Work Text
Sakura folded her arms as she sat around the campfire. Part of her wanted to snigger at her teammates misfortune, but then she’d probably get a ton of kunai and shuriken thrown her way. They were not happy. Not in the slightest. They blamed her faulty genetics, and Naruto’s subpar sealing capabilities. She thought things were alright, if she was perfectly honest. Nothing time, or perhaps another seal or two might be able to fix. Any number of things could’ve gone wrong with the seal – the anchor point could’ve been misplaced, they could’ve all spontaneously combusted, or they could’ve ended up in the middle of battle. All things considered, getting turned into seventeen-year-old girls wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened to them. It hadn’t stopped Sasuke from moaning and coming from an Uchiha that was the equivalent of running around the room screaming ‘what the hell is going on with my life?!’, nor Naruto from prodding at her newly acquired Tsunade-worthy chest with curiosity and fear. It wasn’t a henge. Not that time. Sakura couldn’t deny that part of her was jealous of Naruto – she was still practically as flat as a board, as was Sasuke, much to her – or was it his – own relief. The fact of the matter was that they were girls in some shape or form, and they needed to get over the fact that she’d be treating them as such regarding certain issues, because no matter what they said, their bodies were female… and with that came with problems which were new to them. The small, sadistic part of her had cackled with glee at first, but that part of her vanished as soon as she saw their faces. Their features were softer, slightly less harsher than what they had been previously… and they looked vulnerable, if she was completely honest, especially with those expressions on their faces. That was something she’d never associated with them, and she’d never thought she would. They were meant to be pillars of strength. Now they were… lost. Sakura bit her lip. She knew about the issues they’d be facing better than any of them. They’d both have to experience the nightmare that came with being a kunoichi in what Sakura knew to be a very sexist era, she’d read about it far too much. The belittling of kunoichi, or female shinobi as some preferred to be called, had been bad enough in their own time… In the Warring Clans Era, though, it was a completely different story. Kunoichi were a rarer sight, especially from clans such as the Senju, and very much non-existent in the Uchiha or any other clan with a prestigious bloodline. The only exception seemed to be the Uzumaki, but Sakura knew they could hardly go to them for help. Sasuke looked nothing like an Uzumaki, and her chakra felt too much like an Uchiha’s. Sakura was in a similar situation, thanks to Sasuke’s genes, though admittedly she might’ve been able to pull it off with her pink hair. Naruto was the only one of them really who would’ve been able to stay with them on their secluded island, thanks to the fact her hair was now a brilliant Uzumaki red. So as much as a tiny part of her wanted to smirk at their misfortune, she couldn’t really do that, considering they were all in the same boat in some respects – all female shinobi, with the added bonus and misfortune of having a fully activated sharingan. It was something they’d have to be careful about using because Sakura really really did not want the Uchiha Clan catching word of their existence. She had no desire to be part of a clan, especially not one knee-deep in a war against her Shishou’s Clan. Sakura was the only one who didn’t really have to worry about her appearance too much, especially when it came to the any of the clans. Naruto’s hair would probably be recognised on sight, especially when coupled with the ridiculous reserves that all of them now had. Sasuke was no different – black hair, black eyes, and an aristocratic face – she practically screamed Uchiha. Sakura was the only one with a chance of passing for some clanless kunoichi, even if her face shape had changed to match Sasuke’s own. It had been a shock, spying her own new reflection in the water of a nearby river, her eyes slightly narrower than what she was used to, her pupil as black as the midnight sky, skin just as pale as Sasuke. She was only thankful she’d retained her pink hair, even if it had lengthened to her waist. It fluttered on the breeze gently, and Sakura had the strangest feeling of nostalgia from when she’d started on the path to becoming a kunoichi. Looking back, if anyone had told her she’d end up travelling back in time with her two feminised teammates, she’d have told them they were off