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Justin was my first serious relationship. I had hoped it would be my one and only serious relationship. While on the Al-Batani, he rescued me after I, along with Captain now Admiral Owen Paris, were captured by Cardassian. Justin comforted me during many sleepless nights. We began spending all our free time together. Three months later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Six months into our relationship, he told me he loved me. I loved him, too, more than I could have ever comprehended. A few years later, he asked me to marry him. A month before the wedding, he and my father were killed in what was supposed to be a routine shuttle test flight. I miraculously survived. A year after the accident, I placed my engagement ring in a small box and swore to never fall in love again. I have known Mark since we were young. He was my first lover after Justin’s death. Our families were close, so he would come around often. Mark and I would sit outside for hours. He would tell me about his students while I would tell him about my command training. One evening we were sitting under my favorite tree in the yard of my childhood home. We looked at each other, and suddenly I felt his lips on mine. That night we decided to take our relationship beyond friendship. It took me over a year and a half to tell him I loved him. I was scared of loving again, and he was patient and kind. He proposed a few years later, and we were engaged when I took my first commission as Captain on Voyager. The only thing these two men had in common was that they loved me. Justin was Starfleet through and through. He was fearless and passionate, especially when it came to protecting the people he loved the most. Both Justin and I were very focused on our careers, and children were the furthest thing from our minds. Mark was a Professor of Philosophy at Berkeley. He was patient and very intelligent. He was also a family man who yearned to have a big house in the countryside with kids and dogs running in the yard. ~My first mission as Captain was supposed to last for two weeks. I was ordered to capture a terrorist group known as the Maquis. Their leader was named Chakotay, A Starfleet Commander gone rogue. I would later find out he left Starfleet because he was angry at the Federation for creating a treaty with the Cardassians. When his face appeared on the view screen, I first noticed his eyes full of passion and determination. I saw a glimpse of Justin, my first love. ~What was supposed to be a two-week mission turned into a 70-year mission to save the Ocompa. I decided to destroy our only way home. Guilt quickly became my new normal. The universe punished me by plaguing me with a virus. The only way for me to live was to leave Voyager forever. Chakotay, unfortunately, suffered the same fate. We were exiled to a place that we named New Earth. I was not willing to settle for spending the rest of our lives on a barren planet. I was determined to find a cure so we could continue our journey back to the Alpha Quadrant. While examining various bugs and laying traps around the area. Chakotay worked on building a home. He spent most of his day chopping wood with the plan of expanding our Starfleet-issued shelter. He was turning our shelter into a home. I saw a glimpse of Mark, my safe love. ~Last night was filled with happiness and laughter. Now I look down at Chakotay, crying and yelling my name as he tries to bring me back to life. Amongst the tears, there is determination written on his face. He’s begging me to breathe, to come back to life. The only thing on his mind was saving me. I tried to place a comforting hand on his shoulder, but it only went right through him. All I could do was watch him gather my lifeless body into his arms as if it was his last attempt to protect me. I saw a glimpse of Justin, my protector. ~From time to time, I would do some of my more mundane paperwork in the mess hall. I would take the opportunity to observe my crew. I admit to eavesdropping from time to time. I enjoy hearing about the work life and personal life of my crew. As Captain, I have no choice but to keep myself at a distance. It would be unprofessional for me to do otherwise. One evening I sat at a small hidden table in the Messhall. While pretending to read the latest Astrometrics report. I watched my First Officer helping one of the younger crewmen understand a recent adjustment to the warp core. He also helped him write a report that I would surely read in the near future. Chakotay was patient as he answered all of the crewmen’s questions. When the crewmen left, it was evident that he was less stressed and more confident compared to when he entered. I saw a glimpse of Mark, the patient professor. ~I sat in my rocking chair, absentmindedly rubbing my swollen stomach in an attempt to calm my restless daughter. I watched my former First Officer, now husband, put her crib together. I imagined him holding our little girl in his arms as he told her ancient stories from his tribe. I see a glimpse of my future with Chakotay, my forever love.