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Just like that and he was gone. The last words to come out of his mouth were ," I'll be right back, five minutes tops I promise." Then he jumped into the passenger seat of a red porsche carrera gt, and off he went. It was no big thing, I knew how much he loved his cars with all his heart. I had a feeling that he would be safe and sound. For 13 yrs I watched him behind a wheel of any type of car, after all we did have 17 cars of different types. After five minutes when he had left I had decided to pack up the toys from the toy run and get them set to be delivered before he got back. I had the biggest grin on my face to see how much support was shown for his foundation, "Reach out Worldwide" I was just bundling up the last item when I heard the loudest bang coming from outside it was as if Godzilla was in the mist of invading Tokyo. I dropped the item and quickly rushed outside. All I could see was everyone rushing around in sheer panic going in different directions. I grabbed a hold of someone's arm and screamed," What happened? tell me what is going on?'. He looked at me whoever it was with tears in his eyes ,"Come, there's been a car accident we need all the help we can get". I ran with him into his car, I jumped in the passenger seat and we sped to where the accident had occurred. As the car came to a complete stop I saw so many people gathered around the street screaming. I jumped out of the car and ran up to a friend I recognized. "Mark! Mark! what the hell?." I saw mark quickly turn around with tears streaming down his face, "Haven I...I..can't make this any easier for u... he's gone". Who is gone I don't know who he is so I asked, "Who mark who?''. He grabbed my shoulders and whispered, "Baby, Paul.. Paul is gone". and he turned me around to where the accident was. All I saw was the biggest flame coming through what looked to be a red porsche and smoke was all in the air. I couldn't grasp it, but just as I took my next breath I felt as if it was my last. Oh, how I wanted it to be. He had just left me in a red porsche for one quick ride and promise he'd be right back. My eyes started to burn.. the tears started to flow. at the moment I felt my legs shatter beneath me as I fell to my knees. Mark grabbed me in his arms, " NO!!!.. not possible no.. not my Paul!!!." I could feel more people gather around me and join in a big group hug. I screamed to the burning car, "Paul!!!, this isn't funny your not in there I know your not". " Pleasssee baby don't leave me I can't be alone you promised you be right....ba.....ck" and at that moment I felt myself slip away.
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" Have you seen how many hot guys are here Haven?". Really its a nice relaxing day at the Butterfly beach, the sun is shining , no work today, I'm joying my nice sleep and I get woken up with a rhetorical question. I lift my shades off my face and give Victoria a retarded look, "Yes I am able to see that usually what you see at a beach in California". Now if I could just get back to sleep, " Girl, lets go in the wa wa water!!" , before I can say no Victoria literally grabs my right hand, lifts me off my blanket and we go running into the nice cool ocean. This water actually feels pretty damn good maybe she had something right . I get ready to lean back when I feel this big gush of air hit me on my back. I quickly turn around to yell at Victoria, but shes gone she strands me probably talking to some hot guy. But where did that big gush of air come from I look around and nothing. So time to lean back and enjoy God's many wonders of life, " I apologize for bumping into you." I turn my head to the left and standing in front of me is this tall gorgeous man. He has to be at least 6 foot tall, I let my eyes wonder over him I mean how much trouble could it get me in,He's got short dark brown hair, I skim to where we are seeing eye to eye. My heart stops he has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen on a man. It's as if I'm seeing the ocean bouncing off into his eyes. I could just stay right here for a long time and drift off to sea. But, he startles me with a laugh I have to catch my breath because now I'm falling in love with not only his eyes but his laugh what else can he do. "My bros and I were catching a few waves and I slipped off my board are u OK?''. Am I OK he asks ha, " Um yes and thank you for checking on me," Oh my God Haven what the fuck say something else hes freaking hot. I reach out my left hand to him, "My name is Haven". He responds, "Paul.. Paul Walker". I follow his lips as he speaks his name all I can think is what those lips could do to mine. As hes shaking my hand I look at his hand and think the same thing as his lips. What is going on here? Why am I thinking such things about a stranger. " You are a gorgeous view." how about that I called him a gorgeous view. He smiles at me gives a thank you and offers to take me out for coffee. I mean sure why not what harm could it be. I get out of the water with him following we walk to my blanket to get my cellphone. I have him type in his number and I write down mine for his. "OK, sounds good haven see you at Starbucks say 7ish?". I say sure and he walks off. Of course my eyes follow him as he walks away he sure has the perfect back view. Finally Victoria shows up Il give a big grin, "Guess what? I met a guy his name is Paul Walker and he has invited me to coffee hmm". I see the look on her face, her eyes are getting huge and she