Work Text
Everything was going fine. But how? Just how the hell can things go downhill so damn quickly? Things were bad enough already, with me having serious amnesia three years ago. Not that my master makes it any easier for me... I had decided to grab some ingredients with magical purposes before dinnertime so I wouldn't have to drag myself to do it the next morning half-asleep. The shop's magical supplies were dwindling, and I'm sure as hell not a morning person, unlike Asra. Which is a little odd, since he's more of a napper than I am. But I partly didn't want him to know the other reason why I wanted to take care of this errand sooner than later: he was leaving tomorrow. Another one of his vague and avoidant journeys to gods know where, slipping out in the early morning before I awoke, disappearing like a ghostly dream before even a simple farewell. It irked me. This magician seems to genuinely care about me, like he was committed to give me the best life possible, and I love him for that. But those moments, where he hesitates before answering, regret and worry filling his eyes, before pulling a cryptid and not giving me a straight answer. I have a hard time with grasping an understanding of some subtext, and his actions didn't make it any better. What hurts more is that, through his eyes and tone of voice alone, I can tell he wants to clarify. To give me a clear answer. To let me be able to understand perfectly, and not keep me in the dark. He deeply wants to. But by the arcana, he will not tell me! He has told me that the truth is something I'm simply not ready for yet, but dammit! I wasn't ready to lose all of my memories! I wasn't ready to be unable to remember on my own, and suffer with a splitting headache afterward! Could he not see the pain I was in from being in the dark so long? I don't even care if I'm ready or not! I just... Another reason for taking up this errand a little too eagerly was that Asra and I had a short quarrel. I wanted some space, preferably on another damn planet, but the woods would have to do. I was still steaming long after the argument, and I knew that would only get worse being cooped up in that small shop with the secretive magician. Oh, how I wished I could create a sound bubble powerful enough for me to scream and shriek all my anger and stress out of my body, which was aching with negativity. Gods, why do I seem to be the only one in Vesuvia with this cursed ability to feel any emotion throughout my body? I almost quite literally wore my heart on my sleeve, whether I wanted to or not. Well, here I was, entering the forest. I remember the paths I take to go foraging. I hate doing errands and chores, but if it gives me space to recollect, I'm taking it. It's been drizzling and cloudy all day, which I didn't hate. It was a nice change from the awful summer sun and its sheer brightness. It would leave me squinting my eyes shut just to see clearly. But now I was barely squinting, and the forest trees shaded enough sunlight away so my eyes relaxed. I loved the rain. I've overheard a storm might pass through, but I was content with that. I really loved the rain. The damp ground made my boots glisten, covered in water. The hood over my head was damp, too. I wondered if collapsing face-first on the ground would feel nice, also. But the dirt was slightly muddy, so maybe not. Holding my satchel and basket close to me, I began to collect. Mugwort, toadstool, I think that's basil? More mugwort, blooming weeds, some other mushroom I forgot the name of. I smiled at the sight of more flowers than usual. Though not enjoying the annoying insects summer brought, I do like its flowers. Let's see, a daisy, orchids, alyssum, ooo aster! I think black-eyed susan? Freesia, honeysuckle... Despite being tomboyish, I firmly believe that flowers are the shit. I was almost entranced, like transforming into a little girl who wants to witness every single bloom the woods had to offer. Instinctively grinning, I wandered around, filling my basket with more flowers than ingredients, but that didn't mean the flowers had no use. Maybe. Direction was nonexistent to me now. The only thing that counted as a destination was the foliage here and there. Just when I was about to return to reality after running out of flowers to discover, colors in the distance caught my eye. I almost giddily walked towards the colors, excited to see— Something caught my foot, and I felt my arms rise in reflex as I fell forward. Right before my arms cushioned my face and neck from the fall, something else stabbed my lower leg. I abandoned the basket and held my leg, trying not to cuss any louder from the fucking pain. Gods, this hurt... I noticed a bit of red on the tip of an awfully sharp rock close to me. I lifted my hands a little to see the tiny gash in my leg. Great. Just fucking great! I had to rock myself in a fetal position to make the pain feel a little less like hell, taking frustrated, deep breaths. I had to reassess my situation. So I'm hurt, I know that pretty damn well. It looks like my foot had caught under an uprooted tree root. My clothes are dirty now. My collection in the basket had spilled out, and I think I crushed a few flowers. Dammit. I dug through my satchel and pulled out a pale cloth I sometimes use as a bandana. Well, not anymore... I hastily tied it around my wound, tight enough for it to not hurt. I grumbled curses as I gathered most of the spilled contents and replaced them in the basket. I used the tree closest to me as support while I stood up. Fuck, this cut really hurt. I could barely walk on it, but at least I was standing. I looked up, deciding to cut this trip short. I didn't recognize anything. I whipped my head left then right, still finding nothing familiar. Son of a bitch... I'm fucking lost. Something tapped my head, then the back of my hand, then a big leaf nearby. It began to rain. I can barely walk. I'm hurt & injured. I'm suddenly tired. And now it's raining. "Mother fucker..." I hissed to myself, almost baring my teeth. I'm gonna fucking die here, of all places... I took a moment to calm down by trying to brush off the dirt on my elbows, which obviously didn't work, and I wondered how the hell this was gonna wash out. I heard a weird, distant howl, but I was too grumpy to care about it. I think it sounded eerie... But who the hell knows, I could've just imagined it because I'm going mad.
"Dirty..."
... What? I looked over my shoulder, but all I saw was more trees and rain. That voice definitely didn't sound like the one in my mind. Before I could think of what to do next, I heard it again.
"Dirty thief..."
Ok, what? I was more confused than anything. What was it talking about? I scanned the area, but still nothing, until some wind picked up. Leaves started circling near the ground a stone's throw away. A mini-tornado? I liked encountering those. But my gut told me otherwise. A shape formed from the center of the mini-tornado, and it became a transparent, ghostly, one-armed, goat-like monster. It reminded me of the Devil, but also... didn't. It didn't look as mighty as the deity, but it still carried an unnerving aura that finally filled my chest with fear. It glared at me, and I now understood the source of the voice as it snarled,
"Dirty little thief..."
