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Life sucks, Gerard thinks as he waits by the copier, taking a sip of stale coffee.He never thought he’d end up with a boring nine to five job when he went to art school. He had to convince his parents to let him major in cartooning, all so that he ended up here. He didn’t sign up for this.He only has twenty-seven dollars left in his bank account, no energy, and zero will to live. And he still got three more hours to go before going home.That’s if he doesn’t off himself first.‘Way,’ his supervisor knocks the door and calls him. ‘Are those reports ready? Meeting’s about to start.’‘Yes, ma’am,’ Gerard responds. ‘I’ll bring them to the meeting room in a second.’ Blowing his brain against the ceiling will have to wait, then. *** He finally makes it home after the longest commute ever, and he just wants to lock himself in his room and get caught up with all his comic books, maybe drink a beer and draw if he has enough energy.Except that he runs into Mikey in the kitchen. ‘There he is,’ his little brother says to his friend. Shaun, is it? Gerard vaguely remembers any of Mikey’s friends. He needs money again?‘What do you want, Mikes?’ Gerard asks, not in the mood to put up with anyone, so he’s ready to take out his wallet.‘You’re coming with us.’‘Where?’‘None of your business.’ Before Gerard can says anything, Mikey snatches the cigarette pack from Gerard’s pocket, and runs out of the house. Little fucker knows how to get his attention. Now Gerard is running behind him.‘What the fuck?’ he says. ‘Of course it is my business when it involves me! You could be taking me to some drug dealer to become some kind of sex slave in exchange of pills –’Mikey interrupts him. ‘Woah, woah – who the fuck do you think I am?’Gerard doesn’t reply because he does love his brother and he doesn’t want his friend to know the kind of illegal shit Mikey gets into, so he just gives him a look.‘And second of all,’ the younger Way continues. ‘We don’t wanna know your kinks, bro –’That’s it. Gerard’s not playing his games. He can buy himself more cigarettes later, but for now he’s going back inside and going straight to bed. ‘Fuck you, Mikey,’ he says.‘Fine –’ Mikey says. ‘I’ll tell you. We’re going to a party.’That just confuses Gerard even more, though it makes sense he wouldn’t tell him, because Gerard doesn’t do parties. ‘And why would I want to go?’‘Free booze?’ That should be enough for most people, Gerard thinks. But Gerard isn’t most people, and he hates parties, even if they involve alcohol, and being surrounded by people is enough reason for him not to go. ‘And –’ Mikey continues. ‘I may or may not have mentioned that you’re an artist, so Alex was wondering if you could help with posters and stuff.’Oh.A paid gig. Mikey’s trying to help him get paid to do art.‘Are you serious?’ Gerard asks, because it’s been years since he graduated college and all he’s done is dumb internships or office jobs that make him want to throw himself from the nearest bridge. So this is big.‘Why would I lie to you?’Gerard chooses not to answer. He opens his mouth to argue that he doesn’t need to go to a party to talk to this guy, but he considers it for a second. Mikey is doing him a huge favor.‘C’mon, dude!’ Mikey begs. ‘When was the last time you went out and have fun?’Gerard really has to think about it. Definitely back in college, and he was definitely not sober. It probably involved him and his friends playing D&D. So it wasn’t anything wild. ‘I don’t know.’‘Well, you need to get out more.’According to who? Mikey Fun Way? No, thanks. He would rather stay home and read comic books.But Mikey did him a huge favor, so he might as well go to this party. But just this one time. He lets out a big sigh, and gets in Shaun’s car. *** There’s way too many people in Gerard’s opinion.All cramped in the first floor of an old house outside the city. Way too close. Gerard already hates it. It’s giving him anxiety, and he has to fight the urge to turn around and leave. So, first order of business, get alcohol.He walks straight to the kitchen, avoiding any eye contact, and grabs a beer from the fridge. It’s moments like this when he wishes he carried pen and his sketchbook with him because he could just sit and draw for hours, ignoring his surroundings. Instead, he finds a corner far away from everyone, and just stands there and people watches.As much as he hates people – and that’s a lot –, it can be interesting to observe their behaviors for research, you know, for writing.Especially in situations like this. Their flirting rituals and drinking habits. Their conversations and ways of socializing. Gerard has never understood any of that, and how it’s so easy for some but not for him. But he also gave up on trying a long time ago.He just listens to them talking to each other. A girl mumbles something dirty in this guy’s ear, just steps away from Gerard, who makes his best attempt not to laugh. A second later, the guy takes the girl’s hand and they’re going upstairs, so whatever she said worked. That was quick, Gerard thinks.He sees a lot of people making out, some puking their brains out, others just laughing and talking, and he wishes it was that easy for him.