Work Text
And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small Though I try to resist I still want it all
Fools - Troye Sivan
Bucky Barnes, the star quarterback of Shield High's football team, was in the middle of his sixth staring session that practice. His focus, which should be on the field and his coach who was currently spewing some bullshit about sticking together or whatever, was entirely on the group of five people sitting under the bleachers. Well. Not really on all five of them, but more specifically on the tiny blond guy sitting between a red-head and a brunette.In all his seventeen (almost eighteen, even) years of life, Bucky had never seen someone as beautiful. He had no clue what the guy's name was, but if he had to guess, Bucky would say something cool. Like Jordan or Luke or Chris. The blond definitely looked like a Chris.Then out of nowhere (hell) his so-called best friend (definitely not anymore), Clint, threw an arm around him and brought his attention back to the field. Fuck Clint Barton, man."Staring at Tasha?" Clint said, smirking."Who?" Bucky asked.Now that his focus was back where it was supposed to be, Bucky noticed that most of his teammates had left, probably to hit the showers. Oops."The girl with red hair. Natasha Roma-something. Hottest in school, man," Clint sighed. Almost dreamily.Bucky rolled his eyes. "Who are the others?""So there's Natasha, and the brunette is Brunnhilde-""Brunnhilde?""She's an exchange student from like... fucking Switzerland or whatever. But shut up, five, a ten is talking," Clint shook his head as if disappointed and Bucky laughed. Clint tugged on him and they began heading to the locker room. "Yeah so. Natasha, Brunnhilde. The dude with curls is Bruce and the blonde chick is Carol. Tiny guy? No clue. Think he's new.""Tiny guy?" Bucky questioned. Thanks for nothing, Clint.Clint hummed affirmatively. "But, hey. Tasha, huh? Good luck, dude."Bucky just shook his head. Straight-dude culture, he thought, wanting to fuck everything with a vagina.______________________The week continued a lot as practice did. Turned out Clint was right about Tiny Guy being new, cause suddenly he was in a lot of Bucky's classes. Bucky was definitely going to fail his upcoming maths test. Fuck. Well had least he had something to blame it on. Tiny Guy was out to get him. He just knew it. Because his decision to sit in front of Bucky in almost all of their shared classes, was, at least in Bucky's mind, a direct threat to his GPA. And it was so fucking hard to not think about kissing the guy in class! Bucky could practically smell him, for God's sake.The day after Bucky had spotted him under the bleachers, Tiny Guy had turned to him during algebra said 'you got a pen?' and Bucky was proud of himself for stuttering out a yes and handing the guy a pen. Tiny Guy was even prettier up close. Those blue eyes, his pink lips. The freckles on his nose. Bucky wanted to scream. Literally scream.That very same algebra class was also when Buck learned that Tiny Guy was not in fact named Tiny Guy, but actually Steve. It didn't really fit him. A Steve dressed in all black, matched with a black eye and bruised knuckles? Nah. Steve sounded more like a grandpa. But Bucky would learn to accept it. He'd have to! Especially if he wanted to, like, kiss the guy. Right? When Friday then arrived, Bucky was, of course, exhilarated. Not only because of the weekend, but also because he wouldn't see Steve and not seeing Steve would give him a chance to catch up on his homework. He... really hadn't gotten a lot done that week.He had lunch with Clint and Thor on the bleachers. Which was sort of a tradition. Clint and him had started it in their freshman year when they were too scared to eat in the cafeteria. Call them pussies, they wouldn't argue back. Both of them had still been short and lanky. Perfect bullying material, by all high school movie standards. And fourteen-year-old Clint and Bucky did not want to be bullied! Then they both hit a growth spurt during their summer break and joined the football team. The cafeteria no longer seemed intimidating. Then broad and bulky Thor came, seemingly out of nowhere, and befriended them. When Bucky thinks about it, he literally doesn't know where Thor is from. Or where he lives. Just that he has an older sister (Hela, she wears a leather jacket and lots of eyeliner and she's super fucking cool) and a younger brother (Loki, also wears eyeliner but he's never in school so Bucky doesn't know what to think about him)."Clint told me you wanna fuck Natasha," Thor said, mouth full of food."Huh? Bucky frowned."Yeah. Thought 'bout it now. Clint said you were staring at her when she was smoking under the bleachers with Carol, Hilde, Bruce, and Carter," he explained."Carter?""Tiny guy," Clint added."His name is Steve Carter?" Bucky snorted. Ugly ass grandpa name."You know him?" Thor asked."No. We just have algebra together," he was quick to explain. Maybe too quick, because Clint's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Wait. Do you know him?""Sort of. He's an artist so he's helping out with our next production. Plus apparently, it's like extra credit for him."Ah, yes. The reason as to why Thor is Bucky's favourite guy (excluding Clint, his best friend since 3rd grade, and Sam, his older half brother). Not only is Thor a super jacked football dude, but he's also a theatre kid. Bucky would 100% be lying if he said he never once had a crush on Thor. Admittedly it wasn't a very long-lived crush. Still, though. But Bucky's crush aside, Thor is still really cool! He's nice to everyone, good at acting and football and he everyone loves him. Take that, high school stereotypes!"Artist? Cute," Clint snickered.Indeed. Very cute. Bucky knew his crush on Tiny Guy Steve Carter the artist in all black would be a long-lived one. He'd have to figure out a way to get extra credit, he thought, with all the time he'd probably spend the semester pining after probably-straight-Steve.Wait. Extra credit! EXTRA CREDIT."You said he got extra credit?" Bucky said quickly, eyes wide. He probably looked like a kid in a candy shop, eyes all sparkly and big and full of hop.e Contain yourself, damn it!"Yeah. If you don't take drama but decide to help out behind the scenes you get extra credits. But, dude, you're Bucky Barnes. Straight A student. In case you forgot," said Thor.Bucky nodded absentmindedly. This was perfect. He'd sign up to help behind the scenes and then he'd meet Steve and he'd befriend him and then wow kissing. So much kissing! Bucky wanted to kiss every single freckle and birthmark on his body. He wanted to wrap his arms around Steve's smaller body and just squeeze him and hug and hold him for hours on end.Yeah. His plan was solid. Waterproof, even. Step one, sign up to help. Step two, make Steve fall for him. Step three, kiss Steve forever.______________________Just liked planned, Bucky spent his weekend catching up on his schoolwork. He hadn't actually missed a lot but damn, he'd worked hard for his grades and he wouldn't let any guy, not even Steve, ruin it.Bucky came from a middle-class family. He was born in Brooklyn and he spent his first six years there, used to police sirens, subways, and people. But when his parents divorced (which he didn't mind cause his dad was shit anyway) he moved with his mom to an upstate small-town. Winifred Barnes then met Abraham Wilson and suddenly Bucky had a dad! And a brother! And a few years later, a sister! It was more than he ever wished for, really. Sometimes he found himself missing the city though, regardless of how much he could remember.Once his mother had shown him a photo album from their time in The Big Apple. Most of it was just baby pictures. Bucky in the bath, Bucky covered in food, Bucky smiling with just about six teeth. But there were a few of Bucky with another boy his age. A blond boy with blue eyes and a big grin. His knees seemed to be scraped in every photo his mom showed him."Who's that?" Bucky had asked. He was twelve when they first looked at the photos."You don't remember?" Winifred asked him, clicking her tongue. "That's Stevie Rogers, baby. You two were inseparable."Bucky didn't remember. But he wished he did. Stevie Rogers reminded him of Steve Carter. Maybe he had a thing for Steve's with first names as last names. Kind of a weird kink, though.But a jock like Bucky falling for an artist dressed in all black like Steve. Maybe that was weirder.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
You're the first place my mind goes
And the last place I wanna go tonight
But not just for a drive-by
Mattress - Leland
Like all good things must do, the weekend ended. Bucky wasn't dreading it though. Like, come on. He'd get to see Steve again! And sign up for that drama thing. Everything would work out so fine. So damn fine.He made sure to dress extra good when Monday morning arrived. Black skinny jeans to appeal to Steve's apparently monochrome wardrobe, and his tightest t-shirt. He looked himself in the mirror and nodded approvingly. His hard earned muscles looked damn near edible in that shirt. At least in Bucky's opinion. Hopefully in Steve's too. There was obviously the chance that Steve was straight and wouldn't at all care about Bucky's tree trunk biceps. But Bucky knows not to make assumptions. It's a fifty/fifty thing, you know?Breakfast was already served when Bucky entered the kitchen. Not that there was much to serve, really. His family wasn't big on it. But the cereal and milk were already on the kitchen counter, and Becca, his mom, and Abraham were sitting at the table. Sam's away at university. Which sucked a lot. But he'd be home for Easter, which wasn't too far away so Bucky would survive just fine. Hopefully. "Who're you dressed up for?" his sister, Rebecca, asked almost the same second he entered."No one," Bucky scoffed. Him? Dressed up? For someone else?"That shirt is way too small, baby," Winifred fussed. Typical mothers, right?"He's obviously showing off, mom! You can pretty much see the exact shape of his abs," said Becca frankly. "Who's the guy, Bucky?"When Bucky came out to his family at the mature age of fifteen, he honestly hadn't expected them to react as well as they did. He told Becca that he was gay first, and although she acted like she didn't really care, Bucky knew she did. Not in a bad way, but in an 'I'm proud of you, bro' way. Nine-year-old Becca had even asked who he was gay with. Sadly Bucky had to reply that he didn't have anyone to be gay with. Then he told Sam, who grabbed his shoulder, grinned and said 'you're a cool dude, ain't you?'. Yes, Bucky had agreed, a cool dude indeedAfter that, he told his mom. She also took it well, which didn't come as a surprise at all. Long before Bucky came out she'd dragged all of her kids to Pride festivals and women's marches. Winifred Barnes was a good woman, and Bucky Barnes was a lucky son of- not a bitch.His step-father, Abraham, Abe, took it just as good as everyone else. And then the whole family knew and Bucky could finally talk about how cute Thor Odinson was at the dinner table. It didn't take too long for Thor Odinson to be replaced by older, hotter, and more popular Peter Quill, though. And imagine Bucky's happiness when Peter Quill had to retake his senior year! It was truly a dream come true. Despite the extra year, Bucky never mustered up enough courage to talk to him. "There's no guy," Bucky said, attempting to sound nonchalant as he poured milk and cereal into a bowl (milk then cereal)."Is there a guy?" Abe asked him, smirking a little as he sipped his coffee. Bucky rolled his eyes. Family sucked."Okay, fine. His name is Steve Carter, he's just moved here. He's short and cute and only wears black and he constantly looks like someone beat him up," Bucky shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.Winifred snorted, "charming!""He's cute, mom!" Bucky defended."Show a pic!" Becca grinned. "What's his Insta?""I don't know!" Bucky whined. Family really really sucked."It's like you're putting no effort into this crush! You don't even know his Instagram? Amature. When Cassie had a crush on Harley we found his Insta and Snap in less than ten minutes and we didn't even know his last name.""That's called stalking, honey," Abe said calmly."We had good intentions," Becca rolled her eyes as if to say 'ugh! Parents'. Bucky agreed."Oh, I'm sure," laughed Winifred.______________________After being dropped off at school by Abe, Bucky made a beeline for the auditorium. He had asked Thor when he had drama, and finding out that it was the first period on Monday morning had... sort of made his Sunday night! At least if you exclude the porn he watched. So what if one of the guys were blond and small and the other one was brunette and bulky? That was just a coincidence.The doors to the auditorium were open when Bucky got there and it looked like most of the class already had arrived. Bucky spotted Thor talking to the brunette, Brunhilde (right?), from under the bleachers. He also saw the blonde girl. But no Steve. A disappointment, honestly. Steve probably had another class though, since he didn't take drama and apparently only helped out, at least if Thor was to be believed. In most cases, he was though. Bucky had no reason not to believe him.Bucky held his head high as he approached the teacher. At least who he assumed was the teacher. The dude looked old, at least. With a goatee and- shit, sunglasses? Indoors? Sick."Hey, Bucky!" Thor smiled at him from the stage. Bucky waved at him but didn't walk up to him. He didn't have time for petty conversations with friends. He had a mission.The teacher looked up at Bucky when he stopped in front of him and raised an eyebrow. He was most likely wondering what the fuck Bucky Barnes was doing in his drama class."Is it Bucky Barnes I see?" the teacher said, smiling, but still looking surprised.Bucky nodded, "yeah. Uh. My friend Thor told me you could get extra credit for helping out with, like, the stuff behind the scenes.""Yeah. You interested?" now he just sounded skeptical! Bucky frowned, nodded. Why else would he be there? "Alrighty. I'm Tony Stark. You obviously don't get to call me Tony. Mr. Stark or Stark is fine. We meet on Mondays and Thursday after school which, if I'm correct, shouldn't interfere with your more... athletic endeavors.""You're correct," Bucky couldn't help but smile. He'd get to meet Steve today already!"Fantastic. Don't forget to- I don't know how you do it here but ask Steve Carter who to tell you're doing this. Steve-o and I are both newbies, but kids these days. They always know more," Stark said.Bucky laughed a little awkwardly, "alright. Thank you, sir. I'll see you later today, then."______________________Time passed so slowly Bucky was sure he was going to die. He'd spent most of his German class staring at the clock above the door, waiting for it to hit 3:30 so he could get up and finally meet Steve. So far, it had only reached three, and Bucky had already chosen the music, catering firm and colour theme for his funeral. The restoring thirty minutes would have to go to planning his will, then. Bucky was a teenager, so he didn't have a lot of money or like, a house to give to anyone. But he'd give Becca the secret Sour Patch Kids stash he kept under his bed for emergencies, and Sam would get his collection of Sims games. It seemed fair.Finally, after Bucky had rethought and replanned his funeral at least five times and added his coconut socks on the list of things to give to Becca, the clock turned 3:30 and the bell rang. He was the first one to get out of there, running to his locker and just shoving everything into it before hurrying to the auditorium. At last, he'd get to meet Steve Carter.Just like that morning, the doors to the auditorium were opened and people were already there. Bucky spotted Steve sitting on the edge of the stage, legs dangling. He was once again dressed in all black, but this time he was wearing a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. Steve seemed to be talking to that blonde girl from the bleachers (Charlotte? Carol? C-something), and Bucky was so in love.Suddenly Thor appeared in front of him with a knowing smirk."So it's Steve?" he asked."What?" Bucky said, dumbfounded."You weren't checking out Natasha Romanoff, you were checking out Steve Carter," as if Thor really had to explain it. "So. Are you gay, then? Bi?" Shit. Awkward.Bucky shook his head, "uh, gay."There really was no real reason to why Bucky hadn't told Thor and Clint about his sexuality. He knew that they were both okay with it. Hell, when Thor came out to him and Clint as bisexual, Bucky almost yelled out 'I'm gay!'. But he didn't and know it's been a year since Thor came out and Bucky still hasn't said anything."Why didn't you say anything?" Thor asked, then hurried to add, "not that you should have! Or had to! But you could have, you know. It wouldn't have changed anything," Thor was keeping his voice down, which Bucky was thankful for. God, he didn't need the whole school to know."I dunno, honestly," mumbled Bucky."It's okay, dude. But, between bros, Steve is single, ready to mingle and very out and proud," Thor said with a small smile.Bucky's eyes widened, "really?""Yup," his friend said, popping the p. "So go talk to him, already!""I'm gonna!" Bucky said, already approaching. Stark told him to talk to Steve, after all, so he had a great excuse.During his conversation with Thor, Carol or Charlotte or whatever had left and Steve was now alone. His legs were dangling over the edge of the stage. Now that he was closer Bucky could see that Steve seemed to have hearing aids on, which he hadn't noticed before. Strange, considering all his staring. He stopped in front of Steve, who looked at him, seemingly confused as to why Bucky was there."Your hair is longer than I thought," Steve said, and Bucky was surprised by how deep his voice was."My hair? What?" Bucky blinked. Fuck, was he already messing this up?"You wore a ponytail last week. Your hair looked shorter. But now it's let out and well, it reaches your shoulders," Steve kept going as if he hadn't just made Bucky's heart beat so fast it was going to explode. Steve had been watching him? Paying attention to his hair?"Oh, yeah. I should cut it. Probably. But," Bucky shrugged. Steve probably didn't care about his hair. Well, he obviously did but maybe not enough to care about what Bucky was planning to do with it."But? I think long suits you. Name's Steve," he held out a hand, and just like his voice, it seemed to belong to a much bigger guy. But that only made Bucky fall even more in love with him.Was love too strong to use? Probably. Bucky didn't actually know the guy, and for all he knew, Steve could be an ax-murderer! He didn't seem like one but hey, just like the gay thing, Bucky knew to not assume things.Bucky took Steve's hand and god! Almost moaned cause damn that's a strong grip! "Bucky."Steve narrowed his eyes a little, "Bucky?""Yes. Uh. From my middle name. Buchanan. My mom called me that."Steve's eyes narrowed more and Bucky was seriously about to ask if Steve could still see anything or if he'd just closed his eyes.Eventually, after a few moments of silence, Steve just said "cool," then got up and walked away and Bucky wanted to cry. He really just made Steve practically run away from him!This was worse than that time in sixth grade when he tried to kiss Hope van Dyne on the cheek and she punched him in the face and everyone laughed at him. That was just humiliation. Watching Steve just up and leave was humiliating and frankly quite heartbreaking! Cause like, here Bucky was, just trying to romance Steve. But the universe apparently hated him."Barnes," yelled Stark from his seat in the third row, "start painting those sets!"Oh yeah, the universe definitely hated him. Steve was nowhere to be seen anymore and fucking hell the only other person holding a paintbrush was Jack Rollins. Grade A douchebag."On it, Stark," Bucky muttered.
