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I am the voice inside your headand I control youI am the lover in your bedand I control youI am the sex that you provideand I control youI am the hate you try to hideand I control youI take you where you want to goI give you all you need to knowI drag you down, I use you upMr. Self DestructI speak religion's message clearand I control youI am denial, guilt and fearand I control youI am the prayers of the naiveand I control youI am the lie that you believeand I control you- Nine Inch Nails, Mr Self Distruct It’s not that he is a bad person.He just likes being in control. He likes how much power he has over other people. He can make them laugh, or he can make them hate him. He can be charming and likeable or haughty and mean. He takes pleasure in slowly chipping away at someone until they snap, and when they do, he knows that he caused it, that he has the ability to make even the most self-disciplined people do what he wants. It’s like slowly wrapping them around his finger. It’s intoxicating, knowing that he can do this.Jimmy is not a bad person. He just enjoys the powertrip.David Mitchell is a particularly delightful subject to work with. He’s neither too easy, nor too difficult to get a rise out of. And he snaps so beautifully. Jimmy really takes pleasure in being on the receiving end of a spiteful rant. He will lean back, smirk and think “got you”.He likes the way David looks afterwards, all out of words and anger and breath, eyes still flaring. Jimmy never even catches the next cue, he is too busy smirking at David, knowing very well just how infuriating he is being.David is a bit uptight, incredibly self-aware and definitely not one to surrender easily. More times than he can remember, Jimmy has made him. He will bend him over a dressing room table after a show - a palm pressed flat between David’s shoulder blades, two spit-slicked fingers inside him - and enjoy how David grunts and strains, like he can’t decide whether he loves it or hates it. But he never turns him down.Then along came Charlie Brooker.Jimmy has a hard time figuring out how two people who are so unbelievably awkward in all other social contexts can even have a conversation with each other. He imagines it’s mostly just David going “Err” and Charlie looking uncomfortable.By the end of the Big Fat Quiz, Jimmy’s jaw hurts from grinding his teeth. The minute the credits start rolling, he ignores everything else, including David’s shy glances in Charlie’s direction, in favour of striding over and seizing David’s sleeve (stupid, purple shirt) and pulling him backstage. David splutters incoherently at first, then inhales sharply through his teeth when Jimmy knots his fingers in his daft hair and tugs, hard enough to hurt. David looks at him, confused, but visibly aroused. He doesn’t speak. Jimmy smirks, pulls again. And again. David’s eyes are wide and even then, he barely makes a noise when Jimmy kisses him roughly in the middle of the hallway, only pulling back when he hears steps approaching. He still has his fingers in David’s hair when Charlie comes around the corner, stops and stares. David looks thoroughly embarrassed. His lips raw, cheeks flushed pink, there is no doubt as to what they were doing. Charlie mutters an apology and slinks away. David seems even more masochistic than usual that night, almost sobbing when he comes, but Jimmy still counts it as a victory.Jimmy takes a long time to realize what that feeling in the pit of his stomach really is. Jealousy, pure and simple, and absolutely unwanted. David smiles at Charlie like he has never smiled at Jimmy – all genuine amusement, respect and attraction - and Jimmy can feel himself losing control of the situation. The basic desire to keep David for himself, to be the only one to have him, is overpowering. For every time Charlie, with studied casualness, brushes his fingers over David’s shoulder or the back of his hand and David blushes, Jimmy screams inside. He wants it to stop. He wants it to stop so badly. David is slipping away from him, and it is like there is nothing Jimmy can do about it. Time to bring out the big guns. Time to make David want him. Actually want him.Not just his body. Not just Jimmy’s cock in his arse and his cutting insults whispered in his ear. David has never begged for it, he has never moaned Jimmy’s name or given him longing glances. David just huffs and bites his bottom lip, even when Jimmy knows that what he is doing must be painful, or pleasurable. Or both.If this is what it takes, Jimmy is willing to make that sacrifice.After election night, a visibly tired and crestfallen David is chatting to Charlie in his dressing room when Jimmy knocks on the door frame and enters without waiting for an invitation. Charlie observes him with a look of barely concealed hostility and Jimmy feels instantly calmer. He had draped himself over David’s shoulder earlier, smirking at Charlie in a way that could not possibly convey his intentions any clearer. He was pleased with the way David had stiffened and trembled under his touch.Jimmy invites David back to his flat, something he has never done before. David is reluctant at first, but Jimmy only needs to lean forward and suggest what he might do to him in a low voice, and then David comes along without another word. On the way out, his gaze briefly locks with Charlie’s. Pleading and apologetic. As if trying to convey that he cannot help it, he needs this, what Jimmy has to offer.David is tense, tenser than usual, and he looks both puzzled and a bit worried when Jimmy doesn’t just rip his clothes off and fucks him into the mattress. Jimmy produces a pair of handcuffs and doesn’t leave room for protests. (“Shouldn’t we have a safe-word?” “You won’t need one. You never want me to stop.”) He kisses him, a pretty rare thing. He does it again. And again.Eventually, David can’t take it anymore. “What are you doing?”