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Seven in the morning was, generally speaking, too early to be awake. Especially so on a day when a girl didn’t have class until eleven.And yet, Lily found herself wandering into the kitchen after an early morning trip to the bathroom, drawn by the smell of buttered bread and fresh coffee.Lily loved bread. And the desire for bread was beating out the desire for sleep in this instance, though just barely.Because really, and I cannot stress this enough, it was far too early to be awake.And if it was too early to be awake, it was certainly too early for Lily’s roommate to engage her in unwanted conversation about topics they’d already covered a hundred times over.And yet.“So, did you think about it anymore? You have to come, Lils,” Dorcas said, in response to Lily’s mumbled greeting. Dorcas handed her grumpy roommate mug full of hot coffee and widened her eyes imploringly. “It’s our five-year reunion!”Lily accepted the coffee with a sigh. Dorcas was beginning to sound like a broken record.
A scratched CD? A glitch in the Matrix?
Current technology doesn’t have these problems. We need a new expression.
However one chose to describe it, the point was, Dorcas was repeating herself. And, based on how she was looking at Lily, she expected Lily to do the same.
And all before breakfast, the witch.
As if she’d read Lily’s mind, Dorcas passed her a mini-baguette, heavily buttered. Lily sighed again. “Thank you,” she said begrudgingly. “But I still don’t have to go to the reunion.” She felt like she was reading from a very boring script. “Which is great news, because, as I’ve told you, I don’t want to.”“Today is the deadline to RSVP!”“Awesome, that means you won’t ask me again tomorrow.” Lily took a bite of her baguette and shrugged.For such a small person, Dorcas released quite an impressive growl. “Lily!“Dorcas!” Lily shot back, just as frustrated. She hadn’t even had a full cup of coffee yet. But more than that, her annoyance stemmed from the fact that she had hoped, after over a decade of friendship, that Dorcas would immediately understand her reluctance to attend this event, and would’ve dropped it without question.
And yet.
Lily sipped her coffee. It was dark and sweet, just how she liked it. At least Dorcas knew that much about her. “You’re welcome to go to the reunion, but leave me out of it! Why do you care if I come?”“I just think it’ll be fun,” Dorcas said, pouting. “Maybe you don’t care ‘cause you’ve always been gorgeous, but I hit that serious glow-up in college, and I want people to know it. Plus, I’m in law school, you’re in pharmacy school, we’ve got a nice apartment, and neither of us has been arrested or to rehab. We are the people who should absolutely go to a high school reunion and humble-brag about how fab our lives are!”“That sounds terrible, Dor. You know I hate talking about myself,” Lily said, the words mumbled around another bite of bread. “And I don’t care about impressing any of those people! Who gives a shit if I’m doing better than Evan Rosier? Or Auggie Rookwood?”Each of those statements was true, even if they skirted the real reason Lily didn’t want to attend the reunion. She was prone to bouts of social anxiety, and the crowd that had included Rosier and Rookwood in high school was particularly loathsome. But those factors alone probably wouldn’t have been enough to keep her away.She sipped her delicious coffee and hoped Dorcas would finally realize how stressful this conversation was for Lily. Particularly at seven in the morning.Dorcas realized no such thing. “It won’t just be them!” she declared, excited by what she perceived as an opportunity to assuage Lily’s concerns. “And it’s not only about bragging rights, don’t you want to catch up with Mary, find out what it’s like to be a struggling actress? And see Reg Cattermole and his hot wife? And Emme Vance will be there, and Ben—”“Dorcas,” Lily interrupted. It was time to be blunt. Blunt-ish. Why is this so hard? She took a deep, centering breath. “You know, he could be there.”“Who, Benjy? Yeah, I’ve heard a rumor that he’s coming, that’s part of why we have to go! He’s, like, a nationally ranked tennis player, you know. I think he lost to Rafael Nadal in the first round of the French Open, but he played in the French Open! He’s a big deal!”“I’m not talking about Benjy!” Lily exclaimed, waving her coffee mug around. “I’m talking about—wait, do you think Benjy knows Rafa? That is so cool! I wonder if his butt is as perfect as it looks on TV.”Dorcas grinned and raised her eyebrows. “Not sure whether Benjy has checked out Rafa’s booty, but if you come to the reunion you could ask him yourself.”“True. No!” Lily shook her head, clearing it of thoughts of Rafael Nadal’s perfect rear end. “We’ve gone way off topic! I don’t care whether Benjy’s coming to the reunion.” She took another deep breath. “I’m saying I can’t come because You-Know-Who might be there.”Dorcas inhaled sharply, and her brown eyes went wide. “Ohhh, shit,” she murmured, her tone more serious than it had been all morning. “I didn’t even—he wouldn’t actually show up, would he? He hated high school.”Lily hesitated. She kept her gaze trained away from Dorcas and her voice quiet when she said, “I know. But he might, if he thinks I’ll be there.”It was the kind of thought she wouldn’t normally share out loud, for fear of sounding arrogant, or paranoid, or overly dramatic. But she thought – hoped – Dorcas would understand.Because Dorcas was one of the few people who knew that, long after they’d put high school behind them, Lily had been scared to walk around their university campus alone – because he might show up at any time, even though he went to a college miles away. Dorcas knew that Lily had deleted her social media accounts and created new, private ones under a fake name (Carmen Sandiego, obviously). Dorcas knew about the time when, after Lily had deleted his numbers and blocked him from all her devices, he’d shown up at her parents’ house during Winter Holiday break, begging her to just talk to him.Dorcas knew the extent of Severus Snape’s obsession with Lily, and the trauma it had caused.“Wow. I’m sorry, Lils. I…didn’t realize he was still a problem. I shouldn’t have pushed.” Dorcas frowned. “Are you worried he might…hurt you?”“No, not at all,” Lily said, too quickly, with more confidence than she felt. “But if he’s there, it’ll be awkward, and he’ll hang around me all night no matter what I say. I don’t want to make a scene.”“Ugh. What a creep.” Dorcas shook her head. “I don’t want you to miss this because of him, though! That’s so unfair. Why should you be worried about making a scene when he’s the one who was basically stalking you?”“I just don’t want the attention.” Lily shook her head. “It’s fine, missing the reunion is not a huge loss.”“Yes it is!” Dorcas wailed. “Mary hasn’t been home in years, you don’t want to miss her! And you need to be able to ask Benjy all your questions about Nadal’s ass! There has to be some way we can keep Greasy McSlimeball away from you.”Lily let out a sardonic laugh. “That restraining order I had was effective, but it expired after a year. Now if he shows up where I am, there’s not much I can do about it.”Dorcas smiled sympathetically. “Aw, Lils. You know I’ll fight him if I have to.”“I know you would,” Lily said, smiling back. She chuckled again and said, “Maybe I should just hire a bodyguard, save you the trouble.”Dorcas laughed, too, but then she raised a mischievous eyebrow. “Not a bad idea. Ooh, actually…”“Dorcas, I’m not going to hire a bodyguard for our five-year reunion.”“No, no, not a bodyguard. But what about a boyfriend?”“I…don’t have one,” Lily said, narrowing her eyes at her friend. “And I’m sure you’re not telling me hire an escort?”“No!” Dorcas laughed again. “But bring a date. Someone you’re comfortable with, and we’ll pretend it’s serious. Even if Sir Stalks-A-Lot shows up, he’d have to stay away from you then.”Lily smirked at the nickname, as she knew Dorcas intended her to, but she shook her head at the plan. “That’s ridiculous, I can’t ask someone to be my fake boyfriend for the reunion. It’s too embarrassing.”“It’s not embarrassing, we just need someone you can trust. And someone that can intimidate Captain Creepy,” Dorcas said, tapping a finger to her full lips. A second later, her eyes lit up. “Ooh! What about my cousin, James? He wouldn’t judge you, he’d think it was a fun game, like playing a character all night.”“Oh, my God, no. First of all, I don’t want to intimidate the creepster, I don’t want to play games with him at all! I just want him to leave me alone. And second of all, I definitely don’t want a pity date. Especially not from someone who thinks I’m pale and doughy.”“What?” Dorcas giggled in surprise. “James doesn’t think that at all! I happen to know he thinks you are, and I quote, 'bad as hell.'”Now it was Lily’s turn to look surprised. “What are you talking about? He literally poked my tum and called me the Pillsbury Doughboy last time he saw me.”She felt her cheeks redden as she remembered the moment. James had been asleep on the couch at Lily and Dorcas’ place after a raucous party. Lily had enjoyed his company that evening, and she felt a surge of affection watching him sleep there, glasses askew, mouth open, and one arm bent behind his head in a way that highlighted just how toned his biceps was. She had just bent over him, intending to move his glasses to safety and wondering how strange it would be for her to bury her fingers in his thick black hair, when he’d awoken with a start. She froze, and he blinked a few times, then smiled and ran a gentle hand along her waist before giving her a soft poke, right beneath her belly button.“Pillsbury Doughboy! Whoo-hoo!” he murmured. He grinned a crooked grin and closed his eyes.He was snoring before Lily could respond.Now, in their kitchen, Dorcas burst into laughter. “He did? When was that, at Remus’ birthday party?” She shook her head in amusement. “I’m sure he was drunk, and he’s prone to putting his foot in his mouth, for sure. But he probably meant you’re little and cute. Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to touch you, or something. I dunno.”“The Pillsbury Doughboy, though?”“I mean, he used to call me a Keebler Elf. Also a hobbit. So, Pillsbury Doughboy is, I think, in his book, a positive?” Dorcas smiled sweetly.Lily did not. “Dorcas.”“Hmm?”“You’re reaching. Also, that doesn’t sound like he thinks I’m bad as hell. At worst, he thinks I’m pasty and round. At best, I remind him of his cousin.”Dorcas giggled again. “Fine, my examples were bad, but I promise—you remember when we went to that Fourth of July cookout at my parents’ house, a couple years ago? He told me then I should bring you around more often. But you were dating Kingsley at the time.”“Hmm.” Lily gave Dorcas another dubious frown. “He said that?”“Mmhmm,” Dorcas said, nodding vigorously. “And Jamie’s cute enough, right? You could do worse for a fake boyfriend for the night.”“That’s true,” Lily said cautiously. Internally, she directed her disapproving frown at herself for even considering the idea.“And he’s not intimidating for real, just like—he’s tall and good-looking and you won’t feel like you have to look over your shoulder all the time for Count Von Skeevy. Jamie will be your lookout.”“If I do this, I don’t want to tell him about You-Know-Who, though,” Lily said quickly. “I don’t want…”To look so weak, she thought. But she just shrugged. “I just don’t want to talk about him at all, if possible. I hope, after this reunion, I never even have to think about him again.”“I understand,” Dorcas said. “I could just tell James you need some company, since I’m going with Gideon and half our classmates are douchebags. That’s all basically true, anyway.” She grinned. “Sound good?”Lily puffed up her cheeks and blew out a breath. You shouldn’t give that whiny jerkoff so much power, she told herself. You should be able to go to your high school reunion without calling in the National Guard. What are you so scared of?Being watched, another, quieter voice whispered inside her head.She tried to ignore it. No one was watching her now. She almost believed no one had been watching her in years. And going to the reunion would be a big step for her. It might even be fun.And if she needed some extra support to make it happen, so be it.She looked up at Dorcas and nodded, her jaw set. “Yeah, okay,” she said. “I’ll try it. For you.”But she smiled a little as she thought, And for me.<3 <3 <3 <3When Dorcas had called him to say her friend needed a date to their high school reunion, James had immediately brushed her off. I’m not tryna be some lonely girl’s trophy for the night, he’d told her.“She’s not lonely, and you’re hardly a trophy,” Dorcas had replied playfully. “More like...a distraction.”“Ha! I think that's worse. No thanks.”His annoying little cousin had just hmmed thoughtfully. “Fine, I'll tell Lily you said so,” she’d said. “Talk to you later.”That caught James’ attention. “Wait. Evans?”Dorcas snorted. “How many Lilys do you think I know?”That was all it took. And Dorcas probably knew it when she called, the little witch.So now James was involved in whatever shenanigans Dorcas was cooking up, and she and Lily were on their way to meet him at the apartment he shared with Sirius. He was glad, at least, to be meeting Lily on his turf—Dorcas was being so mysterious about what she wanted him to do that he was beginning to feel like he’d agreed to go sky-diving but forgotten to confirm he’d have a parachute. Being in his own apartment felt a little more like he was on solid ground.He couldn’t fall to his death in his own apartment, after all.Not unless I trip and crack my skull open on the coffee table.James winced and shook his head. He was pretty sure that’s what had happened at Remus’ birthday party a couple months ago, in a metaphoric sense – some sort of misstep that had thoroughly killed any growing attraction Lily may have felt for him.He wasn’t even sure what he’d done, honestly, but it must have been pretty bad. Because although he and Lily had been getting along really well during the party, maybe even flirting—he had a vague memory of her hovering over him on the couch while he tried to tickle her, which was decidedly flirtatious, right?—the following morning Lily had been cold as ice. She had avoided his eyes and rushed them out of the apartment with words about cleaning and studying, and then she barely said goodbye before closing the door in James’ face.Still, James told himself now, she must not totally hate me, or she wouldn’t be asking me to come to her reunion.He held onto that idea as doorbell to his apartment chimed. He took a deep breath before pulling the door open with what he hoped was a confident smile.Dorcas and Lily were standing at the threshold of his apartment, Dorcas as tiny and cute as she’d ever been, and Lily even prettier than James remembered.She seemed more vibrant, somehow. Her cheeks were a little pink and there was a nervous look in her deep green eyes, but also a hint of something more. A sort of cautious excitement.James thought he recognized the look. He felt something like that, too.Dorcas stepped into the apartment first. “Jamie!” she sang, throwing her arms around his waist.“Dory,” he replied, grinning down at his cousin. “You look good, Squirt.”“Don't call me that!”“Ah, it’s a term of endearment. And you deserved it, you called me Jamie.”“Jamie is a natural derivative of your name. And Squirt is not endearing.” She turned to Lily and rolled her eyes. “Now I see what you were saying before.”“Wait, about me?” James asked, raising his eyebrows in alarm.“Anyway!” Dorcas declared, ignoring James’ question, “Jamie, you remember Lily?”James nodded casually, trying to ignore the fact that Lily and Dorcas had been talking about him before they arrived, and it did not sound like that talk had been flattering.“Yeah, we’ve met a couple times,” he said. “Lily…Evans, right?”As if he’d ever forget.“Right,” Lily confirmed with a nod and smile of her own. “Good to see you again.”“Thanks,” James said, relieved to hear she sounded sincere. He grinned and tugged at his hair. “So, Dorcas says you’re interested in retaining my services for an evening?”“James!” Dorcas punched him in the ribs with more force than he thought necessary. “Stop making it sound like you’re a sex worker! I mean, it’s fine if you are, of course, but Lily isn’t hiring you! You’re hanging out with her—non-sexually—as a favor to me, and a friend to her. Got it?”“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” James said. He smirked and added, “And I’m not a sex worker, for the record.”“Do you need one?” Sirius asked, entering the living room. “‘Cause I might have some recommendations.” He smiled and winked at Dorcas. “Hey, Squirt.”“Don’t call me that!” Dorcas stomped her foot, which only reinforced the juvenile nickname. She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Lils, you remember my other cousin, Sirius.”“Yeah, of course.” Lily waved, but looked at them quizzically. “I didn’t know he was your cousin, too, though.”“Oh, you know.” Dorcas waved a dismissive hand and giggled. “I’m black. If we’re close, you’re my cousin. Easier that trying to explain who’s really related to who and how, you know?”“Hmm, but I’m not black,” Sirius said, his tone falsely contemplative. “I mean, I’m a Black, sadly—and I really should consider a name change—but I’m not a black person, so—”James slapped a hand to his forehead and groaned. “Sirius. You’re not helping,” he said. He turned back to Lily and shook his head wearily, but there was affection in the gesture. “What these fools mean is, Sirius is like my brother. My parents consider him their second son. And if he’s my brother, that makes him Dorcas’ cousin.”“Yup! Unfortunately,” Dorcas said, sticking out her tongue.“Whatever, you love me,” Sirius shot back, smirking as he patted Dorcas on the head. She swatted at his hands and tried to step on his foot.“Got it,” Lily said, smiling. She raised her eyebrows at James and teased, “So, it sounds like you’ve already got a fake brother, and now you’re going to have a fake girlfriend, so all you need is, like, a fake pet of some kind, and—”“Sirius isn’t my fake brother,” James interrupted, a little more curtly than he meant to. He tried to soften his words with a half-smile. “I just mean, he’s family.”Lily cringed. “Sorry!” she said, covering her mouth with her hand. “I was just trying to make a joke, it wasn't funny, I'm sorry.""Sorry, I just—it's fine, I know you were making a joke," James said, hoping he hadn't come across as a humorless asshole. His protective instincts tended to hover around eleven where Sirius was concerned.Fortunately, Sirius had a talent for easing the tension in any situation, and he decided to put it to use.“It’s cool,” he said smoothly, leaving off tormenting Dorcas and coming to stand next to James. He put his arm around him and added, “This bromance is 100% real. But you guys have been hiding the ball, here. Did I hear something about a fake girlfriend?” His eyes gleamed. “Tell me everything.”
