Work Text
The Squad™
Sharpshooter: WHOS READY TO PARTAYYYYYY Sharpshooter: WE GETTIN LIT TONIGHT BOIIIISSSS Sharpshooter: #LAS DROGAS Mr.Dad: Lance. Sharpshooter: oh sh Sharpshooter: WRONG GC MattyPatty: so no party? :( Mrs.Dad: no we’re too old Mrs.Dad: Its a back-to-school party i think MattyPatty: boooooo
The Squad™ - Adults
Sharpshooter: alkjdflsjdfkj Podge: lance u dumbass Hunky: Pidge that’s mean! Hunky: But I think Matt is sad now :( Sharpshooter: oh boo hoo he can go cry to curtis Sharpshooter: anyways Sharpshooter: IM SO EXCITED Sharpshooter: YALL HAVE NEVER GONE TO A PARTY WITH ME :D Hunky: Hey! Sharpshooter: except 4 u hunkyy Hunky: :)))) Podge: I’ve never gone to a party ever Samurai: i have Samurai: not very fun Sharpshooter: D: Samurai: But I was alone before, and now i have you <3 Sharpshooter: SLKDFJLKSDJF KEETH Podge: lmaoo Samurai: i’m not going to the party anymore Samurai: you can’t even spell my fucking name right Sharpshooter: KETIH NO Samurai: are you kidding me Sharpshooter: FUCK Podge: omg i wish i could see lance’s face rn Hunky: He’s in distress for sure Sharpshooter : KEITH PLEASE YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME Sharpshooter: I LVOE YOU Sharpshooter: NOSDF Samurai: cant even spell love right smh Sharpshooter: :( Samurai: fine ill go to the party Sharpshooter: :(((( Samurai: and I love you too i guess Hunky: I love it when you guys fight and make up on the group chat. Podge: i dont Podge: they’re annoying and gay and i hate them Samurai: Pidge, none of us are straight. Podge: ya but im not gay either Hunky: Well Hunky: ... Hunky: Huh Podge: aha losers Podge: checkmate Sharpshooter: Dang Samurai: So the party Sharpshooter: GASP Sharpshooter: THE PARTY Sharpshooter: YES Sharpshooter: ITS MY FIRST PARTY SINCE NYMA AND IM READY Sharpshooter: I cant wait to rub my happiness in her face Samurai: All i am is a tool Sharpshooter: and my lovely bf who i lovveeee Podge: blegh stop using the l word in front of me Sharpshooter: Pidge just look away ;( Sharpshooter: keef <333 Samurai: <3 Hunky: They only use this group chat to be extra lovey-dovey because they know they’d get roasted in the main one. Sharpshooter: well u didnt have to say it Hunky: anyways I’m so happy you’re getting back to normal Lance!! Sharpshooter: lskdjflkasjdf i love parties :D Samurai: you better not leave me alone tonight Sharpshooter: why would i do that Samurai: because you’re gonna see your other friends and get distracted and then leave me Sharpshooter: Okay okay Sharpshooter: Fair enough keefers Sharpshooter: i promise to not ditch you tonight :) Podge: i promise to ditch all of yall tonight Podge: im finding the techies and hiding out with them Hunky: What am I supposed to do? Sharpshooter: hang out with shay!! Hunky: but her brother is going to be there :( Sharpshooter: why Hunky: The party is at their house??? Sharpshooter: oh right Sharpshooter: im dummy Samurai: DUMMY THICC Sharpshooter: omg i wanna make out rn Podge: i hate it here Podge: anywas hunk Podge: i thought Rax is supposed to look after us freshmen Hunky: yeah but hes still scary Hunky: and he’ll still be there Hunky: being scary :( Sharpshooter: I’ll protect you Hunketh! Samurai: not when you’re supposed to be with me you won’t Sharpshooter: ooo damn u right Sharpshooter: okay how about we make some rules for tonight Hunky: what kind of rules? Sharpshooter: good ones ;) Podge: goodbye Sharpshooter: nonono like for your safety rules Sharpshooter: okay first rule is to never leave ur drink unattended bc people are stupid and will try and sneak substances in despite lovely Shay banning them from the party Sharpshooter: also you might as well make this party BYOD or just don’t drink at all Samurai: BYOD? Sharpshooter: bring your own drink Samurai: Continue. Sharpshooter: next rule is that if anyone of you needs help and you’re separated from the group, just text me and ill look at my phone Sharpshooter: ill ahve it on vibrate so ill actually check it lol Podge: ahve Sharpshooter: okay ill actually check it as long as it isnt pidgey poo Podge: boooooo Podge: fuck you Podge: goodbye for real now Podge: I’ll meet yall at the party i guess Podge: or if i decide to grace you losers with my presence in the gc later Hunky: Bye!! Sharpshooter: byeeeeee pidgey poo Samurai: Dude she’s gonna kill you one day Sharpshooter: DID YOU JUST DUDE ME Samurai: look at the time Sharpshooter: KEITH AKIRA KOGANE GET YOUR TEXAN ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW ;(((( Sharpshooter to Samurai Sharpshooter: thx for decidign to come to the party with me :) Sharpshooter: i love u Samurai: I love you too. Samurai: It’s literally the only reason I’m doing this Samurai: Also *deciding Sharpshooter: ;( Sharpshooter: im leaving Sharpshooter: you’ve wounded me Samurai: Is that code for “I need to text Hunk because he’s definitely freaking out about Shay’s brother”? Sharpshooter: uh Sharpshooter: what the hell i thought you were supposed to be bad w people keef Samurai: I have my moments. Sharpshooter: lasjdlfkjs i love it when u talk like that Sharpshooter: youuu make a woman go madd ;) Samurai: Im gay??? Sharpshooter: my hips don’t lie keithy ;)) Samurai: but Samurai: you’re a guy so you have guy hips automatically??? Samurai: are you coming out to me? Samurai: am I not gay anymore????? Sharpshooter: Keith no Sharpshooter: You’re still gay Sharpshooter: And my pronouns are still he/him dw Samurai: I mean i wasn’t worried Samurai: I’d still be in love with you no matter what Samurai: I was just confused Sharpshooter: aljdlfksjdfsdkfj babes im legit only not mad at u for not knowing that song bc i feel bad for confusing u Samurai: That was a song? Sharpshooter: Hips Don’t Lie Sharpshooter: listen to it while I take care of our dear Hunka Hunka love Samurai: …alright Samurai: <3 Sharpshooter: <3 Hunky to Sharpshooter Hunky: Lance Hunky: Lance Hunky: Lance Hunky: Buddy?? Hunky: Please I’m freaking out Hunky: Lance Hunky: Lance Hunky: Lance Hunky: Lance Hunky: LAANNNCCNEEEEDLSJFD Sharpshooter: geez dude what is that Hunky: My desperation Sharpshooter: thats fair Sharpshooter: you stressed about Rax? Hunky : YES Hunky : HES HATED ME EXTRA EVER SINCE I STARTED DATING SHAY AND EVEN MORE SO AFTER THE DETENTION THING Hunky: Dark Hunk should’ve stayed in the dark recesses of my mind where he belongs :( Sharpshooter: Dark Hunk was a fun time tho Hunky: :( Sharpshooter: but I wouldn’t trade you for the world (and esp not for dark hunk) Sharpshooter: Maybe you should just try and corner Rax at the party and confront him about everything Sharpshooter: especially if he’s with the freshmen bc he wouldnt wanna set a bad example for the kiddos Sharpshooter: like its def a case of overprotective older sibling shit but if u like make him talk to you im sure he’ll at least soften up Sharpshooter: besides Sharpshooter: even before all this, parties weren’t really ur thang yknow Sharpshooter: so its a win win? Hunky: Lance Hunky: You’re a GENIUS Sharpshooter: glad SOMEONE recognizes it Hunky: The sexiest thing about you is your brain Sharpshooter: omg keep going Hunky: I would literally die AND kill someone for you Hunky: Multiple times Sharpshooter: alsjdfslf stahp Hunky: I would even make sex jokes in front of Shiro Sharpshooter: over text? Hunky: In. Person. Sharpshooter: lkasjdlfkjsakldfjsljjj HUNK Sharpshooter: I love you buddy <3 :) Hunky: I love you too <3 :))) Hunky: but i will spend a bit of time with Shay before bc it’s kind of rude to ignore her in favor of her brother Sharpshooter: fair enough haha Console Cutie to Podge Console Cutie: Hello Pidge! :) Podge: hacked Console Cutie: What the fuck. Podge: you asked for it Console Cutie: My boss is going to kill me :( Console Cutie: I didn’t even do anything Podge: yeah it’s not you Podge: it’s me Console Cutie: That line barely applies to breakups. Don’t use it in this context. Podge: meh Console Cutie: I’m telling your brother that you’re bullying me. Podge: go ahead loser Console Cutie to MattyPatty Console Cutie: (screenshot) Console Cutie: She’s being mean to me again Matt :( MattyPatty: tell her ill block her in ur honor Console Cutie: Isn’t that kind of mean too? MattyPatty: nah if she really needs to text me then she can get past the block easily lmao Console Cutie: Fair. Matty Patty to Podge MattyPatty: sorry Katie MattyPatty: you gotta do what you gotta do when it comes to love MattyPatty has blocked Podge Podge: wtf Matthew
This message could not be delivered.
MattyPatty to Console Cutie MattyPatty: tadaaaa MattyPatty: (screenshot) Console Cutie: For love? ;) MattyPatty: JUST AN EXPRESSION Console Cutie: Don’t worry, Matt. I know it’s way too soon for that. Console Cutie: Taking things slow is how we role. Console Cutie: The complete opposite of Klance MattyPatty: u right u right MattyPatty: if they ever break up then love isnt fucking real tbh Console Cutie: The word would be meaningless MattyPatty: true dat MattyPatty: anyways ive gotta get back to work and shit sooo <3333 Console Cutie: Bye :) <3333
The Squad™ - Adults
Podge: lmao not matt blocking me for hacking curtis Sharpshooter: LMAOO Hunky: that’s so funny Samurai: he does realize that blocking you wont stop you right? Podge: Yeah I think it’s more of the principle of the thing Samurai: Makes sense. Sharpshooter: yall im so hyped for tonite Samurai: And you make fun of me and Pidge for being too “yee yee” Samurai: At least we can spoll Samurai: wtf Sharpshooter: SPOLL Podge: lmao Keith Podge: thank you for trying Hunky: that’s rough buddy Samurai: did Samurai: Did I just get Zuko-d? Sharpshooter: omg you didddd Podge: HUNK YOU ZUKOED KEITH Hunky: Is it Zukod or Zukoed Samurai: Doesn’t matter Samurai: I’m humiliated either way Podge: oh boo hoo stop being a drama queen Sharpshooter: yeah ur acting like moi Samurai: That’s not a bad thing. Samurai: I like you Sharpshooter: aw I like me too Podge: LMAO GET REKD KEITH Samurai: :( Sharpshooter: … Podge: dont u dare fold rn mcclain Hunky: He’s gonna fold Podge: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE Sharpshooter: IM SORRY GUYS Sharpshooter: KEITH MI VIDA I LOVE YOU IM SO SORRY I HURT YOUR FEELINGS YOURE SO PRECIOUS AND AWESOME AND I THINK YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD Samurai: thank you Lance Podge: you loser Hunky: He’s a weak weak man when it comes to Keith Podge: they’re weak for each other so idk how i even expected lance to hold his ground Hunky: whippeddddd Sharpshooter: Hunketh u cant say shit bc ur the same way with Shay Hunky: Ouch Samurai: You’d let her murder you if she wanted. Hunky: Well she’s very nice and polite, so she’d only do it if she had a very good reason! Samurai: I was actually joking for once Sharpshooter: Hunk dont let her kill u pls Sharpshooter: ur my bfftlewe :((( Samurai: what in tarnation is that Podge: That brought out a stereotype real quick Hunky: Best friends for totally like ever without exception Hunky : Don’t worry Lance! I’ll never leave you!!! Sharpshooter: thank youuuuu Podge: Isn’t that from Radio Rebel Sharpshooter: Hunk and I watch that movie every year in secret to celebrate the beginning of our friendship and that is all you guys are getting out of us about it Hunky: its our deepest shame and our guiltiest pleasure Podge: wow that’s not where I thought this conversation was going at all Samurai: Yeah I say we just never talk about this again Samurai: lance has shown me enough Radio Rebel memes for me to understand the severity of the situation Sharpshooter: that’s probably for the best Hunky: Yup. Hunky: Im just going to get ready for the party now… Sharpshooter: Ditto my dude Samurai: I guess I will too Podge: Same here
(One hour later)
The Squad™
Mr.Dad: I know the party is starting now, so I need you all to text me here to let me know that you all are safe. Mrs.Dad : yeah what he said! Sharpshooter: Pidgey pie cant send messages rn bc Matt blocked her Sharpshooter: also bc she said you guys are too losery and are killing her vibe Samurai: thats not what she said Sharpshooter: okay i embellished a teensy weensy bit but thats the gist of it Princess: Matthew why did you block your sister? MattyPatty: she deserved it Mustache: What did our resident gremlin do this time? MattyPatty: she hacked my lovely and amazing bf again and made him sad :( Mrs.Dad: Punishment fits the crime, I say! Mr.Dad: As long as you ARE going to unblock her eventually… MattyPatty: oh ya for sure MattyPatty: Ill unblock her in like two hours dw ur pretty little head takashi Mr.Dad: I hope my disappointment in everyone today can be felt through the screen. Mrs.Dad: he’s been dad sighing like all over the house hehe Samurai: I know you think it’s cute Adam, but it’s really just annoying Mr.Dad: Well I’m going to ignore you being a little brat right now because at least we know that you are safe too. Mr.Dad: Hunk Hunky: Dad?? MattyPatty: *little smacky steps* Mrs.Dad: daddy? :0 Sharpshooter: do i LOOK– Mr.Dad: This is why I put an end to Vine Sunday. Sharpshooter: we’re too powerful MattyPatty: too MIGHTY Mrs.Dad: little puny takashi cant handle the power Mr.Dad: Funny how I wasn’t little or puny last night Sharpshooter: OH SHIT MattyPatty: AKSHDLKSJDFL SHIRO LMAO Hunky: I was just here to report that I was safe and sound Hunky: That is no longer true :( Mr.Dad: I’m sorry Hunk. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up Hunky: It’s okay Hunky: Im scarred for life but I respect you more than I did before Hunky: I honestly didnt know I could respect you any more than I already did but you learn new things every day ig Mr.Dad: I am leaving the phone now to attend to my husband MattyPatty: oooo attend to him ey Mr.Dad: I think he’s actually dying though Sharpshooter: FROM THAT DICK Mr.Dad: Lance Mr.Dad: He laughed so hard that he passed out Mr.Dad: And I mean Mr.Dad: I’m kind of proud? Sharpshooter: you should be man MattyPatty: yeah go shiro!! MattyPatty: the kiddos will be fine so dw about caring for your passed out husband MattyPatty: im sure everyone will have a great time and be super safe and not do drugs Sharpshooter: yeah yeah! Sharpshooter: twas only joking before about las drogas Mr.Dad: Hm okay Mr.Dad: have fun! Samurai: we will Sharpshooter: fo sho Hunky: I get to see Shay!! Sharpshooter: Hunk we literally do not deserve you Hunky: You know it Lance loved parties. He also loved Keith. Keith who was at a party with him. With him . Lance barely stopped himself from squealing like a little school girl every time Keith smiled at him on a normal day, but Keith smiling at him at a party ? Lance might as well just die happy. He knew that a party wasn’t really Keith’s scene, but seeing Keith let loose and actually have fun with him made Lance want to abandon the party entirely and just get Keith somewhere private--not because of anything inappropriate, no, no, Lance was a good boy who makes even Mr. Hypocrite Himself (Shiro) proud (but certain... things ...would definitely be, um, not unwelcome if they happened one day). He mostly wanted to cuddle with Keith. Cuddling is severely underrated, and frankly, Ny-- the she-demon --never wanted to touch him, let alone cuddle him, so forgive him if he’s a bit touch-starved in the romance department (Keith is touch-starved too, so it works out great for both of them). And the cuddling would have for sure commenced by now because Lance is a loving boyfriend and never hesitates to show it (suck it Shiro, he is good for Keith), but ...he couldn’t find his mullet man anywhere.
