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He may be young, but he isn't stupid.
Curled loosely, leg twisted under him, head resting against the high sofa back, Justin watches as Chris talks to Lance. He can't hear what they're saying, just snatches of words, low and high, familiar darts of sound that pierce through the buzz of the crowded room. Chris is bouncing on the balls of his feet, energy barely controlled and Justin knows he's seconds from hurrying away. Lance seems to know that too and bends forward, whispering something in Chris' ear.
Chris laughs out loud, pressing his hands across his mouth as Lance smiles and shakes his head in exasperation. Intrigued, Justin sits forward, trying to hear what Lance is saying, then stills when they turn as one, hurrying from the room, leaving an echo of laughter in their wake.
He's tempted to follow, hating to be left out of things, and uncurls his leg ready to stand when his mom comes into sight, looking pointedly at the math book lying abandoned on the floor.
"Justin." His mom sits down, and Justin knows he's going nowhere soon as she looks at him, seemingly seeing the intent to run in his face and cutting it off with a glance. "Have you finished?" It's a loaded question and Justin sighs as he picks up the book without answering.
As he struggles through the first problem Justin imagines he hears laugher and crosses out a mistake with angry black lines.
~*~*~*~
Justin has a lot of friends; Chris and he are more in tune. That's all.
It's hot outside, but at least there's a hint of breeze, unlike inside where the air feels thick and heavy. Sprawled on a beach towel Justin reads his book that's propped open in front of him, one finger pressed against the spine as the wind flutters the pages.
Soon Justin becomes lost in a world of ancient mariners and savage seas, transported far beyond his own universe as his imagination takes flight. Then confusion reigns as he's suddenly doused in cold water as the two worlds overlap, breaking waves abruptly reality. He blinks his eyes, and the raging ocean is replaced by his back garden and Joey holding a bucket as Chris stands behind him, doubled over and laughing loudly.
"Enjoy your bath?" Joey asks, all smiles and laughter as he high fives Chris.
Justin blinks again and carefully weighs down his book before jumping to his feet in one smooth movement. "You're an ass, Fatone."
The air crackles with anticipation as Justin looks from Chris to Joey, deciding who deserves his revenge. Decision made he yells and charges at Chris.
"Hey, wait. I didn't do it!" Chris defends himself as he flees, but Justin can tell he's laughing by the set of his shoulders and the easy way he runs with no real desire to get away.
They chase one another in circles, egged on by Joey who's standing by the pool, empty bucket held in one hand. Justin's t-shirt and pants slap wetly against his skin as he runs and he dodges lawn chairs and abandoned yard toys as Chris taunts, voice always overlain with laughter.
Justin takes his chance when they hit a clear space. Powering forward he lunges, reaching for Chris' shirt and grabs a handful of fabric as they tumble to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs. Laughing, Justin stills as Chris rolls free so they're lying side by side, arms touching as they breathe deeply, smiling and energised from the chase.
"Great tackle," Chris says and he props himself up on an elbow. "I've taught you well young one."
"You did," Justin agrees seriously, then inclines his head a touch. "You ready?"
They jump to their feet in unison and the garden echoes with laughter once more as Chris and Justin barge into Joey, propelling them all into the pool.
As Justin comes up spluttering he thinks he'll never get better friends than the ones he has now.
~*~*~*~
He's not jealous. Why should he be?
The usually noisy house is muted in deference to the late hour as Justin sits curled in an easy chair. The tv plays softly, some old cartoon that he lost interest in long before, instead he looks into his hot chocolate, watching mini marshmallows slowly dissolve. Wrapping his fingers around the mug he smiles happily, thoughts of meetings with Lou filling his mind. They're going to be famous, Justin knows they are, and he imagines himself on a stage, the star he's meant to be.
The sound of the front door closing startles Justin from his daydream and he looks at his watch. Twelve thirty, meaning Chris has worked overtime again. Quickly draining his mug Justin gets to his feet, needing to tell Chris about his day, then abruptly stops when he hears voices.
Footsteps soft, he approaches the kitchen, hanging back when he sees JC filling the kettle. Chris sits at the table, hands flying and voice low as he describes his night. They're saying nothing important, just swapping tales of past customers while JC makes hot chocolate and warms up pizza that he slides onto a plate.
