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They walked quickly down the halls of the hospital. They had just returned from a friendly and heard things weren’t going well, so they rushed there. When they go into the room, they can see that their friend has gotten worse. She looks like a ghost of a person, but the steady, labored beat of the machines tell them she’s still there.
“Hey Tobs.” Lauren finally goes to their friend’s side, taking the small hand in her own. “How are you feeling?"
“Hi friends.” her rasps were barely audible with the oxygen mask over her face. The other three women got closer to Tobin as Lauren moved some hair out of the midfielder’s face. “I missed you guys. I watched the game and you guys killed it."
“We killed it for you, pal.” Ashlyn said with enthusiasm and they all chuckled. Tobin began to cough and struggled to clear her throat. Heather pure a cup of water and handed it to Ashlyn. “Here we go, small sips.”
As she took the sips of water a nurse came in and maneuvered her bed so she was sitting up. This allowed them all to see how much color she had lost, how sick she really looked. “Molly these are my friends I told you about; Lauren, Ashlyn, Heather, and Whitney. Guys this is Molly, my awesome nurse.”
“Aww you’re just saying that cause I help you out in here.” the nurse responded. “It’s nice to meet all of you. Tobin had told me a lot about you. So how is my favorite patient feeling today?"
“Tired. Just weak and tired.” the midfielder responded, tying to sound strong. “But I’m doing okay today right? Maybe I can get out of here soon?"
“We’ll see Tobin, we’ll see.” Molly gave a concerned look to the other women. Tobin began coughing again and Molly helped her through it and put the mask back on to get her more oxygen. “Dr. Burke will be in any time now, okay."
Ten minutes later, a man walked in and introduced himself as Tobin’s doctor. “Dr. B tell my friends I am okay and I can go home soon."
“I wish I could Tobin, I really do.” just like that all the air seemed to leave the room. “Your heart is getting worse and it will only get harder to keep it from failing. Your status has been moved to critical on the transplant list. In the coming weeks your symptoms will slowly worsen until your heart fails, unless we find you a heart."
“How long?” she cut in. “How long do I have?"
“Symptoms will really start to show in the next few weeks.” he repeated. “The most we can give you is a month, maybe two. I know this is a lot and I am so sorry. We have to trust the system in getting you a heart and until then, I promise you I will do everything I possibly can to help you until a heart comes."
After the doctor left, the room was silent for a while. Eventually Lauren stepped out of the room for a moment, followed closely by Heather. They found Molly and wanted to ask her a question, “Excuse us, Molly, we were wondering if it was possible for Tobin to leave at all. Is it possible for us to take her out for a while? It’s just that Tobin is a free spirit and she would probably take some this better if she had some fresh air."
“Tobin has to go through a lot of testing today to get new baselines and stuff for the transplant list.” Molly told them. Just as their faces began to fall she added. “But i will speak with Dr. Burke and see if we can something out for her to get out tomorrow for a while."
When they went back to the room, Ashlyn and Whitney had gotten Tobin speaking some about soccer and the team. The friends talked for a while, avoiding the elephant in the room until Tobin had to go for testing. Once she was gone the women fought to not break down.
“She’s going to be okay.” Ashlyn stated. Though she sounded more like she was trying to convince herself. “She is going to be okay, right?"
“Tobin is strong.” Whitney rubbed Ashlyn’s back. “She’ll get through this. She has to."
“We have to have faith.” Lauren added. “We all know how strong Tobin is. She is a fighter and we have to help her get through this."
They wheeled Tobin back in a few hours later and she was curious why only Ash and Whit were in the room. “Cheney and HAO went to get some stuff and they’ll be back soon. Is there anything you want to do or just rest?"
“No I rested during all those tests so I’m okay now.” she looked out the window and saw that it was getting dark. She knew it was getting late and knew what was coming, and she didn’t want it to. She didn’t want to look weak. “Give me the dirt on the team until the nurses come back."
alright Ms. Heath you know what time it is.” they had been hanging out for a awhile and Tobin rolled her eyes when she heard the voice that meant discomfort. Nurse Jackie would come every night with her dinner and they would argue about how much she had to eat, then she would make Tobin walk down the hall to get a shower. She would say it was to keep her muscles strong and moving as much as she could. “Ready to eat?"
“I’m not hungry nurse Jackie.” she whined. “Please don’t make me do it today."
Whitney and Ashlyn wondered what this was all about, but it pained them to see Tobin react in this way. They watched as Tobin and the nurse went back and forth about eating. Finally Molly came in to set them straight. “Tobin, I know you being so sick doesn’t make you hungry but it is important for you to eat normally for as long as possible. You don’t need to eat a ton, but can you please try for us?"