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There was something about you
Something out of control
I couldn't take my eyes off you
No, no
I just can't let you go
Somebody wants to love you - The lovers of Valdaro
Sarah was a good woman. A nurse, a single mother, an abuse victim. Sarah Rogers-Carter was a strong woman and Steve was just her weak ass son. He was sick with a fucking cold (the eighth time that year) which really sucked dogshit. The air here was better than Brooklyn, though, so at least his asthma hadn't been kicking his ass lately. Not as much as it used to do, but it still wasn't perfect.It sort of felt like he was disappointing his mother by getting sick again. Steve thought he'd been careful! Taking his meds and using hand sanitizer and whatever. But no! Some kid sneezed on him on the bus and there he was, a day later, lying in bed wrapped in a blanket burrito while his half-sisters Peggy and Sharon sat in his couch and read celebrity gossip out loud. None of them really cared about it, but they liked to laugh at the people who did care.Steve's new family was a weird one. He had his ma and his new dad, Harrison, and then Peggy and Sharon. His two sisters had the same father, Harrison, but not the same mother. Peggy was 100% British while Sharon's mother was American. It was... sort of complicated. But none of it really mattered and that's what Steve loved most about the Rogers-Carter union. It was, with the lack of a better word, wholesome."So, apparently, Lady Gaga is dating Jeremy Renner," Peggy snorted. She had her knees pulled to her chest and was staring intently at her phone."No way," Sharon drawled ironically. She was sat on the opposite side of Steve's tiny couch in a position very similar to her sisters (half-sister, if you're fussy)."Who?" Steve croaked from his place in bed."Lady Gaga is that girl fr-," Sharon started.Steve cut her off, "I'm gay, Sharon, I know who Lady Gaga is," his voice was deep and hoarse. It wasn't a pretty- sight? Hear-t? Uh. Steve's brain felt a little fuzzy.Peggy laughed, "cute, Steeb," she said, clearly mocking Steve's clogged nose. All Steve managed as revenge was a trembling middle finger in her vague direction.Steve loved his sister to death. He'd genuinely do pretty much anything for them! But sometimes they really fucking got on his fucking nerves. He just wanted to sleep and there they were, reading aloud about the Kardashians and some YouTuber who didn't shower. Emsme Chamber-linen. Or something. God, Steve felt dizzy."Wanna sleep," Steve whined.Peggy winced, "Oof."Did Peggy just say 'oof'? Steve made a mental note to kill her."Let's go, Pegs. We've got homework to catch up on," Sharon said. A lifesaver! Right under his note to kill Peggy, Steve added 'shower Sharon in love and affection, she's the superior sister'.The girls left and Steve was left alone with only his snot and thoughts to keep him company. The snot somehow made him think of Bucky Barnes. Bucky Barnes. Not jock-tastic Bucky Barnes with the bulging muscles and ridiculously clear skin (maybe working out did have benefits), but Bucky Barnes from Brooklyn. Bucky Barnes with the huge smile, soft curls, and grass-stained knees.Sometimes, at the heights of whatever illness he was fighting off, when his mind was the most gone, Steve wondered if Bucky was just someone he'd made up. Like an imaginary friend. How else could Bucky's sudden disappearance be explained? His ma always told him that Bucky moved away but maybe that was just a cover-up. Maybe good-and-strong Sarah didn't want her son to know that the only person (besides herself) who cared about him was fake?But how could Bucky be real? In what world did Steve get to have a friend like Bucky? A friend who never treated Steve like the weak shit he actually was, always played with him and always kept him company when he got sick. In what world was Bucky taken away from him, only to be given right back eleven years later? Because it had to be the same Bucky Barnes. Bucky, short for Buchanan. Fuck. Steve wanted to cry. So he did. He was sick and gender roles were fucked and he could cry even if he had a dick!God. Steve was out of it. He felt dizzy and the room was a blur. Sleep sounded like a great idea, and before he knew it, he was deep, deep, into it.______________________Steve wasn't allowed to go back to school for the rest of the week. Which sucked. Because he wanted to find Bucky and ask him if he'd lived in this place his whole life, or if he moved here from Brooklyn some eleven years ago. It wasn't too much to ask for, was it?Instead of reconnecting with someone who might be his former best friend (and so what if Steve had had a crush on him he hadn't really been able to get over?) he spent his week in bed. Peggy and Sharon were there most of the time, keeping him updated on things he didn't care about at all. They did give up on the celebrity stuff after two days, though, and instead told him all the gossip from school. As if he cared more about that.Steve wouldn't say he was one of those people who thought he was better than everyone else for not caring about famous people and who was fucking who at school. He just... thought the people who did care about that more than, say, LGBT+ rights, racism, and other real injustices, were really stupid! His ma thought he cared too much, while Steve didn't think there was such a thing as caring too much. Making some dumbass at the grocery store understand that harassing girls just isn't okay was totally worth a blackeye (this is where his ma would disagree). It's not like Steve had anyone to be pretty for, though. Who'd wanna date a five foot four, ninety-pound asshole anyway? If anything the bruises and cuts just made him look cool. Guys liked cool dudes, didn't they?Bucky was a cool dude. Not Brooklyn Bucky this time, but Here Bucky. Jocks were cool dudes, Steve was aware of that much. He'd seen enough high school movies to know that jocks were also huge dickheads. Bucky didn't seem like a dickhead, though. They hadn't talked enough for Steve to be 100% sure, but Bucky seemed a lot more like a Troy Bolton (sweet, a little confused but sadly super straight) than a Dash Baxter (from Danny Phantom, you uncultured assholes).When Sunday night rolled around and Steve was hanging out in the living room with Peggy, he decided to ask what she knew about Bucky. Sharon was probably a more reliable source since she was a cheerleader, but she was out on a run or something dreadful like that (ugh, exercising)."Bucky? Barnes?" Peggy answered, "I guess he's the typical jock or something, I don't know. He's friends with Thor Odinson, though, and he's not the typical jock. So I dunno. Why do you ask? And why don't you ask Sharon instead?""Sharon's out on a run," Steve almost shivered at the mere thought of it. "Bucky signed up to help the drama class with sets and stuff. He seems sweet, Pegs. He stutters, and his hair looks sorta soft.""Oh, so stuttering is sweet now?" Peggy smirked. "Does Steve Rogers famous jock-hater and douche-slayer have a crush on Bucky Barnes?"Steve rolled his eyes, "no. It's not a crush. He just... he might be someone from my past. From Brooklyn, you know?""Bucky Barnes could be that Bucky Barnes?" Peggy frowned. Of course Steve had told his sisters about his best friend from Brooklyn."How many people called Bucky could there be? He even said it came from his middle name, just like Brooklyn Bucky," Steve said."So ask him about it.""I will. Tomorrow."Steve nodded. Tomorrow.______________________Steve woke up Monday morning with a fever.Well. Fuck.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Know what you signed up for
Live up to the best and the worst of your dreams
WTF love is - Tove Lo
Bucky felt betrayed. Which was weird. But hey! The universe did fucking betray him. He signed up to help the drama class with their production of Romeo and Juliet (because of course, it had to be a romantic play) for one reason and one reason only. To meet Steve. Turned out that that was easier said than done. Steve hadn't been to school in a week, and when Monday arrived and Steve's usual seat in English class was empty, Bucky wanted to yeet himself off a cliff. Fuck the universe!So what had Bucky done then, when there was no Steve Carter to stare at? Well, first of all, he'd gone and cut his hair. It was short again, and with his short hair came the curls. Those fucking curls, man. They'd single-handedly gotten Bucky his first girlfriend. That was of course before he knew he was gay. Or at least before he knew there was a reason to why he couldn't relate to Clint when he told him about the wet dreams and boners he'd had for whatever girl he was currently interested in.Second of all, he'd done what he was supposed to do during class. Read: schoolwork, not stare at Steve Carter - the (teeny tiny) knight in shining leather.Third of all, he'd gone and introduced himself to Steve's group of friends, who all happened to take drama. Bucky was hoping that the way to Steve's heart was through his friends.So, Steve's friends. There was Carol Danvers. She had some sort of... space lesbian theme going on. Bucky was, of course, familiar with the kinds of gays that existed. Being in the closet IRL didn't mean he was in the closet online. In fact, Bucky was very out and about online. And therefore he knew that Carol was a space gay. She had a pair of jeans with a NASA patch on the back pocket, her favourite t-shirt seemed to be one that said something about the air force and Bucky had overheard Carol telling her girlfriend that her biggest dream was to see the stars up close.Carol's girlfriend, Brunnhilde, was also a space gay. A space... bi? Space bee? Whatever. Brunnhilde was bi, but definitely a space gay. She was from Sweden (not from Switzerland, Clint, you dumb fucking bitch) and Bucky thought she was one of the coolest people he'd ever met. She taught him how to pronounce the names of IKEA furniture and if it hadn't been for Steve, Carol, and the fact that his dick only got hard for other dicks, Bucky would have proposed right then and there as she told him that Leirvik was pronounced 'Leer-viik' and not 'lair-weak'.Then there was Natasha Romanoff. Bucky could... aesthetically see why Clint wanted to screw her, but damn, she was scary. Her Instagram was Blackwidow, and just that thing alone made Bucky shiver. He knew what black widow spiders did. It didn't seem pretty. But apart from her 'I'm gonna kill you' demeanor she was actually kinda cool. Just like Steve, she wore a leather jacket. Maybe they were some sort of cult-gang. Would Bucky join a cult for Steve? Probably, yeah.Lastly, Bruce Banner. Bucky didn't know if he was straight or gay or pan or bi or ace or- you get it. Bucky didn't know what got the guy going, or if anything got the guy going. But just like Carol and Brunnhilde, he had an aura of 'space gay'. He was shyer and quieter than his friends, which Bucky found rather cute. Honestly, Bucky found Bruce rather cute in general. He had curly hair and glasses and he was so calm that Bucky wondered if he was high.Bucky liked Steve's friends, and he hoped they liked him, too.______________________Wednesday's practice was death. Literal death. Bucky was sure he was dead. His coach was a dick and if America ever had a purge, Bucky would kill him first. No. He wouldn't. At least Bucky wasn't the only one who both looked and felt miserable. Coach Fury was talking but no one was really listening. They were too busy lying on the ground, trying to catch their breath.Suddenly, coach Fury yelled, "I said, get your scrawny asses off my field!"Bucky blinked. God. He must have dozed off. He sat up and watched his teammates slowly get up and move towards the locker room, feet dragging."You coming?" Clint asked."Yeah, just dying a little," Bucky groaned. He laid back down and closed his eyes.He heard Thor chuckle, "come on, Clint. Let's let the QB die in peace."Bucky wasn't sure how long he laid motionless and half asleep on the field before someone nudged his arm with their foot.Without opening his eyes, Bucky groaned out, "yes, Fury. I'm moving. Just hold on." Bucky then proceeded to not move."Sorry to disappoint, but it isn't Fury."Bucky's eyes flew open and he sat up so quickly that he saw stars."Steve?""You cut your hair," Steve said.Oh lord. The sun was shining in a way that made Steve's hair practically glow like spun gold, and his eyes looked more clear and blue than ever. There was a rosy tint to his cheeks that Bucky assumed was from the cold spring weather of upstate New York. He had the leather jacket on, and what seemed to be a sketchbook tucked under his arm."Oh. Yeah," Bucky replied, dumbfounded."Suits you.""Better than long?"Steve shrugged with a smile. Bucky was in love."What are you doing lying around?" Steve asked him and Bucky almost said 'waiting for you' but god how cheesy didn't that sound?"Waiting for my legs to come back online," he said instead. Much cooler."Ah. Tough practice?""Yeah.""I was wondering-""Do you wanna-"They looked at each other and laughed awkwardly. Starting sentences at the same time? Such a fanfic moment."You start," said Steve, because of course, Steve would be nice enough to let Bucky start."No. You talked first," Bucky said."Okay. I just wanted to ask you if I could like, sketch you real quick? It's for art class and I need to draw a person.""You want to draw... me?" Bucky asked. He was definitely blushing."Yeah. If you don't mind. I'm just so used to drawing girls and Bruce can't sit still long enough.""And you think I can?"Steve arched an eyebrow, "Bucky.""Yeah?""You haven't moved in like twenty minutes."Bucky's blush deepened. Was he really embarrassing himself already? This easily? If Becca knew she'd probably beat him up for not being smoother. His life was a failure! Honestly, what was the point of life if Bucky didn't get to kiss Steve at least once? So many questions, not enough answers."I'll do it then. Here?""You're sweaty, Buck."Buck. Did Bucky just... come in his pants? He didn't. But it sure felt like he did. A heart-orgasm. Buck. Steve gave his nickname a nickname. A heargasm. He definitely had one of those."Right.""Give me your phone. I'll text you a time and place, 'kay?""I don't have it here," Bucky said, trying not to sound like a kicked puppy."Just enter your number then."Steve pulled an iPhone 5 from his pocket and gave it to Bucky. Bucky quickly created a contact, named himself 'Bucky B' and entered his number."There," Bucky said and gave Steve his phone back."Great. See you tomorrow. The scenography work begins for real!" Steve sounded so genuinely excited that Bucky just had to grin at him."Bye, Steve.""Bye, Bucky."Steve smiled at him before turning and walking away.