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“OhmyGod, this is amazing,” Sirius said, after Lily and Dorcas finished explaining what they wanted James to do. He slapped both hands to his cheeks and smiled gleefully. “This is the plot of, like, all of my favorite movies! Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist? The Proposal? Every Netflix movie starring Noah Centineo? I’m dying.”He went quiet, apparently lost in romantic-comedy thoughts – Lily could see his eyes dancing and he still had that maniacal grin on his face – but after a moment, he lowered his hands and took a deep, centering breath. “Okay. Okay,” he said, pointing a stern finger at James. “So what’s the backstory? How’d you two meet?”James gave him a dubious look. “Uh…through Dorcas?”“Ugh! So boring.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “But fine, fine. Stick to the truth. It’s easier to remember.”“Agreed,” Dorcas said, nodding. “You can even say you met at my parents’ cookout three summers ago, since that actually is the first time you met.”“Fine,” Sirius repeated, with a beleaguered sigh. He frowned for a second, then his eyes lit up with renewed hope. “Ooh, but was it love at first sight? Or years of pining, just acting like casual friends, while neither of you realized the other was totally in love with you, until one of you started dating someone else and then you had to lay it all on the line?”“What?” Lily and James yelled in unison. Lily looked slightly alarmed, and James’ brown skin flushed red.Dorcas scowled. “Sirius!” she said warningly. “Be…serious.”He winked at her, and she smacked herself in the forehead. “That’s my bad,” she announced quickly, a pleading note in her voice. “Please, don’t say it. Please. It’s too easy.”Sirius pressed a hand to his chest and opened his mouth, presumably to make the pun Dorcas had just begged him not to, but James cut him off.“Yo, this isn’t one of your movies,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m just trying to help Lily out for one night. It doesn’t have to be so elaborate.”Sirius stopped smirking at Dorcas and stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “Ugh! How are we going to show up her classmates if you won’t even let me tell a great story?”He lifted his hands to his shoulders and turned to Lily, palms raised in question, and continued, “I mean, that is the point of this, right? To show up the douchebags you went to high school with? Ooh, or are we trying to make someone jealous?” He clasped his hands in front of his chest and gave Lily a delightfully wicked look. “OhmyGod, Red, we’re gonna make you so hot. That bastard is So. Not. Ready!”“Wait, what bastard?” Lily demanded, frowning and squinting at Sirius.James groaned. “Didn’t I just say this isn’t a movie? You’re not her fucking fairy godmother!”“OhmyGod, Jamie. Cinderella? That’s the best movie makeover you could think of? Pathetic.”“Sirius! You’re not helping,” Dorcas yelled, but she sounded like she wanted to giggle. “Also, don’t get it twisted—Lily doesn’t need a makeover to be the hottest chick in the room.”“Thanks, Dor,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. She hated being the center of attention, and she found this type of extreme flattery so awkward. She hoped she wasn’t blushing. “I think you’re biased, though.”Sirius waved his hand lazily. “No, she’s right. You’re already a literal work of art, so it’ll be easy to make you a masterpiece.” Then he furrowed his brow. “But the goal is to either to show everyone how amazing your life is or to rub a new guy in an old guy’s face, right?” He paused and cocked his head to the side. “Or both?”His questions snapped Lily out of her compliment-induced haze. “Neither,” she said adamantly. “Not really, anyway.”“Ooh, sounds like there’s a story here.” Sirius flopped into a large armchair and crossed his legs, looking at Lily expectantly. “Spill.”“Sirius, shut up,” Dorcas ordered him.“For real,” James added, but it was too late.“I don’t owe you anything,” Lily said curtly. She stood and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at Sirius. She looked at Dorcas, then at James, and tried not to show how frazzled she felt. “Look, just—never mind. Thanks anyway, James, but this was a bad idea. Let’s get out of here, Dor.”Dorcas scrambled to her feet, and Lily grabbed her purse and began walking towards the front of the apartment.“Whoa, whoa, Lily, wait,” James said, standing up, too. “Look, let’s talk about this. Or not talk about it, or whatever you want. Without Sirius.” James shot his brother a desperate look, and Sirius held up his hands in innocence. “If you don’t want me to go to your reunion anymore, that’s fine. But I want to help you. And you can tell me whatever you feel like telling me about…why we’re doing this. No pressure. Cool?”Lily puffed up her cheeks, then blew out a heavy breath. “I dunno. I’m not even sure I know why we’re doing this. It’s stupid.” She gave Dorcas a pointed look. “Like I said, this was a bad idea. I didn’t want to go to this reunion in the first place. Just forget it.”“Lils! You can’t give up so easily!” Dorcas exclaimed. She sounded nervous, her already high voice higher than usual. She reached out and grabbed Lily by the elbow, tugging gently on her arm. “Just ignore the boys, let’s chat in the kitchen for a sec.”Lily sighed and followed her friend. Once they reached the kitchen, Dorcas dropped Lily’s arm with a guilty look on her face. “Look, I know you’re only doing this because I begged you,” she began.“Yeah,” Lily huffed. “And I’m regretting it more and more every minute.”“So maybe it was selfish of me to pressure you!” Dorcas continued quickly. “But I really do think it’s shitty that you feel like you have to miss out on stuff just because the Human Oil Slick might be there. I don’t want you to have that shadow over your life.”“I know you’re right,” Lily said, sighing again. “I don’t want to build my life around avoiding him, either. But I also don’t want him—or anyone else—to think I’m showing up just to send him a message. That’s just as bad as hiding from him.”“I understand,” Dorcas said. She screwed up her face for a moment, then said, “Look, I still think you should come to the reunion. Maybe just go talk to Jamie? Ignore Sirius, and just talk about what you think the night should be like, not some scheme from a movie. Stick to our original plan, and you don’t have to mention Pennywise at all.”Lily’s lips twitched. “Pennywise?”“He’s a clown and he’s creepy,” Dorcas said, shrugging and fighting a smirk of her own. “That one’s obvious, Lils.”“So you’re not in the ‘Pennywise could get it’ camp?”“God, no!” Dorcas looked mortally offended. “Clowns are terrifying! Never sexy. Never.”Lily snorted out a small laugh. “Fine,” she said, with the barest roll of her eyes. “I’ll talk to James. No promises, though.”“Yay, thank you!” Dorcas gave her a hug, squeezing tight before she let go. “I’m proud of you, Lils. And I still think this is going to be fun.”“If it’s terrible, do I get to say I told you so?”“If I say no, would it stop you?”“Nope.” Lily grinned a real grin at Dorcas then, and Dorcas grinned back.“Right,” she said, grabbing Lily’s arm again. “So let’s do this.”<3 <3 <3James was relieved to see Lily smiling when she and Dorcas re-entered the living room.“Hey,” he said, like the brilliant linguist he was.“Hey,” she replied, her cheeks flushing pink.Okay. She wasn’t mad. She didn’t sound like she never wanted to see him again. His chance with her wasn’t over before it began.Still, he couldn’t help but ask, “So…are we good?”“Yeah,” Lily said, nodding slightly. She was still smiling, but it looked a little forced. It made James nervous.Dorcas, on the other hand, was beaming. “We’re so good!” she declared. “And all of the non-parties to this agreement are going to step back while you two negotiate the details on your own, yeah? Without interference?” She glared at Sirius, and he sighed dramatically.“This is the problem with law students, they talk about things like ‘non-parties’ and ‘negotiations,’ when I’m just trying to create the ambiance for a perfect night,” he said, pouting some more. “But fine, fine. I won’t interfere.”“Good,” Dorcas said with a smug smile. She went to sit beside him, probably so she could physically restrain him if he referenced Drive Me Crazy or She’s All That or…any other teen movie from 1999. He wiggled lower in his chair until he could rest his head on Dorcas’ shoulder, and she patted his hair with a smile.James was less easily placated. “There’s no way Sirius is gonna keep his mouth shut if we talk about this here,” he said, glancing between his best friend and his potential girlfriend.Potential fake-girlfriend, he reminded himself. No need to make her even more uncomfortable by acting like I think this is real.“Rude!” Sirius said, sitting up straight and slapping a hand to his chest. “I am a man of my word!” Dorcas grabbed his head and gently pulled it back to her shoulder.James snorted. “Yeah, okay. Let's go for a walk, all right, Evans?”Lily hesitated for a second, and James wondered what she was thinking. He hadn’t meant to call her by her last name, but it felt right. He hoped that wasn’t weird. He tried to breathe normally and act like his very existence wasn’t riding on her response.Eventually, she nodded. “Yeah, all right.”One corner of James’ mouth tilted up in relief. “Awesome. Let’s go.”James and Sirius lived in a fancy apartment complex in Bethesda, Maryland, right outside D.C. and about forty-five miles south of Baltimore, where Lily grew up. Living there wasn’t cheap, but he and Sirius were both fortunate to have enough money to make it work.The neighborhood was clean, safe, and family-friendly, with wide, azalea-lined sidewalks where James and Sirius sometimes went running. Yet, somehow, walking shoulder-to-shoulder with Lily, James felt like he was noticing the beauty of the area for the first time. Bushes full of pink, purple, and white flowers along their path. The smell of honeysuckle in the air. Birds chirping merrily.James shoved his hands deep in his pockets to corral the urge to sling an arm around Lily’s shoulders, like they were a real couple taking a stroll. With effort, he pushed the image out of his mind and cleared his throat.“So,” he said awkwardly, “what do you want to tell me about this reunion?”For a few seconds, James thought she might not answer. Finally, she said, “I'm really nervous about it.”“Yeah, but why?” James pulled his hands out of his pockets and ran one through his wavy black hair. “You're beautiful and successful. Reunions are made for people like you.”Lily blushed. “You sure know how to flatter a girl.”James put his hands back in his pockets and shrugged, but he held her gaze. “I’m just being honest.”She stared back at him for a moment, her green eyes narrowed like he was a puzzle she was trying to figure out. Then she shrugged and waved a hand, as if to dismiss the compliment. “Anyway, I get anxious in spaces like that,” she said, turning her eyes back to the path they were walking. “And these people make me extra anxious. I feel like I’ll be so…exposed.”“Exposed? Like, alone?” James asked, raising his eyebrows. Lily shrugged, and he bumped her with his shoulder so she looked up at him again. He grinned when she did. “What do you think’s going to happen? Are the mean girls going to say you can’t sit with them, and everyone in the cafeteria will point and laugh?”“I thought we weren’t doing the movie reference thing!” Lily said, bumping him back and giggling. Then her expression turned serious. “But no, it’s not that. I just don’t like being seen. Sometimes I feel like people are watching everything I do.”“Ooh, Ms. Popular,” James teased. “You’ve got a fan club?” To his surprise, Lily tensed up. Then, with a forced lightness in her voice that didn’t match the cautious look in her eyes, she said, “Something like that. And I don’t want the attention.”James suspected there was a story there, but he didn’t push. “Ah, okay,” he said, like it made all the sense in the world. “So you need a human shield?”Genuine relief flooded Lily’s face, and she let out her breath with a sigh. “Yes,” she said, nodding. “That sounds ridiculous, but yes. That’s exactly what I need.” She glanced up at him. “Is that okay?”This time, James didn’t stop himself from putting his arm around her shoulders. “Yeah,” he said, giving her a gentle squeeze before dropping his arm back to his side. “That I can do.”“Thank you.” A bright smile crossed Lily’s face, all white teeth and shining eyes, and it hit James like an electric shock. He was pretty sure his heart stopped beating for five full seconds, then tried to make up for it by pumping double-time. Maybe this is how he’d die, knocked out by Lily Evans’ dazzling smile.There are worse ways to go.He swallowed hard and dug his hand into his hair again. “Of course,” he said quickly, glad she hadn’t noticed him gawking. He smiled back, and suddenly a thought occurred to him. “But, if we’re going to do this, I think we should do it right. Reunion’s in two weeks, yeah?”“Yeah, Saturday after next,” Lily said cautiously. “What do you mean, do this right?”A plan was forming in James’ mind, but he didn’t want to spook her when she was already on edge. He tried to make it sound like they were playing a game. “Let’s hang out some this week. Get to know each other better. It’ll make it easier to fake it at the reunion, right?”Lily blinked like she was surprised, but she nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.”“Great.” James beamed before he thought to rein in his smile to something more casual and confident. He had the feeling it was really important to play this cool. “So, are you free Tuesday?”“Tuesday?” Lily thought for a second, then shrugged. “I have class ‘til four, but I’m free after that.”“Perfect. Let’s go out for dinner, I’ll take you to my favorite Thai place around here. Is seven okay?”“Sure.” Lily smiled at him, though not as blindingly as before. But she sounded pleased when she said, “It’s a fake-date.”<3 <3 <3Tuesday evening, Lily met James at his apartment at seven. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a hunter green polo shirt that complemented his eyes, and he smelled amazing. Lily had to remind herself not to close her eyes and sniff as he leaned in to hug her “hello.”“Ready?” he asked as he pulled back, those bright hazel eyes twinkling like maybe he knew what she’d been thinking.Her face felt warm. “Ready,” she confirmed with a nod. She hoped he couldn’t tell how nervous she was.The restaurant was great – mid-priced, but not a chain, somewhat cheesily decorated with elephants everywhere, and nice little booths that gave you a real air of privacy while you were dining. Seated snugly in one of those booths, James’ feet brushing hers under the table from time to time, Lily almost felt like she was on a real first date.Except far less awkward. The conversation flowed naturally, from their favorite foods, to their jobs, to their families, and about a hundred other topics. Lily learned so much, it was becoming hard to keep her guard up. James clearly adored his parents, who he described as “old as shit but even more energetic than Sirius.” He talked about playing basketball in college and coming home to coach at his old high school. He thought Carly Rae Jepsen was supremely underrated. His favorite thing about Washington, D.C., was the free Smithsonian Museums, especially the Museum of Natural History.“That’s my favorite one, too!” Lily exclaimed when he told her that. “The dinosaur room, and all the fossils? And the precious gems display! With all the old jewelry and that massive blue diamond?”“You’re such a girl,” James teased. “Of course you like the gemstones. Imagining yourself with, like, a huge emerald choker to match your eyes or something, huh?“Shut up,” Lily said, blushing. “It’s not about being a girl, it’s about appreciating quality when you see it.”James grinned, and his foot nudged hers under the table again. “I think I’ve got a good eye for quality, look how hot my fake-girlfriend is.”“Shut up.”They teased each other good-naturedly throughout the night. It was fun, and so easy to spend time with him.So easy that they agreed to do it again the next day.
