Work Text
Tan leans his head against the cool tiles of the bathroom. He draws a few deep breaths. There is no reason to panic. At least not yet. He rubs his palms over his face in an attempt to calm his nerves.
He walks over to the sink and lets cold water run over his hands and stares at himself in the spotless mirror. He just has to get through this somehow and then he can go home and think about a way to get rid of this overwhelming thing that has manifested itself right in the middle of his chest in a constant ache. He knows so well what this is, he just doesn't want to name it or he will start to panic again, maybe even cry. He dries his hands off and hears Johnathan somewhere in the main space of the loft. They are almost done with the last scene for today, they just have to take that last shot. The weird thing is, they really do hang out in the apartment, especially after they are done with work for the week, to celebrate a little. A last look in the mirror and his hair is still perfect, his shirt still neatly tucked into his waistband and he gives himself an encouraging smile. When he opens the door he is immediately swept by the noise of Karamos laugh and Tan can't help but smile. When he gets to the couch only Bobby is already seated. Snacks and water already spread out on the low table. Everything is set for the scene where they watch the Jones sisters reopening. He sits down on the armchair next to the couch and takes a sip of his now cold black tea and can't help but make a face.
Johnathan comes in with a bright smile on his face and lets himself fall down on the couch as well.
'Almost done!' Tan can't help but laugh. The boys really are the best. Of course sometimes it's not perfect between all of them, but it's the best. He does what he loves, although sometimes it's hard to compromise between the best outfit and what the people they are helping are comfortable with, but it's challenging and interesting. He works with these gorgeous men, not just their looks, but also their personalities. He stretches and the producer calls for Karamo and Antoni. When Karamo comes in, he sits down the furthest away from him and of course that means that Antoni sits down on the couch, closest to him. Antoni flashes Tan a smile, all perfect teeth, before they resume their positions and Bobby presses play so they can watch the reopening.
Tan can't help, but shoot a nervous glance at Antoni, the adoringly ruffled hair, that curls lightly at the nape of his neck. He bites his tongue. Not helping.
The thing that makes him all panicky is the fact that he learned something new about Antoni; his crazy drive to uncover secrets. He can still remember them in the too hot sun, Antoni wouldn't stop talking about the stupid BBQ sauce. He had been obsessed with it. The secret ingredient.
At the time Tan had thought it was really adorable, as he thought a lot of things about Antoni were.
But when Karamo had shown up this morning to the loft and mentioned that he wouldn't stay for the weekly after party and wouldn't tell Johnathan why, Tan had seen the exact moment Antonis eyes had narrowed and he had become solely focused on the exchange.
'What do you think he is doing tonight?' He had half whispered, seemingly unable to look away from laughing Karamo and pouting Johnathan.
Throughout the day his eyes were glued to Karamo way too often. Tan had tried to distract him, but it had been to no avail.
'I just need to know.' Antoni had sounded as if he really needed to know. Tan tightens his fingers around the almost empty mug, because he is having a secret and dear god if Antoni finds out.
He watches the small gold chain shift with Antonis muscles as he adjusts on the couch. Antonis lips draw into a slight grin at something on the screen, his stubble is just growing out and Tan itches to brush his fingers over the pink lips to his jaw, to feel the softness and the rough stubble. To his neck, feel the curls, sink his fingers into the soft hair, mess it up even more.
Suddenly someone from the crew startles him from his daydreaming with a shouted 'Cut!' and he hasn't seen a single second of the reopening, just stared at Antoni, again. Tan huffs and gets up, walks over to the kitchen and lets the rest of his cold tea pour into the drain. He turns on the water and watches the color delude and vanish.
Suddenly two arms snake around his waist and Antonis chin is on his shoulder peering into the water with him. Tan suppresses a pleased shudder as warm hands slide over his jacket to his stomach and he can feel Antonis fingers and warmth through the thin shirt. He leans back into the solid chest a little and lets himself imagine the arms tightening, his head tilting and warm lips, sharp teeth against the side of his neck. He breathes in through his nose and turns off the tap.
