Work Text
Benny couldn't believe that Cecil was going to leave the apartment in that. Yes, the sun was blazing, but Cecil wasn't really at risk of burning and even if he were there had to be a better way to protect himself than that. It wasn't even that Benny wasn't very fond of any color brighter than dark dark dark, dark dark dark, dark dark dark dark, dark dark dark, dark dark, gray. Anyone with working eyes and color vision--which of course not everyone had, but Cecil did--would be aghast at the sight of a rainbow-colored umbrella hat.Cecil had a date. A mini golf date with Steve Carlsberg because their previous trip had been postponed for reasons Benny didn't like to think about. Benny honestly didn't like the idea of Cecil and Steve dating at all, and he supposed it would be in his best interest to allow Cecil to embarrass himself in front of his new boyfriend. Maybe Steve wouldn't want to be seen with Cecil, or maybe he'd poke fun at Cecil and deeply offend him. Either way it could put a rift between them, causing the relationship to fall apart. Then there'd be no one having sex in Benny's room and no one whispering dangerous ideas into Cecil's ear during lovemaking. Which wasn't something Benny had ever observed Steve doing, but he wouldn't put it past Mr. Sound-Proofed-Windows. "Whatever the plan was, I'm sure it was amazing," Benny would say to the Sheriff, "but it looks like we'll have to kill the radical after all. Should I do the honors?"All he had to do was let Cecil leave, then the rest would follow. Just let him walk out the door. But he couldn't. Benny could not in good conscience let another human being be seen in public in such a ridiculous hat, not even someone as aggravating as Cecil. Benny had to stop him. The only problem was that Benny wasn't supposed to be home right now. As far as Cecil knew, Benny was at work. It was true enough, but Cecil did not and could not know that "work" consisted of hiding in places where he could at the very least listen to, and ideally also watch, Cecil at all times. Currently that meant crouching between the coats in the hallway closet and peeking out through the barely open door. He supposed if he timed it right he could creep over to the front door and make it appear as if he'd come home early... but he might not be able to time it right. Not under pressure like this. Not when he was trying to prevent a crime against fashion. Instead he pulled out his phone and brought up Cecil's number for a text message.What could he say? How could Benny convince Cecil not to wear a rainbow umbrella hat on a date without revealing that he knew Cecil was going to wear a rainbow umbrella hat on a date? "Hey Cecil did you know that rainbows are considered bad luck outside of Night Vale? Weird, right?" No. Cecil had been outside of Night Vale and Benny hadn't. "Hey Cecil, did you know that some bisexual people find rainbows offensive because of bi erasure in the queer community?" No, no, no. Benny had no reason to be talking about rainbows. He was going about this from the wrong angle."Hey Cecil." Benny typed into his phone, "Josie says it's gonna rain today. Make sure to bring your umbrella." There was no way Cecil would wear an umbrella hat and carry an umbrella. That would be redundant."TY Benny :D" came Cecil's reply. "We're golfing the indoor course today so I should be fine!"Benny stared at his phone as he heard the front door open and close again with Cecil's departure. Then why did Cecil even need an umbrella hat? Benny would have to move soon if he was going to sneak into Cecil's car. Otherwise he'd have to tail him to The Sand Trap mini golf course. He'd tried, hadn't he? That was what was important, right? He sighed and tucked his phone back into his pocket. Back to work, then. Back to hoping Steve would fuck it up.