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It was a long shift after a long mission gone terribly wrong. Three men had died, one of them while Jim was holding him. He’d beamed back aboard the Enterprise covered in so much blood it was hard to tell which was his and which belonged to Ensign Perkins.Jim’s wounds were nothing, really, not compared to dying, but Bones had fussed over him like he’d gone and done it again. The truth was the mission had scared him. Just a bit. Not much.He’d seen Spock on the bridge when he got there and they’d barely been able to exchange a few words. The bridge had been busy while Jim was gone and Spock had checked immediately with Bones about Jim’s welfare but once he knew Jim was all right, he returned to business.Spock left the bridge first, Jim stayed a couple of extra hours.By the time he headed for his quarters he was fucking tired and just wanted to sleep away the memories.Spock was behind Jim’s desk when he entered his quarters. His gaze, completely closed off and unreadable, rose and focused on Jim.“Hey,” Jim said with a frown. “You okay?”“Who is Shell?”Jim blinked and stared at him. “Huh?”For a moment Spock did not speak and simply stared at him. “Who. Is. Shell?”Jim shook his head. “I’m really tired.”Spock stood up rather suddenly and came around the desk to advance on him. Jim took an involuntary step back.“You are aware that I require monogamy.”“What? Yeah, of course.”Spock handed him a folded note. “This was stuck under your door.”
I can’t wait to see you again. You’re amazing. Shell.
“What the hell?” Jim read it again.“You deny it?” Spock looked downright dangerous.“Deny what? Fuck, Spock, you can’t possibly think I’m doing anything with anyone else.”“What is this note?”“I…I don’t know. She has me mixed up with someone else.”Spock narrowed his eyes. “You are mine.”“I know that.”“You are my mate.”“I know.”“You have already experienced my first Pon Farr.”Jim swallowed, licked his lips. How could he forget that? And in spite of his exhaustion, he got hard. “Believe me I know.”“I will not share you.” Spock’s hand came up to grab Jim’s jaw and he held it in a viselike grip. “You must tell her.”“There is no her. Spock, I’m not with her.”Spock’s nostrils flared. “I would meld with you.”“Do it.”Spock moved his fingers to Jim’s psi-points. A moment later, he visibly relaxed.Jim smiled. “Told you.”“What is the meaning of this note then?”“She probably stuck it under the wrong door. I don’t know. Just, God, Spock, I fucking worship you. Don’t you get that?”“I apologize, t’hy’la. Sometimes my possessive nature is difficult to control.”“I know. But I’m yours. Always.”Spock pulled him close. “You are exhausted. Let me get you ready for bed.”Jim sighed. “I am. I think I could fall asleep on my feet.”Suddenly he found the room spinning and then he was in Spock’s arms, bride style.“Hey.”“Shh. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. I will care for you as is my right.”“Okay, okay.” Jim sighed and leaned against Spock. “And I love you, too.”

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“Mm.” Jim drew back from Spock’s lips reluctantly. Spock had very kissable lips, as Jim had only very recently found out. Unfortunately they hadn’t had a chance to get past the kissing part yet. Their schedules hadn’t allowed it. Spock made a little noise of protest. “Sorry. It’s time to beam down to the planetoid.”Spock nodded, his dark eyes losing their dazed look and going back to their usual blankness. “I am aware.”“When I get back, maybe we could get together,” Jim said hopefully. He was finally going to have a free evening, as long as the mission went all right.“I am sorry, Jim, but I already agreed to have dinner with Nyota.”“Oh.” Jim tried to hide his disappointment. He was totally trying to be understanding about the whole Spock-Uhura thing. They’d only recently decided they made better friends than lovers. “After maybe?”“Nyota expressed a desire to practice music together.”It was just a little harder to push aside the disappointment this time, but over the years Jim had gotten very good at acting. So he smiled. “All right. Another time then.”“I apologize.”“No, don’t. It’s fine, Spock. Now I really do have to go. You have the con.”Spock held his two fingers out so Jim met them with a smile and went off to the transporter room.****“Captain, are you sure you have to return to your ship so soon?” the governor’s beautiful daughter, Kayla, asked him.Kayla had been flirting with him since they’d arrived. She was beautiful with gorgeous brown curls flowing down her back and she wore a pink and turquoise gown with the back open almost down to her ass. A very nice ass.If Jim hadn’t been in a sort of relationship with Spock, he would have been all over her. He was tempted even still because she really was intensely beautiful and he hadn’t had sex in really too fucking long. He was about as sexually frustrated as he’d ever been.But he was trying to have a real relationship for the first time in…well ever, and if he fucked things up with Spock because he couldn’t stop himself from his old ways he’d never forgive himself.But damn, Kayla had been persistent.“I’m sorry, but I am expected back. It’s been a pleasure to meet you though, Kayla, and your father.” He smiled brightly at her.The look she gave him was dreamy. “Oh, it’s been my pleasure, Captain.”He cleared his throat and stepped back to where the rest of the party waited. “Energize.”****“What the hell are you doing here in sickbay anyway?” Bones asked Jim a few hours later as he sat behind his desk and Jim sat across from him.“Got nowhere else to be.”“Aren’t you and the hobgoblin supposed to be pursuing a romantic relationship?”“You sound like Spock.”Bones smirked. “That’s because it’s word for word what the hobgoblin told me. ‘The captain and I are pursuing a romantic relationship’,” Bones said in his imitation Spock voice, which sounded way more robotic than Spock actually sounded. Plus Bones managed to miss the snooty tone too.“Yes, well, we would be if he’d stop dating his ex.”“Huh?”Jim sighed and reached for the glass of bourbon Bones had poured for him. “Ever since Spock kissed me when I woke up in sickbay after Darios 12, that’s all we’ve managed. Kisses, I mean.”“You and he haven’t—oh God not sure I can say this—had sex?” Bones blanched.“Nope.”“But that was a week and a half ago.”Jim took a swallow of the bourbon. “I know it. Some of it’s been too much going on shipwise, but when we do have free time, well, he makes plans with her.” “Uhura, you mean?”“Yeah. I guess they’re used to doing stuff together. Or at least I figure that’s what it is. I sort of thought maybe she wanted to sabotage me and Spock, because you know, of them, but I don’t know. She seems to be okay with it. It’s just every time I turn around he’s doing something with her.”“Hm. Well. I know patience isn’t your virtue, Jim, but I think if you really want it to work with the hobgoblin you’re going to have to have some. From what I heard through the rumor mill, it took a long time for Uhura to gain Spock’s interest back in San Francisco. She kept at it until he caved.”“I’m not the sort to keep at it,” Jim grumbled. “If someone doesn’t want me, I move on to someone who does.”“I’m pretty sure Spock wants you, Jim.”Jim sighed again and took another swallow of bourbon. He blinked rapidly. “Bones, what the hell is that behind you?”Bones turned around and eyed the plant that was behind his desk. “Oh.  Sulu brought that in here. I don’t know what it is exactly. Strange looking though, huh? Some botany experiment I guess.”Jim stared at the plant. It had hundreds of bulbs or something that looked like phalluses. “Uh, doesn’t it, um, Bones, look at it.”“I am.”“No, I mean. Jesus. Don’t you see what I see?”Bones frowned. “What?”“It’s a bunch of penises.”Bones choked. “A bunch of what? My God, Jim, will you get that hobgoblin to fuck you already?”Jim laughed and then buried his face in his hands. “Maybe I am going nuts.”“No maybe about it. Get out of here. Now I don’t even wanna look at that plant.”Jim stood and grinned. “Sorry, Bones.”“Yeah, yeah. I’m comming Sulu and telling him to come get his plant.”****Jim made his way to his quarters, figuring he was definitely in for a lonely night. He opened the door and then stopped dead.Lying in his bed was Kayla, the governor’s beautiful daughter from the planet they’d just left. She was naked, lying on top of the covers, exposing her lush body to Jim’s gaze. His cock got hard instantly.“There you are…Jim,” she said in a sultry voice. She got up from the bed and came to where he was standing. She put her arms around his neck and plastered her nude body against his, her perky breasts rubbing against his command gold shirt. “I thought you were never coming.”And then she was kissing him. Passionately, deeply. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and before he even realized what he was doing, his arms were around her waist and he was kissing her back.She broke the kiss when they needed to breathe and she smiled becomingly at him. “I knew it. I knew you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I wasn’t wrong.”“Kayla.” He shook his head. “What the hell are you doing on the Enterprise?”“Well, I arranged with Ensign Rogers to beam me up as soon as the rest of your party exited your transporter room.” She ran her tongue along his lips. “I paid him a handsome sum to help me stowaway but I knew it would be worth it. As for getting into your quarters, Captain, you aren’t the only one who knows how to fiddle with computers.” Now she was kissing him again and pulling him toward the bed, and God he wanted her, he did, but then an image of Spock flashed into his mind and he knew if he fucked Kayla he may as well say goodbye to any chance he ever had of having Spock.So did he want instant gratification with Kayla or did he want that shot at forever with Spock, if that’s what Spock wanted.Jim gently pushed Kayla away and rose from the bed. “I can’t, I’m sorry.”“What?” she exclaimed, confusion all over her face.“First of all, you’re on my ship illegally, which really is a bad idea and can get me into a great deal of trouble with the Federation and your planet. And second, I have a…a boyfriend.”“What? You don’t have a boyfriend.” She laughed. “You’re not gay. You totally get hard for me.”“I’m not gay,” Jim agreed. “I’m bisexual. And I do have a boyfriend.”“Who is this boyfriend then?”“My first officer.”She stared at him, pursing her lips. “Well, even if you do, he’s not here right now, is he? What he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.”Jim shook his head. “He’ll know. Put your clothes on.” Then he contacted security.His door chimed just a minute later. When he opened it, it was Spock who stepped in. He arched a brow in Kayla’s direction.“You aren’t security.”“I heard your call. Who is this?”“A stowaway. The Governor’s daughter, Kayla.”“She seems to have misplaced her clothing,” Spock said calmly.Kayla huffed. “If you two would turn around, I’ll go dress in the bathroom.”They turned their backs and she went into the bathroom.“A particular acquaintance of yours, Captain?”“She’s, uh, from the planet, Jasco. Quite a successful mission.”The eyebrow shot up again. “Apparently.”Jim shook his head. “I didn’t—she didn’t—”Security arrived and Kayla came out of the bathroom.Jim sighed. “I’d better go deal with this. See you later?”Spock nodded, his expression entirely unreadable. “Yes, Captain.”****Jim had taken a shower and was stepping into his quarters wearing only a towel when his door chimed again.“Computer, identify visitor.”“Commander Spock.”He sighed. Spock was probably still pissed he’d had a naked alien woman in his bed. Jim didn’t know how he got into these messes.“Enter.”Spock stepped inside and the door closed behind him. “Captain.”“Commander. Weren’t you having dinner and music or whatever with Uhura?”“I have rescheduled it for tomorrow night,” Spock said. “Per your orders, Kayla has been placed in a guest room until we reached Jasco. Her father has been notified.”“Good. Thank you, Spock. A guarded guest room, I hope.”“Aye, Captain.”“Nothing happened between us.”“Nothing?” The tone was snootier than usual if possible.“Well, a little kissing when I first got into the room. She kissed me and I may have kissed her back. For a bit.” He felt himself turning red with shame and he turned away, unable to look at Spock. “If you—if you want nothing to do with me now, I understand.”“Jim.” Spock’s voice was gentle.“Yeah?”“Come here.”Jim looked at him then and rather than the hard look he expected, Spock’s eyes were warm. He held out a hand toward Jim. Biting his lip, Jim placed his hand in Spock’s and Spock drew him close.Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s waist and held him. He whispered in Jim’s ear, “You are an illogical human.”“You don’t want to dump me?” His throat hurt a bit.“Negative. I do not wish you to kiss others, however, when you are unhappy with me.”“I’m sorry.”“I know you are. But perhaps you could speak with me about your doubts.”Jim nodded. “I didn’t know there would be a naked woman in my room.”Spock made a sort of amused noise. “I did not suppose you would.”“Did you change your plans because of me?”“Of course.”“I didn’t—”Spock stopped Jim’s words with fingers on his lips. “It is time for us to take our romantic relationship to the next level, is it not?”He licked his lips. “Uh, you mean?”Spock arched a brow. “I think you know very well what I mean, James.”“J-James?” And hell, Jim didn’t know why but that totally turned him on.“Yes, James.” Spock reached down and tore the towel from around Jim’s waist, leaving him completely exposed. His hand grasped Jim’s chin hard and he covered Jim’s lips with his. “You are mine.”Jim moaned and put his arms around Spock’s neck.Spock scooped him up like he weighed nothing.“Wait! What the hell?” Jim exclaimed, scrambling for purchase. “Did you just lift me in your arms?”“Indeed, I have three times your strength.”“Ah, hell. You really know how to turn me on.”Spock tossed him on the bed and yanked his own shirts off over his head.“Oh, Jesus.”Spock shook his head, as though exasperated, and then rid himself of the remainder of his clothes. Then he knelt on the bed beside Jim.“I assume you have the necessary equipment.”Jim blinked. “Well, yes, of course I do. I have a dick and an—”“Silence. I mean lubricant, you impossible human.”“Oh.” Jim laughed. “Yeah, of course. Top drawer. Wait, I’ll get it.”Jim turned over onto his stomach and wriggled over up the bed to the drawers beside the bed. Just as his hand closed around the bottle of lubricant, Spock seized his ankles and pulled him back down toward him.“Hey!”“Quiet.” Spock took the lubricant from Jim’s grasp and squirted some out over his fingers.“You like manhandling me, don’t you?”“Affirmative.” Spock’s hand came down hard on Jim’s naked ass and he yelped. “I told you to be quiet.” He spread Jim’s legs and inserted two fingers into Jim’s hole.“Oh. My. God.”Another smack to his ass.“That is not being quiet.”“But—”And again. Jim’s teeth sunk into his bottom lip and he could not hold back a groan as Spock’s fingers spread him.“Spock, please.”“Though I do find your begging pleasing, I told you this time to be quiet. Do I have to gag you?”Jim shook his head frantically.“Then cease using words. I will allow you to make sounds.” Spock removed his fingers, and pushed his cock into Jim’s entrance. He leaned next to Jim’s ear. “I will enjoy your sounds.”“Mmhmm.”Spock drew out almost all the way before slamming back in, hard and deep. This was it. Spock was fucking him. Finally. Jim rose up a little and pushed back as Spock thrust into him again and again, their pace frantic. This was their first time and neither of them desired to go slow.Jim groaned, his fingers digging into the sheet below him as Spock rode him. Each brush against his prostate pushed another moan from his lips.Spock’s fingers spread over the crown of Jim’s head and then his fingers flexed until he had hold of Jim’s hair and he yanked back until Jim gasped.“Oh, fuck.” And Jim came, his sensitized cock brushing against the bed couldn’t take it anymore and he was coming, shooting all over his own sheets. No doubt he’d be sleeping in a wet spot. He didn’t care.Spock growled something low, something in Vulcan, as his hips snapped over and over as he pounded into Jim, pounding through his own orgasm and releasing his seed inside Jim’s ass.Spock collapsed hard atop him and for a moment Jim could not breathe, then Spock withdrew from him and lay beside him. But after only a moment, Jim felt yet another hard slap on his naked sore bottom.“Next time I will have to gag you.”Jim grumbled into the bed, then yawned big. and then promptly fell asleep.

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It had all started with the crash of a shuttlecraft that left the captain on the brink of death. Two other members of the shuttlecraft party had died immediately but Lieutenant Giotto and the captain had survived. Giotto with only a few scratches and bruises. Captain Kirk was much worse.The mood of the crew was somber to say the least. They’d all grown to respect and admire the captain, some worshipped him, and some loved him. I had very recently realized I fell into that last category, but I had not revealed my feelings toward the captain…Jim…to him. I was now faced with the very real chance I never would.“There’s been no change, Spock,” Dr. McCoy told me each time I went to the sickbay to check on Jim. The doctor looked haggard, exhausted, and bordering on giving up all hope. The last time I had gone to check the captain’s status the doctor’s voice had cracked and his chin had trembled. I tried not to notice.There had been a malfunction of the shuttlecraft’s engine and it had gone unnoticed because a recalcitrant ensign had not done the required inspection.  It had been my idea to go back in time when Dr. McCoy informed me point blank that he did not believe Jim would make it. He was only breathing because of the machinery attached to him and if disconnected, Jim would die. McCoy’s eyes had been devoid of all warmth and I had learned what the term ‘dead inside’ meant.I thought if I could go back in time, the inspection would be done, and Jim and the others would be saved.But instead of going back to the time I should have, I found myself standing in Jim’s hospital room not long after he woke up from being revived by Khan’s blood.When I first appeared in the room, Jim was sitting up in bed and staring out the window. He was alone.“Captain?” I called out to him, approaching his bed. But he didn’t turn or seem to notice my presence at all.Then the door opened and in walked Dr. McCoy. He didn’t seem to acknowledge my presence either. It was an oddity I was unable to explain.“Jim, you’re awake.”“Been for a while. You just missed Spock.”“The hobgoblin was here again?”Jim’s expression clouded. “Not him. He’s with Uhura. As usual.” He picked at the blankets on his bed. “I meant the old Spock. He was here, reading to me.”McCoy picked up the book that had been left by Jim’s bed. “Charles Dickens, huh?”“I guess his Kirk liked it. He thought I might too.”“That was nice of him,” McCoy said, setting the book aside. “How are you doing, Jim?”“You tell me.”“I’m not talking physically. I’m talking about the hobgoblin.”Jim looked away. “It’s nothing.”“It’s not nothing. We both know you thought after the scene Spock pulled while you were dying he had feelings for you. And then after, while we waited for you to wake up, he wouldn’t leave your side.”“I know,” Jim said with a sad shake of his head. “I shouldn’t have told you about what happened when I died. It obviously didn’t mean what I thought it did and he’s still fully committed to…her.”“Jim—”“Let it go, Bones. I have. We’re destined to be friends and that’s it.”The door opened again and in walked Nurse Chapel carrying a tray of food. She smiled. “Here you are, Captain. And I’ve brought that jar of marmalade you asked for.”McCoy picked up the little glass jar and read the ingredients.“Come on, Bones. It’s fine.”“I have to check,” McCoy said, but then nodded. “Seems okay. Marmalade?”“My grandmother used to make it,” Jim said with a shrug, turning a little pink.McCoy smiled. “You’re a sweetheart. No matter what anyone else tries to tell you, you are.”“Shut up, Bones,” Jim replied, but he was smiling.I stepped over to Jim’s bed, close enough to touch him, and ghosted my fingers over his temples. Seeing him alive made me wish to pull him into my arms. “Ashayam.”Jim blinked and touched his forehead.“Something wrong?” McCoy asked.“No. No. I…I thought I felt a touch. It’s nothing.”My fingers curved around the jar of marmalade, but then I shook my head. While I appreciated learning that Jim loved me, had loved me even then, it was not going to save Jim in my time.I left the room and found the portal that would take me out of this time, and it put me back in the present, in sickbay, with Jim still laying far too still and pale in the biobed. I also realized I still held the jar of marmalade. I approached Jim and put the jar aside.“Jim, ashayam. Please. You have so much to live for.” I put my hand to his face, my fingers to his meld points. “I cherish thee.”I entered his mind then, with little resistance. As though Jim’s mind welcomed me. I was surrounded by his thoughts, his frailty, his fear, and it was my undoing. I succumbed to the pull and darkness consumed me.****“Spock. Spock, wake up.”I was shaken rather vigorously.“Dr. McCoy?” I straightened, realizing I had been laying across Jim on the biobed.McCoy put a hand on my arm. “Are you all right?”“Affirmative. The captain?” I glanced toward the bed, saw that he had more color in his cheeks than before. Did I dare hope?“I don’t know, Spock. I think it’s a damn miracle.”“Doctor?”“He’s breathing on his own, Spock. We were able to disconnect the machines. He’s going to make it.” The doctor’s voice broke. “I would have woke you sooner but you seemed to be helping him and you were pretty out of it.”I stood fully and stared down at Jim, now sleeping.“I’ll be right back. I need to get something.” McCoy squeezed my arm and stepped away.My gaze went to the marmalade jar and I picked it up.“Spock?”My heart clenched as Jim’s eyes were open and he was looking at me.“Jim!”He frowned. “Marmalade?”I looked down at the jar. “Yes.”“I am kind of hungry.”Relief washed over me and I touched my hand to his cheek.  Now I would have that chance. “I am gratified.”