'Make me a drink?' He says. Antoni straightens.
'On it.' Tan almost stumbles when the body behind him vanishes. He just has to get through this. Once he is home he can think about him as much as he wants to. But the real thing is so much better. It's easier to imagine when he has him right there, feel his skin, see his smiles and when he talks to him.
He wants Antoni so much it hurts. Everything. Anything he can get to ease the longing in his bones. And Antoni can't know. It's just him, but he can't stop. He has tried for month to push it back. But every time he manages to distance himself just a fraction, it rears back with the force of an ocean and he can't do it anymore. He's been indulging in fantasies and the touches for weeks now. But it's hard to keep at bay, he's starving for this. Tan moves to the couches and hugs Karamo, who is on his way out, goodbye. The film crew is done packing the necessary stuff away as well and Tan hugs everyone of them as well.
When they are leaving Tan sits down on the couch and glances at the kitchen area where Antoni is just finishing up the drinks. Johnathan helps him carry them to the table.
Antoni sits down right next to him and hands him a drink that is lightly orange and smells like grapefruit and rosemary. He takes a sip and smiles. It's not too sweet and tastes refreshing.
'To a great weekend!' Johnathan announces and the clink glasses. Instantly Bobby and Johnathan are in a deep conversation about Johnathans new kitchen.
Tan glances at Antoni and smiles, he is drinking the same thing as him. No alcohol.
After he sets his glass on a coaster on the table Antoni leans towards him and Tans heart skips a beat.
'Any plans this weekend?' He asks and Tan shakes his head.
'No, not really. Probably going to catch up on some blogs and relax.'
Antoni just hums and stretches his legs under the table.
'Me neither.' He looks off into the distance for a moment. 'This week has been really stressful.'
Tan has to agree. They had to do a lot of interviews for the new season and promoting is pretty much the same over and over again. Exhausting. He leans into Antonis side, shuffles a little so their thighs are touching.
'That interviewers dress yesterday was ghastly.' He shudders as he thinks back to the lavender abomination. Antoni laughs and Tan wants to hear it all the time.
'Even I could see that.' Tan dares to look at that perfect smile and the brown eyes.
'So you learned something from me then?' He teases. Antonis smile morphs into a too attractive grin and Tan wants to kiss him so badly that he lets his hand settle on Antonis thigh. He's allowed to do that. They do it all the time, although Tan has to fight an erection every time Antonis hand is too high up on his thigh.
He watches his thump draw slow circles into the blue fabric.
'I would say so. Although I'm sure you could still learn a few things from me.' Tan laughs.
'Ah really?' He shifts his hand a little towards the seam, although he doesn't move it further up. He always walking the line with his touching, he has to be careful not to take it too far, or he might not be able to keep his secret.
'Yes.' Tan thinks he imagined the deeper tone of Antonis voice. Johnathan is standing up next to the to refill his and Bobbys glass, with what looks suspiciously like long island iced tea.
Antoni take his hand and moves it. Tans fingers twitch, he wants to keep his hand there. But Antoni sets it on his neck and oh, this is good as well.
Tan starts rubbing circles on his neck and Antoni sighs. He lets his fingers slide into Antonis soft hair and his favorite part begins. Antoni moans and lets his head tip towards him. His eyes are closed and his lips slightly parted.
Fuck It's so hard to hold back when he does this. Tan bites his lip and tries to breathe slowly. Just one more hour, just to be polite and he can go home.
When his nails move over the scalp slowly Antoni groans low in his throat.
Maybe just half an hour. He can see himself getting home, kicking the door closed, opening the belt buckle with shaky hands, still leaning against the front door. Johnathan giggles loudly and both he and Bobby get up.
Tan is distracted from his thought, luckily.
'We're going out. Are you coming with us?' Johnathan has his hands on his hips and Bobby is collecting their things.
Tan thinks frantically, if this is already wrapping up he could go home right now.
'Nah.' Antoni says, eyes cracked open only an inch.
