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“Seeing Morax’s home really makes you feel sad, doesn’t it?”Osial, who was in the middle of taking a sip from his cup, stares at Guizhong. “...Where did that come from…”She stood up, jostling the table between them almost knocking down the bottle of baijiu as she slams the table. “He has no furniture- nothing!” Guizhong grasps it and takes a rather undignified swig. “It’s just filled with rocks!” “Well he likes his rocks, and he’s a dragon. Aren’t caves a dragon thing?” Drinking at Guizhong’s cloud realm became a habit after the Guili Assembly was created. Sometimes Morax would join them, but at this time he had made some excuse- something about interesting ore veins under Jueyun Karst- leaving both Guizhong and Osial alone with the baijiu.“No, no it's the home of a sad lonely person. Only sad and lonely people don’t have furniture, Osial.” Her finger points accusingly at her sort-of-brother “You don’t want your baby brother to be sad and lonely do you?” “... I think you’ve had enough baijiu.” He pushes the judgemental finger away and stands up to make a grab for the bottle Guizhong is holding. She takes another swig.“Exactly! You don’t want Morax to be sad and lonely! He needs a girlfriend or something.” She brings the bottle above her head, away from Osial’s reach. “I have Havria, you have Beisht, Morax has nobody- Well, It’s more like Beisht has you but the point still stands.”Ignoring the jab at his Beibei, “What exactly does a relationship have to do with Morax having a sad home?” “It’s the heart of the matter okay? He has a sad and lonely home because he’s sad and lonely. All he does in his free time is shop around the markets like an old lady and look at rocks. That’s sad!” Guizhong falls back down onto her chair, eyes watering at this point. “He’s a good guy, he deserves to be happy…” Taking his chance, Osial snatches the bottle from her grasp. “Okay fair enough.” A sigh. Most likely the first of many sighs to come, judging from how this conversation is going. He pours the remainder of the alcohol into his cup and shoots it back. “...Any ideas?”=======A week passes before they manage to get their plan rolling. It’s a simple yet genius plan. They are going to set up Morax on a few… friendly excursions with his comrades. The first one they find for this plan is Indarias. General Musatas is known for her beauty and is considered one of the strongest among the Yakshas. Her fiery personality would be a great contrast to Morax’s stoic calmness!=====Under the guise of a regular patrol of the shoreline, Morax joins Indarias on a "romantic sunset walk along the beach". Approximately 5 minutes into a rather awkward and silent walk along the Sea of Clouds, Bonanus, one of Indarias’ fellow Yaksha, stormed up to them to whisk her away. She lets out a rather unapologetic “Apologies my Lord, but General Musatas is needed for an urgent task right this moment. Farewell-” before angrily dragging her wife with her back towards Jueyun Karst.Morax simply shrugs and continues on the patrol. He was strong enough to finish this patrol just fine on his own.=====“You didn’t bother to ask if Indarias was already in a relationship before having her go out with Morax?! What the hell, Osial!” “That was not part of the plan! You just said to go have her meet Morax for a date, not to inquire about her personal life!”“Well, CLEARLY I thought you might have some COMMON SENSE, but apparently I was mistaken!”=====“Okay, this next date should go perfectly! Marchosius is a delight to be around and is most definitely NOT in a relationship. It’s perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong!”=====“...Are you serious.”“In my defense, why would Morax, the Warrior God, be deathly afraid of fish? Especially one that's been filleted and boiled!”“...Celestia-damn you Osial.”=====“How about we just go ask Morax what his type is upfront?” Osial- who is sick of this already, but is a little too invested to back out now- “Rather than throwing our comrades at him and hoping someone sticks?” “Huh, that’s actually not a bad idea.” =====“So Morax… What do you look for in a person?” She leers at him with a curious look.“I suppose it depends on the context,” He sets down his cup- tea, of course- to give Guizhong his full attention. “During a battle, one should be aware of your opponent's weak points and vital areas such as arteries, any weapons they might have at their disposal, and general locations of major organs that would impede their ability to battle if they were to be damaged. One such area of note would be the back area of most bipedal creatures’ feet. Severing the tendon connecting their heel to their calf renders them incapable of proper movement and is rarely guarded due to its distance from the core of the-” “-Nevermind.”=====“What’s your type, lil bro” “...My element is Geo? I thought you would’ve known this out by now, are you alright Osial? I understand my natural form isn’t made completely of my element like yours is, but one would think it’s quite obvious from my manipulation of stone.” Morax reaches out to feel Osial’s forehead. “You don't seem to have a fever. Have you received any blows to the head recently? Any missing details or blanks in your memory? Should I fetch Cloud-Retainer?”
Sigh.
=====“This is getting nowhere! How is he so dense…! It’s like he’s speaking a different language than we are.” Guizhong is back to cradling Osial’s baijiu like it holds the secrets to why Morax is like this. Where did she go wrong with raising him? I mean sure, he was already basically a fully grown dragon when they brought him into their little pseudo-family so she didn't exactly raise him, but still.Osial, who is nursing on his own cup, is equally sick of his siblings’ shit- yes, both of them. “...Well he is technically a Qilin-Dragon hybrid, so who knows!” Hands are thrown in frustration. “Maybe he is. This is probably all a waste of time and he doesn’t even want to be with anyone.”“You genius!”Setting down his emotional support baijiu, “Wait, really? You’re finally giving this up-” “We just need to go ask a Qilin for advice! Maybe they can help us translate!”