It was speaking to me? Why don't I remember this entity? What did I do that I don't recall? And yet, why do I sense a small pang of recognition? I didn't have time to look dumbfounded for long, since it started storming towards me, its red eyes filled with rage. Shit. I spun around and hurriedly hobbled in the opposite direction, but I wasn't going as fast as preferred. I kept glancing over my shoulder, spotting the goat monster getting closer and closer. But I could not, for the life of me, limp any faster. My good leg was burning from exertion. I briefly considered dropping some weight and leaving the basket, but my damn obsessive fondness of my collection wouldn't let me. I had to use my leg to go faster, to some extent. I winced every time the pressure on it increased, but the distance closing between me and the ghost lagged. But it still wasn't enough. It wasn't long before I heard a thud, and saw that the ghostly goat had leaped and was rushing towards me, claws bared. I hunched and hid my face behind my arm, despite how ineffective that would be. Then I heard another thud, but it was alone. No other sensation followed it besides the pouring rain. I peeked, and saw the glowing remnants of a shield where the ghost attacked, before the glow faded. The assailant bounced off like it had been punched back. A shielding spell? When? A foreign warmth appeared on my chest. I pulled my clothing to see the little protective necklace charm Asra gave me long ago with a new, baby blue glow. He had said it was a very personal item of mine before my amnesia, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't fully believe him. It certainly didn't protect me from all the pain I've endured, both by others and myself, all unintentional. It was too small to produce such a shielding spell just now, wasn't it? The ghost wouldn't give me time to ponder about this, as it pounced at me one more time, while I stupidly recoiled. Once again, the shield kept its attacks from harming me. It yelled in frustration as it stood again and chucked a rock at me in anger. Being stupid once more, I didn't dodge, and wasn't expecting the rock to smack my shoulder. "AH!" I held my shoulder, predicting it would bruise soon. Why didn't it work...?! Gazing up, I noticed Goat Ghost was equally surprised. Then its expression lowered as realization made it stare at me menacingly, its lips curling in a smirk. Oh shit, it had enough of a brain to figure it out shortly after I did! With a short hop, it tore a big limb from a tree with a loud crack. Before I knew it, I dashed away with terror grasping my heart. Thank the gods for this adrenalin-rush helping me ignore the stinging pain as I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. Rain peppered my face, threatening my vision. I had to get away. I don't have good control over my magic, but even with every part of my body desperately agreeing to let it do anything to escape the ghost, I was too scared to focus. My concern for my basket's contents was finally gone. My focus was solely on getting away. Getting as far from the threat as possible, right here, right now. I had no clue where I was going. How big were these woods again? It felt infinite. Plenty of room for the monster to catch me. My mind reeled with away, away, away repeatedly. But everything around me argued with this, louder and louder and louder the sounds grew. Or the lack of sounds. Euphoria intensified further and further, my racing heart crawling further up my throat, clenching, as if being squeezed and crushed— I was in the middle of jumping over a thick branch that went up to my waist, and my upper leg hit it before I could lift it high enough. My lungs sucked in a gasp of air, leading to my world spinning chaotically before I shut my eyes. I'm not sure if I tumbled or not. Everything became a blur of rain, pain, motion, and wet dirt. I regained some clarity shortly after, finding my chin ground in mud, the back of my body getting drenched. Everything ached except my face thanks to my neck averting it from the dirt. As if that actually helped my situation. But right now, my limbs refused to let me move. I heard the ghost rushing behind me, and my heart sank in sheer dread. I also heard more footsteps pounding the earth, but the source was in front of me. Numerous footsteps, in a pattern I recognized that came from four legs, not two. A dark blur ahead came into view, and by its speed, it was very intent. Out of fear, I tensed and shut my eyes again, bracing for it. Then I felt the creature's warmth fly above me as it snarled and barked. What? More footsteps were heard. Slower, but deeper. I could feel them in the ground. They were incredibly heavy. I braced even more, fearing for my life, as the pounding earth grew stronger with each step, before the presence stopped in front of me. I opened my eyes. I saw large, dark, and muddy boots. Common boots, with a thin rope securely wrapped around from knee to heel, however unlike my own boots that laced together neatly in the front. Gazing upward, I knew it would take a lot of effort to see the entirety of this person from down here and their height. I saw some fur pelts serving as a loincloth around a dark pair of loose trousers. Straining my aching neck, I could see a large expanse of bulging muscles with scattered scars of unknown origin. Along with the pelts, the thick belt held a couple of small pouches, also with unknown contents. There were studded cuffs proportionally fitted on their wrists, apparently having lost their chains long ago. Even though my neck was killing me and the rain was close to hitting me straight in the eyes, I wanted to look up just a little bit more, just enough to see the face of this giant being, to see where their huge cloak hung—
wHAT THE FUCK
My clothes swiftly raised me from the ground—no, the hand grabbing them—and my head accidentally fell down from the momentum. I was suddenly held on the person's shoulder as they spun on their heels, before running off with me. I saw a dark wolf loudly growling and snarling at Goat Ghost. Both were preparing to strike, then they were out of my sight. Damn, this person was huge. Their stride was much longer than mine. But still, I was being seized without clear consent. I knew I was no match against them, but terror was still clouding my rationality. Weakly, my good leg kicked their side to use as leverage to move up, but it was futile. The kick would've barely hurt them, I didn't have much strength left, and their powerful hand kept me in place. Surprisingly, the hand never hurt me. Every part of my body did, but not their hand. They were able to secure me without inflicting any pain. How can they use such a difficult combination of strength and gentleness so easily? Through the lull of pouring rain, I both heard and felt what seemed like a deep yet gentle thunderstorm residing in the stranger's core as they spoke. "Don't..." It was less of a command, and more of a sincere request for my well being. I spotted something far behind us. Goat Ghost, with that wolf at its heels as it chased us. Despite the stranger's speed, the monster was closing in on us, too fast for the wolf to stop it. The goat's blaring red eyes bore into me, fully intent on... something about me, and its presence was darker than it was previously. We might not make it to wherever this person is taking me. Lifting my limp hands, I concentrated on the monster while focusing my powers to my palms. Running for who knows how long took a lot of energy, but I had some left to give the stranger a fighting chance. Heat radiated from my hands as I brought them together, using them both to create a bright ball of light. It wasn't an impressive spell, but it had power, and had the ability to simply punch the threat hard enough. But it required more effort to form the ball than I first thought. Taking a deep breath, I resorted to mustering all my energy to my hands at once, before yelping as I sent it shooting straight at the goat monster—in the face, no less. That was oddly satisfying. While the person carrying me flinched and tensed, my spell sent Goat Ghost soaring into a tree, howling in rage and pain. I saw the wolf catch up to us then. Was that a slight limp in their leg? Exhaustion hit me like a damn brick. I went limp all over, my head being the last part trying to fight the heaviness that weighed on me. I was practically soaking wet, and I barely shivered from it sucking the heat out of me. But this person possessed an oddly powerful scent and warmth that calmed any wariness I had. Was that myrrh? Maybe something else too? I couldn't tell. My upper half was propped over their wet cloak, but my lower half was actually closer to their body. Their warmth sunk into my flesh, almost numbing the pain I was in. I think we reached a small clearing before my vision blurred. How much time passed? Did this all happen within a few minutes? How long did I run away? These questions melted along with my consciousness, and I was unable to stay awake any longer. And things went black.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
... Dirt...
I smell dirt...
Why do I smell dirt...?
I realized, after barely opening my eyes, every part of me felt weighed down by lead. Gods, I hated this part after using lots of magic. I don't have much bodily energy to use in the first place. One would think spells required mental energy, such as myself forever ago, but one would be incorrect. If they did, I would be casting spells all day with the overabundance of energy in my mind that distracts me so easily and keeps me up at night. But alas, I feel like shit right now. My nerve endings started to identify my environment. I was underneath something, and lying down on my back. It didn't quite feel like a blanket, but it was kinda soft, and kept me warm. There was much more pressure & heat on my leg, and when I tried to move it free, the pressure shifted on its own, but kept my leg pinned. Inclining my head a bit, through the returning ache in every neck muscle, I looked to see what it was. My eyes couldn't quite register what it was for a few seconds before differentiating the curled position of the dark, furry creature. It raised its head, apparently noticing me, staring at me either sternly or in annoyance with its piercing yellow-green eyes.
Doggy?
