dug her fingernails into Buffy's arm in horror; even through her armour Buffy winced.“Impregnated?” Buffy turned to look at Harmony, “What have I told you about safe sex?”“Safe sex?” Harmony looked slightly embarrassed, “There wasn't any 'sex' as such,” she admitted, “you see Sidney was quite...you know...like totally big,” she shrugged, “but there was like a lot of tongue work and everyone knows you can't get pregnant from like oral...right?”“It wouldn't have mattered,” Fiona pointed out, “the dragon is a mystical creature so this 'safe sex' would have been for naught...erm,” Fiona looked at Buffy earnestly, “just what is this safe sex? Is it the sex you do in a Keep surrounded by all your knights and men-at-arms...that would be fairly safe.”“I'll explain later,” Buffy blinked at Fiona, “just how does a dragon get someone pregnant and what happens when...”“Well no one really knows the how,” Fiona pointed out.“And the other stuff?” Harmony wailed, she was starting to get quite worried.“From what I've been told and what I've read,” Fiona began, “about three weeks after being impregnated the maid 'lays' three or four dragon eggs.”“See, Harm,” Buffy signed with relief, “that doesn't sound so bad...” she looked at Fiona, “...the woman survives, right?”“Oh yes,” Fiona smiled weakly, “but...”“But?” once again Buffy and Fiona spoke in chorus.“You have to understand that I've only read about such things...” Fiona explained.“And?” Buffy was wondering how fast she could get Harmony to the MO at the compound.“...from what I've read, its said to be like giving birth to triplets with really big heads.”“Big heads!” Harmony squeaked.“Triplets?” Buffy asked.“Yes, but some times its quads,” Fiona supplied helpfully.Silence descended on the group for a moment before Buffy spoke, she was the leader so she had to make all the important decisions, some how a corporal's pay just didn't seem enough to compensate for the responsibilities.“Okay,” Buffy said slowly; she looked at Harmony, “I'll speak to you once we get back to base, now can you walk?”“I think so,” this time Harmony sounded like a pregnant twelve year old, “if someone helps me...”“Princess,” Buffy turned to look at Fiona, “that'll be your job, help 'Miss No Panties' along until we get help.”“Can't you use your 'comms' device to call for help?” Fiona asked helpfully.“How do you know about out comms?” Buffy asked a little sharply.“I told her...” Harmony admitted.“Harmony!” Buffy sighed heavily, “When are you going to learn to keep your legs firmly crossed and your BIG MOUTH SHUT!?”“Sorry,” Harmony sniffed.“Now look what you've done,” Princess Fiona rounded on Buffy, “you've made her cry!”“Why am I here?” Buffy looked up at the sky searching for an answer, “What have I done to deserve this? Life was way more simple when I was just chasing vampires and demons in Sunnydale.”“You have vampires too?” Fiona asked brightly.“Yes...no!” Buffy felt like crawling into a hole and waiting until the universe went away, “I'll explain later...but in the mean time we've got to move!” Standing up she took hold of Harmony's arm and helped her back to her feet, “Okay, Princess, you hold her up from the other side, but give me my rifle and helmet first.”Weapons, equipment and Lance Corporals, who were pregnant by dragons, were swapped around until the little group was reorganised and ready to go.“Okay, lets move, I'll take point,” Buffy called.“Not too fast,” cautioned Fiona as she held Harmony under her arm.“Okay, okay, I known,” Buffy was feeling like the universe was testing her, in which case she was determined to pass with flying colours. “Look its only about an hour, maybe two, to Camelot, we'll be home well before evening...if we don't get attacked or Harmony doesn't start to lay dragon eggs,” she added to herself quietly.At a much slower, rate of march, Buffy led her team along the track which went down a gentle slope into a thick wood. Watching the trees and the undergrowth, Buffy reflected that the woods on Avalon appeared to have been specifically designed to be the perfect hideouts for brigands and monsters. Of course the entire planet, or at least the areas that had