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Later, Adam would laugh that this whole thing started with Kyle's joke.They went out together for a drink or two. It was just after his break-up with Katherine. Adam should have known better about her. He should have known that dating his former therapist was not a very good idea. Katherine was sweet and kind, so genuine in her caring; she was nothing at all like Rachel. But sometimes she would just forget Adam wasn't her patient anymore. She always wanted to talk about his feelings, and she constantly nagged him even if he refused to talk. Because sometimes he was so fucking numb and he didn't want to talk about the nothingness, the emptiness he felt. He didn't want to think about it. About his illness, his operation, his limping. He just wanted to deal with it, but she saw him as a broken man who needed to be fixed. And it was good when she was his therapist, not his girlfriend. So after a few months, they decided they were better off as friends than partners and broke up. He didn't burn any of her gifts so he thought it wasn't bad, right?He was sitting with Kyle at a bar, sipping his Coke. Kyle was talking and talking, but Adam wasn't listening. He was wondering if there was something wrong with him. Because so far all his relationships had been doomed and it was tiresome. He got a second chance for fuck's sake, and he didn't want to waste it.“Hey, dude! I know!” said Kyle. He was tipsy, maybe even a bit drunk.“Yeah, what do you know?”“Next time you should try with a guy.”Adam laughed. Trust Kyle to said something like that.“Yeah, you’re right, next time I’ll find myself a boyfriend. Brilliant idea.”“I know, man, I'm a fucking genius.”“That's what you are. Now finish your beer, then we’re going back. I have to take my medicine.”“Oh, all right.”Then Adam forgot about the whole thing. Until he met Tommy. *** Later, Adam would laugh that their first meeting was so cliché, like from a terrible rom-com his mother liked so much. But if he had to be honest, he didn't give a damn about that. It was laughable, of course it was, because come on, they were just ordinary guys (well, at least Adam was), not some characters played by hot Hollywood stars. But it was real, and that was all that mattered.It all began when his doctors recommended walking his dog as a part of the rehabilitation programme after the surgery. Adam enjoyed taking Skeletor for long walks and sometimes, when he felt really well, he would head off to the park. Although he couldn't run anymore, he still could throw a ball, so at least Skeletor had some fun.It was one of those warm and bright days. Spring finally had come to town and Adam decided to spend a little more time in the park. After playing with Skeletor, he sat on a bench and observed his dog sniffing the grass.Despite the nice weather, there weren't too many people in the park. Some couples, parents with children, and a few dog owners. But there was one particular person who caught Adam's eye. He was a big, bulky man in black sweatpants and a hoodie. The man was jogging and Adam had never thought that he would miss jogging so much. It was a silly thing but he was so jealous of this man and his ability to run.He was pulled out from his thoughts by Skeletor who had barked twice, so Adam stood up and threw him a ball again. Soon he forgot about the bulky jogger. But not for long, because the next week he saw him again.For some time nothing changed – Adam was playing with his dog, and the man was jogging. A perfectly normal routine for a pair of strangers in a public park. This man wasn't the only person Adam could recognize. There were also an elderly couple who were feeding ducks and a teenage girl with her golden retriever that Skeletor sometimes played with. There was nothing special about The Running Man, as Adam liked to call him. *** Later, Adam would laugh that it was all because Skeletor decided to play matchmaker.Hooking people up wasn't something Skeletor often did. To be honest, he had never done it before. Adam was sitting on a bench, reading something. Skeletor was lying still beside his feet and then suddenly he moved towards the running man.“Skeletor, come here, boy,” said Adam, but the dog didn't obey.The other man stopped, crouched and petted the dog. Skeletor was wagging his tail so hard as if the man was his long lost friend and the dog was seeing him for the first time in ages.“I'm sorry,” said Adam, when he finally limped to them from the bench. “Usually he listens to me when I'm calling him.”“No bother, really,” said the man and looked up. He had a rather handsome face, plush lips and blue-green eyes. His voice was quiet but confident.“What's his name?” he asked.“Skeletor.”“It suits him,” laughed the man.“Yeah, I guess,” agreed Adam, a bit awkwardly. He didn't know what to do next. Should he introduce himself? Ask about the man's name? Say goodbye and walk away with Skeletor? Eventually he did nothing because the other man spoke up first.“So I know your dog's name, what’s yours?”“Adam, my name is Adam,” he said, holding out his hand, and the man shook it.“I’m Tommy. Nice to meet you, Adam.”“You, too. I’ve been seeing you around here. You run quite often, right?” said Adam and almost immediately regretted it, because it sounded stalkerish.“Yeah, I moved here a couple of months ago and this park is the nearest place to my apartment where I can run.”“Oh, new in town? So how do you like Seattle?”“It's not bad.”They talked a bit about the city and some random things.“’Nice to talk with you, but I gotta go,” said Tommy.“Oh, yes, of course. So... see you around?”“‘Til next time,” said Tommy, and he petted Skeletor once again before running off. Adam went back to the bench, took his things, and headed back home. He probably just imagined it, but he thought Skeletor looked like he was very proud of himself. *** Later, Adam would laugh and laugh, because he would be finally happy. He would laugh because of Tommy, he would breathe because of Tommy, he would be alive because of Tommy. But he would do all these things later, for now he just had to be patient.