She gave a dejected nod and Jackie lifted the lid off the tray revealing a plate of weird hospital food with corn, fruit, and pudding. Tobin picked at the food for a while, only really eating the corn and the fruit. “Come on Tobs you didn’t even touch the pudding. It’s pudding it can’t be that bad."
“You try it then Ash.” Tobin countered. She laughed when the keeper’s face gave a disgusted look. “Ha told you."
“Molly told me you had eaten enough for now. You ready to take a walk?” Nurse Jackie knew she’d get a fight and her patient didn’t fail her. “Ms. Heath you need to get up and move, and a shower wouldn’t hurt. Now you can just get up an dee can do this how we always do or you can continue to argue and I’ll make you get out of that bed."
With that, Tobin pushed the table away from her and struggled to sit up all the way. The nurse went to Tobin and unhooked her from the machines then put shoes on her feet. The soccer players watched as Tobin put her hands on the bed and hoisted herself into a standing position. “Can they come with me, please?"
“If that’s what you want, yes.” she knew Tobin’s friends would keep her calm and reasonable. “But we are going to get there without any help today okay."
Tobin grumbled her response and focused on getting down the hall without embarrassing herself. She was glad when she got to sit down when they got to the showers. Jackie turned the water on and helped Tobin out of her cloth gown and pants, then left her to do her business. In just her sports bra and Nike pros, Tobin stepped into the shower, avoiding the worried eyes of her friends.
“Where’d the drill master go?” Tobin asks when she got out, only seeing Whitney and Ashlyn. They helped her get dressed in clean clothes and lead her back to the room. “Ah peace and quiet."
Soon after, Jackie returned and hooked Tobin back up to the machines and put the oxygen mask back on over her face. Lauren and Heather returned with several bags in hand. “We figured since you could be here for a while, this room could use some dolling up. And we brought some food."
They spent the evening decorating the room and keeping Tobin distracted. Lauren brushed Tobin’s hair and saw her fighting to keep her eyes open. They put a movie in and Lauren pulled Tobin in close to her, trying to get her to sleep. “I love you guys."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“This is nice.” Tobin said to her friends as they looked out across the beach and into the ocean. It had been a week since they got there and it was their third time taking Tobin out. “Thanks for getting them to let me come out here.”
“We just want to make you happy, chicka.” Ashlyn said, sprawled in the sand. “Besides an unhappy Tobin means there has to be something wrong with the world, right."
They were all silent at the irony of those words. In just a week Tobin had gotten worse and they were worried how bad she would get, but Tobin seemed to be optimistic so they tried to be too. “Let’s go get some real food. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to anyway."
By the time they got back to the hospital, Tobin was asleep and Ashlyn had to carry her in. It was HAO’s night stay so the others wen back to Tobin’s house until the next day. They only got to spend half of the next day together because they had to go to another week of camp.
“Don’t you dare try anything while we are gone. Just wait a week and we’ll be back.” Ashlyn tried to sound intimidating. “See you soon man."
Tobin spent the rest of the weekend pretty much alone. She wouldn't speak to the staff and just went through the motions. Monday morning, Molly found the younger woman staring at nothing. "How's my favorite patient doing?" All she got was a shoulder shrug from Tobin. "I heard it was kind of a rough weekend. You want to talk?" Nothing. "Well we have another day of testing, maybe you'll be more up for it later on."
Molly tried all day to get her to talk about anything, to no avail. The day was long and torturous for Tobin and she was glad when she was back in her room. It was short lived though, when she heard that voice again. She just rolled over and shut her out, ignoring the tray in front of her.
"Let's go Ms. Heath. You won't eat but you still need to get up an walk. Come on." Jackie was not taking no for an answer. She pulled the covers off Tobin and lifted her to sit up, but since she wouldn't cooperate she put Tobin in a wheelchair and rolled her to the shower, and eventually back to her room. "I'll see you tomorrow. Hopefully your attitude is better."
After two days of the same from Tobin, people were getting worried. Her test results weren't great which was what they expected. It was her mental state that had them on edge. "Molly can you go in there and try speaking with her? Otherwise I will be forced to call psych."
"Yes Dr. Burke." She gathered herself and went into the room. Tobin was still in a depressive mood and they needed to get to the bottom of it. "Tobin we need to talk. I really need you to tell me what's up with you."
"I'm fine." Tobin said. "I just want to be alone."
"If I leave you alone you are going to be admitted to the psych ward and have to go through a series of tests and questions. You don't want to do all that do you." She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her arm. "You don't need to keep everything so pent up."
"I feel helpless." She whispered. She was ashamed that she felt this way. "Why is this happening to me? I'm losing this battle and I think I am losing the will to fight."
