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Atsushi was currently at a cafe. “Atsushi-Kun, what a surprise!” Dazai called while coming into the double doors of the cafe with a serene smile on his face. Atsushi looked up from his cappuccino he was drinking with a soft smile, “hello, Dazai-San.” He greeted back while moving over so Dazai could sit with him. ”I’m so glad to find you here~” He groaned out while plopping in the booth with Atsushi. Atsushi bit the inside of his cheek before taking a bite of his macaroon, already guessing, “you got rejected?” “Even worse!” Dazai said; Desperation lacing his voice deeply. ”I give up, what?” Atsushi guessed with furrowed brows, his tiger strength kicking in, “Chibi wouldn’t leave me alone all day! And emo band camp kept trying to talk to me…” Dazai said with a hurl. Atsushi choked on his drink which made Dazai have to pat his back at the nickname he gave ‘Akutagawa’. “Emo what now!?” Atsushi yelled with a loud and obnoxious laugh, “shhh, there are other people here, Atsuhsi-Kun~” Dazai reminded while still patting his back until Atsushi moved his hand away gently, “sorry, sorry. That was just very… funny.” Atsushi chucked once again before drinking his drink.
“At least someone appreciates my jokes!” Dazai said with a humane hum; leaning his head onto Atsushi shoulder with a sigh.
After a few minutes of talking, a waitress came over finally noticing Dazai existence, “sorry sir is there anything you would like to eat?” the waitress asked. Dazai glanced up to the waitress, a small crazed grin coming onto his face, “not really. Maybe an egg roll?” The lady then nodded, but before she could get another word out, Dazai interrupted, ”are you single by any chance?” He asked. And Atsushi mentally slapped himself, hard. “Yes, Yes I am? Why are you asking…” the poor waitress asked cautiously ; sticking the menu to her apron, “nothing much, but quick question before you leave!” Dazai yells, the waitress already walking away slowly, “what!?” She yells back. The fear clear in her tone. Atsushi just sipped harder on his straw until his cheeks hallowed out. ”would you like to join me in a beautiful double suicide?” He asked with a purr. The women freezes before proceeding and then becoming beet red, “NO! You freak…” she muttered before scampering off into the back of the kitchen. Eyes were now latched onto the pair and Atsushi ears tipped pink, “Dazai-San why did you scare the poor girl?”He asks, pushing away his now empty coffee cup, “not my fault she doesn’t see how handsome I am~” Dazai defends before leaning back onto Atsushi shoulder with a pout, “I don’t think it was because your handsome, Dazai-San.” Atsushi states with a chuckle.
Dazai then shrugged before lifting himself up and hosting his head up with his palm that was set onto the cool booth table, “hey Atsushi.” Dazai asks, not making eye contact. Atsushi hummed before responding, “yes, Dazai-San?” Dazai took in inhale; practicing his puppy eyes, “I’m tired of getting rejected!” he whined; laying face first on the table arms wrapping around his head, “ah dazai-San lift your head! the table is dirty!” Atsushi warned but it was left ignored, “Atsushi-Kun. Will you date me?” Atsushi then freezes with a parted mouth: his face going cherry red, “WHAT!? I thought you liked women Dazai-San. Pretty women?” Atsushi asked, clearly baffled. Dazai chuckled, lifting his face, “not anymore~ And beside you are pretty Atsushi-Kun!” He poured the words out like some type of soup before snuggling up to Atsushi coat with a pleased smile, ”Dazai-San…” Atsushi sighed out while leaning his head on the window frame, “come on~ date meee!” Dazai whines harder while wrapping his bandaged arms around Atsushi small waist, “noooo!” Atsushi whines back while trying to push him off, “I will cook you Ochazuke every day if you date me!” Atsushi froze, ”do you even know how to cook, first of all?” He asked with a scrunched up nose; concerned, “of course I do! But why cook when others do it for me.” ”so if I date you, you’ll just cook me Ochazuke if I ask. And you’ll cook it right?” Dazai nodded while hugging him tighter, “yep!” Atsushi ponders before exhaling deeply in defeat, “fine.” He admits as Dazai finally lets go of him, rubbing his palms sinisterly, “YES! I’ll order the wedding rings tomorrow.” He chokes.
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Kunikida was sorting papers. ”Kunikida I need your help. Now. Come on.” Yosano quickly says as she retreats back Into the infirmary just as quick. A shudder went down through Kunikida spine as he hurriedly followed her down the hall, “what is it you exactly need, Dr. Yosano?” He asked with a hoarse throat; patting himself down with a pant. “I need you to drive me to the store. I ran out of supplies.” She says while packing her purse. Kunikida raises a brow, clearing his throat with a fist, “may I ask why you can’t drive yourself?” Yosano then snaps her neck towards him with stern eyes. ”because I have no patience for idiots on the road, and your the most responsible driver nevertheless Dazai’s caretaker.” Kunikida choked but let her go on with a signal of his hand “-And you still haven’t broke so I’m asking you so you don’t have to bail me out of jail and get more grey hairs.” Yosano remarks with an upward twitch of her lips, “I- ok, reasonable.” Kunikida stops himself, his face going red at ‘Dazai caretaker’ part. “Great! Let’s go~” she says her hair swaying up and down as she ran out the door; her bag of unnecessary weapons.