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Tommy was tired.Not like after a good sparring session or working out, though. He wasn't tired physically, but, by God, he would fucking love to be. He was tired mentally, and that was so much worse. Because he didn't know what to do. Well, he knew what could help, but he didn't want go back to Vicodin.So when Frank asked him if would like to help his friend with a gym in Seattle, he said yes. Because Seattle was 2500 miles away. It was a place to start again as good as any. He thought living near Brendan and Paddy was like living in the past, and he detested the past.He packed all his things and after promising Brendan he would take care of himself, he flew to Seattle, rented a small apartment near the gym, and hoped that one day he wouldn't be tired anymore. *** Tommy had to admit that even if he didn't care much about the city, Seattle was a rather nice place. It was new and it was good. His job wasn't bad either. Evan, Frank's friend, was a friendly guy who was delighted that Tommy fucking Riordan had agreed to help him. He was a good trainer, too. Maybe not as good as Frank, but at least he wasn't obsessed with Beethoven.He spent most of his days at the gym, helping new guys or training more advanced ones. Of course, he was working out, too. He didn't win Sparta, but that didn't mean he couldn't win any other tournament.Brendan called him sometimes. Tess and the girls were all right, and he was teaching again. Paddy was well, still sober, so from time to time he could see the girls. Brendan asked how Tommy was feeling, about his job, about the city. Tommy always answered the same – it's not bad.Because it wasn't. But he was still so damn tired. *** One day, he decided the gym was a bit too claustrophobic for him. Besides, it wasn't healthy to spend so much time in one place. Then he found this park near his flat and started jogging there. Not every day, just twice a week.The park was big, green, and most importantly – quiet. Tommy liked the feeling that he was anonymous there, nobody recognized him, and he was very grateful for that. He hated the whole fuss he had to deal with after the Sparta tournament.Tommy paid no attention to the people in the park. He was just running and trying not to think. But it was too hard for him not to think, not to feel, and he failed miserably.He had been in Seattle for a couple of months by then, and everything was still the same. He wasn't even a bit less tired, and it made him frustrated. Sometimes he thought he would be tired for the rest of his life. That thought terrified him, but the running helped a bit so he started running every day. *** When Tommy met Adam and his dog for the first time, he thought it was just a coincidence, a break in his daily routine. A nice one, because it was good to talk to somebody who didn't know who he was. Besides, Tommy always had a soft spot for dogs. He never had any when he was a kid and later there was no time for pets, so he really enjoyed those few moments he spent petting Skeletor.And there was something about Adam. Tommy saw him limping from the bench he was sitting on. And his eyes - Tommy knew that look in someone's eyes, he had seen it before. Adam had the eyes of man who had been to hell and back. Although Tommy wondered what kind of hell was it, thinking about it was pointless since he would probably never see Adam again.Besides, he had his own hell inside his head, and he really didn't need another one. *** Tommy was very surprised when he saw Adam again the next day. That time they didn't talk, because Adam was playing with Skeletor. He looked almost happy and Tommy thought it suited him.After that, he would sometimes catch himself searching the park for a sign of Adam and Skeletor. It was a bit disturbing - stalkerish, in Adam's words - but he couldn't resist. He didn't approach Adam and Skeletor, though, because that would be even worse than just looking for them. Tommy wouldn't admit it, but he hoped that maybe the dog would run to him again. Then he would have a reason to speak with Adam.Because he wanted to speak with Adam again. He wanted to know why he was limping; why he had such sad eyes; why he fucking named his dog Skeletor because it was completely ridiculous, even if it suited the dog. And that, just wanting to know more about a stranger, was something more than just a nice break in his routine. Tommy just couldn't name it.He himself didn’t like to pry. In fact, he was as