No, wolf, dammit. Definitely not a dog. My heart clenched as I almost jumped in surprise of such close proximity to the beast. Well, I was too weak to jump. I tensed apprehensively, not knowing how to react when the wolf didn't attack. It may have been just me and my fear, or the animal was still radiating an intimidating vibe. I blinked a few times, thinking in the back of my mind that I may be dreaming. It huffed and laid its head down again, keeping its gaze on me through half-lidded eyes. Then I moved my eyes around the room. I was in a cozy, almost ground-encased room, containing only bare necessities. There was a light glow from what I thought was a dying fire in a fireplace. I think there were fur pelts here and there and I could see bricks and stones built around the sprawling roots of some unseen tree. I could hear the rain outside, and I had to fight sleeping to its pleasant white noise. There was a small table and a stool in the center of the room my satchel and basket placed neatly there. The stool was bigger than the ones I usually see. The memory of the previous gargantuan presence washed over me as I remembered everything before passing out. I think they said something, but what was it? Did they even say anything at all? The wolf's ears perked, and a few seconds later I heard a fait thump of a heavy footstep behind the front door. In that split second, I let my neck buckle and shut my eyes, faking sleep. I don't know why. I was afraid, but also not...? I wasn't sure why I made that impulse, but I felt obligated to uphold it as I heard the door open and close again. My heart nervously rattled in my chest as I tried to look as relaxed as outwardly possible. Again, not really sure why. My sense of hearing determined the stranger stomped in, disposed of a large cloak, and then probably the wild shaking of wet hair, and a few stray droplets of water landing on my face proved my ear's hypothesis. I tried not to twitch at this, but it caught me off guard. I'm sure I kept movement to a minimum, but anxiety was rolling around in my head as usual. Fuck, their steps were coming closer. They were walking straight to me. Mentally screaming with conflicted emotions in my mind, I forced my body to be lax like a corpse besides the breathing in my chest and abdomen to prove I want a real corpse. I felt the wolf's tail gently flap on the bed, apparently content at seeing the stranger. Were they companions?— I felt like screaming from the sheer internal force I had to use to do nothing when I felt a rag rub over my face, drying the excess water. Their hand could easily wrap around my face, but their extreme gentleness argued with the unsettling size. They were even a little too gentle, as my face was still slightly damp when they pulled away. Then their thick fingers dug in the hair on top of my head, and... carefully pulled something out. A twig? ... Y'know what? That was most likely from my fall. At first I thought the wolf growled, but realized it was more of a gruff, and it released my leg from its weight before it moved up and—
sLOBBER, FUCK, FUCKING FUCK, OH GODS F U C K
I couldn't hold my mask of slumber anymore and broke out of character as that damn wolf licked my fucking face, making me frantically squirm and yelp in surprise as I tried to get away. Despite my whacking and shoving not being effective in the slightest, the wolf relented and sat next to me. I used one of the pelts to wipe that slobbery shit off my face after sitting up with my elbows, before finally opening my eyes, glaring at the animal. Did I see smugness in their bright eyes? They caught me red-handed on purpose? The little shit... My gaze was drawn to the wide-eyed mountainous man, who must have jumped back in surprise of my mini panic attack. I failed hiding my surprise to him as well. His build, clothing, and scattered scars told me he was the kind of person that could hold is own, and would much prefer others to not get in the way of that. His black & ratty hair was at chin length, still a little wet and glistening in the dying firelight. His physique said to take him seriously, his face–which soon shifted from shock to nervously stoic–said to leave him alone, yet his eyes... said something else. Something with numerously unknown layers that I couldn't quite decipher, but my gut suggested it was saying something different than the rest of his features. I really liked the shade of green they had. "You're awake." For a split second, I thought he was trying to mimic thunder. But no, his voice was naturally low and gruff... I think. It fit his size, but he might be hiding an enigma that he didn't care to express at all. Oh fuck, I was staring. "Y-yeah." I squeaked after a moment or two. What a great reply, Captain Obvious. His dark brows furrowed as he stared at me, or something on me. Shit, does he know I was faking earlier? "You're still wet..." he rumbled, possibly to himself. I looked down at my chest. Damn, I really did get myself drenched in that rainstorm, not to mention dirty. If it wasn't for the furs, I would be freezing. I flinched when the man was about to take off my boot, who also flinched in response, glancing at me before apparently realizing what he was doing. Hesitating, he pulled away and straightened up, letting me fully see his towering height. He gently glared at the fireplace, which let me see the flushing in his stubble-covered cheeks. Blushing seemed like the exact opposite thing this guy would do... but here he was. "... You should undress." he started with authority, but his face said otherwise, "You could get sick. That won't be good for your leg." I had the slightest notion he was reassuring himself. Oh, right, I fucked up my leg earlier. I couldn't see it under the pelts, but my brain registered its nerves again. No pain, shockingly, but warmer than the other. Earlier the wolf was lying on my good leg, and the bad one still radiated more heat. I could guess that the injury still wasn't happy, and I didn't want to push it and risk the pain again. Still, I had no clue who this man was, and I was in a very vulnerable position to the dangers of the unknown. Curiosity filled my mind. "... Who are you?" "... No one you need to know." Anxiety melted from his face, still barely glaring away from me. "... I kinda do, since you want me to undress." I responded matter-of-factly, but I didn't deadpan. I could tell he likely wanted to help me, but I'm not quite ready to be in his mercy just yet. He blushed again. Damn, he blushes easily for someone with thick-enough skin to hide it. He kept quiet for a few moments, before grumbling, "... Muriel." I noticed the wolf was still sitting next to me, casually observing our conversation. I thought for a moment... "... Who's that?" I calmly gestured to the animal with a tilt of my head. I think I offended him. His soft glare turned to me, firmly answering, "She is Inanna." barely emphasizing the pronoun. He had a big respect towards animals... I respected that. I swallowed. "... I'm Grace." "I know." "... Wha?" He what? Muriel didn't want to answer, looking away again. But I, very much so, wanted him to. "... You know me?" "Barely." People who barely know me usually never know my name. "... How?" And how could I not know someone with a presence this big? Muriel huffed, appearing annoyed as he turned, grabbed something from the table as a few chains clinked, and faced me again. Opening his large fist, he revealed my charmed necklace. I reached for my neck without thinking, but I felt the necklace that was still there. His was a replica. Asra made two of those? I was trying to form a response I didn't have. Muriel spoke for me. "Asra has one too. When you're in danger, yours lets whoever is closest know about it." He seemed a bit unhappy with the part about being alerted of my situation. "... Y-you know Asra?" Someone else knew that secretive fox of a magician? Could Muriel actually help me discover what he's been hiding—? Muriel sighed with slight strain as he turned again to give me something wrapped in familiar cloth. Wait, that's my cloth. Unwrapping it proved I was right, revealing the three slices of pumpkin bread I always kept in my satchel for whenever I wanted a snack. I was kind of a hoarder, especially when it came to food I like. But a thought snapped in my head. "... You looked through my bag?" I asked with a hint of accusation. He kept his gaze to the side, almost furiously studying the wall as he nervously kept his composure. Mostly. "... Not for long..." he defended. "What did you take?" I have a personal issue with others taking my things. I don't know what it's rooted from, but something inside me gets triggered when I lose control over my belongings. "N-nothing... Just that." Muriel became frustrated as his defenses grew, gesturing to the bread in my hand with a glare. Something about that glare disturbed me a little. As if reading my mind, he seemed to falter self-consciously. With a gruff, he sighed and walked away with slight anger. "Just eat. Then undress." he grumbled before going to the fireplace, kneeling down and using what was probably flint and steel to tend to the withering fire. He was done answering questions. Guess I'd have to get back on that later. Just now realizing how hungry I was, I scarfed down nearly all of the sweet bread slices, leaving half of one before deciding I was full. The Baker's pumpkin bread is the shit, man. It has the right amount of sweetness, fills me up quickly, and has tons of those carbs I need to survive with my insane metabolism. Muriel gazed over at me with some concern as I was chewing my last bite. He asked, "... You want more food...?" Crap, I forgot I sometimes eat like my life fucking depends on it. He didn't seem to have much food readily available either, so I guess he thought I was going to eat Inanna next. I shook my head with a "Mm-mm." through my nose, before I could swallow. "No, I'm good." He replied with an acknowledging grunt and continued building the fire slowly. Oh, right, he wants me to take my clothes off. ... Yeah, that's not happening. Deciding to disobey, I wrapped up the last of my bread and turned my head to Inanna. She had laid down again by my side, thankfully not on my leg this time. She was still awake, but more like she was just lazing around. Her eyes shift to my direction, making eye contact. Now, I'm an animal lover, with the only exception of bugs that will harm me. And while I'm already gradually falling in love with Inanna the Beautiful Wolf, I knew I easily resembled prey with my weak & scrawny build. I was practically pretzel sticks to a hungry predator. But, oh my gods, I wanted to pet her so damn badly. I wanted to love her and hug her and squeeze her and my restraint was weakening. And I guess she read my mind. Inanna moved her head to my hip-line, and huffed through her nose. I cautiously rubbed my hand on the back of her neck, to which her tail gently flapped a few times. I smiled as I began to scratch her thick fur, and moved to the back of her ear. Inanna's bright eyes closed as she barely leaned into my touch, making my smile grow as I made a happy hum. She's such a good girl. "... You need to undress." Muriel reminded me, halfway done rebuilding the fire. "... It's just water. I'll be fine." I reassured him. "No... you won't. You'll get cold." "... It's... summer." I stated with a straight face. He couldn't possibly be this worried about me, and I'm not saying that as courtesy. He shouldn't be worried I'll freeze to death in the middle of summer. "... Just do it." he answered with more sternness. I needed a