The next day! Thirsty much, Lily?
But she went home feeling like maybe this fake-dating plan wasn’t the worst idea in the world.On Wednesday, they met at a bar and watched a basketball game. Lily was a Philadelphia fan and James was a Washington fan, and, it turned out, they both had a crazy competitive streak. Soon, they were debating everything – favorite basketball players, best 90s boy-band, and where to find the best crab cakes in the state. That led to them gathering a group of friends at Lily and Dorcas’ place on Friday, for homemade crab cakes and a Best Friendship Movie Showdown – Bridesmaids (Lily’s pick) vs. Toy Story (James’).At the end of the night, Dorcas, ever the lawyer, argued that the two movies were too dissimilar to warrant comparison, and abstained from voting. Her boyfriend Gideon voted for Bridesmaids with Lily, but his brother Fabian, Remus, Sirius, and James all voted for Toy Story.James couldn’t help gloating over the win. “I knew y’all wouldn’t let me down!” he yelled, high-fiving Sirius and Remus. “Woody and Buzz are hashtag-friendship-goals.” Lily rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hide that she found it adorable.As their guests were leaving for the night, she gave James a lingering hug. “Thanks for coming. I’d forgotten how great Toy Story actually is.”James’ face lit up in a crooked smile she was becoming quite fond of. “Evans, are you admitting you were wrong?” he asked, his tone delighted.“I didn’t say that!” Lily countered quickly, with a smile of her own. “I’m just saying maybe your taste in movies isn’t horrible.”“Obviously. You wouldn’t date me if it were,” James said, and winked.A blush spread over Lily’s cheeks. James shook his head quickly, then smiled that crooked smile again. “Fake-date me, that is. But look at us, it’s only been a week, and we’re getting pretty good at this, right?”“Right,” Lily agreed. “Good night, fake-boyfriend.”James leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek. “Good night, fake-girlfriend.”As she closed the door behind him, Lily bit her lip and brought her palm to rest against her face. Fake or not, she suspected she’d fall asleep thinking of that kiss.<3 <3 <3Two days before the reunion, James met Lily outside the pharmacy school building for lunch. He’d brought her a grilled chicken panini and had a cheesesteak for himself, and they were eating together on a park bench like they’d been having meals together for years, instead of ten days.“Ready for this weekend?” he asked, as Lily watched two pigeons argue over some fallen potato chips.She flinched slightly, and James immediately regretted the question. It seemed like she had become quite comfortable with him over these past two weeks, but he could tell she was still anxious about the whole reunion thing. He hoped, when the time came, he’d be able to help her relax and have a good time.He smiled his most reassuring smile, and she gave him a shrug and a half-smile in return. “As ready as I’m gonna be, I think,” she said.James switched his sandwich to his left hand and put his right arm around Lily’s shoulders. “C’mon, Evans. We got this. It’ll be fun.”She leaned into him for a moment, then sat up straight and took a bite of her panini. “Yeah. We’ve got this.” Her eyes lit up with what James recognized as an idea. “Let’s make sure, though. Quiz me. Ask me things I should know about my boyfriend.”“Okay, sure,” James said, laughing. Lily was the only person he’d ever met who seemed to love being tested. “Who are my parents?”“Easy,” Lily scoffed. “Euphemia and Fleamont Potter. Married thirty-six years. Your mom's from Italy—Sicily, actually—and your dad's from Virginia. Your grandma Sarah is, in your words, an asshole for naming your dad Fleamont.”James laughed more. “That is all true. Okay, ask me one.”“Hmm.” Lily squinted in the sunlight. “What’s the best birthday gift I ever got?”“Hey, no fair,” James argued half-heartedly, “I gave you an easy one. And why would that come up at your reunion?”Lily shrugged. “It probably won't, but this is my chance to see if you've been paying attention.” She gave him a sly smirk and took another bite of her sandwich.Damn, but she’s cute. Before he thought to censor himself, James said, “I always pay attention to you.”Lily blinked, and he wondered if the intensity of his feelings was evident in his voice. She had that slightly nervous look in her eyes again. But then she nodded. “Well...good,” she said. “Then you'll be able to answer the question.”James sighed and racked his brain. She’d gotten a rock-polishing kit one year, he recalled that from their conversation about precious gemstones. But she’d said rock-polishing wasn’t any fun if you didn’t have any diamonds or buried treasure. He could probably rule that gift out.He thought harder. Her birthday was in late January, that he knew. It meant she'd never had the summer pool parties she dreamed of, nor had she ever been able to go to the zoo for her birthday, which was a shame, because she loved animals.She loves animals. Just like that, he had his answer.“The aquarium,” he said, beaming. “Your dad took you to the National Aquarium in Baltimore for the day. Just you, without your sister. He let you eat whatever you wanted and even though you’d begged to see the dolphins, you ended up watching the jellyfish all day like a weirdo. And he bought you a stuffed dolphin to take home.” James paused and added, “And it was a great day because your sister wasn't there to shit on it.”“I never said that last part,” Lily said, laughing. “And I'm not a weirdo! Jellyfish are so ethereal.”“Evans, that’s weird as shit. And I’m right about your sister, whether you said it or not.”“Hmph.” Lily shrugged, but she looked satisfied. “I guess you do pay attention.”“Told you,” James said triumphantly. “I’m the best fake-boyfriend ever.”For a moment, there was something unreadable in Lily’s expression, but it cleared quickly. “Okay, my turn,” she said. “Give me something hard.”James, who had been taking a sip of water just then, nearly choked. He set his water bottle down, sputtering, while Lily winced and patted him on the back.“A question!” she amended. “Give me a hard question.”James cleared his throat one last time and raised his eyebrows wickedly. "I'll give you a hard one, all right."Lily blushed, and James thought he could feel the heat in the air between them. She looked so pretty, he wanted to just take her face in his hands and kiss her, like they really were in one of those teen romance movies. But he didn’t want to be too forward. He thought she enjoyed spending time with him, but she still seemed so nervous sometimes. And he definitely didn’t want to do anything to make her uncomfortable.So instead of leaning forward, he leaned back against the bench and gave her an easy smile. "What am I most afraid of?"Lily thought for a moment. She seemed to be having just as much trouble as James had with her question. He folded his arms over his chest and watched her, trying not to smirk.“Hmm,” she said, after a while, “you don't seem scared of anything. Must be nice."“Yeah, okay.” James snorted. “Everyone has fears, it’s all about whether you let them control you.” He hadn’t meant for that statement to sound so pointed, so he quickly continued, “Mine’s not a big deal or anything, it’s pretty common. But I’ll be shocked if you guess it."Lily licked her lips and turned sideways on the bench so she was fully facing him. She seemed to be thinking hard. The urge to kiss her swept over James again, and he took another sip of water, just to make sure his mouth was occupied and he couldn’t do something stupid. Or brilliant. He wasn’t sure which.But Lily’s next words were like a bucket of ice water in his lap. "I’m not sure, but…your family?" she asked softly. "You’re afraid of something happening to your parents or Sirius?"For a second, James forgot to breathe. That hadn’t been what he was talking about at all, but it was true. He was always worried about his parents, with them approaching seventy already. And he didn’t worry about Sirius as much as he used to, but he knew his brother’s heart was made of glass, even if he acted like he didn’t have a care in the world.
But how did Lily see all that?
