Work Text
~Cut No More~
No matter how many times she did it, people stared, but they never asked about it, they stayed silent, no one spoke out about it. Chiara didn’t stop, it only got worse, her arms were marked, scarred some scars were a fleshy pink, fresh scars were puckered up, scars over scars. Chiara no longer cared what it came to. She roamed the hallways at her new school and remained silent, her book bag hanging off her side. Chiara didn’t seem to be proud of these scars, a hint that she was still doing such a harmful thing. I couldn’t help but stare and gawk at them, I wondered what she was going through; how her home life would be for someone to want to do something so harmful. I took note that she was lonely and how scared she looked; she had a sister. The sixteen year old girl became something I was so involved in wanting to protect. I wouldn’t classify her as a friend but just a girl who has been teased and tormented one too many times.It was mid March, her little sister looked so happy I began thinking and wondering how one family member could be so happy when the other was so depressed. Chiara didn’t have friends, and it seemed that people tried with nil success. I thought it was time to make a move, she’d been going to this school since September and I’ve been watching her since. I walked up to her, trying not to seem as intimidating as most people seemed to believe that I was. “Buongiorno,” I said to her, greeting her with a smile. She seemed surprised, it was as if she didn’t believe that I could speak her language; or that I even knew what her language was. The smile she offered me was weak and fake. She bowed her head, but said nothing. “Chiara was it?” I said awkwardly, she nodded, unsure of what she was agreeing to. I wish I knew what she was thinking. “Si, my name is Chiara.” She said softly, her eyes hidden behind pink framed glasses. “I have to go to class.” She whispered and backed away. I took her wrist gently, “I know what you’re going through Chiara,” I said out of the blue. Did I know? How could I know? She whimpered and pulled out of my grasp, the bell had already rung for fourth period and the halls were empty. I had physical education but at this point I didn’t care I needed to help Chiara. Her eyes widened and she tried backing away, “How could you understand what I’ve been through?” She whimpered. I wondered the same thing. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through to want to hurt yourself the way you are Chiara, but please let me help you?” I said pulling her closer. Her eyes widened more and she looked scared, she pressed her face against my chest. “My grandfather, was killed last week, his body can’t be recovered, there’s nothing left.” She explained. I wondered if her and her grandfather were close. I hugged her close, “Well you should depend on your friends for help through this.” I told her softly. “What friends?” “Me...” Her eyes widened and she buried her face in my chest and smiled; I could tell from the way her lips twisted against my chest. I held Chiara close to my chest and sighed I could feel my shirt dampen Chiara was definitely crying. My lips turned into a frown, as I walked her down the hallway to her next class. “I don’t really want to go...” She whispered and closed her eyes tightly. I took her hand and smiled faintly. “Don’t worry, I can sit beside you if you want?” I asked with a curious smile. She blinked, I don’t think she realized we shared the same English class. This was my chance now, we were different ages, she was a year younger than I was but I knew that I could do everything for her, having failed the ninth grade once due to attendance. “You will? Don’t you have your own class?” She asked me. “Yeah, this one, we’re in a lot of the same classes.” I added with a soft smile. “You’re joking?” “Not at all, c’mon.” “O-Okay.” Chiara stammered and followed me into the classroom. I noticed the stares, the blank gawks at us. I gave the room a dull glare, an intimidating look. Was I Chiara’s only friend she’d ever had ever? All of me wondered this, but I never bothered to ask her if that was the case. “What are you planning to do after high school?” I asked the Italian with a smile. Chiara blinked and stared at me, didn’t she ever think about things like this? She was in the eleventh grade. “I have to work for my grandfather, I have no choice, I have to take over...” She whispered, she looked crushed. “What did you want to do if he was still around?” I asked with a smile. “I wanted to be a defense attorney.” Chiara shyly spoke, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She really was absolutely stunning, it was insane how much I’d fallen for her in the short amount of time I’d been watching out for her. I’d had the best attendance