their rocker. As it stood, Sakura just wanted to take a nap. Time travel hadn’t exactly been the easiest thing to do, and it had taken a lot out of each and every one of them, especially the fox. Kurama was practically comatose most of the time, as Naruto had told them with her new higher pitched voice. “What do we do?” Sasuke asked, voice pleading. “How do we change back? There has to be a way! I refuse to be stuck like this…” Sakura cracked her knuckles. Stuck like this. The words made her want to punch something. There was nothing wrong with being a girl… not to mention part of her was grateful. Grateful she wouldn’t have to face the harshness of the Warring Clans as the only girl. The boys would never have understood, but now they had a chance to. “Oh, and what’s that supposed to mean, Sasuke-chan.” “Call me that again, and I will end you.” Sakura smiled sweetly. “You’ve certainly got some balls… Oh wait, my apologies—” Sasuke snarled, sharingan spinning to life, and Sakura felt the instinctive tug as her own newly acquired sharingan swirled into view. “Ugh… guuuys,” Naruto began, pulling at her sweaty top, a hint of panic on her face. “I don’t know about you but can’t the arguing and fighting wait?” she asked. “I’m gonna go and bathe…” “It’s not that bad, dobe… washing can wait…” Sakura elbowed her in the gut, a thrum of satisfaction humming through her at the nasal grunt. “You don’t have the first idea about being a girl, idiot,” she hissed. “I was Tsunade’s pupil, and she was always complaining about the pains of having a large cup size… and the sweat…” Sakura shuddered. “I wouldn’t have minded slightly larger… assets, but the amount of problems Shishou had…” Sasuke swallowed, looking down at her own much smaller ones. “Um… speaking of which, do bras actually, um, exist yet?” Her cheeks were dusted pink. She shrugged. “Not as far as I’m aware of, so we all get to experience the joys of bindings.” Sasuke lifted the shirt she was wearing, sighing in relief as she spotted the white fabric concealing her new chest from view. “They’re already in place… seems that seal of Naruto’s was good for something…” “Aww.” Sakura pouted, a devilish grin soon quirking into place on her lips. “And here I was hoping you’d need a little hand with things… I’d be more than happy to help, Sasu-chan, you know… since we’re both girls.” “I hate you.” “Noted,” Sakura purred, sitting down as they waited for Naruto’s return in silence for the next five minutes… which soon turned into fifteen minutes… and then half an hour… “What the hell is taking the dobe so long?” Sasuke scowled. “Did he-er-she get lost of something? The imbecile…” Sakura closed her eyes, touching the ground, reaching out for the familiar chakra signal… which wasn’t anywhere near her, that was for sure. “Sasuke.” “What?” She folded her arms. “Where’s the dobe?” “She’s not within my range, that’s for sure…” “So he-she’s super lost… or…” Sasuke trailed off, sighing at Sakura’s grim expression. “Oh for the love of all that’s holy! We’ve been here for less than three hours! How the hell can that idiot get kidnapped?” Sakura shrugged. “Naruto has skill.” “In being a complete and utter imbecile, that’s for sure,” she muttered. “Tch. I’ll tease the idiot once… she… gets back. With Kurama, it’ll be a cinch.” Sakura stared at her blankly. “Are you forgetting that Kurama is practically in a coma and will likely be that way for at least the next six months?” she asked. “Hn,” Sasuke grunted. “Of course…” “Best get packed up.” “Duh,” Sasuke mumbled. “Then we’ve got to go and rescue that idiot from whatever sticky situation… she’s gotten herself into this time around.” “So,” Sakura said, hands on hips. “The usual day then?” “Precisely.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Naruto was having a bad day. A really really bad day. Not only had his seal malfunctioned in a catastrophic way, but now he’d been kidnapped, and that was the icing on the cake. The cherry on top being the fact that he couldn’t escape because A) his chakra was drained beyond belief, and B) that lazy damn fox was out for the count – and he’d be that way for a while. He’d barely been able to relay any information once the seal had taken its toll, so he had yet to laugh at his unfortunate situation. Knowing the bastard, he’d probably laugh his head off, and then the veiled insulting jokes would come about him losing his balls. Wasn’t that a thought? He’d never thought he’d lose them, before he’d been turned into a girl. They were a bit hard to misplace, but of course the universe just liked to help him make the impossible possible. Still, he’d yet to get used to using female pronouns