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He had loved Kiyoko, and part of him probably always would. She was kind and gentle and pretty. Soft spoken, strong-willed, and polite. A treasure to be kept safe. But by the time second year was starting to draw to a close he accepted that his affections for her had changed. He had never really lusted over her or anything. Even when he and Noya were practically obsessed with her in first year. Any dreams about her had been as pure as Hinata’s smile when he hit a perfect spike. But now he no longer dreamed of walking hand in hand with her down a park sidewalk lit with twinkling lights under a moonlit sky with stars mirroring the lights. He simply wanted to keep her away from gross creeps and protect her from anything bad, a lot like he felt about Yachi and his actual sister. Not that Saeko would ever let him protect her, what with her pride as his big sister and all that and hell Yachi had the entire team out to protect her, and possibly half of some of their rival teams if Yamamoto’s intel was to be trusted.
Honestly it all happened so subtly that he didn’t really even notice that his thoughts about Kiyoko had shifted until everything came screeching to a halt one day in the middle of practice.
Because the soft smile that filled his brain had started being accompanied by a deep nervous chuckle. The blushing cheeks were no longer topped by thin framed glasses but instead led to a strong finger scratching unsurely at a stubbled chin. The long flowing black hair glistening in the sun had started being held back by a thin headband and tied into a loose bun of short brown hair dampened with sweat.
His thoughts were still filled with beauty and strength. Just a completely different version.
A taller version that blotted out the sun with wide shoulders and calloused hands that make Tanaka feel small in comparison as he watches their practice continuing around him.
Asahi’s face is filled with intense concentration - brows furrowed, brown eyes narrow and observant - as Suga sends up a slightly off target ball.
“Sorry,” Suga calls out even as Asahi leaps and sends a powerful spike straight through Tsukishima and Yamaguchi’s block.
The look of concentration breaks apart into a bright smile as Hinata hurries after the ball with a shout of admiration. Tanaka promptly trips over his own feet, barely saving himself from having his face meet the floor when Asahi glances over and flashes that proud smile at him.
And just like that he knows: he was no longer
in
love with Kiyoko, if he ever truly was.
He wonders if he was really in love with her or just loved the idea of her because her smile had never sent anxious waves of fireflies dancing through his chest and shots of adrenaline pounding through his veins the way Asahi’s does. The way Asahi’s is doing even as the sunny smile gets a softly amused turn to it when Tanaka freezes and almost bumps into Kageyama who is in the middle of taking a drink of water from his bottle. Kiyoko’s quiet laugh had absolutely nothing on the way Asahi’s amused one drifts over and sends a shock straight through Tanaka’s spine and curls his toes as Asahi shakes his head fondly and turns to hear whatever Suga is saying to him. The sight of Kiyoko tucking her hair behind her ear and playing with it as she read over her clipboard never made Tanaka feel as energized as seeing Asahi swiping his thin headband off and holding it between his teeth as he pulls out his bun and redoes his hair in quick motions that make Tanaka’s fingers twitch and itch to tuck the loose strands away for him.
“Earth to Tanaka!” Noya crows and bounces a volleyball between his shoulder blades.
He flushes and spins around to snatch the ball from Noya’s fingers and start an impromptu wrestling match over it.
Hearing Asahi’s sigh of amusement as Daichi and Suga came over to break him and Noya up sends a flutter through his skin and he gulps.
He is so screwed. He’s in love with Asahi. No doubt about it.
The biggest problem for Tanaka is that he doesn’t know what to
do
with this newfound knowledge of his feelings for Asahi. Loving Kiyoko from afar was easy. Because it was from afar. He never honestly expected anything out of it. She was always out of reach, untouchable, a quiet presence that was almost more of a concept than an actual person. Asahi, on the other hand, was not. He was not untouchable; Tanaka found himself stopping short and stumbling out of the way when he’d bump elbows with Asahi while they were changing or passing in hallways. He was closer than Tanaka could handle some days now that he had the urge to curl up in the warmth the other teen exuded. He was a real live person with a quiet laugh that brought a smile to Tanaka’s face and an unsure smile that made him melt when it reached his eyes and he just doesn’t know what to
do
about it or if he even should.
It only takes a week for Noya to realize his two best friends have crushes on each other. It’s almost sickeningly adorable. Or it would be if they actually spoke to each other about it. Each brush of hands or arms during practice sent them scuttling away from each other with flushed cheeks that couldn’t be explained by the day’s practice alone. Their coordination on court didn’t suffer but only because they both loved volleyball too much to let a crush get in the way but Noya wasn’t sure it would last much longer than the two weeks or so it already had. He watched in amusement as Tanaka would glance at Asahi and have their eyes meet. Then Asahi’s eyes would go wide and his cheeks would turn red. Then Tanaka’s eyes would suddenly focus on his shoes or his fingers or the net, his own cheeks turning a bright red. This happened six times in one practice until Yamaguchi asked Tanaka if he was feeling okay and accidentally startled the second year into tripping backwards over the bench, much to everyone’s amusement.
