Work Text
definitely-not-lin-chen
Entertain me, plebians
I have so much code running right now and all I can do is stare at my work computers and pray that they don’t crash from all the data. Now would be a great time to ask me anything before I expire of boredom
#seriously though ask me anything#it might not be truthful but it’ll be entertaining
6
definitely-not-lin-chen
Bake-on-bake-off asked: You keep talking about how you have a favourite baker: can we know who it is? And is it MCS?
Of all the questions that I’ve been asked, this is definitely one of the more dangerous: I mean I can’t win, no matter how I answer it, right? Favourite baker, favourite baker… I choose director Meng because he deserves the validation (shh, of course he counts as a baker, never mind that he burns everything he cooks at home). A better question though, is who do you guys think is the better da-ge? Because honestly, director Meng might be winning there instead…
…and to answer this in the most amusing way possible I have decided to make a poll! Go forth my disciple, Bake-on-bake-off and this poll
throughout the fandom!
(This is probably a terrible idea but it looks hilarious)
#the great da liang bakeoff#vote for your favourite! #bakeoff bracket
40 notes
definitely-not-lin-chen
ha-whyyyy-iii asked: Wait, why are all of the pictures for the bracket from that kind of wuxia drama photoshoot that the GBLBO participants did? (Also, I haven’t seen some of these photos before, do you have insider information from the day???)
Aesthetics
#the great da liang bakeoff#bakeoff bracket
17 notes
#The door to Lin Chen’s flat slams open with a BANG, hitting the wall and no doubt causing enough damage that he’s never going to get his deposit back. (Not that he was going to anyway, let’s be honest).“Wha-” says Lin Chen, stumbling upward from where he had been napping on his sofa, swearing as his foot catches in the blanket and he bangs his shin on the coffee table. “Lin Chen-laoshi!” the intruder says, “I’ve been sent here to take you to my sister’s house: it’s an emergency!”“Urghhhh,” says Lin Chen, trying to simultaneously blink the sleep out of his eyes while also rubbing his aching leg. “How did you get my address? More importantly, how did you get my key?”Mu Qing (why is Mu Qing here???) doesn’t pause from his self-appointed task of stuffing as many of Lin Chen’s computers (some of which have had an unfortunate encounter with Fei Liu and are therefore less than functional) into his bag. It’s only when he reaches out to add Lin Chen’s wallet and keys that Lin Chen snaps out of it. “Hey! Put that down? What do you think you’re doing- honestly, kids these days…”“At least I’m wearing trousers,” Mu Qing says. He’s filled the original bag to the brim and is now looking around Lin Chen’s flat for more things to steal, presumably. Lin Chen has been mugged a few times – it’s practically an occupational hazard – but never have any would-be thieves been this blatant and brazen before him. …he had also been wearing trousers for those encounters. Lin Chen still has no idea what’s going on and at this point he’s almost too afraid to ask. Though given the possibility that this isn’t just an incredibly weird dream…“Put that down immediately!” he barks, snatching Mu Qing’s latest purloined computer from his hands. “There’s sensitive data on that!”There isn’t, it’s his gaming computer and he doesn’t want anyone anywhere near it: the last time he let anyone see his Minecraft account he had returned to find that Fei Liu had destroyed his entire Library because he had apparently been ‘trying to chase some of the pigeons’. If he hadn’t been in shock over how exactly the travesty had been accomplished, he would have been more impressed at the sheer amount of mayhem that Fei Liu had wrought in a mere 20 minutes. As it is, he’s vowed to never let anyone under 20 near his computer ever again. You would have thought that he’d have learnt his lessons after years of sharing a room with Changsu, but honestly for most of their time as roommates he hadn’t even bothered to Changsu-proof his laptop. The fiend would have only taken it as a challenge. “Hurry up, Lin Chen-laoshi! Didn’t you hear me when I said that it’s an emergency?”Lin Chen gapes at Mu Qing in disbelief. What right does that boy have to sound so aggrieved, as though it is he, Lin Chen who is the one in the wrong here? Lin Chen pulls himself up to his full height and proclaims, “If you think that I am going anywhere with you apart from the police station to report that not only has this idiot child broken into my flat he has also tried to steal my computers and-”“Eh?” Mu Qing interrupts, unphased by Lin Chen’s intimidation. “I didn’t break into your flat!”Lin Chen stares at him. Then he pinches himself, hard. “No, no: you most certainly have! What else would you call this?”