squeals, "Shut the fuck up!, The Paul Walker.. Mr.Fast and Furious." OK whatever that means. "Yes whatever you just said". She gives me a huge hug ,and a quick high five and we leave the beach. I got a date with as Victoria put it , "Mr. Fast and Furious" I just wonder if he lives up to that name. I pull up to Starbucks and I walk in seems to not be very busy at all today which is nice. I see Paul sitting in a corner with two cups of coffees. "Hi, Paul." He looks up at me with that smile from the beach that melt me. "Nice to see you again Haven." He kindly pulls out my chair for me and waits for me to sit. I scoot myself in as he takes a word in before I do, "So, tell me about yourself." Oh gosh what should I tell him that won't scare him off, "I'm 27, I work at a surf shop. I'm a college student, I like fast cars, and I love to shop." He laughs, " Me too". I ask, " You love to shop?''. He coughs, "No I love fast cars I am a race car driver, a animal activist and an actor on the side." I ask him what kind of acting he does , he tells me hes famous for the fast and furious films and that acting was just a way for him to pay college loans. Because he was in college to become a marine biologist before his career took off. Well,Victoria was right I had hooked up with Mr. Fast and Furious. We at least sit and talk for about 3 hrs just about life, love, and California. I see that he has a watch on and I grab his right hand to take a peek at the time. But instead of checking the time are fingers in twine together. I feel a sensation course throughout my whole body something that I have never experience before in my life ever. I play with his fingers their so soft and fit just so firm over mine. Were both quiet not saying a thing just playing with each others fingers. I look up at him what happens now. Both not only are our fingers locked together, our eyes are now locked. Is this something that happens in real life or just in stories. He finally speaks, "I want to kiss you if that's OK?" Should I let him hmm yes I should I give him a smile and my answer, "Yes." He leans over the table grabs my face in his big hands and kisses me. His lips are just as soft as his hands . I take it all in and of course enjoy it as well. We separate long enough for the both of us to come up for air. "I quite enjoyed that very much'', I whisper. I rest my forehead against his just so I can keep myself from falling over. He responds, "Let's get out of here, I'll take you to my place."
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He always use to tell me that I was his safe haven. No matter where we were, or what we were doing Paul would say, "You are my safe haven." I even decided to get that tattooed across my left hip and it made him smile. His parents have come to me just after three weeks of his passing for help on where he should be buried , the service, and his gravestone. I don't know if my heart could take it, but I cant just hide in our house forever. So i agreed to help them, we decided where in LA in a public cemetery, the service would be private, and I ask that one request be done to the gravestone and in cursive , " You are my safe haven." Now and forever Paul would be my safe haven.
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Its been a mth since Paul and his good friend passed away. There are times I cant sleep, or days I don't want to get up and eat. My family has come on and off to visit me and my friends as well to lift up my spirits. My friend Victoria just came over to my new apartment yesterday waving two concert tickets, and two backstage passes at me. She started waving in front of my face, " Haven!!! I got us two concert tickets and two backstage passes for us." I couldn't quite tell who they were for do to the movement of her hand, but I grab it long enough to read my favorite words, DEF LEPPARD. I been a fan of them since I could remember, the best band ever.. I screamed, " Really Oh My GOD!!!!!" Oh boy do I love them Paul use to always pick on me when I talked about them. I even made sure that even at our wedding they were played, I even picked "Love Bites" as our wedding song. It just fit us in a way that we both knew right away this was the song. But, how could I go, it would bring back too many memories of him into my head, and how we use to make sure we went to every Def Leppard concert in CA. "I don't know Victoria, I'm afraid it'll bring back my memories of him and I may not enjoy the concert like I use to. She sat the tickets down on the table and grabbed a hold of both of my hands," Sweetie hes not coming back I wish he would, but he would not want you to stop giving up on life." " Enjoy this concert with me I know you love this band and always had the hots for the lead singer whats his name?" I laughed at her and said," Joe.. Joe Elliott." And man is he one attractive man I told Paul hes on my free-bee pass for me if he so comes along and I shall enjoy my fun. " Haven say you'll come with me please can't keep mister elliott waiting." I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of water and took one long drink. I need to go I really do it just might be the thing I need to get me back to the real world. And on top of that backstage passes to meet the band that right there is a dream come true. I walked back into the living room and gave her a big smile, "When is it, What time and you better be picking me up." Quickly she grabs me in her arms and hugs me tight, she tells me its tomorrow at 7pm and she would be here to pick me up at 6;00.