“I’m kissing you,” Jimmy replies dryly. His voice sounds shaky and he doesn’t like it. He is sweating, even with his shirt halfway off. He begins to unbutton David’s, one button at a time, nipping and licking the soft skin he uncovers. David outright stares at him when Jimmy carefully slides his belt off, followed by his trousers. When David is finally completely naked and handcuffed securely to the headboard, Jimmy moves experimental fingertips up David’s thighs. He lubes up his fingers, and with actual care he strokes David’s cock for a few minutes while he kisses him breathlessly. He moves downwards and presses a single finger into David just as he lowers his head and takes his cock into his mouth.David gasps, and Jimmy feels a rush of satisfaction. He curls his finger and sucks, producing a low moan this time. This is strangely addictive, Jimmy decides. A whole new kind of control.By the time he has three fingers in David’s arse, David is squirming and shamelessly pressing down against Jimmy hand. He is tugging at the handcuffs and the headboard squeaks. That is when Jimmy slows his movements and looks at David’s face, waiting for David to open his eyes, always shut tight to keep him out. When David senses his gaze on him, his eyes flutter open. Jimmy inhales deeply at the sight of those deep brown eyes boring into his.This is new. This is David without his controlled façade and witty jabs to defend himself with. This is David with his pupils blown wide and his breathing irregular. This is David flushed, flustered and naked, in more ways than Jimmy has ever seen him.“Have you fucked him yet?” Jimmy asks.“No,” David says. He isn’t lying, that much is obvious. Weirdly enough, Would I Lie to You? hasn’t improved his skills in that area.Jimmy nods. “You won’t, not without my explicit permission.”“Would you ever give me that?” David asks sensibly.Jimmy ducks his head to suck on the skin just above David’s collarbone. He makes sure to leave a bright red mark. “Perhaps,” he says. “At some point.” He removes his fingers, grabs David’s hips firmly, pressing easily into him, burying himself to the hilt. David sighs, and Jimmy thrusts once, twice. “Until then… You’re mine.” He punctuates with a harder thrust. David’s breath hitches and he pulls against the handcuffs to meet him. “Understood?”David just nods.Jimmy takes his time tonight, fucking David with slow, controlled movements, until, after what seems like hours, David parts his lips and whispers, almost inaudible under Jimmy’s own heavy breathing, “Please.”Jimmy stills and David all but sobs with frustration. “What was that?”“Please,” David repeats. His cheeks are so wonderfully flushed, just like his chest and his impossibly hard cock, which rubs against Jimmy’s stomach when he moves, leaving glistening pre-come to mix with their sweat. “Please, Jimmy. I want, I need you to touch me.”The rush of lust almost overwhelms him. Jimmy pulls David to him and starts fucking him in earnest, while David’s pants turn to grunts, culminating in a deep moan when Jimmy wraps his fingers around David’s cock and squeezes, hard. “You’re mine,” he growls. “Say it.”David whines and then says it, the words effortlessly rolling off his tongue. “Yours. Always yours. Fuck. Please, just… please, oh God, please, Jimmy.”Jimmy isn’t a bad person.He just really likes being in control.It takes all of his willpower to not lose it then, when every fiber of his being is screaming for release, while a mixture of alien emotions are suddenly clouding his mind; Relief. Want. Desire. Possessiveness. Love? He holds it together until David comes, only then does he let himself drown in it, the feelings and the pleasure and David’s moans.It has never been this good before.When the waves of pleasure have subsided, Jimmy drapes himself over David’s body and breathes, just breathes. He knows David’s scent, knows the way he feels and breathes after an orgasm. Knows how his skin tastes. Jimmy lazily drags his tongue along David’s neck, and David shudders, though his body completely relaxed.“He could never give you this.”David doesn’t tense, he doesn’t move, he just stops breathing for a few seconds before turning his face away. “What is this?”“This is us,” Jimmy replies, and he feels like that was the simplest question in the world. Why would David ask him that?Suddenly Jimmy is afraid to unlock the handcuffs. He doesn’t want David to leave, to dress in silence and slip out the door without even looking back.“You need this. You need us. You know you do.”Unexpectedly, David turns and looks at him again. Jimmy feels dizzy. “But... What if he could...”This is not how it is supposed to be, so instead of replying Jimmy leans down and kisses David again, long and soft, and David responds to it.“I can’t feel my hands anymore.”Jimmy reaches for the keys and unlocks the handcuffs, slowly drawing David’s arms down.“Stay.” It’s easier to say than he had expected. And to his surprise, David, who was already half across the floor to pick up his pants and trousers, stops in his tracks.“Why?”“Because I want you to.”He doesn’t like this, that this thing, this situation, is so out of his control. He wants this so badly, but he can’t force David to comply, and he doesn’t have a clue how he could make him.“You’re not in love with me.” He says it with such surety, but Jimmy can read through that, to the uncertainty and confusion.“Maybe I am.”Jimmy can’t believe that he is doing this, exposing himself, with no guarantees that it will work. And while he looks at David, who is staring at him with something akin to wonder, he can feel those feelings again, those feelings that makes him want to keep David to himself for the rest of eternity.“And you’re in love with the way I make you feel.”That hits the spot. David lets go of his clothes and walks back to the bed. Jimmy lifts the covers in invitation, and David hesitantly crawls under them, rigid as hell.Jimmy fucks him twice more during the night and early hours of the morning, while repeatedly telling himself that that is just what they are doing. They are not making love. Jimmy doesn’t make love. Ever.***When Jimmy signs his 10 O’Clock Live contract, and looks up to see Charlie do the same across the table, he admits for the first time that this is out of his control.And he knows that he will lose David.At least at some point.But in the mean time, he will try his best to cling on.Jimmy tells himself that it’s for David’s good, maybe even for Charlie’s good too.Jimmy isn’t a bad person.His heart just aches when he thinks about David leaving him. Finis.