Work Text
'Oh, I lost my fucking mind It happens all the time 'Cause I can't stand myself I'm an asshole baby Oh, I'm fashionably late I'm the one you love to hate 'Cause I can't stand myself 'Cause I'm an asshole baby' sighing I rolled over on my bed to turn off the alarm. Walking over to my mirror I sigh looking at my body, I hate it. I lift up my shirt running my fingers down my stomach, feeling the scars I made last night. Letting a tear fall I decided it was time to get ready for the day. Throwing my blue hair up in a messy bun, throwing on some clothes. Grabbing my skateboard and bag I decided to just go out my window, hopefully dogging my father. Putting in my earphones boarding to school, praying to a god I don't believe in that Connor and Jessica will go easy on me today considering I don't have time to cover up anything before work today. Around five minutes later I arrived to the school, and not even a minute later I hear her voice. "Well, Well, Well. Who do we have here. I can't believe you haven't killed yourself yet. It's not like anybody cares if you are here or not." Jessica said, popping her gum loudly. I keep my head down, "Oh look what we have here." I heard Connor say, coming up and wrapping his arm around Jessica kissing her. I should explain, Connor here is my ex boyfriend. We dated for nearly a year, until he decided we was going to start hurting me. I wouldn't put out for him so he found someone who would. Jessica, my ex best friend. She knew everything about me and now, well she uses it against me. Both of them made it there goal to make my life hell. "Just please, leave me alone for one day." I said almost begging, I hear a laugh. "You wish sweetheart" next thing I know I feel a sharp pain to my eye and my head hitting the locker. I felt a kick to my side and glass braking, I sighed knowing it was my glasses they broke for what seems like the millionth time. Next thing I feel is Jessica's luke-warm coffee dripping down my face and back. Tears are already streaming down my face as I grab my bag; running out of the building blindly trying to find my skateboard. Picking it up I ran, I ran to the only place I felt safe. It's a hidden lake in the middle of the woods a few minutes from my house. I sat down on the rock and cried. I couldn't keep it in anymore, looking through my bag to grab my song writing book. Tears streaming down my face I started to write I take these pills to make me thinI dye my hair, and cut my skinI tried everything, to make them see meBut all they see, is someone that's not meEven when I'm walking on a wireEven when I set myself on fireWhy do I always feel invisible, invisibleEveryday I try to look my bestEven though inside I'm such a messWhy do I always feel invisible, invisibleHere inside, my quiet heartYou cannot hear, my cries for helpI tried everything, to make them see meBut every one, see's what I can't beEven when I'm walking on a wireEven when I set myself on fireWhy do I always feel invisible, invisibleEveryday I try to look my bestEven though inside I'm such a messWhy do I always feel invisible, invisibleSometimes when I'm aloneI pretend that I'm a queenIt's almost believableEven when I'm walking on a wireEven when I set myself on fireWhy do I always feel invisible, invisibleEveryday I try to look my bestEven though inside I'm such a messWhy do I always feel invisible, invisiblePutting my book back in my bag I laid down to take a nap, waiting until I know my dad will be at work.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Waking up to my alarm saying that I have an hour until work, smelling like old coffee I decided to run home and home I can be ready by then. Slipping into my black shirt and pants, putting on my name tag along with my hat I started to Pizza Hut. Sadly It being a Friday afternoon means everyone will be ordering pizza to there houses. Half way to work I realized that I didn't cover up my eye, so I started to make up excuses to tell my boss when I get there. As I walked in I was five minutes late and the place was crowded. Happy I only delivered pizza's I walked into the back seeing a few Pizza's already waiting for me. "Your late Mc-" she looked up at me cutting herself off, "Oh my goodness darling what happened!" sighing I made up some shit excuse about falling off my skateboard and hitting myself in the eye. Thankfully she bought it and let me go take the pizza's. Plugging the address into my GPS system I noticed it was in the richer part of town, I also noticed it was one of the Five Star Hotels. Not sure why someone with that kind of money would order pizza but I went with it. After dropping off the first few pizza's I got to the hotel. Getting looks as I got out of the company car in my uniform I got into the elevator. Feeling out of place in this kind of area, being used to a small hut for a house and having little to no money, it was strange. Finding the room I needed I knocked loudly turning my head to the floor so I couldn't see them, I heard some guys fighting on who should get the door. Finally