Johnathan does a gracious turn and looks over his shoulder, although he's already tipsy he is as graceful as ever.
'Your loss. Later losers!' He shashays to where is Bobby is standing by the door and waving goodbye.
'Have fun!' Tan manages to say before the door closes behind them and oh god hes alone with Antoni. He squirms and has already taken his hand out of Antonis hair.
The others are his guarantee that he will not do anything life altering stupid. He is alone with Antoni, sitting right next to him. Oh no.
Right on cue Antoni makes a dissatisfied sound and grabs Tans hand and puts it right back at his neck.
'More.' He sounds a little grumpy, and Tan moves his fingers back into the soft brown hair. Antoni starts moaning again when he digs his thump into the back of his neck to work out a tense spot.
Tan tries to distract himself and takes another sip of his drink with his left hand and sets it back on the table. He just has to play the good friend here. No more.
He runs his fingers over the point where Antonis jaw starts and feels the rough stubble, imagines what it would feel like under his tongue. He wants so much more.
He threads his fingers back into the hair and when his fingernails scratch Antoni lightly he actually shivers and makes another sound, one that Tan has imagined him making many times when he gets his mouth around his dick.
He's so close to climbing on Antonis lap and press them tight together, grind against him, pull his head back by the hand in his hair.
Antoni makes a loud growling sound at that and Tans eyes are wide in shock. His fantasy mixes up with what he was doing, his fingers still tense around the strands of hair, pulling Antonis head back, his throat exposed. Antoni is looking at him with dark narrowed eyes and Tan takes his hand back as if burned.
“Fuck. Fuck.” He mutters. In total panic he starts to get up to just run away from this.
Antoni is on him before he can make it fully. His knees on both sides of Tan thighs and he won't be able to escape.
Antonis hands land on the back of the couch and he is looking at him intensely. Just like he knows. Oh god he knows.
'So.. whats going on?' Antonis voice is low.
'Nothing!' Tans voice sounds high pitched even in his own ears.
Antoni leans closer, their faces just inches apart. Tan whimpers, can't break the eye contact. Antoni has settled his weight on his thighs and it's all too much for him to keep control. His fingers clench into fists at his sides.
Antoni leans in even closer, his breath hot against his lips. Tan moans and closes his eyes in mortification.
'Look at me.' Antoni voice sounds rough and demanding and Tan opens his eyes. It's out now anyway. He can't fix this with some stupid excuse. Now or never.
Tan puts his arms around Antonis waist and pulls him close, right against his half hard erection and buries his face in Antonis neck and mouths the soft skin just above the neckline of his sweater. This must be what heaven feels like.
'Fuck.' He moans. 'I'm so sorry. Want you so much. .. m so sorry.' He has to taste his skin just once, before Antoni gets up, before he realizes what Tan is doing here.
His tongue rolls over the skin and it's so good. He's never going to forget Antonis body pressed against his like this, the taste of his skin, how he smells, how good he feels against him. This is all he is going to get for the rest of his life. It's etched into his brain forever, he's sure.
He lets his hands tighten in the sweater and squeezes his eyes shut. Antoni is going to get up and look at him with disgust any second now. It's going to break him.
Suddenly he feels Antonis hands move and this is it now. Over. He fucked it up. No more hand holding, no smiles, no hugs.
One of Antonis hands settles at his waist, the other at his neck, mirrors what he did just a moment ago, the fingers gripping his neck tightly and pulling his head back. Tan moans and Antoni is looking at him with stormy eyes.
'Tan.' The hand from his neck cups his jaw, the other glides under his jacket, over his shirt again. Antoni is still staring at him and Tan can't understand. Antonis hips roll against his and he can feel the hard outline of an erection pressed against his thigh. Oh. Tan whimpers as he chases the movement. Antoni doesn't do it again, but leans in, kisses his temple, between his eyebrows and Tan wants to cry, because it's everything he imagined for months. Antonis mouth wanders over his cheek and hovers over his lips, as if he's not sure that what he is doing here is real. Asking for permission.