humans living in them, had been designed that way, so yeah, why not? The leaders of the original colonists, the people who'd supplied all the money to set up 'Medieval-nightmare-world' must have been one sick bunch of weirdos.The climb out of the wood was much steeper than the way into it had been; but at least they hadn't been attacked by robbers, monsters or Farquaad's men. Buffy was just congratulating herself on getting through the forest without being attacked and being that much closer to home. Coming over the brow of the ridge Buffy halted when she saw what looked like a small army of archers, men-at-arms and knights waiting for her about two hundred yards away across a wide meadow.“Oh crap!” Buffy cursed as she put on her helmet and readied her rifle, Farquaad was obviously going to make one last ditch attempt to stop her getting the Princess to Camelot; and this time it looked as if he was playing for keeps.Standing there on the track, Buffy let her eye roam over the waiting army. On either flank were two wedges of longbow men; there had to be at least a hundred men in each wedge. Individually the arrows didn't form much of a threat. But, a good archer could loose twelve shafts in a minute, that meant something like twenty-four hundred arrows coming at her every sixty seconds, it only took one archer to get lucky and it was 'goodbye Buffy'.Between the two archer wedges was a block of about eighty men-at-arms equipped with various types of melee weapon, these and the twenty or thirty mounted knights to their rear weren't as dangerous as the archers. But if a couple of them got close enough to knock her down, they could beat her to death with their swords and axes in no time. Turning to look back over her shoulder, Buffy saw Harmony and Fiona standing in the middle of the track staring at the host that blocked their path.“Back into the forest guys,” Buffy yelled, “I'll hold them here!”Doing a mental check, Buffy counted up her remaining rounds, she had significantly fewer rounds that there were enemy troops. However, if she could kill enough of them fast enough maybe the survivors would run away. These images of 'Buffy's Last Stand' were swept from her mind by the sound of cheering coming from the ranks of Farquaad's army. Watching as the men-at-arms opened their lines to let through the knights, Buffy noted all the banners that fluttered gaily over the approaching host. Turning up the magnification on her visor, she was able to pick out Farquaad himself riding at the head of his knights.“Okay,” Buffy said slowly; she glanced around to see Harmony and Fiona head for the, at least, temporary shelter of the forest, “maybe I won't need to shoot loads of guys, perhaps I only need to shoot one?”Bringing her rifle to her shoulder, Buffy placed the aiming pipper on the centre of Farquaad's chest. Just as her finger started to tighten on the trigger a loud and familiar noise came from the sky above her. Looking up as Farquaad's knights tried to control there wildly bucking steeds, Buffy saw one of the Jones' shuttles fly slowly from left to right across the front of Farquaad's army at about two hundred feet. The Avalonian soldiers cowered away from the shuttle and its roaring engines. A few of the braver archers managed to loose off a couple of shafts at the craft but not one of them even reached half way to their target.“WOO-HO!” Buffy yelled as she waved her rifle in the air.They were saved, there'd be no battle, and more importantly no dead Buffy, Harmony and Fiona. Just when Buffy couldn't think how things could get any better, five black shapes separated from the shuttle and dropped towards the ground their fall controlled by the jet packs on their backs. Friendly icons suddenly lit up on Buffy's face plate telling her that Fifth Squad had arrived.“Hello Five-One, this is Five-One-Alpha...” Fin McCarthy’s voice came clearly to Buffy's ears, “...you okay Snake...we heard you were dead!”“Five-One, nah you're not getting the squad yet Fin,” Buffy replied overjoyed to hear her LAG gunner's voice.“Five-One-Alpha to all Five call-signs, looks like we're out of luck, Snake Summers is still alive!”
