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Dean hated hospitals. Always had, but now that he was sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair staring at the pale, drawn face of his life partner, he hated them even more. He bit back the tears and tried to remember that wide, perfect, gummy smile that captured his heart.*Flashback*"Not a chance," Dean called after the man running from him. He tried to be mad, he really did, but he felt a smile creeping on his face at the maniacal laughter of the other man.His hair stuck up at odd angles, "But Dean," he drawled out, "You never let me driver the Impala. Just this once, please?!" He turned big blue eyes on Dean, clutching the car keys behind his back as Dean approached him.They stood chest to chest for a moment, green and blue eyes boring into each other. Dean furrowed his eyebrows, "If you wreck my car, I'll never forgive you."The smile that lit the other man's face would be forever engraved into Dean's memory. His heart stuttered, and he thread his fingers into the other man's belt loops, pulling their hips together. That was the day they shared the first of many kissed.*End*Dean waited for the nurse to unhook all the needles and tubes from around the prone man. She was gentle, even though there was no longer a need to be. The soul he'd fallen in love with was gone. He couldn't feel pain anymore. Dean was glad for it.*Flashback*Dean lay on his back staring at the ceiling. His boyfriend was wrapped around him like he was wont to do. He dropped a kiss on the messy black head of hair on his chest.He'd never felt this way before. The need to make the man in his arms happy, keep him smiling, keep him safe, and fed, and fulfilled, and a part of his life, it was all new to Dean. The jealousy when the cute barrista at their regular coffee shop flirted with his boyfriend took him by surprise. Dean wasn't a jealous man. He wasn't. But the thought of someone else being with his blue eyed angel mad him feel hollow. Empty. Destitute. He couldn't help that he was in love.Dean tensed at the thought. In love? In love. In love. In love. he was so deep in love he held the ball of iron at the Earth's core in his chest. He was so deep in love he was treading the bottom of the Mariana Trench. this man meant everything to him. And he didn't deserve him. He relaxed and dropped another kiss on the top of his love's head. "I love you, baby." And that night he made a vow to never stop saying it. To never stop attempting to deserve the other man.*End*"Would you like a moment? I know you guys have kinda been saying goodbye for a while, but he's still warm. We don't have to take him down until he's cold... technically. Losing someone like this is hard, so..." the nurse stood awkwardly. Eyes pinned to Dean. He nodded and she offered a compassionate smile. "I'll go get the papers you need to sign."As she left, Dean held the still warm hand of his dead love,"I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I don't want to go home. I don't want to see our life together. I can't do it, baby. Ever since I first saw you. I knew. I need you. Don't leave me. There ain't no me, if there ain't no you."*Flashback*Dean looked at the clock before putting the final touches on the 65' Mustang engine put in his care. She was well taken care of, but long overdue for a tune-up. He couldn't help himself as he washed her down for her to go home today. He was gonna miss this old girl."Winchester!" Got another wont waitin' in the bay for ya," Bobby hollered from his open office, "And the owner of the Fastback is here, hurry up with the wipe down."Dean nodded and finished drying the black beauty. He drove her around front to hand over the keys to the owner. The only man in the shop was talking to Bobby with his back turner to Dean. He could only make out a mop of black hair, a nice suit, and broad shoulders with a tapered waist.He heard Bobby grumble, "There he is," and the man turned around.Dean felt the full breath being knocked out of him the moment gem blue eyes landed on him. Every fiber, every atom of his body burned like he'd just set sights on an angel.*End*Dean mechanically signed papers handed to him. He was next of kin. This was his duty. He couldn't break down now. He barely spoke. The tears were lodged in his throat just waiting for him to open the tract long enough fro them to spill over. He knew that when that happened he would be able to do nothing else, so he swallowed them down for the time being. It had all happened so fast. They'd salvaged a year. A year since the diagnosis. A year since everything had come crashing down around their ears.*Flashback*"Dean, the doctor called today," he'd said as soon as Dean stepped into their apartment.Dean had made him go to the hospital when he found him vomiting blood. He started chemo within the week. As far as Dean was concerned they were going to beat this. Together. "Yeah?" he dumped his keys one the hook and followed the gravelly voice to the kitchen."He said..." the man leaning against the granite counter choked. He hadn't even looked up when Dean walked in, instead he stared at the mobile on the island as if it personally offended him. "He said that the chemotherapy was failing. That the tumor has... its... metastasized..." the words were forming around sobs and he found himself tucked into Dean's arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I tried."Dean shushed him. "It's okay, baby. It's going to be okay. I love you. It'll be alright. Just don't cry. Please," he repeated it like a mantra. Holding the crumbling man in his arms. Holding him tightly. Trying to keep him together. Not asking the question burning in his gut.How long long do we have?It didn't matter. It wasn't nearly long enough.*End*The nurses at the station all gave him sympathetic looks. Over the last month that he'd stayed at the hospital with their patient, they'd gotten to know both of them.Dean made his way to the garage with slumped shoulder and down turned eyes. He ran his hand over the shiny black exterior of the 65' Mustang Fastback. Taking a moment to remember all the laughter she'd encased. "He's gone, Girl. Just me, you, and Babs now." he took a shuddering breath before easing into the bucket seat.*Flashback*Dean listened to the man in sing "Smoke on the Water" loudly. Laughter bubbling from the deepest parts of him.*Flashback*"I swear if you get burger juice on my interior of my car..." the threat was left hanging, but Dean just laughed.*Flashback*They sang along to "Heat of the Moment" softly in the back seat, covered only in sweat. A small giggle and a contented sigh. A tired yawn.*End*Dean turned on the radio to distract himself. Try not to think of how this Mustang will never be driven by her true owner again.The opening to the song passed his notice. It was only when a clear high voice rang through he vehicle's interior did his blood freeze. Dean gripped the steering wheel as the first tear fell like salt in a wound."Cas... Baby, please."
"Come on skinny love, just last the year..."