“The door was unlocked,” Mu Qing says, giving him a look so full of scorn that it can only be truly mastered by teenagers. Lin Chen remains undaunted: he frequently babysits Fei Liu, after all. “Impossible,” he scoffs. “What sort of idiot would leave the door…open…”His words trail off as memories of the previous night (well, early morning to be more precise) trickle in. Of getting back home at 3am. Of seeing that his programme had crashed again - the third time in the last week. Of deciding – somewhere around hour 5 of trying to salvage the data – that he needed more caffeine only to reach down and discover that he had finished his last can of energy drink. Of sending one of his father’s employees out to buy more…He must not have remembered to lock the door again. Fuck. He can never let Changsu know: the teasing will be bad enough but the blatant worry will be worse. There is only enough room for one worrywart in their relationship, and too bad for Changsu, but Lin Chen has already claimed it. And has no intention of almost a decade of lectures being turned back on himself. He mustn’t show fear. Teenagers can smell weakness. “Well?” Lin Chen says, grabbing one of the open cans of energy drink from the table and knocking back the remains with a grimace. “Why aren’t you ready yet, Mu Qing, ah? Truly the youth of today are getting slower and slower: didn’t you say that it was an emergency?”“You’re the one who-!” Mu Qing says, but Lin Chen ignores him.“Chop, chop, no more stalling!” He pushes Mu Qing out of the door, snagging his keys and wallets from the top of one of the bags on the way. It’s only as he’s locking the door that he realises his problem. “…you go and put these in the car. I’m just going to get changed first.”#
Bake-on-bake-off
Ok, who the hell set up these brackets???? @definitely-not-lin-chen???
WHY ARE YOU PITTING THE BOYFRIENDS AGAINST EACH OTHER THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BAKING
#GBLBO#where are you definitely-not-lin-chen I just want to talk #seriously tho wtf
34 notes
#It takes the pair of them an hour of driving to get to Mu Nihuang’s house and it isn’t often that Lin Chen appreciates Changsu’s obsessive need to live close to his childhood friends (entirely unbeknownst to them of course) but this is one of those times because if he has to listen to Mu Qing say, ‘are you sure you want to go that way, Jie always takes the left turn instead-” one more time then he is going to do something drastic. By the time he finally arrives at the Mu house – an annoyingly nice cottage on the outskirts of the city which must have cost an absolute fortune – he’s decided that teenagers are in fact a subclass of devil or demon, and that if he ever has to interact with one ever again it’ll be too soon. He has no idea how Mu Nihuang has survived raising her younger brother, let alone well enough that he sings her praises at every turn. It must be a fluke of some kind: that or Mu Nihuang is literally a being from a higher – and far more patient – plane. Before the car even comes to a stop, Mu Qing throws himself out of the door and runs toward the house shouting, ‘Jie! Jie! I’ve brought the guy you wanted, jie!”“Hey you brat, who was the one driving the car?” Lin Chen shouts after him but he is roundly ignored. “Typical,” he mutters under his breath as he carefully parked in Mu Nihuang’s driveway, “no respect at all these days, I even had to find three different service stations so that he could ‘get a snack’-”, normally Lin Chen wouldn’t have obliged him, but he the snacks had been payment for Mu Qing’s silence, “-you’d have thought that if it was this much of an emergency he wouldn’t have wasted so much time finding the perfect flavour of crisps-”The door opens and Mu Qing barges in--but the figure in the door isn’t Mu Nihuang. “Oh fuck,” says Lin Chen staring at his ‘friend’. “I should have known that this was all your fault.”Changsu scowls at him. For some reason he looks even more tired and frazzled than Lin Chen. “I think you’ll find that this is actually your fault.”#
