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Seokjin could still clearly remember the first time Namjoon showed up at the shelter at which he worked. At the time, everything the younger man had been wearing were dull shades, making him look exceedingly out of place within the brightly painted walls of the shelter. A pillar of reality within the closed off walls. But that wasn’t the clothes that really made him stand out, it was what he asked him. “Do you have any crabs?”Looking up from his monotone business textbook that lay open on his desk, he looked at the large hazel eyes behind the huge glasses that covered half his perfectly round face. His heart skipped a beat. On one hand, he had never been the kind of person who would stop if someone attractive crossed him, mostly because he rarely paid attention. However, the face in front of him would most certainly make him stop. At first he didn’t know what to make of the request, momentarily forgetting that he worked at an animal shelter. After staring blankly at the stranger who was staring purposefully back at him, all he could muster was, “Excuse me?”Not even for a second did the resolve slip from his eyes as he just studied Seokjin, who was contemplating whether to be disturbed by such an otherworldly request. The strangest one he’d heard for the few months he had worked here was a puppy-cat, which seemed to make more sense than what he was being asked right now. Sometimes, he really found himself wondering why, of all places he chose to work here. There was always the coffee shop. But then again, the coffee shop didn’t have such cute animals running around everywhere. Besides, coffee wasn't something he particularly loved. “Crabs. Do you have any crabs? He repeated resolutely. The anticipation in his eyes was something he had seen when little children came to him asking for kittens or puppies, making him smile despite the incomprehensible request. “Crabs?” Asked Seokjin, unable to keep the amusement from his voice. Coyly, he rest his chin on the palm of his hand as he placed his elbow on the desk.“You know, most shelters don’t have crabs.”As if the awkwardness of the question was finally catching on with him, the tall stranger began nervously rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze fell to the floor. This made the dark woolen cap that sat atop his head shift ever so slightly to show dyed hair that was a little lighter than his mahogany eyes. Lying on his golden skin, he couldn’t help but admire how well the colour suited him. Half the time, whenever Yunki did convince him to dye his hair, it never ended up suiting him as well as it suited the guy standing in front of him. It certainly helped that his face was probably the cutest one that had walked in here. There probably wasn't a colour in existance that wouldn't suit him when he looked like that.“Right.. well, I..”Letting out a sigh, he turned to leave as Seokjin sprang up from his chair, causing it to loudly crashed into the wall behind him, making the stranger stop and worriedly turn around. God, he was taller than he thought. Awkwardly, they locked eyes for a moment, with both of them left utterly blank on what to say. It was after a few seconds that the man began turning away once more, when an uncalled for surge of energy caused his tongue to act faster than his mind. “Wait!”Stumbling out from behind the small desk, Seokjin walked up to him and saw the look of disappointment that outshone everything else on his face. Despite it not being his fault that he couldn’t give crabs to him, he couldn’t help feeling a small pang of guilt. He couldn’t comprehend why the stranger’s dismay affected him so profoundly. It had to do something with the horrible frown. Having forgotten why he got up in the first place, he was reminded by the fact that the tall man was staring at him just as blankly Seokjin had only moments before.“Do you like cats?”“Cats..?” he asked hesitantly, fingers nervously tugging on the ends of his sweatshirt. A few bands of silver on his slender fingers caught Seokjin's eyes as they glinted in the light. Even his hands were unnecessarily attractive, at least, more so than his own. “Come on, you know what cats are, right?” He asked playfully, which the stranger didn’t catch onto, making him look genuinely hurt. For some reason, the look caused him to feel the same as he would feel if he accidentally stepped on a puppy’s paw. For someone clearing six feet, he was so.. small . The two terms were polar opposites, but his mind could muster up nothing else that described the man more perfectly. “Do you like them or not?”Rubbing his neck once more as if Seokjin had asked him a serious life question and not one concerning cats, he took a few moments to answer. Not that it would have mattered, he’d have dragged him to the nursery anyway. There was no one who could resist those cute balls of fur.“I guess so.. but-”“Come on.” hesitating for a moment, the man stared at the door for a moment, contemplating whether or not he should leave, before following him through the maze of sections to the back. Forcing himself to go past the puppies and dogs that had been recently brought in, he marched forwards, his mind set only on the private little corner of the shelter. Seokjin didn’t really know why he had so adamantly offered to take him to the kitten nursery, he’d never taken anyone back there. Not even Yunki. It was his safe haven, the place he always went when there was something on his mind. Despite having friends like Yunki and Hoseok, he never felt like bringing his problems to them. It wasn’t a burden they should bear, so why should he? Something told him the guy needed the kittens more than he did right now, and he didn’t have a strong enough will to resist those eyes.Halting abruptly by the door, he turned around and intentionally spoke in a hushed whisper. It quite prohibited from bringing random people in here, so it would help if he wasn’t heard. On the other hand, he just wanted an excuse to make the man lean closer to listen to him.“Okay so, anyone asks, you’re a volunteer. Yeah?”Nodding, he watched Seokjin expectantly, eyes sparkling unnecessarily under the hallway lights. “Don’t spend too long in there, the kittens are supposed to sleep a lot. And just.. they’re really small so, don’t step on them or anything.”“I’m not that clumsy..” he mumbled as Seokjin delicately opened the door, tiptoeing inside with his back hugging the wall as the taller man followed him. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the low light, causing him to blink a few times before the room came into focus. The multi-coloured blankets scattered around the room were spotted with about 12 small lumps of fur that he could barely make out as sleeping kittens with an occasional moving ear or the flick of a tail. Tilting his head, he saw the man staring at them with amazement in his widened eyes as his mouth made a perfect ‘o’. Unable to stop himself from smiling as he discreetly stepped over the heated blankets and carefully picked up one of the closest kittens and held her to his chest. Making his way back to the stranger, he delicately handed her to him.Comically she seemed to fit almost entirely in his large hands, her small body making hm look even larger. Looking up at him in bewilderment as if Seokjin had handed him a priceless artifact instead of a kitten, he saw his expression soften immensely. When the man had first walked in, one would have thought he had walked in to take the CSAT and not an animal shelter. Well, unless he was a parent of an eight year old who wanted to adopt 4 dogs. Despite not even knowing who he was, Seokjin felt as if something heavy had been lifted off his chest as he watched him gently scratch the kitten behind the ears. “I’ll be outside, I gotta sit at the table.” Checking his watch that read 5:37, he looked back at the taller man who had now settled down on one of the blankets with two kittens snuggling into his loose clothes.  “We close at 6.”Glancing up at him, he gave Seokjin one last smile before returning to the kittens as he gently shut the door behind him, unable to rid himself of his own smile. The next few visits were quite like this one. The only difference was, each time he walked in, his eyes seemed duller than the last and each time, it took longer for Seokjin to bring a smile on his face. Since the first time he came, Namjoon had seemed to permanently brand himself into Seokjin’s mind. So much so that he had began staring at the door in anticipation every two weeks or so when he knew the taller man would show up. However, the anticipation was quickly washed away by concern as he studied the increasingly forlorn look on Namjoon’s face. Although he’d always leave with an easy smile on his face, that didn’t seem to last when he returned with an immeasurable heaviness. But, he had never gotten the courage to say more than a few words to him, he hadn’t even asked for his name until the day he didn’t show up.Seokjin had begun becoming increasingly anxious when the paw print shaped clock on the brightly hued wall wall read 5:45 with no sign of the tall man. The latest he had ever been was the first time he came, 5:37 and he’d been quite frequent. He had never once been later than 5:30. Tapping his finger impatiently against the wooden desk, he found his eyes frequently flitting over the clock, hoping time would slow down somehow. It had been difficult in the first place, to sit there and study while he’d been waiting for him to show up, especially since he didn’t have any guarantee. What made him feel worse was he had to count on him having a bad couple of weeks simply so that he could talk to him for a few seconds.5:52. Still no sign of the tall man. Accepting the futility of his task, he shut the book with an exasperated sigh. Leaning back in his chair, he stared at the small lines running across the boards on the ceiling. It had become a habit of his, while he waited. When the words in his textbooks began jumbling together, he would often just trace the lines as if he was solving a maze. Going back to the kitten nursery reminded him too much of the tall man on the days Seokjin expected him to show up, so he often didn’t make his way there. After he had seen the man in there once, it seemed to have lost its magic without those large hazel eyes staring back at him.5:57. Where was he? Glancing at the frosted glass door, he watched, waiting for a vague silhouette to appear. Of course there were a thousand different reasons why he wouldn’t turn up. Maybe his week had been extraordinarily splendid. But there was no reason to not come and visit kittens just because his life had been good. There was really, no good reason to not visit kittens. Then again, there were a thousand bad reasons too. Perhaps, it had simply slipped his mind.6:00. Sighing, he grabbed his heavy textbook and shoved it into his backpack. He didn’t show up after all. Noisily dangling the keys from his finger, he put on his cap despite it being after sundown and blew one last kiss to the little puppy whose eyes had been following him since he stood up. Stepping away from the door, he quickly locked it before shoving the keys into the small pocket of his bag. In his mind he was trying to convince himself that the man would show up tomorrow, it wasn’t that big a deal. Despite it being a bad sign to see him return, Seokjin couldn’t help but want to see him.Preoccupied by trying to convince himself of the fact, he didn’t notice the darkly dressed figure sitting at the bottom of the concrete steps until he tripped over them. As if in slow motion he watched as the dark pavement rose to meet him, ruthlessly slamming into the right side of his body. Thankfully, there wasn't a sound or a flare of unbearable pain than indicated that anything was broken. Groaning in pain, he rolled onto his back as he felt blood trickle down the side of his arm and face and fumbling footsteps on the steps.Blocking out the moon and the streetlights, a face came before his and a pair of familiar mahogany eyes stared into his own. To clear his hazy vision, he blinked a few times but he could do nothing about the ringing in his ears. When he could see clearly, all that was in front of him was the man mouthing words, eyes becoming wider each second when he no doubt realised he couldn’t hear him. It took only a few seconds for the ringing to stop, only to be replaced by the man loudly hissing his name. Under different circumstances, he really wouldn't mind hearing his warm deep voice, but it would take a truly psychotic person to appreciate it when it was being screamed loudly in their ears.“Seokjin-ssi! I’m so sorr -”Quizzical, he blankly blinked at him, forgetting that his name was on his uniform and simply held his finger to his own lips, signalling the man to quiet down. For a moment, the only sound were of the passing cars and the shadow of footsteps against the pavement. Despite the fact that he’d quite literally fallen over the man, he couldn’t help but notice the way he’d curled his hazel hair. When winter had gone, he'd gotten to see his hair in all its glory. Under the sunlight on other days, it looked good enough to snatch the breath from his lungs. He couldn't imagine it looking any better, but here he was, the curly hair proving him wrong. Grunting, he pushed himself onto his left elbow, with the man catching on a second too late. For a moment, they were close enough that Seokjin could smell the faint trace of cologne. Inhaling sharply, he realised that his face was close enough that he just had to lean forward for their lips to touch. Frozen in place, his lungs screamed for air until the taller man backed away awkwardly.“I’m fine.” he breathed, pushing himself up as his hand reached up to touch the bloody scrape on his cheek. Apologetic, the man stood up and offered his hand, which Seokjin took gratefully, and helped him to stand. The skin was smooth, a lot smoother than his own. Well it wouldn't be hard for it to be, all day Seokjin was dealing with teething dogs and cats. As soon as he put his weight on his right leg, it buckled quite sharply, making pain surge through his leg. Just as he began falling once more, immediately he felt a pair of corded arms grab him, causing his face to flush furiously as the man held him up. Unable to meet his eyes, Seokjin tried to limp away from him, but he held him in place. Staying away wasn't on his agenda but he was sure he looked absolutely terrible and smelled of wet dogs. He wouldn't be surprised if he backed away to find the taller man with a look of disgust on his face.“Put your arm around me.” he offered, causing Seokjin to stare at him in disbelief, only to find his cheeks tinted red like his own. “Please. You’ll fall.” he pleaded, watching him expectantly. Sighing, he put an arm around his shoulder as he bent down and put an arm around his waist. He didn't think it was possible for his face to flush more than it already was, but he was most certainly proven wrong as his face heated up even more. Holding him tightly, he steadily helped Seokjin onto the pavement, purposefully avoiding eye contact.“Uh.. Seokjin-ssi -”“Just call me hyung.” he interrupted, tired of hearing ‘Seokjin-ssi’ a million times within the course of what seemed no more than a minute.“But, hyung doesn’t even know my name.”Halting abruptly, he raised his eyebrow expectantly as the man stared back at him. For obvious reasons, there was still a trace of pink on his cheeks and Seokjin was sure there was some on his own. The close proximity caused his heart to race uncontrollably, especially when the shade became darker on the other man’s face when their eyes met for too long. Dropping his eyes to the floor, he spoke in a voice he wouldn’t have been able to hear had he been standing even a few centimeters away. “Namjoon.” he whispered, shyly watching the crosswalk in front of them. “Now, will hyung tell me where we have to go?”Wincing as they stepped onto the road, he adjusted his arm as Namjoon held him tighter, making their sides press against each other. Through their thin summer clothes, Seokjin could feel the taut skin stretched over his torso and his shoulders. Biting the edge of his tongue to keep his face from flushing once more, he focused on spitting out directions for Namjoon. At this point, he was just thankful his voice came out steadier than his train of thought that seemed to be derailed with every brush against Namjoon's side.“I-it’s a five minute walk, just go straight and then take the third left.” he breathed, squirming as the taller man’s hand rubbed against the scrape on his forearm.“Sorry..” he muttered, adjusting his grip as they trudged forward. Unable to stop himself from asking, he glanced quietly at Namjoon, studying his preoccupied face before cautiously letting the words slip off his tongue. He was pushing too far, farther than he ought to, but the time he spent watching the door in anticipation made him feel resentful that he hadn't simply glanced outside to find him.“Why were you sitting outside? You usually come in by like 5:30 or something.” “I.. I don’t know.” he confessed, slowing down slightly as Seokjin stumbled. Not usually clumsy, he irrationally blamed Namjoon for his preoccupied mind. “Just had a bad day, I guess.”“You seem to have a lot of those.”Astonished, Namjoon looked at him with widened eyes as he attempted to shrug, an action that proved to be quite difficult when one of his arms was strapped to the other man. “I can tell, the way you look when you walk in. I don’t show that place just anyone.”“Are there a lot of people hyung’s showed it to?” he asked, his voice slightly pained as he looked at Seokjin intently. “I bet there are a bunch of people like me who walk into that place.”“Just you.” he confessed, causing Namjoon to look at him quizzically. It was amusing how thick headed the younger man seemed to be. “It’s sort of special. And, against the rules”“I don’t think the second thing really bothers hyung.” he said with a smile, causing him to laugh, despite the stinging pain on his right side.“You’re right, I don’t really care about that.” he admitted, making the taller man laugh as his large eyes became crescents. His laugh was worlds away from Seokjin’s. Where his was squeaky and high pitched, Namjoon's was low and deep, the kind that made his chest vibrate which he could feel beside him. The peculiar feeling caused something inside him to flutter nervously.“Then why did hyung take me there?” he asked, suddenly sobering up.“Are you really gonna make me say it?” sighed Seokjin, causing the taller man to grin as he smiled from embarrassment. Despite the beginning of their conversation not going according to what he had thought it would be, it seemed to be falling into place, even though it did not seem to be entirely in his favour.  “I wouldn’t mind hearing hyung say it.” he admitted playfully. So much for thick headedness.“Then I won’t say it.” he challenged, causing the smile to return to Namjoon’s face. “You just gotta live with the fact you’re different.”“‘Cause hyung likes me?”“No. ‘Cause you’re an idiot.” grinned Seokjin. Petulantly smiling, small dimples appeared on Namjoon's face causing Seokjin to restrain himself from poking it. “That I happen to like, more than the ten year olds who walk in all the time with their parents.”Studying him as he smiled, Seokjin waited for the smile to fade before he continued, letting him enjoy the joke before the atmosphere calmed. They were almost at his apartment, and he didn’t want to miss the chance to talk to him. “You looked like you needed it Namjoon-a.”“I guess I did..”“Did it help?” he asked curiously, although something told him he already knew the answer.“For a while. But, I.. I can’t really solve my problems by hiding with kittens.” he conceded. “Sometimes, it’s just fun to pet something though. Takes my mind off everything for a while.”“Then why the hell did you ask for crabs?” complained Seokjin, bringing a smile back on Namjoon’s face. “They snap their fucking pincers at everything.”“Okay I’ll admit, that was weird of me.” he admitted. “They’re cute though.”Shuddering, he imagined what it would be like to have a section for crabs at the shelter, only to find it too horrifying to hope for it to become reality. No matter how much he liked Namjoon, there were simply some things that he just didn’t want to see.Although he knew they were pressed for time, he couldn’t just outwardly ask what caused him to feel that way. Ignoring the fact that they had been “conversing” for months, he wasn’t exactly a therapist waiting for Namjoon to spill all his problems out to.Watching the unusually deserted streets, he realised, dreading each moment, that they had arrived by his apartment building. Since there were a large amount of students, like him, going to nearby university, it was surprising that the sidewalk was empty. Surprisingly, Namjoon didn’t halt before the building. Instead, he dragged him up the ramp and into the pristine lobby where he finally stopped by the elevators, pressing the button before he could even say a word to him. Stumbling inside, he quietly pressed the button for the 7th floor before standing against the railing. Although he was taking the support of the railing, Namjoon didn’t take his hand off his waist, just as he didn’t take his hand off his shoulder.“You didn’t have to come all the way here with me.” he stated plainly. Sighing, Namjoon’s eyes fell from the floor number displayed above the elevator door to the marble floor. Under the warm golden light of the elevator, he noticed that the taller man had traded the small studs in his newly pierced ears to simple silver hoops that settled against the side of his face.“I made hyung fall, it wouldn’t have been right.” he countered. “It’s the weekend, I can spare a few hours.” A few hours . The words made him feel happier than he ought to.“N-not that I wouldn’t have on a weekday.” he corrected himself, tugging Seokjin along as the elevator doors opened. Pointing to the left, they stopped in front of the mahogany door marked with a large and elaborate 71 where he fumble for his keys, making a racket in the small and silent hall. Noisily, the door swung open and Namjoon carried him inside as Seokjin guided him through the dark house, unwisely choosing the keep the lights off. Helping him down on the large bed, he sunk comfortably into the soft mattress with a sigh. Shutting his eyes, he threw an arm over his face, blocking out the dim light from the side of his room.“Sit down Namjoon-a.”“But-”“Sit. ” he repeated. “My scrapes can wait another five minutes.”Feeling the mattress sink a little more, he threw his arm off and sat up. His foot had begun to throb painfully and he began wrestling off his shoes and socks to find that his right ankle was swollen grotesquely. Looking up, he found Namjoon watching him guiltily. It had to be impossible for anyone else to look more like a scolded puppy the way he did.“I’m sorry hyung. Really- ”“Shut up. I told you I’m okay.” he interrupted. “There’s a first aid box under the sink in the bathroom.”Pursing his lips, Namjoon sprang to his feet and drifted over to the bathroom in the corner of the room, disappearing behind the wooden door only to appear seconds later with a large box in his arms.Following his directions, Namjoon dressed the parts of his body he couldn’t see, which let him find out the hard way that he was truly very clumsy. Now, he wasn't sure that he should leave the younger man alone with the delicate kittens. For the next few minutes the only sound in the room was the occasional hiss Seokjin let out when he pressed the cold disinfectant over his scrapes a little harder than necessary. Apologising each time with a wince, it was with much difficulty that they finally got to his foot. Exasperated, Namjoon collapsed onto the floor beside his foot, nudging in the process.“Sorr-”Grabbing a pillow that lay beside him, he gently hit Namjoon’s head. “Will you ever stop apologising? I told you to stop after the first one.” he snapped, his annoyance dissipating after only a moment as he noticed what a mess Namjoon’s beautiful hair had become. Grinning, he watched as the younger man stared cluelessly at him, until his finally pointed towards his head that he finally fixed it.Subduing his laughter, he watched as Namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed over the sight of his swollen ankle. Unconcerned about what he was quite sure was a simple sprain, he spent those few precious seconds studying the younger man.“I’m not the one injured right now hyung. You don’t have to treat me like a wounded puppy.”He wanted to say it was hard not to. Especially since almost everything he did seemed to incite the same emotions within him that rose when he played with the animals at the shelter. For some reason, all Namjoon had to do was walk into the shelter for him to treat him like an injured animal people brought to the shelter. Just by seeing him, all he felt like doing was wreaking havoc onto whatever brought such a desolate expression on his gentle face.“You’re wrong Namjoon-a.” he refuted. “You’ve been hurt a long time.”Shifting uncomfortably, he stared at his fidgeting hands as his shoulders bowed over. His hazel hair had begun to grow out and his darker roots were starting to show. On Yunki, he'd have already teased him about it despite the fact that it never really looked that bad. On Namjoon though, he didn't think there was a colour that wouldn't suit him As he bent over, the edge of his hair brushed against the top of his glasses. Leaning down, he brushed the soft hair away from his face as he looked back up at him.It certainly wasn’t hard to treat him that way. If he had learnt from spending all that time at the shelter, it was that animals that really brought out a person’s true nature. In other words, it was around animals that a person was most vulnerable. Having seen Namjoon withholding his pain from him each time they met, it left him feeling utterly useless. Seokjin despised the fact that he couldn’t help a lot of animals recover. Since it now seemed to concern a human being, the feeling seemed to only have amplified.His friends constantly called him motherly, he'd willingly embraced it. Now, he was finally seeing to what extent it really had. There wasn't a thing in front of him that he didn't try to fix, so much so that he'd feel increasingly agitated if he couldn't. After so many months of lingering curiosity, he didn’t want the opportunity to even talk to Namjoon to slip him by. He had realised that waiting for him to arrive every two weeks wasn't the best way to strike a conversation. Apparently his body had more drastic ideas in mind, making him trip over Namjoon just to learn his name. If it didn't hurt so much, he would probably laugh at it, in the future he was sure he would. Right now, his foot hurt just enough to make him consider smacking Namjoon with the pillow once more, just for good measure.“It’s a long story.” he admitted finally. “Does hyung like coffee?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