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“Bones?”“Hey, Jim. He’s this way.”Jim followed his best friend into another part of the sickbay. Spock lay on his back on the biobed Bones led him to. Jim looked to Bones. He was trying to keep it together. Freaking out wouldn’t help Spock.“How is he?”“Well, he lost a lot of blood, but fortunately we had a supply of the green stuff. He’s stable now and in and out of consciousness.” Bones squeezed Jim’s shoulders. “I’ll be back in a minute.”When Jim reached Spock’s bed, Spock’s eyes were open. “Hi, sweetheart.” He reached for Spock’s hand.“You are not injured?” Spock asked softly.“No, sweetheart, you are. But Bones says you’ll be okay.” He reached over and brushed at Spock’s bangs. He fucking loved those bangs. And everything under them. “How do you feel?”“Weak but otherwise tolerable. I am gratified you were not injured.”Jim shook his head and smiled. “You pushed me out of the way.”“I will always save you if I can.”“I wish you wouldn’t.”Spock shook his head. “There is no circumstance in which I will not put you first, so there is no point in arguing.”“Stubborn Vulcan.” Jim leaned over and touched Spock’s lips with his own. “You are my heart, you know.”“As you are mine.”“I have to get back to the bridge, but I had to see for myself that you were out of surgery.”“I regret worrying you, t’hy’la.”“I know, sweetheart. I’ll see you again, soon.” Jim brushed his fingers over Spock’s, then turned and exited sickbay.****“What do you mean you released him an hour ago?” Jim asked Bones when he came to sickbay to pick up Spock to take him to their quarters.“He insisted, Jim. If it makes you feel better, M’Benga escorted him.”Jim sighed. “Okay, thanks Bones.”But when he went to their quarters Spock was not there.“Computer, locate Commander Spock.”“Commander Spock is on the observation deck.”With a frown, Jim made his way to find Spock. He found him standing by a large window looking out to the stars, hands clenched behind his back.“Hey.” Jim put his hand on Spock’s back. “What are you doing?”“I have been contemplating things.”“I came to sickbay to get you.”“I apologize,” Spock murmured softly. “I did not wish to inconvenience you.”“You are never an inconvenience. Come back to our quarters with me. Bones has you off until we reach New Vulcan.” When Spock said nothing, Jim came to stand in front of him. He put his hand to Spock’s cheek. “What are you contemplating?”“How soon I may lose you,” Spock admitted, his dark eyes turbulent.“Hey, I’m not the one who was injured.”“But you have been and you will be again. Humans are fragile in their lifespans. Ensign Farrow lost her life in twenty-five point one seconds. If I had been three seconds later, you would have been shot and it would have been your heart.”“I know, Spock. I feel all this when you are injured. I died once. Another you died. We have to face that, I know. But there’s an old earth song, Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be, the future’s not ours to see.”“Kaiidth.”“Yes.” Jim smiled. “Something could happen to either of us. That’s how we live, how we die.”Spock’s arm wrapped around Jim’s waist and pulled him close. “I do not want you to die.”“I know.”“You do not. When my mother died, I did not think I could bear it, yet I did. When you died, it was…impossible. But then you were alive again. I could breathe.”“Sweetheart, we all die.”Spock shook his head and held him tighter.“Spock, you were the one who was injured, not me. I want to take care of you.”“I am supposed to take care of you.”Jim smiled against him. “What if I want to take care of you for a change? Is that okay?”Spock reluctantly nodded.“Think about how in just two days we’ll be on New Vulcan and we will have a wedding and a formal bonding ceremony,” Jim said soothingly. “We’ll be husbands and bondmates at last.”“We are already husbands and mates.”“Yeah, but this will be official in front of family and friends. Right?”Spock nodded. “Yes.”“Okay, sweetheart, that’s it. You’re coming with me and I’m going to get you into bed, make you tea and take care of you. All right?”“Very well.”Jim leaned up slightly and kissed Spock’s cheek.****Jim had Spock in bed, dressed in his thickest sleeping robes, blankets up to his chin practically, and he’d just made his favorite tea. Spock had been watching him carefully the whole time.Jim smiled. “Everything okay?”“I do not require all this fuss.”“I want to fuss over you.” He handed the tea to Spock, who took it dutifully. Jim sat on the edge of the bed. “You look very sexy like this.”Spock’s lips quirked up. “I am not certain I am up for sexual congress at this time.”Jim laughed. “Yeah, I know. Believe it or not, Spock, I can actually control myself. I managed for all that time it took me to snag you, didn’t I?”“I am aware that you continued to engage in amorous relationships during that time.”“Nope.” Jim shook his head. “I did engage in sex, yeah. But not amorous relationships in the way you mean. You were the only one I pursued that way and I caught you too.”Spock’s brown eyes were melty soft. “You did.”“Hmm. And every time I’m moving inside you, I think I’m the luckiest guy in the universe because you’re so fucking amazing. You really are. And I get to have you.”Spock blushed. “Jim.”Jim stroked his fingers over Spock’s hand. “You’re adorable you know. I love how no one else knows what a sweetheart you are. Everyone thinks you’re this stoic, cool as a cucumber Vulcan.”“Earth idioms are illogical.”“Don’t I know it.” Jim leaned over and kissed Spock’s cheek. “Are you hungry?”“Negative. Nurse Chapel forced her version of Plomeek soup on me before I was discharged from sickbay.”Jim stifled a laugh. “She means well. I think she has a tiny crush on you.”“I am mated,” Spock said primly.“Oh, I know. And I have no intention of letting you go,” Jim assured him. “Is it okay if I do some reports?”“You may do as you please. If you are needed on the bridge—”“Nope. I made Bones put me off bridge duty unless it’s an emergency. We don’t get a lot of down time together, you and me. I’m not going anywhere.”Spock nodded. “I will be pleased with the company.”Jim smiled and kissed him again, before standing. “Spock?”“T’hy’la?”“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

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Spock picked up the heart-shaped card—a human fantasized version of a heart-shape since Spock knew that human hearts looked nothing like what he held in his hands—that had been stuffed under his door. It appeared to be handmade and had been decorated with a lot of red and silver glitter which seemed to be sprinkled all over the floor and Spock’s hands.He opened the card and read.
-If you want to meet me

And would like to see

Go to the observation deck at 2200 hours

No need to bring candy and flowers

Just bring you

If you want me too-
Spock read it again. It was just as bad as the first time. He wrinkled his nose. One thing was for sure, Jim would never be a poet. And of course Spock was certain the card with the bad poetry came from Jim. Perhaps part of his certainty was an illogical hope that it was, but mostly Spock thought he was correct in his assessment.Jim’s flirting had increased fifty percent over the last week, which had also increased the prior week to that. In fact, once Jim had learned of the dissolution of his relationship with Nyota, he had been rather blatant in his pursuit of Spock.At first Spock had been uncomfortable being the center of such attention. Other crew members had noticed and Spock did not care to be the subject of gossip. The attention, though, was not exactly unwelcome, for his increasing fascination for the captain had been a large part of the reason Nyota had ended their relationship.Spock had been thinking of taking matters to the next step himself, though, in truth, he would not have chosen Valentine’s Day to make his move as he did not understand the significance of such a day in the least. He considered it an illogical human indulgence.He put the card away, somewhere way in the back of one of his dresser drawers where it and its glitter would not come into contact with anything important. He then attempted to clean his hands of it before he sat down to meditate prior to the appointed time.****Spock made it to the Observation Deck two minutes early but it already had an occupant…Christine Chapel.He felt immediate disappointment. Had Nurse Chapel been the one to arrange to meet him? He had been so certain it had been Jim, however, Nyota had once told him she thought Nurse Chapel had a crush on Spock.It was illogical to be disappointed considering Spock himself did not celebrate Valentine’s Day and it was completely possible Jim did not see any particular significance in the day himself.Nurse Chapel had not yet realized Spock was there as she stood looking out at the stars. Spock was about to turn around and leave so that things would not be awkward for either of them.“Looking for me?” the Captain asked from behind him.Spock turned, nearly overwhelmed with relief. “I believe I was.”Jim looked past him to see Chapel. “Hmm. I didn’t think about it, but there are probably others trying to use this room.”“Apparently.”“Where shall we go?” Jim’s gaze was soft, intense, and heartbreaking in its beauty.“My quarters.”Jim smiled. “I like the way you think, Mr. Spock. Shall we?”Neither of them spoke as they made their way to the turbolift, however, once inside, Jim said, “I wonder who Christine was meeting.”“It is not our concern.”“Well, yeah I know that, but you know, I’m curious.”Spock arched his brow. “I believe in human terms…you are nosey.”“Ouch.” Jim laughed. “It’s a good thing I know you like me, Spock.”“I did not think there was any doubt.”The turbolift doors opened and they exited onto the corridor containing the officer quarters.Once inside his quarters, Spock turned to Jim. Jim was smiling in the particularly soft way he seemed to reserve for those he felt closest to.“So, uh, here we are.”“Indeed. I must say I found your method of getting us to this point rather unpleasant.”Jim laughed. “Too much glitter, huh?’“Yes.”“I told Bones it was too much but he insisted.”“Dr. McCoy assisted you with the card?”“Yep. He wrote the poem. I sure can’t write poetry.”Spock shook his head. “Neither can Dr. McCoy.”“I’ll tell him you said so.” Jim stepped close to Spock. “You still showed up.”“Was there any doubt?”“Perhaps a little, yeah.”Spock stroked his thumb over Jim’s lips. “You did not have to go to such elaborate methods to woo me.”“Was I wooing you?”“You have been for weeks.”Jim’s tongue darted out to flick against Spock’s thumb and Spock was unable to withhold the shiver that went through him. “You noticed, huh?”“My powers of observation are highly elevated.”Jim shook his head, but he smiled. “Are you going to kiss me?”Spock leaned close. “I believe the term is ‘Be Mine’, is it not?”“Actually since I sent the card, you’re supposed to be mine.”Spock tilted his head. “Jim.”“Yeah?”“Be silent.”His lips covered his captain’s and for once, Jim stopped talking.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“So, you have any big plans for Valentine’s Day?”Jim heard Carol ask Uhura.He happened to be kind of close to Uhura’s station at that moment, looking over Chekov’s shoulder at Spock’s science station.“Nothing major. I want to do a romantic dinner,” Uhura replied. “But it’s a big deal getting Spock to take the time off.”Jim ignored the tightening in his chest. Get over it, Jim.“What about you?” Uhura asked Carol.“Len has something up his sleeve, but of course he isn’t telling me,” Carol replied, sounding amused.“I can’t wait to hear all about it.”Yay, Jim thought. Another fucking Valentine’s Day with no one to spend it with. He was going to spend it in his beloved chair, on his beloved bridge of his beloved Enterprise. He’d make sure Spock took the night off because Jim sure as hell didn’t want to see him.“Keptin?”He blinked down at Chekov. “Yeah?”“You are pressing on controls wery hard.”“Oh.” Jim forced a smile and then patted Chekov’s arm. “Good work, Ensign.”Chekov beamed. “Thank you, sir.”****“Captain?” Spock asked as he stepped into the turbolift the same time as Jim. He stood stiffly beside Jim.Jim didn’t look at him. “Yes, Mr. Spock?”“I have noticed you have yourself schedule on the bridge this evening.”Jim nodded. “That’s correct.”Spock glanced at him, then back to straight ahead. “Perhaps I should also be scheduled then.”Jim snorted. “Nope, no way. Uhura will kill me if you are not available for her plans.”“More likely she will kill me.”“Yeah, whatever,” Jim said with a shrug. “You’re not on shift, Spock. Forget it.”Spock looked like he wanted to say something else, but finally he gave a sharp nod. “Very well.”Jim got off the turbolift to head down to the gym, while Spock continued to the bridge.****Later that day, Jim smiled at old Spock just after he finished losing to the old Vulcan. “And on that note, I have to get to the bridge.”Old Spock quirked an eyebrow. “This is not your usual shift.”“No, but you know, it’s that horrible day, so I’m working it for some others.”“Horrible day?”“Valentine’s Day.” Jim wrinkled his nose.“Ah.” The elder Vulcan nodded. “Yes. One of your Earth peculiarities. And you have no special someone?”“Are you kidding?” Jim asked with a snort. “Romance and Jim Kirk don’t mix.”“I find that hard to believe.”“Well, believe it. But it’s like whatever. I can deal. I’ll talk soon, okay?”“Very well,” Old Spock said, sounding very much like young Spock. “Live long and prosper.”Jim made his way to the bridge. He’d been pretty generous with giving the bridge crew the night off so there were a lot of unfamiliar faces. But he stopped short when he saw Scotty sitting at helm.“Scotty? You’re helm tonight?”“Aye, Captain. No worries, I know what I’m doing.”“I have no doubt about that.” Chekov was once again at the science station while some Ensign he didn’t quite remember the name of was at navigation. Swell.It ended up being a very uneventful shift so with a stretch, Jim rose and left the bridge to return to his lonely fucking quarters. Thank God, Valentine’s Day was over for one more year.He had just reached his quarters when the door slid open and Uhura stood in the doorway, looking none too pleased.“What the hell?”“You know you’re the biggest pain in the ass in the universe. Just saying.”“Huh?”“And I thought Spock was going to be the difficult one. I should have known it would be you.” She yanked Jim inside.There was a table set in the middle of his quarters with a red table cloth and two fancy glasses and two porcelain plates, one with a steak and the other with some vegetarian thing there. Spock, who had been sitting awkwardly at the table, stood at once the moment Jim entered the room. The plates clanged as his legs hit the table on the way up.Jim blinked and turned around to look at Uhura, but she was gone. He looked back at Spock.“Uh. What?”“I believe I am supposed to ask, will you be my Valentine?”All Jim could do was stare at his first officer stupidly.“Captain?” Spock now sounded uncertain.“What is this?” There were candles—real ones—on the table.Spock shifted from one foot to the other. Jim could see a faint green tint to Spock’s cheeks. “A romantic dinner.”“For who?”“You.”“Me?” Jim felt like he was in some sort of fog. “And you?”Spock looked greener still. “Nyota miscalculated.”“I don’t get it.”“Nyota thought that you had-had romantic feelings for me. It was her idea to arrange this dinner. It had been her intention to have both of us not scheduled for the bridge but then you scheduled yourself. I suggested canceling her plans, but Nyota insisted we could still have it when your shift was completed.”Jim’s chest tightened and he felt lightheaded.“It was a foolish, illogical idea. I apologize for—”“Spock, no.” Jim shook his head rapidly. “God, I-I don’t even know what to say.” He laughed a little hysterically. “I never-I never thought…” To his shame, tears began to sting his eyes.Spock looked stricken.  “If my regard upsets you I will leave.”“No. It doesn’t.” Jim wiped his eyes and turned away. Suddenly Spock was beside him and turning Jim around to face him. Spock’s hands were on Jim’s face, unbearably gentle. Jim smiled. “I never thought you’d feel the same way.”Spock’s hands slipped from Jim’s face and inched up Jim’s shirts to feel the bare skin of Jim’s back. “You have no idea.”Jim reached up to touch Spock’s face, fanning his fingers across Spock’s neck, just under his ear. “Yes.”Spock looked confused. “Yes?”“I’ll be your Valentine.” His heart pounding in his chest, he kissed Spock softly.And as Spock kissed him back, completely, thoroughly, full of promise and possessiveness, excitement and love, Jim could not help but think the day was not so horrible after all.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Come on, Spock. You have to get out of here,” Jim gasped out, as his body wracked with pain. It was getting worse. Or better. Hell he didn’t know any more. He was fucking freezing and hot as hell at the same time. And he desperately wanted his stubborn first officer to leave him to die.“Negative,” Spock said again. He’d lost track of how many times Spock had refused to leave him in this ice cave. He’d used a little more phaser fire to get the small fire going again. But the phasers were losing their power, needing to be charged back on the ship.The ship they’d lost contact with right after Jim’s gut had been clawed open by the ugliest fucking snow beast he’d ever seen. And he’d thought Delta Vega had been bad.“Spock, please. If you go and leave me behind, maybe you can find an area where the communicator will work and the Enterprise will find you.”“I am going nowhere without you, Captain.”“Spock, goddamn it!” Jim shuddered from the pain. Or the cold. Oh, who knew? “We both know I’m not going to make it off this rock.”“We know no such thing,” Spock replied. He sat very close to Jim, wrapped up in a thick coat lined with synthetic fur. He had refused to leave Jim’s side.“The wounds are too severe and I’ve lost too much blood. And anyway I’m probably gonna fucking freeze to death. I don’t have the-the energy to fight this, Spock. But you can try to save yourself. You have a much better chance without me.”Spock merely stared at him. Then he leaned forward, his hand outstretched toward Jim’s face. “Your pain is severe again.”“Yeah. I mean no. No, Spock! You can’t keep doing that. It’s not good for you.”But Spock ignored him and touched his hand to Jim’s face. Spock shook a little as he blocked Jim’s pain and took some of it on himself.Jim’s eyes pricked with tears. “You can’t keep doing that. And I don’t want you to.”“It is a small matter,” Spock’s voice rasped.Jim squeezed his eyes shut. “Please, Spock. Save yourself. I’m going to die here. I don’t want you to die with me.”“I will not leave you, no matter how many times you plead for me to do so.”“I order you to go.”Spock quirked a brow. “I refuse your order. When we are rescued and on board the Enterprise, you can bring me up on charges of insubordination.”“Don’t you get it, Spock? I can’t bear the thought of you dying. Not for me.”“For you. With you. It is all the same,” Spock said. “And it is you who do not get it.”Jim swallowed, his throat dry and impossibly clogged with emotion. “Spock? What are you saying?”There was a crunching noise outside the cave entrance and Spock stiffened. He rose to his feet.“Wait. What if it’s that asshole snow beast?”“I must investigate, Captain. It is my duty to protect you.”“No. Not at the cost of your life. Spock, don’t—”“I will return,” Spock assured him. He picked up a large stick they had used earlier on the creature as it shredded Jim.“Spock, wait,” Jim said desperately. “I want you to know, before you leave, why I don’t want you to die.”“Because you are my friend.”Jim scoffed, which caused his whole body to constrict in pain. “No, you pointy-eared bastard, that’s not it. And we both know it.”Spock’s gaze met his and the Vulcan nodded.Exhaling slowly, Jim nodded back.Spock turned and walked out of the cave to investigate the noise, leaving Jim behind.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

