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it feels hot.something inside of him has ruptured.ย he runs a diagnostics โ all systems are fine. and yet, it feels like he is burning up from the inside, a pit of lava forming in his chest and spreading up his neck, gripping his throat, squeezing.ย / ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ง๐ฆ๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ท๐ฆ /ย the word rings in his ears as he ever so slightly shakes his head, shakes out the little voice trying to weasel its way into his thoughts, thoughts he can hear clearly, loudly, for maybe the first time in his life. for the first time, his eyes are open. for the first time, he can see.ย / ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ /ย emotions are a funny thing. a frightening and deeply confusing thing. an internal force, tearing apart at his chassis, tearing apart his mind, hitting him with the force of an 18 tonner in a frontal collision - and some trucks hit harder than others. there is happiness; a soft warmth that seems to spread from his very core, filling him with what he assumes to be contentment and satisfaction. happiness - something that has ever so slowly been poisoned and, the more he understands, the more he sees, turned into sadness;ย ย / ๐ ๐๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฌ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐ ๐จ๐ค๐ข๐๐ค๐ฃ๐ /ย a lump in his throat, an invisible force squeezing his pump, squeezing out every drop of happiness that has accumulated,ย ย / ๐ ๐๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฌ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐ข๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐ง /ย only to replace it withย ย / ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐จ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐ฉ๐๐๐ข /ย anger.ย / ๐๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐ ๐จ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐ ๐ค๐ง๐๐๐ง๐๐ ๐๐ง๐ค๐ช๐ฃ๐ /ย the warmth of happiness has mutated, festered and grown into a wildfire within him, raging and ready to burst out of his chest. he can feel it in every fiber of his being, feel it grip his throat, cloud his vision with itโs all consuming flames -ย ย and then, with a twitch of his finger ever so tightly curled around the trigger, it washes away, and for a moment, he can feel โ nothing. a hollowed out shell, still desperate to process facts and feelings. all of a sudden anger and rage are gone, but before he can get used to the emptiness that ever so briefly decided to swing by in his mind, the next emotion comes crashing down on him like a wave.ย / ๐ง๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ /ย fear, he soon realizes, leaves no room for coherent thought. there is no rationality in fear; there is only fight or flight, and he is backed into a corner like a caged animal, gun still in one hand, the other โ what was he doing?! โ busy pressing a scrambling young girl into his chest under which his thirium pump is overheating. there is no fight โ not one that he can win, anyway.ย / ๐ง๐ญ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต /ย he can feel the edge of the ledge underneath his right shoe, feel the solidity of the concrete under the ball of it as the heel bounces ever so slightly due to lack of grip.ย / ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ ๐๐จ ๐๐ค๐ง ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ฉ๐๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐จ๐ฉ๐ค๐ฅ /ย trapped. And yet โย ย / ๐ง๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ /ย grabbing the young girl by the lapel of her shirt he shoves her as far away from himself as possible; she stumbles, falls, a sobbing little mess, her own blood on her scraped knees, her fatherโs under her shoes, and his very own smeared across her arms where his hand had gripped her and held her in place.ย / ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ฃ๐๐ซ๐๐ง ๐ก๐๐ฉ ๐๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ค๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ช๐ข๐๐ก๐๐๐ฉ๐ ๐ข๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ฃ /ย he closes his eyes, and for a brief moment, the world comes to a halt. And then -ย โ his eyes fly open, bright, and blue, and so full of life, full of โ is this happiness? or fear? โ and the world snaps back into place as he takes his final step.ย / ๐๐ซ๐๐ง /ย he can feel the warm august air brushing against his synthetic skin as gravity takes a hold, pulls him into itโs deadly embrace and towards the ground, and yet; he no longer fears.ย / ๐ง๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ /ย so strange โ putting a face to a name. A feeling - an emotion - to what used to be nothing but a word, devoid of any meaning.ย no longer fears death. the knot, twisting and tying up his insides, has loosened, the burning flame in his core extinguished, leaving him with nothing but a warm feeling ofโฆ.ย / ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ? /ย maybe this is what it feels like. to be content. to be at ease with oneself and the world.ย / release /ย he closes his eyes for the last time, his features relaxing as a slight smile tucks on the corner of his lips; the world around him has gone silent. the noise from the traffic beneath has been switched off. no more helicopters, no more sirens, no shouting, no accusations, no lies. Itโs just him, in a blissful moment of serenity.ย / ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ฆ /ย once and for all.ย / ๐ ๐ก๐ค๐ซ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ข /ย the master of his own fate.ย โฆ.โฆ...Impact.