in classes then I’d ever had my entire school career; it was all because I felt the need to protect her with my own life. “Really? Maybe you should try, forget about what your grandfather was doing, and do what you want.” I told her, not really knowing the whole story. I’d not really done much research on her for the brief amount of time she’s been here. I knew her grandfather and sister was all she had ever had. I noticed a change in her mood from this day on even though things never really changed between us we only seemed to get closer. ~Time Skip~It was the summer months, we had gone through exams together, turns out the girl was basically an honor roll kid, she was a genius. I invited her to my place several times, she denied most of the times always claiming she was working I found out that she’d been lying though when I went to her house and asked her grandfather where she was. “Who are you?” I questioned looking at the tall, man. “I live here. I should be asking you that.” he scoffed. “I-I’m looking for Chiara...?” I stammered “Who are you?” “A friend of hers... Who are you?” “Chiara doesn’t talk about friends, I figured she didn’t have any.” The man said. “I’m her uncle, Lovino. But anyway you won’t find Chiara here anymore...” “What do you mean?” “She tried hanging herself after school ended, she’s in the psych ward at the local hospital.” My eyes widened in horror, I thanked the man and got back in my car, speeding off. Chiara had tried what!? She was probably cutting again too! That girl worried me sometimes, this was one of those times. Why hadn’t she told me how she felt? Why hadn’t she told me what happened. Why didn’t she tell me she was depressed. Why’d she have to try to hang herself? All these questions were eating away at me until I reached the hospital and found the psych ward. I stood at the front desk and stared at the woman behind it. “I’m looking for Chiara Vargas?” I said, worry probably evident on my face. The woman stared back at me and gave me directions and a room number. I looked around and sighed, I ran upstairs and stopped at the gift shop; I wanted to buy her something. I get well present. I picked her up a bouquet of six lilies, and six assorted colored roses. Blues, pinks, yellows, oranges, reds. I carried them downstairs and back into the psych ward. I half ran down the halls and found her room, knocking on the door. “Who is it?” Came a broken sounding voice. “Room service.” I said nervously. The door opened and there stood Chiara, her eyes widened and she looked up at me. “M-M-Mattie... I-I’m...” I didn’t want to believe that it was true, but here she was standing in front of me. I dropped the bouquet and hugged her tightly. “I didn’t want to believe it, I thought that man was telling me lies, I didn’t think that you were in a place like this...” “I-I’m sorry Mattie...” She whimpered and started to cry. I just held her close to me, “Babe, you didn’t have to lie to me...” I told her. “I would have come here sooner, I would have if I would have known, dammit I wish I would have known... Wh-why didn’t you tell me? D-Don’t you think it was kind of necessary...?” I whispered holding her to my chest. Her sobs started and I just held her tighter. “I love you Chiara.” I knew that I had to tell her why, or for what reason. I knew that I needed to confess that to her. Her sobs ceased immediately, and she looked up at me in shock, “Y-You what...?” She whimpered. I pulled her close to me, grabbing her chin, making her look up at me, I pressed my lips onto hers, wiping away all her tears that stuck to her cheeks. “I love you Chiara. Ti amo. Je t’aime. Te amo. Ich liebe dich Chiara... How many times do i need to tell you? How many languages do I have to tell it to you in?” “I don’t care.” She whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me, before placing her arms around my neck, I stared at her scars, no new ones. I found my arms around her waist as she pressed her lips against mine. “I love you too Matt...” She whispered and pulled me into the room. She pressed my back against the door to her room and locked it. My eyes widened, she looked up at me and smiled weakly, I couldn’t help but smile back, I looked down at her and flipped the situation, pinning her against the wall. “I really love you Chi...” I whispered and kissed her neck. She gasped softly and turned her head away from me, making more room. I pulled away from her, earning a frown and a voiced opinion. She looked at me and I pressed my lips to hers. Her tongue met my bottom lip, she was asking for an entrance? I opened my mouth gently as I moved my lips against hers, I was trying not to get too excited over this, despite the fact that it was pretty exciting. I felt my tongue against hers, she gasped airily and I kept