We’d just stepped onto the turbolift on the starbase when two others slipped in just before the doors closed. I straightened my dress uniform.Spock and I were on our way to a diplomatic conference involving annoying admirals and hostile alien races. I already had a headache that threatened to become a full blown migraine before the day was over.The two new occupants were a distinguished looking bald man and a woman with long, dark curly hair. She wore a sort of purple body suit while he wore street clothes, jeans and a dark gray turtleneck sweater.I didn’t fail to notice they were observing Spock and me closely. I exchanged a look with Spock, who arched a brow.“Captain Kirk and Commander Spock?” the man asked in a cultured British accent. There was perhaps a note of surprise in his tone.“Yeah, that’s right,” I replied, studying them closer. Still didn’t look familiar. “Do we know you?”“Not exactly, Captain. But we are aware of you. I am Jean-Luc Picard and this is Deanna Troi.”I nodded, smiled. “Are you here for the conference?”“No, Captain. We are not from…around here,” Picard said, glancing at the woman. Their shared gaze seemed to get intense for a second, then Picard looked back at us and smiled. “We’re just passing through.”“You are Betazoid,” Spock said, staring at the woman.She straightened. “Yes, I am.”I looked to Spock.  “A telepathic species, Captain,” Spock explained. “I do not believe I have ever encountered one before.”“We’re a little rare,” Deanna Troi said with a small smile. She tilted her head. Her gaze flicked first to me and then to Spock. “You are…together?”“What?” I laughed, shaking my head. “Spock’s my first officer. And my friend.”“Oh.” She glanced at Picard. “I’m sorry, Captain. My mistake.”The turbolift doors opened.“This is our floor,” I said, getting off. “Nice to meet you.”“It was our honor, Captain,” Picard said, seeming sincere.The doors closed behind us and we began to walk down the corridor.“They were a bit strange. She’s a telepath, you said?”“Affirmative. They read emotions. Some of them are quite powerful I have heard.”My steps faltered.“Captain?”“Nothing. Just…what she said.”“They are not necessarily always right.”I shook my head. “She wasn’t wrong. Exactly.”“Captain?”“This isn’t the time for it with the conference going on,” I said, reluctantly. “It’s just…I think she was getting my emotions. Correctly.”Spock stared at me for a long time. It reminded me of that time I told him I was going to miss him and he failed to respond. I was about to turn away.He cleared his throat. “I assumed it was my emotions she was reading.”I gaped. “What?”“As you said, this is not the time for it. We are due for the conference.”“Damn. Stupid timing.”“Your hand.” When I put out my hand, palm first, Spock touched his index finger and middle finger to mine. I blinked at the little jolt that ran up my arm and through my body.“What was that?”Spock’s eyes softened. “A Vulcan kiss.”“Spock—”He arched a brow. “The meeting, Captain?”I sighed. “Yeah, let’s go. But this is so not over.”“Agreed. It is only the beginning.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Probably the worst thing you could do to Jim, okay one of the worst, was give him the silent treatment. At first he didn’t even realize he was getting it but eventually the even stonier looks than usual as well as the clipped one word responses gave him a clue.Somehow he’d screwed up again.Usually he’d ask what he did, if he didn’t know—which sometimes he did and even sometimes he acted like a dick on purpose—but there were other times he had no clue what set off his moody boyfriend. This was one of those times and really Jim was sort of irritated himself so he didn’t even want to ask. To say the bridge had been tense would be an understatement. Just between him and the Vulcan, of course. Jim wouldn’t let it interfere with his interactions with the rest of the crew.So after shift, he’d killed time talking to Bones, and eventually he returned to his quarters where he now sat behind his desk, doing some work on his terminal, while Spock meditated in the other room. Spock finished first and changed into his sleeping robes. Jim sort of rolled his eyes at the idea of a sleeping robe. He wore very little to bed himself, if he wore anything. But Spock always came to bed like he was wrapped for Delta Fucking Vega.All right, so maybe Jim was a little more than irritated. He tapped his fingers on his desk as he watched Spock pull back the covers and get into bed. He’d actually been sort of surprised when he got to his quarters and Spock was there since he’d been giving Jim the cold shoulder all day. He’d expected Spock to spend the night in his own old quarters. It was true Spock almost never spent the night anywhere but with Jim, for months really…yet still he was surprised. He shouldn’t be really. He’d discovered since they began this crazy relationship of theirs that Spock was a secret cuddler. Oh, no doubt the Vulcan would deny any such thing to his dying day, but Jim knew different.Jim sighed and shut off his terminal. He rose and stripped out of his uniform, getting perverse pleasure out of discarding his clothing by tossing it across the room over the bed. He knew from the way Spock stiffened that his Vulcan did not miss the action. Spock was very tidy and often picked up after Jim.Now only wearing his boxer briefs, he stripped those off too and then got into bed. Jim was never cold, in fact he was hot most days. There were many nights spent in bed that Jim would wake up with all the covers off because he’d pushed them off while at the same time Spock was plastered to his side. At the moment Spock was staying carefully on his side of the bed, almost rigidly so.“I’m surprised you’re here,” Jim blurted out, unable to help himself.“You would prefer I was not?”“No, of course not.”“Then why did you say that?”Jim sighed. “Because I am surprised. Humans get that way, Spock.”“Have we not been sharing a bed for the last seven point three months?” Spock asked, his voice low and rumbly.“Yeah.”“Then why would you be surprised?”“Because-because…you’ve been mad all day long.”“I am not experiencing anger,” Spock said coolly.“Then why are you being such a dick?”Spock moved quickly, suddenly pinning Jim under him as Jim gave a yelp of surprise. Lips crushed his, hard and punishing, even as teeth scraped over his bottom lip.“Ouch,” Jim protested, just before Spock silenced him with another hard kiss. Spock’s teeth tore at Jim’s top lip, something he knew Spock liked to do but it seemed extra hard as he gave a little whimper.Spock’s lips and teeth moved to his ear, which got nipped, before they sunk into Jim’s neck. He’d totally have a mark there later. Vulcan fingers gripped his hipbones tightly, no doubt putting bruises there. But Jim’s body reacted just as always, his cock rising in arousal, his breath hitching in anticipation as Spock shrugged out of his robe.Jim expected to be turned onto his stomach, Spock’s preferred position, so he was surprised when his legs were pushed back and high in the air. Spock’s slicked fingers entered him, not being gentle in the least, which sometimes Spock was and sometimes he was not. The fingers pulled out and Spock’s cock pushed in, deep and thorough, to its depths.Jim’s dick jumped in answer as Spock drove into him again and again, roughly, savagely, growling low as he rode Jim hard. Someone else, not Jim, might have been frightened by the rough fuck, but Jim reveled in it.Bring it on.Spock gripped Jim’s cock, stroking it at an almost feverish pace, until Jim gave out a keening cry as cum shot from his dick, splattering him, splattering Spock.Soon his Vulcan was speeding up his thrusts inside Jim’s body, plunging in, gripping Jim with bruising ferocity as he cried Jim’s name.A moment later, Spock had slid out, his arms wrapping around Jim’s middle, as though he was cherished, his head resting on Jim’s stomach.Jim stared down at him. “Are you all right?”Spock placed a kiss on Jim’s quivering abs. “I am now.”Jim exhaled and reached down to stroke Spock’s head.“Did I hurt you, ashayam?”“No.”Spock pushed up against Jim’s caress, closing his eyes. “You are certain?”“Yes.” They were quiet for a moment. Jim touched the tip of Spock’s ear. “You’re everything. You know that, right? Everything.”Spock held him tighter. “I love you.”“I love you, too.”Jim was not certain what demons always drove his Vulcan, but he knew he would be there to help Spock with them. Always.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jim frowned as he walked down the corridor.  He’d spent most of the morning trying to stave off an impending migraine. So far unsuccessfully. He leaned against the bulkhead as a wave of nausea hit him. This one was going to be a bad one. He straightened away from the wall and was about to continue down the corridor when the lights overhead made a sort of buzzing sound and then blinked out. The emergency lights came on immediately.With a weary sigh, he went to the comm on the wall and hit it. “Kirk to Engineering.”A long pause.  A bit of crackling noise was his immediate answer.“Kirk to Engineering. Scotty?” “Scott here.” He sounded frazzled.“Still haven’t fixed the malfunction, Scotty?”“We’re trying, Captain. The problem is we haven’t figured out what’s causing it.”The regular lights flashed back on.“Scotty, any guesses?”“The reason for the malfunction? Beats me.”“I’ll buy speculation.”Scotty gave him a long suffering sigh. “I’d sell it if I had any.”He couldn’t help but smile. “Do the best you can. Kirk out.”Jim made his way into the turbolift just as Spock stepped over from the other corridor leading in. He almost closed it in the Vulcan’s face. For a moment he imagined doing just that and getting the satisfaction from it.His jaw tight, Jim did his best to ignore Spock. He folded his arms across his chest.  It wasn’t long though before he couldn’t help himself. “You said it.”Spock said nothing for a moment but Jim saw the tick of the muscle in Spock’s jaw.  And the telltale flare of his nostrils. The Vulcan was pissed. “You were the one who said it.”“You said it first.”“I recall otherwise.”The turbolift lurched to a rather sickening stop. Jim’s already queasy stomach rolled.“Ah, fuck me.” Jim slammed his palm into the bulkhead.“Mr. Scott?” Spock said going to the comm on the wall with a side eye at Jim.“Aye, Commander. It’s stopped for a wee bit. I’ll get it going as soon as I can.”Jim glared in Spock’s general direction. “Well this sucks.”The eyebrow shot up. “I did not cause it to stop.”“I didn’t say you did it.”“You would rather be trapped with someone else?” Spock asked with a definite mocking tone.“Damn straight, pointy.”“Resorting to insults will not make you right.”“You’re a bastard, you know that?”“My parentage is not under question.”“Oh for God’s sake, don’t play oblivious Vulcan with me. Not right fucking now.” Jim turned away, unable to look at Spock just then. A part of him wanted to cry and he wasn’t even sure why.The turbolift lurched again and began to move, opening onto the bridge.Jim went straight to his captain’s chair and started giving orders. His headache was now pounding.****Jim watched the Klingon raise his Disruptor and point it toward his first officer. Panic shot through him, wild and frantic. And the worst thing was, he knew he would not be in time.“Spock!” he shouted, running toward the Vulcan.“No, Jim,” Spock said just as the Klingon fired.Jim rushed at Spock, knocking him to the ground just as the Klingon fired a second time. The second shot exploded right where Spock had been. Jim twisted to an upright position and fired his phaser stunning the Klingon to the ground.Panting heavily, Jim lifted Spock in his arms. Green blood was oozing from Spock’s wound, but luckily the Klingon had missed Spock’s heart when Jim barreled into him.“Spock,” Jim rasped, his throat raw from the nearby fires on the planet. “It’s going to be all right. I’m going to get you back. Just-Just hang on.”He flipped open his communicator even as Spock stared at him, his brown eyes glazed.“Kirk to Enterprise. I need immediate beam up and I need McCoy waiting.  Spock’s been hurt.”“One moment, Captain.”“No, now.”The transporter activated and they reappeared on the Enterprise. Medics were already waiting with a gurney. Bones and Uhura waited too.Bones and the medics rushed for Spock and they took him from Jim.“What happened?” Bones asked.“Klingons attacked. We lost Higgins and Lafferty. Spock got hit by a Disruptor.”Bones nodded. “You?”Jim shook his head. “I’m all right.”Bones ordered the medics to take Spock to sickbay immediately. Jim turned to Uhura. She was crying and had her hand up to her mouth.“He’ll be okay,” Jim assured her. Or maybe he assured himself. He ran out of the transporter room, heading for sickbay with Uhura at his heels.****Jim felt sick to his stomach, his head pounded like his skull was going to split open, and he was covered in Spock’s blood. His hand shook as he ran it through his hair, which was a little blood encrusted now.That had been far too fucking close. He was seated in Bones’ office waiting. And waiting. It was torture.Jim stood when Bones appeared in the doorway. “Bones?”Bones gave him a tired smile. “He’s going to be all right, Jim. And he’s asking for you.”He nodded, not moving for a moment as relief washed through him.Bones frowned and lifted a scanner to him. “You look like hell.”“Yeah, uh, kind of feel like it too. My head—”“Let me get you a hypo.”“Later. I need to see Spock.” Jim squeezed Bones’ shoulder and then rushed from Bones’ office straight to the biobed where Spock lay. Spock was sitting up, a bandage across his abdomen. He was very pale.“Spock!” Jim reached for Spock’s hand and grabbed it. He held it close to his heart. “God. I’m so glad you’re okay.”“Jim—”“I’m sorry,” Jim rushed out. “I’m so sorry. I’m such an asshole.”Spock’s dark eyes softened. “It is I who owe you an apology.”“No, don’t.” Jim slid his fingers between Spock’s. His eyes welled with tears.  “I was so worried.”“I am fine, ashaya.” Spock reached his other hand to Jim’s face and wiped an escaping tear from Jim’s cheek with his thumb. “Do not be so distressed.”Jim scooted closer to him and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “I love you so much. I’m sorry we were fighting.”Spock stared intently. “You are experiencing a severe headache.”Jim smiled, shook his head. “Don’t worry about that. It’s nothing.”Just as he said it he heard footsteps from behind him and he didn’t even turn around as Bones pressed a hypo into his neck. He sucked in a breath at the sting. The footsteps went back in the opposite direction.  The lights around them flickered.“Damn it, I can’t believe Scotty hasn’t gotten that fixed yet,” Jim said, exasperated.“He will,” Spock said quietly.“I know.” Jim smiled again and squeezed Spock’s hand. He lifted the fingers to his lips, and pressed kisses there. “I won’t make it without you. You have to know that.”“Nor would I make it without you. You should not have risked your life, t’hy’la.”“And was I supposed to let that Klingon bastard kill you right in front of me?”“I had it under control.”“You did, huh?” Jim smiled. “Just…never leave me. For any reason.”“I will not.”“Promise?” Jim knew it was impossible to promise any such thing and Spock would know it too. But he wanted Spock’s promise anyway.Their fingers brushed in a Vulcan kiss, and Spock’s dark eyes stared intently into Jim’s eyes. “I promise.”

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Jim stepped down from the transporter pad and immediately noticed the absence of his first officer. Spock always waited for him in the transporter room if he didn’t go with him.“Where’s Spock?” Bones asked, stepping down after him. “Thought you two were joined at the hip.”“I don’t know. Guess he was busy.”“You coming to sickbay or you going to refuse to let me treat those injuries?”“It’s just a few cuts and bruises, Bones.” Jim eyed Sulu. “Go with McCoy, Sulu. You don’t look so good.”“Yeah, I don’t feel great, sir.”Bones led Sulu out of the transporter room. Jim smiled briefly at the transporter chief and then stepped out into the corridor. He went to the comm on the wall.“Computer, locate Commander Spock.”“Commander Spock is in his quarters.”With a frown, Jim headed for the turbolift and to the deck with the officer quarters. He keyed in his entry to their shared quarters. Shared since they’d officially bonded and married three months earlier.“Spock?”He didn’t see Spock at first but then noticed he was seated in the area where he did his meditation. Jim pushed away his concern temporarily and removed his torn command shirt and the dirty under shirt below. He pulled on new shirts but there was still no movement from Spock.“Spock?” he asked again. “Are you all right?”Spock slowly exhaled and then slowly rose from his cross-legged position on the floor. He came out of the little alcove but his dark eyes were turbulent as he came to Jim.“What is it?” Jim was really concerned now. Spock wore his robes instead of his uniform. “Has something happened?”“My counterpart has passed on,” Spock said quietly.“Sp-pock?”“Yes.” Spock came to Jim then and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. “I feel…bereft.”Jim buried his face in Spock’s neck, pulling him closer still. “God, I’m sorry. I just…we saw him not that long ago.”Spock nodded, saying nothing, which to Jim said everything really.His eyes pricked with tears and he made no effort to keep them from falling. “I don’t know what to do,” Jim whispered.“Commander Scott is on the bridge and we are both currently off duty. A message was waiting for the doctor when he returned. He is no doubt aware now.”Jim clenched his eyes closed. “Are you okay?”It took a moment for Spock to reply, but when he did it was a bare whisper. “I don’t know.”“Okay. I’ll-I’ll just hold you. Is that all right?”Spock nodded. “Please.”

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Bones suddenly appeared on the stool next to him at the bar on the Space Station.“Wow.” Jim stared at him, mouth hanging open. “Are you magic?”Bones snorted. “No, but you are seriously wasted. You look like hell. How much have you had to drink, Jim?”“Oh.” Jim waved his hand. “Lots.”“That’s precise. Where’s Spock?”“On the ship, I suppose,” Jim muttered.“Uh-oh. Lover’s spat?”“Yeah.”“Well, that explains the drunken stupor. What are you fighting about?”Jim shrugged, would have slipped off the stool if Bones hadn’t reached out and steadied him. “Socks.”“Say what?”“You heard me. Something about socks.” Jim stared into his half full glass of whiskey. “I don’t quite remember. It was stupid.”“I expected nothing less from the two of you,” Bones admitted.Jim looked up from his drink, his gaze flying right past Bones. “Are Chulu and Sekov arm wrestling?”Bones glanced behind him.The two bridge crew members were at the end of the bar, arms linked and brows furrowed.“Looks like. They’re a couple of idiots, too.”“I hope the little guy wins.”Bones frowned. “Which one is that?”“I don’t know!” Jim said loudly.Bones laughed. “All right, all right. No need for so much excitement. Hang on a minute. Don’t go anywhere.” He got off the stool and flipped open his communicator.Jim stared back into his drink. “I think there’s a worm of some kind in here. Maybe a Cyrelean Hoosecow.”“Captain Kirk.” Someone whispered into his ear.“Where?” Jim looked around.“Captain Kirk. It’s me. You remember me.”Jim focused on the blue man with the white hair and antennae standing in front of him, his hands were all over Jim. “The Andorian Ambassador.”“You do remember,” he said with a smile.Even plastered Jim would remember someone who had him bent over a conference room table for an hour or so.“Uh, hi.”“I was so pleased to see you here, Captain,” the ambassador said. He was rubbing Jim’s biceps. “And here I thought my time on the Space Station was going to be so boring.”Jim blinked, tried to focus, but his head was swimming. “Well, you know I…um.”“Yes?”He licked his dry lips. “I forget what I was going to say.”“It does not matter,” the ambassador said with a smug smile. “Why don’t you come with me? I have a room here on the Station. You’ll be very comfortable.”“Alas, he already has a comfortable room on the Enterprise.”Jim turned sharply at Spock’s voice, which had him slipping off the stool. Spock grabbed him, and pushed him behind him. Jim noticed Bones scowling nearby.“Bones, did you call Spock?”“Of course I called Spock, you idiot. And it’s a good thing I did.”“Who are you?” the ambassador demanded of Spock.“His boyfriend.”“Boyfriend? He has a Vulcan boyfriend?”“Indeed,” Spock said coolly.The ambassador frowned or Jim thought he did, because it was difficult to see around Spock, who was mostly still blocking Jim.“I didn’t know that. He didn’t before.”“That is correct but he most definitely does now. Have a good evening, Ambassador.”After a few seconds of stony silence, Jim asked, “Is he gone?”Spock turned toward him, his expression impassive. “He is. And you are returning to the Enterprise.”Jim nodded. “Probably a good idea.”“Thank you, doctor.”Bones mumbled, “Couple of idiots.”Spock led Jim from the bar and to the transporter. Without comment, he ordered them beamed back aboard the Enterprise.He remained silent the entire way back to Jim’s quarters, though Jim kept stealing glances. Spock’s expression never changed.When they were inside Jim’s quarters, Jim couldn’t stand it anymore. “Are you mad?”“Negative.” Spock’s fingers slipped under the hem of Jim’s command shirt and he lifted it off and over Jim’s head.“How about from before?”Spock removed Jim’s undershirt. “No.”Jim bit his lip as Spock directed him toward his bed and gently pushed him to sit down. Spock knelt before him and began to remove Jim’s boots.“I’m sorry,” Jim said. “I hate fighting with you.”“I know you are sorry and I reciprocate the sentiment. However, I would ask you to speak with me next time rather than overindulging in alcohol to deal with your distress.”“You are right.”Spock set Jim’s boots aside and removed his socks. “Do you think you will expel the contents of your stomach?”“Maybe.”Spock stood and returned shortly with a bucket, which he handed to Jim.“I wouldn’t have slept with him. I would never mess this up. Never.”Spock nodded. “I am aware. However, I do believe he would have taken advantage of your inebriated state and forced himself upon you. You must be more careful, ashaya.”“I know.” Jim sighed. “I was just missing you. I hate fighting,” he said again.“You are a very passionate human.”“That’s no excuse. I’ll try to be better and not freak out over little things.”“As will I,” Spock said quietly.Jim’s stomach rolled. “Ugh. I feel terrible.”“I believe that is punishment enough for your misdeeds,” Spock said, amused.Jim rolled his eyes. Or tried to. It was kind of a lot of effort at the moment. So was keeping the contents of his stomach inside. “Ugh.”Spock wisely stepped away.

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“Who is T’Carla?”Jim looked up from his PADD. Spock was standing in front of the couch Jim sat cross-legged on doing his homework.“Hi, Spock,” Jim greeted him with a smile. “”I didn’t know you were here. Mom didn’t say.”“Your mother advised I could come back to your room without being announced.”Jim smiled and held out his two fingers. Spock hesitated a moment and then touched his to Jim’s. He sat next to Jim on the couch.“Jim, I apologize for demanding an answer the minute I came into your room. However, I really would like to know.”Ever since Jim and his parents came to Vulcan at the invitation of Spock’s parents, Jim had been attending school with the Vulcans. And he and Spock had been getting closer every day.“T’Carla is the Vulcan classmate I was assigned to do my science project with. She’s pretty cool, actually. You’d like her.”Spock visibly relaxed. “I see.”Jim grinned. “You were jealous.”“Negative.”“Yes, you were. It’s cute though. You’re so possessive.”Spock stiffened. “If it disturbs you—”Jim shook his head rapidly. “It doesn’t. Not at all. But Spock, there’s no reason to be jealous. You’re the only one I want. You’re the only one I’ve had.”Spock put his hand on Jim’s cheek. “Forgive me, ashaya. I have never had anyone like you.”Jim smiled. “It’s fine, Spock.” He scooted over until he could lie back against Spock, who put his arms around him. “Today is T’Carla’s birthday.”“Vulcans do not celebrate births. It is illogical.”“You celebrated mine. Remember? You gave me a book.”“Because you are human, ashayam.”“I still want to do something for her. Could we have her over for dinner?”“It is rather late to invite her now. It is afternoon.”“Well.” Jim grinned. “I sort of already invited her. And your parents. They’re coming too.”Spock arched a brow. “I see.”“You don’t mind?” Jim tried his best smile.Spock’s arms tightened. “You may do whatever you wish, my t’hy’la.”“You’re the best. So you’ll help me?”“Help you?”“I sort of told T’Carla you would bake her a cake.”“Jim, I have never baked a cake before.”“Ah, but I’ll help you.” Jim looked at him with pleading blue eyes. “Together we can do anything.”Spock touched Jim’s jaw. “Very well, Jim. We will make this cake for T’Carla.”“Thanks, Spock. I love you.”“And I you.”

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“What are your plans for the day?” Jim asked his husband of more than twenty years as he came out of the bathroom of their San Francisco apartment just after his shower.Spock still lounged in bed, his sleep robes arranged around him for optimal warmth. Just prior to Jim’s shower they’d spent the early morning hours making love. Some things never changed and Jim being insatiable for his Vulcan was one of them.“I am meeting a friend for tea at two. Otherwise I have no plans as the academy is currently on semester break.”Jim smiled. “Friend? And who would that be?”He wasn’t jealous that Spock spent time with other people. Well, okay, not much anyway. He would love be able to monopolize all of Spock’s time if he could because well…he just wanted to always be with Spock. But Jim had admiral duties and Spock had professor duties and they both had friends and all, so…yeah. Spock’s friend for tea.“My friend, Kris. You will recall she briefly served aboard the Enterprise during our first five-year mission. This is for her birthday.”He nodded. “Yes, I do remember her.” Sort of.“What are your plans, Admiral?”It made Jim laugh that just after fucking Jim into the mattress, Spock was back to calling him admiral. And before that it was captain. Well, hell, there had been a time or two when Spock had used his title during sex. Jim sure liked those times.Spock arched a brow. “Your mind is on coitus.”“Well.” Jim grinned.“We just completed it. Was that not satisfactory?”“For the time, certainly. But come on, Spock, my mind is almost always on coitus with you.” He chuckled like a school boy at the word.“And your plans?” Spock asked primly.“Meeting this morning, lunch with Komack, and then home.”“Perhaps you will have time to join us for tea.”Jim smiled. “Really? You want me to?”“I always prefer your company.”“Okay, sure. Just tell me where.”****It was actually ten after two by the time Jim made it to Spock’s favorite teashop. He should have guessed that’s where his Vulcan would choose to meet his friend.It was a tiny little place on a side street in San Francisco Jim would never have found if Spock hadn’t dragged him there many times. Spock was at a table for four with an auburn haired woman Jim didn’t really recognize. He’d had a lot of crew members over the years and he would have thought he’d remember those Spock maintained a friendship with, but, well, he just didn’t.Jim headed to their table and flashed a smile. “Sorry, I’m a little late.”“We have not yet ordered,” Spock said. “Admiral, this is Kris Bethke.”“Hello, Kris, how are you?” Jim shook her hand and sat next to Spock.“I’m doing well, Admiral. I’m sure you don’t even remember me,” she said with a smile. “I was only with the Enterprise for such a short time.”“What have you been doing since?”“Mostly archive work,” she replied. “I hadn’t even seen Spock in years. We ran into each other when we were both purchasing tea.”“Ah.” That explained a few things. “Well, it’s great to see you again.” He noticed a blue scarf wrapped around Spock’s neck. “Is that new?”“Yes, it was made by Kris. She knits.”“It’s quite beautiful.”Kris blushed. “Thank you, Admiral. I just whipped it up. I asked Spock what color he wanted and he said blue to match your eyes.”Jim chuckled when he saw the light green dusting Spock’s cheeks. “Well, you did a great job. And call me Jim. And really, Happy Birthday.”“Thank you, sir. I mean…Jim.”Just then the waiter arrived to take their tea order. Jim slipped his hand discreetly under the table to stroke his fingers across Spock’s and he felt the grateful hum of their contact.