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"Well here we are mi casa." With a wave of his hand paul led me into his house. For a celebrity I expected a big giant mansion and instead I got a small normal American house. First we had to walk through a small wooded gate, onto a small sidewalk to the front door. He had no bodyguards guarding the house, and no agents hiding in the bushes. When we walked into the house he showed me around, he had nice wooden tile floors, nice sized living room, 3 bathrooms, and 2 bedrooms. He wrapped his arms around my stomach and led me lastly to his kitchen. " So, what do you think? its simple I love it that way." I turned myself around and leaned against his kitchen counter, " I love it you don't let the celebrity status get to your head thank God." I looked down at my shoes guessing what would happen next since he finally had me in his home. I could hear him slowly walk towards me, so I lift my head up and gave him a nice little smile. He jumped up onto the counter, sat himself down and put me in between his legs. I felt him lean on my left shoulder and whisper," I am not going to take any advantage of you I promise I am a true gentleman." I gave a small chuckle turned myself around and looked at him, "thank you, but what if I decide to take advantage of you.", laying my hands on his legs. "Well, hmm never had a woman, wait let me rephrase that... Well it seems I cant because its happened." My face showed a shocked expression as he leaned too close, " I mean haven as in women fans, but I rejected them." Whew, that was a wave of relief quickly slipping onto my face. "Paul, I was just using an expression I promise." Or was I? no I was I think. He grabbed my hands in his and we just stood there what seemed to be forever til finally he spoke. " What to do, well we can watch a movie?." He jumped off the counter taking me into his living room. He pointed to a huge wall of movies, "Pick any film while I go get the popcorn and drinks." Oh, boy! pick a film this collection is from ceiling down to floor of films. So i ran my finger through every film on a shelf from Monty Python to Fast and Furious. Wait... Fast and furious I shuffled back he has the whole series of his own major films. Let's see I should grab, "The Fast and Furious" just to get a kick out him and plus I never seen it. I reach up and pull it out of the shelf taking it with me to the TV. I open the case and slip the DVD into the Blu-ray player, "Baby, I got the movie and I put it in." Paul had the bowl of popcorn in one hand and the drinks in the other, he was Mr multi-tasker. He sat everything on the table and invited me to sit down on the couch with him. I scooted myself next to him and allowed him to wrap his arms around me. The movie began and I could feel him lean into me, " I think I've seen this before , Oh ya I am the franchise." I slapped his chest playfully, " Oh Mr. Ego, I haven't seen it so were watching shhh!". During the movie all I kept thinking about during it was how much I wanted that brian o' conner. Oh, wait I'm sitting next to him. As soon as the movie ended paul was just about to get up when I stopped him, "Wait!!.", I got up and sat myself right on his lap leaned back against his left shoulder and turned my head to my right. He turned his head just facing mine, but right there my mind went completely blank. I could feel my breathing start to pick up its pace and his arms getting tighter around me. We both just sat there caressing each other, him touching the front of my body with his hands and me nibbling at the side of his neck. Then at the moment our heavy breathing were matching each other. He quickly asked me to get up off of him which I did, I watch him get up and just stand in front of me. I let my breathing slow down before I asked him, "What now?'. He took his hands under my hair in the back of my head leaning my head back and began to massage the back of my neck. He then started to kiss down the left side of neck down to my collar bone. Not realizing that my right side is my weak side he trails to the right side of my neck. I take my hands to the back of his shirt tugging the end of his shirt and pulling it up to the middle of his back. He brings me back to a standing position and slowly backs away. I begin to think am I doing something wrong, was I moving too fast? But, he just smiles at me and pulls the rest of his shirt off tossing it on the floor. "Now what?", he asks me. I decide to play with him, " Come get me!'