to describe himself – because that’s what he was supposed to do, right? He had the body of a girl, surely that made him a girl too… didn’t it? Thoughts swirled around in his head, especially since thinking was the only thing he could really do as he was thrown over an armoured shoulder and carried of to god knows where… and they were moving ridiculously quickly. Faster than the usual ninja running speed that he remembered from his last life… when he’d had the body of a boy. Naruto scowled, bitter nostalgia overcoming him as he stared at the back of whoever had nabbed him. What would the rest of the Rookie Nine think about his – or was it her – situation? His lips twitched, a single word coming to mind as he hung there limply. Troublesome. Naruto thought that word described everything nicely, ignoring the slight pang in his chest as it conjured images of brown hair tied back in a spiky ponytail… bloodied lips croaking the single word out before dark eyes glazed over and death rattled in his throat. “The boss will be pleased with the haul today, won’t he?” the man running alongside his captor spoke, snapping Naruto out of the daze he’d fallen into, his eyes narrowing – that being the only thing he could really do with his hands tied behind his back, and a gag over his mouth. Whoever had grabbed him – before he could have his bath too – were no amateurs, and that led him to the horrifying conclusion. He’d been kidnapped by slavers. Mercenaries who held no alliance to a single clan. Contrary to popular opinion, Naruto could read, and the Warring Clans Era had interested him a lot. Sure, he didn’t know as much as his walking textbook of a friend-turned-sister, but he knew enough to know that the black market existed even in the time he’d ended up in. So Naruto could safely guess that was where he was heading – to be auctioned off to whoever bid the highest… and he was in a female body too… that made all possible outcomes far more daunting… but that would only happen if he couldn’t escape… then again, Sakura and Sasuke were no doubt on their way to rescue him. They were Team Seven through thick and thin. Neither of them would abandon him to some horrific fate, even if he wasn’t a he anymore. “Of course. We got a damn Uzumaki, and you know how often they come off their damned island… Boss will be pleased for sure. We’ve got plenty of valuable items for the next bid now. It’ll be a riot.” The man holding him chuckled. “We probably won’t even need to head out again until after next month.” “Well,” the third member of their party spoke. “That’s only if the Uchiha and the Senju don’t try and crash the auction…” Naruto could feel the mood darken, his eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of what he’d heard… because if the Uchiha Clan tried to crash, or the Senju did, then it’d be game over for the whole staying-low-while-going-to-defeat-the-evil-plant plan he and the rest of Team Seven had going. He was only thankful none of them knew he had the sharingan, because then he’d probably be in a whole lot more trouble. How often did one come across a Uzumaki-Uchiha with an active sharingan? Never. Though Naruto wasn’t exactly sure why the two clans had never allied themselves; sharingans with Uzumaki reserves behind them… they’d be terrifying, just like Sasuke and Sakura were no doubt going to be when they came to save him. Patches of snow came into view, and Naruto had a foreboding feeling as he was taken further and further into the cold territory. He did not like where this was going. He didn’t particularly mind the cold, but snow was a bother – especially when it came to making a clean getaway. Chakra had to be made to muffle the sounds of footsteps, and prints were always made, meaning he’d be very easy to track until he reached the forest… well, unless he used his shadow clones… but then again, he wasn’t too sure they’d been invented yet, and he didn’t particularly want to take credit for its creation. Naruto liked to think of himself as a fairly honest person, and as the Nidaime had liked to remind him on the battlefield, it had been his shadow clone jutsu. Large gates came into view, many times bigger than himself – even if he was slightly more dainty… more feminine… than before, but they didn’t lead to Konoha. Instead, they led to a tall fortress encased in ice and snow. One which would be very difficult to break free from, but Naruto had done the practically impossible far too many times for that to be a concern. The cell he ended up in was in the basement of the place – Naruto had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Why did cells always have to be kept underground