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Sean moaned as Brodeur pushed into him hard. He could barely hold himself up, his hands scrabbling for a grip, as the married man pushed into him harder and harder. Sean should be embarrassed at how wanton Brodeur made him when the other man was always such an asshole to him, but it was how he liked it.“You’re such a sick fuck, Avery,” Brodeur said, gripping Sean’s hips hard enough to bruise.“You’re sticking it in my ass and you’re going to go home and fuck your wife and you’re calling me sick?” Sean snorted. He didn’t have to wait long to get the reaction he wanted from Brodeur, who pulled out of him and flipped him over before pressing into him again.Only this time Sean couldn’t reach the floor with his feet and was completely at Brodeur’s mercy. Or so Brodeur thought. Sean was the one that let Brodeur treat him like this.“Don’t talk about my wife,” Brodeur growled. He pulled Sean’s legs up over his shoulders and ground his hips into him.“Or what? You’re going to dump me?” Sean moaned. “Hurry up before your legs give out and you crush me to death.”Brodeur stopped pressing into him and pressed his hand around Sean’s throat. “You little shit.”Brodeur acted tough. Yelled at him a lot in public, but Sean knew that he wasn’t going to do anything to outright risk his job or his family at home. That’s why Sean let Brodeur treat him like this. He was safe. Brodeur got off on the power he thought he had over Sean and Sean got off on being treated like shit.Sure enough almost as soon as Brodeur pressed his hand on Sean’s throat, he moved it down his chest and around his dick. He tugged on it hard and rough and started fucking him again. It wasn’t long before Sean came on Brodeur’s hand and Brodeur came into the condom.Brodeur pulled out and tugged the condom off, throwing it into the trash can and almost immediately putting his clothes back on. Sean could tell that Brodeur was ashamed of the way he used Sean, of the way he needed to use Sean, but Sean put himself in this situation to be used. So he slowly peeled himself off the desk and started getting dressed at a slower pace.As soon as he put his shoes on, Brodeur was on top of him again, gripping his arms and guiding him to the door. “It’s been fun but I need to get home to my wife.”Brodeur must think he’s a total fucking idiot if he thinks Sean would mindlessly let someone do this to him. Sean may be many things, epically fucked up being at the top of the list, but he wasn’t stupid.“I forgot you knocked her up. When’s she due?” Sean goaded and was rewarded with Brodeur pushing him into the hallway outside his office and slamming his door.Sean smirked. Brodeur was too easy to rile up. Sean knew that there was no way that Brodeur would be pushing him out of his office after sex if it wasn’t nearly eleven pm. It didn’t matter if people saw him anyway. Sean knew from the pitying looks he got from his department, especially when Brodeur publicly reamed him, that they already knew there was something going on between them.It was the worst-kept secret around the department, but everyone feared Brodeur’s wrath too much to actually confront either one of them about it. Sean liked it this way. It was awkward enough having to deal with his colleagues giving him worried looks without having to actually talk to them about it.
