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“Has she spoken?” Asked Mark, coming to stand next to Christina. “No.” “His mother and sisters will be here in the morning. They’ll want to see her.” “They weren’t together.” “He hadn’t gotten around to letting them know that.” “Someone has to.” “Not necessarily. He didn’t tell me why they were separated.” “Neither did she.” “I thought you knew everything about Big Grey?” “I’m her person, she’ll tell me when she’s ready.” They both looked down at the sound of beeping, checking their pagers. Christina sighed with relief when she saw it wasn’t hers. “You better go.” She leaned up against the wall for another moment, watching him walk away before pushing off and heading for the door to the room they had put Meredith in. She opened it gently, trying not to startle the nearly catatonic woman sitting on the bed in front of her. Meredith was sitting exactly as they had left her, still in bloodied scrubs, legs dangling over the edge staring blankly ahead. Taking a seat beside her, Christina was careful not to touch her, unsure of how receptive her friend would be. Meredith was much better at knowing what she needed, she thought as she debated what to say. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk Mer.” “He got shot. I broke up with him and he got shot.” “This isn’t your fault Mer.” “I should have been telling him I’m pregnant.” “Meredith, look at me,” said Christina, moving in front of her and resting her hands on Meredith’s shoulders. “You had nothing to do with this. A crazy man with a gun shot him. You broke up with him, yes, but that has nothing to do with him dying. Your brain is looking for a reason because humans look for patterns and cause and effect. Just because your brain found something that seems related doesn’t mean it is.” Christina felt her entire body relax a fraction when Meredith’s eyes connected with her own. “I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I’m pregnant with his child, but I couldn't trust him so I left him and now he’s dead and my baby doesn’t have a father,” said Meredith, struggling to understand it all. Unsure what else to do, Christina said, “His family will be here in the morning.” “I’m not telling them about the baby.” “Okay, just me and you then.” “Should I tell them we were separated?” Christina sighed, moving to sit beside her again and Meredith leaned against her shoulder. “I don’t know. McSteamy could tell them for you, if you want.” “We hadn’t even been separated for a whole week.” “They don’t have to know that either.” “I should give them this ring back.” Meredith twisted the ring around her finger, not even sure why she was still wearing it. “Mer-” “No, no. We were done,” she said, pulling it off and tucking it away in the pocket of her scrubs. “Okay.” They stayed that way for a while, silent, until the sound of Meredith’s stomach growling forced them to move. Sending a text to Sloan she asked them to meet her and Meredith at the house with pizza. They were halfway out of the hospital when they passed an OB resident in salmon scrubs and Meredith stopped. “Did- did anyone tell Addison?” “I don’t know. We can ask Sloan when we get to the house. Him and Little Grey are bringing pizza.” “We have to tell her.” “Okay, okay, we will. But first we need to get to the house. I don’t have Satan’s phone number so unless you’ve been keeping in touch with her and I didn’t know about it.” “No.” “Okay.” Christina took her hand and led her forward. The drive to Meredith’s house was thankfully short this late at night. Christina parked them on the street when they got there, a few other cars already blocking the driveway. Opening the passenger door she cajoled Meredith up the front steps and then all the way to her bedroom sitting her on the bed while she found a change of clothes. With a little cajoling she managed to get her out of the scrubs and into the shower. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Miranda Bailey looked out the window from the Chief of surgery office at the hum of activity. There were officers on the bridge still, but below them she could see people in scrubs and white coats moving about as the new staff made their way in. As soon as the lockdown had ended with the swat team walking Gary Clark out the front door in handcuffs, she had sent out a call for relief and thankfully the staff had responded. The sound of a door opening startled her out of her reverie. “Sorry. I thought I would check up on you.” “You don’t sneak up on people after a mad man with a gun terrorizes the hospital, Torres.” “Is it true? Derek, Adamson, Percy, Bradson?” “Yes.” “I just can’t believe it. I saw them this morning.” “Neither can I. This morning the world was a better place.” “Any word on the new interim Chief?” “Nothing yet. Whoever it is going to need to find a neurosurgeon and a neonatal surgeon asap.” Miranda settled onto one of the sofas with a groan, her body finally relaxing a fraction. “Did anyone tell the families?” Asked Callie, collapsing onto the sofa opposite Miranda. “The police are handling everyone other than the Shepherd's. Sloan called them, he was looking for you actually.” “Shit. My phone’s dead.” “Last I heard he was going to Meredith’s with Little Grey.” “Guess that’s where I’m going,” said Callie, getting up and heading for the door.” “Take Robbins with you!” Called Miranda. “Will do,” said Callie with a smile. “And Miranda? Go home.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Arizona?” “Calliope!” Callie cringed a little as she took in the fake smile on Arizona’s face. Her ever bubbly girlfriend had been shaken to the core earlier that day when Gary Clark had pointed that gun at them. Reaching out she pulled Arizona away from the nurses station and into an empty on-call room. “Arizona, it’s time to go home.” “I can’t. The kids, I need to make sure all of them are reunited with their families.” “Zona, there are other people who can do that.” Callie wrapped Arizona up in her arms and sat them down on a bed. “Johnson and Miller are here, they can handle it.” “I just… They’re my responsibility.” Arizona’s voice trembled as she said it, the weight of the day threatening to fall down on her in the darkened room in the warm embrace of her girlfriend. “They’ll be your responsibility tomorrow too, and you won’t be able to take care of them if you don’t take care of yourself.” “Okay.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Mark?” Lexie looked at the figure in the doorway of the intern locker room. “I’m going to Meredith’s. Christina asked me to pick up pizza.” “You should get a lot, everyone’s going to end up there,” said Lexie. She hoped that everything they had said earlier would stick. “Do you want a ride?” “Ya. Thanks.” “Lexipedia wouldn’t happen to know everyones order would she?” Asked Mark as he dialed Mario’s, the preferred pizzeria of Seattle Grace interns and residents. “Hand it over.” Holding out her hand for the phone she smiled as he passed it to her, taking over tying her shoes. “Hi Angie, it’s Lexie. I’ve got a big order for you.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By the time Lexie and Mark made it to Meredith’s house it seemed like half the hospital was there and Mark was much less in doubt about the amount of pizza they had ordered. Karev was asleep propped up on a few pillows on the couch, Altman and Hunt were passing off the pizzas they had taken to Torres and Robbins in the kitchen. The mood was somber as they made their way through the house. Lexi reached over and squeezed his hand before setting off up the stairs. “So, the gang’s all here.” It was a few moments before Callie managed to say, “Mark, I’m so sorry.” “His family will be here in the morning.” “Is there anything we can do?” Asked Arizona. “Someone needs to pick them up from the airport. Think you could do that for me Torres?” “Of course.” They all paused at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. “Thanks everyone,” said Christina as she came around the corner. “Meredith wants to talk to you, Sloan.” “Right.” Mark headed for the stairs, passing Lexie on her way down. Approaching the door to Meredith's room he knocked. “Mark?” “As ordered,” he said, opening the door. “There’s pizza down stairs if you’re hungry.” “Just one thing first, did you call her?” “No. Not yet,” he said, looking down at the ground. “I wasn’t sure what to say.” “I’ll tell her if you let me borrow your phone.” “Meredith you don’t have to do that.” “I want to. She deserves to know.” Meredith held out her hand, a look he couldn’t identify on her face. Pulling out his phone he dialed Addison before handing it over to her. “Thank you.” In the quiet he could hear the ringing of the phone and a part of him hoped that she wouldn’t answer. Hoped that she was in the middle of surgery, or asleep or a million other things that would prevent her from picking up her phone. Reaching over he took Meredith’s hand, unable to let her do this alone. “Mark! Mark is everyone alright? It’s all over the news but I didn’t want to call until everyone was safe.” “It’s me,” replied Meredith. “Meredith? Oh god, is Mark?” A sob cut her off before she could even ask the question. “No, no, sorry. Mark and Callie are fine. Almost everyone is fine, but there’s something you need to know.” “Oh thank god.” They heard her take a shaky breath before the line went silent for a moment. “Wait, if Mark is alright why isn’t he calling to tell me this himself?” “Addison, there’s something you need to know.” Meredith squeezed Mark’s hand and took a steadying breath. Her voice shaky, she said, “It’s Derek, he, he-” A sod caught in her throat, cutting her off. She couldn't get the words out, couldn't actually say what happened. “How?” “By the time we found him there was nothing we could do. His family is going to be here in the morning. He still considered you family, he’d want you to be here.” “What about you Meredith? He was your husband.” “I want you here too. I don’t even know what he would want for his funeral, we never talked about it.” “I’ll be there then, first flight out.” “Thank you, Addison.” “Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow, tell Mark I’ll call a car service.” The call ended with a click and Meredith passed Mark back his phone. “She’ll be here in the morning, said she’ll call a car service. Let’s go get some pizza.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The morning found Christina, Lexi, Mark and Alex gathered around the kitchen table with Meredith eating cold pizza. Owen, Teddy and Arizona had left for the hospital in the early hours. Callie had left not long before headed for a change of clothes and the airport. There was a murmur of conversation but no one really wanted to talk about anything serious. A knock at the door made them all pause. Meredith was the first to move, heading straight for the front door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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“Addison.” There she was in an immaculately tailored black dress, suitcases in hand on Meredith’s porch. The only hint that anything was wrong at all in the bags under her eyes even perfectly applied makeup couldn’t completely hide. “Can I come in?” “Ya, of course, please,” said Meredith, moving back to make room for Addison to step inside, dropping her bags by the door. When Meredith had asked her to come it hadn’t really crossed her mind how odd it would be to have her there. It didn’t make her uncomfortable really, just added to the feeling that this was all just a terrible dream. Closing the door behind her, Meredith led her towards the kitchen. “Everyones in here.” Addison stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking around the table unsure where she fit in this group. Thankfully, Meredith pulled out a chair next to her own, gesturing for the redhead to take a seat there. The click of her heels on the tile broke the silence of the room as she made her way over to the empty chair. “What are you doing here?” Asked Christina when the shock wore off. She knew Meredith had wanted to tell the other woman but she had no idea that she would turn up like this, unannounced. Addison opened her mouth to reply but was beaten by Meredith with a stern look and the simple answer of, “I asked her to be.” Meredith found herself thankful when she heard the chime of Mark’s phone, eager to turn the attention away from Addison’s presence. She didn’t need anyone asking questions she herself didn’t really know the answers to. All she knew was that Addison needed to be here. “Callie says they’re out front.” “Why don’t you go say hi, Mark?” Suggested Addison with a pointed look, putting an arm around Meredith’s shoulders. “Right, come on Lexie. Let’s go say hello.” Turning to Meredith she could see the anxiety in her face. “How about we go get you changed and put together?” Gently she cajoled Meredith away from the table and up the stairs, not wanting to give Derek’s sisters any ammunition. She didn’t know if Meredith had had the pleasure of meeting them, but her own experiences made her sure that meeting them in dirty sweats with unbrushed hair wasn’t something the other woman would want. “What do you want to wear Meredith?” Asked Addison as she shuffled through the closet, pointedly avoiding the side full of Derek’s clothes. “I don’t know. I’ve never met most of them.” “Well, I don’t know who all is down there but they always had opinions. They didn’t like me for the most part, but I think they’ll like you. Amelia is the baby of the family. She’s messy but a good neurosurgeon, soon she’ll be better than D-him. I was always close with her. Then there's Nancy, a fully paid up member of the Vagina squad and also slept with Mark.” That got a chuckle from Meredith as Addison pulled out a pair of black slacks and a blue button down. “Liz is the second youngest, she’s family medicine, has her own practice in upstate New York. The one you have to worry about the most though is Kathleen. She’s a Psychiatrist in Chicago and unnervingly insightful.” Meredith watched from the bed as Addison went about the room, stopping briefly in the bathroom. Seemingly satisfied with everything she collected, Addison took a seat beside her. “Do you want to brush your hair out or would you like me to?” she asked, setting aside everything but the hair brush. “Would you mind?” Asked Meredith, not entirely sure her hands would work long enough to complete the task herself. “Not at all. Turn that way a little bit.” Gathering the blonde hair in her hands she started at the bottom and gently worked her way up the golden strands. “There we go, would you like it put up or left down?” “Up, out of my face, please.” Scraping it all together she gave it a twist and clipped it into place. “There. Now, there’s some face wipes if you want to freshen up a bit . I’m going to leave you to get changed, okay?” At Meredith’s nod she got up and left the room. Left alone with her thoughts Meredith missed Addison’s presence. Shaking her head she tried not to focus on how comfortable having the other woman around made her feel. Shucking off her clothes she changed hurriedly into the outfit Addison had picked for her, grateful for the soft cotton bra the other woman had picked for her. Giving her face a scrub with the wipes left on the bed, she stood and braced herself to face the women down stairs. Quashing down her fear and the pain she felt she headed that way. Opening the door she found Addison waiting quietly in the hall. “I thought I’d walk you down, take some of the focus.” “Thanks.