I mean, seriously. He makes me promise not to leave him, and then leaves ME. C’mon, Keithy, where are you?
Lance tried to ask around, but everything was so loud that nobody really understood him and kept pointing him towards the alcohol. He would ask Hunk, his beautiful bestie, but he couldn’t even find him , and Hunk was like a bajillion feet tall! Then again, Hunk was probably dealing with stupid Rax with his stupid name right now, so he wouldn’t be that much of a help anyways. Eventually, Lance found Plaxum who must’ve just known somehow he was looking for Keith (Lance didn’t realize how obvious his “lost puppy” look was to people who were any less than blackout drunk) and pointed him in the direction of one of Shay’s storage closets or a very tiny room. And let’s just say the sight that greeted Lance when he quietly slipped into the room (big closet??) was definitely not what he expected. Keith (Keith!!) was slumped in a corner, having just finished emptying out his stomach into a poor, defenseless plant. He slowly looked up at the new intruder, immediately relaxing once he realized who it was. “Lance..?” All of Lance’s inner boyfriend-ly instincts flared up as soon as he heard Keith’s weak voice call out to him. As Lance walked closer, gently shutting the door behind him and switching on the light, Keith tried to lift himself up to reach him but ended up just sort of shifting in his direction. “Hey Keithy,” he cooed as he knelt down beside him. “Cariño what’s wrong? Did someone spike your water or something?” Keith let out another pitiful sound and let his head flop onto Lance’s shoulder. Lance, ever the opportunist, began to play with Keith’s hair (Keith banned him from playing with his hair the other day when Lance almost yanked out a fistful of hair after being scared by Shiro walking in on them cuddling). Keith leaned into the touch, and mumbled out “...Milk.” Lance’s eyes widened in understanding. Keith either forgot to take his lactaid pill or someone had slipped him something with milk in it. Lance really wasn’t sure how that could happen--and also wasn’t sure what at this party could even have milk in it in the first place--but after this past year, he’s learned not to question anything anymore. He was kind of aggravated at Keith for not obeying his very first rule, though if it was a food item then he supposed it was on him for not clarifying that the food might not be safe for consumption either. “Oh shit. Sorry dude.” Keith weakly slapped Lance’s shoulder. “Don’t ‘dude’ me when I’m dying.” While it was typically a good sign that Keith still had some snark left in him, Lance knew that Keith needed to be taken home. Like now. “Pfft, okay, bro --” A much harder slap, followed by an unintelligible string of words that was definitely an insult. “Ouch Keefers. Fucking hurt my shoulder and my heart with that one.” Lance put Keith’s arm around the back of his neck and started to stand the both of them up, but his efforts were thwarted by the Man of Mullet himself. “Nuh-uh. Ain’t goin’ anywhere.” And of course Keith was still stubborn, even on his milk-induced deathbed. Country Keith showing up was a surprise though. Lance sighed, “Keith, babe, we gotta get you home. Shiro is gonna kill me if he finds out I let you stay after this.” He tried to stand them up again, but Keith just nuzzled further into his neck and tightly wrapped his arm around his back, effectively trapping him in place. “M’tired. Wanna sleep.” Oh. My. God. He’s so cute!! Wait, fuck, no, BAD LANCE. Now Lance is a weak, weak man, and he would normally be over the moon about Clingy Keith making an appearance, but the possibility of death by an angry Shiro really put a damper on things. There was also the looming possibility that if Lance didn’t get him home in time, Keith might throw up on him, and yeah, he loves Keith, but vomit is just gross and really hard to get out of clothes. But if Keith wouldn’t move, then Lance wasn’t sure how they were going to get out of this room-closet-whatever thing in the first place. Unless … Lance whipped out his phone, the motion allowing Keith to burrow further into him, if that were even possible, and opened his messages with Shiro. Sharpshooter to Mr.Dad Sharpshooter: um so keith got milk somehow and no i wasnt with him but he left me so you cant be mad at me you have to be mad at keith and anyways hes kinda out of it rn but he wont let me go so i cant get him out of the party and ya thats it Mr.Dad: Oh wow Mr.Dad: First of all, I’m not mad at you Lance Sharpshooter: thank god i was so worried :( Mr.Dad: Second of all, Keith is very stubborn Sharpshooter: ...is that it? Mr.Dad: Well I don’t know what he wants Mr.Dad: If we find out what he wants then he’ll leave as long as he can have it Sharpshooter: OH RIHGT Sharpshooter: gimme a sec Lance glanced down at Keith, who was still very snuggly, and, asking future Keith to forgive his sins, quickly snapped a picture of him before Clingy Keith was ruined by his and Shiro’s plan. “Hey, Keefers, um,” Lance really didn’t know how to phrase it, but he figured Keith was out of it enough to not really need any nuance. “What do you, uh, want right now?” Okay, well that sounded a bit too suggestive, but he won’t take it that way right? I don’t know what I’d do if he told me he wanted...that kind of stuff. “You. I just want you.” Aw, babe. The babe in question decided that Lance absolutely needed to go into cardiac arrest at the moment and kissed his neck. So while Loverboy Lance was mentally keysmashing, Rational Lance was attempting to text Shiro while simultaneously showing affection to Keith, who had started pressing chaste kisses all over his face. Sharpshooter to Mr.Dad Sharpshooter: hard to text bc kef but he wnts me Mr.Dad: I figured. Mr.Dad: I called your mom and told her the situation Mr.Dad: She said it’s fine if you crash at our place YES! “You can have me all to yourself, Keith, don’t worry,” Lance said, maneuvering himself and Keith to a position that allowed him to cup Keith’s face in both of his hands. “But, um, you don’t want me in, like, a sexual way, right? Because I think Shiro will revoke my sleepover privileges if you do.” Ugh, this is so awkward. But also Keith is so cute, holy quiznak. And I did have to cover all my bases. Keith furrowed his eyebrows in confusion (very adorably, might he add). “We’ve never done anything like that before, and if we tried anything, I would throw up on you.” Lance giggled and booped Keith on the nose. “Fair enough, Mullet, fair enough.” Keith (weakly) smacked Lance in the face this time. “Cuddle me,” he demanded (again, adorably, but also ow, that kind of hurt). “We can cuddle back at your place! Shiro told me to take you home and stay the night.” Now that got Keith’s attention. “Really?!” He said, clamoring to his feet “I can’t believe Takashi actually--” Keith gripped his stomach and fell onto Lance, who had just started to rise from where Keith had unceremoniously let him fall on the floor. “Oof Keef, give a man some warning next time you wanna try trust falls,” Lance gasped, fully shouldering Keith’s weight. Since his boyfriend was clearly out of commission now, Lance started for the door, shifting Keith until he was only draped over one side of him (a lot better for walking and opening and closing doors and literally everything else than having Keith basically trying to tackle him from the front), and lead himself and Keith out of the whatever-the-fuck area they were in, Keith grumbling about dairy being “the fucking Eden apple or some shit, I dunno the Book of Geneva”. “It’s Genesis, actually,” Lance supplied, earning himself yet another slap to the face, though this one was more of a slow dragging of Keith’s hand down his eye and nose. His phone started buzzing just then, and thinking it was Shrio texting to check in on Keith, he scrambled to get it out. Even though Shiro wasn’t mad at him, Lance wasn’t taking any chances. Seeing who actually texted him, Lance was even more stressed out. Oh shit, it’s Pidge. Lance scanned the crowd and quickly found Pidge in a small corner of the kitchen in front of himself and Keith. She was talking to, uh, John? Jackson? Jeff?? Yeah, Jeff sounds right. So Pidge was talking to Jeff, and Jeff was clearly flirting with Pidge, which was just peak comedy in Lance’s opinion. She didn’t look like she was in any danger, and Rax was probably still watching over that group of theirs, so this was probably not an “oh no! Help me, Lance!” text and more of a “haha what an idiot, am I right, Lance?” text. I guess that’s what she texted about. Poor guy. She’s gonna break his wittle heart. At his side, Keith whimpered as another wave of nausea hit him, and Lance knew he needed to get him out of the party ASAP. He glanced back towards the kitchen and saw her play-fighting with Jeff. I guess he took the rejection well. Good for him! I’m glad they’re acting like normal. Pidge saw Lance was looking over and waved enthusiastically. Lance smiled and waved back before remembering he was still on a mission. With a two-fingered salute towards Pidge and Jeff, Lance left the house (and the party) and half-carried, half-dragged Keith to the car and strapped him into the passenger’s seat. Avoiding Keith’s grabby hands, Lance darted around the front of the car to slip into the driver’s seat and begin the ride to Keith’s house. Before he could move his hand away from the gear shift, Keith reached out to lace their fingers together on the center console. Lance, to his credit, did not crash the car out of sheer surprise at Keith actually being awake, but he did jump a little bit, which made Keith mad and consequently tighten his grip on his hand to the point that he cracked all of Lance’s knuckles and his wrist somehow. Sometimes Lance really did think that Keith wasn’t fully human. The drive to Keith’s house was mostly uneventful, spare the occasional “oh shit Keith might throw up right now” moment. If Keith had been awake enough, he would definitely be proud of just how much Lance ignored traffic laws tonight. Shiro, who saw him speed into the driveway, was decidedly not proud. “Lance McClain! I told you to get here as soon as possible-- not to try and get yourself and Keith wrapped around a goddamn tree!” Shiro shouted, speed-walking towards the car like it was the last item at a Black Friday sale. Lance got out of the car as quickly as he could without dislodging Keith too much and met him halfway. “Every time I slowed down, Keith got all green! My parents would kill me if I got vomit in the car!” Shiro’s angry expression morphed into one of concern as Keith, now mostly awake, tried (and failed) to gracefully exit Lance’s car, and instead face-planted on the concrete below. Lance burst into laughter, decidedly ignoring the death stare Shiro sent his way as he rushed to Keith’s side. “Keith! Are you--Lance stop laughing--are you okay?” Keith groaned and wrapped himself around Shiro’s back. “Can I sleep now?” “Of course you can,” Shiro smiled, shifting Keith until he could stand up without dropping Keith back on the ground. “Let me just get you settled and then I’ll find Lance some pajamas so he can stay with you.” Lance stopped laughing in time to return the sleepy smile Keith sent his way before burying his head against Shiro’s shoulder. The next thirty minutes or so consisted of getting Koala Keith--a rare subset of Clingy Keith, only appearing when he was being carried--to take some medicine and head to bed. Keith swore he would never drink milk ever again, even if it was on accident (a lie), and Lance promised to not leave his side after he fell asleep (also a lie, but Lance had to change and wash his face, so it was at least excusable) before Keith finally allowed himself to sleep. In hindsight, they probably should’ve tried harder to get Keith to change too, but he kept saying that his clothes were “a reminder of his past sins” or something–the dairy made him very biblical for some reason–so Shiro made the executive decision to just give up. Lance was finishing up his nightly skincare routine (Keith let him keep some of his stuff there in case of impromptu sleepovers) when Shiro gently knocked on the door before walking into the small bathroom. “You got everything okay?” He said cautiously. Lance figured he felt guilty about what he said before the party, but he didn’t really need to apologize. I mean, an apology would be nice of course, but taking care of a person together really is just the ultimate olive branch. “Yeah. Thanks for these comfy PJs!” Lance grinned up at him and smoothed his hands over the soft material. “What are they? Silk?” Shiro laughed. “They’re Adam’s.” Lance nodded in understanding. Adam was a “bougie bitch”--his words, not Lance’s, though he wasn’t wrong. Even on a teacher’s salary, he always was able to budget well enough to afford the best of the best when it came to sleepwear. According to Adam, “If you’re going to spend a third of your life asleep, then you better be doing that shit in comfort and in style”. With nothing else to say, the silence dragged on between them, only broken once Lance was unable to hold back his yawn. “If it’s alright with you, I think I’m gonna–” Lance cleared his throat before launching into what was, in his opinion, the “most darn-tootin’-est” country accent in the entire world “--hit the hay, yee haw.” Shiro stared blankly at him for a bit before letting out an awkward laugh. “I really don’t know how I could have ever thought you would hurt Keith. Well, unless you talk to him in that accent–I think you might kill him with that one.” Lance smiled at the attempt to clear the air before remembering to defend his honor. He placed one hand on his hap, using the other to wag a finger in Shiro’s face. “Hey! I’ll have you know that Keith loves my accent. If he dies from hearing it, then it’s just because his soul couldn’t handle hearing my awesomeness!” Lance jutted his chin in the air, proud at his clear defeat of Takashi Shirogane. “Sure, Lance. Sure.” Shiro clapped him on the shoulder, forcing him to look back into his eyes. “Keith is probably going to wake up angry if you don’t get out there soon.” Lance peeked over Shiro’s shoulder towards the room where a Keith-shaped lump would certainly be shifting around, cuddling his stuffed hippo, and shooting him some patented finger guns, Lance left Shiro and made his way to Keith’s room, making sure to be as quiet as possible as to not wake Adam somewhere else in the house. He crept into the bedroom and into the bed, closing the door behind him, trying not to startle Keith awake because that would probably not be good for his newly-settled stomach or Lance’s borrowed silk pajamas. Wrapping himself around Keith (ha! Take that Keith– Lance is the big spoon now!), Lance brushed some of Keith’s hair away, kissing the now-exposed skin. Lance smiled and then quickly stiffened as he heard Keith