moment to think of what to say. "... Do you have any clothes I can borrow...?" I prompted. If he really wanted me to be extra safe, he should be prepared. He paused, eyes barely widening, as if just now realizing I needed clothes if I shouldn't have wet ones. His blush returned before he stood up and went to another corner of the room that I couldn't see well, especially behind his hulking figure and his shadow. Muriel rummaged around for a bit before coming to me with a large, old and tattered shirt with a few holes in it. It was shit, even compared to the rest of his clothing items. "Here." he mumbled, nervousness showing in his face again along with the blush as he handed the ratty shirt to me. Some of the holes were awfully close to... suggestive areas, but I decided not to argue, and took it. Being like-minded, Muriel returned to the fireplace with his back facing me. His boots shifted slightly every now and then as I sat up and pulled the furs off, Inanna jumping off the bed and sitting on the floor. There seemed to be a lot more... innocence and carefulness in Muriel than at first glance. I saw he had pulled up the leggings I wore on my injured leg to wrap some bandages around it. I turned so my legs would hang over the edge of the bed–fuck, nope, nope, the feeling in my bad leg came back, and it was not happy to see me moving. I sharply inhaled through my nose as I winced. Muriel tensed, almost daring to glance over his shoulder. Almost. "Do... you need help?" he asked tentatively. While I considered being aided in my time of need, I... still wasn't sure about that. "... No, no, I'm good. I'm ok." I partly sounded like I was reassuring myself. I didn't mean to; dammit. Bracing myself, I pushed through the pain and sat on the edge of the bed. I raised my good leg, untied my boot, tossed it on the floor, and let that leg relax again. Then I lift my bad leg carefully, only to wince again and freeze. I couldn't get close enough to untie the other boot. I made a soft pant, thinking of what to do now. "... Can uh... Can you... take my boot off?" I carefully asked, lowering the leg again. "... Please?" The man cautiously looked over his shoulder, afraid he might see my bare skin, and relaxed a little when he found none. "... Ok." He returned to me and sat in front of my shoe, still a little flustered before setting to work. Despite Muriel's size, his thick and rough fingers weren't clumsy at untying the laces, even though I usually tied them very tightly due to my own occasional clumsiness. With surprising ease, he carefully loosened the rest of the ladder of laces in the front. I couldn't help but be mesmerized by his gentleness, the way he attentively watched his hands through black strands drooping down his face. Fuck, I was staring again. We made eye contact for a nanosecond, which was already too much for both of us, and instantly averted our gaze back to my shoe. I liked my boots. They made me feel a little more rugged despite its narrow size, like I could take on the world. Actually, like I could take on a trip to the market without becoming a timid mess. I felt myself blush a little, and I saw his grow as well. This was a bit too awkward. I wanted to focus on my damn boot as much as humanly possible. Muriel finally pulled off the fucking boot from my foot, gently placing it next to the other one. After a moment of not knowing what to direct his gaze to, he quickly stood again and turned around once more, now staying closer to the bed, ready to nervously help me if needed. Why did I find this so cute? Asra gave me the same amount of respect and privacy, if not a little less than what I prefer. But Muriel seemed torn between treating me to my every ache & pain and his own anxiety of having such close proximity to... anyone. Why did it slightly remind me of how I treat Asra whenever he catches a bad cold? I shook my head a little to refocus. I pulled my good leg free from my leggings. Then I braced myself with a deep breath before carefully sliding them off the other leg, with speed similar to quickly ripping off a sticky bandage, doing my best to avoid touching my injury. I was shocked and extremely relieved it didn't hurt that much. Maybe it only hurt through exertion and not so much through physical contact... I then briskly took off the rest of my clothes, including my damp brassiere, and slipped on the oversized shirt. I sometimes wore oversized clothing as pajamas, which I loved from how comfortable it feels. This old shirt Muriel gave me felt no different. It felt a little breezy, though, with its holes. There was one especially big hole near the side of my breast, but I thought it hopefully wouldn't be something to worry about. I gently smiled before carefully lying down under the furs again, and calmly said, "Ok." to Muriel to let him know I was finished. He took my wet clothes and hung them over the table on the side closest to the fireplace. Inanna remained where she was. I suddenly remembered something important. "Oh! I should let Asra know what happened. I was out foraging, so he'll expect me to come back." Muriel was beginning to boil something in a small pot in the fireplace. "Don't worry about it." That... wasn't very elaborative. "... Why...?" "I will let him know." "When?" "Morning." Did he not know...? "... Asra's leaving early tomorrow morning, on another journey of his..." "... He'll look for you before he leaves." "Will he...?" I replied, a hint of bitterness in my tone. I always hated when Asra would leave me all alone in the shop to go somewhere he could never tell me. It's so hard trying to fully believe if he really cares for me, that he truly is a close friend of mine, when he even be there for me often. I want to trust him, but how can I when his secretiveness hurts me? Muriel must've sensed my conflicting sadness when I noticed him staring indirectly at me. He appeared to be piecing together what to say in response. "... He will." was all he could manage in reassurance. Whether or not he could tell I still couldn't believe him, he returned his gaze to the boiling liquid. Later on, when Muriel finished brewing whatever was in that pot, he poured the liquid in a mug before giving it to me. "Drink." he simply ordered. I actually wasn't a fan of hot tea. Asra once said I never have been for as long as he's known me. I usually wait til the tea has cooled or even put some ice cubes in it. Apparently when Asra first caught me putting ice in tea, he was quite frankly dumbfounded. But when he tried it himself, he seemed to guess why I preferred it that way and was willing to magically cool my tea for me whenever I wanted. Hot tea always burned my mouth, even after waiting an eternity for it to cool until it actually became cold. So... I wasn't very sure how to handle this situation. Muriel obviously didn't seem to have ice anywhere. I looked down in the mug, trying to figure out what kind of tea it was. The only indicator that hit me was its scent, which reminded me of some difficult times when Asra tried so very hard to get me to relax and unclear nights that made me resort to brewing it myself. "... This is sleepy tea." I stated, lifting my head to look at Muriel, who became slightly confused. "... Yes." he answered, uncertain as to what my intention was. "Why're you trying to make me sleep?" I somewhat thought he was trying to drug me just so I would shut up. "... Because... you need to." He was pretty unaware of my suspicion, which I guess was proof of innocence. I decided to take a small sip anyways. I noticed there weren't any other beds present except for the one I'm in. "... Aren't you going to?" I wondered. "On the floor." "What?" "The floor." Ok, I just can't do that. "Oh... You don't have to do that. I could sleep on the floor." "No. Not with your leg." he assured me. I took a breath. "... I once sleepwalked, and when I woke up the next morning, I was sitting with my head down on my desk." I explained. Muriel blinked, finally looking at me again with utter confusion. I chuckled to myself softly, shortly reminiscing in my absurdity. "... If I can sleep soundly at a desk, I can sleep on the floor just fine." Muriel looked down thoughtfully for a few moments. "... No." Gods, dammit! I just couldn't be comfortable with taking over his bed after all he's done for me so far. And I wasn't comfortable sharing a bed with someone. I'm still astonished to find Asra so adaptable to the way I sleep, since the shop only has one bed. I toss, turn, and shift around during the night, and that's just how I normally sleep. I stared at my lap as I thought up a plan. After a few minutes, I grabbed a few of the furs on me, and preparing to be quick about it, I tossed it on the floor, grateful that it laid out almost perfectly. While Muriel turned and Inanna observed in confusion, I let the rest of the pelts wrap around me as I rolled off the bed, precisely landing on the side where my good leg could break my fall with little pain. I heard more cluttering noises than I thought I would during this process, and realized it was caused by Muriel desperately scrambling to me, slipping his buff arms in between me and the pelts on the floor as he "caught" me while lying on the floor with me. His face was frozen with terror, inches from my own, now being propped up by his arm. I wasn't expecting him to be so fast, or so close. I don't think he was either, because both of us were gently blushing. Without thinking, I stammered, "I-It's ok...! I was gonna be fine! And you wouldn't listen to me, so I had to show you I would...!" Muriel blinked as he processed my reasoning, but he didn't seem pleased with it. He glared as he gently set me on the furs. "Don't do that again..." he said with a sternness I hadn't heard before, and I actually cowered slightly in response. "S-sorry, sorry..." I replied weakly, ashamed for scaring him so badly. He seemed to notice his tone struck something painful in me, and I saw his expression quickly soften. "... Please, don't." he added more calmly, as if he were correcting himself. "... You... can sleep on the floor... if you want..." he begrudgingly elaborated. Besides my master, I hadn't seen anyone else this genuinely... thoughtful of me. Or caring? Kind? I couldn't find the right word for it. It was that moment, before I begin to doubt myself and dwell in my mind for too long, where one would try and save me from that event, and keep me grounded and sane. Up until just now, Asra had been the only person to be in that position. To put up with my stupidity and shenanigans, my intolerable self. I... was touched. "... Thanks..." I replied softly, a little less overwhelmed with shame. Muriel poorly kept his composure as he scratched his jaw. "... Get some rest." he grumbled, before leaving and doing some stuff to the fire. I quietly sighed as I relaxed into the pelts, not minding the lack of cushion it gave. I pulled the blanket pelts over my shoulder as I snuggled in. Then I heard Muriel's heavy footsteps come up from behind before he swiftly reached the bed, avoiding me completely. Inanna curled up at my feet, though I secretly wished I could cuddle her. Muriel had some more furs in his arms, and as he crawled on the bed, he draped them over his body as he settled down for the night. I felt like I had to say something. "... G'night." I started, "... And thank you, for everything." Muriel didn't reply immediately, which he seemed to never do. He shifted awkwardly in his bed before hesitantly grumbling, "... Don't mention it..." I smiled and huffed in amusement.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Red.