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Several hours later the Shepherd women were on their way to check into a nearby hotel at Addison’s insistence. It had been a thoroughly exhausting morning for everyone and when she had seen Meredith beginning to fade she thought it would be best to take a break. Christina and Lexie had to leave not long after the Shepard women had arrived to get back to the hospital. Alex had lasted a little longer before retiring to his room, leaving just Addison and Mark to support Meredith. “I should probably go too. Check in started a few hours ago.” “Don’t,” said Meredith, who seemed startled by her own words. “You can stay here. No reason for you to pay for a hotel when there’s a perfectly good spare room.” “Are you sure?” “Please.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cursing her own thoughts Addison ripped the duvet off her bed. Deciding she had had enough tossing and turning she went down stairs to the kitchen. Not really paying much attention she flipped on the lights, shouting in surprise when she saw Meredith sat at the table. After a moment she regained her composure, thankful that she had thrown a robe over her nightie. “Can’t sleep?” Asked Meredith staring down at a glass half full of water. “No,” said Addison, taking a seat at the table. “How did you get here so fast?” “My-” she cut herself off, “Bizzy sent the jet.” “Your Bizzy sent the jet?” A puzzled look took over Meredith’s face. “Bizzy is my mother, she always liked Derek. When I left that last time, she never really forgave me for it.”“I left him last week,” said Meredith in a matter of fact sort of tone, like she was talking about the weather, not the end of her marriage. “I trusted him, I told him about Richard and he used it to take his job. He chose ambition over his love for me. He always put me last, and that was okay because I thought when it really mattered he would care. I loved him, I love him, but I don’t think I was in love with him anymore,” she drew in a shaky breath. Reaching over, Addison covered Meredith’s hands with her own around the glass Meredith was still staring at. “He didn’t deserve you.” “He didn’t deserve you either.” It was quiet after that. They stayed that way for a while longer, Meredith just swirling the glass and both of them taking comfort in the presence of the other. When Addison saw the clock turn to two in the morning she decided they both probably needed to get some sleep before Derek's family returned in a few hours. “Come on, we both need a few hours of shut eye before Carolyn and the girls come back.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Addison had just managed to start dozing off when the sound of retching brought her back to wakefulness. Concerned she shrugged her robe back on and poked her head out into the hallway. Following the sound she knocked on the door to Meredith’s room, before she let herself in. Pausing at the open door to the bathroom she took in the sight of Meredith green around the gills and struggling to keep her hair out of the way. On instinct she kneeled beside her, gathering her hair in one hand and rubbing comforting circles on her back with the other. When there was a break in her heaving Addison gently guided her to rest against the wall, passing her first mouthwash, then an empty glass. Turning on the tap, she ran the water as cold as she could, filling another empty cup with it before wetting a washcloth she had found in the cupboard. She sat down in front of the ill woman, offering her the glass of water, grateful when she accepted it and took a few small sips. Addison was careful as she cleaned her face, pressing the damp cloth to her brow to wipe away the sweat. She stood, holding out her hands for Meredith to hold on to as she made her way onto shaky legs. Her heart clenched a little as she watched Meredith drag herself back to bed. “Would you stay with me?” Asked Meredith, looking up at the figure hovering worriedly at the end of the bed. “Of course.” She left her robe on a chair and laid down on the empty side of the bed, careful not to get too close. It didn’t take long for the sound of soft snores to lull her to sleep as she hoped the next day would be an easier one
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The next several days blurred together, each day similar to the last even with different friends popping in and out. Addison started off in her own bedroom only to be woken up at some point by the sound of Meredith being sick in the bathroom, cleaning her up a bit and then tucking them both into Meredith’s bed. They would start out facing away from each other and yet every morning Addison would wake to find the other woman wrapped around her. Then, after a little wiggling and rearranging Addison would quietly head down stairs and brew a pot of coffee. Once the smell of coffee woke Meredith and she made her way down, they would sit together at the table and talk about nothing. There was a silent understanding that they didn’t need to talk about the fact that Addison had purchased decaf coffee when she had gone to get groceries on her third day in town. Nor the fact that they had spent several hours cuddled together in bed. It was just quietly accepted, and if anyone was to ask about it Addison would deny that anything had changed. By the time Carolyn and Derek’s sisters all arrived back at the house mid morning they were both nearly picture perfect and if it was a good day Addison would have managed to convince Meredith to eat something more than plain toast. Then they would try and make headway into planning the funeral. Thankfully Carolyn seemed to regard their post-it note marriage as much as a legally binding one and was for the most part willing to defer to Meredith, who when unsure looked to Addison for answers. It was an unfamiliar balancing act for them all, Meredith practically a stranger to the Shepard’s being held together by the woman they all knew as his cheating ex wife. Tense didn’t even begin to describe the atmosphere most of the time, even with Amelia attempting to bridge the gap. Then after a somehow even more tense lunch, normally dropped off by someone from the hospital, they would go upstairs and continue going through Derek’s things. At first Carolyn had been hesitant, having been unable to touch any of her husband's things after his unexpected death, but at Meredith's insistence they had made good headway. A few of Derek’s favorite ties had been set aside for Mark, but for the most part they decided that he would want his clothes donated to local shelters. By midweek the only thing left to do was go through his things at the hospital.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` The night before the funeral the ringing of a cell phone disturbed Addison’s slumber. Fumbling, she rushed to answer it before the ringing could wake meredith. without bothering to check the caller ID she whispered, “Dr. Montgomery,” as she reached over to brush her thumb over the sleeping woman's furrowed brow, shoulders slumping with relief when her features relaxed and she burrowed deeper into the covers. “Addison, thank god. Look I know that you don’t work here but I’ve got a MVC patient that’s 24 weeks pregnant and the uterus is compromised.” Her fingers automatically came to pinch the bridge of her nose as she recognised the voice of Karev coming from the speaker. “So, call the OB on call Karev,” she hissed out, frustrated but trying to keep her voice quiet. “The OB on call can’t do what you can do and our on-call Neonatal Surgeon is dead so I’m running out of options,” she heard him sigh. “The mother, she’s 16 and terrified. Robbin’s is in surgery with her little sister, her Dad is dead, and her mother is having her chest cracked open right now. She needs the best.” “Fine, give me half an hour,” she said, going in search of her bags that held her stethoscope, fuzy lined crocs and everything else she would need. “Tell Bailey I need full privileges, and if either of them tanks before I can get there, you find the closest OB and get that baby out. I'll do what I can when I get there.” “Got it. Thanks Addison.” The line went dead with a click and after a few minutes Addison had a bag thrown together and had changed into sweats. She debated for a moment whether or not to wake Meredith before realizing she would need to borrow the other woman’s car. Making her way back to Meredith’s room, she took a seat on the edge of the bed, gently shaking her shoulder till she woke, eyes bleary and filled with confusion. “Addie?” she mumbled, shifting to look the other woman in the face in the dark room. “Hey, sorry. Karev called, they need me at the hospital. I wasn’t going to wake you but I need to borrow your car.” By the time she finished speaking, Meredith was wide awake. “Oh. The keys are on the hook by the door, third one from the right, I’ll drive you if you want.” “You don’t need to do that.” “No, you shouldn’t be driving there alone this time of night. Do you even know how to get there from here?” “Not really, I figured I would use the GPS on my phone.” “Give me a second to put on something, I’m driving you,” said Meredith in a tone Addison knew from the last few days meant she had made her mind up. Rather than arguing she just moved aside, telling the other woman she would wait for her down stairs. The drive to the hospital was quiet and as they made their way through the tight winding roads that lead to the hospital Addison was grateful the other woman had insisted on driving her. She was sure she would have managed to find her way but it would have taken her much longer and she wasn’t a huge fan of driving with a gps. When the hospital came into view she heard Meredith take a deep breath. As Meredith pulled into a parking spot Addison wasn’t really sure what to say. She knew the other woman hadn’t been back to the hospital she had called home much of her life since that day. She debated for a moment before she asked, “Last I heard you were good, I could use an extra set of hands for the mother. Do you want to scrub in?” Whatever Meredith thought she was going to ask, it wasn't that. She hesitated for a moment before nodding, reassured in her decision by the bright smile Addison shot her. As they walked through the doors together, Bailey was there with a badge for Addison and a chart. Rushing up stairs they both headed into the residents locker room. Addison knew she should be in the attending’s locker room but the idea of leaving Meredith alone in the hospital stopped her, even if it meant she only had access to pink or light blue scrubs. Deciding pink would have to do, she shrugged on a set and tried to ignore the smirk Meredith shot her. Walking through the corridor on the way to the ER everything felt surreal to both of them. Both of them half expected him around every corner with his hair the way he always had it, with his McDreamy smile. The chaos of the ER jolted them both out of their thoughts as they headed to the trauma bay. Everything was a blur as they shifted into work mode. Addison’s assessment was quick and thorough as she peppered both residents with questions. Within a few minutes, she had decided on her plan to handle the injuries and had sent Karev off with the patient to get the imaging she needed while Meredith went to ensure the OR was prepped the way Addison liked it. Turning down the temperature to 68 degrees and making sure there was a separate tray set up for an emergency C section. It was almost automatic even though it had been nearly four years since she had last been in the OR with the other woman. She waited at the nurses station across from the OR board for Alex and Addison, mentally running through everything she remembered about neonatal surgery. It had been a long time since she had scrubbed in on a surgery with such young patients. Normally 16 year olds were still handled by peds, especially pregnant 16 year olds. Alex arrived first, wheeling in the patient and leaving her to be sedated. Addison arrived a few minutes later, hair tucked into her green and blue scrub cap. “You brought your scrub cap for a funeral?” Asked Meredith when she caught sight of the other woman. “Never travel without it,” said Addison, walking into the scrub room, Meredith trailing behind her. They were quiet as they went through the motions, stepping through the doors into the OR. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith was working carefully on the spleen lac when the field went red. Cursing under her breath she called for suction and lap pads. After a few moments the patient's BP plummeted and Addison paused looking over. “Shit, shit, shit. Where is all this bleeding coming from?” Asked Meredith, more to herself than the other surgeon in the room. She looked around the cavity again. Addison could see the search becoming more frantic, silently counting down how long till she would have to divert to a C section. “Meredith,” she said, interrupting the other surgeons mumbling. “Stop. Eyes on me,” her voice was curt drawing Meredith's attention to her. “Focus on the problem, lack of visibility in the field, spleen lac from the abdominal trauma, cross clamped splenic artery, something is causing a hemorrhage, where is it?" “Right. Right,” said Meredith closing her eyes for a second, letting out the breath she had been holding as she found the solution. “Clamp.” Within seconds she had the hepatic artery cross clamped and after a very quiet moment the BP started rising and the heart rate fell back to normal. After that they worked fast, the clock ticking on how long it was safe to keep the patient under anesthesia without delivering the baby. Meredith felt like she had never operated faster, removing the spleen in an effort to give her enough time to repair the unseen liver lac. With fifteen minutes to spare and just closing left they let the anesthetist know they would be done soon. Looking across the table Meredith asked, “Meet in the middle?” “If you think you can keep up,” replied Addison, and Meredith could hear the teasing smirk in her tone. They worked quickly and nearly in sync as they sutured each layer of the abdomen. Addison finished a few seconds before Meredith, her sutures just a hair neater than the residents. They scrubbed out together, each going over their post op orders to make sure they wouldn’t contradict. As they finished and Meredith moved to leave the scrub room, Addison grabbed her hand and spun her around. “Excellent work Dr. Grey.” “Same to you Dr. Montgomery,” she paused for a moment. “Thank you, for in there.” “Hey, you had it. You are an excellent surgeon and you saved that mother. All I did was remind you to breathe, even attendings need a reminder sometimes,” reassured Addison. It had amazed her to see how much Meredith had grown as a surgeon since they last worked together. She had known then that Meredith was talented, but watching her bounce back told here Meredith was going to be great. “How about we go get some coffee?” Asked Addison, not really looking forward to decaf after being woken up at four in the morning after an already interrupted night of sleep. The idea of drinking fully caffeinated coffee in front of the other woman rubbed her the wrong way though, so she had resigned herself to limited caffeine until she was back in LA away from the other woman. Together they made their way down to the coffee cart, where Meredith surprised her by ordering two hot chocolates. At Addison’s puzzled expression she said, “I’m not really sure how it works but a lot of people, important people died here the other day, so Juju.” “You remembered?” “It was a pretty memorable night.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They were in the cafeteria eating breakfast when Christina and Callie spotted them. “What’s with the pink scrubs Addie? Forget how to do surgery down in LA?” Asked Callie as she took a seat opposite her best friend. “Ha ha, I’ll make sure the next time Karev calls me in, in the middle of the night, to fix a kid and her baby to let him know I need navy scrubs to do it,” quipped Addison, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She speared a piece of fruit a little more aggressively than necessary, not really in the mood for Callie’s teasing. “Don’t mind her, Karev woke us up at four AM and she hasn’t had any caffeine,” said Meredith picking at the bagel in front of her. “Both of you?” “Loud phone, thin walls, and not enough to do,” said Meredith, intensely aware of the fishbowl they were sitting in and the looks her and Addison had been getting since they walked in. “Did you at least scrub in?” Asked Cristina, ever focused on surgery. “She did, saved the mother too. Speaking of, I bet she’s awake. What do you say, Grey, feel like meeting Samantha?” Clearly trying to give herself an out Addison hoped the other woman would join her. “I’d love to.” With that they both stood, taking their trays of half eaten food with them. Callie and Cristina looked at each other puzzled as their best friends walked away together for a second before racing to catch up with them. “Now wait a minute, when did you and Satan become friends?” “I prefer ruler of all that is evil.” Interjected Addison amused by the reappearance of the old nickname. “We aren’t friends, we are two people dealing with the fact that our mutual ex was murdered on the bridge over there.” They all came to a stop in front of the elevator doors and she pressed the call button. “Exactly,” agreed Addison as they stepped into the elevator. “So, this is you two not being friends?” Asked Callie, gesturing between the two women standing close together. Christina rolled her eyes and before they had a chance to say anything else the elevator dinged and they left. "They're friends right?" "I don't know what they are, but I don't think it's not friends," said Christina.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Good morning, Samantha. How are you feeling?” “Is, is my baby okay? Where’s my sister? And my parents?” “Your sister and mother are both out of surgery and doing well, we’ll make sure you get to see them as soon as possible. As for your baby, your uterus was injured and we had to operate but they are still safely inside you. We have started you on steroids and a magnesium drip just in case things change to help mature their lungs and nervous system. You gave us a bit of a scare earlier but Dr. Grey did an excellent job repairing some injuries to your liver. Unfortunately we did have to remove your spleen which will complicate things but it’s nothing we can’t handle.” Addison was relieved as she watched her BP and heart rate fall, and the baby’s heart rate rise. “My baby’s okay?” Meredith stepped forward taking Samantha’s hand and reassuring her, “Your baby is in the best possible hands. Dr. Montgomery is the best neonatal surgeon on the entire West coast and she is going to do everything she can to make sure they are born as healthy as they can be, Samantha. Now the most important thing you can do is try and relax so that your body can put all of its energy into getting you better and helping your baby grow big and strong. Okay?” “Okay. Thank you, both of you.” “You don’t need to thank us,” said Meredith and Addison in synch. “Jinx, you owe me a coke,” said Addison smirking. They spent a few more minutes with Samantha, explaining what had happened to her and what the next few weeks would look like for her. Leaving her to rest after a large yawn, they meandered over to the nurses station so that they could chart. “So, what are we going to do with the rest of the day?” “Bailey wants to talk to me later plus I want to make sure I’m here in case there are complications with Samantha so it looks like I am stuck at the hospital.” Addison sighed, shut the chart and stuck it back in the rack. “I should clean out Derek’s cubby, all his stuff is still in there.” “Do you want company?” “Sure.” Meredith tried to hide her yawn. “I don’t know about you but I could use a nap first,” said Addison, hoping that suggesting that it was for herself would encourage Meredith to get the sleep she clearly needed. “I’m not against it.” “C’mon then, let’s go try and find an on-call room.” Turning to the charge nurse she said, “I don’t have a pager at the moment, so if you need me page Dr. Grey.” It only took them a few minutes to locate a thankfully empty on-call room. They started off in separate beds, that is until Addison heard whimpering interrupt the soft snores from the bed across from her. Too tired to do anything else Addie moved across the room and laid down next to Meredith. It only took a couple of seconds for Meredith to shift, automatically seeking out the warmth beside her. There were a few more soft cries before she completely relaxed into Addison and they both managed to get some sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Dr. Montgomery?” Came a voice from the doorway. “Hmm?” “Dr. Montgomery? I could use a consult.” “I don’t work here,” she said, pulling Meredith close. “I have a 30 week preemie with necrotizing enterocolitis that needs a revision on a surgery done 12 hours ago.” “Still don’t work here. Go away.” “Callie?” “Addison get up! You are a surgeon, you love to cut, and you are the best neonatal surgeon on the west coast.” Callie turned her head to the blond beside her and said, “You’re still amazing.” “Not you too,” groaned Addison. “Get up Addison. My very hot girlfriend wants your help and you’re my best friend so, sorry, you’re getting up and putting on surgeon scrubs. Oh, and tell Grey, Bailey wants to see her in the chief’s office at 3,” Callie threw a pair of scrubs at her face. “Ugh, fine.” Meredith let out a chuckle at that. “How long have you been up?” “Long enough to hear you tell Arizona you didn’t work here. Go, save a baby.” Meredith nudged her shoulder. “I’ll meet you in the NICU in 15 minutes. Now out. Both of you.” Addison glared at Callie before climbing out of bed and shutting the door and the blinds. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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“I know Charlotte, I didn’t think that this was something I would even consider but things are more complicated than I thought.” Addison paced back and forth in an on-call room on the surgical floor. “Take all the time you need Montgomery, but I gotta ask why you’re entertaining this at all.” “She’s pregnant, not that she’ll actually say that, and its his but he’s dead and her parents are dead and it’s… complicated,” she said resting her forehead on the wall. “Well, I’ll say.” “I’ll let you know when I know.” Addison took a deep breath before changing the subject. “Do you- Has Naomi mentioned coming to the funeral?” “Sam just left to get on the flight they’re taking up there.” “Ok good. Would you, could you tell everyone I’ll be back for the morning meeting on monday?” “‘Course, but are you sure you’re ready to come back to work? I mean, I know you’re in a fancy hotel in a different city but it's not exactly a vacation.” “I’m not actually,” the words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself. “You're not what? In seattle?” asked Charlotte, almost sarcastic in her confusion. “In a hotel. I’m staying with her.” There was a heavy silence before she said, “And here I thought LA was full of trouble.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “How’s your patient Dr. Montgomery?” Asked Meredith as Addison came into view. “Stable as he can be considering everything he’s been through already. We had to resect almost all of the large bowel, so he’s not ever going to have a normal life, but I think he’s got a good shot.” “You did what you could.” Taking a deep breath, she pushed away the melancholic thoughts about the little boys future and all the things that could still go wrong, turning to Meredith with an uneasy grin. “Well, that makes three patients, looks like you might not be getting rid of me for a while, Dr. Grey,” teased Addison. “And here I thought you hated Seattle.” “Would it be the worst thing if I didn’t?” She asked, raising one perfectly arched eyebrow. “I don’t think so.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith paused in the doorway to the attending’s locker room, not quite sure how to step over the threshold. His cubby was over in the corner and she could see his spare shirts and his surgery shoes. At the top she could see just a flash of his ferry boat scrub cap. “Mer?” Addison rested her hand on Meredith’s shoulder, standing close behind her. “I can’t imagine this hospital without him.” “Neither can I.” She paused for a moment, before she continued, “We did our internship and our surgical residencies here. I don’t think he would have ever left, but my fellowship was in New York, so we went there. I can tell you the OR he did his first appy in, the first room he lost a patient in, where I delivered my first baby and he waited outside to congratulate me.” Meredith reached up to take Addison’s hand, resting their hands on her shoulder. Trying to focus on something other than the pit in her stomach and the tears that pricked the corner of her eyes she asked, “Which room was it? Where you delivered that baby.” “2034. L&D used to be on two, and she was a beautiful little girl. They named her Annika, she was 35 weeks, 5lbs 3oz, and she was perfect.” Addison took a shaky breath, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. “She was the first baby I lost. A few hours after she was born she turned blue, RDS. My attending did everything she could think of, and now there are so many more things I can do that might have saved her, but she died in her mothers arms.” “How did you deal with it?” “He brought me hot chocolate, I cried in a supply closet, and then I delivered another baby. He was named James, and he went home a few days later, healthy.” “Do you remember all your patients' names?” “No, but I remember the ones that changed me the most.” Meredith turned back around and stepped through the door. They traded stories of him as they packed all of his things into a box. Happy stories, stories about the good times before everything got so complicated, and when Meredith laid that ferry boat scrub cap in the box and closed the lid it felt like maybe everything would be alright. Until she didn’t and the terror of raising a baby without him washed over her. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this. He was going to be a dad, a really good dad, and I can’t be a mother. I would be a terrible mother.” It all came out in a rush and Meredith felt like she couldn’t breathe, panic rising in her throat. Addison was taken back by the sudden acknowledgement of the elephant in the room and the hyperventilating woman in front of her. Leaning over she turned Meredith to face her. “Hey, eyes on me,” she said, waiting until she saw blue eyes looking back at her. “Having a baby is terrifying, and it’s even more terrifying to think about doing it alone.” She could feel Meredith relax a fraction. “But you aren’t alone. You have so many people who will be there for you, more people than you even know.” Meredith looked down, picking at her scrub pants. “I can’t do this Addison.” “You can,” she nudged Meredith’s chin up so she could catch her gaze again. “You can do this. You know how I know you can do this?” “Hmm?” “Because you are Meredith Grey, and you can do anything you put your mind to. He talked about you the last time we saw each other, about how you would be an amazing mother. Bailey tells me all the time how amazing you are going to be but don’t tell her I told you that. And Richard, Richard is so proud of you. You have a family here, Meredith, in this hospital. A family that will do anything for you, and if you choose to have this baby they will do anything for them too,” said Addison, a small smile on her lips. They stayed leaned in close together, the box sitting at their feet, until they heard someone walk in. Separating slightly, Addison looked behind her to see who had come in. “Just me,” assured Callie. “How did your hip reduction go?” “Piece of cake. How’s your preemie?” “Stable, I’m going to check on him and Samantha once we are done here.” “We are, we’re done here,” interjected Meredith, turning around to face the room instead of the empty cubby. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once they handed off the box to Little Grey and Mark as they headed out the door on their way to meet with the Shepard family, they separated. Addison headed for the pediatric ward and Meredith went to the Chief’s office for her meeting with Bailey. She was on edge as she sat outside that office, not really sure she could handle the view it provided of the walkway Derek had died on. “Good someone told you to be here, come on.” Bailey waved her hand as she opened the door to her office. “I heard you scrubbed in with Montgomery this morning.” “Yes?” “I heard there were complications.” Miranda fixed her with that glare, the one that usually meant the person receiving it had fucked up. Majorly. Steeling herself, Meredith replied, “There were, I handled them.” “I heard that too,” said Miranda with a smirk, a hint of pride in her voice. “The reason I asked you to be here was I spoke to Richard and I wanted to let you know about some things that might happen. I’m offering Montgomery her job back and I will be speaking to Derek’s sister Amelia about taking his position.” “You’re going to offer Addison and Amelia jobs?” “Yes, we lost two of our best specialists in the hospital. Richard has asked me to aproach them while the board trys to figure out how to move forward. ” “Well,” she forced a smile, not entirely sure how she felt about Amelia staying, having a new Dr. Shepherd. “Then, that’s great.” “Alright then, good. Are you still planning on coming back Monday?” Meredith heard the concern in her voice. “Technically I think I’m already halfway back, I did surgery this morning. Remember? Saved a girl from uncontrolled hemorrhage and everything,” replied Meredith, full of sarcasm.” “Grey, I mean it. I have a hospital to run, doctors to hire, and surgeries to do. I don’t have time for you to give quippy answers.” “I’ll be here for rounds Monday morning.” “Good. Now, get out.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Addison was on her way to Samantha’s room when Arizona rolled up beside her. “I didn’t think Callie was serious about those,” she said with a gesture to the Heelys. “They’re fun, and I like to have fun when I can.” Arizona shot her a bright smile as she turned around and skated backwards a few feet in front of the other woman. “I can see that. Baby Brady seems to be doing alright, I ordered a repeat CBC and chem 7 and the nurses said his parents are due to arrive in the next hour or so.” “Good, are you on your way to see Samantha?” “I am.” “Would you mind some company?” “Not at all Dr. Robbins.” Stopping at the nurses station she pulled Samantha’s chart, double checking all the second round of post op labs. Satisfied with the values, she glanced over at the peppy blonde beside her and headed for her room. “How are you doing Samantha?” “I want to see my family.” Arizona stepped out from the doorway, “Hi, Samantha, I’m Dr. Robbins, I’m your sister’s doctor. Georgia was injured in the crash and right now she is in our PICU. She’s sedated right now, but when Dr. Montgomery decides that it’s safe for you and your baby we can take you to see her.” “Can I go? Please, I want to see her, she’s my baby sister and she’s all alone.” Addison reached over to take Samantha’s hand. “I’m sorry Samantha, but not just yet. Your body has gone through a major trauma, and I would like for you to be 24 hours post op before we do that.” “But,” interjected Arizona, “that’s a good thing. So long as nothing unexpected happens, I’m hopeful that tomorrow morning we’ll be able to remove her breathing tube and ease her off the sedation.” “That's good right?” Asked Samantha, looking to Addison for answers. Addison smiled down at her. “It’s a very good thing. It means she’s getting stronger and with some luck, by the time you are ready to go and visit her, she’ll be awake and ready to see you.” “Okay, okay I’ll wait.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “We should get out of here,” said Addison, coming to stand beside Meredith, looking into the nursery. “How did you find me?” Asked Meredith. Addison smiled, waving at a baby near the front, “This is where I come when I need to be reminded why we do this. I thought you might too.” They stood there silent for a few minutes, Addison waving to different babies when Meredith said, “You’re right, we should go.” “Okay let's go.” Reaching out she put an arm around Meredith.~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Addison and Meredith made it back to the hospital by mid morning. It was weird walking through the hospital to see her patient in street clothes for Meredith. Addison had pulled out fitted trousers and a button down for her to wear before putting on an immaculately tailored dress and her ridiculous heels. Addison knocked gently on the door to Samantha’s door, grabbing the chart from beside the door. Swinging the door open she put on a bright smile, “Good morning, Samantha.” “Dr. Montgomery. Can I go see my sister?” “Hopefully, but I need to check a few things first.” She looked back at Meredith who was pushing in an ultrasound machine. Settling on a rolling stool, she scooted over to the bedside. “Now, I need to do an ultrasound and check your sutures. Is it alright if I lift this up?” She asked, plucking at the hospital gown. “Um, ya, sure. Not like you haven’t seen it all already,” said Samantha gingerly moving the gown and blankets aside to expose the dressing covered bump. Addison chuckled at that, pulling on a pair of gloves before lifting up the dressings. She checked over the sutures with a glance, happy with the state of them. “This is going to be a little chilly,” said Addison, giving the gel bottle a shake before giving it a squeeze. Samantha let out a small hiss when the gel hit her skin, and Addison gave her a sympathetic smile. She looked over at the monitor as Addison moved the transducer across her belly, careful of the wounds. The soft whooshing of the tiny heart moving impossibly fast filled the room and Samantha lit up. “Do you know the sex?” Samantha shook her head. “Would you like to?” “Yes.” “Well then Samantha, it looks to me like you are having a little boy and you look strong enough to go visit Georgia.” Swiping away the gel with a towel she redressed the wounds, Meredith passing her supplies before she could even think to ask for them. They were an efficient team and soon Samantha was back fully dressed and tucked under the blankets. “As soon as I update your chart and talk to Dr. Robbins, we’ll send over some nurses to help you get to her.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Their next stop was the NICU so Addison could check on Baby Brady. Meredith gowned up with her, shrugging on the pink disposable gown and tucking her hair into a scrub cap. She didn’t often go into the glass room where first Addison and now Arizona pulled off miracles. It was one of the few places in the hospital that was as hopeful as it was tragic. Watching Addison was like nothing else, she had seen those hands do things that many surgeons couldn’t manage on adult patients let alone the tiny bodies she managed them on. The expression on her face was soft as she checked Brady’s chart over before adjusting a few things. Turning to Meredith she asked, “Would you like to meet him?” Looking into the incubator she moved to the side Addison was standing on. The other woman stepped just behind her, opening the hole near his head. Addison took her hand and brought them together into the incubator. “He’s delicate but human interaction is good for him. Visiting hours start soon so we won’t get him too excited.” Guiding Meredith’s hand, she brought them to his arm, one of the few places on him that didn’t have tubes or wires. “Just run your finger over his arm and talk to him,” she whispered. “Hi Brady, I’m Meredith, it’s nice to meet you.” Addison couldn’t help the smile on her face as she listened. “I know you had some problems earlier but Dr. Addison is awesome. She’s going to help you get better.” They stayed that way for a few minutes, Meredith babbling on, until a nurse came to check on him. Pulling away made Meredith’s heart clench at the thought of leaving him alone until his family could join them. As they pulled off their PPE Meredith asked, “Do you think he’ll live?” “I think so. 95% of preemies born at or after 32 weeks live, the complications of his first surgery do make me concerned but I’m very good at what I do and the revision was clean.” “Good.” “How do you feel about a coffee before we get ready?” “I’d like that.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Funerals. Meredith hated funerals. She had been to too many of them. Her mother, George, her father, and now Derek. Sitting in a church pew with Addison on one side and Amelia on the other and Christina right behind her she was more sure than ever that she hated funerals. “I never thought I would be doing this,” said Mark as he came to stand at the front of the church. They had decided that he would be the best person for it, even after all of it. “Derek was a lot of things. He was a brilliant surgeon who dedicated his life to helping people, a brother, a son, and a husband.” “He was my best friend, my chosen brother. So, I want to use this time to tell a story about the kind of person he was.” Meredith heard a smattering of chuckles when they all realized the story that was coming. Derek had told her it once upon a time, about how one Christmas when they were in medical school Mark had done a stupid thing with a girl and Derek had come into the rescue. It was a good story, funny, highlighted how smart he was, and didn't mention Addison. Mark had for once in his life been an adult about something other than patient care. The wake was tasteful, not opulent, probably not much like what Derek would have picked out for himself. Liquor flowed freely and Addison decided it was time to see Naomi and Sam. She left Meredith safely with Amelia, and headed in their direction. “How are you holding up?” asked Sam in lieu of greeting. “I’m alright.” “Addison,” said Naomi, the contempt clear in her voice. “Really, I’m alright.” “Charlotte called Addie. She said you were thinking about moving back to Seattle. Does that sound alright to you?” “I moved to LA for all the right reasons, Nai,” said Addison. “But being back here has put some things in perspective.” “We’re just worried about you Addison,” interjected Sam. “I know, I know.” Addison took a deep breath and centered herself before continuing. “I’m not saying I’m going to stay here for sure, and I will be going back to LA for a few weeks, but I can’t say for sure right now that I’m going to stay there. I’m sorry.” “But why Addison? It just doesnt make sense,” said Naomi. “Meredith has been through so much already and I won’t be another person in her life that hurts her. So, if she wants me to, then I will stay, and if she tells me that she doesn’t want me around, that it’s too hard, then I’ll go back to LA.”’ “We just don’t want you to make rash decisions,” said Sam. “Exactly,” said Naomi. “Sam, Nai,” reaching over she took their hands. “I appreciate it but honestly I’ve been considering leaving the practice since Violet was attacked. That day was terrible, but when I finished I knew that I should be doing what I’m best at and that is being in a hospital operating. With the custody battle and everything else thats happened in the last few months now seems as good a time as any.” She was deliberate in her next words. “This isn’t a rash decision, this is me moving forward. Now, there is endless free booze courtesy of Bizzy and the Captain, go enjoy it before you have bigger problems than my life choices.” She gave their hands a squeeze before letting them go. “I need to get back to Meredith.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Addison walking towards her. Amelia was great, had stayed by her side gently steering the crowds away after they offered her condolences, but Addison was more. Amelia shuffled a little to the side when she saw the red head making her way through the crowd, two martini glasses in hand. Addison passed over a glass to Meredith, leaning over to murmur, “It’s just water,” before stepping around and wrapping an arm around Meredith’s shoulders. The blonde slumped into her, relaxing into Addison’s slightly larger frame as she took a sip of cold water. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome, I don’t think I could make it through this without a couple of drinks.” “How were they?” Asked Amelia. “They’re alright, they’re flying back in the morning, can’t leave Maya for long when she’s 36 weeks pregnant.” “They’re going to be grandparents?” Asked Meredith confused. As far as she knew they had all gone to med school together without children. “It was unplanned,” demurred Addison, not wanting to air her friend's dirty laundry at the wake for their friend and her ex-husband. She shot Amelia a look that said keep your mouth shut when Amelia looked like she was going to answer. “I’ll tell you about it later.” “Okay.” They were interrupted by another couple of guests offering their condolences to Meredith, not quite sure how to address Addison, before moving on to his family leaving them standing together in the crowd.~~~~~~~~~~~~ As the evening wore on Addison could tell Meredith was starting to wane. Settling her in a chair at the fringes of the room, she made her way over to Carolyn. “Carolyn?” “Yes?” Somehow still terse with her after spending a week working together. “I think it’s time I take Meredith home,” said Addison, trying her best to be polite. “Why are you doing this, Addison?” “Because he would want to know she was taken care of.” “He wouldn’t want you anywhere near her,” she bit out. “Carolyn, Derek and I made our peace a long time ago. I know that what I did to him was terrible, but with time and distance we were able to remember what we loved about each other, and I know that if things were opposite, if I was the one being buried today, he would be doing the same thing,” she said, eyes misting over. Taking a deep breath she squashed them back down, Bizzy’s never ending reprimands coming to the forefront of her mind. “She doesn’t have a family, and the people she considers family had to split shifts coming to this, so I am going to be that for her.” “We are her family, she is my daughter in law.” “You met her once before this!” said Addison in a hushed shout that spoke to her exasperation with this conversation. “And I’m sorry, but planning a funeral for him together and settling his affairs doesn’t count as getting to know her. You had a chance to be her family, and I don’t know if it was Derek or you but that opportunity is long gone. So, I am going to take her home and take care of her.” She didn’t wait for a response, instead turning on her heel and making a B-line for Meredith. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith was silent as Addison led her up the stairs of her house. She stayed that way as she watched the other woman shuffle through her dresser, pulling out soft well worn flannel pants and an even softer t-shirt. “I heard what you told Carolyn.” Meredith turned, moving her hair to the side. “Oh,” said Addison, not sure what to say. Reaching over she pulled down the zipper on the back of Meredith’s dress. “Yeah.” Everything was quiet for a moment as Addison turned away and Meredith shrugged off the dress. The sound of fabric rustling broke the still air and then there was a hand on Addison’s shoulder turning her around. “You were wrong. Derek, he wouldn’t have done what you are and I did have family with me all day.” “Of course you did. They made a schedule.” Addison wasn’t really sure why Meredith brought it up. From the moment they got to the church there had been at least one member of Meredith’s chosen family by her side. She had seen Bailey’s schedule. “No, Addison. I had you by my side all day. I know we weren’t that close before all of this but I want you to be part of my family.” Addison felt tears welling in her eyes, “I… I’d like that.” “Ya, well, don’t feel too flattered, so is Satan’s Spawn and the biggest manwhore in the universe,” teased Meredith, eliciting a watery chuckle.
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“You can have caffeine you know,” said Meredith as she sat down at the kitchen table to a cup of decaf she knew would be just the way she liked it. “What’s this?” She rolled the pill resting beside it between her fingers. “Vitamins.” “So, we’re talking about this?” “Did I say anything?” Asked Addison, focused on the eggs she was scrambling. “No, but you did switch my coffee to decaf, then I freaked out about it in the attending’s lounge, and now you’re giving me prenatal vitamins.” “Doesn’t mean you have to talk about it.” “What if I want to talk about it?” “Then we can talk about it, but I’m taking you to the hospital with me and running a couple of tests.” “I’m seven weeks. I found out that morning.” She didn’t need to say what day she meant because for all the messed up shit that had happened in Seattle Grace Mercy West there was now one ‘that’ day. Which really was a feat considering former ‘that’ days included Meredith putting her hand on a bomb and the interns cutting an LVAD wire. “Oh.” Addison wasn’t sure what to say. Plating up the eggs with fruit and toast she hoped the other woman would eat. “You never told me about Sam and Naomi being grandparents,” said Meredith, deftly changing the subject. “Ah, yes. Their daughter is 15 and pregnant.” She set down a plate in front of Meredith before taking a seat next to her. “And they left her alone?” “They left her with her husband and Dell.” “Their fifteen year old is pregnant and married?” “They’re catholic,” said Addison simply, like that made everything make sense.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Dr. Montgomery?” The pair turned around to see Alex. “Karev?” “Bailey sent me to find you, she said to tell you that she wants to see you at 12:30.” “You can tell Dr. Bailey that I will do my best to be there, provided no one else asks me to save another baby or mother,” said Addison, turning back to the charts on the counter. “Now, Dr. Grey, I believe we have some patients to check on and some labs to order.” “Of course Dr. Montgomery.” Meredith handed over an order for labs to the other woman. Glancing over at them she saw her write out ‘Jane Doe’ in perfect, neat script that no one would ever expect from a doctor. After everything was filled out they headed for an empty conference room, Addison grabbing a phlebotomy bucket on the way. After looking around to make sure no one was watching they slipped into it and made short work of closing the blinds. “Alright,” said Meredith, hopping up on the conference table, putting on her best game face. “Let's do this.” “Please tell me you aren’t afraid of needles,” said Addison, sensing the other woman’s nerves. “No, but I know you’re ordering an AFB, CBC, Rh factor, a beta hCG, the gamut for STDs, and a Chem 7. Which is a lot of tests and now I’m sitting here thinking about all the ways they could come back and everything that could be wrong so, if you could put a needle in my arm and take my blood so I can find out that would be great.” Meredith knew she was rambling, but the millions of things that could be wrong with her were racing through her mind and out of her mouth. She turned her arm out and fumbled trying to pull the henley she had on under her scrubs up. A perfectly manicured hand covered her own, gently guiding them to expose the pale skin of her arm. “Mer, you are perfectly healthy,” she said, tying a tourniquet around Meredith’s bicep. “Odds are this baby, your baby, is going to be perfectly healthy too. So, until I say otherwise, there is nothing to worry about. Okay?” She was efficient, pulling all the tubes she needed in a matter of moments and as she pressed a bit of gauze to Meredith’s arm she tried to catch those blue eyes. Their gazes locked and Meredith felt herself relax a fraction. Calmer now, she agreed, “Okay.” “Okay. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to freshen up before I meet with Bailey and you need to take those down to the lab.” Addison passed over the bag of carefully labeled tubes and the sheet of orders before she gave Meredith’s hand a squeeze.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith wasn’t sure why she wanted Addison to stay. She had no reason to want the other woman around except for the fact that the idea of Addison going back to LA and never seeing her again made her feel sick. So, as she sat outside the Chief of Surgery’s office she contemplated what exactly to say to make the other woman stay. The sound of expensive heels clicking down the hallway startled her out of her reverie and she found she didn’t have anything to say other than, “Stay.” “Meredith? What are you doing here? I thought you were going to drop off labs.” Addison wore a confused expression as she guided Meredith away from the middle of the walkway. “I need you to stay. Bailey is going to offer you your old job back and I know you have a life down in LA that’s bright and sunny and I know you weren’t happy in Seattle but I can’t do this alone, and I know Christina is here but she’s Christina,” said Meredith, the words coming out in a panicked rush in between the sobs that broke through before Addison pulled her close. Tucking her face into Addison’s shoulder she let go and found herself crying, gasping for breath. “Hey, hey, it’s alright,” whispered Addison, rubbing soothing circles on her back until she felt the other woman’s breathing deepen. Her decision made, she tried to reassure the woman resting on her now tear stained blouse. “I’ll stay, I’ll stay. I have to go back to LA for a couple of weeks and settle everything down there but I’ll come back. Okay?” “Okay. I don’t know what happened I just, I panicked when you said you were going to meet with Bailey, and now your blouse is wet,” mumbled Meredith into the crook of Addison’s neck, still holding onto the other woman desperately. Careful not to move too far away Addison shifted them until they were sitting on the bench Meredith had been occupying a few minutes before. “Don’t apologize, your body is full of crazy hormones and you just went through a traumatic experience. Next time you want to ask me to change my whole life though, I expect an expensive bottle of red wine and red velvet cupcake from the bakery around the corner.” Addison felt her own body relax as Meredith chuckled against her. “Now, as much as I don’t want to, I need to leave you here and go tell Bailey I’m back.” “You’re back.” Meredith clung to her even tighter. “Ten minutes Mer, I’ve got to go change my whole life and also get myself a raise.” “Okay. Go, she needs good news,” said Meredith pulling away, but not before Addison could swipe away the tear tracks on her face. A small smile made its way onto her lips as she looked at the redhead.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Callie and Christina ducked back around the corner. “That was weird right?” Asked Callie, leaning against the wall. “Definitely weird. Meredith just cried all over Satan outside of the Chief’s office.” Christina settled herself on a gurney. “So, what do we do?” “We leave it alone.”~~~~~~~~~~
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“Okay, so I’ll be back in a little over two weeks. Until then you need to make sure she takes one of these every day,” said Addison, passing over the bottle of prenatal vitamins. “She’s normally sick around 3 in the morning so someone needs to be here to help with that and make sure she eats something before work.” “I can get her to eat toast, eggs, and fruit most days but whatever you can manage will do. Now, when I get back she better be the picture of health that I am leaving her as, understood?” Three timid nods answered her from across the kitchen island. Christina, Callie and Robbins were all a little taken aback by the tone Addison had taken with them. “We are doctors you know.” Arizona said, trying to calm the clearly concerned woman. “Somehow, I don’t find that very reassuring.” “I know you’re worried Addison, but Arizona and I are going to stay in the spare room and Christina has hospital duty. We’ve got this,” reassured Callie. It was weird seeing Addison so freaked out, she was normally the calm one in the room, the voice of reason. Addison looked at her like she had grown a second head. “Of course I’m worried. It’s hard not to be when the last time I was here and someone important to her died she was dead on a gurney for 97 minutes. Now her husband is gone and…“ She couldn’t bring herself to finish. She didn’t have to. She could see it in Callie and Christina’s eyes, their own memories of that day, of Meredith blue and cold. “Addison’s right,” said Christina, piping up for the first time since Addison had started talking. “Thank you, Christina. Now, can we all just focus on making sure the next few weeks go… Not how things normally go at Seattle Grace.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meredith couldn’t help the sadness that settled into her as she watched Arizona and Callie made dinner. She wondered how different everything would be if she had told Derek that morning, if it would be them smiling like idiots while making dinner. Would it have brought them back together? Or forced them farther apart? She had been so sure that he was the one, until he wasn’t. He had been the one that wanted babies, the one that would have been overjoyed at the idea of them raising a family together. The what ifs threatened to drive her crazy while she sat at the kitchen island. “Whats going on in there Grey?” Asked Addison, sitting down beside her at the counter, breaking her out of her thoughts. “They are disgustingly happy.” “Hey,” protested Callie. “You kind of are,” agreed Addison. “Really Addison? You love love,” said Callie, pulling a sheet pan out of the oven. “She’s right,” said Christina, taking a seat on the other side of Meredith. “You normally like disgustingly happy people, Montgomery, it’s like your whole thing.” “Oh, come on, how is this about me?” Asked Addison, aghast. Callie shrugged, smirking at the red head as she started plating up dinner. “Fine. But you two are still unreasonably happy.” Digging into her dinner, Addison was at least certain Meredith would be well fed while she was away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With 3 extra people in the house, sleeping arrangements had become a little tight. Callie and Arizona were taking the bedroom Addison had been staying in, Meredith’s bed ended up fuller than normal. A light chirping woke Christina up, looking around the dark room confused, she saw a darkened figure shrugging on a robe. “What are you doing?” Whispered Christina. “Sorry, I normally go get her a glass of iced peppermint tea and some saltines for after she wakes up.” “She’s dead to the world.” The sound of Meredith’s snores filling the room driving home her point. “Give it ten minutes,” said Addison as she walked out of the bedroom. Christina decided to follow her, realizing she would probably be responsible for the nightly routine while Addison was away. The house was quiet as they made their way down stairs. She watched as Addison riffled through the cabinets for a clean glass, filling it with ice and then what she presumed to be the peppermint tea the woman had mentioned. “You do this every night?” Pulling out a ream of saltines Addison continued on with her routine, “Yes.” Just as Christina was about to ask about why the distant sound of retching drew their attention. Together they hurried back up the stairs towards the sound. Christina stayed back a ways, watching as Addison rushed into the bathroom. The expression on her face was tender as she scraped the blonde hair up and ran a comforting hand along her back. After the retching slowed she watched as Addison settled Meredith in her lap, holding her close. If she was someone else she would have thought it was cute. When Addison finally managed to get Meredith back into bed it was nearing 4am. Turning away from the two of them snuggled together at the sound of Meredith soft snores Christina spoke into the darkness. “You better get back soon, Montgomery.