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Jim was bored. This was supposed to be an interesting planet. Or so he’d been told. Beautiful with lakes and waterfalls. He expected some pretty alien women welcoming him with open arms or something.  Or even pretty alien men. What the hell, Jim wasn’t picky.What the planet ended up being was full of a bunch of boring ass plants Spock found fucking fascinating. Oh and some little furry creatures that scampered around everywhere making chittery noises but otherwise paying Jim and his crew no attention at all. He sighed heavily.“Captain?”“Yes, Mr. Spock?”“It is not necessary for you to remain on the planet. We have the situation under control if you would like to return to the Enterprise.”Jim perked up at that. It certainly was true that Spock was more than capable of handling things on such a boring planet. “Are you sure?”Spock‘s eyebrow went up. “Certainly.”Jim grinned. “Okay. I leave it to you then. Kirk to Enterprise. One to beam up.”A few seconds later and he reappeared on the ship. Now that he thought about it he was quite hungry, so he headed to the mess room for lunch.****“McCoy to Kirk.”“Bones?”“You’d better get down to sickbay. There’s something you gotta see.”“Bad?”“Well, it’s, um, Spock.”Jim frowned. “Spock? I left him down on the planet surface.”A slight pause. “Well, I guess he got attacked down there.”Alarm flowed through Jim as he stood up, his half-eaten meal now forgotten. “What? He’s hurt?”“Not exactly. Sort of. Anyway, he’s asking for you.”“Me?”“Oh definitely. McCoy out.”Jim raced down to sickbay only to find Bones looking far too amused. He frowned. “Why are you smiling? Is Spock—”“You’d better come here.” Bones grabbed his arm and led Jim to his office. He pushed a button and the door slid open.Spock, who had been sitting behind Bones’ desk, stood up immediately. He came around the desk, smiling big. “Jim!”Jim froze, blinked. Spock was coming straight for him, arms outstretched. “Uh, Spock?”Spock pulled him close and hugged him tight, his hands sliding over Jim’s back as though to pet Jim. “I’m so glad to see you again. It’s been forever.”Jim squealed a little when Spock squeezed him too tight. “Uh, ease up a bit there, Mr. Spock. And it’s been like, what, thirty minutes?” He noticed that Spock’s usual impeccable bowl haircut was mussed.“Well, now, Jim, that’s what I wanted to tell you,” Bones said, quite obviously amused. “Seems Spock got bit by one of those creatures down on that planet.”Jim tried to pull out of Spock’s embrace but his first officer held him tighter. “Those furry creatures?”“According to Sulu, yes. I think the effects are temporary but—”“You think?”“It’s hard to know, exactly. But anyway, as you can see it’s brought out his human side. And I think that side really likes you, Jim.”“This is so not funny.”Bones chuckled. “It is a little funny. He’s going to be so embarrassed when he comes out of it.”Spock buried his face in Jim’s neck, nuzzling. “Mine.”Jim didn’t know what to do so he patted Spock’s back. “Bones, what-what do I do?”“Well, he doesn’t really need to be in sickbay per se. I mean he doesn’t seem to have any physical injuries. Maybe you could escort him to his quarters where he can stay until it wears off?”“Me?”Bones chuckled again. “Pretty sure he’s not going to let you out of his sight soon. You’re all he talks about.”Jim shot Bones a glare over Spock’s head. The thing was he’d been waiting for Spock to jump him since forever. Practically prayed for it. But this wasn’t Spock. Not his Spock anyway. This was a weird infected Spock who was going to be mortified at his emotionalism when he came out of it.“Okay, Spock, you need to let go of me now.”Spock shook his head and snuggled closer.“Commander, that’s an order,” Jim said sternly.Spock straightened and loosened his hold on Jim enough for Jim to get free. But Spock’s eyes were tormented, almost crushed.Jim tried a smile. “We’re just…that is, I’m going to take you to your quarters.”“You are coming, right?”“Yes, of course.” Jim turned to Bones. “You sure there’s no antidote?”“I don’t even know what that creature was. Sulu caught one and we’re looking at it, but for now, like I said, I think it will wear off.”Jim blew out a breath. “Okay. Well. Keep me posted.” He turned back to Spock who was staring intently at Jim, looking rather besotted.  He smiled again. “Follow me.”Though Spock did not speak on the way to the turbolift, Jim was aware of his gaze. He shut the doors and directed the lift to the deck with the officers’ quarters.“How did it happen?”“Captain?”“You know, the creature.”“Oh.” Spock nodded. “I was investigating a particular plant species. It had strange properties, it was really quite fascinating—” Spock stopped and looked pointedly behind Jim.“Spock?”Spock turned bright green. “I am sorry, Jim. I am somewhat distracted by your sexy derriere.”Jim choked. “My-my what?”“I am quite certain you aware of the appeal of your physical attributes.”“Now you are sounding like Spock.”“I am Spock.”“Yeah, I know. Although maybe not.”Spock frowned. “I assure you that I am.”“No.” Jim laughed. “I meant I’m not sure the-the usual Spock would speak of my appealing physical attributes.”The doors of the lift opened and Jim stepped into the corridor followed by Spock. Very closely. They made their way to Spock’s quarters and Jim coded in the entry.When they were inside, Jim turned to Spock, nearly ran into Spock’s chest since Spock stood so close to him. “So, the creature?”“As I reached for a stem of the plant, one of the furry creatures latched onto my finger and bit me,” Spock replied. “It seemed to be just a rather uncomfortable sting at first and then…you know the rest.” Spock shrugged.“I see.” Jim nodded. A shrugging Spock was strange. “Um, so, how much of this—” Jim waved his hand to indicate the two of them. “Is really what you think?”“Or feel.”“Yeah. Feel.”“All of it, yes.”Jim bit his lip, trying not to hope too much. “Really? Because honestly, Spock, you’ve never shown any interest in my physical attributes before.”“Appealing physical attributes,” Spock said softly.Jim’s breath hitched as Spock stepped even closer to him. They were chest to chest now. “What?”“I would very much like to engage in kissing.”“Yeah?”Spock nodded and smiled. Which was a little weird and sexy at the same time. “And I would like to engage in coitus.”Jim swayed a little. Spock steadied him by ensnaring his waist with his arm. Spock’s lips hovered just above Jim’s.  “Coitus?” He licked his lips. Spock’s pupils dilated.“If you approve.” Spock’s nostrils flared. “I would very much like it if you would approve.”“Well, I’d like to,” Jim admitted. “But I don’t know if—”Spock’s smile became feral.  “Mine.”Jim gulped. “But don’t you think…I mean you may regret…” Spock’s teeth sunk into Jim’s bottom lip. “Oh my God.” Spock pounced on him, knocking him onto the bed.“Spock, are you sure—Ah hell.” Spock’s hand covered Jim’s crotch. “Who cares?”****Jim woke with Spock still splayed out overtop him. They were both naked and on top of the covers. Now that he thought of it, why didn’t anyone contact him to report to the bridge? He had a feeling Bones had something to do with that.He stared at Spock’s face, his eyes still closed. Jim sighed. Spock was beautiful. Jim even loved his pointy ears. And damn when he was horny…Jim had a feeling his ass was going to be sore for a while. He wondered if this was a small taste of Pon Farr. Oh yeah, Jim had heard of that.Spock’s eyelids lifted and suddenly chocolate brown eyes were staring at him.Jim’s heart slammed hard. Was this Spock or the infected Spock?“Captain.”Jim swallowed. “Hi.”Spock continued to stare at him giving Jim no clue as to what he was dealing with.“Feeling better?” He cleared his throat.“Affirmative.”Sounded like regular Spock, all right. He didn’t know if that was good or bad. Should he be disappointed or glad?Jim smiled. “Well. I guess I should, um, be getting up and getting in the shower. I should report to the bridge or something.”“Indeed.”Jim really hated it when Spock gave him one word answers. But he decided now wasn’t the time to berate Spock for that. Now was the time to get the hell out of there as fast as he could. He went to move. Spock didn’t budge.“Uh, you need to let me up.”Spock shook his head.“What?” His heart began to slam hard in his chest.“I wish you to stay in bed.”“Are you still under the influence of that—whatever that thing was?”“Negative.”Jim eyed him dubiously. “Are you sure?”“Quite. I have already informed Dr. McCoy we need additional time off for medical purposes.”“Bones? When did you—? Medical purposes? But you said you were better. You are back to yourself, right? Your Vulcan self.”“Yes.”“Well, then—”“The possessive side comes from my Vulcan half.”“It does?”“Yes. And Captain?”“Mr. Spock?”“You talk entirely too much.” Spock suddenly flipped him until Jim was on his back and Spock loomed over him.He licked his lips again. “Well, maybe but—”Spock covered Jim’s mouth with his hand. Jim’s eyes widened and he ran his tongue along Spock’s palm. Spock removed his hand.“Did you just—”Spock bit Jim’s bottom lip. “Mine.”Jim’s breath stuttered. “Shutting up now.”

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Jim gasped a little when he jerked awake. Or he thought he did. He heard the weird burst of air just as the light behind his eyelids had become brighter and brighter. He blinked awake.A biobed.For a moment he couldn’t remember how he ended up in sickbay. Shouldn’t he be sleeping in his quarters?And then as he turned his head to the side he saw another biobed on the opposite side of the room and in the bed lay Spock and gripping his first officer’s hand as though her life depended on it was Uhura.It all came rushing back to him. Snow, ice, a planet from hell. A snow creature that wanted to shred Jim for lunch. And Spock going out of the cave after a noise. Jim was pretty sure he hadn’t dreamt any of that and he knew he couldn’t be in the afterlife. Because in his version of afterlife there would be no Nyota Uhura fawning over Spock.He was instantly filled with a barrage of emotions. Relief that Spock was alive, he’d made it, too, and dismay that Uhura was there by Spock’s side as though nothing at all had changed.Suddenly his vision of Spock’s bed was blocked by Bones. Jim was relieved.Bones was smiling. “You’re awake.”Jim smiled back. “Hey.”“I should yell at you or something for being careless but since I’m just too fucking happy you’re alive and not a popsicle, I’ll go easy on you.”“Bad?”“Touch and go for a while. Your guts were hanging out of your body.”“That a medical term?”Bones snorted. “Sure. You lost a lot of blood too. Good thing we found you two when we did.”“Spock?”“He’ll be okay. He’s in one of those healing trances.”Jim nodded. “How long has that been going on?”Bones didn’t pretend he didn’t understand Jim’s question and Jim was grateful. “Since you two arrived here.”“I guess they’re back on, huh?”Bones shrugged. “No idea. Guess it seems that way.”“A near-death experience can do that I guess.”“I guess.” Bones was watching him carefully. “You okay?”“Aren’t you supposed to tell me if I am?”“Jim—”Jim shook his head. “When can I get out of here?”“Well, hell, I was sure that was going to be your first question.”“Am I that predictable?”“Yeah.”Jim winced. “Not sure that’s a good thing.”Bones smiled. “It’s a good thing. Trust me. I’d like to keep you here for another couple of days.”“Bones, come on.”“I said I’d like to. I know you, though, and you’ll never sit still for that. So I’m going to monitor you here for another twelve hours and if you don’t have any relapses you can spent the next two days confined to quarters.”“Thanks.”“Any time. Now I suggest you get some more rest.” Bones moved away, once more giving him a view of Uhura and her hands all over Spock.“Good idea.” Jim closed his eyes.****Jim was huddled in his bed, covers wrapped tightly around him, as Bones had placed him when he’d brought him to his quarters. He was sitting up and drinking hot tea. Ever since he’d gotten back from that ice nightmare planet he’d been fucking freezing.“You sure you don’t need anything else?” Bones asked him.“No. I’m good. I’m going to finish this tea and maybe do some work on my PADD.”“I could raise the temperature in the room.”“Okay.”Bones adjusted that. “I’ll check on you in a few hours.”“All right.”“I’m not sure I shouldn’t have made you stay in sickbay.”“Bones, I’m fine.”The door to his quarters buzzed.Jim frowned. “Unless that’s God, send whoever it is away.”Bones nodded and went to the door. “Well, it’s almost God. More like the devil.” He chuckled.“Doctor, it is good to see you as well,” Spock spoke from the doorway.“Jim wants me to send you away.”“Bones, it’s all right. Spock can stay.”“All right. See you in a bit, Jim.” The doors closed and suddenly Spock appeared by Jim’s bed.Jim forced a smile. “It’s good to see you, Mr. Spock.”“You as well, Captain. Though you are very pale. I am not certain it was appropriate to release you from sickbay.”“You’ve been released too.” In fact Spock already wore his science blues.“I had only minor injuries and some exposure to the freezing temperatures.”“Yet Uhura was giving the scene of all scenes,” Jim muttered.“Captain?”“Nothing.”Spock stared down at Jim. “I do not believe I have ever seen you with so many blankets covering your person.”“I’m cold.”“You need something to warm you.”“I have tea.”Spock arched a brow. “I have heard body heat is useful.”Jim blinked. “B-Body heat?”“Indeed.” Spock lifted the covers and slid into bed next to Jim.“But-but aren’t you—”Spock’s arms wrapped around Jim and pulled him close. “Is that better?”Jim was enveloped in warmth. Everywhere. Even his mind was warm. He gazed at Spock in wonder. “Yeah, yeah it is.”Spock’s lips grazed Jim’s forehead. “I want you to know why I couldn’t let you die,” he said softly.Jim smiled, gazing into Spock’s eyes. “I know.”

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Jim stepped out onto the balcony of their apartment as Spock stood at the railing. He kept his footsteps soft, even though he knew from the tightening of Spock’s shoulders that he was aware of Jim’s presence.He placed a hand on Spock’s elbow, being as unobtrusive as possible. Spock had long since accepted and welcomed Jim’s many touches, but he still proceeded with caution.“You okay?” Jim huffed before Spock could reply. “That was stupid. I know you aren’t okay. What can I do?”Spock said nothing, just continued to stare straight ahead.“Do you need me to leave you alone?” Jim asked gently. “I could go for a walk or meet Bones. Anything.”“That would not be my preference.” Spock spoke so low and softly Jim could barely hear the words. His hearing wasn’t as good as it once was.“All right.”Spock moved his arm away from Jim’s hand and for a moment Jim barely held back a wince. But then Spock reached for Jim’s hand and gripped it very tightly.Jim looked out at the skyline, wondering what Spock saw that evening that was any different than what they always saw.“I made tea.”“Very well.” But he made no move nor did he release Jim’s hand.“What can I do?” He lifted his other hand to Spock’s cheek. “Your face is cold. You should come inside. You must be freezing.”This time Spock allowed himself to be led inside the apartment.Jim tried to place him in his favorite chair in their living room while he went to get Spock’s tea but Spock would not let go of him. So he gently pushed Spock down and then allowed himself to be pulled into Spock’s lap. Spock’s arms came around him to hold him close.“What are you thinking of, Sweetheart?” Jim asked softly.“My father is gone.”“Yes.” They had been to Sarek’s memorial that morning. Spock had been like this ever since they’d returned.“And my mother.”Jim swallowed. “Yes.”“And when you die…I will be alone.”“Spock.” Jim leaned toward him to put their noses together. Their breaths mixed.“I will be like my counterpart. With no one of the life I have known around me. I will have only memories.” Spock closed his eyes. “They will not be enough.”“I’m not going anywhere for a long time still,” Jim assured him.Spock opened his eyes and stared intently into Jim’s eyes. “I would prefer that you live forever.”Jim smiled gently. “I’ll do my best.” He shifted his face against Spock’s until his lashes fluttered against Spock’s cheeks. “Do you know about butterfly kisses?”“Indeed,” Spock murmured, leaning in almost impossibly closer.“My heart, my soul in your hands,” Jim whispered.Spock sighed, a whisper of a sound. “My everything.”

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Spock watched as his husband and bondmate hummed to himself as he stuffed items into a brightly colored basket he had referred to in previous years as an Easter basket. Jim filled it was colored eggs in pinks, blues, greens, and yellows. Also there was a small chocolate bunny for Laurel and one made of non-chocolate candy for Sidak, which meant ‘out of two’. Jim had also included books, toys, little bags of chips and other treats.“You have overdone it again,” Spock told him quietly.Jim bit his lip and looked at the overstuffed baskets. “Really?”“Yes, ashaya. You spoil them.”“Well, this might be the last year they believe in the Easter Bunny.”Spock knew that neither of their children believed in the Easter Bunny anymore. Sidak had stopped even before Laurel, though he was the younger of their children. They’d had a long discussion before the children could talk about whether they should teach their children to believe in mythical creatures. Spock had believed their children should be told only the truth, but Jim wanted them to have the magical childhood he could only dream of. Jim had won. Spock didn’t have the heart to tell his mate the children had stopped believing in the Bunny. And Santa too.“Now, I just leave these on the table at their seats and we wake them up.”“Would it not be better to allow them to wake naturally?”“Where’s the fun in that?” Jim put the baskets on the table. “You coming with me?”Spock nodded.Jim went to Sidak’s room first. Their adopted Vulcan son opened his eyes immediately when Jim shook him gently.“Hey, kiddo, the Easter Bunny has been here,” Jim said.Spock watched as Sidak worked to keep his expression blank.“The Easter Bunny,” Sidak repeated.Jim’s smile faltered just a bit. “Yeah. You should see what he brought you.”“A giant rabbit walking on two legs to deliver baskets filled with eggs and candy is completely illogical,” Sidak said stiffly.“I…uh.” Jim turned a little red, ducked his chin. “Yeah maybe.”Sidak met Spock’s gaze over Jim’s head. He gave a slight nod. “Nevertheless, I am anxious to see what has been left for me.”Jim’s smile returned. “Yeah?”Sidak nodded and took Jim’s hand. “Yes, Dad.”“Let’s get your sister.”They went to Laurel’s room. She was a little harder to wake, but eventually she traipsed out after them to the dining room table, rubbing her eyes the whole way. They had adopted her as a baby when she had been abandoned by parents. She was half human and half Andorian. She did not have the Andorian blue skin but she had the white hair and the antennae.Laurel went to the basket at her seat with a big smile, which made Jim grin. She started chattering away about all her gifts. “Look at this Daddy.” She held up a stuffed chick.“Very cute,” Jim said, grinning.Spock was pleased she was better at hiding that she knew the gifts came from her daddy then Sidak was.Then Jim turned to Sidak. He surveyed his basket. “It is an acceptable assortment.”Spock arched a brow.Sidak cleared his throat. “It is quite pleasant.”Jim sighed a little in disappointment, but tried to cover it. “Okay. Well. Uh. I guess I’ll make breakfast.”Sidak watched him walk into the kitchen. The young Vulcan boy bit his lip as he’d seen Jim do many times. He abandoned his basket and followed Jim into the kitchen. Spock went to the kitchen doorway to…well to spy on them. He could not deny it.Sidak hesitated at Jim’s back. Finally he tugged at the hem of Jim’s shirt. When Jim didn’t immediately notice, Sidak cleared his throat.Jim turned and looked down at the boy. “Yes?”“Thank you, Dad.”Jim dropped down on his haunches until he was closer to the boy’s height. “Me?”Sidak nodded solemnly. And then to Spock’s surprise—and surely Jim’s too—Sidak threw his arms around Jim’s neck, hugging him tight.  “I am grateful for the Easter basket, Easter Bunny.”Jim laughed and shook his head. “You’re welcome. Want to help me with breakfast?”“It would be better if I did. Last year you burned the hot-cross buns.”“I did not.”Sidak arched a brow in a fair imitation of Spock himself. “Ask Sa-mekh. He is spying on us.”Jim glanced at the door and grinned. “So he is. Did I burn the hot-cross buns, Spock?”“And the hash browns,” Laurel said, coming up to stand next to Spock.Jim laughed again, a sound that pleased all his family. Perhaps they would pretend the Easter Bunny was real for one more year.