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By the time the dust had settled there were five young women in powered armour suits standing between Buffy's little party and what remained of Farquaad's army. Watching as about half of Farquaad's forces disappeared and headed towards Camelot at high speed, Buffy saw one of the armoured suits detach itself from the protective cordon and bounce over to where she stood. Glancing at her HUD Buffy saw that it was Fin McCarthy.“Hi Snake!” Fin called as she came into land about three yards in front of Buffy, the girl opened her face plate and smiled, happy to see her squad leader had returned, “You okay?”“More or less,” Buffy admitted, “but, I need to casevac Harm.”“What's wrong?” Fin turned so she could look at Harmony.“Hi Fin,” Harmony smiled weakly, “I've been a totally silly girl.”“Eh?” Fin frowned as she turned towards Buffy hoping for an explanation.“I'll explain later,” Buffy replied thinking she'd got an awful lot of explaining to do, “Totally spectacular deployment, there,” she congratulated, “how did you know when to come?”“Ship's Sergeant O'Connor's been tracking you with recon drones,” Fin explained, “he's had us on stand-by to help out since early this morning.”“Coool,” Buffy smiled happily, she turned to Princess Fiona who was standing holding up Harmony and looked a little stunned at the recent turn of events. “Hey, Fin this is Princess Fiona, Princess Fiona this is Private First Class Fin McCarthy, one of my troopers.”“Pleased to meet you Ma'am,” Fin curtsied, which is an odd thing to see when the person doing it is wearing powered armour.“The pleasure is all mine, Sir Fin” Fiona smiled graciously, “Sir Buffy was right, there are more female Knights!”Fin looked at Buffy questioningly.“Like I'll explain later,” Buffy shrugged, the list of things to explain just got longer and longer, “the Princess thinks we're all Knights...”“And why shouldn't I?” Princess Fiona helped Harmony to sit down before stepping over to where Buffy stood, “you are all gallant and brave. You are willing to put your lives in danger to rescue people you don't know. I'm sure that you'd protect the poor and defenceless if you happened upon any of them. So, yes to me you are all gallant Knights...even if your armour is a little strange and doesn't shine.”“Wow,” Fin eyed the Princess with admiration, “that really told us,” she looked back at Buffy, “y'know I could learn to live with being called 'Sir Fin'.”“Whatever,” Buffy decided it was time to get back to business, “I want Harm on that shuttle and casevaced, like yesterday, okay?”“Not a problem,” Fin nodded before speaking into her own comms.A moment later a suit detached itself from the line facing the locals, glancing at her HUD, Buffy saw it was Daisy Kelly the squad scout. Landing in a cloud of dust, Daisy picked Harmony up in her arms before kicking in her jets and bouncing straight upwards aiming for the shuttle that was slowly circling their position. Watching as Daisy took Harmony to the shuttle, Buffy sighed with relief as the girl jumped from the shuttle and the little ship zoomed off towards the Federation Compound at Camelot.“The shuttle pilot says she'll be back in fifteen mikes to pick us up,” Daisy reported as she rejoined the line facing the Avalonians.“Thanks Daze,” Buffy replied, movement drew her eye towards the remnant Avalonian army, “Look out, here comes trouble.”From all reports Buffy had read and from her own observations, Lord Farquaad sounded like a complete 'asshole'. However, from the looks of things he was at least a brave asshole because he was riding towards Buffy's troopers with only a guy with a flag and another with a trumpet as escort. With a hiss of jets Mary Ryan moved to position herself between Buffy and the Lord.“I demand to speak to the Princess Fiona,” Farquaad called in a strong, commanding voice.“Let him through, Mary,” Buffy sighed; in truth she really wanted to tell Mary to use her flamer and burn the man down, but she knew that would be wrong and she'd get into trouble for it.“What is the meaning of this?” Farquaad demanded as he rode his snorting horse over to where Buffy, Fin and Fiona stood; while he didn't actually say 'peasant', Buffy could tell by his tone of voice that he'd wanted to. “Another example of the so-called Federation's high handed attitude to their social betters!”“Social betters?” Fin muttered angrily as her armoured hand moved towards her flamer, “I'll have you know that the McCarthy's are descended from the High Kings of Erin!”“At ease trooper,” Buffy cautioned before looking up at the local Lord, however she didn't get a chance to speak because Farquaad kept on going.