. I start to walk backwards as see him walk fast towards me. The more faster he walks the more faster I start to walk backwards. We just look at each other as we are in the middle of this little game that I have just started not knowing what is going to happen next. I feel my back touch a wall and I think to myself shit I should of figured out an escape route. I laugh and he pushes me even more into the wall with his hands, " I got you !". I ask him, " You got me alright now what you going to do with me?. He allows me to unbutton his jeans and watch as he kicks them off , tossing them to the side. My eyes get big because I realize that was all he had on nothing underneath. He smirks, " Now its my turn'', he pulls my tank top over my head and throws it behind his head. He slides my leather skirt down and kicks it away, I can not believe this is happening I don't feel afraid, I feel wanted. He gets down on his knees and kisses up both of my legs one at a time . Then he starts to kiss around my stomach stopping slowly each time with little licks in between. I give him a small moan of satisfaction, because boy can he deliver. He proceeds to place his hands slowly up my body as well softly touching each part of me. Finally standing up he pulls me forward just enough to unbutton my small corset leave me completely revealed to his eyes. Then taking his hands and sliding my boy shorts down to the floor he chuckles, " That's much better now were even". He pushes me even harder back against the wall picking me up I slide my legs around his waist. We crush our mouths together in a heat of passion with heavy breathing he says, " Hang on my speed demon". I wrap my arms around his neck even tighter. And just like in his film he speeds himself slowly right into me and then in rhythm, mouth, body and soul I follow him
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I decided just before victoria comes and picks me up for the Def Leppard concert that I finally go down to the cemetery and see paul's gravestone. And when I finally get there to his spot, I see it in front of me, Paul Walker 1973-2013 "You are my safe haven". My eyes started to fill up with tears I kneel down and whispered, "See baby now you are my safe haven forever" and kiss the ground. It's time for me to get ready to have a good time tonight with my best friend. I put on a black mini skirt, and a blue tank top. Pull my hair up into a big bun, and put on knee high boots. As I walk to get my bracelets from the dresser drawer I begin to feel really dizzy and feel like I'm going to throw up. So I run quickly to the restroom and just vomit like there's no tomorrow into the toilet. As i'm getting sick I don't hear victoria coming in at all but she walks up the stairs, "Haven!!! Haven!!". I take a quick breath and yell. "In the bathroom!!". I hear her open the bathroom door and again I get sick , she grabs a handful of tissues and kneels next to me, "Sweetie Oh my you okay?". I finally calm down and look up at her, " I don't know whats wrong with me". She hugs me tight, "Shhhh its okay we have two hours before the concert let me call my family doctor and see if we can get you in". I nod an okay as she leaves the bathroom to make a call to her doctor, a few seconds later she comes back in and tells me the doctor will be coming to my house and will be here in 30 minutes. I get up off the floor holding my stomach and walk into my room to get my bracelets on. 30 minutes .... Victoria lets the doctor into the living room where I am sitting on the couch, "Hi, I'm Dr. Amanda how are you today?". I tell all of what has happened and she nods, "We'll have you eaten today?". I think for a minute, "Not really usually im a pig when it comes to eating but my husband just passed away recently ". She checks my pulse, "Oh! I am so sorry for your loss dear". I tell her thank you and then I ask, " So what's wrong?''. She begins to tell me its not a flu or a cold it could either be depression or just stress on my body and then she finally asks me, " When was the last time you had your period honey?''. I look up at her shocked, " Ummmm I'm not quite sure." Victoria sits next to me and jumps in, " Haven and I always start at the same exact time and I just ended 2 weeks ago if that helps". Dr. Amanda grabs a pregnancy test out of her doctor bag and hands it to Victoria, " Here have her take this test wait 4 minutes the plus is pregnant the negative is not pregnant and then give me a call when you find out". Victoria walks the doctor to the door as I sit with a shock look on my face there's no way not possible I hope its just me being depressed. There is no way that I could raise a baby all on my own especially without paul. Victoria grabs my hands, " Okay sweetie let's go take this test, maybe it'll be nothing and maybe it will be a blessing". I begin to cty, " I can't do this alone if another life is put into me how will I raise this child?". She grabs me, " Honey I will be here for you if it is so, you have family and you have paul's family it will be okay". Maybe she's right or what if she's wtong. We walk to the bathroom and victoria hands me the test, she reads the directions to me and I take a small pee to the stick. She grabs it from me and sits it on the bathroom sink. "Okay Haven 4 mins and then we find out". We both hold each others hands as we sit and wait for the pregnancy test to reveal the results.