"Yunki-ya.” Snapped Seokjin. “Are you listening to me?”

Flinching, Yunki’s knee hit the small coffee table, rattling their cups as he blinked a few times to wake himself up. His wine coloured hair fell into his eyes as he shook his head, the drowsiness still lingering behind on his soft features. Despite the large windows beside them letting in plenty of sunlight, the excess light did nothing to stop Yunki from drifting off to sleep. He wasn’t surprised though, the younger man seemed to have no trouble sleeping even when cats found the spot uncomfortable. Much to his annoyance, no matter how much sleep he lost, dark circles never seemed to appear on his porcelain skin. What infuriated him even more was, he ate nothing healthy, and didn't even bother taking care of his skin, but there wasn't even a single blemish on his perfect skin.

“Sorry hyung. Hoseok’s audition’s today.” He replied softly, rubbing his eyes as he glanced wistfully at his empty coffee cup. “He was really stressed-”

“I know.” He admitted guiltily. "You were up pretty late last night. What time did you guys stop talking?"

"1.. or 2..? I'm not really sure, he'd just gotten back from practice." he yawned, tilting his head back as his earrings swayed from the movement. Pointing to the cup sitting forlornly before the younger man, he didn’t have to ask before the younger man nodded. Apologetically Seokjin glanced at him once more before taking their mugs and walking back to the crowded counter. He knew about Hoseok’s tendency to get stress induced enteritis, he’d driven them to a hospital many times. He couldn’t get mad at Yunki anyway, this just made it easier to let it go.

Nudging people aside, he placed the cups on the collecting counter, much to Jimin’s annoyance as he glared at him before snatching them away. He could feel eyes on him as others watched their exchange, but he couldn't have cared less. He hadn't lost the will to live yet, if they wanted to stand before Yunki and his coffee, he would want to be far away from all of it.

“Yunki wants another, Jimin!” He yelled after him as he gave him an exasperated look. Beside him, five others protested as he threw the younger man a finger heart, causing him to smile despite the complaining crowd. Mouthing 'i love you' to the shorter man, he felt his smile grow wider as Jimin pouted back, his plump lips sticking out prominently. Blissfully ignoring the stares from the mob, he trudged back to his table to find that Yunki had dozed off again, this time with his head resting on the table. There really was no waking him up from it now. 
Sighing, he sunk into the armchair. Although he knew it was petulant, it was unfair that his best friend was far too sleepy to listen to him. He was used to it, but he had stayed up talking to him prior to Hoseok finally making the first move. For once, he just wanted Yunki to do the same for him. But, it wasn't like he could just shake him awake to talk to him. No matter how desperate he was, he'd never be able to do that to Yunki.

Pulling out his phone to see a wide array of notifications, but there was only one he really cared about. The one he'd been anticipating for most of the day.
 
Namjoon

hyung hasn’t told me when he wants to go for coffee.
 
Jin

Today?

It took the younger man no more than a second to reply. Unable to stop himself from thinking that Namjoon was sitting by his phone, waiting for him to reply, he felt himself grinning idiotically, apathetic to anyone watching. What was one more college kid smiling at their phone?

Namjoon

I’ll come by hyung’s place at 4?

Biting his lip, his hands hovered above the keyboard, shivering from excitement leaving him unable to type anything for a few seconds. Initially, he began panicking. He had absolutely no idea what to say. The situation was so unfamiliar, he found himself thinking about each word ten times before he even ushered it away from his mind. 
How had he gotten from being unable to say more than ten words to Namjoon to agreeing to go to coffee in a matter of a two days?
 Even the night he had helped him limp five blocks seemed to be a dream, despite every moment being crystal clear upon recollection.

Jin

Okay.

Locking his phone, he turned the screen down towards the table before tapping it on the hardwood. He could hear the small whistles leaving Yunki’s nose as he fell into an even deeper slumber. For someone who frequently chose to give up on sleep, the younger man really was someone who loved it, especially since he had no tolerance. He’d morphed his cycle into a nocturnal one upon joining him in college, which Seokjin had spent months snatching him out of. He was quite sure he still had a few scratch marks on his shoulder from when he'd been so tired, he's quite literally drawn blood like a rabid feline. Of course, he'd made up for it by driving him to the hospital to get shots and conceding to sleeping beside him so that he could make sure he wasn't cheating. A lot of it had to do with Jimin refusing to give him coffee if he stayed up past 12 for the initial three months of his detox.

“You gotta be kidding hyung.” moaned Jimin, glaring exasperatedly at Yunki as he gently placed his coffee on the table. "I had to shove five orders aside to get Yunki's first, and he fucking slept." Despite his annoyance, the younger man just crossed his arms and gave Seokjin a small smile. Jimin’s glasses were hanging on the edge of his small nose, which he didn’t hesitate in pushing back as he playfully scrunched his nose at him. Around the two of them, he didn't even give a thought to the people sitting around them, for they might as well have been alone. That was probably a reason why he hung around them so much, forgetting about the world once in a while tended to be a good thing.

The large windows let in sunlight that caused his glossy blond hair to shine as he tilted his head. “Anything from Hoseokie hyung?”

“Not yet. Probably still at the audition. He’d have called us by now.” sighed Seokjin, still tapping his phone on the table. Jimin cast a glance at the counter where the caffeine deprived mob had begun to die out before dragging a nearby armchair to their table and settling down comfortably in it. Lifting his apron, he crossed his legs before resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

“Why did hyung come on so early today?” he asked softly, his large brown eyes studying him through the lenses of his glasses as if studying him would give him the answer. Casting one last last glance at a passed out Yunki before leaning forward, talking as quietly as he could muster. Considering what he was talking about, he thought it to be an amazing feat they were not screaming at the top of their lungs.

“You remember that guy? The one who kept coming to the shelter?” he asked the younger man, causing him to nod vigorously as his eyes widened with curiosity. “Well..”

“He asked hyung out?” gasped Jimin in disbelief. A few neighbouring people to turn their heads towards them, causing his face to flush furiously as Jimin’s mouth widened with no words left to say. The blond was loud enough wake Yunki up, causing him to jump, hitting the table once more. Muffling his laughter Jimin slapped his hand over his mouth as Seokjin didn’t bother even trying to lower it. Annoyed, the younger man tiredly rubbed his eyes just as his phone began ringing. Without even bothering to look at who called, Yunki put it to his ear, sipping the dark coffee sitting in front of them.

“Hello?” he muttered, glaring at them as they tried to suppress their laughter due to his heavy voice. “Namjoon-a?”

Sobering up immediately, Seokjin’s hands froze as he stared at Yunki in shock. Despite the the haze of voices in the background, he felt trapped in a bubble of heavy silence as glared at his best friend. He had been friends with Yunki for well over six years, being close enough to the point where had actually slept in the same bed as him, albeit unwillingly. The sting of betrayal he felt from hearing Namjoon’s name from Yunki’s mouth was unprecedented.

There had barely been anything they had hidden from each other. Even when Seokjin was unwilling to go to him with his problems, Yunki would always end up getting it out of him. Seokjin had told him about Namjoon weeks ago, when he’d walked into their apartment after the first time the younger man had come to the shelter. It hadn’t taken Yunki longer than a few seconds to sigh at his stupidly smiling face to guess what had been happening.

Tilting his head, he saw the same shock accompanying a look of amusement on Jimin’s face. They locked eyes for a mere moment before the younger man snatched the phone from Yunki’s hand and switch on speakerphone, with the older not even bothering to take it back as Seokjin glared daggers at him. He backed off immediately, not even moving his hands away from his chest in fear of Seokjin snapping at him. It did help to be older than him at times.

“Does hyung remember the guy at the shelter?”

“Yeah, yeah you've told me a thousand times.”

“He fell a few days ago.. I guess it was because of me. I helped him to his place since he couldn’t walk and.. I asked if he wanted coffee.”

Choking on his drink, Yunki clumsily put the cup down, staring at Seokjin with widened eyes like a deer caught in headlights. Beside him, Jimin watched the both of them, his expression shuttling from amusement to fright as his eyes flitted from Seokjin’s seething face to Yunki’s submissive one. For a few moments, the only sound at their table was the tinkling of the small chains on Jimin’s ears as they gently hit each other. The earlier playfulness had disappeared after the first time Yunki uttered Namjoon’s name. If looks could kill, he was sure his face would have killed his best friend already.

Before he had a chance to say a word to him, Namjoon’s voice interrupted his well justified stare.

“Is hyung okay?”

Coughing, he rubbed his forehead nervously, keeping his voice as plain as he possibly could.

“I’m fine.” he wheezed. “What did he say?”

Not even waiting a moment, the younger man replied so excitedly, he seemed to just have been waiting to answer the question since the moment he had called Yunki. Despite himself, just hearing the happiness in Namjoon’s voice made his anger dissipate. He could just imagine his eyes sparkling as he smiled while talking, the same way he smiled around the kittens at the shelter. The unadulterated wonder that was ever present in his voice just tugged him back to the comfortably warm room with its cozy blankets. It was hard for him to sustain his anger with such a sight in mind.

“He said yes hyung. He fucking said yes. I’m picking him up at 4.”

“Ah..” stated Yunki, glancing up at him, finally realising what Seokjin had meant to tell him all along. He couldn’t help but wonder how he had ever managed to surround himself with such intelligent but thick headed idiots.“Have fun Joon-a.”

“Thanks Yunki-nim. I’ll see hyung in class.”

Raising his eyebrow, Jimin pursed his lips, stopping his laughter from spilling as he watched Seokjin glare at Yunki when he cut the phone. Waves of annoyance seemed to radiate from him and sink into the younger man’s pale skin as he shrunk away in anticipation of his explosion. The truth was, he didn’t really know what to say. That did not stop him from taking this free pass to throw curses at Yunki with him having no other option but to accept.

“Hyung I-”

“You, are a little shit Yunki-ya.” he spat venomously. “I told you about him months ago.”

“And he told me about hyung months ago.” replied Yunki plainly as Jimin watched them argue with amusement lingering on his face, waiting for the situation to unfold “I didn’t want to get involved.”

“

Involved?

You could have at least mentioned the fact that he’s in your class.” he hissed. The

audacity.

“Who’s in hyung’s class?”

Turning their heads, they found Taehyung standing beside Jimin, his apron smeared with brown smudges as he stared expectantly at their faces. Both he and Jimin were dressed in the same dark t-shirt and pants that they wore for their shifts, except where Jimin’s was spotless, it was hard for him to find a place on Taehyung that

wasn’t

spotted. Exchanging a look among the three of them, Jimin gave Seokjin a pleading look. It didn’t take him longer than a second to give into his adorable pout, allowing him to pull Taehyung down by his sleeve before whispering excitedly in his ear. From a passive look of boredom, he too dorned an amused look not unlike the one on Jimin’s face as the shorter man let go of him.

“Why is Yunki hyung still alive?” he inquired jokingly, ripping off another bite of the bar. Despite working at the coffee store and having access to most of the things for free, Seokjin just couldn’t understand why the two of them always ate those infernal packed snacks. The straightest answer he had gotten from them was that ‘nothing lived up to hyung’s cooking’, which he felt was said only because they were exhausted of their failed attempts of making their own dinner. Yunki and Seokjin’s apartment was basically one that belonged to Jimin, Jungkook, Hoseok, and Taehyung as well.

Glaring at him once more, Yunki didn’t even try to defend himself anymore as he simply sipped his coffee. “He’ll pay me back later.” said Seokjin, earning him a submissive sigh from the younger man.

“I might actually look forward to that.” stated Taehyung playfully. Grabbing his wrist, Jimin stole a bite off the wrapped snack before adding to his remark. “We’ll

definitely

look forward to it.”

Rolling his eyes, Seokjin pushed back his chair and slipped his phone into the pocket of his shorts, ruffling Jimin’s hair while passing him. Yunki, still on the verge of passing out now had a dark cloud over his shoulders from the impending favour as he gulped his coffee like it was water, earning a horrified look from Jimin. He only stopped for moment, glancing back in fear of finding Jimin having thrashed Yunki for neglecting his sleep again. It really wasn't a wise decision, since he would probably get scolded too, but, he just wanted a vengeful sight to satiate his annoyance.

“We’ll make sure to have an evening shift hyung!” Jimin yelled after him, accompanied by Taehyung’s deep laughter.