~~~
After their last interlude in Brodeur’s office, it wasn’t long before news of the birth of Brodeur’s baby spread around the department. There was even a ridiculous picture of a stork with a baby pinned on the door and someone brought in cupcakes to celebrate.Sean wasn’t surprised when Brodeur didn’t make any advances on him after the birth of his kid. Brodeur was busy basking in his new family and Sean wasn’t a part of it. This was something that Brodeur reminded him by putting up pictures of his wife on the desk he liked to fuck him on. Like Sean wanted to be in an actual relationship with Brodeur. Sean knew himself well enough, had enough negative relationship experiences, by this point to know that relationships were not for him.Sean could have dealt with the lack of Brodeur’s constant overbearing presence, and the sex, if the loss of his wrath didn’t mean that Sean was going to have to actually interact with his coworkers.Now that fear of Brodeur’s wrath wasn’t actively keeping people away, they started inviting Sean out to lunch and various parties and hang outs. Sean didn’t bother going to many of these events because he didn’t particularly want to get too socially involved with his department when they just invited him out of sympathy. Despite his avoidance, he still managed to gain the friendship of Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg.Henrik tended to get invited to a lot of various events from different departments around campus because of his position in the library. When he would go to them he usually dragged his boyfriend Pavel, who worked in the school’s lit department, with him. Henrik told Sean that he didn’t want to leave him at home or he would brood over sad novels alone with his cat all night.Sean couldn’t figure out why they had come up to him at the party in the first place when he had been purposefully hiding in a corner nursing his beer. Alone.They either hadn’t gotten his attempts to push them away from him, or didn’t care, because one or the other would show up at his office to drag him out for coffee or would harass him until he would give in and show up to whatever they were trying to invite him to.Sean was at the first of what would become many Saturday movie nights at Pavel’s house, sitting on his couch next to another Swede named Henrik Lundqvist.“If another Pavel walks through the door,” Sean announced. “I am leaving.”“You’re such a brat,” Pavel laughed.“Seriously though,” Sean said. “What am I supposed to call them? Beard one and beard two?”Lundqvist laughed and patted Sean’s thigh. A shudder went through him when Lundqvist leaned into him. “I think Pavel might get mad if you use Henrik’s full name.”“Does that make you his Henrik then?” Zetterberg asked cheekily. Sean shot him a frown. Was he trying to scare Henrik away from him already?“Of course,” Lundqvist said. “Henriks for everyone.”“Two is enough,” Pavel said. “Actually. One is enough.”Lundqvist caught Sean’s eyes and rolled his eyes. He leaned over again and whispered, “They’re always like this. It’s sick.”“I heard that,” Zetterberg said. “Don’t act so smug. You’d be like this if you had someone.”“I guess we’ll have to wait and see then,” Lundqvist said and Pavel beamed at him.“I want grandchildren!”Lundqvist and Zetterberg laughed, but Sean shifted in his seat. He felt like he was intruding on something private.
~~~
After their introduction, where Sean found out that Henrik taught Scandinavian history at the school, Henrik started showing up at his office at weird hours. Sometimes with the other Henrik or Pavel, but mostly by himself.“I brought you a coffee,” Henrik said. Sean startled. He was slouching in his office chair, reading and grading during office hours and hadn’t expected any company beyond some undergrads. “It’s a latte.”Sean looked up at Henrik, who was standing in the doorway wearing a suit that was way too nice wear to teach history and smiling brightly at Sean.Sean got up out of his chair and walked to the doorway to take the coffee from Henrik. “Thank you,” Sean said quickly. He took a sip of the hot coffee and almost moaned at how good it was. “It’s my favorite.”“I know.” Henrik smirked and Sean felt like he was missing something.“Did you want to come in or?” he asked awkwardly. As much as he liked Henrik, Sean always felt off kilter around the other man and ended up acting like a total head case. Henrik made Sean feel very uncomfortable despite being a truly nice guy, maybe because he was a nice guy. Sean wasn’t used to people being nice to him without a motive.“Not right now,” Henrik said. “I have to get ready for a class, but I knew you had office hours so I thought you could do with a pick me up.”“Oh. Well, thank you.”Henrik beamed at Sean. “I’ll be seeing you at Pavel and Henrik’s this weekend though, right?”“If I can get through grading a good chunk of these papers.”“Well, in that case, you’ll have to come to take a break from them.”“I guess,” Sean said slowly. He couldn’t figure out why Henrik wanted him to be there so badly. He knew Henrik was a friendly guy, but why was he so concerned about him going to some party?Henrik smiled at him brightly. “Good. I’ve got to get back to my office, but I’ll see you then.” He reached out and squeezed Sean’s arm briefly before turning and walking down the hallway.Sean stood there, sipping his coffee and watching Henrik’s retreating form until Brodeur walked by. Sean froze but relaxed when Brodeur continued walking by without so much as a glare.
~~~
Sean would have forgotten about the party if Henrik hadn’t texted him. Got your address from Pavel. I’ll be there in 10.
What?