groan, blinking awake. “...Lance?” Keith mumbled, turning around in Lance’s arms until they were face-to-face. “Hey, Cariño,” Lance trailed his fingers along Keith’s arms. “What’s up?” Keith shoved his head into Lance’s chest, his next words muffled by Lance’s pajama shirt. “Keithy, if you want me to hear what you’re saying, you’re gonna have to actually speak to me,” Lance laughed, moving back to lift Keith’s chin up with his pointer finger. “You were right,” He said sleepily. “Your hips don’t lie.” Now it was Lance’s turn to muffle himself in his partner’s shirt. “Ay, Dios Mío, Keith,” Lance giggled into his adorable, cuddly boyfriend's chest, “Vas a ser la muerte de mí.” Keith yawned one last time before fully burying himself in Lance’s arms, drifting into what was probably going to end up being another nightmare about Lance with a milk bottle for a face (AKA: the one that typically followed a lactose incident). Lance sighed contentedly before shutting his eyes and joining Keith in his slumber. …Or so he thought. Lance tried to fall asleep–he really did! But something felt…off. Like he was missing something. Or like something bad had happened. He went through the events of the night trying desperately to find the source of his worry that must’ve just been overshadowed by the Keith situation. But he couldn’t think of anything, and if he didn’t go to sleep soon enough, Keith would realize something was wrong–his ear was literally right over Lance’s chest, and his Keith was a light sleeper. Lance’s gut feelings have typically been incorrect in the past anyway (case in point, Ny–THE SHE DEMON) so this probably wasn’t going to be any different. Yeah , Lance thought, I just need some sleep and then everything will be fine in the morning, right? Right. And so, pushing away the feeling of unease, he held Keith tighter and fell asleep. Pidge liked parties. Well, this was the only party she’d ever been to, but if all parties were like this then she supposed they couldn’t be all that bad. Matt wasn’t a big partier in college, but Shiro was, and if the resident dad-friend liked them so much, then her current hypothesis must be correct. She lost Keith and Lance pretty early on (apparently they had escaped to some supply closet or something, which was ironic because, well, gay , but was also just really gross) and Hunk was desperately trying to impress Rax (a stupid name by the way, but her name was Pidge so she really couldn’t judge), but she found some of her new, a million times cooler, friends from tech crew hanging out in one of Shay’s kitchens, so it was alright. Sara, Theresa, Paige, Skylar, and Jake (AKA: the other “freshie techies”, as the upperclassmen, namely Lance, because he’s an idiot, dubbed them) were squished in a corner laughing at something somebody said–whatever it was, it probably wasn’t very funny, but it seemed like they were decidedly not sober at the moment, so Pidge didn’t mind. She put on her best smirk and walked up to them, leaning back against the counter. “What’s up, losers.” “Pidge!!” Parties are really loud and also hard to see in, Pidge discovered. She couldn’t tell if Sara or Theresa said that or if both of them did, but it didn’t really matter--she just wanted to hang around and listen to whatever they were talking about. Social interaction in the real world is hard (hacking the FBI is a much better use of her time, especially now that she can prank that fucker Curtis and his idiot boss whenever she wants). Someone grabbed her arm. “Hiya, Katie.” This was Jake. He was annoying in a straight man sort of way, but he was the only one of her fellow techies that liked robots as much as she did, so he was tolerable at the very least. He could try to not call her Katie though. Or touch her without her permission. Like she said: annoying in a straight man sort of way. But…he was still her friend, so she had to say something to him. “Long time no see, nerd.” The others suddenly got all weird. They started giggling and shoving Jake around, giving him knowing looks. It really wasn’t subtle, but that was to be expected. They were very high. “We have to, uh, go water Shay’s plants! Yes!” Was that Theresa? It was still hard to see, and everyone talking over each other didn’t help. The group’s giggling escalated as they clambered around Jake and Pidge to exit the kitchen. This is why Pidge doesn’t do drugs. If she was ever seen acting like this, her reputation would be ruined. Before the “freshie techies” moved out of sight, one of the girls turned around and yelled, “Bye Pidge!!! Bye Jake!!! Have fun lol.” At least Pidge could say for certain that that was Theresa. Nobody else actually said “lol” out loud.
…Okay, maybe Lance did, but that’s it.
“So…” Jake said, sauntering towards her with a hand in his pocket and an awkward look in his eyes. Oh great. Here he goes. Despite how “sneaky” the others had been, Pidge knew exactly why she and Jake were left alone. She had long-suspected that Jake had developed feelings for her–who wouldn’t? She’s fucking amazing–but she hadn’t thought he would ever think he had enough of a shot to actually make a move on her, let alone get their mutual friends to help with it. Yes, Pidge hadn’t exactly come out to him or the others yet. It wasn’t her fault though–she just kept forgetting that coming out was something she had to do for them to know. “It’s been really great getting to know you these past few months…” He used his free hand to rub the back of his neck, creeping closer by the second. Ugh, this is so gross. Despite what she loudly claims, Pidge actually loves romance. But having it directed at her ? No. Just no. But maybe Jake would ask her out in a funny way, so that she could at least have a good laugh. Or even ask her out in a punny w–Nope. Lance was becoming way too strong of an influence on her. “And I was thinking that, um, maybe we could get to know each other better? Like, on a date? Maybe?” Pidge’s disappointment was immeasurable, and her day was ruined. There was nothing to do now but reject him. “No.” She said flatly. She could tell the party was still raging around her, and at this point nothing seemed more appealing than disappearing into a sea of dancing people, never to be found again. Jake’s smile faltered and the arm on his neck fell to his side. He was quick to hide the change in his expression, however, forcing a strained grin onto his face. “Oh! If you aren’t into me like that, I mean, I’d be down for just something that’s just, um, physical .” Huh. That’s…certainly not what Pidge had been expecting. She knew Jake was giving off a bit of a desperate vibe at the moment, but she didn’t think he would stoop this low just to be with her in some capacity. When Pidge zoned back into the conversation, she flinched, finally noticing just how close she had let him get. “I just really like you a lot, so I’d take whatever you’d be willing to give.” Ew. Ew. Ew. How was she ever going to talk to this guy again? Pidge wondered if this was how Allura felt having to constantly reject Lance. Then again, Lance was never like this. And she was at least 90% sure that every time Lance asked Allura out was just part of an inside joke between the two of them after that first rejection. Nevertheless, Pidge had a Jake to reject (in a way that ensured there would be no more situations like this one, joke or not). She took a deep breath before continuing, looking directly into Jake’s eyes to be sure he understood. “Sorry, but no.” He didn’t even try to conceal his disappointment this time. Pidge continued, only a little disturbed by the vacant expression that had taken over his face, “It’s not that I’m not into you , it’s that I’m not into anyone . Romantically or sexually.” That should do it. Quick and painless. Like ripping off a bandaid. He still didn’t look like he understood yet, and honestly, the emptiness in his eyes was getting a little creepy, so Pidge decided to be as direct as she could ever possibly be. “I’m aromantic-asexual.” She figured that if he doesn’t get the hint now, then he’s an idiot. “I mean, maybe you haven’t met the right guy yet?” So he’s an idiot. Also, what the fuck? Her eyes narrowed. “First of all, if I did somehow miraculously find anyone attractive, it would definitely be a girl because guys suck, and second of all, that will never happen because I don’t, and never will , feel that way towards anyone .” Pidge caught a glimpse of Lance on the other side of the room, Keith clinging to him like he was the only thing keeping him standing. Ew, what were they doing in that closet? Also, Pidge always thought it would be Lance that was the...Ugh, it didn’t matter. Maybe if she could just get Lance’s attention somehow-- “Well, maybe you’ve never had romantic feelings towards someone, and that’s fine, but how would you know you don’t like sex if you’ve never tried it?” What. The. Fuck. “I don’t know, how do you know you don’t want to have sex with guys?” Not the best comeback, but she was a bit preoccupied trying to get Lance’s attention. Curse her shortness. Oh! Podge to Sharpshooter Podge: help me im in kitchen this guy is creeping me out i feel unsafe “That’s different.” Look at your phone, Lance, come on. You just got it back, you should be all over that thing . You said you’d answer if we needed help. She didn’t waste time learning how to discreetly text for this not to work. Come on, come on, come on, come on. “It’s really not. Look, my friends are waiting for me--see, they’re right over there,” she gestured towards the stumbling mass that was Klance, “So if you want to stop being an ignorant asshole, I suggest you leave me the fuck alone for the rest of the night.” Lance wasn’t going to check his phone anytime soon (stupid, distracting, sleepy Keith), and Matt had her blocked for being mean to his stupid, distracting, FBI agent boyfriend, so she would just have to make it over to Lance and get him to take her home. Easy. It was so easy. “What if I don’t want to?” Pidge was so focused on trying to inch away from Jake so that she could make a break for Lance that it took a few seconds for what he said to register. Wait, did Lance just look at his phone? Thank god. He’ll come get me soon! “Excuse me?!” “You’re one of those science nerds right?” And here she thought he was a “nerd” too. “Well then here’s a hypothesis for you: if you have sex with the right person, then you’ll realize you were wrong about this ‘asexuality’ crap.” Pidge had honestly thought the aphobia had been bad in Texas, but somehow this one guy was worse than any of the other bigots she had encountered. She distantly wondered if maybe that was because he was supposed to be her friend. “Yeah right. And how are you even going to support your ‘hypothesis’? You have zero evidence.” That was so stupid. That was so stupid . Why would she challenge him like that? “That’s where the experiment comes in right? I’ll have sex with you, and you’ll realize you’re wrong, and I’m right.” What the fuck what the fuck. “Dude. No. I’ve said no like a thousand times--Hey! Let me go!” No. No. No. This cannot be happening right now. She was supposed to have a good time at this stupid party. She was supposed to get to Lance if she wanted to leave. Lance was supposed to take her home. She was supposed to go home and be able to laugh about this random straight kid with her brother. She saw Lance look at his phone, so didn’t he know what happened? “Shh, Katie, be quiet. Trust me, I can fix you. You can be non-romantic or whatever the fuck you call it, but denying basic animal instincts? What makes you human? Saying you’re asexual is like saying you’re gonna just choose to not eat food anymore.” He wouldn’t let go. She kept pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and– “You say that like being ace is a choice ,” she spat. “And don’t call me Katie. I’m not going to say this again. Let. Me. Go .” Let go let go let go let go let go let go “It is a choice, Katie . Once we get into it, you’ll love it!” His lips curled in baleful pleasure. “I promise.”
Let go let go let go. Lance. Keith. Hunk. Anyone. Please.
Pidge did the last thing she ever wanted to do. She screamed, waving her arms in Lance’s direction. Please see me. Please help. “Jake, get OFF of me!! Lance! Keith! Hu--mph!!!” Jake shoved his hand over her mouth, hiding her from the rest of the partygoers by backing her into the corner she had been oh-so-carefully trying to sneak out of. He leaned in, lips brushing her ear. “You should talk less. You’re a lot prettier when you’re quiet.” As Jake dragged Pidge away from the rest of the party, she saw Lance take Keith out the front door and felt herself grow numb. Pidge liked hated parties. Keith hated parties. But he loved what came after. Waking up with Lance in his arms was probably his favorite thing in the world, especially after a night of feeling like he’d been run over by his motorcycle three times over. Lance tried to be the big spoon last night, but somehow he and Keith had ended up switching positions in their sleep. He was pretty sure that Nyma was the one that gave him whatever it was that had milk in it, but he already knew she was a horrible person, so he wasn’t surprised enough to be mad at her. Honestly, I should thank her , he thought. Somehow, Lance and Shiro had gotten over themselves and apologized (Keith was conscious enough to understand that much), and Lance got to sleep over. Oh right. Lance. Keith didn’t want to risk waking Lance up (Lance hated being woken up. The first, and last, time Keith woke him up, Lance had ranted for an hour about how his body was “a temple that couldn’t be roused without the delicate rays of the sun”. Keith still didn’t understand what that meant, but he supposed the “delicate rays of the sun” really meant that he just liked to sleep in.), so he tightened his grip around him and fell back to sleep. At least, he would have, if it weren’t for Shiro bursting through the door at that very moment, face ghastly pale. “Keith,” Lance whined, stretching as he rose from the sheets. “I told you not to–” He stopped his complaint short when he saw Shiro’s face. “It’s Pidge.” And just like that, Keith’s blood went cold. Takashi used to love parties. But he’s older now, and after hearing Matt’s heaving breaths across the small phone speaker, hearing Matt attempting to come down from a panic attack while trying to communicate something no one should ever have to put to words, he doesn’t think parties will ever be something he enjoys again. Takashi knew it could be worse, knew that Pidge could’ve– He didn’t want to think about it. So he didn’t. He just drove. Matt used to hate parties. Takashi and Adam, despite appearances, were always more up to party than he ever was. Unfortunately, his persona led people to believe he was a big partier, and so he rolled with it, making jokes and pretending like parties were the best thing in the world.