______________________That night, he called Thor to scream about it."Thor, man, fuck he's so cute!" Bucky whined into his phone. Thor chuckled, "dude you're gone.""Yes. Duh. I want to birth his children.""Sorry to disappoint, Bucky, but that's not possible.""I know and I hate it. I'm having baby fever.""Wow," Thor said and Bucky could practically hear his eyes rolling."I'm not even going to apologize. I really like him, okay? And today he asked if he could draw me for art class and Thor, listen to this, he called me Buck. He gave my nickname a nickname and expects me to not fall for him?""Well, at least you know that he's gay.""Which makes it worse! Because now if he doesn't like me it isn't because I'm a dude, it's because I'm Bucky!"Bucky had had a lot of crushes. Most of them on straight guys from school or gay guys from Twitter. Crushing on gay people was usually worse. Both were painful and something he wanted to avoid, though. But at the same time he just couldn't stop wanting to have a dick shoved up his ass, could he? Sometimes his crushes weren't even sexual, and those were the worst-worst kind. The crushes Bucky had where he wanted a kiss on the forehead and a hand to hold were so utterly painful that whenever Bucky found himself thinking about someone that way, he immediately tried to move on. Would he be able to move on from Steve, though? Probably not. No matter how cheesy his daydreaming got."You're a nice guy, dude. And hot, too. Steve is probably whining about your abs over the phone with one of his friends in this very moment," Thor said, trying to calm him down."Are you saying I whine?" Bucky pouted."Yeah I am," chuckled Thor. "I gotta go. Hela is actually home tonight so mom's forcing us all to have dinner together.""Oh, cool. Say hello to her from me. And Loki.""I will." There was a brief pause, "talk to Clint, Bucky."Bucky sighed, "yeah. I will."______________________Talking to Clint would have to wait. How long? Bucky didn't know. But telling Clint just seemed so fucking hard and Bucky couldn't pinpoint why. So yeah. Telling his oldest, bestest and straightest friend that he was gay would have to wait.And he was busy anyway! Because barely ten minutes after Thor hung up, Bucky got a text from an unknown number.
UNKNOWN
bucky this is steve,, is friday at 5 gonna work 4 you?? idk if ur a party kinda guy but fridays are fridays
Bucky wasn't a party kinda guy, but even if he was, he would have gladly missed a party for Steve. He'd miss any party for Steve.
BUCKY
heyyy steve, friday sounds good :) where?
STEVE
my place? i need my art shit
BUCKY
gr8
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
No more nap, your turn is coming up
You feel lazy but stop the fantasies and bubble butts
If you need to hear: go for it
I will teach you how to feel the thing so close to you, connect it all!
Miracle - Caravan Palace
So what if Bucky spent every waken moment thinking about Steve Carter? It wasn't like anyone knew that. And everyone's entitled to their own thoughts.That's at least what Bucky told himself as he fantasized about having Steve's fingers up his ass while he watched him paint details onto a tree. Sigh. Bucky was horny. In school. Which really wasn't ideal. Especially not when the star of his wet dreams was so close but... still so far away.Bucky shook his head to clear his thoughts and went back to painting the base coat of a brick wall. He was so preoccupied with keeping his thoughts away from Steve that he almost didn't hear when Peter Parker (sophomore, actor, and gymnast) stumbled onto the stage."Mr. Stark? I don't feel so good," Peter whined. He looked honest to god green. Oh no..."Peter. Don't you dare thro- Oh my fu- he threw up!" Stark yelled.And yeah. Peter Parker very much just threw up. Gross.Stark groaned, "someone get Carter out of here before he gets sick again."Bucky looked at Steve. He looked almost as green as Peter had done."You wanna get some ice cream?" Bucky asked before he even thought it through.Steve looked at him. He blinked once and then nodded.Five minutes later they were waiting for the bus to take them to the city center.______________________"I wish I had a car," Bucky said. It was nearing April, but it was still a little chilly. Bucky wondered if Steve's leather jacket kept him warm. Cause if it didn't he'd happily offer up some body heat. Hugging Steve was at the top of his wishlist."Why? So you could pollute the earth even more?" Steve scoffed.Bucky glanced at him and shrugged, "so I could hook up with someone in the back of it?"Steve laughed and oh when Steve laughed Bucky wanted to cry. A lot of things about Steve almost brought Bucky to tears, now that he thought of it. Hm."Who expected the quarterback to be a Casanova, huh?" Steve was clearly teasing him, but it still hurt a little.Bucky knew, of course, that certain things were just expected of him because of his position on the team. Fuck high school movies, honestly. The only valid high school movie made was the High School Musical trilogy. Bucky's always felt a little like Troy Bolton. But instead of basketball and singing, he's forced to choose between football and being gay."Would you believe me if I told you that I've never slept with anyone?" Bucky asked, smiling softly. But not too softly. He'd have to be careful with his lovesick expressions."Yeah, of course. We're only seventeen," Steve said, frowning.Right. Bucky almost forgot. Steve's a proper cool guy. Stereotypes and whatever clearly didn't matter to him. Was it too early to get married at eighteen?Bucky blushed, "I'm eighteen. And all I've done is kiss.""Who?""Oh. Some girl at a party.""Some girl?"Bucky shrugged. If he wanted this thing (his crush on Steve) to become a mutual thing, he probably had to tell Steve that he was gay. Knowing that Steve was gay should, rationally, have made it easier. But what if- Bucky didn't know. He just knew 'what if' and that was enough. Coming out would have to wait. It was probably rude to tell Steve before Clint, anyway."Vague," Steve laughed, "cool."______________________They sat next to each other on the bus into town. They were both quiet, but the silence wasn't awkward. Steve plugged his earphones into his phone and gave one to Bucky. The music was loud and not really Bucky's style but it was Steve's music and therefore the best music he'd ever heard.They ended up on a bench in a park not too far away from the grocery store. They'd gotten a Ben and Jerry's each and Bucky had bought a bag of plastic spoons. It was cute and sweet and Bucky wanted to stay in that moment forever. Steve was so easy to talk to that Bucky felt like they'd always been friends. It was weird but at the same time so wonderful that once again, Bucky wanted to cry.An hour into their bench-not date-date, Steve's phone lit up with a text."Oh. It's my sister. I have to go home. Dinner," Steve said, looking up from his phone at Bucky.Bucky nodded. "I should probably go home, too. Before ma freaks.""Bucky?" Steve's voice sounded so thin and when Bucky looked at him, he looked terrified. Had Bucky done something? Fuck. He'd ruined it, hadn't he? Steve was probably lactose intolerant and Bucky took him to get ice cream! What if Steve died now? Fuck fuck fuck!"Yeah?" he replied cautiously."You from Brooklyn, Buck?"Bucky narrowed his eyes, nodded. "Uhuh."Steve blinked slowly, looked away. "Tomorrow at five. Don't be late. I'll text you my address.""Okay."Steve got up and put the lid back on his BJ. He smiled at Bucky, "thanks for today. Bye Buck.""Bye Stevie."Steve blushed, "see ya around."Stevie. What the fuck. Stevie? Bucky wanted to scream. Maybe suck a dick. Maybe suck a very specific dick. God. Steve radiated big dick energy. Fuck.Bucky threw his head back and looked up at the sky, sighing, "I'm a mess."______________________Asking his mother to drive him to Steve's place turned out to be tricky."So you're going to another boy's house. And you don't want to drive in case you stay the night and we need the car?" his mom said, scoffing, "sounds a lot like sex to me!""No, I swear. No sex. I'm just helping him with an art project!" Bucky whined. He did that a lot, whine. Did Steve like whining?She narrowed her eyes at him and the Barnes' daily staring contest began.Bucky totally would have won if it wasn't for Becca basically falling down the stairs yelling, "is Bucky having sex?"Abe's head popped up in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, "Bucky's having sex?""No! I'm not gonna have sex!" Bucky shrieked, blushing furiously, "you're all the worst!"Becca ran straight into him and tackled him onto the couch. Which he let her do, obviously. Pfft."My brother his losing his virginity at the ripe age of eighteen, I'm so proud of him!""You're like six, you shouldn't know what sex is," Bucky groaned, pushing her off."I'm twelve you dingus! And mom says it's important to know about sex and stuff.""This family is a mess.""Hush now, Bucky. I'll drive you to this Steve if, and only if, I see you pack some lube and condoms, alright? Safe sex is important. You hear that, Becca?"Becca nodded, beaming. Bucky glared at them. First his sister, then his mom. Assholes."Sam wouldn't embarrass me like this.""Oh he would!" came Abe's voice from the kitchen."Fine mom. I'll bring lube and whatever but can we please go now?"Twenty minutes later, Bucky got in the car on the passenger side with a backpack that was empty except for an unopened box of condoms and a half-empty bottle of lube. And didn't that just say a lot about him?______________________Winifred winks at her son after dropping him off, and Bucky barely resits giving her the middle finger.She rolls down the car window only to yell "be safe!" and then driving away.Bucky glares at the now empty spot where the car was. He was, of course, happy that his mom thought educating her children on safe sex and... that stuff, was important. But it was still super fucking awkward. Okay? It was! Becca was probably telling Sam all about it via text, too! And then the whole family knew he was having sex with Steve. Which, by the way, he wasn't! He wanted to, sure. But having sex with someone else alone just doesn't work."You gonna stand there all night?" said Steve from behind him.Bucky turned around and almost whimpered out loud. Steve had tattoos. His arms were both covered in ink, and Bucky wanted to trace every single line with his tongue. Steve looked so relaxed, standing on the porch, arms crossed. Bucky had never seen him in a short-sleeved shirt before, or shorts for that matter. Was knee kink a thing?"I'm coming," Bucky said, willing his voice not to crack.Steve smiled and told him where to hang his jacket and put his shoes. The house was empty, Bucky didn't ask why but he liked to think Steve had arranged it that way. Maybe he'd finally get to open that box of condoms.Bucky followed Steve upstairs and his bedroom. It was a rather small and cramped room, but Bucky liked it. The dark blue walls, the unmade bed, the bookshelf filled to the brim and the somehow shoved in loveseat just felt so Steve. Bucky could almost picture himself in that bed, half asleep with his arms wrapped around the tiny blond. A feeling of something welled up in his chest."Sit on the couch," Steve instructed him. He had picked up his sketchbook and a pencil case while Bucky had lost his mind over Steve's room."Do I need to take my shirt off?""Why would you do that?" Steve blinked. Bucky blushed, shrugged. "Just sit down, don't be nervous or anythin'."Bucky sat down and let Steve direct him. Leg that way, no, a little to the right, great. Arm up, a little more, perfect. Steve stood back and looked at him through narrowed eyes."Can I touch ya, Buck?""Sure," Bucky nodded. He'd do pretty much anything to get Steve's hands on him.Up close, Bucky could see Steve's tattoos more clearly. They were beautiful. Both arms were covered in waves, big and bold lines that stood out against his pale skin. On Steve's left wrist- Bucky froze. That was his birthday. III-XI-MMI."Steve?" Bucky mumbled, "what does that mean?""What?" Steve stopped fussing over Bucky's legs, "oh. Uh, March eleventh. 2001. It's the day my best friend was born. Called him Bucky too.""Are you, um, Steve Rogers? From Brooklyn? I have pictures of us. Your knees were always bloody."Steve nodded.What the fuck? Bucky could barely breathe. What the fuck? How did Bucky and Steve end up in the same fucking town eleven years later after Bucky left? It was just fucked up. Maybe the universe didn't hate him. Or maybe it did because Bucky could distinctly remember his mother telling him that Bucky had apparently asked Steve to marry him when they were five. Em-fucking-barrassing."Well ain't this a fun surprise," Steve chuckled awkwardly, "Jock-tastic Bucky Barnes is Brooklyn Bucky."Bucky smiled faintly, shrugged. Jock-tastic. Bucky sort of hated that. He preferred Buck."We can talk later but... I gotta sketch you."Bucky nodded. He could sit still and let Steve draw him and think of all the ways he could get Steve to fall in love with him. Step one, come out. Soon. Yes. Soon.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