it opened, as I looked up I came face to face with Luke Hemmings. Composing myself quickly I smiled "I have four large pizza's and that will be $40.00 even" I said taking them out of the bag, and handing them to Luke. I see Michael grabbing the money, then looking up at me. His eyes going wide, not really wondering why until I notice he's looking at my face, more specifically my eye. I quickly look down embarrised that I even showed him my face. "Umm have a great night" I said lifting my head quilckly then turning around and running to the elevator and out to the car. I just met my idiols with a black eye, I almost wanted to cry. Heading back to work I dropped off the car, said a quick goodbye to Mrs. Jones, and skated home. Knowing my dad would eather be pissed drunk or asleep by now. As I walking in I noticed the bills on the table and my dad asleep on the couch. I quietly walked up to my room and got in the shower. After my shower I got an urge, It had been only a day since I did this to myself. I grabbed my razor and walked back into my bathroom. Not even flinching as I slid it across my thigh and stomach. One cut for being worthless. Another for being ugly. Before I knew it I had ten more cuts total. Sighing I let it bleed a little before cleaning up. I changed into some comfy clothes and logged on to Tumblr. Laughing at some of the things I see, re blogging a lot of things, and checking my messages before writing a new post. As I logged off of tumblr and onto twitter I decided I would tweet Michael. @McKenna0: Michael5SOS Is like that extra mcnugget you find in your 10 pack, he makes your day better and you feel all happy when you see him, but at the same time you really wanna get it in your mouth as soon as possible. Happy with what it said, I laid down and slowly fell asleep.
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I slowly drew the fridge door open and squinted as the light from its door pierced the darkness. It was late and I was desperately searching for a late night snack to tide me over till morning. The house was abnormally quiet that night. I could usually hear the gentle whir of the electronic clock above the stove. But not that night. I heard a tap on the rooftop, followed by another. Rain began to dance on the shingles, and the trees seemed to whisper as a breeze careened through their branches. I remember smiling to myself - I have always loved a summer rainstorm. Food in hand, still half blind in the darkness, I fumbled through the house, making my way back to my bedroom. As I settled into bed and pulled my warm comforter over me, I felt crumbs from my sandwich fall to the sheets. I just laughed to myself, I was both too hungry and tired to care. Suddenly, the darkness of my bedroom was interrupted by a flash of lightning, illuminating my room through a nearby window. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of fear and I felt my flesh grow cold as I heard branches angrily scratching the glass from my window. I pulled the comforter over my head and paused for a brief moment. 'What a fool I am,' I said out loud.' 'Afraid of nature's temper tantrum and a few noises in the rainstorm - and at my age!' The trees still seemed to whisper and I thought I heard my name. Did I hear a voice, or was fear playing some trick on my mind? 'McKenna,' I heard, weakly at first, as though someone was calling me from a distance. My heart pounded and I instinctively drew the comforter tightly around me, my body shaking with fear. 'Mckenna,' the voice called to me again, louder this time and more insistent. 'Not again, please God, not again,' I whimpered softly. My heart was aching, racing and I felt as though it would surely explode. Fearfully, I peered out from under the comforter and gazed towards the window. To my horror, I saw a face, horribly disfigured, staring back at me. I threw off the comforter and dashed towards the doorway. I knew if I could escape my room, I could be free from the horrible face in the window. In a split second, just before I reached the doorway, I heard the shattering sound of broken glass. Nearly frozen with fear, I turned towards the window, and gasped as I realized the creature was in the room with me. I groped for the doorway, where I thought it was anyway. To my horror, the door was no longer there, replaced by smooth and cold rock. I touched the wall and quickly recoiled. A slimy substance was oozing down the walls, with an odor that made me feel physically ill. I could hear the creature breathing and knew it was watching me, stalking me, waiting to strike. I felt nauseous and began frantically groping along the wall, desperately seeking a doorway for escape. I realized there was no hope. I turned to face the evil in the hopes of defending myself. My fists raised and shaking, I awaited the creature's next move. I felt my legs shake as a loud scream pierced my ears. I felt a burning pain in my shoulders as the creature sprang towards me, sinking its claws deep into me. In the next moment, it pinned me against the wall with