Well nobody’s ever gonna pressure you to go to one again, so–NO. That’s a horrible thought, Matthew. What the hell is wrong with you? You never do anything right. It was your job to protect your little sister, and you failed, just like you always do. This is all–
He looked up as the door to the police station opened, and as soon as he saw Curtis, he broke. A river of shame-filled tears poured down his face as he gripped Curtis like he was his lifeline. He should’ve never blocked her number, not even as a joke. This was all his fault. It’s always his fault. He didn’t notice when Takashi, Keith, and Lance showed up. He didn’t even notice who was already there. Nyma loves parties. Nothing is ever going to change that, not even when Keith Bitch-Ass Kogane showed up. She doesn’t really know what Lance sees in him. Sure, he’s not unfortunate-looking, and he seems sweet and all, but he can’t even drink milk, for God’s sake! Rolo would call that a Beta move , she thought sardonically as she glanced around the police station. When she asked Rolo to come with her, he laughed in her face telling her that it “isn’t that big of a deal, baby, you’re just sensitive,” and that was that. She sent a breakup text an hour later. Nyma didn’t consider herself to be the best person around–she’s self-aware enough to realize that she’s done some objectively bad things (see: the whole Lance situation)--and an argument could be made that she hasn’t really changed all that much (see: slipping Keith some dairy so he would be sick all night and, hopefully, all the next day as well), but she’s not a monster . That Katie, Pidge, whatever girl needed help, and some petty grudge against Lance and his friends wasn’t going to stop her from doing what she could. Nyma was the one who called the police last night, and while Kogane should definitely be arrested for crimes against fashion any day of the week, it was something much more serious that led to her decision. She had been minding her own business near the kitchen, mocking Lance and Keith as they trudged out of a closet– oh, the irony –and out of the party, when she heard some weird noises coming from behind her. One of Lance’s friends–the androgynous-looking tech girl–was roughhousing with one of her friends–also in tech. Now she had seen them do this practically everyday, so she was about to disregard this as them just being stupid until she heard some of what the tiny girl was saying. “--not going to say this again. Let. Me. Go.” The music suddenly grew louder, and Nyma could no longer hear the exchange, but she didn’t need to hear anymore in order to know what was going on. The situation in the kitchen continued to escalate, and when she tried to intervene, Rolo showed up and kept attempting to pull her away for some “alone time.” Eventually, she gave up on trying to follow them at all, and she decided to trust her gut instinct and call the cops. She told Rolo she was calling Shay to figure out where she could find some quality alcohol and slipped away from him towards where the girl was taken, dialing 911 as she went. Nyma stops herself from recalling what she saw when she found them, trying to force herself to be grateful that she was able to catch him before he could get too far, rather than feel guilty that she didn’t get there in time to stop it all. The girl, Pidge, as it turns out, was too upset and scared to even move, so Nyma went to the police station with her. In hindsight, it was probably for the best that Rolo declined to come with. If she were Pidge, Nyma doubted she would want to be near any guy at all right now, especially one she hated. After the police questioned her, Nyma was free to leave, but…leaving felt wrong. Not because she, like, cared about Pidge or anything, but because it was just the right thing to do. A man she assumed to be Pidge’s brother (they looked scarily similar, and she would actually assume they were twins if it weren’t for the fact that he was an actual beanpole and she was a mere bean) was already sitting in the waiting room when she arrived, being comforted by another man in the chair next to him, and she had been sitting across the room from them for about thirty minutes when her drama teacher’s husband walked in, Keith and Lance trailing behind him. Nyma bet they hated parties now. Nyma thought that maybe she did too. Frankly, Allura didn’t care about parties. She didn’t dislike them per se, but she didn’t go out of her way to attend them either. But as she watched Matthew receive Pidge’s call, as she watched all of the happiness and joy drain from his face, as she watched him, devoid of all emotion, tell Coran to find someone to take his shift, she realized that she had always been on the fence about them for a reason. She never thought someone could do something that despicable. Even Lotor of all people knew how to respect a person’s boundaries. Allura realized she had been naive to the world for far too long. And maybe that naivety made her partially responsible for what happened to Pidge that night. She continued to wait tables, after all, covering Matthew’s shift was the least she could do, but as the day wore on, her mental state continued to worsen until she had to have Coran cover for her section while she attempted to do office work. Attempted, but failed to, because when Coran went to check on her after an early closing, she was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, her face red and blotchy as if she had been crying for hours. Her uncle hugged her, and it seemed to Allura as if everything was alright with the world again, if only for the minutes she spent in his warm embrace. It’s safe to say that Hunk hated parties, even before getting knocked out by Rax twenty minutes after arriving last night. And hey, all Hunk did was kiss Shay’s forehead, but Rax saw it and decided that one forehead kiss was a cardinal sin. Hunk woke up when the police arrived but was too out of it to figure out what had happened. It was only when Rax was helping Shay get him into a car to drive them down to the police station that he realized something must have gone terribly wrong. Honestly, Shay didn’t give a flip about parties. She only had one in the first place because she figured Rax wouldn’t dare do anything mean to Hunk in a public setting with so many witnesses. But when those witnesses are drunk and/or high because NOBODY LISTENED TO HER WHEN SHE SAID NOT TO BRING ANYTHING OF THE SORT TO HER HOUSE OF ALL PLACES, all bets are off apparently. She couldn’t even be mad at Rax though. He helped out with tech, and Shay knew that deep down, he loved “that little bitch-ass gremlin” just as much as the rest of them, so even though he didn’t look it, she could tell that he blamed himself for what happened. He was supposed to watch over the freshmen that night, but he left them as soon as he saw Hunk arrive. Shay would never think that it was his fault, but Rax was always stubborn. It seemed like this was the one case she would never be able to convince him to her side. She didn’t think she would be throwing any more parties anytime soon. Or ever again. Time didn’t exist. Well, it existed, but not in any tangible way. Meaningless specs of memories floated through her mind as events blurred past her eyes. She knew she wasn’t
there
anymore. But she wasn’t exactly sure where
here
was. She knew she was talking, retelling the story that had been etched in her mind, never to leave, no matter how hard she tried. She knew she began blocking out whatever the hell these people were saying once they told her there was “--nothing we can do. There’s no evidence of these events, ma’am. Jake is a good kid, and this would be very out of character for him. Yes, you seem to be in an extreme state of distress, but even if this did happen, he probably just thought you were into him. Now, we’re going to have to–” Nothing they can do.
Nothing they can do.
NOTHING
She doesn’t remember anything from that point on. All she knows is that because of her everyone she loves is hurting. She shouldn’t have complained. She probably did lead him on. This is exactly what she asked for. Time continued to blur. Then she woke up. MattyPatty added Sharpshooter , Samurai , Princess , Mustache , Console Cutie , Hunky , RockQueen , RaxAttax , Mr.Dad , Mrs.Dad , and Nymaste to Pidge Protection Pack MattyPatty: hey guys MattyPatty: she’s still not up MattyPatty: i think MattyPatty: either way she isnt talking MattyPatty: ik nobody feels like talking MattyPatty: i just thought you’d all want to know Console Cutie: how are you holding up? Console Cutie: how is everybody holding up actually? MattyPatty: i dont know Mr. Dad: You don’t have to know. Mrs. Dad: I think we are all very shocked and upset right now Mustache: I agree. Mustache: Right now, all we need to do is be there for Pidge when she comes to us. Mustache: We be strong for her, and in this chat, and this chat alone, we be strong for each other. Mustache: I have seen situations like these. Mustache: Everybody likes to put blame on themselves, disregarding the only person who is to blame–the person that hurt the victim in the first place. Mustache: No matter how guilty any of you are feeling, it is not your fault, and it will never be your fault what happened to Pidge. Mustache: I will always be available to talk if any one of you needs me. Mustache: Even you, Nyma. Despite how you betrayed my dear friend Lance. Nymaste: omg did he tell literally everyone wtf Mustache: As I was saying, I know I typically fill the “comic relief” role, but I believe you all forget that I am also your friend and confidant. Mustache: And that I am an adult with a great deal more experience than the rest of you. Mustache: Now is a time when I am required to be serious, and so I shall be very serious. Mustache: Matthew, Keith, Shay, and Allura, I will be requiring you to take a (paid) leave of absence for the next two weeks or so in order to allow you to be there for Pidge and for yourselves. Mustache: I have a restaurant to attend to in the meantime, but my phone will be on vibrate in case you all have a need for me :3) <3 MattyPatty: um wow MattyPatty: im cryng MattyPatty: anyways if this is going to be some sort of support group maybe we should all share our feelings Nymaste: um maybe we shouldn’t? Nymaste: idk why im even here like im fine Sharpshooter: new chat name bitch? Sharpshooter: you seem to switch those faster than you switch the dicks youre riding Princess: Lance! Nymaste: ok wow way to thank me for saving ur little friend Hunky: dude I know you feel horrible but that’s just not an okay thing to say Sharpshooter: oh so because she did one good thing we have to be all buddy buddy now Samurai: Lance nobody is saying that Sharpshooter: shut the fuck up Kogane Mr.Dad: Lance do not talk to him that way Mrs.Dad: lance just talk to us :( Mrs.Dad: this isn’t fair to keith Sharpshooter: you wanna talk about what isnt fair, Adam? Sharpshooter: okay, let’s talk :) Sharpshooter: what isnt FAIR is that I spent most of my night taking care of KEITH because he was a fucking dumbass and disobeyed one of the first rules of partying and got himself sick and then I had to leave early and I wasnt able to help Pidge because of it Sharpshooter: she fucking sent me a text to come help her while I was dragging Keith’s sloppy ass out of that godforsaken party but i didnt see it Sharpshooter: I DIDNT FUCKING SEE IT Sharpshooter: so yeah maybe this isnt “fair” to keith but you know what? Sharpshooter: coran was fucking wrong to say this wasnt anyone’s fault Hunky: lance dont say something you’ll regret Sharpshooter: because if it wasn’t for keith this wouldve never happened Sharpshooter: if any of you try to fucking talk to me ill block you Sharpshooter: especially you keith Samurai: lance what’s going on? Sharpshooter: what’s going on is that I’m breaking up with you Samurai: but we love each other? Sharpshooter: I don’t fucking love you Sharpshooter: we’re done, Kogane Sharpshooter: get over it Sharpshooter: now everyone just leave me the fuck alone Sharpshooter left Pidge Protection Pack Mrs.Dad: oh my god Samurai: i Samurai: I didnt realize Samurai: I dont even remember what happened Samurai: lance didnt tell me about the text Princess: Keith, don’t blame yourself. MattyPatty: yeah lance was way out of line Samurai: but he’s right Mr.Dad: No he’s not. Mr.Dad: I’m going to fucking kill that boy. Hunky: oh shit Shiro cursed Mr.Dad: oh shit Hunk cursed Hunky: oops Hunky: I thik I’m in shock RockQueen: hunk? Hunky: Lance loves Keith more than anything Hunky: He would never say something like that Hunky: Like I KNOW he doesn’t believe any of the stuff he just said Nymaste: UGH RockQueen: what do you even have to say RaxAttax: hi Shay RockQueen: hi Rax :) RockQueen: You okay? RaxAttax: nah RaxAttax: hey Hunk RaxAttax: sorry for punching you Hunky: um its fine RaxAttax: nah im real torn up about it bro RaxAttax: im omw to get therapy from my man Coran RaxAttax: this who sitch is so fucked up yknow Nymaste: Can you all just stop with the friggin melodrama? Princess: Nyma, please do not make things worse right now. Nymaste: as the resident WITNESS I think I get to have a say in this stupid chat Nymaste: ANYWAYS Nymaste: as i was SAYING MattyPatty: PLEASE get to the point Nymaste: i was Nymaste: Keith I swapped your water with milk Nymaste: you bumped into somebody and you dropped your water bottle and when you went to pick it back up, I swapped it out with a water bottle full of milk Nymaste: i didnt even think it would work but apparently you are SEVERELY lactose intolerant so one gulp took you out Nymaste: if anyone is going to feel guilty about all of this, it’s me Nymaste: i even orchestrated the bump to make you drop the water bottle Nymaste: and i got Rolo to tell Rax that Shay needed help with a guy who was feeling her up JUST so Hunk would get punched RaxAttax: dudeee Hunky: oh Nymaste: I did all of this because im still mad at Lance for what happened between us Nymaste: but im not actually mad at lance Nymaste: im mad at myself for what i did to him just because i felt bad about myself and the lack of control i had in my life and he was so eager to please that i could get the control i needed through him Nymaste: but if you think for a SECOND i feel any guilt over what happened with Pidge that night then you’re wrong Nymaste: i wasnt the fucking creepo who wouldn’t take no for an answer Nymaste: i didnt drag her kicking and screaming into a dark closet where nobody would hear her scream Nymaste: what i did was SAVE HER Nymaste: I stopped it from getting any worse, and frankly that’s all that matters, isn’t it? Nymaste: some people aren’t that lucky Nymaste: MOST people aren’t that lucky Nymaste: so instead of throwing yourself a giant pity party here Nymaste: what you should be doing is living up to this chat’s dumb alliterationy name Nymaste: you need to be protecting Pidge Nymaste: not from that dumbass that already hurt her Nymaste: but from herself Nymaste: because I guarantee she is going to put all of the blame onto herself just like you all are doing now, and you are always your own worst enemy Nymaste: there’s a paradise lost quote about it i think Nymaste: anyways just stop being so depressing, send someone who understands to talk to pidge, and send keith over to make lance talk to him and give him a fucking apology because Kogane its not your fucking fault and i dont want to EVER see you taking shit like that from anyone ever again Samurai: okay :( Nymaste: Now, if it pleases everyone, I’m going to go take a well-deserved nap, and I expect you to update me in here to let me know how everything goes Nymaste: kisses bitches <33333 Mrs.Dad: I honestly didn’t expect the most profound things I’ve ever heard to come from Coran and Nyma of all people Mr.Dad: I’m still pissed the fuck off at Lance. Mrs.Dad: Honey, so am I, but you know he’s just lashing out in anger. You and I have both done that before. Remember we almost called off the engagement because of it once? Mr.Dad: Yeah I know. Mr.Dad: Once Keith can forgive him, then it’ll be alright with me. Mr.Dad: But right now, I’m going