Lord give me the patience.
god isn’t real. Kunikida gripped the steering wheel as Yosano gave him back and forth mixed up directions to the store, “Yosano-sensei, please.” Kunikida practically begs for mercy. Yosano (of course) ignores his pleas and keeps giving him mixed directions as she some grandma on STEROIDS. ”there! Sharp turn left!” She yelled as Kunikida swerved into the store parking lot, “ah, that wasn’t so hard was it?” She asked with a grin before walking out the car. Once walking in Yosano quickly went to roaming through the aisles while Kunikida decided that standing near the door was a much safer place than being a test monkey. A certain shout interrupted his god trance, “hey! What are you doing here dumb purpled-Haired monkey!?” Yells a man. Kunikida groaned; furrowing his eyebrows he went towards the bickering. Except Yosano wasn’t fighting back which was odd and worrying in the least. ”what did you call me? You brainless-lemon head?” She remarks with sneer. Kunikida, near, panics as he quickly runs up to her; already seeing one hand in the purse of weapons. ”Yosano, please! We’re in public!” Kunikda yells while pulling her arm out the bag, “yeah listen to your little lap dog, Yosano~” Yells Motojiruō with a frown, “shut it you hippy! Your glad my ‘lap dog’ is here or You would’ve been made into lemonade!” Kunikida blushes furiously as he grabs Yosano hand harder trying to pull her away from Motojiruō. ”Come on its not worth it. Shachou will kill us if he found out you got in jail again…” Kunikida whisperers. Yosano finally gives in with a heavy heave and exaggerated sigh; yet still glaring daggers at Motojiruō, “you better leave before I kill you.” Motojiruō sweat drops but nevertheless drops his guard down (like the idiot he is), “no! I have ever reason to be here.” Yosano and Kunikida eye twitch, “I- ok, Kaiji at this point your acting like some stubborn 9 year old. So you either leave or we’ll all be going to jail.” Motojiruō pouts but ignores him with yet another insult, “oh shut it! Go to a groomer and get those gray hairs cut out.” He remarks; hands on his hips while leaning forward in Yosano face, “oh now you’ve done it!” ”And never come back! I told you this is the last straw” says the store owner while dragging them out the store, covered in a few bruises and cuts, “jeez! Damn gifted…” they mutter before leaving, “dumb monkey.” Huffs Motojiruō with a deepened frown. Kunikida sways on his feet; a distraught expression, “Y-Yosano…” he mumbles, Yosano hears him and looks up with a small frown herself, “I’m sorry Kunikida, I never meant for any of this to happen.” she says, getting up and patting herself down. Motojiruō still on the floor just crossed his arms waiting until Yosano notices his existence, “we’re going home.”Is all he can say before grabbing her arm as she hurriedly grabs her bag of weapon; dragging them to the car, “don’t just leave me here!” Motojiruō shouts, finally standing up on his feet; balled fist at his sides, “oh go wait till the police gets here then! Maybe you won’t be lonely no more you dumb sour lemon!!” Yosano shouts back her voice barley audible as Kunikida stuffs her into the car: traumatized still. The faded sound of sirens could be heard as Kunikida zooms off, Motojiruō still yelling and shouting and not yk going home …
god isn’t real.
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Atsushi woke up wet. Atsushi groaned as he already knew were this was going. Atsushi carefully stood up on his paws? His mind swirled and his vision of colors were quite off… he went to the broken mirror in the random alleyway he woke up in to see himself as a miniature version of his tiger self, still quite big tho. Before he could go cuss Dazai out Atsushi heard a nearby meow. “ugh! I am wet.“ Atsushi ran on his paws a bit goofily but made it to where Akutagawa-cat was sitting long furred in a puddle with his coat not so far away, “Akutagawa?” Atsushi asked while trying to pick him up by the neck, “Were-tiger!?” Akutagawa shouted, finally got up on his own to throw his cat-shomon at him, “what did you do!?” He hissed, but Atsushi knew better then to laugh at his tone of voice, “nothing. At least I don’t remember.” Akutagawa frowned but went turning to go grab his soaking wet coat, “this is probably Dazai-San fault.” Atsushi stated while looking around to see if he had dropped any belongs, “it is Dazai-San fault.” Atsushi-Cat and Akutagawa-Cat went strolling in the alleyways for some time before finding a opening to the outside, “I’m not going out there!” Akutagawa bounced back into the alleyway once the shine of light hit them, “why not? We can go the agency and get Dazai change us back.” Atsushi asked while going back for him, “no…” Akutagawa hissed and swiped angrily at Atsushi, ”but why!? Your so difficult!” Atsushi hissed back.
“LIKE YOUR THE ONE TO TALK! IVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND YOU THE DAY WE STARTED WORKING TOGETHER!”