Justin knows he could walk into the room and be included. JC would refill his mug and they'd all talk until tiredness took its toll, but he doesn't. Instead he hugs his own body, tense even though he's not sure why. All he knows is he doesn't like JC right now, and with that unsettling thought in his mind Justin leaves his mug on the hall table and goes to bed.
~*~*~*~
They're good friends. That's all….aren't they?
It took all of Justin's weight to shut his case. Pressing hard he managed to both zip and buckle it closed then stood, relieved that his packing was done at last. Dragging the case onto the floor next to his bulging rucksack, he couldn't contain his excitement a moment longer and punched the air, laughing as he was suddenly grabbed from behind and twirled out of his door as Chris yelled, we're going to Germany.
Justin has to join in; automatically matching their voices and steps as they dance up and down the long hallway. On one dizzying spin he notices Joey, Lance and JC crowded in a doorway, clapping in time, before they spill into the hall.
Head tipped almost to the floor as Chris ducks him low, Justin laughs as he sees Joey grab Lance's hands, spinning him around in a tight circle. Feet pass Justin's face until he's suddenly pulled upright and deftly passed on to JC as Chris continues to dance, lost in his own beat.
JC's hand is warm against Justin's waist and they dance easily, grinning at one another as Joey charges past, holding tight to Lance who's red faced and laughing despite his protests.
Lynn calls up the stairs that it's time to go, and she waits almost patiently for the impromptu dance to end, standing with coat folded across one arm.
When they finally check in for their flight Justin makes sure he stays next to Chris, to take the seat next to him so they can talk and play video games. Then he turns away for a moment and when he looks back Chris is walking with Joey and his mom grabs Justin by the arm.
"Walk with me."
Justin doesn't think about refusing, just takes hold of his mom's bag and keeps moving as Chris and Joey lag behind. In the confusion of boarding and grabbing seats Justin ends up sitting next to Lance. He's keenly disappointed at first but the happiness he felt soon reappears, especially when he sees Chris and Joey talking low and serious, looking anything but fun.
"Is he your boyfriend?" Lance looks uncomfortable when Justin turns quickly from looking at Chris to staring at Lance in confusion. "It's just. You know you're always together. I though." Lance looks down, blushing fiercely. "Forget I said anything, okay?"
"I'm not. How could you think?" Justin tries to find the words he needs, but it's hard and he eventually settles for the best he can do. "It's not like that." Because it's not, at least Justin doesn't think so.
~*~*~*~
Sometimes going by instinct is the only thing to do.
Germany is the greatest and worst thing that's ever happened to Justin.
It's not all bad, not by a long way. They make time for fun, squeezing in ball games and trips away between practice and performances. Sleep is traded for nights out and Justin becomes accustomed to seeing Chris, Joey and JC slip away, dressed to kill in their clubbing outfits which stink of smoke and beer when they finally come back, muffling their laughter and trying to be quiet as they search for their rooms.
Lance and Justin are forced to stay at the hotels, keeping each other company, watching tv and completing school. They're experts at hurrying through homework then relaxing on the beds, surrounded by junk food as they watch German tv. Not that they understand half of what they hear, but that's part of the fun to provide their own commentary on the shows they watch late into the night.
Sometimes the others come back to their room, where they lounge on the beds, cold to the touch but smelling of the heat of the clubs. On those nights they talk for hours, topics ranging far and wide as they settle into comfortable piles. Joey against Lance as JC finds a comfortable spot, curling up tight and asleep within minutes.
Justin hunches up, pillow pressed against his back, shivering as Chris jumps beside him, his braids cool against warm skin. This close the smell of the clubs is stronger and Chris almost seems like another person, his usual self overlain with something hard and brittle, a vivid contrast to Justin who feels young in his pyjamas, the soft blue material so different to the shining black of Chris' pants.
Chris kicks off heavy boots that thump to the floor, then curls forward, shirt riding up and exposing a pale sliver of skin as he rubs his feet. Tempted to touch, Justin pushes his hands under his thighs as he notices yet again how the bumps of Chris' spine are clearly visible under his tight shirt. It's instinct to count them now, using numbers to distract his itchy fingers until Chris lies back, squirming and elbowing until he's comfortable against Justin's side.