So my love don't show
Scared my love, you'll go
TOO GOOD - Troye Sivan
Three hours, four scrapped drafts and one masterpiece later, Bucky finally let himself relax as he watched Steve put his pens and erasers back in the well-used, green pencil case."Should we talk?" Bucky mumbled.That was what adults did. They talked and came to mature agreements and made mature compromises. Steve and Bucky were adults. At least Bucky was. Legally. Bucky didn't feel like an adult. At that moment he felt like he was six years old, he felt like his whole childhood was happening at once. Meeting Steve, being with Steve, leaving Steve. It was euphoric and agonizing at the same time. Like a shower that was so hot, it stung both hot and cold. Bucky was torn. "We should," Steve sighed. He put the pencil case on his tiny desk that faced the window. Bucky wondered if he sat there and just watched. Watched the people walking by and the seasons changing. There were a lot of things Bucky didn't know about Steve, he realized. But he also realized that he wanted to know everything. He'd take literally anything Steve offered him. The way he took his tea, his favourite socks. That shit.Bucky barely knew this new Steve and he was already so deeply infatuated with him. Dangerous, stupid. Probably."So. You should start. You could. If you wanna," Bucky said, stumbling slightly over his words."Okay," Steve nodded. He sat down on his bed and looked directly at Bucky. "You left. Without a single word and it fucking broke my heart. You meant the world to me, ya know. My best friend... then you were just gone and I never knew why or where you went. I asked ma if you'd gone to heaven like grandma. Or ma says I did, at least. I don't- I know it's irrational of me to still be mad. We were like six. But... one word would have been enough. A 'goodbye', you know?"The room was silent. If Bucky was a novelist or a fanfic writer (which he had tried to be but he quickly realized that writing really wasn't his forte) he would have bullshitted something about the tension that was thick and then there'd be a knife involved. But he was too busy thinking of something to say so... thinking of fancy adjectives would have to wait. Bucky looked down, "I was six. I didn't know what was happening.""You didn't miss me? At all? You forgot I existed?""Yeah," Bucky let out a deep breath. "I. I don't know how. Or why. If you meant so much to me. But mom showed me pictures of you and... fuck, Steve, I had no clue who you were! I wish I could tell you that the moment I saw you IRL I just knew or something like that but I really don't wanna lie. I- I forgot."That was definitely the wrong thing to say, cause while he'd just looked sad and broken-down a second ago, now Steve looked just about ready to punch him. And Bucky honestly thought he would since, well, Steve was always sporting a bruise or six. He clearly wasn't afraid to fight! Bucky couldn't take it all back now, though. Like, hah! Got you! Funny right? Then Steve would punch him. Right in the schnozz!"You forgot," Steve said, voice low. It... kinda turned Bucky on. A little. Okay, a lot. Inappropriate!"I didn't mean too," Bucky murmured, trying to defend himself.Steve scoffed, "wow.""Look, I'm sorry! But we were six, Steve. It's time to let that go. Let's start again, yeah? I obviously liked you then, and I like you know. So let's just-," kiss, "start over."Silence. 1000 degree knife vs tension."You'd want that? Be friends again?" he asked after a few moments.Bucky frowned. What kinda dumbass question was that! Obviously he wanted to be Steve's friend. Wasn't that pretty clear? Helping with the sets, the ice cream date-not-date, the memes Bucky sent! He even screen-recorded the ones on private accounts! Did Steve not see how much effort Bucky was already putting into this friendship?"I screen-record memes from private accounts for you. Steve, without a single doubt, I wanna be your friend," Bucky said. He moved to the bed and sat next to Steve, "it might not be like before, though. We'll have to find other things to do than play with toys. Mom and I donated most of my shit a couple of years ago and the only toys I have now ar-""Bucky," Steve bumped their shoulders, "I don't wanna know."Bucky grinned at him, and Steve smiled right back at him. Bright like the sun. Fuck, dude. Maybe mature conversations were good to have! He should tell his friends about it."So friends then?" Bucky asked."Friends. As long as you don't bring up toys.""I'll try not to.""God, I hate you already."Bucky rolled his eyes playfully. Steve bumped their shoulders together again and everything felt so incredibly easy. Steve was right by his side again, where he was supposed to be! Even though Bucky didn't remember their shared childhood, he knew that his place was with Steve. And Steve's place was with him. Bucky smiled."Hey, Steve?" Bucky said."What?""Do you take geometry?""I'm gay and good at art. I can't be good at maths too." Steve rolled his eyes."Whatever. Okay, but, did you know that, in geometry, a line extends infinitely in both directions?" Bucky asked. Steve didn't respond, just narrowed his eyes. "Well. Stevie, I'm with you til' the end of the line."Steve blinked. Once. Twice. "Also. Can I stay here? Because I sorta told my mom she wouldn't have to pick me up."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Treat me bad because I crave you
I can't fight back but I can take it
Treat me bad, baby, I'm prayin'
Won't you hold my heart enough to gently break it?
Gently break it - Beck Pete
Bucky was a month deep into this new friendship with the new Steve Rogers. He was also a month deep in shit. See, before this whole thing, Bucky had seen himself as quite smart. Good at maths, good at science, good at sports, witty, kinda cute (that didn't really add to his intellect, but meh). Whatever. Now, though, it was clear to Bucky that he had less than one brain cell. Befriending the guy you're crushing on? That's just the finest example of idiocy ever! The only thing dumber would be to invite Steve over for the most date-like not-date ever. Stargazing and then catching a movie? Bucky might as well have shown him the first draft of their wedding invites. God. But he'd done that dumb thing and invited Steve over for the most date-like not-date ever. Stargazing and then a movie. Did bro's do that? Was Steve even a bro? No. Thor and Clint were his bro's. Steve and the other guys from drama were his friends. There was a distinction.With Thor and Clint, there was a lot of talk about boobs and sex. There was often also alcohol and unhealthy amounts of pizza involved. However, with his newly made friends from the drama class, things were always more chill. Less 'boobs and sex' and more 'existential crap'. Bucky didn't prefer one group over the other, but things were easier with his drama friends. He wasn't out to them (or Clint... Soon though!) but there were no expectations. No comments on why Bucky was single or why he never seemed to show any interest in girls. And Bucky liked that a lot.He liked Steve a lot. Bucky liked Steve so much that he'd been sitting in the living room, looking out the window for about an hour just to see when Steve would arrive. Needless to say, he was nervous. Sure, he and Steve hung out a lot but they didn't do shit like stargazing! They just... napped in Bucky's bed, did homework and went on drives just to show the other some new music they'd found. Was that cutesy stuff? Bucky couldn't even tell anymore. A dreamer by heart, he managed to spin everything Steve did into some romantic gesture. Big oof!There was a knock on the door and Bucky realized he must have zoned out thinking about Steve. Again. He got up and hurried to the door to let Steve in. It was only April, after all, and the evenings were still cold."Hey!" Bucky grinned when he opened the door."Hey," Steve replied, smiling as well.Bucky stepped aside and Steve brushed past him."Didya bring warm clothes like I told you?" Bucky asked.Steve frowned, "what?"Bucky hadn't told Steve to bring warm clothes. He wasn't an idiot. It was cold, Steve needed warmth. Bucky had warm clothes and Steve would look adorable wearing one of Bucky's hoodies."It's okay, you can borrow one of my hoodies," Bucky said, just a little too smug."We're actually stargazing?" Steve asked, arching an eyebrow."Well, yeah. It's a clear night and trust me, it's fucking sick. And after that, my friend, we're watching Star Trek."Steve gasped theatrically, "Bucky Barnes is a nerd! Stargazing and Star Trek! That's the geekiest shit ever!"Bucky couldn't help but blush. Steve was grinning so widely and he looked so fucking excited. Bucky wanted to kiss him so badly he could puke."Shut up. As if you didn't know," Bucky muttered. "I was mad at you for like, an hour after you said you hadn't watched Star Trek. Or Star Wars for that matter. We've talked about this, Steve. Hating pop-culture isn't a personality trait."Steve rolled his eyes, "whatever you say, Geeky. Let's look at those fucking stars.""Wait here. Imma get you a hoodie."______________________"Shut up, jerk!""Punk."Steve hit his chest with a pout, "I can't see the stars when you're breathing down my neck!""That makes no sense. At all," Bucky laughed.They'd been at it (stargazing, that is, not sex...) for 20 minutes already, standing on the cramped balcony in Bucky's parents' room, huddled together for warmth. Steve had to stand on the tip of his toes to reach the telescope, while Bucky had to bend down. It was a compromise since someone refused to stand on a stool."It does. It's just like yesterday when you turned down the music to find a parking spot," Steve said, turning back to the telescope and adjusting it slightly."You always play music too loud, though.""It's cause I'm deaf.""You have hearing aids.""Whatever."Bucky rolled his eyes (and smiled, because hello, Steve's adorable)."Ready to watch Star Trek now?" Bucky asked. He was very excited to cuddle up under a blanket with Steve as platonically as he could manage without combusting from romantic frustration. Not sexual, Bucky was a gentleman."Sure. We're watching the ones with Chris Pine, right?""Duh. Buncha eye-candy."Steve turned back to him, "Zoe Saldana?""Sure."Steve arched an eyebrow but said nothing.After Clint, Bucky told himself, when Clint knows dick gets you going, then Steve can know.They went downstairs to get ice tea and popcorn and then brought it all into Bucky's room. The house was empty, but the living room TV was old and there was no DVD or Blu-ray player. So their only choice was Bucky's laptop. And then they might as well watch it in bed. Plus, it was easier to platonically cuddle up to someone in bed. You'd think not, since well, a lot of non-platonic hardcore cuddling goes on in beds.Bucky put the popcorn and ice tea on his desk to pull up the movie on his laptop when art happened, angels sang and world peace was restored, because in the process pulling his (Bucky's) hoodie off, Steve's shirt rode up to reveal pale skin that Bucky wanted to straight up fucking lick. He was so fucking screwed."Can I keep it?" Steve asked.Bucky blinked, "the hoodie? I mean, it's probably gonna get warm since we'll both be in the bed, bu-""No. Can I keep it? It's soft."Bucky could cry. Steve was asking him if he could keep his hoodie? Fucking hell! Bucky was ready to give him his whole closet!"Sure. Uh, yeah, go ahead. It's yours." Steve smiled. Bucky returned it. And stared at Steve. A little too long."So, hot people in space?""Right!" Bucky blushed.The night had barely begun and Bucky was already embarrassing himself.______________________Bucky was pleased. Barely ten minutes into the movie, Steve had moved closer to Bucky. A few minutes later, he'd leaned his head on Bucky's shoulder and curled into his side. So, yes, Bucky was more than pleased. Admittedly, he was having a very hard time not burying his face in Steve's silky hair and inhaling deeply, though. Weird.Chris Pine was just getting beaten up by guys at the bar when Steve spoke for the first time since the movie had started."Oh shit," Steve mumbled. "Huh?" Bucky mumbled back."He's sorta hot. All beaten up."Bucky shrugged a little, careful not to disturb Steve's head on his shoulder, "guess so.""Straight guys," Steve rolled his eyes.
AFTER CLINT. AFTER CLINT KNOWS. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BUCKY. DON'T TELL HIM. YOU CAN'T.