Pushing the glass door, he pulled a cap over his hair as he sauntered out into the sparsely populated quad. Even though his eyes were covered by its shade, the heat clung to him uncomfortably as a blast of hot air singed him the moment he stepped out. This was his third year of college and he couldn’t help feeling a little nostalgic for the first time he’d walked onto the campus. Fresh out of school, his idea of college had been quite different from what he had been expected. Coming from a strict all boys school, being shoved into one where girls could be in the room beside his was a large step up. Another thing he couldn’t get used to was the amount of attention he drew. Despite the all boys thing, on the last Valentine’s day in school, he’d gotten more than ten roses, making him blush brightly in the middle of class as they placed them on his desk. College only seemed to get wilder.

Forget roses, he had so many people ask him out that he had locked himself in his dorm room in panic. The one he'd spent Valentine's day was with Yunki, solely because he hadn't had the guts or the energy to ask Hoseok out. He despised the idea of even sitting close to a stranger, much less going out on a date with one. In fact.. he hadn’t even bothered talking to anyone other than his old friends. Except maybe, for Namjoon.

Settling down under a tree, he heard a bird chirp in the higher branches as the leaves brushed against each other in the wind. Letting out a satisfied huff when he was comfortable enough, he squinted as he glanced upwards. Some flowers still bloomed, small remnants of spring in the growing heat. Their brightly hued petals stood out of the greens and browns, which made his thoughts go back to Hoseok.

The younger man had barely come into his and Yunki’s life before his friend had begun to hole himself up even further. Much to his frustration, as much as he pushed Yunki towards the dancer, he used to just dig himself further into the ground. An irrational part of him wondered if Namjoon would do the same if they were to grow closer. He didn’t seem very expressive, except for his eyes which could hide nothing from Seokjin.

Before he had a chance to delve into it any further, a pair of hands slapped over his eyes as he heard an excited giggle behind him. Relaxing after the initial panic, he couldn’t help but smile as his brother leaned forward, resting his chin on top of his head. Despite the cut on his face hurting from the unwarranted pressure, ecstasy spread to every inch of his body at the thought of having his brother here.

“Yah, Jungkook-a, what are you doing here?”

Slyly grinning, his brother darted out from behind him and lay his head on Seokjin’s lap, throwing a few blades of grass at him. “It’s the weekend hyung. I took the train, it’s like two hours. ”

“You could have told me.” he frowned, throwing a few blades of his own as Jungkook scrunched his nose at him. Not even attempting to resist the urge to mock him, he scrunched his face as well, making the younger’s face to break into an immediate smile. “I would have picked you up from the station. You know I don't like you walking around alone.”

Shrugging, his brother let him run his hands through the long black strands as he rest his hands on his stomach. “I wanted to surprise hyung.” 
Still watching him, he found a bemused look make its way onto the younger’s face as he signalled at his scraped skin. “What happened to hyung’s face?”

Reaching a hand up to touch it, he hissed as it stung, his fingers flinching after the initial contact. “I fell a few days ago. But that isn’t important. Did you meet mom and dad?” he asked, already aware the answer would be no. Although both of them were quite introverted, Jungkook preferred to spend time alone outside the house, not away from him, since he'd often join him, but from their parents. Seokjin also doubted the first thing he wanted to do after a 2 hour train ride was to get overwhelmed by their overbearing parents.

“Not yet. Don’t make me leave already hyung.” he pouted, pleading him silently with his large doe eyes. Sighing to let him know he’d won, he watched his grin return, involuntarily scrunching his nose. “So hyung’s going on a date?”

Realisation dawned on him that his brother’s smile was a knowing one as he playfully raised his eyebrows. It was Taehyung, it had to be.

“Who told you? Was it Tae?”

“Jiminie. Just now actually” he corrected. Tilting his head towards him, there was a sad curiosity in Jungkook’s eyes as he studied him. “Will hyung tell mom and dad?”

“No.” he stated plainly, pushing the thought away from his mind. Jungkook knew just as well how their parents felt towards anything aside from heterosexual or heteroromantic couples. Maybe sometime in the future.. He just wasn’t ready for it now. He knew Jungkook wasn’t too. Seokjin was definitely not the only one he came to visit, but, he wanted to wait for him to admit it, as much as he’d like to rub it in his face. It brought a humourless smile to his face at the very thought of both his parents’ children being inclined to love those of the same gender.

However, he knew he’d upset Jungkook. Frowning, he turned his eyes towards the tree top, making him feel a pang of guilt for upsetting him. He rarely got to see his brother since his parents had shipped him off to Busan when Seokjin had taken theatre. It seemed like the more they fought the way their children were, his parents just seemed to be pushing them into the arms of the very things they craved. In effort to redeem himself, Seokjin dangled the very thing he knew would work.

“You wanna come here don’t you JK? ‘Cmon, I’ll show you the dance studio.”

Positively glowing from excitement, Jungkook sprang to his feet and yanked him up so swiftly, he was left seeing stars. Stumbling behind the charged teenager, he grabbed his shoulder to steady himself as his vision slowly cleared. Since Hoseok and Jimin basically lived there, he had been dragged there often by Yunki, he could bet that he would be able to find it with his eyes closed. After the coffee shop, the arts building was his home. There was a reason he was majoring in theatre, he just couldn’t find himself sitting behind a desk staring at a laptop screen all day.

Jungkook hadn’t come here alone before, since he’d just gotten permission to do so. When he’d come with their parents, the last thing on their mind was to satisfy their youngest son’s curiosity. When he had reached an area that was unfamiliar, the younger halted, nudging Seokjin in front. Swatting his head playfully, he threw his arm over Jungkook’s shoulder as they trudged forward.

One thing he truly loved about his university was the infrastructure. Most of the buildings, especially the one housing the arts department, had their walls made mostly out of windows. During the day, there was more than enough sunlight, making the lecture halls more pleasant than he had ever thought they would be.

Glancing at his brother, he saw his mouth hanging open as he basked in the shadow of the beautiful buildings, his eyes twinkling in the warm light. Too busy studying him, Seokjin didn’t realise where he was going before it was too late and he felt himself colliding into a lanky body, causing him to promptly fall on his ass. Ready to throw a string of curses, he angrily glanced forward, only to have blood rush to his face when he saw Namjoon sitting in a similar position in front of him. Jungkook simply stared at Namjoon in astonishment, his mouth still hanging open.

Smiling with embarrassment, Namjoon dusted himself off and offered him a hand, which he took gratefully. As he stood once more, he yelped at pain radiated from his right ankle, causing both Jungkook and Namjoon to reach out to him as he stumbled. Brushing both of them away, he stood on his own with exasperation.

“I thought hyung said it wasn’t a big deal.” frowned his brother as Namjoon watched both of them curiously. Feeling his gaze on him, Jungkook shuffled to the right, half hiding behind Seokjin, even though he was almost the same height. No matter how much tougher he tried to get, he’d still be a baby.

“Because it isn’t. Don’t worry about it.” he reassured him, even when he looked unconvinced. Turning back to Namjoon, who was delicately aligning his crooked glasses, the words slipped from his mind as his eyes fell on his adorably messy hair that stood out at awkward angles. The feeling of the lightly damaged but still silky hair still lingered like a phantom on his fingertips from when he'd brushed them away from the younger's face. His fingers were positively itching to feel the strands between them again, but he held himself back from doing it in such an open place.

“We should stop doing this hyung.” joked Namjoon, giving him a smile as he followed his eyes and began fixing his hair. It took every ounce of willpower to keep a scowl from making its way onto his face as his hair returned to normalcy. It wasn't that he didn't look good. The messy hair just made it easier for him to imagine what it would be like to wake up beside him. “We might kill each other someday.”

“You’re going to kill me someday.” corrected Seokjin, brushing off the dust from his shorts. Due to the heat, the younger man was wearing a sleeveless tee. He already knew he was more muscular than Namjoon, but that didn’t lessen his attraction to him in any manner. Even as he moved his arms, it was hard for him to not stare at the way the muscle moved under his lightly tanned skin.

“Hyung’s probably right. He-“

“Jin-hyung.” whispered Jungkook, nervously tugging at his sleeve. “Who’s that?”

Peering curiously over his shoulder, Namjoon watched his brother as Jungkook stared back at him with apprehension. Holding out his hand, the younger gave them a warm smile, making his adorable dimples reappear. He really did want to poke them, just once. It wasn't like he was asking for all that much.

“I’m Namjoon.”

Skittishly, his brother moved out from behind Seokjin, just enough to shake his hand. To be quite honest, he was surprised his brother had moved at all. Had it been anyone else, making skin contact wouldn't even be close to the top of his priority list, with just so happened to begin with 'avoid social contact'. “Jungkook.”

Unsurprised at how shy he was being, he placed his arm where it was before. Gratefully, his brother allowed him to lean onto his shoulders, alleviating the pain in his ankle. His relief didn't go entirely unnoticed as Namjoon watched him move with the utmost curiosity, residual guilt lingering in his almond shaped eyes.

“Namjoon-a, I promised him I’d show him the dance studio-“

“Does hyung need help?” he interrupted, glancing at his foot even as he tried to reject the offer. To his surprise, it was Jungkook who interjected.

“Yes please, hyung’s heavy.” he whined earning him a playful smack. Jimin had definitely told him about Namjoon. There was no way he would ever admit to being unable to bear anyone's weight. The sly grin his brother gave him only confirmed his thoughts as he snaked away from his arm.

Giving him a smile, Namjoon took his other arm and placed it over his shoulder, allowing Jungkook to slip away as he excitedly chippered beside them. Once more, he found himself unable to think as Namjoon’s lean body was pressed against his with each step as they shuffled towards the elevator. God, all he could do was try and push the thoughts of what his bare torso away from his mind. Praying, he hoped to god he wouldn’t be reduced to a nervous blabbing mess just because the younger man was standing beside him. “What does Namjoon-ssi study? Theatre, like Jin hyung?” asked his brother, watching the the two of them curiously. Jimin had surely told him his name, no wonder he was watching them as if he was just waiting for something to happen. But he knew Jungkook wouldn’t dare mess with anything. Seokjin had far too much leverage with what he knew about him, Jimin and Taehyung.

As Namjoon shifted to his other foot, separating their bodies ever so slightly, he fought the urge to shuffle to the side just to return to their older position. Somehow sensing his thoughts with only a single gaze, the younger man smiled shyly as he shifter back, making Seokjin turn his head away, biting his lip to avoid blushing. Satisfied, his brother grinned so wide, his large round eyes were reduced to crescents on the sides of his scrunched nose.

“Nope, music.” he corrected, dragging him along as the elevator door opened. Losing himself to his thoughts as he was helped forward, he couldn’t help but imagine how incredibly

hot

Namjoon’s voice would be in a song. He already knew Yunki was a rapper and composer, and no matter how much he teased him about it, the younger’s voice was something Seokjin could listen to all day without getting tired of. God don’t even get him started on Jimin and Taehyung..

They’d asked him to sing jokingly a few times, he’d never had the courage to try it out. Frankly.. he was just terrified. The pathological fear of being so utterly terrified of being judged untalented surrounded by such amazing people was something he hadn't admitted to a single soul, and he was likely to never do so. It would only give them another excuse to dote on him as if he was a wounded bird unable to spread its wings. All of them were the kind of people who seemed to live and breathe music, each cell in their body synchronised in creating a unique melody. He knew nothing about music, all he could do was listen as they went on and on about chords and harmonies as he found himself being lost further in the darkness.

“Are you still in school Jungkook-ssi?”

Nodding, his brother was far too gone by the set of double doors standing in front of them to pay much attention to what Namjoon was asking. Hesitantly, he glanced at him for permission, his face utterly euphoric as Seokjin nodded, allowing him to excitedly dart forward, throwing open the frosted glass doors. Switching on all the blinding white lights, Jungkook curiously watched himself in the mirror as he gaped at the large hardwood floor surrounded by pristine mirrored walls.

He hadn’t been here that often, only to come at Hoseok and Jimin’s insistence. His awkward limbs were in no manner inclined towards the grace exhibited from the other two. They’d often tell him he’d make a fantastic dancer with the kind of body he had, only he couldn’t dance to save himself. The whole “feel the music” argument hadn’t helped because he realised how startlingly personal it was. Before they’d said that to him, he could never have imagined how vulnerable someone was when they danced. It really wasn't something he felt comfortable with. The most he was capable of was acting, pretending there wasn’t a single pair of eyes on him when he did.

It was a lot easier too. Having to take on the roles of other characters was certainly easier than attempting to express his own through intricate movements that would take him hours just to figure out. No.. dancing definitely wasn't something for him.

While his brother checked out the room, Namjoon set him down in a corner, settling down right beside him with a small puff of air. Had he not been so preoccupied with the pain in his own foot, he might have felt bad about making Namjoon exert himself so much. But, all he could do was whisper a barely audible 'thank you' to which the younger man was too winded to respond to. Grateful to be off his aching foot, Seokjin leaned against the wall tiredly, hoping he’d be better by the evening. He'd be damned if he let a stupid sprain mess up a night he'd been anticipating for nearly two months.

“Is hyung sure he’s okay?” asked Namjoon suddenly, studying him with concern in his bright eyes. He couldn't get over how well their almond shape suited his round face. Each time he looked at him, it felt as if he was being drawn to it unconsciously. “We can do something else if hyung wants.”

“Y-you wouldn’t mind?” he asked, unable to mask his optimism.

“We wanted to talk.” he shrugged, glancing at his brother who was still busy gaping at the bright lights. “We can talk right now.” he offered.

Watching as Jungkook skipped off towards the speaker system on the side, he felt a little selfish for distracting him just as when he’d come all the way here to see him. On the other hand… he’d waited months to be here, beside the lanky boy. Unable to shake off the guilt of what he was about to say, he rubbed his hands nervously as he pushed himself to say something. Fortunately, he didn’t have to.

“Jungkookie!” shrieked Taehyung, running towards Seokjin’s brother. His shoes made obnoxiously loud squeaks against the dance floor as he engulfed Jungkook in a bear hug. Bursting into laughter, he watched as a look of unadulterated shock came onto Jungkook’s flushed face as Taehyung lifted him off the ground, sporadically shaking him from excitement. It didn’t long to hear Jimin’s laughter echo in the large space as he darted forward, joining the large huddle. With a heavy heart, he watched the two dote on his brother, not letting them go out of arms distance as they grinned at each other. The two were so far gone with his Jungkook, Seokjin could only wonder as how dense the three of them had to be to not realise their feelings towards each other.

Turning back towards Namjoon, who’s eyes were already trained on him, he saw as the younger man shifted uncomfortably. Since the both of them were squeezed into a corner, he shuffled away so that Namjoon could place his folder properly on the ground with enough space for them to sit with their sides still pressed together.

“Yeah.. I wouldn’t mind that..”

He didn’t move away, neither did Namjoon. All it would take him was a little tilt to rest his head on the younger’s shoulder, and god he’d loved to do it.

Nervously, Namjoon fiddled with one of the rings on his fingers as his brows furrowed. “I.. I don’t know where to start.” he began, stopping only after the small statement. Although his brother was ecstatically grinning away with his two friends only a few feet away, they may have been on the other side of the world for him. The desolation that seemed to radiate from Namjoon’s hunched shoulders created a sombre bubble of silence in the small corner in which they sat. It took every ounce of his willpower not to bring his hand forward and lace his fingers with Namjoon’s, but he didn’t know who it was supposed to comfort.

“Do you sing, Joon-a?” he asked, trying to push the heavy cloud away from them.

“I’m a rapper actually.. But I compose and write more than actually performing.” he corrected, a rare excitement replacing his calm demeanour.

“Why, your voice is great..” he protested, immediately realising what he had blurted out.

Perplexed, Namjoon watched him quizzically as he toyed with him. “Hyung hasn’t even heard me rap yet.”

“I’ve heard you talk.” he challenged, a pathetic attempt to save himself but he only dug himself deeper into the hole. Amused, a grin made its way onto Namjoon’s face as Seokjin looked away feeling heat rise to his face. He’d gone and fucking done it again. God, he really needed a brain-to-mouth filter.

“Hyung likes my voice?” asked Namjoon playfully, making it sound more like a statement than a question. He didn’t mind getting teased, frankly he was pretty used to it, he had to be with Jungkook around. Still, he didn’t want to seem like a small puppy who rolls over at the very thought of a treat, he wasn’t like that. He’d smack his brother upside the head for it, so why should he let Namjoon go?

Sucking in a deep breath, he let go of the last string of self preservation he was clutching onto. If Namjoon wanted to play, he’d play too.

“Your voice is sexy Joon-a.” he purred, making the younger’s entire face turn a bright shade of red. Satiated, he smirked as Namjoon opened his mouth just to close it again, unable to utter a single word. Before he could bask in his satisfaction, his brother skipped over to them, his eyes glazed over with happiness as he kneeled down in front of him, resting his arms over Seokjin’s folded knees. Protesting from the excess weight, his ankle throbbed uncomfortably, but he no longer bothered with it.

“C-can I spend the night at Jimin hyung’s apartment?” he asked excitedly. Suspiciously, he watched the two standing behind his brother plead with large eyes. With each passing moment, he could

feel

his will shattering the longer he stared into their large expressive eyes. Sighing, he gave Jungkook the smallest nod as he scrambled to his feet, immediately being ushered away by the other two. Before they left, Jimin turned, shooting him a wink as he left, the door shutting behind them. Seated in silence with no distraction left, he turned his entire attention to Namjoon.

“Hyung loves him a lot doesn’t he?” asked the younger man, a lingering sadness in his eyes.

