Work Text
Silence enveloped the rooms of the TARDIS. It was night time on the old ship. The Doctor was most likely tinkering in the console room, or perhaps reading Lord of the Rings in the library for the 376th time. He probably had Tolkien’s novels memorized by now. Rose might be be in bed, or making tea if she was up for it. She may be immortal now, but she still needed her sleep. Donna could also be asleep, or lying under the covers with her phone. In short, all was well on the TARDIS. Soft wisps of steam streamed out of the colourless ceramic mug. Rose frowned. The Doctor probably had hundreds of fancy mugs stashed away somewhere, she’d seen them before. But for some reason, the TARDIS was hiding them away, only giving Rose the bland options. The blonde girl gazed into her dark reflection silently, her mind a thousand kilometers away. It stared right back up at her, almost menacingly.“Rose.” The time lord’s voice snapped her back into reality. She looked up from her tea to give him a winning smile. “Yeah?” “You were staring very deeply into yer tea. I’m beginning to get jealous,” He smirked with a raise of his eyebrow. This earned him a giggle from the golden haired gal. The Doctor beamed. He loved it when he could make Rose laugh. “Besides, shouldn’t you be asleep?” Rose’s giggles died down as she stared into her mug sheepishly. “Yeah, well, couldn’t sleep,” She answered with a huff. “Yeah, well, how’s caffeinated tea going to help?” The Doctor shot back with and amused grin. Rose flushed in realization. Maybe earl grey wasn’t the best option. So, dumbstruck, she took to her last resort. “Shut up,” She muttered, and the Doctor beamed victoriously. Rose stuck out her tongue. The time lord had said more than once before, that he did not do domesticity. But he was as domestic as could be when he was around Rose. Pulling out a chair for himself, he snatched a sip of the tea. Rose glared at her alien boyfriend. Boyfriend? Is that what they were called now? They weren’t married, so one would assume. But boyfriend and girlfriend sounded a little childish. “You left the teabag in too long, it’s all bitter now,” The Doctor wrinkled his nose in distaste. “But how to make proper tea is not what I came to talk to you about.” “Then, pray tell, what is it that you came to talk to me about?” Rose asked innocently. “Well, you see, I’ve noticed that ever since you came back from the parallel world, you grown into a sort of… unhealthy routine,” The Doctor explained. Rose set her jaw quizzically. “Oh, c’mon, you really think I wouldn’t notice? I tell you to sleep, you agree and pretend to go up to bed, but really you only stay up there for fifteen minutes, then you go down to the kitchen, and stare into a mug of tea for three hours, wander to the library, read, come back and look at some more tea, and fall asleep at the kitchen table. The only reason you wake up in bed is because I carry you to our room every night!” Rose hesitated. “I…” “Please, Rose. You’ve been getting and average of four to five hours of sleep per night,” The Doctor begged. “You have to tell me what’s wrong!” Rose’s gaze darkened, her muscles stiffening. Then she relinquished. “When… when I was dimension hopping, I saw a lot of things. Sometimes fine, others were not so fine,” Rose began quietly. “I watched people die. I saw the world end. I watched another version of myself and family die. I heard children’s screams and parents cry. Or I was alone, a post apocalyptic earth. Cluttered with skeletons and silence. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that…” Her voice broke in anguish. “I killed people! Sometimes I was being attacked and I was panicking and I killed people. I made someone stop living. Poof, they’re gone, no bringing them back. They don’t exist anymore. People died because I was too stupid to come up with a better plan in time. I don’t know who they were, but I killed them anyway. I… I… I’m sorry!” She let out a broken sob and hid her face in her arms, her body shuddering with cries of pain. The Doctor cradled her close, murmuring a comforting lullaby in gallifreyan. “Rose… oh Rose, you should have told me. Rose, I’m sorry you had to go through that,” He whispered into her ear. “It was unfair that you were put into those situations. But we cannot go back. You cannot make better choices with hindsight. Live isn’t a movie, or a show on the telly, or a book, where we can watch carefully every detail and take hours to think about a different solution. No, everything is happening right here, right now. Instantly. And right here, right now, I’m telling you that it’s okay. I’ve made mistakes too. I’ve made more mistakes with my pinkie than you have with your whole body,” Rose sniffled into the alien’s shoulder, and in the first time since she came back from the parallel world, a weight had lifted off her shoulders. She realized it was okay. They were okay.