I see red. I feel red. A soft, endless buzz in my ears, my head.
A jungle... Or a palace? Both?
Jewelry... Wine bottles... Beetles...
Blood...?
I couldn't move. I couldn't scream.
Heavy breathing. Was that me?
No. It's heavy. Ragged. Furious...
...
—oH M OTHER FUCKING SLOBBER A G A I N
That's what I woke up to. I loved Inanna, but... oh my gods...
That little shit was licking the side of my face as I was lying on my stomach. I was sleeping so deeply, and at the moment I didn't care if I had slept all day, I just wanted to go back to it.
Stress seemed to be tightening my chest even before Inanna assaulted me. I think I had a dream, but I can't remember it anymore. All that was left of last night in my mind was... fur. I'm not certain what kind of fur. Definitely not Inanna's fur, though.
When she first started licking me, I immediately scrambled and flailed with short squeals as I desperately tried to shove her away from me. My noodle arms were no match for her strong physique, but thank goodness she was kind enough to take the message and pulled away. I mumbled curses as I dried my face with the ratty dress/shirt I wore before hiding under the pelt, still tired.
Then, of all things, Inanna started pulling the pelt off me with the other end of it in her jaws. I made a complaining whine as I tightly held onto my end, while the stubborn wolf kept arguing. We tugged the pelt back and forth for a bit before her strong neck was able to pull it from my grip. I groaned in defeat while curling up as I felt the warmth of my blanket leave me.
Inanna let out a low whine mixed with a soft growl and nudged my bare feet with her snout. She licked those as well, to which I angrily relented and sat up. "Ok, OK!" I snapped through my teeth. Despite my annoyance, Inanna couldn't be less phased by it.
Now that I was rudely awakened, I realized I didn't know where I was. I turned myself every which direction to take in my surroundings as I sat on the floor. I was here last night. With... who? This place couldn't be abandoned that I just so happened to come across. I don't even remember how I got here. I recalled... a ghostly goat beast... a fight... injuring my leg... a blur... and that's it. But how did I know this wolf?
I knew her name was Inanna. I must've been told this, since she didn't wear a collar with a name tag. But who told me?
Besides her, I was alone in this small shelter. I wanted to get up, but I eyed my bandaged leg warily. Inanna noticed, and gently head-butted my shoulder as she rubbed her side into mine. Ugh, she stole my heart again, and I forgave her rude awakening for now. With her allowing me to use her as support, I was able to gradually stand. I was surprised I was putting some weight on my bad leg without any pain.
Wait, where did I get this ratty old shirt? It was way too big for me, and was worn with neglect and a few holes. It barely sufficed as pajamas, but here I was, wearing it. The shirt's former owner must have been bigger than average, and from how old it was, she guessed the owner wore it when they were younger. Which meant they were much bigger now. But her mind kept drawing a blank at retaining the memory of someone this... noticeable and unforgettable.
I looked around again, and found my original clothes and belongings. Well, at least I wasn't mugged. The table helped my balance as I changed, and I almost didn't notice that the fabric was barely damp. Right, I got caught in a storm while trying to escape from the beast... But I don't remember hanging these to dry.
Great, I've got amnesia again. I mentally prayed I hadn't already forgotten the way back to the shop—
Asra.
I went to go forage after a huffy disagreement before dinner.
I've been gone for the whole evening.
Shit, he must be worried sick. I was still mad at him, but I couldn't stand worrying him so badly.
I hurried getting dressed and checked my inventory to ensure I had everything. My leg wasn't in good condition, but it had healed enough for me to limp at a decent stride. I judged this would suffice to get me back home. I do wish I hadn't lost so many flowers while I ran like a madman and fall over a branch...
My head whipped around as the guy's door was gently kicked open by colossal man that bore cuffs and scars, carrying firewood in both arms. My body froze in fear of his unexpected entrance. He was a little less surprised than I was, and soon looked somewhat annoyed, then my train of thought came to a roadblock. His face screamed familiarity, but I couldn't put a finger on who he was. I didn't know why my mind kept saying I've seen this man before.
"... I... know you..." I realized as my brows furrowed at him, to which he blinked in surprise again, but otherwise not responding. The light outside peeking behind his huge figure suggested it was late morning. Expected, since I'm not a morning person. I drew my attention back to the man as the memories of last night cane back to me. I was being chased. Then Inanna stepped in. Then he, this man, grabbed me and ran off. I helped him by casting a blast at the monster. He took care of me in his home before we went to sleep. Didn't he tell me his name?
The man let out an annoyed gruff before walking by and setting the firewood beside the fireplace. He then grabbed something from a nearby makeshift shelf, came right in front me, and grasped out my hand. I felt how callused his rough hands were, but his grip was unexpectedly gentle and light. Turning my palm upwards, he put his large fist in my open hand before placing something in it. When his hand pulled away, I could see what was left behind: a small pouch, tied tightly closed with some string. What?
Then its aroma reached my nose. I think that's myrrh. Asra occasionally lit some incense and myrrh whenever I was very stressed out. I suddenly made a soft gasp as the scent burst realization into me.
"... Muriel." That was his name. That was what he told me.
"Don't lose that." he pointed to the pouch, then went to the tiny kitchenette. He still looked annoyed. Was he mad? What did I do to make him mad? And what did he do with my memory of him?
I slipped the myrrh pouch in my satchel as I thought of what to say. "... What did you do to my memories?" I asked, letting the hint of accusation slip again. I couldn't help it. I definitely don't need any more amnesia.
Muriel seemed to be preparing some tea. I wondered what Asra did to get this rugged forest man to habitually make tea. Muriel hesitated when he heard my question. "... Nothing. It's a spell I got. When people leave or sleep, they forget me."
"... Why? Why would you want that?"
"So people will forget me..." he barely raised his voice.
I was still confused. I could admit that he was certainly a sight to behold, having the body of a battle warrior taking advantage of his genetic height, wearing questionable studded cuffs and a collar with broken chains, his voice carrying a spec of the burdens and secrets he hid from everyone. But...
"What if they don't want to?"
His movements froze. For a moment, I thought he was going to quickly lash out, but he remained still for a while. "... The spell should've worked better on you."
"What? What do you—?"
"Why didn't it work on you?" he turned his face to me with a scowl. I started getting nervous.
"I... I dunno..." I replied, "W-why're you changing the subject?"
Muriel hesitated. "... I'm not."
"Yes... You are."
Evidently, he was a bad liar. I swore I could see the gears grinding in his head as he desperately tried to think of a good counter-argument.
He couldn't. Muriel's gaze gradually lowered as he anxiously remained quiet. I realized this conversation was really doing a number on him, and regretted pressing on.
"... Sorry, sorry, I'll... I'll stop. I'll get out of your hair, I just... need some directions back to Vesuvia." I apologized while getting off the table and grabbing my things. I shouldn't have interrogated him so much after saving me last night. He obviously had a harder time with social interaction than me. And he's Asra's friend, and knowing the magician personally, that surely means something.
