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August 9th, 1986:
Maverick, stop chatting you are bothering everyone in the class. Sitting at his desk waiting for the start of the class, Maverick looked up when he received the note knowing who wrote it. He met the eyes of Iceman. They were cold, staring at him. He rolled his eyes with annoyance. Of course, Ice was the most annoyed with him. He was only whispering to Goose, not talking out loud. Even though Slider was trying to talk to him, Ice was listening to Pete; he could continue to annoy him and only him. He continued talking to his best friend, telling him about his night at the bar, flirting with some random girl. He received a second note only a couple of seconds later:I feel sorry for every woman you have tried to flirt with.Maverick turns around once again and grinned at the blonde man.“I’m sure they can all tell you they had a great time.”Iceman rolled his eyes, Maverick infuriates him. The way he thinks he can get everything he wants just by being careless and dangerous. “I don’t care Maverick. The things you do are careless, insane even, and if you’re going to drag some innocent woman into this, I’m simply sad for her.”Maverick looked as if he was thinking as to what to answer. He whispered:"Not only women."He then turned back to Goose, not watching Ice anymore.Iceman was stunned, not even sure that he heard Maverick's comment correctly.He felt scared. Scared for Maverick if he did, in the end, heard that comment correctly. Scared because of the talk he was going to have with him in the locker room later. Scared of the thing hidden deep into his mind.

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August 16th 1986:“Can you stop arguing with Viper? You will get yourself kicked out if you continue like that.”Maverick took out this note from his locker before their break after their third hop of the day, he was drenching with sweat and didn’t think he could continue classes in that state.Reading the note felt like a parent was reprimanding him, but he knew who wrote that. Once again Iceman was analysing every action he decided to take. He didn’t know why the Iceman seemed so- hell, he didn’t even know which word to use. Worried? After his ass? He didn’t know. Was Iceman looking out for him or was he just protecting the little of competition he had during this formation? Maverick decided to take a shower before drowning in his thoughts. Did he really want to know the answer? Getting out of the shower, he decided to write a note back by taking a piece of paper of the numerous ads on the wall. He went over what to write in his head.“I’m not doing anything wrong if I’m winning against almost every team, am I?”It was the first note he decided to leave in Iceman’s locker on August 16th 1986.If only he knew that not only it wasn’t going to be the last one, but that it would evolve soon into another type of note.

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August 23rd 1986:“Are you sure your technique was the best? Then tell me why I was the one leading this dogfight and the one who got Jester?”Iceman found this note in his book. How it ended up there? He had no idea. It still ended up in his hands and strangely angered him. How dare he complains about his by-the-book techniques? It was what they were supposed to do. He threw the little note away in his case with annoyance. He felt as if it was all Maverick could give him, annoyance. How could he even annoy him? The Iceman, Ice cold, no mistakes? Deep down, he knew he cared and was scared for the dark-haired man. His stunts were becoming increasingly dangerous and scary. It put his and his RIO's life in danger. What was he after? Surely not the Top Gun trophy. Either way, this little competition stops now before someone gets injured or worse.He decided to write an answer to Maverick."The way you get more stupid in every hop still impresses me, Mitchell. You need to stop chasing records and trophies. You and your reckless ass will end up in the hospital one day. I must admit, it helps to put some action in my life, but you're getting more dangerous by the second.T. K."Because, yes, for the first time, he decided to leave his initials at the end of the note.He then turned around to spot Lieutenant Mitchell at the back of the class. Ice took the opportunity to stand up and slide the little note into the little calendar that Maverick brought with him everywhere. Going back to his seat, he could hear Slider's chuckle.He hit him with his elbow.

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August 30th 1986:“I'm still two points ahead of you Mitchell. It’s endearing to see your dedication to trying to beat me and Slider, though.”Maverick opens this little note, it was stuck under his favorite mug, so it means that Ice knows which mug he- anyways. He does not feel annoyed by the notes anymore. He thinks they are fun. It makes his days a bit brighter, like a routine. He knew Iceman did not feel the same way as him about the little notes. Sadly, the man seemed angrier at him at every little piece of paper he got. At first, he found it funny until it started to hurt to see the coldness and hatred at every stare. He did not know why it hurts only now; Lieutenant Kazansky has been giving him the same look since the first day at Top Gun.He wished it was another type of stare, but he should not wish for more. Just the fact that he was hoping was wrong. It was not accepted in the navy. Even the slightest crush was not okay. He could be dishonorably discharged, and God knows his superiors would love to see him pack his things and leave his wings behind. While his mind was running through every possible ending, he didn’t hear someone come in. Of course, it was Iceman. Ice took his time and observed Maverick. He looked shocked and lost. His hands were even shaking, and with a mug of coffee in his hands, it could be dangerous, and Ice does not want him to burn himself. He approached slowly while calling his name, no answer or reaction. He finally took the mug softly, making his way in front of the other man. "Hey are you alright, Mitchell?”Maverick snapped out of his blank, looked at Iceman right in the eyes, took his mug of coffee and left the room without saying anything.Ice thought about their interaction all day.

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September 6th 1986:“Saw you at the bar yesterday. Did you even flirt with that woman? She looked like a deer caught in headlights when you told her you were a navy pilot. P.M.”Iceman found this letter next to his breakfast plate at 6 AM on a hot Saturday morning, his hair still wet from his shower. He did not recall the events at first. But then it hit him. The brownish hair, the chestnut brown eyes, and the bit-too-red lipstick. He was not sure he flirted with that woman, but she sure as hell flirted with him. He does not remember her name. Not interested in whatever story she was telling him yesterday, he was more excited to go home than anything else. But Maverick was watching the interaction. He was especially watching when he wanted to get away from her by telling her he was a pilot. He did not mean to hurt the woman, but she did seem uncomfortable after that sentence. She left the second she spotted one of her friends. He decided that it was better if he wrote an answer later, preferring to eat than think about what to write back. A couple of hours later, they were outside playing volleyball. While they were on a break to drink water, he decided to write a note back to Maverick.“I did not. And you? Is something going on with you and that instructor, Charlie? She seems, smiley around you. T.K.”He looked around for a place to put that note and his eyes fell on Maverick’s clothes, he moved fast and placed the note under his coat. Hoping that the other Lieutenant will not leave without seeing it. He quickly left his current position, trying to not appear suspicious to others by going back to where he and his RIO left their things. Slider was staring at him. “Please stop looking at me like I just did a crime.”Slider laughed at his comment.“If only you’d stop being so sneaky with Maverick. Even Mother Goose agrees with me.”

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September 13th 1986: “Why did you leave the volleyball game early? Mother Goose seemed so sad to play without you. We even got hotdogs for dinner. T.K.”I was sad you left.
That is what Iceman really wanted to say. He wanted to scream it. Maverick found this letter in front of his dorm door when he was coming back from Charlie’s house. When he read Iceman’s note, he felt bad. Why did he even go to her house? She was mostly interested in his encounter with the MIG, not him. He wished he could meet someone interested in who he is. Yes, he defines himself as a pilot, it is his entire life, but he is still a human with feelings and stories to tell. Only Goose would listen to his crazy life stories outside of the navy. He sighed and entered the little house he shared with his best friend, wishing he could fall into his bed already. Sadly, he has some homework about their last hop to do. Describe his techniques and maneuvers. What a boring thing to do. Iceman was waiting. Waiting for what you will ask? For something to happen. Anything really. He was once again sitting at the bar; some girl was once again trying to talk to him about some random story about her dog. He was not listening. He was wishing for Maverick to enter and entertain him, tell him something that is actually interesting. Maverick finally finished his paperwork and started to think again about Ice’s note. What could he answer? Be truthful? Be sarcastic? He didn’t know yet. He decided that right now he deserved a drink. A good one.