"Oh come on now, you're not losing this fight." the nurse had tears in her eyes. "You have too much to live for to let this knock you down."
Molly helped Tobin into a wheelchair and took her out to the garden for patients. It was exactly what Tobin needed. She stood and took a few steps, feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin. Molly watched as the young woman's arms lifted in triumph and as tears rolled down her cheeks. She watched as the sun rejuvenated her patient and gave her a new fight.
After a while outside, Tobin let Molly take her to the shower. She enjoyed the clean feeling of her skin and thanked Molly for brushing her hair. They spent the rest of the evening talking and keeping Tobin's spirits up.
“Tobin we missed you so much!” Ashlyn came running into the room and plopped down onto her friend’s bed. “Man, it’s been a long time."
“It’s been a week and a half Ash.” Tobin countered. “But I missed you guys too."
As the days passed Tobin was happy to have her friends there, but she was feeling worse and worse. She woke up one morning with a pretty bad cough and in a lot of pain. By the time Dr. Burke arrived the room was chaos. he used an ultrasound to look at Tobin’s heart and found the source of the problem.
“Alright Tobin you have some fluid around your heart. It’s called a pericardial effusion.” He explained, trying to keep her calm. “I am going to insert a needle into your chest and drain the fluid."
Removing the fluid worked for a little while, but them her symptoms returned and Dr. Burke rushed her into emergency surgery to drain the rest of the fluid. Hours later he informed the women that Tobin was fine and the procedure went well. They were all received and went to her side, waiting to see her eyes open. “Hey guys."
“Tobin Heath you scared the shit out of us!” Ashlyn hugged her gently. “ Don’t ever do that to us again."
Unfortunately they all knew it would only get worse before it got better. The midfielder soon became completely dependent on the people around her for everything from eating to bathing to moving around. Walking was no longer an option and anything more than being in bed, focusing on breathing, was a struggle. Having her friends there was the only way Tobin was making it through this ordeal.
“You ready to eat Tobin.” Heather came in with a bowl of yogurt. Tobin nodded and accepted the spoon full of yogurt form Heather and the others that followed. Once they had finished, Whitney joined them and the women slowly and carefully bathed Tobin. Whitney held her up and wrapped her in a new gown and then they laid her back down.
“Thank you.” she coughed out. They got her some water and she soon fell asleep. She managed to sleep through the whole night and well into the morning before finally opening her eyes.
“There are those beautiful brown eyes.” Tobin heard Molly say. “We were starting to get a little worried about you. You were asleep for quite a while.”
“I was dreaming, sorry.” she smiled, seeing some of her friends in the room. She could see the worry in their faces and she was starting to feel worry too. “Chen, can you take me outside?"
“Okay, sure. Let’s get you ready.” They knew Tobin needed this so they got her ready for the weather, sitting her up to put her coat on. They managed to get her in a wheelchair with her oxygen and iv, then covered her with a blanket. “Here we go."
Tobin had to catch her breath when the cool air hit her skin, but she wanted to be outside just one last time. They enjoyed the beautiful day and stopped in the chapel for a while before returning to the room.
“Dr. Burke may I ask you something?” Lauren found the doctor outside Tobin’s room. “Is Tobin close to getting a heart? She seems like she is getting pretty bad."
“Tobin is now at the top of the list so she will get the next heart that becomes available.” The doctor tried to sound positive. He could see his patient was not doing well and he was getting worried himself. “Hopefully we will get it any time now."
Another day had come and gone, and now everyone was worried. The midfielder was on her last leg and now even breathing became a struggle. She was scared, they were all scared. “Ash-"
The keeper practically leapt out of her seat to be at Tobin’s side. “Yeah what do you need?"
“Why, why is this happening?” it was difficult for her to speak. All Ashlyn could do was take her friend’s hand. “I think it’s coming, the end."
“Oh Tobin don’t say that.” tears were coming to her eyes and she laid her head down so Tobin wouldn’t see. “You just have to fight a little but long okay."
“I’m trying to.” she wanted to sound strong but her body was failing and her emotions were starting to take over. “It’s getting harder fight though. I’m scared. I don’t want to die."
“Oh goodness Tobin.” Ash couldn’t contain the emotions flowing from her. She pulled back the sheets and lifted her friend's frail body into her arms. Sure Ashlyn was strong, but Tobin was now just a wisp of what she had been so the task was easy. She walked around the room whispering to her, talking to her like a normal person. Then she set Tobin’s feet on the floor and held her under her arms, staring into her eyes. “There is soon going to be a day when you will stand in front of me under your own power. You listen to me, you cannot die."
Ashlyn pulled Tobin into a hug and they cried together until the other women joined them. Lauren motioned for Ash to put Tobin back in bed and they all stayed together that day, fighting together. “Guys no matter what happens I want you all to know how thankful I am to have you as friends and how much I love you all."