Tan closes the gap, finally, finally, feeling Antonis too attractive smile under his lips. They begin soft and sweet and Tan feels like his heart is going to burst. He slides his hands under the red sweater and Antoni is wearing something underneath, but he can feel his hot skin through the fabric. Suddenly Antoni moans and Tan is right there to answer him, because this is fantastic and unreal. Antoni sits up a little, although it doesn't need much, he's already taller than Tan and his tongue is caressing over Tans lower lip. Tan has to tip his head back and Antoni is over him, he parts his lips and Antonis tongue feels smooth against his and his hips are moving against his again. Tan groans and pulls on whatever Antoni is wearing under his sweater to get his hands on his skin already. Antoni seems content with kissing Tan and slowly grinding against him, although it can't do much for him in his jeans. Antoni bites his lower lip gently and Tan lets out a undignified needy sound that has Antoni growl right back and press his hips harder against Tans.
'Antoni please.' Tan whimpers and is still pulling at his undershirt to get his fingers on his skin. Antoni leans back, a slow smirk spreading over his face. His hair is even more messed up, his lips are pink and his pupils are dilated. He bites his lower lip playfully and Tans hips twitch involuntary. Antoni pulls at the white undershirt he is wearing and Tan can see his skin right there, even before Antoni pulls off the sweater and shirt in one go and throws it somewhere next to them. Tan lets his hands glide over Antonis thighs upwards, to his stomach, his thumps caressing over his the hipbones, further up over his chest. His fingers brush Antonis nipples and he lets out a shattered moan. He does it again, because he needs to see more of Antoni like this and he gets it. Antoni shudders and his hips twitch against Tans.
Tan leans forward, his tongue wandering over the nipple and Antonis head tips back and his fingers wander under the jacket Tan is still wearing, pulling at it roughly. Tan helps and shrugs it of, immediately Antonis fingers are working on the buttons of his shirt and caress over every inch of skin that he can get.
Tan decides to help, because this is all going much to slow and he wants to get his hands all over Antoni as soon as possible. A moment later his shirt joins Antonis on the ground and Antoni is leaning down and kissing and biting his neck from his ear to the juncture of his shoulder.
'More.' he groans and gets his hands on Antonis belt, opens it with swift fingers. He struggles with the button for a moment, because Antoni is set on sucking dark red marks into his skin.
'Fuck, you're so perfect Tan.' Antoni groans into his skin and Tan laughs breathlessly. One hand is caressing over his ribs, the other supporting his neck.
Tan manages to get the button open and pulls the zipper, but Antoni makes no move to get out of his pants and Tan can already see the navy blue shorts Antoni is wearing. His mouth is salivating. He needs to see him, he needs to touch him, he wants to get him off so bad.
'Antoni.' He whines and they stop what they are doing for a second to look at each other. Antoni breathes in harshly.
'What is it baby?' Tan hums and pulls at the open jeans.
'Take it off. I need to see you.'
'Yeah.' Antoni actually gets up. 'you too.'
Tan gets out of his pants and his underwear too, hes not shy. When he looks at Antoni they are both standing there, naked, erections and all skin. It's good, but it gets much better when Tan pulls Antoni close, their skin is touching and Antonis erection is pressed firmly between them and they are kissing desperately.
Tan gets his hand between them to give Antoni a few measured strokes, get a feel of him. He feels heavy in his hand and is everything Tan has imagined. Antoni moans into the kiss and thrusts into Tans hand. He pushes him back to the couch and Tan lets himself fall onto it.
Antoni gets over him and smiles.
'You look beautiful.' He sighs and caresses over Tans sides. Tan smiles and pulls Antoni down for a kiss. Its slow and burning. Antonis stubble feels rough against his shaved cheek and he grinds up until their erections bump and he pulls so Antoni lowers himself onto him and they slide against each other. Antoni moans happily and kisses Tan slowly.
'So what do you want to do?' he asks between kisses and moves his hips.
'Want you to fuck me.' Tan says breathlessly and Antoni groans and closes his eyes for a moment.