There it was. The very thing that terrified him from pushing any further, yet only seemed to ache for knowing what was going on in the younger’s head.

He didn’t want to wait, making his heart protest as he forced it to.

Right now, that’s the only thing he had the courage to do.

“More than anything else. He’s like a fucking rabbit. You wouldn’t believe how much energy he has.”

“He smiles like one too, hyung. The way his nose scrunches, an-”

“And his teeth too. Adorable little shit.” he agreed, grinning at Namjoon, who simply smiled back at him. “I fought my parents when they wanted him to get braces. I took him for a drive the day they’d set the appointment. His smile’s something I loved about going home.”

“Loved?” asked Namjoon, raising an eyebrow curiously.

“They sent him to a boarding school in Busan.” he stated plainly, but he could feel the smile slipping from his face. His house was so close to the university, he could have spent all the time with his brother, and his brother with Taehyung and Jimin. He hadn’t forgiven his parents for it, not even after it had been two entire years. The hatred from his thoughts seemed to have seeped into the air. The lights seemed to become gray, the heaviness only amplifying.

Seokjin had sat with the thought of delving into Namjoon’s mind, but the younger seemed to have brought his thoughts out faster. Even Jungkook didn’t know about his relationship with his parents, he couldn’t bear to have his relationship affect his brother’s. The fact that he didn’t have his family supporting him in doing what he loved was enough of a burden than exposing the fact that their strained relationship was on the brink of breaking.

He had Jungkook, and Jungkook had him. Along with his friends, he knew that was all he needed.

“I just..don’t like going back when he isn’t around.”

Following his words was heavy, suffocating silence that matched what his statement insinuated. The only people he’d consciously spoken about this to were Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok and Yunki. People he’d known for what seemed like a lifetime. But where his best friend had a cold demeanour, Namjoon was anything but that. Just by sitting beside him, Seokjin felt like he could curl up and sleep any moment. The taller man was like a large blanket of comfort strapped onto a pair of lanky legs, and he loved every bit of it.

“I have a younger sister too. She’s..just a little younger than Jungkook.” he confessed, slipping the ring off his finger before putting it back on in a rhythmic manner. “We aren’t nearly as close as hyung and Jungkook though.”

“It’s actually a lot of reasons Joon-a.” blurted out Seokjin. Unfortunately, he had thought out very little for what he would say after. What would Namjoon think if he told him about his parents? That he was toying with him? Just passing the time before he graduated? There was a certain degree to which homophobia existed, his parents most certainly surpassed it. Unwilling to leave Namjoon hanging on his word, he drew in a shaky breath in an effort to calm himself.“Ou-our par-”

“Wait Jin-hyung.” whispered Namjoon, the nickname making him feel unfamiliarly content. “I-I don’t think hyung should be telling me this.”

“Why not?” he asked, startled by the sudden confession.

“I-I..just..” sighing in frustration, he shoved the ring back on his finger and sprang to his feet. Without saying another word to him, he dashed towards the door, leaving only the echo of his shoes’ squeaks in the large dance room behind him. Gaping at the closing door, all Seokjin could do was listen to the retreating footsteps on the stairs in the building before the door shut out the sound from outside.

Dejected, he hit the back of his head on the wall out of frustration as the silence deepened around him. Despite it being midsummer, the absence of heat on his right side left him close to shivering as he sat, utterly desolate. Was it even possible to feel this cold in April?

He’d managed to do it without even thinking. He hadn’t known it was even possible. How the hell did he just scare Namjoon off without even asking him anything that concerned him. Frustrated, he let out a huff of air before attempting to shove himself off the ground, only to collapse once more with a sharp cry as his ankle flared in pain.

Huffing, he dropped onto the ground, laying his back flat against it. Confounded, he stared at the spotless ceiling, playing over every word he ushered, trying to find someone that might have pushed the wrong button in Namjoon’s mind. Feeling a frown make its way onto his face, he couldn’t help but feel hurt at being abandoned so hastily. It was a cruel fate to look forward to something only to have it ruined hours before. His luck just seemed to be improving each day.

Thinking back to his brother, he knew the two wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want, not that they were capable of forcing that kid to do anything he didn’t want to. He trusted them with his life, which still made him worry about Jungkook.

The only thing within the fiery hell of his house that resembled family was Jungkook. He was annoying, bratty, stubborn and introverted. Seokjin loved every bit of it. It was only a few weeks into college that he found himself turning down invites to come home after Jungkook had been sent to Busan. There was nothing, not a single fucking thing in that house except those beautiful doe eyes and stupid smile that made him happy. After his parents told him Jungkook wasn’t home, he couldn’t find a reason to be either.

Jumping out of his skin, he heard his ringtone blare in the empty studio as he shakily pulled out his phone to see Hoseok’s glowing profile picture grinning at him. Surprised, he put the phone to his ear, immediately receiving an earful of excitable babbling. Wincing, he held the phone a few inches away, the screaming dying down ever slightly.

Just like that, he felt the heaviness in the air dissipate as he caught onto why he was called. he waited until the voice on the other end to calm down enough for his to understand what his dongsaeng was saying.

“Hyung I got in!” he shrieked with excitement. Grinning like a fool, he heard his laughter echo in the empty room. Guess he’d be seeing a lot more of Hoseok from now on.

“That’s fantastic Hobi!” he yelled back, flipping himself over so that he held himself up by his elbows with his phone lying on the floor in front of him. Even though his happiness was genuine, he knew his friend would be wondering why he wasn’t screaming along with him. It didn’t take it long for the chatter to die off.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” he asked immediately, his voice utterly shaken. Guilty at driving away his friend’s jovial mood, he immediately began futility refuting it. However, once Hoseok caught a whiff of it, he could very well try to hide the eiffel tower under an armchair.

“Nothing Ho-”

“Where’s hyung?” he interrupted. “I’m coming.”

“Hoseok no.” he said firmly, trying to be authoritative even when he wanted nothing more to see Hoseok’s face. It wasn’t anything like having Namjoon along. Hoseok was warm, being around him was like sitting next to a fire in the middle of December with nothing weighing down on him.

But, he was nothing like Namjoon.

Namjoon made his heart race just by walking in and the warmth was like a drug. The clear mind he had with Hoseok became a muddled mess when Namjoon came into view.

“It’s your day, don’t you fucking dare.”  he warned, but the younger didn’t even pay attention.

“Just tell me where hyung is.” he pleaded. God.. he was weak for all of them, he‘d probably let them rob a bank too if they asked him so nicely. “I can’t celebrate without hyung. He makes the best food.”

There it is, the one thing that always worked on him. Craving Hoseok’s presence wasn’t something he often felt, usually since he saw him so often. He had only seen the younger man a few days ago, but he didn’t want to see anyone else right now. The younger's heart shaped smile and cat eyes wasn't really something he could find anywhere else.

“I’m in the dance studio Hobi. The one in the basement.” he whispered, turning back over with a sigh. He couldn't fight it off, no matter how hard he even tried. Pushing away people didn't come naturally to him after he'd been so desperate to hold them close. “How- how long will you take?”

“Audition wasn’t that far away, they have an unnecessary amount of studios.” he scoffed, trying to lighten the mood. “ I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Throwing his arm over his face, he let out an impatient huff as he waited for him to get here. Ever since he’d moved into his first dorm with Yunki, there had never really been silence, even though his best friend wasn’t a talker. His deep breaths as he slept, the small hisses of frustration as his pencil scratched out a few words on scraps of paper, the gruff voice that occasionally chastised Seokjin. He was terrified of having a roommate in his second year who wasn’t around. Or wasn’t.. Yunki. He didn’t hesitate in asking his parents for a small apartment off campus and Yunki didn’t mind living with him. He was lucky to have a best friend as introverted as him.

It was quiet. Too quiet.

With his eyes closed, the hardwood floor seemed to melt away into an eerily familiar mattress that clung to the shape of his body. Even the room, it no longer smelled like new shoes and the working air conditioner. Instead, the smell of lavender that he used to spray in an effort to rid himself of the sharp scent of 
disinfectant suffocated him, making him want to gag. Suddenly, he was no longer 23, but 15 again, trapped inside his room.

It wasn't a bad room, large windows and a foldable ladder that lead to a hidden loft where he'd made his own sort of game room. If he was to be honest, with the colourful blankets draped over the plush beanbags, he preferred the loft to his own bedroom. His brother who'd immediately taken a liking to it, had helped him paint the walls using spray paint they'd bought together. Those walls were a lot more familial than the walls down here.The khaki walls were plastered with posters of different actors and singers who didn't really interest him as much anymore, but he hadn't bothered taking them down. What was the point, since he barely even stayed inside it. It had been trapped in a time where he still cared about what his parents saw when they walked into the room, hoping that they would know a little bit about him if they just bothered to look around at the four walls.

He knew it was light out, the little trace of orange that crept through the crook of his elbow made sure of that. But that was in no way comforting.

It also made it certain that he was alone.

It was during the day he was most lonely, when Jungkook’s familiar breaths and his light snores weren’t beside him. The younger had his own room, but he often came and fell asleep beside him as they lay talking. They'd often wake up in a tangle of limbs and dishevelled hair, with him complaining about Seokjin's stinky breath, but he came back each night regardless. If he was fifteen, feeling the full force of his parents' negligence, his brother was five years younger, probably still hopeful that they'd speak to him like Seokjin used to be.

But it was daytime. When he couldn’t nudge his brother closer just to remind himself that he had him around. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his parents’ faces when he’d returned from school. Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time they’d even talked about something other than what he wanted for dinner. Jungkook had stopped asking him when they’d come back after he was 5 years old, and Seokjin had stopped hoping it would change when he was 10.

He was happy with having only his brother with him, at least he wasn’t reminded of the constant feeling of being overlooked when it was just the two if them. When he had Jungkook around, he didn't need anyone else. However his parents did not take it as a hint to grow closer to them, and only moved further apart. Their relationship degraded to the point that he 
couldn’t even glance at his parents when they sat at the same table for dinner. Soon enough, they got too busy to do that too.

If he got up to look, his brother would be sitting in the front yard, staring at nothing in particular. It worried him, that all he would do was watch the kids run along the neighbourhood street but he’d never get up to join them. Seokjin used to do it too, and still did, probably where Jungkook got it from. If he played with them, they’d get close. Close friends asked questions, and, it was questions he didn’t want to answer. Who’d even take him seriously? Rich kids having trouble at home..no one truly considered it. He wouldn’t be surprised if even his parents didn’t, but he was long past the stage of being pleased by a hastily bought gift, no matter how expensive. If money was happiness, why’d he have so much trouble feeling it? Why couldn’t he just..laugh, and smile with the other kids?

“Hyung!”

Flinching, he felt his arm being snatched from in front of his eyes to see Hoseok’s frantic eyes staring into his as he propped himself up on his elbows. His heart raced wildly as it recovered from hearing Hoseok’s terrifying yell. Taking his cue, the younger man sat behind him, letting him drop his head onto his crossed legs. He could feel his hair brushing the soft cotton track pants on the younger's lean legs as Hoseok shifted forward to let him rest it on a more comfortable spot on his thigh.

“I’ve been calling hyung’s name for a minute now.” he said, brushing Seokjin’s hair from his sweaty forehead. It wasn’t even hot with the air conditioner on, and he realised that his skin was coated with a thin sheen of sweat. Unnervingly, he pushed away the thoughts of when he used to wake up the middle of the night to find Jungkook gone from beside him. His mind used to be flooded with waves of panic until he could hear the younger's soft footsteps or the sound of the water running in the bathroom sink. “Is hyung okay?”

Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he gazed up at his friend’s brown eyes that seemed to spilling over from concern. At the beginning, he’d been shocked at how Hoseok found it so easy to be concerned about him, even when they’d been friends for only a few weeks. It was unnerving, being thrust from a life where he was completely closed off to one where his friends practically smothered him to know what was wrong.

“I-I’m okay.” he sputtered, Hoseok still unconvinced as he continued to brush his hair from his face. He was quite sure all the hair from his forehead had been brushed away, but the younger continued nonetheless. Seokjin had found after the first time Hoseok found that gesture was comforting, he seemed to find every excuse to do it whenever something was troubling him. “How was your audition? Bet you’re glad to leave that shithole behind.”

Putting on a smile for his sake, he let out a playful whistle as he propped his chin on the palm of his hand. Now, Hoseok's fingers twirled the short strands of his dark hair which he'd quite recently dyed back from a blond Jimin had convinced him to get done. “Tell me about it. At least I’ll get hyung’s cooking everyday now.”

“I feel like a fucking mother.” he scoffed. “I should start giving you all cooking lessons.”

“I’d still eat only hyung’s food though.” he admitted playfully, fingers still tangled in his hair.

Hoseok was touchy, Seokjin didn’t mind in the slightest. He could still remember how he'd used to clutch onto him until he let his stiff shoulders relax into the sudden hug. He wasn't like Jimin, who would curl up beside you for the sole reason of being close enough to do it. Hoseok's touches always seemed to be purposeful and calculated, even when they were the simplest kind. It was comforting, a constant reminder of them being around.

“I know you will. God, you all would starve without me.”

“We sure would.” he admitted. A small silence followed, but he didn’t lapse back into his stupor, not with Hoseok’s graceful fingers brushing through his hair. He knew the younger man wouldn’t keep this up much longer now, it was never his habit. Behind the concern, he could see the burning curiosity that ate away at him. If Seokjin was the one who could always sense something wrong, Hoseok was the one who’s sniff it out like a bloodhound. He didn't waste any time beating around the bush, but he wasn't as blunt as Yunki. “Now, will hyung please tell me what’s wrong?”

Seokjin could feel the pleading making his body ache to spill every word. But, he didn’t want to do it here. It was too open, too vulnerable. Too demeaning. Anything that troubled him, he didn't want to talk about in a place that felt like it was mocking him wherever he looked. Even more so that now he had found he could relapse into 8 years ago with not even a little difficulty. He seeked comfort, and there was nothing more consoling than the home he shared with Yunki.

“Take me home Hoseok-a.” he interjected. “Please.”

When he saw the younger’s mouth open to protest, but the 'please' made it shut just as quickly. He wouldn't push him, no matter how urgent it was.

Without another word, he shifted Seokjin’s head off his legs and stood up, helping him up with a grunt, unaccustomed to the weight.

Silently, the two made their way out of the building, footsteps in unison as they made their way to the parking lot where Hoseok didn’t even have to ask for the keys before he gave them to him. He hated not saying a word to him. His mind clawed at his insides, his thoughts aching to be heard as they feared shrinking back to that dark prison. But, he held his lips together, not even making a sound as they made the short drive to his apartment. The only exchange between the two were the occasional glances towards him that Hoseok couldn’t stop refrain from making. The silent pleas hit him repeatedly but he couldn’t find the courage to say it until he felt the familiar scent of Yunki’s fabric softener in the hallway and click of the lock behind him.

Not even waiting until he was back in his room, he turned and threw his arms around the younger man, burying his face in Hoseok’s neck as they stood quietly in the deserted house. In an effort to comfort him, the younger man lightly combed his fingers through his hair and hand gently tracing the curve of his spine. It was so intimate, he found himself shivering from the unfamiliarity but he didn’t want it to stop.

He didn't know how long they'd been standing there, his ears deaf to the sound of the ticking clock nearby. The only sounds in the entire apartment that reached his ears was the rhythmic beat of his heart and his shallow breaths in contrast with Hoseok's deeper ones. He could tell the younger man had just showered, he smelled like Yunki’s body wash. Despite his best friend not being here, he still found a way to pop in his mind which he could considered nothing but endearing. Yunki reminded him of home, and no matter how he managed to annoy Seokjin, he always would.

Hoseok was caring, it’s just who he was. All he did was hold Seokjin until he pulled away of his own accord and didn't even make an advance at what he wanted . Hoseok didn’t let him go though, and he was glad. He didn’t think he could stand if Hoseok didn’t hold him up. Why was he so tired, he was just so damn tired of having things snatched away from him.

“Hyung talk to me.” he implored, gripping his shoulders. “I won’t leave until hyung talks to me.”

Quietly, he just stared into the younger’s widened eyes under the dim yellow lighting of the hallway. The look had evolved from concern into anxiety as he scanned his face, trying to fruitlessly scrape an answer off Seokjin’s face.

“Jungkookie came today.” he blurted out, leaving the younger surprised. “He came to me before going home. And he’s gone to Chim and Tae’s place for the night.”

“He isn’t going back?” asked Hoseok, gently nudging him to start walking as he lead him to his own bedroom as if his legs had forgotten the very map of this place.

“I don’t think he will.”

I don’t think he wants to

. He wanted to say, but Hoseok already knew. “They’d send him back if they knew he was here.”

They didn’t want him around Seokjin, thinking that if Jungkook’s mind was “diverted elsewhere” he wouldn’t major in performing arts like him. They had gotten his brother to fear the thought of not being able to go to college close to Seokjin. So much so that he didn’t even dance as a hobby in his new school in fear that they’d keep them away. But they’d done it anyway. Tehy hadn't explicitly made a promise to him to keep him close if he straightened out, but the two of them thought it was clearly implied. However, even after years with them, they had failed to learn that nothing in their relationships was clear. Nothing.