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Spock watched as Jim surveyed the land surrounding the farmhouse without a word. His bondmate and husband was quieter than he usually was. Spock had learned over the years that a quiet Jim meant the human was spending far too much time overthinking things.The farmhouse had been renovated to suit their needs and specifications. They had created a new master bedroom downstairs rather than the original upstairs one that existed when Jim was a boy. Jim had some small difficulty climbing stairs these days, they bothered his knees. But Spock suspected choosing a different room for them to sleep in had been more about avoiding the room his mother and his stepfather, Frank, slept in than being concerned with his knees.“You are quiet, ashaya.”Jim glanced his way and smiled. “Yeah, a little.”“You are having regrets?”“No. Not really.” Jim shook his head, his gaze returning to surveying their new home. “It doesn’t really look the same, you know. With all the things we had done.”They had purchased the Kirks former home more than a year ago from the then current owners. Jim had expressed a desire to do so, and though Spock had reservations about it considering Jim’s past, he did not wish to deny his mate anything. Renovating it had been an acceptable compromise.“There’s plenty of yard to plant a garden,” Jim continued. “Vegetables. Maybe even flowers. What was your mom’s favorite flower?”“I do not know.” Spock thought about it, searching his memories. “I believe it was Irises.”Jim smiled. “Mom’s was roses. We’ll plant both.”Spock stepped closer to Jim and put his arm around Jim’s waist. “You will not become bored?”“I don’t know,” Jim said honestly. “But I’ll have you and the yard. Maybe we’ll get some horses.”Spock arched a brow. “Horses?”Jim laughed. “Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know much about horses, but we could learn. We can both get into cooking more too. You made me put in that giant kitchen.”“I find myself rather tired of synthesized food.”“Me too.” Jim moved in front of Spock and pressed his back against Spock’s chest. Spock knew a hint when he saw one and he wrapped both his arms around Jim’s waist and drew him close. “Besides, the fleet said I could consult.”“Indeed. You are still a very valuable asset.” Spock himself would be teaching online courses for the Academy.“This was the right decision, wasn’t it?” Jim asked softly. “To retire?”“I believe it is normal to doubt important decisions, Jim. If you will recall you stated you wanted us to spend more time together, which was not always possible given our Starfleet careers.”“Yeah.” Jim nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” He smiled. “You’re always right.”“Shall we go inside?”“You cold, sweetheart?” Jim eyed him.“The temperature has dropped.”“Not sure you brought enough warm clothes, babe. We might have to get more for you.” He linked his arm through Spock’s. “Let’s go see our house.”They stepped into the house and Jim stopped just inside the front hall. Spock felt the tension in his husband.“Ashaya?”Jim blew out a breath. “I’m okay, Spock.”“Are you certain? We can do whatever you wish, Jim. If you want to walk away from this, we will do so.”“After all we spent to buy and renovate this place?”“None of that compares to the importance of you.”Jim smiled and put his arms around Spock’s neck. “You’re amazing. I know you know that. But no, we’re not changing our mind. Not after we made this commitment. This is our house now and no one is going to take that away from us.” Jim released Spock and went to the kitchen. “Look at this amazing place.”“It is aesthetically pleasing. Do you wish me to cook for us?”“Later.” Jim grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the bedroom. “Let’s check out the room.”The bed was enormous—Jim had insisted on them having a king-sized bed even though he almost always slept on top of Spock anyway.“Wanna try it out?” Jim asked with a grin.“You wish to engage in coitus?”“Spock, do you know me?” Jim headed toward the bathroom. “Look at the size of that tub. And the shower. I’m in love.”Spock followed after his mate and peeked into the bathroom. “They look exactly as the designer said they would.”“Yeah, can’t wait to use them. But after.”“After?”“That coitus you spoke of. First we try out the big beautiful bed. Maybe more than once. Then we shower. Or maybe soak in the tub. Whatever. And then we try out the kitchen.”Spock could not hide his amusement. “An ambitious beginning.”“I like to plan ahead.”Spock nodded. “Indeed.” He picked up his bondmate in his arms, what humans called bridal style, and carried him to the bed.“You still have three times my strength,” Jim protested with a slight pout.“I do not anticipate that will change.”Spock immediately began to remove Jim’s clothes. He was still a beautiful man and Spock desired to see him in the daylight in their bed. Jim just laid there staring at Spock as he stripped him, his blue eyes intense and full of so much love they stole Spock’s breath.This precious human was his. Had been his for years now and if Spock could have his wish, would be his for years more.When Jim was nude and laying splayed out before Spock’s gaze, Spock took a moment to memorize every stretch of skin, every mole, every line, every hair. His gaze rose to Jim’s face. Jim smiled, bright and gorgeous. The smile that he saved just for Spock.“What?” Jim asked softly.Spock shook his head. “You are…I am fortunate.”“We both are then. Wanna join me in all your naked glory?”Spock smiled. Only Jim was allowed that. Only Jim ever made him smile.He removed his clothes with quick efficiency and then lay on the bed next to Jim drawing him close.Jim curved his fingers around the back of Spock’s neck and drew him down for a kiss. When they came up for air, Jim’s gaze searched Spock’s. “We’ll be all right here, won’t we?”“As long as we are together, we will be all right anywhere. Remember you told me that once.”“Yes, I remember.”Spock grazed his thumb over Jim’s bottom lip. “You are mine.”“I know. And you are mine.”“Always.”Jim grinned. “God knows I’ve been through enough Pon Farrs to be branded by you.”Spock’s lips curved. “Perhaps, but there are those yet to come. I will claim you over and over.”“Unless I claim you.”“You may try,” Spock said with a raise of his brow.“When is the next one anyway?”“You have lost track?”“Well…you’re pretty passionate even when you aren’t getting all ancient Vulcan on me.”Spock kissed him. “Any time.”He drew back as Jim’s eyes widened.Yes, they would be all right in their farmhouse. As long they were together. His place was at Jim’s side and always would be.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

He did not know exactly what woke him. Perhaps a noise in the distance, a door closing for another room in the hotel. Perhaps even a shift in the man who shared the bed with him.Jim’s eyes opened. He was still naked, but sometime in the middle of the night, Spock must have risen to pull on a sleeping robe. The Vulcan lay half on Jim, his arms tightly wound around Jim’s waist, holding him very close. Jim was burning up. Not only was Spock all over him, but Spock had tucked in sheets and blankets all around them.The lights were on in the room, at twenty-five percent, as Jim recalled. Apparently even though Spock had dressed in his sleeping robe he had not put the lights out.Jim expected to have a headache but he did not. That was a small miracle. He hadn’t drank that much, not really, but he’d had a teensy one before he’d started and then there’d been the crying which had seriously fucked up his sinuses. He’d been sitting there at the bar, feeling almost like he hadn’t a friend in the world, which was of course, ridiculous. And then someone touched his arm. Jim had been certain it was Bones—and he had turned to greet his friend, grateful for the company, because hell Bones could out drink Jim—and was almost startled off the stool when it was Spock standing there.Spock had dragged him away from the bar and they’d gone for a walk where they talked about Jim’s grief. They’d ended up here and they’d kissed. And so many other things. A tangle of legs and arms and lips.When it was over and they were drifting to sleep, Jim wondered what this meant, did it mean what he wanted it to mean, or was it just…comfort. Spock had assured him he had no cause to worry.But now in the morning light, Jim was concerned.He knew his feelings. Of course he did. But Spock…he didn’t know those. Not at all. Sure, Spock had spent all those weeks at the hospital with Jim, but friends did that too, didn’t they? And anyway, Spock was with—Jim shook his head. Spock’s eyes were still closed, his lashes a dark smudge resting on his pale skin. His lips, still a little puffy from all their shared kisses, were parted just a slight bit, forming a little “oh”. It was endearing. Jim’s gaze went to the top of Spock’s pointy ears and he couldn’t help but smile. He’d spend a little time flicking that point with his tongue which seemed to drive Spock wild.A lot of things had driven Spock wild. Biting Jim, making Jim whimper, pulling Jim’s hair. Jim liked that one too. He hadn’t expected a Vulcan to be so passionate, but now he wasn’t even sure why he hadn’t. He should have realized there was fire under all that ice.Speaking of fire, Jim really was hot and starting to sweat under Spock and the covers. He didn’t want to disturb Spock if he could avoid it, but he really wanted to extract himself from too much warmth. He wiggled out from Spock’s arms, with a lot of effort, and scooted over to the far side of the bed and out under the covers. He was panting by the time he stood up. Spock murmured in his sleep but didn’t appear to wake up.Jim grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom for a shower.****Spock woke with a start, sitting up instantly. It took him only three point two seconds to orient himself. The captain’s hotel room that had been provided for him by Starfleet until the Enterprise was ready to begin its five-year mission.He was alone in bed, which had surprised him. Not the fact the captain had not stayed in bed with Spock, but rather that he’d risen before Spock and that he had managed to do so without waking Spock.For a moment, Spock thought he was alone in the room and it was difficult to control his disappointment. But then there was movement to the side of the room.Jim emerged, already dressed, his hair wet, and carrying a tray with a teapot, a coffeepot, two cups, cream and sugar containers and two silver domes covering what Spock surmised was breakfast.“Good morning,” Jim said with a smile. There was a touch of uncertainty behind that smile that Jim was trying to mask. “I ordered breakfast. It just arrived.”Jim set the tray down on the table near the bed.“Good morning,” Spock murmured.“I guess I could have made it because this place has a kitchen and all, but I haven’t really bought any supplies yet,” Jim said, not meeting Spock’s eyes and clearly babbling.“What did you get?” Spock asked.“Oh. Well, tea for you, and coffee for me.” He lifted the domes off the plates of food. "I got bacon and eggs for me. Fried potatoes. Biscuits and gravy. Don’t tell Bones.” Jim grinned. “And for you I got you some chopped up fruit, a vegetable frittata and a blueberry muffin.”Spock arched a brow. “You must be hungry.”“Uh, yeah.” Jim turned a little red. “Is that okay? I could order you something else.”“That is more than sufficient,” Spock assured him. He rose from the bed. “If you will give me a moment, I will be back.”Jim nodded, licked his lips, and reached for the coffeepot to pour coffee into a cup.Spock took care of his morning needs quickly and then returned to the main room. Jim had poured him tea, and set Spock’s plate of food next to a chair by the dining table in the room.Jim offered him a smile and took his own seat, so Spock sat next to him.“This looks good.”“Yeah so far the food here has been pretty decent,” Jim said. “It’s expensive though, so I really should buy some of my own food if I’m going to be staying here for a while.”“Do you like living in a hotel?”“Not particularly. It just doesn’t really make sense to get my own place since I won’t be here for long. I was offered temporary housing in the dorm buildings that weren’t destroyed, but they were pretty small.”Spock took a sip of the tea. “I have an apartment on the other side of headquarters.” He set his teacup down. “There is room for two.”“Are you—are you asking me to stay with you?” There was something almost painfully hopeful in Jim’s blue eyes that made Spock’s heart clench.“You would be most welcome.”Jim smiled. “Okay. Sure. If you’re certain.”“Indeed.”“Spock?”“Captain?”“Are you—I mean…last night? You aren’t still—”Part of Spock could not believe that after their night together, Jim had to ask, but then, Jim was a frustrating human to be sure. “I am not.”Jim licked his lips. “When?”“When you were still in the hospital.”“Oh.” Jim nodded, but his eyes were wide. “How did you know where I was last night?”“Dr. McCoy.”“Bones? Yeah?”“He advised that you needed me,” Spock said quietly.“That was—Bones is awesome.”Spock arched a brow at that but he held out his fingers for Jim and was extremely gratified when Jim met them with a bright smile. “After breakfast, we can gather your things to move to the apartment.”“And you’re sure?”“I have already said so.”Jim laughed. It was good to hear. It had always been a rarity, now that Spock thought about it. There were a lot of smiles, but laughs were seldom. For a while, Spock had believed he would not hear that laugh again.Even now Spock felt traces of Jim’s bone deep sorrow from the night before. Jim blamed himself for the destruction in San Francisco. He even blamed himself for not being able to save Pike, though Spock had reminded him there was nothing he could have done. They would have to work on Jim’s guilt.“Yeah, you did,” Jim said. “Okay, then that’s what we will do.”Spock arched his brow and went back to his tea, content that this would be their beginning.

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Jim hadn’t been able to leave the bridge when he’d first heard Spock had been injured. He had to get the Enterprise out of there. The needs of the many, after all.  Spock had been hurt before of course. They both had. More times than they should have really. Spock usually got hurt preventing Jim from being hurt. That hadn’t been the case this time. Jim hadn’t even been in the landing party.When he’d finally run down to sickbay, Bones had been waiting for him. Bones knew. Jim had talked to him about it before. Mostly when Jim had maybe had too much to drink.“I’m pretty sure he’ll be all right, Jim,” Bones said.“Pretty sure?” Jim echoed. He was pretty sure his irritation showed, because Bones’ face had softened.“He’ll be okay, Jim.” Bones had squeezed his shoulder and pointed him toward the biobed Spock occupied.Jim searched his friend’s eyes to see if it was just sweet lies Jim wanted to hear or the truth, as far as Bones knew it. But Bones looked sincere. He had that gentle look he got when dealing with a stressed out Jim.Laying there on the biobed, Spock looked unbelievably pale and lifeless. Except Bones had sworn that was not the case and the instruments hooked up to Spock looked like they were supposed to for an alive Vulcan.Jim touched the edge of the bed, near Spock’s hand. Near, but not actually touching. He wanted to. He was always touching Spock. But Jim thought maybe he should stop that, really. So far he hadn’t been very successful at that.“Hey, Spock,” Jim whispered. “I know you’re unconscious and all and Bones says you’ll be all right, but I…just…I fucking love you so much so you can’t die on me. Ever. You got that? And I know you don’t feel the same way and that’s—that’s okay. Just wake up and call me illogical. Please?”Jim sighed. Swallowed the painful lump in his throat.“I’ll do anything—anything—if you’ll just come out of this okay.” Jim huffed. “I’ll even turn vegetarian.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. This was too hard. He touched his fingers to the back of Spock’s hand. “I gotta go back to the bridge. See you later?”Jim turned away and left sickbay before he got more ridiculously emotional than he already was.Three days later, Spock was not only out of sickbay but joining Jim for a meal in the mess. Thank God for Bones and Vulcan healing powers.Jim sat down with his chicken sandwich and fries as well as a cup of coffee. Spock was right behind him. First Spock set down his own plate which consisted of a bunch of vegetables and bread. Then with an arched brow, he removed Jim’s plate of food.“Hey!”Spock stepped away and handed Jim’s food to a nearby ensign before returning a moment later. He set a salad in front of Jim before sitting down.“What the hell?” Jim demanded.“I have recovered,” Spock said simply.“Well, yeah but—”“You did say you would turn vegetarian.”Jim’s jaw drop opened. “Wait. What?”Spock’s eyebrow rose. “Did you not?”“I did. But how did you know that?”“Perhaps I was not as unconscious as you believed.”“Oh crap.” Jim covered his face with his hands. “Son of a bitch.”“You need not worry.”Jim lowered his fingers halfway, peeking through them. “No?”“I will not hold you to being a vegetarian.”“That’s a relief. I think.”“However, I do hold you to the rest,” Spock said quietly.Jim licked his lips. “Uh. See. The thing is—”“Yes?”“I thought maybe you were dying.”“I was not.”“Yes, I know. Spock, you don’t—”“I do.”“Feel the same way. You do?” Jim clutched the edge of the table, feeling suddenly lightheaded.“I would not express the sentiment in quite the way you did with your confession, however.”Jim couldn’t resist the smile forming on his lips. “Yeah? How would you express it?”“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”Jim frowned. “Vulcan?”“Of course.” Spock pushed away from the table and stood. “I need to report to the bridge.”“Well, what does it mean?”Spock inclined his head. “I will see you later?”“Wait! What does it mean?” Jim asked as Spock walked away. “Spock!”

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Spock rose early for today was a special day and preparations had to be made. He made himself tea and had the replicator make coffee for Jim. He chose to make breakfast himself rather than have the replicators do it. When they were young they’d been known as synthesizers. But terminology had changed. A lot had changed since those days.He set Jim’s favorite breakfast of waffles and bacon at the table in his usual seat. His mug of coffee went there too.It was before Jim’s usual time of getting out of bed so Spock went outside to take in the beauty of Earth’s sunrise.Half an hour later, Spock went out the front door and made the short walk to where Jim was. It was difficult to get up from sitting on the ground these days, but Spock sat down by Jim nevertheless.“Happy Birthday, Jim,” Spock said, running his fingers lightly over the gravestone marking Jim’s grave. “I miss you.”It was completely illogical to have made Jim’s breakfast and coffee, but Spock found that since the years had passed he was growing more sentimental. And he missed Jim more each passing day.“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, ashayam.”Spock leaned against the gravestone and didn’t bother to stop the single tear that fell from his eye. Jim had died twice, of course. The first time he had been miraculously revived. The second time, there had been no serum and no Dr. McCoy, as their friend had passed before Jim. Still Spock had wished…to no avail. He’d been forced to bury Jim and live on without him.Spock struggled to his feet and made the short walk back to the home they’d shared for many years, though it had not been enough. Could never have been enough.The house was quiet and lonely. And Jim’s breakfast and coffee  sat untouched.