You are on my way to Pav’s so I thought we could carpool. Sean looked at his phone warily. Sean couldn’t figure out why such a nice guy wanted to spend so much time with him of all people. He knew he wasn’t total trash, but he also knew that people like Henrik shouldn’t be wasting this much time on him.Ok. I’ll see you then. Even though it made him uncomfortable, his friendship with the Henriks and Pavel was the closest thing he’d had to an active social life since he’d started isolating himself in graduate school.Sean stood up from his desk, took off his glasses and went to his room to get ready. He had just finished washing his face when there was a knock on his door. He walked to the door and opened it.“Henrik,” Sean greeted. “Let me just grab my wallet and we can go.” Sean turned to grab his wallet from the kitchen but heard Henrik close the door and walk into his living room.“Aren’t you going to show me around your apartment?” Henrik teased. Before Sean could answer him, or even freak out, there was a soft mewl and he turned around just in time to see Henrik bend down to pet his cat.“What’s its name?” Henrik asked.Sean hesitated before he answered, “Armani.”“Like the designer?”Sean tried not to smile, but he could feel himself practically beaming at Henrik. “Yeah.”“Cute cat,” Henrik said as he stood up. Armani started winding her way through his legs, leaving tufts of fur behind on Henrik’s nice jeans. Sean barely stopped himself from apologizing to Henrik for the mess.“Thanks,” he said. He quickly walked over to the kitchen counter and put his wallet in his back pocket. When he turned around he ended up running straight into Henrik. “Shit.”Henrik put his hands on Sean’s hips to steady him, the warmth leeching through Sean’s shirt to his skin. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” Henrik said with a bright smile on his face. “I just thought you were starting the tour.”“It’s messy,” Sean protested. It was one thing for Henrik to know who Armani was and to like his cat, but it was another for him to see Sean’s sanctuary away from school. “I really don’t…”“Please?” Henrik interrupted, stroking Sean’s hips through his shirt before letting go. “I promise not to care if there are dirty clothes on the floor.”Sean sighed. He didn’t know why Henrik was pushing so hard, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to say no without this getting awkward and him having to explain to Pavel and Henrik why he couldn’t come to their party after all.“If you insist,” Sean agreed. He moved away from Henrik and walked further into the kitchen “You’ve seen my living room and met my cat already. Here’s my kitchen.”“Do you cook?” Henrik asked.“What I make is edible if that’s what you’re asking.”Henrik leaned against the counter and laughed. “I should cook for you sometime. Give you a break from yourself.”“I’m not that bad!” Sean protested.“You should still let me cook for you,” Henrik pressed.“You just want to show off,” Sean teased. “Or practice for the ladies.”“Not for the ladies,” Henrik said seriously. “You really are oblivious, aren’t you?”Sean frowned at the implication that he was stupid. “You’re gay?”“Yes. So no ladies.”“Ok,” Sean said. He wondered if he had offended Henrik by his joke. He fidgeted under Henrik’s gaze before he decided that finishing the tour and leaving as fast as possible was the best thing to do for himself at this point.“There’s not much else to see of my house beyond my office and my room,” Sean blurted out. “Nothing too impressive.”“Come on,” Henrik said. “Show me where the magic happens.”Sean blushed. The only “magic” that had been happened for him in the past five years was with Brodeur and a few one offs and it sure the hell didn’t happen in his apartment.“Your office?” Henrik said. He decided to take Sean off the hook, for now.“Of course. It’s right down the hall.” The walk to his office was short, but with Henrik at his back, looking at the evidence of who Sean really was, it felt like an eternity.He flipped on the light and let Henrik walk around his tiny office. All Sean could think about was how Henrik was going to react to the mix of hockey and fashion memorabilia on the walls or the mess of books and papers stacked everywhere.“It’s not so bad,” Henrik said. “From the way you were acting, I was expecting it to be a lot messier. It’s actually very nice.”“It’s generally better to lower expectations and rise above them than to fail, eh?” Sean said. And wasn’t that his life in a nutshell?“I guess,” Henrik shrugged. “I’ve always thought it was better to let people decide for themselves.”Sean instantly felt stupid. He shouldn’t have said anything. “We should probably head out before we’re late.”Henrik frowned. Sean went from joking around to closed off again in just a few seconds. Again. And Henrik couldn’t figure out what he said to upset him.He knew he made Sean nervous, could see the look of surprise every time he said or did something nice to him, but he figured that would lessen the more Sean spent time with him. It didn’t. Sean remained skittish and hesitant around Henrik leaving him feeling a bit sad but determined to win Sean over.“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Henrik said quietly as they walked down the hall back to Sean’s living room.“What?”“When I asked to see your apartment I know it upset you.”“I’m not upset,” Sean lied. “I just don’t have people over very often.”“Are you sure?”“Positive.”