"Did you have fun?" Justin asks and he moves so he's comfortable, knowing Chris' stories tend to be long and embellished, exactly as Justin likes them as he drifts off to sleep.
He wakes hours later, erection demanding attention and his hand snarled in Chris' braids. Carefully untangling them one by one he climbs out of bed before anyone wakes, needing to jerk off before he embarrasses himself by humping Chris' leg.
Every time this has happened he's managed to make the bathroom where he stands, hand pressed against the wall, the other wrapped around his cock. He remembers how Chris looks on the other side of the door. He pictures dark lashes against pale skin, the stripe of skin between dark pants and the shirt that has rode up over night. Then he licks his own hand, making it slick, and strokes himself hard and fast, thumb pressing against that sensitive spot just below the tip. Mouth against his upper arm Justin muffles his moans, hips moving involuntarily as he imagines Chris' body pressed against his own.
He wipes up the evidence with handfuls of tissue, cheeks red as he listens for movement in the next room, and every time he repeats it was okay to feel the way he does. Until the day he finally believes it himself.
~*~*~*~
Sometimes your friends know you better than you know yourself.
When the door finally opens Lance is nowhere to be see. Then Justin walks inside and sees him concealed between the door and wall dressed in only grey boxer shorts and white socks.
"Hey, Bass. Hiding from someone?"
"I was, but they wouldn't stop banging on the door so I had to go let them in," Lance says sarcastically. Then follows Justin into the small room where he kneels down to finish ironing his shirt on a towel.
Justin watches for a while, then starts to look through Joey's CDs that are scattered on the bed before gathering them up into a neat pile.
"Can you remember when we first came here? On the plane." Justin taps the bedspread with his fingers, beating out a rhythm as Lance looks at him as if he's gone crazy. Something that Justin isn't sure of himself right now. "You asked if Chris was my boyfriend and I said it wasn't like that. I think I lied."
"You think?" Lance stops ironing his shirt, pulling out the plug before sitting on the opposite bed. "You either lied or you didn't, one of the two."
"I lied," Justin says slowly, needing to share his feelings at last. "Not that I knew I was lying, at least back then so it's not that bad. It wasn't on purpose or anything."
"It's okay, I forgive you."
Lance sounds serious but Justin knows he's being played and he smiles, relaxing as Lance pulls them onto familiar ground. "You're a freak, Bass." Obligatory insult given Justin's nervous again as he waits for Lance to speak.
"You're dating Chris?" Lance questions at last as if he's working things out in his mind.
Justin shakes his head. "No. No, I'm not. I mean I want to, but not yet.
"You're confident aren't you? What if he doesn't want to date you?"
"He will." Justin knows that; he always gets what he wants. It might take some time but he gets it in the end. Then that confidence bleeds away as the meaning of Lance's words sink in. "Wait, that's it? No questions about me being gay? Or asking when I started to like guys?"
"No," Lance settles back on the bed, coolly looking at Justin. "I can if you like, you know if it'll make you feel better."
Justin tries to decide if he likes the direction the conversation's going. On one hand he's relieved there's going to be no huge coming out scene but on the other. "God, tell me I don't flame. How can I flame when I didn't even know myself until recently? Can you look at me and tell?" Justin jumps to his feet and stands next to the full length mirror, twisting around to look at himself from every angle.
"Justin. Calm down," Lance pats the bed next to him and Justin narrows his eyes at the hint of laughter he can hear. "You don't flame, I just know you that's all."
Taking a last look in the mirror, Justin sits, looking down at the brown carpet and tracing the mystery stain with the toe of his sneaker. "Sorry, I'm not used to this."
"I can imagine," Lance sounds sympathetic and turns so he's looking at Justin. "I didn't ask because I didn't need to. I know you and figured you'd tell me when you were ready."
"I wish you'd told me." Justin shakes his head, remembering the nights he's spent struggling with how he feels. "You would have saved me a lot of sleepless nights."