to be calling his mother to get him REGROUNDED. Mr.Dad: Just so he can’t run away when we send Keith over there to stab him. Samurai: I’m too sad to stab him :( Mr.Dad: No you aren’t. Samurai: You’re right. Mr.Dad: Don’t kill him though because he has two of your kids with him. Samurai: I hate when you make sense. Samurai: Idk if i can bring out the knives though bc he thinks they’re sexy Mr.Dad: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Hunky: is that even shiro???? Mrs.Dad: He and Keith are a lot more similar than y’all think tbh Mrs.Dad: Takashi is equally prone to violence Mrs.Dad: he just has a higher tolerance for bullshit RockQueen: I’m stepping in again to inform you guys that Rax has officially entered his therapy with Coran RockQueen: meaning he’s washing dishes, but every dish cleaned represents a part of his guilt getting washed away Hunky: :0 coran is so smart Hunky: Also what do we think of Nyma’s plan? MattyPatty: its a great idea and all but idk anyone who’s been through something similar so im not sure how to go through with it Console Cutie: I mean I’ve had my fair share of people touching me without my consent, but I don’t think I’m the best person to talk to her about this. Sure we’ve talked, and we kind of have a weird frenemies bond, but we aren’t that close. MattyPatty: yeah no youre right Princess: I will talk to her. Princess: And no I will not be talking to anyone other than Pidge about why I am the best person to speak with her about this. Princess: Is she awake now, Matthew? MattyPatty: yup MattyPatty: AND i got her to eat some toast MattyPatty: she’s not talking to me or our parents though MattyPatty: she’s just been hanging out with our doggo, but I guess its good shes seeking some sort of comfort?? Idk how these things work Princess: I will be over as soon as I can. Princess: Keith, switch to a private chat for a moment please. Samurai to Princess Samurai: You wanted to talk? Princess: Talking to Lance is going to be very difficult right now. Princess: He internalizes quite literally everything, and he is always very hard on himself. Samurai: he is broken and wont ask for help Princess: Was… Princess: Was that a Waitress reference??? Samurai: lance has been culturing me Samurai: I MISS HIM Samurai: I WANT HIM BACK I DONT EVEN CARE THAT HE WAS A COMPLETE DICK TO ME Samurai: He broke up with me Allura :(( Samurai: does he even love me anymore? Princess: Keith yes of course he still loves you Princess: Lance feels guilt strongly because he feels EVERYTHING strongly Princess: It was his downfall when he dated Nyma, and it was what made him fall so hard for you so quickly. Princess: He is such a genuine person, and sometimes he cares just so SO much for people that he forgets to care for himself. Princess: And frankly I don’t think he’s been caring for himself for a long time. Princess: But that is beside the point. Princess: What matters is that he does love you, and he loves Pidge, and at the moment he absolutely hates himself. Princess: From my experience with Lance, he most likely thinks that by blaming you for this, by pushing YOU, and the rest of us in turn, away, he won’t hurt anyone anymore. Samurai: he didn’t hurt pidge though?? Princess: Yes, but he’s not thinking clearly Keith. Princess: Lance thinks that he is the sole person to blame right now. Samurai: just like Coran said Princess: Exactly! He feels so guilty that he does not think he is worthy of you or the rest of us. He is going to continue pushing us all away while he stays miserable and alone unless someone gets it through his thick skull that this is in no way his fault. Princess: And I think that person has to be you. Princess: But one more thing Keith Princess: You need to let him know that what he said to you was in no way okay. Princess: This situation won’t be easy to fix, but I know you can do it :) Princess: And remember, if you need anything at all, I am always here to help (and so is Coran, of course!) Samurai: okay Samurai: thank you allura Samurai: and if you need to talk about whatever Samurai: im here too Samurai: we all are <3 Princess: Holy quiznak Samurai: Ughhhhh Princess: Did I, Allura Altea, just receive a coveted Keith Kogana heart emoji??? Samurai: I hate you lura Princess: AND A NICKNAME Samurai: THAT WAS A TYPO Princess: Sure it was. Samurai: Goodbye. Princess: You’re welcome!! Samurai to MamáMcClain Samurai: I’m on my way over MamáMcClain: Our boy is going to be grounded for life if he does not properly grovel for your forgiveness Samurai: yeah but its a hard time for all of us MamáMcClain: Do not let that make you let him off easy for what he said ;( Samurai: oh no he better grovel and grovel HARD Samurai: Being grounded will be the least of his worries MamáMcClain: good MamáMcClain: how is Katie doing? Samurai: not sure yet Samurai: Allura is going to check on her. MamáMcClain: Ah okay MamáMcClain: Well I better get to taking Lance’s electronics away Samurai: Let him keep his phone please? Samurai: I think you can put locks on his apps so he can only use it to contact people Samurai: But no matter what he did, Pidge deserves to have him as a resource if she wants to reach out to him, and he needs us as a support system once I can get through his thick skull and make him realize that he’s actually stupid if he thinks we blame him for this and that we don’t love him MamáMcClain: You’re a good boy Keith. MamáMcClain: Thank you for being there for my Lancito Samurai: I love him. It’s what I’m always going to do. MamáMcClain: Still, it’s nice to see him treated right for once MamáMcClain: I can only hope he does the same to you Samurai: oh trust me he’s usually very good with me Samurai: this is literally the only time I can remember where he’s made me genuinely upset Samurai: y’all raised him right MamáMcClain: Well that’s always good for a mother to know! See you soon Keith. Keith shoved his phone into his jacket pocket before making his way to Shiro and Adam’s room. Normally he would knock before going in (seeing them “play Monopoly” was literally the most traumatizing thing that had ever happened in Keith’s short life), but he knew neither of them was in the mood to do anything like that right now. He found them sitting next to each other on the bed holding hands. They always held hands when they were upset and didn’t know what to say. He’d say it was sweet, but he had an image to protect, so he didn’t say anything at all. Golden Girls was being streamed on the laptop in front of them, but Keith didn’t think they were paying very much attention to the plot. Keith took a deep breath. “I’m heading to Lance’s now.” Shiro’s head snapped up. “Like hell you are!” He made a move to stop Keith, but Adam was faster. “Honey, you have to let him go,” he soothed. “Lance is a good person, a good person who made a horrible mistake because he’s hurting a lot right now. I know he regrets what he said, we all know that. And you also know that Lance is going to have the most kick-ass apology of all time, and it’s going to be sappy and cheesy as hell, but Keith is going to swoon so hard he forgets to be mad at him for a bit.” Shiro smiles, leaning into Adam’s touch before he remembers he was supposed to be angry. “Please stab him just a little bit for me.” He attempts puppy dog eyes, but it doesn’t really work on his face. It’s actually the first thing that has made Keith laugh all day, and that makes Shiro’s gaze soften in a genuine way this time. “Okay, so you don’t have to stab him, but you can’t let him get away with it either,” he says sternly. Keith rolls his eyes and scoffs, “I’ve already heard that from like two other people. Get some new advice.” He turns around and makes to leave the room, but not before he turns around to look at his brother one more time before he goes. He lets his facade drop for just a second. “I promise I’ll take care of myself. Lance said some really shitty things, but they didn’t hurt as much as I thought because I knew he didn’t mean them. And, yes , I am going to make him beg for forgiveness, and he is going to have to take me on the best date of my life once he gets ungrounded for the second time, but we’ll be okay. He already feels bad enough as it is, and honestly, I think right now the only person we need to direct anger towards is that fucking dickhead that hurt Pidge. If anyone needs to pay at the end of all this, it’s him.” And if Keith has anything to say about it, he will. Jake is going to be sorry he ever messed with Keith Kogane’s best friend. Princess to MattyPatty Princess: I am here. Allura and Matt didn’t say anything to one another as he brought her past his parents, through the rest of their house, and finally to Pidge’s room. They didn’t have to. Everything that needed to be said was between Allura and the one person here who hadn’t spoken a word yet. Allura knows how Pidge is feeling, at least to an extent. The situations were definitely different in some major ways, but she definitely knew what it felt like to want to shut the world out in this way. The only person who knew anything about her own situation was Coran, and even then she never fully opened up about it. Technically Lotor knew as well, but that was less about her opening up and more about him being there at the right place at the right time. Maybe they were the wrong place and time since he ended up betraying her too, but he was there for her through that, and despite all the fucked up stuff he did after those hard times, she will be forever grateful for what he did for her. Allura breathes in through her nose sharply when she first sees Pidge. It’s like looking in a mirror, and though all she has to go off of are Lotor and Coran’s descriptions of how she was after it happened, it's enough to almost set her off right then and there. But no. Tears are for later. Pidge needs her to be okay right now. To show her that, eventually, it will be okay. She will be strong. She will be okay. And she will not cry. Instead, she lets herself into the dimly-lit room and only sits down next to Pidge’s bed when she hears Matt shut the door behind her. “Pidge?” No response, though Allura was not expecting one. At least not yet. “We are all very worried about you, as you know, but I decided that I needed to be the one to really try and talk to you first.” Breathe in. 1. 2. 3. 4. Hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.Breathe out. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
You can do this, Allura. You can do this. Be strong.
Be strong . “I know how you feel Pidge.” Pidge’s head turns slightly towards Allura. Keep going. “I know you don’t think I do, but trust me. You are shutting us out because you do not want to speak about what happened to you, because speaking about it will make it real, and you think that it being real makes you weak.” Pidge slowly makes eye contact with her, and it almost breaks Allura to see Pidge look so defeated. “And you are shutting yourself out–” Pidge’s eyes widen. “--because thinking about it makes you think of what you could have done differently to get out, or worst of all, makes you think about all the reasons you believe that you deserved it. But you are not weak–you are actually one of the strongest people I know–and you most certainly did not deserve this. Nobody deserves this. ”
There she is.
Pidge’s wide eyes fill with tears that threaten to spill over as her unused voice croaks out the first words she’s spoken in almost a day. “But he was right, Allura. At least about me. I did deserve it. Because I’m different. I…I need to be fixed. It’s not normal to-to feel the way I feel about these things. Okay?! So, I did deserve it. I needed it so I could be better –so I could be normal!”
Breathe in. 1. 2. 3. 4.
Hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Breathe out. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
Be strong, Allura . “Do you think that I am not normal?” “What?”
You’re almost there. She’s almost there.
Breathe in. 1. 2. 3. 4.
Hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Breathe out. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
Be . Strong . “Do you think that I need to be fixed? That I deserved it when that bastard violated me at a Pride event because I dared to show up wearing an ace flag?” “Wait…you?” There she is. “Me. I am not very open about these things, and this is one reason why, but I am opening up to you because you need to hear this: I was not wrong in sharing my truth. I was not wrong for being myself. And you were not wrong in doing those exact same things. The only people who were wrong, the people that actually need to be fixed, are the horrible people in this world that think that they can get through life through violence and hatred without consequences.” It was strange, the feeling in that room. It was almost suffocating how everything around them seemed to be holding its breath, but at the same time, Allura had never felt more free in her life. She moved to sit next to Pidge on her bed, but before she got settled, the girl had already wrapped her arms around Allura’s back. “He was my friend. And the police don’t even believe me.” Allura blinked back tears and ran her fingers through Pidge’s short hair. The police didn’t believe her either–they didn’t even believe Lotor, but that was before he had any influence whatsoever. She decided she wouldn’t tell Pidge anything hopeless-sounding like that. “It does not matter that they do not believe you. Because the people that love and care about you do. And we will never let him touch you–or even talk to you for that matter–again.” Pidge began to sob freely into Allura’s shirt, Allura continuing her ministrations to Pidge’s hair. They stayed like that for almost an hour until Pidge settled enough to talk some more about how she was feeling. Allura made it clear that one talk would not be enough to get through this, and she suggested that Pidge seek professional help if she felt so inclined, but most importantly, “You cannot shut people out like this, okay? It will only make you more miserable than you already are.” Pidge sniffed, nodding her head. “I know, I know. I just…don’t really want to talk about it with anyone else. You’re the only one who understands.” At that, Allura gently cupped Pidge’s face with both of her hands, smiling. “Then you tell them that. I promise that none of them will push you into a conversation you are not ready for, and if any of them do, then they get to have a lovely , little chat with me that they most certainly will not be ready for.” And the laugh that followed from Pidge was quite possibly the best sound Allura had ever heard in her life. What’s wrong with him? What is wrong with him? Of course it wasn’t Keith’s fault. It was his. He was supposed to protect Pidge. Matt told him he was supposed to protect her. And he couldn’t even protect Keith from getting sick of all things. Shiro was right to distrust him All he does is ruin things. Ruin people. Ruin lives. Pidge wasn’t “play fighting” with Jake. She was trying to get away. She wasn’t waving goodbye. She was trying to get his attention. So he could help. And she texted him for help. Why didn’t he look? He had time. But he was just so stupid– He’s always so stupid – That he fucking forgot about his own rule. He told them to text him if they needed help. He should’ve been more on guard. And he knows everyone feels guilty for this, especially Matt. And maybe Matt should feel guilty for trusting a dumbass like him with his sister. But the only person who was able to stop what happened was Lance. And he hated himself for it. Keith felt…strange. The atmosphere in Lance’s house was stilted to say the least, but it still felt like a home. It still felt like Lance. Lance who needs him right now. Lance who also needs to give Keith his goddamn apology. He found Lance where he always did–though it was definitely cuter when not in this context–curled up in a nest of blankets, cuddling a sleeping Red and Blue. …Okay, it’s still pretty cute. “Lance?” Lance’s head shot up, startled, the movement waking up the kittens and causing them to scamper from where they were perched on his shoulders.
