Work Text
Voices from a tv burbled in the background, as two figures strode around a room."Okay, what's McClusterfuck up to? Is he gonna piss in the pot or what?""Fuck knows," came the reply as a wadded ball of paper sailed into the corridor. Obediah Ormskirk Outhwaite nodded silently to himself as he strolled along, "Some things never change. The presence of ladies and Ne-, oh my goodness, I mean African-Americans, that is indeed a change, but the salty language shall evermore." He chuckled and continued his ghostly perambulations along the corridors of power, venality, and back-stabbing.
*****
Amy was busy wilth a recalcitrant coffee-maker, muttering as she slapped the buttons, "C'mon! Work!"Obediah tossed a coin and nodded at the result, flicking a sparkle from his fingers to the coffee machine. Sparks flew and Amy yelped as she jumped back, shaking her hand. Dan was by her side at almost superhuman speed and took her hand."Are you okay? That thing's a death trap!" Dan glared at the now silent machine, its orange power indicator glowing like a budget HAL 9000.Amy flexed her fingers. "Hmmm. Tingly fingers."Dan smiled his best smile, "From the machine, or maybe it's because I'm here?""Oh yeah, all sparks, no real buzz, that's you all right." Amy snorted. Dan's reply was cut off as Jonah suddenly appeared in the doorway, grinning as he asked, "Secret tryst?" Dan scowled. "Knock it off, she got a shock."Jonah sighed, nodding in sympathy. "Yeah, women do tend to get a shock when they see my enormous penis. Gotta go! Important business."With that, he hurried away, leaving Amy to stare at his retreating figure. "Who let him out of an eighth grade classroom?" She turned back to Dan. "You can stop that now.""Stop what?" Dan asked, with all the innocence he could muster."That." Amy looked down."My hands are dirty, too." Dan smiled.Amy narrowed her eyes. "Are you doing a nerd bit on me? I feel that's something from a nerd film.""I could quote something from Sleepless in Seattle, or one of those other crappy chick flicks." Dan shrugged."You're such a charmer, Dan." Amy laughed, despite herself.Dan looked down and stroked her hand. "Yeah, I know. I also noticed you haven't pulled your hand away. I guess you do like scoundrels, after all." Amy raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Don't let anyone touch that machine, I'm going to go find the number for maintenance." She slipped her hand out of his, paused at the doorway with a smile, then walked away. Dan smiled dreamily as he leant back against the wall, and murmured to himself. "Fuck yeah, I'm good." He propped his hand against the machine and yelped as it gave him a shock, "Holy fuck, that was a big one!"
From the hallway, Jonah's voice floated in, "Yeah, I get that a lot..." Obediah smiled to himself, this one wasn't going to need a coin toss. He decided to follow the hulking young man.
*****
Slipping into Selina's office with Jonah, Obediah steepled his fingers together. He searched through the amusing insults he'd heard thrown Jonah's way, smiled at the common theme and sent a flickering series of sparkles towards him.Selina's voice was almost a guttural choke. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." Jonah shrugged. "I'm sorry, Ma'am. Don't shoot the messenger."Selina flapped the document folder, and hissed, "Don't. Tempt. Me. I'm talking about that!" She prodded Jonah's jacket pocket with the folder.Jonah groaned. "Ma'am, are you making fun of my sartorial style?""NO, I am talking about that rather, no, that extremely large dildo sticking out of your pocket!" Selina stared in horrified fascination.Wide-eyed with shock, Jonah pulled the dildo out of his jacket. "I. I...This isn't mine. It must be Dan's. Or Amy's." Selina titled her head out of the way as Jonah turned it around and closely inspected it. She closed her eyes and drew a finger across the air between them. "Jonah, you do not point a dildo at the Vice President. Ever. Go. Now."Still fumbling with the dildo, Jonah muttered, "I'm so sorry. I don't know how this happened." He managed to shove the toy under his jacket and staggered out of the doorway.Selina slumped into her chair, "Jeez, it's like some damn perverted magic act..."
*****
Obediah lamented he only had one day a year to have fun. He gazed at the clock on Sue's monitor, then waved his fingers. With perfect timing, Kent strolled into the office.Sue nodded a cool greeting and returned to her desk to check Selina's schedule. "You're a little early, but that shouldn't be a problem."Kent nodded. "I'm sure it would make a change from all the vital meetings she has with cheese farmers." He glanced down, expecting to see planning schedules on her screens. He frowned and tilted his head round.Sue sat down and her face froze, eyes staring, first at one screen, then the other. "Who did this? Who. Did. This?""You appear to have many little pictures of me, some of which have Photoshopped flower crowns on. Interesting." Kent looked up, face neutral, but with an amused twinkle in his eye.
"I did not do this. Someone is pranking us. I - Jonah!" Sue shouted at the blur that ran down the corridor.
*****
"Chap stick, chap stick, chap stick." Gary knew every inch of the bag, every item. The item in his hand was not supposed to be there. He gazed at it. A pink nose twitched in return. "Um."Selina stared at the rabbit, trying not to laugh. "The only way I could be more amazed is if you had just pulled a kitchen sink out of there."Obediah smiled, satisfied at all the little pranks he'd pulled that day. Same time, next year, he laughed to himself before fading away to the other-world.