in the darkness? Maybe people would be less inclined to try and break out if they had a nice view to look out instead… It was a rather small cell, and it was practically pitch black by the time he was thrown in it in all his feminine red-headed glory. Not that anyone could see the vivid red of her hair. It was too dark for that luxury. The little barred window shedding no light on the situation, but he knew almost instantly that he wasn’t alone in the place. Landing on the person in question left no doubts about that fact, and when added to the large hands that came to push at his – wrong – oversized chest, Naruto soon came to the conclusion that he wasn’t alone and had likely been locked up with a member of his old gender. The gender he was supposed to be… Who apparently was less than pleased about being squashed under him, considering their awkward landing position. It wasn’t like he could help that though. His arms had been freed only seconds before he was thrown through the doorway of his new room for the foreseeable future so he hadn’t exactly had a chance to catch himself before he landed. “Good god woman!” he hissed, the word making him stiffen slightly as he was pushed to the side as the man he’d just nearly squished with his new… assets sucked in lungful’s of air. He was a woman now… Like his sexy henge, only with a larger chest size, and it was inexplicably, irrevocably permanent. “Were you trying to suffocate me with your ridiculously oversized rack?” Naruto blinked, glancing down at his chest, dubiously eyeing the new assets he’d been gifted with. If he’d been warned that he was about to be turned into a girl, he’d have appreciated being completely flat chested while it lasted. They seemed like they were about to start getting in the way of things, though they were somewhat good cushioning in certain positions when lying on ones front as he’d just discovered, unless of course, someone was unintentionally positioned under them (in which case there’d be a lot of flailing involved). Naruto suddenly had a sense of overwhelming respect for Tsunade, absentmindedly folding his arms, he sat back, trying to eye up his new cellmate – a harder task than he’d thought it might be due to the lack of proper lighting. Of course, there was the sharingan option, but that would really give the game away, and he didn’t want to do that just yet. “Umm…” Naruto scratched at the back of his head. “Sorry about that… I’m still getting used to them…” The air of confusion was almost palpable. “What?” his cellmate asked. “What do you mean ‘getting used to them’? Did you not have breasts before or something?” Precisely that, Naruto thought before he started berating himself internally. That was a textbook mistake, giving information to the opposition like that. One he shouldn’t have made… though then again, people had always said he’d be absolutely awful at infiltration missions, so he supposed it kinda made sense. “There was an… um… sudden growth spurt.” “…” Naruto smiled sheepishly, remembering seconds later that the man probably wouldn’t be able to see him with the lighting as poor as it was. “Well…” he mumbled eventually. “OK then…” “So… I’m Naruto, but what about you?” he questioned, shuffling towards the darkened figure ever so slightly, heedless of any sort of danger he might hold. “You got a name? Or should I call you Weird-Stranger-In-The-Dark?” The man smiled. “Izuna. You can call me Izuna.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sasuke would reiterate that he was perfectly in control of the situation. Nobody had caught him with his pants down, metaphorically of course. He’d just been luring them over under the guise of going to the toilet… of squatting down, and it seemed he’d have to get used to that with no remedy in sight for whatever the hell Naruto had messed up with. He could quite happily say he could escape at any moment, but he was just saving his chakra. He was totally just saving his chakra. That was right. He’d totally just figured out that these people were the same ones who’d taken Naruto five days ago and was just planning on doing a little infiltration. He’d just accidentally forgotten to inform Sakura of his plan.
He was so totally dead when she caught up with him.