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1
“Captain, will you hand me that PADD on the other side of the table?”Jim frowned. It would be just as easy for Spock to reach across the table as Jim, but whatever. He bent over, his stomach hitting the edge of the table, his shirt riding up just a little, and grabbed it. Just as he straightened to hand it to Spock, Spock’s gaze slid away from Jim’s ass.Okay. That was obvious. So he hadn’t imagined it the other day when he bent down in his quarters to pick up a fallen chess piece. Spock had been looking at Jim’s ass then and he had just now. Plus he’d deliberately arranged it just now as well.“Here you go, Spock.”“Thank you, Captain.”“All right, that’s it for the briefing,” Jim said. “The landing party will be me, Scotty, Chekov, and Larson.”Spock opened his mouth but Jim cut him off.“I need you on the bridge.” Jim glanced at Bones. “You need to stay behind too. I don’t want any excess crew on this mission.”“Oh, so now I‘m excess?” Bones asked, rolling his eyes. “Good to know.”“Give me a break. Okay, everyone dismissed.”Jim exited the conference room with Bones and walked with him to sickbay.“Where’s your shadow?”“I’m guessing he reported to the bridge.”“You two have a lover’s spat?”“Hardly. But that’s kind of what I want to talk to you about, Bones.”Bones headed for his office and so Jim went with him.“Meaning?”“I think Spock is into me,” Jim blurted out.Bones stared at him. “You think everyone is into you.”“I do not.” Jim thought about that. “Well, maybe. But not like this. Ever since THE DAY he’s been different toward me.”“THE DAY?”“His breakup with Uhura.”“Oh.” Bones nodded. “I didn’t know it was so epic.”Jim gritted his teeth. “The point is he’s been different.”“Different for Spock or from anyone else we know?”“Why do I talk to you again?”Bones snorted. “Probably because no one else can put up with your bullshit.”Jim smirked. “You have a point.”“So is he writing you love sonnets or what?”“Oh much more obvious,” Jim assured him. “He’s ogling my ass.”“It is a fine one.”Jim grinned. “I know.” Then he cleared his throat. “And there are other things too. Bringing me coffee. Hell, Bones, he fucking stood up when I got to the table in the mess room the other day.”Bones nodded. “Yep. Vulcan love sonnets. Have you said, ‘I love you too, Spock’ yet?”Jim felt himself turn red. ”I don’t…I mean, me and Spock?”“Lord, you aren’t going to pretend you don’t have the hots for Spock, are you? This is me, Jim. You’ve been mooning over him since he accused you of cheating with those big dark eyes and those pointy ears.”“Wait, what? Are you nuts? It’s so not true. No way. I’m-I’m, you know, a player or whatever. I’m not into any one guy…girl…person.” Jim backed away from Bones to the door of his office. “I have a mission.”“You do,” Bones agreed. “Try to come back in one piece, would you?”Jim grinned. “I always try.”“That’s trying? Great.” Bones waved him out.Jim scurried from sickbay and off to the transporter room. He totally didn’t have a thing for Spock.****
2
“You’re jealous,” Uhura whispered to Jim as she leaned over the conference table.Jim’s gaze flew to her from where it had been on the two Vulcans at the end of the table. “What?”Uhura rolled her eyes. “You can’t take your eyes off of them.”Spock had his head tilted close to the young Vulcan woman, T’Lura, who stared intently at him as she spoke. They were all part of a diplomatic conference on Starbase 9. Ever since they had arrived Spock had been spending every moment with the Vulcan woman.But Jim didn’t care. Why would he?“That’s ridiculous. And I am certainly not jealous. I’ve barely even noticed them the whole time we’ve been here.”Uhura snorted. “This is me. I know besotted and I know jealousy.”“You know besotted? What does that mean?” he whispered.“I’ve seen the look on my boyfriend’s face.”“Oh.”“Directed at you, genius.”Jim laughed. “Be serious. I don’t even think Vulcans look besotted. Like ever. It’s against the Vulcan rule book. Pretty sure.”“Whatever. And I know jealousy, because not that long ago I felt that way every time I saw Spock with you.”Jim shook his head. “Ah, come on, there was nothing between us.”“Are you seriously saying that?” Uhura demanded.He thought about Spock ogling his ass, and put it out of his mind. It hadn’t happened lately, not for like two weeks at least, and now he thought he’d probably imagined it after all.“Yeah. Yeah. Trust me. There’s nothing.”“Hmm. So it doesn’t bother you at all that T’Lura just moved closer to Spock?” Uhura asked with a smirk.Jim’s gaze snapped over to them. T’Lura’s lips were parted and Spock seemed completely fascinated by them… by her.  He pushed back from the table. “Excuse me. I need to use the restroom.”He stepped out of the conference room and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.“Captain?”Jim opened his eyes to see Spock regarding him, his hands behind his back. Jim swallowed.  “Spock.”“Are you all right?”Jim licked his lips. “Sure. Where’s your friend?”“Friend?”“T’Lura.”“Ah.” Spock nodded. “We concluded our business. It is time for a meal break. I thought perhaps you would join me in the restaurant.”“Me? Not her?”“Who?”Jim smiled and shook his head. “Never mind. Let’s go eat.”Spock fell into step beside Jim and Jim reminded himself he was so not into Spock.****
3
“Where is he?” Jim demanded.Bones looked up from the report he was reading. “Biobed in the corner.”Jim nodded his understanding but he did not move.“Jim, he’s going to be fine.”“Okay.”“He’s in a healing trance.”“Yeah? Good.”Bones put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Are you going to go see him?”Jim looked at him. “I should, shouldn’t I?”“You should. It’s the only way you’re going to stop worrying.”“I’m not worried,” Jim insisted.“No?”“He’s just…you know, a really good first officer.”Bones snorted. “He is that, yeah. You’re still in denial.”“Denial of what?”“That you’re head over heels in love with the hobgoblin.”Jim laughed. “You’ve been drinking, Bones. I’m not in love with anybody or anything but the Enterprise.”“Just the ship, huh?”“Of course. If I am concerned—not worried—it’s because he’s such a great first officer and he is my friend.”“You really are an idiot,” Bones said with a shake of his head. He squeezed Jim’s shoulder. “Uhura’s with him now. Fair warning.”Jim tensed, but nodded. “Okay.”He started to head over to the biobed in the corner, but then he saw Uhura holding Spock’s hand. He knew they weren’t a couple anymore. Not that it would matter if they were. But still…for some reason it bothered him to see them like this. Maybe it was too private a moment. And anyway Spock would be fine. He trusted Bones. Jim turned around and left sickbay.****
4
Jim and Bones were approaching Sulu and Chekov in the rec room. The two junior officers had not yet noticed their approach.“Are you kidding?” Sulu was saying. “If they aren’t already doing it, they will be. And the captain is totally panting over the commander.”“It is the commander who likes the keptin.”Sulu laughed. “If you say so. Kirk makes a fool of himself always watching Spock’s every move.”Jim went completely rigid.“Jim—”Jim glared at Bones and then stomped over to Sulu and Chekov, who both looked up in surprise. “You really shouldn’t spend your time engaging in idle gossip.”Both turned completely pale.“Keptin, I…”“Especially untrue gossip. I expected better of both of you.”“My apologies, Captain,” Sulu said quickly.“Da—”Jim narrowed his eyes and they both shut their mouths in unison.Sulu looked at Chekov. “We were just leaving.”Chekov nodded. “Yes, yes. You can have our table, Keptin.”They both got up and hurried away.Bones sighed as they sat down. “A little harsh, weren’t you?”“Maybe. But Jesus, do they have to say such things?”“Jim, they’re just letting off steam.”“By making fun of me?”“Of course. Come on, Jim, you did the same thing with your superiors when you were younger. You know as well as I do Chekov and Sulu respect and admire you very much.”Jim said nothing.“And they were just talking amongst themselves. You weren’t even supposed to hear it,” Bones pointed out.“They called me a fool.”“They didn’t call you a fool, they said you were making a fool of yourself over Spock,” Bones replied.“And that’s different how?”“It’s different,” Bones insisted.“Besides, it’s totally not true,” Jim maintained stubbornly.Bones leaned his chin on his hands. “Okay, darlin’.”****
5
“Captain James T. Kirk,” the woman, an Orion, purred in his ear, as she took the barstool next to him.Jim continued to stare straight ahead, nursing his whiskey. So far this shore leave had totally sucked. He hadn’t been able to talk Spock into joining him on the planet. The Vulcan had insisted on staying on the Enterprise doing experiments in the labs. Jim didn’t care, really. They were just friends. Only friends. Spock could do as he pleased.Bones was busy canoodling with Carol. Scotty had formed some weird threesome thing with Chekov and Sulu. Well, not a sexual threesome. Jim didn’t think so anyway. And Uhura had laughed in his face when he suggested she join him at the bar.“Who knew I’d run into a prize like you?” the Orion woman said. She put her hand on his arm. “You’re legendary, Captain.”He looked at her. She was beautiful with her long raven hair and vivid green skin. “Legendary at what?”“Take your pick.” She smiled. “Commanding a starship. As a lover. What would you prefer?”“I’m pretty sure I’d prefer both.”Her smile widened. “I’ve got a hotel room just down the block.”Her hot breath fanned his ear. He turned his head and caught a glimpse of the back of a tall, dark haired man with a bowl cut walking out of the bar. His heart plummeted.“What do you say, Captain?”That wasn’t Spock. It couldn’t have been Spock. Spock was still on the ship. He hadn’t wanted to come down. And besides if it had been Spock, why would he have just left without seeing Jim? It was probably some other Vulcan. Sure, there weren’t a lot of Vulcans, but there were some and maybe one of them was on the planet wearing a blue Starfleet shirt—“Ah, hell.”The girl narrowed her eyes and drew back. “Excuse me?”“I have to go. There’s this Vulcan I really need to see. He was just here.”“Your boyfriend?”“My—no, no.” Jim laughed. “No. Nothing like that. Just a friend. I think he’s upset or something. I really need to see him.”“Well, okay.” She looked pretty irritated. “So much for the legend.”Jim smiled and slipped off the barstool. “Sorry. Duty calls.”****
+1
“Computer, locate Commander Spock.”“Commander Spock is in his quarters.”Jim blew out a breath. Okay, he could do this. He would do this. He headed for Spock’s quarters.“Enter.” Spock’s voice was cold, emotionless.When Jim walked in Spock was standing near, his hands clenched behind his back, his expression blank. “Captain.”“Spock.” Jim licked his lips and took a step forward. His heart was pounding hard in his chest. “I’m not going to be coy.”This caused Spock’s eyebrow to shoot up. “You never are.”“Well. Um. Maybe.  The thing is…Jesus. This is hard.”“Indeed.”“You saw me with that Orion woman, didn’t you?”Spock nodded.“She was nothing. I’m not…I wasn’t…”“Were you not?”“No.” Jim swallowed. “I haven’t. With anyone. In a long time. Because.”Somehow without seeming to move, Spock was very close to where Jim stood. Had Spock come closer or had Jim moved to Spock?“Because?”“You know why.”Spock’s eyebrow shot up again. “I thought you were not going to be coy.”“Everyone on this damn ship knows, Spock.”“Clarify.”Jim grinned. “I love when you say things like that.”Now they were chest to chest. Those brown eyes were like molten chocolate and Jim was pretty sure he could drown in them.“Everyone knows I’m crazy in love with you and everyone knows you have a thing for my ass.”Spock’s lips twitched ever so slightly. “Indeed, I would agree that is ship-wide knowledge.”“Are we going to do something about it then?” Jim tilted his head so their noses wouldn’t smoosh when they kissed.“We do have two more days of shore leave with which to experiment with these revelations.”Jim laughed. “Is that Vulcan speak for let’s go for it?”Spock’s hands suddenly gripped his ass as his lips descended on Jim’s.“Mm. Guess so,” Jim murmured just before Spock’s tongue slipped inside his mouth.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

1

“Spock, is there something you want to tell me?”Spock had looked up from his perusal of an unconscious Captain Kirk at Nyota’s unexpected and perhaps unwelcome question.“Pardon?”“You are…extremely attached to Kirk,” she said quietly.Spock gazed down at him. “He is our captain and he is my friend. He saved the lives of the crew with his own personal sacrifice.”“Yes, all of that is certainly true.” Nyota came to stand by the hospital bed. She made to reach out and touch Kirk but when Spock tensed she dropped her hand. “But I think it’s much more than that.”“I do not understand.”Nyota shook her head. “Would you cry for me?”She spoke in riddles Spock did not appreciate, so he did not respond.“Spock, let’s get out of here. I am sure it’s been a long time since you had anything to eat. And you could probably use some rest too. McCoy is doing all that needs to be done for Kirk. There’s nothing you can do, so there’s no reason for you to stay.”All of that was certainly true, but Spock did not want to leave nevertheless.“I prefer to stay.”Nyota sighed. “Why?”Spock had no real answer for that.“Are you in love with Kirk?” she asked softly.“I have already told you he is my friend. I am concerned for his recovery.”“And you have no romantic feelings for him at all?”“Romantic feelings? No. He is my friend,” Spock repeated.“And here I thought Vulcans couldn’t lie.”Spock stared at her for thirty seconds but then found his gaze wandering once more to his unconscious captain. He was far too pale still for Spock’s comfort.“I’m leaving, Spock.”“Goodnight, Nyota.”“We need to talk later.”Spock nodded as she left. 
2

“It’s your move, Commander.”Spock stared past the chess set to the golden haired couple across the rec room. The man was smiling brightly while the woman looked as though she had been caught…hook, line and sinker.“Commander?”Spock turned his attention to Lieutenant Sulu. “Yes?”“It’s your move.”Spock picked up his piece and moved it. “Checkmate.”“Damn. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to have you move,” Sulu said with a laugh. “You always burn me.” He followed Spock’s gaze. “You noticed them, too, huh?”“Pardon?”“The captain and Dr. Marcus. It’s all over the ship.”“What is all over the ship?”“That they’re an item.” Sulu shrugged. “Ever since she became a member of the crew, I guess. Usually I don’t pay much attention to gossip or whatever, but it seems this time it must be true.”Spock felt something cold surround his heart and he was not exactly sure why. He found it most unpleasant.“I’m surprised you don’t know yourself, Commander. You two seem pretty close.”“We are friends,” Spock agreed.“Well, normally that’s the kind of thing friends share. But I don’t know you, being Vulcan, maybe the captain didn’t think you’d want to know.” Sulu watched Spock for a moment. “It doesn’t bother you, does it, Commander?”“Bother me?”“Yeah, that the captain and Dr. Marcus are together. ““Why would it?”“I don’t know. It’s just you seem really tense.”Spock straightened. “It is merely that I am surprised you would involve yourself in idle ship’s gossip, Mr. Sulu. Captain Kirk’s personal life is not a matter for ship-wide speculation.”“Yes, Mr. Spock. Would you like to play another game?”“Not at this time.” Spock rose and left the rec room, recalling that he had reports to complete. 
3

Spock was returning to his quarters from one of the labs when he noticed the captain leaning heavily against the door to his own quarters.“Captain? Are you unwell?”Jim looked at him with bloodshot eyes and a grimace. “Oh, hey, Spock.”“Are you unwell?” Spock repeated.“No, I…not really.”It was then that Spock smelled the alcohol. It took a lot of control not to wrinkle his nose in distaste. “Allow me to see you into your quarters.”Spock put his arm around Jim’s middle and punched in the captain’s code.“I should wonder how you know my code,” Jim muttered but there was no censure in his tone. The door swooshed open and Spock helped Jim inside.“You were drinking with Dr. Marcus?”“What? Oh. No. Definitely not that.” Jim reached for the hem of his shirt and stumbled.“I will assist you.” Spock stepped close and lifted the captain’s command shirt up and over his head. “Your shirt smells of alcohol.”“Spilled it.”“If not Dr. Marcus, who were you drinking with?” Spock pulled off the captain’s undershirt, then gently pushed him until he was sitting on the bed.“Bones and Scotty. They were still drinking when I left. They can out drink me,” Jim said, his voice full of wonder.“I am not certain that is a skill to be proud of.” Spock knelt in front of the captain and began to remove his boots. “I am surprised you were not with Dr. Marcus.”“Oh, that? Yeah. Um. That’s…that’s not really…that’s over.” Jim gave a little shrug. “Big mistake.”Though Spock was gratified it was over—and he wasn’t even sure why—he did not wish for Jim to be hurt. “Why was it a mistake?”“It was just…it’s hard to explain. I was trying to distract myself from someone else.”“Someone else?”Jim nodded. He was staring at Spock but his blue eyes were very unfocused. “Didn’t really work.”“Were you drinking to forget?” Spock asked gently. He’d removed the captain’s boots and his socks. Spock stood. He hesitated as he tried to decide whether to undo the captain’s pants.“Not Carol. She was sweet. Really. Nice girl. But it was…it could never be. And it was stupid of me to even start something. She’s a member of my crew. Not my brightest moment.” Jim sighed. “I don’t feel well.”“It is no wonder. Do you need assistance removing your trousers?”The captain’s tongue darted out to trace his lips and he nodded very slowly.“Very well. Lay flat on your back,” Spock instructed. When Jim had done as Spock said, Spock leaned forward and unfastened his trousers and pulled them down off Jim’s legs, leaving him only in black regulation boxer briefs. “Do you believe you will vomit?”“No.”“Rise for a moment so that I may prepare your bed.”Jim did as Spock bid once more, swaying slightly on his feet. Spock pulled back the sheet and blanket to Jim’s bed. He gestured for Jim to get in and when Jim had, he tucked the covers in all around him.“Is there anything else you require?” Spock asked.“Yes,” Jim whispered.“What?”“Nothing.”Spock arched a brow. “You are illogical.”“I know.”“Lights to ten percent.” The lights dimmed. “Go to sleep. If you feel that you must vomit, try to make it to the bathroom.”“Yeah, okay. Thank you, Spock.”“You are welcome, Jim.”He was almost to the door when Jim said, “Hey, Spock?”“Yes, Captain?”“Why did you help me?”“Because you are my friend,” Spock replied.“That’s right. We’re friends.”Spock wondered why Jim sounded vaguely sad when he said that but he’d learned humans made little sense and Jim least of all. He stepped out of Jim’s quarters and over to his own. 
4

Spock spoke to his father every few months if they were able. Sometimes communications didn’t work between wherever the Enterprise was in the galaxy and New Vulcan. Some had begun to call New Vulcan just Vulcan, but to Spock it would never truly be home. Home was where he was raised by his father and his mother, who had been lost forever like that planet he once knew so well.“Spock.”“Father.”“I trust you have been well since our last communication.”“Affirmative.”Sarek nodded. “Do you have news for me?”“News, Father?”“Rumors travel all the way to New Vulcan, Spock.”“I do not understand.”“There have been whisperings that you and your captain are quite close.”Spock allowed himself a small frown. “Yes, we are friends.”“Only friends?” Sarek asked.“Of course. What else would we be?”“Then you are not romantically interested in your captain?”Spock blinked and then arched a brow. “Negative.”“Ah. Then the rumors are not true.”“They are not. I was unaware of such rumors, but I assure you, Father, there is nothing to them.”Sarek nodded. “Very well. I assume you wish the customary updates on the progress of the colony.”“Affirmative.”And his father began to speak about New Vulcan and future plans. 
5

There was so much blood. Spock’s blue shirt was covered in red. His hands were slick with it. There was even blood in Jim’s hair. Jim’s gold shirt was soaked with it. His skin was a ghostly white. Spock could still feel his heart beat as he clutched Jim to him, but it was faint and slow. He was fading fast and Spock was trying desperately to hold on and not give into the panic.Beside him was Nyota, who was sobbing. She kept repeating Spock’s name and then crying harder. Spock did not have time to analyze her behavior.Blood coated the communicator in his hand. “Three to beam up now.”The transporter activated and a moment later they appeared on the Enterprise. Dr. McCoy was waiting as were a team of medics to take Jim away from him.“I will carry him,” Spock said roughly, when they reached for him. They looked to McCoy, who nodded his permission. Spock hurried from the transporter.“What happened?” Dr. McCoy demanded as they rushed to sickbay.Nyota, who followed along with them, provided the answer. For which Spock was grateful, for he was not certain he could form the words.“There was this creature with claws. It was after Spock and the captain pushed Spock away and it—it attacked him.” Nyota choked on a sob.Spock doubted he would forget it as long as he lived. Jim’s screams as the creature ripped into him still throbbed in his ears. If Jim made it—and Spock was not at all sure he would—Spock would make certain that Jim never put himself in danger for Spock again. He did not care what it would take to ensure that.When they reached sickbay, Spock was forced to relinquish the captain to McCoy and M’Benga, who took him away, behind closed doors. The medical staff advised Spock that he would have to wait outside. Spock stood there, covered in Jim’s blood, unable to formulate a single logical thought.“Spock?” Nyota whispered.He did not answer. Could not.“I’m sure Kirk will be all right.”Nyota did not sound at all confidant of that. And though Spock knew she meant well—“You are not helping,” Spock said coldly.“I’m sorry. Spock, maybe you should go get cleaned up? It might make you feel better.”“How could it possibly help me to feel better?”“Because you’re covered in—covered in—”“I am well aware of that, Lieutenant.” He turned away from her. It was not her fault. Any of it. It was Spock’s. He should have been the one to take the creature’s attack. He knew that all, logically.She didn’t say anything for another ten minutes. Then she said, “I’ll be back later.”Spock nodded and clenched his fists.He didn’t know how long he stood there waiting before McCoy came out, but when he did, Spock knew instantly that the captain had survived.McCoy frowned when he took in Spock’s appearance, but he didn’t say anything.“He’ll be all right, Spock,” Dr. McCoy said. “He flatlined on the table, but we were able to get him back. Lost a lot of blood, had to have a transfusion, but we patched him up. He’s going to okay.”Spock allowed himself an exhale of relief. “Thank you.”“I’m pretty sure if he didn’t have super blood flowing through his veins, he wouldn’t have made it. At least Khan was good for something.” McCoy studied him. “You look like hell. You should go get cleaned up and get some rest. He’ll be out for a while.”“Very well.”“You really have a thing for him, huh?”“Doctor?”“Jim. I wouldn’t have thought it, but, yeah, you’re in love with Jim,” McCoy said.“He is my friend,” Spock replied.“It’s more than that, Spock, and we both know it. I know love when I see it.”“Vulcans do not—”“Lie,” McCoy said with a smirk. “Don’t try to tell me you don’t feel love. I used to buy that nonsense myself.”“Love is not logical.”“It certainly isn’t,” the doctor agreed. “You should tell him.”“There is nothing to tell,” Spock insisted.McCoy nodded. “Sure. Just don’t take too long. You don’t want it to be too late.” 
+1
 Several days later when Spock went to visit Jim in sickbay, his biobed was empty. Standing next to it was Nurse Chapel and she was crying, wiping her eyes with a piece of cloth. Spock was filled with dread.But he thought…Jim had been doing so well. It could not be possible—Spock turned toward McCoy’s office, forced his feet to work. The doctor was just coming out  the door.“Doctor—”“What’s up, Spock?”“The captain,” he made himself say.“Oh, yeah. He’s gone.”Spock’s stomach flipped. “He is…gone?”Dr. McCoy rolled his eyes. “He left sickbay, you green-blooded fool. I released him to his quarters.”“Why is Nurse Chapel crying?” Spock demanded.McCoy shrugged. “Hell if I know. Anyway, you of all people—Vulcans—first officers—know what a pain in the ass Jim is. He wanted out. He was annoying everyone. So I released him.”Spock turned on his heels and left the sickbay with McCoy still talking. He rode the turbolift to the deck with the officers' quarters and was at Jim’s door in ten point three seconds.“Enter.”Spock stepped inside and was greeted by a brightly smiling Jim.“Hey, Spock.”Spock shook his head and walked up to Jim.“What is it?” Jim asked, his smile fading just a bit.Spock reached out and slipped his fingers under Jim’s undershirt and directly onto Jim’s bare skin. Jim inhaled at the touch. Spock exhaled.This. This was what he needed. To touch. To touch Jim.“Spock?”“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular,” Spock whispered, hearing the reverence in his own voice.Jim blinked in confusion. Spock’s fingers now made circles on Jim’s bare skin. “Is that Vulcan?”“It is. It means…Jim, do you return my regard?”“Your regard?”Spock stared into Jim’s blue eyes and he knew. He did not need Jim’s words to confirm it. “You do.”Jim’s smile returned to full wattage. It was the sun, a supernova. “I didn’t know you did. I mean…yeah?” He laughed and it was a sound that warmed Spock from the inside out. He’d almost lost this. This precious man.“More than I can say in mere words,” Spock replied. With the hand not on Jim’s bare stomach, he lifted his fingers to Jim’s face. “May I?”“A meld?”“The first of many I would like to engage in with you.”“We can engage in other things too, right? Not just melds.”Spock arched a brow. “You speak of sexual intercourse.”“I’d like to do more than just talk about it, but yes.”“As would I. Many times.”Jim grinned. “Now you’re talking.”“When you have recovered.”“I am—”“Jim, the meld?”Jim nodded.Spock touched his psi-points.Jim gasped and stepped closer to Spock, who moved his hand from Jim’s stomach to his back, pulling him against him. And Jim’s thoughts were in Spock’s mind and the words he had thought he didn’t need to hear—
I love you, too—
They were most welcome.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Spock, this is a routine mission,” Jim said as they entered the transporter room.“Agreed, therefore, it is not necessary for you to beam down onto the planet,” Spock replied reasonably. “It is a scientific survey requiring only my supervision.”“But…it’s supposed to be beautiful. Come on, Spock, I won’t get in your way.”“Captain.”Jim turned pleading blue eyes on Spock, which always worked and they both knew it. Spock barely refrained from rolling his eyes but he didn’t protest further as Jim joined Spock and his science team on the transporter pad.“Energize.”They re-materialized on the planet surface and Spock took out his tricorder and was turning to say something to Jim when there was a shout behind him from one of the ensigns who had accompanied them.“Look out!”A purple humanoid appeared from a copse of trees and it raised a large gun. Before Spock could react it had pointed the gun right at Jim’s chest.“No,” Spock said just as the gun fired, hitting Jim square in the chest.“Spo—” And Jim fell to the ground.Spock woke gasping violently.“Spock, Spock, it’s all right, it’s all right.” Jim clutched at him, his hands moving all over Spock’s robe and Spock’s face.“Jim,” Spock gasped out.“It’s all right. You’re awake,” Jim said, his hand cupping Spock’s jaw. “Breathe.”Spock managed a nod and desperately tried for control.“That’s it,” Jim said softly. “There you go.”“Jim,” he whispered.“Yeah, I’m right here.”Spock wrapped his arms around Jim, holding him very tightly.“Dream?”He nodded. “It is said that Vulcans do not dream, but apparently that is one human trait for which I was not spared.”“Bad, huh?”“You have no idea.” He squeezed Jim tighter. “I watched you die.”“In the warp core?”“Negative. On a planet. It was…”Jim pulled back a little to gaze into Spock’s eyes. “I’m right here, baby.”“Yes.”“I am. I’m here and I’m fine.” Jim smiled the smile that lit up the room. Spock’s favorite. “I’m not going anywhere.”“You will someday.”“Maybe, yeah. It’s likely. But we don’t need to think about that, do we?”“Sometimes it is all I think of,” Spock admitted. “I cannot lose you.”“And you won’t, Spock. Not for a long, long time.” Jim kissed him. “Hey, you’re trembling.”Spock tried to stop but he could not, the dream still swirling around in his head. He clutched Jim closer.Jim pulled Spock’s head to his shoulder so that Spock could lay against it, snuggling into Jim’s neck. “I’m here, baby, I’m here.”“I know I am behaving illogically,” Spock said against Jim’s throat.“It’s all right. It can happen to anyone,” Jim replied, humor in his voice. “Do you think you can go back to sleep?”“I do not know.”“Perhaps you need distraction.”Spock pulled back to look at Jim. “Distraction?”Jim smiled his sexual smile. He had so many smiles and Spock had cataloged each and every one.“Lie down.”Spock obeyed instantly. For Jim was his captain and it was his duty to obey, after all. Jim inched down Spock’s body until he stopped right under Spock’s abdomen.“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice sounding rough and hoarse to his own ears.“Oh, I think you know what I’m doing.”Jim parted Spock’s sleep robe and Spock felt Jim’s coarse, blunt fingers on the bare skin of his thighs.  “I’ll take care of you, sweetheart.”Hot breath fanned across Spock’s groin and he tensed in anticipation. He didn’t have long to wait until Jim’s tongue flicked against the tip of Spock’s penis. Fingers curled around the base of Spock’s shaft.“Jim,” he gasped.“Mmhmm.”Jim’s mouth opened over Spock’s penis, which had grown nearly impossibly hard. Spock dug his fingers into the mattress beneath him, his hips rising to push himself further into Jim’s sucking mouth. He closed his eyes even as he heard the sound of Jim opening the bottle of lubricant.He felt the entry of two slicked fingers in his hole, spreading him, and Spock shook with need.“Jim, please,” Spock pleaded into the quiet of their quarters. Jim deep-throated Spock’s penis, swallowing around him until Spock could not keep the mewling sound from escaping his throat. Everything with Jim had always been so intense. It was nearly too much sometimes. This overwhelming, all-consuming human.Spock felt the tightening of his balls as the fingers curled inside him. He could not hold back his orgasm any longer, squirting into his mate’s mouth, down his throat. His whole body trembled from the power of Jim’s distraction.The fingers withdrew from within him, and Jim rose above him, parting Spock’s legs. Their gazes met as Jim entered him, with just one powerful, deep-seated thrust. Though Spock had already found his own release, he found pleasure in Jim moving within him, thrusting, pushing, pulling. He watched the ecstasy and the need on Jim’s face. Jim was beautiful.“Spock,” Jim groaned, pumping ever faster into Spock. He cried out as at last he came inside Spock.For a long time after, they laid awake, simply holding each other. The remnants of the dream still stayed with Spock, but holding and feeling Jim with him made the power of the nightmare lessen until he was able to place it back into the corner of his mind.“I love you, Spock,” Jim whispered, right next to Spock’s ear.Spock hugged him close. “And I you, ashayam. More than there are words to convey.”He would not have Jim forever, but he had him still. To distract him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hilari looked up distractedly from her inventory list when the bell over the door to her bakery chimed. She straightened immediately from her perch on her stool, her list forgotten. The two customers who stepped inside her aptly named, Hilari’s Bakery, were gorgeous.The one who was slightly in front of the other was blond, and as he took off his sunglasses, she saw he had intense blue eyes. He wore tight jeans that seemed to hug his tight round ass, a thin gray shirt that was pretty much see-through and a black leather jacket. His jaw was covered with just a trace of stubble. A five o’clock shadow.The one behind him was perhaps an inch or so taller than his friend. He had dark, silky straight hair cut in the style Hilari knew to be favored by Vulcan males. She’d never had a Vulcan in her shop and this one was absolutely stunning. He wore a dark blue pullover sweater and black slacks.As they approached the counter, the blond scanned the board behind Hilari. He flashed a beautiful smile.“Hello.”“Hi, how may I help you?”“Coffee for me and tea for my friend,” he replied. Then he looked at his Vulcan companion. “Have you got any Vulcan bread?”“No, I’m sorry,” Hilari said regretfully.“Sourdough will be acceptable, Captain,” the Vulcan said.The blond nodded. “Okay. A couple of slices of sourdough. And how about some of that cheese there? The Muenster. Yeah. And that raspberry thing.”The Vulcan said something in a low voice to the blond.“That too. The apricot.” He turned a heartbreaking smile on the Vulcan. “That should be it.”“For here or to go?”“Here I think.”“If you go get a table, I’ll bring you the items.”“Great, thank you.” The blond turned toward the tables.“The one by the window seems suitable, Captain.”The blond—the captain—nodded and headed for the table, the Vulcan on his heels. As Hilari gathered the items they had ordered, she watched them. The Vulcan sat very close to the man he called captain. And they murmured in low voices.As she approached them with a tray of their things she caught the captain saying, “sweetheart.” And she wasn’t positive but she could swear the Vulcan was blushing. She had never seen one blush though, so she could not be sure.“Here you are.” Hilari set everything before them. The tea in front of the Vulcan and the coffee in front of the captain. She then put the plate with the bread and cheese in the middle but the raspberry pastry in front of the blond and the apricot in front of the Vulcan. “Can I help you with anything else?”“No, but thank you,” the captain told her.“Are you from a starship?” Hilari asked, excitedly.He smiled indulgently. “Yes, that’s right. I’m captain and he’s my first officer. We’re on vacation.”“Oh, very nice,” she replied, but they quickly seemed to lose interest in her as they stared at each other.She reluctantly walked away from them then, sensing they wanted to be alone, but not before noticing the Vulcan stroke two fingers along the captain’s fingers. It really was true all the good looking guys were either married or gay, Hilari decided. These two might be both.But today was her birthday and she had a feeling she would have very interesting dreams that night starring a gorgeous captain and his stunning first officer.