a force that shattered my bedposts, sending shards of brass everywhere. Warm blood poured down my chest as the creature sank its claws deeper in my shoulders. Blinded by fear, weak with pain - I could only hear and feel the creature, now inches away from me, its rancid breath hot on my face. In a raspy voice, it spoke to me saying, "It's time to die." I futilely struggled to break free of its grasp, but only felt more pain as it sank its claws in deeper to restrain me. I felt an agonizing pain overtake me as the creature broke my spine. I screamed again and again, but the louder I cried out, the tighter the creature's grip on my shoulders became. With a forceful lunge, it clamped its jaws on my throat and I heard the sickening sound of the tearing of my own flesh. The creature backed off of its bite and let out a chilling and triumphant scream. I began to choke on my own blood. Like the rain pouring on the rooftop, blood gushed from my wounds and I knew death would come quickly. I silently prayed, 'Please let it be over quickly.' In a last, feeble attempt to escape, I managed only to fall to the floor. With a final baneful scream, the creature lunged at me and I turned to face my certain doom. And with that final scream of agony, I woke up and sat, staring at my computer screen, sweat pouring down my body like rain. The storm had subsided and the branches of the trees had ceased their restless swaying. Shaken, I look around my eyes landing on the clock it's five in the morning. Getting up with shaky legs, I walk to the bathroom looking myself in the mirror. Seeing the tears running down my face, I wipe them off. I have been having the same dream for a few years now, since my mom passed away. Sighing I step into the shower washing everything away, getting ready for my day. "McKenna! Get your useless ass down here and make me breakfast!" I heard my 'father' yell pounding on my door. "I'm coming, I'm coming" I yelled back throwing on some sweats and a top running downstairs, after almost slipping on the last step I got to the kitchen and started working on my famous pancakes. After about thirty minutes the pancakes, bacon, and eggs were done my dad came downstairs looking decent for work for a first. "What the hell are you looking at go away, clean or something! This house is a mess." he yelled, mouth full of food. Rolling my eyes as I turned around, mumbling under my breath hoping he didn't hear; luck obviously luck wasn't on my side today 'cause the next thing I know I'm being pushed up against the wall, my father's eyes glaring at me. "What did you just say?" he practicality growled, "N-nothing" I said, trying to move his hands away from my neck; hardly able to breath. "I know you said something, what was it. Fucking tell me now!" He demanded, pushing harder on my neck. "I-I said" trying to breath "I said, m-maybe if you p-p-picked up after y-yourself it wouldn't be a m-mess" I said attempting to get it all out. That's when I felt a punch to my stomach, bending down grabbing it I started to cry. He pulled me up by my hair so I was looking him in the eyes "Say something like that again, I promise it will only be worse." nodding, he let me go and left for work. Sighing, I picked up the house it wasn't much of a chore because our house is so small. Deciding that it was clean enough I went upstairs and turned on some All Time Low; somehow they always help, I started writing a new song in my journal. My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn't work again,
I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again,
It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends,
I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends,
Ones a bottle of pills, ones a bottle of gin,
I'm twenty stories up, yeah I'm up at the top,
I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off,
Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,
I bet my momma found my letter, now shes calling the cops,
I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it,
'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance,
Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent,
'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,
I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife,
But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice,
I never bought a suit before in my life,
But when you go to meet God, you know you wanna look nice.So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow.My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn't work again,
I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.We hit the sky, there goes the light, no more sun, why's it always night?
When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream,
When you can't dream, well, what's life mean?
We feel a little pity, but don't empathize
The old are getting older, watch a young man die,
A Mother and a Son and someone you know, smile at each other and realize you don't,
You don't know what happened to that kid you raised,
What happened to the Father, who swore he'd stay?