Asra...
"Wait, did you talk to Asra?"
Muriel seemed to have calmed down to some degree, still standing in one spot. "... Yes."
I assumed Asra would stop by before leaving the city. "... Where is he?"
"... He was headed here when I talked to him. Then he went off on his trip."
I paused. "... Why?"
"... Asra said he trusted me to take you back to your shop."
... While I was expecting the magician to physically check up on me, I had the strange urge to laugh bitterly at this predicament. I was left alone again, with no farewell.
I stilled myself from any obvious reaction by clenching the fabric covering my skin. But I didn't gauge for Muriel's reaction, because at the moment, I didn't care. "... I'll be fine. I'll find my way back." Almost numb, I limped to the door before opening it.
My depressed mood was greeted with the smell of a freshly-rinsed forest. What was that word? Petrichor. That was the smell. As if a reflex, I sucked in the air through my nose, held it for a second, before exhaling. God's, this scent was amazing. I didn't know why people preferred drugs and substances over this magnificent shit. It was slightly cool, with the night's lower temperature still lingering in the air, but the sun was making progress on warming it up. It felt refreshing in my groggy state, waking me up just a little bit more.
Just as I stepped through the doorway, a large hand enveloped my shoulder, and I could feel the calluses on my skin through my clothes. I turned enough to look up at Muriel with alert eyes, seeing his indirect gaze piece together a response.
"... No... I'll take you back."
I blinked. "... You don't have to do that."
"I do. You'll get lost."
I was still torn between his acts of kindness and unnecessary mystery, and the vague ache in chest lightened at the promise of him coming to accompany me.
"... Thanks."
Muriel made a soft grunt in reply as he pulled on his large cloak and covered his head with the hood, and stepped out of his home after I moved out of the way. Inanna followed after me, and I barely noticed something in her walk.
"She's got a limp." I commented as I turned to the wolf, and began kneeling down before I was stopped by Muriel's response.
"It's just a bruise. She would've had worse if not for you."
I sighed as I stood up again, relieved that my magic blast was useful. "Good." I gently ruffled Inanna's head, seeing her eyes shut in content. "I'm glad she's ok."
Inanna nudged my leg with her snout, returning my attention to Muriel, who was already entering the woods. As Inanna ran off in a different direction–which I guessed was because she was still technically wild, and went off to do whatever she wished–I tried to catch up to him and hurried my limping stride, but still fell behind a few feet because of his longer stride. But overall, because of my predicament, our pace was slow. It would take some time to return to the city.
Which, lucky me, was just enough time for me to realize I had to pee very, very badly. Although it wasn't the main factor in my slowed pace, it was still a contributor. Before, I managed to talk to the man enough to learn that the ghost who assaulted me last night was some kind of remnant of Lucio's spirit. But now I was almost glaring at Muriel's heels just trying to focus on anything but my full bladder.
He must've noticed, and after I don't know how long, he asked, "... You alright?"
At this point, I couldn't suffer any longer. "I need to pee." I answered, both bluntly and timidly.
Muriel stopped, processing my words, before his cheeks and ears went red again.
I reiterated, "I really need to." to let him know I felt like I was going to fucking explode.
His hand reached the back of his neck, while the other clenched and fidgeted at his side. I didn't want to put him through this, but I was physically suffering right now, I had to fucking pee already.
Muriel never turned to face me. "... Go." he said quietly, "... Then come back..." As if I had anywhere else in mind in this maze of a forest.
"... Ok." I replied before darting to the right, my hands hovering near my crotch as if it would help hold it in long enough. I hobbled through shrubbery until Muriel was smaller than a leaf in the distance before tugging my leggings down. With a deep sigh and the help of a tree, I relieved myself.
Now, based on what I know about Count Lucio so far, despite his level of authority and regal life, his tastes in royal parties, ignorance of run-down areas in Vesuvia, and enjoyment of running a coliseum in the past suggested his standards were... not the highest.
But thank the gods he had enough mercy–no, dignity–to wait until I was decent again.
I made a short shriek at the sight of the goat beast after I had pulled my leggings up again. Not even considering the thought if he had seen me indecent or not, my instincts took hold of my frightened emotions and used them to send an indirect blast of magic at him. He was swept off his feet–or hooves?–and fell back, giving me the opportunity to bolt in the opposite direction. Fortunately, I was faster speed-limping than I was yesterday, but I lost sight of Muriel. Fuck.
I heard the former Count yell out his frustration as he chased me again. Not knowing how far Muriel was, I resorted to fight over flight. My magic decided to cooperate with me today, and my hands were engulfed with magical magenta flames as I spun around and held them up towards Lucio, to which he skidded to a halt in shock.
Despite how daunting my actions were, I was almost trembling from fear. I couldn't always trust my magic's capability, and now was not the best time to be unreliable. I was even too scared to call out for Muriel. He should've heard my scream anyway, right? Do I not hear him because he's long gone, or the adrenaline in my veins was muffling my hearing?
Lucio the Goat Ghost snarled at me. I prayed the man did hear.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"What do you WANT from me?!"
I tried to relax the muscles in my hands with the warmth of my magic fire and prevent them from visibly shivering.
"I want what is rightfully MINE!"
Lucio the Ghost Goat was critically scanning me, looking for a window to attack without getting burned.
Why doesn't he understand that I'm stupid enough to not get what the fuck he's talking about?
I was supposed to get back to Muriel, but my luck made me lose sight of him. I haven't a clue where Inanna is. Lucio caught me when I was vulnerable, and now I was stuck in a standoff with him, he being ready to pounce, and me using my flaming hands as a makeshift barrier.
A tense silence fell, except for my breathing slowly growing faster and the natural forest background. A rustle hear and there came from behind, making the flames grow taller. I was scared, so of course my magic reacted accordingly, willingly or not. My whole body was tense, ready to dodge in any direction in case my fire wouldn't protect me.
Hopefully some sass would throw my opponent off, or at least lighten the mood. "Lucio, if you hadn't noticed already, I'm a fuckin' idiot, and I quite frankly have no idea what I fucking stole from you!"
"COUNT! Count Lucio of Vesuvia! You will address me as so!" I jolted from the power in his voice, belting out his ego, "But that actually doesn't matter now. Give me what is mine before I have it taken from you in the dungeons, you rotten, annoying THIEF!"
"Again...! Have no idea what you're talking abou—!"
"Your actions have brought me relentless shame and misery! But guessing from your own words, you wouldn't know the pain you've inflicted on others even if it smacked you in the face!"
... I... What...?
"... W–... I don't..."
His nasty grin returned. "You really WOULDN'T, would you?!" He let out a laugh with a slight rasp, as if he actually found this funny. "How did you even steal from me? I was once a mercenary, so I'm more experienced in that field than you! Did you have help?"
This guy? Being one of the worst counts in history? Assuming I want to work in the department he was in once? Did he think I actually wanted to be like him...?
"N-no!!! I would never do that!" I yelled, but felt smaller the more he kept flooding my ears.
"Oh, but you have! It's right in front of me! And it seems to be your special talent: burdening others with your stupidity and malice, even loved ones!"
"Wha? I haven't—!"
"Asra is a prime example! Why else would he continuously run off without you? Always so avoidant in explaining? Even the Scourge of the South couldn't be less interested in you!"
... I thought there was another reason why he was so familiar... All the rumors I've heard put the Scourge in such a bad light, yet Asra strangely never agreed to those. I should've realized it sooner: the scars, the cuffs and chains, the raggedness... It all said 'gladiator'.
And I could tell there was something he didn't like about me...
"You're a curse to everyone you meet! You ruin everything! You even killed the Count as a result!"
"... I-I'm sorry, I—"
"And you still think apologizing will fix everything!"
"S-sorry, sorry, I..."
"You cause even more trouble than I do! I'm surprised more people don't want you dead than—"
"Sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, just, I'm so—"
"Oh, you're not even worthy of forgiveness! Of the right to speak! NO ONE CAN STAND—"
"STOP!!!"