He’d never hear the end of it. His sandals slapped against the stone flooring, echoing loudly off the walls as he was hauled through the darkened corridors. Somewhere in one of them, Naruto was probably locked away… cold, dark, alone… He clenched his teeth, eyes narrowing as they came to a halt. The lighting was dim, and his sharingan itched to be activated, but that would really give the game away. The sharingan was genetically less likely to appear in females – and as much as he hated to admit it, his body, at least, technically was female. It had been twisted and warped, but here that might work to his advantage. They thought he was female. That was right… Just treat it like a henge… don’t think about it… Focus on the esca—ahem infiltration. A lock clicked, hinges creaking open, and then he was tumbling forwards down a set of stone steps into the cell below. Sasuke winced, landing heavily on his chest, pain spiking through him as he righted himself slowly. His hands were free, but his chakra was blocked – the little of it he could access, anyway. Seals, probably, his mind supplied. “Dammit,” he muttered, wincing as he pushed himself to his knees. Movement in the corner of his eye made him pause, eyes flickering over to the corner of his cell. Though apparently it wasn’t just his cell. Someone else was in there too, and the sliver of moonlight creeping through the tiny barred window gave him an idea of just who. How many people had white hair and dark reddish marking on either cheek and the chin? Sasuke’s face went blank. Typical. Fucking typical. His luck sucked, though he wasn’t sure why he was surprised – he was part of Team Seven forever and being lucky had not been something associated with them. They were misfortune magnets.
Of course he just had to get thrown in a cell with Senju Tobirama – AKA Uchiha Hater No.1.
He was just thankful he couldn’t activate his sharingan anymore, even by mistake, thanks to whatever seals were in place on the room. Those would certainly explain why his new cellmate couldn’t get out. He was meant to be a certified genius. How they’d even got a hold of him in the first place was a complete and utter mystery. But if Tobirama couldn’t get out… Sasuke bit his lip. Then what were the chances he could? “I assume from the fact you’re not trying to strangle me, that you’re not from a rival clan?” Red eyes, dark in the monochromatic light, narrowed on his shadowed form. “Or are you simply waiting for me to drop my guard?” Sasuke scoffed. “I do have better things to be doing with my time.” One white brow rose. “Like what?” “Plotting my escape, obviously.” He folded his arms. “Not all of us can sit around all day, you know.” “Oh,” Tobirama mumbled, “and what makes you so certain that you can escape while I cannot?” “Because I’m awesome?” “Was that a question or a statement?” “Screw you!” “I’d really rather you didn’t,” Tobirama said, staring at him blankly, and he recoiled at the implications. Oh yeah… his body was female, and that usually meant a greater possibility of attraction to a jerk like him. “The hygiene standards around here are quite frankly terrible.” Sasuke bristled, silently imagining throttling the man, Nidaime or not. “I will strangle you in your sleep.” “Well then,” his companion muttered, reclining back on the sole bed in the tiny cell. “Enjoy the floor.” He scoffed. He could take a night on the cold, hard, smelly ground. He wasn’t even shivering. Not in the slightest. It was just a nervous twitch. That was all. “Don’t mind if I do.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sakura was pissed. Make no mistake she was well, truly, and utterly pissed. Ground crumbled underneath her heavy strides, her breath coming out as snorts as she strode towards the gigantic walled structure housing both of her idiotic teammates. People were going to die, and none of them would be Sakura. She was supposed to be talking to her brothers-slash-sisters about what in the blue blithering blazes they were meant to do next. Taking Zetsu down was a biggie, and Sakura would’ve wanted to get started on it straight away if two complete imbeciles didn’t get themselves kidnapped first. She’d wasted days trying to claw her skills back, only to return and find that Sasuke had gone mysteriously missing. She’d given him – because he’d said he wanted her to use male pronouns – two or three days, before screaming to the heavens about how she was going to rip them limb from limb when she found them. They were dead. So dead. Her lips twitched into a grin, teeth bared, eyes wild as she stomped directly towards the tall walls. They towered over her like mountains, but she’d punted mountains before. Tall walls were child’s play, especially when two of her friends-turned-siblings were inside there. She could sense flickers of their chakra inside, as well as that of the guards – and there were a lot of those. This place had to be some big organisation… not that there’d be much left of it after she was done with them. She was going to raze it to the ground. Truly. Completely. A bloodthirsty