Whoops. Maybe scaring him like that wasn’t the best method.
Now that Keith could get a closer look at Lance he could clearly see that his eyes were red from crying, and his hair looked like he had been pulling at it at one point, but the most concerning thing about Lance at that moment was the death glare he sent Keith’s way. Even when they “hated” each other, Lance had never once looked at him with hatred in his eyes, and it was almost enough to make Keith cut his losses and leave right then and there. Almost. “I told you to leave me alone,” Lance said. His voice was cold and apathetic, and the only thing that gave away his anger was the slight shaking of his body. Keith had never heard him sound this way before. But Keith supposed that was because he had never heard Lance angry before. “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now, especially you, Kogane.” Keith stepped forward until he was right at the foot of Lance’s bed. He crossed his arms, looking down at him with a smirk that just barely concealed how hurt he felt. “Yeah? Well, I really don’t feel like talking to you either, McClain.” Lance scoffed, “So why the hell are you even here?” He looked ridiculous in that stupid blanket cocoon. Keith could almost punch him. “Because right now this isn’t about what I feel like, or even what you want. It’s about what needs to be done, which is that you need to get all of your feelings out and just talk to me, so we can work through this together.” God, Keith hates having to be the reasonable one. Usually he’s the one that goes off the deep end, and Lance is the one that reels him back in. “What needs to be done,” Lance mocked, “is that asshole Jake needs to be punished for what he did to Pidge.” Keith cocked an eyebrow. “And where exactly was this energy earlier when you were accusing me of being the one who caused all of this? Where was this when you fucking broke up with me over text and in a group chat ?” Lance had the decency to look a bit ashamed at the recollection of his past actions. He sighed, “Look, Keith…I don’t actually blame you.” “Shocking,” Keith drawled. Lance glared again. Keith thought he would be stomping his foot like a petulant child if it weren’t for the aforementioned cocooning. “Let me finish! Geez…Anyways, this whole thing is my fault. I should’ve–” “It’s not your fault, Lance,” Keith interrupted. Lance groaned, “Oh my God –what happened to ‘we need to talk about your feelings, Lance, and you need to talk to me specifically’? Like, how am I supposed to tell you how I’m feeling if you won’t fucking listen to me?!” Lance was bordering on shouting now, so Keith made the smart decision to shut his mouth, as he mimed zipping his lips, locking them, and throwing away the key. “Hmph. Since you seem to be so impatient, I’ll just get this out quickly. I saw that Pidge texted me before we even left the party, okay? I saw her with Jake, but I just assumed they were play-fighting or something, and I even saw her wave to get my attention, but I just assumed that she was saying hi.” He grows quiet again after that. His lips quivered, and he took a deep breath in before looking up at Keith with tears in his eyes. “I mean, how stupid is that? I told her that she could text me, and I would come to help her, and she did exactly what I told her to do, and then I did nothing. I just left her there because I was more concerned with impressing Shiro with my ‘mad boyfriend skills’ than I was with being a good friend. “I was stupid, like I always am. I mean, I fucking–” The tears start falling freely now. “--I joked about ignoring her if she needed help earlier! What if she thought I was serious–what if she thought I let that happen to her ? I let–I let him–” Lance was hyperventilating, and Keith wasn’t sure what he needed. This was most definitely a panic attack, so Keith decided to just try his best and hope that Lance didn’t lash out at him.Moving slowly, Keith extended one of his hands towards where Lance was struggling to get out of the blanket he had wrapped around himself, using his other arm to steady himself as he did so. “Lance.” Lance continued to thrash around, sobbing incoherently as he grew visibly more disturbed. He didn’t seem to hear Keith at all. Keith cautiously set his hand on one of Lance’s shoulders, and when Lance showed no signs of being averse to his touch, Keith gripped his shoulder firmly and stopped Lance’s frantic motions. “Let me help you,” Keith pleaded. “ Please .” Lance was still breathing heavily–was still sobbing–but he nodded slightly and remained almost statuesque as Keith gently released him from his blanket cocoon. By the time he was done, Lance had calmed down considerably, the only remnants of his panic attack being the tears still streaming silently down his face. Then, still moving slowly as to not send Lance into a further panic, Keith lowered himself and Lance down to the bed, until they were in the same position they were when they woke up this morning, but with Keith holding Lance instead. For a while, the only sounds in the room were Lance’s sniffles and the slight scritcing noise that came from Keith playing with Lance’s hair. Then Lance spoke up. “I’m so sorry.” His voice was scratchy from crying, but it was still more “Lance” than it had been when Keith first arrived. “I said horrible things to you, and I didn’t mean any of them, I promise, Keith.” He shifted his head up to look Keith in the eye. “I do love you–I love you so much, and I never want to break up with you, but I understand if you do. Want to break up. With me. Not you. I mean, you would be breaking up with me. But I don’t want you to. But don’t just stay with me because you feel bad.” God, how Keith loved him. But he did swear to make Lance sweat a little, so– “I wouldn’t have to,” Keith said. Lance furrowed his eyebrows, clearly not understanding. Keith rushed to clarify. “Break up with you. I wouldn’t have to break up with you.” Now Lance really looked confused. “What?” Keith sighed, “You already broke up with me, so, technically, I would just have to say that I wanted us to stay broken up.” “Oh…” Maybe Keith shouldn’t have said that because, as much of a punishment as this was for Lance, seeing Lance this upset was probably an even worse punishment for Keith. His lip had started trembling, and he gripped Keith’s shirt like it was the last time he would ever be able to do so. Yeah, no, Keith could not deal with that. He was a weak, weak man when it came to Lance McClain. “But,” he started, brushing some of Lance’s hair away from his forehead, “I don’t want to do that to you, Lance. I would really, really like to get back together because I still love you too. More than anything.” “Really?!” Lance shot up quickly, slamming one of his hands onto Keith’s chest, knocking the wind out of him. “Ow! Yes, really,” He moved himself up until he was in more of a sitting position, so Lance wasn’t nearly breaking his ribcage. Lance was very strong, which shouldn’t be surprising considering his swimming ability, but Keith always forgot about it until it came back to bite him in the ass, or in this case, the ribs. At the moment, though, Keith needed to stop thinking about how strong and awesome Lance was and continue his emotional speech or whatever this was turning out to be. “But it’s not going to be that easy. You really hurt me, Lance. You blamed me for what happened to Pidge, broke up with me, and told me you didn’t love me anymore. A simple apology isn’t going to cut it.” Okay, so not much of a speech at all, it turns out. Lance was borderline frantic now. How is he still so cute?? “I’ll do anything. I promise on the lives of our children. Hell, I’ll even give you full custody!” Keith snorted, “No, we both know I’m absolute shit at taking care of another being. The only reason Kosmo is alive is because he’s technically not domesticated, so he just kind of does his own thing. Also, this isn’t supposed to be a punishment for you, Lance, that would be cruel. I was mostly thinking you would just take me on the best quiznacking date this world has ever seen.” Keith was a romance master. “Damn. I haven’t heard that word in a hot minute.” Keith retracts his previous thought. He looked down at Lance’s smirking face, glad that he realized they weren’t breaking up, but sad that his speech thing or whatever failed. He practiced in the mirror and everything. He pouted, “Was it bad?” Lance grinned devilishly. He’s so attractive, my God. “Oh no, that was very, very sexy, and made me realize you deserve the best date in the whole universe–nay! The multiverse !” He declared, violently jazzing his hands near Keith’s unprotected face. Keith realized that Lance was, is, and always will be the true romance master. Keith also realized that “romance master” is a phrase that he never wants to leave his mouth ( is it a mouth if it’s in your head? ) again. But more importantly–the most importantly probably–he realized that there was no way he could have ever stayed upset with Lance. He loved him too much. Even when he made mistakes, and yes this most recent mistake was a huge one, Lance was still a truly good and pure person, and he always, alwyas , tried so hard to make others happy. Keith felt truly honored that Lance chose him to be the person who made him happy in return. Keith leaned in until their foreheads were touching. “There’s the Lance I know and love.” Lance chuckled, rubbing his nose against Keith’s. “Oh wow, I think I forgot you still loved me,” He breathed. Keith pulled back, confused. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lance pouted at the loss of contact, his bottom lip jutting out comically. Keith wanted to kiss him, but now definitely wasn’t the time. “I was really worried that you’d hate me.” Lance smiled sadly, looking down and away from Keith before continuing. “But I shouldn’t have been too worried because nobody can ever hate me more than I hate myself lol.” Keith blinked slowly before shifting his gaze into something that was hopefully more stern than fond. “I’m going to ignore the fact that you actually said ‘lol’ outloud, and just tell you that you shouldn’t hate yourself for this, Lance. You made a mistake. Was it a big one? Yes . But is it fixable? Also yes.” Lance groaned. “I know, I know. I promise I’ll get some help with that kind of stuff soon,” he said, moving forward and pushing Keith’s body back down so that he ended up being fully blanketed by Lance. Keith began to use one hand to play with Lance’s hair again, settling the other on the small of Lance’s back. “Maybe you should go to Coran.” “Honestly, yeah, I think I will.” There was silence again for a few minutes as Keith was distracted by the feeling of Lance’s breath fanning out over the exposed skin of his neck until he remembered one pretty important detail about this whole situation. “Oh, and I’m pretty sure Shiro wants to murder you by the way.” Keith felt Lance’s entire body go rigid. “...shit.” Lance was happier than he had ever been. And also the most depressed he had ever been. Truly the epitome of “duality of men.” But yeah, Lance was glad that Keith didn’t come to his house to murder him, and although it seemed like Shiro might, Keith assured him that he could relax due to the many hidden knives ( Hidden knives?? Keith is so sexy, Dios Mío, he is legit going to kill me with his sexiness ) planted in his room in case someone tried to hurt Lance. He did kind of black out a bit at some point (see: panic attack), but the next thing he remembered was being held in Keith’s beefy biceps, so it was kind of worth it if he was being honest. All jokes aside, he was going to pamper the hell out of his boyfriend–wait. “We’re boyfriends again right?” Keith stopped playing with his hair ( Nooooo ). “Lance, what the fuck?”“I was just making sure!” Keith sighed in a way that was both affectionate and exasperated and that Lance fell in love with the second he heard it escape Keith’s lips. Keith’s beautiful lips that he hadn’t been able to lay a good smooch on yet. “ Yes, we’re boyfriends again. I’m honestly just going to forget about you ever breaking up with me in the first place.” Lance loved it when people just forgot about stupid shit he did. It really helped him continue to do stupid shit. But this stupid shit was different, so Lance was going to choose to forget about it too. “Oh, so we were never broken up to begin with?” Lance asked hopefully. Keith snorted, “I think if we ever actually did break up, then Matt would stop believing in love.” Lance shot up, eyes wide. No way. “Oh my gosh, did he tell you that too?!” “Yeah, apparently he also said that to Curtis, Pidge, his parents, and Coran. I haven’t checked with the others yet, but I think it might be his catchphrase at this point.” “Wow, Matthew Patthew needs to get some new material.” The two boys giggled like lovesick schoolgirls as Lance laid back down, and they continued the rest of their conversation in hushed tones, never to know that someone had been listening to them practically the whole time.That someone was Lance’s mother, and after eavesdropping for about thirty minutes, she decided the conversation was either going to get boring soon or Keith would start defiling her precious little boy, and no matter which outcome it was, she decidedly did not want to be there to see it occur. She was happy that they were happy. Those two boys were perfect for each other, and anyone who saw them together knew they were going to last for a lifetime. They were soulmates, through and through, and clearly they were somewhat decent at communication, which, for boys at their age, is practically a miracle from God if she had ever seen one. She probably should check on her other kids to make sure they had not yet gone through a crisis today (but with their family, there most likely would be at least two that had gone through one), but first, she needed to… talk to someone. MamáMcClain to Mr.Dad MamáMcClain: If you try to kill my son, I will kill you and your husband. Mr.Dad: Adam has calmed my fiery rage, so I won’t kill him. MamáMcClain: You wouldn’t have been able to kill him anyway. MamáMcClain: He already beat you in battle once. MamáMcClain: Along with Keith’s scary mother and her associates. MamáMcClain: However, he is very focused on Keith at the moment, so an ambush may have worked. Mr.Dad: No Keith definitely has knives stashed at your place and even if I got the jump on Lance, he would just stab me :( MamáMcClain: I do not know how I feel about him having knives in my house. Mr.Dad: You won’t be able to find them, so it’s like they aren’t even there. MamáMcClain: hmm okay MamáMcClain: Also the boys have made up, and are canoodling in Lancito’s bed. Mr.Dad : THEYRE HAVING SEX MamáMcClain: No. MamáMcClain: They are cuddling and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. MamáMcClain: It is very sweet and romantic. Mr.Dad: Oh thank god Mr.Dad: I dont care if they’re ready for that step in their relationship, but I sure as hell am not MamáMcClain: I agree. Mr.Dad: Anyways, thanks for letting me know. Mr.Dad: I’ll tell the others that Lance is doing better and that he’s been forgiven by Keith MamáMcClain: No no Lance is not forgiven yet Mr.Dad: Oh right MamáMcClain: Yes he is going to take Keith on the “best date in the universe–nay the multiverse” I believe is what he said Mr.Dad: Wow. Mr.Dad: I’m not even worried Mr.Dad: That kid is the best romantic I have EVER seen MamáMcClain: He took all the romance genes that should have gone to Veronica, so he is twice as good at romance compared to the rest of us. Mr.Dad: Veronica has a girlfriend MamáMcClain: Lance helped her get Axca. MamáMcClain: She is a bumbling mess when it comes to love. MamáMcClain: I think Lance also plans their dates when it is Veronica’s turn to pick out places. Mr.Dad: That tracks. Mr.Dad: Okay then I’ll let the others know about the date thing too Mr.Dad: have fun dealing with the canoodling MamáMcClain: If they start to do more, they are getting sent to your house.