My comprehension blurred. My nose began to burn before I cried at the top of my lungs, my voice screeching and cracking pathetically. There was no power in my words, only desperateness. I think my flames crawled up my arms as he kept yelling and shouting, until they just... left me, shooting forward. I heard him shriek and the pounding of someone frantically running away. My knees grew weak as they reached the ground while I curled up from pain. This was when I lost more and more control.
My mind reeled with its own self-deprecating thoughts, throwing me in an avalanche of hurt, my ears and head and entire body buzzing with too much energy. I agreed with him. I feel like such a burden on everyone. From misunderstanding random social cues to being unable to accept that my panini was spicy when the seller specifically said it wasn't and I just had to live with it and suffer. People never understand me, not even Asra to an extent. I can't understand myself. I admit I'm weird. But I hate—I loathe affecting others negatively.
I never want to be a "bad guy", or at least not a stupid one. Some days I like to think I'm not. But other days, I feel like I'm doing bad things and hurting others without meaning to. Like the universe wants me to be the bad guy when I'm doing everything in my power not to. I'm afraid everything I touch or interact with will hurt someone. Because it hurts me. I feel like I ruin everyone's lives, and in turn it ruins—
I flinched when I felt a familiar, large hand barely touch my back. I was shivering and sobbing, curled up on my knees with my back facing the sky, and I sensed Muriel's presence next to mine. His hand pulled away in hesitation, but a second later, it returned. He was barely laying his hand there, somehow afraid he might break me if he applied any more weight. It made sense to me, though. I looked like a freak physically losing their mind. He didn't say anything for a while.
"... Grace?" Muriel asked quietly, gently, in case any more noise would break me, too. But I almost didn't hear him over my emotions painfully buzzing in my ears.
But somehow, I heard him being so afraid for me, and not of me. I don't know how the hell I could tell, but I just did. Why was this even important right now?
I felt a familiar snout sniff the back of my neck. I became weaker for no specific reason, and fell on my side, still tense and curled up and trying to forcibly shrink away from the world. Inanna tried to sniff my face covered in my hands and hair. Muriel's hand had left me again as he tried to figure out what to do. I kinda didn't want him to. I wanted to disappear before he could do anythi—
Muriel's warmth and scent enveloped me as his mighty arms wrapped around the trembling ball that I was, my back gently pressing his barrel chest as he carefully sat me on his lap while he was sitting on his knees. Muriel secured me in his shy embrace, and I could tell he kept trying to say something, anything, but words continuously failed him.
I desperately reached for his security, turning sideways and clinging onto one of the straps on his torso, still crying like a freakish baby. His arms tightened their hold, gently, acting like I was made of glass. This softened the pain buzzing inside of me.
"... Tighter..." I managed in a shaky gasp.
Muriel didn't move, didn't reply, didn't understand what I was asking from him. His lungs kept taking in air to form a response that wouldn't come.
"Tighter..." I really didn't want to whimper so pathetically, but I did anyways. I was so desperate. I pulled the strap despite the lack of give it had. The buzzing was growing and I wanted it to go away.
A moment later, I was squeezed by Muriel's arms and chest, restricting some of my breathing and mobility. This snapped my mind from the downward spiral it put itself in. I focused my erratic sobs as if by instinct, controlling its pattern to breathe normally. My awareness cleared up, and I could even sense Inanna worriedly sitting in front of Muriel. Meanwhile, the man's heartbeat grounded me further to reality.
After a few minutes, I was ok again. Still sore from my emotional episode, but ok. I wasn't lost in my head anymore. I was relaxed and back on Earth.
Muriel must've noticed, because his grip loosened to its original state while I held his torso strap. He tried to look at me, so I lowered my face to make sure he didn't. I was too embarrassed for him to see me like this, a hot mess after crying like a baby, being held like a pathetic baby.
Fuck, his hand lift my chin up and brushed damp hair strands off my face. I saw the caution and concern in his own, and I shut my eyes. I was so ashamed to look at Muriel like this; he helped me out of this fit, and didn't deserve to see the crazy mess I really was.
Muriel spoke softly, despite his gravelly voice, "... Are you... ok?"
His thumb brushed over a closed eye, wiping the tears, which made me even more embarrassed as I turned my head away.
"Yeah, yeah... I-I'm ok..."
I hastily wiped my face with the fabric on my chest, trying to preserve whatever dignity I had left.
I looked past his arms to see Inanna still patiently waiting in front of us with those intelligent eyes. I looked for an easy way to leave Muriel's embrace, but he didn't give me one. What?
He asked another question. "... Are you sure?"
No, I wasn't. I'm never sure about anything anymore. Certainty was one hell of a fickle mistress.
"... Yeah." I rubbed my eye.
I needed to leave. I needed to get back to the shop and open up; it should've been open earlier. I had to go back to the city and continue pretending to be a functioning adult, like I did every day when Asra wasn't there. When I was left alone to fend for myself. I really didn't want to, but I had to.
He mumbled, "... D-do you... not want to go back yet...?"
I liked being alone like he did, but not now. Definitely not now. I was torn between indulging myself in safe company and actually growing up, and doing my job to help solve this murder. Could I even mature at all? The only times I've been mature and serious were during critical moments, but even those were rare. I so dearly want to be independent, and stronger, so I wouldn't have to ruin anything.
Muriel noticed my lack of response. "... You can... stay... a little longer. If you want." he grumbled nervously.
I gave him a look of mild surprise, to which he blushed harder before glancing around to take note of our surroundings, trying to make his gaze more productive. It didn't, really.
I stared at my knees before looking over at Inanna, now appearing less concerned, and her tail gently padded the ground in content. I could tell she had an idea in mind with those bright eyes. Note to self: wolves are helluva lot smarter than dogs.
"Uh..." I tried to find my answer, cleaning up my face some more. "... Uhm, yeah. Yeah, ok... thanks..." I tried to sound like I hadn't painfully cried just a few minutes ago, but it always puts a small toll on your body.
A moment later, I felt Muriel's weight shift as he stood, still holding me in his arms. Realizing this as soon as I did, we both awkwardly mumbled something as he quickly set me down on my feet as I regained my bearings. He grabbed my belongings, most of my flowers in the basket now gone, before I could think about it. With an anxious gesture of his head, he began leading me back to his shelter at our own pace, Inanna following suite. His was faster than mine, but I soon noticed his warmth cover my shoulder. He apparently slowed down enough to walk beside me and gently guide with his hand on me.
But he was so damn nervous about it, and doing everything in his power to not look at me. I was nervous, too, but I'm sure it was nothing compared to his own anxiety. Even though Muriel tightly squeezed me a few minutes ago, he continued to treat me like spun glass, his hand closer to hovering than actually touching my skin. But it, along with his company, gave me such a sense of security, I eventually exhaled as I barely leaned into his touch as we walked, the fatigue from my episode setting in.
His large hand tensed, both preparing to catch me and restraining from holding me too hard. Soon, with the softest nudge, he brought me to my original stance, now finally resting his hand on me. The weight of it was so comforting, the silent reassurance that I didn't deserve. I had to make sure I wasn't trying to lean against his side from how strong the urge to relax in his embrace again was.
When we returned to the hut, he quietly and awkwardly opened the door for me, having to enter before me in order to do so. Inanna raced in before I could beat her, but I didn't really care. Muriel put my items back on the small table while I sat on his bed.
... Oh, shit.
I have the entire day with Muriel.
Practically alone.
Both of us immediately felt the impending awkwardness, because I saw him freeze and not know what to do next. I didn't, either.
Fuck.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Muriel pointed to his bed, facing me while trying to mask his nervousness with a stoic expression again.
I still felt tired and a little numb from my meltdown, and I didn't quite understand what he was asking from me.
"Sit." he elaborated. I think he still didn't trust me, because he kept me in his sight.
Or maybe he was still concerned for me, because when I obeyed and sat on the edge, he grabbed a fur pelt from my pile on the floor and pulled it around me. I wasn't cold, but I decided to ease his nerves and keep it on.
He went to his cramped kitchenette and began moving things around that I couldn't see behind his hulking figure. I could soon smell eggs gently sizzling. Hm?
"... Are those eggs?" I realized I hadn't eaten anything this morning, and my stomach confirmed that.
"For you. You haven't eaten." he answered.