Patroclus-was-right
On the one hand, yay! We’ve all the good people through! (Sorry MCS, you just don’t have da-ge energy…
On the other hand, how am I supposed to choose now??? I love them all, this is the WORST
#GBLBO#da-ge bracket #i have some Choices to make
7 notes
#Stepping into Mu Nihuang’s living room feels like some sort of bake-off reunion that he hasn’t been invited to. Alongside the usual suspects (Changsu, Mu Qing, and an extremely amused Mu Nihuang) are Director Meng (sheepish), Xie Jingrui, Gong Yu, and Yan Yujin (still sickeningly sweet even six months later), Tong Lu and Li Gang (longsuffering), and Fei Liu (who immediately sticks his tongue out when he sees Lin Chen). “Dong-jie is in Sweden at the moment, but she said that she and Nie-dage would help by Facetime!” Yan Yujin says, phone in hand and almost tripping over what looked to be a charging station, computer wires tangled together and at least five laptops on the ground. “Oh, are those the extra computers? Thanks Lin Chen-laoshi!” Xie Jingrui says, taking the bag full of stolen electronics from Mu Qing and starting to set them up. “Oh, these are all password locked…”“Mn!” Fei Liu says at those words, jumping up from where he had been aggressively pressing the same key over and over and easily unlocking each and every one of Lin Chen’s computers. …“Changsu, did you teach him how to do that?” Lin Chen asks. “I told you your online security is terrible,” Changsu replies. “It’s not like they’re my work computers,” Lin Chen says. “Just some of the Langya computer that I fix up when I’m bored… Hey!”He rushes forward and slams his gaming computer shut, but it’s too late because Mu Qing grins up at him and says, “wow, I didn’t know you were that bad at Assassin’s Creed!”“Oh, which one?” Xie Jingrui says. “I love those games! I can help out if you want, Lin Chen-laoshi, I know they can be a bit tricky when you’re starting out-”Lin Chen stares at him helplessly. “How are you so nice?”“Compared to you, aren’t most people?” Changsu says. “Now, back to work! We only have a few more hours before the poll closes.”Obediently the entire room bends their heads back over their computers. “…Changsu,” Lin Chen says, “is the emergency here that you’re committing voter fraud? Because, yes, it’s not like we haven’t done it before, but you’ve got Meng Zhi here. Not to mention Xie Jingrui! Can either of them actually lie? Am I here to provide new papers for them for after they’ve faked their deaths?”“What are you talking about,” Changsu says flatly. “Changsu, you woke me up – you sent someone to break into my flat as a matter of fact, when you’ve always denied knowing me before. You didn’t even come yourself or send a member of your Jiangzuo Alliance: instead you sent a teenager who only has the barest of connections to me. Said teenager didn’t mention your name, only that his ‘sister’ had an ‘emergency’. Now that I’m here you’ve got some sort of operation on which involves the polls of some description, and your Jingyan isn’t here. Something that he wouldn’t approve of, then. Or something that you think he wouldn’t approve of. So, what is this emergency and how many explosions do you think we can get away with?”Around him, the room goes quiet. Mu Nihuang starts giggling. Lin Chen looks around. “What?” #
QilinScholar
Usually I wouldn’t get involved in this sort of drama, but having seen the results from the semi-final I can’t restrain myself:
In what world is Cameraman Li more ‘da-ge’ than Xiao Jingyan? Cameraman Li is hardly a part of the drama: indeed, I don’t believe that he appears for more than a few minutes on screen and yet the voting public almost voted for him instead of Xiao Jingyan, the – and I say this without bias or exaggeration – emotional core of last year’s Bake-off??