"I'll remember for next time," Lance jokes, nudging Justin with his elbow, then turns serious. "What will you do about Chris? He hasn't said anything has he, you know, about that?"
Justin shakes his head. "No, but that doesn't mean anything. He likes me, we can build on that. He's the one; I've known that for a long time."
"I don't know," Lance sounds doubtful. "You're assuming a lot."
Justin pushes aside Lance's concerns. He knows Chris will want him back, why shouldn't he? They're best friends and all the books say best friends make the best lovers. Now all Justin has to do is tell Chris how he feels and take it from there. "Come on Lance, lighten up. I've just came out to you, go and finish your shirt and we can go celebrate."
Tonight's going to be the best night of his life, whatever Lance thinks and Justin heads for the bathroom and Joey's toiletries. A splash of aftershave is just what he needs for when he seduces Chris.
~*~*~*~
Gather your courage to make your move, you may need it.
Crammed in the mini bus Justin tries to push Joey into the aisle then laughs when Joey retaliates by pushing harder, squashing him against the cold window.
"Leave J alone, we need him to sing and attract all the teenies," Chris says and Justin can see him grinning delightedly as he suddenly jumps on Joey with a yell. The extra weight causes Justin to gasp for breath and he's relieved when they both fall into the aisle where they mock scuffle. Lance and JC lift up their feet and take bets on the eventual winner.
Justin doesn't bet, he knows Chris will win because he always does; it's just the way things are. Dodging flying feet and arms, Justin watches as Chris squirms until he's sitting on Joey's legs and raises his arms in triumph.
"I win again, no one can withstand the might of the great Kirkpatrick." Chris laughs then leans forward, planting a smacking kiss on Joey's forehead. "Better luck next time, Fatone."
Jealousy flashes through Justin, keen and unwarranted. He forces himself to smile when he sees Lance's look and pretends things are fine when Chris stands and thumps down in the next seat.
"He thought he could beat me, the crazy idiot." Chris shakes his head, braids stinging against Justin's face then relaxes, body going limp as he closes his eyes. "It's been a long day, J, but a good one yeah?"
"Yeah." Justin agrees and rests his arm over Chris' shoulder, pulling him close like they've done so many times before. As they drive through the dark streets things quieten until the only noise is soft breathing and the hum of the bus. Justin runs his thumb gently across Chris' shirt, feeling the slippery material and watching their reflection in the window. They look good together, like they always do and he vows to tell Chris how he feels as soon as he can.
~*~*~*~
Winning isn't everything. Yeah right.
They pull up behind their hotel, bypassing the small group of fans that guard the main entrance. JC and Joey exit first, arguing good naturedly over something as they push and shove their way out of the door and disappear inside. Justin has no idea what they're saying, too caught up in his own excitement as he plans what to say.
Ideally he'd get together with Chris somewhere else. The small courtyard littered with cigarette butts is hardly the most romantic place but he can't wait any longer and knows he has to act now.
"Wait." Justin touches Chris on the arm, holding him back as the others go inside. "I want to talk."
Lance stops a moment, looking concerned but Justin impatiently waves him away. There's nothing to worry about, by the end of the night they'll be a couple, it's a sure thing.
"What's up?" Chris looks at Justin with concern. His arms are wrapped around his body against the coldness of the night. "You in trouble?"
"No. I'm good." Justin stops speaking, for once unsure what to say, then Chris looks up at him and he knows what to do. Bending slightly he kisses Chris on the lips, gently at first then pushes his tongue against smooth teeth and hard metal. For a brief dizzying moment Justin thinks he's going to respond as Chris opens his mouth, but all he does is jerk back.
"What the hell! What are you doing?"
"I'm kissing you, what does it look like?" Justin tries to joke but it falls flat when Chris moves back another step. "I love you Chris. I want us to be together, it'll be good, I know it will."
Chris seems frozen in place and all Justin can do is wait as cold reality starts to hit.
"I'm flattered, really I am, but I can't." Chris seems lost for words, squeezing his hands into fists and looking at the floor. Justin feels sick when Chris finally looks up, and he knows Chris is about to say no, and that can't happen.