James took a deep breath and ruffled his hair. "Shit, Evans. I just meant I'm claustrophobic. I think I told you about getting locked in the garden shed when I was eight?” He forced a chuckle. “But yeah, I guess I'm scared for my family, too, sometimes." All the time. He gave her a lopsided smile and shook his head. "Look at you. I guess I'm not the only one who’s been paying close attention."She watched him for a beat, seeming to notice his change in tone, but she didn’t ask any questions. Instead, she reached out and squeezed his hand. “That’s enough practice for the weekend,” she said, giving him another one of those heart-stopping smiles. “We’re obviously the perfect couple.”James’ breath caught again, but he managed a grin. “Definitely. Glad you think so, too.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
There were still five hours until Lily’s high school reunion started, and James was more revved-up than a child waiting for Christmas. Sirius had suggested watching a movie to kill time, but James couldn’t stop fidgeting. He bounced his knee, walked to the kitchen for snacks, sat back down, drummed out a beat on the coffee table, folded his arms over his chest, unfolded them to check his phone, and huffed out a loud breath.“What’s the matter with you?” Sirius finally asked, brow furrowed, as James glanced at his watch for the third time in an hour.“Nothing, I’m just bored.” James stopped bouncing his leg and ran a hand roughly through his hair.Sirius gasped. “Bored?” He looked physically pained. “Bored with Black Panther? Bored by my soulmate, the goddess Okoye, telling her highkey disloyal husband she’d kill him for Wakanda? How can you be bored?”James raised his eyebrows and smirked. “I thought M’baku was your soulmate.”“OhmyGod. That man!” Sirius sucked in a breath and crossed himself with panache. “But Okoye literally snatched her own wig and threw it at a man during a fight. I don’t use this term lightly, but…iconic.” He held up his hands and closed his eyes in reverence. Then his eyes snapped open, and he pointed at James. “Also, stop changing the subject. What. Is. Wrong. With. You?”“Nothing.” James stood up and stalked over to the window, knowing he sounded like a petulant teenager. “I just have a lot of energy.”“Ah.” Sirius cocked his head and considered James for a moment. “Should we go for a run? Oh—let’s play video games! Getting your ass kicked at Smash Brothers will do wonders for your nerves.”“I’m not nervous,” James argued, but he raised his eyebrows and grinned. “And you’re not gonna kick my ass. Grab the sticks.”*They’d been playing for about thirty minutes, James beating Sirius three matches to two, when James’ phone began buzzing on the coffee table. He glanced at the caller-ID, then swiped a finger across the screen and turned on the speaker phone.“Hey, Dory,” he said, rapidly tapping buttons on his game controller to launch a series of attacks against Sirius. “You’re on speaker. What’s up?”“Hey, Squirt!” Sirius sang. His character leapt over James’ attacks and began throwing vegetables in retaliation.“Ugh, don’t call me that!” Dorcas whined, and both boys chuckled. “Jamie, dearest, what are you up to?”“Don’t call me Jamie,” James replied, frowning but never taking his eyes off the death match on the screen. “We’re playing Super Smash Brothers.”“Oh, nice!” Dorcas said. “If I were there, I’d kick both your asses.”“Whatever,” Sirius scoffed, as his character tossed James’ over a cliff. “You’re all talk and no action, Meadowes.”“Next time I’m there, it is on,” Dorcas said, and James could tell she was smiling. “Anyway, Jamie, I was just calling to see what you think of picking Lily up and driving her to the reunion without me.”The question surprised James enough that he forgot to chide her for calling him Jamie again. “Wait, you’re not coming? What happened?”“No, no, I’m definitely coming,” Dorcas said quickly. “I’m just at Gideon’s now, and I wanted to get dressed here and go straight to the venue instead of going home to change.”“And Lily’s okay with that? I got the vibe she wanted all the support she could get goin’ into this thing.”“I haven’t asked her yet. If she needs me to come home first so we can walk in together, I absolutely will. But I think you’ve got it covered. She seems so happy lately. She’s really enjoying…whatever it is y’all are doing.”A wide smile spread across James’ face. “Well, keeping Lily happy is what I was hired for, right?”“Why do you insist on making it sound like you’re a gigolo?” Dorcas demanded. “No one is paying for your services!”James laughed, then let out a loud whoop as his character punted Sirius’ so far that he flew off the screen.“Dammit,” Sirius muttered as he tallied another loss, but he quickly perked up. “Hey, if Red needs extra support, I’ll be their chauffer! I’ll wear a boxy black suit and a cap and everything, and she and Jamie can ride around town in the back of my Audi. That’ll really show her old nemesis she’s made it. Whaddya think, Squirt?”“Sirius! No!” Dorcas sounded like she was scolding a troublesome pet. “Didn’t we tell you she’s not trying to show anyone she’s ‘made it’? You can’t come. She’s surprisingly zen about this right now, and you’ll just get her all worked up again with your wild plans.”“Aw, she won’t get worked up, I'm just having fun,” Sirius said. “She’s been over here a bunch of times now, she knows I’m harmless. Right, J?”James shook his head. “Nah, she really wants this to be low-key. And you have never been low-key.”“Rude!” Sirius lifted his chin and gave a theatrically loud sniff. “I guess I’ll just stay home alone, then. I can tell when I’m not wanted.”James spread his hands and shrugged. “Sorry, man. You know I love you, but I want tonight to be smooth. Perfect.” He noticed Sirius eyeing him and added, “For Lily.”“Well, damn. I didn’t realize I was such a destructive force.” Instead of the exaggerated whine of a moment ago, there was a note of genuine hurt in Sirius' voice. “I like Red, too, you know. I’m not trying to ruin her night, just trying to make it a little more fun.” James dropped his head back and blew out a breath. “I know. I don’t think you’d ruin the night, but I just—I need it to be chill. She’s already on edge, and it’s my job to take the edge off—”“Jamie!” Dorcas yelped.“—the non-sexual edge off, obviously,” he finished, his lips curving up at the accidental innuendo. He glanced at Sirius. “She just wants a simple, peaceful night, you know? It’s nothing personal.”“I know, I know. It’s not about me.” Sirius waved his hand and gave James a wry smile. “I’m sure the night will be perfect. Totally drama-free.”There was still something James couldn’t read in Sirius’ tone, but Dorcas didn’t seem to notice anything unusual.“Okay, thanks boys!” she said cheerfully. “See you tonight, Jamie. Sirius, be good. Love you both.”“I’m always good, darling,” Sirius said dryly, and Dorcas laughed. “Love you, too,” he added.“Yup, love you, Squirt,” James echoed. “Bye.”He disconnected the call and glanced at Sirius, who was frowning again. “What’s up?”“You’re no fun these days,” Sirius replied, crossing his legs and poking out his bottom lip a little more. “Usually you would think this is hilarious, you know. Pretending you're Matthew McConaughey or whoever, letting me drive you and your girl around town, putting on a show.”“Well, she’s not really my girl.” James heaved an unintentionally dramatic sigh. “If she were, maybe it would be different. But the last thing Evans wants is to do tonight is put on a show for these people, and this is too important to play games. You get that, right?”“Sure.” Sirius shrugged. “I mean, she’s the one who asked you to be her fake boyfriend, but sure. She’s not into games.”James bristled. “Yo, what’s with the pissy attitude?”“What’s with the stick up your ass?” Sirius shot back. “I’m not pissy, I just think you’re trying so hard to impress her that you’ve decided to be some carboard cut-out of a boyfriend with no personality, like that’s what she wants. But I’ve seen you two together. She’s basically in love with you, and she’s not boring or fragile or whatever it is you’re treating her like.”“I’m not treating her like she’s fragile,” James said hotly. “And she’s not in love with me. But if me taking her happiness seriously for one night is having a stick up my ass, then I guess I do.”“Well, at least we agree on that,” Sirius said, standing up and crossing his arms defiantly over his chest. “But why bother denying she’s in love with you? Afraid you’ll jinx it?”James stood, too, and stepped towards Sirius with his jaw clenched. He knew Sirius was goading him – the main problem with fighting with your brother, of course, is that he knows all of your pressure points – but he wasn’t sure why.He was just about to throw the verbal equivalent of a poisoned dart when the answer hit him like another jab to the chest.Sirius was feeling left out.He and James had been partners-in-crime for nearly fifteen years. They’d been calling each other brother for at least eight of those, ever since Sirius ran away from his parents’ house and Mr. and Mrs. Potter demanded he stay in the guest room for as long as he needed. He’d never left, and James would never want him to. He had promised Sirius when he first moved in that they’d always be family, and they’d always have each other’s backs. No matter what.But for the past two weeks, James had been singularly focused on having Lily’s back. And maybe Sirius was wondering where that left him.James’ frustration drained away so quickly he almost laughed. It was easy to forget that Sirius’ oversized personality masked some pretty deep insecurities.But the best thing about fighting with your brother, of course, is that he’ll always accept an olive branch genuinely offered.James took a deep breath. “Look, I know Evans isn’t fragile and boring,” he said sincerely. “I wouldn’t like her so much if she was. And yeah, I hope she and I are…building something, I guess. But listen.” He put his hand on Sirius’s shoulder. “I only have room for one drama queen in my life, and you know you’re it.” One side of his mouth tilted up in a grin as he added, “Just not tonight.”Sirius’ anger melted away just as easily as James’ had. He threw back his head and laughed. “Oh, whatever, Potter,” he said, shrugging James’ hand off his shoulder. “Save the flattery for your girl.”James waggled his eyebrows. “You love it.”“Ugh, I do. You know me too well.” Sirius flashed him a grin. “Fine, fine. I will stay far away from your perfect evening with Lily. But at least let me help you get dressed.”“Oh, definitely. You know I have no idea what ‘cocktail attire’ means.”Sirius gave a beleaguered sigh. “That feels like a personal failure on my part.”“Never that,” James said. He reached out and jiggled Sirius’ shoulder again. “Thanks, man.”“Of course.” Sirius waved away the gratitude. “I didn't get to give Red a makeover, the least I can do is make sure you show up in a suit that fits right and a tie that brings out your eyes.”“Psshh, I look good in anything,” James said. “But I'm not talking about the clothes. I just meant…thanks for hanging out today.”“Oh, well, you know.” Sirius shrugged. “You were giving off that same nervous energy you used to have before a big game. Video games always used to distract you back then, so I figured it might work for this, too.”“Heh.” James looked surprised. “I’d forgotten about that.”“That's the real reason you keep me around. You’d be a mess without me.”James released his shoulder with a gentle shove. “Just help me pick out a tie.”****Alone in her bathroom, Lily swiped make-up remover over her left eyelid with a frustrated sigh. This was her third attempt at drawing a delicate winged liner, and her third time ending up with something more Fall Out Boy than Fenty Beauty.Not that there was anything wrong with a sort of mid-aughts, emo look, necessarily – it just wasn’t the look she envisioned for tonight.Unfortunately, unless her hands stopped shaking, smudged liner was the only look she was going to get.Dammit, Dorcas, Lily thought. Ever since her roommate had called to say James was going to pick her up for the reunion, Lily’s anxiety level had been steadily climbing. Now, with less than an hour ‘til the reunion started, her nerves were more than through the roof – they were practically in orbit.This was it. This was the night she was going to pretend she had a boyfriend in front of all her high school classmates. And there would be no easing into it with Dorcas and Gideon – she and James would ride to the party alone and walk in together, with no cover.The show was about to begin, and Lily had always had stage fright.She took a deep breath, counting to five before she exhaled. When she thought about it, she wouldn’t really be walking into the reunion with no cover. James was her cover. He’d agreed to come with her tonight without demanding anything from her, and he’d taken the time to get to know her over the past two weeks so their relationship would seem authentic, sure. But he’d also done it, she’d realized, so she’d feel comfortable with him.And now I’m more than comfortable, she thought, at the same moment the doorbell chimed. She grabbed a pair of gold strappy sandals from the bedroom and hurried to the front of her apartment.Her eyes went wide as she opened the door and took in the sight of James standing there in a grey three-piece suit tailored perfectly to highlight his broad shoulders and narrow hips. His pale-purple shirt and dark green tie combo brought out his hazel eyes, which, today, were framed by the square-shaped glasses he sometimes wore. And he’d gotten a fresh haircut, faded on the sides to highlight the soft waves on top of his head.He smiled, a crooked grin that exuded a sort of lazy confidence, and Lily felt an unexpected rush of pride that she was going to enter the party with this man on her arm.“Hey!” she exclaimed, so overwhelmed she couldn’t think of anything to say but the truth. “You look really good!”James snorted. “Is it that surprising?” he asked, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek.Lily closed her eyes as his lips lingered just next to her ear, and she barely kept from sighing with pleasure. He smelled amazing, as usual. Something warm and musky and…piney? She didn’t know exactly, but it was quickly becoming her favorite scent. She felt her face flush as he pulled away.“No, of course not,” she said, laughing as she refocused on his question. She clutched his arm for balance as she stepped into her shoes. “I just never pictured you in lavender.”James cheeks reddened, too. “Yeah, well, Sirius says it really pops against my skin,” he said. His cheeky grin slipped away before the words were out of his mouth, replaced by a look of pure mortification of the why-did-I-share-that variety.Like nearly everything James did, Lily found it adorable. “He's right,” she said, nodding. “Were the glasses his idea, too? Very sophisticated.” She bit her lip to hide her smile.James sighed and ran his hand over the shorter hair on the side of his head, leaving the waves on top undisturbed for once. “Do they look stupid? You can tell me. I rarely wear them.”“No, I like them. Seriously.” She reached out and focused on smoothing his lapels as she added, “There’s something kind of hot about them, you know?”James blushed more deeply, but he looked pleased. “I mean, if we’re talking about hot,” he said, lifting Lily’s hand from his chest and stepping back so he could look her up and down, “You look incredible.”“Thank you,” she said coyly, putting her hands on her hips and striking a quick pose. She loved the emerald-green one-shoulder dress she was wearing, but really it was something about James’ combination of awkwardness and earnestness that made her feel so much more confident than usual. She shook her head and giggled. “Sorry, Dorcas told me to ‘own my sexy,’ but I don’t actually know what that looks like?”The corner of James’ mouth lifted in a smile. “I think you nailed it,” he said. He offered her his arm. “Shall we?”Lily beamed back at him. “We shall,” she said. “Just let me…” She bent to wrap the straps of her sandals around her calves, tying them with a flourish.She heard James make an appreciative sound low in his throat as she bent over, and she giggled.“Let’s go,” she said, straightening up with a smirk. She threaded her arm through James’ and allowed him to lead her to the parking lot, where his silver Range Rover was waiting.James opened the door of the massive SUV with a sweeping gesture and waited until she’d pulled her long dress in and was seated comfortably before shutting the door gently behind her. She watched him through the windshield as he crossed around to the driver’s side, and she exhaled a shaky breath.Alone in the car, Confident Lily faded into the background, and a shy, anxious version of herself reemerged to take center stage. It was one thing to pose and preen and flirt in front of James in her apartment, but it was something all-together different to put herself on display in front of people she hadn’t seen in years, but who may have heard God-knows-what rumors about her in the meantime.She swallowed hard and tried to smile as James slid into the driver’s seat.Thirty minutes ‘til curtain.****They chatted on the ride to the reunion site in the Inner Harbor, but James noticed that Lily was quieter than usual. He kept up enough chatter for the both of them, telling her about Sirius’ thwarted plan to chauffer them and singing badly to songs on the radio. Still, the longer they drove, the less Lily giggled, and the more subdued she became. As he pulled into the large parking deck across from the restaurant where the reunion was being held, James turned and gave her a reassuring smile.“You good?” he asked, reaching over to squeeze her hand.Her nod was too quick, almost frantic. “Mmhmm.”She sounded anything but good. “Hey,” James murmured, putting the car in park. He lifted his hand and touched her chin, turning her face towards his. Her green eyes were wide, and her teeth dug into her bottom lip. James wanted to smooth his thumb over the indent they left. He pulled his hand away from her face and set it in his lap.“We don't have to go in there if you don't want to,” he said. “We can go out to dinner and forget the whole thing.”“No, I have to do this,” Lily said. She chewed her lip for a moment more, then whispered, “He can't win.”James' eyebrows dipped in confusion. “Who can’t win?”She turned and looked out the window with a sigh. “I didn't want to talk about this.”“You know you don't have to,” James said immediately. He reached for her again but stopped before his fingers touched her face, resting his hand lightly on her shoulder instead.She leaned into his touch for a second, her cheek almost brushing his hand. She sighed again, but this time the sound was one of contentment. James wished there was no console in the car between them, so he could wrap his arms around her and hold her until all the remaining tension left her body. But after a second, she turned to face him, her eyes meeting his with a look of pure determination.“I do, though,” she said firmly. “You should know why I'm here. And what you're getting into.”“Heh.” James forced a chuckle. “That sounds ominous.”Even though her lips hardly moved, James saw the smile in Lily’s eyes. “Only a little,” she said, and James laughed for real.But Lily’s expression turned serious again as she began to speak. “So,” she said, “my best friend in high school was this boy named Severus. We grew up down the street from each other. Dorcas and Mary always thought he was weird, but he was so sweet to me when we were kids. I felt so lucky to have a friend like him.”“Okay,” James said cautiously. Despite all Sirius’ declarations that the only reason to create a fake relationship was to make someone else jealous, James hadn’t really expected Lily to tell him a story about a guy. He slowly drew his hand back from her shoulder but tried to keep his voice casual when he asked, “So…did you guys date?”“No!” Lily said. She clenched her fists and pressed them against her thighs. “That’s the whole thing. Our senior year, he told me he was in love with me. To me, it felt totally out of the blue. We'd always been friends. Just friends. But when I said that, he accused me of leading him on. He said we obviously meant more to each other than ‘just friends,’ and I was lying to myself and to him.”“Damn.” James’ face twisted with disdain. “What an entitled prick.”Lily’s gaze snapped to his in surprise. “Exactly!” she exclaimed. She shook her head and repeated it more softly, her expression full of relief. “Exactly. Thank you.”It pissed James off to think that anyone had ever responded with anything other than disgust or sympathy to the information Lily was sharing now, but he could tell from her reaction that she’d expected something different from him. Skepticism maybe, or, worse – blame.He put his hand back on her shoulder and squeezed, shrugging as if it were no big deal. “Hey, I just call ‘em like I see ‘em.”Lily gave an obligatory chuckle. “Well, thank you,” she said again. “But yeah, no matter I said, he wouldn’t let it go. Even after we graduated. And I used to feel so bad for hurting him. But then he started getting really mean, saying I used him and calling me a tease and stuff like that. I was so upset all the time that my mom eventually noticed, and she convinced me to cut off all contact with him.”She took a deep breath and continued: “And then he started stalking me. He went to a different college than I did, but he’d drive all night and show up on campus, looking for me. At one point it became a joke for the girls in my dorm—‘Lily, that guy's outside again.’ I'd tell them I didn't care if he stayed there all night, and I meant it. But then one time he threatened to kill himself if I didn't come out, and it wasn't funny anymore. I got a restraining order against him. And after that, I always felt like the other girls were looking at me like all the drama was my fault. I almost left school at one point.”“Damn, Evans,” James said again, running his hand through his hair, this time forgetting to be gentle with his waves. “He stalked you? And he’s going to be here tonight?”“Maybe,” Lily said. She shrugged in a resigned sort of way. “He hated our school, thought all our classmates were posers and losers. But I'm scared he might come looking for me.”“Fuck!” James couldn’t keep the shock out of his voice. “That's why you didn't want to come here? ‘Cause that’s a really good reason. You don’t have to do this.”“I know,” Lily said. She bit her lip again. “But Dorcas is right. I shouldn't let him have that much power over me. I know, logically, that his behavior isn’t my fault. No one who matters would ever accuse me of mistreating Sev or doing anything wrong. But sometimes I still feel like people are judging me, and watching me, and talking about what I must have done to get him to act like this.”“Maybe, but fuck those people!”A small laugh escaped Lily’s lips, and she looked surprised once again to have someone so firmly in her corner. “Well, yeah,” she agreed. “But it’s not about them, exactly. It’s about me being able to live my life without worrying about them. Not letting my anxiety stop me from doing things I want to do, you know? That’s why I have to go in.”“Wow,” James muttered. He took both her hands in his, caressing them with his thumbs. “You're such a soldier. You’re so brave.”Lily shook her head quickly. “No, I'm not. I’ve been anxious all day, and now I’m sitting here trying not to have a panic attack.”“Hey.” This time, James didn’t stop himself from taking her face in his hands. “You are brave. And I don’t think you’re going to panic, but if you think you are, just let me know what I can do to help. And no matter what, just know that you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Just live your life how you want. Okay?”“Mmhmm,” Lily mumbled. “This is what I want, though. To prove it to myself.”“See? Brave.” James gave her an admiring smile. “So whenever you’re ready, we’ll go in. And I'll stick to you like glue in there, okay?” He stared into her eyes and hoped she felt safe with him. “I'm here all night, and I’m yours.”Lily drew in a shaky breath. “My human shield.”“Yup,” James said. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, then gently pulled his hands away. “If we're going in, I want to you to enjoy it. Don't spend the night worrying about who’s behind you. I’ve got your back.”“Thank you,” Lily said softly. She took another slow, deep breath, steadier this time, and wiped her palms on her flowy green skirt. “Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this.”