Luckily common sense prevailed, but I am alarmed to see that the results were so close. In order to correct this travesty, I believe that we must mobilise to allow Xiao Jingyan to win the overall bracket: while it is true that Director Meng does exude ‘da-ge energy’, he is inferior in this regard to Xiao Jingyan for several reasons, enumerated here in 15 key points [read more]
#GBLBO#da-ge bracket
62 notes
#It takes Lin Chen a good five minutes before he manages to stop laughing. It’s probably a good thing that at the first giggle, Changsu dragged him into an out of the way room – from its resemblance to a landfill site, probably Mu Qing’s bedroom – but Lin Chen isn’t in the mind to appreciate the gesture. Changsu merely stands in front of him, rolling his eyes at his antics, but Lin Chen isn’t fooled: he knows all of Changsu’s tells intimately and there’s that one eye twitch that he can’t quite get rid of that shows just how embarrassed he is. “So,” Lin Chen says, “let me get this straight. The reason that you’ve mobilised us all here with the utmost secrecy is because Xiao Jingyan is losing to Director Meng on some random internet poll? Is that it? That’s the emergency?”Changsu’s lips tighten. Lin Chen doesn’t give him enough time to retort, instead continuing, “And not only that, but you called me, foremost expert in, ahem, proactive data collection to come and help you out? Changsu, I know that you’ve got a bit rusty being on your honeymoon with lover boy, but don’t tell me that you can’t remember how to hack into a simple poll website on your own? Surely this should be easy enough for you!”“As you said, it’s only a random internet poll. There’s no need to resort to such drastic – and illegal – measures,” Changsu says. Lin Chen narrows his eyes and stares at Changsu, searching for weakness-Aha! “Eh, so Xiao Jingyan didn’t want you cheating for him? And he gave you those big, sad, doe eyes and you caved: is that it?”“Jingyan expressed some displeasure with the idea of hacking into a website,” Changsu says stiffly. “And of course, as it’s a matter than primarily concerns him then I acquiesced to his wishes. I restrained myself to making a post about it on Tumblr, on the hopes of galvanising the true bake-off fans to vote for the correct winner of this bracket.”“Buuuuut,” Lin Chen prompts. This whole rigmarole is not, on the whole, the actions of a man who isn’t intending on perpetrating voter fraud. “But I happened to glance at the poll this morning and I saw this,” Changsu says, getting something up on his phone. Lin Chen leans in.
QilinScholar
Do Better
#GBLBO#da-ge bracket
3 notes
“Isn’t that the tumblr account that I set up for you when we were 16?” Lin Chen says. “Didn’t you say that you were never going to use it-”“The picture, Lin Chen,” Changsu says. Lin Chen sighs. “It looks very normal to me,” he says. “Two contestants battling it out… Of course, I think that I – dashing presenter that I am – should have made it to the finals, but perhaps the bake-off viewers are merely struck by my boyish charms and joie de vivre, and can’t imagine me as a da-ge. Which honestly fair enough.”“Jingyan only had 20 votes!” Changsu hisses. “Almost halfway through! I can understand people not voting at all-” his face indicates that he really can’t understand people not using their right to vote, but Lin Chen lets it slide, “-but to vote for Meng-dage over Jingyan? Preposterous!”“…I mean you literally call him Meng-dage,” Lin Chen says. “If that’s not proof of how strong his big brother vibes are, I don’t know what is.”“That’s beside the point,” Changsu says. “The point being that you are overly invested in Jingyan winning?”Changsu looks away. “Jingyan has had a hard life,” he says. “His father – well, you know all about his father. But due to his absolute belief that I was innocent and his desire to clear my name… smear campaigns are devastating at the best of times, and those funded by Jinling Productions are worse. The amount of vitriol and hatred that Jingyan has received… The worst thing is that he believes that he deserves it: for not finding out the truth sooner, for giving up on his investigation and concentrating on his nephew instead. He is puzzled by any amount of praise and sincerely feels that he doesn’t deserve it: is it wrong that I want him to know that there are people who appreciate him, just this once?”“That is… it’s a little sweet, but honestly Changsu also a little creepy. But!” Lin Chen says, cutting off Changsu’s indignant tirade, “I’ve known about your fondness for convoluted ways to show your affection for years now so far be it from me to stop you now. I’ll help your Jingyan win this bracket. Now, let me get to a computer and I’ll hack into the site: it shouldn’t take me more than a few minutes.”“Thank you, Lin Chen,” Changsu says, “but there will be no hacking from either of us.”Lin Chen blinks. “What?” he says. “I thought your argument was going to be that you couldn’t hack the website, but I could…?”Changsu snorts. “No,” he says. “If I was going to embrace that piece of sophistry, I would have had Nihuang do it. Jingyan wants to win through votes alone and I will respect his choice.”“…then the reason that I’m here-”“Is because I need your computers and an extra pair of hands to vote for Jingyan. Even with the use of VPNs, most of us have already been forced to go through five pages of captchas to vote even once.” Changsu closes his eyes in pain. “I’m not sure I even know what a ‘crosswalk’ looks like any more.”#
welcometohellbitch
wait, we can vote as many times as we want??? Game changer guys! @Bake-off-bake-on @patroclus-was-right @gay-and-confused @ThirstyBicth
#GBLDO#da-ge bracket #vote Meng-dage!