"If it's the age thing that's okay. It doesn't matter to me. My mom won't care and it won't affect the group, I know how to be discrete and I kissed a guy last week so don't worry about that, I know what I'm doing." Justin tries to stop speaking, knows he's babbling but the words keep spilling out. "We'll be good, I'll be the best boyfriend you can have."
"Justin." Chris holds out his hand, stopping just shy of touching Justin's arm. "I can't."
"Why," Justin demands and he feels tears prickle at his eyes as Chris drops his hand. "You have to tell me why then I can tell you how wrong you are."
"I don't want you."
Chris' words strike hard and they stare at one another as Justin tries to think what to say, but he can't think of a thing. He never thought things would go like this, had thought they'd fall into one another's arms. This situation, where Chris looks beaten and distant, hadn't figured at all. Justin's throat tightens and he turns on his heel, running through the heavy doors and up the stairs to his room, relived when Chris stays behind.
Later, sitting alone in his bed Justin holds the cover tightly, twisting the material between his hands. He's made a mistake tonight, approaching Chris before he was ready, but that's okay. He knows Chris wants him, all he has to do is wait.
~*~*~*~
Life Goes On. That's a fact no one can deny.
Things are still awkward, so when Justin sees Chris on the court he almost walks away. Instead he stands and watches, keeping the basketball pressed against his chest as he's reminded how much he misses his best friend.
"You want to play one on one." Chris has stopped shooting hoops and looks hopefully at Justin then bounces the ball as he waits for a reply.
Justin doesn't think twice before he's running onto the court, making a basket before Chris can react. "That's one to me," Justin licks his finger, miming a point in the air and grins wide, happier than he's been for days.
He's even happier when they lie side by side an hour later, shirt wet through and aching from the impact of Chris elbows and the hard ground. It's these times Justin's missed the most and he's relieved they've picked up their friendship, even if that means pretending that night never happened. When his ear is suddenly twisted Justin yelps in pain and vows the next move is Chris', that way their friendship will never be threatened again.
~*~*~*~
Fame is a changing thing, so you must seek it always.
It's hard, doing it all over again back in America where no one knows them, but everything changes in Montreal. Relaxing together in the hotel room, tired but buzzed after the concert. Justin sits cross-legged on his bed, eating M&Ms and slapping at Chris’ hand as he steals them from where he sits on the floor. “Get your own, ass.” Justin slaps again but still pushes the bag across slightly as Chris grins in acknowledgement.
Head resting against the bed, Chris' braids lie dark against the peach cover. Unable to resist, Justin picks one up, letting it slide through his fingers as JC switches on the tv and they all yell as he flips through the channels, urging him to move on or stop until they suddenly see Lance's face and yell stop as one.
They listen as the announcer describes the Disney concert that aired that night, looking at one another in excitement as he praises their songs and performance.
"Did you hear that?" Joey sounds awed and Justin doesn't blame him. They've an ever increasing fan base but exposure on national tv is something else.
"He said we were great." JC jumps to his feet, scattering chips on the floor. "He said we were great!" He starts to jump in place and soon they all join him, squashing junk food under their feet as the news sinks in.
"I knew we could do it," Chris says, and he grabs Justin, kissing him briefly on the lips before dancing with JC across the room. Justin stands grinning like a loon, and knows it's got nothing to do with the revue.
~*~*~*~
Everybody needs somebody.
Justin lets the phone drop in its cradle and rests his head in his hands. He feels guilty, as if he's cheating somehow, even though that's not true at all.
"You okay?"
The bed dips when JC sits down and Justin straightens, managing a smile. "I'm good. Britney just asked me out and I said yes. Just me, her and two minders."
"You don't look happy about it." JC observes and he hesitates, as if weighing what he's about to say. "I'm glad you're moving on, Britney's a nice girl."
"He told you," Justin says flatly, unsurprised when JC nods his agreement.
"He needed someone to talk to, he sorta freaked that night, you came out of the left field, man. He had no idea how you felt." JC shakes his head laughing. "And they say I'm the spazz. Anyone could see you had a thing for him."
Justin tenses, embarrassment hitting full force. "I was that obvious?"