"Straight guys, huh?" Bucky smirked."You're all thicker than bricks.""Why thank you, I worked hard to get this ass!""Oh fuck off!"Bucky laughed but immediately regretted it when Steve moved away and crossed his arms. It was colder without him so close."You're mean.""I'm the quarterback. I'm supposed to be a bully.""No, you're not! You're supposed to be the super nice, not shallow at all, hot guy who falls for the nerdy girl! In fact, it turns out you've loved her all along," Steve said vehemently."Well," Bucky said, tugging Steve close again, "if I'm the super nice, not shallow at all, hot guy, then who's my nerdy girl?"'You! You! You! You! Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!', Bucky's brain chanted. God, if Steve only knew."Are you asking me who you should ask to prom?" Steve laughed."That's not what I said!""But that's always where the climax of high school movies happen. It's gotta be cheesy and shit.""Oh yeah? You wanna see cheesy?" Bucky smirked."Bring it," Steve challenged.It was official. Bucky was an idiot. Straight up an idiot. This was it! He was about to ruin his friendship with Steve. Sigh! Steve would no longer go to his games or watch him from the bleachers during practice. No more drives and ice cream date-not-dates. Bucky would have to tell Stark he couldn't help out with the production anymore. The sets were pretty much done anyway. Maybe Bucky could convince his family to move, maybe closer to Sam. Yeah. Still a dumbass though."Didya know, Stevie. That I can fit the world in my two hands?""Don't you dare-" Steve said, quickly realizing what Bucky was going to do.With a smirk, Bucky cupped Steve's face and to his delight, Steve blushed furiously."That's so fucking cheesy, Buck.""I told you, didn't I?"Steve shoved him back lightly. His blush was already fading which saddened Bucky tremendously."Ask Darcy Lewis to prom. She's got no one to go with," Steve mumbled.Bucky sighed softly. Better to not comment on it. "We've gotta rewind the movie now."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mmm, hurt me I kind of developed a taste for it Mmm, hurt me I want the pain between my lips
pharmacy - Isaac Dunbar
"So, are you going to Quill's party on Saturday?" Thor asked.They were having lunch outside, enjoying the April sunshine. It'd been a while since it'd been just Bucky and Clint and Thor. But after Bucky and Steve's stargazing adventure, Steve had caught a cold and had spent Sunday and now also Monday in bed."Think so," Bucky replied. He'd ask if Steve wanted to come with him, of course."I definitely am," Clint said, "if Natasha Romanoff is going, then so am I!""Is Natasha Romanoff going?" asked Thor."Yeah. Duh."Bucky chuckled softly. He missed his friends sometimes. Especially Clint. Because Clint had approximately three brain cells and Bucky always felt so smart when he was hanging out with him. Clint always said the dumbest (bestest) things. Like the time he didn't want to go to a meeting with the football club and he told Bucky he was gonna tell coach Fury that it was his twin brothers birthday, so he couldn't go. A pretty dumb thing to say, all things considering."Are you gonna bring Steve, Bucky?""Huh?" Bucky looked at Thor, "I don't know. He's sick right now. Maybe if he feels better.""Dude, nah! Drop the guy for one weekend. Go party and get laid. It's time." Clint exclaimed, "Half the school would die to suck your dick and you know it!"Sure. Bucky knew that. But the issue was that he didn't want to get his dick sucked. He wanted to suck someone else's dick. Someone... specific's dick."I don't want to get fucking chlamydia, Barton," Bucky snorted."There's something called condoms, idiot.""Whatever. I want my first time to be-""Special?" Clint cut him off."Yeah. Special. With someone I actually care about. Is there something wrong with that?""It's boring," Clint groaned"It's fine, Bucky," Thor said, ever the voice of reason.Bucky sighed a little. Wouldn't it be great if he just told Clint he was gay? Just right then and there? Then he'd be able to tell Steve and maybe then things would happen! There was a part of Bucky that genuinely believed Steve liked him. He had, after all, fallen asleep in Bucky's arms and missed the final battle of the second Star Trek movie. Not that Bucky cared that Steve missed it, he was very content to just hold Steve. Fuck. What a night that had been.So maybe he should just open his mouth and fucking say it. 'Clint, I'm gay', three words. So fucking easy! So why was Bucky's heart beating so fast and why was his mouth not opening and his tongue not moving. His throat suddenly felt dry and it was difficult to swallow. Coming out was apparently very difficult. God, if he couldn't tell Clint, how would he ever be able to tell Steve? Maybe it would be easier with Steve because Steve's gay, too. Clint Barton was, however, the straightest dude on the planet.Bucky sighed again."What's all the sighing about?" Clint asked."Nothing," Bucky replied.______________________Steve was back at school the next day, to Bucky's delightment. The delightment didn't last that long however.During geometry class, which was his last class of the day, there was a knock on the door and following it was nurse Hill opening it and very patiently asking after a James Barnes? Bucky had, of course, raised his hand. Come with me, Hill had said and Bucky had packed up his things and followed the school nurse into the hallway."So whazup?" Bucky asked. He tried to not let concern show in his voice, but he was worried. Why would the nurse come to ask specifically for him? It was honestly a little scary."Well. I asked a certain Steve Rogers if there was anyone who could take him home, and he said you," nurse Hill said."Steve? Oh, god. Is he sick again?""No. But, he got into a fight."Bucky groaned, "idiot.""Indeed," she sighed.They entered the nurse's office and yep, there on the paper-clad bed sat a beaten and bloodied Steve Rogers. Bucky clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes at him, and Steve only grinned back."Your ma will murder you, Stevie," Bucky said.Steve just shrugged, "I've lived through it before.""You're such a punk.""Jerk."Bucky smiled at him, Steve smiled back."Will you take him home then, James?" nurse Hill asked."Sure," Bucky nodded. He'd do anything to spend time with Steve."Remember what I said about wound care, Rogers. I don't want to see you here for an infection. In fact, I'd rather never see you here again, you hear me? Don't go picking fights, kid.""I won't, Maria," Steve said, still smiling. Bucky knew he didn't mean a word."Get outta here," she said, smiling a little.Bucky gave her a sloppy salute and left with Steve in tow. They grabbed their things from their lockers and then headed outside to the bus stop. It wasn't that cold, but Bucky once again found himself desperately wishing he had a car. He had a license, but what good was that without a car to drive to and from school?"So, who'd ya fight?" Bucky asked.Steve shifted a little, "some guys.""Steve, come on. Who?""I was just... I was out by the bleachers, okay? My art teacher told us we could go somewhere else and draw because we're working on body parts right now. So, yeah I went to the bleachers cause I thought there'd probably be people out there having PE or something and maybe I could sketch them. So. Yes. I sat down and I was just sketching, I swear. Then I heard two guys talking, uhm, about you," Steve paused."Me?" Bucky frowned."Yeah. Uh. They were calling you a fag. For hanging out with me so much.""What? Who the fuck said that? That's a slur, isn't it?""It is, but Buck, it was no one, okay? I promise.""Who was it, Steve?" Bucky glared at him. He didn't really care that people called him a fag. That wasn't the issue. But he wanted to know who the fuck said it. People couldn't just go around saying slurs. It was wrong, Bucky knew that much."Buck, swear it was no one!""Are they on my team?""Yes, but-""Who?"Right then, the bus pulled up and Steve got up quick as lightning."Ice cream by the water?" he asked in a poor attempt to change the subject."We're not done talking about this," Bucky said.They got on the bus and rode it into town in tense silence.After buying ice cream from the store, the two boys headed towards the water. They hadn't spoken much since getting off the bus. Bucky was curious. In a bad way. It sucked that the guys on his fucking team were so ignorant. Bucky thought they were better than that, better than the jock stereotype, but clearly not.They settled on a bench on the beach boardwalk and dug into their ice creams."Tell me, come on Stevie. I gotta know who said it. Coach Fury has to know about it," Bucky spoke gently, trying a different approach."Alexander Pierce," Steve murmured.Bucky wasn't surprised. Alex was known to be a fucking dick. He was already moving away and leaving the team, though. Divorced parents, apparently."And?" Bucky pushed."Clint."No. Steve wasn't lying. Obviously not. Bucky felt his heart freeze and then shatter into a million pieces. He knew Clint was dumb, but not that dumb! Was he overreacting? Maybe it was a joke? God. What a shitty joke, if that was the case."What did they say?" Bucky asked, tension in his voice."Clint, um, looked at me. And then at Alexander. And he said that you'd changed. Gone soft or something. He said 'Steve Roger's turned him into a fag'. And then Alexander laughed. I'm sorry Bucky." Steve looked at Bucky with huge eyes and Bucky wanted to kiss him. Inappropriate. This was a sad moment. Sad vibes."Damn," Bucky muttered."I'm real sorry.""Did you get a hit in, at least?" Bucky asked."Course I did.""Good."They were quiet for a moment before Bucky spoke again,"Do you wanna come with me to Peter Quill's party this Saturday?""Sure, Buck, I'd love to."______________________For the rest of the week, Bucky refused to talk to Clint. And Alex too, obviously, but that wasn't much different than usual. Not talking to Clint was hard, though. Especially during the days where Steve didn't have lunch at the same time as him. Then he was forced to eat with Thor and Clint. Thor obviously wasn't an issue, and Bucky talked with him just fine. But as soon as Clint talked, or asked him a question, Bucky just ignored it. It was childish, he was very aware of that. But neither Thor nor Clint commented on it, so Clint probably suspected that Bucky knew what he'd said. And Thor was just waiting for the two of them to settle it.But there was no settling, and when Saturday arrived, Bucky went to Quill's party with Steve and very not with Clint. And god was he happy about that because damn. Steve sure as fuck cleaned up nice. Not that he didn't always look nice. Bucky very much thought he always looked nice. But he just looked extra nice.His silky hair was (as always) hanging down in his face, but he had makeup on and it made Bucky's knees weak. Just the faintest hint of mascara and eyeliner, and a blood red lipstick. It was hot as well and Bucky had never wanted to kiss him more. Steve's black 'party jeans' were even tighter than his usual pair, and the band shirt he wore was loose and baggy. Bucky really really wanted to kiss him. Stupid feelings, man!Together they beelined for the kitchen to hide the alcohol Bucky had brought. It was barely eight, but the music was booming and the house was already crowded. Bucky thought he saw some freshmen dancing in the living room, which, dumb ass fuck. He'd have to tell Quill about that so he could make them leave."Bucky!" Thor exclaimed when he and Steve entered the kitchen.Thor was there with Clint and a very bored looking Natasha."Hey Nat," Steve said. He jumped up and settled on a counter.Bucky smiled at Thor and started opening cabinets to find a space big enough for his beer."You know Steve, huh?" Clint said, putting a hand on Natasha's thigh.Natasha rolled her eyes and pushed his hand away, "yeah. Of course, I do.""He punched me. Just the other day.""And you deserved it," Steve snapped."Did I?" Clint said. He was slurring his words a little."Is Clint already drunk? What the fuck, how long have you even been here?" Bucky asked."I came here like ten minutes ago with Bruce," Thor said, "I don't know what he's been doing.""Some pre-partying, baby!" Clint laughed.Bucky rolled his eyes. Clint was an annoying drunk."Let's go somewhere else, Steve," Bucky said. He got out two beers from his very secret place and gave one to Steve."I'll come with you," Natasha said, pushing past Clint who called out in protest."We can go find Bruce," Thor said.They left Clint alone in the kitchen, ignoring his continued protests, and headed outside to find Bruce Banner. Bucky wondered if there was something going on between Thor and Bruce. The two of them seemed to have gotten very close lately. He almost hoped that there was something. His friends deserved happiness.Natasha spotted Bruce sitting in the grass, looking up at the stars. They joined him on the ground, and Bucky didn't miss the way Thor brushed his hand along Bruce's. He glanced around to see if he was the only one who'd seen, but by the look on Natasha's face, she'd noticed too."It's pretty," said Steve. He shuffled closer to Bucky, "but cold.""Do you want my jacket?" Bucky asked, ever the gentleman."It's okay. Got my warm beer."Bucky cringed, "sorry."Steve laughed, "it's okay."Natasha pulled her phone out of her pocket and groaned at it."What?" Steve asked."I'll be right back," she said in response. She got up and headed back inside."Some people think she's a spy," Bruce said."We're in high school," Bucky snorted."Bitch! Did you never watch M.I: High?" Steve exclaimed."What?"Steve, Thor, and Bruce all gasped."Holy fuck. Your childhood must have been horrible!" Bruce said."What the fuck is M.I: High?" Bucky frowned."It's a masterpiece. The only good thing to come out of Britain," Thor said, acting as if that would suffice as an explanation.Bucky just arched an eyebrow at them, and they all groaned. Steve even muttered 'idiot' under his breath. Bucky pouted at him, which made Steve laugh. There were a lot of things to love about Steve, but his laugh was defo top five.Then they were silent for a while. Bucky watched as Bruce rested his head on Thor's shoulder, and Thor pressed a kiss to Bruce's temple. Steve must have seen it too because he whispered a soft 'awe' into Bucky's ear. By then, Bucky was feeling a little buzzed. He'd always been a lightweight, despite getting pretty big for football. Steve, however, was pretty much drunk off that one beer.After Steve had finished his beer, he grabbed Bucky's hand and tugged him up, "let's leave the lovebirds alone and go dance!"Bucky chuckled but got up, "sure, Stevie. Let's dance."Steve giggled (Bucky wanted to kiss him for it) and they went back inside. The music was much louder indoors, honestly, and there was a big crowd in the living room, all dancing. The freshmen were still there, but Bucky had a lot of other things on his mind at that moment. For example, the way Steve's too big t-shirt had moved to expose the pale (kissable) skin of his shoulder, or the way Steve's cheeks were flushed pink from the cold and the alcohol, or the way Steve was grinning at him, moving against him to the beat of the bass-heavy music.The only thing on Bucky's mind was Steve, and then suddenly, Steve's lips were on his.And Bucky did the dumbest thing he'd ever done. He flinched. Steve drew back immediately and stared at Bucky."I think you should take me home," Steve said, still staring at Bucky, "I've had too much to drink."Bucky could only nod and do as Steve asked.______________________A week passed, and they never talked about it.