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James helped Lily out of the car and kept hold of her hand as they crossed the parking lot to the old Italian restaurant where the reunion was being held. He let go to open the door for her, subtly shifting behind her and putting one hand on her waist as he guided her inside.The practical part of Lily’s brain understood he was touching her because he was pretending to be her boyfriend, but on an emotional level, the comfort she felt from him was real. He’d promised to have her back, to stick to her like glue all night, and she could tell he meant to keep his word. Everything about his presence was reassuring, from the set of his broad shoulders to the feel of his large hand on her lower back to the warmth of his body, close enough that she could imagine what it would be like to be cradled in his arms at night.Her eyes went wide at that stray thought, but she blinked it away quickly. It made sense that she found him comforting – they’d spent the past two weeks together just to achieve that naturalness, that ease. How else would they be able to fool everyone? It was a good thing that she – they – felt so solid.She took in the dimly-lit space of the restaurant’s banquet room, all dark wood and antique chandeliers, and did a quick scan of the area for familiar faces. One in particular.She’d gotten to a point where she didn’t automatically do that in every room she entered, but this was different. Maybe he wasn’t likely to show up at the pharmacy school or her parents’ house or her dentist’s office anymore. But tonight, he had just as much right to be here as Lily did. The thought made her want to turn and run back to the parking lot.But so far, at least, there was no reason to panic. Snape was nowhere in sight. Lily breathed out slowly, letting go of some of the tension in the shoulders, and James rubbed her back. Lily tilted her head up to smile at him and spotted a face she recognized – a friendly face – out of the corner of her eye.“Benjy!” she cried, her eyes lighting up as she dragged James over to a high cocktail table on one side of the room, where a young man and a young woman were talking.“Wait, is that Ben Fenwick?” James muttered, following dutifully behind her like an extra-large puppy.“Yes!” Lily said, coming to a stop in front of a tall man with brown hair, a wide smile, and a nice tan. “Hey, Benjy! Long time, no see!”“Lily Evans!” Benjy crowed, pulling her into a hug. “You look great!”“You, too!” she said, pulling back from him and turning to his companion. “Hi,” she said. “I’m—oh my God, Marlene? I almost didn’t recognize you! You cut your hair!”Marlene McKinnon had been known for many things in high school. Among the highlights were her turn as the place kicker for the junior varsity football team, her successful campaign to end the biology department’s use of fetal pigs for dissection lessons, her unsuccessful campaign to be cast as Lysander in the school production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream – and her waist-length strawberry-blonde hair.Back then, the hair had fit with her whole free-spirit vibe. Now, she laughed and ran a hand through her spiky, asymmetrical haircut. “Yup. Best decision ever. Feels like freedom.”“It looks amazing! It totally suits you,” Lily said, smiling. “How are you? What are you up to now?”“I’m living in Atlanta,” Marlene replied. “I’m working for a bank down there. What about you?”Lily was about to answer when she felt a gentle hand on her elbow. She glanced up to see James smiling down at her, his expression amused.“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I’m sorry, y’all, this is my—James. My boyfriend.”She could feel her cheeks heat as she stumbled over the words. As much as they’d practiced being in a relationship, it still felt weird to say it out loud.James was still smiling down at her with a look full of affection, like he found his stammering girlfriend unbearably cute. He turned away from her only to say hello and shake Marlene’s and Benjy’s hands, then put his arm around Lily’s shoulders and pulled her close. She immediately settled into the crook of his arm. Like before, it felt real. Like she belonged there.
And this is what a girlfriend would do, right?
Maybe not, because Benjy was squinting at James with a dubious expression on his face.Lily’s breath caught, and the familiar feeling of being watched – and judged – crept over her. What’s he looking at? Am I doing too much? Does he know I’m lying?But then Ben smiled warmly. “Nice to meet you,” he said to James. “Did you go here, too? You look familiar.”“Nah, I grew up in D.C.,” James said, shrugging one shoulder. “But I’m a huge fan of yours.”“Thanks!” Ben said. He squinted again and cocked his head just a bit to the left. “I swear I’ve seen you before. Do you play tennis, too?”To Lily’s surprise, James blushed at the question, a cute red flush spreading across his brown skin. “Nah, I wish, man,” he said, waving his hand. “But if you follow college basketball, I played ball at the University of North Carolina.”“Ohhh, shit! That’s why I recognize you! You were on the National Championship team! Congratulations!” Benjy sounded giddy. “My boy Joel went to Duke, you gotta meet him.”“Boooo!” James called. He blew a raspberry and gave Benjy a thumbs-down.“I get it, they’re the enemy.” Benjy held up his hands and laughed. “I went to University of Maryland for a couple years, so I hate Duke, too. But Joel’s all right.”James narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “We’ll see,” he said solemnly, before letting out a loud laugh of his own.Benjy waved at someone across the bar, then cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, “Westin!”A slim, dark-haired man looked up and grinned, nudging the brunette next to him with his elbow and nodding in Benjy’s direction. The woman’s face lit up, and she ran towards Lily with a huge smile.“Mary!” Lily shrieked as the woman approached. They grabbed each other’s forearms and jumped up and down like the high schoolers they’d been last time they’d seen each other, then threw their arms around each other in a tight hug. “Dorcas told me you’d be here! Oh my God! How are you?”“I’m great! You look great! I haven’t seen you in forever, I’m so glad you’re here!”“Dorcas gave me no choice,” Lily said, laughing.“Sounds like her,” Mary said fondly. “How’s everything?”Ben introduced James to Joel Westin, and the three of them plus Marlene jumped right into a lively conversation about college basketball rivalries. Lily and Mary spent a few minutes catching up, with Lily watching James out of the corner of her eye the whole time, secretly marveling at how easily he fit in and how comfortable he was surrounded by strangers.It was only after she and Mary re-joined the others, who were now in the middle of a passionate debate about which Game of Thrones characters deserved better, that Lily realized that she felt comfortable in the midst of this crowd, too. Hell, she almost felt excited to be spending time with people she hadn’t seen in years, people she used to laugh and joke with, with only teenage concerns on her mind.In fact, the night was going so well and the conversation was flowing so naturally that she’d totally forgotten her original mission in coming to the reunion: to ask Benjy about Rafa’s ass.
Besides, my “boyfriend” might not appreciate it.
She laughed out loud at the thought. James turned away from Joel, who was lamenting GoT’s mistreatment of Ser Brienne of Tarth, and gave Lily a sly smile. “What’s so funny?” he asked, poking her right underneath her ribcage.“Hmph.” She stuck her tongue out at him and folded her arms protectively over her stomach. “Wouldn't you like to know?”“I would, that’s why I asked,” he said. He poked her again, and she slapped his hand away, giggling.“Aww, y'all are so cute!” Mary gushed. “How long have you been together?”Our first test, Lily thought, and she grinned up at James as she answered. “Six months.”“Yup,” James agreed, swinging his arm casually across Lily’s shoulders again. “But I’ve been trying to get her attention for much longer than that, ever since Dorcas introduced us.”“Oh, you know Dorcas?” Marlene asked.“Yeah, she’s my cousin,” James said. His eyes were on the group, but his fingers were idly tracing a pattern on Lily’s bare shoulder. She tried not to react to his touch. He continued, “And as soon as she introduced us I was like, ‘yo, hook me up with your friend.’”“Oh, whatever!” Lily said, her eye-roll less effective due to the delighted look on her face. She reached up and patted the hand that was still skimming her shoulder. “What I remember is, one of the first times we hung out, you called me the Pillsbury Doughboy!”James’ fingers froze under Lily’s hand. “Wait, I did? When was that?”“Mmhmm.” Lily nodded smugly. “After Remus’ birthday.”“Oh my Godddd!” James covered his face with his hands and threw his head back. “I think I was tryin’ to shoot my shot! I wanted to tickle you, and then at the last minute I realized that would be weird!” Lily raised her eyebrows and smirked. “And calling me the Pillsbury Doughboy was less weird?”“Whatever, I won you over eventually, didn’t I?” James gave her a mischievous grin. “And now I can tickle you as much as I want.” He reached down and slid both hands around her waist, then pressed his fingertips into her sides. She let out a yelp and swatted his arm, but he pulled her towards him so her back was against his chest and held her tight.He was really leaning into this fake-relationship thing, apparently, and Lily couldn’t say she minded one bit. She squirmed half-heartedly but didn’t pull away.That is, until Dorcas yelled, “Get a room!”, and Lily disentangled herself from James to greet her friend.“Dory! Glad you made it. I thought you were gonna abandon me with this one all night.” She hooked a thumb at James and grinned, and he reached out and squeezed her below her ribcage again, causing her to squeal.“Oh yes, and how would you ever have managed?” Dorcas said, rolling her eyes and grinning back at Lily. “But you know I wouldn’t miss this!” She turned to Mary and threw her arms out. “Maryyyyyyyy!! It’s been ages! I’ve missed your gorgeous ass!”“My gorgeous ass!? Look at you!” Mary shrieked. “You look amazing! How are you? And do I get to finally meet Gideon?”“Yes, this is him,” Dorcas said, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards Mary. He waved his hello, but Dorcas kept talking before he could say anything. “But what about you, Ms. Hollywood? Can I get your autograph, or should I write to your manager?”“Oh, shut up, I have yet to book a single speaking role! None of my characters have even had names yet!”“Still,” Lily piped in, “we screamed when we saw you in the background of—what movie was that, Dorcas?”“Shit, I forget! You were dancing and holding a red cup, and—"“Ah yes, my brilliant turn as Party Girl 2,” Mary joked, and they all burst into laughter.As the girls laughed together, James ducked his head so his lips were near Lily’s ear. “I'm going to grab some drinks, you want anything?” he asked.She tried not to shiver as his breath tickled her neck, then tried not to melt as she realized that he was only going to leave her side because Dorcas was there, she was laughing and surrounded by friends, and she didn’t need a literal human shield at this precise moment. His focus on taking care of her was allowing her not to focus on everything around her so much and to just relax and have fun, even in a crowd. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so free.“Thanks, love,” she said, without thinking. She quickly smiled to cover any awkwardness. “Vodka and pink grapefruit juice would be perfect.”“Coming right up,” he said, winking. He turned to the group. “Anyone else need anything?”“I could use a refill, but I’ll come with you,” Marlene said, wiggling an empty glass. They took the rest of the group’s drink orders and sauntered off in the direction of the bar.“Well, he is beautiful,” Mary said to Lily, as James walked away.“Yeah,” Lily agreed absently, staring after him. She caught Dorcas staring at her knowingly, and she blushed.“He’s got good genes,” Dorcas quipped, winking at Lily before changing the subject. “So, who else is here tonight?”“Eddie’s around her somewhere,” Mary said, craning her neck to scan the room.“I saw Emme Vance and Carolyn Brown over there,” Joel said, pointing to a set of tables along the wall opposite them. “You were friends with them, right?”Lily followed his finger with her eyes. “Ugh, yes, but they’re with Evan Rosier right now,” she said. “No thanks, I’ll just—”A quiet voice, slippery as an eel and just as dangerous, interrupted her.“Hey, Lily.”Lily froze, suppressing the urge to shudder with disgust. She turned and gave the slim man behind her a quick nod, hoping the others couldn’t sense her discomfort.“Severus.” She turned back to Dorcas and Gideon, who had both subtly moved closer to her.Severus ignored the cue. “It’s been a while.”“Yes, intentionally,” Dorcas snapped. “She obviously doesn't want to talk to you, Snape.”His nostrils flared. “I wasn't talking to you, Dorcas. And if Lily doesn’t want to talk to me, she can tell me herself.” He turned to Lily. “Lily?”Lily bristled. “I have told you, so many times. I’ve asked you not to contact me, asked you to give me space, I’ve blocked your number, I blocked you on social media—”“That was years ago,” Snape argued. “I know you were upset with me, but I thought you'd be over that by now. I never meant to upset you, I never would. You know that.” His voice took on a pleading note, but his black eyes looked empty when he added, “I just missed you. I still do. You’ve known me forever, Lily. We were best friends.”It was like someone was pouring cold slime over Lily’s head. She felt gross. Dirty. Locked in place, like her feet were stuck in mud, or quicksand, and the more she fought the deeper she would sink.And then there was that prickling sensation in the back of her mind that she wasn’t trapped by anything but her own guilt. That maybe she was being unfair. Cruel to someone who had once known her better than anyone. Someone who once professed to love her.But the voice in Lily’s head was firm, if quiet, when it whispered, Gaslighting. Manipulation. Emotional blackmail. Avoiding people who hurt you is NOT wrong.She took a deep breath, willing herself to push through the muck, and then—“All right, Evans?”James leaned in and kissed Lily’s temple as he set her drink on the table in front of her.“Hey, you,” Lily said softly, and the smile she projected up at him, though shaky, was 100% genuine. “I'm all right.”