'Would love to Tan, but I don't bring condoms or lube to work.' Tan grumbles and whines a little, because he really, really wants it. But he doesn't either.
'I'll fuck you later, but for now...' He sits back and Tan pouts at the loss of contact. 'Can I finger you?' Antonis eyes are between his bent legs. Tan pulls on knee to his chest and grins when Antoni groans. Antoni bends down and licks up a from his balls all the way to the tip before he takes him in his mouth. Not all the way, but Tan doesn't complain. His eyes roll back and he lets his head fall back at the wet heat. He manages not to thrust into it and pants while Antoni moves slowly, his tongue rolling over the tip.
When Tan feels like he is going to come he pushes Antoni back with one foot and looks up at him through his lashes.
'I thought you wanted to get into me.' His voice sounds scratchy and Antoni grins sheepishly.
'Got carried a away a bit.' And Antoni puts two fingers at Tans lips. His tongue darts out and Antoni pushes his fingers into his mouth. A smile plays around the fingers and Tan sucks them all the way in, to the back of his tongue and he can see Antoni take a shaky breath and his eyes growing darker.
'Fuck. No gag reflex?' Tan just bats his lashes and runs his tongue against the fingers.
He feels Antonis erection twitch against his leg and hears him groaning. He pulls his fingers back and his thump caresses Tans lower lip.
'So beautiful.' He sighs and lets his hand wander down between Tans legs, his eyes still on Tans face. A finger traces over his rim and over the entrance slowly. Tan moans and pushes against Antonis finger, but he keeps teasing him.
If he was new to this Tan would appreciate the slow approach, but he has done this a lot of times and just wants to feel Antonis fingers stretching him.
'Common.' He moans and Antoni slowly pushes the first finger in to the second knuckle. It doesn't burn yet, but it feels so good. Tan wriggles a little and pushes against it.
'Antoni more. Please.' Antoni grins and slowly pushes the rest in, crooking his finger a little, caressing his inner walls. Then he slowly pushes in an out. Tan moves against it, but he needs at least one more to feel the stretch burn a little.
'More?' Antonis voice sounds amused. Tan glares up at him and nods. Another finger presses in and Tan groans satisfied, pushes to get him in faster.
Antoni moans and pushes the rest in, apparently not as patient anymore. He rubs his erection against Tans leg.
'You're so hot inside.' He groans. Tan starts to fuck himself on Antonis fingers and starts panting.
'Wish I could fuck you right now.' Antoni moves to put his hand on Tans leaking erection, but Tan shakes his head. Antoni groans again.
'You can come like this?' He whispers in awe. And his fingers rub over Tans inner walls.
'Think so.' Tan hisses through clenched teeth and moans loudly when Antonis fingers brush over his prostate. He rocks against the fingers and pulls Antoni up over him to kiss.
Pleasure travels up his spine as he continues fucking himself on Antonis fingers and looks him in the eyes. It builds up steadily with every stroke and Antoni brushes his prostate on every thrust.
'Are you going to come for me baby?' Antoni whispers against his lips, and thrusts a little harder.
Tan whimpers and nods sharply.
'Say it please.' Antoni seems almost as affected as Tan feels. Sweat is glistening on his skin and he seems to be very much into the fact that Tan can really come like this.
'Yeah.' He crooks. 'Going to come on your fingers Antoni.' The pleasure builds up and burns right under his skin. He's so close.
'So close.' He babbles and moves against Antonis fingers, chasing release.
'I imagined this so many times Tan.' Antoni groans. 'How you would look like with me buried deep inside you. What sounds you would make. Was so hard to not bend you over and just fuck you.' He grinds against Tans leg and the rhythm of his hand falters for a moment. Tan gasps for air and his own movement becomes sloppy as he feels his orgasm approaching.
'Going to come.' Antoni moans and looks at his face. He moves his fingers just so, obviously knowing what he's doing and pushing hard against Tan prostate.
