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Mogami Keiji stared down at the empty futon where his mother’s living body once lay. In the threadbare room there stirred not a soul, only his warm heart beating against the strangling grip that crushed it. His mother was gone and she had cursed him. He couldn’t bring himself to exorcise her. In the end, she’d phased out of the room. Keiji tried to grab at the strands of her soul, to hold her there, but he could not control how quickly she faded. After cursing him she left him alone, where he sat in wonderment at his own foolishness, the death of his mother serving as evidence of his haste.How am I going to live without her? he thought. Tears were collecting at his chin. His chest ached and he wished someone would hold him.And a small voice, that had been growing in his mind for some time now, made itself known. That voice told him “You won’t.”Mogami-san...What was it? Life had lost all it’s meaning already. There was only the growing darkness in his heart, multiplying itself until Keiji couldn’t breathe.Mogami-san, I’m here...No, no one was here, and no one would ever take her place. He didn’t know what to do with himself.Mogami-san, wake up...He startled awake and banged his head against the wall in back of him. He’d just been resting his eyes for a moment and fell asleep in Shigeo’s room. As he blinked hard and grimaced, the present returned to him and he was met with the concerned face of one Shigeo Kageyama.The boy had knelt in front of him and was gently caressing Mogami’s large hands with his small pale fingers. The gesture scratched at his memories, deeply buried beneath pain, dirt, rot. His mother used to do that. He wondered if Shigeo knew just how much he reminded him of her sometimes. Tender emotions escaped the broken cant of his heart and it caused a searing pain in his chest. He put a hand over the source of the trouble and tried to let out a long exhale.“Thank you for waking me.” he quietly said.Shigeo rocked back on his heels. “It’s okay, Mogami-san.” he cocked his head like a puppy, wide eyes curious, shining, “What were you dreaming about?”“It’s... it’s nothing, Shigeo.” Keiji asserted, looking away from his young boyfriend.“Oh...” Mob trailed off, his mouth making a small pout, “Don’t you want to talk about it?”“What use would it be?” Mogami replied, feeling more tired than he had before he’d fallen asleep. His emotions were fragile and he didn’t want to seem weak in front of Shigeo. He’d been overwhelmed with happiness when Shigeo told him he wanted Keiji by his side. He didn’t want to disgust Shigeo with his weakness. If Shigeo left him, too... he didn’t know what he’d do.“Mogami-san...” Shigeo held Keiji’s face in both hands and stared into his eyes. Keiji met his gaze reluctantly. “I know you’re in pain. It’s okay to tell me how you feel.”Keiji looked at his boyfriend, grateful, yet unsure. He’d never spoken to anyone else about this before. But when Shigeo smoothed the sides of his face and softly kissed his lips, Keiji melted. He returned Mob’s kiss, hand finding Shigeo’s lower back to pull him closer.“The truth is...” Keiji started, voice low, just between the two of them, “I’ve always dealt with things alone, even when I was a psychic.”“But you’re not alone anymore, Mogami-san.” Mob reminded him with a small smile.“I know. But,” Keiji’s eyes misted over, his mind traveling to the past, “My mother was my world. In my fear of losing her, I killed for her. What’s more, everything I did, I did to help her and she still cursed me, her own son. And yet... I know that if I could see her again, I would still want her to hold me. I still love her.”Keiji frowned, ruminating on his thoughts, “I know I shouldn’t. You’re not supposed to love people who’ve hurt you without regret, isn’t that true?” He gazed at Shigeo meaningfully, “How do I stop loving my mother?”“You don’t have to stop loving her.” Shigeo said, “The fact that you still feel love for your mom, even though she cursed you, proves to me that you didn’t deserve to be hurt. You were just trying to be a good son. It’s too late to change what happened in the past, but you have me, now.” Shigeo stroked Keiji’s hair and pressed their foreheads together intimately, “I’ll hold you.”This silenced Keiji. He stared down at his knuckles. A weak noise escaped his throat and he tried to stifle it, but when Mob said “Shh... it’s okay to cry, Mogami-san. I love you.” he finally broke down and sniffled. Tears ran down his face and he let out a rattling sob. Mob hugged Keiji and pulled him down so that his face was buried in Mob’s chest. He stroked Keiji’s head and the back of his neck, simply trying to anchor him to the love that existed now.“I loved her so much...” Keiji moaned against Mob’s chest.The boy replied, “She should have seen that. She should have loved you. But even though she’s not there for you, I am. I’ll always love you, Mogami-san, no matter what you do.”Keiji shuddered into Mob’s embrace.Shigeo said over the top of Keiji’s head, “You know it’s true.”Mogami gave Mob’s smaller frame a tight squeeze, his hold crushingly strong, but Mob wasn’t scared. He squeezed Keiji right back, rocking him to placid sniffles.“Mogami-san, you hurt me once, but when I found out what a good person you could be, I wanted to forgive you. Your sorrow was what caused you to do bad things, and you aren’t inherently evil. If your mother had only been able to see that, if she’d put half as much energy into loving you as you did her... You would never have hurt me.”“I’m so sorry,” Keiji said, voice shallow from crying, “I did all those things to you, but you’re still so full of love.”“Well, we have that in common.” Shigeo said warmly.Keiji dragged in a deep breath and a wobbly smile edged into his lips. “We do.”
