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The lights are on. The lights are always on. Vanya is preparing her sandwich slowly, dragging out every second. Aligning the bread side by side, crumbs sticking to her fingers. Opening the peanut butter, plastic lid creaking under her hands. Spreading the peanut butter on the bread slices, not too thick not too thin. Licking the butter knife clean. Placing the ideal four marshmallows on the bread. Vanya’s movements are methodical, the motions so practiced that she barely has to watch her hands. Instead, she stares at the front door; childish hope still lingering in her heart. Father said Five was gone for good and they needed to forget him, her siblings seemed content enough to do that. No one dares utter his name anyone, no one remarks on Vanya’s late night visits. The only person who seems to even know about them is Grace who would come down to check on her when she was down too late, sobbing by the door or staring into nothingness.Vanya only pulls her eyes from the door to cut her sandwich. Four perfect squares, one big marshmallow in each. Just the way Five liked it. The tears Vanya hadn’t felt fall begin to dry on her cheeks, leaving behind a salty residue. She wipes her face roughly with her PJ sleeve, swallowing the lump in her throat along with a bite of sweet sandwich. Her eyes are closed when she hears it.A soft thud behind her, a heavy exhale of breath. The sounds are like screams in the quiet, sleeping house and Vanya spins around with reddened eyes wide. Five. A few years older, and dressed in jeans and a hoodie that are both threadbare and coated in pale dust like ash - but she knows it’s Five. His dark eyes are wild and hungry like a stray dog’s, she grins at him dumbly as he approaches.Five reaches out a dirty hand, touching her cheek so gently like he’s worried she’ll vanish into the wind.“Vanya. I’m so glad it’s you.” Five’s voice is much deeper than she remembers, his limps are longer, and where his face was soft and round is now hard and defined. But his eyes are the same deep chestnut brown and he still looks at her like she’s something to be cherished, like she’s something special.The breath Vanya was holding escapes in a whimper and she practically jumps into him, holding him as tight as she can (which isn’t very tight). He wraps his arms around her and she melts into his touch. No one has hugged her like this since he left, she had started to think no one ever would again.“I love you so fucking much, Oh My God, you’re here!” Vanya mumbles into his chest, blinking fresh, happy tears from her eyes.“I’ll be here for as long as I can and I’ll come back as soon as I can.” Vanya’s smile shrivels to a frown, such gut-wrenching sadness dawning over her features.“What? You can’t mean you’re leaving again? Why! You just -“His hands are holding her face again, thumbs stroking her salt-stained cheeks, and the gentleness is so overwhelming that the words fall from her lips.“Shh, Vanya, I don’t want to waste these precious moments explaining but I got stuck in time and things are complicated. You just have to trust me. I swear that I will do everything I can to get back soon, I would never choose to leave you alone here.”No longer bothering to contain her sobbing, Vanya nods. Five kisses her forehead reverently, still mumbling sweet nothings against her skin. His breath his warm, he’s alive, he’s real. He will be back.Five reluctantly pulls away from her, their hands clasped like anchors. They stare at each other, memorizing each others’ faces.“I don’t want you to leave.” Her plea sounds childish even to herself but she can’t find it in herself to care.“I wish I had a choice, my dear.”When they kiss it tastes of peanut butter, marshmallow, and tears. She keeps her eyes closed when she sees the flash of blue light behind her lids. Vanya isn’t ready to open her eyes and see him gone, just another moment with the warmth of him lingering on her lips and her hands. Vanya stands with her eyes pinched tight and a painful lump in her throat until her lips and her hands go cold again. “Vanya, darling, are you alright?” Vanya blinks the tears from her eyes and looks at Grace’s smiling face. For a moment, she wants to bury her face in her chest and tell her everything. But just for a moment.“It’s fine, Mom, I’m just heading to bed.”“Okay, darling. I’ll just clean up here.”“Thanks, Mom.”That night she lays in bed for a long time, unshed tears heavy in her chest. She dreams of Five on top of her, of his warm hands all over her body, of him whispering his love into her ear like a precious secret.