far from nosy as humanly possible; he hated gossipers and people who were too interested in other people’s lives.Tommy just wanted to get to know Adam, because he had a feeling there was a chance that Adam was tired too. And maybe, just maybe, they could find a cure together.That was why Tommy decided enough was enough and the next time he saw Adam, he’d talk to him. So when he didn’t see Adam for about two weeks, he was mad at himself for not talking with Adam when he had a chance to. Knowing his rotten luck, he would never see the man again.But the universe was on his side this time, and when he had just lost hope, there was Adam in the park again. Tommy didn't waste a second, and as soon as he saw the man and his dog, he ran straight to them.“Nice throw,” he said when he approached them.“Thanks, Tommy. Wanna throw him the ball?” said Adam and smiled. He greeted Tommy as if they were good friends, not strangers, who only talked once before.“Actually, yeah. Come on, boy, gimme this,” said Tommy to the dog, which was running near Adam with the ball in his teeth. He played with Skeletor a bit, but after a while the dog was too tired to fetch the ball.“You ran him ragged,” laughed Adam. “Poor guy.”“Sorry. Whaddaya say we… get some water for him and a coffee for you?” asked Tommy, hoping it didn't sound weird or something.Before he could answer, Adam looked at him and blinked his eyes twice or thrice, but then he smiled and said:“I would say yes.”
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Adam learned a lot of things about Tommy. At the beginning, it was difficult because the man didn't talk too much about himself. But as the time passed, he was more and more open with Adam.Tommy was a good listener and observer. Loyal and brave (but he didn't like the last word), he rarely smiled (never in public), but when he did it always reached his eyes. He was good, very good with dogs; Skeletor adored him. He had a sweet tooth, but he was always dieting, so something sweet was a real treat for him. He didn't like war movies or horror films, but he liked period dramas. Adam thought Tommy was kind and gentle even if he looked like... Well, like a guy who meant trouble.Tommy was really delighted Adam didn't know about Sparta.“Well, I was a bit preoccupied, you know,” said Adam, when they were talking about the tournament. “I had my own battle. You were beating other guys, I was beating cancer.”“And you won. Congratulations.”“Yeah, thanks.”“Come on, what's the matter?” asked Tommy.“It's just... Sometimes I just feel like I'm broken. And I hate it. It's even worse when other people think the same. That’s why I broke up with Katherine, why I hate my mother's visits and calls.”“You’re not broken, Lerner. Just... bent.”Adam laughed.“Thank you. That was... Well, that was deep.”“I heard it in a song.”“I bet you did. But thank you. I think that’s the best thing I’ve heard since my operation.”“You're welcome.”It took a lot of time for Tommy to trust Adam enough to tell him about his childhood, how he and his mother left his alcoholic father, how his brother decided not to come with them. He told Adam about his mother's illness, about his time in the army. About his best friend's death. About the fucking tournament, the first meeting with his brother in years. About all his fights, but mostly about the final fight with his own brother. Adam just sat there in silence, because he didn't know what to say. He knew Tommy didn't need coddling because he himself didn’t want it; they both detested it. So Adam just listened and hoped that it would help Tommy.They spent a lot of time together. In the park where they met, in the cafe where they had their first coffee. Sometimes they went to Tommy’s apartment or Adam’s house to watch a movie or some silly reality show. When Tommy learned Adam worked at a radio station, he promised to listen to all his programs. And he kept his word. He called Adam after every program aired to tell him what he thought about it. It was the best motivation Adam had in ages, so he worked even harder because he didn't want to disappoint Tommy, his number one fan.Sometimes Adam complained about his rehabilitation. He felt like he wasn't making any progress because his therapist didn't want to push him too much, even if Adam told him that he was ready. And everybody told him to listen to the guy because he supposedly knew better than Adam. One time, Tommy said, “Screw him. Come to my gym some time and we’ll find something for