Sigh. Of course not.
=====The Qilin in question happens to be a close friend of Morax. For a creature that really doesn’t socialize well, he really does have a lot of friends. Baofeng doesn’t seem perturbed by the sudden onslaught of personal questions. In fact he seemed a bit too happy to brag about his own success in finding a partner. His beloved is a mortal woman from Wuwang that wooed him with her sweetness, and they even had a daughter together.Osial left with the information that Qilins aren’t particularly fond of confrontation or fighting, and apparently prefer a calm lifestyle with a vegetarian diet.This does not describe his battle-hungry, meat-eating little brother at all. He clearly sat through Baofeng’s entire four-hour monologue about his wife and daughter for nothing.=====“Is it because he’s only half qilin? I mean he is part-dragon after all.”“Great- well when you find a not-extinct dragon, we can continue from there because Morax is the only sort-of dragon that I know of.”“Ugh… at this rate we are gonna have to start setting him up with a geo vishap or something.”“Well I mean, they are basically semi-sentient rocks. Morax is as dense as a rock, it fits.”Guizhong snorts out her drink.=====“Havria, I don’t know what else there is to do… I don't want to watch my baby brother die alone, and frankly am not about to watch him make out with a vishap either.” Guizhong whines into the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. “Doesn’t that Mondstadt wind sprite friend of yours know a dragon? What was his name, Dale? Durin? Daylin?”“Oh yes- Dvalin! You’re so smart, what would I do without you Havria~”=====To keep this blind date from going to shit like the last two, Guizhong decides Osial can stay back for this one (Finally, he laments, free at last).Finding Barbatos was relatively easy, being a wind sprite, all she had to do was follow the residual anemo energy- straight to a tavern. Very expected.“Guizhong! What brings you here, my friend? Come, join me for a round!”Hopefully he understands the pain of having a lonely dragon-pseudo-sibling and is willing to help.=====Barbatos thinks it’s fucking hilarious and agrees to this amazing plan to try and set up Dvalin with Morax. He will have Dvalin come with him when he visits Liyue next under the guise of “just hanging out, bros being bros”. He’ll leave the two together for a nice chaperone-less date between dragons, maybe add in a bit of music to help push the conversation into a more intimate direction. Either way, this plan is simply flawless.=====Unsurprisingly, this plan is not going flawlessly. The only surprising part of this to Guizhong is that Morax put the effort into creating some geo furniture for their visit -“One small step in the right direction at a time… Be patient Guizhong… you got this.”- to his literal cave house. Dvalin is under the impression that he’s here to chaperone Barbatos while he visits his fellow godly friend and ensure he doesn’t cause too much havoc. Morax is under the impression that Barbatos just wanted to visit to drink Osial’s alcohol (which has mysteriously shrunk in size since the last time he saw it, even before Barbatos got to it). Barbatos has long since abandoned his original plan of trying to subtly influence the conversation. He’s gone from playfully tipsy to black-out drunk in only half an hour. To be fair, Morax and Dvalin did hit it off. They were somehow having a very interesting talk about the sedimentary pattern in the local cave system that made up Morax’s abode (“You have a very nice home, Lord Morax, your hoard is very impressive” “Thank you, I grew most of it myself. This wall here actually was naturally formed by-”) and Barbatos immediately grew bored of that. “Oh come on Morax~ Give ol’ Dvalin a lil smooch…” Barbatos leans over between the two, interrupting them in the process to make kissy motions with his hands. “Like this! Mwah mwah mwah!”A golden-colored hand pushes Barbatos’ face out of the way. “Your ability to spew nonsense really is impressive, you drunken fool.”“Oh loosen up, you clearly need more wine!” He moves to offer an open bottle of red wine to Morax, but trips in the process, pouring its contents onto the front of his white hooded vest. “-Oops, my bad buddy I-” A stele to the face interrupts that very insincere apology that was about to leave the mouth of that gremlin. On the ground, well and truly knocked out half in part to the alcohol and half due to the sheer force behind that geo construct, Barbatos lay.“Ah it seems Barbatos incapacitated himself again. It’s very rude to get this inebriated at another one’s home, especially when they are being such a gracious host.” Morax waves off the attempts to apologize on his “friend”’s behalf. “Please, just take him with you...”Dvalin bows to Morax “My apologies Lord Morax, I will ensure he returns back to Mondstadt promptly.”“Thank you.”=====“This is absolutely fucking ridiculous.” Walking through the assembly usually helps calm Guizhong down, seeing their people enjoying their lives really does help bolster her attitude, but not this time. A positive attitude isn’t replacing the alcohol she really wants to be drinking at the moment. Celestia-damn Barbatos for emptying out all of Osial’s stash.“We’re running out of options, at this rate we really will be sending him off to live with the vishaps.” The Celestia-damned bastard that let his stash be emptied says, taunting her with that thought. “Nooo…” “Wait, isn’t that Morax over there? Looking… not like an emotionless rock…?”A few stalls in front of them, Morax is there walking with what can only be described as a pep-in-his-step towards the docks. What? Morax, their precious little pet rock for a sibling, is… excited… about something?They need to follow him. She says as much to Osial, who agrees. Obviously, he would, Morax’s face had an actual smile on his face- and not the manic sneer he has when he’s particularly engrossed in a hard fight- a serene, almost hopeful smile. Osial just hopes a cataclysmic event isn’t about to happen so close to the shoreline, he lives there after all. Their stalking leads them to see him walking up to a Northern merchant ship, towards an important-looking Ginger man. “Does that guy sell rocks or something-” Guizhong shoves her hand onto Osial’s dumb mouth to keep him quiet. There is something important going on, she knows it. They’re just chatting. The ginger-haired merchant(?) clearly recognized Morax as a friend as he walked up and they started to walk down the market, perusing the stalls as they went. Now, most of the assembly tends to recognize Morax in his human form, as he isn’t exactly subtle with his transformations (usually leaving his horns and tail out in plain sight, yet not in this case.) and usually gives him what he wants for free. In this instance, this mystery merchant pays for him almost immediately after Morax shows even a little bit of interest in an artifact or interesting rock.