Before I could reply, he shifted some more turning to me with a small plate of said eggs and a fork. Oh good, they were scrambled. I didn't like any other kind of eggs.
"... That was fast." I commented as I took them from his hands.
"They got cold."
Oh. He reheated them? "Why didn't you wake me?"
"... You were asleep..."
Seriously?
I gently smiled up at Muriel. "You can wake me when I need to. If Inanna didn't, I might've slept til noon."
He was slightly flustered at the idea, but he gave a small nod. "... Ok."
"Oh, and you didn't have to do this for me. I still have some bread left in my bag."
"No protein."
Was he actually talking about balanced meals to me? Did Asra put him up to this?
"Ok..." I sighed before beginning to eat my late breakfast. I think it would be considered brunch this late in the morning.
As I chewed, Muriel sat down on his stool near the table, and I noticed he was fidgeting with his furry loincloth, staring intently at the dead fireplace. I think he wanted to say something, but he just couldn't bring himself to interrupt the awkward silence. He had a harder time with words than I did, and it almost looked painful.
I wasn't sure what to say either, but I didn't want him to feel so uneasy around me. Asra's said I'm the kind of person that most people aren't afraid to talk to, so maybe I could get Muriel to not be afraid, either.
So, I exhaled and relaxed, making my body more horizontal and lied sideways across the bed while propping up on my elbow. I curled my legs closer to me and continued eating with my unoccupied arm. I remained quiet, but mostly for the fact that I was starving and didn't care to talk while stuffing my face.
I think my body language worked (which was a victory in itself, since I suck at expressing correctly), because when I finished, Muriel finally spoke up.
"What happened...? Out there...?"
"... When... I was talking to Lucio...?" I asked slowly.
"No... When... you fell... and, cried..."
Oh... His concern made me a bit somber.
"... I just got overwhelmed; it's nothing." I dismissed, not expecting Muriel to quickly follow with another question.
"Have you always used fire magic...?"
"Oh, that? Uh, yeah... I've never really been good at it. I think it's connected to my emotions." I still don't remember how I attacked Lucio, or if I even attacked at all. "Sorry if it scared you..." I tried to not sound as guilty as I truly was. Asra always got spooked when I try practicing a few spells, along with a few locals.
"I wasn't."
I blinked a few times. At first I was confused, wondering why he wasn't scared at the sight of a freak about to engulf the forest in flames, but then I was relieved. Only a handful of locals aren't afraid of me putting on a terrible fire show for extra money, and I was glad Muriel might be one of them.
"... You weren't?"
"No."
A soft, relieved sigh left my lips, feeling a little lighter. I also wanted to know if he saw I accidentally burned a tree down or something, but I wasn't quite ready for Muriel to know my lack of control yet. That would definitely scare him off.
The man's fidgeting with his loincloth seemed to stop, but his eyes still held the desire to know more, to learn more, about something I had no knowledge of. But from his five-minute long silence, I guessed we were done talking.
I finished my eggs during that time. When I did, I put the plate aside on the furs before sitting up again. Having this extra time to think, my fear of having to return to the shop morphed into simple discontent. I still didn't want to back to it empty, but I knew running the small business was my responsibility whether I wanted it or not. I was torn between staying or leaving, but the former option seemed pretty obvious.
"... Actually, I really should get back to my shop. I should be watching over it while my master's gone." I said as I stood up. I reached for my things until Muriel suddenly stood up as well.
"... Are you sure?" he asked as his hands fidgeted again. He almost appeared confused, not knowing if it was a good idea to let me go despite what happened earlier.
"... Yeah. I'm sure." My certainty was somewhere between 50-75%, so I wasn't absolutely sure. Would this count as a lie? I don't know. I hoisted my satchel's long strap over my head to rest on my shoulder, and got distracted by the sad state of my basket's contents.
I was so disappointed seeing the majority of the wonderful flowers I collected either squashed or completely absent. I even lost however many asters I found. Dammit! And I couldn't remember where I last saw them in the forest floor.
Muriel's callused hand came into my view as he reached inside, which made me freeze in confusion. He carefully pulled out a small bundle of tiny blue flowers, and when I looked up, I didn't expect to see the faintest smile quirking his lips. For some reason, it made him look more... Attractive? Maybe. At peace? I think those words fit that description.
The flower was familiar, I think Asra taught me about it once and its magical properties, but my memory drew a blank on its name. "What're those?" I casually asked, wondering if he just so happened to know what they were, and hoped I expressed the option to simply not answer if he didn't wish.
"Forget-me-nots."
Oh, wow, that was fast.
Becoming self-aware, Muriel's ghost of a smile quickly left, but... I think I could still see him smiling, in his green eyes. The warm, metaphorical sparkle in them as he stared at the flowers a bit longer, before replacing them with the others.
I barely pursed my lips. "... You like those?"
"... Yes."
Wanting to procrastinate daily responsibilities just a little longer, I gently rummaged through the flora to find what hadn't been damaged with a soft smile. "I'm not good at picking favorites, but if I had to pick one, I guess it'd be... roses. Any roses, really. It's cliche, but... I don't think that makes its symbolism any less special." I divided the squashed and decent flowers apart in the basket to organize them when I go back home.
Muriel mumbled, "... Mine is... that." then pointed to where I placed the forget-me-nots.
"Oh! Really?"
"Yes..."
I noticed two forget-me-nots in the indecent section. I picked them out and stared at them thoughtfully in my hand.
"... I don't want these. Do you want them...?" Muriel could be offended I was offering him his ruined favorite, but maybe...
He hesitated for a moment. "... Sure." Then he reached down and plucked them from my open hand.
His rough fingertips brushed my sensitive palm, and time seemed to freeze for a second. I don't know why I became hyper-aware of this contact. Why did my mind go blank, too? Didn't he literally have his hand on my back in the last chapter??? And squeeze me in a hug???
I screamed internally as I scrambled for a mental script to ease out of this awkward situation. "... Um... I, really wish I hadn't ruined all of them..." I commented aloud, mostly to myself.
"Not all of them." Muriel simply replied. It was so simple, in fact, I could not find a response to that. I craved the death of me.
I eventually left the hut once more, but Muriel insisted he escort me again. He even linked an arm with mine to help my slow pace. We both blushed, but I couldn't tell which of us had it worse. Seriously, feeling my scrawny arm interlocked with the man's own muscular limb scrambled my emotions more than my train of thought. Identifying my personal opinion towards this was impossible.
The ex-gladiator continued walking beside me even after exiting the forest and entering the city. He raised the hood over his head and even let go of my arm, and looked more tentative than earlier. I could understand. I'm not a fan of urban places, either. Plus my jumbled emotions had the chance to recollect.
It was nearly noon by the time we reached the steps to my front door. I turned and saw he had already started to leave with a single step, but stopped when he noticed me. He must be in a hurry to return to the shadows.
Guess I should keep this short. "Uh... Thanks. For everything you've done." I gently smiled.
Muriel's face gave me an odd reaction. It was some mix of surprise, confusion, and disbelief. His lips barely parted for a while, not knowing what to say. He closed his mouth in a slight pout as he scratched his jaw, glaring sideways.
"... Don't mention it..."
"And also for uh... letting me remember you." I reached into my satchel and pulled out the pouch of myrrh for clarification.
"... Be sure not to lose that."
"I won't." I smiled, "... Since I'll be alone for a while, you wanna drop by sometime?"
Muriel's brows furrowed as he glanced around, becoming apprehensive again.
Maybe... "... Or I'll visit your place, if that's ok?"
His anxiety partially eased upon hearing this. "... My place." He paused. "... But I'm ok with here... sometimes..."
This made me smile once more. "Ok, good. Stop by anytime you like. You're always welcome."
Blush returned to his cheeks, and I physically see him trying to will it away. Poor guy, but I couldn't stop smiling up at him.
"... Thanks. Bye." he grunted before spinning around and quickly slinking away and further into the city.
Oh. Ok then. I wished he didn't leave so eagerly, but I think things were left on a good note. I entered my home and shut the door behind me, my smile suddenly returning again. Why did I feel so... happy? No, more like content. Beaming with content. But still, why?
Then reality set in again, and I had to leave the small house again just to put the flag up. Can't avoid my responsibilities forever.