“I demand that you hand over the Princess Fiona to me immediately,” Farquaad said from the back of his high horse, “I think it intolerable that when I bring my retainers to welcome the Princess to her new home that we be set upon by you...you...” Farquaad searched frantically for some kind of insult, “...you...Star Brigands!”“Hey!” Buffy just couldn't hear the Federation insulted like that, particularly from a short, obnoxious creep like Farquaad, “Watch who you're calling 'Star Brigands', okay? How look here I'm just doing what I was told to...okay so you have to slay the odd sexual deviant dragon here and there and maybe shoot the odd ogre...and I don't mean the AFV type Ogre,” she clarified, “But, what really sticks in my throat, what really makes my blood boil is being attacked by loads of guys wearing your colours Lord Farquaad,” Buffy sneered, “And another thing...!”“ENOUGH!” Lord Farquaad shouted, once again he didn't exactly say 'peasant' but he sure as hell meant it, “Hand over the Princess Fiona at once!”“No!” Buffy almost laughed out loud at the shocked look on Farquaad's face.“Hand over the Princess this instant...woman!” Spit flew from Farquaad's lips as he spoke, “Or I'll...”“Or you'll what?” Buffy stepped towards Farquaad's horse, the horse eyed her nervously and took a step away from her, “You'll do nothing because five seconds after you give a command, you and all you're guys'll be smouldering corpses lying in the dust. If you want a demonstration of Federation firepower I'll be happy to oblige. If you don't you'll wait over there,” Buffy pointed to a spot half a dozen yards away, “until I find out what the Princess wants, okay?”“This is intolerable,” Farquaad spluttered, “I will lodge a complaint with Sir Malcolm...at least he's a man!”Whatever his feeling might have been, Farquaad and his retainers rode away to the spot Buffy had indicated; she turned to look at Fiona.“What do you want to do, Princess?” Buffy asked quietly.“I should go with my Lord Farquaad...” Fiona replied sadly.“But...?” Buffy could see the indecision in the young woman's eyes, “You don't want to do you?”Fiona shook her head.“May I remind you,” Buffy continued more formally, “that even by your own traditions and laws you're not obligated to that so-called man. May I also remind you he didn't rescue you from the dragon, he sent substitutes...”“Very brave and noble substitutes,” Fiona pointed out.“He didn't give you 'love's first true kiss' and...and...” Buffy hesitated for a moment before adding, “...he's such a creep! Like he's totally short and I'm sure his breath smells and I've heard he has some really weird and disgusting hobbies...Princess you simply can't marry him!”“But I must,” Fiona didn't exactly sound as if she believed herself.“That's what I'm saying,” Buffy pleaded, “Isn't it the duty of a Knight to defend the helpless?”“I suppose...” Fiona continued reluctantly.“I can protect you Princess,” Buffy spoke with great determination, “the Federation will defend you...we have something called 'Political Asylum'. All you have to do is ask and we're duty bound to protect you until we can get you to higher authority.”“You'd do that for me?” Fiona stood aghast.“Sure...” Buffy grinned impishly, “...just say the word and if Farquaad objects that's his bad luck, isn't that right, Fin?”“Sure thing, Snake,” Fin McCarthy closed her face plate and drew her hand-flamer.“All you have to do is say the word...” Buffy told the Princess.“I...” Fiona glanced from Buffy towards Farquaad and back again, “...I'd like to claim Political Asylum...”“Right!” Buffy turned to where Farquaad was standing, “Okay, Short-boy, get outta here, the Princess has been granted temporary Political Asylum....”“WHAT!?” Farquaad screamed, “This is unacceptable! I must have obedience, who do you think you are talking to me you ungrateful peasant whore!”“Hey,” Buffy spoke to Fin over her comms, “wasn't that sexist, classist and insulting to Sex Workers?”“Sounded like it to me,” Fin agreed.“He's a clear and present threat, Fin...toast him,” Buffy ordered.Moments later Farquaad and his horse were a couple of lumps of smouldering, blackened meat lying on the grass; Buffy felt bad about having to order the horse killed, but what can you do? While the smoke rose from Farquaad's corpse what remained of his army ran or rode away into the distance at high speed leaving only a cloud of dust behind them.“Okay,” Buffy turned to a rather shocked looking Princess Fiona, “that's dealt with him, now I better get you back to the compound and turn myself in.”“You'll be in trouble for defending my honour?” Fiona gasped.“Yeah,” Buffy shrugged, “I sort of totally over stepped my authority telling Fin to burn Farquaad down...” she shrugged again, “...but what else can a Knight do?”