Setting Seokjin delicately onto his bed, he immediately began undoing his shoe. Brows furrowing as his eyes fell on his antagonised ankle, he excused himself to take ice from their freezer. Having kicked off his shoes in the hall, he made nearly no sound as he padded over to their kitchen. The only sounds indicating he was there was the gentle sound of the shutting refrigerator door. Settling down silently on the floor beside his leg, he gently held the ice-filled towel to his foot. Unable to help himself, he let out a hiss of satisfaction as he felt the cold spread through the soft cloth and into his flesh, blissfully numbing the pain.

“He won’t tell them.” admitted Hoseok. “Kook would rather spend time with hyung.”

“I didn’t even give time to him Hobi.” he confessed, dropping his gaze in shame. Hoseok wouldn’t judge him, he never would. But, that didn’t stop Seokjin from judging himself. What kind of brother was he to prefer the company of the guy who ran out on him than his own brother?

“We met Namjoon, when we were going down to the studio.”

“Really?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. 
Unlike Yunki, Hoseok had told him about knowing Namjoon as the person who he’d met when he strayed into the music studio looking for his boyfriend. They weren’t very close, since he'd told him Namjoon very rarely made time to leave his dorm or the studio.

“Yeah.” nodded Seokjin. “We sat down and started talking a-and..”

“Hyung..” he began, ready to interrupt him but he was tired of waiting. The words had been ready to slip off his tongue the second he’d seen Hoseok. It was like putting a physical gag over his lips to have to stop himself from telling Hoseok anything.

“And he just ran away Hobi.” he whispered. The words echoed in the quiet room, hanging heavily over them despite being nothing but lost to the air around him. Uttering them imprinted what happened in his mind, making the entire scene sink in where he'd previously been unable to comprehend it. Throughout the car ride, he’d been trying to convince himself that maybe he’d just.. imagined it.

It wouldn’t be the first time. But it sure as hell wasn’t the most painful.

But that wasn't the case now, since telling Hoseok seemed to convince his mind of the truth he'd been trying to avoid. This was probably why he never spoke to anyone else.

“He just left me there.” he echoed. Comfortingly, Hoseok gently rubbed circles on the skin on his calf, leaving warmth lingering wherever his skin touched. Yunki really was lucky. Everything about Hoseok just radiated warmth and comfort. The thought made his heart ache for the few precious moments Namjoon had been pressed against him in the dance room. But it was really the opposite. Hoseok didn’t make his heart race the way Namjoon did, but he revered in the comfort all the same.

“He doesn’t know hyung. From what you tell me, he could be going through the same thing. If you were talking to him about it.. he mustn’t be coping as well as you are. I think hyung should give it a little time before he tries to talk to him about this again.”

Was this called coping well? Lapsing into depression just by seeing the one person he loved the most in the world wasn’t something he imagined on the road to getting better. Then again, he didn’t really know anyone else who went through it besides his brother, and he couldn’t imagine it being any worse.

God if it was any worse, how the hell was that kid even standing.

"What if he doesn't..talk to me Hobi?"

"He'd be an idiot to not come back to you." he stated without hesitation, There was a determined look in his eyes that he usually only wore as he danced. The heaviness of his words didn't fail to swiftly drive out the playfulness of the younger's. Seokjin often marvelled at how Hoseok seemed to switch personalities at the click of his fingers, even though he knew there was a rather wise man hidden behind his easy smiles. "If he doesn't come back, then he doesn't deserve hyung. Hyung's been hurt enough, giving chances to people who'll hurt him more isn't something I'm going to allow."

For a moment, all he could do was bask in the tenacious statement Hoseok ushered to easily. Neither of them shifted their gaze from where they seemed to have been glued to each other and the look of obstinance in the younger's eyes melted as he saw Seokjin let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding.

“I thought you’re my dongsaeng Hoseokie.” he stated jokingly, letting him know that what he said worked.

But, it was certainly a heavy promise, one Seokjin really hoped would not be held when it came to Namjoon. From experience, he knew if Hoseok promised to keep someone away, it would be a miracle to even allow their lingering shadow to fall relatively close to them for even a fraction of second. He didn't know what he did, but that wasn't what he wanted his relationship with Namjoon to be reduced to. 
“Someone’s gotta be the adult here, it certainly isn’t hyung or Yunki.” grinned Hoseok, bringing a smile back onto his face. Playfully swatting him, he hissed out his signature ‘brat’ as the doorbell rang and the younger lithely stood up to open it. When it took longer than a few moments, with the unnerving silence growing, Seokjin shoved himself off the bed and limped painfully till the doorway of his room. Gripping the wooden frame tightly, he tilted forward to glance down the hallway and nearly let go as he realised who stood there.  “Namjoon.”
His voice came out as nothing more than a whisper as the younger continued to watch him with an apology lingering in his eyes. Glancing down at his hands, he saw him nervously clutching two glasses of coffee, the ice almost entirely melted. Had Hoseok not been standing and watching the two intently, he might have thought he was imagining it.

“Jin hyung, I’ll leave you two to talk. Okay?” he asked, looking at him for permission to leave. Although he didn’t want to let him go, Seokjin found himself nodding, unable to get words out of his throat. Feeling like he had tried to dry swallow an entire box of pills, he gulped uncomfortably as Hoseok slipped out of the door where Namjoon still stood.

They stood in a suffocating silence that seemed to grow with each audible tick of the clock in the hallway. A million thoughts scrambled in his mind, with him trying to latch onto just one, but they slipped through his fingers like water. He didn't know what to say, since he didn't know what he felt. in his mind, a thousand different emotions muddled together in a complex tangle his hand just lost themselves into with no progress. If he trusted what Hoseok had told him, that Namjoon really deserved to be around him, he'd come back to apologise. Seeing the glasses of coffee the younger's hands were tightly gripping, he hoped to god it was an apology.

“I-I’m sorry for running off like that.” Stated Namjoon, shifting from one foot to the other. Silently, he felt warmth spread in his chest as he resisted the urge to smile from the relief that washed away all his other emotions. “It’s just..a little hard to talk about. And, I’ve never really done it before.”

“It’s okay Joon-a.” He replied softly, his resentment at being abandoned forgotten as he heard the younger’s delicately thought out apology. He realised a moment later that it had broken long ago, when he was talking to Hoseok. 
Finding any excuse to break the hanging tension in the air, he glanced down at the coffee once more. “Is that for me?” he asked, pointing to the glass Namjoon was clutching as if it was a treasured artifact and not a latte.
“Uh, yeah. Does hyung want me to come inside?”

Nodding, he watched as the younger pulled off his sneakers, kicking the door gently in place as the automatic lock shut behind him. Shuffling over to him, he held out the glass, which Seokjin took gratefully. Thirsty, he brought the cold glass to his lips, but almost choked even before the straw reached his lips. Unexpectedly, he found himself sharply drawing in a shaky breath as Namjoon’s arm snaked around his waist, taking his weight off the doorframe and onto himself.

“Wh-what’re you doing?” he stammered, feeling his face flush once more as the younger man looked at him questioningly. He could feel Namjoon's chest rise and fall with each breath he took, making him shudder from the communion. It had taken him weeks to get used to the way Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung stood that close to him at times, but he wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to this. The way it made his heart flutter uncontrollably wasn't a feeling he wanted to let go of just yet.

“Doesn’t hyung want to sit down?”

Gaping at him, he could do nothing but stare as Namjoon set his glass down on a nearby table and slipped Seokjin’s arm over his shoulders. Carefully, he lead him to his bed where he set him down gently before returning to grab his glass.

“Don’t pretend that’s the only reason you did it.” he huffed suspiciously.

“I never said it was the only reason.” he admitted with a smile as he sat down beside him.

Not trusting himself to speak coherently, he brought the coffee to his lips, expecting it to be plain but was shocked to find the familiar taste of caramel on his tongue.

“How’d you know I like caramel?” he asked, drawing in another long sip of the pleasant drink.

“Lucky guess..?” he began, unsure of his own words as Seokjin turned to glass around to find the Jimin’s handwriting staring back at him. 'I got hyung ;)' was written beside 'Jin' and he didn't find it hard to imagine his friend ignoring all the other orders like he did for him this morning. Smiling to himself, he leaned back on the bed and folded his left leg comfortably, not even daring to move his right leg.

“Jimin gave it to you, didn’t he?”

Guiltily, the younger smiled as he took a sip of his own drink. “He also threatened to punch me if I ever ran out on hyung like that again.” pausing, he glanced at his swollen foot and slipped off his bed, sitting on the carpet beside his feet. Silently picking up the ice, he looked at him for permission before delicately placing on his foot. If he was going to complain about losing the closeness, it was wiped from his mind at feeling the cold soothe his throbbing leg. Guessing that he was tired from holding it up, Namjoon gently nudged it down and placed it on his thigh, his fingers curling around the back of his foot as he held it in place. “Not that I was planning to do it. Again..I meant, I sort of-”

“You don’t have to tell me right now, you know.” he interrupted. “We have plenty of time to talk about whatever you want.”

Thinking for a moment, Namjoon’s eyes flitted from him to studying the monotone rose gold walls of his room. Yunki had turned his nose up at the shade, choosing to keep the walls of his own room a plain white broken by an occasional poster or two. But, he knew why he was doing it, and didn’t say a word against the idea. In fact, there was an armchair beside the large window on the wall opposing the door on top of which there was an excessively fluffy pink blanket that he’d bought for Seokjin. He'd simply marched in and thrown it on top of him as he had been remembering his first script and walked out without a word as Seokjin gaped at him. That's just how he was. He never explicitly showed that he cared, but in the year they'd lived together, he found out that Yunki in fact cared most of all.

At home, he’d never had the courage to ask his parents for anything remotely close to the colour pink, but one of the first things he did after moving into the apartment was paint his walls. For one thing, it could never remind him of his old room with the light khaki colour being worlds away from this. When he’d sit, just watching the sunlight fall on the beautiful shade, he’d found it calming. It was a reminder of a sort, of his newfound freedom, and there really wasn’t anything more permanent.

“I like hyung’s room.” Namjoon finally said, a small smile on his face when his eyes moved from the walls to his similarly shaded bedspread. Grinning, he ran his hands over the silken surface of the matching blanket that lay at the foot of his bed. Shopping for furniture had been much more entertaining, since they had decided to strike a deal and furnish each others' rooms. At first, he had definitely expected all black furniture to be in his room, instead, he walked in to find a warm and dark mahogany gleaming under the dim lights of his room.

“It’s my favourite colour.” he chippered excitedly. “Painting the room was the first thing I did when I came here.” not missing a chance to mess with him, he purposefully drew in a long sip of his (unfortunately) almost finished drink before saying anything else. “Yunki didn’t have the guts to tease me about it.”

Choking on his admittance, Namjoon coughed violently as he barely managed to sputter out coherent words. Of all the reactions he was expecting, he had to say, he really wasn't disappointed with what he received.

“Yunki? Hyung knows Yunki?”

Unwilling to show his amusement, he distractedly finished his coffee as Namjoon’s coughing died down to an occasional sputter. “He lives in the room down the hallway Joon-a.”

“But-”

“He didn’t tell me either.” agreed Seokjin, smiling at the younger’s flabbergasted expression as he took the words out of his mouth. “How long have you guys been friends?”

“A year or so..” he approximated, pursing his lips as he tried to recall the exact time. “What about hyung?”

“Try six.” he grinned, making Namjoon raise his eyebrows, clearly impressed. “He’s like a brother now. They all are, in a way.”

Smiling, he too set aside his now empty glass as he rest his chin on the palm of his hand as he gazed up at him. He could see the smile didn’t reach his eyes, and Seokjin didn’t waste a second to act on it.

“What’s wrong?”

He didn't reply at first. All he did was watch him, and since he was unable to do anything else, he simply gazed back. The longer he stared into his eyes, the harder it became to decipher what exactly he was looking at. It frustrated him, that he couldn't read him as well as he could read the others. For him, it just made every step even harder as it felt like he was stumbling around in darkness, with no idea where he was going or where he would end up. The uncertainty terrified him to the point where he was far too scared of even reaching out to touch him to make sure that he was really sitting there.

“I haven’t really found the time to make a lot of friends. I had some in school, but we drifted apart after I started working for a scholarship. We all just got..caught up with life.” he finished wistfully.

Frowning, Seokjin shifted forward and slowly lowered himself onto the ground, his foot still conveniently on Namjoon’s thigh where he was icing it. Although he could move it, something about the way the younger man’s hand lay over it made him rethink the decision. The melting ice was seeping through the thin towel, making water soak into the fabric of Namjoon’s shorts, but he didn’t bother moving Seokjin’s foot, or even shifting his hand.

“You know, I’m a package deal.” he began, leaning back comfortably on the side of his bed. “If you’re around me, you get Yunki, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook too.”

This time, the smile didn’t stop till it reached his eyes, fully exposing his pearly white teeth and dimples. The sight made warmth spread in his chest as he smiled back. Without warning, he felt Namjoon's thumb slide over his skin, softly caressing it as he left trails of heat in his wake. The sensation was even better than the ice, and he felt the ache dull with each touch seeping into his flesh.