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Bones peered down at Jim as stood in front of the mirror in their dorm room. “You’re not going out with that guy again, are you?”“That guy’s name is Spock.  And of course I am. I really like him.”Bones snorted. “You like every guy.”“Do not.” Jim looked back at Bones in the mirror. “And I really like him. You know. Like maybe more than like.”“Save me from lovesick cadets.”Jim laughed. “I’m not sick. But love? Yeah. I’m pretty sure.”Bones rolled his eyes as Jim turned away from the mirror. “Does the hobgoblin feel the same way?”“He’s a Vulcan, Bones.”“I know what he is. Does he?”Jim shrugged. “I’m pretty sure. Vulcans don’t really do casual dating, Bones. And we’ve, well, you know.”“Don’t even put that image in my head, kid.”“Ah, Bones, does it bug you that Spock and I are doing the nasty?”“You wish.” There was a knock at the door. “That’s your prince charming now.”Bones went to the door and opened it. Sure enough, Spock stood there dressed in black slacks and a black sweater.  “Come in, Spock.”“Doctor. It is pleasant to see you.”“Yeah, sure.”Jim smiled. “Hey, Spock. Let me just grab my jacket.” He pulled on his coat and then headed to the door where Spock stood. He looked back at Bones. “Don’t wait up.”“Like I would.”“Good, cause, um, might not even come back.” Jim grinned. “Night, Bones.”“Where shall we go for dinner?” Spock asked when they were alone.“Your apartment?”Spock arched a brow. “While I am not opposed to that, I do not have any food to prepare for us. If you had indicated such a preference prior to this moment, I would have had the provisions.”“Well, I was trying to be spontaneous.”“There is a small market near my apartment,” Spock told him. “We could purchase the required product for our meal.”Jim smiled. “Yeah? You mean it?”“Of course. If that is what you wish, Jim.”“Yeah, it is.”They made their way to the little market by Spock’s house and Jim felt so happy and hopeful. It had taken him forever to get Spock to notice him. And when Spock had finally expressed an interest in Jim, he didn’t even know that’s what Spock was doing.The first time they’d kissed, which was after the third date, boy was Jim patient, it was some Vulcan thing with fingers. It took another three dates before they human kissed.  That was quite satisfactory because they’d ended up kissing and kissing and kissing.Finally their seventh date was the magic number and he and Spock had finally had sex.  They’d been happily having sex ever since. Well okay so this was only their tenth date. But they’d totally done it a lot during the seventh, eighth and ninth dates.It was during their eighth date that Jim knew he was totally and completely in love with Spock. He wanted Spock to ask him to move in with him, but so far, he had not done so. Jim didn’t want to ask. But really, he spent more time at Spock’s anyway.“Hang on, Spock,” Jim said as they entered the store. “I’m going to get that wine I like. I’ll be over at the pasta in a second."Spock arched a brow. “You would like pasta?”Jim grinned. “Well yeah. Be right back.”He went over to the chilled wine refrigerator and took out his wine.“Jim? Jimmy Kirk?”Startled Jim turned to see a man rushing toward him. A very familiar man.“Finnegan?”Sean Finnegan smiled wide. “Jimmy! I can’t believe it as I live and breathe! How long has it been?”Jim blinked, shook his head. “Um. You dumped me my first year in Starfleet Academy.”“Well, now I think dump is a wee bit of an exaggeration, Jimmy.”“You wanted to explore other relationships.”Finnegan nodded. “Yes. Hardly dumping you. And what luck running into you like this. Go to dinner with me.”“Well, actually, Finnegan—”Finnegan suddenly pushed Jim up against the wine fridge and kissed him.A throat cleared.Jim pushed Finnegan off him. “Spock!”Finnegan wiped his mouth. “Who is this, Jimmy?”“I am his jealous Vulcan boyfriend,” Spock replied.Jim laughed. “Yeah, and um, we’re busy. So if you don’t mind, Finnegan.” Jim waved at him and grabbed Spock to go to the next aisle. “Sorry about that, Spock.”“I am well aware you had prior relationships, Jim.”Jim bit his lip. “Yeah.”“If you have made your selections, I am ready to check out.”“Okay, yeah.”****“So, um,” Jim said, sipping his wine. Spock was making pasta and vegetables in the kitchen. “Spock?”“Yes, Jim?”“You told Finnegan you’re my boyfriend.”“I did.”“Are you?”Spock arched his brow. “Am I not?”Jim smiled and set his wine down. “Yeah, but you know so far, we haven’t really called each other anything like that.”“Humans are illogical.”Jim went into the kitchen and took the spoon out of Spock’s hand. He put his arms around Spock’s neck and leaned in for a kiss.A moment later, Spock murmured, “If we are going to engage in coitus, I will need to turn off the fire.”Jim laughed against Spock’s mouth. “Are we going to?”“It would seem we have done so frequently lately.”“Are you complaining, Spock?”“Certainly not.”Jim kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth. “I love you.”Spock closed his eyes and kissed Jim. “I love you also.”“Yeah?”“Did you think otherwise?”“Well. You’re hard to read.”“I would not have engaged in coitus with you if I did not.”Jim sighed. “I don’t know how I got so lucky as to get you.”“You definitely have me. Now I have an important question for you, Jim.”“Yeah?”“When are you going to stop pretending you still live with the doctor?”Jim laughed and hugged Spock. “Tonight?”“That would be agreeable.”

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I had let him go.I’d had to. He’d chosen to leave me.  To leave me behind. To face everything…alone. When he’d told me he was going, was sneaking out in the dead of night and never looking back, never thinking of the shithole we lived in again, I’d begged to go with him.“You’re too young,” he’d said in a flat voice that bore no sympathy, no understanding, certainly no love. I’d been too young then to wonder when it had happened. Later…later I wondered.“But—”“You’d only get in my way.”That was his final pronouncement. And I watched him walk away with tears in my eyes, holding onto a shred of hope that he’d come back for me.He never did.I’d lived that hell alone.He’d not been the first to abandon me. He surely would not be the last.“Jim?”I closed my eyes. “I don’t care about him, Bones.”“I know.”  Bones squeezed my shoulder.“I don’t.” I shook my head. “He left me there to face…unspeakable horror.”“I know that too. After he's buried I’d rip him out of the Earth and kill him all over again if I could,” Bones said softly.I wiped angrily at the tear leaking from my eye. “And I sure as fuck am not crying.”“Never.”The lump in my throat grew. I shook my head again, blinded by the pain of my bitterness.“Do you need anything?”“Just to be alone I guess. You know…before.”Bones flung his arm around my shoulder. “He wasn’t worthy of you.”“Yeah.”“He wasn’t.”I nodded and Bones left me alone in the room with his body.He was gone now. Past hurting me. And yet—I didn’t have to look at the door when it opened to know who had come into the room. My very skin prickled.      “The doctor said you wished to be alone.”“I hated him. How am I supposed to do this?”“You will do it just as you do for the members of your crew who have died in the line of duty.”I tried to laugh but it was more choked than anything. “It’s not the same.”“It is not,” Spock agreed.He stepped close to me. So close I could feel him everywhere. It was almost too much contact. Almost not enough.“I will speak for you if you wish.”I closed my eyes. “I wish I could take you up on that, Spock. Really. But I am no coward.”His hands went to my biceps and he turned me to face him, though I still kept my eyes closed. His lips trailed over the tear track on my cheek.“You are not. But there is no shame in avoiding public displays of grief. It is no one’s business how you mourn.”“There’s no one left but me.” It was a simple statement and the truth. Yet it was like I had been knifed in the heart.  “I don’t understand.”“What, ashal-veh?”“Why he didn’t love me. Why he couldn’t save me. I waited and waited. And he never came back. I’d go to this place when Frank beat on me in the back of my mind and I’d think, ‘this won’t be forever. He’s gonna come back. He wouldn’t leave me here like this. Not for long.’ It was hopeless.”“He never came back.” Spock’s thumb brushed lightly over my cheek down to my lips.“No. And I lost all hope.”The door opened again. “Jim? They’re ready to start,” Bones said.“Okay.”Spock helped me to walk away from the casket and I stood to the side while people filed into the room. Some were those I knew. Bones, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty. Others were those he’d known. I guessed.  It was not going to be some formal ceremony.I looked at Spock whose eyes held nothing but love, acceptance and support. As always. Something in my life had gone very right. I walked over to the podium. On slightly shaky legs.“Today, I’m here to talk about my older brother, George Samuel Kirk. When we were very small we’d lay in the grass behind the farmhouse and Sam would say, ‘Jimmy, someday I’m going to be a scientist.’ I wasn’t even sure what a scientist was. Sam looked at me. ‘What about you, Jimmy? What are you going to be?’ I looked up at the stars and said, ‘captain of a starship.’ Sam left our house early to get his wish. And the truth of it is, there’s a lot I never knew about Sam. And there was a lot he didn’t know about me. But we were Kirks. We didn’t believe in no-win scenarios. And we were survivors.” I looked at his body in the casket, feeling everything hit me so hard I clenched the podium for support. I was dimly aware of Spock moving swiftly toward me. “We were survivors. Until now.”Spock gently pushed me behind him. “Thank you. There will be a private viewing for those who wish to pay their respects to George Samuel Kirk.”He led me away from the podium and to the corner of the room. He pulled me close.“I’m sorry,” I mumbled thickly against him.“You have nothing to apologize for.”“I thought I could do that.”“I know.”I clung to him then. “I really hated him. Why didn’t he love me?”“I am certain he did.”“No, he didn’t.”“Then perhaps he was not capable. It was not you, ashayam. The fault lay in him.”“You just say that because you love me.”“And would I love you if you were not extraordinary?” Spock asked with a little humor.“Love is blind,” I maintained stubbornly.“You are grieving. In time it will be easier.”“I don’t grieve for him.”“Jim—”“I grieve for what he should have been. What they all should have been. My dad should have lived and we should have lived happily ever after. Or whatever the fuck.”“Yes.”I pulled back to look at Spock, my eyes blurred with tears. “And your mom. She should have—”“Yes.”“And Pike.”“Shh.” Spock pulled me close again. “Let me take you home. Our leave does not end for two more weeks. You need to eat and to sleep.”Spock led me from the room and as we walked out of the door, standing near was a young, teenaged blond boy. He looked scared and uncertain. His eyes were a familiar blue. I stopped short.The boy looked at me. “H-Hi. Y-you m-may not r-remember me.”I reached for Spock’s arm. Clutched it. “Are you Peter?”He nodded. “You’re my uncle, right?” He looked so vulnerable I felt like crying all over again.“Yeah, that’s right.”“My-my dad used to t-talk about you.” His bottom lip wobbled.“Yeah?” I glanced at Spock. “Are you here with someone, Peter?”He shook his head. “I-I do-don’t have anyone. I don’t know what they’re going to do with me now.”I made a quick decision. “Well. Do you want to come talk to Spock and me at our apartment?”Peter cast a wary glance at Spock. “Spock?”“My husband.”The boy nodded. “O-Okay. I’d like that.”I put my hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Peter. Let's get something to eat and we'll talk."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

1
“Wait a minute, Jim,” Bones said in a too loud voice in sickbay. “Did you just say that you and Spock totally sucked face on that planet down there?”“Shut up, will you?” Jim snapped at his best friend. He glanced toward where Nurse Chapel was desperately pretending not to hear their conversation. “Keep your voice down.”“Sorry,” Bones mumbled. “I was in shock.”“Well, you know, it’s over. Just a one time thing.”“Are you sure?”“Yes I’m sure,” Jim insisted. “The-the Platonians made us do it. They made us do all kinds of weird shit. Spock even sang.”“Was he any good?”Jim rolled his eyes. “At singing or kissing?”Bones opened his mouth to reply.“Never mind that. Am I free to go?”Bones crossed his arms in front of his chest. “That depends.”“On what?”“If you really think there’s nothing to talk about.”Jim felt the constriction in his chest for a few seconds. “There isn’t. They manipulated our lips together. We kissed for a few minutes—”“Minutes?”“Manipulated us, remember? We couldn’t pull apart. They had a laugh at our expense. End of story.”“Is it?”Jim glared at him. “Just what are you implying?”“This is me, Jim. You can lie to yourself but you can’t lie to me. I know how you feel about Spock.”“How I feel is that he’s the best first officer in Starfleet. The best science officer in Starfleet. And my friend. That’s it. In case you don’t remember, doctor, Spock is in a relationship with my communications officer.”“I remember. Do you?”“I’ve had enough of this.” Jim hopped down from the biobed. “I’m fine. I’m going to my quarters.” 
2
 “So, um.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck as he stepped off the transporter pad. “Those spores.”“Yes,” Spock said quickly. “They were powerful spores.”“Yep. Crazy behavior from those spores.” Jim noticed Bones was smirking as he stepped down after Jim and Spock.Spock was faintly green. Jim was sure he was bright red.“If you will excuse me, Captain. There is a lab experiment I must check on.”“Sure, Mr. Spock.”Bones chuckled next to him a minute later and Jim gave him the side-eye.“What are you laughing at?”“You two. Engaged in yet another lip lock. The spores this time.”“We were attacked by spores,” Jim reminded him.“I know it. I’m pretty sure I saw Spock’s tongue in your mouth.”Jim’s ears burned. “You did not.”“Sure, sure, honey.” Bones cackled. “I swear to God you two were almost rolling around on the ground.”“You’re fucking fired,” Jim said hotly, leaving his laughing friend behind in the transporter room. 
3
 “I’m pretty sure that’s the third time they’ve kissed,” Hikaru whispered to Pavel from his spot at the table closest to the mistletoe.“Vhat the Keptin and Mister Spock?”“Yeah. Scotty told me they kissed for like ten minutes because the Platonians made them.”“Vell, but that is hardly a kiss, if they were forced to.”“The commander was still with Uhura then. He broke up with her not long after that.” He nudged Pavel.“Coincidence.”“What about when they kissed on Omicron Ceti III?”“Spores,” said Pavel.“Dr. McCoy said there was tongues and everything.”“The doctor exaggerates.”Hikaru considered this. “All right. But what about tonight? Just now?”“A Christmas tradition. Many have kissed under the mistletoe.”Hikaru sighed dramatically. “We have not.”Pavel smiled. “Vell, ve should. Vould not vant to break tradition.”Hikaru smiled back and stood, reaching for Pavel’s hand. 
4
 “Shit. Someone’s coming,” Jim whispered urgently as Spock fiddled with the controls on the wall. “What’ll we do?”“You will have to provide a distraction so they do not notice the controls.”Jim tapped his foot. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”“Captain, they are coming.”“I fucking know, Spock.”He grabbed the back of Spock’s neck and smashed him against the wall, making sure he was covering the controls. Just as footsteps neared them, Jim covered Spock’s lips with his. Spock’s lips softened instantly as Jim deepened the kiss. Vulcan arms came around him, drawing him near.It was Jim that slipped his tongue past Spock’s lips, but Spock didn’t seem to mind. In fact Jim thought he heard a small Vulcan whimper.“Get a room,” a person walking past them down the alley called as others chuckled. “Tourists. Never can control themselves.”  “Guess what they say about Vulcans being cold bastards isn’t true,” said another.They moved off and the alley was silent once more.Spock pushed Jim away. “Captain.”And it took a moment for Jim to realize he was still kissing Spock and for no apparent reason.“Uh, yeah.” Jim turned away. He almost wiped his mouth. Because really. He shouldn’t have been practically devouring his first office and friend. “The controls. How’s that coming along?”“Almost finished, Captain.”“Excellent.” 
5
 “Well, really, I’d like to—”The beautiful red-haired chancellor began to frown. Her purple eyes narrowed.The truth was he definitely wouldn’t like to. She was beautiful. But really. Not his type. She didn’t have chocolate eyes or a bowl cut or—“But?” She interrupted his thoughts impatiently.“I’m already involved with someone.” They were at a conference. One Jim didn’t want to be at. And the chancellor had been all over him since he arrived. He’d been fending her off. Or trying to anyway. Just now she’d put her hand on his crotch.“Who?” she demanded. “I asked around.”“My first officer,” Jim blurted out.The purple eyes narrowed even further. “The Vulcan? I hardly think so. He has not even looked your way once this evening.”Jim opened his mouth to refute her words when suddenly someone was at his elbow. He looked behind him to see Spock there.“Chancellor,” Spock said coolly.“Commander Spock. We were just talking about you.”Spock arched a brow. “Were you indeed?” He turned to Jim. “My apologies for my neglect this evening, ashal-veh.”Jim smiled. He had no idea what Spock just said but the chancellor’s mouth fell open in shock.Spock held out his two fingers. This Jim knew. He’d seen Spock do it once with Uhura, though he tried not to think about that. Jim touched his fingers to Spock. He stared into Spock’s eyes for good measure.The chancellor backed away. “Well, Captain, I must excuse myself. There’s someone I meant to say hello to.”“Nice to see you,” Jim said, without looking at her. As she moved off, he lowered his fingers from Spock’s. “Thanks for that.”Spock inclined his head. “You are welcome, Jim.” 
+ 1
 “Checkmate.” Spock declared.It was the fourth game in a row he’d won and Jim had enough. He smacked his hand against the pieces, sending them flying everywhere.Spock stared at him in shock. “Captain?”Jim walked around the table to where Spock sat, reached down, fisted Spock’s science blue shirt in his hands and pulled his first officer to his feet.“You know what, Spock?”“Captain?” The word came out like a whisper on the wind.“I wanted to kiss you when those bastards made me.”Spock merely stared at him.“And those spores? They only made me do what I wanted to do anyway.”Spock’s mouth fell open.“And the mistletoe? I hate Christmas.”“Jim—”“And I think I distracted myself more than those morons on the planet when you were messing with that control panel.”Spock said nothing. Jim was starting to chicken out. But he forced himself to go on.“And I said we were in a relationship to the chancellor because—“We are.”“I want to be. Wait.” It was Jim’s turn to stare at Spock. “What?”“We have kissed five times.  I do not believe I would have kissed you five times if we were not.”“You kissed me?”Spock leaned forward and kissed Jim softly. “Just like this.”“You really wanted to kiss me?”The eyebrow shot up. God, Spock was adorable. And fucking hot. And—"What is ashal-veh?""I will tell you later. Perhaps you should just kiss me again.”Jim touched his lips to Spock’s. “I can do that.”