you. If you think you’re ready, you’re ready.”So working out together became a new way to spend more time together. Although he wasn’t a therapist, Tommy was very patient with him; he knew Adam's limits and pushed them only when he was one-hundred percent sure Adam could do it. If he had any doubts, he asked Adam to stop. Since they started working out together, Adam made more progress than he had managed with his therapist.When Adam thanked him, Tommy just waved his hand and said, “I don't do this just for you, y'know? One day we’ll get you in the ring, it’ll be hilarious.” And Adam laughed so hard he cried. *** Kyle of course noticed the changes in Adam's mood. But he didn't ask any questions, just said, “Good to have ya back, man!” As time passed, though, and Adam's friendship with Tommy blossomed, Kyle started to get suspicious.“It better not be another Rachael or Katherine,” he said one time. So Adam told him about Tommy. His friend just gave him a strange look.“So now he’s your new best friend or something?” he asked.“No way, you’re my best friend. He’s just... Well, second-best doesn't sound good. He’s just… a friend, that’s it. Besides, it's not a competition, you know?”“Yeah, but you spend a lotta time with this guy. I never see you anymore!”“Kyle, for fuck's sake, you see me every day. You pick me up for work. We work together! We hang out together every Saturday!”“But...” started Kyle.“But what?”“You’re talking about him like he’s the best thing since sliced bread! Your eyes fuckin’ sparkle ‘n’ shit, and you’re smiling more. But it’s not even that fake-ass smile, y’know? You’re like beaming, and you have dimples! It’s like you’re- I dunno... like in love with this guy or something.”“You’re crazy, dude, it’s not-- Look, like I said, he’s my friend. We both went through some shit, and he gets it. We just… click.”“Whatever you say, man.”Later that night, Adam thought about Kyle's words.
It’s like you’re- I dunno... like in love with this guy or something.
He wondered if it was even possible to be in love with Tommy. He had never thought about any guy like that. But Tommy... Tommy was special. And Adam was sure their friendship was different from the relationship between him and Kyle. Kyle was his best friend, his buddy. Tommy was something... else. Adam thought about his rare smiles, about his deep voice, his blue-grey eyes. He thought about Tommy's hands on him when they went to the gym - how warm they felt, how right they felt on his body.Then he remembered Kyle's joke.
Next time you should try with a guy.
And maybe Kyle was right.Maybe this time Adam really should try with a guy.
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In the morning, Adam wasn't so sure about this “trying with a guy” thing. Last night, when he was imagining being with Tommy, he forgot the most important thing: he had no idea what Tommy would think about this insane idea. They had known each other for more than a year and Adam knew nothing about Tommy's previous relationships, nothing about ex-girlfriends or boyfriends. Tommy never mentioned anybody and Adam never asked. He didn't need that information, at least not until now.
He felt ridiculous. Thinking about friends in that way was ridiculous. Fucking Kyle, it was all his fault. It was his fault Adam realized that he was in love with Tommy. He was perfectly happy without knowing that, thanks. And now he couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities. Adam was glad Tommy was in New York for a fight. He needed to be alone for a few days to sort this mess out.
***
It took Tommy some time to understand Adam wouldn't help him find a cure for his tiredness. Because Adam himself was the cure. They both got a second chance and Adam taught Tommy how to make the best of it. He was so determined in everything he did – in his rehabilitation, in his work - but sometimes when Adam thought about all those people who saw him as broken, he forgot how strong he was. Luckily, Tommy was there to remind him.
He tried to do that every time they met up. Because for him, Adam was fascinating. Tommy knew Adam would never think that of himself, but it was true. Everything about him was fascinating for Tommy. How shy, almost insecure he was. How he cared about things no one else cared about. How he treated his radio programs like the most important job ever, how much time he spent doing research and writing. How he loved his dog. How he worked out. How he smiled. How he made Tommy feel alive.