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September 13th, 1986:
“I made a mistake, I should’ve stayed to play longer. I’m sorry I was being stupid. P.M.”Maverick was writing this note while he was at the bar, drinking a sweet old Rhum and coke. He didn’t acknowledge anyone, apart from the bartender to ask for a drink. He’s far from in the mood tonight to talk to anyone, only drink. He didn’t know when he would give Iceman that note, but he knows that if he doesn’t give it tonight, he’ll throw it away tomorrow by shame. Maverick never says he made a mistake, why start now? Well, he is currently lost in his feelings and he's drinking, so there’s a first to everything in that state. The moment he finished his drink and thought of leaving, he heard that voice. He felt unlucky, how could he come to the bar on THE night he would come too?
He tried to be silent and softly leave the bar without anyone noticing him. Arrived at the door, someone caught him by the shoulder and turned him around.“Maverick! What are you doing here?”Slider. Shit.“I just came here to take one drink.”
Maverick hoped that Slider would get the hint that he wanted to leave.He didn’t. Slider started dragging him through the bar, to someone, he didn’t want to see Ice now, not in the state he is in. “Slider! You brought Mitchell back from the dead or what?”Shit, Maverick forgot that he looks like he didn’t sleep for a couple of days. Slider simply laughed at the comment, he was clearly drunk. Iceman though, looked as if he did not drink a single drop of alcohol. Slider ended up pushing him side by side to Ice. He felt as if his side was burning, he did not want to be here. He saw that Ice was wearing a jacket and his left pocket was very close to the hand with which he was holding the little note he wrote earlier. He slide his hand while watching Slider drink another glass of whatever mix he decided to have, put the note in Tom's pocket then let his hand fall on his side.“Hey Mitchell, how are you doing on this fun night?”“Well Slider, as I told you, I was only here for one drink, so if you’ll excuse me.”He tried leaving Ice and Slider’s side, but Slider blocked him.“Why leave when you can have fun with us?”“Slider, stop bothering him, he probably wants to sleep after doing his assignment.”“How-““Don’t ask questions Mitchell, good night, and don’t forget to bring your homework tomorrow, Goose can’t always cover your ass.”“Thanks Ice, and yeah, I won’t forget it.” He started to actually leave but then turned around.“Good night.”Slider looked at him funnily.“Good night Maverick, don’t fall asleep on the road.”“I won’t, thanks Slider.”He left, feeling the stare of someone on his neck. Ice or Slider? He did not want to know.Ice couldn’t stop staring at Maverick leaving. Why did he want to follow him to be sure he was alright? Slider started talking to him about today’s hop and he forgot his previous idea to follow the man he considered dangerous. Until he put his hand in his pocket and felt a little piece of paper. He took it out and opened it. Reading it, he felt scared. Maverick can never tell when he made a mistake, he would never call himself stupid. What was happening to him?

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September 20th 1986:“Why are you ignoring me Maverick? Did I do something? Please talk to me. T.K.”Maverick opens the note on his lunch break. He feels down lately. Pete has not been careful with his flying and next week is their last week at Top Gun. He does not want to leave. He finally feels somewhat at home. He thinks that he is chasing too much after his father’s ghost. He was so happy to see Carole, Goose, and baby Goose yesterday that he forgot that he was risking his RIO's life at every hop. He has to stop being so careless because other people have their families to think about.Clearing his mind, he left his room without eating to join the rest of the team for their 31st hop. (the infamous)Putting on his flight gear he once again felt a stare on his neck, probably the same every day. When he turned around, he met the blue eyes of Ice, they looked insistent and scared. Only the eyes, never the rest of his face. He couldn’t speak, because the other boys were in the room, so he mouthed to him.
“What.”Tom Kazansky only continued to stare at him, as if he was looking for anything out of the ordinary. Maverick was the same as yesterday and the day before. He decided to continue dressing up because he did not want another guy to see the tension between him and Ice. Goose and Slider were more than enough already. “Hey, how do you say we go to a restaurant after this hop? I feel as if I haven’t eaten all day!”Maverick turned to Goose, thanking him for a distraction.“Sure Goose! Everyone is invited too! A little treat before the last week!”Everyone cheered happily, Ice was smiling softly. He still had something hidden behind his eyes. Maverick wondered what he could be thinking about but did not have more time as he, Goose, Ice, and Slider were called to go up for a dogfight exercise. They went out on the taxiway.The exercice started well, Iceman was trying to take a shot. The rest is a blur.Who knew their plans would go entirely wrong?

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September 27th 1986:Maverick still could not believe it. A week ago? How could it already have been a week? He has been in his bed for a couple of days now. He’s got enough of the sad faces. He cannot even deal with his grief correctly. He does not know how to react to death anymore. A major part of the people he considered his family is dead. He doesn't want to see anyone at the moment. He hasn’t even seen Carole yet, he’s scared to see the state she’s in. He wants to hug Goose. Maverick wants Goose to tell him he’s alright. Sometimes he can still hear his laugh in the air, the piano notes, and the smell of beer on Friday nights. He decides after a while to finally stand up. Turning to his nightstand, he grabs the bottle of water put there by his own devices and hydrates himself. He felt himself shake, his balance wasn’t right, especially after all these days of not moving from his bed. After a while, he finally felt steady enough to start walking towards his door. He walked slowly, taking his time. One step at a time. He felt nothing for the moment, but he knew that all the emotions would come down at some point.  Going down the stairs, he realized he’d have to go to the base to get some of the things he left in his locker. He must get everything. He isn’t going to go back. Or is he? He’s not sure anymore.He left the house a couple of minutes later, his mind still going a thousand different places a second. Was he even in shape to drive his motorcycle? He couldn’t care, he must go to the base now. Arriving at the base, he went directly to the locker room, ignoring everyone on his way there. He finally arrived where he wanted to go after a couple of minutes of walking. He felt as if he was suffocating. He went directly to his locker, opening it as fast as he could. He didn’t have time to see his bags before seeing a note slip out of his locker. He picked it up sadly, he was scared of what he was about to read. “Mitchell, Pete. Please don’t blame yourself for what happened. I can’t express how sorry I am, but the one thing I’ll say repeatedly is that it’s not your fault. I just wished I’d have your number so I could contact you and make sure you’re okay. You haven’t come here in four days, I’m scared I lost you, please, when you get this and if you feel like it, call me on the nearest phone. **********”Pete saw that there was more then one note. He exhaled loudly, trying not to sob right there. He was confused for a second, not knowing the feeling he had in his chest at this precise moment. It felt, good, to have someone care about you and not only random people saying sorry. But that feeling?He sat down with the note still in his hands. He did not want to lose it, so he placed it in his safe pocket in his jeans. He was trying to breathe. It was hard. He felt as if every wall started to scream at him. Screaming about how he is the worst pilot a RIO could ask for, how he killed his best friend, his brother. He put his hands on his ears, trying to muffle the sound, but it wasn’t working. He felt as if he was going to faint until he sensed someone shaking him. He opened his eyes, his hands still on his ears, and saw Ice, Tom. He saw the deep ocean blue eyes of Tom and the way they were looking directly into his green eyes. He couldn’t hear a single thing, but feeling Tom Kazansky right there was surely a nice thing. He was still trying to catch his breath and it started to hurt so much. He felt his body move and saw that Tom was bringing Pete closer to him. When he was pulled against his chest, Tom took Pete’s hand and put it right over his heart. After a couple of seconds Maverick stopped moving, he felt Tom Kazansky’s heart beating, every single beat. His hearing started to recover and that’s when he heard the blonde man talking.“Please Pete, just breathe, please.”He looked up at his face.“T-Tom.”“Yes, it’s me, Mitchell, are you alright?”Maverick tried to answer, but the only thing to come out of his mouth was:“Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom.”And Tom was confused. He had never seen a panic attack that strong, and he was unsure of what to do, so after a couple more of “Tom.” he hugged Maverick. At first, he came into the locker room to grab a towel for his shower, but he spotted Pete and tried to talk to him. When he didn’t get an answer, he put himself in front of him and saw that the smaller man was not feeling alright. He was currently so scared for Pete Mitchell.