“I don’t mind that at all hyung.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“So, are you gonna tell me what you guys did or do I not want to know?”Seokjin asked Jimin as he plopped down beside him, droplets of sweat fell from his hair as he breathed heavily, recovering from his intense choreography. Echoing in the large studio was the last note of the classical piece Jimin’d been driving Yunki crazy about so that he’d re-arrange it for him. Even when he wasn't hear, just in the music, he could imagine Yunki sitting at the bench of the concert piano in the arts building, swaying in time to the melody. However as the last of the notes drifted away, so did his best friend.Jimin on the other hand did not. The dark t-shirt he wore clung sinfully to his lithe frame as he began fanning himself in an effort to dry off. Under the bright white lights, his skin gleamed angelically, even though he was seemingly drenched by a bucket-full of sweat. It had to be a god given gift.Handing him a bottle of water, he waited for his friend’s breathing to slow before raising his eyebrows expectantly at him. Even though he’d watched Jungkook hole himself up with Yunki this morning, he missed the familiar sight Jimin and Taehyung rushing into his room, unable to stop themselves from telling him every sordid detail of their sleepover. For some reason, it caused discomfort to blossom like weed in the pit of his stomach.Being so close to his brother didn’t come without side effects. In fact, the first few weeks he’d joined Yunki in his all nighters for the sole reason that he was so worried about his brother being left alone. The crippling anxiety had left him staring at the blank ceiling, surrounded by the smell of jasmine that he’d taken to spraying in their dorm each day. Tossing and turning as his mind was overrun with tumultuous thoughts, he’d finally disturbed Yunki to the point where he quite literally shoved his work away to quietly squeeze himself into the small bed beside him without a word. For a few months, this was all that allowed him to shut his eyes without his pathological fear weighing heavily in his chest.However, he had made his peace with their growing distance. He hadn’t been presented with a choice when his parents sent off his brother. Although none of the others knew about his feelings towards his brother, at least, not to the extent that Yunki did, he could tell they were sensitive towards it.After his rapid and shallow breathing returned to its tranquil rhythm, Jimin tilted his head playfully towards him, causing his hair to stick to his clammy skin as it shifted on his head. With his paler skin, the golden shade truly suited him a lot better.“Hyung’s like a mother. It’s cute.”Swatting him impatiently, he put his script aside, making the paper rustle as it landed on the hardwood floor, somewhere to his left. He folded his legs, bringing them to his chest as he fiddled with the bandage Hoseok had brought him the night before. It was uncomfortable, and in no way an adequate replacement for Namjoon or Hoseok’s careful fingers. However, the scarringly authoritative glare that the younger had given him, he knew it would be better for his health not to argue.Although he knew they wouldn’t do anything, he couldn’t help being worried. By now, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was ingrained within his DNA. It had most certainly tattooed itself into his mind, since he had been doing it for as long as he could remember. Probably because his parents wouldn’t even bother. They never had before.“Spill. Or I’ll get it out of Tae.” he warned, making the younger shoot him an annoyed look. He knew it would irk him, it always did. Like him, Jimin always itched to talk about what was in his head, being first was something he prided himself on. Best friend or not, Taehyung wasn’t exempted from Jimin’s guilt tripping if he really wished to tell Seokjin something. He’d come to watch it happen quite often in the first year of their friendship when Taehyung just couldn’t contain his excitement. It was utterly safe to say that he truly never wanted to find himself on the other side of Jimin’s anger.“Nothing, really!” he admitted, adding the last bit when he shot him another suspicious look. “Just played video games, got some pizza, and talked about school and stuff.”“What about school?” He blurted out. Frantic, he was immediately overwhelmed by a hundred terrible scenarios that flooded his mind. He didn’t want to assume the worst, but he didn’t have a say in the matter. Jungkook had become so closed off, he’d stopped coming to Seokjin with them a while ago. In fact, it would be a miracle if he even saw a line of worry on his unblemished face. If he’d found out that he’d been talking to someone else about his problems, he would no doubt have felt hurt at first, but now… now all he wanted was to just hear a rumour of him even admitting to a difficulty. Even an inkling of what he was growing through.“Is he okay Jimin-a?” asked Seokjin, not being able to pull his eyes off his fiddling hands as his mind raced, bringing to light one horrific thought after another. Sensing his fanaticism, Jimin immediately tensed as the atmosphere shifted. The ease with which they had sat together as the younger had danced dissipated to leave the cold in the room unpleasantly seeping into his limbs.“Hyung, calm down.” He said softly, putting the bottle aside as he put a hand on his shoulder, gazing into his eyes comfortingly. The touch seemed to allow heat to pass from the younger into his own body, but he knew it would be only temporary.At times, Seokjin would just appreciate how perfectly large his eyes were in proportion to his face. The way they sparkled under any kind of light reminded him of the eyes of the anime characters he’d been dragged into appreciating by the younger. However, at the moment he didn’t really find his troubles being driven away like they usually did. University problems and botched dates keep coming and going (for the others at least) but his brother was something entirely different. He was the one facet of his life at home that he didn’t want to let go of, and he’d damn well quit on all the other drama before he let his brother slip away from him.“Don’t worry. Seriously, he just misses hyung. A lot more than he’s letting on.”The words were comforting, no doubt about that. But there really weren’t enough of them to put him at ease.“Are you sure there’s nothing else? Becau-““Come on! I’d tell hyung wouldn’t I?” He protested with a pout. Shutting his eyes for a moment he tried to calm himself. The entire incident with Namjoon the previous night had left him increasingly apprehensive. With his eyes still shut, he heard Jimin shift beside him, nudging him to cross his legs as rest his head on his thigh. Opening his eyes, he found the younger’s legs sprawled on the floor before him with his head pressed against his denim shorts. Smiling at his attempt to cheer him up, he lightly flicked his head, getting hot sweat on his fingers in the process. Dramatically shuddering in disgust, he heard Jimin’s breathy giggle filled the empty hall.“Yah, I’ll have to take another shower.” he warned playfully, not wanting Jimin to move.“I’m not that gross hyung.” he frowned petulantly.“You’re fucking dripping sweat from your hair. There’s enough sweat coming off you for three people combined Chim.”Blissfully choosing to ignore him, he simply curled up on his side, resting his hands beside his face as if he was getting ready to sleep. Thoughtlessly, his small fingers played with the rips in the denim as he waited for Seokjin to react. With a little difficulty, he overcame the disgust of having Jimin’s sweaty skin pressed against his freshly washed shorts and let out a defeated sigh. Satisfied, Jimin nuzzled his cheek against his leg as Seokjin chuckled. Reminded of the kittens at the shelter, he could only imagine how they’d react to meeting their human embodiment. Still brushing his hair away from Jimin’s clammy forehead, he found himself wondering why he never took the younger man there with him even once.“Is hyung going to tell me what happened with Namjoon?” he asked delicately, folding his legs to the extent of nearly brushing them against his. The limit to which he could contort himself never failed to amaze him. Seokjin could probably spend hours just watching Jimin warm up without developing the will to take his eyes off him.“Nothing..” the younger man raised his eyebrow suspiciously. “We just talked.”Technically, what he said was true, they really had just talked. But, considering how close they were the entire time, it seemed a lot more than that. However, that really wasn’t something he could put into words, nor did he wish to. It was between the two of them, the thought of sharing that with another person caused him to be wracked with guilt.This was the first time he’d thought of not mentioning something to Jimin. At least, the only time it came naturally to him. But the shame of hiding something from the younger didn’t compare to what he would feel if he said everything out loud.“About what?” asked the younger man, looking up curiously at him. Carefully, he tucked Jimin’s hair behind his ear, brushing against the small stud embedded in his helix. Smiling, he carefully caressed the soft skin of the younger’s ear as he melted into the gesture.“About you guys, ‘bout college.” he shrugged, playing with Jimin’s earring. If the younger minded, he made no advance to brush away his hand as the silver chains slipped through his fingers repeatedly. “You don’t mind going and annoying him once in a while, do you?”Gently, Jimin’s hand found his and laced his shorter fingers with Seokjin’s. The younger’s skin was hot against his own as their palms brushed against each other. “If it’s for hyung, I don’t mind at all.” Hearing the scrape of a chair against the wooden floor break the tranquility of the his hideout, Namjoon tore his eyes away from the empty music sheets that lay in front of him. Surprised to find Jimin sliding into the chair beside him, he gave up on trying to fill the the blank sheets as he let the pencil slip from his fingers. The smell of the younger’s perfume drifted into his nostrils, replacing the scent of old paper and binding glue that seemed to cloak the oak shelves.Drowsily, Jimin yawned as he took off his glasses and placed them on the table in front of him. Folding his arms over the wooden surface, he set his head lazily down on his forearms. Despite the heat, he was wearing a long sleeved shirt and a pair of sweatpants that looked like they had been worn many times. Smiling leisurely at him, the younger brushed his freshly washed hair out of his eyes. Something about him just seemed to remind him of the kittens in the room Seokjin had taken him to. There was a kind of innocence and comfort that seemed to ooze out of Jimin, like the warmth of dozen kittens was embedded within his lithe body.“What’s hyung doing?” he asked finally, blinking his large eyes at Namjoon as he cast one last forlorn glance at his horrifically empty sheets. He couldn’t keep being a trainee if he fell behind on his songs, the company director had made sure he knew that. However, he couldn’t think. Earlier, his songs used to come out like fresh water out of a faucet, now, he could barely focus.“I’m.. trying.. to write a song.” he admitted, tapping the pencil gently against the wooden table. If the sound irritated the younger in any way, he didn’t show it. Fidgeting wasn’t something that particularly calmed him, yet now he was desperate enough to give it a try. “It doesn’t seem to be working.”Shifting his position so that his palm held up his head, Jimin tilted his head quizzically. Due to the fact he didn’t have any friends, he didn’t have an inkling of how readable his expressions were. It made being around Jimin hard, and being around Seokjin even harder.“What’s wrong?”A dozen things came to his mind, however he knew that the younger was referring to his behaviour towards his music folder, that usually never sat this empty for this long. Having been his friend only for a few months, Jimin was strangely attentive, making him more self conscious than he had ever considered him to be. Being able to read people wasn't a skill Yunki flaunted, causing any statements coming from those who were to be more impactful than they were meant to be.“It’s just.. I haven’t been able to write the kind of songs I used to before. And.. and I’m worried that it’ll be..”He didn’t have to finish his sentence for Jimin to understand the meaning behind his words as his brows immediately furrowed. For a moment, his eyes lost focus as he buried himself within his thoughts, leaving the younger’s breathing and the far away turn of a page being the only sounds he could hear. Aware of the fact that time had in no way stopped passing, he often wondered why these moments felt elongated, as if his agitation was something the world wanted to prolong, apathetic to its consequences.“Maybe It’s because hyung isn’t the same anymore?” he offered striking a bell in Namjoon’s mind. He’d never considered the idea before, and his reaction couldn’t have made it clearer. Mouth hanging open, he shifted his gaze from Jimin to his pushed-aside folder, mind more clearer than it had been in weeks. The thought was so simple, he was shocked that he hadn’t thought of it in the first place.“I’ve seen some of hyung’s earlier work…before he met Jin, I don’t think hyung still thinks the same.” he admitted, straightening up as he scratched the back of his neck. The advice he said was thoughtful, but the drowsiness in his eyes was not missed by him, causing him to feel guilty that he was keeping him awake for this. “At least, I don’t think he should.” added quickly.The hastily added comment stung like salt on a cut, although he knew it shouldn’t, and so did Jimin. But he didn’t act on it, not trusting himself to say the right words. Jimin may be understanding, but their relationship was just in its infancy, he didn’t. Being around Seokjin wasn’t..bad. It was probably the best thing that had happened to him. However, all the loneliness he once channeled into his work wasn’t there anymore. For some reason, he still found himself clinging onto it, trying to force large items through a sieve, waiting for them to fragment so they could pass through. It seemed, the harder he tried, the more difficult it became to break them down. He didn’t even consider that there wasn’t anything left for him. He wasn’t lonely anymore.“I don’t.” he confessed. Uttering the words aloud seemed to have convinced his mind of them as well, a feat he had been unable to accomplish before. The longer he had sat down to think over why his writing had ceased, the harder it seemed to become. “Then why is hyung still trying to write the same thing?” asked Jimin bluntly. Not giving him the opportunity to answer, the younger man filled the emptiness with something he had heard before, but his mind seemed to have forgotten even though it lingered constantly in his subconscious. “Music isn’t something you can force hyung, believe me.”Having no other option, Namjoon knew he had to give it a try. The song had to be given by the end of the month, and he hadn’t even begun yet. However, it was risky. Just the thought of going in front of the company director terrified him. The small office with its soundproof wall made his heartbeat thrum louder in his ears. Despite the glass door being frosted, he always felt like he was being watched, being judged just for standing there. With a song he’s unsure about, he couldn’t even imagine how much courage it would take to drag himself up there.“So.. I just write whatever I want?” he asked tentatively and the younger just yawned and nodded. Although he was troubled, he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the drowsy man as he curled up beside him on the table. It took him no longer than a few moments after he shut his eyes for his breathing to become slower, with the only indication of life being the steady rise and fall of his back in time with his breaths.Surrounded by the sound of Jimin’s light snores, he turned his attention back to the empty sheets lying in front of him. When he had attempted to study his part works for inspiration, of any kind, the words had begun to swim off the page as if they belonged to another language. This time, he wasted not even a single breath in flipping the page back and thought over Jimin's advice. If what he said, and what Namjoon himself had admitted to being true, then his mind truly had shifted out of its previous mentality, making it increasingly difficult for him to tap into it. Allowing Seokjin to become a part of his life had meant sacrificing that aspect of his mind, but he didn't regret that even for a moment. Different music wasn't something he wanted to shy away from, and he wasn't about to do it now.Having not a single inkling as to what he should even think about, he took a deep breath as he shut his eyes for a moment, thinking back to when he first met Seokjin.He didn’t know how he’d found himself standing on front of the shelter’s door, since he hadn’t ever been there before. However, he knew exactly what had brought him there in the first place. Only hours earlier, he had spoken to his parents. It was his father’s birthday, and the first thing he’d seen in the morning was the missed call on the screen of his phone. All day, he’d debated whether or not to call them back, having made up his mind to do so only in the afternoon when his mind could think of nothing else.But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it.The sound of his mother’s voice at the other end had been enough to make tears well up in his eyes, disturbing his vision to make everything a grey blur. Shaking, his hands had immediately risen to snatch the phone away from his ear and end the call. Wracked with guilt, he had shut his phone, leaving it on his bed as he had left the dorm with no particular destination in mind. Thoughts had been racing in his mind faster than he could comprehend them as he felt the chilly winter air bite his exposed face. He knew the sun was setting, but there wasn’t going to be anyone worried about him not returning in time for dinner. There hadn’t been anyone in a long time.As he had approached the university entrance, he had considered calling someone, anyone who he could talk to, but he could think of no one. He didn’t have many friends, but his mind couldn’t even conjure up the few he did.The minutes after that had flown by in a haze, with a choir of indistinguishable sounds and the flashes of lights on the illuminated streets. Each time he had seen himself approaching a crowded or brightly lit area, his feet moved of his own accord to avoid them. This worked, until he had felt his feet aching dully, protesting with each step. That was when he had stopped at the corner store with the flickering light above it and a set of double frosted glass doors with dark paw prints scattered over the cloudy white. He didn’t know what persuaded him to go inside, however he did know he didn’t want to be alone. The company of animals really seemed to be more inviting than the company of people.Shivering as his warm fingers wrapped around the metal handle, he had pulled the door open and quietly shuffled inside, allowing his eyes a moment to adjust to the brightness.Each wall seemed to be panelled with a different shade, decorated with framed notes from children and certifications from different organisations. Glancing around, he noticed a mop of gleaming black hair behind a desk as colourful as the walls. Unsure of himself, he had shuffled over to Seokjin, who was bent over a thick textbook, not even looking his way as his sneaker had squeaked against the wooden floor.After Seokjin had looked up at him, he couldn’t bother remembering what he had said. At the moment he must have, but when he looked back to it, his words weren’t what he wanted to focus on. It didn’t matter anymore. Under the warm lights, Seokjin’s beautiful brown eyes had finally come into view and his puffy pink lips had pouted adorably. They filled his sculpted and slender face so perfectly, he just wanted to lean forward and touch it to be sure it was real. He had to be one of the most beautiful people he had ever seen, and he had been having a hard time looking away.Their conversation was blurred, especially since he had been too busy trying not to stare at Seokjin’s face. After the sound of his voice had reached Namjoon’s ears, his body had just ached to hear more, and it still did. He hoped he never had to hear that voice go quiet.It hadn’t been until Seokjin had stood up that he noticed how wide his shoulders really were. Compared to him, his shoulders were broader, and his waist thinner, giving him proportions Namjoon could only dream of having. When Seokjin had taken him to the nursery, all thoughts from his mind had been driven out when the older man had leaned closer to him. Unnecessarily close. And all of it only to whisper about why he shouldn’t be taking Namjoon there.The night where he couldn’t find the resolve to open those familiar doors was the night his father had hastily called him to tell him of his mother’s hospitalisation.The call lasted no more than a minute, but it might as well have elapsed only for ten seconds. By the time he had gotten over the fact that it was his father calling him from his mother’s phone, the call was already over. All he was left with was a monotonous dial tone echoing in his small room, followed by a desperate scramble to call them back but nothing went through.It was the longest four hours of his life as he sat and tried calling all of his family members in a vain effort to establish a bridge from the small room where he was trapped to where his family stood, tending to his mother. Like all painful memories, the four hours seemed to be clear, yet hazy, with details he thought he could never forget blurred beyond recognition and moments that seemed inconsequential engraved into his mind, never to be erased. All he could hear was the blank ringtone that reverberated in his ears as his legs carried him to his safe haven without a thought. To the room where the only sounds belonged to Seokjin’s beautiful voice, the low purrs of the kittens, and nothing else.He couldn’t even see her. Couldn’t even hold her hand, tell her he was there and that he would always be, like she once used to do for him. Worst of all, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her he loved her.He hated himself for it.However, even his legs had failed him as he reached the steps leading up to the double doors. All he had been able to do was drag his unwilling body to the bottom of the concrete steps, head bowed in thought as he had squeezed his eyes shut. Humiliated of his actions, he hadn’t thought himself to be worthy of seeking comfort from Seokjin at the time. Namjoon didn’t deserve that beautiful smile that had always made itself onto the older man’s face when he walked into that shelter.And just when he had made up his mind to abandon his visit, Seokjin had tripped over him, and he had been unable to quell his guilt after having heard the sickening crack the shorter man had made against the pavement.After he had gone there to help him up, it had only taken a moment for the older man to prop himself up on his elbow, placing