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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“You’re back!” said a chorus of voices as Addison walked into the kitchenette. “Hey!” Said Addison her voice trailing off and a slightly panicked expression on her face. “It’s good to see you all.” Violet was the first to pull her into a firm hug, before she was passed around the practice. She was glad to get to see all of her friends in LA again, but the knowledge that she was going to be leaving them all in the near future loomed over her joy. “So, how was Seattle?” Asked Charlotte. The question seemed innocuous enough to everyone else in the room, but to Addison and Charlotte the double speak of WASPs and southerners required no translation. It was one of the things she appreciated most about the blond, their ability to share entire conversations without anyone else being aware there was anything more happening, even if it was something they rarely used. “It was exactly how I remembered it,” said Addison pointedly avoiding the question she knew Charlotte was actually asking. “Now, I have patients to see, but maybe drinks after work so we can all catch up?” Gathering up her files Addison smiled at everyone’s nods before practically running to her office. Settling behind her desk she checked through all of her expectant mothers files. Being an OB made her schedule predictably unpredictable most of the time, though thankfully it had been quiet while she was away. Dell had been amazing about the whole thing, somehow managing to move all of her consultations and appointments forward a week without causing too many problems, aside from the fact she would have to practically live in her office for a few days. A knock at the door shook her from her reverie, smoothing out her skirt and she went to welcome what she thought was her first appointment. Opening the door she was greeted not by her first consult, but by Naomi who pushed her way inside her office and closed the door behind her. “Okay, what was that?” “What was what?” Asked Addison feigning ignorance. “Oh, no, don’t try that with me Addison. I’ve known you way too long not to notice you were hiding something back there. So, what is it?” asked Naiomi from the couch. Flopping onto the smaller sofa, Addison let out a sigh. “I made a decision.” Naomi was quiet for a moment, eyes searching Addison’s, before her face fell and she asked, “You’re not back are you?” There was a tense pause before she managed to say, “No.” “Addie,” said Naomi, almost pleading. “Nai,” soothed Addison, reaching over to take her hand. “It’s just Seattle…” Naomi tilted her head back, blinking away the tears she didn’t want to shed. “I know. I just wanted you to be happy here and I feel like such an ass.” “I know, but sometimes things work themselves out. Maybe we’re better friends a plane ride apart.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Hey Callie,” said Addison, surprised her friend was calling. “Montgomery?” “What's wrong?” Asked Addison her mood shifting immediately to concern at the sound of Christina’s voice. “Meredith is freaking out. She was on the code team and they coded a patient for an hour and now she won't listen.” “Put her on the phone.” “Addison?” Meredith’s voice was quiet, but she could hear an edge of panic. “Hey, Mer, do you want to tell me what’s got you worried?” “I’m gonna lose my baby.” “Why dont you tell me what’s going on?” Addison kept her voice steady, not sure what Meredith would say. “I’m cramping and spotting.” “Mer. You’re almost 8 weeks pregnant, this is perfectly normal,” reassured Addison. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” “But what if it’s not?” “Do you trust me?” There was silence from the other end for a moment before she heard a quiet, “Yes.” “Then I need you to listen to me. You are doing everything right, and right now you and your baby are just fine.” She heard a sigh of wheat she hoped was relief on the other end. “I wish you were here.” Meredith’s voice was quiet, almost pleading, and Addison wanted nothing more than to be there. “I will be, as soon as I’m done down here,”said Addison, realizing just how long this time away was going to be, “but until then you need to listen to Yang.” They talked for a little while longer before Addison heard Callie asking Meredith to give her her phone back. “Next time, just call me.” “I will.” In the quiet of the living room of her beach house Addison finally felt absolutely sure of her decision. As much as she had thought she was sure about the choice she was making, a small part of her had been anxious that when she was sitting in her house in LA she would be reluctant to leave it behind. Milo on her lap, purring contentedly, and glass of wine in hand that part of her was silent.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The sound of Lucas giggling broke her out of her reverie, announcing his father’s arrival. She poured a healthy measure of wine into her glass and watched as Milo scampered up the stairs. “Hello,” said Pete, balancing the carrier and diaper bag as he leaned over the couch to press a kiss her, landing on her cheek when she turned away. “Hey.” She stared into the bottom of her wine glass, trying to find the words for what she had to do next. Slightly confused by her subdued behavior he unbuckled the straps holding Lucas safely in his car seat, settling him in the play pen before taking a seat beside her. Reaching over he covered her free hand with his own. “Do you want to talk about it?” She was silent for a few minutes, watching as Lucas played with his favorite bunny toy and reveling in the little bubble that was this life. Putting down her wine glass she turned away from the smiling boy to face his father. “Pete, when we started this we both knew that this wasn’t forever-” “Addison-“ “No, let me finish. We both knew this wasn’t for forever. I love Sam, you love Violet. I want you to know that this,” she said gesturing to the space between them, “has been so special to me, but while I was in Seattle I made a decision. I want everything and I can’t have that in LA. Hell, I don’t know if I can have that anywhere, but I know I can’t have it with you or Sam. So, I’m moving, back to Seattle.” “What about the practice? What about Lucas? You didn’t even bother to ask me what I thought about any of it before just deciding not to be in my sons life anymore.” “Yes, and I know I should have called, I should have told you that this was something I was considering, but this is my life Pete. We both know that in a few months, a year from now Violet is going to be ready to be that little boys mom and your partner and I’m the one whose going to end up alone again. Thats okay with me, it really is, but that means it’s time for me to step back and let things be the way they should be.” Addison had a sad smile on her face as she said it, said what they both knew. “As for the practice, we’ll figure that out with the practice. You all voted for me, you all can vote for someone else.” “So, this is it?” “This is it.” There was an air of melancholy as they packed away Lucas’s things, not that Lucas noticed. And if Addison felt her heart break a little as she saw her house empty of all things baby, well that was always coming one way or another. As the trunk closed, Lucas on her hip ready to hand off to his father, she said, “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be,” he said, soaking in the sight of Addison holding his son in the moon light. “Would you…” she paused, “I want to tell everyone else together, but with Lucas and everything…” “Of course. Your secret is safe with me.” “Thanks.”
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Christina and Callie looked at the lump in the middle of Meredith’s mattress, not quite sure what to do. The night before had been long and sleepless, and in Christina’s opinion whoever decided to call nausea during pregnancy morning sickness was stupid. It had been hours of being sick in the middle of the night, woken up almost the whole house and kept them awake. “I almost called Addison,” admitted Callie, sounding defeated. “What was Malibu Barbie going to do? She’s in California,” was Christina’s terse reply. “I don’t know, it’s not like we were doing any good in the same room as her.” “Hey, hey, hey, we just got her to sleep, so hush,” interrupted Arizona, passing mugs of coffee to each of them. Glancing at the snoring pile of blankets she took Callie’s free hand and tugged. “C’mon, she needs her rest and we have to be at the hospital in a couple of hours.” Christina watched them duck into the room they were sharing before she settled herself on the bed next to Meredith. In moments like this, the world almost slowed down and it was hard to imagine how different everything was two weeks before. She was about to move in with Owen, Derek was alive, Meredith was broken up with him, and a mad man with a gun hadn’t terrorized the hospital. Time was a bitch, or at least that was her opinion.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “What time is it?” Came the muffled question from the bundle next to her. “You’re lucky we have today off.” “Christina,” groaned Meredith. “Half past 9.” “Shit, I was supposed to call Addison.” Meredith scrambled for her phone, glaring at Christina when she started laughing at her panic. Tossing over the phone that was resting on the bedside table beside her Christina said,“Don’t worry, she called, I told her to call back when she takes her lunch.” “Thanks,” said Meredith typing out a text message to Addison. “Sorry about last night.” “Why? You can’t control it, now the lil squirt in there, I can blame all day.” She poked just below Meredith’s bellybutton prompting a giggle. “Well, the little squirt is demanding food now that they’re done making me puke it all up.” Meredith rolled off the bed and held out a hand to Christina. “How do you feel about eggs and bacon?” “Sure.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The ringing of Meredith’s phone from the kitchen broke her attention away from the Whipple they were watching on the television in the living room. She practically jumped off the couch, rushing to grab it. “Hey,” said Meredith. “Hey, I heard it was a rough night.” “Being pregnant sucks.” “I know.” “How is California?” “Sunny,” came the clipped reply. “Oh, come on, they announced yesterday that everyone is being forced into therapy before we can do surgery again and I was up half the night puking. The least you can do is entertain me with LA gossip.” “Well, it took Nai all of a few minutes to figure out that I wasn’t staying and now she’s somehow speaking to me even less. Amelia keeps asking me what she should do about the job in Seattle. Charlotte and Cooper are on the outs again. I broke off my place holder of a relationship with Pete and I think it’s the best decision I’ve made in a long time. Oh, and I can’t tell anyone what I’m planning on doing because then the psychiatrists will try and psychoanalyze this whole situation and make it about your dead sort of ex-husband and my dead super ex-husband.” That prompted a morbid sort of chuckle from Meredith. “Hey! Don’t laugh at my plight.” “If I have to be subjected to the shrinks against my will, you don’t get to call having shrink friends a plight!” Teased Meredith, a bright smile on her face. “You have to tell them eventually.” “And I will. Now, the reason I wanted to talk to you this morning was it’s looking like I’m going to have to travel back and forth, split time for a little while between Seattle and LA.” Meredith heard the scraping of a chair on tile on the other end of the line. “What would that look like?” “I don’t know exactly but I have some surgeries scheduled down here and when we get closer to Maya’s due date I’ll probably need to spend a few days down here,” said Addison, and Meredith could hear the hesitation in her voice. “That makes sense,” said Meredith. “You don’t have to do this, you know that right? I know I had a whole breakdown on you in the hospital but you don’t have to do this if it isn’t what you want, because you don’t sound sure and you need to be sure.” “Meredith, I want to do this. I was already thinking about moving back into hospital practice, teaching, and don't tell Richard but he was right but, I belong in an OR. You just made my decision easier.” Meredith let out a sigh of relief. “It’s just that the hard part comes now, and you have enough stress in your life.” “I want you to be able to talk to me. This can’t be a one way street, you listening to me and taking care of me and then pretending that nothing is hard in your own life.” “Okay, I can do that, we can do that,” said Addison. “Friends?” “Friends.”