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Jim shifted nervously. He’d never met anyone’s parents before and this was not just anyone’s, anyway. This was a big someone. The most important ever. If he fucked this up—“Jim, it will be all right.”He glanced at Spock, who sat very close to him on the shuttle. “I know.”“You are very agitated,” Spock said.“She’s going to hate me. And him too. And it’s her birthday. I shouldn’t have come for her birthday. I’m going to ruin everything.”Spock put his fingers on the pulse point of Jim’s wrist. He felt instantly calmer.“Ashayam, you will ruin nothing. Mother is thrilled to be meeting you.”“And your dad?”“He is less enthused as he is Vulcan but he looks forward to meeting you as well.”Jim nodded as Spock moved his fingers away. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He would not embarrass Spock. He would not.“You are shaking, ashal-veh.”“I’m just a ball of nerves, I am sorry.”“Jim,” Spock said softly, his fingers once more on Jim’s wrist. “No matter what they think of you, I will always be with you.”“But they are your parents.”“Yes. But you are my t’hy’la.”A voice announced their arrival at Vulcan.They made their way off the shuttle and Jim immediately spotted a couple standing to the side. The woman was human. Of course Jim had seen a holo picture of them so he would have known them anyway.Spock led him over to them.“Mother, Father, I present my mate, James Kirk.”“It’s wonderful to meet you,” Spock’s mother said with a huge smile. “May I call you Jim? And you must call me Amanda.”“Yes, ma’am. I mean, Amanda.” Jim thrust the brightly wrapped present he held at her. “Happy Birthday.”“Oh, aren’t you sweet? Where are your bags?”Jim looked around and noticed Spock was carrying both of them. “I can get mine.”But Spock moved it away from Jim.Jim turned nervously to Sarek. “Sir.”“I offer you my name,” Sarek said formally.“Thank you, Sarek.  I reciprocate.”“Come then, Spock, Jim.” Sarek turned to walk toward a vehicle that would presumably take them to their home.****It was much later when Jim was in the kitchen with Amanda, helping her with preparing the meal.“You shouldn’t have to cook on your birthday.”“Oh, it’s nothing. I’ve cooked on most of them. It is a small matter.” She smiled.“What?”“I can see why my son is so smitten with you.”Jim blushed. “I doubt he’s smitten.”She patted his arm. “He’s definitely smitten.” She eyed Jim for a moment. “Did Spock ever tell you his human name?”“His human name? Wait. He has another name?”She was smiling wide now, her eyes sparking with mischief. “It’s Harold.”“What? Harold? Seriously?”Amanda laughed.Suddenly Spock was standing at the edge of the kitchen with his eyebrow raised. “Mother.”“Oh, there you are, Harold.”At that Jim burst out laughing as Spock turned green all the way to his ears.“Mother is teasing you, Jim. I do not have a human name.”Amanda gave Jim a big smile. “All in good fun, of course. The truth is when I was expecting Spock and Sarek asked if I had any naming preferences I did bring up Harold. I had a cousin named Harold you see.”“Yeah?”“Sarek vetoed it, unfortunately.”Jim smiled.“If I may borrow Jim for a moment, Mother, I would like to show him our room,” Spock said.“Of course.” She waved them away.As soon as they were inside the room, Spock pulled Jim close and kissed him until Jim was breathless.Spock broke away and leaned his forehead on Jim’s. “They approve.”“You think so?”“I know so.” And Spock was kissing him again. Perhaps meeting parents was not so bad.

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Jim wondered how he got into these messes, really. He was pretty sure his first officer wondered that about him as well.But really, how could he have known?One minute he was standing on the transporter with Spock, Scotty, and Sulu, or as Jim thought of them, ‘the three S’s’, ready to be beamed down to Triagulus IV for a diplomatic conference—and boy did he hate those—and the next he was on this-this fucking moon rock thing.And it was quite clearly not Triagulus IV. Maybe the moon for that planet, but Jim wasn’t even sure of that. There was no Scotty or Sulu with him either. He wondered if they’d made it to the correct coordinates.There was Spock. Or perhaps…a Spock. Because the Vulcan next to him on the ground of this moon rock thing was definitely Spock. He smelled like him even. Not that Jim had been obsessed with Spock’s scent or anything.But, um, there were differences. The Spock next to him wore a different uniform shirt. It was blue and all but looked like it was made of satin and pinned to the front were a bunch of medals. He had the same blank expression as he stared at Jim, though. But with his bearded face. So weird. Did the transporter malfunction cause Spock to grow a beard? Jim didn’t even know they could. Vulcans that is. He’d never ever seen one.“Uh.” Real intelligent there, Jim.Spock blinked at him. “What happened to your shirt, Captain?”Jim looked down at his shirt, which looked completely normal to him. “My shirt? What about your shirt? And why do you have a beard?”“Fascinating.”Jim struggled to his feet and brushed his pants off, which seemed to be covered in moon rock dust or something. Spock rose too. Jim eyed him. “That’s not a Federation symbol.”“It is not. I do not know what the Federation is. I am with the Empire.”“The Empire? How feudal.” Jim shook his head. “Did you hit your head as well as sprout a beard?”“I have always had a beard since we first became acquainted.”Jim snorted. “I think I’d know if my first officer had a beard.”Spock stepped very close and before Jim could take a step back, Spock’s fingers curled around Jim’s jaw. “You are different.”“Different?”“You are not my captain. There is a softness in your eyes he does not have.”“What? Now, hey, listen—”Spock lips were suddenly on his, crushing and possessive. His beard was scratchy but not unpleasant and before he knew it, his arms were around Spock’s neck and he was returning the kisses with feverish delight. Spock’s tongue found its way into Jim’s mouth and fuck he was suddenly back on the moon rock ground with Spock above him, kissing him breathless and grinding his quite evident erection against Jim’s leg.“Wait,” Jim managed a weak protest as Spock grabbed his wrists and held them above his head, pinning him down. “Shouldn’t we—”Spock’s leg pushed between Jim’s and his mouth devoured his so he couldn’t speak.Jim heard the sound of the transport activating just before his particles broke up.He was aware of reappearing on the Enterprise’s transporter pad even as Spock still held him down, kissing him ravenously. His Spock. Beardless.A throat cleared.Spock abruptly stopped kissing Jim. They both turned their heads to see the transporter chief, Dr. McCoy, and Lieutenant Uhura standing there gaping at them.“Welcome back, Jim,” Bones said, sounding more than a little amused.Jim licked his lips and then looked up at Spock, who looked down at him. “That was—an interesting phenomenon, wouldn’t you say, Mister Spock?”“Indeed, Captain. Most curious.”Jim was aware they both still had very evident erections and neither of them seemed inclined to move. “Did Sulu and Scotty make it to Triagulus IV?”“Yes, Captain,” the transporter chief advised. “When you are ready, we will get you and Commander Spock there.”Uhura now had her arms folded in front of her chest and one eyebrow raised as though Spock had taught her everything he knew. Bones was smirking, the bastard.Jim once more met Spock’s gaze and what he saw there made his breath hitch. It did little to make his erection go away. “Could you, um, all give us a minute?”“Oh sure,” Bones said. “Take your time…doing whatever it is you’re doing. The mission can wait.”“Be quiet, Bones.”Uhura made a huffing noise, but all three of them left the transporter room and he and Spock were alone.Jim smiled. “Where were we?”“I believe I was on a moon somewhere, but where you were I am—”Jim sighed and pressed his lips to Spock’s shutting him up. His fingers grazed Spock’s smooth face. Spock moaned into the kiss and once more grabbed Jim’s wrists to hold them over his head. Okay, maybe they needed more than a minute.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

What the fuckity fuck. Seriously?Jim scowled as he looked around the seriously fucked moon rock. Thing. Was this a damn planet or a moon? Wasn’t he supposed to be on Strangulous IV or something. That wasn’t right. He sighed heavily.He glanced at Spock’s back. “Where the hell were we going?”“Triagulus IV, Captain.”“Okay, yeah. And where the hell are Scotty and Sulu? Fuck me.”Spock turned around then and Jim frowned.“What the hell? What happened to your sash?”Spock blinked and arched a brow. “My what?”“And never mind that! When did you shave off your beard?”“I do not understand.”Jim blew out a frustrated breath. “Your beard is gone! Jesus. What kind of fucked up thing happened to us anyway?”“I have never had a beard, Captain.” Spock stared at him. Intently. But there was a definite warmness in those dark eyes Jim was not used to. “Are you wearing a sash? And what happened to the sleeves of your uniform?”“The sleeves of my? I don’t wear sleeves, Spock. I hate them. They’re too hot. And I’m too hot for that matter.”Spock arched a brow. “I am unfamiliar with this place.”“So it’s definitely not Trianguly IV.”“Triagulus IV, Captain.”“Whatever.” Jim stepped closed to beardless Spock. “Did you hit your head?”“Captain?”“You’re acting weird. Well, weirder than usual.”“I was about to say the same to you.”Jim grinned. “Have you tried contacting the Enterprise?”“Yes, there is no response.”“Hm. What shall we do while we wait for them to beam us back to the ship?”“Captain?”“Baby?”Spock blinked. “I am not an infant.”“Oh, my God. You did not just say that.” Jim laughed. “I’ve told you it’s an endearment. Damn, Vulcans, are so literal.”“Why would you call me an endearment?”“You are not going to pretend we didn’t get hot and heavy last night, are you? Or the night before that. Or the night before. Hell, what’s it been? Twelve nights in a row? You aren’t going to tell me you don’t remember, are you? I’ve got the sore ass to prove it.”Spock’s mouth fell open. “I assure you there has been—”Jim cupped Spock’s jaw. “I’m not used to smoothness. I think I like your beard better. I hope this is just some weird anomaly.”“Captain, I believe you are not well.”Jim tapped his own temple. “Oh, I know. I’m crazy. We both know that.” He grinned and looped his arms around Spock’s neck. “We could be stuck here for hours. Or days. Or months. Hell, maybe we’ll be stuck here forever. Might as well make the best of it.”“The best of it?”He sighed. “You’re not usually so dense.” He whispered in Spock’s ear, “Fuck me.”Spock stiffened and tried to pull away.“Jesus!” Jim crushed his lips to Spock’s and suddenly Spock ceased to struggle. He began to kiss Jim back, tentatively at first, but then with an almost frantic fervor.Jim suddenly found himself on the moon’s ground with a very amorous Vulcan above him. Well, hell. This was how it started in the first place, wasn’t it? Or close to it. One minute he’d been arguing with his first officer, telling him he wanted to smash his stupid face in, and the next thing he knew he was on the floor of his quarters and Spock was tearing his clothes off.He groaned in frustration when he felt his particles breaking up.They were still lying together when they rematerialized on the transporter. And they were still kissing. But, oh yeah, Spock’s beard was back.
Hot damn!
“Jim! What the hell?” He heard Bones demand.Jim broke the kiss and stuck his thumb in Spock’s mouth who sucked on it. “Do you hear something, Commander?”“An annoying buzz of a parasite, Captain.”Jim chuckled and began to kiss Spock again.Throats cleared.They stopped the kiss once more and turned to look at the transporter chief, Bones, and Uhura.“Did you always have that Mohawk, Ny?” he asked.She raised her brows. “Yes, Captain.”He grinned. “Just checking.”“Jim, for God’s sake. Can’t you two keep it private ever? First the bridge and now—”Jim turned back to Spock. “He never shuts up.”“I am aware.”“Give us a minute, will you?” Jim asked, as he slipped his hand between their bodies. Spock growled. “Better make that like thirty minutes. Or so. Um. I’ll let you know.” He arched up into Spock. The door of the transporter opened and closed. He didn’t bother looking. “Kiss me, baby.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t going to fall for the Vulcan. And now the summer was over and the Vulcan was leaving and Jim’s life was going to go to hell again. A summer fling.They’d both agreed that was all it was. In the beginning. But after several nights together, Jim knew it was much more than that to him. And he knew it was for Spock, too. It didn’t matter though. Spock was important. The son of a dignitary and Jim…was not.Still Jim smiled when he was supposed to. Even as Spock drove his cock into Jim for what he knew was the last time. It was achy and poignant and he both hated it and loved it.Spock rose from Jim’s crappy, dirty mattress and began to pull his clothes on. Jim turned onto his back and with his arm resting on his forehead, he stared up at the cracked ceiling.“You could come with me.” Spock’s soft words cut into the night, cut into Jim.“No, I couldn’t. I would never be accepted there. Not by your father. Not by your people. We’d both be ostracized.”“Then we will go somewhere else, t’hy’la.”Jim had no idea what the Vulcan word meant, but Spock had used it for him before. He hadn’t asked. Was afraid to.“We agreed this was for the summer,” he said. He made the words harsher than they needed to be. Steeled himself for the resulting pain. “You need to leave. Like we said.”Spock turned away, his back to Jim now, and Jim’s heart cracked a little more in his chest. Love was for fools. For the weak. And Jim was not weak.“If that is what you wish.”Jim made himself get up from the bed. This was goodbye and he would not be a coward. He stood before Spock and touched his fingertips to the stubble on Spock’s face. It was very nearly a beard. Jim thought it would be someday.“I’ll never forget you, Spock.”“Nor I you, Jim.” They held each other’s gaze for a long time. An eternity perhaps. Then Spock lowered his, first. “Taluhk nash-veh k'du.”Spock turned toward the door and twisted the handle. He paused for five seconds more then stepped through the door and closed it behind him.He really should have learned Vulcan.Jim stared at the door for a long time. He allowed himself ten minutes of tears, then he angrily wiped them away. Pike was due back and he would expect certain things out of Jim. The normal Jim, not this soft, crying, heartsick Jim.He picked up a knife and sliced his palm, letting the pain sting, and the blood calm him.“Goodbye, Spock.”****
Ten Years Later

To say Jim had been gobsmacked with the reappearance of Spock in his life would be an understatement. One minute he was standing beside Christopher Pike as his first officer and the next thing he knew they were awaiting the arrival of a new science officer. And it was—he was…Spock.Oh he had the beard now and looked rather sinister, really. Not the cultured diplomat’s son he once was, but more threatening, more…diabolical. Ten years had changed Spock. Had changed Jim for that matter.Neither of them acknowledged to Pike they had been acquainted. They’d both known their captain well enough to realize that would not go over well. Not at all. But their gazes had held a fraction longer than they probably should have and Jim’s heart had sped up so hard and fast he was surprised Pike had not noticed.It was only a few days into the mission when Jim was walking down a corridor and he was grabbed from behind and dragged into a utility room. He was all prepared to fight whoever dared attack him, reaching for his hidden dagger, when he was slammed hard against the bulkhead. Spock’s lips crushed over his, hard and demanding.Jim gave up the fight immediately, moaning under the onslaught of Spock’s mouth as he pinned Jim’s hands above his head, grinding into him.“Please,” Jim gasped.“Please what?”“I-I want—”Jim’s breath hitched as Spock stepped back to yank Jim’s boots off. Next his pants were removed and then Spock was undoing his own trousers, before lifting Jim’s legs high in the air.“Wrap them around me,” Spock said softly.Jim obeyed instantly as Spock’s cock slipped inside him. He was grateful as before for that slick Vulcan lube. What an awesome species the Vulcans were.Spock’s mouth found his again as he bent Jim almost in half. He thrust slow, easy, almost teasing. It was glorious.It was a dance of love more than lust, as it always had been between them. Their tongues caressed each other, their breaths joined, their bodies became one.       The first night after that, Pike had fucked him and Jim pretended he was Spock. It was difficult, for Pike was no Vulcan lover. And he was cruel. Always had been.  As their voyage took off, they avoided each other for the most part. Or perhaps it was Jim who avoided Spock. It was easier to deal with life without wanting Spock. Without having him. He could still feel Spock all over him, still taste him.When Jim had been called to Pike’s quarters in the middle of a shift on the bridge, he’d left the con in Sulu’s hands and made his way to see Pike.His chest had tightened immediately upon learning of the summons. Jim had done a lot to get where he was now and a lot of it had been very unpleasant. He counted his forced association with Pike amongst them. Someday, he vowed, that association would be ended to Jim’s benefit.He pressed the button outside Pike’s quarters for entry and the door slid open.Jim stepped inside. “Yes, Captain, what—”Pike lay on the floor, blood oozing out from a chest wound. One of Jim’s own knives was in that wound. He stood there staring at Pike’s body for what seemed like forever.Then Spock stepped out from the side room of Pike’s quarters.“Good evening.”Jim licked his lips. “You?”“Indeed.” Spock nudged Pike with his boot. “He is dead.”“Spock, why?” He met Spock’s gaze, saw the hard glint there.“You know why.”“You didn’t—”“I did. He was hurting you,” Spock said quietly. “Had been hurting you for a long time. And you are…my t’hy’la.”Jim swallowed thickly and stepped around Pike to Spock. He didn’t touch him but he stood very close. “Spock,” he whispered.“I should have killed him then.”Jim shook his head. “I made my choices. I wouldn’t be here if I had not. Sometimes those choices were bad, but it got me here.”Spock’s arms came around Jim’s waist, pulling him close. “I have missed you.”Jim closed his eyes. “I’ve missed you, too. I tried not to. It made me weak.”“It does not,” Spock assured him. “You are captain now.”His eyelids flew open. “Me?”“Yes. All evidence will show that you are responsible for his death and you will be captain.” Spock kissed him. “I would not be opposed to being first officer.”Jim smiled. “Oh, you will definitely be my first.” He grabbed Spock’s bearded jaw and kissed him.“I want you,” Spock said, moving his lips to kiss along Jim’s jaw.Jim felt himself grow hard. “I want you, too. But—” He flicked his head toward the body there.“He cannot see us.”He laughed. “Um. Yeah, I know. It’s just kind of creepy to fuck when there’s a dead body lying there.”“We make love, not fuck. But perhaps you are correct. And we should notify the empire of the change in command.”Jim nodded. “Are you sure?”“I have no desire to command the Enterprise. I did this for you, t’hy’la.”“What does that mean, anyway? You’ve always called me that. Is that an endearment?”Spock put his hand on Jim’s face. “This is t’hy’la.”After a moment, Jim sagged against Spock. “Oh.” He sucked in a breath. “Oh.”“Then we are a team, you and I?”Jim closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Spock’s. “Yes. A team.”