her pinned. I smiled and kissed her roughly, picking up the thin girl, carrying her over to her bed, and sitting down. Her lips felt so soft against my own, and all of this was getting me excited, she pinned me against the bed, kissing me passionately, our tongues both battling for dominance. I groaned when she bit my lip and she returned that moan happily when my hands found her sides. My fingers were gentle and I didn’t know if I would be able to hold back. I wanted to make sure she gave her consent. “Chiara.” I breathed out airily, holding the hem of her shirt. She blushed darkly and looked down at me. “May I?” I asked softly. “J-Just don’t yell at me when you do...” She whispered. I didn’t know what she had meant until my hands found her waist and I pushed her shirt up, seeing thick, pink scars ones that were puckered up and fleshy. Others that were old and brown that almost blended in with her skin. I didn’t say anything, I just frowned and pulled her shirt off, kissing every last scar of hers. The scars which lined her torso, the scars that lined her arms and wrists, how had I let these pains go unnoticed. “I love you.” I whispered to her in case she was thinking otherwise. “And I’ll protect you from now on Chiara....” My voice trembled. Seeing her like this, it hurt, and it was scary to know someone was going through that much and it was someone who i knew and it was someone who I loved. My kisses were gentle, wet and yet oh so sloppy, her small frame was pinned under my body; sandwiched between me and the bed. I could hear and feel every shuddering breath she let out, she made quick work of disposing my shirt. Chiara’s face was bright red when I stared up and down her body. “Beautiful.” I whispered softly and blushed, was this actually happening? My heart trembled as did my breath, I kissed her, my heart yearning for more, I know she did. I held onto the elastic of her sweat pants, admiring how beautiful she looked with her hair tied messily atop her head. Most people would be seen as a slob if they looked like this, but Chiara, she was beautiful, flawless and perfect. I smiled and she nodded; I slowly removed her pants and her panties. She looked away, covering her beautiful face. I smiled, pressing my face against her stomach and kissed up until I reached her neck. Chiara moaned weakly and closed her eyes tightly, “M-M-Mattie~” She moaned softly and moved her head slightly. I smiled and stroked her cheek, “It’s okay babe... I’ll be gentle.” I whispered. Chiara unzipped my pants, I looked down at her; her eyes half lidded, “I promise.” I said softly and kissed her again. Chiara nodded and bit her lip; I knew she was nervous but I wanted to reassure her that everything would be okay. I looked in her eyes, and I stroked her cheek I placed a few fingers in my mouth to get them wet. Chiara blushed bright red and swallowed roughly before letting out a soft whimper as I pressed my fingers into her entrance. I stared at her I was looking into her eyes she relaxed underneath my body; I had made a promise to her that I wouldn’t hurt her and I was unsure at this moment if I was. I made sure she was ready, her body wasn’t tense any longer and she was more open to letting me touch her. Her legs spread apart and she moaned loudly. She was stunning absolutely beautiful, perfect in every single way, she was my girl, my one and only and my absolute pride and joy. She was everything worth protecting and more I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was going to. I slipped out of my boxer shorts and looked down at her, I pulled my fingers out of her and stared down at her features. She unclipped her bra and stared at me, a small smile on her face. She looked at me, lust filled eyes met my own and I gently fondled her breasts, leaning down to suck on one. Chiara gasped loudly and spread her legs wide, her moans were like music to my ear. The way she begged me for more. Everything about this girl was absolutely amazing, my eyes looked up to meet hers, I listened to her moans, milking them up, those noises made me that much harder. “I love you Matt.” She said softly and kissed my lips. I pulled away and looked down, “I’m ready.” She whispered, without me having to ask. I was ready, nervous, but ready. I looked down at the girl under me and kissed her forehead and gently pushed in. She whimpered and bit her bottom lip, I frowned and found her hand with my own. “Are you okay babe?” I asked softly, my voice gruff, yet gentle. She just nodded and opened one eye to look at me, “I’ll kiss away the pain.” I whispered and pressed my lips onto hers, letting my tongue slip in. Chiara let out a soft pleasured mumble against my lips, I smiled and continued thrusting into her; letting them stay at a slow and gentle pace. I