grin curled at her lips. Well, after she’d rested and got her chakra reserves topped back up. With that in mind, she found the nearest tree, like the good Konoha shinobi she was, curling up in its branches, concealing both herself and her chakra from view. “We’ve still got a week before the deal is due to take place,” the voice woke her, and it was strangely familiar. “That gives us ideally six days in which to rescue our brothers!” The happiness in the man’s tone was unmistakable. “You’re unusually chirpy,” a voice that sent shivers down her spine sounded. “Our brothers’ lives hinge on this. The minute they realise we’re coming for them their lives are forfeit… though they’ll probably use them as bargaining chips for their own pathetic lives once they see us.” Sakura blinked blearily, sitting up in her tree slowly, horror dawning as she realised she recognised those two voices. Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara. She sighed soundlessly. Team Seven really did have the most ridiculous luck. And she really should have set some traps rather than just concealing herself, because now she was stuck in the damned tree until they either left or noticed her. Her shoulders slumped. She’d really wanted to avoid any Uchiha-Senju related drama. “But Madara, this is the first time both our clans are actively working together!” Hashirama beamed like a drunken Tsunade. “Yes, and we still haven’t managed to figure out a way to get past those gates without being noticed,” Madara hissed, and Sakura swore she saw his hair bristle. Like a cat. “Stealth is key to this operation… plus outside of the two of us, our clans don’t particularly trust the other. It’d be best for us to work in two teams with an agreement of non-interference.” “But this is our chance—” He pouted. Madara scowled. “Stop moping and start thinking of a way to get past the gates, idiot.” Hashirama tilted his head innocently, and Sakura had a strange sense of foreboding. It was always the damned cheerful ones. Her worries were soon proven true when the so called God of Shinobi pointed over at her. “Well we could always that kunoichi over there to act as bait. She doesn’t look like either a Senju or an Uchiha, so it should be fine.” Sakura felt her eye twitch. “Couldn’t you just… y’know… henge?” she called, knowing there was no point in hiding any longer. Trees had proven to be her downfall with the damned First Hokage alive and present in the flesh. “Chakra disruption seal in front of the gate,” Madara grumbled. “Honestly, do you think we didn’t consider that?” She leapt down from her perch, arms folded. Without the ten tails or the rinnegan, Madara wasn’t quite as scary, so she was fairly sure she’d be able to punch him and run away, should things come to that. “Are you here to rescue someone too?” Hashirama smiled kindly at her, though neither of their guards were relaxed in the slightest. “My sisters,” she said, surveying the pair of them warily, careful to keep her gaze well away from any Uchiha’s eyes. “So that’s what I’m going to do.” “You’ll help us?” Hashirama perked up. “I’m not playing bait.” Madara glared at her. “Then how do you intend to help, kunoichi? You can’t rescue your sisters by yourself.” “By blowing a hole in the wall,” she answered, nearly scowling with her new Uchiha genes at the scepticism radiating off everybody there. “It’d take at least a dozen high grade explosive notes to put a crack in that wall – it’s at least four foot thick and it’s made with brick and metal,” Madara said, his voice dry and mocking. “So tell me, kunoichi, how exactly do you intend to put a hole in it?” Sakura felt her brow twitch, and she stomped up to the wall a scant few feet in front of them. “Oh, and just for your information, I’m currently envisioning the wall as your head,” she said, smiling sweetly as she gathered her chakra. “As for how I intend to put a hole in it, well,” she continued, rocking her fist back. “It goes like this.” Her hand slammed into the brickwork, an explosion of brick, mortar, and twisted metal flying about the place, falling with very audible thuds in the sudden stillness that followed. “How was that for a kunoichi, arsehole?” she muttered, storming inside briskly, not bothering to look behind her with a very Uchiha smug smirk. She didn’t want to give the damned game away. Grinning, her fists began to glow, just in time for her first wave of opponents to descend upon her. Screams and thuds were all that could be heard from inside the wall, and the representatives from the two clans waited there for just a moment before a gutsy sigh broke the silence, and Hashirama turned to his dear determinedly ex-best friend. “Is it just me,” Madara said, tilting his head as more sounds of absolute carnage came and the earth started shaking beneath their feet, “or was that kind of hot?” Hikaku pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s just you, Madara-sama.