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This is all I got left A broken record and a dog I'm a little off itNothing like a sad song
Burial - Baby FuzZ
So yeah. The week went by and they never talked about the kiss. Bucky almost brought it up multiple times, though.The first time being when they were walking home from the party, side by side. Steve was quiet, clearly embarrassed. There was a larger gap between them than there usually was. Most times they walked so closely together that their hands sometimes brushed, most times Bucky would throw an arm around Steve and snicker at how much shorter the blonde was. That time, though, there was tons of room between them. It felt better to think the gap was to give some space for Jesus or God or whatever, it was almost easter after all, and not because Steve regretted it.Bucky wasn't religious, but still thankful that Jesus died for their sins. Without Jesus, there'd be no Christmas break or Spring break!Anyways. Bucky was miserable and silent, walking next to an equally silent Steve. It was awkward. Things were never awkward between them. Steve regretted it, that much was clear. But why? Because it was Bucky, yes, but because Bucky's straight? Because they're friends? Friends kissed! Okay, maybe not, but... As long as Steve didn't hate him or shut him out, Bucky would be fine.Steve didn't shut him out, and on Monday things seemed normal. But Bucky found himself wanting to bring it up, now for a second time. And so it continued. The week progressed and Steve and Bucky went to class, to drama, to practice, they went on drives, texted, got ice cream. You get it. Everything was just like BK (before kiss). Bucky hated it just as much as he liked it.Because like, if he talked to Steve about it then he'd have to face the rejection. The 'sorry, Buck, I was just drunk, it meant nothing'. But now Bucky was just stuck miserably wondering what the fuck that kiss meant. Big smh energy!When Friday arrived, Bucky had almost brought it up 108 times. He'd been counting. The number of times he'd interacted with Clint, though, was at a steady and satisfying zero. The days where Steve didn't have lunch at the same time as him, Bucky ate with someone else. It was a little rude, maybe, to leave Thor with apparently-homophobic-Clint. But he was waiting for the weekend to tell Thor. Bucky knew he had an important test coming up that week, so he wouldn't ruin his study time with the horrible truth about their friend.Eating lunch with other people was how he met Angel and Nathan. Bucky had entered the cafeteria and spotted Carol Danvers with two people he'd never seen before and had decided that well, anything had to be better than Clint Barton (or Clit Barfton as Bucky had renamed him on Snapchat)."Hey, Carol," Bucky had said, sitting down next to her with the two strangers opposite of them."Hey, Bucky," Carol smiled, "Steve's in class?""Yep.""Thought so, by that mopey look on your face. This is Angel and Nathan. Exchange students from England. They're staying with me," Carol had explained.Angel and Nathan were great. Angel was funny as hell, and Bucky found himself laughing at pretty much everything she said. Nathan was hot. Bucky sorta wanted to suck his dick. Okay. He very much wanted to suck his dick. Alas, Angel and Nathan turned out to be dating, so, dreams crushed!______________________That Saturday, Bucky went over to Steve's house to housesit with him for the weekend. Steve said housesit, but was it really housesit if it was your own house? They argued about it for forty minutes via text. And for the ninth time that day Bucky realized he loved Steve. Ugh. Feelings sucked dick. No. Sucking dick sounded pretty good... Feelings sucked vagina.Steve let Bucky in and they made their way upstairs and collapsed on Steve's bed."'S Clint still being a dick?" Steve asked. Bucky grunted in affirmation. "Does Thor know?""Nah. Imma tell him, though. Obviously," Bucky sighed. "I thought Clint was okay with it. I even-," Bucky stopped, shook his head a little."What?""Nothing. But. I thought Clint was good with it. When Thor came out... things didn't change. Clint just acted like normal. I don't understand why he like, developed homophobia.""Hate's a very contagious disease," Steve said, always the intellectual. "If he's been hanging out with Pierce... I don't know. But I'm sorry, Buck. I knew you were close.""Yeah.""Anyway. Thor and Bruce. They are very cute and I am very jealous." Steve said. Bucky looked at him and laughed, thankful for the change of topic."Feelin' lonely, Stevie? When you've got a guy in your bed?" Bucky smirked. He was flirting, definitely flirting, but Steve wouldn't pick up on it because he still fucking thought Bucky was straight because Bucky still hadn't said anything."It's not the same, Bucky! Quit teasin'!" Steve groaned, blushing. "I'm honestly not one to wish for relationships but damn everyone around me is gay and taken. I'm lonely, Buck!" Steve dragged out the 'o' in lonely and gave Bucky his cutest pout."Get a boyfriend then, mister," Bucky said (as if it was that simple)."You're an idiot. All the gays are taken.""Isn't Thor's brother gay? And oh, single?""Ew. He's so greasy."Bucky opened his mouth, then closed it and opened it again, "dude. Oh my god. You could run your hand through his hair and then use the grease as lube!" Bucky said wide-eyed."Bucky!" Steve shrieked. "That's fucking gross!"Steve got one of his pillows and hit his laughing friend with it. Four times, actually, but Bucky just kept laughing. The thought was honestly fucking hilarious. Bucky was hilarious. Look out for the Bucky Barnes special on Netflix, ladies and gentlemen."I hate you so much, James Barnes." Steve groaned."No you don't," Bucky smiled. He almost leaned up and kissed Steve. Almost.Steve was sitting up, on his knees, looking down at Bucky. Maybe Steve was thinking the same thing. Kissing now would be such a movie moment, wouldn't it? God, Bucky wanted to. Wanted nothing more than to prop himself onto his elbows, then reach out and touch Steve's cheek gently with one hand and then slowly lean in and kiss him. Just a short, sweet kiss, because there'd be time for urgency later.But neither of them moved until Steve suddenly spoke,"There's pizza dough in the fridge."Bucky nodded, "I'm starving."Was this how Cinderella felt when the clock stroke twelve?______________________On Monday's drama practice after school, which Bucky was no longer obliged to go to because the sets were all done but went to anyway because of Steve, Bucky decided it was time to talk to Thor.Peter Parker, Brunnhilde, and a few others were doing a scene on stage, Stark watching from the fourth row. Steve was somewhere helping some guy named Ned with the stage lights. Bucky, Thor, Carol, and Natasha were seated in the last row, watching the scene."Hey, um, Thor. Can we talk?" Bucky whispered. Thor frowned a little but nodded. Together they exited the auditorium."Is it Steve? Did you tell him you're gay?" Thor asked in a low voice."Um, no. But like, speaking of gay. I think Clint's homophobic. Or something," Bucky mumbled, looking at his shoes."What?" Thor grunted."Yeah. Uh. He called me and Steve, uh, fags. For hanging out. Tha's why Steve got into a fight with him."His friend was silent for a few seconds. Then he spoke, "is it Alex, you think?"Bucky nodded. "Knew he was a dick, just didn't know he was a manipulative bitch."Thor sighed, "well. At least he's moving away. Maybe it'll make Clint come to his senses."Bucky nodded. Again. Thor patted his shoulder gently and they headed back. At least he'd told Thor. At least he'd done something he'd told himself he'd do.______________________Tuesday meant practice which was dreadful for so many reasons. To name a few, Alex would be there. And Clint. Steve wouldn't be there, watching him from the bleachers as usual because they needed him for the extra rehearsals of Romeo and Juliet. The most dreadful thing, however, was the thought that very suddenly hit Bucky.This was his last semester. The teams upcoming away game against Hydra High was the last game of the season. His last game ever. The thought almost made Bucky cried. Or it didn't. Because Bucky's the quarterback. A manly man! Ew. Bucky almost cringed at that.After practice, which had been just as tough as usual, coach Fury gathered them on the middle of the field and looked at them with that serious stare that only he could do."So. Two weeks. Then we have a game against Hydra. They're good. We're better," Fury said.Alexander Pierce scoffed, "You're good, we're better.""As long as you're on my field, wearing my colors, you're with Shield, Pierce. You don't transfer until next week so shut your mouth, kid."Bucky snickered quietly. He fucking loved when people got what they deserved. Pierce was a dick. He didn't deserve any niceties from their already strict coach."Now that we've dealt with that... We've got some seniors on this team, huh? I don't got anything special to tell you, boys. That'll be your reward for beating Hydra."Bucky smiled. Hearing coach Fury talk nice? What a sight (hear-t?) that would be."Hit the showers, kids, you stink!"The team all gave him sloppy salutes (something they'd started with after finding out Fury served in the military) and headed towards the showers. Bucky was talking to one of the junior quarterbacks, something about technique, when someone grabbed his arm."Bucky."Bucky turned around and looked bitterly at Clint who immediately let go of his arm."What?" he asked in an even tone."Are you seriously pissed over that thing with Steve? It was a joke!" Clint said.The rest of the team kept walking, knowing that it was best to just stay out of it. Only Thor hung back. "Steve might have a quick temper, but he can take a joke. If he felt the need to punch you, Clint, it obviously wasn't very funny," Bucky snapped."But it was funny! And true! You're just hanging out with him all the time! What the fuck did he do to you? Does he suck your dick that good, Barnes?"Bucky's eyes widened, his fists clenched, "what the fuck did you just say? Are you saying that because Steve's gay, he can't have guy friends? What about Thor? Your best fucking friend! He's into guys! He's got a fucking boyfriend! Are you saying that Thor would blow you? Or me? Just cause he's gay and we're guys? That's not how it fucking works you fucking piece of shit!""But you're a fag too, aren't you?" Clint snapped.In the corner of his eye, Bucky could see Thor approaching them from one side and Fury from the other. He was pretty sure he could also see Steve heading towards the field, leather jacket on despite the sudden April heat. Bucky looked at Clint, bared his teeth and tackled him to the ground.______________________Twenty minutes later, he was sitting in the nurses' office, getting his knuckles wrapped by nurse Hill. Steve sat next to him, head on Bucky's shoulder as he scrolled through twitter on his phone. Clint was there too. He had an ice pack pressed to his head and a bandaid on his chin. Coach Fury stood in the corner of the room, glaring between the two boys.So what? Bucky had beaten the shit out of Clint because he deserved it. Okay. Maybe it was a slight overreaction, but high school was the time to lash out! At least that's what his mom told him. When he was fourteen. But whatever."Barnes. What the fuck was that?" Fury snapped eventually."Clint was being a homophobic dickbrain," Bucky said. He sounded petulant. Like a child."So you thought you'd beat him up?" Hill asked."Stevie already did. Guess he inspired me," Bucky flashed them a smile, pleased to hear Steve laugh softly."I was actually surprised when you came in here completely unharmed, Steve," Hill mused."We take turns," Steve said seriously. This time Bucky laughed.______________________Bucky wasn't suspended, of course not. You don't suspend your star quarterback two weeks before his last game. He got detention, however. Which, well, sucked. But it was all worth it to hear the way Steve told their friends about it. He made Bucky seem so fucking cool and badass, which he didn't mind at all. On the contrary. He wished Steve would talk about him like that always.