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October 4th 1986:“Please come to the graduation. We all want to see and congratulate you. I want to congratulate you. You’re one of the best in this class. You deserve a bit of celebration too Mav. T.K.”Maverick found this note in the morning, coming into his kitchen. He let Iceman take a spare key to his flat to check up on him from time to time. He felt lost a bit though. He thought Iceman would stop giving him notes since he could talk to his face, but he probably was still sleeping when he came in because he couldn’t recall hearing the door. He took the note gently and reread its content. “I want to congratulate you.”The line of ink at the start of the sentence makes it seem as if he hesitated before writing it. Looking at the time, 4:45 PM, he guessed that they were still in class, but it would soon be over. Ice would probably come and check up on him. He doesn’t know why he came here almost every day. He could go out to the O club and celebrate his Top Gun trophy, because of course Iceman got the trophy. But no, Tom comes here every night, talks to Maverick about random things to change his mind, which works (he always ends up laughing at some stupid comment from Tom), and always hugs him before leaving. A hug?? Since when does the Iceman give hugs? Maverick was sadly too tired all the time to even register the things happening around him. He was now sitting on his couch, staring at some random objects in his little house. He didn’t even hear the door open, too in his mind to even hear the footsteps coming close to him. “Pete? How are you feeling today?”Tom Kazansky enters Pete Mitchell’s house at 5:30 PM like every day since the locker room, a week since he comes here to take care of Maverick. Seeing that Maverick was not feeling great today since he was not even looking at him nor did he look like he heard him, he went into the kitchen to prepare some food with what he brought with him. He wanted to cook for Pete because he knew that the smaller man wouldn’t eat at all if he didn’t make him something. He started boiling some water, thinking of doing some pasta. “W-what are you doing here?”Tom turned around seeing Pete right behind him, looking at him as if he was a stranger.“I’m making you food Mitchell.”He turned back to the oven, making sure he wouldn’t make a mess with the little to no talent in cooking he had, he was better at baking anyways. “You should be at the bar, celebrating, not here taking care of some sad guy.”Ice sighted; he knew that this conversation would come someday. He did not turn around this time, just started explaining.“Pete, I prefer taking care of you 100% right now than party with Kerner. It doesn’t feel right to gloat over some shiny trophy when you’re here feeling down because I made a mistake. It doesn’t feel right not hearing you say how proud of yourself you are because you buzzed the tower, and it surely doesn’t feel right to not bother you in class because of your dangerous maneuvers and how you never cared even if an instructor told you every time that it was the worst thing to do.”They fell into silence in which Tom didn’t dare to turn around, too scared to see Pete’s reaction to his little monologue. When he felt as if the ground was swallowing him whole, he felt two little arms make their way around his waist and a body collide with his back. His breath got caught in his throat, unable to come out. Something fell on his left shoulder and Tom turned his gaze to it to see Maverick’s forehead placed right on top of it, the perfect height for it. Tom felt a million things at the same time but couldn’t word a single one.“Thank you, Tom.”That was all Pete would say for now, but for Tom, it felt as if he was talking all evening until the sun was long gone, a lot of things hidden behind three words. They stayed in that hug for a long time, Tom stirring the pasta but putting his head above Pete’s. Maverick didn’t dare to move. He felt as safe as he could ever be, at home.They stayed there for as long as they could until the pasta was ready. Pete and Tom cursed the pasta in silence.

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October 11th 1986:“Happy to see you at graduation yesterday, I’m sure we’ll do alright on that mission. T.K.”Maverick found that letter in his room on the USS Enterprise on the night of October 11th, 1986. They were on their way to the Indian Ocean for an important mission, the day after they graduated from Top Gun. Pete went back to Top Gun for the last few days before graduation to see everyone’s progress and to talk to Viper. He wanted to know what his options were. Quitting or learning from his mistake. He decided to try and learn from his mistakes. And he ended up here, in the middle of an ocean reading once again a letter from Ice. He felt weird, already being back on duty when a week earlier he was in the care of Tom, he would come every night to be sure he was alright. He’s still not, but he’s learned to accept it. To accept the void in his heart, the missing of his brother. He saw Carole and Bradley the day before graduation. The moment he saw her he started crying once again and she gave him a big hug, a hug only Carole Bradshaw can give. He felt safe for a couple of seconds. He didn’t feel tired, so he decided to take a little walk around the aircraft carrier.Arrived in front of a random door, it opened and revealed a tired Tom Kazansky.“What are you doing awake at this hour Pete?”Pete? He was surely very tired because unless it was for something important Ice wouldn’t call him Pete.“I, I wasn’t tired, I decided to take a walk to change my mind.” He saw Tom’s face change a bit, from confusion to understanding. “Oh, is it okay if I join you? Slider snores.”Maverick smiled warmly at the other man.“Of course, you can even crash on my couch if you want to.”Tom Kazansky and Pete Mitchell walked around for the next twenty minutes, talking about random things.Tom Kazansky ended up taking the other man’s offer and slept the remaining hours of the night on his couch.

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October 18th, 1986:Maverick thought that after the mission he would be directly transferred to another base, but it was a total surprise to find out from Stinger that he could go wherever he wanted to. He chose just like that to become a Top Gun instructor. What a decision you will say. Maverick, an instructor? Yeah, he wanted to stay here and teach his unorthodox flying techniques. To cause chaos? To show that the book is not everything? All of these. He wanted to show another side of naval aviation to the new top 1%. Charlie came back a few days after the mission, he turned her down. He doesn’t know how he did, but he did. Iceman came back to Top Gun too; they became colleagues on top of everything they already were. On the first day, before being introduced as the new instructor with Ice, Maverick received a note from Tom.“I believe in you Mav, I’m sure you can do it. You’ll prove to them that you’re the best of the best. I’ve got your back.”Pete felt his heart beating loudly in his chest. Knowing that someone got your back, most importantly someone who matters to you, feels like a fever dream. He walks towards the classroom with his mind only focusing on his and Tom’s relationship. He felt like it was going to evolve maybe even more. Tom Kazansky on his side couldn’t stop thinking about Maverick. He was everywhere. In his mind, by his side, in the air, everywhere. He needed his brain to stop eventually, or his classes weren’t going to be successful. He muttered:
“Damn you, Pete Mitchell.”

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October 25th 1986:After the end of the first week of the new Top Gun students, Iceman felt as if he was going to pass out from exasperation. He couldn’t believe some of the things the students pulled. It was almost worst than Maverick. He could deal with one Maverick, but 20 of them? There’s a limit to what he can handle. He sits down at the desk of his office and thinks about all the paperwork he’ll have to do over the weekend. When he opened his files, he found a little note sticking to the first page. “If you want to calm down a bit, I can still invite you to take a drink. P.M.”Tom felt himself blush, what was he? A guy in high school or what? How could he react to a simple invite like this?He rested his head on the edge of his desk and groaned loudly. He was done with today. He already took his shower, so he picked up the last things remaining in his office, stood up, and went to the door. Taking the door handle, he stopped moving for a second, he was thinking. He totally should say yes to Pete’s invitation. Should he? He didn’t know. He felt lost and scared, scared because DADT is still around… if someone spots them, they could both be kicked out without any second thoughts. But he felt so many things about Maverick. Annoyance, happiness, anger, love, helplessness, wait, love? LOVE? He didn’t know.His head was too full so he exited his office finally and made his way to the parking lot. Today was a lot.  At the moment, his car felt too empty compared to his mind.He wished he could talk about this to someone, but he knew Slider would never let him off the hook if he ever tell him he might like Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell.