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Addison sat down at the conference room table bracing herself for what was to come. She had been back in LA for a week, Amelia had decided she was officially going to move to Seattle in three months, and it was time for her to tell the rest of the practice. “It is way too early on a Friday to be here,” said Cooper as he came through the glass doors. “Seriously, Addison, an hour before the practice opens?” Asked Violet, taking a seat next to Cooper. The rest of the practice filed in, sitting together around the table, glaring at Addison for interrupting their morning. “I have something I need to talk to you all about.” Addison took a deep breath before she announced, “I’m leaving the practice and moving to Seattle.” A cacophony erupted around the table, everyone asking questions. She let it go on for a few moments before she shouted, “Hey!” The room fell silent after a moment. “You’re leaving?” Was the question that broke the silence again. “Yes, I am leaving. Not all at once, I’ll be splitting time between here and Seattle until all of my scheduled surgeries are done and Maya’s baby is born.” “Why?” Asked Violet. Addison shook her head, realizing this would have been so much easier to do all at once. She launched into explaining what was going on, the changes she had been looking to make to her life. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but this is what I want.” “I’m sorry,” said Cooper, sounding incredulous. “You do realize this sounds crazy, right?” “I have to agree. I mean not the crazy part, but it does seem like you are moving your whole life because your ex-husband’s widow who is pregnant with his child asked you to,” Violet chimed in. Sam opened his mouth to speak and Addison interrupted, “Look! I understand this is a big change for you all, but you do not get to pass judgment on this. This decision is mine and mine alone, and if I want to be there for my friend and her unborn child that is my own choice.” “Congratulations,” said Sam. “Thank you, Sam,” said Addison standing up. “Now, if you all are done giving me opinions I didn’t ask for, I have patients to see.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Addison was exhausted. The day before had been filled with patients and an emergency surgery at the hospital that lasted well into the night. Then she had been paged to the ER at the ungodly hour of 5am for a pregnant patient with a massive triple A caused by a disease that set off about a million red flags. Which turned into a kidnapped girl impregnated by her abductor, and as icing on the whole fucked up cake she had almost bled out into her abdomen. My Watching her patient be reunited with her family through the window in the hospital room door all Addison wanted in that moment was to go to bed. Sam interrupted her thoughts with a question. “Do you think she’ll ever get over something like that?” “How could she? I mean right or wrong, she just lost the only person she loves,” said Addison. Days like today, these were the days she hated her job, because it showed her glimpses into all the evil in the world. Affirmed that there could not be a god so cruel, because babies died and little girls got kidnapped and a million other horrible things happened every day. She was about to say so when her phone rang. Checking the caller ID she answered, “Hey, Dell.” “It’s Maya, she’s in labor.” “What?” Asked Addison, her brain not quite keeping up with the words coming from the phone. “She wants you to deliver her baby in the hospital, I’m on my way to Saint Ambrose with her now.” “She wants me to deliver,” she parroted before asking, “How far apart are her contractions?” “Every six minutes.” “Okay, tell her we’ll meet her at the ER, and tell her that we love her. And drive safe, Dell.” She hung up the phone and it was like all the stress of the day was gone. She was going to deliver Maya’s baby! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Standing outside the ER waiting on Maya and Dell to arrive she decided to call Meredith before she was wrapped up in delivering a baby. “This is a surprise,” greeted Meredith and Addison could hear the smile in her voice. “Hey, I know I said I would call tomorrow morning to check on you, but I just got a call and Maya is in labor.” “That's fantastic!” “Ya, it is, and she wants me to deliver now, not Dell. So, I figured I would call and let you know that I probably won’t call in the morning because I’m going to be a zombie.” “Better toughen up Montgomery, private practice has made you soft.” “Excuse you! I am a double board certified physician, I did my time going days on end with just caffeine and adrenaline. I am plenty tough. Besides, I’ve done nothing but be at the hospital for the last twenty-four hours, and I'm staring down another twelve at least.” “Ya, ya, ya. Call me anyway, even if you’re a zombie and it’s three in the morning. I could use some good news.” “Fine. How was your day?” “Still not cleared for surgery so, me and Alex are stuck on scut. Stupid shrink thinks I’m not grieving Derek.” “Are you?” “I am, I just had a head start. I had already dealt with the end of our relationship, his death just cemented everything.” “Did you tell the stupid shrink that?” “No, of course not. She already thinks I’m doing this wrong. How would that help?” “Speaking as someone who has spent the last two and a half years dealing with not one but two shrinks analyzing my personal life, they tend to draw more useful conclusions when given all the facts. The faster you give her all the information so she can draw the right conclusions, the faster you get to cut again.” “Ugh. It’s infuriating you know? You, always being right.” “What can I say? I am just that good.” “Do you… do you miss him?” “Yes.” The whirring of a helicopter's blades drew Addison’s attention. Saint Ambrose was a great hospital but an unscheduled helicopter was a noteworthy occurrence. Turning she saw a team from the ER running out gowned up with a gurney. “What's going on?” “They’re airlifting people from the other car.” “Hey, what’s happening? Is that a helicopter?” Asked Meredith. “It is.” Addison watched with curiosity as they received what looked to be two patients, one ambulatory one on a backboard. “Wow, I wish I was there,” said Meredith wistfully. “I bet they would let me cut down there. You know the board didn’t even make this stupid rule until a more than week after the shooting?” “Uh-huh,” said Addison absently nodding her head as she watched the six backlit figures walk towards her. Then the one in front, the one closest to her stepped into the light and her heart dropped out of her chest. “Mer, I have to go.”
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It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Dell was supposed to be her second set of hands delivering Maya’s baby while Naomi held her hand and stupid Dink was supposed to be shoving a camera in all their faces while Sam paced outside with the rest of the practice. She was supposed to be helping one of the first babies she ever delivered have a baby of her own with the help of the first midwife she ever trained. Instead, everything had gone to hell in a handbasket and Amelia was walking towards her with an expression Addison knew all too well, that meant they had pulled off a miracle, putting Maya back together, delivering her baby safely, and they had still lost. The kind that meant a surgeon had lost the battle against death. “Who goes first?” “Me, I should go first.” Addison knew everyone in that waiting room deserved a moment of happiness, the taste of joy she had had when she walked out of the OR before she saw Amelia, unadulterated by the knowledge that not everything had gone their way. Amelia’s hand in hers felt like a rock, grounding and so heavy, as they walked to the OR waiting room. She was used to this, giving people the best news they could hear and the worst. That was the thing about being an OB, about doing what she did. She got to hand mothers their babies, got to bring new life into this world every day, but some days she had to tell people the worst thing they would ever hear, that their baby or wife or mother or any of a million other things was dead. They tried to teach students how in med school, tried to break it down into easily digested steps, but in real life, it was so different. The whole room lit up when she told them that Maya and her baby girl were both doing fine. The smiles on everyone's faces nearly brought one to her own as she took a seat, until silence spoke louder than any words could. To a room full of doctors who had all given the speech that wasn’t coming, nothing in the world could have been louder.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The sun was setting again by the time Addison made it back to her beach house. It had been a sleepless 36 hours and as much as she wanted to go up stairs and crash, she was still too wired from all the caffeine she had used to keep her awake for the drive home. Deciding instead to settle on her deck with a glass of wine and some cold pizza, she wondered not for the first time if she was crazy for wanting to go back to being a hospitalist full time. Looking out at the waves crashing on the shore, the oranges and pinks of the sky reflecting in the water she decided she was insane. Not that that really changed anything. She was just about to head back inside when her phone rang. “Montgomery.” “Addison?” She could hear the concern in Meredith’s voice. “Meredith?” “You promised you’d call.” “I promised I would call with good news,” said Addison. There was a long pause on the other end before Meredith hesitantly asked, “What happened?” “The helicopter, it was Maya and Dell. He- he was walking wounded. We were all focused on Maya and the baby, trying to play god, save the baby and save her spinal cord. He was fine, Dell was fine when I took her into the OR the second time. Amelia was in surgery with me, decompressing her spinal cord and fixating L1 and L2, and he was hemorrhaging into his brain because the other guy missed it.” “Addison…” “His daughter, Betsy, he was all she had left and we just let some idiot kill him.” “You did what you could, all of you. No one can be in two places at once.” She tried to take comfort in the words she knew to be true, but she couldn’t. “Ten doctors and every single one of us let him die.” Addison felt numb as she said it, every single one of them knew he was in the same car crash as Maya. They hadn’t even sewn up his scalp lac before he nearly died in the OR waiting room. “Addison, you had family on your table, all of you did. That changes everything and you know it.” “It doesn’t change what happened.” “Tell me about Maya and her baby, there has to be something good that came out of all this.” “She’s stable, when I left the hospital she could wiggle her toes and she had named her baby girl Olivia.” “Olivia, that’s a pretty name for a pretty girl.” “Ya, it is.” The line was quiet for a minute and Addison could hear the chaos of Meredith’s house in the background and a small smile made its way involuntarily onto her lips. “Who all is there?” “Everyone. Callie and Mark promised them a home cooked meal.” “Can I just listen for a while?” “Of course.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Meredith settled into the couch, grateful that at least it was comfortable if she was going to have to spend another hour in there. It was her fourth session with Dr. Howard, not that the first three had done anything other than make her feel like she was somehow doing this all wrong. “Hello, Dr. Grey.” “Dr. Howard,” said Meredith, hoping her contempt for the woman wasn’t obvious. “How have you been since we last spoke?” “Aside from the fact you are preventing me from doing my job? Fantastic. I spoke to my friend in LA again last night, she’s delivering her god-child’s first baby as we speak.” “That’s exciting.” “She thinks that if you had more information you might form a different opinion.” “That depends, what haven’t you told me?” “I left Derek a week before the shooting.” “How do you think that affects the situation?” “You kept focusing on after the shooting, how I felt about losing my husband like that, but that’s not what happened. I told my husband something because I needed my husband's help and he betrayed my confidence so he could be chief.” “So, when the shooting happened, you and Derek were separated?” Asked Dr. Howard, scribbling something down on the legal pad in her lap. “We were done. This wasn’t the first time he put himself, his career above me but it sure as hell was going to be the last.” “You’re friend is a smart woman.” “Somehow I don’t think she needs another person to tell her that.” “Why do you say that?” “Have you heard of Addison Montgomery?” Asked Meredith, not sure exactly what to say or where else to start. “No, should I have?” “Well, in my world she’s a bit of a legend,” explained Meredith. “She’s one of less than a dozen people who does what she does. She managed to do two residencies and two fellowships by the time she was thirty-five, does life changing surgeries on unborn babies, and she just so happens to be my dead sort of ex-husband’s ex wife.” “And she’s your friend?” Dr. Howard looked doubtful. “It’s a recent development,” she offered by way of explanation. The rest of the session passed by quickly enough, Howard pulling the details of their last fight from her bit by bit. It was difficult, deconstructing the final days of her relationship, remembering the silence and the distance. As the session wound into its final minutes Meredith saw Dr. Howard pull a sheet of paper from the desk beside her. “I think we have finally made some real progress, so, you are cleared for surgery. Provisionally.”****************** “She cleared you for surgery?” Asked Christina as Meredith stepped out of the office, a giddy smile on her lips clutching a piece of paper like it was a life line. “I can’t believe that worked,” said Meredith, still a little struck with disbelief. “Well, I don’t care what worked, we have to get that to the chief and you back into the OR.” Christina grabbed her free hand and practically dragged her along. From there it was all a whirlwind of paper work and excitement as Meredith finally made it back into surgery. It didn’t even matter that all she managed to scrub in on were appys and lap cholys.****************** It was a peaceful few minutes before Meredith heard soft sniffles over the crash of the ocean on the other end of the line. There was an ache in her chest as she listened, not sure what to say. Just as her life was finally getting back on some semblance of track, Addison’s had taken a sharp dive. “I wish I was there with you,” is what she settled on, deciding the news that she was back in surgery was best left to another day. “I wish you were too,” said Addison, her voice a little watery. “Is there anything we can do?” “No, no. Charlotte and Cooper are taking care of Betsey until her aunt from Washington can take custody of her.” “What about you?” asked Meredith. “Oh, I’ll be alright,” she managed between sniffles. “Are you sure?” “Mhm.” Meredith was sure she heard a wobble in her voice as Addison asked, “How is Samantha doing?” “I thought Alex was supposed to be keeping you up to date?” “He tells me everything that’s in the chart, not about how she’s doing.” “She’s good. Her sister is about ready to be discharged, one of the OBs is keeping a close eye on her, so is Robbins.” Meredith couldn’t help but smile as she said, “Her mother was moved to the floor two days ago. The smile on her face when she saw her daughter almost made not being in surgery worth it.” Meredith was still smiling when Callie’s head popped into the living room to announce, “Dinner’s ready, Grey.” “Sounds like it’s time for you to go.” “Yeah,” Meredith nodded at Callie. “Try and get some rest.”
