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Last night's memories rose up in Jaebum’s head as he watched the steam from his coffee evaporate into the cold air. The puffs of white air from his nose mixed with it. The coffee didn’t seem to do much for his cold fingers.
Jaebum knew he was stalling himself, not wanting to go home just yet. He hadn’t figured out how he wanted to apologize to his boyfriend.
The streetlamps had already turned on. The cloudy weather made it seem much later than usual. Tiny dots of snow were starting to float around. Jaebum walked down the street, feeling cold inside and out. There was no reason for him to be such a pain to his boyfriend last night. Perhaps the winter season was bothering him more than he thought it would.
A small boy ran past Jaebum and up to his father. Jaebum couldn’t stop the memory from resurfacing in his mind. ~It was a winter day just like this. Jaebum was a child, walking with his father. His dad was upset but only ever smiled down at him. The night before, Jaebum’s parents fought. They stopped by a small shop in the market. His father looked at a bundle of roses under a heat lamp.
“Your mother would like those.” His dad had said.
“Are you going to buy them?” Jaebum had asked him.
His dad shook his head.
“They’d freeze before she’d forgive me.” His dad mused. “They wouldn’t last.”
Jaebum’s dad took his mittened hand and they left the roses behind. ~Jaebum turned down an alley to take the long way home, through the market. He discarded his coffee cup along the way. The brew was getting too cold, much like himself. A light caught Jaebum’s eye as he walked.
A heat lamp above some flowers made him stop in his tracks. He took the ironic timing of the memory and the heat lamp above the flowers as a sign.
Jaebum couldn’t remember the last time he bought flowers for his boyfriend. It had to be almost a year now, he thought. Probably since Valentine’s Day.
He wondered if they would freeze before his boyfriend would forgive him.
Perhaps there was a chance they’d make it to morning if he got them home fast enough.
Jaebum found himself cradling a bouquet of roses to his chest. He hoped the gesture would still be appreciated even if the flowers didn’t make it.
A twinge of warmth spread through Jaebum as he thought of him.
“Youngjae.” Jaebum called, closing the door behind him.
His boyfriend walked out from the hallway and stopped. A petal fell from one of the roses. Youngjae frowned. Maybe the flowers wouldn’t make it after all. “You look like you're freezing.” Youngjae said softly. Another petal fell.
“And so do those roses.” Youngjae added, his eyes creasing with his soft smile.
“I wanted to apologize.” Jaebum said and handed him the bouquet.
“So, you brought me flowers in this weather?” Youngjae questioned.
“Of course, I hoped they wouldn’t freeze up.” Jaebum said.
“Let’s put them in water.” Youngjae stretched his hand out. Jaebum took it with his still cold and numb fingers. “I forgive you, you know I always will.” Youngjae said as they arranged the roses in an old light blue vase.
Jaebum nuzzled his face into Youngjae’s neck, his nose cold against his warm skin. Youngjae hugged him, helping his arms thaw out. Jaebum was thankful for that small memory that was already fading again. Jaebum felt Youngjae press a kiss to his cheek.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Jaebum said.
Youngjae led them back to their room.
“Do you want to shower to warm up?” Youngjae asked.
“No, I just want to warm up next to you.” Jaebum said.
Youngjae pulled the covers back.
“You should put some pajamas on, first.” Youngjae suggested.
Jaebum changed out of his jeans and swapped his t-shirt for a fresh one. He crawled under the covers where Youngjae waited for him. Youngjae shivered when Jaebum’s cold skin met his warm bare skin.
“Sorry.” Jaebum whispered. Youngjae patted his head and played with his hair. “I was beginning to worry. I know you hate the cold.” Youngjae admitted.
“I didn’t know how I wanted to apologize to you.” Jaebum said honestly.
Youngjae let his insecurities surface.
“I was starting to think you got a hotel room somewhere. I didn’t think you would come back, let alone bring flowers.” Youngjae said.
“Baby,” Jaebum moved to look right at Youngjae. “I’ll always come back to you no matter the time or weather. I love you and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
Youngjae couldn’t stop the few tears from falling from his eyes. Jaebum kissed his cheeks and wiped those few tears away. Their lips met and melted together. Youngjae felt needed again like he often did when Jaebum kissed him. Jaebum wanted to give everything to Youngjae. All his love and all of himself. He told him he loved him again. Youngjae nodded, echoing the same words back. They were both tired but Jaebum still kissed him. He left lazy kisses on his cheek and jaw. He pressed kisses into the shirt that still covered Youngjae’s chest. Youngjae put a hand to his head to pet Jaebum’s hair again. The feeling of being kissed over his clothes made him want to cry. Not because he was sad but because Jaebum made him feel so full of love. He was relieved to have Jaebum back in his arms. Jaebum’s kisses stopped over his heart. He laid his head there for a while. Youngjae figured he would fall asleep on him when he didn’t move away. Youngjae was surprised when Jaebum put a hand on his stomach.
“Do you remember the first time you let me take your shirt off?” Jaebum asked gently.
“Yes.” Youngjae answered. “I cried and you thought you hurt me or scared me.”
“Mmm.” Jaebum hummed. “But then you let me hold you.”
“I felt really vulnerable back then.” Youngjae mused.
“You trusted me, though.” Jaebum said.
“Of course. That’s why I let you hold me all night.” Youngjae stoked his head lovingly.
“That night, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend my life with.”
Youngjae’s hand stilled.
“Jaebum...”
“It’s true. I want to be the only one that can see you like that, like this. I want you by my side everyday.” Jaebum picked up his head.
“I want that too. I’ll always be with you.” Youngjae promised.
“I’m sorry I made you worry tonight. I'm sorry about being temperamental and arguing with you last night.” Jaebum apologized again. “I promise to keep your heart safe, baby.”
Youngjae moved Jaebum’s head closer to kiss him softly.
“I love you.” Youngjae said against his lips.
“I love you too.” Jaebum kissed him back.