“Good,” James said, beaming right back down at her. He glanced at the rest of the group sheepishly, as though he’d just noticed they were there. “I'm sorry folks, do you mind if I steal my girlfriend for a minute? I love this song.”Snape’s eyes jerked up to James’ face and then back to Lily’s. Her smile faltered a bit, but she took comfort in James’ physical presence. He squeezed her shoulder as if he knew."Not at all," Dorcas said with a cheeky grin. “Let’s all dance!”Severus’ next words were forced through clenched teeth. "You’re dating this guy?”Lily stiffened in James’ arms. He sounded hurt. How dare he?She felt eyes turn to her and wondered whether Benjy and Joel were remembering how close she and Snape had been in high school. Whether they were trying to puzzle out what they were to each other now. Whether they were waiting for an explanation that she didn’t owe anyone and wasn’t going to give.But James was as smooth as Lily was stiff. He turned back to Snape in such a way that he naturally pulled Lily even closer to his side, and he nodded casually in the shorter man's direction as he spoke. "Oh, sorry, we haven't met," he said, holding out his hand for Severus to shake. "I'm James Potter. Lily's boyfriend."Severus gave James’ hand a contemptuous look before shaking it forcefully. "Interesting,” he said, staring at Lily the whole time. “I didn't know she was seeing anyone.""Because she hasn't talked to you in years!" Dorcas shrieked, nearly stamping her foot."Oh, is that right?" James asked, glancing at his cousin and then back at Snape. His tone was still casual, but his eyes narrowed. "No reason to break the streak now, then. You ready to dance, Evans?" He looked down at Lily, hazel eyes worried behind his glasses but crooked smile firmly in place."Absolutely," she said firmly. With her jaw clenched so tight it hurt, she turned away from Snape and led James to the dance floor.As soon as they reached the center of the room they were hit with the opening notes of 2019’s official Song of the Summer, “Old Town Road.” James let out a whoop and immediately began galloping in place, swinging an imaginary lasso over his head. Lily burst out laughing.“Is that how you dance?” she demanded.“Only when I want to see you smile.” James grinned his crooked grin. He stopped galloping and did a little shoulder bop instead, leaning towards Lily as he danced. “Sorry if I was too possessive before, when…” he trailed off and pursed his lips, then shook his head. "I hope that wasn't too much."Lily shook her head. "It was perfect. You were perfect." She beamed up at him, then her smile dropped slightly. "I just wish I didn't freeze every time he speaks to me. Somehow, I always feel guilty for a second before I remember he's actual garbage. But by then it's like I can't remember any words.""He seems like a whiny, entitled piece of shit," James said matter-of-factly, and Lily laughed.“Accurate.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Thanks again.”James brought their clasped hands to his lips and kissed the back of hers. “Human shield, at your service.”“Old Town Road” ended, and Rihanna blared over the restaurant’s speakers. More party guests made their way to the middle of the floor, trying to find the right groove to the dancehall-style music. Marlene, Benjy and Mary were shimmying and singing to each other, and Dorcas laughed as she tried to guide Gideon’s hips through a slow wind.Lily hesitated. In all their planning for their fake relationship, she and James hadn’t really discussed physical boundaries. Hugging and cheek-kisses had become second nature over the past two weeks, and it had been nice when James held her close to him while they were selling Mary on their love story, but Lily wasn’t sure whether they were supposed to grind on the dance floor.Once again, James made it easy for her. He took her hand and pulled her towards him, but stopped before their hips were pressed together. Instead of the silly moves he’d employed before, now he guided Lily in a graceful two-step, knees bent and arms swinging loosely, his whole body moving in a way that looked skilled but not overtly sexual. She followed the rhythm instinctively, once again marveling at how natural everything felt when he was involved.It was a night of dancing, drinking, and laughing with old friends. Lily, Dorcas, Mary, and Marlene squeezed into the photobooth for pictures of them making duck lips and other silly faces. At one point, Reg Cattermole did an excellent impression of their former high school principal that had everyone rolling. Lily eventually managed to catch Emmeline without Evan Rosier (“He’s still a dick,” Emme confirmed). Everything was going so smoothly that Lily didn’t think about Severus at all when she rose up on her toes and yelled in James’ ear that she was going to the bathroom.He clutched his heart dramatically. “I’ll try not to miss you too much,” he yelled back, grinning. She stuck her tongue out at him, and he laughed. “I’m actually gonna go request a song from the D.J., I’ll see you when you get back.”She and James headed off in opposite directions. Lily used the bathroom and was walking back to the party, humming to herself, when she sensed someone fall into step behind her. The prickling sensation at the back of her neck warned her who it was before he even spoke.“I never thought I’d see the day Lily Evans became a groupie or a gold-digger,” he drawled. “We hated those guys in school.”The venom in his voice stopped Lily in her tracks. She steeled herself then turned to face her tormentor.“Have you been waiting by the women’s bathroom?” she asked, rolling her eyes and hoping her disdain hid her nerves. “Because that’s not creepy at all.”“No, I just happened to see you,” he said, his voice smoother now but still toxic to her ears. “And I wanted to talk to you.”“We have nothing to talk about,” Lily said without meeting his eye. She stepped around him and began walking back towards the party.Severus’ expression twisted in anger, and he hurried to keep pace with her. “When did you start dating jocks?”Lily huffed out a breath and shook her head. “Severus, who I date is none of your business,” she snapped, still walking. “And we’re not in high school anymore – people are more than jocks and mathletes and band geeks, you know. And I never hated them, even back then. That was all you.”“I just think it’s interesting,” he said, “I used to know you better than anyone, don’t you agree? And this—” he flapped his arm in the direction of the party “—isn’t you. You would’ve never talked to a cocky, pretty-boy athlete.”“You don’t even know him!”“I Googled him,” Snape said, without shame. “I heard Joel say he was a basketball player, but I just couldn’t believe that was your type.” He narrowed his eyes and his upper lip curled in a sneer. “But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, you always did think you were too good for a regular guy. You’ve probably always wanted to be some celebrity trophy wife. Too bad Potter wasn’t good enough to go pro, right? Then he’d be a real catch. I should probably warn him you’ll dump him as soon as something better comes along.”“You’re crazy,” Lily said, her voice shaking. “You Googled him? And you think I’m with him because—because he played basketball, or something? You don’t know what you’re talking about!”“I know enough,” Snape retored. “Girls say they want nice guys, but you’re all the same. I was your friend for years and you won’t give me the time of day. But a rich asshole with a fancy car shows up and you’re ready to jump his bones.”Lily whirled around so quickly Severus bumped into her. She pushed him away and pointed a finger in his face. “First of all,” she said, her voice steadied by her anger, “if you had ever really been my friend, you’d stop acting like I owed you a relationship just because you wanted one. Friends don’t do that to each other. So you haven’t been my friend for a long, long time.”Severus started to protest, but Lily cut him off with a second finger in his face. “Second of all, James is not an asshole. He’s a nice guy who’s doing me a huge favor. And third of all—” she was practically yelling now, and she waved three fingers in the air triumphantly, “—no one is jumping anyone’s bones. Because guess what, Severus? We’re not even really dating! We’re faking this whole thing! Isn’t that crazy? I faked a relationship with a guy I barely know because I was so desperate for you to leave me alone!” She burst into maniacal laughter.“Or because you wanted to get my attention,” Severus said snidely, his mouth curving up in a smug smile.“Oh, no,” Lily said, shaking her head. “The last thing I want is attention from you. I’ve spent the last five years doing everything I could think of to avoid getting any attention at all, but especially from you! But you know what? This is ridiculous. You've had too much power over me for too long. I'm never going to let you influence me or my relationships again.”“But Lily—”“No.” The word was a command, just as much as the sentence that followed: “Now leave me the fuck alone.”She turned on her heel and marched away, knowing Snape was staring at her back, and, for the first time in years, not caring at all.
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A curly-haired blonde wearing cat-eye glasses and a wide grin bounded over to where James, Dorcas, Gideon and Mary were standing by the bar. “James Potter?” she purred, clutching her phone tightly in one slim, manicured hand.James nodded and gave her a puzzled smile. “Yup, that’s me.”“Excellent. So, are the rumors true?” The woman shoved her phone in his face like a microphone, her eyes gleaming. “Did Lily Evans bring you here to fool Severus Snape?”“What?” James brushed the phone away from his face. “What are you talking about?”“Who told you that?” Dorcas demanded, and the blonde raised an eyebrow.“So it is true,” she said breathlessly. She looked James up and down. “What are you, some sort of escort? Or just a kind stranger who took pity on a desperate girl?”“He’s not an escort!” Dorcas said loudly.“Wait, who are you?” James demanded. “And where’s Lily?”“Oh, she’s probably still talking to Severus,” the woman said, smirking.“Shit, I need to find her,” James said, peering over the blonde’s head to scan the room. “She’s probably looking for me, I should—”“Are you sure about that? I heard she told him she barely knows you.”James froze mid-sentence and blinked. Mary’s mouth dropped open, and the woman bared her teeth in a wicked smile. “I mean, she said you’re perfectly nice,” she continued, “but she only brought you here because she’s so desperate for attention.”Mary wrinkled her nose and frowned. “Wait, that doesn’t sound like Lily at all.”“Yeah,” Dorcas agreed, rolling her eyes. “Now I know you’re making things up. Go away, Rita.”The blonde, Rita, laughed. “Don’t worry about me writing about your friend, honey, she’s not newsworthy anyway. But you know I can’t resist a bit of personal intrigue.” She patted James’ biceps in a patronizing way as she took her leave. “Best of luck with your girlfriend, James.”As soon as Rita was out of earshot, Dorcas turned to James with a panicked expression. “We’ve got to find Lily. If we let her get stuck talking to Snape, she’ll never forgive me. Let’s go.”“What’s going on?” Mary asked, her eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “Why would Lily be talking to Snape? She hates him.” She turned to James. “And why’s Rita saying you two barely know each other?”James mussed his hair with both hands and practically growled in frustration. “I don’t know, I need to find her and figure out—”He was interrupted by Lily herself, grinning brightly as she sashayed up to him and clutched his arm. “Hey! Guess what I just did?”“Hey,” he said, reflexively pulling her to his chest and breathing a sigh of relief. “Are you okay?”“I’m fine!” she assured him, stepping back but not letting go of his arms. “Better than fine, actually! I finally told Severus to fuck off!”She laughed and beamed up at him, her green eyes dancing and her cheeks pink with excitement.James wanted to be excited, too. But a lightbulb clicked on in his mind, throwing his previously dim understanding of the situation into clear view. He carefully extracted his arms from Lily’s grip and looked down at her with an expression more grimace than smile.“Right,” he said slowly. “And did that include an announcement that there’s nothing going on between us? And that you only brought me here because you’re desperate?”“Wait, what?” Lily’s eyebrows shot up and her smile dropped away. “I’m not desperate, I just—James, you know that’s not what I meant.”“Then why did some woman—”“Rita Skeeter,” Dorcas supplied, screwing up her face.Lily groaned. “She didn’t even go here! What’s a gossip blogger doing at a high school reunion?”“I heard she came for pictures of Benjy,” Mary said, sounding envious. “He’s got paparazzi interested in whether he’s seeing anyone! He’s legit famous!”“Is that the litmus test for fame?” Gideon snarked. “Being followed by a Baltimore-based gossip blogger?”Mary giggled. “I mean, I’d take it.”“Mare,” Dorcas chided. “Not now.”“Sorry!”“Hey! Is someone going to tell me what Rita said?” Lily asked, sounding more and more irritated by the minute.James shrugged, but the motion was anything but casual. “Just that you told that stalker asshole that I’m a nice guy but you barely know me, but you brought me here anyway because that’s how desperate you were.”“No!” Lily shook her head angrily. “It wasn’t like that, and don’t make this about you! Severus followed me back from the bathroom and was making shady comments about you and me. He said I probably just wanted to be your trophy wife, and then he basically admitted he was internet stalking us! And I just...I’d had enough. I hate that I gave him this much power in the first place.”She took a deep breath and gestured between herself and James. “So, yeah, I told him this was fake. Yeah, I told him I was desperate to avoid him. But I’m not anymore! I don’t care what he says or what anyone else thinks. He can do whatever he wants. If I have to, I’ll go to the police and get another restraining order. But I’m not going to spend my life looking over my shoulder.”Dorcas threw her arms around Lily. “That’s awesome, Lils! I'm proud of you.”“Thank you.” She glared at James. “I guess I thought you would be, too.”James softened at the hurt in her eyes. “I am.”“So why are you mad at me?” She sounded genuinely confused.“I’m not!” James said quickly. He sighed. “It’s just—it was a little humiliating to hear it that way, I guess.”And I thought we had a connection based on more than desperation.He shrugged and tried to smile. “Never mind.” He shook his head. “Well, since you don't need me anymore, I'll just get out of here, all right?”“Wait, you aren’t dating?” Mary asked, her eyes going wide. She shook her head in disbelief. “Damn. Can y’all give me some acting lessons? If I could fake that kind of chemistry, I might book a speaking part next time!”“Mary!” Dorcas said. “Not. Helping!”“Sorry!”Lily ignored them and focused on James. “You don’t have to leave, you should stay ‘til it’s over,” she said earnestly. “We’re having fun, right?”“Right,” he said quietly. His cheeks felt stiff from holding his fake smile. “Just having fun.”He ran a hand through his hair and turned away from Lily, letting the smile fall from his face.“James,” she said, putting a hand on his forearm.Without thinking, he pulled his arm away. He had the sense to be gentle about it, but there was no way he could deal with her touching him right now.She dropped her hand to her side, looking wounded.There was a part of James that immediately wanted to apologize. But another part of him screamed that she’d wounded him, too, and she didn’t seem to understand how. So all he said was, “I gotta make a call real quick, Evans, I’ll be back.” He gave her a little wave, his fake smile securely back in place as he walked out of the restaurant.---Lily stared after James as he walked away. Emotions swirled through her body, filling her stomach and chest and head, making it hard for her to breathe, much less think. She closed her eyes and focused on getting air to her lungs, inhaling slowly for a five-count before exhaling through her mouth.She opened her eyes and found Dorcas staring at her, brows creased with worry. “Are you okay?”