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" Do you have to go Paul?". I didn't want him to go we were finally getting to know more about each other just by me moving in with him. He had just got a scripted called, "Timeline", he read the script and right away wanted the role . "You know you can come with if you like", he kisses me. Hmm go to a movie set or chill in California?.. I tell him, " Nah its your job you have fun and I will definitely be here when you come home". I helped him finishing packing up and we sat on the couch just enjoying each others company. "Let's get married before I go?". I leaned forward and answered paul, "Married.. whaaat now.. um we've only been together for a year". He laughed at me, "We'll dear when couples are together for as long as us they do get married". I never thought about marriage and I never thought I'd ever make a great wife. He go up off the couch and get down on one knee and asked me, "We'll what do you say we take a chance and make it happen?". I didn't know what to say at this moment, but that I absolutely love him with all I had. I slid off the couch and into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Yes, you're right let's do this!!!". I couldn't believe this in just 2 hrs I would be a wife to the most wonderful man that I have ever known. Paul grabbed and pulled me off the floor we decided to make some phone calls to arrange a small get together, which would actually be a wedding. He called his Fast and Furious family to come over, and I called a few of my friends as well to come to this get together. Vin Diesel was the first to arrive I took him to the side, "Vin would you do a huge favor for me no one knows that this is an actual wedding for me and paul." "Would you walk me down the aisle?". Vin stood there with a small smirk on his face and said, "Sure, I'd be honored" and then he hugged me. Within an hr everyone started to arrive and gather around in the backyard of our house unaware of what was actually going to happen. I was in our bedroom putting on a long silk white dress that I had got for a premiere of a film of Paul's. But today was the day that I was actually going to wear it, and remember it for the rest of my life. I had just pinned my hair up when I heard Paul, "Everyone there will not only be a get together, but a wedding as well". I could hear everyone yelling Who's and When. "Mine and Havens and right now its going down". Then came the round of applause and a bunch of its about freaking time. "Dear you ready?"., it was vin coming to get me. "I took one long last look into the mirror and walked over to take Vin's arm. We both walked out of the room through the kitchen, to the outside where everyone was waiting. I waited for the music to start and instead of a normal bridal march I heard the music and lyrics to Def Leppard's "Love Bites" start to play. As if on cue Vin and I slowly walked toward to where Paul stood with his brothers and the preacher all in outside normal clothes. When vin got me to paul he gave me a quick kiss on my forehead and graciously handed me over to paul. There I stood in front of the most breathtaking man in the whole wide world and he was to officially be mine. As soon as we finished our vows, and the rings were exchanged the preacher announced, "you may kiss this lovely woman in front of you". Of course paul had no objections and neither did I he dipped me and gave me the most passionate kiss he has ever given me. We were now offically Mr. and Mrs. Paul Walker.
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"Okay, Victoria you check I can't look". I didn't want to see the results of the pregnancy test at all I wasn't and definitely not for this. "Sure, sweetie". She peeked onto the counter and took a quick look at the test and then she looked at me. "We'll Mama . Thats all I got to say you need to look for yourself". She got up and walked outside the door leaving me some quiet time. I slowly closed my eyes and reached for the pregnancy test Oh how scared I am. With the pregnancy test in my hand I opened my eyes and took a peek and I saw the plus sign. At that second I threw the test across the room looked up at my ceiling and yelled, "WHY, WHY ME!!!, First you take my life from me and then you give me another beings life WHY what did I ever do to you!!"., Right then and there I cried not only for me, not only for paul, but for the life inside me that would grow with out a father with out man's love. This child will never get to know the kind of man that he was and how much he loved life,and me. I can't take this child I forbid to. I got up of the toilet and walked into my living room. "Victoria I forbid to have this child I will not bring a life into this horrible world". Victoria started to cry with me, " Honey, it is a gift the last gift from Paul the only thing that will keep you from going to the deep end". She whispered ," What would paul do?" I had to think for a second because he wasn't here to answer for himself. "Can we please stop to see him before the concert please?" Victoria nodded and we decided to leave early before going to the Def Leppard concert. We arrived at the grave site I took a look at the car clock it read 6;00 so I knew we were in no rush. Victoria came with me to the grave and we both sat Indian style in the grass. "Paul tell your wife here to please raise what blessing God and you have left her with". I know she was thinking the best for me but I just can't, "Baby, what do you want me to do I can't do this with out you I wont." And just at that moment the wind was picking up speed and I felt this tingling rush of air blow cross my face and my stomach. Right then I knew it had to of been paul because it lingered with me for so long that it had to of been him. I grabbed victoria's hands, "It was paul I think he just answered us." She giggled at said, "Well mama ready to become an actual mom or what?". I thought really long and hard took one look into the sky," Promise me you will be my safe haven and be proud of how I raise our child. I promise I will tell this little one all about their daddy , what a great man he was and how much he loved me". Another long breeze whooshed passed me, I had finally got the answer that I had been waiting for. Now, it was time to head to see the greatest band ever , and something that would change my life forever.