Akutagawa then yowled like he had been hurt, accidentally lashing out rash-cat-mon. Luckily Atsushi dodge much more swiftly; His eyes slit in a predatory glare,
“WHY YOU-!”
Atsushi quickly sprung back at him but grew at least three times bigger, trapping Akutagawa-Cat between his paws. They stared at each other for some time until Atsushi realized what he did. ”ugh! I’m sorry Akutagawa, just…” Akutagawa, fazed, just stared at him before blowing out a sigh, “I don’t want to go out there because I don’t want somebody to see.” He explained a pained blush lighting up his cheek fur. Atsushi eyes widen as his pupils widen to the size of orbs, “that’s all!?” Atsushi Hollered while going over to get in his face, “yes.” He grumbled before turning his face away from Atsushi. Atsushi dropped his head down, baring his teeth quietly. ”your ridiculous.” But before Akutagawa could get a word out Atsushi grabbed him by the fur and dragged him outside, “aye! You, hey-!” Akutagawa fought to get out his grip the whole way to the agency, “shut up,” Atsushi threatened while growing 4 times taller and opening the door. of course half the agency was at the office waiting for them; Akutagawa still in grip, “ah finally!“ Dazai smiled happily going over to hug Atsushi but remembered his ability Atsushi growled while glaring daggers at him, pushing his way he went to his desk and dropped Akutagawa down on it. “Urgh.” Akutagawa hissed at him before sitting on his desk as if it was infected, “Aw you brought Akutagawa too? How sweet!” Kunikida sighed heavily over from his desk, “hurry up and turn them back and stop enjoying their suffering.” Ranpo chimed in with a judgmental pointer finger, “yes! He is dragging in dirt and grim after all. that alone will degrade my liking of the President!” Dazai just rolled his eyes as if they just spoke Spanish, “but their so cute~” he cooed while teasingly pretending to pet Atsushi, “they are indeed!” Kenji shouted while coming over with a large grin. Akutgawa was on fire before jumping, and almost failing, to get on Atsushi back, “hurry this up!” He hissed while slapping his head, his cat-rash-mon biting at his side, ”I’m trying!” He yelled while trying to knock him off his back, “try harder!” Atsushi grumbled under his breath unaware Akutagawa could still hear him, “what did you say!?” He threatened biting his ear. ”Nothing!” Atsushi roared loudly while spinning In circles trying to get Akutagawa off his back. Dazai only clapped his hands playfully, “teach him whose boss Atsushi!” dazai cheered. Both members in the office sighed, Atsushi then kicked his back legs which almost hit Ranpo, but sent Akutagawa slinging to the windowsill, “hey watch it!” Atsushi flattened his ears in apology before checking on the fainted Akutagawa. ”you alive?” Atsushi tried to ask before sizing down back to cat size, pocking him softly, “ugh. My head you dang Jinko…” Atsushi smiled gratefully before snuggling his cheek. ”aw they’re kissing!” Kenji yelled while trying to get a closer look meanwhile Kunikida mentally and physically cringed, “I don’t think their kissing, Kenji.” ”yeah why would Atsushi want to kiss a dirty emo anyways!?” Ranpo defended while also trying to get a peak, “ah, ok.”kenji agreed while picking both cats by their necks; immediately going limp in his hold, “I’m surprised you guys even made it here without killing each other.” “I know, a miracle right?” Both said in unison, a glare being exchanged afterwards. After being let down, Atsushi went over to Dazai who only smiled obviously. “Transform!” Atsushi Yowled and hissed while trying to rub himself on Dazai skin, “Aw how cute! Atsushi Cat-Kun likes me!” Akutagawa just watched, favoring a seat near the greatest detective. ”TRANS-FORM!” He then roared finally reaching his original tiger size and pouncing on Dazai with a mean glare, “ooff!” Dazai groaned while trying not but also trying to push him off. “You got this Atsushi.” Akutagawa encouraged while snuggling up to Ranpo’s chair, “huh, Akutagawa cheering for his sworn enemy/partner in crime,” Kunikida finally got up with a scrunched face, “hurry up and transform him already!” Dazai of course whined for a little while until Atsushi seeped his weight even further on Dazai, “ok ok! I’ll do it… you damn party poopers.” Finally grabbing Atsushi shoulder and transforming him into his human skin. ”oh my god! Finally! Akutagawa I’m free!” Akutagawa meowed while going over go Dazai who was taking a breather, “I know right. It was your fault tho.”
Cat-rash-mon almsot sucked a black hole into Atsushi face that day
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Ok so, my finals are coming up, I need to be practicing but I want to write as many chapters for you guys as I can before then; So I need some funny, silly requests for this book (๑꧆◡꧆๑).I already have an idea for the next chapter which is Dazai and Atsushi doing ghost shenanigans（*＾＾*). any request are fine as long as their not inappropriate and their can be ships, that make sense at least 😐. Because I hate ships that don’t make sense or I can’t see it happening! Just make sure the requests have the characters doing crazy things, because this is a crack fic after all <3! Thank you for kudos and hits!