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Addison sighed, the numbers on the page practically swimming in front of her eyes. She had spent all morning in her office calling patients, Dell’s patients. Closing her eyes she leaned back away from the table, rubbing at her temples, trying to stave off the inevitable head ache.With her eyes closed she could almost trick herself into believing it was just another day and that any moment the others would trickle in and break the peaceful silence. At least until the phone rang.And so the rhythm of the day began once again. Following an automated call they had sent out to their entire clientele announcing that the office was to be closed for the day, though Addison, Violet, Pete and Cooper would be available for emergencies, calls had poured in. For every client of Dell’s she managed to get in contact with, there were three calls asking about appointments and procedure delays. By noon she had drunk more coffee than she had since she was a fellow in New York, her head was pounding, and she had spent more time on the phone than she ever wanted to.She was just about to dial the next number on her list when knock pulled her attention to her door.“You look like shit,” greeted Amelia, leaned against the doorframe.“I thought you were going to be at the hospital all day.”“Ya, well, I was, but then I realized no one had seen or heard from you. So,” she shrugged, “I thought I would stop by.”“Someone had to deal with the practice, and until we figure out,” she paused, waving her hand around nebulously, “all of this, I’m the one responsible for it.”“Does that make taking a break or talking to your friends and family a crime?” Asked Amelia, slumping onto the sofa.“No, but-“Amelia cut her off, “But nothing. You could have asked for help, instead you’re here all alone trying to hold it together.”“Amy…” she trailed off, frustrated.“Why, Addie?”
“Because. Everyone is mad that I’m leaving and now Dell is dead and this is what I can do right now! So will you please just leave me alone.” Addison was shouting by the end of it.“You’re joking right?” Asked Amelia. “Fine if you don’t want to see how much they all care about you, then don’t. But I’m here right now, so how ‘bout you give me half of whatever you have left and we go from there?”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~There were half a dozen take out menus scattered across Addison’s coffee table, intermingled with what Amelia thought were bank statements and real estate listings.“What do you feel like?” She asked Addison, tossing aside yet another menu.“Whatever’s fine,” she mumbled, her focus fixed on the laptop she was hunched over.Rolling her eyes, she picked up the menu for a local diner that served the greasiest burgers hoping that they might distract Addison long enough to interrogate her. Half an hour later, after the promise of a large tip to have it brought to the house as fast as possible, she was setting down a bag full of fries and Addison’s favorite double cheeseburger with bacon. To her surprise, Addison barely looked up to thank her before turning back to her computer screen.“C’mon Addie, it’s dinner time.”“I just need to finish a few more things.”“No, dinner now. Besides, if you don’t eat it now the fries are going to get all soggy.”Addison sighed, setting the computer on the table, “Fine.”“Whats so important on there anyway?”“Deciding on a whim to move states after buying into a practice and mortgaging a beach front property means I get to spend the next several weeks, if not months, figuring a lot out.”“I mean it can’t be that hard,” scoffed Amelia. She couldn’t imaging that it would take more than a few phone calls to have most of this sorted out, especially when Addison came from a family with more money and more names than anyone should reasonably have.“Oh really? Did you happen to buy a house, or become head of a practice, or even have to consider starting your own practice?” Addison’s words were biting, the sharp edge she gave them normally reserved for particularly stupid residents. Taken aback Amelia stayed silent for a moment, her mouth open as she tried to figure out how to respond, but before she could Addison started again. “Sorry, there’s just a lot going on.”“No, I’m sorry Addie. I’m stressed about moving up there and I don’t even really live here.”“Lets just chalk it up to a really stressful last few days,” said Addison, refreshing Amelia’s wine as a sort of peace offering. Setting down the bottle she finally focused on the burger in front, stomach growling loudly.“Sounds good to me,” agreed Amelia digging into her own dinner. “Now, eat your burger so I can hear myself think.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To Charlotte : What the fuck did you guys say to Addison?From Charlotte: What makes you think I have any idea?To Charlotte: come on, we both know you know about everything that happens in that office.From Charlotte: Look, the way I heard it, after Maya was in the clear Sam decided to make a case for her staying. Naomi walked in and needless to say that didn’t end well.To Charlotte: Of course it didn’t.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Addison stared into her closet, cursing herself for leaving her most appropriate black dress at the cleaners in Seattle. At the time she had figured she owned enough clothes that there was no reason to transport them all back to the beach house since they would all be ending up back in Seattle in the coming weeks, and really why would she need her funeral dress again so quickly. Then in the chaotic aftermath of losing Dell and nearly losing Maya and her beautiful little girl and trying to manage it all she had forgotten it was hundreds of miles away until the morning of the funeral arrived.Sighing, she cursed under her breath and pulled out a black pantsuit and a crisp white shirt deciding that looking too professional was better than looking immodest in a Catholic cathedral. It felt like frustration was half of all the emotions she had to contend with these days, frustration with herself for not planning better, frustration with Naomi for refusing to listen, frustration with God, the universe, and everything for leaving Betsy an orphan.Before she could even get the suit on though, she heard the door bell ring. Where she lived she didn’t often get the door to door proselytizing or even Girl Scouts selling cookies. She threw on a robe and made her way down stairs, assuming that with her luck it would be the paper work that she needed to deal with from Seattle Grace. Not bothering to check the peephole she opened the door to find a woman in a uniform holding a garment bag.“Addison Montgomery?”“Yes?” said Addison, more confused than anything.“If you could just sign here,” said the woman holding out a clipboard and a pen.More than a little curious she quickly scribbled in a signature and traded the tablet for the garment bag, briefly exchanging niceties before closing the door. Unzipping the bag an involuntary smile spread across her face. Rushing back upstairs she grabbed her phone scrolling to find her conversation with Meredith.To Meredith: How did you manage that?From Meredith: It made it in time then?To Meredith: Yes it did. I can’t believe it. Thank you.From Meredith: You’re welcome. Sorry I’ve got to go, surgery with Richard. Call me after?To Meredith: Yes. Don’t let him work you too hard.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~It was a somber mood that hung over them as the funeral ended and they tried to figure out what to do next. Betsy had been taken by her aunt, leaving them all to wonder what her life would be like.Addison wasn’t entirely sure who made the suggestion, but they all ended up a bar. It was still quiet in the early afternoon and they certainly looked out of place next to the other patrons in their formal dress. She did know that it was Violet who made the suggestion that they try and share their favorite memories of Dell, try and recall the man he was not just the tragedies of his too short life. The happy times, all of the things he took pride in, the things they had taught him, and most importantly the things he had taught them.Three drinks in they were all a little tipsy, their table a little more raucous than usual when she excused herself. She slipped onto the back patio, the near silence a relief. Pulling out her phone she dialed Meredith, hoping the other woman was out of surgery by now.“Addison?” Charlotte’s southern drawl interrupted the ringing on the other end of the line. Hurriedly she ended the call before Meredith could answer. “What are you doin’ out here?”“I needed to make a call.”“And it couldn’t wait till later?”“Maybe I just needed to step away. Listening to everyone talking about him, I don’t know. It’s just so unfair all of it.”“Do you want to talk about it?”“Sam, after Maya’s surgery, the second one, he found me in an on-call room. I just needed a moment to make sure my head was on right before I went home.” She paused, distracted by a piece of fuzz on her dress. “He offered me everything I had ever asked for from him, everything that had kept us apart. Naomi must have been just behind him she heard all of it heard me turn him down and somehow I’m still the bad guy, still the one betraying her.”“It’s not your fault.”“I know that but she’s still in there sitting there acting like everything is okay. Like she didn’t call me a cheating bitch after I saved her daughter’s life and turned down her ex-husband.”“Who were you going to call?”“Meredith.”“Well then, I guess I’ll leave you to it. And Addison, I’ll let them know you got an urgent update about a case in Seattle.”“Thank you, Charlotte.”She looked down at her phone debating going back to attempting to call Meredith, when the other woman name flashed across her screen. The corners of her lips quirked up in an involuntary grin at the sight, mind made up she swiped across the screen to answer the call.“Hey.”“Hi,” came the answer from the other end of the line. “How was it today?”“Let’s just say I’m looking forward to being back in Seattle.”“That bad, huh?” Despite the teasing tone, Addison heard the edge of concern.“LA drama,” she said by way of explanation. “It’s starting to make Seattle drama look like a breeze.”“You say that now.”“Ya well, at least there I’m not the dirty mistress.”“Aw, but we have a club and everything.” She could imagine the fake pout on Meredith’s face, and Addison felt a chuckle bubble up inside her chest.“At least I’d be in good company, even if I could only generously be called an honorary member. I mean, he’s not even married to her anymore and, and I turned him down.” The more she spoke the more she wished she had brought her drink with her“And here I thought dirty mistress meant the same thing everywhere,” said Meredith sympathetically.“Apparently not in LA.” Addison heard the distinctive sound of a pager going off in the background. “Sounds like you have to go.”She heard Meredith sigh.“It’s alright Meredith, go.”“I’ll see you Sunday?”“Sunday,” she confirmed and the call ended. putting her phone into her purse she realized Sunday was still days away and that she didn’t want to be in LA anymore. Mind made up she decided to stay another hour or two, however long it took to change her flight.