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December 13th, 1986 :It was the end of the first batch of Top Gun students Maverick taught. He felt overwhelmed by the ceremony, not-so-old memories coming back to his mind as he walked past the students in the sky-open room. He shakes hands with people he doesn’t even recognize, feeling way too overexposed under the eyes of the families of his students. It takes him back to nine weeks ago to his own graduation, without Goose, with no one to cheer for him or to really congratulate him. Right after that he was thrown into a mission almost costing his wingman’s life. How can he move that fast?He felt himself losing interest in the conversations around him as he took a drink and started to back away towards the exit when someone gently bumped his shoulder. Pete was scared it was going to be one of his students ready to tell him off about how his style of flying helped him evolve into a better pilot, because yes a lot of them said that to him in the last hour, but no, it was Tom. Tom Kazansky and his blue eyes. Tom with his simple smile. Ice with his effortlessly beautiful face. Iceman with the attitude of not caring when in reality his eyes could tell anything you needed to know about the man. Maverick felt at a loss for words. How could he face the man he had the most feelings for at the moment? He couldn’t.So, he continued to make his way to the exit, muttering a simple excuse to the blonde man. He couldn’t face him now, so as well put that conversation to later. He came back to his house and sat down on his couch, couldn’t bother taking off his whites now. He was happy his students didn’t have to cut their party short because of some mission, but he did feel lost and empty. What do I do now? That was the only question going around his head right now. He finally decided to take off his uniform. Putting his left hand in his pants pocket, he felt a little paper and huffed a breath in surprise. How did he-Iceman could be sneaky apparently. How did he get that paper in there without Maverick feeling or seeing it? Now’s not the time to try and guess. He opened the little note.“They say bitter ends turn sweet in time.
Is that true of yours and mine?
Sometimes, I wake up and I hear you through the silence.
I know nobody understands me like you do
It's times like these we're so much happier
Nights like these, we'll remember those stupid jokes, only we know
You know, when I'm with you, I'm so much happier.
Call me whenever you need Pete, I’m here for you.
T.K.”Pete felt his breath catch in his throat immediately and felt tears forming in his eyes. How could he continue to contain so many emotions? He started to sob silently in his hallway, he was previously going to his room to put his dirty laundry in the washing machine, but he was currently stuck, not being able to continue his way. He sat on the ground and took his face in his hands. He missed Nick, he wanted to see Tom and Carole and baby Bradley. He wanted to talk to his dad and his mom. He wanted to scream back to life about how it didn’t treat him fairly. He felt everything coming down on him all at once. He sat there for a while, trying his best to calm down until he was able to stand up. He directly made his way to his room where the phone was right by his bed. He took the handset and started composing the number Tom gave to him a couple of months ago, he kept it really close to the phone if he ever needed it. He needs it now.It rang and Pete hope that Tom was back home because he really needed to talk to him, to see him. The graduation was already two hours ago, Tom must be back home. Is he though? It’s already been three rings.Pete was starting to cry again as he lost hope that Tom would answer when he finally heard the voice of the man he needed by his side.“Tom Kanzansky.”Hearing the other man talk so seriously isn’t impressing Pete as he chuckled a bit through the tears.“Pete? Is that you?”“T-Tom…”His voice cut in a middle of a sob, and he put his free hand over his mouth to avoid the other man worrying. He just needed to talk to him right now.“Don’t move Pete, I’m coming over right now.”“N-no, you don’t need to Tom, it’s alright.”“Pete, it wasn’t a request. I’m coming over right this instant. See you in five.”Maverick didn’t have time to answer before the line went quiet. He cursed in his head, he didn’t want the other man to worry about him. It was far from his goal. He sat in his bed after the call ended and breathed, he took a minute to think about his mind. He had too many things bothering him, it was simply the worst. After a couple of minutes, he heard something move downstairs.“Pete?”He felt like screaming he was there, but nothing came out of his mind, he wasn’t even feeling the edge of the bed under him, staring blankly at the wall in front of him.He heard more footsteps until they were close and probably even in the same room as him. He couldn’t tell. The bed dipped on his left, and he felt a hot presence right by him. Comforting. He instinctively moved to the safe company by his side. “You don’t need to tell me what happened, I’m here, always by your side. Always Pete.”They stayed like this until Pete fell asleep. Tom cooked for them both and only woke Pete up when he was really sure the smaller man would be hungry.

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December 20th, 1986:Christmas was coming up. Maverick invited Ice to Carole’s to celebrate Christmas and the New Year with him, Carole, and Bradley. Ice sadly had to refuse, his family invited him to a Christmas dinner, and he couldn’t say no. Maverick had to hide his deception.On the 15th, Ice gave an idea to Maverick to exchange gifts. Maverick had to accept.So, Maverick ran the shops on the 19th, the day before Tom had to leave, Mav ran the shops to find the perfect gift for the other man. He was scared that he would give him something too simple or too plain.He was looking around, expecting an object to jump in his face screaming: me, me! I’m the perfect gift for the man you want to hug all day long!!But all he received instead is people staring at him because of his frantic sighs and movements. He stopped moving. He found it.Ice found the perfect gift the same day he thought of giving one to Pete. He knew Mav would wait for the last day to go to the shop, so he decided to go to Maverick’s house to leave a surprise note. He walked into the other man’s house twenty-five minutes later, happily humming a random Christmas song.He left the note and left, that’s everything he wanted.Maverick entered his house with the gift in his hands and put it on his table, ready to wrap it, but first, he went into his kitchen to make himself a coffee. Turning the corner leading to the kitchen, he spotted a note on a desk placed against the wall. He took it between two fingers and opened it.“I can’t wait to see what you got me, see you tomorrow, Mitchell. Can’t be happier to know you’ll get me something special.”Maverick spent the night wondering if he got the right gift.

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December 24th, 1986:Maverick was at Carole’s with Bradley. Without Tom Kazansky. He felt happy being with the people he called his family, but inside, he wanted Ice to be there too, celebrating. He couldn’t wait to open his gift.Ice was exhausted. His family was getting on his nerves. He wishes he was somewhere else. His gift was in his car, waiting for midnight. He was in the living room trying to talk to his nephew when his dad came into the room. “So, still in the navy?”Ice sighted before answering because he simply knew that this conversation would be like all the other ones.“Yes father, I am still in the navy.”“I always thought you would be in the army just like me and your brother. The navy… is that even a real thing?”Ice was feeling as if his skin was on fire. This was not a great Christmas. He didn’t want to be here. His dad made it clear that once again he wasn’t enough, and that just because he was in the navy and not the army. As if it was a big difference. “Yes father, it is a real thing. The navy is a real thing, just like the army.”His father looked at him in silence for a moment, indecisive on what to say next apparently. “Well, I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you find real humans. On the ground is how you find humans with intelligence and bravery. You being up there so far away from the action just proves how weak you are." Tom stood up.“Father. Three months ago, I lost a friend of mine in a flight accident. One of my closest friends, Pete, was destroyed by this accident. I’ve been trying to cheer him up since the day it happened. Seeing him not being able to do basic things like cooking or even standing up from his bed was making my whole soul ache. He wasn’t and still isn’t himself, father. So, don’t you dare say we can’t find real humans in the navy. Pete is the most human I’ve ever seen in my whole life. I’ve been trying so hard to let my grief and guilt behind but seeing this man, the one who survived, disappear in front of my eyes wasn’t something I was going to accept. Not even 24 hours after our graduation, we were transferred directly to a mission where I almost died, because I was alone against five MIGs when Maverick saved my ass. So don’t you dare say there’s no bravery or intelligence. The people I met at Top Gun and in the air are far braver and more intelligent than you will ever be.”On these words, Ice simply walked towards the front door, took his coat, and left. He wasn’t going to have this kind of Christmas when he knew another type of celebration was awaiting him in another city. When he started his car, he looked at the clock. 11:25 PM, he had 35 minutes to arrive at Carole’s house. From Oceanside, it took around 40 minutes to go to San Diego. He was lucky that Maverick gave him the address two days ago, knowing that the door would always be open for him. He directly started to drive, not wanting to waste any more time. There was no way he would miss Pete’s face when he was going to open his gift, not now. He was on the highway, at 11:35 PM. He was sweating and cursing at every car around him.He entered San Diego at 11:40, he was clearly a bit over the speed limit, but luckily, not a lot of people were on the road. It was completely normal since it was almost midnight and Christmas. He was on Carole’s street at 11:58 PM. He had two minutes to park, get his things out of the car and knock on the door. He almost felt like crying. He only wanted to be somewhere happy for Christmas. He ran to the door. 11:59 PM.He knocked on the door and hoped he wasn’t late.Carole opened the door with a gentle smile. Then looked surprised.“Tom? Oh dear, are you alright?”He realized that he must look exhausted and was out of breath. “I- midnight.”Carole seemed to realize.“I see dear, no worries, I was about to wake Bradley up to open his gifts. He hasn’t opened his yet. Come in!”He entered the little house and looked around. It seems so cozy and comfortable. He wished his Christmas felt like that.“Carole, who was it-“Ice looked at Maverick, who seemed shocked to see him at this hour.“Tom? Are you okay? Why are you here at this time? You’re supposed to be with your family!”“I’m alright. It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”Pete looked as if he understood why he was saying this.“Oh, it’s alright. We were about to open the gifts! Bradley will be up in the next few minutes so be ready for a lot of excitement!”Tom couldn’t wait to open his own gift. He took the little package out of his pocket with a smile. “Yeah, well, that’s all I expect from you Maverick.”Tom sat on the couch, right next to Pete. He wanted to be as close as him for when they’ll discover what they offered each other. “IT’S CHRISTMAS”Tom started to chuckle. He already knew that Bradley was up by the screams he was hearing. He heard the sound of someone coming down the stairs.“OHHH HI ICEMAN!”He looked at little Bradley who stoop up, with his four years old, in front of him. “Hi, Brad Brad.”“I can’t wait to open my gifts, mom said they would all be amazing!”Maverick looked at Bradley with literal stars in his eyes. He answered the little boy.“They will be baby Goose.”Tom smiled even more at the interaction.“Oh, Tom! Can we open our gifts?”“Of course, Pete.”He played with the gift in his hands while Pete was standing up to take his own gift from under the tree. Bradley was already opening a second gift while Maverick sat back down right by Tom’s side. “I really can’t wait to see what you got me.”Tom grinned up at Pete.“Open it up already Mav.”They started opening their gifts at the same time and Ice’s eyes fell on a rectangular cream-white box. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Maverick got him. He opened the little box slowly and a long and thin fountain pen with his call sign written on it in silver letters appeared under his gaze. He felt honored by this gift. He found a little note on top of the box."I hope your Christmas will be as happy as you made me these last few weeksLove,P.M."Tom thinks that the letter was probably placed there since he was supposed to stay at his family's house for tonight. Well, here he is.He is happy.He turned his gaze to Maverick to see the younger man looking at a golden watch. Tom thought: if only he knew that there was something written on the back of it.Pete looked at Tom and was clearly speechless. “Tom, this- this is too much.”“You deserve everything Pete.”Pete turned entirely towards Tom and launched himself to the taller man for a hug. Ice caught him immediately. They were holding each other as if their lives depended on it and Tom felt Pete shake. He backed up to see his face full of tears. “I’m so sorry Pete, I didn’t want to make you cry.”Maverick chuckled through sobs.“I’m alright Tom, sorry, I’m just so happy.”“I’m so happy too Pete.”They were smiling like two idiots and they both didn’t hear a click made by a camera that Carole was holding with a fond smile. Carole was more than glad for Pete. He could finally be happy.