“I’m fine, I think,” Lily said. She was employing techniques she usually used to stave off an anxiety attack, but this situation didn’t feel quite like that. She just wasn’t sure what else to do. “Just confused.”“Glad you’re all right,” Dorcas said curtly. “So, now you’re going to follow him, right?”Lily shrugged without meeting Dorcas’ eye. “He seems like he needs space,” she said half-heartedly.Dorcas growled and shook her head. “What he needs,” she said, grabbing Lily by the elbow and dragging her away from their other friends, “is for you to tell him he means something to you.”“What?”“Come on, Lils. It’s so obvious.”“No, it isn’t.” Lily shook her head. “Right up until this—” she gestured wildly at the door James had just exited “—whatever that was, he’s been very clear that he’s doing this as a favor to me. He’s here for the night, and that’s it.”“You’ve basically spent every day with him lately, and you think it’s somehow just about tonight?”“I of all people am not going to read anything extra into the friendship we’ve developed in the past two weeks. I know what that’s like, to have people assuming things and pressuring you because they think something’s there that isn’t.” Lily gave Dorcas a pointed look. “I’m not doing that to him.”“Are you comparing yourself to Jeepers Creepers!?” Dorcas shrieked, and Gideon and Mary turned to look at them, eyebrows raised.“Be quiet,” Lily hissed. “I know I’m not him, but that’s why I can’t pressure James. I’ve already embarrassed him by telling people he was my fake boyfriend, I’m not going to make it worse by trying to force him to stay and hang out, or admit that he likes me when I’m not sure that’s the case.”“Why are you so dense?” Dorcas yelled, and Gideon came over and slipped a hand gently around her waist.“Dor,” he said softly. “It’s been a big night. Give her a break, okay?”“She is being dense, though,” Dorcas said stubbornly.Lily frowned at her, and Dorcas sighed.“I just don’t like seeing him upset, is all.” She reached out and flicked Lily gently in the shoulder. “And you either.”“I’m fine, really,” Lily assured her, both agitated and touched by her friend’s loyalty. “And I’ll go talk to him. I think this is all just a big misunderstanding.”“By which one of you, though?” Dorcas muttered, as Lily walked away.---Outside the restaurant, James plopped down on a bench along one side of the parking lot and sighed.He felt bad leaving, but he didn’t see how he could stay, either. If they had played their fake relationship over-the-top from the beginning, like Sirius had suggested, it would be easier now to go back inside and laugh it off. But they had played it straight. Played like it was for real.Now he felt stupid.So much for her being practically in love with me, Sirius, he thought. She’s only been spending time with me because she’s desperate to hide from someone else. How did I misread this situation so badly?He pulled out his phone to text his brother his woes when a soft voice interrupted his thoughts.“James?”The sound of his name on Lily’s lips made his heart stutter. He glanced up and saw her, beautiful and worried and vulnerable and defiant all at once, and he stood and took a step towards her. “You all right, Evans?”“I’m fine,” she said quickly, shrugging. “You?”“Yeah.” He stopped walking and tugged on his hair. “I am proud of you, by the way. You just caught me off guard, telling everyone this is fake. That wasn’t part of the plan, you know?” He tried to smile.“I know, I’m sorry.” Lily winced. “I handled that badly.”“No, you didn’t. You stood up to that dirtbag.” He reached for her shoulder, then thought the better of it and shoved his hands in his pockets with a shrug. One corner of his mouth ticked up just slightly. “I told you you were brave.”She gave him a full smile in return. “Well, I couldn’t have done it without you,” she said sincerely. She took a few steps towards him. “So, let’s just go back inside and dance some more. Fuck everybody else.” She laughed nervously, her eyes searching his for reassurance.He couldn’t bring himself to give it to her. He tried to laugh, too, but it sounded hollow. “Nah, it's weird for me to stay now.”“It’s not weird at all! It's weirder for you to leave. C’mon.” She held out her hand in invitation.James didn’t take it. “Everyone knows we’re not really dating. It doesn’t make sense for me to be here.”“Why not? You’re still my date for the night, right?”“Fake-date,” James reminded her. “As you made perfectly clear.”“That’s—I—” Lily sighed and looked down for a second, then met James’ eyes with a challenge. “What happened to sticking to me like glue?”Something in her tone made James’ heart kick into overdrive, beating a powerful, hopeful rhythm against his ribs. He wanted to be there for her, if she wanted him to. More than anything, really. But only if he meant more to her than a distraction and a bodyguard. He needed to hear that she wasn’t keeping him around out of obligation, or because she felt bad for blowing their cover. He needed her to say that she wanted him for him.He wouldn’t assume, and he wouldn’t be used and humiliated again.So he shrugged. “That was when you needed a human shield. You don't anymore.”Lily crossed her arms, but James saw the vulnerability behind the gesture. She chewed her lip for a moment, then shrugged one shoulder. “I guess that's true.” She lifted her chin. “Well, thanks for coming with me. See you around, I guess.”James’ heart dropped from its place in his chest and landed somewhere in his stomach. He swallowed hard. “I’m glad I could help,” he said quietly. He gave her an awkward wave as he turned to go. “See you around, Evans.”---The air in the restaurant felt stifling when Lily walked back inside. For a moment, she was sure everyone was watching her as she made her way back over to her friends. But Severus was nowhere in sight, and she took a deep breath as she reached Dorcas and realized no one was paying her any attention at all.Old habits die hard, I guess.“Hey!” Dorcas said, bumping Lily with her hip as she approached the group. “Where’s James?”Lily shook her head. “He didn’t want to stay.”Dorcas’ brow furrowed. “Was he okay?”“Yeah. I think so.” Lily shrugged one shoulder. “I think I just embarrassed him. I feel bad.”“Well, yeah. But also—” Dorcas cut herself off abruptly and shook her head. She squeezed Lily's shoulder. “It’ll be fine. Are you okay?”“Yeah, I'm fine,” Lily said, and she meant it, mostly. “I didn't mean to hurt James’ feelings, but I'm proud of myself for standing up to Sneep the Creep.”“Good! You should be.” Dorcas screwed up her face for a moment, then tilted her head in a shrug. “And James will be okay.”“I know,” Lily said, but the words lacked confidence.“He will,” Dorcas said firmly. “Now let’s get you a drink.”“Get drinks later, it’s time to dance!” Mary cried, poking her head between them and throwing an arm over each of their shoulders. “Listen to the song!”“Ooh, yes! Let’s dance!” Dorcas downed her own drink then grabbed one of Lily’s hands and one of Mary’s. Despite her still-swirling emotions, Lily skipped to the dance floor with her friends, smiling and bouncing to the music with the increasingly rowdy crowd.Gideon, Ben, Joel, and Marlene were already out there going wild. They formed a circle with the three new arrivals, jumping and swinging their arms and yelling lyrics at each other, everyone showing off their silliest moves in response to Walk the Moon’s command that they shut up and dance.They were all laughing by the time the song ended. “All right!” the D.J. called, his voice booming through the speakers. “We’ve had a request for some Carly Rae Jepsen, so here it is folks!”Lily smiled wistfully as “Party for One” blasted across the restaurant and a cheer went up amongst the partygoers. That had been James’ request, she knew it.It was sort of appropriate, this upbeat song about moving on, being alone and proud of it, celebrating freedom. Because Lily was free. No more hiding behind lies and shields. No more obsessing over who might be watching her live her life. The cloud Snape had left hanging over her head for years had lifted.She should’ve been soaring."Party for one! If you don't care about me, I'll just dance by myself, back on my beat…"But in this moment, with the way she’d left things with James? Lily just couldn’t get excited about dancing on her own.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
James’ thumbs hovered over his phone as he contemplated the series of text messages on the screen.
They played Carly Rae right after you left :)
Missing your sick dance moves, these ppl suck. Also Mary is an idiot omg i should video this
Thx for coming w me tonight. I know I mdae it sound like nbd to Snape but u know I couldnt h ave done it w/o u
Can we talk?
That last was this morning, and James wasn’t sure how to respond. Last night he’d been too hurt, too angry, and too embarrassed to exchange friendly texts with an increasingly drunk Lily. Now, he was tempted to hear what she had to say.But how often did a good conversation follow “Can we talk?” She probably wanted to apologize for the drunk texts and then let him down easy. Tell him how much she appreciated his help, but that she thought he’d understood it was only about protecting her from Snape. And she didn’t need protecting anymore.Which was a good thing, James knew. He certainly didn’t want her to go through life feeling threatened. And he was proud of her for standing up to herself. It was just that he’d thought – or maybe just hoped – she’d started to care about him in these two weeks of fake dating, and as more than a human shield.Now he knew that wasn’t the case, but it didn't mean he wanted to hear her say it.He put down the phone without replying.Sirius plopped down next to him on the couch. “Is she still texting you?”James grunted. “Yeah. She wants to talk.”“That’s good, right?”“I dunno.” He gave his hair a frustrated tug. “If she was into me, she could’ve said so last night when I practically begged for it.”“It didn’t sound like you begged,” Sirius said diplomatically. “More like you put the ball in her court, and she didn’t go for the wide-open shot.”“What?”Sirius spread his hands. “I’m just saying, she’s used to playing defense, right? She wasn’t expecting to make a move, she was expecting you to make a move. So then neither of you took your shot, and nobody scored.”“Wow.” James rubbed his forehead and shook his head. “You are really straining the basketball metaphor.”“Just trying to speak to you in your language,” Sirius joked. His eyebrows dipped suddenly, and his expression shifted to one of dismay. “Honestly, I don’t get it. I was sure last night would end with you both admitting this fake relationship turned real and you can’t live without each other.” “I told you she’s not in love with me,” James said. He tried to shrug like it didn’t matter. “She thought we were just having fun. As friends.”“Uh-uh,” Sirius said, wagging a finger at James. “She looks at you like you hung the damn moon. That is not a ‘just friends’ look!”James made a sound, half-moan, half-snarl, and flung himself back against the couch. “Sirius. Just let it go, all right?”“Sorry,” Sirius said, his brow still furrowed. “I just feel like I’m right about her.” He shook his head, then clapped a hand on James’ thigh and threw him a challenging smile. “Now pick up your sticks. I’m gonna stomp you in Smash Bros.” James ran a hand through his hair and exhaled loudly. He felt like a child, like his brother thought he could just be distracted from life’s problems with a toy, or loud sounds and flashing lights.He’ll probably offer to take me out for ice cream next.But he knew Sirius meant well. And anything was better than replaying every moment of the last two weeks in his mind, trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong with Lily. He sighed again. “Yeah, sure.”After four losses in a row, James dropped the controller with an irritated growl. “Okay, this blows. I think I’m just gonna head to the gym and play some ball.” Sirius winced. “It’s that bad, huh?” Worse, James thought. But he just shrugged. “I’ll be back later.”He stood and went to his room to change, but he paused at the entrance to the living room and looked over his shoulder. “Hey. Have I told you lately you’re a really good brother?”“Other than basketball, showing people how much you care is literally the only thing you're good at,” Sirius said with a cheeky grin. “So yeah, I know.” “Yeah, whatever,” James retorted, managing a grin, too. “I'm good at everything.”Sirius snorted. “Not Smash Brothers.”James gave him a one-finger salute and left the room to the sound of Sirius’ barking laughter.He changed quickly and decided to jog to the rec center. It was less than two miles away, and the heat and the physical activity might help him break out of his foul mood.But while he ran, James replayed Sirius’ words over and over in his mind. If James was so good at showing people how much he cared about them, Lily must have seen it, right? So her reaction wasn’t because she was waiting for him to make his feelings clear. It had to be because she didn’t feel the same way.James grunted and pushed himself harder, hoping with a little more effort, he could outrun his thoughts.<3<3<3It was rude, the way the sunlight was sneaking through the gaps in the blinds, prodding Lily in the face, apparently insisting that she get up and face the day.She squeezed her eyes more tightly shut and yanked her pillow over her head in defiance. I’ll get up when I’m good and ready.A second later, she tossed the pillow aside and groped for her mobile phone. She’d sent a text to James a little over an hour ago, when she’d gotten up to use the bathroom. He hadn’t responded immediately, but maybe now…No new messages. Lily put the phone down and pulled her pillow back over her face.Lily hated mornings. Especially mornings where she was dehydrated and slightly hungover and annoyed with a beautiful, prideful, angel of a boy who wouldn’t even text her back.She rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom for some headache medicine. As she splashed cool water on her face, she heard Dorcas singing to herself in the kitchen.Lily sighed. It was too early for singing.She wandered into the kitchen anyway.“Morning!” Dorcas chirped. “How’re you feeling?”“Too early for feelings,” Lily grumbled, untruthfully. “I need coffee.”“This pot’s fresh,” Dorcas said, pouring a cup. She stirred in three heaping teaspoons of sugar and passed it to Lily. “Also, it’s nearly ten. It’s not early.”“Feels early,” Lily muttered. She took a sip of her coffee and groaned in satisfaction. “Thank you. This is perfect.”“Yeah, well, rumor has it like your coffee like you like your men,” Dorcas said, smirking. “Black and sweet.”“Oh, my God!” Lily snorted into her cup. “So inappropriate.”Dorcas giggled. “It would be if you said it. I think I can get away with it.”Lily shook her head and returned Dorcas’ impish smile. “If you say so.” She took a deep breath, bracing herself, then pushed through the door Dorcas had metaphorically cracked open with her comments. “I sort of can’t believe James left me last night. And now he won’t text me back.”“Well, you did tell everyone you only brought him because you were desperate. It’s kind of humiliating.” Dorcas’ tone was sharp, no longer teasing, and Lily cringed. She’d forgotten that in upsetting James, she’d upset Dorcas, too.