~~~
The Monday after Henrik had been in his apartment, he showed up at his office hours with another coffee and a small bag.“For you,” Henrik said. He put the coffee and the bag in front of Sean before sitting down.“What?”“I know you said you weren’t upset, but I still felt bad so I brought you something to make up for it.”“You didn’t have to. You bring me enough…”“I like to bring you things,” Henrik interrupted with a shrug. “Open it.”Sean opened the bag and was surprised to find a variety of cat toys in the bag. “Cat toys?”“I guess they’re technically for Armani, but it’s the thought that counts, right?”“Thank you,” Sean said. “She’s going to be driving me nuts with these.”Henrik laughed, but before he could reply there was a sharp knock and Sean saw Brodeur scowling in his doorway.“Can I talk to Avery? Alone?”“I guess I’d better get going,” Henrik said. “I’ll be seeing you later?”“Of course,” Sean said. “And thanks again.”“It’s really no problem,” Henrik said before waving goodbye and heading out the door.As soon as Henrik left, Brodeur shut the door and locked it.“Have you been seeing Lundqvist behind my back?” he demanded suddenly.Sean looked up from behind his desk, startled. “What?”“Are you cheating on me with Lundqvist?” Brodeur demanded again. The way he treated Avery might be fucked up, but Avery was his. Had been for years and Lundqvist was steadily encroaching on his territory.“Fuck you,” Sean replied angrily. “You haven’t even looked at me in months so what do you give a shit what I do?”Brodeur walked over to Sean’s desk and grabbed Sean roughly by the shirt. “You that much of a slut that you can’t keep your legs closed when I’m not giving it to you?”Sean flinched and deflated. “I’m not sleeping with him.”“Then why are you always with him?” Brodeur demanded angrily.“We’re friends,” Sean said truthfully. Why was Brodeur getting mad at him for having friends when he never cared about Sean’s one-night stands?“Don’t fucking lie to me, Avery. I’ve been watching you two for weeks and I’ve seen the way he looks at you. If he’s not fucking you, he wants to. And you are letting him fawn all over you like a slut,” Brodeur said, shaking Sean roughly to prove his point.Sean was getting scared. He had never seen Brodeur this angry before. Sure he’d been rough with him, had yelled at him, a lot, but he’d never been like this behind closed doors before.“I think I need to remind you who you belong to.” Brodeur walked around the desk and slammed Sean onto it. Sean started struggling against his grip, but Brodeur slammed him down again. “Don’t,” Brodeur warned him angrily, but before he could go any further there was a shy knock at the door and a timid “Professor Avery?”“It’s office hours,” Sean protested, trying to break free from Brodeur to answer the door. He couldn’t let whatever fucked up shit was going in his life interfere with his students.“Make him go away,” Brodeur demanded. He angrily sat down in a chair while Sean straightened himself out and opened the door.“Professor Avery?” Brodeur heard someone ask. “Are you…”“I know we had an appointment, Brent” Sean said shakily, “But do you think you could come back a little later?”“Of course,” Seabrook agreed. “I’ll see you later then.”Sean closed the door and turned to Brodeur, but for the first time since they had begun their affair there was fear behind Sean’s eyes and for the first time Brodeur realized exactly how fucked up this had become.