Noya loved his friends but this was getting ridiculous.
He had tried talking to Asahi about it but the third year had simply flushed and stuttered out an excuse about studying with the other third years and bailed out of his classroom and successfully managed to avoid Noya the rest of the day. Sometimes he forgot how fast Asahi could move when he felt like it.
Which meant that if he was going to get through to anyone it would be Tanaka.
Tanaka who has been staring intently at the ceiling of the gym for the last half an hour. Noya would know. He’s been watching him for just as long, having snagged the keys from Suga with a promise of locking up and being there early in the next morning to unlock everything. Suga understood. He had noticed something going on with Tanaka and Noya was sure he had also seen the strange way Asahi had been acting.
“Why don’t you just ask him out already?” Noya steps into the gym and watches Tanaka slowly roll his head so he can meet Noya’s eyes. “I doubt you of all people are too chicken to ask out the person you like.”
“I never asked out Kiyoko.” Tanaka is sulking. Honest to God sulking right here on the floor. It’s not even his middle-of-the-game-just-been-blocked-again sulking. It’s legitimate sulking and pouting right on the gym floor.
It would probably have been cute if it wasn’t so disturbing.
“None of us have asked her out. But you never liked Kiyoko the way you like Asahi, right?”
Tanaka squints at Noya. “How d’you know that?” He groans before Noya can even answer. “Ugh nevermind. It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“He likes you. You like him. How could it be any simpler?”
“You know how I am with breakable things,” Tanaka sighs. Noya stares at him because what does that have to do with anything? “You said it yourself earlier today. I shouldn’t be allowed near anything fragile.” Noya nods because he
had
said that earlier when Tanaka knocked over a stack of books in class and then nearly knocked the teacher’s favorite coffee mug off the desk in an overenthusiastic attempt to catch the books. “And I can’t think of anything more fragile than a glass heart.” Tanaka’s voice is nearly a whisper as he finishes.
Noya starts laughing only to abruptly stop, grin falling from his face when he realizes Tanaka is being serious. If that was what Tanaka thought about Asahi just who the hell had he been pining over all these weeks? Sure Asahi had a “Glass Heart” but that didn’t mean he was that easily broken. Especially now. That glass heart had been shored up with the steel of Asahi’s will, with the team’s support, and thinking of him as anything that easy to break was just… totally uncalled for.
“If you think Asahi’s heart is
that
fragile then you really don’t know him at all.”
Tanaka can only stare in surprise at the venom in his friend’s voice. Noya takes a deep breath, ready to say something else, but then turns and walks away, leaving Tanaka alone in the gym. He stares at the ceiling from where he’s still sprawled on the floor and wonders what he’s supposed to do now.
Another week passes and Tanaka is miserable. Noya won’t talk to him, in fact Noya barely even acknowledges his presence at all outside of actual practice. Tanaka is still as rambunctious as possible at practice. Still shouts and cheers and rips his shirt off in excitement at awesome plays. But it feels hollow and he’s pretty sure he’s not the only one to notice it. Asahi keeps stealing glances between the two of them. Eyes wide and worried at the set of Noya’s jaw and the tenseness in Tanaka’s shoulders. The entire team watches them, actually, but only Asahi’s glances set him on edge. Only one pair of wide brown eyes feel like they weigh a ton when they settle on his back. Only one person’s opinion matter to him.
But he can’t even bring himself to talk to Asahi.
Because the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that Noya was right. He really doesn’t know Asahi that well.
He doesn’t know anything about him. About what kind of movies he likes. Where he likes to go in his free time. What his plans for the future are. What kind of person he likes. If he’s smart in classes or just good at studying.
Tanaka knows he’s good at volleyball when he sets his mind to it. That he’s got an amazingly soft touch when he’s helping someone off the ground or when someone gets hurt. He panics easily but only because he worries so deeply about people. He’s far too kind and way out of Tanaka’s league.
He has resigned himself to just getting over this stupid crush and moving on with his life about an hour before Noya knocks angrily at his door one Saturday afternoon. He barely has the energy to drag himself out of bed so when Noya grabs his shirt and shoves his way inside when he answers the door he only stares down at him in confusion and allows himself to be pushed into his living room.
“Stop screwing around with Asahi’s feelings.” Noya snaps at him and tightens his grip on Tanaka’s shirt and leaning in close to him, pulling his shirt to bring Tanaka’s face level with his own. “Enough. Is. Enough.”