I didn't know 'cause you didn't say,
Now Momma feels guilt, yeah Momma feels pain,
When you were young, you never thought you'd die,
Found that you could but too scared to try,
You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye,
Climb to the roof to see if you could fly.So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow.My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend
I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn't work again,
I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,
Like a bird so high,
Oh I might just try,
I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,
Like a bird so high,
Oh I might just try,
Oh I might just try.I closed my journal and looked at the time, it's only half past nine. I don't go to work until two on Saturdays so I decided to try and take a nap.
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I woke to the sound of my alarm, getting up I got dressed into my work uniform which consisted of all black pants, shirt, shoes, and hat. Along with my name tag, I put my hair up in a messy ponytail and decided to cover up my bruises around my neck and eye. Sighing, I took out my make up and started working; flinching with the make up pad came in contact with my tender skin. After deciding I looked okay I grabbed my jacket and skateboard and headed to work.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I woke to the sound of my alarm, getting up I got dressed into my work uniform which consisted of all black pants, shirt, shoes, and hat. Along with my name tag, I put my hair up in a messy ponytail and decided to cover up my bruises around my neck and eye. Sighing, I took out my make up and started working; flinching when the make up pad came in contact with my tender skin. After deciding I looked okay I grabbed my jacket and skateboard and headed to work.
As I walked into Pizza Hut, I dodged my way around and started cleaning up tables already seeing the line of teenagers ready to eat and make a mess of things. Sighing as I heard the bell go off; telling me an order was ready for drop off. I picked up the six pizza's considering I have two places to go to, and started walking through the back door and to the Pizza Hut car. It's truly a shit car but this job isn't much better. As I put the pizza down I started to drive, I knew this address. I used to come to this house everyday, just to get away from my father. Not able to drive without the radio on I turned it on just as Taylor Swifts new song came on, I smiled and started to sing along. My mom always used to tell me I had an amazing voice, along with Jessica the only two people I ever sang in front of. Sadly now she was heading to Jessica's house now, and she knows that the only reason she ordered pizza is because Connor was at her place. She never eats pizza by herself anymore ever since she became popular. The next place I had to go to was the same hotel I went to last night, I sighed when I pulled into the driveway. It's now or never.
Walking up to the door I put a smile on my face, even though it hurt just to do that. Connor answered and just like I guessed he started to laugh; "Why don't you come in? We have a surprise for you." Connor said, an evil glint in his eyes. "U-um no, but it's $10.07 for the pizza." I said, avoiding his eyes. "No, I think you will come in; well you will if you want to be paid." He said, I nodded walking in. As soon as I stepped foot into the house I was pulled to the floor by Connor; Jessica shutting the door behind me. Connor set the pizza down as I felt Jessica's heel step on my hand. Screaming out in pain I tried not to cry, I din't want to give them that satisfaction. By the time I realized Connor was back was when I felt his foot connect to my stomach; he lifted me up and Jessica held my hands behind my back as he started hitting me. Punching me in my eye, nose, and stomach. Hitting my fresh scars, by this time the tears were steadily coming down my face; not daring to making a sound. I could feel blood dripping down my face by the time they were done; as the finished Connor dropped me to the floor throwing the money at me. Quickly I got up grabbed the ten dollar bill and ran out the door not bothering with the change. As I got to the car I realized I still had pizza to deliver to the hotel, looking around in the car for napkins I couldn't find any. I guess I'll have to deal. Driving to the hotel only took a few minutes; I already knew I was late and I knew they got free pizza.