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sasuke folded his arms, glaring at one Senju Tobirama as he sat on the bed. Tobirama glared right back, staring down at him like he was dirt on the end of his nose. He couldn’t help but bristle, glaring all the harder as Tobirama raised an eyebrow at him. He had tried to hide from the light for as long as possible, but like all things hidden – he was eventually found.“Why,” Tobirama began, “did our kidnappers think that putting an Uchiha female in with me would be perfectly alright?”Sasuke coughed awkwardly. “Uh, what Uchiha?” he mumbled, strategically ignoring the female placed before it. “I don’t see any Uchiha around here…”“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you,” he remarked, arms crossed as those red eyes glared down into his inky pools. “Speak. What exactly is your ploy here?”“There is no ploy.” Sasuke scowled, knowing there was no point in trying to convince the guy his Uchiha-ness was non-existent. He was an Uchiha through and through – from the bluish black hair to his pale, easily marked, skin. “I’m just stuck in a cell with some ice cube for company,” he muttered bitterly, wrapping his arms around himself.“I was not aware Izuna had a twin sister,” Tobirama spoke, hand on chin as he sized him up, and Sasuke could only blink in confusion. Surely he didn’t mean Izuna, as in Madara’s brother Izuna. Soft, warm fabric landed over his face, and he coughed – startled at its sudden appearance over his face. “Take it and get on the bed,” Tobirama ordered.Sasuke blinked, staring at the blue haori with a fluffy white collar – which he did not rub his face against – twisting it between his hands as he digested the words. “What?!” he screeched. “Why?”One white brow rose. “Because I will be using the floor to keep my body in shape – and somehow I doubt you managed to catch much sleep on the cold floor.”“And why would I leave my body defenceless for you to strangle,” Sasuke hissed, wrapping the warm fabric around him, forcing down the blush that rose as he realised how utterly shameless he was being. He wasn’t even complaining about being forced to wrap himself in the Senju insignia. “A dead body would stink the place out,” Tobirama declared. “And they do not clean these places out regularly. I don’t particularly want to smell and see such a sight, therefore you don’t need to worry… not to mention I’m not in the habit of killing women and children where I can help it.”Silently, Sasuke weighed up his words, eventually deciding he might as well make the most of the bed before Tobirama decided to kick him off it. The petty bastard would literally kick him too. Sasuke had learnt that much from sharing a cell with him for the last few days. He set his head down, sighing happily at the softness and the warmth.Tobirama snorted behind him. “So naïve…”“I am not naïve!” Sasuke hissed, sitting up, turning around to glare at Tobirama. “Why are you shirtless?” he growled, glaring at the irritatingly wonderful abs belonging to one Senju. He wanted to have abs like that… but with his new body… Sasuke pushed his kimono until it revealed his milky white belly. No abs there… yet another thing to blame on one Uzumaki Naruto.“What are you doing?” Tobirama hissed, and Sasuke risked another glance over at the abs he so desperately wanted. Blinking, he was met with the sight of Tobirama furiously looking away, and Sasuke peered back down at himself, noting the little white pants he wore – he mourned the loss of his boxers – on show thanks to him trying to peer at his flabby stomach.“You saw nothing, understand me?” he hissed, waving his finger at the Senju’s back. “Absolutely nothing!”Blushing furiously, Sasuke slammed his head down into the mattress, yawning as a tremor rocked through the floor. Were they experiencing an earthquake? he mused as another slightly stronger one rocked the ground. It would be a nice distraction from the embarrassment.“What on earth—” Tobirama’s voice made him gasp.“Oh kami-sama… I am so dead…” he whimpered, shaking almost as much as the walls around them as he realised there indeed was an earthquake – and she went by the name of Sakura. “She is pissed…”“What’s the matter with you?” Tobirama inquired, glancing over at him – now that his clothing was on properly. The Senju had thankfully replaced his shirt too, so Sasuke was no longer distracted by his longing and jealousy for a six-pack.