pulled away from the kiss momentarily and looked down at her kissing her gentle lips. “I fucking love you...” She whispered. “I love fucking you.” I chuckled, earning a soft giggle. Her head nodded and I took that as a simple, you can go faster. I groaned and continued pushing into her. Our moans were louder and louder, I couldn’t believe that this was happening so fast. I held onto her hand, she squeezed it tightly, moaning and begging for more. Screaming out my name, god this felt so amazing. I didn’t want this moment to end, it felt so amazing, I thrust in and out before kissing her neck, marking her. “Mattie I’m gonna cum~!” Chiara moaned, breathing heavily in my ear. I had lost track of time, my entire mind was fuzzy. I continued thrusting in and out, kissing her neck, sucking on her collarbone before she moaned out loudly and panted. Groaning softly I looked down at her and bit her lip. “Do you want me to...” She looked at me and stroked my cheek. “Cum when you want Mattie...” She panted and ran her fingers down my spine, sending shivers throughout my body. I groaned and looked at her before I came inside her. She moaned loudly started to pant, I flopped over onto my side and held her hand tightly in my own. It was silent for a few moments, Chiara’s body was trembling beside mine. I turned to look at her, tears streaming down her cheeks. I frowned and looked at her, “B-Babe... What’s wrong? I-I didn’t hurt you did I?” I asked softly. Chiara shook her head and bit her lip. If I didn’t hurt her than what was wrong? “I-It’s not you Matt... I-I thought that you should know the reason I cut...” I blinked. “This isn’t the first time I’ve done this...” She whispered. I felt crushed, there was someone else? “I had my virginity stolen from me the night my grandfather died. He has many enemies. P-Please don’t hate me for this next bit of information.” “Ch-Chiara, I could never hate you,” I tell the italian gently. Her eyes were watering, tears still streaming down her face. She looked so depressed, I wanted to help her, I wanted to know what had her spirits so low when I’d only ever done whatever I could to build them higher. “My grandfather was the leader of the Italian mafia...” she whispered weakly and bit her lip. I blinked in confusion, staring at the girl in front of me, was Chiara actually serious? Was that something I could believe? “When my grandfather died, his car was pushed over off a cliff and into a ravine, him and my little sister, I was in hiding though, I never died...” She whispered weakly and sighed. “My little sister and grandfather are dead, the only one I have left is my uncle, Lovino...” Chiara’s voice dropped off. “When my grandfather and sister were killed, the same people came into my house found me hiding in the closet they dragged me out, picked me up and told me to run. I remembered scurrying to my feet and being chased about the house. I was crying. I was terrified, I didn’t want to move, but finally I made it to the basement and standing there was Erin O’Brien, leader of the Irish Mafia, he was standing over me when I collapsed to the cold cement floor. “I still remember everything from the sound of his voice, to my begging and my pleas for him to stop... I was scared, actually there was no words for what I’d felt. All I know and remember was having to beg for my life. That’s what spiked my cutting. I was depressed all the time because my grandfather had favorites, he loved Feliciana but things were not as they used to...” my heart broke when she spoke. I couldn’t believe this. Someone had stolen Chiara’s virginity, raped her and left her to die until she was found by her uncle... No wonder she cut. I kissed her arms, every single cut scrape or bruise and I didn’t care. “I will stick by your side until the End Chiara...” I told her softly and kissed her lips. “Just promise me, you won’t cut any more, and you won’t try and kill yourself please...?” I whispered holding her warm, thin, naked body against my own, admiring the hickeys. I smiled gently and kissed her lips as she relaxed, running her fingers over my muscles, she smiles and kisses one of my nipples. I shiver and untie her hair, combing it out with her fingers. “I’ll try my best Matt, I’ll do whatever I can to stop for you...” She whispered gently in my ear. I shivered and held her close as I pulled the blankets over us and my shirt over her. I always wore plaid flannel shirts, they were my favorite, warm, cozy. Even in the summer time it was nice to put on a big flannel shirt for the night. Chiara snuggled against me and smiled gently as she kissed my lips. “I love you Mathieu Williams.” She whispered and trembled. “Je t’aime... Mathieu...” She whispered. I smiled and pulled her on top of me and smiled at her. “Je t’aime aussi