I probably lost my job because of them, but I got out of the car anyways wiping a bit of blood away with my shirt. Walking with my head down I knocked on the door; this time Ashton answered the door. "Here's your pizza; sorry about the wait." I said, not daring to look up. "First you are late and now you can't look me in the eyes to apologize?" Ashton said taking the pizza's; I looked up. "I-I'm sorry a-about the wait." I said stuttering, his eyes widened as he saw the blood dried on my face and my black eye. "Oh my gosh" Ashton said "LUKE, CALUM, MICHAEL GET IN HERE NOW" Ashton yelled, hearing the boys run to the door I ducked my head down. "What Ashton?" Calum asked, confused on why he had yelled. "Take the Pizza" Ashton said, handing it to Calum and puling me into the hotel room. Luke shut the door as Ashton set me down on the couch, still not looking up at anybody. "Michael go get a warm wet rag, Luke go grab the bandages and peroxide. Now." Ashton said to the confused boys. "Ashton, I'm fine. I don't need help." I said quietly, he didn't say anything. Once all the boys walked back into the room Luke spoke up, "What's going on? Who is she?" he asked, the two other boys agreeing. Ashton shook his head, "Look at me" Ashton said to me, I looked up hearing gasps all around. I felt Ashton dabbing my skin, I flinched as the rag touched my cuts and bruises; as Ashton got done we were all sitting there in silence. "Okay I'm going to ask, what the hell happened?" Michael questioned breaking the silence, I sighed. "U-Um would you believe I fell?" I questioned they shook there heads no; "Okay, well let's start from the beginning; you might want to sit down." The boys nodded and all sat down, Michael and Ashton sat beside me, Luke and Calum sat on the table in front of me. "First my name is McKenna. And okay, so my mom passed away a few years ago and my father well he blames me for her death. As soon as he gets home from work he gets drunk; he either goes out to find some girl to fuck or he stays home and hurts me. He throws things, hits me, everything. Then at school, my ex boyfriend-" I stopped taking gasping for air from crying so hard. I hadn't even noticed I was crying so bad. I felt arms elope me, I flinched but started crying to the shoulder of whoever hugged me. "Shhh it's okay McKenna, you don't have to tell us." I noticed it was Michael hugging me, rubbing my back soothingly, I shook my head no. "N-no I need to finish. M-my ex boyfriend i-is now dating my ex best friend and are what happened to me tonight. Right before I came to deliver here I had to drop off a pizza at his house. That's when they started hurting me, the did it outside off school because I ran out Friday. I deserve it really." I said, looking up; still in Michael's arms. I looked at the boys, Luke was crying, Calum looked close to tears, Ashton looked pissed, and Michael looked ready to kill. It was silent, almost a scary silent. "U-um what time is it?" I asked, looking at one of the boys. "It's 9:55 right now." Calum said, putting his phone back away. "Shit. Shit shit shit I'm late, he's going to kill me." I said to myself, pulling myself out of Michael's arms. "What's going on?" Ashton asked, "My dad. He's going to kill me for being late I am suppose to be home by 10 cause I get off work at 9. I still have to go back to work grab my skate bored and go pick up supper." I said panicking, almost in tears. He's really going to kill me. "Wait! we can't let you go back to him!" Michael said grabbing my hand, the boys agreeing right away. "I have to, just keep an eye on twitter. If it gets to bad I'll tweet all of you in one tweet saying Baseball. Now I need to go. Thank you for everything." I said, running out the door and out to the car.
Driving well over the speed limit I got to Pizza Hut dropping off the money, adding a 50 into it for the five other pizza's and clocked out. Grabbing my bored I stopped by Mcdonald's praying that he's not to mad. Riding home hurt more than anything, but I made it to my house. Nervously walking up to the door I opened it, hearing the TV I cursed to myself. I quietly shut the door, hoping he wouldn't hear he did. He came up to me faster than I thought was possible for him. "Where the hell have you been?" He asked, so close to my face. "I-I was at work" I said, hoping he would believe me; "Don't lie to me bitch" he said grabbing my shoulders and pushing me into the wall. I hit my head and fell to the floor, he started kicking me hitting the bruises harder. He did one final kick and I heard a crack as he walked away "I'm going out!" he yelled leaving me on the ground, bleeding. I slowly grabbed my phone out of my pocket, groaning in pain as I open Twitter; new tweet @McKenna0: @Michael5SOS @Luke5SOS @Ashton5SOS @Calum5SOS Baseball. pressing send I couldn't wait for a reply as I passed out from the pain and blood loss.