Pidge Protection Pack
Mr.Dad has added Sharpshooter to the chat Mr.Dad: Keith and Lance are fixed Mr.Dad: almost MattyPatty: ??? Mr.Dad: Lance has to take Keith on “the best date in the universe–nay the multiverse” or something like that MattyPatty: oh hes got this Console Cutie: are we going to talk about what he said Mr.Dad: From my understanding, Keith took care of that. Mrs.Dad: Yeah Pidge is now our number one (and only) priority!! Hunky: OH! Allura how did it go? Princess: Honestly it went better than I had hoped Princess: While we both know that one good talk is not going to fix anything, it is definitely a good start. Princess: I was able to get her to come out and have a meal with her family before I had to go. MattyPatty: yeah she talked and everything!! MattyPatty: even cracked some jokes :) RockQueen: That’s great! RockQueen: Pidge is strong, so I know she can bounce back from this just fine :D RaxAttax: therapy hurt my hands Mustache: GET BACK TO WORK RaxAttax: its not work bc i make zero dollars Mustache: You are rewarded with peace of mind :3) RaxAttax: right on RockQueen: Wow maybe dish washing does work as therapy? MattyPatty: nah bc i be washing all these dishes and im still messed up fr fr Mustache: Considering you never wash them properly and Shay and I both have to redo them, I don’t think your dish washing counts Mustache: When Rax does it, the dishes are cleaner than when they were bought ;( MattyPatty: yeah well MattyPatty: you forgot the mustache on your emoji face thing!!! Mustache: Ill turn that mandatory paid leave into a mandatory unpaid leave if you dont stop it Matthew MattyPatty: what’s with the hostility today :( Mustache: it’s stressful running a restaurant in the front an a therapy session in the back MattyPatty: ah that makes sense MattyPatty: go take care of yourself coran coran the gorgeous man <3 Mustache: E3> Hunky: omg is that a heart with a mustache Console Cutie: He’s a genius. RockQueen: a visionary Sharpshooter: a god among men Hunky: LANCE Sharpshooter: heyyy Sharpshooter: Keithy had to pee pee so im here now Samurai: Keith has his phone and is thinking about rescinding his generous offer Sharpshooter: NO DONT PLEASE I LOVE YOU Samurai: Just kidding :) Sharpshooter: KEEF PLS I CANT TAKE THIS Sharpshooter: COME BACK Princess: Is it not unsanitary to text and pee at the same time? Samurai: I was literally still in the room when he texted that. Samurai: like I JUST got up Samurai: Lance if you say anything else like that while im actually gone ;( Sharpshooter: I’ll be a good boy Mrs.Dad: EW EW NO NO NO NO Sharpshooter: you can’t gatekeep daddy kinks Mrs.Dad: YES I CAN MattyPatty: nuh uh Mr.Dad: I wish they stayed broken up Sharpshooter: say it aint so daddio! Mr.Dad: Lance. Sharpshooter: sorry ill stop Hunky: I think it’s funny that Lance missed me cussing in the group chat Sharpshooter: no i did not Hunky: I hate to say it Sharpshooter: NO I FUCKING DID NOT Hunky: You did dude :( Sharpshooter: NOOOOOOOOO Console Cutie: Shiro cussed too! Sharpshooter: what the frick Sharpshooter: pls pls Hunky you have to cuss Hunky: peer pressure is bad RockQueen to Sharpshooter RockQueen: Yeah Lance what the fuck makes you think you can peer pressure someone like that Sharpshooter: NO WAY
Pidge Protection Squad
Sharpshooter: SHAY JUST SAID THE FUCK WORD IN A PRIVATE CHAT RockQueen: No I did not. Hunky: Lance, Shay would never Sharpshooter: YES SHE WOULD Sharpshooter: SHE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT THAT I CANT SEND PICTURES ANYMORE BECAUSE MY PHONE HATES ME SO I COULDNT SEND A SCREENSHOT BUT I HAVE PROOF RockQueen: Hm okay RockQueen: I guess you just want to slander my good name Samurai: the text is real Samurai: sorry Shay but yeah I saw it MattyPatty: Keith doesn’t lie RockQueen: I forgot they were in the same place :( Sharpshooter: you cant’ gaslight gatekeep girlboss yourself out of this one Shayby RockQueen: I can just leave my phone and not look at it though. RockQueen: Bye Hunk!! Hunky: Bye Shay!! Sharpshooter: aw theyre so cute I cant even be mad Princess: So how are you feeling Lance? Sharpshooter: like shit tbh Sharpshooter: i mean Sharpshooter: SO much better than i was before but like Sharpshooter: not great Samurai: It was pretty bad. Sharpshooter: KETIH Samurai: still cant spell my name right Sharpshooter: ugh whatever Sharpshooter: basically i am feeling a lot of guilt and i like projectile vomited my issues all over you guys and that wasnt fair to any of you, especially keith Console Cutie: Do you mean projected? Sharpshooter: nah it was messier then that word implies so yeah projectile vomited works Nymaste: Glad you worked it out Sharpshooter: AHHHH Nymaste: okay wtf Sharpshooter: You scared me Nymaste: I sent a message in a group chat Nymaste: Whatevs Nymaste: I think you owe a certain ex girlfriend an apology Sharpshooter: i know i know Sharpshooter: ill text you privately ig Nymaste: Ill be waiting~ Samurai: She helped us out and all but I still have the urge to stab her Hunky: as the resident pacifist I say that you’re valid <3 Samurai: Thank you. MattyPatty: yeahh she’d make me all stabby stabby too MattyPatty: anyways Lance I think you should talk to pidge MattyPatty: its pretty clear to me that at the moment you are the one who is feeling the most guilt about all of this MattyPatty: like i feel mega sucky for blocking her before the party and all and i feel like everything is my fault and stuff MattyPatty: but I remember that one time I got kidnapped and like some of yall were blaming yourselves but if i didnt even blame the kidnappers in the end and i could become friends with them kind of MattyPatty: then im probably fine MattyPatty: at least for now Sharpshooter: i see the point you made and I agree Sharpshooter: our lives are wild though like I straight up forget that you’ve been kidnapped before Console Cutie: His standards for our first date were in hell because of that. MattyPatty: yeah pretty much Mr.Dad: Do you want to talk about it? MattyPatty: oh nah im over that kidnapping stuff Mrs.Dad: we’re always here though :) Sharpshooter: and me! <3 Mrs.Dad: love you Matty <3 Console Cutie to Mr.Dad Console Cutie: Is it weird that I find their almost romantic dynamic cute? Mr.Dad: Don’t tell them this but I find it cute too.
Pidge Protection Pack
Console Cutie: (screenshot) Mr.Dad: Curtis what the hell Sharpshooter: language Samurai: language MattyPatty: language Console Cutie: language Hunky: language Mrs.Dad: language Mr.Dad: Okay its time for everyone to get off their phones Mr.Dad: Now. Mr.Dad: Except for Lance because he has people to text. Sharpshooter: yay Mr.Dad: But the rest of you… MattyPatty: yeah yeah we get it Samurai: Im above the law Mr.Dad: Keith. Samurai: ugh fine Hunky: bye everyone!!! Nyma might actually… like these people. In an “I hate your guts, please leave me alone at all times” kind of way of course. Now all she had to do was wait for Lance to text her, but that was easier said than done. She really didn’t know what she was going to say to him. Yes, he was texting to apologize to him, but he also deserved an apology from her. She was a horrible girlfriend and an even worse friend, and he was always just so genuinely good. He did nothing wrong in their relationship that could’ve allowed her to rationalize any of what she did to him, and she was going to tell him that. … But only after he apologized to her first, of course. What? Just because she realized the error of her ways doesn’t mean that she isn’t still just as much of a petty bitch as she always was. Besides, it’s not like Lance won’t get his apology–because he totally will. Just, like, later. And no , it’s not at all because she’s super nervous about talking to him seriously for the first time in like two years. She is as cool as a cucumber because that definitely isn’t cringey to say and she definitely doesn’t start using weird phrases when she gets nervous because why in the world would she be nervous about a text from– *buzz* Lance. Sharpshooter to Nymaste Sharpshooter: hey Nyma Nymaste: Lance. Sharpshooter: okay look Sharpshooter: Im really really sorry for what i said Sharpshooter: it was super rude and uncalled for, especially since you were trying to help Sharpshooter: i was angry and i took it out on you and that wasnt fair Sharpshooter: im sorry Nymaste: *slow claps* Sharpshooter: did i miss something??? Nymaste: No lol i just wanted to do that Sharpshooter: oh Nymaste: Lance? Sharpshooter: that’s my name don’t wear it out Nymaste: omg nevermind Sharpshooter: no no what is it? Nymaste: you better keep your mouth SHUT until i finish Sharpshooter: yup shutting up now Nymaste: hmph okay Nymaste: im sorry Nymaste: Im sorry for everything Nymaste: I was in a really bad place when we dated, and Im not saying this as an excuse for my actions, Im just saying it so you understand why I did what i did Nymaste: my parents were getting a divorce when we met Nymaste: everything was so out of my control that i just felt lost Nymaste: and then you and your people pleasing self came along and i found the sense of control i lost in you Nymaste: you were so eager to please me and make me happy that you would do whatever i wanted Nymaste: and then i got greedy and i hurt you in order to stay with someone who was even worse than i was Nymaste: i was upset that you had the audacity to break up with me when really i should be proud that you were strong enough to do so Nymaste: i manipulated you and i used you for my own personal gain and i let myself grow bitter over losing such a great guy like you that i began to take out that bitterness, that anger, on the people around you Nymaste: so im also apologizing for how i treated keith during rehearsals, how i treated him at the party last night, and also how i treated hunk last night as well Nymaste: if you didnt already guess, i was the one who made keith sick and the one that got Rax to punch Hunk out Sharpshooter: wait Hunk got punched by Rax???? Nymaste: yes? How did you not know this? Sharpshooter: idk ever since this morning ive been really out of it Sharpshooter: plus i took myself out of the groupchat and didnt talk to anybody Nymaste: you didn’t even notice his huge black eye? Sharpshooter: nope Nymaste: wow you really were out of it huh? Sharpshooter: yeah i know its bad Nymaste: no its understandable Nymaste: as you can see, ive dealt with my fair share of guilt Nymaste: but just focus all of that negative energy stuff towards something more productive than beating yourself up Sharpshooter: pulling a Rax on myself if you will Nymaste: i will not Sharpshooter: I think you would get along with Keith better than you think Sharpshooter: even Allura and Pidge Nymaste: oh I know Nymaste: but i kind of like the rivalry ive got going on with you guys Nymaste: It might not be a productive use of my energy, but it’s at least fun Nymaste: but back to the important shit Nymaste: you need to go talk to Pidge Sharpshooter: i know Nymaste: and tell her i say hi Nymaste: or dont i dont care Sharpshooter: I think you DO care ;) Sharpshooter: you careeee about her Sharpshooter: you wanna be her friendddd Nymaste: you’re trying to capture the energy of Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality and failing horribly Sharpshooter: ouchie Nymaste: now shoo Nymaste: go talk to your friend Sharpshooter: *our friend Nymaste: FINE Nymaste: OUR FRIEND Nymaste: NOW LEAVE Sharpshooter: peace out girl scout Nymaste: i hate you Sharpshooter: hate you too :) Sharpshooter to Podge Sharpshooter: hey Podge: hey Sharpshooter: um so how are you Podge: well Sharpshooter: wait nvm that was a stupid question Podge: its not stupid Podge: I mean I'm obviously not good Podge: but im doing okay all things considered Podge: what about you? Sharpshooter: I don’t matter Podge: dont bullshit me Lance Sharpshooter: what? Podge: first off, yes you do matter dumbass Podge: and second of all, Allura and Matt told me everything Sharpshooter: they dont know anything Podge: they just showed me the texts in the groupchat Sharpshooter: **they know some of the things Podge: i dont blame you or ANYONE for what happened lance Podge: well i guess that isnt true Podge: I blame Jake Podge: he was supposed to be my friend, someone I could trust, and he took advantage of the trust i put in him Podge: nobody could have predicted or controlled what he did but himself Sharpshooter: you trusted me too Sharpshooter: and i messed up Sharpshooter: that’s all on me Podge: lance Sharpshooter: no Pidge Sharpshooter: I told you I would be there to help and I wasn’t Sharpshooter: I wasn’t there Sharpshooter: I saw you with him Sharpshooter: I thought you were play fighting or something and then when you were trying to get my attention, I thought you were just waving goodbye Sharpshooter: But I already knew you sent a text at that point Sharpshooter: I saw it was you that sent it, and I panicked because I thought you needed help Sharpshooter: but then I did nothing because of who I saw you with Sharpshooter: if I had just read the fucking text message Podge: then nothing really would have changed Podge: or maybe it would have Podge: but we dont know if it wouldve made things better or worse Podge: it would've taken forever to get through that crowd so the damage would already be done by that point Podge: Nyma got to me quickly because she was already pretty close Podge: another thing, Podge: i have an ego problem sometimes right? Podge: what if i knew you were on your way and i taunted Jake? Podge: knowing me, i most likely would have Podge: maybe that makes him even more mad than he already was at my rejection Podge: maybe him knowing someone was on their way makes him just go ahead and take me somewhere Podge: maybe he doesn’t bother with any of the groping stuff and just tries to go all the way as fast as possible because he knows there’s a time limit now Podge: Lance, we don’t know what would have happened if different decisions were made. Podge: And obsessing over the “wouldve couldve shouldve” of it all is just going to make all of us feel worse Podge: all we do now is deal with what actually happened and just learn to live with the consequences of our actions Podge: if i wanted to i could blame myself all day Podge: i WAS blaming myself all day until Allura talked some sense into me Podge: but you wouldnt blame me so dont blame yourself either okay? Sharpshooter: GOD I feel like such a dick Podge: why Sharpshooter: bc i made this all about me Sharpshooter: I should be giving these big speech thingies to you, not the other way around :( Podge: eh ive always been more emotionally efficient than you Podge: i just think about things more analytically but youre ALL about feelings and mushy shit Sharpshooter: True Sharpshooter: also ewww mushy shit Podge: LMAO Podge: ya that wasn’t the best choice of words Sharpshooter: sooooo Podge: sooooo Sharpshooter: im not sure what you need from me right now Podge: All I want from you right now is for you to be there like you always have been Podge: you’re one of my best friends lance, and youre like a brother to me Podge: don’t push me away because you think that’ll make me safe or whatever was going through your head that you thought excused what you did earlier today Sharpshooter: okay… Sharpshooter: im so sorry that this happened to you Pidge Podge: its fine Sharpshooter: pidge :( Podge: ugh obviously its not FINE Podge: but like, dont be sorry or anything Podge: it happened, and im going to deal with it eventually Podge: and ill just avoid Jake at theatre until the thought of his name doesnt make me want to hurl :DSharpshooter: … Podge: sorry Sharpshooter: no no dont apologize Sharpshooter: I love you :) Podge: I guess i love you too stupid