“She’s coming,” he whispered, just as a voice echoed down the corridor. She was in the building, and she had no doubt entered with a bang.“Oh Sasuke,” Sakura’s voice sung, reverberating off the stone walls. “Where are you?”Sasuke leapt behind Tobirama, positioning him between himself and the door. “You are now my shield, Senju,” he declared. “Just… don’t complain or anything… you do not want to mess with Sakura when she is pissed – and I don’t mean drunk.”“What—?”Rubble exploded, the wall to their cell demolished in an instant, and Sasuke risked a peek around his shield’s shoulder.Black met black as their gazes locked, and Sasuke swallowed audibly. “Sasuke!” Sakura’s smile promised nothing but pain. “Fancy meeting you here.”“Ha… It’s a real surprise, I know,” he mumbled, voice alarmingly high-pitched – and not just because he was stuck in a female body. “Imagine that…”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I will be honest and say I did not want this to happen. I started every work of mine with the intention of finishing them, but as of late my writing has improved from when I first began this work... Well, sadly I just can't seem to find the motivation to continue this work, and it's partially because I'm moving away from crack fiction (and trying to write new things which are a mix of both crack, plot, and adventure). I would have to completely rewrite this from scratch, and while it's a possibility for the future, it's a slim one.I don't particularly want to leave you all praying for some miraculous update, hence why I've finally decided to mark this as complete - albeit unfinished and discontinued.You probably saw this coming somewhat, given how this hasn't been updated in a while and I have numerous other works in progress. Had I managed to get further along, I probably would have tried to do what I did for 'Finding Family' and just conclude the story quicker than originally planned, but this story was still in its infancy, and I cannot for the life of me get the words to flow.So, sorry to say, but I'm dropping this idea along with the 'Serious Version' of this:But on the plus side, anyone and everyone is welcome to adopt the idea, and use the chapters I have currently written (though if you do, please leave accreditation where it's due, whether it be the idea or the chapters written, and let me know if you've have decided to continue this). If y'all wanted to know what was going to happen though:- Zetsu would have died. Painfully.- Madara would have been enamoured by Sakura flexing, and just generally being a raging ball of destruction.- Sakura would have been exasperated by the Uchiha following her around and spying on her training.- Tobirama and Sasuke would have wound up becoming a couple, though at least for the serious version he would have been aware of Sasuke's dysphoria, and he would have been a curious sweetheart who strove to make Sasuke feel more comfortable, while also being fascinated by the jutsu which left Sasuke in the wrong form. They would have geeked out together, but been very subtle in their affections for each other. (You know... unlike the raging hot mess of destruction that Madara and Sakura would have been on the other side of the village.)- Izuna would have been very happy, but also very frustrated as he strove to make Naruto notice him. (With Naruto accidentally friend-zonning him a few times, before he managed to drill it through Naruto's thick skull that he liked them).- Naruto would have been an oblivious bean.- Madara laughs at his brother's misfortune.- Pity the village at the thought of Madara and Sakura's children. (Think Pyro!Sakura. Multiple tiny little raging balls of flaming destruction).- Madara is very proud of his children.- Hashirama regrets everything.- Mito and Naruto get along very well.- Hashirama whimpers in the corner whenever Naruto comes over to talk sealing with Mito.- The world trembles at the thought of Tobirama's and Sasuke's heir (born using a surrogate, simply to get the clan elders to stop nagging the pair of them for a successor). Their administrative skills would become legendary. (Fear the white-haired Uchiha and their paperwork skills, and the deadpan 'I'm going to chidori you' stare they give if said paperwork is not handed in correctly).- If Naruto and Izuna wound up having a child, they would have taken over the world (purely because they'd have had Naruto's charisma, and an Uchiha's drive to get what they want - which would have been to stop the cycle of hatred).- Konoha would have always been able to tell who was directly related to Madara and Sakura. The pyromania was strong with them.