This is absolutely a fucking date. What the fuck.
The mystery merchant- is this guy really a merchant? He practically ran off his ship the minute it docked to go hang out with Morax, didn’t even unload anything off that boat- and their brother eventually make their way to the barren field south of the Assembly, nestled next to Mt. Tianheng. Morax carefully sets down his shiny new rocks. Is this… a couple going to a private area for a little alone time!? Are they-The merchant summons a sword of hydro and rushes at Morax. -Huh? “Oh what did that dumbass do, pissing off his date already.” “Well, they seem to be having fun?” Judging by the mirrored grins they have on their faces, anyway. “If this merchant guy is having fun here, maybe he’s almost half as crazy as Morax is. Probably a good match, haha.” for the first time in a while, Osial is talking some sense at least. The fight- spar? It seems friendly enough- continues on, neither Osial nor Guizhong are particularly stressed about their baby brother’s safety. After all, he is a literal Warrior God who casually talks about how to viscerally incapacitate his foes when his sister just wants to know what kind of person Morax would date. Who summons meteors to disintegrate his foes when he doesn’t want to get anywhere near those fishy parasites that plagued the land before the Assembly was founded. This merchant- yeah, probably not a merchant- fights viciously and with little regard for traditional fighting techniques, but Osial seems extremely impressed either way. “It’s almost impossible to properly form an element as fluid as Hydro into a physical construct solid enough to parry an actual melee weapon, especially one that's wielded by that beast!” Osial looks like he’s either about to sob from the fact he’s getting outclassed in an element he’s basically the embodiment of, or start cheering for his fellow hydro-master in this brawl. “Alright alright, calm down Osial before Beisht hears you fangirling over Morax’s new boyfriend.”Osial simply ignores his dear sister, more engaged in the fight happening below them than he is in listening to her. Morax parries the hydro sword and dodges the piercing polearm that forms from the sword the ginger was previously wielding. “He’s swapping weapon types so rashly in the middle of a fight with zero hesitation? How the he- IS THAT A FUCKING WHALE?” Osial screeches as - “No I’d say that’s closer to a narwhal, aren’t you an ocean deity? Why don’t you know this Osial” - a giant whale-like construct crashes onto Morax, who was still recovering from blocking a previous barrage of hydro arrows.Using the impact of the hydro construct as a distraction, Morax dashed toward the merchant- the broken shards of his Jade Shield still scattering off his form- spear aimed for the man’s throat. Oh no, there goes Morax’s first and most likely last boyfriend, judging from the past few attempts. It was a nice idea anyways….His spear stops just short of the man’s neck, only pressing the blade against his skin. Foot planted firmly on his chest, keeping him on the ground. They’re laughing. They were just… playing around? What? Who the fuck does that? Oh wait, Morax is far from a sane person, even by godly standards. Morax reaches a hand out to help the man up, both grinning wildly, riding the high of a well-fought battle. They part ways, with the surprisingly-not-dead-and-definitely-not-a-merchant headed back towards the assembly, and Morax hanging back. He makes eye contact with the two of them and heads up the cliffside to meet them.“Guizhong. Osial.” Morax nods to each of them in greeting. “Is everything alright? Osial was having memory issues this past week, I suspect a concussion, so he probably shouldn’t be out-”
“-So who’s that guy, Morax?” Guizhong interrupts. This is far more important than Osial’s apparent head issues- nothing particularly new there anyways.Amber eyes widen “Ah, that is Childe. He is a toy merchant from Snezhnaya, we are friends.” Guizhong suspects she is going to need a drink.“...and how long have you known this… toy merchant…” “A few months now, i suppose.” She was correct. “...And you didn’t bother telling your favorite older sister that you had a goddamn boyfriend already?!” “...Excuse me?”
…sigh. I wonder if Marchosius has a selection of alcohol…