“I know, but you know that’s not what I meant,” she countered, cradling her coffee cup in both hands. “I was desperate for Snape to leave me alone, but hanging out with James is...more than that. I really like spending time with him. He’s such a sweetheart.”“Did you tell him that?” Dorcas asked pointedly.“You want me to tell the guy I asked to be my fake boyfriend that I’m starting to like him for real?” Lily rolled her eyes. “Sure, that’s not pitiful at all.” “How’s it pitiful when he feels the same way?”Lily sipped her coffee and sighed. “I’m not sure he does! He never talked like this would last past the reunion.”“Lily!” Dorcas cried, slamming her own mug onto the kitchen counter, sloshing coffee over the edge. “You are killing me! You think he hung out with you every day because he was just really committed to the gag? You think bringing you lunch at school, forty minutes from his house, had anything to do with the reunion? You think those heart eyes he gives you every time you’re together is all part of an act?”Her voice had been rising in pitch with each example she gave, but she shook her head and lowered it before she spoke again. “Jamie is a sweetheart,” she said sternly, “and he can’t help waving his feelings around like a damned flag. But when your feelings are out in the open like that, it just means they can get trampled more easily.” Dorcas jabbed an accusatory finger in Lily’s direction. “You trampled his feelings.”“I didn’t think…” Lily blinked and trailed off. “How was I supposed to know?”But even as she asked the question, she realized she knew the answer.She had seen how James always prioritized her safety and comfort above all else. How important it was to him that they got to know each other, and how he never pressured her to share more information than she was ready to share. She recalled how much he seemed to hate that Snape had ever made her feel unsafe, and how ready he’d been to take her out to dinner, just the two of them, if she didn’t feel steady enough to go to the reunion. Her heart swelled thinking about how he’d held her close as soon as he realized Snape was around, then immediately apologized for being too possessive because he would never want her to feel like he was trying to control her.She thought about them testing each other, in theory to prepare for their debut as a couple, but really because each one wanted to know everything about the other. She remembered how easily she’d been able to tell that the thing he worried about most in this world was the people closest to him.And she realized that, at some point along the way, he’d slipped her into that category.“Shit.” Her mouth slowly curved up in a smile. “He is a total cinnamon roll, isn't he?” She shook her head affectionately, then frowned. “I guess I just thought—he was doing me a favor. You’re the one who told me he would love playing a role, and he always made it a point to remind me it was fake. I thought he was worried I’d get the wrong idea because he was being so nice.”“I think it was the opposite,” Dorcas said, scrunching up her nose. “I think he didn’t want you to think he had the wrong idea.” She raised her eyebrows and added, “Plus, you came to him in a vulnerable place, you know? He wouldn't want to pressure you.”“Oh, God, you’re right,” Lily moaned, setting down her coffee mug. “He really went out of his way to make me feel comfortable this whole time! And now he probably thinks I just didn’t even care, like I just threw him away when I didn’t need him anymore!”“That is sort of how it looked,” Dorcas pointed out.“Ugh, I know.” Lily chewed on her lip. “I have to talk to him. But how do I even get him to call me back?”Dorcas picked up her phone with a confident smile.“I don’t have an answer to that, but I know who will.”<3<3<3Sirius strolled into the Starbucks around the corner from his and James’ apartment, narrowing his eyes as he approached the table where Lily and Dorcas were seated.“Hey, cuzzo,” Dorcas said, standing up to greet him with a grande soy latte in hand.“Squirt,” he said solemnly, giving Dorcas a hug. She elbowed him in the ribs, and he grinned very briefly before turning to Lily with a frown. “Red. I’m not sure I’m speaking to you.”Lily cringed. “Is he really mad at me?”“He’s hurt,” Sirius said, taking the latte from Dorcas and sitting down across from Lily. “He likes you, like likes you likes you, and you used him. And he thinks he can’t even tell you that without sounding like that creep you’re running away from.”“I’m not running away from anyone! And I wasn’t trying to use James,” Lily snapped. Then she blinked in surprise. “Wait, he thinks he’s acting like Snape?”Dorcas threw up her hands. “You’re both useless. What kind of fools are too nice to tell each other they like each other?”“So you are into him?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.“I mean, yeah,” Lily said. She felt her cheeks flush. “But I thought he was doing me a favor as a friend, you know? I didn’t want to make it weird.”“I knew it!” Sirius exclaimed. He sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “OhmyGod, you had me doubting my instincts for a minute.”“You already knew I liked him?”“Obviously,” Dorcas said.“Obvious to us,” Sirius corrected, smirking at Dorcas. “Jamie’s totally blind when it comes to Red.” He turned back to Lily with a frown. “Plus, last night you told him you didn’t need him around anymore.”“Ugh, stop reminding me! That’s not what I meant at all,” Lily wailed. “I totally messed this up.”“You really did,” Dorcas said, nodding vigorously.“Yup,” Sirius agreed. “So how are you going to fix it?”“I don’t know!” Lily said with a helpless shrug. “He won’t talk to me.” She bit her lip and looked up at Sirius hopefully. “But I was thinking maybe you could talk to him for me?”“Oh, no,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “You've been ignoring my brilliant advice this whole time. I will not just talk to him for you. If you want my help, you're going to have to do it my way.”Lily pursed her lips and blew out a breath. “What’s your way?”Sirius looked delighted that she’d asked. “The time has come for a grand gesture.”“Um, okay.” Lily blinked, then nodded slowly. “What if I put all my feelings in a letter—“ she felt herself blushing at her own lameness “—and read it to him?”“Eh,” Sirius said, tilting his head as he considered her, “Very Lara Jean* of you, for sure. But no.” He shook his head. “Not big enough.” “Do Notting Hill!” Dorcas exclaimed. She twisted her hands together in her lap and turned puppy-dog eyes on Lily. “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him—”“Still not big enough!” Sirius sang.Lily rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Well, we’re not in New York, so I can’t have him meet me at the top of the Empire State building to confess my love.”Sirius laughed and slapped a hand on the table. “No, but bless you for suggesting it! Can you imagine? I’d die.”“So would I, probably,” Lily said. She laughed and shook her head. “Shit, this is terrifying. But he’s worth it, right?” Her eyes searched Dorcas’ and Sirius’ faces for reassurance, but she didn’t wait for an answer before she nodded. “I know he is. So, help me do something big.”“Yes, Red! That’s the spirit!” Sirius’ eyes lit up. “OhmyGod, I have the answer. 10 Things I Hate About You! It’s perfect.”“What?” Dorcas scrunched up her nose. “Write him a sonnet?”“Ew, no. I mean, I guess, if you want.” Sirius furrowed his brow and waved his hand as if shooing flies. “But that is not the grand gesture of the movie.”“Oh, God,” Dorcas said, awe in her voice. “But where the hell are you gonna find a marching band?”“Oh, God,” Lily echoed, her eyes going wide.“We don’t actually need a marching band, that's not the point of this particular gesture,” Sirius said cheerfully. “The point is to create a very public display of affection.”“Very public,” Lily said faintly.“The best grand gestures are.” Sirius raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “So, how ‘bout it, Red? You ready to sing your heart out for love?”^<3<3<3When they filed into the community center an hour later, Lily felt like her heart actually might leap right out of her chest without her singing a single word.You’re fine, she told herself sternly, but even her internal voice seemed shaky. You can do this. For James.She took a deep breath and counted to five before exhaling through pursed lips.
And for me.
“You got this, Lils,” Docas said, echoing Lily’s own thoughts. She reached out and rubbed Lily’s back. “Don’t pay attention to anyone but Jamie.”Instinctively, Lily scanned the room for him. But unlike her usual surveillance exercise, this time, when she found her target, her face split into a glowing smile.James was in the middle of a game of three-on-three, dripping sweat with a look of fierce concentration on his face. As Lily watched, he pivoted quickly to block his opponent’s progress towards the basket and reached out a long, muscular arm to swipe the ball away. He looked strong and coordinated and athletic, his fluid-yet-precise movements only mildly reminiscent of the silly young man who’d entertained her on the dance floor last night. He was totally in his element out there, and Lily found it hard to stop staring at him.Not least because he looked really hot.But she wasn’t there to watch – she was on a mission. She turned away from the game and began walking towards the bleachers along one wall of the gym.She didn’t think James had noticed her yet, and she preferred it that way, for now. She’d have his – and everyone’s – attention soon enough.She climbed to the third row of the bleachers and walked to the middle of a bench. “Is this good?” she asked, glancing at her compatriots.Dorcas nodded, bouncing excitedly on her toes.“It’s perfect,” Sirius agreed, teeth bared in a wild grin. “You ready?”“Not really,” Lily admitted, with a nervous laugh. “But let’s go.”She turned on the hand-held microphone Sirius had given her, and Sirius and Dorcas took their positions behind her. Then Sirius pressed something on his phone, and the opening strains of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” poured from the speakers. Lily glanced back and saw him and Dorcas swaying in a gentle two-step. Dorcas gave her a thumbs-up, and Lily took a deep breath and began to sing.“You’re just too good to be true,” she murmured into the mic, slightly off-key. A few of the ball players turned around and stared at her. “Can’t take my eyes off of you…”“Louder!” Sirius ordered in a stage-whisper.Her face warmed with embarrassment, but Lily raised her voice and kept going. With his opponents distracted, James made an easy lay-up. Then he, too, turned his attention to the concert happening on the bleachers.He froze when he saw Lily. She heard Dorcas giggle, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw one of her back-up dancers wave in James’ direction. He began walking towards them with a bewildered look on his face.“At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I’m alive—” Lily cringed as her voice cracked, “—You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you…”James was right in front of her now. She kept singing, her eyes searching his for anger, approval, disappointment, forgiveness – anything. Anything but that blank stare and awkward silence.And then his lips began to twist upward, his crooked smile spreading across his face, and Lily let out a giggle of pure joy.It was hard to sing while smiling as hard as she was, but Lily tried for a few moments more. "But if you feel like I feel, please let me know that it’s real…” she trailed off then looked at him with pleading eyes. "Are you gonna make me sing the whole thing?"His lips twitched. "What if I say yes?"Lily sighed and rolled her eyes, the smile never leaving her face. She listened to the music for a second, took a deep breath, and belted, "Oh, pretty baby! Don’t bring me down, I pray! Oh, pretty baby, now that I’ve found you, stay, and let me—”Her song turned into a squeal as James wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down from the bench she’d been using as a stage. "You’re just too good to be true," he said, touching his forehead to hers as he set her on the floor. Behind them, Dorcas pretended to retch."Oh my God, I'm not. I'm a terrible singer," Lily said. Without her mission to distract her, she was suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that all activity in the gym had ceased. She glanced around out of the corners of her eyes and laughed nervously. "And everyone’s staring."James looked up, and his smile widened. "Well, yeah. I can't believe you did this. You hate people staring at you."“That is still true, for the record,” Lily mumbled, and it felt perfectly natural to bury her face in James’ chest, not even minding the sweat as he wrapped his arms around her. She tilted her head back to look at him and gave a small shrug. “But I accidentally embarrassed you, and made you think I didn’t care, in a very public way last night. The least I could do was tell you how much I do care in an even more embarrassing, extremely public way.”“Look at you.” James chuckled and beamed down at her. “You’re just facing all your fears this weekend, huh?”“You make me want to,” Lily said with a soft smile, and suddenly her eyes were wet. She closed them and sucked in a deep breath, trying to hold back the wave of emotion swelling inside her. “You make me brave."“Nah,” James said, shaking his head. He brushed a tear from the corner of her eye with his thumb. “I told you before, you were already brave.”“Maybe. But I didn’t feel like it.” She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "I thought I needed you as a shield, and it turns out, I don't. I can face things on my own. But what I didn't say at the reunion, what I should've said, is I can do it on my own, but I don’t want to. Everything’s better when you're with me. Not because I need you there, but ‘cause I want you there. And that feeling’s not fake."She felt James stiffen slightly in her arms. "You mean it, Evans?” he asked tentatively.Lily pressed her face into his chest again, muffling her words. “You think I’d sing in public if I didn’t?”“Good point.” He stooped and slid his arms around her waist, then picked her up and twirled her around. She giggled, and Sirius let out a loud whistle as the rest of the gym patrons burst into applause and cheers. James grinned and kissed Lily’s forehead as he set her back on the floor. “So…what happens now?”“Well,” Lily said, and she was surprised to find she was still nervous, “I was hoping you’d go out with me? For real this time?”“Oh, absolutely.” James’ eyes were bright with happiness. “At this point, I think we owe it to Sirius to give our story a happy ending.”Lily laughed. “Well, in that case,” she said, her smile mischievous, “what’s a romantic comedy without a kiss?”“Okay, I see you, Evans,” James said, smirking. “One taste of the spotlight and now you’re an exhibitionist. I like it.”“Oh, my God.” Lily buried her face in James’ sweaty shirt once again, partially because he was embarrassing her, and partially just because she could. He was here, as comforting and solid as ever – and he was hers. This was real. They were real.Maybe we always were.She lifted her face towards his and smiled. “Shut up and kiss me, please.”“With pleasure,” he murmured, just before his lips met hers.
The Beginning.