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And now it hurts what we've become
'Cause you taught me how to love
It's me who taught you how to stop
Sorry - Nothing But Thieves
Steve Rogers was in love. And that hadn't happened in a very long time. Because usually, Steve was busy acting like a cool guy in his leather jacket and getting into fights every three seconds. Now he was busy staring at Bucky fucking Barnes all the time.Bucky had been cute when they were children, Steve remembered. He had that boyish charm that made mothers, as well as girls their young age, love him. A toothless grin could get you a long way, it seemed. Steve had been a boney and grumpy kid. Didn't take him anywhere, really. Bucky had always been a ladies man, and he still was, without even noticing, Steve could tell.The way he shamelessly flirted with almost every girl who talked to him in class or in the hallways made Steve's blood boil. He had no right to be jealous, though. Because Bucky was straight, and Steve was a guy. That sorta made everything difficult.Which was exactly what he was complaining to Natasha and Carol about. The three of them piled up in Steve's bed, trying to not think about how cliche it was for a gay guy to have two female best friends who he complained to in a cuddle pile. They all would have felt better about it if Brunnhilde had been there too, but she was with her family celebrating some fire holiday. Whale-borg or something."How do you know he's straight?" Carol asked.Steve groaned. "He's a quarterback, Carol! That's the straightest thing ever.""Thor's on the team, he's dating Bruce. You know, a guy," Natasha said. As if Steve needed a reminder that he was the loneliest gay in their group."But he's not the quarterback!" Steve whined."Oh my god he's whining," Carol laughed.Steve pouted at his friends. He was acting like a child. But he had every right to! His childhood crush, the man of his dreams, his best friend... was straight. There was no greater pain."What if he is gay? Or bi? Or whatever. What if he's just scared to say it," said Natasha, turning her head in Steve's vague direction."Who's scared to come out to a gay guy?" he scoffed."I was scared to tell Brunnhilde I was into girls, even though I knew she was, too. Thought she only hung out with me cause I was straight or something," Carol admitted.Steve sighed, "I really hope it isn't that way. It would suck if he thinks I'd ditch him if he came out.""Let him know you're okay with it. Subtly," she continued. "Brunnhilde did that. I think she kinda knew I had a crush on her."Natasha scoffed. "Everyone knew that."Steve laughed, watching Carol roll her eyes.They went quiet. Steve swallowed thickly."I kissed him.""What?" Carol exclaimed, sitting up."You kissed Bucky Barnes?" Natasha asked incredulously. Steve nodded. "Why?""I was drunk and he looked so good and I kissed him but I don't know if he remembers because he hasn't brought it up," Steve explained, flushing a deep red."Oh my god," Carol groaned.______________________On the first day of May, Steve was seated in the passenger seat of Bucky's (mother's) car. He and Bucky were heading out to the beach. Just because it was May and officially summer in Steve's opinion. They had stopped by the store to get ice cream and Bucky had brought a blanket with him."Hey, Buck?" Steve said, looking over at his friend and grinning at him.Bucky smiled but kept his eyes on the road. "Yeah?""You going to prom?""Yeah. Probably. Don't have a date though. You said something about a Darcy Lewis?"Steve hummed non-committedly. Darcy Lewis was cool, but he'd rather have Bucky go with him. "Thor asked Bruce yesterday. It was really sweet. And Carol and Hilde are going together. Clint asked Natasha but she punched him.""Nat punched Clint?""Yep. It was cool."Bucky chuckled. "Probably, yeah. And you? You got a date?"Steve shook his head. "The only other gay people at school are Peter who's way too young for me and Thor's brother Loki and I could not see myself dating that guy.""Maybe we could go? If you don't find anyone. As friends, you know?" Bucky asked.Steve hated his nonchalant tone just as much as he loved that idea. Going to prom with Bucky? God, Steve felt giddy just at the thought of it. He didn't tell Bucky that, obviously. Instead, he just said,"Oh. Sure."Steve turned his head and looked ahead. He glanced at Bucky just in time to catch him turning his head towards Steve."You don't have to say yes," Bucky said."It'll be fun, Buck. I'm happy you asked," Steve said then, hoping Bucky wasn't too upset.Bucky hummed.A few minutes later the car stopped. Bucky pulled the keys from the ignition and got out. Steve followed suit. He grabbed the blanket and their ice creams from the backseat and headed off towards the water. It was windy, but the winds were warm and the sun stood high. Steve had changed his leather jacket for a black jean jacket.Bucky rolled out the blanket and sat down and Steve quickly joined him, handing Bucky his ice cream."Steve. We forgot spoons," Bucky said."Oh my god, you idiot!" Steve laughed."Hey! It was your turn to be on spoon duty!""Spoon duty? Bucky! There's literally no such thing!" Steve kept laughing, tears forming in his eyes."You suck," Bucky whined, pouting at him.Steve tried not to say it. But was too hard. His inner twelve-year-old who still think 'your mom' jokes are funny really jumped out, and he said, "and you swallow."Bucky burst out laughing, at least. So Steve wasn't that ashamed.Bucky went to go look for spoons in the car, leaving Steve to ponder on the beach. It felt like an aesthetic movie moment. Steve could almost picture the wide shot of him from behind, showing the beautiful sky and the clucking waves. He smiled softly to himself. If he only had someone to share his movie moment with. Say a tall, handsome, brunette with a love for football? Steve sighed. What if.Steve looked over his shoulder and saw Bucky heading back, proudly holding up two spoons. Steve gave him a thumbs up and a smile.They ate their ice cream mostly in silence, only trading a few words about school and homework and whether or not they thought there'd be a fourth Star Trek. It wasn't awkward, despite the silence. Some friendships worked in silence, too, and Steve was so happy that his and Bucky's did. Cause sometimes Steve just wanted to hang out and nap or take it easy. And Bucky understood that. It would have been really cute if... well, the obvious things. Steve sighed again."'S something wrong?" Bucky asked him, licking some ice cream off his spoon. Steve tried not to stare."Nothing," he replied. Then, "you're seeing Romeo and Juliet right?""You mean the play I helped make? Duh."Steve nodded. Good. It was a little funny how their story sort of was a Romeo and Juliet story. It's commonly known (according to high school stereotypes) that jocks hate drama kids, and Bucky's a jock and Steve's a gay drama kid. Steve looked down and smiled a little. He hoped there would be no deaths involved. They deserved a happy ending. It would just have to be two separate endings with two different people. "You wanna come with me to our away game against Hydra?" Bucky asked.Steve looked at him, shocked, "you want me to come?""Of course! You're my good luck charm, Stevie. I've played my best games when you've been watching."He couldn't help but blush and Bucky's words. They sounded almost flirtatious. God, Steve wished they were."I'll go. When is it?""Next week. You can take the bus with us. Some of the other guys are bringing their girlfriends, but I don't got one," Bucky chuckled."So you decided to bring me? Great idea," Steve smirked. If Bucky was gonna flirt, Steve would too. Fair and square."Well, a mouths a mouth, innit?" Bucky replied, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth."Bucky Barnes. That could mean two things. And frankly, it might be the most grossest thing you've ever said!"Bucky laughed again. "Most grossest?""Shut up. We're not in school. My English is allowed to suck."______________________They stayed at the beach for a few hours before Bucky drove Steve home. Steve asked if he wanted to stay for dinner or just come in and watch a movie or something. Bucky said he would have loved to, but Sam was home. Steve tried to not let the disappointment show on his face, but Bucky probably noticed, because he added a quick sorry. Brushing it off as nothing, Steve got his backpack from the backseat and headed inside."I'm home!" he called out, kicking his shoes off.Peggy came wandering into the hallway, smirking. "Was it as painful as always?"Steve groaned, nodded. "Almost worse than when he gave me his hoodie.""You asked for it!" came Sharon's voice from the living room."Is mom home? Or Harrison?" Steve asked."Nope!" Sharon answered.Steve dropped his bag on the floor along with his jacket and sank into the couch next to Sharon. Peggy sat down on her sister's other side."It's awful!" he whined."We literally told you like a gazzilion times to not fall for him!" Peggy said."Well, Peggy, we can't always choose who we love," he muttered, crossing his arms. "He's so straight and dumb. But worst of all he's hot and nice. It's unfair!""Just tell him you wanna blow him. Maybe he'll let you," suggested Sharon."You are both worthless."Peggy scoffed. "There's food in the fridge.""Sharon. You're worthless."Sharon gasped. "Hey!"______________________Three days later, Romeo and Juliet had its premiere. Steve sat next to Bucky, arm on the armrest, palm open. Just in case Bucky wanted to like, hold his hand. Or whatever. God, Steve felt ridiculous. Although, he did see Bucky's hand twitch in Steve's direction a few times. So maybe it wasn't too far fetched.The play was amazing. The cast and crew did a wonderful job, and Bucky kept whispering about the sets throughout the whole play, so all in all, it was a pretty good night for Steve and his pining self. Bucky's breath on his neck, his mouth so close to Steve's ear... it was one of the best and worst moments of his life. Best? The closeness was pretty good. Worst? Getting a boner while your friend dies on stage (even if it's just in character) is wildly inappropriate. How has he supposed to help it, though?After the applause and thank you's, Steve hurried out of the auditorium to pee. Hm, 'pee'. It wasn't like he was going to jerk off in school, but he really had to splash some cold water onto his face. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and groaned. This whole crush thing was going too far. Steve couldn't just go around popping boners! Fucks sake, Bucky...Ah, speaking of Bucky.Just a few moments after Steve had had his moment of self-evaluation, the door opened and Bucky just slid in. Smoothly, of course. That guy could make trash bags look good."Are you feeling sick, Stevie? Your ma said you'd been down this week?" Bucky asked, concern evident in his soft, smooth voice."I'm okay, Buck," Steve assured him, eyes on Bucky.Bucky looked down at him with worried eyes and Steve had to look away again to avoid drowning in them. Or something equally corny. God. When had Bucky gotten so close? Were they going to kiss? Shit. Steve's breath probably smelled like poop. Bucky was getting closer. Fuck!Steve quickly turned his head to the side. "Let's go find our friends, yeah?" he said softly.Bucky sighed silently. Steve was probably not suppoused to hear. "Sure," Bucky said. "Carol said something about waffles and BBQ."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen
Minutes left better get it done
Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen
More minutes get ready game on
Now or Never - Zac Efron
Bucky was sweating. Profusely. It was quite annoying. He'd been jumping foot to foot, waving his arms around. Coach Fury had been talking (yelling) to them for like, five minutes, but Bucky hadn't been listening. Instead, he was staring at Steve. Who, as always, looked disgustingly beautiful. The moment felt sort of like that scene in High School Musical 3 where Troy gets like, pushed or something and Gabriella (Bucky thought her name was Bella or Becca for the longest time but then his sister hit him so he had to educate himself) stands up and sings Trooooooooy and he just sings now I can hardly breathe back. Although this Steve plus Bucky moment had way less singing and way more sad gay energy, it felt just as magical.Bucky's thoughts (about Steve) were interrupted by a loud ear piercing noise. That fucking whistle, Bucky thought. Oh well, time to get your head in the game, as Troy Bolton so eloquently said in High School Musical 1.Oh my god. Something just hit Bucky very hard. In High School Musical 2, there's that super gay moment between Chad and Ryan when they sing and dance or whatever. It's literally like, jocks and drama kids. Wow. Bucky is Chad and Steve is Ryan. Was Bucky dehydrated? God, he probably was.Before he could think about his constant pain and misery any longer, a rugby was thrown his way, and all he could do was throw himself into the game. ______________________Just like in High School Musical 3, they ended up winning the game by sheer miracle. Bucky smelled like fucking ass sweat, and his ass wasn't even sweating that much. He could see Steve and their friends approaching him, but knowing he smelled like shit, he took off towards the locker rooms. He wasn't gonna let them get close to him while he smelled like fish coochie.The smell of fish coochie got more intense as Clint approached. Bucky shook his head at him and walked over to Thor instead. Thor, weirdly, still smelled good. Maybe it was magic? Who knows? They entered the locker room together and Bucky took his gross ass shirt off, throwing it into his gym bag.His phone, which he had left in the locker room, dinged and Bucky picked it up to see a number of texts from Steve (and his other friends, but Steve's were the only ones that mattered).
STEVE
why did u run off??
u did good btw!!! yess!!!
big yes energy bae <3
no homo
whatever
why did you ruuuuuun
BUCKY
i need to shower fam :(
famsquad
big yes energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bucky put his phone back in his bag. He undressed and went to take a shower to finally rid himself of that gross ass fish coochie smell and the ass sweat. He didn't linger under the hot spray, however. He wanted to talk to Steve. God, that no homo text had wounded him deeply. Fucking hell, Bucky wanted big yes homo energy!He was in the process of getting dressed when coach Fury walked into the locker room."Boys. Looks like the roads are flooded. Good thing Hydra High is rich enough to have an indoor field, huh?" Fury announced, voice dripping with sarcasm. "There's a hotel nearby. You can stay there if you want to, or your parents or whatever can row y'all home."Bucky, like the majority of the team, had taken the school issued bus to the game. Meaning his parents weren't there. Steve's parents weren't either. But he knew that Carol had her mother there, and they could probably take Brunnhilde, Bruce and Natasha with them. Which left him and Steve to stay at the hotel. Staying in a hotel with Steve? God. What if there was only one bed?"Floods aside," Fury started, but Bucky tuned him out.He fished his phone out of his bag and texted Steve again.
BUCKY
looks like were gonna have to stay in a hotel or sumn...