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" Paul all I want is for you to be on the same page as me !!", He did not realize how mad I could get. He had talked to me about taking on another film just after finishing , "TimeLine" we had not even had a proper honeymoon yet either. He was already to start jumping into another film and all I wanted was my husband. He was busy shuffling clothes into his duffle bag not even saying a single word to me at all. " Paul William Walker IV you better look me in the eyes and fucking talk to me". He slowly lifted his head and looked at me with a blank stare and finally he spoke, " What the fuck do you want me to do I already signed up for this movie I am under contract for Christ sakes".I walked out of the bedroom slamming the door shut. I yelled out ," I guess a movie is more fucking important than your wife so get your shit and get out of my house". I stormed into the kitchen slamming pots and pans looking for a cookie sheet. I grabbed that cookie sheet in my hand and tossed it crossed the room breaking a mirror in the living room. Paul came running out of the room, " What was that?", I sat on the floor picking up the pieces of glass. I just sat there ignoring him I was just so mad. I felt his hands on my shoulders as he kneels down, " Baby I am so sorry I wasn't thinking I just want you home with me, we haven't even had a proper honeymoon either", I cried.He nestled his chin on my right shoulder , " Your right babe I'll call them and tell them give me 4 weeks before I arrive on set because, I need to have a happy wife". I took my right hand and ran my fingers through his beard, "Thank you baby" I smiled. I got up off the floor with the pieces of glass in my hand and tossed them into the dumpster. I felt paul come behind me and wrap his big strong arms against me. I leaned into him laying my head back as he started to nibble on my right ear lobe. I let out a soft moan he whispered, "Shall we begin our honeymoon now?'.
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Victoria and I had quite a BLAST last night at the Def Leppard Concert. We got to meet and hangout with the band. Each member gave me their condolence on the passing of Paul and told me how awesome of an actor they thought he was. I thought today would be the day that I start going through paul's things for me and his family. I grabbed a cup of tea and sat cross- legged in our closet. I slowly went through his clothes looking at what would go to Caleb and Cody, and what I would keep. I rubbed my belly, " This is your daddy's favorite clothes and this is also where you were made ". I sniffed his ROWW shirt and his cologne still lingered on it. I felt my tears slowly start to build up in my eyes, because I still missed him so freaking much. I started to go through his jeans when I felt a small bulge in the right pocket. I put my hand into the pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. It was a letter written by paul the day before he died I slowly began to read it: Dear, Haven NOv. 29, 2013I am watching you sleep as I write this and you look so beautiful as you are in your dream world. I hope you are dreaming about you and me holding each other and kissing one another. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, both you and meadow are my life and I thank God for you two every day. I want to finish what films I have left and then I'm done. I want to start our family together and I want to be there for you, meadow and however how many kids we have. I can remember when we first met on that beach and how beautiful you were. My family loves you, my fast family does as well. You make me what to breathe and live my life everyday with out regrets. I open my eyes and all I want his to be the best husband to you, the best father to meadow, the best brother and son. Life is too short If anything were to go wrong I want you to live , to breathe, to keep kicking no matter what. But, I know I am by your side as you are reading this and your face is covered in tears. I am kissing those away right now and telling you how much I love you and will always love you. Remember you are forever my safe haven, my all, my everything. And I will love you til the day we both are not breathing on this planet.. forever your Paul .I slowly got up off the floor put the letter against my chest and laid myself on the bed. With tears pouring down my face I slowly drifted off to sleep and in hopes of seeing paul in my dreams.