Pidge Protection Pack
Sharpshooter: we need to take this Jake dude down Samurai: im fucking on it baby Sharpshooter: omg ur so hot Mr.Dad: This is why the phones should STAY GONE. MattyPatty: i think its cute MattyPatty : CURTIS Console Cutie: YES MattyPatty: we should be more like them :( Console Cutie: We aren’t cool enough :( MattyPatty: dammit Console Cutie: But I think that we are great and cute just the way we are! Console Cutie: Besides Console Cutie: Our origin story is so much more interesting then theirs will ever be. Sharpshooter: its not a competition Hunky: if you were winning then you’d say it was Sharpshooter: HUNK DONT EXPOSE ME Princess: You already exposed yourself by saying that Keith on a mission was hot. Sharpshooter: OKAY BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS LESS CONCERNING THAN ME FINDING HIM STABBING PEOPLE THE SEXIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN Mr.Dad: Please stop talking about my brother that way. Mrs.Dad: Takashi its so cute!! Mrs.Dad: nobody else would be okay with the stabby stabby Mr.Dad: NOBODY SHOULD BE OKAY WITH IT Sharpshooter: He’s never like murdered or anything so idc its fine with me <33333 Samurai: GUYS I NEED TO CONCENTRATE Samurai: I DONT KNOW HOW TO MUTE THE CHAT Sharpshooter: sorry :( Samurai: (i was mostly talking to takashit) Sharpshooter: (oh okay!) Mr.Dad: Hello??? Samurai: shut up old man Mr.Dad: I Mr.Dad: Okay yeah sure that’s what’s happening now I guess
The Blades
Samurai: HELLO Momma Mullet: How did you get in here? Samurai: I need help taking someone down. Regris: ohoho who is it this time Samurai: Jake from theatre Samurai: He’s like Jake from State Farm’s evil rapey second cousin Ulaz: “Rapey”? Kolivan: What’s the situation? Momma Mullet: I think I know. Momma Mullet: I just wasn’t sure if I could say. Samurai: You couldn’t. Ulaz: Did something happen to you, Keith? Samurai: Not to me. Regris: phew Samurai: To Pidge. Regris: WHAT THE FUCK Regris: This is why Coran and I have marital issues Regris: he doesnt tell me shit Kolivan: Marital? Regris: Yeah we eloped Regris: anyways Thace: You cant anyways yourself out of this one Ulaz: Thace. Thace: Ulaz!!!! MY LOVEEEEE Ulaz: Hi. Samurai: um hello Kolivan: What happened to her, Keith? Kolivan: Everyone else be quiet until he is done. Samurai: Thank you. Samurai: Basically, he tried to ask her out, and when that failed, he propositioned her. Samurai: She said no to that to, but he Thace: he? Kolivan: Silence. Samurai: thanks Samurai: well, let’s just say he didnt take no for an answer Momma Mullet: No he did not. Regris : WHSTThace: oh my god Ulaz: He always seemed like a good kid. Ulaz: This is extremely disappointing and infuriating. Kolivan: What is it you would like us to do exactly? Samurai: Make his life at school a living hell. Samurai: I honestly don’t care how you do it. Samurai: Adam is definitely already going to kick him out of theatre once someone reminds him that he has the power to do that Kolivan: Consider it done. Thace: HES GOING TO PAY Regris: YEAH WHAT HE SAID Momma Mullet: He most definitely will pay. Ulaz: Affirmative. Samurai: pleasure doing business with you
Pidge Protection Pack
Samurai: I did it. Sharpshooter: yay Hunky: What did you do? Samurai: confirm that jake’s life at our school will be the worst thing he’s ever experienced Samurai: I told the blades to make school a living hell for him MattyPatty: HELL YEAH KEITH Mr.Dad: Good job. Mrs.Dad: I love the blades so much Mrs.Dad: I wish I could help Samurai: Adam Mrs.Dad: what Princess: You seriously do not know how you can help? Mustache: maybe he does but lacks the guts and grit to follow through Mrs.Dad: I’m legit just confused Nymaste: Kick the bitch ass freak out of theatre Mrs.Dad: oh Mrs.Dad: oh yeah i have enough fucking guts and grit for that Mrs.Dad: he’s done RockQueen: thank goodness!! RaxAttax: thats rad RaxAttax: gud job bro Mrs.Dad: thanks :) Sharpshooter: keefers? Samurai: yeah? Sharpshooter: where are you? Samurai: oh im cooking with your mom Sharpshooter: alsdjflksjldfjs Console Cutie: Keith the romantic Samurai: You don’t know me Curtis Console Cutie: You stabbed me once and then your dog gave me rabies and you messed up my car Samurai: okay yeah you get a pass for teasing me Console Cutie: forever? Samurai: until I marry Lance Sharpshooter: omg you want to marry me!!!! Samurai: We literally share a wedding pinterest board?? Nymaste: thats so gay Mrs.Dad: if youre homophobic you get kicked out of theatre too Nymaste: IM LITERALLY NOT EVEN STRAIGHT Nymaste: just because im mean doesnt make me a straight person smh RaxAttax: ya gay homies can be evil too RaxAttax: justice for evil gay homies Nymaste: okay is nobody going to mention that hes basically been high the entire day? RaxAttax: nah i dont fuck with that shit RaxAttax: makes me feel depressed and also makes me smell bad RaxAttax: this is just how i be Nymaste: thats even more concerning RaxAttax: who are you again Nymaste: Nyma RaxAttax: weird ass name Nymaste: your name is literally Rax RaxAttax: ya its cool and awesome Nymaste: one of your friends is named Argyle RaxAttax: ya but he ACTUALLY does drugs Nymaste: i give up RaxAttax: was there something to give up Nymaste: my sanity MattyPatty: Rax and Nyma are an unexpected but welcome dynamic tbh Nymaste: stfu fish breath MattyPatty: omg do i have FISH BREATH???? Console Cutie: No, you smell and taste like peppermint and everything good in the world :D MattyPatty: but she said i had fish breath :( Nymaste: I dont think ive ever even met you lmao Nymaste: you just give off fish breath vibes tbh MattyPatty: aw :( Console Cutie: I like fish! Samurai: oh wait I forgot something Samurai: main group chat now Nymaste: dude what RaxAttax: where u goin RockQueen: Bye guys!!! RaxAttax: we’ll miss u Nymaste: no we wont RaxAttax: you were the one to be all upset and shit that they were leaving us Nymaste : UGH THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT RaxAttax: idk i think it is Nymaste: NO RaxAttax: yes and i have evidence Nymaste: oh really?
The Squad™
Sharpshooter: yeah im just gonna say we let Nyma and Rax flirt in there for the rest of eternity Podge: im sorry who and who are flirting??? Hunky: PIDGE Podge: HUNK Podge: how’s the eye? Hunky: black Podge: legit Sharpshooter: i didnt even know he got punched until nyma texted me about it Hunky: wow Podge: FAKE FAN Sharpshooter: damn u got me Sharpshooter: lick me up Podge: the audacity Sharpshooter: LOCK Sharpshooter: PIDGE I SWEAR I MEANT LOCK IM SO SORRY Samurai: both are bad but im down to do either to you Podge: EW WTF IS THIS Podge: HOW DID YALL GET WORSE AFTER ALMOST BREAKING UP Mr.Dad: Pidge it’s so much more worse than you could imagine. Podge: I didn’t even think it could get worse from what I just saw… Mrs.Dad: oh u have NO idea Mrs.Dad: but the MAJORITY of us think its cute MattyPatty: relationship goals MattyPatty: speaking of MattyPatty: im gonna leave and start my nightly call with Curtis MattyPatty: deuces Sharpshooter: Oh yeah but Pidge it doesnt matter lol we should just sit back and watch Podge: those two seem like such an unlikely pair Podge: but yeah im good to just let shit happen Hunky: same Mr.Dad: So Pidge? Podge: you wanna ask how im doing right? Mr.Dad: Yes I do. Podge: all i wanna say atm is that Allura really helped me Podge: I think i just want yall to act kind of normal right now Podge: like dont treat me any differently bc of what happened or anything Podge: if i want to talk about it, then ill talk about it Podge: but right now I’d rather hang out with my friends Mustache: CORAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY YET AGAIN Podge: again? Mustache: Why don’t you all come down to Alfor’s and I can set up a cozy movie area in the backroom? Podge: ooo can we watch Mean Girls Sharpshooter: YES PLS I LOVE MEAN GIRLS ITS MY FAVORITE MOVIE Sharpshooter: i didnt know you shared my love for Mean Girls pidgey poo Podge: yeah ik its a shocker Podge: I like the scene when the burn book is spread everywhere Sharpshooter: THE WHOLE THING IS A MASTERPIECE IM SO HYPED Sharpshooter: somebody pls get me out of being grounded so i can go :( Mrs.Dad: already on it lancey Sharpshooter: YES Samurai to Podge Samurai: you dont share lance’s love for Mean Girls Podge: I do not Podge: but it’s a solid watch and its really funny Samurai: and? Podge: ugh and itll make Lance really happy Samurai: and?? Podge: and seeing my friends happy makes me happy Podge: I hate that you can read me like this Samurai: that’s what best friends are for Pidge Podge: yeah yeah
The Squad™
Princess: I cannot wait to have another movie night with you all! Princess: Somebody needs to inform Matthew though. Podge: ill get him Podge: he’s probably gonna ask stupid Curtis to show up too Podge: but me and Curtis are chill so its aight Mrs.Dad: IM SO HYPED FOR MEAN GIRLS!!!!! Mr.Dad: …we just watched it. Mrs.Dad: I’ve seen that film over 200 times and it’ll never get old :D Mr.Dad: No it does Mrs.Dad: I can’t hear you over the sound of me being right Hunky: Can I invite Shay? Podge: yeah but dont let Rax or his new girlfriend Nyma come Podge: Nyma and I are kind of friends now but not hanging out with each other friends Podge: Also Rax punched our literal sunshine boy ;( Sharpshooter: Valid as always Pidgey Hunky: Okay got it! MattyPatty: MEAN GIRLLLLSSSSS ALSDJLKSJKJSDFKJSD MattyPatty: Curtis has never seen it Sharpshooter: wtf now we HAVE to do this like pronto Sharpshooter: snap snap Mustache: I’ll get you regrounded if you rush my work Lance ;3( Sharpshooter: sorry Coran :( Mustache: it’s okay Mustache: (you’re still my favourite) Sharpshooter: (hell yeah) Princess: Alright! Everyone get your comfiest pajamas ready! I will be providing snacks and blankets for all <3 Podge: queen shit right there Mrs.Dad: we are not worthyyyyyy Sharpshooter: !! thanks Lura Princess: Of course!! Princess: Now I am pulling a Shiro and telling you to get off of your phones and get over here Princess: We can just hang out until Coran is ready :) Samurai: see yall soon Sharpshooter: lmao u and pidge both said yall today Hunky: bye! Mr.Dad: On our way now MattyPatty: MEAN GIRLS MEAN GIRLS MEAN GIRLS After the hellish past 24 hours that Pidge had endured, she enjoyed the simplicity of watching a movie with her friends. There’s something so nice, she thought, about the luxury of having people to care about that care about you too. She loved them all, truly she did, and she knew she didn’t tell them how much she loved them as much as she should’ve, but then she also knew that she didn’t have to. They accepted her for who she was, and that’s all she had to be–never anything more or anything less. When she was little, the only person she had like that was Matt. Sure, she had their parents, and she loved them just as much, but their jobs kept them so busy, and they were never able to be as present as she or Matt needed, no matter how good they tried to be to them. And then she met Keith and Shiro, and later Adam, and she felt like she had a true family, like the ones she read about in all of those books. But that was taken away when a new job caused her to have to uproot her entire life and move here. Here, where Lance shoved himself into her life–Hunk, Allura, Coran, and so many others following suit. Here, where she made a new family. Here, where her old family was able to return to her. Here, where when both of her families, new and old, came together, did she truly understand what the word family meant. Family was coming together in moments like these, when a member of that family needed the rest the most. And sometimes family was picking Mean Girls for movie night to make one of your family members happy because when you see someone you love happy, it can turn even the most hellish of days into something heavenly. So Pidge watched this admittedly good movie with her family, along with Shay and Curtis, who would become part of their family with time. And time was funny, wasn’t it. Because maybe, with time, their family would grow, or maybe they would lose some of their family along the way. But what time can’t touch, what will never fade no matter how many years pass, is the love that their family has for each other. Because their love is eternal. And Pidge knew that holding onto that fact would be the only thing that could get her through this. So she watched Mean Girls with her family, making fun of Lance for being able to quote the whole thing and throwing popcorn at Curtis whenever he made a sound, basking in the knowledge of the love that they all had for each other. Of the love that made them family.