17 notes
#“They’re gaining on us!” Xie Jingrui says, squinting at the screen. “We had a hundred vote lead, but just as we thought it was safe to take a break, Europe woke up.”“Damn it!” Mu Qing says, a piece of toast hanging out of his mouth. “How are they finding this many people?”“I don’t know,” Xie Jingrui says, face grave, “but what I do know is that we will win this fight.”“Who knew you were so popular, eh Director Meng?” Lin Chen says from the other side of the room, giving Meng Zhi a companionable slap on the back. Changsu glares at the pair of them. “Get back to work,” he hisses.#
gay-and-confused
We’re doing it guys!! Come on, we only have two hours left, we can do this!
#GBLBO#da-ge bracket
25 notes
#
Unknown Contact
Do you know Mu Nihuang’s address?
Who is this?
You should get here ASAP, I think that Changsu might literally spit blood if he has to fill in any more captchas
What?
What’s the matter with xiao-Shu?
Lin Chen, this is you isn’t it. What’s happening? Is there an emergency?
Hello?
#“I know that you’re tired,” Changsu says, eyes blazing. “I know that it’s been hours. I know that the Meng Zhi fans are more numerous than expected-”Meng Zhi makes a small, apologetic noise.“-but regardless, we will prevail. We’re only 10 votes behind: we can and we will do this, captchas or no captchas.”“Xiao-Shu?”The room goes quiet. Changsu freezes. “Jinyan,” he says, voice remarkably calm. “I thought that you were out with Lie Zhanying today?”“I was,” Jingyan says, walking forward. “But I got a text message telling me to come here and that you needed me.”(“Well, that’s editorialising if I ever heard it,” Lin Chen mutters.)“Ah,” Changsu says, fruitlessly trying to shield the screens. Alas, one of the downsides to having co-opted numerous friend and employees to vote for your boyfriend in an online poll is that it’s quite hard to hide the evidence when said boyfriend walks in. “That’s… I…”Xiao Jingyan is many things, but he is not an idiot. His eyes sweep over the motley group. For one long moment there is silence. And then-“Xiao-Shu,” Xiao Jingyan says. “Everyone. I- you didn’t need to do this. Thank you for giving up your Sunday-”“Honestly, it’s been pretty fun,” Yan Yujin says before being elbowed in the side by Gong Yu and Xie Jingrui. “It was all Changsu’s idea,” Lin Chen says. “Way more fun than homework,” Mu Qing says.“Mn!” Fei Liu says, cheeks filled with orange segments. “You’re still doing your homework,” Mu Nihuang says.“All of you out,” Changsu says. “Now.”As the room empties, Lin Chen murmurs into Changsu’s ear, “Just tell him what you told me earlier. Your motives were… ok, not pure but came from a place of love. And if nothing else, you got all of Jingyan’s friends to come and spend an embarrassing amount of time proving that they’re not robots.”“Lin Chen,” Changsu replies, eyes still fixed on Jingyan, “go away. I know exactly who’s to blame for this.”“Fair enough!” Lin Chen says, and wanders off, grabbing his computer on the way out. He carefully closes the door behind him.Judging from the sounds from that emerge from the room this is the correct decision: never mind Fei Liu, he doesn’t want to get traumatised. And then he sits down on the stairs of Mu Nihuang’s house and opens his computer. There are still ten minutes of the bracket left: there’s no reason he can’t arrange a little miracle. #
bake-on-bake-off
WE WON!!!!!!!!!
#GBLBO#da-ge bracket #MENG DA GE BEST DA GE#i never want to see another captcha ever again
57 notes
QilinScholar definitely-not-lin-chen definitely-not-lin-chen Well that was fun! Anyone up for a didi bracket next? QilinScholar Haven’t you done enough?
#GBLBO#don’t #just don’t 93 notes