Chiara... Mon amour.” I smiled gently kissing her nose. I was happy and so was Chiara, or at least I hoped that she was happy, I’d do whatever it took to make her that way. I would protect Chiara even if and especially if it took me to my dying breath.... I would love her and take care of her, even and especially if it was the last thing I ever did. But I know one thing for sure, it’s that no matter what happens I will always stand up and fight for her and I will make sure that she lives out a long and happy life, even if it’s not with me she lives it with. I stared at her and she smiled back at me, I watched as her eyes fluttered, her curl taking the shape of a heart as she slowly fell asleep. I smiled and pet her hair gently and kissed her gentle unmoving lips. She looked so sweet and innocent that way, I let her be, but I started to dress myself. Chiara looked happy as she slept, I pulled on my boxers and my pants, then socks and boots and smiled at her. I spent the next three hours lying in bed with her before she woke up. My red-violet eyes met her hazel ones and she smiled up at me tiredly. “Can I come live with you?” She asked weakly after a few moments of shared silence. I blinked at her and looked in surprise, that was awfully sudden, “You’d have to ask my parents, which means you’d have to come meet Francine and Oliver then.” I said. She looked at me confused, why did I call them by their names? It was something that I did, they weren’t my birth parents so I wasn’t going to call them by Mom and Dad. “Why do you not call them mom and dad?” She asked. I chuckled and helped dress her again handing her her panties and pants and shirt. “Because I refuse to call them mama and papa?” I replied. “But... Why?” She asked softly, and clipped her bra and fixed it. I buttoned up my shirt for her and smiled, “What are you going to wear?” She asked me softly. “I have another shirt, I always carry a few extras just in case, but as for why, because my mother and father died years ago.” I told her with a small smile. “I was too young to remember them, and Oliver and Francine, they had a boy of their own, my brother, Allen. He’s younger than i am. He’s your age babe.” I said with a smile. “I don’t remember my parents but I know that my mom had brown hair, my dad was a strawberry blond... But other than that I don’t remember much about them... I can’t even remember their names.” I sighed weakly and shook my head. “Wh-what happened?” She asked. “I-I mean if you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to.” She whispered. I helped her into her pants and smiled, “They died in a house fire, I was only a year old when it’d happened, I was at my grandparents house, but they couldn’t take care of me, they couldn’t afford it, hell I don’t know many people who could. So, I was put up for adoption.” I informed her. She stared at me as I continued the story. “Francine was pregnant with Al when they adopted me, I was put up for adoption on December third, of nineteen ninety seven, aged one, and was adopted the eighteenth of May of nineteen ninety eight.” Chiara looked at me sadly. “Wow... Looks like you’ve been through a lot... How do you stay so strong?” She asked softly as I pulled on my leather jacket. “I’d like to know...” I took her hands in my own and looked at her with a soft smile, “You.” I said softly. “Before I’d seen you, I’d never even thought of living. I hated the idea of it, nothing had gone right for me my parents were dead, my grandparents didn’t want me and I was in the adoption system for a half a year... And my family wasn’t my family. I was sixteen when they told me,I grew up, calling them mom and Dad, protecting Allen as if he were my birth brother not knowing that he wasn’t. When they told me I snapped. I played hockey, kicked the shit out of anyone who dared cross my path. I was angry with everyone, I hunted, and trapped. I did what I wanted to and contrary to popular belief, I wound up moving three times in a month. And then we came here, I saw you, I watched for a few months before I wanted to take action.” Tears welled in her hazel eyes, they were begging to escape, but she refused to cry any more. She squeezed my hand tightly and kissed my lips desperately. My eyes widened and she pulled away shyly, “S-Sorry I just... I love you.” She whispered and smiled hugging me tightly. I rubbed her back gently and kissed her head gently, chuckling weakly I hug her tightly. I told her how it was fine and that despite being what I was, and who I was I was always going to love her. “Nothing will change that Chiara, nothing could change how I feel about you okay? I want and am ready to protect you, and above all else; I am ready to protect you Chiara.” I whispered to her and my lips found hers. “Okay.” She whispered.