‘Gee!’ Mikey calls him from somewhere in the room, interrupting his studying of the human species. Gerard looks for him in the crowd, and refills his beer before joining him on the other side of the room, by the main entrance. When he gets there, Mikey is with Shaun and two other guys, deep in conversation. ‘Oh, hey!’ his brother greets him.‘So you’re the famous Gerard,’ one of them says. He’s tall and looks a bit older than the rest, so Gerard assumes that’s Mikey’s boss, Alex. Gerard just nods politely. ‘Mikey talks so much about his artist brother who works at Cartoon Network, but no one had ever seen him, so we were starting to think you were his imaginary friend.’Gerard wants to tell him that he’s just the errand boy, but chooses not to. At least they think he’s cool for working there.‘Ha ha, very funny!’ Mikey says in the driest tone ever. ‘Anyway, this is Gerard, and he doesn’t like parties but he’s making an exception for you, assholes.’ Then to Gerard, he says, ‘You know Shaun, and these are Alex and Frank.’ He points to the short guy with the dreads that’s standing next to him. He’s cute, but Gerard won’t even go there, because it’s pointless. He doesn’t have a chance.Instead, he listens to Alex talk about all the future projects of the label, shows, recording studios. ‘It’d be nice to have someone who could help us design logos and posters. Frankie’s band needs a new logo, for example.’‘Oh, sure,’ is all Gerard manages to say because he’s the most awkward person ever and never knows what to say.‘Yeah, I mean – if you want,’ Frank says with a drunk smile, and Gerard knows in that moment that it’ll be impossible not to think about Frank for days.‘Yeah, sure,’ Gerard replies in his best attempt to seem cool and collected.He wants to ask Alex how much he’s getting paid for this, but he doesn’t dare to ask, because anxiety.He just listens to them talk about local bands and venues, and stuff he has no idea about, so he just pretends and nods. Before he knows it, Frank has disappeared somewhere. So, Gerard just gets more beer and hopes the party is over soon. ***Gerard has no idea how long it’s been, but he just wants to go home.He’s tired, bored and anxious, so he goes out the back door, and sits by the tree in the back, far away from everyone. He’s drained from trying to socialize, and he just needs some alone time.He takes out a cigarette from his pocket, and lights it, rejoicing in the silence.It was so loud inside he couldn’t hear his own thoughts – not that he missed that, but he prefers to be alone sometimes. Just think. Make up worlds and stories. Try to make sense of his life. Figure out what he was going to do.He just wants to stop time, to be honest. He’s not getting any younger, and he feels like he’s done nothing important with his life. Getting coffee and copies for his boss wasn’t exactly his idea when he got in art school. He wants to change the world, leave a mark. Be the next Grant Morrison, and inspire others to do art. Not to sell his soul to corporate.Maybe he should quit. It’s not like he’s making a lot of money, and he’s definitely not making a difference. But then, what should he do?He wants to start a band, and write a book, draw. So many things, but he thinks he might be too old to start from scratch. And right now, he doesn’t really have the energy to think about his future, or anything, for that matter. He leans against the tree and closes his eyes, the cigarette between his lips, and tries to think of the most absurd things just to pass the time, which is easy when he’s this drunk. He makes a mental list of all the names he’d choose if he could have a cat, if he wasn’t allergic to them. Lotion, Ghoul, Susan. It’s always funny when they name them people names, especially old people names. Robert, Dick. Now he hates the fact that he can’t have a cat.‘Can I have a cigarette?’ he hears someone ask in the distance, and the voice sounds vaguely familiar. When he opens his eyes, he sees Frank standing there, with that sweet angel face of his.‘Uh – yeah, sure.’ Fuck. Why can he never talk like a normal person? Frank’s gonna think he’s an idiot, and well, he may be right, especially when Gerard is smiling like the idiot he is.Frank is probably regretting his decision now. Except he’s probably just as drunk as Gerard, if not more, so he doesn’t seem to care. He just sits next to Gerard, who offers him a cigarette and his lighter. Neither of them says a word as Frank lights his cigarette, and then gives the lighter back to Gerard, who almost flinches when their fingers touch. ‘What are you doing out here?’ Frank asks out of nowhere, slurring his words and breaking the intense silence.‘I –’ Suddenly, Gerard has forgotten all words in the English language. His brain is useless. ‘Just – I’m not good with people.’Frank just giggles, which makes it ever worse for Gerard. But the moment is so absurd that he can’t help laughing too. ‘That’s cool.’More silence.Frank looks up at the sky, blowing out smoke, deep in thought. From where Gerard is sitting, he is beautiful, and he can’t stop looking at him.‘Don’t you just wonder sometimes what’s the fucking point of everything?’ Frank blurts out, just like that, catching Gerard off guard. ‘Like the fucking universe is so big, and all those little stars and shit, and we’re here working and trying to figure out whether to finish your degree or just going on tour with your friends. And for all the shit we go through, and all the pain, and in the end, nothing matters. Because we all die and that’s it.’Wow.That was deep.Maybe it has to do with how drunk Gerard is but it hits hard. Like somehow, Frank knew exactly how Gerard feels but he can at least put it into words that made sense. How did he do that? And all Gerard can say is, ‘Yeah.’And Frank continues. ‘I don’t even know if I’ll make it to twenty-five, so all I can do is have fun, right?’‘Me neither.’Then, Frank finally looks at him, and Gerard can swear his heart skips a beat. ‘So – Gerard,’ he says, making emphasis on each letter of his name and Gerard can’t breathe anymore. His name had never sounded so majestic. ‘What do you want to do with your life?’‘I don’t know.’ Make a change, Gerard thinks. But he’s aware of how dumb that sounds, so he won’t say it.‘Oh, c’mon! You have to know.’ Gerard tries to think. Really tries, which is extremely hard when his brain is all foggy. ‘When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?’‘I – wanted to be a comic book artist,’ Gerard answers with a smile.‘That’s so fucking cool! Why didn’t you do it, then?’For some reason, Gerard finds it so easy to talk to Frank. ‘Well, I went to art school, but it turns out it’s not that easy when you graduate. And you need to pay bills and stuff.’‘I know. That sucks.’ There’s a brief pause before Frank keeps going, his words measured. ‘My mom wants me to finish college and get a normal job, and my dad keeps telling me that dedicating my life to music is hard as fuck, but I really don’t see myself doing anything else.’He knows exactly how that is.‘S’, tell me –’ the short guy continues. ‘If you had a million dollars and didn’t have to work anymore, what would you do?’‘Fucking draw,’ Gerard replies immediately, without a second thought. ‘I’d write a comic book.’Frank looks at him with a dopey grin and everything inside Gerard is melting right now. ‘You’ll do great, Gerard Way,’ Frank says. ‘And one day, your comic book will be in stores, and I promise I’ll be the first one in line to get your autograph.’ Gerard knows he’s only saying that to encourage him, but that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to him. He believes in him.If Gerard wasn’t drunk, he’d cry.Heck, he’ll probably cry anyway.‘Thank you,’ he manages to say, and they stay quiet for a while. Just sitting there and smoking, sharing a moment. Just them under the stars, their hands almost touching. Gerard could swear there’s electricity in the air, but that’s most likely just dizziness.‘You should do whatever the fuck you want,’ Gerard says out of nowhere, making Frank giggle. Fuck, he knows what he wants to do with his laugh. Make Frank laugh for the rest of their life.‘You think so?’‘Yeah, totally.’ Gerard kinda likes this alcohol-induced confidence. Even if he never sees Frank again, he’ll remember this moment forever. This night is perfect, and this is some kind of star-crossed lovers shit, even if it’s only in Gerard’s mind. So he wants to enjoy it.‘What’s your band’s name?’ he asks out of nowhere.‘Pencey Prep.’