their faces only centimeters apart. All he had to do was lean forward to feel those full lips against his own, and he had been unable to think of a reason why he shouldn’t. The dizzying scent of Seokjin’s perfume, mingled with the familiar scent of dog fur was far more comforting than he ought to be, and he wanted nothing more but to draw lungfuls of it until he felt like he was floating.He hadn’t wanted to forget about his mother, and a part of brain was devoted to it even when he was around Seokjin. However, just the older man’s presence was enough to make every facet of his consciousness clear until he was all he could see.Beating the haze of the painful memories that preceded it, every moment of when his hand had been holding Seokjin’s waist was crystal clear in his mind, a sensation his body ached to feel once more. The curve of the older’s bones was covered with nothing but lean muscle that shifted with each step, allowing him to feel its movement under his hand. The way the sides of their torsos had been pressed against each other allowed his bony chest to rub against Seokjin’s muscular one, making him insecure. There had been nothing about Seokjin that wasn’t perfect, and he was yet to find something that wasn’t.The way he had spoken to him was more liberal than he had spoken with anyone else, still leaving him with one question in his mind. What made him so trustworthy?He had gotten his answer later the same evening when they had sat together in his bedroom. Seokjin was the second person to catch onto what he was going through, but the first to act on it. He also, explicitly put himself aside for Namjoon even though they had barely conversed enough to consider each other friends.Earlier, the feeling of familiarity was completely foreign to him. It was only until a few weeks ago that he realised he began recalling the animalistic scent of the shelter and the sweet smell of Seokjin’s perfume when he became anxious. The hazy recollection of his mother’s arms around him, with her gentle hands caressing his hair had been replaced with the memory of having Seokjin’s arm draped over his shoulder and the way he brushed the hair away from his forehead. It was familial…but he wouldn’t call it the same. The brush of his mother’s skin against his never caused his heart to flutter uncontrollably, and neither did having her scent drift up his nose. Everything about Seokjin drove him crazy simply trying to comprehend what it meant to him while comforting him all the same.His moment had passed, leaving him ignorant of the time that had passed. However, he couldn’t care less. The only one in his thoughts now was Seokjin, and Namjoon knew exactly what to write.Working furiously, the sound of his pencil scraping against the sheet seemed to be louder than Jimin’s snores as he focused intently on the words flowing out of him. He needed it to be perfect, so he wrote about the person he considered the closest to it.The nib broke, he sharpened it to write again. A mistake disclosed itself, his eraser was already in his hand, eradicating the error. His body and mind seemed to have separated, leaving him staring at shock at the words scrawled on the sheets.It felt like he was exposing himself. It always did. But, the one’s he truly wanted to be vulnerable to, had put up walls to keep him out. That’s what had driven him to write about the pain and the anger he felt at the abandonment.However, this was different.This wasn’t just an estranged relation he was writing about. It was Seokjin, and the he was right here. There was no longer the excuse of broken bonds, or the excuse of buried pain. It was just him, unadulterated and vulnerable. There wasn’t a conceivable situation in which he could ever utter these words out loud, especially since he came to realise the song wasn’t for him.The entire time, it had been Seokjin’s voice in his mind, and Seokjin’s voice alone. What he’d written wasn’t for him, it was for the older man instead. The realisation only terrified him. His thoughts sung by the one they were about. Seokjin wasn’t obsolete enough to ignore the meaning behind it. And he was too much of a coward to show it to him.“Hyung?”Turning at the whisper, he found Jimin drowsily rubbing his eyes. Hastily, he shut the cover of his folder close, not even giving the younger man a chance to grab even a hint of what was on the papers. As the younger man came to, he gave Namjoon a drowsy smile as he stretched. Letting out a breath of relief, he pulled the folder close to his chest and allowed his head to fall back. A gentle laugh escaped his throat, as he shut his eyes, allowing himself to be unburdened for a rare moment, one that he had been unable to enjoy before.“Hyung figured it out?” breathed Jimin excitedly as he returned to his original position. Nodding, he felt his smile only grow wider as he pushed aside the chair, slipping his bag of the back of the chair. Before he had a chance to fathom what was happening, the younger man threw his arms around his neck, burying his face into Namjoon’s neck as he stood there in shock. Getting over the initial jolt, he wrapped his arms around Jimin’s lean torso as he returned the gesture, earning a lungful of the scent of the younger’s body wash. Despite the air-conditioning, Jimin’s neck was warm against his cheek, a lot like Seokjin’s skin was each time he touched him. They both were the same when it came to letting them go, since he had figured out he could never bring himself to do it. He couldn’t be blamed for it of course, no one in their right mind would ever want to.“I knew hyung would figure it out.” he whispered, his soft lips brushing against his skin, causing him to shiver from the foreign sensation. They were just as warm as his skin, if not more and contrasted with the cold silver of the earrings in his earlobes and helix. Tightening his arms, he brought his had up and ran his fingers through the long, but slightly damaged strands of Jimin’s golden hair as he just nuzzled his chest endearingly.He couldn’t remember the last time someone he hugged him this way. Actually, he wasn’t sure if anyone ever had. However, he wasn’t about to allow his mind to drift away when Jimin’s warm body just seemed to be holding him to the ground.“I couldn’t have done it without talking to you, though.” he breathed. Smiling dismally as Jimin pulled away, he let his hand fall to the shorter man’s shoulder where his collarbone bit into the palm of his hand. “I owe you one, you really helped me out a bind here. How do I pay you back?”Dismissing him, Jimin rubbed the back of his neck shyly as his cheeks took on a pink tinge. With his lightly tanned skin and blond hair, he looked straight out of an anime he never had the time to watch.“Just keep Jin happy, that’s all I want hyung. I don’t want him to be alone, so hyung better stick around.” he muttered, giving him a last smile before grabbing his glasses and stepping out into one of the many hallways. For a second, he just stood there, recovering from the sudden hug as he heard Jimin’s footsteps recede. If he shut his eyes, he could still feel the younger man’s touch lingering on his body. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, he shoved the file into his backpack and jogged out of the library, legs carrying him towards the arts building where he knew Yunki would be.As soon as he stepped out, he was hit by a draft of hot air replacing the blissfully chilly library he had been sitting in since the afternoon. The first thing he had noticed was the apparent darkness in which he now found himself in, making it clear that he had spent more than a few hours surrounded by the books. When he had sat in the initially uncomfortable chair, time had seemed to fly by in an instant, with his hands working on the pages within what seemed like minutes. Only now, under the lamps that lit the cobblestone pathways did he realise how tired his body was. Stiff and unrelenting, his legs and fingers moved in a mechanical fashion as he dodged students and faculty and raced up the staircases to the second floor where the music rooms were. Cracking his knuckles, he rotated his neck to rid himself of the soreness from staring down at his hands as he pushed open the wooden doors to the soundproof room where he found Hoseok was curled up on the floor, sleeping soundly as Yunki sat at the piano. Unlike Jimin, Hoseok wasn’t dressed in clothes he would wear before or after dancing, dressed in a usual pair of his colourful shorts and a t-shirt in a shade he didn’t know existed before. He always wondered how he was able to pull it off. Hoseok always seemed to be wearing enough colours for himself and for Yunki.  The older man’s fingers glided over the glossy keys, effortlessly blending in sounds he wouldn’t have thought of in the beginning and making them sound undeniably beautiful. The sound of his excitedly beating heart was still too weak to overcome the clear sounds of the entrancing melody drifting into the air from the corner of the room. Yunki was purposely using the soft pedal, making an ethereal harmony encase his boyfriend in a deep slumber, leaving him alone, which he didn’t seem to mind at all. Instead, the older’s head swayed with the music as Namjoon found himself rooted to the spot, his mind forgetting the high from his achievement as he lost himself to the soft notes of the piano.He’d tried a lot, practiced for hours at a time to get a little better, but his music was like him. Unsure and distressing. Yunki’s spoke of pain, but it was beautiful in its own way. Each time he heard anything created by his friend, it just seemed to surpass his previous standard. Instead of allowing Yunki’s performance to hinder his, he’d forced himself to open his mind enough to learn from the older man instead. However, when it came to music, there was only so much he could learn from someone else. Music wasn’t something he could replicate. He was having a hard time finding something beautiful from what he’d experienced, which caused most of his music to be hateful. But not to others...only to himself. That kind of song wasn’t something he wanted to perform for the entire world to see, so… he didn’t.Each time he heard Yunki play was like the first time. It never failed to enamour him, not even once since the first time he had walked in on it. Apparently, the way he had behave had been enough for Yunki to continue playing as if he had never walked into the room in the first place. For the first few weeks, they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Since their university was small, the room seemed to be deserted after normal lecture hours and he would come there nearly every day in his first year to listen to Yunki. For the first two, the piece had been the same and he had taken to memorising each note by heart. The first time they spoke happened to be when Yunki had walked in on him playing that piece on the piano with a few additions of his own. Almost immediately, he had asked him his name and had taken upon himself to bridge the gaps in their knowledge.A few weeks later, he had auditioned, and having been accepted had dragged Yunki along to the next one where the older man placed second. It was after that they had begun making songs together, but they had separated a little as their own styles evolved out of their initial shortcomings. However, he still brought his songs to Yunki, and the older man did the same.“What is it Namjoon?”He hadn’t even realised the music had stopped until Yunki’s husky voice interrupted his thoughts. Returning to the room, he saw that the shorter man no longer faced the piano and instead sat sideways, making it easier for him to watch Namjoon with an attempt to show his contempt, but he was quite clearly failing. It wasn’t that each time he tried to act annoyed with him, it never seemed to work. Having Hoseok around dissolved any resolve he did have in the first place. Just the fact that he had stopped playing to talk to him made Namjon realise that he considered his arrival an emergency. Usually, his entrance would be accompanied with a trademark silence, without the heaving of breath he’d come in with today. Of course the way he had run in here, it wouldn’t be incorrect to assume so.“I finished it. The song. But..”Gesturing for him to come forward, he leaned back and flipped the light behind the piano, making sure only the one above them was on as Namjoon settled on the bench beside him. Without a word, he pointed at his backpack as he put on his glasses, brushing his dark hair away from his eyes. The glasses were round, exactly as he would have imagined Harry Potter’s to be, and they were a gift from Hoseok who’d told them the same thing. Despite being teased about it, he never even seemed to have considered replacing them. It didn’t surprise him.Fumbling with the strap of his back, he heard the older man let out an annoyed hiss as Hoseok turned on the floor. Frozen by the fear of having woken him up, he stopped pulling out the folder midway, allowing Yunki to slip it impatiently out of his hands and begin flitting through it curiously. As he stopped on the new song, he pushed his glasses back and let his mouth fall open slightly, the gesture showing Namjoon he was completely immersed in examining it.The next two minutes agonisingly felt like they were being stretched into hours as he let his gaze move from Yunki to Hoseok, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath. He didn’t have the nerve to look at the older man, a habit he’d often been chastised about, but had yet to rid himself of. Despite it simply being words he had written down on a sheet of paper, it always felt more than something he could change just by striking through it. Although he knew the older man always advised him well, it was straightforward and blunt. Each time he took a song to him, it was like he was giving him an open invite for an autopsy of his mind.Usually, it wouldn’t hinder him, and he would simply return to his desk with Yunki’s suggestions in his mind. But this song was different.“This isn’t a rap.” he stated plainly, making Namjoon gawk at him.“Huh?”Letting out a puff of air, he set down the file on the top of the piano and repeated the same thing to him as if he thought he hadn’t understood in the first place.“This isn’t a rap.” he echoed, holding up his finger as he opened his mouth to interrupt him causing him to stop before a sound escaped his lips. “It’s for a vocalist. You, you’re not a vocalist Namjoon-a.”“Jimin and Taehyung are, aren’t they?” he answered skeptically, knowing Yunki wouldn’t accept his answer. However, he still seemed to try and convince him, but he was unsure whether it was Yunki he was trying to convince. Or... was it him?“Besi-”“But this song isn’t for them, is it?” he asked curiously, raising his eyebrow. Namjoon knew he’d already answered it in his mind, causing it to come out more like a statement than a question. “Who did you really   write this for?”For a moment, a heavy silence hung in the air as Yunki waited for him to open his mouth which might as well have been sewn shut. He didn’t know why he was so scared to tell him. He never had been so terrified of showing him a song before and that question wasn’t one he hadn’t answered before. Only this time the person was different, and the relationship fragile, not broken.“It’s for Jin.” he admitted, his words hanging heavily between the two of them. Still unsure about the other's feeling towards the two of them, his mind immediately took a step back, making one last attempt to save himself from what he believed to be jumping into a boiling pot of water.“But… he’s not the only one who can sing it hyung.”Taking his glasses off, Yunki let out a sigh as he studied him with his dark eyes. They were a lighter brown than his hair, which was nearly black and might as well have been in the dim light. The way his pale skin seemed to glow even without enough lighting, the contrast made his features seem even softer and well defined.“Namjoon, listen to me.” he whispered. “It’s not like I’m saying no one else can sing it. It’s about whose voice you want. It’s your song, PD-nim can assign it to a vocalist, any vocalist, but it’s yours. If you want Seokjin to sing it, I want you to ask him.”For a moment, he simply looked at the older man as if he had been unable to understand his words. He’d been expecting straightforward, he’d be a fool not to. However, relationships wasn’t something they had really spoken about, since it was never a topic that came up when they normally conversed.On the other hand, the only one he would consider talking to about Seokjin about was Yunki. He was his longest friend, the only one who’d been there for him when he needed it. There were new ones, Jimin and Taehyung, but his familiarity with Yunki and Hoseok allowed his tongue to be more liberal.Yet… his mind still required persuasion to speak about a topic this sensitive. “H-hyung wants me to ask Seokjin to sing a song I wrote for him?” he echoed, gaping at his friend in shock as he looked at him with resoluteness in his eyes. “B-but we’ve only just st-”“Joon-a I’m not asking you to do it now.” he implored, giving him a quizzical look.“Do it when you want, and in your own time.”“The song, it’s gotta-”“We’ll write another one. One you would be more comfortable with giving to Tae or Jimin. Hell, one you would sing for yourself.” he offered, holding the file out to him. Staring at the older man in disbelief, he tentatively held the sturdy plastic folder in his hand, scratching distractedly at the blank black cover. “This isn’t something you give up on.”Pausing for a moment, Yunki glanced at Hoseok, who was still curled up like a foetus under the blanket. There was something lingering in his eyes, a look he couldn’t entirely comprehend. There seemed to be so much crammed into his gaze in that fleeting moment, Namjoon couldn’t focus on just one thing.However, he knew Yunki’s words held truth in them. There were so many songs the older man hadn’t taken forward, which had surprised him since those were the most beautiful of all. There was a reason he fell in love with music, and it wasn’t to achieve fame or gain popularity in that industry. If his motives were either of those, he was sure those songs would have seen the light of day, since they certainly deserved to and would have won the hearts of all who would have heard it.There was only one heart Yunki seemed to want, and he’d already gotten it. He had no reason to release those songs in the open, unless it was something he truly wanted to do.Where did that leave him?He had a song for someone he had barely known for a few months. A song for someone he couldn’t even utter ten words about himself to. He didn’t know how to feel about it. At one end stood the cold embrace of guilt, for being so closed off just to make himself vulnerable in a form that Seokjin didn’t understand. Although he knew what the older had been trying to do by talking about his own life, it didn’t seem to be working on him at all. Additionally, it wasn’t his parents who were the problem, and it wasn’t their behaviour. It was him, it was all him. How could he ever show that to him without what they had being replaced by hate?At the other was something he couldn’t recognise yet, like an unlit corner of a stage illuminated by light everywhere else. It was cloaked in darkness because for now, he didn’t know what stood there. However skeptical he may be, one thing happened to be true. All he wanted was a single outcome that ended positively.Letting out a sigh, he opened the folder once more to the blank sheets at the end before placing it on top of the piano. This song wasn’t for anyone else, it was just for them. When he could muster up the courage he’d take it to him. For now, his mind had already shifted into its creative phase. If he needed a song, it couldn’t wait any longer.Turning around, he lifted his leg over the bench and sat so that he faced the piano with Yunki following suit right after. Taking a deep breath, he turned his gaze away from the worn out keys to his friend, who just watched him curiously as if waiting to see his next move. That was another thing he had come to realise with Yunki. If you didn’t want it, he wouldn’t help you.“Hyung will help me?” he asked, unsure of the answer. They had shown each other their songs. They had edited them for each other too. This was the first time he had explicitly asked the older man for help and he didn’t know how it would end. There stood only one path ahead of him, and he knew he couldn’t go through it alone.Much to his relief, the shorter man relaxed his lithe body as he stretched his fingers, placing them delicately above the keys on the piano before giving him a small smile.“Always.” “I feel like I should tell you to stop doing that.”Tilting the edge of the comic book Seokjin was reading, he looked forward at his bandaged foot where he could feel the small nudges from Jungkook’s hand as he doodled on it with markers that had somehow found their way into his room. The two of them had been lying there for what seemed like hours now, but neither of them wanted to move. Well, part of it had to be the mattress. He’d spent a decade searching for the perfect one, and had let out a sound he thought would only belong to a racy movie when he had first lied down on it, much to the embarrassment of his best friend. Utterly immersed in what he was doing, Jungkook didn’t even glance up to find a raised eyebrow being directed towards him and instead stuck out his tongue in concentration while his hands never faltered. What was he even doing?Trying to move his foot, he earned a sharp restraint from his brother’s fingers and a hiss that made him wish he could hide from the source. Sometimes, he truly wondered who was the younger brother, however the moments were always fleeting. Sooner or later, he would come up to him with a question that seemed to have been formulated by a fourth grader, only to widen his eyes at the words he was saying and cursing himself under his breath as he shuffled away in embarrassment.“Are you even going to let me see?” he asked optimistically, which didn’t even merit a grunt from Jungkook.Letting out an annoyed huff, he dropped his comic book on the bed beside him and tucked his hands behind his head as he shut his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the cool air blasting from the vent in the ceiling. He knew finals week was getting closer and closer, but his brother was here, and he just couldn’t bring himself to study with him around.The moment his brother had walked into the dance room with Taehyung, he had barely given him a second to say goodbye to the two before dragging him outside once more. They hadn’t stayed outside for too long, because he had taken him straight to the parking lot and driven him here, holding him prisoner in his room so that he could have his brother all to himself for the few hours they had left together.It truly seemed to be one of the best days of his life so far. With none of the looming negativity that seemed to ooze out of the foundations of their parents’ house, Seokjin felt an unadulterated sense of contentment that he didn’t think he had allowed himself to feel before. Or..hadn’t been allowed to feel before. With his rose gold walls and the predominant scent of jasmine greeting him each way he glanced, there was nothing that seemed to even mimic the conditions in their old home. And their relationship was all the better for it.