Tommy wasn't stupid, he knew himself. Maybe he wasn't the best at expressing feelings, but he knew what he felt. He was falling in love with Adam and he couldn't help it. He liked it. Because if he had to choose between his unrequited love and being tired, he would always choose love. He knew that being Adam's friend was better than not having Adam in his life at all. So he enjoyed all their moments, all the touches (even if sometimes he felt a bit guilty when he touched Adam more than necessary), all the smiles. It was better than nothing.
And now, being in New York, Tommy missed Adam so fucking much. He just wanted to win the fight and come back home. It was strange, thinking about Seattle as home, but it was his home now. Because Adam was there.
***
On the day of Tommy's fight, Adam was a bit surprised when his mother reminded him it had been two years since his operation. She insisted on having dinner to celebrate. Adam agreed and spent the whole evening with his parents. When he was on his way back home, he thought of calling Kyle and hanging out with him for a while before watching Tommy's fight, but he decided not to. Instead, he just returned home and started thinking about his insane idea again.
“Fuck this,” he said suddenly, grabbing his phone and dialing Tommy's home number.
“Tommy? Hi, it's Adam. I know you’re still in New York, but I have something to tell you.”
***
Tommy was suffering from the worst jet-lag ever. He was tired, hungry and had a fucking headache. So when he finally reached his apartment, he wasn't too happy to find a waiting message on his answering machine. He was sure it was from Brendan or Paddy, but he decided to listen to it while changing his clothes.
He was surprised when he heard Adam's voice.
“Tommy? Hi, it’s Adam. I know you’re still in New York, but I have something to tell you. And I think it’s better this way, because I'm too much of a coward to do it face to face. Fuck, I don't even know how to start.... Do you remember one of our first long conversations? When you told me I was a real warrior? Well, I still don't agree with you, but that’s not my point. You also said I deserved to be happy… and you were right. I fucking deserve to be happy.
“You know, today’s my anniversary. It's been two years since my operation. And this call is my gift to myself… to celebrate. Because I still have my whole life ahead of me, and I don't wanna waste it any more. I don't wanna so scared and paranoid. You know what I want? I just wanna be somebody's whole world. No, not just somebody's…. Yours. I wanna be your whole world. Because I love you, Tommy. I'm so in love with you that it scares the hell outta me. ‘Cause I don't know what to do. I’ve never been in love before. I thought I was, but now I'm sure it wasn't love. God, I'm babbling, I'm sorry. I just... You’re my friend, but I don't want you to be just my friend. Kyle’s my friend but I don't miss him when he’s gone, I don't think about his smile, and I definitely don't imagine how he looks naked. I can’t believe I just said that.
“I... I just want you. You make me happy. You don't see me as a broken man. What’d you say? ‘You’re not broken, Lerner, just bent.’ And I believe you. You make me strong. I want to be strong… for you. I want to be the man you could be proud of. The man you could love. I... I hope it’s possible. Is it, Tommy? If not, please, please... Don't turn your back on me. I can't imagine my life without you. Oh God, it sounds so pathetic… but it's true. So... so just let me know when you listen to this, okay? I’ll watch your fight tonight, and I’ll cheer for you. So... ‘bye.”
Tommy listened to the message again. And again… and again. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. All those words he thought he would never hear, but they were real. Adam said them. Adam was in love with him. Tommy was still processing all the facts, but at that moment he couldn’t believe how stupid - how stupid - Adam was to even think that Tommy might consider rejecting him.
So he just took his hoodie and ran from his apartment, hoping he could catch a taxi. He was lucky, and half an hour later, he was standing in front of Adam's door. It was God knows how late and his knocking on the door was so loud in the silence of the night. He kept knocking impatiently until Skeletor started barking.
“Jesus, shut up, Skeletor,” he heard, and then Adam, still half-asleep, opened the door.
“Tommy? What are you doing here?”
“I got your message.”
“Oh,” was all Adam managed, because then Tommy kissed him like it was the only thing that could keep him alive.