the roads are flooded
STEVE
bicth what
oh yeah.. carol just googled
damn
carol's mom is driving some alternate route idfk
but i can stay at the hotel with you :D
BUCKY
gr8 :)
wait for me in the foyer ill be out soon
Bucky tugged his sneakers on and was just ready to leave when Clint fucking Barfton ran in with his keys held high."I got a car! If anyone wants a ride home," he said. Bucky could feel Clint's eyes on him. The whole thing was probably some lame ass attempt at an apology. Bucky rolled his eyes and pushed past Clint, making sure to hit him, and headed out to meet Steve in the foyer."Hey Bucky!" Steve called, and Bucky grinned at him."Was I hot out there or what?" Bucky smirked. He wrapped an arm around Steve's shoulder and they walked towards the parking lot to hopefully catch a bus or something to the hotel.Bucky looked back over his shoulder and saw Clit Barfton staring at both of them a mix of sadness and disgust. Man, fuck that guy!______________________Three hours later Bucky was piss drunk. But so was Steve and the rest of the team so it was okay. They had gotten alcohol from some guy Jack Rollins knew and Brock Rumlow had offered up his hotel room as the location for the party. The music sucked but whatever, Steve was there. They could have been playing Billie Eilish for all Bucky cared. Steve was there. Bucky could not take his eyes off Steve (wow, what a surprise). Steve was wearing a letterman jacket and jeans. He looked oddly straight. It was sort of a turn on, though. Steve was a turn on in general.Steve was also picking a fight. With Brock Rumlow."Catch these hands, hetero fuck!" Steve cried, slurring his words. From the corner of the room, Bucky sighed.However, Bucky sprung into action when he saw Rumlow raise his fists, ready to square up. Bucky was too slow to save Steve's skinny ass, though, and Rumlow punched him straight in the face. Steve stumbled backwards, right into Bucky's arms. Bucky scooped the bleeding mess that was Steve and put him on the couch, in between Angel and Nathan."Lemme fight!" Steve whined."You two watch him," Bucky told Angel and Nathan. "Take him outside."Nathan grabbed one of Steve's arms as Angel gathered their stuff and left the room.Nathan, hauling Steve out of the room, said, "You know what you should actually fight for, Stevie? Growing up in Ireland, if the priests weren't fiddling with you, you were one of the ugly kids."Bucky trusted the couple to take care of Steve for a few minutes and turned to Rumlow, ready to introduce his fist to Rumlow's face. It was a pleasant and bloody 'hello' and Bucky left the room feeling proud. The alcohol had him feeling buzzed, and he barely felt any pain. With the help of Angel and Nathan they got Steve up three floors and into Bucky and Steve's room. Bucky then asked them to leave because hello, alone time with Steve? Hell yeah. So when Angel and Nathan had left, Bucky sat Steve down on the toilet and looked at him disapprovingly."Fighting Rumlow? Really?" Bucky asked, arching an eyebrow.Steve pouted. "He'as be'n a dick." His words were so slurred that Bucky could almost not hear what he said."They're all dicks," Bucky said. He found a first aid kit in the cabinet below the sink and set it on the counter. "Is your nose broken, you think?" Steve shook his head. "Okay."Carefully, Bucky cleaned the blood from Steve's face. He put a bandaid on the small cut on Steve's cheek, but the kit didn't have any of those special bandaids for wounds and cuts near the mouth, so he left the cut on Steve's lip be. It felt like a movie. Not like one of the High School Musical movies this time, but still like a movie."Will you kiss it better?" Steve pouted his lips dramatically, looking up at Bucky with those blue fucking eyes that always made Bucky go fucking insane. And he wanted to kiss it better, he really did! But Steve was fucking shitfaced and Bucky was a lot of things but he wasn't going to take advantage of his drunk best friend, no matter how much he loved him."You need to sleep, tough guy," was all Bucky replied with.He put the first aid kit back under the sink and helped Steve up from the toilet and then into bed. He made sure to tuck him in and placed a glass of water on the bedside table. Steve's head was probably going to be fucking murdering him when he wakes up the next morning. Bucky grabbed himself a towel from the bathroom (he gave Steve all the blankets) and went to sleep on the couch. There was only one bed, like Bucky had hoped. But now Steve was drunk and boundaries, bitch!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough
To bury my love, in the Moondust
Moondust - Jaymes Young
After the game Bucky felt empty. Like something was missing. It had been his last game as a high school student, his last game with his best friends and with Shield High. The last time he celebrated a win with them. It was weird. To say the least. In less than a year Bucky would be a college student. At NY-fucking-U. How cool wasn't that? It was really fucking cool. The only thing more cool was the fact that Steve also would be attending NYU. Steve and Bucky back in New York, together again, after so long.Bucky smiled at the thought. He could see him and Steve sitting on a fire escape, listening to the buzz of the concrete jungle and enjoying the last minutes of sunlight before going inside to fucking study or something. Lovely. So fucking lovely. He could see them trading slow kisses during golden hour, he could see them tangling their legs together under the table during dinner, he could see them cuddled up together in bed. Bucky had always had a... wild imagination.Because imagining a future with Steve? That was wild. Steve might be gay, but he wasn't into Bucky. That much he was sure of. Which sort of sucked. Okay, it sucked a lot. But whatever. Bucky was a big guy! He could get by on his own...Bucky called Sam."Sam?" Bucky said. He was in bed, phone on speaker and placed next to his head. It was two days post the last game."You never call me," Sam replied. His voice was a little bit tinny, but Bucky was happy to hear it anyway."I know. But this is a... gay-mergency.""A what now?""A gay emergency, Sam. Obviously.""Alright, then. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard," Sam laughed. "Why did you call me though?""Who else would I call? Anyway. There's a guy. A Steve-""Steve? Where did you meet him? At a retirement home or funeral home?""Sam! Fuck off. He goes to my school, you bitch. Now, shut up and lemme talk! So, his name is Steve. He's cute and funny and amazing and smart and talented and creative and did I say funny? And oh my god, he's so hot. He wore makeup the other day and I wanted to lick him, Sam! I wanted to climb him like a tree but he's like 3 inches tall Sam I love him," Bucky rambled, finishing with a whine.Sam was quiet for a while, Bucky could hear him breathing. Then finally, he said, "uh. What's the problem?""He thinks I'm straight! And even if he knew I liked guys, he probably wouldn't be into me.""Shut up, Bucky. You're a catch. Just tell this Steve you're gay and maybe the rest will just come naturally?""You think?" Bucky asked hopefully."Maybe, I dunno. Follow your heart. Or whatever.""I'll try. Alright. Thank you. Goodb-""Uhnuh! You call me three times per decade. We're gonna talk, Bucky. Tell me. How's Becca? Winnie and dad?"______________________Thursday arrived. Bucky met up with Thor for their lunch on their bleachers. It was all good. They hadn't really seen a lot of Clint since, well, that. Bucky wasn't complaining. If Clint was going to be a homophobic dickhead, then he'd have to fucking pay for it. Nothing else seemed fair.When they got to the bleachers, Clint was already there, though. Bucky stopped dead in his tracks, Thor following suit. What the fuck? Didn't Clint understand that he was sort of... kicked from the trio?"Hey," Clint called."What do you want?" Thor asked."Can I apologise? Explain?""Yes. Please do explain why you called me and Steve fags? It doesn't matter that we are gay you still can't say that!" Bucky said. Then, "wait."Clint frowned, "you're gay?"Oh fuck. Oh fuck. That was so not according to plan. Not that there ever was a plan, but that was absolutely not according to it. Fuck. Bucky felt tears welling up in his eyes. Someone, probably Thor, put a hand on his shoulder, squeezed and whispered 'it's okay, man'. It didn't feel okay! Bucky just... well. He just outed himself to his apparently homophobic best friend since years back. Bucky was going to commit toaster bath, he was gonna do it. Oh god."So what if I am?" Bucky said, praying to both God and Satan that his voice wouldn't break and his tears wouldn't fall."Are you dating Steve?""No."Thor sighed, "what did you want to say, Clint?"Clint got up from his seat on the bleachers and approached them. "I just wanted to say sorry. It was out of line. I just... I wanted Pierce to like me and he kept saying it. Just wanted him to think I'm cool. It was really dumb, Bucky. I swear. And Thor, too. I'm sorry. I really don't care who you're dating or... not dating."Bucky glanced at Thor to get his reaction. Was Clint being honest? Bucky hoped so. But who the fuck would want Alexander Pierce to like them? Dumb bitch."You have to go apologise to Steve. Then I'll forgive you," Bucky said.Thor nodded, "and I want you to talk to Bruce, too. He won't even let me hold his hand anymore cause he's scared something will happen."Clint bowed his head, shame written all over his face. Good. He should be ashamed. "Now piss of so me and Thor can eat," Bucky said, jerking his head in the direction of the main building. Clint wouldn't be allowed back on Thursday lunches until he had properly apologised. That was only fair.______________________Friday night was spent in Steve's bed. Sadly there was a huge lack of kissing and cuddling. They sat shoulder to shoulder in Steve's bed, watching Our Planet. Bucky cried five times, and they only watched the first episode. The baby flamingo got him the hardest. God, Bucky sobbed. He ugly cried. It was gross. But Steve didn't even laugh, just watched him with an expression that Bucky couldn't place.Steve fell asleep with his head on Bucky's shoulder, and Bucky cried a sixth time that night."I'm gay," Bucky said.Steve stirred a little, "mhm? Wha'?""Nothing.""Kay, Buck. Night.""Night."Six times plus one more time makes seven times. Bucky woke up with a headache. And backache. He slept sitting up, afraid that if he moved, Steve would wake up. Bucky wasn't the kind of guy to just... ruin people's sleep like that. He was a good man. God, a man. A soon to be college student. Oomf a college student, oomf is me, Bucky thought. Weird.So. Bucky woke up at around eight on Saturday with an aching back and a neck that was begging to be stretched a little. Steve was still sleeping, slumped against Bucky and ohmygod. Oh my god. One of Steve's hands were clutching Bucky's t-shirt. Bucky wept. Almost, at least."I'm gay," Bucky said. Again. He'd told Steve twice now! His fault for not listening.The tiny blond groaned and shuffled into Bucky's lap. "Shut up, Buck, it's fucking early."Bucky's eyes widened. "S-sorry, Stevie," he croaked, arms wrapping around Steve.Had he died in his sleep? Was this heaven? Bucky wished it was. Well it sorta was. Heaven on earth."Love ya, Buck."That time, Bucky did cry.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Can we be seventeen
Is that so hard to do?
If you could let me in
I could be good with you
Seventeen - Barret Wilbert Weed, Ryan McCartan
Becca had forced Bucky to watch Heathers with him for the eighty-ninth time. At least Sam was home too. They could suffer in silence together. The three siblings were huddle together, Becca in the middle. She had a bowl of popcorn in her lap which Bucky had eaten the majority off. Sorry, but Bucky loved popcorn, okay!"Isn't JB hot?" Becca asked, sighing."He's a psycho," Sam said. He shook his head in disappointment which made Bucky laugh."So is Veronica!" Becca exclaimed then. Heathers was her favourite movie, she would defend it to death."Fucking hell, so are the Heathers!""Okay, everyone is a psycho."Bucky laughed at his siblings dumb bickering. Fucking dumbasses. He loved them both to death, though.______________________When Bucky met Natasha, he didn't think that they would ever get close. She seemed like a really scary bitch. All that red hair and black clothing made Bucky think that she was gonna murder him. But, when she came to get a very hungover Steve from the hotel the day after he had gotten the shit beaten out of him, Bucky and Natasha had bonded over how fucking dumb Steve Rogers was. And she was honestly really cool. Cool in a scary way. Still, though. He liked her. After that they had started to sort of hang out. They became close friends pretty quick, but conversation was almost always just about Steve's clown assery. Steve was getting ready at Carol's place for her birthday party, so Bucky was getting ready with Natasha. His newfound scary friend. Getting ready without Steve was sort of weird, though. Bucky had gotten way too used to it. But Nat would do, he supposed. She was curling her hair in front of the mirror in his room while Bucky stood in front of his closet trying to pick out his skinniest pair of jeans. He held them up in front of him, studied each and every pair carefully."Bucky. Your dick is not gonna be able to breathe if you pick those jeans. I've seen tweens with bigger pants," Natasha said, meeting his eyes through the mirror.Bucky grinned widely at her. "But my ass will look great.""Your ass will look flat as shit."Bucky shushed her. He grabbed the pair he'd named the skinniest and went in to the bathroom to change. He pulled off the sweatpants he was wearing and tugged on the jeans. It was a difficult task, to say the least. Once they were finally on, he shoved the ass-crack-hem up his ass-crack, making sure his ass looked round and juicy. Steve hopefully wouldn't be able to resist.He emerged from the bathroom, jeans on, hair styled, and smile wide. He was proud. And shirtless. He was just gonna ask Natasha for shirt-advice when she looked at him with those judgey ass eyes."Who the fuck are you trying to look good for? Wanda Maximoff?""Why in the fucking hell would I try to look good for Wanda Maximoff?" Bucky scoffed."So who, then?" Natasha smiled, arching an eyebrow in the same way she did when she was teasing him. So did she know, then? God. What if she knew? FUCK.Bucky blinked. Like nine times. "Why would you think I'm trying to impress someone? M-maybe I'm just trying to look good for myself, you know?You know. Self love... feminist power," Bucky said, his voice raising in pitch as he stuttered through the words."Steve is single you know," Natasha replied.Bucky almost took the curling iron from her hand and shoved it down her throat. She couldn't jut say that shit! Bucky gawked at her, not getting a single word out.Natasha continued, smiling teasingly, "everyone knows. Except Steve, of course. Oblivious little twink ass bitch.""Hey! He's no twink," Bucky pouted.Natasha laughed out loud.______________________Steve had resisted Bucky's ass so far. Tragically. They'd been at the party for about forty minutes. Steve was off getting something to drink. And Bucky had since long given up on Steve fucking him that night. Sub!Bucky rights. Or well, not so much maybe. Since there wasn't a dick in his ass or mouth.The music was loud which made it difficult to talk. Natasha had been trying to tell him something for the last three minutes. In the end he just grabbed her by the neck and pulled her closer so she could talk right into his ear."Go talk to Steve!" she yelled into his ear. Bucky flinched a little. Oof, too loud.Bucky put his mouth close to her ear and replied, "don't know where he went!""Kitchen, maybe?"Bucky nodded. He got up, then leaned down to talk to Nat again. "You gonna be fine on your own?"Natasha glared at him, "fuck off."Bucky just smiled and pushed his way through the crowd and to the kitchen. Steve was there talking to some guy. Some hot guy. Big and dark haired with a smirk that seemed etched on his face."Steve?" Bucky said. The music wasn't as loud in the kitchen.Steve looked away from the bulky brunette. "Oh, hey." He sounded almost disinterested.Bucky frowned a little. "You okay?""Sure. This is Sebastian.""Bucky," Bucky introduced himself, eyeing the guy who looked way too much like him. "Anyway. Do you wanna join me and Nat? We're probs gonna dance."Steve shook his head. "I'm okay with Seb.""Alright..." Bucky's frown deepened. "Well. We'll be, um, somewhere. If you need to find us."Bucky turned to leave and go back to Natasha. God, he wouldn't let himself be disappointed. Steve had found someone and that was great. Honestly! Great. Good for Steve, ya know? Just when he had reached the door, Steve grabbed his arm, though and hope filled Bucky immediately. Was this it? A kiss? A love confession? A proposal? Was Steve pregnant with his child? Wait. No, maybe not that last one."By the way. We're not going to prom together anymore," Steve said.Suddenly Steve being pregnant seemed more possible than a love confession.Bucky blinked. "Oh."Steve nodded. "See you later."Bucky left the kitchen and sat down next to Nat, eyes wide. He didn't say anything, just put his head on her shoulder and allowed her to wrap an arm around him. She didn't speak either. They sat there for a while, Bucky needing that bit of affection after just getting his heart ripped out and stomped on by Steve. Why weren't they going to prom together? Was it that Sebastian guy? Was it something Bucky had done? Did Steve know about Bucky's affection for him? Shit. What if Steve didn't even want to be friends anymore? Bucky would lose it, honestly.Natasha leaned in to talk so he could hear. "Let's go outside, kay?"Bucky nodded and allowed Nat to led him outside. They sat down on the front lawn."What happened?" Natasha asked."Steve was with some guy, dunno. Then he just told me we weren't gonna go to prom anymore. I was so excited about that, you know? Even if it was just as friends," Bucky said sadly. He looked down and tugged up some grass. He felt fucking betrayed."We can go together."Bucky looked at her. "Really?""Yeah. Sure," Natasha smiled. "Come on now, Romeo. Let's get a milkshake."