“Kookie.”Barely tilting his head, his brother let out a small hum of acknowledgement as he continued to draw god knows what on his new bandage. He would be lucky if Hoseok bought him something like that ever again.“Jungkookie.” he repeated, stretching the ‘ie’ long enough to annoy his brother enough for him to drop the marker and glare at him in annoyance.“What?” he snapped. Raising his eyebrow at the attempt to seem intimidating, he immediately raised his leg, bring his foot close enough for him to see part of what seemed to be a replica of a beautiful drawing Jungkook had made when he was fifteen. Snatching his foot back, he scowled at Seokjin, who seemed to have found himself at a loss of words. Guiltily, he tried giving his brother a smile, which he received with a frown before resuming his earlier task.“Sorry, I was just curious you know.”He knew Jungkook was biting back a retort when he huffed, making him pout at him in a desperate effort to be forgiven.“You know I love you Jungkookie.”The younger’s reaction was immediate, with him being unable to keep a smile off his face when it came to Seokjin. Turning pink, his brother dropped his head, letting his forehead fall onto his calf as he purposely muttered into the blanket where he couldn’t hear a word. Grinning, he pushed himself up so that he was sitting straight and leaned forward, playfully putting a hand to his ear as if trying to hear better.“What was that?” he asked, louder than necessary, and loud enough for his brother to look towards the opposite wall so that he wouldn’t be able to see the redness on his cheeks as he hid the side of his face with his hand. “I didn’t catch that. Do you mind repeating it, please?”Groaning as Seokjin only grinned wider, his brother turned his head back to when it was buried in his blanket and remained there for a few moments as if the burden of saying those three words back was unprecedented.It’s not like the words did not carry any weight. Between them, especially for Jungkook they seemed to carry more the usual. At first, Seokjin had thought it to be with his parents’ absence and in time he had come to realise that he hadn’t been entirely wrong.Just like he wanted to avoid the questions of the other children, Jungkook ran away from every opportunity to talk about their parents. It wasn’t easy, especially not in the beginning. One of the first things he knew Jungkook was exposed to was the universal rule that each child loved their parents and each parent loved their child.The first few years of his life, he would say it to them, receiving only a hollow response which stopped altogether as Jungkook got older. The entire time, Seokjin had watched his brother’s idea of love slowly crumble, to the extent of leaving him crying silently in his arms on most nights. His brother always seemed to have thought he couldn’t hear him, and he didn’t have to confront him to know what was wrong. Even as they lay together in his bed, he would pull him closer, letting him know he was there for him and making sure he’d never forget.It had taken him time, and lots of it, to make Jungkook feel at ease with those words again. However, before he could say them out loud once more, the echo of the doorbell filled their empty room where Seokjin’s anticipation had been hovering heavily in the air. The sound shattered it mercilessly as his brother, grateful for its intervention, leaped to his feet and darted towards the doorway before he could figure out a way to keep him in the room until he said the three words back to him.“I won’t take you back until you say it!”He yelled after his brother as scrambled to open the door. The way Jungkook stumbled, he knew his brother’s foot had fallen asleep and it made him smile despite the fact that he heard him curse as he hit the furniture in the hallway. Thankfully, he didn’t hear the sound of shattering glass or a body hitting the wooden floor. Instead, the click of the lock and two familiar voices bubbling excitedly in the hallway. Not a moment too soon, Jimin’s blond hair popped into his room through the open doorway and he skipped over to him excitedly. Without even a word of warning, he draped himself over Seokjin, shoving the air out of his lungs as he panicked from the breathlessness. Surprised, he rolled off him and kneeled on the bed with widened eyes as he gasped, smacking the younger man without realising it. He would have done it either way though.“You’re not that light you idiot.” he wheezed, rolling onto his side as he coughed with the younger gently patting his back. “My ribs aren’t made of metal.”“Don’t worry hyung, I’ll make sure Chim pays the hospital bill.” chuckled Taehyung, sitting down beside Jimin as Jungkook followed, taking the same spot he was lying down on before. Still sputtering, he tried to sit up and cross his legs, but his brother grabbed his right foot and held it in place, popping open the marker as he resumed his artwork. Taking advantage of his compliance, Taehyung turned to face him and rest his head on the back of the younger’s waist, his fingers playing with the fabric of Jungkook’s t-shirt. As he shifted to get more comfortable, his chocolate coloured hair spread out like a halo on his brother’s back. Despite the bed being more than enough for two people to fit, there nearly wasn’t enough space for four fully grown men, and so Jimin couldn’t join in their little pile and watched despondently as the two went about in their small removed bubble. Although he’d hate to give up on the cold air conditioner to replace it with body heat, there was no way in hell he’d let Jimin sit alone like that. Rolling his eyes Seokjin tugged at the ridiculous long sleeved t-shirt Jimin was wearing, even though it was summer, and gestured for him to come closer.Gratefully, he lay down and rest his head on his right leg which was stretched out in front of him, draping his legs over Taehyung’s who playfully nudged him as he returned the gesture soon after.“What time is hyung taking Jungkook back?” asked Jimin, shifting his gaze from his best friend to Seokjin. He hadn’t told them he’d be driving his brother back, but it wouldn’t have been hard to guess since there was no conceivable way he’d let his brother go back alone voluntarily. The two of them knew that, making him realise the true purpose behind their visit.“Our train’s at 8. I told the idiot to go before so that he wouldn’t be tired when he got back, but, he doesn’t listen.” he said plainly, raising his voice in the end to which Jungkook just scoffed. Although he wouldn’t want him to go back so late, he also didn’t want him to leave so soon. Two days in three months or so really wasn’t enough, and they couldn’t keep spending their savings on train fare to see each other more often. Of course it would be a lot easier to visit him if he simply asked his parents to pay for the tickets. However, his parents would never agree to it, for the simple reason that they did not want Seokjin to influence his younger brother into pursuing a subject with no future. “Next time, I’ll get him here on Friday night, he’ll have the entire weekend with us then. Sound good Jungkook?”The three of them looked at him expectantly and he knew his brother wouldn’t ignore his question this time. True to his thoughts, Jungkook only paused for a moment before turning to him and shooting him a grateful smile before shyly returning to his work as Taehyung muttered, ‘cute’ under his breath.“But, the next time we see each other school will be over hyung.” he stated plainly. Slowly, he capped the marker, allowing Seokjin to pull his leg back as he lay his head down on folded arms, facing him with a desolate look in his eyes. “I’ll have to go to Seoul.”With that simple sentence, his brother seemed to have made the temperature in the room drop ten degrees as the smile fell from Seokjin’s face. Looking around, he saw that both Jimin and Taehyung had grown tense, watching him in dreadful anticipation. How could he have forgotten? In the back of his mind, he was aware the year was ending, but he always used to pay the utmost attention to it so that he could figure out his visits with his brother accordingly. The way he surprised him yesterday seemed to have thrown off his calendar, making his absent-minded words slip out before he gave himself a chance to think about them.“Hyung.. I-I’ll still come here. They might let me visit Jimin and Tae hyung-”“I’m sorry Jungkook-a.” he interrupted remorsefully. “I wish I could do something-”“Hyung I’m coming to live here after next year.” he promised, driving the soft look from his eyes as a determined one took its place. Despite every effort he put in trying to make himself look more resolute, the softness of his features that still lingered from his young age made it hard for him to see it that way. All he saw was his brother, too scared to return to a house where he felt no one cared for him. “They can’t stop me.”“Jungkook-a..” he began, even though he didn’t know what to say. Every cell in his body was ecstatic from his brother’s promise and every inch of him wanted to reach out and hold him in his arms. But he couldn’t. The dread of his words sat on his shoulders so heavily, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Even the minimal support they were getting from their parents, they would lose, they’d have to fight for even a scrap of what they had now. He could live like that, it didn’t matter to him. For him, their support was lost long ago, when they treated his brother worse than they treated him. However, no matter how much he wanted his brother to be with him, he couldn’t do that to him. That little light in his eyes that still remained, he couldn’t dull that for his own happiness.He’d rather suffer a thousand lives alone than let his brother do the same.“No hyung.” he frowned, burrowing his eyebrows as if he couldn’t understand why Seokjin wanted to keep him away. It only took a moment for him to realise that Jungkook truly didn’t. All his brother saw was the one person he loved pushing him away. And Seokjin had gone too far to bring himself back. The pain in his voice as it dropped to a whisper seemed to drive a nail into his heart, slowly cracking it with each hit. “I wanna come here.”“Jungkook. Can you come outside for a second?” asked Jimin, sitting up as he looked at his brother expectantly. Nudging Taehyung off the younger man, Jimin slid off the bed and padded to the door as his brother followed suit, leaving Seokjin and Taehyung alone.Surprised at the seriousness in the younger’s voice, he simply watched as his brother gently shut the door behind him, his face utterly unreadable.The two of them seemed to take what little heat he felt with them, making him shiver despite the fact that he’d almost been sweating only moments earlier.Letting his gaze fall, he watched his fingers gently massage his palms, a subconscious gesture he no longer seemed to have a control over. He remembered Taehyung telling him that the action was meant to be calming, but at the time it didn’t seem to be working. However, he couldn’t continue it as Taehyung slipped his longer, slender fingers into his hand after shifting to sit beside him. Letting out a sigh, he laced his fingers with the younger’s and tilted his head so that he could look at Taehyung’s face. Behind his long lashes, he could see the blue lenses the younger liked wearing instead of his glasses. Although he had to admit, he looked breathtaking either way, Seokjin preferred his warm brown eyes than the icy blue that stared back at him.Before he’d met Taehyung, he had never felt insecure about his looks, well because he never had any reason to be. His parents had taken to parading him before each of their business partners as if he was some trophy and had followed suit with Jungkook soon after. Used to being one of the most attractive people in the room, he hadn’t considered the thought of meeting someone who would make him question each thought he had when he looked at himself in the mirror. Every soft feature on Taehyung’s face seemed like it had been sculpted over a course of years by someone who’d perfected the art.However, like everyone Taehyung was human and it was the part he’d come to love the most of all. He was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but the close proximity in which the younger liked to sit had allowed him to notice the subtle differences in his eyes, with one being monolided and the other double. Endearingly, Taehyung had two moles on his arm between which he’d often pinch the skin to make a distorted elephant that he’d proudly shown off to him in the very first week they had been acquainted. In their very first meeting, instead of growing jealous of the way his looks surpassed his own, he’d found Taehyung to be someone he couldn’t help loving, a decision he was sure he’d never come to regret in this lifetime.“Hyung you should just tell him. He’d understand if he does.” he beseeched, leaning closer so that he could rest his head on his shoulder. Although having his body beside him acted like a replacement for Jimin’s, it really couldn’t fill in the gap left by his brother. There was nothing in this world that could. “Hyung knows it wouldn’t help hiding it from him.”“I know Tae.” he admitted, stroking the soft skin on the back of the younger man’s hand. Like Jimin, his skin always seemed to warm, despite the season or the surroundings, like the two of them burned with some internal flame no one else had. A lot of the times they had stayed over, he’d wondered what it would be like seeing them with Jungkook. His brother wasn’t one for a lot of touches to express his feelings, the two were entirely the opposite. There wasn’t a minute they went without touching the person beside them, and his brother had grown accustomed to it. Four years ago, before his brother had met them, he’d be lucky if his brother hugged him in public. If he thought back to yesterday, his brother had quite nearly jumped onto him. On top of that, he giggled. His brother never giggled.“But I wouldn’t be a good brother if I did.”Scoffing, his Taehyung nuzzled closer, as close as he could without very nearly sitting on his lap. Freshly washed, his silky, undamaged hair brushed against his neck, making him shudder from the peculiar sensation. “That’s fucking bullshit. And hyung knows that.”Opening his mouth to complain, Taehyung interrupted his words before he ever could. In a way, the younger was a lot like Yunki. Together, the two of them wouldn’t fail to hesitate in bringing forward your short comings and they wouldn’t attempt to sugarcoat it either. Hurtful in the beginning, he’d already been accustomed to it when they had met each other, and had nothing left to do but understand why they said it.“Hyung is the best brother anyone could have. Telling him, it wouldn’t make hyung a bad brother. Jungkookie deserves better than having the truth hidden from him. Hyung knows he will understand.”As if on cue, his brother walked in, with Jimin following close behind. Giving him no opportunity to comprehend the entirety of Taehyung’s testimony, they immediately walked over to them. He could tell the way his brother’s eyes were widened that Jimin had given him just an inkling of what what going on in Seokjin’s head, but it was nowhere near enough.“Jungkookie, we’ll see you in a few more weeks. We think you should spend tonight with Jin hyung.” said Taehyung, the two of them sharing a smile as he slipped his hand from Seokjin’s and slipped off the bed, throwing his arms around Jungkook as he buried his face in Taehyung’s neck. Speaking so smoothly for the two of them, one might have thought their decision had been pre-decided, not something taken in the spur of the moment. Over time, he’d come to the realisation that their relationship was just that. They had grown so accustomed to each other, they didn’t even need to share a glance to make sure it was comfortable anymore. They knew each other better than they knew themselves.The hug lasted no more than a second before Taehyung moved away, allowing Jimin to do the same. Unlike before, the two of them gave each other the chance for a proper goodbye, before stepping aside to leave. The two of them left with their hands laced together, giving Seokjin and Jungkook a wave before shutting his bedroom door.Still smiling from the phantom of their hugs that still lingered, he sat down in front of Seokjin before crossing his legs on the bed, his hands playing with the painted bandage. Knowing his brother, the gesture meant there was something bothering him, and as he had already seem from the look he wore when he had walked back in, it was something he still didn’t understand.Seokjin hated it, he hated doing this to him. Every cell in his body seemed to scream at him, opposing him from the direction the conversation was about to take. However, his brother could no longer be kept in the dark, since he so clearly did not want it to remain that way.“D-doesn’t hyung want him to come here?” he asked tentatively, not looking up from his hands. Judging from the pain in his voice, he already knew his brother was crying, but there was nothing that could ever prepare him enough to withstand the guilt the came with it.  Sorrowfully, Seokjin gently held his chin and lifted Jungkook’s head up to find tears welling up in his brother’s eyes. Frowning, he brought his hand up to carefully wipe them away as his brother squeezed his eyes shut. Jungkook hadn’t ever let him do that before. Then again, it was the first time he had made his brother cry.Shocked, he leaned forward and wrapped his arm around his brother’s neck and pulled him into a hug where his brother buried his face into his chest, his tears soaking into his t-shirt. Although he knew his brother usually never did it, defying his usual behaviour, Jungkook brought his legs forward and sat in his lap, curling up against him. In an effort to get even closer, Jungkook’s hands curled around his chest as Seokjin’s arms were wrapped around him. His brother had never cried like this before, not even on the worst days of school when they lived together.Seokjin didn’t deserve someone like him.He didn’t know how long they sat like that, but he couldn’t care less. Time seemed to stand still as the only sound in the room were his muffled sniffles and shallow breathing. However, the loud beat of Seokjin’s heart rang loudly in his ears, drowning out everything else. With every breath, he just wanted to pull away and fall to his knees to apologise a thousand times for ever doing this to him. He wanted to apologise for making him think that he didn’t want him here when there was nothing else he wanted more.Running his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, he pressed occasional kisses to his brother’s head as he felt his own tears run down his face. Everything in his mind was muddled together, causing him to be unsure that his tears were coming from the thought of losing his brother or knowing his brother would chose him even though he shouldn’t. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he let his brother take the second option.It was after Jungkook’s silent sobs had been replaced by sharp intakes of breath that his brother finally spoke. Caught between his shallow breath, his words came out stuttered. Seokjin didn’t think a voice could be more harrowing than the one heard now.“W-why hyung? D-do-”“Jungkook-” he said soothingly, only to have his brother interrupt him frantically.“Does h-hyung not w-want me here?”“Don’t you ever think that.” he said firmly, wiping away his own tears as he leaned back to look at his brother’s face. Knowing his brother had thought the very thing he didn’t want him to, it broke him. “Don’t even think like that. Ever. I want you here more than anybody Kook-a. If it was up to me, you’d already be living here. But they’d take everything from us. I won’t be able to give you the life you deserve with what I have. What kind of brother would I be if I let you make a choice that jeopardises your future?”“I-I don’t need money hyung.” he scoffed, wiping his tears away as he looked up to him with his large doe eyes. “I’ll get a scholarship, we-we’ll figure it out. I just want hyung, that’s it.”Aghast, he held back the tears that threatened to spill over his eyes and pulled his brother close. He didn’t know how he could surpass the words Jungkook had said, he didn’t have the will to. Even though he knew that it was what he should do, the words stopped in his throat as his body fought against him.“I want you too Jungkookie. You’re all I want.” he whispered. Although his brother had long since stopped crying, he made no gesture to move away from him, or to even the loosen the hands he had wound around Seokjin so tightly. Their visits often ended dejectedly, but never this bad. He’d always been the one to cry, not his brother. “Just think about it over the train ride, okay?”Taking a deep breath, his brother turned his head so that he let out against Seokjin’s chest, his hair brushing against his neck as he shifted even a centimetre. The longer his brother sat that way, the harder it would be for him to pull away, and the harder it would be to see him go.As if listening in on his thoughts, his hands loosened, only slightly however, as his brother shuffled back so that he could look at him. So used to seeing his brother’s face aglow or with his mind adrift, watching those brown eyes gaze back at him was an unfamiliar sight. With his thoughts grounded in the moment, he couldn’t help but be disheartened yet proud of how far his brother had come.One thing he knew he could still count on however, was that their relationship hadn’t weakened in the slightest, and he could only hope that it never would. Although he hadn’t admitted it to anyone, he needed Jungkook. More than he himself had been aware of until his graduation. Jungkook was the only reason he was here, and he couldn’t ever forget that because as much as he needed him, the younger man needed him even more.“Okay.”Smiling, he combed the hair away from Jungkook’s clammy forehead before pressing his lips to it, letting his thoughts slip into the far reaches of his mind. Lingering for longer than he ought to, he pulled away just enough to press his forehead to his brother’s as he too shared his smile. With the last of his tears having left his eyes, he could still feel the wetness on his brother’s cheek as he gingerly ran his thumb over it.“Get cleaned up, and get ready to go, okay?”Grinning, his brother pressed his face into his neck, shying away from the prolonged gesture. Much to his surprise, his brother began quivering in his arms again, making him pull away in fear of seeing that he had begun crying once more, only to find a smile slapped onto his face as he closed the distance between them once more. Letting out a sigh of relief, he shut his eyes, burying his face in his brother’s neck as his brother let out his laughter against his neck, his breath causing the fine hair on his neck to stand on end.“I love you too hyung.” he breathed hesitantly, his fingers gently stroking the back of his neck. Curbing his tears, he held his eyes closed tighter as he beamed, which no doubt his brother could feel since every inch of his face was pressed against his brother’s skin.“Let’s get you back to school then, you brat.”