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Several days later, Buffy found herself under guard standing in front of Sir Malcolm's desk, the bureaucrat was doing his best to look fierce and really angry, but he didn't appear to have his heart in it.“In the absence of a military officer,” Sir Malcolm began, “Ship's Sergeant O'Connor has agreed that as I'm the most senior Federation official on the planet, that I should be President of this Court of Enquiry...do you agree with this, Corporal Summers?”Buffy glanced at Sandy O'Connor who was standing behind Sir Malcolm and was mouthing 'Yes Sir' at her.“Yes Sir!” Buffy replied sharply.“Good,” Sir Malcolm hid his amusement by glancing down at the papers on the desk in front of him, “Now I've read all the reports and as you don't deny anything I'll get on with my findings.” Sir Malcolm took a deep breath, “While the Federation deplores and regrets the death of Lord Farquaad it also recognises that you, Corporal Summers, where only doing your duty as you saw it. The Federation also takes into account that Lord Farquaad tried, on several occasions, to have yourself, Lance Corporal Kendal and the Princess Fiona killed.” “However,” Sir Malcolm continued, “the Federation cannot condone the killing of an important local dignitary, so you will have to be punished.” Sir Malcolm looked up into Buffy's eyes, “Will you accept my punishment or do you want to go for a Court Martial as is your right?” Once again Ship's Sergeant O'Connor mouthed the word, 'Accept'.“I'll accept your punishment, Sir,” Buffy replied formally.“Good,” Sir Malcolm breathed a sigh of relief, “I there for sentence you to Exile from Avalon for the rest of your natural life and forfeiture of one weeks pay to be donated to a charity of my choice! March her out Ship's Sergeant!”“Attention!” Sandy O'Connor barked, “Left turn! By the centre, quick march! Left-right, left-right...!”
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Later that same day, Buffy sat next to Harmony's bed in the compound's sick-bay, she started at Harmony's swollen belly, she looked very big.“When are you...due?” Buffy asked.“Doc says like end of the week,” Harmony replied.“So you're carrying them to term?”“Yeah,” Harmony nodded, “Bio-weapons want to study them. They want to recruit dragons to fight the bugs.”“Yeah?” Buffy wasn't sure how she felt about that, using sentient creatures as weapons; but she had to admit that dragons would be pretty effective against the bugs.“So you really got away with totally burning Farquaad?” Harmony asked.“Not, 'totally got away with',” Buffy pointed out, “Like I'm exiled from Avalon for, like ever and I lost a week's pay!”“So when are you leaving?” Harmony asked sadly.“Well,” Buffy smiled, “as we're moving out in ten days time anyway, I'll be leaving with the rest of the platoon, until then I'm confined to the compound...” Buffy paused in thought for a moment, “Y'know I get the feeling that the locals weren't too upset about Farquaad getting flamed. I'm not saying there was dancing in the streets exactly when the news broke...but...I did hear that the Council of Nobles sighed a treaty pretty quick after he died.”“Cool, so that's why we're outta here?” “Looks like,” Buffy shrugged, “Outta here and back to burning bugs.”“Can't say I'm sorry,” Harmony agreed, “while the topless football and making out on the beach was fun, this place has its draw backs,” Harmony gestured to the big lump in her belly.“Yeah...” Buffy found her eyes once again riveted to Harmony's tummy, “...you sure you'll be okay about giving birth or what was it? Laying these egg things?”“Don't worry,” Harmony reached out and took Buffy's hand in her own, “the doc's got plenty of pain-meds.”“Cool,” Buffy nodded.The Princess came to see me earlier,” Harmony announced, “the Federation has given her full Political Asylum and she's asked to be allowed to totally join the MI!”“She has!?” Buffy cried in astonishment, “Like...way to go Princess Fiona!”“Yeah,” Harmony agreed, “I hope she can join our squad, once her trainings over.”“Yeah, that would be nice,” Buffy agreed, “but we mustn't assume, we'll have to see what the Replacement Board says first.”“Yeah I know,” Harmony replied sadly, “but it would be totally nice wouldn't it?”“Yeah sure.”For a moment, Buffy said nothing as she thought about what the future was likely to bring. More Bugs to burn, that was always good. Maybe one day she'd be able to see her sister; or at least the Dawn who was her sister in this time. Smiling to herself, Buffy wondered at how she could think of a girl who she'd hardly met as her sister. Well, she told herself, she'd got over Dawn being the key and not really having been her real sister back in her old life. Perhaps Dawn would always be her sister, wherever she came from and wherever they both were.“Hey, you totally fallen asleep there?” Harmony wanted to know.“Nah, just thinking,” Buffy replied.“You think too much,” Harmony pointed out.“You think to little,” Buffy countered.“Maybe between us we totally think like just about the right amount?”“You know Harm,” Buffy sighed, “sometimes I think you're the wisest of us all.”“Cooooool,” Harmony laughed.
The End