~~~
Not even an hour after he had left Sean’s office, Henrik was faced with a visibly distraught Brent Seabrook.“Are you ok? What happened?” Henrik asked. Seabrook was pale and trembling as he sat down in the chair opposite Henrik’s.“It’s. I had to meet with Professor Avery,” Seabrook started. “But his door was closed and I heard yelling and then it sounded like something was getting thrown around so I knocked on the door. When he opened the door, Professor Avery looked upset and Professor Brodeur looked really mad.”Henrik froze. He had heard rumors of Brodeur’s temper and of his animosity towards Sean but didn’t know it was this bad.“I think you should stay here and calm down while I go see what’s going on, ok?” he said gently, waiting for Seabrook’s nod before he took off for Sean’s office.Before he could make it out of the building he ran straight into Brodeur, who pulled him outside and shoved him against the wall.“Stay away from Avery,” he growled.“What?” Henrik asked, confused.“I said. Stay away from Avery,” Brodeur repeated. “He’s mine.”“I thought you were married.” Henrik scrunched up his forehead and frowned.“That has nothing to do with it. Avery is mine,” Brodeur dropped his arms.“So you’re dating him?”Brodeur frowned. “Of course not.”“So Sean is supposed to what? Put his life on hold for someone who just wants to fuck him when it’s convenient?”“That is none of your business,” Brodeur said defensively. He knew he was unfair to Avery, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t leave his wife, but he couldn’t leave Avery either.“It is my business because I care about Sean.”“Bullshit,” Brodeur said.“Just because you don’t give a shit about him doesn’t mean other people can’t,” Henrik said angrily.“How do you know I don’t give a shit about him?” Brodeur asked.“Everyone knows how shitty you are to him.”“Did Avery tell you this?” Brodeur demanded.“No, but everyone talks about it. About how sad it that he’s stuck with you as a boss. Little did they know he’s stuck with you for sex too.”Brodeur snorted. “Avery isn’t some damsel in distress if that’s what you’re thinking. He’s the one that started this whole thing.”“And he can choose to end it if he finds someone else,” Henrik retorted, not backing down.“And it would work out fine if he ended up with you, right? Because you’re so perfect?”“I’m not perfect, but I know I’d be better for him than an abusive asshole like you.”“Don’t go near him again,” Brodeur warned, but it fell flat to his own ears. “You won’t like what happens if you do.”Henrik ignored him and continued to make his way to Sean’s office, relieved when he didn’t hear Brodeur follow him.When he finally made it, the door was closed, but Henrik stood there and knocked until Sean answered the door looking disheveled and more than a little shaken up. Henrik quickly pushed his way into Sean’s office, closed the door and pulled Sean into his arms.“Are you ok?” he asked.Henrik could feel Sean immediately tense. “What do you mean?” Sean asked.Henrik pulled back from the embrace to look at Sean. “Brent Seabrook came into my office looking distraught and talking about how Brodeur was yelling at you in your office and then Brodeur came to tell me off for spending time with you.”Sean went pale and pushed out of Henrik’s arms. He wrapped his arms around himself and looked at the books on his shelf. “It’s nothing…” Sean started but Henrik interrupted him.“Look, I know about Brodeur.” Sean flinched.“I appreciate whatever this is, but I really don’t ....”“Listen,” Henrik interrupted, “I’ve been going really slow with you because I didn’t think you were ready for what I want with you. But now I find out that you’ve been restrained with me because of Brodeur so I am going to be honest with you, ok?”Sean nodded and Henrik let out a long breath before he continued. “I want to be with you. I want us to go on dates and hold your hand. I want to go to bed with you and wake up with you in the morning and I want you to care for me as much as I care for you.”“I didn’t know,” Sean breathed. Henrik had been waiting to bring this up with Sean for a reason, but now that Brodeur was in the picture he needed to know if Sean cared for him back or if Sean actually wanted to stay with Brodeur.“I’ve been waiting to talk to you about this for a while, but Brodeur made me realize that I can’t wait anymore.”“I… I don’t know what to say,” Sean said. He looked so lost that Henrik wanted to wrap him in his arms until he smiled again, but Henrik knew that would just add to Sean’s confusion.“I know that all this is a surprise and that you’ve had to deal with a lot today so you don’t need to answer me now,” Henrik said. “I am just asking you to think about what I said.”He reached over and squeezed Sean’s shoulder gently before he walked out of the room and back to his office. He felt like complete shit for forcing this on Sean right now, but Brodeur made it impossible for him to hold back any longer.It was one thing if Sean was single and adorably oblivious and another if the reason Sean had been distant with him was a married asshole that just wanted to fuck, and fuck with, Sean.