"To us maybe. Anyone else I doubt it." JC lays a hand on Justin's leg, patting it enthusiastically. "I think you'd be good together, but so would you and Brit. I'm glad you're going out. No one can wait forever.
JC means well but all he's done is make Justin feel worse than ever, stricken with guilt and remembering the vow he took to wait as long as it takes. The problem is even Justin Timberlake gets lonely, needing someone to hold at the end of a long day. There's no problem if he dates while he's waiting, logically he knows that, inside he doesn't think that at all. JC leaves with a last smile and Justin watches him go.
~*~*~*~
The past is the past. You have to grab the future.
When Justin sees the pile of braids lying on the counter he feels like crying. Picking one up he wraps it around his fingers, remembering the countless times he's done the same thing. He lets it fall when Chris suddenly appears reflected in the bathroom mirror.
"It look good," Justin says, and he stares at Chris in the mirror, memorising the way he looks without the braids. The new hairstyle is sharp and spiky and Justin knows it isn't a coincidence at all.
"I thought it was time for a change."
Justin nods slowly and crosses his arms, forcing himself to stay still. All he wants to do is turn for a hug, but he doesn't. Instead he stands frozen, hating Lou for the millionth time reminded yet again how they've all wounded and raw. Hiding their wounds and pretending things are fine even though they're not fine at all.
Every day now, he sees fury in Lance's eyes as he sits at his desk, checking accounts with strong coffee and painkillers always within reach. JC has withdrawn into himself, hiding behind music while Joey is over loud and artificially cheerful; over compensating for the sadness he feels inside.
Justin alternates between needing to cry and blazing anger. He hates Britney's touch when she tries to comfort him, illogically resentful that she tries when she can't understand how much it hurts. The only ones that can understand are his band mates, and normally Justin would go to them in an instant, but not now. He has to be a grown up and respect their needs, and up to now that's been a big back off.
"We'll be okay," Chris says suddenly and Justin doesn't know who he's trying to reassure but hearing the words is a relief. "He can't take Nsync away from us. It belongs to us."
Chris' eyes seem to blaze, something that's been missing for the last few weeks as he fought his own guilt. "Come here, J."
Within moments they're embracing and holding on tight. Chris talks into Justin's chest, voice firm despite being muffled. "We're going to go talk to the others, that bastard's not going to break us apart."
For the first time in weeks Justin feels hope, but he also feels comfort and happiness, something Britney has never managed to achieve. He doesn't want to think about why, because he knows the answer.
~*~*~*~
A long journey always starts with a small first step.
They got two new buses for the No String tours and for the first time they split apart. It was pretty easy to decide who went where, Joey and Lance, Chris and Justin, two sets of best friends who always stay together and JC who loves them all but decided the 'crazy bus' is the place to be. Justin is happy to have JC travelling with them and he ignores the voice inside that whines it's not fair, Joey and Lance get to be alone.
Hunched over on his bunk, Justin carefully sticks well worn photos on the ceiling. His family and friends all jumbled in an arrangement of the people he loves most of all. Britney's there too and he runs his fingers over the glossy surface, knowing how easy it'll be to fall in love. Her picture is next to one of Chris, a candid from a photo shoot where he's smiling for real. Justin touches that photo too, thinking it should seem wrong somehow, to keep the two people he loves the most together like that, but somehow it's not.
It makes Justin happy to see them together, and he has room to love them both, even if the feelings he has for Chris have developed into something he usually keeps locked away. Deep feelings hidden within friendship, and acceptance that the kind of love he wants may never be returned.
"I'm not sleeping under you. You move all night, man. I'll never be able to sleep." Justin looks out at his bunk and sees JC standing next to the bathroom, bag slung over his shoulder as Chris takes a flying leap onto the opposite bunk.
"That's tough, C. I need this one so I can talk to Justin at night." Chris winks at Justin as he pulls things from his bag, claiming the space with a litter of CDs and clothes.
"You and Justin talk all the time," JC grumbles but he's throwing his stuff in the bunk under Chris' and Justin knows he's not mad at all.
"Do not," Chris disagrees, but he looks at Justin, eyes gleaming with laughter at JC's theatrical snort.