“But you said-”
“I was talking about stupid shit like vases and my mom’s shelf of ballerina figurines not one of my best friend’s hearts!” Noya lets go of Tanaka’s shirt but doesn’t move out of his space. His voice is low and dangerous and Tanaka suddenly remembers why he made a promise years ago when they met to never piss Nishinoya off. “A best friend who, by the way, thinks you hate him right now because you’ve been avoiding him after acting completely strange the last few weeks.”
“I don’t hate him,” Tanaka insists. “But what am I supposed to do? Tell him I like him? That I might love him? What the hell good is that gonna do?”
“I dunno. He could tell you he likes you back.”
Tanaka lets out a humorless chuckle. “Like that would happen. What’s there for a guy like Asahi to like about a guy like me? I’m not some pretty girl in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Believe me, I noticed,” Noya responds, “not that it matters since Asahi’s pretty shy around girls since they’re usually scared of him. And because he likes you.”
“I’m not that smart,” Tanaka throws out as he flops onto the couch and ignores Noya’s muttered agreement. “I’m loud and annoying. There’s nothing really that great about me other than my volleyball skills.”
Noya stares in disbelief as Kouta hops onto the couch, expertly balanced on his three legs, and makes himself comfortable across Tanaka’s lap. Tanaka’s hand automatically finds the dog’s favorite scratching spot behind his ear.
“Nothing that great?”
He glances around the room and takes in the picture of Tanaka with all the animals he and his sister have taken in over the years. Spots the books about animal care shoved haphazardly onto their bookcase - everything from cats and dogs to turtles and birds. From here he can see the bowl on the counter where Tanaka mixes up special cat food every day for Mei who is currently staring at Noya from the kitchen table, crooked tail sweeping from side to side. He eyes the schedule on the wall of dates the Tanaka siblings are unavailable because they’re busy helping with the local shelter or neighborhood kids’ program on top of their school schedules and extracurricular activities. The pile of carefully patched clothes that are far too small to belong to either Tanaka sibling but the perfect size to fit the kid he knows lives next door whose family is far worse off than Tanaka’s own.
“Tanaka Ryuunosuke I love you like a brother but you are an idiot. Especially if you think there’s nothing good about you for Asahi to like.” Noya flops onto the couch next to him and grabs the tv remote. “And I swear that if you two don’t talk in the next few days I will lock you together in the janitor’s closet until you do. Don’t think I won’t,” he states when Tanaka huffs at him, “Suga will help me. I know he will.”
It’s not like he didn’t believe that Noya would do it. He just kind of can’t believe Noya actually did it. And that it’s Suga’s voice telling them that they would be back in a hour or two to check in on them.
“We better hear some serious making out noises when we come back or something,” Suga teases. Then he knocks softly on the door and softens his voice. “Seriously. You two need to talk before you both get ulcers or something. Please.”
Tanaka feels Asahi stiffen behind him at Suga’s caring voice.
“Fine,” Tanaka bites out. “But I am so getting you both back for this.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Noya tosses back, “C’mon Suga let’s leave the lovebirds alone for now.”
“So,” Tanaka finally says after a few minutes when it becomes obvious that Noya and Suga were serious about leaving them alone in here. It’s a good thing neither of them were claustrophobic or anything since Asahi startles a little at Tanaka’s voice and presses his chest against Tanaka’s back.
“So,” Asahi replies, quiet voice loud in the small space.
“I, uh, hear you like me,” Tanaka states as he stares at the locked door in the dim light. After weeks of staying as far away from Asahi as possible being this close feels like he has fire licking it’s way under his skin, heating him from head to toe, and it spreads even faster when Asahi’s breath ghosts across the back of his neck.
“I hear the same thing about you.” Asahi’s voice is soft, quiet, but with a touch of hopefulness. None of that is what makes Tanaka spin around in the small space and press his back against the door so he can try to look up into Asahi’s face though. It’s the tiny hint of amusement that does it. That sliver of something sly and teasing that rockets down his spine and settles somewhere in his stomach as he meets Asahi’s eyes and sees the tiny quirk of amusement on his lips. “You know. That, uh, you like me.”
“I don’t like you,” Tanaka says simply. Because he doesn’t, he realizes as he sees hints of the hidden depths of Asahi, the true colors shining out from his glass heart he can finally see now that he’s this close. “I’m pretty sure I kind of love you.”
Asahi’s breath catches and he brings his hand up, thumb brushing over Tanaka’s cheek so, so gently. As if Tanaka is the fragile one, the one made of fine glass, someone to be cherished and valued and treasured.
“That’s okay with me,” Asahi murmurs. He leans down and bumps their foreheads together, eyes clear in the dim light and so full of emotion that Tanaka has to close his own eyes for a moment. Because in those eyes he can see stars shining down on them as they walk hand in hand beneath twinkling streetlights before curling up together after a long day and he can’t imagine anything better than that.