The room was then filled with the blaring of beeping machines. Tobin’s eyes had closed and the hospital staff swarmed her as they tried to bring her back. Dr. Burke came and did what he could. Tobin was shocked twice before a weak beat came back. He told them she probably wouldn’t make it through the night.
“Dr. Burke-“ Molly came sprinting into the room before any of them had time to interpret the words. “Dr. Burke we have a heart! It’s en rout now."
“Call the OR and tell them we are on our way now.” he yelled to her as they prepped Tobin to move. “You hang in there Tobin."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She tried to open her eyes through the haze of her drug induced state. She couldn’t move her arms and all she felt was discomfort. After several attempts she finally managed to pry them open. It took a moment for things to clear up, but she was soon able to see her people sitting around the room.
“Hey look who is awake. There’s our girl.” Whitney was the first one to see Tobin’s eyes open. Heather ran to get the doctor while the others gathered around the bed, Tobin tried to talk and move. “Don’t try to move too much Tobs. You have a tube breathing for you and about a million other wires coming out of you. Your arms are restrained so you don’t pull anything out."
“I hear Tobin is awake.” Dr. Burke and Molly came into the room. He spoke softly to her and checked her vitals. “There were a few complication in surgery, but we took care of them and you seem to have come through well. Once you are more awake we will be able to remove the tube and restraints. I’ll be back in a bit to check on you."
Over the next few hours Tobin became more awake and aware of her surroundings. She was getting restless and uncomfortable with all the things on her. Dr. Burke returned and removed the tube. He checked her again and asked how she was feeling. “Tired. But it’s a different kind of feeling. I feel better."
They all just laughed. Some part of their Tobin was back again. They spent the rest of the day being together, thankful to be there. It would be a long road, but Tobin was alive and they were prepared to do whatever they had to do to get her back.
After about a week in the ICU, Tobin was transferred into a cardiac rehabilitation facility to really begin her rehab. The women were a bit hesitant to leave her there because Tobin had seemed more distant since her surgery. They knew it was the right thing though, and the midfielder was placed there for two months of treatment.
Things were different for Tobin now. Every morning began with a handful of pills and then she spent the days with physical and occupational therapists working to get back to her normal self again. She mostly kept to herself, even in the group sessions. She just wanted to be back with her friends and her old life. Tobin struggled with the pain in her chest and dealing with is as the bones and incisions began to heal. Once a week she went to see a therapist they made her see, but she gave minimal answers and kept most of her thoughts to herself. Every day she put all of it aside and she set her focus on her return to the game she loved.
At camp, the friends always worried about Tobin. They tried to be there as much as possible, but camps were getting more frequent. They celebrated her milestones with her as she began walking and getting back into activity, but still they could see she was struggling. The other girls knew some about Tobin’s situation, but left it to her friends and only asked about it occasionally. They saw other players come and go, and could only hope that Tobin would return.
“How’s Tobin doing these days?” Pino asked during lunch one day. She was sitting with Lauren and Ashlyn and some new girls and she hadn’t heard in a while. “She still in the facility?"
“No she was sent home two weeks ago.” Lauren responded, ignoring a look from Ashlyn. “She’s been doing pretty well. She’s allowed to drive now and she is running and getting back into normal physical activities."
“That’s great to hear that she’s getting back into stuff.” the lively midfielder said. She missed her crafty pal. “How long until she can come back?"
“We haven’t heard anything definitive yet, but hopefully we’ll know more after camp.” Ashlyn interjected. “For now she is just taking lots of pills and getting her fitness back."
There was a young forward sitting at the table with them. She had been with the team for about six months now, but no one knew a ton about her. She kept to herself and didn’t give intimate details about her life, although her teammates could see something in her. Listening to the conversation around her she was curious, “Who is Tobin?"
The older girls all stared at each other thinking about how to respond. They hadn’t heard her talk much and were taken by her abruptness. “She is one hell of a baller and a friend of ours. She has been sick for a while."
They finished eating and went about the rest of camp, occasionally sharing words. As time passed they all became closer friends, but each of them had their share of secrets they chose not to speak about.
The next few months, for Tobin, consisted of constant training to get back into soccer. She worked tirelessly every day and wouldn’t let the scar on her chest stop her. She was different, but when people tried to talk to her about it she just she them out.
“You ready for this Tobin?” Lauren asked as they drove from the airport. They were headed to another camp and Tobin was coming to get looked at by the staff and get reintegrated with the team.
“Yeah Chen.” Tobin quietly replied. She was focused on camp and was trying to put her nerves about seeing the girls aside as she tugged up the neck of her shirt.