They all rush to open the windows when the driver warns they're about to move, kneeling on the couch as they wave at the other bus where Lance and Joey are doing the same.
Later, the three of them are lying curled together on the couch, cell phones in a messy pile after a conference call with the other bus. Justin rests his head against JC's shoulder and Chris sprawls over them both, taking up more room than should be physically possible.
There's a movie playing but none of them are watching, instead they talk as the excitement of the day dampens down to tiredness that leaves them lazy and unwilling to move. JC discusses music, casually running his fingers over Chris' stomach, and Justin suddenly feels knotted inside as he fights to remain outwardly calm.
This jealousy isn't new but its intensity still steals Justin's breath when he allows it to break through. Which is why he takes a moment just to breathe, pushing the feelings aside the best way he can. It's the only thing he can do, it's going to be a long tour and the last thing he needs is to spend it hating JC, especially when there's no reason to hate him at all.
~*~*~*~
Stardom. It's a double edged sword.
Justin and Britney are the golden couple now, their stardom huge, eclipsing everyone in sight.
Revelling in the attention, Justin and Britney shine, reflecting off one another as their fame shines bright. Everything they touch is gold. Nsync rocket even higher and Justin becomes the man everyone wants to see or be. It's dizzying being so successful and Justin dances on the razor, loving his life one moment then falling hard when it becomes too much. When people want to touch and grab for any piece of him they can get.
As he signs yet another autograph or avoids another groping hand he longs for a slice of normal life. White picket fences and someone who loves him for who he really is, not who he appears to be.
"Sit with me." Britney smiles when Justin sits down, resting her head against his shoulder. She smells good and Justin loves the feel of her hair against his face as he holds her hand, running his thumb across smooth skin.
When they're like this, calm and alone, Justin knows he's loved and he loves back in return, giving her his all. His feeling for Chris are a background, still there but ignored as Justin grows, happy in a relationship at last.
He has Britney and Chris has Dani. Things are good now and Justin tells himself that every day, eventually he even believes it.
~*~*~*~
Life sucks and then you die.
Justin doesn't remember much about the day he finally breaks up with Britney. He knows the other were there, remembers the feel of comforting arms. The sound of a softly hummed haunting tune. Hot tea with lemon pressed into his hands and most vividly, sitting long into the night, Chris a constant presence at his side.
~*~*~*~
Take risks sometimes, however afraid you feel.
Justin lives his life to the full in the hiatus. He pushes for the music he wants, filling his life with producers that make him sound out of this world. He works hard and plays harder, unwilling to commit himself again, not when the last two times ended like they did. Instead Justin stays detached from the men and women that pass through his life, settling for casual contact as he fools himself that's okay.
"We're up."
JC slaps Justin on the back as they jog onto the court and they grin at one another at the expected screams. Justin waves at the fans who yell his name, reading some of the signs that are held high in the air as he jogs over to Chris and Joey.
Chris looks good in his uniform, dark and dangerous as he narrows his eyes. "Ready to get your ass kicked, Timberlake?"
"As if," Justin replies, falling easily into the old teasing routine. "Daze haven't lost yet and we're not starting this year."
"We'll see." Chris vows as he scrubs at Justin's hair before running away to join his team.
The game's a balance between serious and fun. Justin spends a lot of time taking baskets, ignoring Chris and Joey's heckles then retaliates by chasing them around the court threatening wild retribution. At other times he stands next to Chris, enjoying the closeness and ignoring the hundreds of eyes that watch their every move.
Eventually Daze wins and Justin can't help crowing his victory, high fiveing JC, generous with his praise now the game is actually won. The only surprise when he's grabbed by the wrist is how long it has taken, Justin expected Chris to snap well before..
They tumble into the empty dressing room and Chris shuts the door, sliding the lock shut with a casual flick of his wrist. He looks at Justin, then pulls off his sweat band with a sharp tug, causing his Mohawk to flatten then spring back up as he mops the sweat from his face.
"You're looking good, J." Chris says, gaze intense and unblinking. Years of friendship means Justin knows Chris and can read him easily, seeing the way he twists the sweat band between his hands, body language tense as he prepares to face something unknown.
