Work Text
childe :
i have a question for uhave u ever … sexted 🥸🥸😜
poop :have u ever learnt how to be normal
childe :
ur dodging the question sweetiekins munchiepoo
poop :i will block youand dont think im above standing u up at the drive in cuz im not
childe :
OKAY OKAYT MY APOLOGIESjust trying to set the mood for our date
poop :thanks for the effort babe
but ur kinda rlly terrible at it (blushes bc so small little small tiny y/n)
childe :
ok how bout now father dearest? heywhat are u thinking ab daddy 😏😏😏😻😻🤤🤤
poop :what
um smt sexy idk (seductively sharts pants)
childe :
😐u know what i give up i’ll pick u up in 10 (he won’t)
_~%aesthetic&&#$W&* time skip _~%aesthetic&&#$W&*
What the hell do i do now. toodie poot
“It’s cold as literal wrinkly hairy balls why wouldn’t we have gone to a normal theater?”“For the vibes.” Childe says, mouth full of toodie pooti mean pop corn i mean balls
TOODIEPOOT
Im gonna kms actually
Suddenly he starts to moan or smth idk
“O h em gee daddy that’s so sexy”“Eye kay are !”“Okay”“Okay”
He like balls
Starts putting his hands down ur pants or smth
Plot twist ur not wearing any (BOOM) when i was a kid i called my butt a boom boom
When i was a kid
yes H“Wait where are ur balls”
“I lost them to the MBall eater (y/n isball eater) ”
“Oh ok then we cant have any sex:
“Oh no [grows balls] how about now” he stares at you seductively and then his balls grow eyes and they stare at you too but there’s no eyelids so it just kind of makes you uncomfortable but childe too sexy ed sheeran man for you to care💞 I THOUGHT Y/N WAS GROWING THE BALLS ??? u know what it’s fine“Yes”HELP NENEHFKS ITS FINE KEEP ITHe puts his hands on ur newly grown balls, ur balls also has hair on them
“Wow so yummy”
“Thanks
i grew them myself andhunt them for sport ”
Um he takes his dick out now
“My dick is old now”
*cold
Or old idk wrinkly
“My dick is older than ur balls since ur balls just grew” my dick was actually bffs with aristotle so beat that childe STOP THIS
“dont insult my balls you hideous wench. Dang u right, anyways if they’re (what pronouns does ur dick use) cold why don’t i warm them up for u daddy smirks”
“Oh that’d be great than k you”
Yu place his dick into your arm pit, like u clasp it, and then u start jerking it with ur pit and then the dick starts screaming because of the eyeballs and sentience it gained. it very quickly segues its wails into ave maria and this is how we learn about childe’s sexual attraction to the riddler.
“Damn babe thats so hot of u, literally, my dick is wamr now and the riddler “
“NOE !!!! AAAAAAA MY EYEBALLS” the dick wails, since apparently its alive now yes and it’s becoming the riddler
“Wtf” y/n says
“Dont mind it it gets like this sometimes. Stfu u dick” childe says because it’s the riddler
“Who are u calling dick and why am i not being jerked by the batman rn” riddick says
“Take what u can get dipshit” childe says childe also has a feces kink this is why he brings up shit
“Also i am the batman actually so jokes on u” u say y/n says jokes on you because they are the joker
Riddick comes and then falls off and grows into a lovely big booti bitch loving super villain
The ed
endOk so apparently not the end
By the way riddick came by shooting duct tape liquid everywhere so that was fun.
“I crave big booty bitch now give me your booties” riddick says, threatening
“Childe has no butt he is a ginger, and mine is not yours for the taking he also has a feces kink because of his lack of ass .” youre eyes start to glow red and u start transformting into an alpha
Little do you know, riddick is actually an omega and i=digs it, OH NO !
He laughs maniacally before releasing pheromones and piss. then childe gets mad at him because he has a feces kink not a piss kink and he thought he was clear about that.
“Oh no my dad’s car is ruined” childe says, starting to cry from his balls (eye ones) “and where is the feces i orderd , this is not a good experience for me u guys only care ab urselves. This relationship cant continue like this my needs are just as important. What the fuck guys.” he then sharts with gusto. “if i can’t have shit i’ll do it myself” he then scrapes the shart off his undies and plops it into his coffee as one would with a dollop of whipped cream.
y/n looks over at him “fuck u u dont even have a big booty and it’s lacking in shit ”
“Where did this coffee come from” riddick says
“It’s not coffee its watery diarrhea. stuff he wanted from our last car ride, stuff i produced” y/n sighs “idk why he’d keep it for that long but u know. Whatever makes him happy”
This shit is 5 pages long
HELP ME (this was not what jooleepoopee originally put but they erased it and i felt it essential so im artificially adding this exclamation back)
“And this shit is actually better than urs y/n, so WE’RE THROUGH” says childe, pointing angrily at his penis stuck ins ide his diarrhea coffee . yes loved the collaboration there
y/n starts to cry before riddick comforts them
“Dont worry y/n his shit has nothing on u, i’ll eat whateber pooplogs u produce i’ll eat it all”
i-
“NO !!” yells y/n. Immediately they produce a pooplog and grabs a paper towel and starts running away with it, the pooplog starts to break apart into sections and y/n gets embarrassed by how they need to balance it all while running away
are you projecting
wondering What So fo poo
Yes this is perfect actuallyyes
Leaving childe and riddick alone in the car
“Guess it’s just u and me again.” childe lets out a breathless laugh. he does this because he’s batman
“I know whats coming and its not me” riddick exclaims
“Yes. every time u come out and detach from me i have to vore u from my anus. Every time. Why do u still do this knowing this is what follows”
“The price of sentience is a large one, and just because you take it for granted doesn’t mean I’m not willing to pay it.”
“Oh ok” childe vores riddick from his anus. he reaches his hand all the way up his rectum and grabs hold of his nose hairs and quickly flips riddick inside out.
if we have vore can we have tentacles please. like octopus
Ok
IM CRUING
On the inside of riddick he finds so many fucking tentacles
More so than last time, and thats saying smth
“Riddick what the fuck. Where did u get this”
A muffled smth comes out of the inside of the flipped riddick. We dont know what he said
The tentacles suddenly start moving, smth seems to be pulsating on the inside of them, each of them. they begin crawling towards childe’s orafaces
Before he knows it childe has a tentacle up his ass and another inside his mouth, and they are feeding eggs into his body, impregnating him like the opposite way
It is revealed what riddick’s muffled words were
“We’re expecting.”
The end
The entire audience gets up and claps (one person, [name redacted (cuz idk if they wanna be associated with this)] if ur reading this im so sorry) HELPPPP. hi [redacted] hope u had a good sleep and didnt dream of ANYTHING that happened hereSpeaking a bit from experience igHGFDSHJFSD. NO