~~~
When Henrik left his office, Sean shut the door and locked it before he collapsed into his desk chair. He put his head in his hands and took deep breaths to calm himself down.For the first time since he started this thing with Brodeur, Sean was embarrassed about it. Henrik, who apparently had feelings for him, knew and Sean wondered if Pavel and Henrik knew too. He really wanted to know if he was going to lose all his friends or if he could salvage something for himself at the end of all this.How was he going to face them again when all he could see in their eyes was pity? How stupid was he for thinking that he could be anything but a fuck up when it came to friends when he had fucked up the rest of his life outside of work so spectacularly before?Sean should have known that this thing with Brodeur was going to blow up in his face. He thought he was so smart about it, that he was in control, but now he’s lost everything he never thought he could have. There was no way that his friends were going to stick around now that they knew how fucked up he was.
~~~
After his confrontation with both Brodeur and Hank, Sean was emotionally drained. Having Brodeur stay away from him so long and having new friendships made him realize that he didn’t really want Brodeur anymore. He finally had a glimpse of peace and he wanted it back again.Now Sean found himself constantly being constantly cornered by Brodeur and his attempts to seduce or harass him. It took less than a week for Sean to snap.“Listen,” Sean said as Brodeur followed him into his office. “I am fucking done with whatever this is. I can’t have you all over me all the time. It’s interfering with my work and you are scaring off the students who need my help.”“Is this because of Lundqvist?” Brodeur demanded.“No,” Sean said. “I’m sick of you constantly tossing me around and trying to fuck me because of whatever sick notion that’s possessed you.”“You didn’t mind it before.”“Yeah, because it wasn’t every fucking day! Now I can’t even go to the bathroom without you trying to grab my dick”“I bet you wouldn’t mind it if Lundqvist was the one…”“Henrik wouldn’t even be pulling this shit,” Sean interrupted. And it was true. Henrik was a total gentleman.“Are you fucking now? Is that why you won’t…”“It’s none of your business,” Sean said tartly before Brodeur shoved him in retaliation. Sean completely lost his balance and found himself flailing as he smacked into the wall face first.He immediately felt the bruising start to blossom on his cheek as he pushed himself away from the wall and turned angrily on Brodeur.Brodeur looked horrified and Sean realized that whatever had been keeping him from leaving Brodeur had disappeared. “Whatever this is,” Sean said evenly. “Is over.”“I’m sorry,” Brodeur said. Sean couldn’t tell if he meant for the push or whatever fucked up shit that had gone on between them, but he nodded in acceptance. There was a lot of ugliness on both sides and if accepting Brodeur’s apology meant he could have some peace, he would do it.