“How could you think I wouldn't want you? Adam... You are the cure, the cure for my tiredness. You are the cure for the all bad things that have ever happened to me. I love you, you silly, paranoid--” Adam didn’t even let him finish; he kissed Tommy again, grabbing his hoodie and pulling him into the house.
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Tommy's skin was covered in tattoos and scars. His lips were soft and delicious, oh so delicious. Adam would never get enough of them, not when he knew how they tasted. Tommy's hands were impatient and trembling, like he was afraid he would do something wrong and Adam would hate it and ask to stop. But Adam didn't want to stop, he wanted everything Tommy could give him and more. He had never felt so wanted, so desired.And it looked like Tommy felt the same, because he was whispering Adam's name like a prayer, like a secret only Tommy knew, like a mystery only Tommy could solve. Like Adam was the beginning and the end of everything. And maybe Adam was all these things. He felt he could be everything Tommy wanted him to be.They were kissing and touching, exploring their bodies with fingers and lips, tongues and teeth. They were testing and tasting, learning and teaching, giving and receiving.They were whole again. *** Tommy hadn't slept the whole night. Instead, he had watched Adam in his peaceful sleep. He still couldn't believe his luck. If Adam hadn't been brave enough to call him, they would still be miserable and lonely. It was more proof to Tommy of how amazing Adam was. It was dumb, he knew it was, but he had pinched himself a few times to check if he was dreaming. And every time he felt the pain, he smiled because it meant the whole night was real and he wouldn't wake up alone in his big, cold bed.He was with Adam, who tasted like hope, like a promise of a better life. With Adam, who touched him as if Tommy was the most precious thing in the whole universe. With his brave, strong, and wonderful Adam. His Adam. And there wasn't any better place for Tommy than Adam's bed, even if it was way too small for the two of them. *** It was late morning when Adam woke up and the first thing he saw after opening his eyes was Tommy. So Adam smiled, because waking up with Tommy in his bed was definitely the best way to start a new day. Adam decided he wanted all his days to start like that from now on. He was about to say “good morning” but just before he could open his mouth, Tommy's lips were on his. When the kiss ended, Adam said, “Well, hello to you, too.”Tommy said nothing, just put his face between Adam's shoulder and neck and inhaled Adam's scent, like it was more vital than oxygen. Adam pulled him closer and hugged him. It seemed it was all Tommy needed, because he made a happy sound and Adam thought it was adorable, but he would never say that out loud. Because no man in the history of the world would ever want to be described as “adorable.”“Why don't we stay in bed all day?” asked Adam eventually.“We can't. Someone has to take Skeletor for a walk.”“Mmm, yeah, I forgot.”“You forgot about your own dog? Shame on you, Adam.”“Well, it's your fault. You could make me forget about everything.”“Even about bad things?”“Especially about bad things.”Adam looked into Tommy's eyes and saw that he meant every single word.“I believe in you,” he said. *** Adam was laughing. Laughing because it all started with Kyle's joke. And Kyle was very smug about it.“You owe me, dude,” he said. “Because if it wasn't for me, you’d still be looking for some chick and we all know how that usually turns out. And now? Adam, I’m just gonna say this once, so listen up. I have never seen you so happy... and it would be really great if you could stay this happy all the time.Adam was laughing, because it seemed like movies weren't as unreal as he thought. His and Tommy’s was a bit cliché, and it could actually make a good movie. They might be played by some hot Hollywood actors, and maybe the movie would win an Oscar, because why the hell not. But their lives weren't a movie. They were better. They were real.Adam was laughing, because Skeletor adored Tommy. Sometimes he thought his dog loved Tommy more than him. And it was fine, because Tommy deserved all the love he could get. Adam wanted to spend the rest of his life loving him, cherishing him. He knew Tommy wanted to do the same for him.Even if being together was not always easy, even if sometimes their pasts came back to them, haunted them, they fought for their future. They fought for their love, their happiness, because it was something worth fighting for. Because they were both warriors, the greatest warriors in the whole fucking universe.Even if their chances of succeeding in anthing were less than 50/50, they still tried, because giving up just wasn't an option for them.They had a whole bright future ahead of them. A future without tiredness, without emptiness.A whole bright future together.