'Antoni.' He moans. 'Antoni.' And he is coming in white hot pleasure all over his stomach and chest. He can hear Antoni gasping a 'fuck yes' over him as he fucks himself on his fingers through his orgasm. As he slowly regains his senses Antoni is leaning over him licking over his stomach, lapping up his come and he almost feels like coming again. He mewls and lets Antoni finish.
It seems like Antoni can't stop the noises he is making while his tongue is wandering over Tans chest. When he is done he looks at Tan and his eyes are wild and Tans dick twitches.
'My turn.' A groan follows his little smile and he turns them over so he is hovering over Antoni who is looking up at him with hungry eyes. He sits up on Antonis thighs and lets one finger wander over Antonis leaking erection. He grins as Antoni whimpers and tries to push against him.
'God. Tan. Please.' Tan hums, as if he has to think about it and scoots back, leans forward and takes Antonis erection into his mouth, to the root in one smooth move. Antoni makes a choking sound and twitches in his throat and Tan thinks he might be coming right then, but Antoni lets out a shuddering breath and slowly moves his hand to tangle in Tans hair, messes it up.
Tan grins around the erection and moves slowly, he wants to enjoy this for a little bit. He can tell that Antoni is already closer to coming than he wants to, but Tan doesn't mind.
He traces his tongue on the underside and glides back down until his nose bumps against the trimmed hair above Antonis erection. He hums and lets his tongue run over Antonis balls, which is a hard thing to do while he has him in his throat, but its worth the broken moan he gets. He continues to move slowly and puts one hand on Antonis thigh, caresses it soothingly, the other massages his balls lightly.
Antoni moans as if he has a fever and Tan glances through his lashes. Antoni is leaning on his elbows and looking at him as if he's scared he will miss anything if he blinks. Tan smiles and lets go with his mouth for a moment, continues languid movement with his hand.
'Good?' His voice sounds abused and raspy.
'You just ruined everyone else forever.' Antoni groans and thrusts into his hand. 'Make me come Tan?' It's a question, not a demand and Tan smiles. He decides it won't hurt and lets a slow dirty grin appear on his face.
'Use me.' He whispers and takes Antoni back in his mouth. He can see Antonis eyes grow even darker and grip his hair a little tighter. Tan moans and blinks up at him, as confirmation that this is okay.
Antoni thrust carefully, still testing the waters. Tan just hums in agreement and takes him a little deeper. He keeps being careful and Tan likes it. A lot. He doesn't like it too rough and Antoni seems to enjoy it like this as well. He thrusts slowly and not too hard, but it seems to bring him closer to finish either way because his fingers are tightening in Tans hair.
'I'm close Tan.' He warns and makes to questioning face, still moving down Tans throat. Tan gives a tiny nod and runs his tongue over the tip, taking him back down while taking a deep breath. He doesn't move back up, just makes tiny movement and swallows around him.
Antoni moans from deep in his throat, pushes all the way in with lifting his hips and digging his heals into the couch. His muscles are tense and then he comes down Tans throat.
'Feels so good.' Antoni actually whimpers and it's the hottest thing Tan has ever heard.
His fingers relax in Tans hair.
He moves back out before he is finished to let Tan breathe, who takes him in hand and strokes him through while Antoni thrusts in his hand, moaning softly. Then he pulls Tan up on top of him and licks the little come off his face before he kisses him lovingly. Tan is half hard again, but ignores it, or they will keep going like this all night.
He sighs and lies is head on Antonis shoulder and starts moving his fingers through Antonis damp hair. Antoni caresses his back and kisses the side of his face lovingly.
'Antoni.' He hums. 'This isn't just sex for me.' He takes a deep breath. 'I want more. I want you, I want to care for you, I want us to just cuddle and talk. I want this all the time. I also want you to fuck me over every surface in my home. Obviously.' Antoni laughs a little. 'But I also want more.'
Antoni looks him in the eyes and kisses him slowly.
'Yes. Me too, Tan.' He sighs. 'I thought you just wanted to be my friend. So I never said anything.'
They smile at each other. He feels so happy, he wants to cry.
They will make it work.