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December 31st, 1986:Maverick and Ice end up passing every moment with each other. They couldn’t have been luckier and happier to be Top Gun instructors, it let them have the possibility to have holiday vacations. Carole put a mattress on the floor next to the couch so one of the men could sleep on it. On the first night, (the 25th at three AM when Bradley finally fell asleep) Carole went to sleep and the two men started talking about everything. They didn’t realize they talked for long until the sun went up high in the sky and Bradley woke up for the second time that day. On the night of the 26th, they went out to the bar together and ended up doing some karaoke together, singing over some random rock-pop song. Coming back to Carole’s was hard, they fell asleep on the floor only a few meters away from the couch, cuddled together like the two drunk men they were.On the 27th, they watched Christmas movies all day, then talked about sweet memories of their childhood. Ice never mentioned his father. Maverick never asked.On the 30th, Maverick saw Ice looking at his watch for a moment, he thought it was a bit weird. He decided to look at his watch later. He found nothing on the look.On the morning of the 31st, they helped Carole to prepare all the night's food. They couldn’t let the sweet woman who let them both stay for a week do all the food alone! Pete saw Tom looking at his watch again, he didn’t take it off since Christmas, this gift means so much to him. Something in his brain went off. “Hey guys, I’ll just go to the toilet for a minute, be right back.”Carole smiled at him from over her shoulder.“Of course, dear. Oh, and please tell Bradley to put his toys away from the stairs!”“Sure, Carole!”He started walking towards the bathroom and put his hand over his watch, he felt as if something was hidden right under his nose. He took his watch off the second the door was closed and looked it all around. Turning it around, small letters appeared right in front of him. A whole sentence was hidden right there. It’s been on his wrist for 6 days and he wasn’t even able to see the gold letters on the back of his gift. He passed his finger over the letters one by one. “Forever yours, Your wingman. T.K.”Pete had to put a hand over his mouth to contain his sob.

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December 31st, 1986:They were eating snacks while waiting for the new year to come. Carole went to sleep a couple of minutes ago, setting an alarm for 11:50 PM, enough time to wake up Bradley and celebrate at midnight. Ice and Maverick were sitting on the couch talking softly as tiredness was taking over them slowly, but neither of them would dare to close their eyes. The watch and its hidden message were constantly on Pete’s mind ever since he found it out this morning. How can he bring that up? Should he bring that up? “Hey Tom, I never asked, but are you happy with your Christmas gift?”Ice looked at Maverick for a moment, slowly choosing the next words in his mind. “It was worth leaving my parents’ house for.”Maverick felt his heart beat a little stronger.“What happened back there? If it’s all right with you to tell of course.”Ice sighed softly, he wanted to tell Pete. He was just tired.“My father has been in the army for as long as I can remember. It’s his life, it’s who he is. When my brother enlisted, he was proud of him and happy that another Kazansky was in what he called the best branch of the U.S. military. When I was younger, I had a passion for planes, more specifically military planes. When my father found out about my passion, he had a whole talk with me about how the navy and the U.S. air force were the worst and that I should never try to join. I still did, at 18 years old, I went to the academy behind my father’s back and never looked back. My mother showed up to my graduation, not him. When I came back home, it was as if I was a stranger to him, he looked at me with hate in his eyes, he would’ve disowned me, and it would’ve made the same effect. I’m just tired to see his disappointment at every family gathering and hearing his speech about how I am still in the navy. I am proud to be a naval aviator, but because of him it’s sometimes hard to get in the air.”Ice felt as if his heart was open in front of Maverick, ready to get crushed. Tom knew he wasn’t the best with vulnerability. He was always trying to stay Ice-cold because he was always taught to keep his emotions in as to never get hurt. He still felt as if a weight was being taken off his shoulders because telling one of the most important people to him was like falling into a comfortable bed, here to welcome you and comfort you through everything. “I’m not the best in the family area, but I can tell you for sure that your dad should support you because what you’re doing is amazing. Even more, it’s fantastic, you’re a great pilot, one of the best. What about the rest of your family? Do they support you?”Ice smiled sadly.“My sister, Sarah, always supported me through my choices, even the dangerous ones.”There was one last secret dancing on his tongue, but it could end his career.“My mother always supported me yes, but never dared to argue with my father. She would stay behind, watch the argument from afar and finally comfort me when I was still young and used to cry about my dad’s opinions. The rest of my family only knows that he thinks that the army is the only thing that exists.”Maverick put his elbows on his knees and looked directly at the blonde man.“I would stick up for you, defend you.”“It’s okay Mav, I’m used to it.”Maverick wanted to scream at that sentence. Tom shouldn’t be used to it, he shouldn’t have to put up with his father figure taking him down. “I’m sorry about this Tom, you deserve so much better. Then and now.”Tom nodded, feeling his emotions come up. His tiredness wasn’t helping him, he felt tears coming up in his eyes, and he closed them in an attempt to contain them. “Oh Tom, come here.”Tom looked up at Pete just in time to see the other man come his way and wrap his arms around him. He exhaled and put his arms around Maverick’s waist, laying his head on the other’s right shoulder. He decided to let go. His tears fell freely on his cheeks and on Pete’s shirt. He felt safe.“Pete, how can you be so understanding? I’ve never met anyone making me feel as safe as you.”Maverick held his breath, caught in his throat once again. The taller man was making him feel so many things that he couldn’t say out loud, it was becoming hard to keep it to himself when the other man was telling him things like this.“Oh, Tom…”His sentence ended there; he didn’t know what else to say. He decided to try and change Ice’s mind. It was almost 11:50 PM and he could hear Carole starting to move upstairs.“I saw it you know, the watch.”His own heart skipped a beat. Tom’s breath hitched and then he started laughing through his tears. Maverick chuckled.“What?”“I was sure you would never find it.”Maverick hit him with his hand placed on his shoulder.“Hey, do you think I’m that clueless?”Ice laughed fully.“Sometimes, yes.”Maverick faked being offended and made a face to which Tom laughed even more.Carole came down with Bradley at the same time and saw the two boys in each other’s arms. She smiled seeing both so happy, they deserved it so much after everything they went through. She saw Bradley starting to come down the stairs and she went into the kitchen to get a glass of water for her son, he was a bit disoriented after waking up only a couple of hours after falling asleep. It was now 11:59 PM, the last minute of 1986. Carole was thinking about her late husband, he was her light, and she was so happy to have Maverick by her side to help her through these difficult times. Bradley is her everything. Bradley was thinking about how much he was happy to be around his uncle Mav, his mom, and this fun guy Ice, he liked him a lot. Tom was thinking about all the changes this year. Top Gun, Goose, Maverick, and now this situation leaves his mind in a haze.Maverick was thinking about him holding Tom right now. He was thinking about his friendship with Goose and how, at first, they had fun at Top Gun. He thinks about when he first saw Carole’s face after they confirmed his death. He thinks about how Ice has been supporting him through every step of his grief. He thinks about Slider sending him supporting comments after he had hated his guts through all their studies at Miramar. He thinks about how Tom has been putting his broken pieces back together slowly one by one. He felt so much at the same time. Midnight strikes. Carole cheers and takes her son in her arms, kissing his little nose. Pete and Tom looked at each other in their eyes, blue melting into green. A lot of questions in both of their heads going quiet for a single moment when Tom leaned close to Pete’s face, his face showing doubt for a single second before he pressed his lips on Maverick’s. Maverick was in shock, was this happening? He closed his eyes too after a couple of seconds and enjoyed the moment, euphoria taking his guts and silencing every single thought trying to make its way into his mind. He felt his heart burst. He even felt scared for a moment that he would faint. How could he be so happy?Tom felt as if he was watching the stars, the light sparkling in his eyes and the joy filling his heart by admiring the natural beauty of the sky. He felt like the sky, having no limits, letting him feel free for a couple of minutes as if he was in the air. He couldn’t believe he could finally reach out and ask.Backing off, they both smiled at each other.“You- yeah?”“Yeah.”They were both out of breath and happy.Carole ran to them and hugged them both, Bradley following not long after.“God I’m so happy for both of you boys, and dear Mav, please treat this gentleman with love will you?”Maverick laughed at Carole’s comment.“Of course, Carole! Who do you take me for?”“Happy New Year!”Maverick took little Bradley in his arms.“Happy New Year Baby Goose.”“Happy New Year Uncle Mav!!”

