Work Text
Juliet: Romeo is the bae <3
Romeo: omg ily jules <3
Rosaline: hey j whats your email
Juliet: [email protected], why?Sent from: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Look, Julie, you're a smart girl, you can make your own decisions. But I gotta warn you, Romeo's a bit weird - not creepy, just weird. We met at a party and afterwards he wouldn't leave me alone, he was yelling up at my balcony and everything.
Again, I'm not trying to tell you not to date him, I just want you to make an informed decision.
Best of luck,
Rosie Tybalt: Hey guys wheres Romeo?
Mercutio: BLOW-ME-O
Tybalt: ...been there, done that, had fun, you know that's not insulting, right? likr even a little bit?
Tybalt: but srsly where is he
Romeo: You called?
Tybalt: yeah. dude, that was my party. dont crash my parties. not cool. thou art a villain.
Romeo: I must protest I never wounded thee, and villain am I none.
Romeo: Look, I'm sorry about the party, my friends dragged me along, won't happen again. Promise.
Mercutio: O calm, dishonorable, vile submission! Alla stoccato carries it away!
Romeo: wtf? He's your boyfriend, mer, aren't you supposed to side with him?
Tybalt: also what's alla stoccato
Mercutio: Means 'at the thrust'. ;) fencing thing, you know, cuz ur on the fencing team
Tybalt: you're a dumbass but I love you Hamlet: To eat my uncle's donut? Or not to eat?
Mercutio: dude you hate your uncle get over your existantial crisis and eat the donut
Hamlet: But twas my father's donut once!
Mercutio: SUCCOMB TO SUGARY, DEEP-FRIED MADNESS. EAT THE EVIL DONUT.
Benvolio: y r all my friends so weird?
Tybalt: Idk either and I'm dating the guy. Lysander: Hermia your the light of my life!
Hermia: ily too, wanna meet up in the woods tonite?
Demetrius: NOOOOOOOO
Egeus: *you're. Is it really that difficult to spell correctly? No wonder you're unworthy of my daughter.
Puck: your a grammarnazgul yiss u aaarrrreee, ur so stup go bak 2 sküle
Oberon: puck don't be an ass, leave that to Bottom Capulet: where did i go wrong? why do i have such a disobediant, ungrateful daughter?
Baptista: you have NO idea
Juliet: I'm not backing down on this one
Kate: u go girl! tell him!
Friar Lawrence: That's a bad idea, Juliet
Juliet: ..ok, dad, I'm sorry, I'll marry Paris
Paris: :D!
Romeo: D: !?
Kate: Really?!?!?! Sent from: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: visit
If, hypothetically speaking, I wanted to leave Verona with one other person and live with you and Petruchio, would that be alright? Friar Lawrence wanted us to go to Mantua, but seeing as you're family now, I thought I should ask.Sent from: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: visit (2)
Yeah, sure, totally. I take it you aren't really marrying this Paris guy?Sent from: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: visit (3)
Course not, I got secretly married to my bf Romeo, and we have to run away now.Sent from: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: visit (4)
What.