Justin doesn't reply, just inclines his head, accepting the compliment in a way they both understand. Then moves so he's leaning against the wall, arms and ankles crossed, waiting patiently as Chris kicks the toe of his sneaker against the floor.
"Being here without Lance is strange. Good but not right you know?" Chris stops, eyes closed and his mouth a thin line before he exhales deeply. "You've grown up good, J."
"I know." Justin does know and has no shame admitting that. He's happy with his life and proud of the man he's become, accepting himself faults and all. "I've been grown for a long time and I like who I am." Justin says the words matter of fact then gathers his courage once more, the adrenalin of the game granting him courage. "The only thing I don't like is waiting for you."
Chris tenses and Justin watches as the meaning of the words hit home. "Justin…I…"
"Chris." Justin holds up his hand. He's not a kid any more and he's not going to let things get away from him again. "Don't even go there, believe me, any objection you have won't wash. I know you too well."
It takes all of Justin's strength to walk away. He's said all he can for now, the rest's up to Chris.
~*~*~*~
Patience is a virtue, and one that always wins in the end.
Drink held in one hand, Justin weaves through the crowd, accepting compliments with a wide smile. He feel good and happiness bubbles through him each time he catches sight of the blown up cover of his CD.
When he feel a hand against his back he turns, champagne spilling over his wrist. "Chris!" Justin exclaims happily and passes the glass to Chris as he licks the sweet liquid off his skin. "I thought you weren't coming, especially when that message was delivered." Justin grins when he remembers the cake that arrived earlier, ceremoniously carried in by a foursome of half naked women complete with mouse ears. Then he taps his fingers against the cell phone in his pocket which contains his real gift, a message from Joey, Lance and JC, telling him how proud they are in their own unique way.
"I would never miss this." Chris says quietly and he indicates the room before draining Justin's glass with one swallow.
"Ah the good stuff, you splashing out, J?" Chris half smiles at Justin then turns serious again. "I've been thinking about what you said."
"Come with me." Justin grabs Chris' hand, uncaring of who can see. They walk slowly through the crowd, weaving past men who dance to the thumping beat and women who reach out for Justin, their hands skimming his body in a blatant invitation. He dismisses them all with a shake of his head, softened the refusal with a smile.
Chris' hand feel wonderful against his own and Justin can't help squeezing it, grinning as the gesture is returned and then some, resulting in a hand squeezing contest that lasts until they exit the packed room into a quiet corridor that echoes with their laughter as they push through the door.
~*~*~*~
The seeds of an idea that you planted long ago are about to blossom.
Justin sees a sign for the restrooms and goes inside, Chris' hand still held tight in his own. It's bright and he blinks as he sees their reflections in the mirrors that line one side of the room, and for a moment the men they are today is overlain with reflections of those years before.
He imagines himself with blond curls, smaller, a child in an adult's body, old before his time and Chris, thinner, and in many ways happier, braids hanging around his face. Different in many ways but in others not at all. Chris is still his best friend and the love is still there, but on an equal footing now, unlike how it was before.
"Give us ten minutes." Justin pulls his wallet from his pocket and hands a handful of notes to the attendant who immediately leaves the room.
"I think you just paid him a years wages." Chris shakes his head in disbelief but Justin doesn't care, would have paid ten times more for the privacy needed for this moment.
"And?"
"And what?" Chris asks deadpan and Justin resists the urge to grab his shoulders and shake the answer from him. Chris obviously gets that, and he finally speaks. "I don't regret what I did back then, you were too young, hell I still think you're too young, but no one else I asked seems to, so I'm going with the majority here."
"You want me." Justin has to ask, needing to hear the words.
"I always wanted you." Chris smiles and steps closer. "You were a cocky little shit but you were right about that."
"I was wrong about the timing." Justin can't help laughing as he remembers how convinced he was back then, positive that Chris would love him back.
"You were, but you've redeemed yourself now."
"You think?" Justin tenses as Chris tilts back his head, knowing his wait is nearly over.
"I know."
Justin's wait is finally over. It feels like a lifetime but when he finally closes his eyes and feels Chris' lips against his own he knows it was worth it, every single second.