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February 14th, 1987:The two pilots have been exploring their feeling for the past two months, still too shy and scared to make it official. They’ve been on dates, out of the public view, DADT you know…“What about tonight at 1700, my house?” (5 PM military time)Ice gave that idea to Maverick in the morning when they were eating breakfast in a local restaurant. By outsiders, they looked like close friends or colleagues, when in reality they were so much more than that. Everything felt like a dream to Pete, he never felt this happy. But at the same, he was so scared that everything would go away eventually. He wasn’t known as a lucky guy. Both of his parents died before he was 15, he was going from foster home to another one, and on his 18th birthday he ended up alone in a bar, having just recently joined the navy. Then he got rejected from the academy because of his last name, not even given a chance. After that, he thought he got a bit of luck by meeting Nick Bradshaw, the one man who finally made Maverick see the future a bit brighter and made him push harder every day. And now? That same man that made him believe in life is dead, leaving behind a broken man who can’t stop blaming himself for the accident. He was convinced it was his fault, and even if the court told him clearly that it was a malfunction of the plane, he simply couldn’t wrap his mind around it being a simple accident. A simple accident that cost his best friend’s life. And now, he sits in a little café with a man who saved his life in multiple ways, talking about a date and smiling foolishly about their relationship. Aside from DADT, everything felt too perfect. Maverick felt guilty. But he didn’t dare to say a thing. He answered Ice before his thoughts could get too far.“Of course, Ice. You know I’m always interested in these ideas of yours.”The smile was never leaving his face when he was in the company of Tom. He made him smile so brightly that sometimes he feels as if the sun never set. “Do you want me to bring something?”Ice thought about it for a second, already a plan forming in his mind.“Hmmm, can you stop at the grocery store and buy some fruits? Maybe we could have a picnic in my backyard?”Maverick thought about it for a moment.“Sounds awesome.”They left at noon, both of them having to run errands and prepare themselves for the promising date later that day.
In the store, Pete could see young men and women looking for gifts to give to their loved ones, it was Valentine’s Day after all. Maverick already gave flowers to Carole and some chocolate she mentioned she loved a couple of weeks ago before meeting up with Ice. She was going to pass the whole day doing activities with little Bradley, he was almost five already. Mav could remember when he held little Goose for the first time, he cried so hard Goose thought his body would shut down because it didn’t have any more water. Maverick chuckles at that memory and sees a young couple walking in front of him, they seem to be talking about plans for the night.Maverick felt a pang in his heart thinking about how he and Ice could’ve had this date on the beach. Damn DADT, he hated this law with passion. This is what got one of his first friends in flight school out before he could even start learning the cool stuff. This is what scares so many militaries to be themselves.Pete decided that it was not the time to get antsy while he was paying for food, but when he got in his car, he sat there for a moment thinking about everything he and Ice will have to go through if they make it official. How they’ll have to hide in plain sight, how they’ll have to lie, and how they could both be dishonorably discharged if someone finds out and rats them out. They must be certain and come up with rules. Coming back home and looking at the clock, Pete saw that he still had a couple of hours to get ready, so he decided to jump in the shower to be sure to not smell like sweat when he arrives at Tom’s. Let’s not ruin Valentine’s Day, right?--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tom was stressing out. He bought so many things for the date that he had to remember where he put them and what exactly was his plan. He was preparing to ask Pete Mitchell to be his boyfriend. How do you ask a guy to be your boyfriend? While they eat? At the sunset? After the dessert? How can people do this with no fear? He was preparing a nice little dinner to bring outside, where they’ll eat on a little table that he bought last week to add to his backyard. Then Tom will try to pop the question. Keyword: try. The minutes were passing, and Tom thought he was going to faint. How can a normal human organize a date without fainting? He breathed for a minute before taking some snacks out of the fridge to put on the table outside. Looking at the clock, Ice could see 4:55 PM, which meant that Mav would soon be here, at least hopefully. He hopes the other man wouldn’t be late because his nerves couldn’t take it. Right as he was about to play with his academy ring again, he heard a motorcycle stop in front of his house. He quickly step outside in his backyard, waiting for everything to happen accordingly to the plan. He just has to wait for a couple of minutes.Maverick arrived on time for once. He felt proud of himself as he looked at his watch, still remembering the emotions he had when he received this gift at Christmas, everything was going to be all right. Pete climbed the three steps that lead to the front door. He was about to knock when his eyes landed on a little piece of paper labeled with his name. He took it slowly, the only question on his mind being: What is Kazansky preparing?Written on it were four simple words:“Enter and find me. T.K.”Maverick felt a little bit of adrenaline kicking through his veins, excitement filling his brain and happiness filling his heart. This was the best moment of his entire life. The door was unlocked, and he entered.He found the other man quickly, sitting at a little Louie blue table looking at him with the most beautiful eyes. He looked like a prince with that smile and his hair looked shiny under the light of the sun. This man was the definition of perfection to Pete. And this man was going to be the end of Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell.He sat down and greeted the other man with a side hug, he felt happy seeing the other man in a more intimate setting than the café this morning. They ate, they talked, they smiled, and everything was going perfectly fine for both, but the more time passed the more the blonde man felt nervous. Mav could see it, Ice was fidgeting, playing with his academy ring and he only ever does that if he’s stressed. “Are you okay, Ice?”Tom looked at him for a moment, a million questions behind his blue eyes before taking something out of his pocket. Maverick saw a note appear in front of him and took it happily. “Sometimes I feel like the happiest man alive, up in the sky. Until I remember one of the main reasons why the sky feels so happy. It’s because I fly with you on my wing. And this is the happiest thing I could ever ask for. You’re one of the purest souls out there, don’t let anyone take that from you. T.K.”After reading the letter, Mav looked at Ice with so many questions in his mind.
‘Was that the reason Ice was nervous or is there more?’ being the main one.Ice coughed a bit then opened his mouth.“I- I wanted to ask you something actually.”Maverick felt himself go still. His heart, his thoughts, everything.“Yeah? What is it, Tom?”Ice took a breath.“You are one of the most amazing people I met in my entire life. Yes, at first, I was an asshole to you, and I could never be sorry enough about this, but since the day that we started talking my life’s been so much happier and full. You’re a light in the dark, brighter than the sun and the stars. You’re one of the few people I trust with my life entirely and I couldn’t imagine anyone else as my wingman. I-"The words got caught in his throat. He didn’t know where he was going with all of this, but he better get to the point.“Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell, you’ve made my life entirely better by just being yourself. Would you do me the honor to call you my boyfriend?”Boom, there it was, that question. Maverick felt so many things at once he didn’t know what to say or how to react, he wanted to scream, cry and kiss Tom all t the same time. His words were stuck, unable to form properly between his brain and his mouth. “I- yes. Yes!”Tom smiled even more and launched himself towards Pete to take him in his arms, he was happy. And even more, he felt finally at peace in his heart, everything feeling right for once. “Thank you so much, Pete.”“No, thank you Tom for having me here. But we’ll have to make rules to be sure to keep it here, I know you hate talking about DADT, but if we ever get caught we could both lose our careers and I know that you want to go up in the ranks and I don’t want to stop you from doing that- “Tom put his hand over Pete’s mouth. “Pete, calm down, everything is fine, I thought about it before asking you out. You don’t need to worry about me, I can hold my own. And I’m sure we’re going to be okay; we are masters of diversion after all. Of course, we can talk about rules if you think we need it, I’m here for you Pete.”Pete chuckled at Tom’s comment and nodded, his negative thoughts silencing themselves for a moment. “Thank you.”“No, thank you, Pete, my boyfriend.”Mav couldn’t stop smiling, he was happy, finally.