‘As in The Catcher in the Rye?’Frank giggles again, as if Gerard had said the funniest thing ever. ‘Yeah. It’s my favorite book.’‘Mine too.’They keep talking forever, about school and music. Frank tells him his band is playing a show next week and that he should totally go. Gerard tells him now he has to since Frank will be there for his comic book release. They make up stories about the other people at the party, and Frank laughs too loud at Gerard’s impression of Mikey. At some point, Frank remembers he still has one more blunt in his pocket, so they light it.In between giggles, Gerard explains the plot of a story he wrote about a man, a woman and the souls of a thousand evil men, and Frank listens attentively. ‘You should totally write it.’Before they know it, people are starting to leave, so they figure they better go back inside before the cops see them. Gerard would offer to drive him home, but he can’t drive like this either. ‘Should I get you a taxi?’ Gerard asks once they’re inside.‘I’m no damsel in distress, okay? I have a better idea,’ Frank adds, his index finger on Gerard’s face. ‘We should get another drink, and just crash in the basement.’That sounds like a good idea. So Gerard follows him to the kitchen, and they find a bottle of vodka that still has some, so they take it. They take sips straight from the bottle, passing it around, and Gerard finds a sharpie and a napkin and starts doodling. ‘Holy shit, you’re good!’ Frank says.‘Well, my parents paid a lot of money to art school, so it’s good to know it helped.’‘Draw a puppy!’Gerard does, and then adds a little sketch of Frank with a guitar.‘Can I keep it?’ Frank yells excited, and Gerard nods. They keep talking, just nonsense, until out of nowhere, Frank’s lips are on Gerard’s. Soft and wet. He smells like cheap beer and weed, and Gerard panics for a second, not sure what’s happening. It’s not until he feels his tongue slip in that he reacts.Holy shit.Holy shit.Everything inside him is lava and he’s about to explode, and –He just goes with it. he kisses Frank back, tongues exploring each other’s throats. Biting each other’s lips. He feels his whole body burning up as Frank holds him by his waist and his thumb brushes against his skin.When Frank pulls him to the restroom at the end of the hallway, he just follows him without even thinking about it, and they get back where they left. Gerard doesn’t question it, not that there’s anything to question. It feels right, and well, if Frank is into it, he’ll just let him. Because Frank is pretty good at what he’s doing, and he seems to be enjoying it too. So who’s to say if it’s wrong to hook up with someone when you’re drunk? Some things are just meant to happen.Gerard was meant to come to this lame ass party, and meet Frank. He was meant to fall in love with him, even if things don’t work out in their favor. And Frank was meant to suck his dick. Fuck.Gerard can’t control the noises coming out of him right now. He doesn’t think he’d gotten a blowjob as good as this.And of course, Gerard has to return the favor. This wasn’t the worst party after all. *** Gerard gets to the venue just in time before Pencey starts playing.He wasn’t sure about going because he’s not in the mood to be around people, but he promised Frank he’d be there. And he really wants to see him.It’s weird. After the party, they didn’t really talk or anything. Gerard doesn’t have his number, and all he knows is that he goes to Rutgers. But he didn’t have the guts to go see him.Is that too forward? It was probably just a one-time thing, and Frank doesn’t even remember him. But as soon as the band gets on stage, Frank sees him and smiles.Gerard notices a funny feeling in his stomach, and it doesn’t leave. He watches Frank play, jumping around and screaming, giving it his all. He was born for this. And Gerard knows he’ll go far, and he’ll be there every step of the way. His #1 fan.Pencey Prep’s set ends, and before the next band gets on stage, Frank is approaching. He doesn’t say anything and just holds out his hand. Gerard takes it, and Frank leads him outside through the back door, until the reach a beat up silver Honda. ‘You wanna go for a ride?’ Frank asks, and Gerard can’t say no to that. ‘Have you listened to The Bouncing Souls?’‘No.’So Frank finds his Bouncing Souls CD and puts it on. Hopeless Romantic starts playing as Frank holds his hand and they drive to the highway. They drive all night, stopping at the gas station for snacks, and then park outside an abandoned mall, and make out in the backseat. Gerard sees himself spending a lot of nights like this.