~~~
After ending things with Brodeur, Sean did his best to keep his head down. He avoided the halls when he knew Brodeur was around, he avoided the history department, the lit department and tried to avoid the library as much as he could. He knew it was stupid, but he wanted to wait as long as possible before having to deal with his friends leaving him.He was surprised when Pavel stopped by his office with coffee.“Are we going to talk about that bruise on your face?” Pavel asked after they had made themselves comfortable. “Or are we going to act like it not there?”Sean sent him a fierce scowl in return. “It’s none of your business,” he huffed.“I your friend,” Pavel said fiercely in return. “I care about you. Is my business.”Sean sank back into his seat. “I don’t want to talk about it.”“Does it have anything to do with rumor that you broke up with Brodeur?” Pavel asked. Sean blanched and Pavel waved his hand to dismiss Sean’s protest. “This school full of gossips,” Pavel said, waving his hand. “It not matter to me.”“There was nothing to break up from,” Sean admitted. And it was true. Whatever went on between them wasn’t anything particularly quantifiable.“Is because of the bruise on your face then?” Pavel asked, ignoring Sean’s answer. “Or Henrik’s confession?”“How did you….”“He is not very subtle about his affections for you, Sean,” Pavel huffed. “Now I see him and he is always moping, like I moped over my Henrik, so I nag and he tells me feelings.”“Whatever I was getting from Brodeur before wasn’t doing anything for me anymore,” Sean admitted quietly.“So how you feel about Henrik?”Sean looked away from Pavel. “It’s not,” he started. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”“So you are avoiding feelings then, yes?” Pavel asked. “Maybe I wrong person to talk to. Maybe you should talk to my Hank. He avoids feelings before we start to date too.”“I’m,” Sean started. He was flustered. Henrik made him flustered. “Henrik’s nice.”“Just nice?”“He’s too nice for me that’s for sure.”“It not matter if he likes you!”“He’s going to realize he’s better off without me sooner than later, ok?”“You are too hard on yourself, Sean. Henrik would not like you if you were as terrible as you think you are.”Sean looked away. “It’s. I don’t. I like when he’s around, ok?” Sean admitted defensively.“Now we getting somewhere,” Pavel said gleefully. “Are you attracted to him? Think he’s pretty?”Sean blushed and looked away.“When are you going to tell him these things?”“I’m not,” Sean said.“But…” Pavel started.“He’ll get over me,” Sean said. “He’s sad now but it will be easy for him to find someone else.”“You need to stop saying those things. Is not true.” Pavel frowned. “Henrik cares about you. It would hurt him to hear this.” Sean tried to argue but was cut off before he could start. “Is time to stop these things.”Sean deflated. “Old habit I guess.”Pavel nodded. “Maybe is time for new habits, da?”
~~~
The week after school got out Henrik was locked in his office at school trying to read papers before the grading deadline. He was over halfway through with his upper division classes' work when a knock interrupted him.He got up to answer the door and was surprised to see Sean standing nervously in the hallway, holding a coffee cup.“I thought you could use some caffeine.” Sean held out the coffee to him and Henrik mindlessly grabbed it.“Thanks. Did you want to come in for a bit? I could use a break.”“Sure,” Sean said. Henrik turned and made his way back to his desk, using it as a way to keep some space between them. “Listen,” Sean started. “I wanted to apologize for the whole Brodeur thing.”“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Henrik said seriously. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”“I shouldn’t have waited so long to talk to you again.”“You were going through a lot,” Henrik said. “I understand that you needed space to think about...”Sean shook his head. “It’s not… I was embarrassed, ok? All of a sudden the only friends I had in a long knew the worst thing about me. I didn’t think any of you would stick around after that so I made it easy for you.”Henrik frowned and wondered, not for the first time, who had fucked with Sean enough to make him think he didn’t even deserve to have friends that would stand by him. “I thought I had made it clear the last time we talked that the last thing I wanted was to be separated from you.”Sean blushed and looked away. “I thought… I didn’t think you meant it.”“What changed your mind?” Henrik asked. Something or someone had to have done something to make Sean come talk to him.“I talked to Pavel. Well,” Sean smirked. “Pavel came and talked to me. Said I was being an idiot and making everyone miserable.”“Well, he would know.” Henrik laughed. “So we’ll be seeing you during the break?”Sean fidgeted in his chair. “I stopped seeing Brodeur,” he admitted suddenly.“Oh?”“Yeah,” Sean said shyly. “Found a better offer.”“Anyone I know?” Henrik said carefully. Just because Sean stopped seeing Brodeur didn’t mean that Sean wanted Henrik.“Now you’re the one being oblivious,” Sean laughed. He reached over and grabbed Henrik’s hand, rubbing it softly with his thumb. “I thought about what you said you wanted from me.”“And?”“I want it too,” Sean said. “If you’ll still have me?”Henrik beamed. “Of course.”Sean’s smile faltered a bit. “I’m not perfect,” he admitted. “I’m actually quite the opposite.”“You’re doing it again,” Henrik said.“What?” Sean asked, confused.“Lowering expectations instead of letting me decide for myself,” Henrik answered. He knew Sean was messed up, but not as messed up as Sean thought he was. Henrik suspected therapy was going to be in their near future.“I guess I am,” Sean said, laughing.