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September 20th, 1987:Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell felt lost on September 20th, 1987. Seeing the clock hit midnight, a tear fell on his cheek as he found it hard to take a good breath. Looking around his room, he tried to take everything in, his bed, his bedside table, and his white walls that reminded him of the hospital. But everything felt wrong. He couldn’t be here, he was in a spin above the ocean, how could he have survived? It was simply impossible; he must’ve been dreaming for the last year. Surviving that spin wasn’t something achievable. He must already be six feet underground, his conscience playing him tricks before finally letting him have some peace. He had a bottle placed in front of him, taking it by moment to bring it to his mouth for a couple of seconds before putting it back in the same place. When he woke up that morning, the sun was fully in the sky, shining at its full force at this end of the summer season. He was still sitting on the floor with his back leaning on the wall facing his door. He must’ve passed out at around 2 AM because he doesn’t remember seeing his alarm clock turning to 3 AM. He felt his whole body scream as Pete was trying to stand up, everything was aching. He could’ve stayed in bed that day since it was a Sunday, but he felt as if he had something to do. So, he stood up and decided to take a shower to try to get rid of his massive headache before leaving the house. Ice was far from a detective, he had a good sense of observation, yes, but deduction and memory? Don’t ask too much from him, he couldn’t even remember his sister’s birthday. That’s why when entering Maverick’s house on September 20th, 1987, he had no clue what a thunderstorm that day was going to be. He had now a key to Pete’s house as the other man wanted Tom to have access to his house in case of emergency and they both knew there were bad days sometimes. Days where they had to stay in and stay silent or whisper sweet nothings. Or days where nothing was said, and they both had to cook the simplest meal ever due to lack of energy. Most of these days, Maverick needed Ice as an anchor, having the feeling that without him he would drift away and get lost in the middle of the ocean, with no land in sight. Somehow, Ice felt the same about Maverick sometimes. He needed him from time to time to remind him that he was right here, in San Diego, ready to prove to anyone that he was one of the best naval aviators the United States have ever known. He had to be reminded sometimes that he is someone and he is loved. (That was sadly when his father was getting to his head.)Ice called out Maverick’s name multiple times but was surprised to hear no one answer back. He saw that his motorcycle wasn’t parked in front of the house. On Sundays, the other man normally would stay in and eat breakfast at this hour. Ice couldn’t stay at Pete’s every day, so they had a schedule to be sure to stay secret. Sundays were normally a day where Ice would come at breakfast time and they would stay in and enjoy each other’s company all day, fall asleep around 10 PM and wake up the other day ready for their classes. Going up the stairs, Ice could see with the bedroom door open that Pete didn’t make his bed before leaving and that he took a shower recently because of the steam on the mirror. What is happening? Where is Maverick?He then goes back to the main floor and into the kitchen to see a bowl, probably of cereals, not put in the dish. This was even more surprising because Maverick hates when someone leaves dirty dishes on the counter like this. One look. One look at the refrigerator and it’s all that took for Ice to understand. On the top of the refrigerator was Pete’s calendar.Today was marked with a cross with initials. N.B.“Shit.”Tom cursed out loud. How could he forget? This was the day that changed everything for every person part of the ’86 class. Goose’s death.“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.”Tom couldn’t stop cursing out loud, almost in a cry as he knew exactly where his boyfriend would be. He got out of the house in a second, locked the front door, and ran back to his car. His mind was frantic, screaming at him for forgetting such an important day. How could he? If only he had a calendar just like Pete, maybe he would’ve already been there, supporting Maverick with kind words and holding him behind closed doors. But no, there he was, in his car, on the verge of tears as he considered himself the worst human to ever be on earth at the thought of one the most important person in his life going through the worst grief of his life without him by his side to support him. He was probably driving over the speed limit, and that was probably not the only driving law he was currently breaking. He arrived at the military cemetery thirty minutes later, his mind spiraling and scared for whatever was awaiting him. Entering, he could already see Pete, sitting on the ground silently.Arriving slowly, Tom fell on his knees right by Pete’s side.“I’m so sorry.”Maverick looked at Tom softly.“What are you sorry for?”“I forgot it was today, I wasn’t here for you when I should’ve been at midnight.”“Hey hey, it’s not your fault, it’s okay, you’re here now. I’m so thankful to have you here now Tom.""What did I do to deserve you?”“Tom. Everything.”Pete’s head fell on Tom’s shoulder. For a second only, they could be themselves in the bright blue sky.

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December 25th, 1987:Somehow, having Christmas together became normal in one year. Maverick was scared Tom didn’t want to do it again this year, maybe he wanted to see his family again since he only went once this year. For his mother’s birthday. In April. But no, Pete didn’t hear Tom talk about visiting his family for the Holidays at all, he’s sitting right this moment on the couch of their shared house.Yes, they have a house together. Even though it is only legally owned by Tom Kazansky. If someone ever questions their cohabitation, they could always say that it was easier to prepare for their classes while living together. If they had to push, they could add that they were wingmen and needed to help each other through what they lived. Because it’s kind of true in the end. At night, when they’re holding each other, they need to know the other is all right by feeling their hearts beat in unison. Like a melody. They needed it too in the morning, hearing and feeling the other one breathing and feeling the other’s chest heaving up to forget the far feeling of the ocean’s water eating their memories away. Some people love the ocean for its freedom and beauty, but Ice and Mav resent it for what it took away from them.Tom woke up that morning feeling dizzy, they came back from Carole’s house late and Ice drank a bit too much, Maverick decided to be the design driver and so, to not drink. He was in an intense hangover, and it took everything in him to not throw up when the sunlight hit his face. He needed to get a glass of water in the next five minutes, or his head might explode. He waited a couple of seconds to see if Pete was all right and stood up slowly to not wake him up. Their bedroom was on the second floor so he had to take the stairs, his head was fuzzy and turning a little, how could he walk? He decided to go down the stairs on his ass, preventing him from falling and hurting himself.He entered the kitchen two minutes later, feeling his hair touching his ears uncomfortably. Reaching out for the cabinet to grab a glass felt as if he just ejected an F-14, his back hurting, his lungs burning, and his stomach dropping down. He just now wishes that they put the glasses lower. Finally drinking little by little, he felt everything clear out, especially his mind and his, now gone, forming headache.“ICE”Tom would’ve dropped his glass if he wasn’t always aware of his surroundings. He put the drink down fast and started almost running to the stairs, now feeling adrenaline shooting through his veins and ignoring his previous state.“Mav?”He entered the room as fast as the wind and came directly to Pete’s side.“Are you alright?!”He looked at Maverick with worry, what happened to cause this?“I thought- sorry. You weren’t there and I thought of the worse. I had a nightmare… Goose again, but you followed somehow by trying to save us. You, Slider, and Goose were all gone, and I was alone in the water, almost drowning.”Ice breathed hard, trying to relax his mind and his body as he was on high alert. He slides right back on his side of the bed and took Mav in his arms, softly drawing random patterns with his hands on his boyfriend’s back.“I’m so sorry Mav, I should’ve woken you up when I did earlier, you just looked really peaceful, and I didn’t feel like disturbing you. I wanted to get a glass of water because of yesterday.”Pete took a moment to control his breath by following Ice’s.“No, I’m sorry. I overreacted, I should’ve looked out for you instead of panicking.”“Hey hey hey, it’s alright, you were in the middle of a nightmare when you woke up. You felt scared and it’s okay. I’m here now.”He squeezed Pete tightly, seeing him that vulnerable made his heart ache and twist, he wishes he could take that pain away. Pete deserves a break. And Tom can only blame himself for the accident, Maverick got caught in his jetwash because he was stuck too far in his pride to let the other pilot take the shot. He kept that blame to himself though, he couldn’t face the truth. Saying it felt like making it real to him and his brain can only go to the worst-case scenario. Mav saying that he’s right, it’s his fault, and leaves because he’s mad at him. Ice swallow the guilt down, it’s not the time for this.After a while, Pete seemed to calm down.“Are you alright?”“Yeah, I’m lucky to have you.”“No Mav, I’m lucky to have you. You’re the strongest human out there. Thank you for letting me in.”“You, are you okay?”Ice chuckled thinking about his morning glass of water chase.“Yeah, I had to go down the stairs on my ass because I was too scared to fall.”Mav let out a laugh and Ice couldn’t be happier.They spent the whole morning in bed, talking about everything they could until both complained they were hungry. Finally entering the kitchen, Ice gave the idea of making grilled cheese and Pete couldn’t refuse. So, Pete went back to the living room and turned on the TV. He wasn’t looking for something specific, but he wanted to have some background noises. Silence wasn’t his thing. He grew up in a wave of sound. His dad telling him about his adventures on missions, and his mother listening to the same songs over again, when he used to go out whenever he could to avoid his numerous foster family and Goose. Goose was everything but silence.Before he could go further in his thoughts, he felt lips on his cheek.“Merry Christmas honey.”Mav jumped a bit by surprise, but quickly, a smile spread on his face. Ice. Ice was joy, Ice was his equal, Ice was everything he could’ve asked for.“Thank you, Tom, I love you.”They both froze. Maverick’s mind went blank for the first time in years, what did he just say?Tom was, in a shocking state. They never said this before and clearly, Pete said it without really thinking, which meant that his heart was speaking. It was the truth, the ultimate truth and Tom felt his heart jump, touching his ribcage and almost jumping out of his body. He felt as if everything he asked for was right before him. At the same time, his brain wanted to run away, hide. His brain was scared but didn’t want to shit things up. His brain shut down, letting his heart take all the place.“Pete Mitchell, I love you.”He didn’t want to say “too”. He felt that that word meant he said it only to answer. But he wasn’t just answering, he was agreeing and letting his heart take over for once.All he ever wanted. A letter to his love.

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June 29th, 1992:Maverick felt empty. Empty of emotions. Carole just came back from the doctor’s office after feeling under the weather for the past two weeks and they just diagnosed her with breast cancer, stage III. This meant at least it was an early stage and hadn’t spread to distant organs. Maverick can’t help but think about the fact that she’s close to stage IV…Ice has tried to be there the most for Pete and Bradley. Little Goose… he’s been trying to understand on the top of his almost 10 years old, but Ice couldn’t help but soften the blow. He remembered looking at little Bradley, trying to contain his tears, and deciding to talk to him.“Hey baby Goose, how are you feeling?”“Is mommy going to be all right?”“She will be. There are some bad cells in mommy’s body and the doctors will get rid of them. Do not worry little one.”“Thank you, Icey.”“Always Bradley.”Bradley looked at Tom right in his eyes and jumped in his arms, squeezing him as if his life depended on it. They stayed there for a couple of minutes until Ice could hear the little snores of Bradley in his ear. His heart ached. The poor little guy was living through a lot for his age. Tom took Bradley to his room and silently kissed him on the forehead before leaving and closing the door.“Good night baby Goose, rest well.”Carole and Bradley moved into their house when the diagnosis was announced, to be sure that both of them would always be surrounded by people who love them.Maverick was lost, he didn’t have luck, that’s for sure. First his parents, then Goose, and now, maybe Carole… No. He shouldn’t be thinking that way. Everything’s going to be fine, she’s going to heal, and she will be able to see her son grow up. He was sitting on his bed, hearing Ice walking down the corridor towards the door to their bedroom. Carole was resting after the shock of the news.“Mav, baby, are you alright?”Pete didn’t look up to find his gaze, the back of his mind was weirdly scared to find an accusing look on his lover’s face.“Pete.”Tom said it so gently that it felt impossible for Maverick to not look up.“Hm?”“Are you alright?”“Oh, um…”“Don’t you dare say yes Maverick.”Pete had a ghost of a smile flying over his lips as he remembered that tone from back when they were rivals, back when Goose would laugh in Slider’s face because he thought that the frosted-tips guy and the way-to-tall guy were sharing a single brain cell.“No. I’m far from okay Ice.”“Do you want to talk about it?”“Just want to cuddle.”Ice took the right side of the bed, as always. After that, he turned to his boyfriend and was about to ask if he wanted to be the little spoon, but before even opening his mouth Pete turned his back to Ice, clearly asking for what he wanted. Tom pressed his chest to Pete’s back and put his arm around the smaller man’s waist, hoping that tightening his grip on the other would communicate everything that was left unsaid. How much he loved Pete, after five years he was still very much in love with him. Even though he became a commander recently and took Viper’s place after the man decided to retire. He could still fly from time to time during the classes with Maverick who was still a teacher but now a lieutenant commander.“How can one man have that much bad luck?”Ice came back to reality, hearing his lover’s vulnerability.“I’m sorry honey, I have no idea.”“It’s okay my love, I wasn’t looking for an answer…”“Pete, it’s going to be okay.”“I hope I can hold to your positivity until the end of time.”“I love you.”“I love you, Tom.”Pete turned his head towards Ice and decided to kiss the other man. He hoped he could reassure the other a little bit, just a little bit. With one of his hands, he took the taller man’s cheek, slowly trying to caress away the fears hidden deep in their souls.They fell asleep in an embrace, hoping that no nightmares would wake them up.

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June 29th, 1994:
On the rainy morning of June 29th, 1994, Bradley, Tom, and Pete were dressing up as best as they could in their black suits. Two years after the diagnosis, Carole was gone. Gone from the world, gone from seeing her little boy grow up. Bradley, not even 12 yet, was trying to assimilate everything as best as he could. He would soon be joining high school, but now with his legal guardians. He couldn’t seem to wake up from that nightmare, his mother, frail on the hospital bed, saying everything she can before her last breath…Maverick is a mess. Once again, he’ll be attending the funeral of someone he loved deeply. Loves. Loved? He’s lost. He’s still shaken up from everything, they lost her so fast… He can still remember the ache in his heart when Bradley ran out of the room, not long before his mother drew her last breath… Ice followed Bradley to be sure he wouldn’t disappear and it was at that moment that Carole turned to Maverick for the last time, with her fragile smile.“Maverick, I know you’ll be perfect to raise my son. I’ve seen you grow up in the past couple of years and I can only thank you and Ice for taking such great care of Bradley. There’s only one thing…”Mav looked at her with questions, what was she going to ask him, the impossible?“I want you to protect Bradley with everything you have, you and Ice, you’re everything he has left… I need you to be there for him and protect him, I want him to live a long life, longer than me and his dad…”Carole paused to breathe, and Maverick’s mind was spiraling out of control.“I never want him to fly. He can’t follow his dad; I’m too scared he won’t live to see the world properly. Never let him fly, please Pete.”Maverick looked at her dumbfounded, she was asking him something so big. But at the same time, with lots of luck, the kid won’t even want to fly, he’ll get interested in something else and won’t ever think of becoming a pilot. With lots of luck.“Yes of course Carole.”“Promise me, Pete.”“I promise, Carole.”She smiles for a second. Her look seems relaxed as if knowing that her son will be safe is enough for her. A second after that, the machines around her start beeping and Maverick is led out of the room. She died that day.Maverick still feels as if he was in that hospital room, on the verge of tears and with a shaky breath.They buried Carole next to Nick, so they took the chance to bring flowers for him too. As they put it together in front of the two names, the future seems scary and uncertain. Maverick never expected to be the legal guardian of a child, even less Ice. Maverick thought for a long time that Ice was going to leave one day because it wasn’t his job to be here for him and Bradley, but he never left. He was there, at every baseball game of Bradley he could attend. There in the morning, making breakfast and smiling at Mav with the same look since they got together. There in the bad days when no one in the house wants to get out, and in the silent nights full of tears and nightmares. Bradley joins them a lot during the night, they wake up and find him cuddled up in the middle of the bed and they look softly at how calm he seems right there.After not even a year after Carole’s death, Ice accepts a higher job at the Top Gun base and is grounded definitely. It’s not even 1996 and Ice is already Captain. Mav is still a lieutenant commander and is more than happy with the rank. He still loves flying as much, if not even more as it calms everything in his head for a while. With Ice being grounded, Ice becomes more present than Pete in Bradley’s life and attends a little bit more important moments than Mav. Mav loves to see Bradley and Tom becoming so close.Everything is great for a while…